#Dirk's Content Farm

[therealslimstrider]

[svetzzi]

knightklok stuff Is it headcanons or an au? I don’t know, but either way I sure as hell wrote about it.

Timeline: 1450’s-1480’s

Main Location: Pre-Sherborne/Sherborne, Sherborne Abbey Cathedral

Content Warnings: Character death, Christendom, religious fundamentalism, mentions of torture, mentions of social and systemic racism, mention of alcoholism.

Note: I subscribe to the implication that Dethklok, or even so the other people foretold in the prophecy, have been subjected to reincarnation for eons. Whether or not reincarnation is a normal aspect for everyone’s life-death cycle in the Metalocalypse universe is unknown to me as of writing this, but here I am making it certain for the pawns of the prophecy. Personally I find that the prophecy cave art in season 4,  the “ancient animal forms” from season 2 and onward, and the lyrics of Blazing Star are evidence for this notion. Every force included in the prophecy are doomed to their fates; despite being placed in deadly situations time and time again, they can make it out totally unscathed until their death. Said deaths may seem sudden or untimely on a surface level, but they are always decided by destiny or the universe (or perhaps The Devil if we lean more into the Satanic narrative). Here we see a version of Dethklok from their long line of reincarnations (that also happen to be ancestral to the present-day members), who had failed to fulfill the prophecy and thus had to die and start over.

If there are severe historical inaccuracies, then my apologies, I am not a buff and I made this for fun. If it helps to ease the pain at all, I am certain if this were to actually happen in the show, it would also be incredibly historically inaccurate.

I am also not Catholic, so some things may be wonky in that context as well.

Noah Eruption

Nationality: English / Roma

Weapon: Morningstar

The surname Eruption evolved to Explosion as the English language advanced.

His looks and demeanor forgave his non-chivalrous attitude, however being a man of few words made the public mistake him for chivalrous. Nonetheless his stature and steadfast fighting ability granted him both knighthood and the role of leader for the Sherborne Guard. Born in Canterbury, Noah traveled to Sherborne for personal independence and to no longer deal with those that knew of his mixed Romani bloodline. His morningstar was his closest companion.

Fled and retired to The Western Isles post-exile. In retirement he turned to cattle farming.

Death: Drowning (reason ruled unknown, speculated to be either suicide or accident)

Aengus “Picil (The Ruthless)” Barrel

Nationality: Irish 

Weapon: Dual-Wielded Scottish Dirks

The surname Barrel derives from his English grandfather’s favourite pub.

Picil, freeloader son of a shepherd, lived at his village’s pub. Of course, this habit kind of ruined his life and reputation within his hometown, however he did get some decent knife-tossing skills out of it. The pub eventually changed ownership, and consequently he was banned for being a pest. In some spark of clarity, the young man decided to start off on a clean slate. He packed a bottle for the road and headed for England (I reiterate short-lived clarity was mentioned, not intelligence). As a stumbling Irishman his time living there was incredibly difficult, but upon meeting Noah and Bishop Offgyrdd seemingly by coincidence he was “taken in,” so to speak.

And yes, his classic dirks slightly resemble penises, like God intended.

Fled to Wales post-exile.

Death: Went into the wood at night in a typical drunken stupor and was never seen again.

William “The Barbarian” “The Royal Guard’s Boil” “Barnacle Meat” Murdgruff

Nationality: English-Italian/Ethiopian (see Medieval Ethiopian Discovery of Europe) 

Weapon: Battle Axe

William Murdgruff fled from Italian slums as a young adult, in fear of further discrimination and possible death. He hid in a cart of hay bales and went wherever it took him. Sherborne did not treat him much better upon his arrival, even less so than expected, but the Bishop of the village saw his potential. Murdgruff then proved himself to be a merciless fighter, and with the strong persuasion of Bishop Offgyrdd, he was knighted by the Lord and assigned to the small guard sanctioned in that very town. An exchange was brought in return for his knighthood– that he would keep his appearance a secret from the public, as it would damage the church’s reputation. They even commissioned a custom helmet in order for him to fulfill such an order. He did as told, however that did not stop him from becoming the town’s punching bag due to how he held himself (and having the most non-chivalrous of attitudes, obviously). 

Fled to Germany post-exile.

Death: Tortured and Executed via Wheel at the beginning of The Werewolf Trials after fleeing to Germany.

Sigfrøðr / Sighfridh Swkigelf 

Nationality: Geat 

Weapon: Knightly Sword, though prefers Falchion

Irregular for the time and place, Sighfridh was born to closeted Heathen parents. Their Geatland patriotism imprinted onto him, but he found himself drawn to the Christian environment surrounding his family. Sighfridh saw himself not only in Odin, but in both the Lutheran and Catholic depictions of the Lord. In interest of visiting an authentic Roman Catholic cathedral, he decided to journey west. His stay in England was supposed to be temporary, especially after Toki began to accompany him on his journey, but finding good work with the Sherborne Guard (along with acclaim from all the English ladies…) Sighfridh stayed until the group’s exile.

Before England, Sighfridh was an ice harvester.

Returned to Scania post-exile.

Death: Disease of Totally Unknown Origin (it was definitely not syphilis).

Toki Wartúþr

Nationality: Norwegian/Norse

Weapon: Knightly Sword

(To my knowledge the name Toki has existed since like ~7th Century AD, so I find it perfectly sensible that the name Toki would be present multiple times throughout his family tree.)

He was a Sami boy adopted by Christian parents as a babe. Blessed with the spirit of death, his parents eventually blamed him for the unorthodox deaths of crops and farm animals, even if he was not tending to or near the area at the time of death. Their negative superstition surrounding their son grew more, soon blaming him for the rot of their food and the harsher winters. Believing him to embody the antichrist, they intended to kill him, but Toki found this out and escaped before they could execute their plan. He was a homeless wanderer for years, getting by on stolen goods and river water. It was when he ran into the traveling Sighfridh that Toki finally found some sort of path in life. To Sighfridh’s dismay, Toki was enamored with him and his journey, and so tagged along. 

Exiled.

Death: Murdered.

Bishop Offgyrdd

Nationality: English/Welsh

Weapon: Holy text, witchcraft, sabre

Under the guidance of his most trusted companion, Sherborne’s Archbishop, Offgyrdd was devoted to the underbelly of the church. He typically kept an eye out for any newcomers during the day, and was a transcriber at night. Before the mysterious and gruesome death of Canterbury’s Archbishop, Offgyrdd was– although emotionally distant– an average abbott. Even though transcribing was work for a lower monk, Offgyrdd happily took on the task for The Church of The Black Klok. The loose lips on the group of knights he brought together was ultimately his, their, downfall. From Sherborne Castle, the royal guard was demanded to put an end to this heresy, but they refused. Because they liked Offgyrdd. He was pretty nice to them after all, you know? Their Lord allowed for word— panic— to get out due to this. Reeves and the rest of the general public ended up taking matters into their own hands. The traitorous royal guard’s executions were debated. The enraged mob was still somehow infatuated with them, despite their association with witches. Out of fear of his own life, the Lord mercifully damned the knights to exile. After the beheading of the Archbishop, the last thing Offgyrdd saw was Noah watching his demise from among the crowd.

Thankfully, the actual Black Klok meeting grounds were never found by authorities. 

Death: Executed; burned at stake.

[love-bokumono-fics]

Fresh Crops! March 24 - March 31, 2024

This week's newest fics and chapter updates for Harvest Moon and Story of Seasons on AO3!

Under the Name - by ModernTsunami; WIP, 15/63, 137k

Rating: Mature; Archive Warning: Major Character Death; Categories: F/M, Gen Fandoms: Friends of Mineral Town Relationships: Elli/Doctor Trent | Torre, Elli | Elly & Stu | Yu, Elli | Elly & Old Ellen, Elli | Elly/Rick; Characters: Doctor | Trent, Elli | Elly, Old Ellen, Stu | Yu, Rick, Mary the Librarian | Marie, Jennifer Additional Tags: Character Development, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Co-workers, Roommates, Grief/Mourning, Smoking, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Strangers to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Medical, Implied Sexual Content, Illness, Injury Summary: When Trent accepted the offer to run a rural health clinic, he didn't realize he was taking on the part of small-town doctor and neighbor. The dual relationships he develops with the residents of Mineral Town begin to shape his ideas of who he is and who he wants to be. But growing closer to others always runs the risk of clouding one's judgment. While small-town life is nothing new to Elli, being caretaker to her younger brother and homebound grandmother is. There’s nothing she wants more than the confidence that what she’s doing for them is right, but as she strives to fulfill her growing obligations to her family, she finds it harder to hold on to what she wants for herself. Together they work in the clinic and learn the difference between what you do and who you are.

