#DON'T MEAN TO PUT MORE SALT TO THE WOUND OR ANYTHING I'M JUST FEELING SO FREAKIN' MUCH IWEUHDIUWEHD MY HEART

[jeoseungsaja]

*   EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE ( HYUK / ARC TWO. )

bold  whatever  applies  to  your  muse.   italicize the  things  that  only   somewhat apply / are verse dependent.   REPOST ,   DON’T  REBLOG.

been cheated on  |  been bullied  |  had your heart broken  |  broken someone’s heart  |  told a horrible lie  |  been betrayed  |  been framed / set-up  | stolen something of value |  overdosed on drugs  |  been drunk  |  cheated  |  bullied | been publicly humiliated  |   punched someone in the face |  been beaten up |  broken a bone  |  been admitted to a hospital  | put someone in the hospital  | had a near - death experience  | been drugged  |  done drugs  |  smoked   |  been arrested |  been homeless |  been forced to commit a crime  |  died and came back to life  |  kissed someone you weren’t attracted to   | bled severely  | killed someone  | been forced to kill someone | had an attempt on your life |  made an attempt on your own life  |  lost someone  | loved someone  |  watched a loved one die  | failed to save / help a loved one | felt helpless |  watched your world die / disappear  |  had your life’s work stolen /  destroyed | gone without food for over three days  | gone without sleep for over three days  | been tortured / questioned  |  been shot | been stabbed  |  been poisoned  |  been held prisoner | been trapped |  been buried alive  |  been held hostage  | held someone hostage  | been stuck in a different world / universe / time  |  been abused by someone who should have loved / appreciated / valued you  | had a panic attack  |  had night terrors  |  been in a car accident  |  lost your job  | lost a fight |  had sex with a stranger |  been divorced  |  been abandoned  |  passed out from pain |  cried yourself to sleep  |  spent a whole day in bed  | hurt yourself | taken your anger out on yourself |  taken your anger out on someone you love  | been used | been manipulated | felt used  | manipulated someone else |  had your memories / mind wiped / stolen or tampered with  |  been taken over by a hostile force  | been terrified |  played a cruel game on someone  | been forced to smile  | felt too many things at once |  laughed when you felt like crying  | been in denial  | been denied  | faced your demons

Tagged by. @ofgentleresolve ordered pain, thank you :’)  Tagging: @mythvoiced | @astremourante | @derelictsouls | @eclavigne | @guttersniper | @interxstitial​ | @kamipyre​ | @tewwor​ | @wellfell​ & anyone who wishes to do this one!! 

[seventeenpins]

Can we perhaps have something where stepdad Joel makes reader squirt-😗

alskdfjal yes of course this is so perfect :))) thank u for the prompt 💕

practice makes perfect

pairing: stepdad!joel miller x f!reader

word count: 2.5k

summary: follow-up to bad girl. your mom decides to go out one night, leaving you and your stepdad at home alone together. feeling hurt and petty in response to his wife's cheating, he has no qualms with fucking you in your mom's bedroom. you make a mess.

warnings: okay lets go, a lot of fucking (so much fucking), stepcest, infidelity, oral sex (mentioned), unsafe piv, SQUIRTING, dirty talk, fingering, daddy kink, age difference (reader is late 20s, joel is mid-40s), a bit of dom/sub vibes, multiple orgasms, creampie -- let me know if i missed anything?

a/n: i am so completely blown away by the response to my first stepdad!joel fic -- thank you all so much for the comments and reblogs and messages, i fuckin cherish them all. as always, pls feel free to reach out. i hope you enjoy this instalment!

for the first week after joel walked in on you, you were half convinced your entire experience with him had been a fever dream. you hadn't seen all that much of him on account of a big project he's been grumbling about, something about a delayed material delivery that pushed him closer to a deadline than he'd prefer. you were busy yourself, too, going out with friends and spending long hours on some of your freelance work.

there were moments, though, that you'd catch one another and there'd be a glint of something in his eye.

one night, you, your mom, and joel are all sat at the table for a family dinner. your mom has drained her wine glass twice already, and is reaching for the bottle again as she tells you both, "i'm afraid i can't stay for long tonight, i just got a text from vera. sounds like she's having a bad night and needs a friend."

joel makes a sound like a snort that he follows up with a cough. "poor vera," he says, "she's been havin' an awful rough time lately, hasn't she? it's like she's inconsolable every other day."

"yes," your mom says, "she has been going through so much."

joel stares at her for a moment and you almost expect him to challenge her on it, but then he lets out a breath and smiles.

"you're such a good friend, baby," he tells her and she grins before turning back to her glass of wine and taking a big gulp. joel fixes you with a knowing stare and smirks. you both know she's not going to vera's.

after she finishes picking at her plate, she announces that she needs to get ready and dips out of the room.

"so, vera, huh?" you ask and joel snorts.

"can't believe your momma forgot she made me follow that woman on instagram months ago. according to her recent posts, she's currently travelling through iceland."

you roll your eyes and laugh, "seriously?" you ask, and joel nods.

"you'd think she'd be a better liar by this point," you say, and joel smiles but winces a little too.

it's not a game. you know it's not a game. just because you're used to your mother's antics doesn't mean it isn't new to joel, and he's only known for certain for a week that she's been unfaithful to him and that's gotta hurt. despite whatever's going on between you two, you know joel's heart is aching.

you're pretty sure you've just poured salt in the wound.

"i'm sorry, joel," you say, suddenly embarrassed, "i didn't mean to- i don't know. i didn't mean to make fun of it. i know you're dealing with... a lot."

joel shrugs and relaxes, "ah, it's alright sweetheart. just something i need to deal with. but you've done nothing wrong."

"okay," you say, and it's only then that you realise how close you've been leaning towards one another. at the sound of your mother's heels on the stairs, joel clears his throat and the two of you put more distance between yourselves.

your mother's voice carries down the hallway. "will you two be alright without me? i know you haven't had a chance to spend much time together."

"i'm sure we'll manage." you say, and joel smirks.

"she's a real good girl," he says, "'m lovin these opportunities to get to know her better."

"i'm glad to hear it," your mom says, and smiles between the two of you as you do your best not to choke.

"ya look great, baby," joel says, eyebrows raised as he looks your mom up and down. "cute dress. that makeup's gonna get ruined with your face masks, though, huh?"

she blushes and waves him off, "you know i like to get all get dolled up for my girls night," she says, "i can wipe the makeup off later."

"i'm sure you will," he says, and though you can hear the edge to it, you don't think your mom can. he presses a kiss to her cheek.

"i might be home late," she tells you both, "don't wait up!"

"no worries, baby," joel says, "in fact, if vera's having such a hard time, maybe you should make it a sleepover"

your mom grins and it's dazzling and heartbreaking. it's moments like this that you can see exactly why so many men have fallen in love with her. "that's a great idea, honey," she says, "i think i'll do just that! i'll see you both in the morning."

with a swish of her hair, your mom has left through the front door. joel groans, folding forward and resting his head in his hands, letting out a low "fucking jesus" before he sits back and composes himself. he lets out a deep sigh and then turns to look at you and shakes his head, closing his eyes, resigned.

you're not sure what's appropriate. you nearly reach out to deliver a comforting pat to his hand, but change your mind at the last moment, instead batting your hand out like a cat's paw and then recoiling.

joel's eyes weren't, apparently, closed. he sees your indecisive gesture, frowns, and gives you a look, before laughing. "you're okay, sweetheart," he says, his voice still tinged with the rumble of laughter, "it's all a lot to deal with. but i'm managing. and guess what?"

"what?" you ask.

"we've got a whole night to ourselves. just the two of us."

"oh yeah?" you ask, and you suddenly feel hot all over. joel's staring at you with such a darkness in his eyes that you're certain you're already wet.

"'f that's something you'd like, that is." joel smiles and it's almost unexpected the way he checks in with you, that he still has the capacity to focus on your needs. in his position, you might just be out to take what you could get, wholly and selfishly.

he's so... considerate. fuck he turns you on.

"i've got an idea," you say, and you take him by the hand and lead him upstairs.

you can feel his body stiffen when you stand in the doorway to your mother's bedroom. "you want me to fuck you in here?" he asks, and you can't parse his tone.

you're worried that you've gone too far, that despite the filthy way he fucked you only a few days ago, you've hit a barrier you should never have crossed, but you nod. before you can ask is it too much? he's growling "yes" and dragging you into the room.

he pulls you into a kiss, frenzied and feral, his teeth biting at you, nipping at your lips and cheeks, laving kisses down your throat. before you know it, you're both fully naked, clothes littered all over the floor of the room and joel's teeth are gently biting down on one of your nipples as he rocks his hips against yours.

"are you gonna let me take care of you? gonna let daddy take care of you?" he asks, "use your words."

"yes, daddy," you tell him.

"ya know," he tells you, running a hand down your sternum and resting between your breasts, feeling the rise and fall of your breathing, "there have been a few times i've gotten home late these past few days, and when i walked past your bedroom door i could swear i heard the sweetest little moans."

you blush and look away from him.

"uh-uh," he says, tipping your chin up, making you look at him, "were you thinkin' bout me?"

you nod. "yes daddy" it's the truth, after all.

"good girl," he smiles, "thank you for being honest with me. now i already know you're a dirty girl, what with all your naughty videos. and i know you're a fuckin' slut the way you spread your legs so easily for me."

"yes daddy," you echo.

"but what i don't know," he says, and his voice is velvet and dangerous, his pupils blown with hunger, "is just how many surfaces in this room i can bend you over and fuck you till you're so cock drunk you can't speak."

your eyebrows shoot up and your jaw drops.

"i ain't even started with you, honey," he smiles, and he drops to his knees.

it's a fucking marathon.

he eats you out at the foot of your mothers bed till you're panting, his lips glistening with your slick and he makes you feel so good you're certain you're gonna die.

then, your positions are reversed, joel trying his best to plant his feet into the carpet so he doesn't melt off the bed altogether, while you kneel before him. he fucks up into your throat, delighting in every vibration your moans and swallows provide.

soon, you're pressed up against the dresser, your fingers gripping onto the drawer handles as he fucks into your pussy from behind.

then against the bookshelf. the closet doors. there's a moment where joel gets closer than he'd like to coming and he has you grab onto the floor lamp as he eats your pussy again on bended knee, only this time you're standing up and trying your best not to crumple onto him when he makes you come a fourth and a fifth time.

you're starting to get overstimulated. no, you are overstimulated, but it's in the most oddly delicious way. joel has you folded over the foot of your mom's bed, your knees on an ottoman, the rest of you pressed against the mattress, fists groping at sheets, holding on for dear life.

it's a good angle, hell, it's the perfect angle. not only does it feel incredible, it helps prop your ass up to a height that allows joel's huge cock to fuck you deeper without too much more effort, gripping your hips as he pounds into you. the best part, though, is that you're both at the perfect angle to see yourselves in the full length mirror.

"jesus christ, baby," joel is saying, "you see how deep i am? feel how deep i am? pussy's so tight around this cock. can almost feel myself in here," he says, and presses two fingers against your tummy.

you moan, using every ounce of strength you have left to keep your ass in the air and take joel's cock so nicely.

"it feels so good, daddy," you sob, "it's so big, making me come so many times. fuck, i can feel it building- it feels so good, you make me feel so good-"

"yes, baby," he growls, "let go for me, let me feel you come stretched so pretty 'round daddy's dick."

"fuck, daddy," you whine, because you realise it's a different sensation that's been building and even though you know what it is, you've never quite reached an orgasm like this before. "i'm gonna come, daddy! i'm gonna fuckin come-"

"shit, baby," he says as he starts to feel hot wet spurts of liquid splashing out of you, "oh fuck, you gonna wet my cock with your cum?"

you're screaming now, so fucked out and overstimulated

"oh, shit honey, yes-" joel shouts, a man possessed, as he pulls his cock out from you and rubs furiously at your clit, moaning loudly as you gush all over his hand. "oh, i'm gonna need more of that," he groans, and you can't find words to argue. he fucks back into you, hitting that same spot, finding that same pressure.

"could fuckin drink this, baby," he says, "comin' all over my cock like the fuckin whore you are. look at us, baby, look in the mirror and don't you dare close your fucking eyes."

you obey. it's a struggle to get your eyes to even focus, but when you do, you're sent over the edge again and again and again.

the two of you look so fucking good, the jiggle of your ass, the angles of your bodies and the way you slot together, the tan of joel's arms, his muscles, his control, the silver of his hair.

his breathless mantra "good girl, good girl, fuckin' take it, such a good girl-," as you take everything he gives you and more.

he finds a rhythm for fucking every last drop out of you. he'll give you a few harsh, deep thrusts and then pull out and rub your pussy till you aren't gushing around him anymore. then he'll slap your pussy with the head of his cock, making you shudder before he stuffs it back in and builds you up again.

your thighs are drenched and the wetness down your legs is cooling. you've lost count of the number of times he's made you come like this, but finally, you're shaking so hard you can't bear it and his thrusts are getting staggered.

he's breathless when he manages to ask, "you want me to fill up this lil pussy? fill it full of daddy's cum?"

"yes, yes, yeesss-" you beg, and you watch your reflection as joel's hips stutter a final time and he lets out a strangled groan as he loses control and fucks his release into you.

the second after he comes, he collapses onto you but you're so weak and fuck-drunk you collapse, too. joel rolls off of you so you can breathe, but then both of you are laughing. you're disgusting, covered in sweat and spit and squirt and cum, but joel dips a finger into your pussy and then licks up the combination of juices.

seeing your awed expression, joel shrugs and then smiles, a little embarrassed. "just needed to taste ya like this," he says, and it's incredibly endearing.

after a few more minutes of laying around in messy, sticky comfort, joel gets up. and then- "shit".

"what's wrong?" you ask as you look up at him and he's- laughing?

you look down at what he's looking at -- the ottoman. you've drenched it entirely. it's at least three shades darker than it was to begin with, and reeks of sex.

"well," you say, "that's not ideal."

"guess i'll have to buy your momma a new one," he says, rubbing against his temples and barking out a short laugh. then he leans down and presses a gentle kiss to your lips, and one to your forehead.

"you go have a shower," he tells you, "i'll take care of this mess, and then let's get some snacks," he winks, and you smile.

he starts to back out of the room when you call to him, "so, mom's gonna be gone all night-" you start to say, tentative.

"you already askin' for round two?" he asks, incredulous.

"if we're calling all of that-" you gesture around the room, "round one? then yeah. i'm asking for round two."

"dirty girl," he laughs, "you're fuckin insatiable!"

"that's not a no-" you point out.

"no, it's not a no," he says. "let's refuel. rehydrate. and get right back to it."

[seospicybin]

TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART III

Bangchan x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle Masterlist

Synopsis: You and Chan become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (11,7k words)

Author's note: Season 3 is done! See you on the next season :)

YOU: $0? [Facepalms] So, where do we go from here?

-

The bright sunny day is not working to cheer everyone up after the shocking announcement that there's no money left in the prize fund.

You've been sitting outside with Chan, holding each other's hand and trying to process everything while looking at the beautiful view of the endless sea and the surface of water glimmering under the sun.

Chan has been quiet for too long and it's concerning. You decide to break the silence, shaking his hand and saying, "We spent too much money, babe."

He sighs and rubs the back of your hand with his thumb, "Too much."

You don't want to put salt on the wound but it's time to face the the truth that you both fucked up.

