#Douglas Nicholas | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thirtysomethingloser92 · 2 months

Text

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Authors Note; 13k worth of Doug Bailey goodness. If anyone has any requests based off this story please feel free to inbox me them. I feel the need to flood Tumblr and Ao3 with Doug Bailey x reader fics.

Summary: Deputy Director Doug Bailey is forced to confront his feelings for you. Knowing that your relationship is complicated by your roles and the dangers you face daily, Doug decides to put his feelings into words. He writes a letter to you pouring out his deepest emotions and regrets. The letter is both a confession and an apology for the moments he failed to express his true feelings and for the times he might have pushed you away.

The atmosphere at Penelope's house was subdued, the BAU team gathered in small clusters, sharing memories of Deputy Director Douglas Bailey. You stood near the window, looking out at the quiet evening, lost in your thoughts about the man you had admired and secretly cared for. A small glass of wine was cupped in your hands, numbing the raw and gnawing ache in your stomach that grew every time you remembered why you were there. You spent countless hours this past week hoping that it was all just a bad dream, that someone would walk up to you in the office and tell you that it was all just a terribly timed joke. Each and every time you walked past his office you expected him to be sitting there, head down with a pen in his hand. You always expected to meet his brown eyes and share a smile that only the two of you knew the meaning behind. You could feel the tears welling up once again and the lump in your throat become tighter as you brought the glass to your lips, swallowing what was remaining of the wine. You didn’t mean to fall in love with the man, but somewhere between the passing glances in the corridors and the long nights when it was just you, him, and a few other agents, he became somewhat of a confidant. And somewhere after that, you found yourself falling in love with him. You felt sick each and every time you were reminded of that afternoon in the back-end woods, standing out the front of the large cabin, your gun in your hand watching him walking into the house. The single sound of a gunshot echoing throughout the clearing. You’ll never forget the knot that grew in your stomach, the feeling of your heart beating out of your chest. The feeling of the wind being knocked out of your lungs. Of course, none of this showed on your face. You kept it neutral, your gun strategically trained on the house in front of you, yet your mind was moving a thousand miles per hour. Your brain screaming that while you were wasting time out there, he could be in there seriously injured, You had hoped, even though you knew it was futile, that there may have been some chance that it was Bailey who had pulled the trigger. But you knew that it wasn’t the case. You knew that he wasn’t walking back out of that door the way you expected him to when you first arrived on the scene. Emily Prentiss approached quietly; her expression solemn yet her eyes held a world of compassion. You turned to face her, quickly wiping the tears from your cheeks. “How are you holding up?” She asked gently, placing a small reassuring hand on your shoulder. You nodded, a tight smile that never reached your eyes crossing your face, “It’s just been a really long week,” You lied, pushing some hair from your face and moving away from the window, “You know how it is,”. She held out a sealed envelope to you, saying softly, "This was found among Bailey's personal effects. I thought you should have it." She said it slowly, giving you time to register the words she was saying. You looked down at the black scrawl of your name, that familiar handwriting leaving a longing in your chest that only seemed to intensify. “Do you know what it is?” You asked, almost scared of the answer. You took the envelope with trembling hands, nodding gratefully. The worn edges showed that it had been carried around, the corners folded in ever so slightly. Flipping it over you saw the flap was the most creased, as if it had been open and closed over and over again “I have no idea,” Emily replied truthfully, “His father handed it to me at the funeral, said that I might know who this was,” You almost didn’t want to open it, you wanted to preserve one of the final things the Deputy Director had left you. You wanted to preserve his words, knowing that reading what he wrote will be the final things he would ever say to you. You were in a battle with your heart and your head, to read the letter in the comfort of the people around you, or to read it alone in the emptiness of your apartment, leaving yourself to grieve a lost love.

"I always suspected," Emily murmured, her voice filled with empathy. "The way Doug looked at you, the way he moved closer whenever you were in the room... It was more than just admiration. He cared deeply for you."

You nodded, unable to speak through the lump in their throat. Memories flooded back—the way Doug's gaze lingered, the way he purposefully searched you out in every room you were in. The unspoken words that fell between you both when it was just the glow of the lobby low lights at the end of an exhausting day.

"I saw his face when he saw you get injured in Atlanta by Voits booby trap," Emily continued softly. "He was terrified. He cared about you more than he let on." You could feel her watching you, watching your body language and how you reacted to what you were saying, you didn’t want to give anything away to her, but you also know that hiding anything from such an experienced profiler like Emily Prentiss was almost impossible; “Nothing became of it. He was the Deputy Director, and I was just-I was just me,” You stated simply, crossing your arm over your chest and leaning against the wall. Emily gave a sad smile, “He never saw you as just you though, did he? I've seen the way he looked at you, the way he listened when you speak. Doug may have been the Deputy Director, but that never changed how he felt about you."

Her words struck a chord, resonating with the memories you had tried to bury deep within. "It doesn't matter now," you replied softly, your gaze fixed somewhere in the distance, unwilling to meet Emily's probing eyes. "We had our roles, our responsibilities. Anything beyond that was... complicated." Even now, acknowledging something that will no longer come to be made your heart ache even more. You hated thinking about it, and you hated talking about it even more.

"He cared about you," Emily pressed gently, stepping closer as if to bridge the emotional distance between you. "Maybe he never said it aloud, but it was there, in every glance, every moment of concern."

You shook your head slightly, the weight of unspoken emotions threatening to overwhelm. "I couldn't afford to think about it then, and I can't now."

"He's gone," Emily acknowledged quietly, her voice carrying the weight of loss that hung heavy in the air. "But you're still here. Don't let his memory be defined by what wasn't said."

Her words stirred a mix of gratitude and pain within you. "I don't know how to fix everything," you admitted, finally meeting Emily's gaze. "The missions, the risks we took... and the feelings we never acknowledged."

Emily nodded knowingly. "Sometimes, closure isn't about finding answers. It's about accepting what was and allowing yourself to heal." Her words hung in the air, heavy with implications that mirrored the unspoken truths you had buried deep within. Emily Prentiss, ever perceptive, had a way of unravelling the complexities of human emotions with just a few carefully chosen sentences.

