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#Dont me with the hands I do not have the energy rn
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My Latest Attempt with Howl Pendragon
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orcelito · 10 months
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Honestly hate how hard it is to start writing again when you've gone too long without it. Like for fuck's sake man Why's shit gotta be like this
#speculation nation#daydreaming of the early discacc days when i wrote 70k words in 3 weeks. those were the days...#im just... so tired and wrung out and everything is so fucking hard#im barely even Doing anything besides working. my apartment is in horrible shape rn.#what is it about grief that makes life so hard to live man. you lose a cornerstone to your life and suddenly everything is in shambles#and i know he wouldnt have wanted this for me. for me to be Barely functioning bc my brain has been so bad in response#im alive im going to work im feeding myself and showering every day#but i havent been doing the dishes i havent taken out the trash theres Stuff all over my floors and cat messes i havent cleaned#and i dont have the energy for any of it. i get home i eat and then i climb into bed. rinse and repeat.#im just... tired. im so very tired.#i keep wanting to turn to my hobbies to cope with things but it's so fucking hard to stick to#constantly oscillating between manic moods where i think i can finally start moving on (but i dont have the focus to do writing)#and depressive moods where Good Fuckin Luck doing anything besides laying in bed#if you couldnt tell im in the second boat right now. in bed as we speak. and so i shall remain until it's time to go to work#at least ive been going to the woods almost every chance i get. it hasnt given me the power to write but it's been good for me i think#get out of the apartment. experience nature. pick up a snail. you know how it goes.#i kinda feel bad for entering a fandom and trying to dig out a place for myself and Kind Of succeeding#i have a good handful of followers. people who wanna see more of my analysis and fanfic#but i havent posted anything significant in like a month bc i have belonged to the void. all month.#losing family will do that to a person i guess. doesnt stop me from being frustrated though.#negative/
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Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 4.5 // Part 5 // Part 6 //
Hopefully I can get at least the next part out before work kills me. Unlikely but I will try ahaa
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#ok so like this is fine bc im not in a horrible mood rn. this is more i feel like complaining bc what im doing is kinda ridiculous#but my memory is so bad that ill probably forget if i dont write it out. but basically 4 days a week i have to come in starting at 7.30 to#water and prep for measurements. then from 9am to 6.15pm i have to nonstop take the measurements. and theyre timed so that means#i get abt 4 min to do anything before i have to take another measurement. which is abt enough time to start to focus and then have to stop#which is very fucking frustrating. and i have to manage data. coordinate for this fucking paper. and keep track of like 10 other things for#work stuff. which means that it takes me like and hour to send easy emails and they come out all fucked uo bc my brain is so shot#but on top of that i also have to fucking do the steps to get set up for my new school in the fall. and like ive officially accepted the#offer but havent talked to my new advisor since then so now theres this weird gap where im like. uh fuck do i ask for wtf im supposed to#do? bc ive been able to do things for like 2 or 3 weeks but then my life started collapsing in around me. and like there r probably#instructions somewhere but i cant fucking read lol. whatever. hes nice i just need to find the energy and words to email him and b like lol#srry everythings been insane. but bc ive waited so long i have to compulsively keep going back to check that ive been accepted like somehow#that would change while im not looking. ugh. and ive also fucked myself over housing wise bc theres a housing shortage in the city and huge#demand of housing on camus so theres a wait list for everything but i cant fucking apply bc i cant get my id to work. and fucking idk who#to call or email abt that. but idk i might have to have roomates for a semester. or my parents offered to give me some extra money for an#apartment until i can get one that doesnt put me in the red on a grad student budget. ugh. i dont wanna do either of those things#but christ do i not want roommates. ill figure something out. its just annoying and difficult from so far away#and it makes me kinda sad bc ppl r like: r u excited?! and im like. i cant really think abt that. partly bc im constanly putting out fires#in the present so theres not really space for it. partly bc i dont allow myself to b excited abt things so as not to get my hopes up.#but just after i accepted i was excited. and now it feels like im reaching my hand out toward a floating light just out of reach. like#its a nice idea but i wont believe until it happens. but that just bc ive become distorted about things#and i dont even get a weekend bc the 4 days of measurement r friday to Monday and i cant fucking relax on weekdays bc ppl r like hey can u#do this??? and there r things i can only do on weekdays so its like ok i guess ill just suffer forever thrn. and my boss texts me like: hey#did u do X? and am like: uuuuuh i fucking dont kno what day it is anymore. i dont understand y we have to meet. lets just not talk bc im#afraid ill say something worrying. so yea its pretty fucked up rn. but this stuff ends on the 24th#then ill probably not take a break and fucking finish the measurements for another project bc i just really need it to b done. i need it#all to b done so i can fucking wash my hands of this and fucking quit and move away at the start of july... or August if i decide i hate#myself that much. ugh. at least the lab has been pretty empty so no ones seen me crying lol#also thr fucking rutgers guy emailed me yesterday like: hey u want this position? and im like bitch u r like a month too late also im in#my cringe fail era. i would not survive at ur school. ugh everything is terrible. 2 or 3 more months then i csn leave this place forever#unrelated
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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whwhajfjskskan