"We let them down. We let everyone down," you say with a heavy heart.

He looks at you and sees you in the eyes, "I'm sure there'll be a way to make it up to them."

He doesn't sound that confident with what he said but you're grateful that in a time like this, he tries his best to comfort you.

"And we'll show them that we have a genuine connection," he says with a soft smile.

You return the smile and put your other hand on your clasped hands, "We took a big step last night."

Physical connection is not that new to you but after last night, you can feel that something shifts between the two of you into something that is peculiarly new yet familiar at the same time.

"I feel closer. I feel more connected to you," you honestly tell him the changes you felt.

"That's true," he agrees with a smile that is more brighter and hopeful than before.

You take the chance to comfort him this time and sweetly smile at him, "We got each other," you remind him.

It's you and him versus everyone. For better or worse, through ups and downs, you face it together. You may be at the bottom now but you're sure you both will be back on top, together.

"Always," he says.

He brings your mouth close to his mouth and kisses it, "Since day one."

That makes you take a look back. You've been going through so much together and it makes you realize that with him, you feel like you can do anything.

Together you are invincible.

-

YOU: I feel terrible for what I did but at least, now I no longer doubt the feelings I have for Chris. It feels real now and it's scary... in the best way.

-

In the afternoon, Lana calls everyone to the cabana.

Chan hasn't recovered from the announcements from this morning yet so he's not keen to know what's coming his way, he has an inkling that it's not good for him and you.

Just like you read his mind, you place a soft kiss on his neck and wipe the lipstick mark you left on it with your thumb.

"We got each other," you whisper.

Chan is grateful for you, you've been so open and understanding, even though he's a hard-shell type of person, you make it hard for him not to let you in.

The chime comes and Jace gags in response. The melodic chime is certainly, anxiety-inducing.

"The prize fund is currently at $0," Lana announces as if everyone has forgotten about it.

"However, there will be more tests and opportunities to replenish the prize fund," she further informs.

It's like everyone is collectively letting out a big sigh of relief and getting a breath of fresh air at the mention that there's a way to return some money into the pot.

"I'll commence the first test," Lana continues.

Chan gets stressed once again and so is everyone. Test means he's not doing great, test means that it's not going to be easy, test means bad.

The worst thing that could happen is his name got called by Lana for that test.

Like he manifested it into reality, Lana does call his name along with yours. He sees you look at him and feels bad that he can't show a brave face to you.

"I gifted you watches as an incentive to connect on a physical level for the right reasons. Yet you have shown a complete disregard for my gift and your fellow guests."

He looks at you and you put on a thin smile for him, he puts his arm around you to pull you closer, he needs something to hold on to.

"Therefore, drastic action is required," Lana sternly says.

-

CHRIS: I've messed up. Big time. [Deeply exhales]

-

Deep down, you know you deserve what's coming for you but you don't want to go home, no, not yet.

"You both..." Lana drags her words to heighten the suspense.

You and Chan still have some growing to do as a couple and if Lana is kind enough to let you stay, you'd be very grateful. If not, then... it's not like you didn't see this coming.

You have to own up to your mistakes so whatever happens, you will try to accept it.

"... have 12 hours to prove you can connect on a deeper, more emotional level."

You feel a little lighter knowing that it's not an elimination but it's not time to be relieved yet, you're still waiting for the catch.

"If you fail to get a green light in those 12 hours, your time here will be terminated."

There it is. The catch. This is you and Chan's biggest test yet. There's no wasting time, you have 12 hours to prove or you go home.

"Your time starts now!" Lana announces.

-

YOU: This is going to be a challenge for us. We've never really talked about our emotions.

-

It's going to be harder for Chan.

He realizes he rarely talked about his feelings with you. His default setting is to show affection through actions so he is never good at verbalizing it.

"I don't want to go home," you tell him, cuddling on the sofa outside, "I want to spend more time with you."

He holds your hand and puts it close to his chest, "I don't want to go home either but I just—"

He inhales air and finishes his sentence, "It's not easy for me, talking about emotions."

"We can try," you say with your fingers lightly caressing his bare chest.

You tilt your head to face him, "You know what? I'll start," you volunteer.

He puts your hair away from being blown by the wind and holds it there for you, "Yeah?"

"Remember when we first met and I made you tell your name again?"

He nods as the recollection of it plays in the back of his head.

"I pretended not to hear it because I wanted those lips near me," you confess with a giggle.

He can't tell if you're trying to get a green light or just want to make him feel better, either way, he finds it adorable of you.

You check your watch and pout seeing that it's not turning green, "Well, it's worth a try," you say with a laugh.

As he breaks into laughter, he pulls you close and kisses you on the cheek.

"No need to hurry," you playfully say.

You rub his back and place a sweet kiss on his neck, "We still have like ten hours to get a green light."

That only reminds him to hold you tighter, he needs it more now than ever after knowing that he possibly wouldn't be able to do it again.

-

CHRIS: I find it hard to open up and talk about my feelings. Not sure I can do it.

-

With time keep slipping out of your hand, and your heart is getting worried.

You give Chan space and time to be on his own, organizing his thoughts and maybe it'll help him find the courage to talk about what he truly feels.

You remind yourself that it'll not be his fault if both of you end up getting eliminated. So you let go of the guilt and prepare yourself for the worst outcomes.

Before he leaves for his workshop, you pull him aside and warmly hug him.

"I really like you, Chris," you murmur.

You look up and softly smile at him, "I care about you."

You don't want to pressure him but you want to let him know that whatever happens, you will have no hard feelings nor hold a grudge against him.

"I know it's tough for you to open up but if you weren't ready, it's okay. If we got sent home, that doesn't mean things between us are over, you know that?" You say with a smile.

"I know," he lowly answers.

You stand on your tiptoes to plant a long kiss on his cheek, "Don't pressure yourself, okay, baby?"

He nods and hugs you back, locking you in his big arms because this might be the last time you embrace each other like this.

-

YOU: This is more difficult than I thought. At that moment, I think we might be going home.

-

"That dress looks good on you, darling!" Dani praises you as she watches you checking your appearance on the big mirror in the dressing room.

"Yeah?" You ask yourself why bother looking this good on your last night in the retreat.

"Yes," you suddenly shout.

"I want to look good when I get eliminated," you take a jab at yourself and laugh.

"Nah..." Lola groans, "Don't say that!"

Dani props her chin with her hand and looks at you, "You're going to get that green light tonight," she says.

The boys are back from the workshop not long ago but they're all coming back with paints on their bodies. Chan is still showering and it'll take more time to get dressed.

You're waiting for him by the fire pit, sipping your wine while half-heartedly listening to Pierre, Alicia, and Olivia talking.

As you're sipping on your second glass of wine, Chan comes and holds his hand out at you.

"I believe we have to talk," he says to you.

You put your glass down and take his hand, feeling more nervous now than before.

"I'm rooting for you guys!" Alicia mutters with an encouraging smile.

Chan takes you somewhere quiet and sits on the bench that overlooks the sea with the reflection of the moon drawn on the surface of the water.

There are still three hours left to the time limit but it's never too early to start and try to open up.

"You want me to start again?" You ask because he's been so quiet even after you both get the privacy to talk.

He cracks a laugh and puts an arm around you, "Yeah, sure."

You lick your lips and try to articulate your feelings as best as you can. You look him in the eyes and just pour your heart out to him.

"I like you. I like that I can be myself around you. You understand me, you put up with a lot of shit to be with me..." you pause to let out a laugh, "I'm happy that we became closer."

Chan can't stop smiling as he listens to you speaking your heart out. You can see the fondness in his eyes and you also hope that he gets the sincerity in your words.

"And I think... this is a good chance for us to talk about how we feel about each other," you conclude.

-

YOU: I can tell him more things that I like about him but sadly, time is not on our side.

-

It feels great hearing what you thought about him but at the same time, Chan feels burdened to be as open as you.

He's aware of how much you've shared with him while he gave you so little in return. He owes you a lot and it's time for him to settle that debt.

"You look gorgeous," he starts with a compliment.

You reach for the collar of the baby blue linen shirt he's wearing and compliment him back, "So do you."

You rest your hand flat on his chest and dreamily sigh, "You look good in colors other than black and white, you know that?"

He grins at that and nods, "I'll wear more colors."

"Okay, good," you say with gentle pats on his chest.

It's not time for small talk, time is running out. Chan grits his teeth and starts talking, trying to empty his heart through words.

"I'll be honest with you," he begins.

He sees you swallow air and nods, "Okay."

"I haven't completely opened myself up to you."

"Mm-mmh," you hum in response.

He takes your hand and holds it tightly in his hand, "The last relationship I had..." he refrains from sharing too many details on his past.

"From that relationship, I got myself a trust issue out of it, and as much as I like you, it's hard for me to trust you. I got haunted by my experience with trusting someone with my heart..." Chan takes a moment to collect himself and not lose it completely to his emotions.

"I didn't think that I'd get here and find someone like you in here," he says with a low laugh.

You lowly laugh along with him, "Yeah."

"I feel extremely lucky to find you and I realize now that it's not fair that I compare you with my former partner. She might have caused me a trust issue but that doesn't mean you'll do the same to me," he says.

A smile blooms on your face and he feels your hand in shaking in his hold.

"I genuinely am feeling stronger emotions for you which I haven't felt in a long time," he earnestly says with a sincere smile.

His heart feels so much lighter and emptier now, that only means he has more space for these new feelings he has for you.

Chan's heart is full of warm feelings and other than that, it fills with hopes.

-

CHRIS: It's been such a long time since I've opened up like this with anyone but it feels so natural with her.

-

"I like you so much," Chan says while squeezing your hand in his.

It feels good to know that your feelings are reciprocated. You've been tormented inside and you keep it bottled up inside you, now you can let it go.

"I'm so excited for us," he adds with a smile.

Then the chime comes and you glance at your watch to see that it turns green.

You both did it and you didn't mean to cry but your eyes are like bursting dams right now, tears are flowing down your face. He immediately pulls you into a hug.

"I wasn't ready to go home yet," you croak with tears caught in your throat.

"Me too," he says.

He holds you for a moment and whispers into your ear, "Are we going to kiss or what?"

You completely forgot that the rules do not apply and you're allowed to kiss him. You hurriedly wipe the tears on your face with the back of your hands.

Chan doesn't hesitate to kiss you when you believe you look ugly from crying. He leans in and kisses you softly, brushing his lips as if he were telling you how you feel with it.

Your heart is heavy and quivering as it carries so much love inside you. You like him so much and it feels so good, it's so good that it's scary.

When he pulls away from the kiss, Chan holds your face and looks at you, tenderly wiping your eyes with his knuckle.

He's softly laughing as he says, "I can see now that you're just a baby."

He caresses your wet cheeks with his thumb as he fondly looks into your eyes, "just a baby, my baby," he says.

You pout yet smile at his words. There's no use to deny it when he can see everything now.

"My baby girl," he delightfully sighs and presses a long peck on your lips.

Sure you feel relieved you get to stay in the retreat but the best thing about all this is getting to know each other better, emotionally.

"Good job," you tell him with a smile.

"Good job," he says back to you.

-

YOU: Watching Chris open up and comfortably share his feelings makes me feel like I can understand him now. Also, it makes me fancy him more and more [smiles]

-

Chan didn’t expect everyone to wait for them to come back from their talk.

The resentment they have is nothing compared to the friendship they have sewn in time with both you and him. They look at him in anticipation of whether he passed the test or not. They're tucked in their beds and watch him as he walks to his bed with you trailing behind him.

"So...?" Pierre asks.

Chan can't contain his excitement anymore, he grins and says, "We got the green light!"

Everyone cheers for him and you, clapping with pride. Jace hurls a cushion at Chan as he shouts, "Congrats, Aussie boy!"

Alicia comes to his bed to hug you, "I told you. I'm rooting for you!"

Dani hugs her pillow in front of her and asks, "So, did anyone say anything?" She asks in curiosity.

"She told me she likes me," Chan answers without the slightest of embarrassed saying it out loud.

"Did you say it back to her?" Pierre asks.

"Of course!" He shortly replies.

You lay on your stomach on the bed, facing everyone, "It was really hard to begin with but he opened up to me."

"Aww..." Lola coo in response then lightly applauds for you.

"At least we don't have to worry about them rulebreaking now," Luke comments.

"Because there's no money to spend to begin with," Pierre adds.

Everyone is laughing the shared pain away. But with the promise that Lana will return some money through tests and you both passed one tonight, everyone gets hopeful again.

-

CHRIS: I'm so glad we're making progress. I'm so proud of her and me. We both got so far [smiles]

-

It's like you both got a fresh start at a new life.

Even with zero dollars on the prize fund, you feel happy to get to spend more time with him in the retreat. Yesterday was a torture and that only reminds you to use the time wisely.

But it's not like you can't keep yourself away from him you're smitten, you have butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

After last night, you talk about things deeply and openly, you talk more about your future together that it gets you giddy

You're straddling him on the bed and hovering above him, putting a safe space between your faces. You admire his beautiful face, trailing your fingers on his facial features, eyes, nose, and plush lips that lure you to kiss.

"Now that I'll be coming with you to Australia, where will you take me first?" You ask out of curiosity.

Chan has been resting his hands on your thighs and not letting them go anywhere. He looks up at you and answers, "My home."

You're giggling because your dirty mind can only think of one thing, "So we can—"

"I'll introduce you to my family," he slices through your sentence and takes you aback.

This seems that serious to him and you usually choose to step back when things get this serious, however, you're feeling excited about it instead.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I want them to know about our relationship," he casually says.

"Ooo... relationship," you point out the thing he just said and wonder if it accidentally slipped out of his mouth or he meant it. You bet it's the latter from how he gets so flustered and laughs at it.

"Why? Do you have anything else in mind?" He asks with a sly smile.

You look away from his eyes as he catches on your dirty thought, "You know what I'm thinking."

He sits up on the bed so he can hold you and you wrap your arms around his neck, "Well, before we do all that, I'll lock you in my room and we'll have lots of sex," he murmurs, then places a hot kiss on your neck.

You lowly moan at how his soft lips feel on your skin, sending a tingle down your spine.

"Oh, you have no idea what's coming for you," he seductively whispers with his breath tickling your ear.

He then switches to the other side of your neck and places a longer kiss with his tongue lightly licking the skin, leaving a wet kiss mark on it.

The emotional connection only heightens the sexual tension between you and him yet it feels like you've reached a new level in your relationship.

-

YOU: It's HARD! I like him so much therefore it's getting harder to resist him.

-

"Whoa, whoa, what am I walking into," Pierre says as he busted you straddling him on the bed.

Without getting up from his bed, Chan calmly responds with a joke, "There's no harm in losing more money."

"Damn right," Pierre replies with a laugh.

With someone else in the room, the tension is slowly fading out and you get off his lap, sitting next to him instead.

Chan notices that Pierre is smiling at himself and he knows that there must be something.

"What's up?" He asks while putting his arm out so you can rest your head on it.

"Alicia and I are going on a date later," Pierre replies.

"Oh, wow, that's great, man!" Chan offers his hand for a fist bump.

"I'm excited for you, Pierre!" You add with a gleeful smile.

But instead of bumping his fist at him, Pierre collapses onto his bed. It's the first time Chan sees him being this nervous, "Why are you so nervous?"

You're giggling next to him, "You've been sharing a bed with Alicia for so long," you add.

Pierre groans and holds his head with both hands, "Ugh... I don't know."