"I... I don't know," you admitted quietly, the weight of her insight pressing against the walls you had built around your heart. "Like I said, it was complicated. Doug... he was always so focused on his job."

Emily nodded knowingly, her expression softening with empathy. "It's never just about the job, especially not with someone like Doug. He cared deeply, even if he couldn't always show it."

A rush of memories flooded your mind—the stolen glances, the brief touches that spoke volumes in their fleeting intensity. The one night that had left a searing mark on your soul, the way his kiss burned into the very edges of your heart; the way his arms held you tight to him, his hand cradling your face as his eyes stared at you, making you feel the most vulnerable you have ever felt. Doug Bailey, the Deputy Director with a heart that few were privileged to see, had left an indelible mark on your life, one that went beyond professional respect and camaraderie.

"He's gone now," you whispered, the pain of his loss still raw and consuming. "And I never got the chance to..."

Emily's hand found yours, a gesture of comfort amidst the turmoil of emotions. "Sometimes, the chance never comes. But that doesn't mean the feelings weren't real."

Tears welled in your eyes, unshed emotions finally breaking free. "I miss him so much," you confessed, your voice trembling with the weight of unspoken confessions and regrets.

Emily pulled you into a gentle embrace, offering solace in the silence that followed. In that moment, amidst the echoes of memories and the ache of loss, you found a semblance of peace—a shared understanding of a love that had never been spoken aloud but had existed nonetheless in the quiet spaces between duty and devotion.

<><><><> You found yourself sitting on your couch, the heating burning away on the far wall, a cup of tea sitting on the coffee table in front of you. It was late, and you knew you should be sleeping, but after the events of the day, you don’t think you would be able to ever truly have a proper night sleep again. The white envelope sat in front of you, your name begging you to take a peek inside. To pull it open and read the final words the man you loved had written to you before his untimely death. Yet, fear and uncertainty held you back, the weight of potential truths contained within that letter threatening to shatter the fragile balance of your grief.

The room felt too quiet, suffocating in its stillness. Every tick of the clock echoed loudly in your ears, a reminder of the passage of time that had carried Doug away from you. His absence was a void you struggled to comprehend; his presence still felt in every corner of your thoughts.

With trembling fingers, you reached for the envelope, tracing the edges as if touching his memory one last time. The paper was smooth beneath your touch, its near pristine surface mocking the battle in your heart. Should you open it, unravel the mysteries and emotions Doug had left behind? Or should you leave it untouched, preserving the fragile cocoon of memories you had woven around your heart?

The decision weighed heavily on you. Part of you begged to know his final thoughts, to find solace in the words he had penned just for you. Yet, another part feared the revelations that awaited within—confessions of love unspoken, regrets left unresolved, or perhaps something that would completely break you all over again.

You took a deep breath, preparing yourself against the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm you. The tea on the table grew cold, abandoned, while you fought your internal battle. Time seemed suspended, each passing second a testament to the struggle between closure and the unknown.

In the end, it was curiosity that compelled you. The curiosity of not knowing, knowing that it would continue to gnaw at you until you gave into the temptation to open it. With a mixture of nerves and determination, you finally slid your finger under the flap of the envelope, breaking the seal that held Doug's final words captive.

As you unfolded the paper, the familiar scrawl of his handwriting greeted you, each word a testament to his soul laid bare. You felt your stomach drop, the twisting and turning of nerves making the pain in your chest grow and grow as you read the first line.

“You look beautiful today. It was strange seeing you in a pencil skirt and a blouse, but you walked past me with a smile and a wink, and I swore I felt my heart stop. I don’t remember the last time I wasn’t thinking about you. Waiting for any opportunity to catch a glimpse of you. The days when you come see me in my office are the days that I wait for. I don’t think I’ve felt like this in such a long time.” As you navigated the familiar corridors of the FBI headquarters, each step seemed to echo with the weight of the day's tasks pressing against your shoulders. The air hummed with the quiet bustle of agents and staff going about their duties, a constant backdrop to the rhythm of your thoughts.

Passing Doug Bailey's office, you couldn't resist stealing a quick glance inside. His office, normally a picture of focused efficiency, held a different atmosphere today. Doug sat at his desk, engrossed in paperwork, his brow furrowed in concentration. Yet, as if sensing your presence, he looked up, and your eyes met with an intensity that sent a flutter through your chest. It was a moment of connection, unspoken but palpable, a shared acknowledgment of something more beneath the surface of their professional relationship.

A small, involuntary smile tugged at your lips in response to that brief exchange. It was a rare glimpse into a side of Doug Bailey that few were privileged to see—a softer, more vulnerable aspect that he seemed to reserve exclusively for you. The warmth of that moment lingered, permeating your thoughts long after you had turned the corner and continued your way.

It was these moments, subtle and fleeting yet profoundly meaningful, that reminded you why you treasured the connection you shared with Doug. During the demanding and often intense environment of the FBI, it was these quiet exchanges that anchored you, offering a sense of camaraderie and understanding that transcended the usual professional dynamics. <>

You found yourself briefly looking away from the letter, your throat burning trying to keep the tears at bay. Your heart ached, you truly never understood how much you relied on those tiny interactions to get you through your days until you were no longer able to get them. The brief encounters in the hallways, the occasional visits to his office that seemed to stretch into moments of genuine connection. His presence, commanding yet subtly vulnerable, drew you in, leaving you almost excited for each opportunity to see him, to share those fleeting moments that seemed to bridge the gap between professionalism and something deeper.

You leaned back into the couch, trying to gather the courage to continue reading the letter. You knew you had to, for your own sake, but the memory of Doug's gaze and his words lingered. You couldn't deny the effect he had on you—the way he made you feel seen and appreciated amidst the demanding world of the BAU. Each interaction left you craving more, a silent yearning that mirrored his own.

Doug Bailey had unwittingly carved a space in your heart, one that was filled with promise and possibility—a connection that went far beyond the boundaries of your professional lives, waiting to be explored with every interaction between you both. A small smile crossed your face as you closed your eyes, the tears waiting to fall finally dropping down your cheeks, leaving a wet, salty trail in their wake. You needed to remember him, needed to remember his smell, his voice. Each hour that passed made you fear that you were forgetting him. Forgetting the slight smile that he saved only for you, the way his eyes would light up with a warmth that seemed to melt away the world's troubles.