#ANOTHER CRISIS#this problem again#no like its fine ill do things at my own pace#but sometimes its rlly just so hard to start smth!!!!!!!#less than 1 month left till school starts again so#head in hands what do i do with my life#even tho im a mess rn i still get stuff done so thats nice at least#i've been learnigg by yonah's theme on the piano whenever i feel like it n that's been going well so far#i'll try to finally pick up a book again later#but my main problem rn is#i mean at the same time idrc but#i wna at least not just disappear of twitter but idk how to return#jut rip social anxiety#i've been at least somewhat using tumblr these days but all i've been doing is rambling n ranting n venting#but really i wna be more active on social media but#i'm seriously bad at being active. and i hate how it makes me anxious. and i'm bad at posting#T_T bcs at the same time i genuinely dont care ill just be myself#but taking all these steps are always so hard when there's a lot of things burdening me#and in the first place i don't have the energy aleeady to get things done#ill do it all ar my own pace but i sometimes just wish that it'll be easier and less painful#i need to be more efficient n i need it all to be better quality >>>#my traits n thoughts n actions n all awfully contradict each other in an oddly balanced way that just overwhelms n hurts me#AND THIS PAIN THIS LOOP... i feel like i have so many responsibilities n ffs these burdens overwhelm me smmmm#smth i struggle w so bad is the burden of these responsibilities and duties i feel i have. they weigh me down sm#n yk i try to do sm then idk i neglect myself n get burnout n worry too much n smth revitalizes my energy then repeat#like when i disappear or stop doing smth for a while it sux bcs im like OH I NEED TO CATCH UP ON THE TIME I LOST then boom that cycle ^^#i need to stop wasting timeeeeee i need to get things done n make use of my potential#i'll never have the stars in the first place if i don't reach for them right?#fuck i rlly just have sm i want to do n it overwhelms me sm T_T im tired but ill be fine anxiety's just being especially mean to me rn wah
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I wanna draw so bad but in the grand competition for my energy drawing keeps losing to the long reigning champion: crocheting
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29121996 · 3 months
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cinnabeat · 1 year
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anyways i woke up this morning with 2 hours of sleep and really fucking hungry and The Shakes
#thats how u know im real fucked up rn#like my hands dont shake that bad unless im actively having an asthma attack#i wasnt having an asthma attack for the reacord just incredibly uhh#no energy??#i need fucking food.....#michi tag#speaking of asthma attacks im gonna talk about it anyways once in the legendary soccer game where i made over 80 saves and yet we still lost#that im incredibly bitter aboit to this day anyways it was literally a dive ball bounces off hands get up dive again bc your defense decided#to imitate a colander today ball bounces again bc u literally are too tired to get a proper grasp of it#get up and/or dive again to repeat or the farce ends when i manage to leap on top of the ball and get it in my possesion#like genuinely i was wheezing on the field man bc i didnt have TIME to catch my breath#and at one point i landed on the ball wrong and may or may not have gotten the wind knocked out of me#so i was like actively wheezing trying very hard to get air and the ball. would not. stop. coming.#like my defense was usually good but that day they said fuck me in particular and just. wouldnt do their job#theyre lucky we didnt get scored on any more than we already did i busted my fucking ass that day#anyways i was wheezing as previously mentioned and i was fairly sure i was having an asthma attack and i could have possibly stopped the gam#game to get that fixed re: inhaler but i was like if i stop now theyll probably switch me out and we literally do not have another goalie to#replace me and wed probably lose miserably so im gonna power thru and i did!!#as soon as the whistle sounded for half time i deadass collapsed on the ground and like vaguelly waved my arm around to get help#and my dad was like good job and got me water and i was like NO. WHEEZING. ALBUTEROL. and instead of running to get it he made me stand up a#and hobble to my bag like i wasnt actively dying and i was scared as hell bc my asthma doesnt usually get bad enough to do That too me#like bestie i could barely hold my albuterol i was shaking too much. anyways i was fine afterwards thank god and we lost that game and i was#super upset bc again busted my ass and we STILL lost partly bc i was exhausted but mostly bc my team was ass#and i skirted my whole team and immediately fled to the car to have a good sob#and my team found me anyways sadly and were all very insistent that it wasnt my fault and its like obvs its not my fault im just super mad t#that yall sucked ass so bad and despite my incredible efforts we lost anyways and im absolutely blaming you#but i couldnt say that obvs so i was like SNIFFS sure thanks pls go so i can cry in peace#literally worst game of my life 10/10 would not repeat. the time i blacked out briefly in another game is a close second tho#this is not relevant to the post at all but i needed to say this regardless
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svnnysidez · 4 months
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helloo first can I pls be 🩷 anon and idk if you do more fluff stuff but can I get like make out with riize?? Love your stuff ❤️
yes ofc you can be doll!
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notes: im so soft for this prompt
warnings: mostly fluffy, kinda suggestive, VERY suggestive at wonbins part, gn!reader x ot7 riize
shotaroఌ
୮ hes so soft for you
୮ he cups your face in his hands so you cant pull away from him
"sho.." you whined against his lips, holding your face in place. his lips moving against yours. "sorry baby, cant get enough of you, you're so cute i cant stop kissing you :(" he says pulling away letting you breathe air that hasnt been passed between the two of you for the first time in 20 minutes.
eunseokఌ
୮ lovesss holding your neck
୮ you are 100% always on his lap, like if you arent at first he will pull you to it
୮ TONGUE TONGUE TONGUE TONGUE
he almost instantly brushes his tongue against your lips as soon as you get in his lap. you tease him by pulling away and as soon as you do he grabs your neck putting slight pressure and he pushes his lips against yours again. forcing his tongue into your mouth and you suck on it. moaning slightly as your tongue pushes against his, fighting for dominance. you obviously let him win as you sink into him deeper, letting him take over fully.
sungchanఌ
୮ all i can think of rn is his abs im gonna be 100%
୮ i can just imagine him sticking his thumb in your mouth before kissing you ohvmy gfo
୮ hes so rough i cant rn 😣
sungchan pushed you up against the kitchen counter, lifting you up and putting you on it. he was pretending to be all sweet, smiling at you all pretty. his left hand on your face carressing it. all before he pushes his thumb into your mouth staring at you as your eyes became wide before sucking it hard. tongue swirling around it as he pushed the pad down on your tongue. before you know it he pulls his thumb out and replaces it with his tongue and lips. kissing you deeply automatically taking dominance. you obviously dont fight, already slipping into subspace from his previous acts.
wonbinఌ
୮ holding your waist>>>
୮ he needs to be as close to you as physically possible, if he could crawl inside your skin he would
wonbins arms wrap around your waist almost instantly. you've been out of town for a little while and bin had made it painfully obvious how much hes missed you. texting you whenever he was needy, sending you photos of his dick hard through his grey sweats. now he finally had you to himself so he was gonna savour every second with you. he pulled you so close and planted his lips onto yours. deepening the kiss almost instantly. your hands finding his face as you palmed his cheeks. "'missed you so so badly baby :(" wonbin pouted against your lips. you pecked his pout and you smiled back at him. "i know, but you have me all to yourself now, no need to be sad."
