#Diamonds Droog/Pickle Inspector

[mrrawky]

"If ya order now, I'll throw in a second beatin', absolutely free"

[nictelsm]

Had room to experiment a little so I refined most of the Problem Sleuth character sprites while tweaking the Midnight Crew a little. Less MS Paint sloppiness and more of that "2010's look" you would see with each Felt member.

EDIT: Forgot to put the shitload of tabs for each character

[selanpike]

Have you read @cardwrecks 's fantastic series, Kissing Death?

well, @princeinsomniavoid is making a podfic out of it, and I offered to draw a cover since it was a perfect opportunity to draw some fanart for some peak fiction

so check out the podfic! check out the original fic!!! check it all out!!!!

EDIT: i realized i hated the hair and i needed to fix it. i know people have already reblogged it, i realize my hubris in posting this so soon after finishing it, but i have corrected it regardless ;o;

[4suitedplayingcard]

Dumb lil doodle

[lovecraftianprohibitionism]

drew these to get over new years anxiety

what the wayward vagabond is based off of

[inkwell-intermission]

october 12th and 13th (le piges)

[nervous-broad]

Posts out of nowhere on here again

Always wanted to make my own interpretation of a mobsterswitch au. Idk if I'll ever make my own comic for it like I always wanted to but might as well share my silly little concepts I've been thinking of. Will try to iron these out and make a coherent post for em at some point

[volatile-shorty]

you dont gotta hold my hand

[hippoinspector]

THIS SATURDAY........... i will be opening preorders for my first round of intermission/problem sleuth/mobswitch merch on etsy!! preorders will remain open for 2 weeks (but i do plan on running them again in the future so dont worry if you cant get em this time around!) the lineup is as follows: -2" GUMMY CHARMS ($12 each, will have discounts available for bundles): lineup consists of ss, dd, ps, and pi (regular and mobswitch versions) as well as ad. im sorry hb/cd/delinquent fans i swear i will have them available in the next run i just do Not have human designs for them rn </3 -3" PERNICIOUS INNOVATOR PLAYING CARD CHARM ($15, different design on each side): based on a fun design i did for a sort of calling card for innovator a while back. front side is his magician outfit, back side is his regular outfit -3" PROBLEM SLEUTH OFFICE CHARM ($15, different design on each side): based on sleuths office, front side is more detailed version while the back has that classic problem sleuth feel. having this charm is said to make you feel particularly... hard boiled -DIAMONDS DROOG BILLIARDS REDRAW 8X10 PRINT & 58MM BADGE (print $10, badge $5, together $13): i like him :) i want to make more stuff in the future (including felt related stuff!!!), feel free to send me an ask if theres any specific kinds of merch (charms, stickers, standees, etc) that you want to see or any specific characters! please note that while i do ship internationally, i am based in the us and international shipping can be high! if you live outside the us, i would recommend gathering friends near you to order with to cut down on shipping costs! all prices are also in USD!

[rubsjuice]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Homestuck, Problem Sleuth (Webcomic) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Spades Slick, Karkat Vantas, Nepeta Leijon, Pickle Inspector, Pounce de Leon, Diamonds Droog Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Homestuck Stabdads, Humanstuck, It's been so long I forgot how to tag works, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort (kind of), Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Pickle Inspector needs a hug :( Summary:

Karkat and Nepeta get into a scuffle at school and get suspended. A small glimpse into the life of the Ignatz-Leijon household.

===

This is the first of a series of short (and maybe long) stories set in the same stabdad AU universe. No context is required.

[mrrawky]

[indigocaste]

PI ft DD for some charming stranger I met online

[selanpike]

when your mobster crush goes in for the smooch but you weren't mentally prepared and you freak out

[booze-hats]

Good Morning / Good Night

Waking up alone was a usual occurrence for Pickle Inspector. His mornings were actually normally held to a very strict routine. He woke up, he drank water, he took his medication, took a shower, and got dressed. It was easy to establish a habit like that, he thought most people had to have some kind of waking ritual that they underwent when they got up on their best days. At least for him, breaking it was something negative, an early sign he often failed to perceive. Today, though, on this morning, that was not the case.

This morning, he woke under a heavy arm, he woke up warm underneath blankets he didn't recognize the texture of. The room was dark, the curtains were thick, dark red rectangles illuminated by some mystery source behind them. The person behind him breathed steadily, easily. Of course, he knew who it was. He didn't need to look at the partially-concealed diamond tattoo to figure it out. He didn't usually wake up with anyone else in bed, much less in anyone else's bed, but when he did, it was always the same man.

Pickle Inspector writhed underneath the weight of Diamonds Droog's arm, strong and heavy as it was. For his part, Droog didn't even stir. Inspector took the sign, they'd both been heavily intoxicated when they'd fallen asleep. They'd fallen asleep in their suits this time, but it seemed they'd taken the time to shirk ties and coats and perhaps even empty pockets. Attention cast to the tangle of legs between the two of them revealed no shoes, Droog had taken his socks off and the good Inspector had not.