Sugar and Spice - by Chibimiie; WIP, 62/?, 167k

Rating: Mature; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/M Fandoms: Animal Parade Relationships: Chase/Molly the Farmer, Angela/Luke; Characters: Molly | Hikari, Angela the Farmer, Chase, Luke, Kasey the Farmer Additional Tags: Slow Burn, oh god how do you tag fics, mentions of eating disorders, alternating povs, Friends to Lovers, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, bumped up the rating because i honestly should have a little bit ago, burn so slow it's honestly a simmer, Mutual Pining Summary: Wanting to get away from past hurts of the city, sisters Molly and Angela decide to respond to a flyer advertising an abandoned farm on the faraway island of Castanet. Leaving behind their closest friends and brother Kasey, the two take a chance and move to the tiny island hoping for a new chance at life.

The Scientist and his Farmer - by Daryls_Favourite; WIP, 16/?, 21k

Rating: Explicit; Archive Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Category: F/M Fandoms: A Wonderful Life Relationship: Daryl/reader; Characters: Daryl, Rock, Muffy | Molly, Marlin | Matthew, Forgotten valley villagers, Reader Additional Tags: BDSM, Bondage, Multiple Orgasms Summary: You have been living in forgotten valley for a little under a year. Winter is underway and you need to keep your farm afloat whilst also trying to court a suitable spouse.

Very Good Advice - by durotos; Complete, 1/1, <1k

Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Fandoms: A Wonderful Life Character: Muffy | Molly Additional Tags: Heartbreak, Songfic Summary: Muffy contemplates her decisions in love as she takes a break on the bridge in Forget-Me-Not-Valley. Inspired by the song "Very Good Advice" by Doris Day. Written for Love-Bokumono-Fics (tumblr) March Casual prompt: Songfic Shuffle!

You probably forgot about me, anyway. - by Anonymous; Complete, 1/1, 1.6k

Rating: Not Rated; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Category: Gen Fandoms: Grand Bazaar, The Tale of Two Towns Relationships: Dirk & Ivan, Ivan/Freya; Characters: Dirk, Ivan, Freya (mentioned) Summary: Dirk thinking about the good and bad times of when Ivan raised him.

[grogrock]

1/06/24

Daniel Pemberton - Dirk Gently (2012)

24 songs; 10 added, 41.67%

i'm not sure which i prefer between the two tv adaptations of Svlad. like currently, i'd say this one, but that's just because i watched it more recently.

i think the middle episode (the third, counting the pilot) is my favourite.

i would've been playing minecraft instead of listening to this, but i was sulking. i was thinking, 'oh i should go get more shulkers, and an elytra after i lost the last couple', which i lost after being cocky to myself about how i was wearing the elytra and could glide over to my endermen farm, but wasn't wearing it, and died in the void. this time, i wandered in the end for a while, found a city, raided most of it, on the last tower, died while trying to box myself up to heal, got annoyed but went, i can find it, got my backup stuff, went wandering in the end until i recognised my bridge, got back to the tower, got my items, cleared it, bridged to the ship, got the elytra. and i should've been content, but i thought, i've played before, and getting obsidian from other areas might be dangerous, and so i went to mine out the obsidian from in the ship.

row 1, fine.

row 2, at a different angle, the first falls through a hole in the floor, because efficiency 5. saw that, went, 'wow, that was unlucky', and stood on the next obsidian as i mined it.

you might see a problem here. i didn't, and i fell through, and died in the void, with my diamond gear, my full shulker of loot, and my brand new elytra, which could've saved me, if i was wearing it. and i died, and closed the game for the day.

regearing wasn't that bad, i've got villagers.

[docrotten]

THREE ON A MEATHOOK (1972) – Episode 195 – Decades Of Horror 1970s

“Now you listen to me. Those are the first women been in this home since your ma died and I ain’t having no trash in your ma’s home.” Maybe they could just “hang” around? Join your faithful Grue Crew – Doc Rotten, Bill Mulligan, Chad Hunt, and Jeff Mohr – as they take in William Girdler’s second film, Three on a Meathook (1972), for the second episode in The Black Saint month.

Decades of Horror 1970s Episode 195 – Three on a Meathook (1972)

Join the Crew on the Gruesome Magazine YouTube channel! Subscribe today! And click the alert to get notified of new content! https://youtube.com/gruesomemagazine

Decades of Horror 1970s is partnering with the WICKED HORROR TV CHANNEL (https://wickedhorrortv.com/) which now includes video episodes of the podcast and is available on Roku, AppleTV, Amazon FireTV, AndroidTV, and its online website across all OTT platforms, as well as mobile, tablet, and desktop.

Four girls returning from a weekend trip have car problems. A nice local man takes them back to his farm. Something ghastly happens, but the man’s father helps his son as he has in the past. When the boy brings a new girlfriend home, the father worries about a repeat performance.

  Writer/Director/Music Composer: William Girdler

Produced by: John Asman (producer), Lee S. Jones Jr. (producer) (as Lee Jones), Joseph Shulten (executive producer)

Cinematographer: William L. Asman (as William Asman)

Editor: Bub Asman (as Henry Asman)

Selected Cast:

Charles Kissinger as Pa Townsend

James Carroll Pickett��as Billy Townsend (as James Pickett)

Sherry Steiner as Sherry

Madelyn Buzzard as Becky

Linda Thompson as Debbie

Smith Haynie as Young Billy

The Grue Crew proudly welcomes Dirk Rogers to guest host on Decades of Horror 1970s to cover one of Santos Ellin, Jr.’s favorite films and favorite filmmakers with Three on a Meathook (1972) from director William Girdler. Is it a slasher? Is it a mystery? Is it a “meat movie?” Yes, yes, and yes. Take a look at an early effort from the man behind The Manitou (1978), Grizzly (1976), and Day of the Animals (1977). While the film exposes the director’s lack of experience and might be a chore to sit through, it displays his passion and talent for film and the genre and may hold a surprise or two. And, yes, the discussion is longer than the film. 

Check out these other Decades of Horror 1970s episodes on films directed by William Girdler:

ASYLUM OF SATAN (1972) – Episode 132 – Decades of Horror 1970s

GRIZZLY (1976) — Episode 31 — Decades of Horror 1970s

DAY OF THE ANIMALS (1977) — Episode 38 — Decades of Horror 1970s

THE MANITOU (1978) – Episode 10 – Decades Of Horror 1970s

At the time of this writing, Three on a Meathook is available to stream from YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZwwcQqI_mg. The film is available on DVD but the Grue Crew refuses to vouch for the quality.

Gruesome Magazine’s Decades of Horror 1970s is part of the Decades of Horror two-week rotation with The Classic Era and the 1980s. In two weeks, the next episode, chosen by Bill, will be Lust for a Vampire (1971), the second film in Hammer’s Karnstein Trilogy, directed by Jimmy Sangster featuring Yutte Stensgaard, Michael Johnson, Suzanna Leigh, Ralph Bates, Helen Christie, and Barbara Jefford.

We want to hear from you – the coolest, grooviest fans: comment on the site or email the Decades of Horror 1970s podcast hosts at feedback@gruesomemagazine.com. 

Check out this episode!

[spillingthefarm]

LOOK AT THIS LMAO!! I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS EVER SINCE I FINISHED MEAT!! THIS IS THE FIRST AND ONLY UTENA / HOMESTUCK CONTENT I’VE SEEN FROM OTHER PEOPLE WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER CONFIGURATION (UM... PROBABLY BECAUSE IT’S EPILOGUE-DEPENDENT)!!  PLEASE GIVE ME MORE OF THIS...

[geejaysmith]

Even when his inventions don’t cause bodily harm or property damage, Dirk still takes them to an extreme some would question. For example, say he wants to upgrade the Crockers’ toaster. Have an extra setting where the toast comes out perfectly golden brown every single time, with a crispy outer shell that shields the soft, warm, inner breadliness. 

He might do this via an AI that alerts the user to the stage of toastage and can therefore detect perfectly when toast is optimally done. How does he teach the AI to recognize toast? Even without the AI, he would still need to isolate at what set values of variables toast becomes perfectly toasty. The temperature, the duration, the type of bread. This leads to experiments. 

This leads to Jane coming home to find Dirk in her kitchen, hunched over her toaster, surrounded by stacks of toast, taking painstaking notes over the properties of heated bread.

[hollyoaksloversx]

Love Letters, Freshers and Beans...

Rounding up a week in Hollyoaks (2nd-6th September 2019)

There was a full house over at Mandy and Darren’s this week, with Luke and Cindy occupying a couch each. Of course, we can’t possibly have a man and a woman living in such close proximity without some funny business occurring, and didn’t take Cindy and Luke long to fall into bed (or onto the floor). With such a full household, the truth couldn’t stay hidden for long, and Mandy soon insisted that one of them would have to go. The pair decided to toss a coin but even though Cindy lost, Luke decided he should be the one to move out. Cindy was touched by Luke’s gesture and, realising that he’d have nowhere to go, offered Damon and Brody £500 to let him live on the Loveboat rent free for a couple of months. Although where Cindy’s got that sort of money from given that she appears not to work is a mystery...