seunghanఌ
୮ hes so romantic
୮ kicking my feet bcs of this man
୮ he just kisses you whenever, he doesnt care if anyone sees, he just wants to love you
you were with the guys watching a movie when seunghan plopped himself next to you and kissed your cheek. that was basically his way of asking for attention. his arms wrapping around your waist as he grabbed your chin turning your face away from the television. his eyes looking at you so lovingly you couldnt say no to him. your lips found his kissing him deep and romantically. lips moving in sync with eachother. you felt a pillow hit you in the back and shotaros voice sounding "god you two! cant you get a room!"
soheeఌ
୮ hes so egar
୮ kissing you so hard instantly
୮ you have to tell him to slow down t_t
sohee couldnt help himself. whenever he was around you he got the equivalent to a dog getting zoomies. he loved you so much he had so much energy when you were around him. he couldnt help when you kissed him soft, to reciprocate with him kissing you roughly almost instantly. "hee, you know you can slow down a little bit, im not going anywhere." "i know, im sorry, i just cant help myself :("
antonఌ
୮ god ton is such a lover boy
୮ he loves just being near you and if you're kissing thats a plus
୮ hes always leaving pecks on your cheeks
୮ ton 100% gets cuteness aggression from you, and i mean who can blame him when his s/o is so cute
anton left pecks all over your face, cheeks, nose, forehead, chin, temples, eyelids. wherever he could get his lips he kissed. he left your pouty lips for last because he knew he wouldnt want to stop if he kissed your lips first. his lips finally making their way to yours kissing you deep. his tongue tangling with yours as he held your face cupped in his hands. "i love you so much you know that." he said pulling away. "yeah yeah i do, just keep kissing me."
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please do not translate or reposts my works. likes and reblogs always help though!!
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hearts-4-vicky · 3 months
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All Aespa G!P with subreader, please 😭🙏
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AHHHHH OMG🙏🙏🙏THISSSS!!! ANON I LOVE YOU 🫶🏼
warnings: g!p aespa, soft dom aespa minus karina😭, subby minjeong for the first part🙏 switch minjeong, sub reader, reader has no pp😔, 5th member reader (makes it easier😭), 5some, handjob,blowjob, deepthroat, anal, double penetration, nipple sucking, creampies, marking, squirting, multiple orgasms, pet names, karina is kinda cringe but shes gorejus so😛
not proofread😵‍💫🙏
being the only member without a dick would be rough 😭 like all your members are hot and hung?? (living the dream fr) but you never brought up the topic of fucking each other💥 all of you had thought abt it but never acted on it BUT I FEEL LIKE MINJEONG WOULD START IT OFF (ik she wouldnt but shes bias wrecking me rn so 🙏) so imagine youre just chilling, wearing panties n a tank top cuz youre abt to go to sleep before minjeong slams open ur door with the biggest boner youve ever seem🙏😭 you just stare at it, not responding until minjeong started walking toward you, although a bit awkward due to the tightness of her pants🥺 you snapped out of your daze once minjeong reached the end of your bed. finally looking into her eyes you noticed how desperate they looked and how soft it made you feel🥺🥺 trying to pull off the cool unnie vibe you say, “you got a m-microphone in there or something jeongie? that shit is BIG…” nailed it !!😄 “unnie… help me please? pretty please?” minjeong had ripped her sweats off and began pulling down her boxers, showing her hard cock to you, precum already dripping from her tip🫠
Timeskip cuz i literally dont know how to write this omg im so sorry anonie🙏
“mmgh! ah! fuck unnie! jeongie’s so close! pleasepleasepleaseplea-“ minjeong whimpered out as you played with her balls, teasing her tip with soft touches🥺🥺🥺
“having fun without us?” you halt your movements, frozen with fear as you had just been caught by the rest of your members😛 “its not what it looks li- WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTH-“ “shhh unnie, let us join we won’t say a thing to anyone..” ning said before sprinting to have your hand on her cock😝 aeri had gotten under you, shoving her throbbing cock into your wet cunt😵‍💫😵‍💫(need her omg) moaning at how full you felt with her cock alone🙏🙏🙏“damn… pretty girl you’re so tight! f-fuck might want you all to myself…” you noticed jimin had gotten behind you, which led you wondering to what she was doing “hold on tight, alright baby?” jimin said before mounting your ass
“jimin did you just reference- AH!” karina had shut you up with a harsh thrust into your tight hole, earning screams from you, someone who has never experienced two cocks inside you before😵‍💫 never slowing down your hands as they jerked the nearly passed out minjeong and an eager ning off🫠aeris thrusts were slower to give you time to adjust to the feeling, kissing around your pretty tits to help calm you down🥺 “shit! your ass is so! so so tight baby, mmph! only heaven knows its one hell of a ride..” you roll your eyes at her reference, before they rolled to the back of your head as she started to go deeper “F-Fuck! ‘s way too big rina!” worried she might be hurting you she slows down, “Don’t stop mmgh, please! keep goING!!” aeri had started thrusting harder and deeper, with karina drilling into your ass faster with your consent🐺 aeri and jimin locked in with how fast they were thrusting into you, once aeri pulled out, jimin was deep inside your tight ass🙏 you were a babbling mess at this point, begging them to go harder and loudly moaning when minjeong came all over your face🫠 “ah! u-unnie! fuck… so pretty with my cum on your face!” she whined tiredly, laying down on your bed to regain her energy 💋 you use the hand you were once using to jerk her off to gather her cum and bring it to your waiting mouth💥💥 barely tasting it before ning shoves her dick down your throat, earning a surprised moan from you🫠 you clench around aeri, feeling her thick cock twitch in your cunt😵‍💫 aeri grunting your name and curses made you wetter with each passing second 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫
“oh f-fuck! babygirl…! take it! take it all!” aeri’s hot cum shooting deep in your womb brought you to your first orgasm of the night, your juices gushing out of you like a sprinkler as aeri began to slow down her thrusts, not wanting to overstimulate you “ning watch-mmgh… your dick, ynnie’s sucking you off, not me so get that shit out my face” moaning into your neck, muffling them by sucking on your sensitive skin