He stopped struggling to try to free his legs and simply settled into the warmth. He was incredibly unnerved by knowing where none of his belongings were. He trusted Diamonds not to steal from him, of course, the man had no reason to, but he did worry about having dropped his keys or wallet on his way here. He remembered when Droog walked into the bar he'd been at, already fairly inebriated. The man walked over and sat down, he'd smiled at Inspector and told the bartender to bring them both two more doubles of whatever he'd been drinking. He'd been grateful for every single shot.

His body began to feel heavy again, tired. He decided to rest his eyes and try to piece together more of the evening. More shots and lots of quiet conversations about passing jobs, whispered gossip. It was fun. He did remember wandering to the bathroom, but the rest of the night was fuzzy. And to some degree, that was okay. Just like this little break from his routine.

Diamonds Droog shifted and pulled him closer, holding him even more securely against his body than before. He let out a breath and his muscles relaxed again relatively quickly, but Pickle Inspector knew it'd be a few minutes before his host drifted back into a restful slumber. It was in his best interest simply get comfortable and close his eyes again, too. He was sure that he could stand to sleep for a few hours longer. And if he couldn't, that was a problem for his future self, who would have to be thankful for the extra rest in such an unusually safe place.

He let out a sigh. He was sure he'd sleep well.

[inkwell-intermission]

haha hey. you should share your droog autism headcanons :]

ALRIGHTY: DROOG AUTISM HEADCANONS.

I've previously stated that my Droog has autism and I will elaborate below. He has sensory issues and sensitivities, difficulty emoting and recognizing his feelings (alexithymia), has difficulty socializing and connecting with others, and a very monotone speech pattern. He is also DEEPLY uncute about it and reacts to difficulties by removing himself from a situation or becoming agitated or aggressive- he has very little interested in adapting or overcoming anything.

There's more to it, but overall, he has "committed to the bit" in a sense. Oh, he doesn't make eye contact? Obviously it's because he doesn't believe you're worth his time to look at or the respect it would imply. He doesn't want to talk to someone? He's too cool to have a conversation- especially about anything outside of a narrow list of interests he's interested in chatting about. Won't eat at a new restaurant? He's a loyal regular at his usual places, and nothing could be better than them, so why bother, it's not because he can't imagine trying new foods that he hasn't already decided he likes, or new people who don't already understand his particular likes and dislikes- He might have to actually explain himself instead of simply knowing he's understood. He only wears very specific clothes and adheres closely to certain fashions? That's simply the best kind of clothes to wear, nothing else!

He has a lot of texture sensitivities that come through in his clothes and the fit of them. His clothing is all tailored a specific way, possibly not even the "best" way to fit him, but the only way he can tolerate. He has very specific requirements for the clothing he wears and the fabric used and he prefers to work with a specific tailor every time who knows exactly what he wants, and has no problems with all his demands and alterations. In this case I do mean Stitch, who does usually get paid, not lavishly, but paid.

He hates bright light, although he isn't unique in this, as a good amount of Dersites find it pretty insufferable. Loud environments can also make him… itchy. There's that joke about the "insert guy doing thing here" "don't worry he's stimming", and that's kind of Droog in a nutshell but with physical violence. Break something, hit someone, destroy property, whatever it is he can do. He likes bludgeoning best in hand-to-hand combat, compared to Slick's preference for blades- although his hitcher does fine as well. Droog simply doesn't want to bother with a knife or that kind of finesse- he just wants to beat someone as badly as possible as hard as possible until he feels better, and he does.

He's pretty sensitive to certain things including dust and other particles in the air and on surfaces and takes cleaning very seriously. He's a very lazy person who doesn't buy into the idea of doing things for others much of the time, so he won't clean anything he doesn't use or touch. He has a schedule for dry cleanings, laundry, dusting, and other things, and keeps to it out of habit. He despises spontaneity and earnestly plans out his day in advance, and may take any distractions from that plan badly and violently. Although he always has time to shirk paperwork or ignore something only half-important that Slick is trying to tell him.

Droog is capable of cooking, but rarely does, because he doesn't like to cook for anyone else, and is specific enough with instructions and recipes that it gets on everyone else's nerves to watch. At least he leaves the counter surfaces clean, even if he won't do the dishes afterwards. He doesn't eat that much, to be honest, compared to what he should be, and not exactly nutritiously. Most of his meals are very heavy, and he doesn't particularly go for vegetables, although he will eat them cooked. Anything crunchy kind of makes him twitchy because the noise draws attention and he doesn't like being seen eating. Or chewing. Or enjoying food. He usually wants his food with meat involved, regardless of the other contents, and is picky about seafood, but eats it. Notably, no crustaceans. But if he gets something caught in his teeth he will literally make Slick pull over so he can step inside somewhere to get it out under penalty of property or personal damages.

He's got very specific special interests- fabrics, men's fashion- women's fashion, although he doesn't talk about it much and doesn't like talking to women particularly (although he doesn't usually talk to anyone if he can help it), he knows too much about alcohol, the process of making alcohol, cigarettes, making your own cigarettes, interior decorating, and firearms. There may be a few others, but he's essentially very into stereotypical masculine things, for the most part.

