#Don't worry about it Jimmy

[life-winners-liveblog]

Yeah we can! *Gives Scar an ender dragon egg*

Scar:... This is just a normal unfertilized dragon egg! I have been scammed!

[theminecraftbee]

"You know," Jimmy says, irritated, as Grian hangs upside down in front of him, sticking out his tongue. "You know. For someone somewhere he's not supposed to be, you seem pretty uninterested in actually going home. If I didn't know better, I'd say you all want to stay here and cause problems."

Grian pauses, looks at Jimmy, and blinks slowly.

(Pop quiz. You are Grian. How do you answer this question?

A. "I'm enjoying hanging out with you, you know." B. "Last time the world ended, I put finishing touches on my base and tried not to think about the fact that I was pretty sure Scar's plan was to kill us, and I'm still not certain I lived after that, either." C. "There's a painting of Pearl in a tomb, and Ren crawled out from beneath it. I'm not so sure we ever weren't here." D. "Maybe I want to see you when I don't have to kill you." E. "What do you know about fixing rifts, anyway?" F. "Do you really think you get to escape me, Tim?" G. "I'm scared too." H. None of the above.)

"Aw, are you trying to get rid of me?" Grian laughs. "Too bad, Tim. You can't escape me if you try."

"Ugh," Jimmy says. "Figures."

"You're stuck with me for now. Believe me, Tim. I'm not going to just not look into it. I'm just... taking my time, is all."

"Well, take your time faster." There's a long pause. "Unless you're going to take Scar, I guess. He hasn't been half bad, really."

Grian makes an offended sound.

(Pop quiz. You are Grian. Is the answer given above true or false?)

"Well now I'm going to try to figure out how to re-light the rift even faster," he says. "You've gone and ruined it, Tim. Look at what you've done."

"What? No! I mean, yes! I mean, agh! Why are you so confusing?"

"I think I'm perfectly simple," Grian says primly.

"One day professors will teach a course about you, and it will be all the students' least favorite class," Jimmy says dryly.

"Ouch. That was almost a good burn," Grian says.

"I hate you," Jimmy says.

"I always feel bad for unrequited emotions," Grian says.

"I'm going to force you to play Monopoly later," Jimmy says.

"What? No, you can't do that here," Grian says, alarmed. "Jimmy, you can't do that here. Jimmy."

Jimmy huffs. "That's what you get for bringing everyone through that Rift thingy of yours. Don't think I haven't heard the others talking, either. That whole thing was your fault, wasn't it?"

(Pop quiz. You are Grian. Do you regret it? If so, why do you regret something that let you see all of your friends in one place for the first time in a long time? If not, why don't you regret the fact that you've put them all in irreversible danger? Please answer as completely as possible.)

Grian sighs. "Yeah," he says, and it's almost fond. "I suppose that's what I get."

"Now, get down from there and give me my hat back."

"Why on earth would I do that Tim? I'm so comfortable up here!"

"Agh -"

[to-be-a-dreamer]

I Am Afraid For This Man

That being said, I do actually have faith because other than the enderman kill in Double Life, he always lost his last life because another player killed him (EDIT: I was wrong, see end for note*) and I doubt anyone is going to be actively trying to kill him next session.

Here's a chart showing how many of each life color were still alive the session before Jimmy permadied compared to how many there are as of Secret Life Session 4:

I can't see anyone hunting him down when TWELVE greens are still left. By this time in every other season, there were 8, 9, 2, and 0 greens, respectively. This season is shaping up to be the longest of the life series yet but I'm guessing it'll be about 7 or 8 sessions.

Even ignoring the fact that the only other Red on the server is Jimmy's ally it would be actually genuinely cruel to intentionally take someone out of the series this early. No one would ever do that, no matter how funny it would be to ensure Jimmy gets out first.

In conclusion: I think the only way Jimmy gets out next session is via the environment and I have faith that he's got at least two more episodes left in him, knock on wood. (I use numbers to fuel my delusions)

*EDIT: Actually I forgot he permadied in Limited Life from simply walking off Bread Bridge of his own free will, my delusions will now fueled be by prayer and prayer alone

[br1ghtestlight]

swimming in the soggy burger bun basement HELL YEAH!!!!

[optogeneticist-nsfw]

uh oh, we spilled milk on this picture!! we tried to wipe it off here (and get him some aftercare): ao3

@thrumbo is donating her regularly-scheduled special thanks to everyone out there who wants to do this to him.