Meanwhile, Sinead was furious when she overheard Diane telling the kids that Tony wasn’t coming back, and urged her Mother not to give up hope. Knowing that Tony had been worried about Harry before he disappeared, Diane began to worry that something had happened to Tony too, and accused Sylver of being responsible. Realising that Diane wouldn’t give up on her husband, Breda picked up her pen and wrote some love letters addressed to Tony before presenting them to Diane and telling her that he’d been having an affair! Diane was devastated by the revelation and even trashed the restaurant in a rage before telling her friends and family that Tony was dead to her. Which is ironic, really, given what Breda had supposedly done to him. However, in perhaps the biggest non-shock of the year, Tony’s not actually dead and, just like Louis, is being treated to a spot of recuperation at the pig farm. But, Breda had better watch out. Despite Diane’s insistence that she doesn’t want to see Tony again, Darren and Mandy have decided to hire a private investigator to search for him...

Elsewhere, it was freshers week, and whilst Peri was excited at the prospect of uni life, Cleo was apprehensive. Not only is she a few years older than her classmates, but this is her second bite of the uni cherry, and she worried that she wouldn’t be able to keep up. Cleo reluctantly attended a freshers event at The Hutch but was left embarrassed when a dare required her to pour a bowl of baked beans over her head. Bowl of beans in hand, Cleo hesitated, leading to Peri grabbing the bowl from her, calling her boring, and emptying the contents over her own head. Humiliated, Cleo ran home and started binging again. Mitchell called round later and attempted to comfort her, but Cleo was left furious when she realised that Scott had told him about Pete, and ordered him to leave, ending their relationship in the process. Mitchell was devastated by Cleo’s decision and sought comfort from Scott, who was dolled up as Anita. One thing lead to another, and the pair ended up kissing.

Also this week, Lisa was due back from visiting Simone, and her family decided to throw a small party to welcome her home. Although initially against the idea, Lisa came round and, along with Martine, encouraged Scott to do a turn as Anita. As Scott emerged from the bedroom, dressed in Lisa’s finest clobber, it was clear that Walter was uncomfortable with the idea and he became angry when he witnessed Scott put his hand on Mitchell’s arm. Walter demanded that Scott leave, making it clear that he didn’t approve of homosexuality, and Martine and Cleo were disgusted when Mitchell decided to side with his Grandfather...

In other news this week, after a wobble about the surrogacy, Liberty attended her appointment, and ended the week by going into business with Sylver at the Emporium. Finally, Nancy was stunned to learn that Finn was being released from prison...

5 Things We Learned This Week:

1. Liberty has clearly never watched One Born Every Minute. In preparation for surrogacy, Liberty sat down to watch some birthing videos, and it’s safe to say she was horrified. 

2. Peri will do anything to fit in. I wonder how long it took her to wash that bean juice out of her hair?

3. There are some images you just don’t need. Breda’s sexual fantasies written in the form of love letters is one of them. 

4. Quiet family lunches don’t exist. A nice gathering to welcome your niece home results in your Father and Son chucking the local drag queen out and then revealing that they’re actually massive homophobes. Awkward...

5. Diane reckons that her outburst over Tony’s disappearance has cost The Hutch customers. Diane, if every establishment in Hollyoaks lost customers because of the owner’s bad behaviour, there’d be no business left in the village!

This Week’s Cast:

Anthony, Breda, Brody, Brooke, Cindy, Cleo, Damon, DJ, Darren, Dee Dee, Diane, Goldie, Grace, Hilton, Jack, Joel, Leela, Lisa, Liberty, Luke, Mandy, Martine, Mitchell, Nancy, Oliver, Peri, Rose, Sally, Scott, Sienna, Sinead, Steph, Sylver, Tom, Tony, and Walter.

Blasts From The Past:

Pete Buchanan, Carl Costello, Holly Cunningham, Lily Drinkwell, Tegan Lomax, Louis Loveday, Simone Loveday, Julie Matthews, Celine McQueen, Myra McQueen, Reenie McQueen, Nathan Nightingale, Russ Owen, Dirk Savage, Laurie Shelby, Harry Thompson.

[therealslimstrider]

[perfectackeracy]

October’s PSA - Possible cour break?

Alright. Fall has begun and both the manga and the anime keep the pace for October... that is, until mid-october for both.

For the manga, it’s pretty obvious, but the anime is apparently going under a break. A tweet says the TV program only runs SnK till 10/8 (where episode 12 airs), eventually stopping the anime between cours. We need official confirmation, but it wouldn’t be surprising if WIT decided to suspend the anime to finish the part covering the big chunk of vol. 18 up to the end of vol. 22, eventually animating a content worth 17 chapters long on 12 episodes. 

Update 9/30: it’s confirmed they will stop broadcasting SnK by episode 12, and episode 11 will be delayed October 7th because of the typhoon broadcasting. First cour will end over the contents of chapter 72 (half of volume 18).

If they’re going to animate the part where they take Wall Maria back, I’m expecting them to include additions, even spilling the current arc on this second cour. 

That also means they animated a total of 22 chapters on 12 episodes, which is honestly an impressive feat. I knew they would crop out content to fit the arc in a cour, but overall, they managed well. The censorship was weird by moments, as well as some narrative decisions, but the finale was satisfying enough for me to not mind those slight details overall. If you’re watching the anime, I suggest reading the manga to see how things would’ve been if Isayama stretched the story a bit more.

As for the manga, Isayama just finished chapter 110. This chapter marks the end of volume 27 and possibly the 20-chapter format arc. I’m not going to make any predictions on it since they’re being more and more inaccurate with the time. Last month I expected the EMA talk with some focus on Marley, since Reiner came with an attack plan. Instead we got “Eren Did Nothing Wrong” and Gabi and Falco’s farm adventures, with a comic relief’s death being more and more dragged on... and Louise wanting Mikasa to sign her boobs. Since this chapter marks the end of the volume, we’ll hopefully have a decent cliffhanger before moving onto the next part of the story.

The chapter will be released just after Floch’s birthday, so maybe it’s an omen? Anyway, spoilers should be leaked between Thursday and Friday. As always, I’ll tag them as #snk_spoilers and #snk_110. By the way, can you believe we’ve learned about Marley’s existence two years ago? Time goes by...

Another date is October 17th: alongside S3′s first Blu-Ray DVD will be released a Drama CD about Attack on School Castes starring Eren, Levi, Erwin, Jean, Reiner, Historia, Mikasa and Armin’s voices (you can listen a sample here) as well as a new Chibi Theater season (sample here)!

Not sure on how I should define October, but both Erwin and Floch celebrate their birthdays!

5th: Roderich (the noble cult leader of the walls)

7th: Udo

8th: Floch Forster

9th: Gelgar

12th: Dirk Reiss

14th: Erwin Smith

20th: Klaus

23rd: King Fritz (the fake one)

26th: Baggy-Pants Leon (from a fake preiew)

28th: Djel Sannes

September’s PSA

August’s PSA

July’s PSA

June’s PSA

May’s PSA

April’s PSA

March’s PSA

February’s PSA

[tamtam-go92]

Hallo again! I hope you had a wonderful Easter!

Sorry for the lack of Strangest Town content. I’ve been on Easter vacation and never had a stable enough internet connection to upload to my queue. Also, I haven’t finished playing the “Nerdists” yet, so it’ll take some time for the queue to start again. Sorry… And it seems I don’t have enough Sim Projects already, so I couldn’t stop thinking about something while on Easter vacation. You know this theory (from the sims wiki), that Riverblossom Hills is based on Pleasantview and its characters are parodies of the beloved base game characters? Well, here’s the concept about:

PLEASANTHILLS and RIVERBLOSSOM VIEW

More behind the cut!

A lot has happened in 25 years, but some new faces in town are stirring up rivalries and creating tension for the once happy families. Can anything be done to get the neighborhood feeling good again?

Ottomas Family 55 Woodland Drive

§929 Samatha Ottomas, David Ottomas, Tommy Ottomas Samantha was left to raise two boys alone following her husband's suspicious pool ladder accident. With David acting out, can Samantha teach young Tommy to make the right choices in life?

Wan Household 170 Main Street

§1,040 Cleo Shikibu, Patricia Wan Was it just coincidence that these two friends arrived on the eve of Stella’s disappearance? And is their interest in Morty physical... or fiscal?

Martin Family 195 Main Street

§968 Andrew Martin, Jacob Martin Andrew is pursuing his dream of being a professional gamer, while his son Jacob hits the books. And Andrew may have found his muse, but will his creativity be enough to win Sandra’s affection?

Roth Family 165 Sim Lane

§511,632 Morty Roth, Sandra Roth, Xander Roth Sandra is ready to start a family of her own, but can she tame the town Casanova? And can Morty bounce back after the disappearance of his wife Stella?

McGreggor Family 150 Main Street

§968 Leod McGreggor Who is Leod McGreggor? Is his engagement to Sandra Roth genuine? And what about the rumor that her mother, Stella, was last seen scaling the deck of his condo?