The fear of losing these memories gnawed at you, each minute ticking by feeling like a thief stealing precious fragments of Doug from your mind. His laughter, a rare and beautiful sound that you had come to cherish, echoed faintly in your memory, a ghostly reminder of the joy he once brought into your life. The sound of his voice, calm and steady, a constant anchor in the storm of your daily battles, now felt like a distant whisper.

You recalled the scent of his cologne, subtle yet unmistakable, a comforting presence that lingered in the air long after he had left the room. You longed for those moments when you could catch a whiff of it as he walked by, a simple yet profound reminder that he was near. The thought that you might one day forget this scent, that it might fade from your memory entirely, filled you with a deep, aching sorrow.

His smile, the one he reserved just for you, was a lifeline you clung to desperately. It was a smile that spoke volumes without uttering a single word, a silent acknowledgment of the bond you shared. The memory of it brought a bittersweet ache to your heart, a mixture of joy and pain, knowing you would never see it again but needing to hold onto it with every fibre of your being.

Your mind drifted to the countless conversations you had shared, each one a thread woven into the fabric of your relationship. You remembered the way he listened, truly listened, with an intensity that made you feel seen and understood in a way no one else ever had. His advice, always thoughtful and wise, had guided you through some of your darkest moments. The idea of facing those moments without him now felt unbearable.

As the tears continued to fall, you hugged your knees to your chest, seeking solace in the physical reminder of your own presence, as if grounding yourself in the here and now could keep the memories of Doug alive a little longer. You tried to capture the essence of him in your mind, to bottle it up and keep it safe, but the harder you tried, the more it seemed to slip through your fingers. <>

The office buzzed with the usual hum of activity as you made your way to Doug's office, a stack of files balanced in your arms. Pausing at the doorway, you knocked lightly before stepping inside, greeted by the sight of Doug engrossed in his work.

"Hey, Deputy Director," you said with a playful lilt in your voice, "I've got the latest batch of reports for you. Try not to get too excited."

Doug looked up from his desk, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Ah, my favourite kind of delivery. How did you know paperwork was my guilty pleasure?"

You chuckled, setting the files down on his desk. "Just a wild guess. I mean, who wouldn't be thrilled by endless reports and statistical analyses?"

He leaned back in his chair, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Well, it's either that or my secret passion for organizing office supplies. But between us, I think the reports win by a narrow margin."

Raising an eyebrow, you crossed your arms, feigning deep contemplation. "Hmm, maybe I should surprise you with a color-coded filing system next time. Really spice things up around here."

Doug laughed, a warm, genuine sound that sent a flutter through your chest. "Careful now, you might make the other departments jealous with all the fun we're having."

You leaned against his desk, a playful smile dancing on your lips. "Jealousy is a powerful motivator. Maybe they'll start sending their own agents over with reports just to get a taste of the excitement."

Doug's gaze softened, his amusement giving way to a more tender expression. "Well, they'd have a hard time matching your delivery. You have a certain charm that makes even the dullest tasks bearable."

Feeling a blush creep up your cheeks, you decided to turn the tables. "Oh, is that so? I thought it was your unwavering dedication to the job that made everything bearable around here."

He shook his head, leaning forward slightly. "I think it's a combination of both. But if we're being honest, I look forward to these little visits more than I probably should."

Your heart skipped a beat at his admission, and you couldn't resist teasing him further. "Is that your way of saying you need more reports? Because I can definitely arrange that."

Doug chuckled, his eyes sparkling with that familiar mix of warmth and mischief. "Maybe it's my way of saying I enjoy your company more than the reports themselves. But let's keep that between us, shall we?"

You grinned, feeling a rush of warmth at his words. "Our little secret, Sir. I'll keep the reports coming and the company even better."

As you turned to leave, Doug called out, "By the way, you look great today. That pencil skirt really suits you."

Glancing over your shoulder, you shot him a wink. "Careful, Bailey. Flattery might get you even more reports to enjoy."

He laughed again, the sound following you down the hallway and leaving you with a smile that lingered long after you'd returned to your own desk.

And so it went, the day unfolding in a series of witty retorts and friendly challenges, each moment cementing the bond of friendship and camaraderie between Doug and you. Choking back a sob at the memory, you unravelled your legs from where you were holding them and placed your feet back on the ground, picking up the letter that had been laying abandoned next to you on the light grey cushion. Swallowing deeply and wiping your eyes, you looked down at the familiar scrawl once again, your heart aching more than it previously was. “When you got caught in that explosion, I felt my heart stop. I don't know how I made it through the next few hours, not knowing if you were okay. When you walked into the BAU, alive, I wanted to hold you, to never let go. But I couldn’t. I had to keep my distance. For both our sakes.”You loved your job, you truly did. You loved the adrenaline, the thrill of the chase. Every day brought a new challenge, a new puzzle to solve. The rush of excitement you felt when you pieced together clues, the satisfaction of bringing justice to the victims and their families—it was what drove you, what got you out of bed each morning. Your work with the BAU was more than just a job; it was a calling, a part of your very soul.

So, when Emily asked you, JJ, and Luke to travel to Georgia to chase a lead, you were the first one out the door. The prospect of being in the field, of following a fresh lead for a case that had you all confused and somewhat frustrated, sent a surge of energy through you. This was what you lived for—the unpredictable, fast-paced nature of the hunt. The anticipation of what lay ahead fuelled you, making your heart race and your senses sharpen.

You were focused, gun pulled, watching as Luke pulled open the storm cellar doors, and creeping down them, one step at a time. The ringing of a phone in the darkened cellar, the sound of something arming; the sound of Luke yelling to get out was when everything changed in an instant. The explosion knocked you down, a smoke burning your lungs, your arm screaming in pain as the ringing in your ears left you dazed and confused at what happened. You tried to roll over on to your hands and knees, your lungs screaming as you let out a long cough. Every breath in ached, every muscle in your body as you pulled yourself to your full height begged you to stop. You stumbled through the debris, almost colliding with JJ as you both silently agreed to look for Luke together. Looking down you saw the large gash in your arm that was pouring out blood. Finally, you found Luke on the ground a few feet away from where you met with JJ, unconscious, but thankfully alive.

