#Doubt I'll write the single mom stuff since he got better but I wanted to try my hand at this

[kit-williams]

Kinda shameless self insert? With my ADHD ass it makes it hard to try to do reader/yn fics so here's a shameless self insert and yeah anything I write is gonna be ADHD coded. First time writing for this fandom OH BOY and first time writing in awhile.

Some idea backstory its the year 2020-2021 but "Goblin" is from 2023 and suddenly a bunch of fictional men are real. This short is set after all the fun plot set up of "why they believe you" and dealing with your clearance having ass that can just open up lovely bits of information for them. (yes I wanted to skip the hard part of setting up plot) Oh and her phone still seems to be connected to back home so there was a fun moment of accidentally showing Soap his Wiki page "Why am I K.I.A?"

Goblin is Female, is 30, is American, was married, and has ADHD I guess you could say unreliable narrator too?

This is super unbeta read so I guess enjoy my insane ramblings

They really shouldn't make obstacle courses so much fun. I think as I just swing back and forth on one of the ropes over the mud pit, something I would worry about later. I couldn't stop this one impulse it just looked too fun and nobody was using it. I've seen soldiers just do a casual run through of it so why not just have a little bit of fun. I sigh as I continue to swing back and forth and spin slightly. There wasn't much for me to do today but Price was adamant on making sure I was earning some wage, but hard to keep a coding Goblin happy.

Was weird to find out that there was a version of myself here so no sense in going to try and woo my alternate husband... I've accepted the fact that this is not a dream... but hey I get to try and see if the lotto numbers from back home work here and I can give myself a nice stack of cash, Nikolai is such a wonderful man and knowing my dumbass I won't notice a damn thing. That's been the hardest thing... going from sleeping in a bed with another person to being alone... no warm body next to yours with an arm wrapped tightly around you. Muttering for you to not go to work and just stay home... god and living on my own for literally the first time in my life is going as awful as I dreaded. My nuro ass can't thrive alone only survive... momma raised a survivor but I was so use to not being in survival mode with my husband that it stung to go back.

At least Soap or Johnny was nice enough to stop on by occasionally of course he'd make it worse at times... triggering me and making me all antsy. Thank Jesus for Simon or Ghost... I couldn't tell if he was still mad at me calling him Simon when I first saw him but now he just helps. I think he was the first person to pick up the fact that I could hardly live alone.

I had to be thankful that Gaz and Price were married and that I didn't have the four of them mother henning no I only got two though. I continued to swing back and forth without a care in the world. Though I started to get a care... I looked down at the mud in the pit. It was a good drop compared to the side of the mud hole. Just a swing to the side. I gripped the rope tightly as I would move my foot out and get unbalanced but I was so focused that when I heard Johnny say if I needed help it made me discombobulated.

Ghost rushed over after hearing a distinctive shriek and Soap howling with laughter. He rushed over in time to see Johnny's face get covered in mud as their tech Goblin crawled her way out of the mud. How she just smiled at him as he walked over and she just simply shrugged. "Yeah not my smartest lack of impulse as I'm now muddy for the rest of the day. But! I did figure out my coding issue! 'Scuse me gentlemen!" His hand shot out before she could get too far.

"Yer not going to get the computer room muddy." Ghost said as if it was obvious.

"But I don't have a change of clothes and I have an inspired moment." Goblin said but let out her screech as she was just picked up and taken over to the women's barracks.

"You need to shower hen. I'll get you something while your clothes are tossed into the wash."

"Fine. But I'm blaming you when I forget my eureka moment."

"Yeah I can live with that." Ghost said pushing her inside to the showers.

-----------

Goblin was the best way to describe her. She was small, loud, and weird. Not given the fact she was from a few years in the future and the fact that they all existed as video game characters but her quirks, her knowledge, and just the way she carried herself. Soap and her could feed off of each other till she crashed and that is when Ghost would have to intervene. She spoke less and less about her life back home... the lads she left behind as it seems that life continued on and she was still there.