"Just do you, enjoy it, man," Chan suggests.

Pierre sits on the bed again now, "Yeah, you're right."

He gives Chan his fist bump now then gets up from the bed, "I have to get ready for the date now. See ya!"

"Good luck!" You shout at him before he gets out of the door.

It must be nice to get on a date with you but Chan understands that he has to earn it here. He looks at you and he can see that you're wishing for the same thing.

"We'll get our time," he tells you.

"Yeah," you reply with a smile.

"Come here! Hug me, baby girl!" He pulls you into a tight hug and flips over so you're under him now.

"I want to kiss you," he says as he looks at you.

You put your hand on his lips and glance at it, "We can't. We have to be good."

It's like the roles are reversed now. It's him playing the bad guy now and you're playing the good girl now.

"You're right," he says, he chooses to bury his head in your neck instead.

-

CHRIS: Lana, we’ve been good so please get us on a date too!

-

Lana throws a party tonight.

You're tired of guessing what she's trying to celebrate and if she has something behind it. The worst has happened, you want to enjoy tonight.

"What are you wearing tonight?" Chan asks while you're drying your hair.

"Uhm... nothing," you mindlessly answer.

He puts his arm around your neck and playfully puts you in a chokehold, making you laugh in response. He then nuzzles his nose into your hair and asks again, "I want to match my clothes with you."

"Aww... that's so cute, Chris!" Lola comments from the other end of the vanity table while putting make-up on her eyes.

You turn your head around and jokingly say, "Then... wear nothing."

He wraps his hand around your neck and tilts your head to the side so he can bite on your shoulder, "Just tell me what color!"

You're laughing as you try to get his hand away from you but he keeps ticking your neck with his nose. In the end, you both settle with his favorite color, black.

You're fixing the straps of your dress while looking at the mirror in the bathroom and Chan is leaning against the sink, running his eyes up and down your body.

"You're so gorgeous," he compliments with a grin and those cute dimples.

He bites his fist when you check the back of your dress in the mirror by turning your body to the side.

"Gosh, I'm the luckiest," he sighs.

You get flustered and say, "Stop it!"

Pulling him close, you turn him around and make him look at both of your reflections in the mirror. Not going to lie, you like what you see.

You turn to look at him and then say, "Damn! We look good!"

He looks back at you and smiles, "We look good together."

Without warning, he puts his arms around you and carries you out of the bathroom.

The party had just started when Pierre and Alicia were coming back from their date. Everyone is being nosy with their questions yet you can't help to get nosy as well.

"Tell us everything!" Lola demands.

From the look of it, Pierre and Alicia look happy and it makes you just as happy for them, everyone seems to feel the same way as well.

"It was nice. We went on a boat and enjoyed the sunset," Pierre says.

Alicia nods along to his words, "Then there was a funny question at the end," she says, then leers at Pierre.

Pierre cracks a laugh before answering, "I asked her to be my girlfriend."

Dani, being the one invested in the story, impatiently asks, "What did you say, Alicia?"

Alicia leers at Pierre again and smiles, "I said yes."

It's like watching a sports game and the home team scores, sending everyone into a celebration. Glasses of drinks raised to the air for a toast.

"To Pierre and Alicia!" Jace leads the toast.

"To Pierre and Alicia!" The rest repeat after him and take a sip of their drinks.

-

YOU: Well, unlike us... [chuckles] Pierre and Alicia are the most committed couple in the retreat so I couldn't be happier for them.

-

Instead of being jealous, Chan is happy for Pierre and Alicia.

He's happy to see his closest friend in the retreat happy and it's not like Chan is not happy, he is happy with you. He looks around and they're just as happy even though the prize fund is still at zero.

He holds you close and kisses the top of your head, "I'm so happy."

"Me too," you murmur with your head resting on his chest.

The music abruptly stops and Chan kind of guesses what comes next. There she is, the ultimate cockblocker and party crasher Lana.

Everyone already knows where to go and they drag their feet to head to the cabana. You sit next to Chan, putting one hand around his waist and the other clasped with him, resting it on his leg.

The money is at zero now but that doesn't make everyone less nervous, if anything, there's an anticipation for what Lana is going to announce this time.

Chan's heart skips a beat the second the cone lights up, signifying her arrival. She skips on greeting everyone and calls for both of your names.

You look at each other to exchange a mix of panicked and confused looks.

"On your previous test, you were able to access your true feelings for each other, proving to me that your connection is more than skin deep," Lana says.

That's good news and the applause everyone is giving toward both of you confirmed it.

"However, actions speak louder than words."

Chan hates it when that word comes in the sentence: 'however' because that means, Lana has bad news to tell.

"Tonight, you will both be put to the ultimate test, a night in the private suite."

Remembering that you both failed on the same test and knowing you both have to go through it again. Chan feels the pressure already and he sees you wince in response to that.

"If you refrain from breaking any rules, you will win back $100,000 for the group."

Everyone is cheering at the amount of money you can win back from it but your last failure reminds them not to haste to celebrate.

Chan notices a few pessimistic faces among the group and he understands that. But he knows that it's time he pays everyone back for the damages he did to the prize money.

"We'll try to win back the money for you guys," Chan earnestly says with you nodding along in agreement to his words.

"Please, make your way to the suite!" Lana orders.

He offers his hand to help you get up from the sofa and keeps holding your hand.

Jace nods at Chan to encourage him, "Don't mess up, 'kay? You got it!"

"Wish us luck!" You say to everyone for the last time.

-

CHRIS: This is it. This is the big, ultimate test.

-

The second you both enter the private suite, you throw yourself at him.

Thank goodness that he is quick to catch you and steadily holds you against him to keep you from falling. You loop your both hands around his neck and warmly hug him.

You pull away to look at his face, "We can do it," you murmur with a soft kiss on his cheek.

He returns the kiss but his lips land on your jaw instead, "for that to happen, we shouldn't have a bath."

You pout at him and say, "But I still need to have a bath. I'm dirty."

"You are dirty," he says with a sly smile.

You narrow your eyes at him and put your forehead against his, "Are you dirty?"

It's like a deja vu watching you get undressed in front of him, doing it so confidently like he isn't there and looking at your enticing body with dark, lustful eyes.

"You can join me or..." you nonchalantly say as you step into the tub.

"You can just watch," you continue as you lower yourself into the water, flashing him a naughty smile as you lean back in the tub.

Chan has seen and experienced this scene before but he doesn't like how it ended. This is why it's called a test, see if he can take it and come up with a better result than before.

"Atta, boy!" You exclaim as he starts to take his clothes off.

You intently watch him taking every piece of clothing on his body until there's none left. Your eyebrow raises as your eyes flick down there.

"Hi, there," you playfully talk to his semi-hard member.

Everything about you evokes the rebellious side of him, he just wants to do whatever he wants and pleases. He reminds himself that he needs to control himself and the money that he can win back from doing it.

With one foot down in the tub, Chan can already feel the heat of the moment.

-

CHRIS: When it's just the two of us the sexual tension goes...[Sighs] It's high!

-

Jumping onto the bed, you crawl over to get something from the tray of sex toys on the bedside table.

You know which one you want to get and take it with you as Chan dives onto the bed next to you. You waste no time straddling him, "Put your hands above your head!"

He ignores your order and laughs at you instead. He chooses to disobey you so you take both his hands and put them above his head, you cuff them with handcuffs.

"I'm sorry," you tell him with no hint of regrets whatsoever in your apology.

You look at him and smile in satisfaction that he's laying helpless underneath you.

"You've been very, very bad, Chris," you say in a low, sultry voice and run your fingertips down his bare chest.

He takes a deep breath and looks back at you, "I've been bad, so?" He dares you with a smirk.

As expected, he will disobey you and dare you to do things to him. He's enjoying it and you're more than willing to play along.

You crawl over to the side and use the opportunity to bring your ass close to his face while you take another sex toy from the tray.

You sit down on his crotch, intentionally hard, and enjoy the low groan he lets out. You show him the long, leather whip in your hand.

You put the end of the whip under his chin and used it to tilt his head to look at you, "Do you admit to being a bad, bad boy?"

Instead of answering, he bites his lips and fiercely looks at you. Taking him off guard, you slap his chest with the whip.

"Answer me!" You order.

He slyly smiles and refuses to answer again. You start to slap his chest and abdomen with the whip, making heart-shaped marks on his pale skin.

You decide to get off him and lay on your side next to him, "I'm going to keep doing it until you answer me," you taunt him as you drag the end of the whip down his thigh.

You lean into the side of his face and lowly whisper into his ear, "Answer me, Chris."

He shakes his head and you immediately land a slap on his inner thigh twice that he gasps in response. Feeling mischievous, you slip the whip under his boxer and rub him there.

"Will you answer me now, mmh?" You ask.

He catches you off guard now, rolling on the bed and putting his body on top of you. He buries his head deep in your neck while kissing you there.

"Oh..." you breathlessly moan as he bites on your neck.

Chan is always afraid to put his whole weight on you but you don't want to have it another way, so you put your legs around him and let him collapse on top of you.

He looks at you but his eyes are centered on your lips, "Do you want to kiss me, mmh?"

He alternates it by placing kisses along your jaw and finishes it with a sweet kiss on your cheek, "Actually, there are a lot more things I want to do to you."

-

YOU: Our prize fund is zero so that means there's no money to lose... [bites lips]

-

Chan keeps his handcuffed hands in front of him as you unlock it for him. He puts it back on the bedside table and sees you still straddling him.

He pats the space next to him, "Come here so we can cuddle!"

You shake your head and put your hands on his chest, "No, I like it here. I like sitting on top of you," you say with your eyes enchanting him to gaze back at them.

He puts his hands on your thighs, fingers teasing the hem of the short sleeping dress you're wearing, "Is this your favorite position?"

"Uh-huh," you answer and put your hands to hold your hair in a makeshift ponytail.

"You want to be on top, huh?"

"Yeah, I'm good when I'm on the top," you tell him with your head slightly tilted to the side and your lips curl into a naughty smile.

"Is that true?" He asks, allowing his hands to move up to your waist and hold you there.

"I can show it to you," you dare him.

Seeing you straddling him like this only gives him the glimpses of what you'd like fucking him and he bet it'd be so good. Swear his cock twitched just now from remembering how good it is inside you.

Now you're sitting on his crotch and there's only a layer of clothing that separates him from what he wants, he believes you can feel how his cock is achingly hard for you.

"Maybe next time," he kindly refuses no matter how much his body wants to scream yes.

"Why not now?" You ask with a low giggle.

You make it so hard for him that he has to lift you off him and lay you down next to him. Without giving you time to escape, he puts his arms and legs around you, limiting the things you can do around him.

"Stop teasing me," he presses a wet, long kiss on your cheek.

You helplessly try to get out of his hold while giggling but failing.

"Baby," you softly call.

You hold his chin in your fingers and turn your head at him, "I want to sleep naked tonight."

-

CHRIS: The longer they let us alone together, the more I want to do things to her [raises eyebrow]

-

Even after the morning comes, it doesn't mean that the test has been done yet.

Somehow, you wake up naked and find yourself snuggling to Chan who's just as naked. You don't want to force your brain to work just yet.

It seems like he's awake already as he puts his hand on your back and runs his fingers down your back, light and fluttering, lulling you back to sleep.

Realizing that the test is not over yet, he gets away from you only so he can lay next to you and easily places kisses on your bare back.

You delightfully hum every time his full lips make contact with your skin, warm and soft, making you tingle inside.

"You're so beautiful," he hums.

He then starts another trail of kisses from the nape of your neck and down your spine. He stops before he gets tempted to go lower than your waist.

"So soft, so beautiful..." he sighs with so much frustration as if he saw something he couldn't perceive.

Chan decides to prop both hands on each side of you and kisses your neck as he's hovering above you, waking you up with sweet, gentle kisses.

"Wake up, baby," he softly calls you.

Wanting more than just kisses, you pull him close so you can feel him whole, his body on your body, skin-to-skin. It feels rather more intimate than sex.

He puts all of your hair away to the side so he can pepper your shoulder with kisses, "Morning," he says in between kisses.

You smile with eyes closed and croak, "Morning."

There's not much time left in the private suite and you both have to face everyone soon.

"How are we going to tell them?" You meekly ask him, feeling the anxiety already.

He gently caresses your cheek with his knuckle, "I'll do the talking," he simply answers.

You overlap his body with yours and put your arm across his chest, "Can't we just stay here?" You innocently ask with a low laugh.

"We can stay a little longer," he consoles you with a kiss on your forehead.

As much as you want to stay, it's time to face the truth once more.

-

YOU: Last night was... special. The best night I ever had in the retreat. [smiles]

-

While holding Chan's hand, you wake slow walk on the way back to the villa, and meet everyone in the bedroom.

Everyone is looking a bit antsy even though they're still in their beds. They stop talking once they notice you're back from the private suite but they seem to be scared to ask the important question.

Chan gestures to you to sit on the sofa instead of on the bed next to the table where Lana is sitting still so prettily.

Before Chan can open his mouth and speak, Lana gets ahead of him, chiming on the table next to you.

"Last night, you faced your ultimate test," Lana skips the morning greeting and goes straight into business.

"As a couple, if you could refrain from breaking any retreat rules, the prize fund will be increased from $0 to $100,000."

You grimace at that because anything could happen at this point.

"However..."

Lola gasps at the mention of that word and hides behind the duvet. It's your turn to gasp as Lana calls your name.

"Even though you were successful in sexually arousing Chris, he was able to hold firm and respect the rules of my retreat."

Applause and cheers erupt from every corner of the room. You hate that Lana exposed you for what you did in the private suite but it won't stop you from celebrating as well.

"Which means that the prize fund now stands at $100,000," Lana updates.

More cheers and whistles are coming from everyone at the announcement that you both gained half of the total prize money back.

"I am so proud of you, babe!" Dani says to you.

You blow her a kiss as a token of gratitude and look at Chan, he's looking as proud as you are.

"This is what I call growth," Pierre comments with a smile.

"Yeah, that's true," Lola agrees.

Everyone gets quiet as Lana continues talking, "As a reward for showing restraint and putting the interest of the group above your own, you will be going on a date."

You turn to look at Chan and smile, feeling so proud of both of you. You look around the room and ask, "Can I hug him, now?"

They are all laughing before answering, "Yes."

You walk up to Chan and he welcomes you into his arms, holding you so tight while lifting you off your feet.

It feels good to do good and get rewarded for it, you lean close to murmur, "I'm so proud of you."

"I'm so proud of us," he says back with a kiss on your cheek.

-

YOU: The last few days have been so hard for us so I think we deserve this date and I'm just so excited [grins]

-

To be honest, Chan is nervous.

Yes, he's happy and excited for the date. What he's worrying so much about is the talk he'll be having with you and he wants to make sure that he gets his emotions across.

It's important that you know his feelings for you.

His face lights up as you walk toward him, he helps you board the boat to get to the other small island where the date will be.

"Gorgeous," he sweet compliments as he brushes your hair and tucks it behind your ear.

"Thank you, baby," you mutter and take his hand to hold it.

The two of you take a short walk to where the date has been prepared, a cute little picnic with a bottle of champagne chilled in a bucket of ice which Chan can easily pop open.

"Mmh... My man is so strong," you playfully praise him.

You take one of the champagne flutes so he can fill it for you, "What are toasting to?"

He thinks for a moment, "Mmh... for passing the ultimate test?"

You chuckle and nod in agreement, "For passing the ultimate test!"