“sorry aeri unnie- fuck… maybe get your face out her neck and my dick wouldn’t bother you… shitshitshit-“ ning’s legs were shaking😵‍💫she pulled her cock out of your mouth til only her tip remained inside, and blew her warm load down your throat😵‍💫🙏 tongue swirling around her tip as you tried to swallow it all (so none gets on aeri’s head who had fallen asleep😭) but it proved to be a difficult task with how ning’s cum seemed to keep going🥺 curses, loud moans of your name, and the sound of skin against skin was all you could hear🫠 ning just kept on cumming to the point where it was kinda concerning… “Ning? holy fuck- calm down! ynnie looks like shes gonna pass out!” while keeping up her pace, karina had to call out to the chinese girl, who was to lost in her orgasm to notice you struggle to swallow all of her🥺 snapping out of her daze, she pulls out quickly to give you the chance to breathe🙏 you cough violently, ning wiping some of her cum from your puffy lips, apologizing sweetly (my babygirl🥺 shes 3 years older than me…)“shit! sorry yn unnie… got carried away… won’t happen again! swear! :(“ (MY BABYGIRLRLLL 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 sorry 🙏) “Ning, it- ah! i-its fine! oh shit…” you were barely able to speak without moaning as karina started getting closer to her limit, grunting as she grabbed your arms and used them as leverage. “really? okay! ill keep it in mind for next time!” ning was practically skipping to the bathroom to wash up☹️leaving you with two of your members asleep and getting your back blown by your leader😵‍💫the wet slapping, panting, whimpers, whines and the sound of the bed creaking with each of karinas hard thrusts into your ass was driving you insane🫠🫠 “gonna cum in your pretty ass baby! s-shit… gonna fill you up so fucking good…” hearing her words had you squirting violently again!! soaking the sleeping aeri🥺 karina buried her twitching cock in deep in your tight ass, before filling it to the brim with her cum, moaning your name for the neighbors to hear😵‍💫 with no energy left, karina collapsed on you, kissing your neck sweetly🥺you looked over to see minjeong awake, dick hard once again🫠
“…can i squeeze in there too?”
“mm? what- jeongie, no, your cock is fucking huge.”
“guess we just need to loosen you up…”
“huh- MINJEONG WAIT-“
sorry this took so long😔🙏 ive been a bit busy this week AND SORRY IF IT SEEMS RUSHED OR KINDA BAD I LITERALLY CANT WRITE RN….
but I just wanted to thank everyone for all the support my other works got bc holy shit where did u guys come from🙏😭 AND FOR OVER 100 FOLLOWERS LIKE WHATTTTT ❤️❤️❤️
thank you guys so much, love you lots and stay safe
-Vicky 💋
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all444miles · 10 months
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can you please do 42!miles with a baddie like a Megan type vibe? SHE HAS A PINK JEEP
💗💗💗💗
— SHE A BADDIE
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— pairing: e42!miles x fem!black!reader — genre: fluff — summary: what its like for 42 miles to date a reader with a "baddie like megan" vibe. — a/n : i felt like i was a lil lazy writing this, sorry ! can yall tell i got excited abt the jeep n the attitude part.. its litch what kept me writing this whole thing 😭 also, a car creeper is those lil things u slide under to fix the underside of ur car — a/n 2: changed the way i start writin a jus a lil, petition for head over heels 42 miles supremacy !! + this was so fun.. like i was writing this n i was like "lemme be this when i grow up" LMAOOO so ty for the request anonnn, mwah and enjoy !!
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MILES FALLS IN LOVE with you every second. like, honestly, just do anything, he's wrapped around your finger.
maybe he'll try and hide it, but you make him fold 24/7. you dont even have to do nothing.
it's just something about your energy, the way you dont give a damn about nothing, he just loves it. y'all are like beast boy and raven.
"mama, you killin' me right now." "hm? did i do somethin'?" "i love you so, so much. i swear, you make me weak." "aww, hun, I love you more." "yeah, keep dreamin'. now, lemme love on you."
hype man, hype man, HYPE MANN
when I say if you want to do anything he's here for it, he's here for it.
you wanna get your hair done? he's at your service.
you wanna go to the mall? he's already throwing you the keys to your jeep.
you wanna get your nails done? show him your options (he always likes the french tips, esp this.)
"Y'know Miles, i think this set ain't looking too good no more.." "You wanna get new nails?" "Mhm, wanna help me pick?" "'Course I do, let's see em."
does not care what you wear, he's always gonna say you look gorgeous. plus, he can fight. but, he's always got his hands on your waist. always.
you're your own girl, he knows that. he spoils you, yes, but he'll always let you do your own thing.
he can't explain it, but when you refer to him as "my man", or your anything, really, it does something to his heart.
yk when latto goes "ty to my man"? yeah, that's you.
"My nails? Yeah, my man helped me pick 'em."
you have attitude. Miles doesn't mind, he's a "yes ma'am" kind of guy, but if it's to him, hes gonna shut you down.
a lot of the times, you won't care, and it won't end in an argument, becuase he's still shutting you down regardless.
"Miles, you lost your shit or sum." "Amor, drop that tone f'me, aight?"
you are a party animal, and Miles? He'll just be in the back, watching you do your thing with your friends. If you ask him to dance with you though, he will for sure.
Will he throw money on you? Yes, yes he will. (Not sexual btw !)
Your jeep. He has his own car, but he honestly loves yours the best.
He helped you decorate it, all pretty and pink
He will happily get in your jeep while you blast Megan or Rihanna because c'mon now, who wouldnt?
I'm insistent he's good with mechanics, so he'll tune your car whenever you need him to, bryson tiller or tory lanez playing while he does so. (i'm losing my shit rn.)
"Cariño, ¿puedes pasarme esa llave inglesa? It's to ya left." (Baby, can you pass me that wrench?)
he'd say, sliding out from the car creeper under the hood of your pink jeep, sliding back in after you passed him the tool.
and after about 15 minutes, he'd come back out, putting a dirty cloth over his shoulder, wiping the sweat from his forehead.
its a sight to see: white tank top, slightly stained with grime from fixing your car; his favorite gold chain glistened in the sun, adorned with beaded glints of sweat from his neck.