She was giving up on the fact that this was a dream as well... and for the two of them she was opening up how painfully lonely she was. She could see her old life right there being lived by another version of herself. For Simon he knew for her it was akin to the trauma he went through... all of her nets and family and friends basically gone. Ghost could help her keep grounded and well Price offering her a job to have some cash for her to spend on hobbies helped. But more often than not she was at the base unwilling to go home alone where there was no one to soothe her mind.

Soap was eager to fill that void for her, perhaps it was misguided in the sense of he was thankful to her, but Ghost enjoyed the way they would just sit in silence and a few times she thanked him for just sitting in the same room as she played a game, drew, or whatever she did to stave off the pending breakdown. Though she joked that she was like that song Tubthumping she always got back up again. But Ghost was worried when she wouldn't bounce back.

[vtforpedro]

life update - long

It took me a hot minute to find the last update. December, I guess? I'm so tired I never stop being tired and time is not real anymore. Anyway. Disability Stuff: I won my case in federal court in February. They said it'd take a year so I was a little hm. Found out the SSA voluntarily asked the judge for the remand because the written decision was indefensible and they were gonna take another look. Pros: Hey, I won! I get a second hearing! Cons: I didn't get a brief written by the federal law firm because there was no time. This is actually a tactic used by the SSA. I have no doubt they're fine tuning another denial. I also have to wait for the lower level court to figure out what was so bad about it (that they'd already ruled was perfect) to give to the judge I will have another hearing with. The same judge. Who said I was a liar multiple times and omitted eight months of medical evidence and said mental health issues are subjective hahaha. I hate this country. Health: Boy howdy it's been better and worse. I had the tilt table test in late December, went... ok enough, but my neuro didn't like how ambiguous the report was and sent me back to them to speak to an autonomic disorder specialist. Scheduled in Jan, just had my appt with her this month lol she is busy. She ordered: genetics test, labs, and skin biopsy. I've done the first two, third is scheduled in July and I'm gonna be a mess because needles u_u Brain stuff is much of the same. Episodic. Manageable times are a godsend, bad times are really bad. My heart started to do some funky ass shit a few months ago. My mom kept writing it off as anxiety no matter how much I explained that it felt like my heart was pounding after exercise. My BP and pulse shot up high for a while and b/c my pulse never came back down and it was interfering with, you know, living, my PCP sent me to cardiology. :') Cause I wanted my heart involved in this mess One 24hr holter monitor, echo, and heart ultrasound later, and I have a new heart condition. He said 'your heart is beating so fast you would normally see it with exercise' bada boom baby and has nothing to do with fucking ANXIETY >:[ I'm on heart medication. 10 meds. I need to start another med for my psych but that's 11 and I'm honestly getting upset because it's so fucking much medication in one day but every single one of them is necessary so what can really I do? Personal: Relationship with my mom is at an all time low. This is extremely unfortunate because a few weeks ago, my mom told me she is basically being 'laid off' (she's not losing her job for a while, just retiring earlier than expected) and I have to leave my home of 10 years by mid-August. Got no sympathy from her about it *finger guns* I've gone through the devastation of that and am kind of just stuck in how is any of that gonna work. My brother and I can't live together, so he's gonna move into a family friend's rental. Except he has no job and hasn't been able to get one in months. He started one on Monday, is gonna leave by Friday because it's horrific ig. Anyway my mom promises he won't be there. We have to move based on my disabilities and my mom's house is gonna have to reflect what we have here. I'll see it when I believe it. I don't trust her anymore. Extra unfortunate that I'm gonna be living 24/7 with my mother who has been an abusive person in my life the past two years. The short break thru the day that my apartment is just mine, quiet and gentle, is gonna be gone. I'll be introducing my solitary 11 year old cat Lilly into a house with 3 other cats. She only knew Isis her entire life. She was just diagnosed with neuro issues this year after going through an MRI. We don't know if she has seizure activity or if it's movement disorder, but the med she's on treats both and she has gotten better. Same process Isis went through. Cannot believe I have two cats with neuro issues and likely the same one. May 18th was one year since Isis passed. Rough, tiring day.