You both clink your glasses together and take a sip of the bubbly wine.

-

CHRIS: We both know that we have a strong physical chemistry between us but I need to know if we have a strong connection as well. I want this to last.

-

The sun is slowly sinking into the horizon, painting the sky with stunning bursts of flaming gold colors.

Even Chan is here, in one of the most beautiful places he's ever been, he thinks that what makes it so special is because he's with you.

"Have you realized that it's been me and you since day one?" Chan asks.

You fix your hair and prop one hand next to you, "Yeah," you answer while nodding.

"We've been going through such... a long journey," he says, emphasizing how rough it has been for the two of you.

You nod again and softly laugh, "You know, with other people, I would push them away and keep moving forward. I never once in my life thought I would find 'that someone'."

This is why he's comfortable around you. He shares a piece and you share one piece of you too, it's never going one way with you. Everything is fair and he thinks this is what good communication is.

"As you know, the last relationship I had... it was ugly but in here, in this retreat, I learned how to confront my emotions and open up to someone," Chan shares his piece of him with you.

You're looking at him with eyes that match the soft smile on your face while tucking away the hair getting blown by the wind.

"Also, this retreat helps me put things into perspective," he continues, "I'm able to show sides of myself that I didn't know I had."

You take a sip of your drink and nod again, "Just like I said when people get into my space, I'd normally push them away."

You put your drink away before continuing, "But the fact that I met someone that I like... that makes me feel emotional and vulnerable."

Chan would be lying to say your words aren't making him feel the slightest bit emotional as well. He can feel the sincerity in your words, they are pure and heartfelt.

"I wonder if we're compatible moving forward in the outside world," you finish.

He takes your hand and holds it in the space between you and him. He then clears his throat before speaking.

"Now it's time where I can tell you and it would be wrong for me not to say this..."

His heart hurts as every bit of emotion is getting squeezed out of him into words but he wants to tell you everything, baring it out for you so you know his true feelings for you.

He looks into your eyes, it gives him the confidence to go on and say, "I genuinely do love you."

You close your eyes and break into laughter, it's not the reaction he hoped for but he waits for you to say something.

"I can't believe I came here and fell in love..." you say with a sheepish laugh.

You stare into his eyes and squeeze his hand as you say, "I love you too."

It feels like a ton of weight has been lifted off his chest. He thought he would be bound and confined the moment those words were out of his mouth, instead of that, Chan feels like he's been set free.

-

CHRIS: When I arrived here, I didn't mean to meet a girl and tell her I love her. I'm a changed man and it's because of her [smiles]

-

Seeing him happy makes you happy.

The happiness only doubled knowing that the feelings go both ways. Never in a million years have you ever thought you would be falling in love with a guy like him.

Chan is a gentleman, he's kind and sweet, he's very thoughtful and caring, and he has everything that you're not looking for in a man.

But he changed you and made you realize that you deserve a better man. Meeting him and being with him is a blessing like a star falls right onto your lap.

"I always told myself I'm better single and do my things, but with you, I feel safe, comfortable, and powerful at the same time," you let your thoughts out loud to him.

You swallow air to not let the tears get in the way of you speaking your heart out to him, "The best thing is, with you, I feel more reassured and that's something that rarely happens."

The way he's looking at you now is the most beautiful view you've ever seen and you want to imprint it in the back of your head. You also want to bottle this precious moment so you can treasure it for life.

Chan has been quiet for a moment then he lets out a sigh, "I feel like I've won the lottery," he says.

This has been a long journey but you're grateful that you come out of it together, stronger and on top of that, in love more than ever.

Both of your watches chime at the same time and you glance to confirm that it's green.

"Oh?!" You look at him with a surprised face.

Chan smiles and crawls over to you, "Thank you, Lana!" He shouts.

The kiss feels special and it's ultimately because this kiss marks the beginning of your relationship, the first one of many, and hopefully, the start of a long-lasting relationship.

-

YOU: I'm the... [squeals] I'm the happiest girl in the world [gleefully smiles]

-

Everyone else is already sleeping when the two of you decide to sneak out to have one final swimming lesson.

Again, it's not a lesson and you both promise to not spend any money. You're doing it as tonight is the last night of the retreat.

Nothing is going to change even when the show is over but it doesn't stop you from feeling sentimental about it.

"It's going to be weird not waking up next to you," you sadly say as Chan hugs you from the back.

He rests his head on your shoulder with his hands wrapped around your waist, "You'll be coming home with me, remember?"

You nod but what you actually meant is how the outside world would be different than here. We have the stupid rules here but everything is much simpler and happier here, you're afraid of losing it all once you step out of this retreat.

"I'm just glad we won back the money," you say, shifting it to a much brighter topic.

"Or else we wouldn't have money for our flights home," Chan jokes.

Your shared waves of laughter are making ripples on the surface of the pool water.

"Who is going to win the money though?" You ask in genuine curiosity.

Chan shrugs in response to your question, "Definitely not us," he says.

Considering that the two of you are the big spenders in the retreat, you wouldn't even dare to think that there's the possibility of winning the prize money too.

To be able to come home with a man you are deeply in love with is already a big win for you.

-

YOU: I don't care about the money. I got what I want, I got my man [smiles]

-

"Good morning, friends!" Lola cheerily greets everyone the second the lights turned on.

Staying up until late last night causing him to feel sleepy, he keeps sleeping with his head buried in the pillow. He can feel you slipping your hands around him to spoon him from behind.

"Morning, Channie baby," you softly call him by his Korean name.

He told you about it last night, the name only his family and his close friends are allowed to call him with that name.

You are, of course, more than allowed to call him that. It feels strange to hear it at first but he likes the sound of it, especially the affectionate tone you're using.

He takes your hand and kisses it, putting it close to his chest as he tries to get a few more minutes of sleep. The sound of the melodic chime is enough to make him refrain from going back to sleep.

"Good morning, everyone!" Lana greets, sounding exceptionally kind even though she speaks in the same robotic voice.

"Morning, Lana darling!" Claire replies with a cracked voice.

"Welcome to the last day of the retreat," she announces.

Everyone sadly groans which is quite shocking compared to the first day of the retreat, now everyone is not wanting to leave.

His head snaps at you and it reminds him to soak up every minute left in this retreat with you.

"I will be announcing who the finalists are shortly," Lana further announces.

Everyone's ears perk up at the announcement, finalists in 'plural', which means there is more than one candidate to win the prize money.

Everyone else is secretly guessing who's going to win it but with his bad record, Chan chooses to sit back and wishes everyone the best of luck.

"It's the last day!" Luke remarks, still in disbelief of it.

"Let's make it the best one!" Dani adds as she yawns into her hand.

"And let's spend the whole money today," Chan jokes even though he's slurring his words.

"Funny, Aussie boy!" Jace says as he tosses a cushion at him.

-

CHRIS: I fully trust that Lana will choose the right person to win the money and I'm okay that I'm not it, Lana, I have no hard feelings [laughs]

-

"It's the last day so I'm going to wear the tiniest bikini."

Chan hears what you're saying since he's in the dressing room to take something out of his closet.

"Oh my, Gosh!" He responds to what you're saying.

You're chuckling and look at him as he stands across the room, "I'm putting another test on you."

He walks over to your chair and puts his hand around your neck, that way he can angle your head as he pleases. He attacks one side of your face with small kisses.

"Stop being so cute," Claire says as she hollowed her cheeks to apply some colors to them.

"Yeah, stop it before you spend some money," Alicia playfully adds.

Chan lets you go because he needs to go to the bathroom to style his hair, he finds Jace in there, putting his long blond hair into a small bun.

"Who do you think is going to win?" He asks.

It's the third time someone asked him the same question and he'll remain diplomatic about his answer, "Whoever wins I'll be happy for them."

Jace respects his answer and does not further press him to give a name but Chan gets curious about his answer.

"Who do you think?" He turns the table to him.

Jace sits on the edge of the tub and watches as Chan combs his hair in front of the mirror on the sink.

"I think it's you, Aussie boy."

Chan snorts in response, he figures that Jace wants to entertain him with his answer.

"Hey, the one who made a lot of mistakes is the one that is most improved," he defends his answer, proving that he's actually serious about his answer.

"Yeah, nah, I don't think it's me, mate," he refuses his answer to entertain the idea that he has a chance to win it.

"That's just my opinion," Jace says with a nonchalant shrug.

-

CHRIS: If it were up to me, I think everybody would win here but it's not, it's up to Lana. [Shrugs]

-

It's the time in the cabana again.

You're sad that it's going to be over soon but God! You're so glad that soon you'll not be hearing that melodic chime again. It's like hearing a soundtrack to a horror movie.

"Hello, everyone!"

"Hey, Lana," you reply, suppressing your anxious groan coming out of your mouth.

"I have been collecting data since you arrived and have now conducted my final analysis," Lana informs.

You can't tell what everyone is feeling right now, it's a mix of anticipation, anxiety or relief, sadness or happiness, everything is there.

"As you are aware, there was a prize fund of $200,000 allocated to aid your development."

You wince at the mention of the word 'was' and it brings back your not-so-finest moments in your head.

"The prize fund stands at $100,000."

"Whoo!" Lola whoops, "That's a lot of money, baby!"

"And it was very hard to gain," Chan playfully comments, sending everyone into laughter.

"Like literally," he adds.

You cover his mouth with your hand to stop him from embarrassing himself more and let Lana continue.

"There are three places in the final."

Now everyone is assessing each other for their possibilities to win the money. You're definitely not going to make the cut with how much you spent in the retreat.

-

YOU: It's clearly not going to be us. We're the antagonists in this show [chuckles]

-

"Following my rules alone isn't enough to win. The finalists are those who have shown personal growth during their time at the retreat."

Oh, wait? Personal growth?

If we're talking about personal growth, everyone can see how much Chan has grown since the first day of the retreat. People would think that it's a biased opinion but you believe that Lana sees it, or you hope so.

"The first finalist is..."

You're secretly praying that Chan's name gets called, it's not much about winning, he deserves to be in the final with the journey he's been through in this retreat.

"Pierre and Alicia."

It's kind of expected and everyone is clapping for them because they deserve it. You watch as they're hugging each other and looking so cute it makes you cooing adorably.

"The second finalist is..."

You continue to pray in your heart for one name to be called by Lana, you even have your hands clasped together and close your eyes as you deeply wish for it.

"Jace and Lola."

Again, everyone is clapping because they're genuinely made for each other, they complement each other in a way like no other.

"The third and final finalist is..."

For the last time, you wish and pray as hard as you can in your heart. You never wished for something this badly so for the first time in your life, please let—

"Chris."

Your mouth hangs open in response while he pulls you into a hug. You're at a loss for words for a moment until he pulls away from the hug.

You get teary as you see him standing up to take his place on the final, feeling so proud of him and the man he has become.

"Pierre and Alicia, Jace and Lola, Chris, one of you will walk away with $100,000."

Chan offers his hand at you so you can hold it while he's standing up in front of you. You can't fight the tears that are already pooling in your eyes.

"And the decision will be made by the remaining guests."

"Oh, my God!" You quietly gasp while dabbing the tears in the corner of your eyes.

"Will the shortlisted guests please leave the cabana while the voting takes place," Lana orders.

Chan bends down to hug you since he has to leave. He presses a long kiss on your cheek and caresses your cheek, "I'll see you soon, yeah?"

You nod with a smile, "Okay."

-

YOU: Oh, I don't care if people think that I am being biased but I saw his growth, every day in this retreat. My vote is going to Chris.

-

The dressing room is crowded because everyone is getting ready for the last party in the retreat. Everyone is wearing white per the dress code announced by the staff.

Chan pulls you to the bedroom to have some alone time before he gets to be separated from you because the finalists have their special entrance to the party.

He sits down at the end of the shared bed and then pulls you down onto his lap.

"I can't believe that I'm one of the finalists, it's... mad!" He says in disbelief.

You put your hands around his neck and look at him, "You deserve it, baby."

He takes a deep breath as though he was swimming in deep water. He then runs his hand in your hair and affectionately brushes your hair.

"Whatever happens, I'm happy, I'm winning," he says.

You nod.

"I'm going home with a girlfriend," he shyly says with his dimpled smile.

That gets you flustered as well and it seems like it has just sunk in you that you're dating him now, "oh, shoot, I have a boyfriend now," you say with a shocked laugh.

He hugs you as you both laugh at the sudden realization, he buries his head in your neck to drink in the scent that gives him a sense of comfort.

He allows his hands to trace down your sides and adores every curve of it, "Mmh... You look stunning tonight," he praises.

"Spin for me," he demands.

You get off his lap and elegantly raise your hands above your waist before spinning around on your feet to show him the whole look.

"Do you like it?" You ask.

"Oh, love it!" He answers with a dramatic, overwhelmed eye roll.

You sit on his lap again and let him rest his head on your chest, on the soft mounds of your clothed breasts. There are only hours left until the retreat ends but his hands are already getting impatient as they're teasing the zipper of your dress.

"Can't wait to take this off of you tonight," he murmurs with his lips grazing your cleavage as he speaks.

You're lowly humming in response and cradle his head close to your chest, "Anything you want," you tell him.

Those words are sending his mind wandering off and away from his head. He's not thinking about the money at all, all he can think about are the things he wants to do to you.

"You can do anything you want later," you say again with your fingers softly scratching the back of his hair.

"Now that's a real prize," he says with an enthusiastic smile.

-

CHRIS: Winning or not, I'm leaving in love [smiles]

-

You sit next to Claire and Nick as the rest of the guests are waiting for the finalists to come and join the party.

"It's sad, isn't it?" Dani says with a sad smile from the other bench.

"It's coming to an end, yeah," Claire shares with a pout.

You've been meaning to not feel sentimental about it but now everyone is feeling the same way, you can't help but have your say about it.

"It's bittersweet, you guys," you say.

Everyone is nodding in agreement and Luke initiates a toast to start the last party in the retreat. The talk continues with everyone sharing their memories here, happy, sad, or funny ones, also everything in between.

Mac has to abruptly stop talking as the finalists are about to enter.

A round of applause welcomes all five of them. First is Pierre and Alicia, and following behind them are Jace and Lola. Last but not least is your number one man, Chan.

You scoot on the bench to make space for Chan to sit on and welcome him with a hug.

"Missed you," you murmur even though you have only been separated from each other for less than an hour.

He caressingly kisses your cheek and puts his arm around you, you reckon he needs the comfort from how nervous he looks right now.

"Got all my fingers crossed for you," you whisper to him.

"Yeah?"

"Uh-huh!" You answer without a beat and grin at him.

You hold his face by the jaw and place a kiss right on his dimple, hurriedly wiping the lipstick mark with your thumb after.

The melodic chime comes from the cone and it's going to be the last you hear of her, Lana.

"During your time at the retreat, I have observed you all commit to the process, acknowledge your failures, and show significant change."

You nod and smile, "Thank you, Lana!" You sincerely say from the bottom of your heart.

"The time has now come to announce the winner of the $100,000 prize."

You put your heads together and hold each other's hands on his lap, letting go of everything all at once, and no matter what happens, you are happy with each other.

"Pierre and Alicia, Jace and Lola, Chris, please stand!" Lana orders.

-

YOU: At the end of the day, I'm leaving as a changed person and I'm in a relationship with a man I love. And that's something I have never imagined in a million years. [Brightly smiles]

-

Chan isn't that optimistic he would win the money.