"Aight, i think she's good, you can start her up if you wanna." "Yay! thank you for fixing my car, baby, I love youu."
you'd squeal, wrapping your arms around his neck to plant a kiss on his cheek, your pink tinted lip gloss staining his face.
"Ain't no problem princesa, I love you too."
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© all444miles 2023. do not plagerize, copy, or repost my work in any way shape or form, without my permission.
likes, reblogs, comments and asks are always appreciated !
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#apologies for being whiny yet again but alas humans r social creatures and i have no desire to interact with physical ppl lmao#its just that im so so tired. ive been working on this manuscript for the last 2 weeks and i hate it so much. so i spend all week like i#cant wait for the weekend when i can avoid this. but my obsessive brain must have something to get obsessive abt and if its not work then#its something else and rn i can feel it creeping into my drawing. like i just want to draw all the time. more and more and more. i can feel#the goalpost shifting on what's qualities as acceptable and on one hand i feel like ive gotten a lot better in a short period of time but#but also it means i sit there for like 6hrs coloring until my legs hurt and ive wasted so much time and i spend hours filpping back and#forth. unable to commit to drawing any one thing. which is very annoying. idk its just exhausting bc all i can think abt is all the things#i should be doing instead but im stuck there until i can get x thing done#and i put so much pressure on the time i have to draw that most of the time im too paralyzed to do anything#bc executive dysfunction annoyingness. and my brain makes me stay up so late and wake up so early. im just tired#so im making myself miserable in all aspects of life. like no. stop that. pls#its just this like crazy frantic anxious energy constantly spinning in my chest#and its like oh u should make friends or something so u can get out of ur own head but like idk ppl are exhausting and i dont like#listening to myself talk. i find it personally annoying lol. i feel like some sort of alien when i go to lab meetings. like i see what's#happening and i understand the structure but like in a synical way. like im not reacting how im supposed to. the interactions dont make me#feel anything. i feel the same way when i go to the zoo or something. like im supposed to feel something but its not there. im forming#memories but then when i hear ppl reminisce abt it. its like oh yea i guess that did happen. i dont have the fond memories u seem to have.#i dont feel anything abt it. so then whats the point of doing things like that? its just a waste of time and money if im not gonna enjoy it#my emotions seem to shift between light misery and an obsessive almost manic focus. so ill smile abt thing but something deep in my chest#feels wrong. weird emotional disonace. agh. idk its just annoying and ive gotta sort myself out b4 i have to take a like 18hr car ride with#my boss in like 3 weeks or something. blah! i should just sleep more. that would prob help#unrelated#in a lab meeting once i got asked what i do to relax and im like. i dont. and my boss was like what abt drawing?#and i was like ahah i like to draw but im so obsessive abt it that its something i have to do#so its not so much fun as it is stressful so yeah i dont relax
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yenqa · 1 year
Text
how enha would react seeing you at their concert!
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pairing : enhypen x gn!reader
warnings : like two swear words, mentions of cuddling, relationship is public in jungwons 🤞🤞, mentions of jealousy and crying
wc : 0.84k
a/n : hope you enjoy anon! they might seem similar bc i ran out of ideas after jay also new format
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heeseung
ok so we all know damn well this man is a huge flirt.
so yk he’s doing his flirty things while performing but once he spots you, its over for any engene.
he’s actually kinda shocked that you came because they didn’t tour in your area
he literally only winks in your direction and the engene next to you thinks they’re dying
he keeps looking over at you and when he sings polaroid love, you know he’s singing it to you.
but engenes keep getting suspicious because they’re like why does hee keep interacting with only that engene?????
and the clip of someone recording him singing polaroid love to you goes viral!!
jay
im sorry but realistically he does not spot you.
ok but pretend he does and he’s like :000 inside but he like hides it bc he’s in the middle of a concert!!
he gets like a splurge of confidenceand energy so he performs way better than usual (not like there is much to improve on)
and he starts getting like flirty with engenes (you) and fans are like omg what’s happening to him!!?!,!???
he smiles at you so much throughout the concert
man starts crying during shout out and you lowkey tear up a bit
after the concert you go backstage and he pulls you into the biggest hug and like twirls you around :))
bf jay is keeping me alive rn
jake
ok so we know he’s flirter number 2
idk how but he spots you immediately and his face brightens
he literally starts getting all flustered when you two make eye contact
you throw him a little hat you made/bought and he wears it THE WHOLE concert
like fever? he’s wearing it. drunk dazed? hes wearing it
he doesn’t care that it’s a cutesy hat he’s still wearing it
until his manager makes him take it off
he blows you a kiss whenever he can
and he gives himself a pat on the back whenever he sees you flustered
but he also gives himself a dating rumor because engenes notice everything
sunghoon
opposite of jay, when he spots you in the front row he gets shy
like “omg what if i mess up then y/n never likes me again”
but once he sees you having fun, all his worries are gone and he’s also having fun
he pays more attention to whatever section your in and he like keeps walking to wherever you are.
and when he’s like running through the stadium he completes your heart and your heart only
his smile grows whenever he looks at you smiling and dancing
at the end of the concert he gives a little message to engenes (you) and it’s like
“thank you so much for coming today, you make me happy when i see you dancing and having fun” blah blah blah
but you and him both know that the message is for you and you only
sunoo
you know he smiles when he spots you
bro goes from ☺️ to 😁 (that looks a little silly)
he keeps trying to not make eye contact with you but he can’t help it :((
he picks up your phone and he films a little video of him blowing a kiss to the camera (mostly to you but engenes dont know that)
at the encore he specifically requests the songs you love that they didnt perform
after the concert you know that you’re getting cuddles
he fr rushes home with you like hes zooming bc hes tired and you cuddle <33
well after he takes a shower
he loves when you play with his hair
so when you do, he falls asleep quickly
jungwon
ok so your relationship is public
he keeps waving at you and mentioning you
“y/n is here!” “y/n loves this song” “y/n knows the dance to this part of-“
enhypen just wants him to shut up about you
he performs extra hard and sends his failed winks to you
when hes running around the stadium he stops to kiss you hand before running back around
during tfw he points to you multiple times
he can’t stop smiling whenever he looks at you
he keeps eye contact while singing shout out and tears up a little but :((
he literally rushes to you after the concert like he cannot contain his excitement
i need jungwon NOW.