O’Mackey Family 215 Sim Lane

§2,250 Gabe O’Mackey, Alexandra O’Mackey, Angela O’Mackey, Jules O’Mackey On the surface, Gabe and Alexandra O’Mackey seem to have the perfect life, but is their love a flimsy façade? And can Angela and Jules make the right choices when it comes to love?

Greenman Family

§21,901 Rose Greenman, Jason Greenman, Daisy Greenman Rose, Jason and young Daisy have decided to trade the fast-paced city life for some fresh air, and hope to make a nice home here in Pleasanthills.

Ramaswami Family

§20,900 Sanjay Ramaswami, Priya Ramaswami The Ramaswamis are simply one of the nicest families around. Their years together through good and bad have made them into the wonderful parents, and grandparents, they are today.

 Many Sims have relocated to the quiet, comfortable countryside, in the hopes that life and family can firmly plant their roots in the middle of nowhere. Fresh crops aren’t the only thing growing in the farming community of Riverblossom View– love is in the air and many a relationship is on the verge of blossoming. Unfortunately, problems are bound to sprout in a town this small. Things are looking up, but hearts can always turn cold with the onset of winter.

Burb Family 110 Old Farm Road

§2,556 Jennifer Burb, John Burb, Lucy Burb Jennifer gave up his name and changed his lifestyle for the love of her green-skinned god. Despite the love that they share will they be able to raise a happy, healthy child? Can John adjust to living in a town instead of the great outdoors?

Lothario Family 115 Old Farm Road

§2,500 Don Lothario Don Lothario has a farm... and an orchard. Will he be so focused on gardening that he forgets to cultivate friendships?

Pleasant Family 211 Huckleberry Lane

§4,495 Daniel Pleasant, Lilith Pleasant After his wife left to become a big City politician, it took Daniel a long time to trust again. Is his relationship with Nina meant to last? Will Nina and Lilith be able to work out their problems and realize how similar they really are?

Goth Family 208 Welsh Lane

§54,328 Mortimer Goth, Bella Goth, Cassandra Goth, Alexander Goth Having recently moved to Riverblossom View has had a wonderful effect on the Goths! Cassandra and Alexander are doing great in school, Mortimer found a great job, but Bella seems a bit restless...

Caliente Household 204 Old Farm Road

§8,575 Tango Caliente, Frieda Goth, Darren Dreamer, Dirk Dreamer Can Tango and Frieda cope with the loss of their close friend and face their own imminent mortality or will they find a way to cheat death? Will Darren and Dirk find a way to fulfill their dreams in the great arts of life?

Caliente Family 202 Welsh Lane

§2,326 Nina Caliente, Dina Caliente Nina and Dina moved to town when their uncle, Tango, offered them her old home - which they just finished remodeling. Will they find excitement in this quiet town after the dust has cleared? Will Nina and Daniel make a life together?

Pleasant Family

§21,600 Mary-Sue Pleasant Mary-Sue succumbed to the call of the big city and left her family to pursue her dream. Will living the hard-bitten politician life be enough to keep her on top?

Broke Family

§35,642 Flo Broke, Skip Broke, Brandi Broke, Dustin Broke, Sharla Broke, Beau Broke Large families have a lot of love to share, but also require a lot of work - especially with more children on the way! Will grandma's help be enough to keep this family strong?

Oldie Family

§35,000 Herb Oldie, Coral Oldie Herb and Coral are ready to settle down and start their life together! Will they settle in the beautiful town of Riverblossom View or find a new place to make their happy home?

[lady-o-ren]

Sorcha

Prologue

Read the above link for the full backstory.

Chapter 1

In all of James Fraser's nineteen years he could recall exactly how many days of sunshine he had seen.

How many times his mother's nose was reddened and freckled from it's bite. How they escaped the heat in pools of chilly water that turned them head to toe blue and wrinkled like newborns.

On the days, ones particular in brightly warmth, Jamie would wonder if his father were happy.

Did he too like to watch the flicker of colors shine along the scales of trout as they made their way downstream?

Did he find great delight in his silver coated cheetie Adso, in serious mortal combat with his tail?

Or had his gaze fallen on his mother, hair loose from it's pins in soft waves of crimson gold as she brushed away, lost in dreamy contentment?

On cloudy days dense with fog that shrouded all that lay outside his doorstep or ones filled with thunder so resounding Jamie could feel his teeth rattle, he was sure his father was upset with him.

Was it when he spilled their meager amount of milk on the floors?

When he'd forgotten to latch the door to the chicken coop allowing for their only two birds to flee?

Or maybe it was the many times Jamie used his fists, knees, elbows and all he had on the local boys, whose tongues of bitter spittle were too much to ignore.

What frustrated Jamie was that his mother had no answers when questioned. Only blind faith in her love and the world touched by him. Yet, he could see the waver in her spirit every year that passed, as the lines around her eyes grew slowly deeper with somber defeat until that day in the fields revitalized her anew with blessings of her unwavering devotion.

It only infuriated Jamie more.

Why would his father deny his presence in their lives.

Why wait so long to make Jamie's gift known, a gift where life sprouted from his hands that he still found startling to fathom.

Even now, he could see the shape of it hidden amongst the clouds as a hazy, distant obstruction, it's ray's stubbornly turned away from him in abandonment

That's why Jamie had settled on a plan of action put into motion with a letter.

______

Presently

Jamie was walking from the cowshed, a gleam of sweat covered his face and trickled down his neck that he swiped with the cuff of his sleeve. He carried a bucket of fresh warm milk in his hands, the snowy liquid swished along the rim teasing poor Adso, who followed in hungry anticipation, careful of his masters heavy tread.

Three days of blazing sun had passed now.

The flowers bloomed full and bright, their fragrance filling the air of sweetly spring, birdsong was no longer a whisper on the wind but a joyful chorus and the branches of the trees stretched out in a canopy to bathe in sunlight. The life around Jamie seemed to sing in a glowing hum of praise at such a rarity, and he too couldn't help but smile, despite himself.

Jamie's vision caught a glint of light down the road and shielded his eyes to ascertain the source.

"Jamie!" The glint hollered.

"Goistidh!" Jamie called back in happy recognition, and deposited the bucket of milk on the fencepost to run to his godfather.

The man was a fellow kinsman, partial anyway. When Ellen's parents forced her from home when the signs of pregnancy became apparent. She was left destitute and wandered with not but her wits, but wits can only get you so far when you have a bairn growing to the size of a great gourd and making himself known in the most painful of ways.

Murtaugh was a vagabond Ellen had met at an inn she had found work in. She took an instant liking to the mans straight forward demeanor and his lack of judgment. For him, it was love. No one in a hundred miles could be so blind to the man's undying affections the moment he laid eyes on her, and she nearly socked him for gawking at first meeting.

A friendship formed of trust and true honesty of what laid in her womb, Murtaugh had given Ellen the sum that lined his pockets, all that an expectant mother could need, though it was like pulling teeth from a she-wolf to get her to accept. And unintentionally a name. Fraser.

Ellen, touched by his heart of sincerity and generosity, made the decision herself to drop the Mackenzie name that had shunned her and found the fitting of Fraser to her liking.

Now firmly family, Murtaugh would come now and then bearing 'treasures' for the two.

Jamie's favorites had been animals with funny names and faces, intricately carved out of cherry or oak wood. When older, a dirk of Jamie's very own, much to his delight. That soon failed in comparison to the fierce broadsword, two inches of broad double edged steel, with the hilt beautifully carved with interlaced knots on the grip, given at twelve years. Jamie saw it's significance and never drew it in foolishness of play or boasting. It was kept in it's scabbard, only drawn in lessons to wield the blade.

His mother received books, fat and thin of every and all things. Mysterious intrigue that thrilled, romance that left longing and drawn out sighs, tales of heroes from long ago (more a treat for Jamie), practically myths, and philosophy that could screw the mind to a bruising knot. And once, a sterling plated hair brush simply adorned of thistles that she would keep in a fine cloth sleeve in the back of her drawers.

Their relationship, was one that never crossed the barriers of kinship but Jamie couldn't help his observations and his minds own inventions of the two.

"I dinna ken why ye go on as ye do with Murtaugh." Jamie had asked his mother while she was in a quiet mood of knitting. "Ye pay him more mind then any other suitor ye've had and there have been a few."

"I wouldna mind him much, but he's no' who I was meant for and it would be dishonest to give him my hand when I'm bound to another's, even one so far away." She smiled in quiet reply as she twisted the yarn into a loop.

"Yer not marritMam, not to him," Jamie spat, "Who ken's how many lasses he's found bonny -"

"Sàmhach." The smile vanished with a voice that was a low, sharp whisper and silenced Jamie mid sentence. She gripped the knitting needles tightly in her hands, that trembled slightly in response. "Ye may be tall as any man fer yer age but yer never too old for a strapping. Get ye to bed or get me the belt."