Doug had been at headquarters with Emily, Dave, Tara and Penelope, overseeing the operation from the safety of the office. The moment he saw the explosion on the screen, his heart stopped. Panic seized him as he listened to the frantic voices of his colleagues next to him, trying to reach you all through the comms, trying to piece together what had happened. His mind raced, but all he could think about was you.

The next few hours were a blur for Doug. He directed resources, coordinated efforts, but his thoughts kept drifting back to you. Were you okay? Were you even alive? Each minute that passed without news felt like an eternity, a torturous wait that gnawed at his very soul. He tried to keep his composure, to focus on the mission, but the fear of losing you was a constant, overwhelming presence.

Finally, the call came the next morning from the Atlanta field office. You were alive, bruised and shaken, but alive. Relief flooded through him, a powerful wave that almost brought him to his knees. But even in that moment of overwhelming emotion, he knew he had to maintain his distance. He couldn't let his feelings show, couldn't let anyone see how deeply he cared.

When you walked into the BAU, straight after getting off the jet, your face smeared with soot and your clothes torn, his heart leapt. You were a mess, but you were there, standing before him. He wanted to rush to you, to pull you into his arms and never let go. But he couldn't. He had to keep his distance, for both your sakes.

"You're okay," he said, his voice steady despite the storm raging inside him, as he walked over to you; his eyes glancing over every part of your body, trying to make sure that what he was saying was the truth.

You nodded, offering a weak smile. "Yeah, I'm okay." You were beyond exhausted, but you were okay.

He forced himself to stay put, to not close the gap between you. "Good. We need to debrief."

Doug turned to lead you to the conference room, every step a battle to keep his emotions in check. He could feel your eyes on him, sense your exhaustion and relief. As you settled into the debriefing, he kept his focus on the task at hand, pushing down the urge to reach out to you, to offer the comfort he knew you needed.

Later, when the briefing was over and the others had dispersed, you lingered behind, your eyes meeting his with a mixture of gratitude and something else—something unspoken. Doug swallowed hard, forcing himself to look away.

"Get some rest," he said, his voice softer now, betraying a fraction of his concern. "You've been through a lot."

You nodded, a hint of understanding in your gaze. "You too."

As you walked away, Doug allowed himself a moment to watch you go, his heart aching with the weight of everything he couldn't say. He had kept his distance, maintained his composure, but the depth of his feelings for you had only grown stronger. And in that moment, he made a silent vow to protect you, no matter what it took, even if it meant keeping his distance. <>

You sat on your couch, the letter clutched in your hands, tears streaming down your face as the memory played out vividly in your mind. You could still see the concern etched on Doug’s face, hear the restrained emotion in his voice. You had always sensed there was more to his worry than professional concern, but reading his words now brought a new depth to those memories.

The realization of what he had held back, the love he had kept hidden, wrapped around you like a bittersweet embrace. Doug had cared deeply, more than you had ever truly known. His restraint, his professionalism, had been his way of protecting you both, but now, in the quiet of your apartment, the full weight of his feelings settled over you “I wanted to tell you so many times. Every time you smiled at me, every time you laughed at my terrible jokes, every time you walked into my office with that determined look in your eyes. But I couldn’t. I was too scared. Scared of what it would mean for both of us. Scared of losing you in more ways than one. That night at your apartment... I came to check on you, to make sure you were okay. But it turned into so much more. I don’t regret it, not for a second. But I knew it couldn’t last. We couldn’t last. It was a moment stolen from time, a moment I will cherish forever”

The night after the explosion, the weight of the day's events hung heavily over you. You had barely made it out alive, and the adrenaline was still coursing through your veins. Doug had shown up at your apartment, his concern evident in the way he looked at you. You weren't surprised to see him; he had always been the one to check on you, to make sure you were okay, even when you didn't realize you needed it.

When you opened the door, the sight of him standing there, a mixture of relief and worry in his eyes, made your heart skip a beat. "Deputy Director," you said, stepping aside to let him in. "What are you doing here?"

"I needed to make sure you were okay," he replied, his voice steady but soft. "After everything that happened..."

You nodded, unable to find the right words. The reality of how close you had come to not making it through the day was starting to sink in, and the fear and relief were overwhelming. "I'm fine," you said, though the tremor in your voice betrayed you.

Doug stepped closer, his eyes never leaving yours. "No, you're not. And that's okay."

You both moved to the couch, where you sat in silence for a few moments, the events of the previous day replaying in your minds. The unspoken tension between you, always present but never acknowledged, seemed to hang heavier in the air tonight. You talked about the case, the explosion, anything but the underlying current that had brought him to your door.

Then, without realizing how it happened, the conversation turned to more personal things. You opened up about your fears, your doubts, and he just listened, offering words of comfort and understanding. His presence was a comfort to your exhaustion and anxiety, a reminder that you weren't alone.

As the night wore on, the boundaries that you had both always maintained began to blur. There was a moment—a fleeting, almost imperceptible moment—when something changed. The space between you seemed to disappear, and before you knew it, you were kissing him, the emotions of the day spilling over in a rush of need and desperation. Doug's lips were warm and gentle against yours, a stark contrast to the chaos of the previous days. The kiss was tender at first, a hesitant exploration, but quickly deepened as the barriers you’d built around your heart melted away. The intensity of the kiss mirrored the storm of emotions that had been building up inside you, emotions that had found their release in this one, powerful act of intimacy.

His hands cupped your face, his touch both soothing and electrifying. You could feel his heartbeat in sync with yours, a rhythm that seemed to echo the unspoken words and long-suppressed feelings between you. Each moment stretched out, a mixture of relief and longing as you allowed yourself to fully experience this connection.

When the kiss finally ended, you both pulled away slowly, your breaths mingling in the space between you. The reality of the situation began to settle in, and you saw the vulnerability in Doug’s eyes, a mirror of your own. It had been a confession, a raw admission of feelings that you both had been too afraid to confront until now.

Doug's hand remained entwined with yours, and his touch was a constant source of comfort. His thumb brushed softly against your skin, a gentle reminder of his presence and his commitment to navigating this new chapter with you. You could see the same need reflected in his eyes, a silent plea for closeness and connection.