[tev-the-random]

So I may have come up with a whole Villain Jimmy AU...

Listen. I have way too many feelings about the events of Jimmy's Empires S2 Episode 31 and the immediate following stream. I also have way, way too many feelings about whatever the hell is happening in Sausage's and Shubble's lore and whatever is to come in Lizzie's, so I decided to only indulge one brainrot at a time and came up with... an interesting concept? I dunno, I'm easily entertained—

(There's a TLDR at the end if you don't want to read my insane and incessant ramblings o3o)

Ok so, after Walmart WRA kills Jimmy on the bridge for the kicks and giggles, Jimmy really starts questioning just what respect is and who his friends actually are. The conclusion? Dude has absolutely zero friends. Sure, he has this truce going on with Joel, and Katherine has been somewhat trustworthy so far. But actual friends? Nada. Closest thing he had were Scar and Tango, but they're gone now and he didn't even get a proper goodbye. His town is empty. He's alone.

Jimmy may be quick to anger, but this might be the first time he actually allows himself to be sad about it. There's something much more painful than rage crawling inside of him; be it guilt, self-hatred, loneliness, betrayal, there's just so much he's been burying under all the fighting that he can barely breathe through it all now. But once it's over, Jimmy's left with a strange feeling of clarity. This cold bitterness and complicated self-awareness that would turn into something far more sinister in the future.

The next day is really what decides his next course of action, though. He's touring the Old Sheriff around the server, kind of holding onto the last hope that someone might want him to stay after all. But then Fwhip comes along and decides that no, he doesn't get to have this, so they start bickering like the old divorced couple they are, like nothing's changed. Somehow, Fwhip manages to charm his way into the Old Sheriff's good books despite everything that Jimmy has said about his ex-deputy.

Martyn (that's what I'm calling him, he doesn't get his own name now) laughs at his jokes, makes little comments that... sound so familiar to Jimmy. This is how it all started: little comments — and this is how it's going to end. Maybe the Old Sheriff has good intentions. Maybe he does have the intention to stick with Jimmy and be a friend/mentor to him. But Jimmy, still raw from his most recent disillusionment, can't bear the thought of befriending someone only to have the rug pulled from under him again.

So Jimmy leaves Tumble Town in the dead of night.

Now, his first objective is to bring himself back to normal. He had to admit, no matter how hard he tried, it was hard to gather any respect from others when he was trapped in the body of a literal toy. He had already asked Joel to reverse this nonsense, but the god only offhandedly mentioned that this was Jimmy's true form and that it was how he was meant to look — which Jimmy took as "I have no idea how to, my name is Joel and I'm irresponsible with my powers and incompetent and also really short". So his next destination is the Witch Academy.

He had heard about the them from Shelby. She was a nice witch — or, well, nice enough. She was clearly going through some stuff at the moment, which is why he thought it would be better not to ask her for help to begin with — and was clearly able to change people's bodies, whether intentionally or not. So surely the people who taught her magic would be able to help him, right?

Little did Jimmy know that most witches do not, in fact, give a damn about helping other people. After travelling far and wide, he explained his curse to them, and all they did was close the door on his face.

Well, he's not having it! If the witches won't help him, he'll find someone else who will! This is when Jimmy starts travelling around in search of someone, anyone who could undo his curse so he may start his life anew. Through all the ensuing shenanigans, he gathers some... interesting allies.

It's not that he wants to ally himself with undead pirates; he may not be a sheriff anymore, but that doesn't mean he's about to become a criminal! But alas, when the boat he's travelling with is captured, it's not like he can do much else.

Jimmy is spared due to his... interesting predicament. Well, surely this tiny tiny man could be useful! Besides, didn't he use to live close to Pirate Joe? So in exchange for some information on Skeletron's rival and helping them get some treasure for a little while, Jimmy is dropped off at the next port with directions to a shady wizard who might be able to solve his problem.

When he gets to said wizard, they are already expecting him. You see, this is the same wizard who gave Scott his magic eye, and although I'm sure we'll get some actual canon explanation to it eventually, this is an AU in which the wizard may have some... ulterior motives. And they may or may not have been spying on a certain god who lives very close to Chromia. But that's a story for another time!