Jamie's mother had never raised a hand to him in all his years and the subject of marriage was never brought up again.

"Jamie lad! Och!" Murtaugh shook his head as Jamie came nearer, "I should be calling ye James now. Ye tower over me like yon oak tree." He took a moment to inspect the once wee sapling before embracing him with a hard slap on the back.

"Aye, take after Mam in that respect." Jamie said proudly.

"That ye do, the good parts of ye fer sure." Murtaugh's eyes softened long enough for Jamie to notice and went pink from cheek to ears and quickly looked upward for distraction and found it in the weather.

"It's been shining fearsome of late." Murtaugh grunted with a nod towards the sky.

"Aye, and I promise I willna question it." Jamie grinned at memories at incessant questions that would drive the man to deep gulps of liquor that caught in his beard.

"I prefer a brisk air from time to time, none of this damn jibber jabber of squawkers the light brings, but aye, tis nice." He relented with a shrug that allowed for the strap of his weatherd rucksack to slide down his arm, hastily tied closed and contents now left in partial view.

Jamie tilted his head to take a wee keek but hopes were quickly dashed by a pair of dirtied hands that moved the bag away from sight.

"Maybe ye are still a lad then."

"Curiosity never wanes, especially on a farm." Jamie laughed.

"Aye, but ye'll get yer hands strewn 'bout the fields if ye keep on as ye do. What I have willna spoil with time and I must be seein' yer mam."

"Ye should wash or she'll hand ye a tawsing and she's in a right place to do it."

"What ye mean?"

"She has a blade at the ready just now," Murtaugh raised his brows,his body stiff, "She shot a red stag this morning and is in a skinning mood." Jamie explained with a chuckle and his godfather's frame relaxed.

"Ellen was always good with a bow and a fine eye about her," he smiled fondly and patted his flat stomach. "Even so I'll take my chances, I'm right near starved."

They headed down to the cottage, followed by a miserably drenched Adso, another battle lost for the poor feline.

______

During supper, where Murtaugh donned a large swell of a bump on his noggin, he noticed the plentiful mass of food that graced the table before him and queried to the sudden abundance. The answer left him with a dead eye blink of disbelief.

A demonstration with a rose plucked from a small blue vase left him with a gaping jaw for a swarm of flies to dwell in.

"I'm still the same Jamie I always was, just..more of me to know." Jamie finished lamely, trying to reassure his godfather and looked to his mother, almost in question, who nodded in confirmation.

"Aye, same. Same is what ye call the ability to give life? That's the gift that the God above all gives women. What ye have I- I dinna ken." He was dumbfounded for sure and stared in wide eyed awe at Jamie as if he was committing the act again just now.

"I think we may have given poor Murtaugh an apoplexy." Ellen teased.

"Shall we give his plate to Adso, Mam?" Jamie added with a deliberate straight face.

Adso, who had been trying to charm his humans by  rubbing affectionately against their calves, meowed in happy enthusiasm at such a lovely idea.

He gripped his plate with a loud grunt. The dark, whiskers on Murtaughs face twitched while his nostrils flared wide like a bull, sending mother and son into hearty laughter.

"Cackle like the hens ye are ye wee ninnies, I willna show ye what's hidin' away fer ye," Murtaugh grumbled as he stuffed his gob.

It was a hollow threat.

____

The 'treasures', Murtaugh informed them, were simple this time around, for work as a traveling hired hand had been slim. But something is something, at least he hoped.

For Jamie, a wool tartan of Fraser colors in tones of the earth. Jamie traced the lines with his finger tips, a proud fabric he draped over his broad shoulders smelling mildly of lanolin.

"Verra handsome, mo chridhe." Ellen remarked, as she smoothed the fabric of the young man before her, a faint blush lighting his cheeks.

For the matron of the family Fraser, a pair of  bracelets made from the tusks of a boar, lovingly polished to an ivory glow with the tips capped in silver and etched with flowers.

"I ken the'r not finery," Murtaugh mumbled, scratching his beard to near baldness,"not jeweled or gold, just horns of tuskers."

Ellen ignored him and held the bracelets up, the lowering sun catching the ends as if it were truly studded with such splendors. Her eyes, so deeply rich in blue with shades of violet heather at the edges, held a softness, so clearly moved.

"Ye made these, mo sheann duine?"

My old man.

That was as close to a true heart endearment Jamie had ever heard. For the old man himself too.

"Aye." A man of few words when moved and one who couldn't sit in his own ineptitude to voice more.

Murtaugh cleared his throat,"Maybe we could spar a bit, Jamie, see what I can teach ye." Without waiting for an answer he quickly got to his feet and made for the door.

Ellen, seemingly unfazed, looked to Jamie, pulling his drapery away from him and gave her son a push to follow.

"Knock the manners back into your godfather till his ears ring, will ye, mo mhac?"

"Whatever ye say, Mam."

_______

Outside

After a heated sparring session that left young and old more then a bit breathless, the two men dropped like flies to the cool short grass and had themselves a wee nip of whisky to soothe muscles and joints.

"I dinna remember ye being so skilled with the blade on last meeting." Murtaugh huffed, pulling the collar of his shirt to waff in air.

"I've been taught by the local schoolmaster Murray." Jamie said casually, knowing the response he'd receive right close to his ears.

"Schoolmaster?!" Murtaugh exclaimed as predicted.

"He wasn't one in his youth and since his son marrit a wee thing he took an interest in me, maybe a bit of pity too." Jamie took a heavy swig of the brown liquid, sure to grow him a fleece if he kept on.

"That Murray ken't his sword." Murtaugh rubbed the muscles in his arm, tense from a blocked over head strike." Damn, sure."

Silence overtook them as they sat side by side watching the sun dip low behind the crest of the mountain range, washing them in a light of dying embers of ruby bronze and the air became crisp once more.

Now was as good as time as any. Jamie knew when he saw the man that it was providence, his lucky star of hope throwing him yet another bone of what he had been denied. That the letter received a few weeks ago was now a reality for the answers of his youth to be fullfilled.

"I plan on leaving, Murtaugh," Jamie spoke, his voice gruff from the sting of whisky," I want to see a bit of the world before I'm auld and greyed," not a total lie," and I want ye to look after mam for me."

"Does yer mother know?" Jamie expected a string of curses and questions, a whack definitely, but his godfathers voice was oddly soft in Scots to Jamie's ears. A man striving for patience and understanding.

"I think she may know already." Jamie thumbed the mouth of the whiskey bottle, as a tremble of nerves pulsed in his belly, "She's seen other lads leave their home, far younger than I and lately she's been sweeter than buttermilk to me." She was always sweet with him. "I've waited three seasons of crops to put more then enough coins to line her pocket…more then enough for what I need to do."

"Three?" The tone of the older man was lightly accusatory. "This plan of yers has been grinding in yer mind, hasn't it?" He swiped the bottle and gulped down the last of the amber drops.

Jamie was hesitant to reveal the correspondence he had been keeping, of the last letters contents, worried that the danger of such an endeavor would be met with him being hog tied. He scratched his wrist at the thought.

"Dinna fash, I willna be like my father. I plan on coming back home, as quickly as the wind can carry me, I assure ye."

Murtagh tapped his palm against his knee in contemplation with his head hanging low but eyes on the last of the horizons light, longer then Jamie would have imagined.

"I'll care for Ellen's well being while ye have yer walkabout," he answered softly,and I wish ye a swift and safe journey, Jamie. Just use yer heid." The expected slap finally made contact.

"Thank ye, Goistidh." Jamie stood, wiping his breeks of grass when a thought crossed his mind that curled his lips to a beaming grin," And when I come back I hope to see you and Mam hand in hand." Jamie scampered off like a child who had bested his elder, leaving the man reddened to an alarming degree with a string of mumbled curses under his breath.

It was only when Murtaugh raised himself to follow Jamie's path did he notice…

The grass was knee high now where Jamie had stepped.

Flowers that had never graced the fields bloomed in his wake.

And the man the cause of such a sight, his back to him now heading to homes embrace, unaware of how he was now lit within. A ray gently, gently aflame.

***The scene with the tusks I pulled straight from the book

Thank you to everyone for the response to this and my oneshot!! Writing is not natural for me so the support was wonderful.

Also my wifi is going to be on the fritz so the next update might be awhile.

[mmmmalo]

Two points towards reading Dirk as a transman:

1. Cans and robots are uterine in Homestuck. Some examples:

Johnny 5 being struck by lighting was a metaphor for conception (x), and the accompanying line “YOU’RE A TIN CAN, ROBOTS DON’T HAVE FEELINGS” links the twin modes of metal with a comma

Kanaya, motherhood troll, is nicknamed “Kan” by Eridan

The filial pail is a uterine receptacle that collects genetic material for breeding. The grub bucket that Tavros uses as a helmet for his jousting dummy is identical to the can that the Mayor of Can Town used for a scarecrow when he was still a farmer

To reiterate a point that has been diminished as we slog through the mire of sexual symbols: the womb and the mind are mutually symbolic! Seeds of thought are planted upon the mind just as seeds of life are planted within the womb, to use the old farming metaphor. Thus a “can” also contains something that “can happen”, a possibility, an idea. This pun is at the center of the name of Can Town, the Mayor’s ideal civilization.