The tension between you was undeniable, and as you both settled onto the sofa, the room’s ambiance shifted. The casual proximity that once felt comfortable now seemed charged with something more profound. Doug's hand slipped from yours, but not before he gently cupped your face, his fingers lingering just long enough to elicit a shiver of anticipation.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked softly, his voice a mixture of desire and concern.

You nodded, unable to suppress a soft smile. "I am. More than ever."

Doug’s gaze held yours with unwavering sincerity as he leaned in, closing the distance between you once again. The kiss was more urgent this time, a melding of emotions and desires that had been building up for too long. The world outside seemed to vanish, leaving only the intimacy of the moment.

Eventually, the intensity of the kiss guided you both towards the bedroom. The transition felt natural, almost inevitable. You moved together with a shared sense of purpose, the unspoken understanding of what this moment meant hanging heavy in the air.

As you entered the bedroom, Doug’s hands gently guided you towards the bed. The room was dimly lit, casting a soft, warm glow that made the space feel both inviting and private. You both paused for a moment, taking in the significance of this step. The barrier between your professional and personal lives had finally dissolved, and you were standing on the edge of something new and deeply personal.

Doug helped you onto the bed, his movements tender and considerate. He took his time, making sure you were comfortable, his touch a constant reassurance. The weight of the day's events and the intensity of the kiss had created a dire need for closeness, and as you lay back on the bed, Doug’s presence was a soothing balm.

He followed you onto the bed, his body close to yours. The physical closeness mirrored the emotional intimacy you had shared earlier, and it felt like a natural extension of the connection you both had been yearning for. As you lay together, the initial urgency gave way to a more tender, explorative approach.

Doug's kisses were gentle and lingering, his touch reverent as if he were discovering you for the first time. The shared moments of tenderness and affection unfolded in a way that felt both profound and deeply satisfying. It was as if every touch, every kiss, was a way of affirming the bond that had brought you together.

In the quiet intimacy of the bedroom, you both found solace and connection. The worries and fears of the day were momentarily forgotten as you allowed yourselves to fully experience the closeness you had both been longing for. As the night wore on, you drifted into a peaceful, shared rest, comforted by the knowledge that you were no longer alone in navigating the complexities of your feelings and your lives. But as dawn broke, reality set in. You woke up beside him, the early morning light casting a pale glow over the room. The weight of what had happened settled over you, and you both knew that this was not something that could, or should, continue.

Doug was the first to speak, his voice barely above a whisper. "We let the emotions of yesterday get the best of us."

You nodded, looking down at the sheets tangled around your bare bodies. "We did. It shouldn't have happened." You weren’t going to lie to him, and you weren’t going to lie to yourself. You knew from the first kiss that this was something that not going to lead anywhere. It made your soul ache. All you wanted was to feel his hands on you again, his lips trailing your body, him whispering how much he had wanted this; but you knew deep down that you both only had last night.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "No, it shouldn't have. But it did."

You turned to face him, seeing the same conflict in his eyes that you felt within yourself. "We can't... this can't happen again."

He nodded, a hint of sadness in his gaze. "I know. It would complicate things too much."

There was a long silence, filled with unspoken words and lingering feelings. Neither of you wanted to admit what you truly felt, the depth of the connection that had always been there. It was easier to pretend that this was just a momentary lapse, brought on by the intensity of the day before.

"I don't regret it," Doug said finally, his voice steady. "Not for a second. But you're right. We have to move on."

You forced a smile, though your heart ached. "We do. We can't let this affect our work, or our friendship."

He nodded, and you both got dressed in silence, the intimacy of the night fading with the daylight. As he left your apartment, you felt a pang of loss, but you knew this was the only way it could be. You had to protect yourselves, and each other, from the complications that a relationship would bring. <>

Sitting on your couch, the letter clutched in your hands, you let the tears fall freely. The memory of that night was etched into your soul, a poignant reminder of what you had shared and what you had lost. Doug's words brought it all rushing back—the fear, the comfort, the unspoken love.

You had both known it couldn't last, but that didn't make the memory any less precious. It was a moment stolen from time, a brief respite from the chaos of your lives, and you would cherish it forever. Doug had been your confidant, your support, and in that one night, he had been so much more.

Now, as you sat alone in the quiet of your apartment, you felt the weight of his absence more acutely than ever. The letter was a testament to what you had both felt but never voiced, a bittersweet reminder of a love that had been real, even if it had remained unspoken. And in that love, you found a measure of peace, knowing that Doug had cherished it as much as you did.

“Seeing you every day, knowing what we shared, it’s been a bittersweet torture. I replay that night in my mind, the way you looked at me, the way you felt in my arms. It was real, and it was everything I’ve ever wanted, but it was also a dream that had to end. Our lives, our responsibilities, they’ve built walls between us that we can't break down”

The hum of the fluorescent lights was the only sound that broke the silence in the nearly empty office. Papers were strewn across desks, evidence of the tireless work the BAU team put into solving their latest case. You sat at your desk, the glow of your computer screen casting a soft light on your face. You were engrossed in your work, trying to push away the thoughts that had been haunting you for weeks.

It had been months since that night. The night you both let down your guards, the night you shared something so intense and real that it felt like a dream. But reality had a way of crashing back down, and your responsibilities, your careers, had forced you both to build walls around your hearts.

Douglas Bailey stood in the doorway of the office, watching you. He had been standing there for a few minutes, gathering the courage to speak. He knew that talking to you now, in the dead of night, when the office was empty, was the only way he could let out the emotions that had been suffocating him. He cleared his throat softly, causing you to look up from your work.

"Sir," you said, surprised to see him there. "I thought you left hours ago."

He stepped into the room, the door closing behind him with a soft click. "I needed to finish some paperwork," he lied, but the truth was evident in his eyes. He had been avoiding this conversation for too long.

You gave him a small smile, though it didn't reach your eyes. "Yeah, me too. There's always more to do, isn't there?"

He nodded, his hands in his pockets as he walked over to your desk. The tension between you both was palpable, the unspoken words hanging in the air. You both were trying to ignore the weight of what had happened between you, but the memory lingered in the back of your minds.