Yet he feels so nervous Chan has to take a deep breath before getting up from his seat without letting go of your hand.

"You got it, baby," you mutter to him with a squeeze on his hand.

He peers over his shoulder to look at you and flashes you a grateful smile.

"Your fellow retreat guests have voted," Lana continues with the announcement.

Chan looks at the other finalists, at Jace and Lola, and the other way, at Pierre and Alicia. He never thought he would be considered as one of the finalists, he's still in denial about it.

"The person in third place is..."

His heart is beating faster and faster he starts to wonder if he's going to have a cardiac arrest.

"Jace and Lola," Lana announces.

Chan's head snaps in the direction of Jace and Lola who are embracing and congratulating each other despite they do not win the money.

-

CHRIS: I'm on the top two... [deeply inhales] not expecting this at all. If I win, it wouldn't be my own because she played a big part in my growth in the retreat.

-

Lana doesn't give him time to relax as she continues to the next announcement.

"Pierre and Alicia, Chris, one of you has been chosen to check out of the retreat with the prize fund."

He squeezes your hand in his hand hard enough that his knuckles turn white. He needs it, he needs something to hold on to.

"The winner who will be leaving with $100,000 is..."

Who doesn't want that much money? But honestly, it's not going to be a loss if he didn't win it. It's been one hell of a journey and an emotional one, he made friendships and experiences of a lifetime here.

"Pierre and Alicia."

He did end up not winning the money but he doesn't feel like losing at all. He's reeling from it and only aware of himself when you hug him so tightly.

-

CHRIS: Couldn't be happier for Pierre and Alicia.

YOU: [Nods] Yep, they definitely deserved it.

-

"Congrats, you two!" Chan takes his turn to congratulate the winning couple.

"So happy for you, man!" He says as he gives Pierre a big hug.

The celebration continues with them popping open bottles of champagne and spraying everyone with it. You hide behind Chan as Pierre is aiming the bottle at both you and him.

"You're dripping!" You exclaim, seeing his face sticky and wet with white wine.

You help by wiping it with the back of your hand while he brushes his hair to the back.

Chan looks around and sees that everyone is having fun and happy, there's nothing he wishes more than his. It's a memory he'll treasure for life.

Everyone settles back to their seats as Lana has one announcement left.

"Your time at the retreat is over and therefore, the rules no longer apply."

Chan is turning to you but you're looking the other way, you walk over to the other side and he sees that you're coming over to someone.

Chan and Luke can only laugh as you share another kiss after the retreat ends with Dani.

Luke has to pull Dani away from you to not let the kiss continue while Chan pulls you from behind.

"Okay, that was hot," He says with an impressed smile.

He puts his arms around you and pulls you close, "But it's my turn now."

You giggle at him and waste no time to kiss him, opening your mouth to let him kiss you deeper, relishing the craving he has for the taste of your lips.

-

CHRIS: We never thought we'd get this far.

YOU: [Nods] Yeah.

CHRIS: [Looks at you] I'm proud of you.

YOU: [Shyly smiles] And I'm so proud of you!

-

The sounds of the fireworks going off startle you and you both turn around to see them lighting up the sky in bright, colorful sparks.

He's hugging you from behind as everyone else is also watching the wondrous view. His heart feels full yet he wants more of it, he knows that the only way he can get more of it is by sharing it.

Chan brings his mouth close to your ear and says, "I love you."

You turn around to look at him with a confused look on your face, "I'm sorry what?"

It's the explosive sounds of the fireworks and the music playing that make it hard for you to hear what he said the first time.

He raises his voice a little louder and says again, "I love you."

"What?" You raise your voice even louder than him against the constant explosion in the distance.

Chan laughs because it reminds him of the first day you met. He can tell you're not pretending to not hear it this time, he tries again by pressing his mouth close to your ear with his hands cupping around his mouth, "I love you!"

You coo at him in response and turn around to face him, "I love you too."

He captures your lips in one long, lingering kiss and lets out everything in him, freely and intensely. He's not afraid to let go now because he knows that's the only way to love you fully.

And no one can stop him, not now, not ever.

-

CHRIS: No more Lana. No more rules.

YOU: [Looks at Chris] And that means...?

CHRIS: Get in here!

YOU: [Kisses Chan] [Moans]

CHRIS: [Let go of the kiss] [Looks at the camera] Can I go now? Cause she needs to be f—

-

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[orange-demons-deactivated2024]

Ed boy,,, eddy boy, he needs some tender softness in his life he's been through so much rough stuff and the thought of him having a moment to rest for a bit while reader goes "if something comes for you, I'm here to protect you" just jajfjakshdk this poor boy needs a warm hug and some proper sleep

speaking about warm hugs and proper sleep...

"1800810" you mumbled, tracing the raised ink on his shoulder.

You lay tangled in the sheets, with the moon being the only source of light in the cheap motel room.

"Does it mean anything?" you asked, snaking your arms around his.

"Yeah, it means mind your business and go back to sleep." he said pushing his hair back with his free hand, which gave you the perfect view of his sunken eyes and dark bags.

"Liar. You're just waiting til I fall asleep so you can leave." you mused, leaning closer to him. "Wanna try that again?"

Ed knew you wouldn't settle on anything less than the truth, but he'd still run circles around you until you dropped it. It worked in the past, and he would continue to use it against you.

But you were oddly persistent today.

You're calling his bluff on every excuse he gave you, and you weren't taking his half-ass lies with a grain of salt anymore.

You're becoming restless. "Then you should be used to this, already. It’s not like we were ever official, or anything.”

“You wound me, Eddie." you said pulling a fake frown. "I care about you, you know.”

“Right.” He muttered, burrowing his eyes into you. You should've been nothing more than a fling to help him get his mind off his reoccurring night terrors.

And of course, like an idiot, he got close to you too.

Damn this arrangement.

Ed sat up, his muscles tensing as he shifted away from your embrace, but you only tightened your grip around him. And you pulled yourself up with the sheets pooling around your waist.

"Hey, why are you in such a hurry to leave? I missed you." You said resting your cheek against his arm. "We barely even talked last time you were here and you don't pick up my phone calls when you're away."

Shit. This is exactly why he wanted to avoid you when coming back to Metro City because he knew you would start asking questions.

His plan was to wait until you fell asleep to make his escape, but it doesn't seem like you'll be letting up on him anytime soon.

“Is something after you?”

“Stop.” He tensed at your question.

“Stop what?” You asked confused.

“Doing that...acting like you care and shit.” Ed muttered under his breath, frustration evident in his voice.

“But I do.” You said, unraveling yourself from him.

"And why would you? It's not like I'll stick around long enough to put you in any type of danger." He entertained the idea of staying, of succumbing to the intoxicating pull of your presence. But the looming danger of what's to come occupied his mind.

"Because if something does come for you, I'll be here to protect you." You intertwined your fingers with his.

“You? Protecting me? What a joke.” Ed scoffed, snatching his hand away from yours.

“I’m serious, I don’t know what you're so afraid of tha-"

“I’m not afraid of anything." He cut you off. "and I don’t need you whining in my ear all the time and all that other crap.”

His words hit you like a punch to the gut. He’s still trying to push you away despite all that you’ve been through.

“Look," he said. "I can’t promise your safety in the future.” His reluctance to involve you in his troubles probably stems from a desire to protect you. In his mind, keeping you at arm's length is another way of shielding you from danger.

“You don’t need to, I can handle myself.”

"Yeah, I know you can." Ed huffed, closing his eyes. He leaned into the bedframe, feeling the oncoming headache. Your insistence on being involved with him despite the risks, challenges his perception of you.

Forcing him to confront that maybe you're stronger than he gave you credit for.

You wanted to keep the conversation going, but it doesn’t seem like he’s willing to talk to you anymore. Months of getting to know the man you met at the Metro Station and countless dates, went down the drain. You try to shake off the disappointment, though the ache in your chest refuses to fade.

You hoped for something more to come out of this, but now it feels like it was all just a cruel illusion, with him disappearing in the masses.

“Fine, then go. You don’t need me holding you back.” your voice rumbled in the room's silence. If he didn't want to stay, why should you force him? "But I really hope you know, no matter what. I'll always want to be here with you."

You turned away from him, pulling the covers over your bare body.

Maybe in another life, he would’ve cared about you as much as you did. One where he’s honest with the way he feels, instead of throwing it in your face. And one where he sees you more than someone who can warm his bed on lonely nights.

When you woke up to the morning rays hitting your face, Ed was nowhere in sight. You reached out expecting to feel his warmth, only to meet nothing. The sheets were crumpled and his side of the bed was empty.

So he did leave after all.

You sighed, turning to the nightstand to check the time. You felt something odd graze your finger, so you pushed yourself up, finding a sticky note on your phone.

"If you're serious about what you said, meet me at the subway station by 12pm. Hurry up, and don't keep me waiting."

Smiling to yourself, you threw on your clothes and gathered the rest of your scattered items around the room.

You gave one last look at the bed you and Ed shared, before closing this chapter in your life.

stuck next to you - tiishe

[theerurishipper]

Hi anon, I'm just taking a screenshot of your ask like this because I don't want to include the link. I have no desire to start a fight.

First of all, no hate to the OP of the post, this just my opinion. But there are some things I do disagree with.

First, the point about the Blue Spirit. I don't think the Blue Spirit is some vigilante for justice, but it does represent that Zuko will do anything to appease his father, including breaking into a Fire Nation stronghold and essentially "betraying" his country. Which is in action a good thing, but Zuko's intent doesn't support that narrative. The Blue Spirit is not a good thing, and its logical extension is Zuko using it to steal from people later and trying to steal Appa as the Blue Spirit. Which is he has to take it off to have that frank conversation with Iroh, he has it off when he frees Appa, and he throws it away at the end of the episode. Zuko's struggle is about identity, and the Blue Spirit is a mask that is made of Zuko's desire to please his father, which means doing actions that are against who he is as a person. Which is why he throws it away when he begins his initial change.

As for the point about Zuko holding onto his birthright despite being an outlaw and the show not exploring what it means for him to be cut off... it does tho. We see Zuko struggling with finding who he is without the influences of his father and the Fire Nation. We see him learn about new perspectives because he's lost his ties to the Fire Nation. Zuko being cut off from the Fire Nation is shown in him being forced to travel through the other nations and understand them, while also learning some truths about his own nation that he would not have if he had remained on his ship. He still continues to hold onto his role as the crown price though, because it's all he has. He's clinging onto it desperately because he still thinks that he has the chance to go back to his father, and he still doesn't want to accept the truth about him. It's an interesting dichotomy. We can see that Zuko is trying to embrace his own identity here (Ursa's words) but his image of who he is is still skewed and influenced by his father. He's starting slowly, but he still has a long way to go.

This is long so I'm putting the rest under a cut.

As for Zuko not being driven by a desire to help the Fire Nation, I would have to disagree with that as well. I actually do agree with OP that they could have shown Zuko interacting with the Fire Nation people more, but it's not just in The Boiling Rock that he says he wants to help. He expresses that sentiment as early as The Day of Black Sun, Part 2 in his speech to Ozai, where he reflects on how the Fire Nation is feared and hated and it has to change. So it's not out of the blue for Zuko to care for his nation, but I agree that they could have shown that way better. Honestly on rewatch, Season 3 made some... interesting choices.

Now for the part about Song. I don't know why it's so surprising that Zuko did what he did. This is, after all, him in the very very beginnings of his arc, and he has just been confronted with a very shocking truth. He's not in a good headspace here at all. He's been stripped of everything he's ever known, he's being hunted down by own sister under the orders of his father, and Song unintentionally poured salt on an old wound despite her good intentions. All this does not make Zuko receptive to the knowledge that challenges his entire worldview like this, that the Fire Nation hurts innocent people. And now he is feeling compassion and sympathy for this Earth Kingdom girl and horror against his own nation whom he has been told is doing the right thing. And on a personal level, it is the first inkling of a realization that his father may have been wrong to hurt him as well. So, he lashes out. He's not in a place where he can accept everything he's learning, and so he tries to reassert himself by stealing her ostrich-horse. It's a genuinely shitty thing to do, but it's understandable. I think Zuko being apologetic would be the OOC choice.

And the points about Zuko's stealing are... well, OP's criticisms are kind of the point. I agree with their assessment that the Blue Spirit is not a good thing as I have written above. Which is why those scenes make sense. Zuko at that point steals as the Blue Spirit, an extension of the "desires" of his father. Which means making choices like his father, making bad choices that are not like himself. He does very shitty things and steals from innocent people using the mask. Then we come to Zuko Alone. At this point, Zuko has been on his own for a while. This episode is all about understanding who Zuko is, the choices he'd make free of the influences of others. There is no Blue Spirit mask in this episode, and that represents him slowly being removed from the negative influences that made him put on that mask in the first place. You'd think that after his previous robberies, that he would continue that line of action, but he doesn't.

There is no Blue Spirit mask here, just Zuko in all his messed-up glory. And the kind of choices Zuko starts to make without those influences includes not stealing from the pregnant woman, covering for Lee when the soldiers want to know who threw the egg, and then going back to save him. Of course, the end of the episode also shows us that Zuko as a person has not yet embraced and understood who he truly is outside of his father, but it's significant that the mask isn't in this episode and the ones following it, because Zuko Alone is the episode to help us understand who Zuko really is deep down, and the following ones are devoted to him learning who he is outside of his father. And he only puts it back on in the episode Lake Laogai, when he is slipping back into old habits and trying to steal Appa for his father again. And at the end of the episode, he throws it away.

As for Zuko's arc not involving making amends, I guess Season 3 was already on some tight pacing and there was no need to revisit one-off characters who didn't even have names just so Zuko could apologize to them? We know that Zuko is regretful of his actions and has learned better, and it is 100% believable to me that he tracked them down to apologize and make things right. I honestly think this is a weak criticism. We don't have to be shown everything, there are some things we can imagine and conclude ourselves. It would have been nice to see, but there were other things that were more important, and the narrative had to prioritize.

About Zuko's arc revolving around Iroh and him only doing what Iroh wants... using the Season 2 finale's line of Zuko worrying about betraying his uncle isn't the finest way to prove that point. Zuko worried about that because it was the immediate and most personal action he took when choosing to side with Azula. Iroh is literally in chains at this point, and Zuko isn't in a place where he is still ready to accept that his nation and his father have done bad things and hurt people. He still doesn't think he did anything wrong by siding with Azula, other than hurting Iroh. It is through his time in the Fire Nation that he is able to make these realizations. Zuko was won over by Azula because she offered him the one thing he had been desperately craving for years, which was the love of his father and the chance to go home.

The entire point of book three is that Zuko makes his own choices without the influence of Iroh, because ultimately, the decision to change and be better has to come from Zuko himself. Iroh can guide him, but Zuko has to be the one to make the decision and put in the work. Iroh is very purposefully not a huge part of Zuko's Season 3 arc aside from Zuko thinking about him and Iroh giving him that crown, because Zuko needed to make the choice to change himself. It's even literally spelled out in the show in The Old Masters:

Iroh: [Releases him.] But you found it again. [Frontal view.] And you did it by yourself. [Frontal view of Zuko over Iroh's shoulder.] And I am so happy you found your way here. [Side-view. Hugs him again.]