This implies Meulin’s joking cry of “i cannot, i am completely unable to can” is loaded in a way I have yet to parse. But for Dirk, it makes this brief exchange with Roxy about his young robot self sound like a joke about his gender:

( “Could” being a past tense of “can” )

Jake opposes machine-hood to manhood here -- another line that would come across as incredibly mean-spirited jab at Dirk’s gender, if the kids were aware of the symbolic baggage their words carry. But they aren’t (I presume), so instead we are left with nearly imperceptible references to the feminization of “tin cans” that functions chiefly as bread crumbs for the reader to figure out Dirk’s deal. (Or perhaps in reading into everything like this, I have merely turned myself into an avatar of emasculation, which is Dirk’s worst nightmare no matter what his body turns out to be? Shrug)

Elsewhere, I wrote about how the Dirk-bot on Jake’s island seems to perform a symbolic c-section upon himself (x). (But looking back, the event could also be read as a hysterectomy since Homestuck likes to blur the line between container and contents? Same for the Aradia incident it mimics... to consider. Anyway,)

2. The Unbreakable Katana

Here is an interesting motif that came from my reread of Fullmetal Alchemist (x), another story mildly preoccupied with symbolic metaphysics and wish fulfillment: King’s Bradley’s “ultimate eye” is hidden beneath his eye patch. Rather that viewing this as a reveal that his eye wasn’t missing at all, we should accept that the missing eye /is/ the ultimate eye. In the tradition of Tiresias, a “true” seer is blind -- to exist is to be rendered susceptible to fault, so non-existence is synonymous with perfection. Compare with how Alphonse, who lost his entire body, is often said to have gained the ‘ultimate body’, his tireless metal husk. Compare with how Tavros, who wishes to fly, loses the use of his legs.

Or compare with how Lust, the only girl among the homunculi, is also called ‘the Ultimate Spear’

For Dirk to possess the ‘unbreakable katana’ is paradoxically emasculating -- the very ideality of his big pointy phallic symbol becomes a badge of fakeness. This perhaps adds another dimension to Dirk’s fixation on decapitation -- to decapitate, to castrate, to break an unbreakable sword, is to affirm its validity. Only ‘real dudes’ have breakable phalluses, so Dirk obsessively seeks to posit himself with a double negative, breaking the unbreakable to prove its realness?

Does that qualify as a visual metaphor for dysphoria or would it be best classified as something different? I’m not sure

[rafaelthompson]

Opportunities & Challenges of Coffee By-Products

We discuss some of the uses for coffee by-products so business owners and coffee professionals can use and promote them more effectively and sustainably.

BY YKER VALERIO SPECIAL TO BARISTA MAGAZINE ONLINE

Cover photo by Dirk Lachenmeier at the CVUA Karlsruhe, Germany

Last week, we discussed what coffee by-products are and the different forms they come in. Business owners across the coffee value chain—from small farming businesses in origin countries to large coffee franchises—can benefit from this promising offering.

The benefits of selling coffee by-products are two-fold. First, they prevent and reduce coffee loss and waste. Second, they increase revenue streams for business owners across the entire coffee value chain.

Capitalizing on the benefits of selling coffee by-products offers opportunities and challenges for businesses.

A cup of cascara tea at Cafetería Kaldi in Caracas, Venezuela. Photo by Yker Valerio.

Do we need coffee by-products?

Coffee has a deep social significance. We share it with friends and family. For this reason, coffee shops have traditionally offered alternative beverages like tea, blended coffee drinks, and smoothies to attract a larger customer base. Beverages made from coffee by-products would just widen the possibilities to offer.

By-products like cascara, coffee leaf tea, and coffee blossom tea can be attractive for a larger customer base on the online sphere too. They are sweeter and can be served hot or cold, like most infusions. In some coffee-producing countries like Yemen, locals have been serving traditional drinks like qishr for centuries.

Coffee producers benefit from by-products

Although selling products based on coffee by-products can be beneficial for coffee importers, roasters, and coffee shops, it can make a big difference for coffee producers as well.

In 2018, the Specialty Coffee Association expressed it plainly through its Coffee Price Crisis Response Initiative summary of work: Inequitable value distribution is a key root cause of the price crisis. In 2021, the situation is more dramatic, as extreme weather conditions are damaging coffee crops and pushing up coffee commodity prices, while millions of coffee business owners and workers are at risk.

An avenue for a more sustainable and profitable business for coffee producers is to sell these by-products. According to Dirk Lachenmeier from the Chemical and Veterinary Investigation Agency Karlsruhe in Germany, the commercialization of coffee by-products can help to create safer and more sustainable working conditions for coffee workers.

According to Dirk, coffee-growing businesses will be able to offer better wages and contracts to their workers if they can create additional revenue streams, including from offering coffee by-products year-round.

Chahan Yeretzian, head of the Coffee Excellence Center of the Zurich University of Applied Sciences, agrees on the importance of coffee by-products. Even relatively small increases in income can make a difference for coffee producers, according to Chahan.

However, profit and social value are not the only variables at play. 

Are they legal?

After years of niche commercialization, the growing interest in cascara for commercial purposes triggered a regulatory process in the European Union in 2015. As a result, the commercialization slowed dramatically and, in the case of cascara, stopped in many markets.

The Chemical and Veterinary Investigation Agency Karlsruhe and the Coffee Consulate in Germany published a review of coffee by-products in 2020. Coffee leaf tea already received the European Food Safety Authority approval, and experts like Dirk and Chahan are optimistic about cascara’s separate process.

In the United States, commercialization has been easier, as well as in Australia, another heavy coffee importer.

Considering that Europe consumes more than 30% of coffee production each year, the European Food Safety Authority will play a significant role in the future of coffee by-products.

The future of coffee by-products

Scalability will be essential after receiving approval. For instance, work at the Instituto de Investigación en Ciencias de la Alimentación in Madrid, Spain, follows the code of conduct of the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations to prevent and reduce food loss and waste.

Amaia Iriondo-DeHond and Dolores del Castillo’s work at the Instituto suggests there are scalable business opportunities for coffee by-products, as food and beverages ingredients, or raw materials for further processing in the food, energy, bioplastics, and nutraceuticals industries. Dirk’s work at the agency supports these findings for coffee leaves and flowers, specifically.

Still, consumers and coffee shops will play a decisive role in the profitability and sustainability of coffee by-products.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR Yker Valerio (he/him) is a freelance content creator. After more than 10 years of working as a management consultant, he started his blog Bon Vivant Caffè to share his passion for specialty coffee

The post Opportunities & Challenges of Coffee By-Products appeared first on Barista Magazine Online.

Opportunities & Challenges of Coffee By-Products published first on https://espressoexpertsite.tumblr.com/

[wordsaremyenemy]

Hubcaps & Ashtrays [Loki X Reader] Part 1

Pairing: Loki x Reader Prompt: “The thing is, I wasn’t pretending." Word count: 2,300+ Summary: (Fake Boyfriend AU) You’re a school teacher, eighth grade ELA in fact. School isn’t even in session yet and you already want to rip your hair out. Good news, it’s right before Labor Day and there’s a four day weekend before school starts. Which means plenty of time to finish that pain-in-the-ass lesson plan that’s being avoided. Bad news, your family’s annual reunion is this weekend. Opting out really isn’t an option. Aunt Dot is turning 89 this year and even though it’s not 90 it’s still a big deal.

There’s no time to vet a decent guy before bringing him home, so looks like you’re going stag. Again. Which means Mom and all of your aunts are going to make damn sure that your love life is going to be center stage all weekend. Although, a night with friends might have the answer to all your problems in the form of Hallmark movies. A/N: Okay... so.... this is my entry to @justsomebucky‘s (to whom I apologize for taking so long, please don’t eat me) writing challenge from like months ago. Retail + Holiday season = no free time for little old me. Honestly it still isn’t finished, but I’m trying to get my ass in gear and do shit. I honestly shouldn’t even be doing this. I have laundry. And Christmas presents still to make. I have three done out of like twelve. (I’m crocheting and making dreamcatchers. I’m a mess right now.)

I have to give fair warning. This was the shameless self-insert I've been dreaming of. I still don’t think I’ve done it justice though. And though I kept the descriptions of the main character fairly... vague, or at least tried to. The readers aesthetic is very much what I consider my own to be. Meaning "Basic White Female Hipster" meets "Emo Punk Rock Queen." And honestly there's not enough love for punk. The title comes from Sleeping With Sirens’ “The Strays.”