Doug stopped beside your desk, his gaze falling to the papers scattered across it. "How's the case coming along?"

You shrugged, trying to keep your tone casual. "Just fine. Nothing we can't handle."

He hesitated, then nodded. "Good to hear. If you need any help, let me know."

You glanced up at him, noting the strained professionalism in his voice. It was a far cry from the closeness you had shared. You wanted to pretend nothing had changed, to go back to the way things were before that night.

"Thanks, I will," you replied, your voice steady.

Doug shifted, his gaze momentarily flickering to the papers on your desk before meeting your eyes again. "I'll, uh, let you get back to it."

You nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah, of course."

He turned to leave, his footsteps echoing softly in the empty office. As he reached the door, he paused, his hand on the handle. He looked back at you, his expression a mixture of frustration and resignation.

"Good night," he said, his voice soft but resolute.

"Good night," you replied, watching him leave. The door clicked shut behind him, and you were left alone in the dimly lit office.

The hum of the fluorescent lights seemed louder in the silence that followed. You tried to focus on your work, but the memory of that night, the intimacy, the vulnerability, was impossible to ignore. You could see Doug's reflection in the window, watching the lights of the city outside, and for a moment, you wondered if he felt the same sense of loss and confusion that you did.

As you continued to work, the office seemed to close in around you. The walls that you had both worked so hard to rebuild now felt like they were closing in on you, a constant reminder of the boundaries you had erected to keep your professional lives separate from your personal feelings.

Despite your efforts to move past it, the night you had shared haunted you both, lingering in every interaction and every unspoken word. The attempt to revert to the way things were felt like a fragile facade, and the weight of your unaddressed emotions remained heavy in the air.

The office was empty, and the quiet was punctuated only by the soft clacking of your keyboard. As you worked, you realized that moving forward would mean finding a way to balance the new reality with the old, a task that seemed increasingly daunting with each passing day. <> He could still see you, the way you had looked at him with eyes that held both longing and uncertainty. It had been a night like no other, a rare moment of vulnerability shared between two people who had always prided themselves on their strength. You had been working late, the two of you poring over case files in the dimly lit office. The tension had been palpable, not just from the gruesome details of the case, but from something unspoken between you.

As the hours had slipped by, the walls you both had built around yourselves had begun to crumble. You had leaned back in your chair, rubbing your temples, exhausted and frustrated. He had watched you, unable to look away, his heart aching with an emotion he had tried so hard to suppress. It was in that moment that your eyes had met his, and he had seen a reflection of his own feelings in your gaze.

The world outside had seemed to fade away as you stood and walked towards him. Each step had felt like an eternity, every heartbeat echoing in his ears. When you had finally reached him, you had hesitated, your hand hovering in the space between you. Then, as if drawn by an invisible force, you had closed the gap, your fingers brushing his cheek.

He had felt his breath hitch, a warmth spreading from where you touched him. Your eyes had held a question, one he had answered by wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close. The embrace had been tentative at first, both of you testing the boundaries of this new and fragile connection. But as the minutes had passed, it had deepened, the barriers between you falling away.

He had held you that night, feeling the steady rise and fall of your breath, the softness of your hair against his cheek. The scent of you had filled his senses, a mix of perfume and something uniquely you. It had been intoxicating, and he had felt a peace he hadn’t known in years. It was in those moments that he had realized just how deeply he cared for you, how much you had come to mean to him.

But with that realization had come the bitter sting of reality. The lives you led, the responsibilities that weighed on your shoulders, they were walls that could not be easily dismantled. You were both dedicated to your work, to the people you had sworn to protect. There was no room for distraction, no place for personal desires.

He had known, even as he held you, that this moment was fleeting. That it was a beautiful dream that had to end. The night had passed too quickly, and when dawn had broken, you had pulled away, your eyes filled with regret and sorrow. No words had been spoken; none were needed. The silence had been enough, a shared understanding that this could not continue.

Now, as he sat in his office, the memory of that night haunted him. Seeing you every day, knowing what you had shared, it was a bittersweet torture. He replayed that night in his mind over and over, the way you had looked at him, the way you had felt in his arms. It had been real, more real than anything he had ever experienced, and it had been everything he had ever wanted. But it was also a dream, one that had to end in the harsh light of day.

You moved around the office with a grace that seemed effortless, but he could see the weight you carried. He recognized the moments when your gaze would drift towards him, the flicker of emotion in your eyes quickly hidden behind a mask of professionalism. It mirrored his own struggle, the constant battle to keep his feelings in check, to maintain the distance that was necessary.

Every interaction with you was a reminder of what could never be. The casual touches as you passed each other in the hallway, the brief moments when your hands would brush against his, they were electric, igniting a longing that he couldn’t extinguish. He found himself aching for the simplest of things – the sound of your laughter, the warmth of your smile, the comfort of your presence.

He wondered if you felt the same, if the memory of that night haunted you as it did him. Did you lie awake at night, replaying the moments you had shared, the words left unspoken? Did you feel the same ache in your chest, the same sense of loss? Or had you managed to bury those feelings, to lock them away in a place where they could no longer hurt you?

There were times when he considered breaking the silence, of telling you how he felt. But every time, he was stopped by the same thought – that it would only make things harder. The walls between you were too high, the stakes too great. You had both chosen this path, knowing the sacrifices it would demand. To give in to his feelings would be to risk everything you had worked for.

So, he remained silent, the words trapped in his throat, the emotions locked away. He watched you from a distance, his heart heavy with unspoken love and unfulfilled desire. It was a pain he had come to accept, a constant companion that he could not shake.

The rain began to fall outside, the soft patter against the windows a melancholic soundtrack to his thoughts. He closed his eyes, allowing himself a moment to remember. The feel of you in his arms, the softness of your touch, the way your breath had mingled with his. It was a memory he cherished, even though it brought as much pain as it did joy.

In the end, he knew he would carry this with him, a silent witness to the love he could never express. It was a burden he bore willingly, for the alternative – a life without you in it, even at a distance – was unthinkable. So, he would continue on, finding solace in the small moments, the brief glimpses of the connection they had shared.