Jimmy wakes up the next day his normal-sized, human self again! It's almost overwhelming, how much he loves his own body right now. His chest quite literally aches... and that's when he notices a heart-shaped scar on it.

The wizard is still around. They explain to him that, to deal with the curse, they had to remove his heart. Literally. They stored it in this lamp, which emits a blinding red glow — an indicative of how strong it is, how much it feels. The farther away he is from it, the more detached he will be from his feelings. Although that would mean he should probably carry it close at all times, he should not forget that it is still his actual heart; you better keep it safe, kid.

Now that the deed is done, the only thing that the wizard asks for is a front row view when Stratos falls. Jimmy carries a lot of grief, clearly, and if they know anything about him — which they shouldn't, but they strangely do, — he is going to get back at the people who made him miserable for so long. It just so happens that the wizard also has a beef with Joel, so really, they both win in the end!

After some not-so-subtle persuasion and reminders of all the horrible things Jimmy had to endure in the past, the wizard manages to convince our ex-sheriff into going back to the empires to truly bring an end to this story of pain. He's never going to be able to start anew unless he gets rid of all traces of his weak past self, right? His enemies deserve to reap the hate they've sown fashioned in cold blood, right?

And so Jimmy concocts a plan, gathers resources and new (purely professional and with no emotional attachment, never again) allies, and returns to Tumble Town a new man with a new name. In the day, he's a charming and friendly traveller sneaking his way into the emperors' hearts. At night, he's a dangerous bandit carrying a lamp of dwindling red light, playing a game of metaphorical chess with the authorities to bring the pieces of his plan closer together.

-

TL;DR Jimmy leaves the empires bitter with his friends, searches for a way to turn back into a regular human and finds a wizard who does so in exchange for being able to watch the world burn. To reverse the curse, he had to lose his heart, which he now carries in a red lantern closely tied to his feelings. He goes back home for revenge.

Calling this one the Red Light Bandit AU òwó

[madd-craft]

Flight of the Canary

Gift for @rabbitminesthecrafted

Based on fanart by @applestruda

Ao3 Link

Tango makes Jimmy a pair of prosthetic wings and Jimmy has fun testing them out!

Just a completely normal fluff fic, don't worry about the tags, it's fine :)

“Rancher!” Tango immediately turned from the small adjustments he was making with his latest invention when he heard the voice shout near him. He giggled as he dropped his creation and caught an armful of Jimmy. His face was smattered with kisses from his favorite canary. The kisses carefully avoided his mouth until finally Jimmy planted one right on his lips and didn’t pull away. Tango pulled him closer and Jimmy picked Tango up.

Tango giggled into the kiss and Jimmy joined him until they were now laughing instead of kissing. They weren’t laughing at anything in particular, they simply filled each other with delight whenever they were together.

“So, my rancher~” Jimmy set Tango back down, though Tango wouldn’t have minded if Jimmy had continued to hold him, “Why’d you call me all the way out here?”

“Does there have to be a reason for me to see you?” Tango teased.

“Oh, so you were just lonely?” Jimmy smirked. “I can fix that~”

Tango laughed again. “You always fix everything! But no, I actually have a gift for you!” Tango bent down and picked up the invention he had dropped.

“A gift?” Jimmy questioned and his eyes widened when he saw it. He hadn’t even noticed it before, too taken with Tango in front of him. It was a beautifully constructed pair of wings Tango was holding now. White canvas stretched between artfully carved pieces of wood, hinged in the shape of a bird’s wings. In the center were leather straps, sized to perfectly fit over Jimmy’s undersized wings. Jimmy unconsciously shifted his own wings as he stared at the new ones.

“Do you like it?” Tango asked, trying to seem cheerful but with a hint of cautiousness in his voice. His tail flicked nervously behind him and he seemed to duck his head slightly, not sure if the gift would be appreciated.

“I…I love them!” Jimmy excitedly shouted and ran his hand over the canvas. The fabric was tightly woven and would have no problem catching the wind. “Can I try them on? Now?”

“Well, I asked Grian to be here when you tested them.” Tango chuckled, relaxing now that he knew Jimmy loved his gift. “He’s running a bit late though. Something about flowers?”

“Grian’s always late!” Jimmy huffed. “And with the craziest excuses, probably trimming his flower bushes or something. Can’t we please go ahead without him?” Jimmy pleaded, clasping his hands and giving his best sad eyes to Tango.