niki
this man gets so cocky
when he sees you filming him and only him, he grins so hard
but secretly he’s so flustered
Y/N? at my concert? filming me?
he acts extra flirty to engenes to make you jealous
when he sees you frowning a little bit, he stops and winks at you
he winks at you a little too much…
when he sees you smiling wide at his parts, he almost forgets all his moves
like how did he get so lucky with you??
if you’re relationship is public you best know he’s talking about you
“my y/n is here at the concert today!”
just be careful of jealous engenes
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ohbo-ohno · 6 months
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Hi, I love your writing so so so so so much and it's like my goal in life to get as good as writing as you, but I was just wanting to ask if you would write a ghoap puppy play drabble but with a ftm reader, I don't wanna make you uncomfortable but I actually can't find any puppy play stuff with a ftm reader in it and I would literally worship the ground you walk on if you did (if you don't feel comfortable doing this please don't)
yknow i dont take requests but you're actually the sweetest person alive (and i want to write puppy play rn) so sure!!! tysm for such kind words <3 (also your goal should be to get 10x better than me but i love you anyway)
1.8k of ghoap x ftm!reader with puppy play :) words used for reader's genitalia are cunt, hole, and cock (also reader is called pretty once)
It's a struggle not to beg, but you're a good boy. You stay still on your knees, paws resting on the wood below you, and you focus all of your attention on staying good.
Johnny's not good. Johnny's never a good boy, and usually that's a blessing for you, but right now it's a curse.
A whine slips from your lips, unintentional but loud. You lick your lips, swallow, and try to settle. Still, you've drawn Ghost's attention.
His hand stills in the air and he cocks an eyebrow. "Need somethin', pup?"
You lick your lips beneath the wire muzzle, shake your head. You don't need anything, you only want his hands on you. Simon's the only one who decides what you want.
He lands another smack against Johnny's bared ass, and the other pup wriggles on his lap, eyes screwed up - in pain or pleasure, you can't tell.
"Look'it him," Ghost rumbles, grabbing Johnny by the mohawk and forcing him to look at where you're knelt several feet away. "He's gotta wait for his turn because you can't remember how to be good. That seem fair?" He shakes Johnny's head for him, and you catch him smirk when Johnny whines. "You'd be barkin' and howlin' like I'd fuckin' shot you if your positions were reversed, but he's sitting there, nice and pretty."
You shift on your knees, padded hands tapping the floor in an effort to expel any of your energy. You pant with your mouth wide open, keep your eyes locked on Ghost, trying to ignore the clenching of your hole on nothing but air.
"Poor puppy," Ghost coos, voice edging into that part-affectionate part-condescending tone that makes you drip. "Having to watch me punish Johnny, when you should be getting all my attention. Is not fair, is it?"
That's a trick question, you know it. Anything Simon decides is fair, that's how this works, and you know intuitively that there's no right answer.
You whine, then yip, leaning forward a bit.
He laughs, letting go of Johnny's head and delivering another blow, this one making Johnny wail from behind his own muzzle.
"Little longer, pup," Ghost calls over Johnny's cries, every smack nearly as loud. "Just keep bein' good for me."
You can't help your noises as you watch Johnny's punishment, but you don't move. Your hips rock against the air, but you don't try and push your paws against your cock, don't try and get yourself off without permission.
You're good, you're a good boy. Ghost said so.
You try to keep your breathing even, try to keep yourself away from that cliff-edge of desperation that can get you in trouble, but it's almost impossible with the show you're watching
Johnny's face is red, streaked with tears as he takes his punishment. His thighs and ass are the same shade of red, and the cock hanging between Ghost's spread knees matches too. He's kept hard by the black cock ring at his base, but you know he doesn't need it. His feet kick and push at the couch cushions to no avail, his mitted hands punching and pushing at the arm of the couch.
He's more muted than you, his muzzle a thick leather instead of wire, but you can still hear the way he cries. Johnny's always been loud, and he's not shy about voicing his displeasure.
Eventually, Simon begins to slow his strokes, the sound of his slaps becoming quieter and the time between each one lengthening. Johnny's cries quiet to sniffles, and you shift forward even more, knowing what's coming.
You just barely manage to hold back a whine.
"See?" Ghost rumbles, stroking up and down Johnny's sweat-slick back. "You're alright, hush now. You bring it on yourself, Johnny. Wouldn't need a punishment if you could behave more than five minutes."
His eyes shift up to yours, and you can't bite back the whine this time. Ghost smiles at you as he shifts Johnny from his lap to the floor.
"Nothing like you, huh pup?" He raises a hand, motions you forward, and you're quick to crawl to him. You shove your head into his hand, melting into the scratches through your hair. Soap stays hunched on the floor next to you, head resting on Ghost's knee as he catches your breath.
"Yeah, you're my well-behaved puppy. Nothing like the mutt, hm?" You lean further into his hand, smiling when he chuckles and gives you the pets you desperately want. "My well trained pure-bred, hm? Maybe I should enter you in shows, let everyone see how perfect you are."
Johnny whines from next to you, digging his face further into Ghost's knee. Simon scoffs, but pets him too.
"Nah, couldn't do that with you, mutt. You'd embarrass me just for the punishment." His words are mean but Ghost's tone is soft, and Johnny's eyes nearly roll back in his head at the soft scratches to his scalp. "But you'd be jealous if he got all the attention, wouldn't you?" Ghost sighs, then uses his hands to push the both of you in so your muzzled cheeks are pressed together. "Guess I'll have to keep you all for myself."
Despite your own arousal, it's not too difficult for you to sit and wait while Ghost coaxes Johnny out of his punishment-headspace. It's nice to float in the softness, so rare with the three of you, and you're content with Ghost's hand on your head.
Eventually, he moves away.
"Alright, you want your treat, pup?"
You blink hazy eyes open, shifting to try and follow his hand with a whine. He smiles at you, and grabs you by the nape of the neck to guide you more fully between his legs.