Big thanks to the most amazing woman in the world, who’s read this more times than I have at this point, and very kindly beta-d this for me. I love you, babygirl. Thanks for calling me out on all my shit always.  Warnings: Mostly swearing

It all started Monday. You were running late, spilled coffee down the front of your brand-new cardigan, and remembered that you forgot to put deodorant on as you ran out of your Brooklyn apartment, nearly running over your neighbor-slash-best-guy-friend, Bucky. You end up fifteen minutes late to the very first staff meeting of the school year because you’d forgotten which way the conference room was. (It’s in a very peculiar place, okay? You would think it’s by the front office. It’s not. For some reason, it’s on the third floor right next to third-floor teachers' lounge.) At least you got to spend the rest of the day prepping your classroom.

Tuesday wasn’t much better. No big staff meeting, but you did have to meet with the two other eighth grade ELA teachers who were the co-chairs of the English department of the entire school. That was a trip and not in a good way. You’ve been teaching for four-going-on-five years. You knew what you were doing. Mostly. You liked to wing it the first week, get a feel for your students before you set down a structured lesson plan. Not that anyone really did anything that first week anyway.

Apparently, that wasn’t going to fly this year because Mrs. High-and-Mighty Jacobson and Miss I’m-so-much-better-than-you Atterbury insisted that everyone turn in their lesson plans for the first week by Monday. Great.

Wednesday started a little bit better. You remembered deodorant (you did on Tuesday, too; it’s the little victories). You didn’t spill coffee or run down Bucky. You actually had enough time to exchange pleasantries and be reminded to go over for your weekly movie night. There wasn’t a meeting, so it was pure setting up your classroom for the four classes you were teaching this semester. Of course, you agonized over that lesson plan but it was for the first week and you did just find out yesterday and surely it could wait until tomorrow, right?

Around lunch it gets hazy. Your mom texts you and reminds you of the upcoming plans you couldn’t escape that weekend.

It could be Aunt Dot’s last reunion, honey. You wouldn’t want to upset her, would you?

I told you last week, Ma, you text. I’m going.

You should bring that boy you’re always talking about. What’s his name?

You roll your eyes. Dirk. And we broke up months ago. I told you.

The next message comes a few minutes later. You pointedly ignore it and get back to your task at hand. Ironically, it’s also ignoring that lesson plan. Hopefully, there was going to be enough sangria at this weekend-long party to blur out the twenty questions that came with being single in your family.

You’re in the middle of packing for the weekend, jamming to whatever playlist you were last listening to on Spotify. It’s more on the punk side of your music taste than the pop side. There’s a knock at the door, causing you to jump.

“Y/N! Y/N, open up!” Bucky shouts from the other side of the door.

You pad barefoot to the door, clad in blue, fuzzy, penguin pajama pants and an old NYU tee that you definitely did not steal from Bucky a few heartbreaks ago.

“What?” you snap, opening the door in the middle of Buck’s persistent knocking. You’re surprised to find not only Bucky standing in the hall but Steve and Wanda too. Across the hall, Sam and Nat are standing in the doorway to Bucky’s apartment with their arms crossed. “Wait, shit. Is it that time already?”

Wanda grabs you by the arm with a playful smile and roll of the eyes, pulling you across the hall.

“No Vis tonight?” you ask, collapsing face first on the couch. Nat follows and flops down sideways in the armchair. You turn your head to watch Wanda as she answers.

“Vis is still away on business,” she explains with wistful eyes and a shake of her head. She was always like that when Vis was off somewhere that wasn’t wrapped around her.

“At least you have an excuse. I’m walking into this stupid reunion completely single. Again. And my mother is already on my case.”

Sam snorts, perched on the back of the couch by your feet. “Somebody needs a beer.”

“More like an entire bottle of wine,” Nat teases.

Bucky sighs from the kitchen, where he’s the sole person making pizza. “None of you are in here helping me make this pizza so I don’t want to hear anything from any of you if you don’t get something you like.”

That gets everyone up and around the island.

An hour later, everyone’s content and full of pizza. Even Steve, who always seems to be eating, has pushed his paper plate to the other side of the coffee table. Everyone’s gotten into their prime movie watching positions.

Nat is sitting sideways in the reclined armchair, bowl of popcorn sitting where her feet should go. Wanda’s on her stomach on the floor in front of her. Sam’s sitting on the end of the couch closest to them. Bucky’s on the chaise side of the couch; a picturesque view of relaxation. You’re in-between them, your head on Bucky’s lap, feet under Sam’s leg. Steve’s on the floor, between the couch and coffee table, leaning into the junction where your seat met Bucky’s.

They’re thirty minutes into the sixth episode of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 reboot, adding their own commentary to that of Jonah and his robot friends.

“So, whatever happened to that guy you went out with? The one that took you on a date to the opera?” Sam asks. "Why don't you just ask him to be your date? People do it all the time for weddings."

You make a face that doesn’t last long because Bucky’s doing that thing where he plays with your hair and make you fell all warm and cozy inside.

“Wasn’t her type,” he replies for you. He’d heard all about the disaster that was that date. Just like he’d heard all about the ones before it, too. From the day you moved in across the hall, you and Bucky had been inseparable. He was your best friend. Hardly a day went by that two of you didn't share your daily torments with each other.

It was actually Natasha you’ve known the longest. She’d been your roommate when you first started at NYU. It was rough at first. You were the furthest from a city girl, having grown up in farming community, but it was under Nat’s wing that you grew to love the city.

You’d met Steve shortly after, literally running into him one day as he was on his way to class. Turned out he was in one of your Education classes. You’d just never paid attention.

Funnily enough, Steve really made your connection to everyone else in the room. It was Steve who found you the job at the school he was teaching at. He’d graduated the year before, miraculously found a job, and was already the students’ favorite art teacher.

It was through Steve that you met everyone else, but it was fate that you met Bucky. You'd been looking for a place of your own and he'd happened to know one with affordable rent that wasn't far from work at all. The rest was history.

So, Bucky had heard all about the failed blind date with Loki Laufeyson.

You'd been set up by Nat. After getting tired of hearing about your lack of love life after you'd ended the only serious relationship you'd had since moving to New York, she'd taken it upon herself to set you up with the occasional guy to get you to stop bellyaching. There'd been decent guys. Each one was better that the last, like Natasha was getting better about picking out these guys.

Loki had seemed like exactly your type. Tall, dark-haired, and handsome. Proclivity for the color black.

And, okay, to say it failed...is a little harsh.

It was actually a little bit cool. You dressed up in your best date dress and did your hair nice. Went above and beyond on your makeup. He was actually early picking you up at the agreed upon place. (There was no way you were giving him your address.) He was a gentleman and opened doors, pulled out your seat at dinner.

There was just something about him. The first thing you noticed was his accent. (He was British, which gave you shivers.)

The second was that he was more slick-looking than the guys you usually fall for. More eloquent, too.

Honestly, it wasn't his fault that your heart refused to fully give up your teenage crushes on the likes of Andy Biersack (Mostly now -- Juliet Simms was a lucky woman) or Ronnie Radke (more circa "Situations" from his Escape the Fate days, or maybe even early Falling in Reverse -- though you had to admit, Coming Home was a bomb ass album.)

You just liked musicians. It's a thing. Everyone you've ever seriously dated was in some kind of band.

Loki was hot and he had the looks...but the aesthetic just wasn't there.

Back to the really cool part. The opera.

You legitimately had never been to an opera before. So, you hadn't known what to expect. What you got, however, was a heart wrenching tale in sung Italian. You didn't have to understand what they were saying to understand what was going on. But the story had been amazing. So much better than anything you could've read out of a book.

But there was just no chemistry between the two of you.

Which you'd told Bucky.

What you hadn't told him was there was a second date too.

That one was a little bit better. Loki seemed more relaxed than the time before. Just a button down and slacks compared to the full-on suit and tie this time. You'd gone with a skater dress and Vans instead of the heels from the last time too.

It was just a dinner this time. Not as fancy as the last place, but still expensive. You actually struck up a decent conversation. It was mostly about how you'd both been forced to go on awful date after awful date by friends (or family, in his case). He didn't like disappointing his mother.

By the end of the date, you were sure there wasn't going to be a third. It seemed as though you were wrong originally. Loki looked the part, but in reality, he seemed to be like everyone else before him. There was just something missing.

You're brought out of your head by Nat's annoyed voice.

"I really thought he'd work out too. Have to admit, even I didn't see the opera thing."

"What about Bucky?" Wanda asks. There's a knowing grin on her face like she knows something you don't.

You look up at your best friend to find him smiling like he's holding back laughter.

"Yeah, what about Buck, Y/N? You guys have always been really close," Steve adds.

This time, you do laugh with Bucky joining in. "Do you want to tell them or should I?"

"You can," he says sobering up.

"We've tried that," you explain. "Very early on. Before I even met Dirk. It was actually really fun. We went to a Panic! concert. It was great. We even kissed. But guys, we're just friends."