As for Zuko always agreeing with Iroh and Iroh always being right... this is a common thing for shows like this to have mentor characters who are the moral guides for the characters in the show. Iroh is supposed to represent the "right way." ATLA actually does this very right. Zuko is supposed to embrace Iroh's worldview, but not because he decided to blindly follow Iroh, he agrees because he's learned what is right and wrong by himself and is now in a place where he can agree with Iroh. And Iroh himself is done so well because he's not a moral arbiter whose always right and can never do anything wrong. He is someone who is so wise because he's made several mistakes and has had to learn what the right thing to do is the hard way. I think ATLA actually managed to avoid the pitfall of making Zuko look like he can't think for himself and can only follow Iroh blindly very well.

And I don't understand what Iroh said that was so questionable? Aang has to fight the Fire Lord because Aang is the Avatar. It's literally his job and something that has been building up for the whole show, and Iroh is wrong for saying that Aang should do his job? It's unfortunate that Aang has to endure this responsibility at such a young age, but Iroh is right when he says that only the Avatar can defeat Ozai. And Iroh sending Zuko to fight Azula isn't the same thing at all. Maybe OP thinks Azula shouldn't be fought at all because Zuko should be nicer to his sister, in which case I will reiterate that she is a genocidal imperialist and needs to be stopped, but the situation is different because Azula isn't Firelord yet, and Zuko is going to fight her to get the throne, not usurp something that already belongs to her. And Iroh also explains why Zuko has to be the one to take the throne, because he is someone new, someone who doesn't have the bad history that Iroh does (because Zuko has done shitty things, but he didn't wage a long war on Ba Sing Se). And Zuko agrees, and in fact, Zuko and Katara together make the decision that she will go with him to stop Azula. So it's not like Zuko doesn't contribute anything or that he blindly follows Iroh.

Saying that Zuko only makes decisions to please Iroh is so completely wrong. Does any of this look like Zuko doesn't have his own opinions? Does any of this look like he can't tell right from wrong? Does any of this look like his only motivation is to beg forgiveness from Iroh?

This is all Zuko. He says he has to apologize to Iroh, yes, but everything else? It's all the things Zuko has learnt, everything he has personally seen and experienced. Iroh didn't tell him all that, he's understood it for himself. Hell, if his only motivation was to beg forgiveness, he would have tried to find Iroh first instead of trying to join the Gaang. I don't know how many times he has to say that he wants to stop the war and help bring back peace before people stop saying that he only did it for Iroh. I'm feeling a little annoyed by this point, so I'll actually go through the speech and highlight everything Zuko says that comes from him alone and not Iroh.

Zuko: For so long, all I wanted was for you to love me, to accept me. I thought it was my honor I wanted, but really, I was just trying to please you. You, my father, who banished me just for talking out of turn. [Points a broadsword at his father.] My father, who challenged me, a thirteen-year-old boy, to an Agni Kai. [Cuts to shot of Ozai, looking angered.] How could you possibly justify a duel with a child? Ozai: [Scornful.] It was to teach you respect! Zuko: It was cruel! And it was wrong. Ozai: [Angrily.] Then you have learned nothing! Zuko: No, I've learned everything! And I've had to learn it on my own! Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history. And somehow, the War was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was. The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation. They don't see our greatness. They hate us! And we deserve it! [Camera view shows top profile of Zuko and Ozai through an overhead grate.] We've created an era of fear in the world. And if we don't want the world to destroy itself [Cuts to shot of Zuko.], we need to replace it with an era of peace and kindness. Ozai: [Laughs.] Your uncle has gotten to you, hasn't he? Zuko: Yes. [Smiles proudly.] He has.

All of this? This is all Zuko. This is everything he's realized on his own. Iroh never told Zuko that the world hated the Fire Nation. He never told Zuko that what Ozai did was wrong. He never told Zuko that they needed to create an era of peace in the world. He simply guided Zuko along the path to realizing these things for himself. And thanks to that guidance, Zuko was able to understand the truth on his own. Again, Iroh is not present when Zuko makes these realizations. Zuko comes to these conclusions himself, and stands up for them so passionately because they are things he genuinely believes. And Ozai says Iroh has gotten to him because Iroh has done a lot of work in helping Zuko find the right path, and that influence should be acknowledged. But that doesn't mean the final decision to make a change, the struggle to find himself and realize his mistakes and work to fix them didn't come from Zuko himself. Just because Iroh is a positive influence on Zuko doesn't mean that Zuko is blindly following him. Zuko clearly says he is speaking his mind and that he learned these lessons on his own. Just because he accepts that Iroh helped him doesn't mean he is saying that he is blindly following Iroh.

And then about Zuko "mocking" Aang. He says that because Aang is going on about gluebending and what not. Aang himself is making a joke out of things, and why shouldn't Zuko be angry that Aang is seemingly not taking things seriously? To everyone else, it seems like Aang is chickening out of doing his job. Aang's motivations are understandable and I do agree with him, but I also agree with Zuko here. Zuko isn't the only one to think this way, the rest of the Gaang are also thinking along the same lines. Sokka is even more blatant about it during the training scene. This is not Zuko putting Aang in danger because "the mission comes first," this is Zuko trying to tell Aang to do his duty to save the world. You know, that very important thing that cannot be compared in scope to Zuko's personal desire to go home, which is also why this situation can't be compared with Zuko telling his men to go into a storm because "the mission comes first." One is the selfish and petulant wishes of a child who is trying not to care, and the other is a child who can't see any other way to defeat someone who has made millions suffer, including himself, and who is angry that the only one who can do it is refusing to.

And in the same scene, Zuko also tells Katara to let Aang take time to sort out his feelings, which doesn't really give me the impression that he is forcing Aang to kill Ozai or that he doesn't care about Aang's well-being. But they are on a time-crunch, and no one thinks there is any other way, and even Aang does not offer any alternative other than just killing Ozai. Aang was able to find another way, but Zuko isn't wrong for not being able to magically know that a lion turtle would approach Aang and give him energybending.

As for the thing about Katara... well, The Southern Raiders is the most misunderstood episode in the show, especially when it comes to Zuko and Katara.

Zuko isn't doing "whatever will make Katara like him." He's doing this because he understands what she's feeling and wants to make it right. If he just wanted to make Katara like him, if his intentions were truly selfish and only self-serving, the episode wouldn't have ended with Katara forgiving him and embracing him as a friend. Is Katara that naive? Does she have that little agency? I don't think so. This is Zuko earnestly trying to make it up to Katara, and the "I do care what she thinks of me," is not an indictment of his character. Wanting to repair his relationship with her and wanting her good opinion is not some inherently sinister or evil act. It's how he goes about it that matters. And he does this by trying to help her find her mother's killer, because he knows she needs this. He does it by genuinely and sincerely trying to help her and make up for what he did, because he understands her and wants to help her and make up for his mistakes. Immediately after he asks her why she still hates him, she explains and he says, "what can I do to make it up to you?" Not blaming her, not fixating on himself, just asking what he can do for her. And throughout their trip, he never once talks about himself of tries to prop himself up as someone who she should forgive or like, he never makes it about himself or why she should forgive him, he doesn't try to take credit for anything. He just earnestly tries to help her and take care of her.

And this earnest expression is why Katara is able to finally accept Zuko's reformation and is why she is finally able to forgive him. She is able to see that he's changed. Zuko's actions in this episode are all about Katara. She's literally likening him to Yon Rha in the beginning of the episode, her opinion of him couldn't be lower. She wouldn't be able to forgive him by the end of it so warmly and openly if she hadn't understood the goodness in him, something that she would not have seen if he had only been doing it because he wanted her to like him and didn't actually care about her or what she needed. His desire to have her like him isn't about him satisfying his ego or whatever, it's about Katara and how highly he thinks of her, and how he wants to make things right between them. His wish for her to like him and his way of fixing what he's done is entirely on Katara's terms, and it works only because he's not just doing it for the sake of it, but because he genuinely understands and wants to help.

And like, if you're going to take him caring about what she thinks of him and wanting to set things right and fix their relationship as a selfish sign, then every friendship should be over after one fight. Then you should be calling Katara selfish for wanting to repair her friendship with Toph in The Runaway. Selfishness has a negative connotation which does not describe Zuko in this episode. Zuko may have personally wanted Katara to forgive and accept him, like he mentioned, but he never once influenced her or tried to put in a good word for himself. Whatever he wanted, his actions were focused on Katara's well-being and not on himself at all. He earnestly supported her and cared for her, and recognizing his sincerity was why Katara forgave him in the end. If he had been secretly self-serving and had only done all this so that Katara would like him and not because he wanted to help Katara, she wouldn't have forgiven him. I think saying Zuko only cared about himself is insulting to Katara herself and her choice to forgive him as well, because it implies that she is so easily taken in by him and essentially tricked into forgiving him when that is not the case.

And as for the part about them wanting to kill Yon Rha, I do agree that murder is wrong. But these are still two kids, and Zuko is seeing himself in Katara and understands that she needs to face him. He doesn't encourage her to murder Yon Rha. But he knows from personal experience that she needs to face him, and he was right. He wasn't taking her to Yon Rha because he wanted Katara to murder him, he was taking her to him because Zuko knew she wanted to face him and was willing to support her in whatever choice she made once she got there. And Katara ended up making the decision to not kill him. Zuko never manipulated or influenced Katara. He shared the information he had and the desire to kill him came from her because of her pain and trauma. And the decision to not kill him also came from her.

If Katara truly thought that Zuko was manipulating her, or was influencing her, the episode would not have ended the way it did. As it is, we know that Zuko also is not one to murder someone, because he would have killed his father if he was. He's not a trigger-happy, murderous person. He's a kid who understands what Katara is going through and wants to help her. This episode is a follow-up to their previous conversation in The Crossroads of Destiny, where they were able to understand each other because of their experiences with their mothers' deaths. And because of his knowledge of their similarities in this situation, he's also having a lot of personal wounds reopened here about his own mother and his father, which is why he feels so deeply for Katara and is willing to support her in anything, because he knows exactly what that's like. But he understands in the end that violence wasn't what Katara needed, and we also know that he would not have made that choice either, because he had the chance to and didn't.

And I have already talked about the scene where Azula is falling, but I'll say it again. Maybe it didn't come off to OP that way, which is understandable, but I did feel that Zuko was shocked and regretful that Azula might die. The way that "She's... not gonna make it," was delivered sure gave me that impression. And as for him being annoyed that she survived, it's less annoyance at the fact that she lived and more at the fact that she is gloating about it again. Go look up her smile in that scene. A mocking smile, the kind she's used on him her whole life. Of course he's resentful. I explained it better here, so you could go check that out if you feel so inclined.

Idk, this whole this feels like it's taking things way out of context and missing things that are clearly explained and stated in the show. I agree with some things, like the idea that Zuko should have interacted with the people of the Fire Nation more, but there's a lot more I disagree with completely. But I hope this answered your question, anon.

Thank you for your ask!

[lunas-nargle]

↳ three

chapter three of “meddle about” series brian o’conner x reader

iii. house party

Y/n and Mia soon got home and separated, going to their own bedrooms. The team decided instead of trying to find Dom, they'd throw a party. It pissed Y/n off but she remained upstairs, doing her own thing.

"Y/n!" Mia burst into her room, freaking out. Said girl closed her magazine and sat up on her bed, titling her head confused. "They're here."

Y/n heart dropped, thinking about cops, "Oh, Christ." She scrambled up and started packing everything of value.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting the hell outta here, I can't go to jail! I'm too pretty to go to jail!" At Mia's confused look, she stopped. "What? Isn't it the cops?"

"No." Mia said, now amused.

Y/n sighed in relief, dropping her things onto her bed, "Then who is it?"

"Brian and Monty."

Y/n eyes widened. "Well, come on then, what are we waiting for? Let's get sexy!"

Y/n and Mia quickly got ready, changing out of their comfy clothes and into ones that showed their bodies in the way they liked. They put on light makeup before they went downstairs.

"Hey, Mia. Y/n." they heard Monty's greeting. There he stood, in the kitchen with a beer in his hand.

"Hey, Monty. Go on, babe." Y/n said, knocking Mia out of her small trance. Mia smiled at her before she walked over to him.

Y/n walked through the house, wanting to find the blonde. But then she heard Vince sneer, "Did ya wipe the seat?"

Y/n stomped over to him, getting angry, "Oh, Christ, Vince!" she pushed past him. "Cut the shit man." she spat, standing by Brian. She turned and saw Brian staring at Vince blankly. "Come on, let's go get me a drink."

She then grabbed his rough hand and dragged him off behind her.

"Oh, come on, man, we were just about to get along." she heard Leon say from behind her but she knew if she responded she'd snap.

"Sooo," Brian started, walking towards the fridge. "What do you want?"

"Anything, as long as it's cold." Y/n sighed, running her hand through her hair frustrated as she leaned against the kitchen sink. He opened it and pulled out a cold bottle of Corona. "Ya know my cousin likes you? Even though he might not show it, he does. He normally doesn't like anybody. He's kind of a hard ass."

"Yeah, he's a complicated guy." Brian said, going over and handing her the bottle.

"Yeah, what about you?" Y/n asked, grabbing the bottle.

"I'm simpler." he replied making Y/n let out a small chuckle.

"You're a shitty liar." Y/n smiled, taking a sip from her drink. Brian got closer, putting his arm around her shoulders and said, "Well, I'll take that as a compliment."

"It wasn't meant to be." Y/n shook her head. "But there's a problem."

Brian tilted his head, looking down at her lips for a moment before they met her eyes once more. "What's that?" he asked.

"You need to get some sleep." Y/n answered. "And you definitely need a shower." Y/n smirked, trailing her hand up his arm, feeling the goosebumps form under her touch "And you know what, I don't mind sharing, if you know what I mean."

Brian's smirk grew as well, "Well then, lead the way beautiful." 

Y/n led him through the house, and up the stairs. She made sure to pass Vince just to rub salt into the wound. She finally led him to her room where she rummaged through her drawers. 

"I have some of Dom's old clothes in here somewhere. Uh-ha." She finally hit the jackpot, where she pulled out an old t-shirt and basketball shorts. "Here, the bathroom is just right across the hall. There should be some of Dom's soap in there so have at it."

"Thanks." Brian said, before kind of awkwardly walking out of the bedroom. Once he was out, Y/n sighed happily, falling onto her bed. She couldn't believe it. The most beautiful man she's ever seen was here. IN HER HOUSE! She couldn't help but feel a hot burning sensation raise in her chest at the sight of him. Each time he'd look into her eyes, she'd fall in love even more than before. And unknown to her, he was feeling the same way.

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

The show last night was not bad, but after writing a post that I will not post yet about my criticisms of it, it's actually making me rethink my perception of the album (which was not overwhelmingly positive to begin with, hence why I haven't said anything about it yet).

I'm just going to say that I liked Gigaton a whole lot more than I liked Dark Matter (and guess who didn't play a single fucking song off of Gigaton last night! I was surprised to find out that they played "River Cross" on Tuesday, though), and I'm not even sure that I liked more songs off of Gigaton than Dark Matter. You know...that's kind of weird. What it represents, and all that. It's weird to me. And my other post that I will post later will explain this a bit more.

I was going to put this in the tags but man, I'm disappointed in my own thoughts, and I just know that if anyone else willingly (or not) chooses to read them, I'm only going to disappoint you all more. So here is your choice to skip reading this post. This is your fair warning.

PJ (on their last live U.S. tour date): here's a bunch of songs off our new album!