The day wore on, the office filled with the hum of activity. He watched you, his heart aching with a love that could never be, a bittersweet torture that had become a part of him. And he knew, no matter what the future held, that the memory of that night would remain with him, a beacon of what could have been, a dream that had to end.

“I can’t change what happened, and I wouldn’t if I could. But I need you to know that you’ve changed me. You’ve shown me a love I didn’t think I could feel again, a love that’s made every day brighter, even if it's also made them harder.”

Douglas Bailey stood in the doorway of the BAU’s bullpen, the familiar hum of the office filling his ears. The chatter and laughter of the team contrasted sharply with the heavy silence that hung around him. The room was alive with energy, a rare moment of levity in the midst of their intense work. He watched from the sidelines, the bittersweet ache of his emotions weaving through the scenes unfolding before him.

You were at the centre of it all, your laughter ringing out like a melody that seemed to lighten the entire room. You were animated as you recounted a story, your hands gesturing wildly, your face alight with a genuine, carefree joy. The team gathered around you, their faces reflecting the same happiness that you radiated. Even in the chaos of their demanding job, moments like these were a rare and precious reprieve.

He couldn’t help but focus on you, his eyes tracking your every movement. You had changed so much since that night, since the moment when everything had shifted between you. The memory of your touch, the feel of your body pressed against his, it was a ghost that lingered in his heart. It was a reminder of what could have been, and a testament to how profoundly you had affected him.

As you spoke, you caught the eye of one of the team members, and a playful exchange followed. The banter and jokes flew around, and Doug could see the way you effortlessly became a part of the group, fitting in as though you were the missing piece that completed them. It was something he had admired about you from the start—your ability to bring warmth and light to those around you.

But to him, you were more than just a bright spot in the office. You were a reminder of a love he thought was lost, a love that had made every day brighter, even as it had made them harder. The impact you had on him was profound, altering the very fabric of his existence. He had once been a man who had buried his emotions deep, convinced that he would never feel that kind of connection again. But then you had come along, and with you, a spark of something he had thought was long extinguished.

He watched as you playfully nudged one of your colleagues, the interaction so effortlessly affectionate. The sight made his heart ache with a longing he could not deny. It was in these moments of joy that the weight of his unspoken feelings grew heavier, the contrast between his silent suffering and your visible happiness stark and painful.

Doug’s eyes were drawn to the way you moved, the grace with which you navigated the room. It was a dance he had come to know well—the way you carried yourself with confidence and ease. Every laugh you shared, every touch of your hand against another’s shoulder, it was a reminder of what he had lost. The night you had shared had been both a gift and a curse, a fleeting moment of perfection that could never be recaptured.

He leaned against the doorframe, trying to reconcile the image of you laughing and enjoying yourself with the crushing weight of his unspoken love. He was a silent observer, a witness to your happiness, knowing that he could never be a part of it in the way he so desperately wanted. The walls he had built around himself were impenetrable, a fortress protecting him from the pain of revealing his true feelings.

Every glance you threw in his direction, every shared smile, felt like a cruel reminder of what could have been. You had changed him in ways he hadn’t thought possible. You had shown him a love that was both exhilarating and tormenting. It was a love that had rekindled a part of him he thought was lost forever, but also one that brought an unbearable weight of longing and regret.

As the laughter continued, Doug felt a pang of envy and sadness. He wanted to be a part of that joy, to share in the moments that you were creating with your team. But he remained a spectator, trapped in his own internal struggle. He had made peace with the fact that he could not change what happened, that the night you had shared was a beautiful, albeit fleeting, dream. But that acceptance did little to ease the ache in his heart.

He turned his gaze away, letting his eyes wander to the window. The city outside seemed distant, a world apart from the vibrant energy of the office. The grey sky mirrored his mood, a reflection of the bittersweet emotions that had become his constant companions. He knew that he could never fully express the depth of his feelings, the impact you had made on his life. To do so would be to risk everything, to shatter the fragile balance that had been established.

So he watched from afar, cherishing the moments he could observe without being a part of them. The pain of longing was tempered by the joy of seeing you happy, even if it was a happiness he could never fully share. In his heart, he carried the knowledge that you had transformed him in ways he could never fully articulate. You had brought light into his life, a light that made the darkness of his unspoken love even more pronounced.

As the team continued to revel in their rare moment of camaraderie, Doug allowed himself a small, sad smile. He knew that while he could not change the past, he could hold onto the memory of what had been. It was a bittersweet solace, a reminder of a love that had touched him deeply. And in the quiet moments of reflection, he found a measure of peace in knowing that, despite the pain, he had experienced something truly extraordinary.

“This is my confession, my truth. I love you, and I always will. Even if I can never say it out loud, even if I can never hold you again, know that my heart is with you. Always. But we both know that this can't go on. We have to keep our distance, for the sake of our careers, for the sake of the team, for the sake of everything we’ve worked so hard to build. I hate it. I hate the thought of not being able to be with you, to hold you, to love you openly. But I also know that we’re stronger than this. That our love, as hidden and unspoken as it might be, will always be a part of us.”

Bailey sat across from the Director, the tension in the room palpable. The meeting was not going well, with the Director questioning the recent decisions made by the BAU team, particularly those made under your guidance. Emily Prentiss stood beside you, her expression a mix of defiance and frustration. You, too, were holding your ground, your posture resolute, even as the Director’s criticism grew harsher.

Doug’s hands clenched into fists as he listened, his jaw tightening with each disparaging comment directed at you and your team. He had always been a firm believer in the capabilities of the BAU, but watching the Director undermine your authority was a different kind of frustration. He felt a deep sense of injustice, not just for you, but for the entire team that had worked tirelessly to solve cases and protect people.

When the Director's criticism reached a point where it seemed to question your integrity and judgment, Doug could no longer remain silent. He stood up, his face a mask of determination and resolve.

“I need to address something,” Doug said, his voice steady and clear. “The decisions made by the BAU, including those under Agent Prentiss’ leadership, are made with the utmost consideration and professionalism. I trust both Agent (Y/L/N) and the team implicitly. Their work is not just efficient; it’s essential. Questioning their judgment undermines the very foundation of the department.”

The room fell silent as Doug’s words hung in the air. The Director looked taken aback, his gaze shifting between Doug and you. There was a firmness in Doug’s stance, a conviction that could not be easily ignored. He continued, unwavering.