"What do you mean you kissed?" Natasha hisses.

And that's when everyone's attention turns from the movie to you and every minute detail about your date with Bucky.

It's only a couple hours later that you're standing in the kitchen washing dishes as Bucky picks up the living room. Everyone's gone home for the night.

"You could always hire someone," Buck suggests, as he sets a couple of glasses beside you to be washed.

"Do I look like Deborah Messing? This isn't one of your rom-coms, Buck. Stuff like that doesn't really happen in real life."

He laughs. "Come on, Y/N. You know I'm only joking."

"Face it. There's no way for me to find a date for the weekend. Not this late anyway. Besides, I'd rather not be that person that brings a different date to every family function."

"Why is this such a huge deal anyway?" Bucky wonders.

You stay quiet for a second, wondering that yourself. It wasn't that you weren't happy with your life. Honestly, you didn't think you cared that much about your relationship status. But then again...

"I'm almost thirty," you point out as you rinse the pizza pan in your hands. You can feel his eyes on you, like he's about to ask you how your age has any relevance to the conversation at hand. "I know, I know. But it's different for guys. Women have a prime window for creating a family. And I know I don't have to, that women shouldn't be expected to have children -- yada yada. I'm about all that. But I want to. I had a plan. And it sort of fell apart, I guess. And my mom is on me all the time now. And maybe I'm not really all that happy with where I'm at anyway."

You wash and rinse the two cups and you're done, draining the water and drying your hands off on a dish towel draped over the oven handle.

Bucky gives you a gentle smile and pulls you into a warm hug and kisses your temple. "Hey. It's no time to give up. You might not find a date for this weekend, but that doesn't mean you won't find a date for the rest of your life, Doll."

You lean into him and breathe deep. Sometimes it sucked that you and Bucky weren't meant to be.

[betweensceneswriter]

Second Wife-Chapter 5 : Visions of Leoch

Second Wife Table of Contents

Second Wife on AO3

Previously -  Chapter 4 : A Woman’s Duty “Women generally do not care for it,” –Murtagh Fitzgibbons Fraser

“Da—Jamie, I mean—he’s kind, I think; he always was to Joan and me.  But I’d see, when he’d lay his hand on my mother’s waist and try to draw her close—she’d shrink away from him.”  She gnawed on her lip some more, then continued.  “I could see she was afraid; she didna like him to touch her.  But I couldna see that he ever did anything to be afraid of, not where we could see—so I thought it must be something he did when they were in their bed, alone” (Voyager, 583).

     Laoghaire’s home in Balriggan had been without the care of a man for years, and Jamie had much to occupy his time.  He set himself to work with determination, fixing windows and straightening sagging doors, checking the roofs for leaks and applying new shingles where they were needed.  He scraped out the chimneys and replenished the peat supply.  Laoghaire had kept her garden up, but he reinforced the fence to keep out the neighborhood dogs and wandering deer.  And he made sure the ground was ready for planting grain and potatoes come spring.

     The work was satisfying. His favorite time of the day, though, was after he had come in exhausted and eaten the evening meal prepared by Laoghaire.  She was an excellent cook, taught well by her grandmother, Mrs. Fitz.  With a full belly, he would build up the fire, and then Joanie would sit on his lap and Marsali would curl up next to him, with Laoghaire knitting in her chair by the fire.  Then he would tell them stories, or read to them from the books his tutor had introduced him to many years back: the Bible, Homer’s Odyssey, and Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales. 

     And when Joanie fell asleep on his shoulder, her fiery hair blending with his, he would shut the book and carry her upstairs to lay her on her bed.  Sometimes she would awaken and sleepily blink her brown eyes at him, whispering “Good night, Daddy,” but even when she slept through the transfer to her bed, he felt a warmth flood his soul that partially filled that cavernous hole deep in his heart.

     After their atrocious failure of a first night together, Jamie managed to express that he was much older than Hugh and Simon had been, and that he really didn’t need anything but once a fortnight.

     It wasn’t all bad.  Out of the bedroom, Laoghaire felt comfortable, familiar.  So much had changed in the last 20 years; so little that was familiar remained.  There were faces he missed: Colum, Dougal, Rupert, Angus, Murtagh.  And Claire.  They were all gone.  But seeing Laoghaire roused memories of Castle Leoch that hadn’t come to him for years.  She was like a painting of a place and time long forgotten that stirred up strong recollections.

     It was perhaps a bit disturbing that he would look at Laoghaire, and instead, remember Claire.  

     It seemed like Laoghaire was always crying, but she would never tell him why.  Once, she was bent in front of the fire, stirring a pot, and weeping.  The sight transported Jamie to a room at Leoch, another fire, another pot, another weeping woman.  He closed his eyes then, and he could almost feel Claire, in her thin, strange little shift, pressed against his bare chest, shaking with grief over her husband.  He had awkwardly crouched in his kilt to hold her, and she clung to the arm he wrapped around her, as he whispered to her and stroked her hair.  He had already developed a sense of affection towards the Sassenach woman, with her fiery ways and her bold tongue.  She had impressed him with her medical knowledge and her compassion; she had just seen his back, and yet he felt no shame in her presence.  As he held her, he had wanted to wrap her up in his plaid, to take her to bed then and there.  And for a moment when their faces were inches apart, he could sense she would have responded, that she would have been comforted by the warmth of his body.  But Laoghaire would never be comforted.

     Jamie would see Laoghaire for a second in the morning, her blond curls around her shoulders before she pinned up her hair, and then he would turn and see Claire instead, giddy and tipsy with Colum’s Rhenish, listening to Gwyllyn the bard, completely unaware of how smitten he was with her.  He would see himself walking her back to old Davie Beaton’s surgery with the excuse of making sure she got home safely; when what he really wanted was her alone.  The way she untied his cravat and with her soft hands lifted the edge of his shirt and touched his shoulder to check on his gunshot wound made him catch his breath and will himself to keep his hands off her.  He had told Claire the first day at Leoch that she need not be scared of anyone while he was around.  But at that moment, he was a little scared of himself.  Did she notice him devouring her with his eyes, willing her to become his?

     Jamie might see Laoghaire lacing up her corset, and though the face and body made him remember a girl by a river, his mind would walk him away from the river, back through Leoch, and down a dark hallway, to Claire in their bedchamber, beautiful and bereft, sitting in front of the mirror.  He would feel the pain of wondering if she would ever forgive him, if they would ever be close again.  In his mind, he would again take up his dirk and pledge his fealty to her, and she would forgive him, with a caveat—that he would never raise a hand to her again.  Sometimes it hurt too much to stay past that moment, to remember their desperation to possess and invade each other; to truly become one flesh. 

     But sometimes he had to see it through to the end, to remember that it had happened, that Claire hadn’t been just a fantasy, a faery in his life for only three years, now haunting his dreams for the last eighteen.  He needed to know that passion and love truly were possible.

     He tried, by God, Jamie tried.  He tried platonic affection during the daytime, and Laoghaire would pull away from his hand on her waist.  This was odd to him, as he was accustomed to embracing and kissing his sister Jenny on the forehead, and Joan and Marsali seemed to thrive when he would hug them or kiss them when he tucked them into bed.  They would be in raptures if he brushed and plaited their hair for them, which he would sometimes do just to have the warmth of them close to him.

     The girls came to love him, and he to love them.  But not Laoghaire.  Jamie paid her compliments, brought her gifts, picked her flowers.  He worked harder to please her, farmed their land and worked for wages at the neighbor’s, bringing home the money to her.  He perceived her needs before she asked, keeping the wood and water stocked.  However, nothing seemed to thaw Laoghaire’s response to him.

     Jamie began to wish he had said he didn’t need to be with her but once a month, because as it approached the two-week point, he noticed Laoghaire stiffen whenever he came near.  It was such a marked reaction that a few times he had looked up and seen Marsali watching them with a look of curious concern on her face.  What impression was the lass getting of marriage?  Jamie wondered. 

     He tried, twice, to approach Laoghaire with no thought for his own pleasure.  One night he had whispered to her, “Please, may I touch you?”  She allowed him to fondle her breasts, but when he tried to cup his hand on her, down there, she froze, clamping her legs so tightly together that he couldn’t even fit a finger between them.

     And one morning, seeing the spill of Laoghaire’s curls on the pillow, her face so fresh and rosy in sleep, and her shift rucked up by her tossing and turning in the night, Jamie thought he might try to pleasure her with his mouth.  But when Laoghaire awoke, she thought a rat or other vermin was in the bed trying to eat her, and she screamed and kicked so violently that Jamie was thrown off the bed and suffered a black eye.   

     After that, Jamie determined that if anything was to occur in their bedchamber, it would have to be at Laoghaire’s initiative. 

     And so he threw himself into the purposes he did have.  Being a father, working with his hands, making the land produce food, and providing for his family.

On to Chapter 6 : The Curse of Eve Poor Jamie—he lives in a home with three women!