I don't know how it has been that long. Feels like it just happened. I can still see her and feel her through my apartment and losing it in August will probably shatter me most because of losing the last place she existed in. I miss her more than I can say.

She was my little soulmate and her absence is felt in every corner here. Writing/Fandom:

I went through a whole fucking situation over in the Stranger Things fandom that has left me not wanting to post anymore. Idk if neuro shit has destroyed my ability to write but it's humiliating and painful every time I post a fic.

I posted stucky (1 out of 2 fics this year) on my main acct and lost 8 fuckin user subs? Like goddamn. What'd stucky do 😭 anyway it was even more devastating and kinda like 'here's your big ass sign to keep your writing to yourself.'

Between the god awful shit that happened in the ST fandom and my inability to put together even a good one shot, I'm feeling really down about one of two creative things I can do in my life. I used to love sharing my stuff. I want to write and share but it feels like it's harming my MH. I can't draw or paint right now, either. And I can barely move around my apartment without pain. I can't even leave it except for doctor appointments.

Idk. Very walls are closing in type of feeling and I hate it. In short: I'm tired, struggling, and too many things are happening at once. I love you all 😩💜 thank you for your patience and love and kind words. Your support is felt through one update to the next. I hope you're all well and I'm sending all my love and hugs to you.

[marshmallowprotection]

Ok, I think I'm ready to give it a try! I saw that matchups were open, so I'd like to request a romantic matchup! I absolutely adore your writing and the way you analyse every detail - you're a huge inspiration to me in terms of writing.

So, I'm a russian bisexual cis girl. I don't think appearance matters much, but I'll write down the basics just for fun! I'm quite short(5'2) in comparison with most of my peers, considering, that I'm 23. I'll be lying if I said that it doesn't bother me, since all my life people were making fun of my height and weight. I was always very short, thin and pale due to bad upbringing. I'm learning to love my body, but it still bothers me from time to time. I have very long deep brown hair (down to my waist) and green eyes. I'm actually quite proud of my hair! It was always my dream to have long hair, but my mom would cut it short each time. She still makes comments about my hair, and that it's 'gross', even though I take very good care of it. I've also been wearing glasses for my whole life, since I was born prematurely and my eyesight is just HORRENDOUS. But it doesn't bother me at all, since I've been living like this my whole life.

Okay... I think that's enough for appearance! As you probably guessed, my familiy's really not the best one out there. And that's putting it lightly. I don't talk about it much now, since I don't live with them anymore and I got over my trauma, but... My childhood was VERY rough. Sadly, it really affected what kind of person I am now, so I'll go over the basics. My mom was extremely abusive: verbally and physically. My dad was always busy at work and she threatened me not to tell him anything, so... I never told about it to anyone. I never cried, since she would get angry at me for 'looking scared'. I used to be proud of that, but now I know how much it was ruining me. Long story short... My dad found out, they divorced and he and took me away. I suppose, that's a happy ending, but I was already 12 at that moment and the damage already has been done. I have some trust issues, although I've gotten WAY better, and I'm still working on myself. Still, it's hard for me to open up, since I'm always expecting the worst and I don't want to be hurt again. There's also some triggers that I have to avoid in my everyday life, but I've learned to deal with them in my own way. Still, they're there, and sometimes they can get the better of me.

My tragic backstory aside, I'd love to share some more positive details about myself! Currently, I'm studying psychology and working part-time at a bakery. I guess my experience with trauma taught me a lot, and so I decided that I want to help people the way, that I wished someone would help me then. Sure, I've managed to heal and move one by myself, but it didn't have to be that way. I want to help people and make them feel heard and understood. I love my work as well! I find something comforting in this kind of routine, but maybe it's just because I enjoy cooking so much. Yeah, cooking is one of my passions! As I mentioned before, I barely ate when I was a child, so now I'm trying to eat as many different things as I can! God, I especially love korean and japanese cuisines! And I'd love to cook for my partner every day. Or, maybe, we could cook together! Although, in terms of intimacy, it's hard for me to be open with someone. Not because I don't want to be close to my partner, but simply cause I have no idea what I'm doing. I was never even hugged as a child. This kind of affection is... foreign to me, even though I do crave it. I totally don't mind physical affection, but my partner would probably have to take the lead at first!