“Yeah, yeah, Grian’s always late with you,” Tango tried to ignore Jimmy’s big eyes, “but I wanted another flier to be here when we tested them, just in case, you know? No one else can use them since they only fit over your wings and they aren’t like elytra since they’re supposed to work with the movement of your wing muscles and obviously I don’t have the parts to wear them and Grian’s wings are too big to fit with my calculations for how it will catch wind and be able to steer without-”

Tango was suddenly cut off by a kiss from Jimmy. It lasted a long moment before Jimmy pulled away and gave Tango a relaxed smile. “I trust your creations, rancher.” Tango gave a wistful sigh and smiled.

“Okay, fine. You can take it for a spin.” Tango helped Jimmy slide the leather straps over his wings, Tango nervously asking the whole time if they were pulling at his feathers at all. Jimmy just laughed and said he loved how Tango fretted.

“Alright, you sure you can do this?” Tango’s eyes darted around the wings. “You know how to steer and everything? Should we wait for Grian?”

“Of course I know!” Jimmy huffed and smirked at Tango playfully. “I may not be able to fly, but I’m still an avian! Besides, with your creation, I’ll probably be flying better than Grian ever could.” Jimmy gave Tango one last peck on the lips and stepped forward. Tango had chosen this mountain near the shopping district as the meeting spot specifically so Jimmy could easily take off and test the wings. He shouldn’t need rockets since he had his wing muscles to flap the fake wings. But what if his muscles were as underdeveloped as his wings? Maybe Tango should give him some rockets, just in case-

Before Tango’s thoughts could go any further, Jimmy had seemingly hyped himself up and thrown himself off the mountain, wings spread. Tango ran to the edge and his mouth fell open in a large smile as Jimmy easily glided his way down. They could work and glide as elytra, that was good, now for-

Jimmy flapped as hard as he could and shot himself into the air. Tango cheered as loud as he could. To anyone else it wasn’t anything amazing, Grian easily lifted himself higher with one flap, but this was Jimmy, Tango’s rancher and love. He was finally flying, and Tango helped make that happen, he helped make Jimmy happy, and that meant everything to him.

He watched Jimmy try more maneuvers. He could turn and drift. Tango could tell how much fun Jimmy was having with how high he flew. After reaching as high as wanted, he began to glide, having fun learning to turn left and right. He did a spiral down and Tango cheered more.

Suddenly Jimmy was diving. Tango knew avians loved the speed, Grian was always diving. But didn’t diving seem a bit advanced for him? Even Tango remembered in season 6 when Grian regularly ran into walls because he was going too fast. He narrowed his eyes at Jimmy’s silhouette. Jimmy wasn’t diving. One of the wing’s joints had broken, dangling behind Jimmy. The broken joint had caused the canvas on that side to unhook and be left flapping in the wind. The other wing was fully extended, Jimmy desperately trying to use the only good wing to catch the wind and slow his fall, but it was no use.

It wasn’t even a second. Jimmy was in the air and then he wasn’t. His figure had fallen behind the trees, thankfully shielding Tango from what happened, but he knew. He knew what happened. The wings had failed, Jimmy had fallen, it was all Tango’s fault. He went through the schematics in his head. What had failed? Did the hinge restrictor break? Could the wings not handle the wind pressure? He did the calculations hundreds of times, they should’ve worked, they shouldn’t have failed!

Tango didn’t know how long he stood there on the edge of the mountain. He felt numb. Like his mind was still desperately thinking about everything that just happened over and over again, trying to understand it. He couldn’t understand it. Eventually he heard another flap of wings that jolted him out of his head.

“Hey, Tango! Sorry I’m late, was fighting off butterflies, you know how it is.” Grian looked around. “Where’s Jimmy?”

[rumor-weed]

((This ain't a scene it's a god-damn arms race!))