Me: Thanks! I dislike it even more now. 🙃

Like, holy hell bitch, that's not how live music is supposed to work!!!!! That's literally not why bands go on tour! ...it's fucked up! I mean, I don't think I could say that it was a bad show in spite of that, but I have DEFINITELY been to WAY BETTER shows. :(

And yes, a small part of my salt is that they didn't play "Daughter" (my favorite PJ song but also one of my all-time favorite songs EVER) or "Present Tense" or "Betterman" or "State of Love and Trust", I will admit. I already waited six years to see Pearl Jam live. Now I have to wait probably forever again to hear my favorite song live in person? Maybe this is deeply privileged of me to say this, and if so, I apologize for not [yet] thinking deeper about this comment and its impact on others who have never gotten to see the band of one of their very favorite songs live and might not ever, but I'm just not a fan of having to wait forever again to MAYBE hear my favorite song live in person. I am actually a very patient person, but the thought of that wounds me.

I guess sometimes you get to hear the songs you don't want to hear ("Black" and "Spin the Black Circle" - because I hate them, and "Inside Job" - because of what it symbolizes/means to me) more than the ones you do. I guess that's life and it will always be unfair. But with those implied lemons, we do get to choose how we make lemonade, and I think my choice will be that I will not actively choose to see Pearl Jam live again. That's how I feel right now, and maybe, when my feelings about the show aren't as raw (and I'm not still so drained and tired) and I have more time and distance from it to think about it, my feelings will change...but for now, that's how I feel.

[drabbles-mc]

One more for the Dirty A-Z headcanon game please💜💜

G for Gilly.

Break this one allllll the way down please! I have thoughts and opinions but I REALLY wanna hear what YOU think. 😜

Girl I hope you know that by answering this I am AUTOMATICALLY uno-reversing this right back onto you and you gotta tell me all YOUR thoughts 👀👀👀

Ramblings under the cut for: G - Group sex (would they have a threeway? four? an orgy? do they put on a show for spectators? or do they like to keep it just between them and their partner?) 

I think that Gilly will do damn near anything for his brothers. NEAAAAAR anything. But I can't picture this possessive man being willing to share like that. Call it jealousy. Call it selfishness. Call it whatever you want Gilly isn't gonna care as long as it means those boys don't lay a hand on his girl. 😂

I just know that Gilly has that jealous streak in him. I know he gets mad about it even when he knows better. He's protective and he's smart for that because lord knows he's not the only one who sees what he does when she walks into a room. Those other guys can look and eat their lonely little hearts out and Gilly will happily let them. But no one other than him gets hold her, kiss her, touch her, take her home. He earned that right and he'll make heads roll to keep it.

Gilly might not share. But putting on a show???? Maybe even a little retaliation??? Rubbing salt in the wound of some guy who got out of line and thought he had a shot???? Now THAAAAT is something I could see Gilly doing. Not a common practice but a very rare and very effective punishment.

The first time it happened, his girl had no idea what was coming. She could feel the tension radiating off him, his breath against her ear and his fingers digging into the flesh of her hips as he said, "Let me prove a point." And she nodded, agreed, but she didn't realize that Gilly proving a point was going to end with her bent over the pool table in the clubhouse with her shorts around her ankles, Gilly's hands on her hips like a pair of vices as he drove into her from behind.

That was how some hot-shot wannabe from some other charter who got a little too close and cozy with Gilly's girl suddenly found himself in the middle of a situation he did not bargain for and that he couldn't escape. Whether he was frozen more out of shock or fear was anyone's guess.

And if it all hadn't been enough already, when he could feel her getting close, one of his hands slid up and around her throat. He pulled her up so that her back was flush against his chest. He felt her trembling on the edge and applied just a little more pressure around her neck. His voice was low and lethal as he said, "Go ahead— look at him when I make you cum." And of course she did exactly as he said.

After it was done, and Gilly had dismissed the guy with an extremely annoyed, "Now get the fuck outta here," he checked in with her, made sure she was okay. She was redoing the zipper on her shorts when she let out a breathless laugh and admitted, "When you said 'prove a point' I thought you were just gonna beat the shit out of him." Gilly laughed and reassured her, "Oh, I'm gonna do that too."

ANYWAYYYYYYYY I'm never gonna be normal about them ever again!!!! And it's all your fault!!!!!

Dirty Headcanon Game

[oboetemasuka]

Order of Attack (part 6)

Mm, this dialogue chapter is still so big that I had to split it again. Sorry, Amane will show up later. But don't worry, I won't keep you waiting too long with the next part. It'll fall neatly into my queue slots. Give it ~8 hours. Then I'll post both parts on AO3 around the same time when I get around to it.

Besides, the next part is going to be much more intense (and include a new trigger warning), so it's probably better to split to avoid tonal whiplash.

(I hope I handled Mikoto and John correctly... Sorry if I messed something up. It's a balancing act.)

-

"Hey, Fuuta, Shidou-san," Mikoto said as he opened the door.

"Kayano-kun, thank you for stopping by," Shidou responded wearily.

"Fuuta, how have you-"

"Why are… you here?" Fuuta asked as snappily as he could manage.

"I just wanted to check on you. I don't really remember anything about the attacks, but I felt bad-"

"Don't."

"I'm sorry?"

"If you're just…" Fuuta took a shallow breath. "Leave!"

Mikoto looked as if Fuuta had just punched him. Then his expression morphed into a level of aggression Fuuta had never seen before. Mikoto jerked forward, and Fuuta's eyes widened in terror. But it only turned out to be a feint.

"Kayano-kun!" Shidou shouted.

Mikoto glared at Shidou before stomping his way out of the cell and muttering, "Damn brat." The door slammed behind him.

Shidou turned to Fuuta. "I told you to stop lashing out at everyone who visits."

"H… how was I s…" It was the obvious question.

"I specifically warned you that Kayano-kun has been very stressed out and not to exacerbate it."

"You didn't say…"

"That he would lash out in response? Kajiyama-kun, it's basic decency not to say harsh things, even if he wasn't going to react that way."

-

"Fuuta-kun…" Mahiru said as Fuuta opened his eyes.

Would you lot stop hovering over me while I'm sleeping?

Mahiru didn't seem to notice Fuuta's glare—or maybe he just wasn't able to be intimidating enough. Her hands remained on her shoulders, like they had been for the whole interim. She realizes nothing is keeping her arms in place anymore, right?

"How much does it hurt?" she asked, still uncomfortably close to his face. Rub salt in the wound, won't you?

"Back off," he managed to say. Mahiru sat straight up, putting space between them.

"Sorry. I… I've been worried about you."

You and everyone else. "So what?"

"I just wanted to know if there's anything I can do to make you feel better."

You? Make me feel better? If it wasn't for you, someone might have saved me sooner! Yuno might have heard the attack right away. Or Shidou wouldn't have sent Kazui out to protect you. Then I wouldn't have been so broken!

Whatever expression was on his face as he tried to get his words out must have caused Mahiru to tense up. Eventually, three words made it out.

"It's… your… fault…"

Mahiru looked very hurt, but not surprised. Her eyes started to quiver, like she was trying too hard not to blink.

"You're… the cause… of all my problems!" Fuuta continued.

"You think I don't know that?" she responded quietly, tears streaming down her face.

"…doesn't… seem like…"

"You think it doesn't keep me up at night? Wondering what it would have been like if things were different? If I was the one alone, if Kotoko-chan had attacked me first, if you and Amane-chan didn't have to go through all of this because I wanted a little comfort? If…"

Mahiru's ramblings soon became engulfed in her sobs. But things are like this, Fuuta thought. I wouldn't wish this pain on you, but that doesn't mean you can waltz in here and try to make me feel better. As if you know me.

"You're… making this… about yourself…" he said.

"I-I didn't mean…"

"…can't stand it… looking at you…"

Mahiru let go of her own shoulders to bury her face in her hands. Shidou walked up to her and whispered something in her ear. She nodded, got up, and walked out of the cell. Shidou sat down in her place.

"Kajiyama-kun, what did you say this time?"

"What's… it… to you?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that your injuries are no excuse for you to treat everyone else like dirt?"

"Then maybe… they should just… leave me alone."

"I need their eyes from time to time. I can't monitor you constantly and in isolation."

Fuuta huffed. "Then tell them to… stop saying s…"

"At this rate, they'll figure it out on their own."

[colorful-bees]

I feel so cringe, I'm hyperfixating on my own AU so hard right now. Who let me do this?

Anyways, I'm going to ramble about my N in Hisui AU real quick because I'll go insane if I don't talk about it. Nothing specific, just stuff that I want to get out in no particular order.

I absolutely adore the idea of making N complete a Pokedex, no ifs, ands or buts about it. And its really just salt in the wound that it's the first one to exist (at least in the Hisui/Sinnoh region). This is going to be a world changing compilation of information that will influence how people interact with Pokemon for generations to come, a staple of the modern world of Pokemon research. And here's N, having no choice but to contribute to that.

Arceus (and also the worship of Arceus) is not as prominent in Unova as it is in Sinnoh but N is at least aware of who Arceus is (especially after it speaks to him before drop kicking him into the past). In a weird sense, N considers Arceus his friend, much like he considers every other Pokemon his friend in the same way. N doing this for Arceus is a weird mix between "doing a favor for your buddy" and "God himself just spoke to me Joan of Arc style and now I guess my whole life is doing side quests for the divine." All joking aside, N's relationship towards Pokemon is a big reason why he begrudgingly is okay with this. Not only is an all powerful being basically demanding it of him (he can't go back to Unova if he doesn't), but also. His friend needs something from him.

(More rambles under the cut, this post is just getting really long lol)

And then there's also how Team Plasma is reacting back in the modern day. Their King is just. Gone. Bye, bye, see you later. Where'd he go? Who knows but they really need to find him. And Ghetsis is so pissed. He's waited years to take control of Unova (and eventually the world) and just when he's so close to finally having achieved that, his main pawn just vanishes without a trace. N hasn't even awoken Zekrom yet so Ghetsis can't even command it in N's absence. Team Plasma is in full on panic mode with N gone and no matter how hard they look, they just can't seem to find him.

Meanwhile, back in the past, N has been found by the Galaxy Team and he despises them and pretty much anything they do. He's miserable working with them. From their usage of Pokeballs, to their goal of completing the Pokedex, to the way they talk about Pokemon is such a horrid way, everything about them turns N off from them. The one thing he does slightly enjoy is the pastures. Since boxes and PCs don't exist yet, the caught Pokemon are left in the pastures instead which N feels is much more humane and a nicer way to treat them. He still believes they shouldn't have been caught at all but small victories and all that.

N dislikes Pokemon professors and Professor Laventon is no exception. And his assistants aren't much better either. They're pretty amazed at not only his fearlessness about Pokemon but his ability to communicate with them as well. I mean, from Professor Laventon's perspective, that could fundamentally change researching Pokemon as a whole. N wants nothing to do with him and frequently gets angry with him for prodding him about his abilities. His friends aren't tools for research and neither is he.

But Rei and Akari? Oh, they think N is so cool. He's fearless about Pokemon in a way no one has ever seen before and he can talk to them? To these two fifteen year olds, he's one of the coolest adults ever.

And speaking of those interested in N. Volo. I don't even know where to start with the dynamic these two would have. Volo is interested in N right from the get go and this person who "fell from the sky" and is only even more intrigued when he learns N can communicate with Pokemon. N considers Volo to be just a regular human like all the rest and cannot understand why Volo is so insistent on being around him. N, being Arceus' "chosen one" as you could put it, is automatically of interest to Volo. Obviously, Volo has no knowledge of N's role as Hero of Ideals but if he ever found out, it would not be surprising to him, based solely on the way N acts. And, as Volo is the way he is, he has this bitterness towards N over Arceus communicating with him. Is it because N is special? Or does Arceus simply like anyone else more than Volo? Either way, N's both an object of Volo's intrigue and also someone he maybe kind of hates a little bit.

I have more thoughts but that'll probably be another post, this is already long and I am tired. But as always, feel free to send me asks about this AU, I will never turn down an opportunity to talk about it and I love it when people engage with stuff I make :)c

(Masterpost for this AU)

[spaceyflowerswriting]

we can take it slow (seongjun baek x reader)

details: fluffy oneshot with a pinch of angst, gender neutral reader written in 2nd pov, general canon au, you and seongjun are long time friends

summary: becoming friends to lovers–seongjun never thought such a thing was possible for him.

a/n: wrote this as a writing trade thing with my friend @dyingstar-light ! check out her piece too if you'd like ^_^ 💖

×

"You're too cute." Seongjun laughed as he accepted the harsh elbow you gave him before teasing, "Hey, careful, I'm driving."

"Whatever." You pouted but it didn't last long. "Anyway, I seriously regret doing all that stuff. My ex did not deserve any of it."

Seongjun hummed. "Yes, I remember you telling me stories about them. They're... a real piece of work." He glanced at you, just to show you his small grin before looking back to the street. "Putting them aside, though, I can't believe you did all those romantic things for them."

"Ugh, me either."

He laughed a little more at your dramatic wrist flick. "Honestly, it's kind of sweet knowing how far you went for your ex. Next person who wins your heart is going to be lucky. They'll get all that special treatment."

He waited patiently for you to quip back with something similar to your, "Whatever," earlier, but was only met with silence. His eyes moved to look at you once more, and his brows raised when he saw you appearing rather awkward.

"What? Was that really too much?"

"Uh, no." It seemed like you were scrambling for words so you wouldn't appear suspiciously quiet, but it was too late. "I just--"

"Come on, spit it out. I know you're hiding something." Out of the corner of his view, he could see you squinting your eyes at him. He clicked his tongue in response, still amused. "Don't give me that look, we've been friends for far too long for me to not notice something so small."

You let out a deep sigh and turned to the window. "If I tell you, you might seriously crash the car."

He scoffed. "It can't possibly be that surprising--"

"I like you."

"...What?"

Thankfully, the car reached a red light and as Seongjun slowed to a stop, he also slowed down his thoughts to process what you just said. His brows narrowed when the idea of romance popped into his head and he looked your way for a confirmation of some sort.

You didn't give any verbal reply, but the fact that you were turned away had him guessing you were probably too shy to make any kind of eye contact with him.

He didn't know what to think. Of course feelings like joy and excitement ran through him, but doubt was also starting to make its place alongside the aforementioned two. Maybe this was a joke… maybe he was even dreaming?

Seongjun made a thoughtful hum aloud before laughing at his own absurdity. Now that he thought about it, your feelings for him were pretty obvious. It seemed like one of those things that wouldn't be noticeable unless pointed out. And that would mean… what exactly?

He'd gotten so used to the way you treated him he never even knew that was your way of expressing your crush on him? Wait–

"How long have you liked me, hm?" he casually asked.

You slowly turned back to look at him, scrunching your nose at his amused expression. "...That's seriously what you want to reply with?"

"Mhm. What's your answer?"

A look of disbelief flashed in your eyes and you turned away again. "You know what, I knew this was a bad idea. Just pretend you never heard anything."

Seongjun glanced at the road and continued to drive when the light turned green. "What are you going on about?"

"No need to rub salt in the wound." You sighed and flopped back on your seat. "Just say you don't like me."

"Ah, so that's what you think is going on." Seongjun burst into a small fit of laughter, the kind that was dry and really not helping his situation. You groaned and he laughed a little more. "Darling, I like you, too, I'm just teasing you."

"'Darling'?" you stammered, giving him another look once again.

He smirked at how flustered you looked. "That's right. So answer my question, will you?"