In terms of hobbies... I love writing. Although that's a very personal one, than I keep mostly to myself. Oh, I'm also a huge science nerd! I was one since childhood, haha. Instead of toys, I was always reading some kind of book. My favourites are probably biology and paleontology. I'd absolutely love to share with my partner many random facts about animals or other stuff! People always told me that it's boring and lame, so... It means the whole world to me if someone actually appreciates my interests. Oh, I'd love to watch some nature documentaries and add my own knowledge here and there! I'm also a huge animal lover. When I was a kid, finding a connection with animals was always way easier, then with other kids. Gosh, I used to spend the whole day with a bunch of chickens, haha. Everybody always told me that they're stupid, but I found that they are actually quite smart and caring animals! And it's not just chickens: I've had a tendency of 'taming' street animals, such as cats. Everybody hated them, and called them 'rabid', but... they were just scared. Sure, it always took some time to earn their trust, but I don't mind that at all. In fact, every single animal that I have today has been previously abused or abandoned. I guess... I have a personal connection to them in some way. Nobody wants an aggressive animal and nobody wants to give them a chance. It's not like they WANT to be this angry all the time. I also really want to own a parrot in the future! A cockatoo, to be exact. They are a very difficult bird to own and that's why I'm waiting for the moment, when I will be able to give it the care it needs. It has been my dream for a long time! Now, in terms of kids... I don't know if I'll ever have one, so that's important to consider. And even if I will, I totally don't want to go through pregnancy itself. I'll probably adopt. But... then again, I'm not sure if I ever will. I love kids, sure, but actually raising one... it's such hard work, and I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready for that responsibility. I'm fine with my animals, haha. But, I appreciate someone, who could take me out of my comfort zone from time to time. I have a tendency to chicken out due to my self-doubt, so a small dose of occasional tough love would be welcome. Oh, I'm also currently learning korean! I plan to study there after I finish my degree here, so that's something to think about, haha.

Music is also one of my passions! I'm ALWAYS wearing headphones, so that could probably be annoying, I guess lmao. I listen to pretty much everything: from musicals to pop. Although, I definitely prefer to have some meaning in songs I enjoy. In fact, I tend to overanalyze the stuff I enjoy to ridiculous extend: from music to characters in shows I watch. People often find that stupid, sadly.

My ideal date would be... something, that has a special meaning to us. It doesn't have to be something elaborate or loud. For example, going to the specific place in the park, where we first held hands or something. It sounds ridiculous and cheesy, but... I love to show people I care about just how much they mean to me. And that means finding deeper meaning in everything we do.

Okay, I think that's wayyy to long, but I'm done lmao

I'm very interested in reading your take on things!

I match you with...

Zen!

You've got a passion for what you love. It means a lot to you to lose yourself in the music and imagine all sorts of things. it just makes you feel good inside. Even if others don't understand that you're in a world of your own... it's everything to you. It makes you feel nice and being able to share that with others means that you trust them. And, despite what you've gone through, you've got a positive outlook on life ahead of you, you just want someone that understands your limits and your desires.

The reason why Zen stands out here is that you need someone who understands you. Your love of music is so much like his love of arts and the theatre. When you talk about what makes you happy, he just starts to smile and laugh. He's always wanted to hear someone who is as passionate as he is. He could listen to you for hours. He wants to watch the stars with you and talk about everything and anything at all.

He also empathizes with a parent hating at your looks. He wants you to know that you're lovely and beautiful, even if your parent told you otherwise. It's not true. You've always been lovely. He wants to make you feel special and seen. Think about all those selfies he wants to take with the two of you!