((also this is cursed official VT art from the What's the Big Idea 5th Anniversary Newsletter))

[fazcinatingblog]

Wait since when does James wear a glove

[irregularbillcipher]

honestly i'm not even opposed to the idea that birdie was a messy father. like i generally see him as a very loving and decent dad with the best intentions but even i have some thoughts about parenting flaws and fuck ups he probably had and how his parenting might have impacted the boys from the limited stuff we know about his general personality and his life situation pre-flash. like yeah i think he had the best intentions, but i also think there were probably things that were harder on the hall boys than they had to be, wrt joey's disability, jimmy's mental illness and their mom not being around, because birdie didn't handle them correctly. it's just that blaming alcohol for any parenting issues he may have had with jimmy and joey is literally and canonically incorrect

[sluttyhenley]

tagged by: @redbelles

five songs on repeat this week:

i. come monday - jimmy buffett ii. strong enough - sheryl crow (feat. the chicks) iii. the fire inside - bob seger iv. human touch - bruce springsteen v. hold my hand - lady gaga

last movie i watched: top gun: maverick (2022)

currently watching: catching up on only murders in the building and rewatching superstore (life is hell what can i say)

currently reading: signal to noise by silvia moreno-garcia

tagging: @reachingforaspark, @shoesplease, @monlcabarbaro and @malewifebillcage

[bubblebeebuzz]

how are we feeling about the Bad-Sad-Mad-Tad-Fad-Lad-Chad Boys™

[stormyoceans]

Sea said his favourite scene in OF trailer was car sex between Top and Boston so I'm expecting him to recreate it one day. Like a sign of respect to his Hia'Force who participated on it

EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND AS I GO IMPLODE IN THE NEXT ROOM REAL QUICK AS I TRY TO PROCESS THE INFORMATION I HAVE JUST BEEN GIVEN. OF ALL THE SCENES FROM THAT TRAILER HE COULD HAVE PICKED IM. INSIDE ME THERE ARE TWO WOLVES RN

THEY'RE BOTH GOING INSANE

THIS CHILD HAS GROWN CONFIDENT AND NOW HE'S TRULY OUT THERE SAYING THE MOST THINGS EVER LIKE OBJECTIVELY I KNOW HE WAS PROBABLY JUST TEASING FORCE BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE LITERALLY COULD HAVE USED ANY OTHER SCENE WHAT IS HAPPENING

SEA CAMEO IN ONLY FRIENDS IS SO REAL IM SORRY BUT THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION FOR THE DERANGEMENT

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

HAPPY MCC DAY!!!

[theminecraftbee]

anyway in other news it is EXTREMELY funny of the life series cast to force us to talk about them doing things "in real life" or to tag stupid things like "real life spoilers". yeah man jimmy fell down a hole and died in real life. yeah man sorry for the real life spoilers but they all only had the basic three lives again. yeah these are super normal things to say. don't worry about it.

[zhukzucraft]

=====>

Impulse: Martyn?

Impulse: What's up, dude!

Impulse: Are you having a fit of Nether Envy?

Skizz: Dippledop!

Skizz: Did you finally get the goodies for the golden booties?

Impulse: Sure did!

Skizz: Nice! I'm gonna tell Scarface & co you're coming soon.

Impulse: Could you take care of the smelting for us, Mr. Game Master Man?

Tango: Well gee, how can I not when you ask so nicely!

Martyn: Wait, you're going to the Nether? Now?

Impulse: I am! Unless Skizz decides to reclaim his spot, that is.

Skizz: Well uh

Mumbo: I think it's best we don't gamble our waning amount of lives on a resource run.

Skizz: Yeah what Jumbo Jet said!

Impulse: My god you're so whipped, dude.

Skizz: AM NOT!!

Tango: Your order's ready! One pair of booties coming up!

Impulse: Thanks dude! I'll grab the quartz and be right ba-

Martyn: Quartz. Got it. I'll hook you up.

Impulse: wh-

Tango: Okay, bring some glowstone too if you find any~

Impulse: Wait wait wait wait

Impulse: You can't just grab a man's boots like that!

Martyn: Tough, I just did.

Impulse: Come on, man! I was raring to go!

Martyn: And now you'll get to experience the joy of anticipation for even longer! You're welcome.

Impulse: You-

Impulse: Listen-

Impulse: You don't have to risk your life for our redstone components!!

Martyn: No worries, I was going to go to the Nether regardless.

Martyn: You guys can just owe me double.

Impulse: Double?..

Joe: Long story.

Joe: But hey

Joe: Aren't you forgetting something?

Joe: Jimmy still hasn't come down.

=====>

Start Over -- Go Back

================================================

sorry for the long wait!! i was really sick for a week, in brain fog for about another week, and then i felt like i've lost the hang of making this story. i still don't feel confident about this post but i gotta start again somewhere! thanks for sticking around!