Your jaw went agape for a moment until you shook your head. "I don't know, I just know it's been a while."

"Mm. I figured." You deadpanned as Seongjun moved a hand to pat your thigh. "There, there. If it makes you feel any better, I've liked you for a while as well."

"Wow, thanks! My feelings hurt so much less now!" You waved your hands in a jazz hands motion, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Now Seongjun was rolling his eyes. "I'm serious. And if you're wondering why I never acted on my feelings then I can ask the same of you. In my own defense though, I'm just being cautious."

You tilted your head. "Cautious about what?"

There was a somewhat tense silence as Seongjun pondered about how he could best word what was running through his mind. He eventually replied only after you both arrived at his driveway and he parked his car, which wasn't too long.

He took a deep breath before answering with, "You know the kind of person I am. The things I do."

"Yeeeah…?"

"Well, I'm just worried that throwing romance into our relationship would change some things." You continued to give him a look of confusion. He rubbed at his nape with a hand and looked away. "I'm not sure what exactly, but I'm still worried. And I don't want to ruin what we have. You're…" Seongjun awkwardly laughed. "Someone I really treasure. A really good friend of mine." He added more softly, "The only one, if I have to be honest."

"Hey…" You moved a hand to cup his cheek, tilting his head to look at you. "I'm not sure if I can see exactly where you're coming from, but I get it somewhat, so I want to tell you that just because we both confessed to each other, it doesn't mean we should start dating immediately or anything. We can take it slow and see how it goes."

Seongjun smiled a little and placed a hand on top of yours. "You think we can just cross that bridge when we get to it?"

"Yeah!" You beamed at him and he chuckled at your enthusiasm.

"Alright. Let's take it slow, then." He moved your hand off his cheek to gently take it into his hand and bring it to his lips. After pressing a small kiss to your knuckles, he gave you a sweet smile. "Shall we see where the future takes us?"

[jeonqkooks]

Ohh girl yeah I get it, the post vacation depression is a bitch 😞 I'll have 2 weeks off starting next week but idk... I'm just not feeling it. But it's good that you made some good memories while there!!

Have you been watching anything lately? Tomorrow I wanna watch '20th century girl' cause I've heard it's good..

It didn't hit you about the tannies? Lucky you 🥲 it hit me about a 100 times already.. it feels so strange to think that exactly 3 years ago when I discovered them I was so damn happy those first weeks, like over the moon, and now look where we are... I mean, ofc maybe some would call us dramatic or whatever and yeah life does go on... but it's just a little different and it'll take a while to get used to it. In the meantime, I only wish for their wellbeing there. But yeah, when it does hit you you'll find me here if you want someone to scream 'ssibal' with on the top of a mountain 😂😂

*ahem* so you like shot glass of tears huh? 👀👀👀👀👀 told yaa. people should really listen to me more often haha jkjk. All the b-sides are pretty good actually

Take care and don't catch a cold💜 (if everyone puts salt on the wound I gotta do it too 🤦‍♀️)

- 🎃

are you on vacay rn pumpkin? if so, i hope you’re having fun!! you can worry about the post-vacay depresshaun later 😂 enjoy yourself for now boo

i’ve heard good things about 20th century girl too! tho i’ve also heard that it’s sad as hell so i might need to mentally prepare myself before i cry a river watching that lol. i haven’t been watching any of my shows or kdramas in a couple months now bc i’m just so absorbed in the never ending stray kids content 😂

the tannies hmm.. i’m still super bummed out but honestly i think having another hyperfixation just in time has really helped. if i didn’t have stray kids as my new group of comfort people while my og comfort people are away, i think i would be so emo rn lol. it did hit me more than usual the other day tho. i was getting ready for work and i also burst into tears thinking about mimi’s “see you.” 😭😭😭

shot glass of tears 😂 i think it might be favorite off the album actually. the title is still very corny to me but oh well 😂 but yes agreed, i vibe much more with the b-sides!

miss you love you a lot pumpkin 🤍🫶

[burnadicarwoz]

A wierd thing you don't realise until you get older is how you actually feel about your parents.

Like they did keep me alive for over a decade at least and have to put up with all the childish bullshit that comes with that (aka I feel indebted to them and know they care enough for that) and most importantly, I wasn't abused or beat growing up, none of them were junkies or anything.

And yet I still feel this disconnect from my mother as I grow up and just see an awful person in front of me. There is good, course. But that doesn't mean much or especially, excuse everything else (I mean hitler loved dogs, good on him he's still pure evil)

Like the way she just gives my siblings her phone to keep them relaxed and never checks what they are watching (nightmare fuel usually),

or how she spends her life just watching TV when she's not cooking food for us, or how they want to go on a lot more walks but she's too lazy to leave the house most days, and the worst part is the money,

THE FUCKING MONEY that she takes from me, my father, her brothers, all on a daily basis (father daily, brother and me weekly to monthly) and never showing any guilt or even laughing about it (like it's so silly how much of a bitch she's acting) and the insistence that she'll pay me or my uncle back but never does is just salt in the wound.

She's a fat, lazy, stubborn, rude, intrusive, selfish, manipulative, rambling, lying goddamn whore.

And yet I still not only have to like with her, but I still feel a bit bad about saying this about her. But I'm posting this for me. And because it's all true. I can't just forget and move on again, I have to remember this. And who knows, maybe someone else out there will get what I'm saying.

She's my mother. Done a lot for me. But that doesn't mean I'm indebted to her.

She kinda sucks.

[coolstorysister]

Lyric starters 3

We face the path of time.

And yet, I fight.

I fight this battle all alone.

I'd feel better dead.

You put salt in the wound.

You add insult to injury.

You say you believe in me.

You take and you take.

Anything's worth trying.

I don't know what that tells you about me.

Do you hate what you see?

How did it start?

I don't mean to make it all about me.

You thought I'd never leave, and I let you believe you were right.

You took it from me.

I don't want to live forever but I don't want to die tonight.

One man's dream is another man's death.

Didn't know what to say, so I just laughed.

I never rode a motorcycle.

I never smoked a cigarette.

I want to live a vibrant life.

I know I was a disappointment.

You called me a crybaby.

It hurts to hope for more.

I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Walk with me.

Growing up I never had a lot of money.

Used to find it hard to sleep when I could hear my mother sobbing.

Every time I fell, I would blame it on myself, even if it was an accident.

I've seen better days.

Honestly, why not?

Sometimes I just can't help myself.

I wanna give up trying and start doing something else.

Sometimes I just get overwhelmed.

I know it's in my mind.

I think I need some help.

I was an outcast.

I always thought life was supposed to be cold.

I'm too emotional.

i have to let you go.

Every day that passes by makes it so much harder to enjoy my life.

Every time I see you smile, I die a little bit.

I pretend I don't care.

It's nothing but a nightmare.

I don't know where to go.

I'm too impulsive.

I wasn't thinking straight.

Why do I try?

Oh shit, here we go again.

It's the same old lie.

I'm broken.

I'm dead.

I love it.

I love the pain.

You make the bad things run away.

Shut the fuck up! I don't want to hear your voice!

I need a little bit of space.

It's not my decision.

I'm better off all by myself.

No one will help.

No, I'm not well.

I'll never change.

I want to quit.

So full of shit.

I do the best that I can do.

I've got nothing left to lose.

Let me be.

I wish I wasn't problematic.

I'm trying not to panic.

I'm burning bridges into ashes.

How could you understand it?

How could you stab me in the back?

I thought you were better than that.

Why am I so obsessive?

This town's the same as you left it.

I'm running out of tears to cry.

You love me and I don't know why.

I was too afraid of living life in your footsteps.

[teacasket]

I’m a huge sucker for summer love stories, sad or not, and yours involving Minho was totally it for me! I know you don’t take requests, so if this ask crosses any boundaries or may potentially spoil a (possible, hypothetical) new part, please know that it’s completely fine to leave it unanswered. I would just like to know your thoughts because you are the author, and they’re valuable to me, haha. You don’t have to make this detailed or even put that much thought into it, but I’m completely invested in your work, so anything will make me happy! So… here’s the question… Since Minho seems to come back every summer, what do you think will happen once reader and Minho see each other in the summer after the fic, august, takes place? Will they work things out in a romantic sense? Revive their decade-long friendship that broke in mere seconds? Act as strangers? Dislike each other forever? I will take any and all crumbs hahaha. Anyway, much love, thank you for writing! I appreciate you, even as a mere anon. Sending much love

omg this is the sweetest thing i've read in a while. do not worry at all; i'm thrilled to talk about the things i've written! the main reason why i don't take requests is because writing can be hard and i don't want to give anyone false hope that i can fulfill their request. but i'm absolutely okay with answering questions and discussing my own work!

there will be two more parts to this mini series, betty and cardigan, but the reader from august won't be present. link to the previous ask since something similar was asked. (also you and the previous anon sent your asks in about twenty minutes apart which i thought was pretty funny)

as for your question, i imagined that august took place the summer before minho's and reader's senior year of high school, so this could go a few ways: (under the cut because it's pretty long)

minho is a coward, so he makes an excuse about wanting to prepare for college, hang out with his high school friends one last time before they all head to different colleges, etc, so he doesn't have to see reader again. or minho actually has a real reason not to visit again in the summer. either way, reader and minho lose touch with each other and drift apart. reader doesn't even try to contact minho at all. minho thinks about reaching out sometimes but decides that it's better for him to leave reader alone. maybe when they've graduated college, they'll reconnect and pretend that nothing happened, but they'll always remember that summer.

minho comes back again. he and reader try to remain friends, and reader tries to be supportive of his relationship. however, it's difficult for reader to let go what minho did since it feels like they never really minho at all. they maintain a cordial relationship because their families know each other. i also imagined that their families never really knew about their relationship, so it feels like salt in the wound for reader that minho is back and reader has to pretend that everything is fine. minho kind of realizes that what he did was shitty but also thinks that reader has forgiven him because they're not outwardly upset. the tension between them and their different life directions mean that this is their last summer together.

reader meets someone new who treats them right. they forgive minho for what he did but never really forget. they're friendly with each other because they actually did enjoy each other's company as friends but their friendship is fundamentally changed. they're not as close anymore since reader spends more time with their new partner and prefers to not be reminded of that summer with minho. minho understands but is sad that he lost a friend. reader's partner doesn't like him very much either.

i can't imagine their relationship being totally okay afterwards. maybe once they're both happily settled down, they can look back at that summer as just a stupid teenage mistake, but for a while, it'll haunt them.

I hope that answers your question! sorry i didn't give a definite answer because i honestly did not think that far ahead lol, but this was really fun. thanks for reading and sending me this ask! <3

[oboetemasuka]

Can I hear the director's commentary on Mahiru’s visiting section of Order of Attack? I loved all the prisoners' visits, but there were many lines from that one I specifically enjoyed!

Hi, hi! Thanks for asking!

(Source here)

I've taken to writing in a notebook before typing and editing. It's similar to how I draw on paper, scan, and edit. So lucky for you, I can provide some cut content as well!

My commentary in purple, out-of-order writing in green, typed parts in red. Hopefully it's not too hard to read. If it is, I'll figure out something in a reblog.

----

"Fuuta-kun…" Mahiru said as Fuuta opened his eyes.

Would you lot stop hovering over me while I'm sleeping?

Mahiru didn't seem to notice Fuuta's glare—or maybe he just wasn't able to be intimidating enough. Her hands remained on her shoulders, like they had been for the whole interim. She realizes nothing is keeping her arms in place anymore, right?

(Sometimes I realize I wanted to add something sooner. Since I've already written things on the page, I have to figure out where to add new things. For the green part, I had enough room to scrawl it in the margins. The red part was added during the typing process. So in other words, this detail that my dear readers love/hate was an afterthought. :))))))) )

"How much does it hurt?" she asked, still uncomfortably close to his face. Rub salt in the wound, won't you?

"Back off," he managed to say. Mahiru sat straight up, putting space between them.

"Sorry. I… I've been worried about you."

You and everyone else. "So what?"

( Around this point, I wrote a bit that I ended up scrapping. "I didn't mean to let it slip... what happened with you bleeding out." "You' rather have... let me... live a lie?" "N-no! I just realized it wasn't my place to tell you!" "What isn't your place is..." Fuuta struggled to catch his breath as a pain shot through his chest."Fuuta-kun? Are you- hey, I'll wake up Shidou-""No! ...don't need... stupid lectures..." Does this sound like Mahiru's VD? Yeah.)

"I just wanted to know if there's anything I can do to make you feel better."

You? Make me feel better? If it wasn't for you, someone might have saved me sooner! Yuno might have heard the attack right away.* Or Shidou wouldn't have sent Kazui out to protect you. Then I wouldn't have been so broken!

( Cut line: Then I wouldn't have bled out for an extra five minutes, and I wouldn't have permanent brain damage. I wouldn't have been unconscious and broken then. I wasn't sure what the actual medical implications are, so I decided not to include this particularly specific line. )

Whatever expression was on his face as he tried to get his words out must have caused Mahiru to tense up. Eventually, three words made it out.

(The part below, in green, was written in a different section of the notebook. I had switched gears to revise Mikoto's section. Well, to append the part where Shidou lectured Fuuta about lashing out. I'll show you what it originally looked like.)

"It's… your… fault…"

Mahiru looked very hurt, but not surprised. Her eyes started to quiver, like she was trying too hard not to blink.

( Original: [Mahiru is worried about Fuuta] "You... worried about me?" "Of course! After everything that has happened, knowing that-" "It's... your fault." Mahiru was taken aback, but she looked more hurt than surprised. She seemed to take time to process as Fuuta continued on. )

"You're… the cause… of all my problems!" Fuuta continued.

(Mahiru sat silently, guilt plastered all over her face.)

"You think I don't know that?" she responded quietly, tears streaming down her face.

"…doesn't… seem like…"

"You think it doesn't keep me up at night? Wondering what it would have been like if things were different? If I was the one alone, if Kotoko-chan had attacked me first, if you and Amane-chan didn't have to go through all of this because I wanted a little comfort? If…"

Mahiru's ramblings soon became engulfed in her sobs. But things are like this, Fuuta thought. I wouldn't wish this pain on you, but that doesn't mean you can waltz in here and try to make me feel better. As if you know me.

"You're… making this… about yourself…"

"I-I didn't mean…"

"…can't stand it… looking at you…"

(This is the end of the original block of text; the rest is written in a different section of the notebook. The rest picks up from the last green passage.)

(Mahiru kept crying for a few minutes. Fuuta found it impossibly irritating.)

Mahiru let go of her own shoulders to bury her face in her hands. Shidou walked up to her and whispered something in her ear. She nodded, got up, and walked out of the cell. Shidou sat down in her place.

(You told me that I made Mahiru "worse" even though she is physically unscathed. When she doesn't have to deal with the possibility of dying herself, imagine how much more time she has to worry about everyone else. And the way she tends to ramble on about things, I figure she would absolutely do that when under verbal attack.)

"Kajiyama-kun, what did you say this time?"

"What's… it… to you?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that your injuries are no excuse for you to treat everyone else like dirt?"

"Then maybe… they should just… leave me alone."

"I need their eyes from time to time. I can't monitor you constantly and in isolation."

Fuuta huffed. "Then tell them to… stop saying s…"

(Maybe I had a bit too much fun censoring the obvious words...)

"At this rate, they'll figure it out on their own."

(I guess the Shidou lecture came more naturally this time around since I had recently written the one after Mikoto's part)