"C'mon, don't you want a reward for bein' a good boy? I think Johnny deserves one too, for takin' his punishment so well."
Soap is quicker to perk up than you, quickly crawling so he's behind you. Realizing what's going on, you sit up more fully on your knees and brace your paws on Ghost's thighs, looking up at him and smiling.
"Pretty thing," he coos. "Don't worry, you'll get to come. Johnny." He snaps, the sound loud right next to your ear. "Go on. Mount him."
Johnny doesn't have the self-control to give you time to adjust, or to go slowly. One minute you're empty and aching, the next you're stuffed to the brim and stretched wide around Johnny's cock.
You both moan, and you feel the leather of his muzzle bump against your naked shoulder. You melt into the space between Ghost's thighs, eye-level with his cock tugged out of his pants as Johnny fucks you without giving you any time to adjust.
You whine loudly, eyes screwing shut at the near painful drag of his cock in and out of your hole. It's good to be filled, satisfying an ache that you've been fighting for what feels like hours, but your body can't help but fight the intrusion, pushing you further up on your knees and making you look up at Ghost for comfort.
He only smirks and pets a hand through your hair as Johnny snarls at your attempt to get away, paws landing on your shoulders and pushing you down into his ruthless thrusts. He snarls at your yelp, wide even behind the muzzle.
"You're alright," Ghost says, hand guiding your head to rest on his inner thighs. "We both know you like it rough, pup, be a good boy and let Johnny give you what you need."
He's right, Ghost is always right, and it doesn't take long for the sharp stretch to turn to pleasure, for the heavy drag of Johnny's cock in and out of you to leave you moaning instead of whining.
You pant with an open mouth, tongue lolling out to rest on your tongue as you try and breathe through the fucking, brain scrambled. Johnny's just as loud behind you, snarls and grunts and moans slipping through the leather as he bullies himself inside of you.
"There ya go, good boy," Ghost rumbles, giving you a solid pat. "Both of you, my two good boys. You're fuckin' him so good, Johnny, giving him such a good treat."
You work your hips against Johnny, pushing back in search for more pleasure, and whine high in your throat when it's still not enough.
"Y'need more, puppy?" Ghost asks, and you nod yes as vigorously as you can with your whole body being rocked in place.
"Here," he grunts as he shifts, moving one leg between your thighs and pressing his boot against your cock. You melt at the sensation, shoving yourself up and grinding against the strings. Your cries are almost deafening as Johnny's thrusts don't falter, the combination of stimulation heavenly.
"Go on, get yourself off. You've earned it."
You don't last long after that. You work your hips against his boot, the texture rough but perfect against your slick and swollen cock, sensitive hole still pounded mercilessly by Johnny. You feel insane with pleasure, eyes rolled back in your head and drool slipping endlessly down your chin as you let yourself drown in in.
You clench hard around Johnny when you finally come, cunt clenching him and milking him for all he's worth. He howls from behind his muzzle, pressing his face along your neck. You know if his mouth was free he'd be marking you, sucking bruises into your skin and covering you in his spit. You almost whine at the lack of it.
But you're far too drenched in your own euphoria to miss anything, really, your only focus on pushing yourself to higher heights of pleasure.
You float down, eventually, but you're immediately thrown into overstimulation as Johnny's pace continues exactly as it was. He continues to pound into your mercilessly, the sound of your slick shameful in the quiet room.
You paw in a panic at Ghost's thighs, looking up at him with wide eyes as you press closer to try and get away from the cock rearranging your insides. He only smirks and presses his boot up, the pressure against your cock so soon after an orgasm absolute torture.
"Let Johnny have his treat now," he scolds lightly, giving you a slight tap to your cheek that has you trying to nuzzle yourself into the crease between his thighs and hip. "Maybe he'll manage to get off, even with that pretty ring on his cock. Let's let him try, hm?"
You look up at him with vision blurred by tears, whining as you balance the sharp edge of pleasure-pain from Johnny's minstrations.
Ghost only smirks, petting you again. "Hang tight, pup. Be a good boy for me, let our other boy have his fun."
You whine, and bury your face next to his cock, trying to breathe evenly as Johnny only drives himself more and more insane inside your cunt.
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msallurea · 9 months
Text
Things I'm manifesting
-Everything from my notes/Dream life (this just basically everything😭)
-Dream face
-Dream body
-Lighter prettier eyes
-Caramel brown skin (think goldenbih)
-Being 5'1 in a half + weighing 110lbs
-Smaller prettier feet, hands, toes, nails
-3b curls/perfect hair
-Lighter hair with caramel highlights
-Freckles + Beauty marks
-Natural makeup appearance
-Dream wardrobe/Fashion/Aesthetic
-Dream mansion + living in luxury city
-Being famous/celebrity/superstar/popstar
-Desired talents/talented at everything
-Being an it girl + sex symbol + muse + vixen (yall get it 😭)
-Being master manifestor + perfect pretty self concept (even tho technically I already am this its just like why not? Ya know😭)
-Dream parents/family + Being an only child (I'm sick of this sibling shit 😒) + radiate and embody hot older sister energy (just cuz I don't wanna be a older sister no more doesn't mean i dont still want the energy😭)
-Prettier handwriting +top notch writing skills/communication skills/over the top intelligence/stupidly high IQ(basically just the brainsy gyal)
-perfect 50/50 HD eye sight + looking hot asf in any pair of glasses (I wanna not be blind but still be fine)
-Prettier whiter teeth and pinker tongue and gums and just dental/mouth in general + OP top notch hygiene skills (I feel people who have bipolar depression understand this part)
-better mental health + no mental health issues + no anxiety/fearful etc
- balanced hormones + increased estrogen(as a girl I have wayy too much testosterone n I've been insecure about it for years)
-perfect coochani + OP coochanini skills (ummm so this is just self explanatory but honestly if yk yk 😭)
-Naturally smell like my desired scent (which is basically like a bakery n just so deliciously annoyingly sweet and seductive; but remember how I said I have too much testosterone gor my body to handle yea..ifykyk😭)
-No more sweating (I don't sweat excessive I just hate it period)
-top notch crystal clean health + no more constipation + no longer pooping n its healthy (ik somebody gon question me but those who suffer from severe constipation especially for me its been my whole life u understand where I'm coming from)
- desired voice + accent + unique lingo n slang etc
-Desired personality + persona + aura + vibe etc etc
-super flexibility skills
-unbearably photogenic videogenic audiogenic + always looking perfect naturally
-Desired school, friends, lover, etc + school it girl
-Speak/know already desired languages
-drivets license, car, motorcycle, etc etc
-Be intimidatingly wealthy (when I say wealthy I mean WEALTHYYYYY) + come from a family of aristocrats + wealthy generational family in general (yall know what I'm tryna say) + luxury etc etc
-Revised life and childhood
-Dream singing + rapping skills + song writing etc
-Good in all sports like frfr just good at everything (basically the perfect it girl)
-Be a Gazillion times better then Kokomi teruhashi (not tryna be self centered i promise🥲)
-Perfect life + graduation + live teenage fever dream
-Bald, completely hairless body and face (but keeping my brows, lashes and scalp hair)
It's more I just can't think of it rn but this is all I will be manifesting
How will I manifest all this?