He hates explaining anything. In a perfect world, everyone around him would simply understand exactly what he wants without needing to make eye contact with him or ask him questions in any way. He's very oriented around himself- yes he is selfish, a bit vain, and somewhat self-obsessed, but those are all far less relevant details- the way he views the world is simply through a very singular lens, and he's leaned into how easy it is for him to dissociate from his empathy and compassion. He hates overwhelming feelings, and if he indulges his emotions to a certain degree they can become overwhelming, and he cannot beat his own feelings to death unfortunately. So he doesn't do that. He keeps it all inside him somewhere buried under a rock and one day he will die and that'll take care of them.

He's a customer service nightmare. If you ask him questions about what he wants its like pulling teeth. But he can ask all the questions he wants. His flat tone makes it really hard to notice when he's asking a question instead of just stating a fact, and he treats both the same way, so he's a pain in the ass to navigate around. His saving grace is that he doesn't care about the temperaments of employees. The product quality is what matters to him- although if the electric lights are too loud in the store he might leave. Or break them.

He exclusively smokes cigarettes and drinks hard liquor and is hard pressed to drink beer or anything fruity, and he's never tried any other kind of recreational or illicit substance. This is a man who has never been high. The most he's ever done is a light trip during exile thanks to accidental mushroom ingestion with the rest of the crew and he didn't like it.

He was the most miserable man alive during exile, I will be very clear. His name was Detached Derelict. He hates sand, and hates wearing wrappings, there are too many places for debris to get in. He couldn't be as lazy as he liked, felt too exposed, had inconsistent access to food and a schedule- overall, it made him very irritable and prone to violent outbursts. Killing things for food was one of the only things that helped him feel any better. If he let himself think about it, he'd probably be thankful about how accommodating the crew was to him, in dealing with his cursing, pickiness and overall downer mood. He always was very fastidious with his hygiene and grooming himself. Also, despite his propensity towards violence and relative comfort in killing other carapacians he is entirely unwilling to engage in cannibalism and would be the most likely to refuse it even as a last resort, preferring to starve, which the other three would likely cave to and partake in- and that's not really a good thing as much as it is simply a hill he would literally die on for non-moral reasons of psychological discomfort and general food preferences!

His connection with Pickle Inspector is somewhat related to both of their autism as well, and he has a really psychosexual intense fixation on PI. Both of them are reclusive, resistant to interpersonal connections have very specific interests that they prioritize over all others, think in very "singular" mindsets through the lens of their own experiences, and are both intelligent and skilled in their own ways. Droog can see that in him and little shades of himself in him. In some ways they have special interests in one another. The biggest difference is that the way Droog's autism manifests and his particular special interests are more acceptable- such as hard liquor and firearms as a man, and he feels unable to dress in a way that isn't presentable, where PI has a harder time keeping up with his own personal hygiene in a way that makes him fit the social standard a bit less. In the end both are autistic and behave in ways that ostracize them from others, outside of their professions. Last think I'll add about him is his contamination-based issues. He hates being sick more than anything and will do almost anything to avoid it. He hates insects, household pests, mold and dirt, anything like that. He's been known to walk around with disinfectant and a lighter in an effort to execute any bugs that get into the hideout or anywhere else he can find. He only tolerates spiders and cobwebs, and it's barely, because of his patron, which is one. He hates to feel dirty or scratched up and will buff scratches out of his shell within hours of getting them. If clothing he wears is sullied with someone else's blood there's a good chance he'll have Stitch make him a new suit from scratch. The blood of anyone he's close to is also tolerated, specifically the Midnight Crew and PI's, but not the Felt or the Inspector's colleagues. To be honest though Stitch is so good at getting leprechaun blood out of clothing at this point it's really hard to tell it was ever there. Overall, a very consistent man. Consistently dressed, consistently irritable and violent, consistently groomed, etc. The picture is pretty clear.

note: Deadeye Detective is also autistic, but tolerates discomfort far better and reacts with less hostility, so much of what applies to Droog applies to him, but pulled back a few notches almost universally. second note: Also it might be more than autism that he has but I only have autism so I'm not speaking outside of that much he just copes with his autism really really intensely. Could be other things too though. would not be surprised

[princeinsomniavoid]

He's held tightly in the crook of an arm, and though he is afraid he is safe. A hand threads it's fingers through his hair, the dexterous digits cradle his skull, pushing his face into the black velvet darkness of a shoulder, the fabric of the suit under his burning cheek cool and soft, and he is safe.

He's held like a prized jewel, like the rarest gold, like glass.

The man who holds him may be the most dangerous man alive, at least here in the city, but the Inspector is safe. He may be very capable of any number of awful things, of hurting him, but he is safe. In fact because this man holds him so fiercely he is, perhaps, the safest man in the world.

Not a soul dares to touch what Diamonds Droog covets as his own.

A poem that my PI fictiv beamed into my skull :] I hope the 5 other DDPI shippers enjoy it