So for me I'm not really tryna overcomplicate any more I'm just gonna go straight back to the basics n apply what I know which is choose what I desire, affirm/assume its done and persist. I already overconsumed so much and at this point it's a waste of time. I'm not really tryna do no challenges I'm just gonna focus strictly on trusting and having faith not just in myself but my imagination and subconscious thats its done n taken care of, I'll give yall updates on anything that happens soon! I love you guyssss💗💗💗
Affirmations I'll be using
-I have all of my desires from my notes
-I am living my dream life
-it is done
-I choose to live my new story, my old story no longer exist
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leclerking · 7 months
Note
max x reader (you)
enemies to lovers slow burn or fast burn idk idc
write a self indulgent fic when you're drunk
slayyyyyy im drink rn girlie lets write some fan fictionnnn
do i make this aesthetic? ok maybe i make it aesthrtic
MV01 | ★ BRO WHATS YOUR NAEM?
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so its a clubbing scene. im drinking as usual. i want to dance but my friends arent dancers. they're also tired. a man comes up to me and i instantly want to rail him.
he says " you wannt to dance?? ' i said " Yeah dude all night' . so we're on teh dance floor and we're dancing and my friends are at a distance somehwer in the club
then i fall tired so i left to ge t a drink and join my friends, just as i sit down with them, this man. built like a tree. same one from earlier comes back and says lets dance again come on. i was tired but he was handsome so i wen back to dance. then again i was tired so i came bk. and so did he. "come onnn the night is young lets go back" he pleads with a huggee smile. as if he slept with a hanger in his mouth
"dude WHO EEVN ARE YOU AND HOW DO YOU STILL HAVE THE ENERGY??' i asked as i was close to passing out. (just like rite now while i amm typing this)
but he just smiles and takes my hand and i follow him and we're again having fun on the dance floor. soon enough i couldnt do tjis anymore so i tell my friends that we can leave. and we'er sitting on a bemch outside waiting for our uber AND GUESS WHO SHOWS UP!
"you want to catch a drink later someday again?"
i only stare at him. what does he even mean?? " i dont live in this city, i'm here for like 5 days. also WHO ARE YOU i still domtknow your name yet!! how will i even find you??'
'so u do want to find me? " he smirks " if we have one last dance left togther, maybe we will find eachother " and with that he left.
------------------------- im so tired im going to continue this when im drunk mext time i hop e i dont forget the storu--------------------------
HI I DDI NOT FORGET WE ARE BACK HELLO!
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OKAY so now this is probably the next day or the day before we leave the city (i dont know which citty)
im in the lobby with my friends, just back from a whole tiresome day of site watching ? seeing?? the city. im waiting to get something frm the recption and i hear his voice.
" you're here??" "omg dude are you stalking me ?????" i ask with a smile! LIKE WHY AM I SMILING ??!!
" nope. my friend actually lives hre. i came to drop her off "
" you have a girlfriend?" "would not you like to know??"
" nvm i dont, bye"
"okay wait, shes just a friend, and besides i came to drop her AND her boyfriend." and idk what to say, i wanna ask him out but whats the point ill leave tomorrow...
" would you like to go out today? i know this really really great place that has a great salsa night..." not like the dip like the dance!
"sure i'd love that" why am i brushing like an idiot. i told him i'd meet him down in just a few minutes. and sooner than later we were at this beautiful place, you could see the coast. so many people were dacing through tje entire street.
and then so were we. one mimosa after another. one song after another and we were both super drunk and laughing anf giggling and dancing and just having the greatest time ever.
and we continued to have a great time even after we got back to my room. im sure we had great sex. and we wer arguing about something i dont remmbr and having a roast contest. thats all i remembr.
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
because when i woke up, he was gone. not a single trace. no note, nothing... AND I STILL DIDNT KNOW HIS NAME. was he just a ghost? perhaps my drunk imagination or halusination...
went down for breakfast and met my friends. and they asked me about last night. AND I ASKED THEM FOR CONFIRMATION " SO I WASNT THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD SEE HIM??"
maybe he was real.. but i had to leave in a few hours. maybe he would just have to remain a core memmory to me in this city. and it sucks because he has the cutest smile, and the best energy when it came to dancing.
the whole time, in the taxi, the airport , the flight.. okay maybe no tthe flight because i usually fall asleeep. i thought about him and waht a wonderful time we had.
would i ever see him again??
------------------------
I want to take this time annd appretiate some of my friends or moods as they say on thos web site. It is 3 am her
@crimsonicarus @lesharl-eclair @sebsore @sebscore @jelloecat @hellocat? @jelliecatz @scuderia-leclerc starcentral @strkctrl @stqrsctrl @deadaydreams @fhumingrace you guys salllaayyyyyyy 💗🤍💕❤️💔💌❤️‍🩹💟❤️‍🔥🫦💋
OH WAIT AND @KRIKRISYERR I for the lyf of me caaannot spell this useeename but they give me the best f1 fic recs
This account has lit rally Turner into my safe space 😭😭😭😭😭💗💗💗💗
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