“I will always back the BAU’s decisions,” Doug said. “I’ve seen firsthand the dedication, the sacrifice, and the expertise that goes into their work. To question their decisions is to question the entire team’s commitment and capability. That’s something I won’t stand for.”

The Director’s expression softened slightly, his gaze now showing a hint of grudging respect. The meeting ended on a more conciliatory note, though the tension remained. Doug’s support had been a crucial factor in shifting the Director’s stance, and it was clear that his intervention had made a significant impact.

As the meeting adjourned, you and Emily exchanged glances of relief and gratitude. Doug approached you, his face a mix of determination and something softer—an understanding that went beyond words. The office slowly returned to its usual buzz, the weight of the confrontation beginning to lift.

When you caught Doug’s eye, you walked over to him, your steps deliberate, your expression one of sincere appreciation. There was a moment of quiet between you, the usual bustle of the office fading into the background.

“Sir,” you said softly, your voice tinged with emotion. “I want to thank you for standing up for us today. It means more than you know. You always have our backs, and I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

Doug looked at you, his eyes reflecting the depth of his feelings—feelings he could never fully express aloud. There was a silent understanding between you, a recognition of the unspoken bond that existed despite the constraints of your professional lives. He gave you a small, reassuring nod, a gesture that spoke volumes in its simplicity.

“I know it’s not always easy,” you continued, your voice barely above a whisper. “But having you on our side makes all the difference. It’s a comfort to know that we’re not alone in this, that we have someone who believes in us and stands by us no matter what.”

Doug’s gaze lingered on you; the weight of unspoken words heavy in the air. There was a part of him that wanted to tell you everything, to lay bare the depth of his emotions. But he knew that some things were better left unsaid, for the sake of maintaining the delicate balance between personal and professional.

In that moment, he allowed himself to savour the connection you shared, the silent understanding that existed between you. He knew that while he could never fully articulate his feelings, they were there, a constant presence in his heart. And despite the pain of keeping those feelings hidden, there was a quiet strength in knowing that you were both stronger for it.

As the office resumed its usual rhythm, Doug and you exchanged one last look, a silent affirmation of the bond that connected you. He turned and walked away, his heart heavy with the weight of unspoken love and unfulfilled desires. But he carried with him the knowledge that, despite the challenges, he had made a difference, and that your mutual respect and understanding were worth every sacrifice.

In the quiet of his office, Doug sat at his desk, the memory of the day’s events replaying in his mind. He thought about the love he had for you, a love that he could never openly express but would always hold in his heart. It was a bittersweet reality, knowing that while he could never be with you in the way he wanted, his feelings for you would always remain a part of him.

And so, as he looked out at the city beyond his window, he found solace in the knowledge that, despite everything, you were both stronger than the challenges you faced. The love that existed between you, hidden and unspoken as it was, would always be a part of your lives.

“Every time I see you, every time our eyes meet across the room, I’ll remember that night. I’ll remember the warmth of your touch, the softness of your voice, the way you made me feel alive in a way I hadn’t felt in years. It’s a memory I’ll hold close, even as I keep my distance. Please, don’t let this break you. Don’t let my cowardice, my inability to stand up against the world, make you think that what we had wasn’t real. It was real. It is real. And it always will be, in my heart.”

The sky was an ominous grey as you and the Deputy Director sped through the winding roads leading to Elias Voit’s hideout. The police lights of your vehicle flashed intermittently, cutting through the shadows that clung to the trees lining the road. Doug sat in the passenger seat, his expression resolute but calm, while you gripped the steering wheel with a tension that seemed to vibrate through your entire body.

The forest was dense, the trees casting long, twisted shadows over the narrow path. Your gut was in knots, a gnawing feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong. This was Doug’s first real field operation, and the thought of him facing such a dangerous situation for the first time was almost unbearable.

Glancing over at Doug, you noticed how composed he appeared, his gaze steady and focused. Yet, despite his calm demeanour, you couldn’t shake the dread that had settled in your chest. It wasn’t just the uncertainty of the mission—it was the fear for Doug’s safety, the worry that he might not be as prepared as he seemed.

The car jolted slightly as you made a sharp turn, and Doug reached over, his hand finding yours on the gear shift. The warmth of his touch was grounding, a small comfort amidst the rising tension.

“Hey,” Doug said softly, his voice cutting through your thoughts. “Everything’s going to be fine. We’ve got this.”

His hand on yours was a lifeline, and you squeezed it gently, taking solace in his reassurance. The way he looked at you, with that quiet confidence, made you want to believe that everything would be okay. But the anxiety in your gut was persistent, a reminder of the stakes involved.

As you approached the cabin, the silhouette of the structure emerged from behind the tree line, its darkened windows and rustic appearance giving it an eerie, foreboding presence. You parked the car and killed the engine, the sudden silence of the forest intensifying the sound of your heartbeat.

Doug’s hand lingered on yours for a moment longer before he withdrew, his gaze meeting yours with a seriousness that made your stomach churn.

“I’m going in to talk to Voit alone,” he said, his tone brooking no argument. “You stay here and cover me from behind. I know you’re worried, but I need you to trust me.”

You started to protest, a rush of words spilling out in a desperate attempt to keep him safe. “Doug, you don’t have to—”

He raised a hand to silence you, his eyes soft but firm. “It’s not up for discussion. I’ve got this. You need to stay here and be ready. It’s important.”

The finality in his voice made it clear that there was no room for negotiation. You felt a pang of helplessness, a frustration that you couldn’t protect him from the dangers ahead.

Before he stepped out of the car, you reached out and placed a hand on his arm. The words that you had been holding back for so long escaped your lips, your voice trembling slightly. “Doug, I-” you froze, the words suddenly becoming heavy on your tongue.

The non-confession hung in the air between you, Doug looked at you, his expression a mix of surprise and something more profound, something that spoke of shared moments and unspoken understanding. He gave you a nod, a gesture that acknowledged your feelings and what you tried to say without reciprocating them.

The rest of the BAU team arrived shortly afterward, their vehicles pulling up behind you with a flurry of activity. You and Doug exchanged one last look before he climbed the stairs to the front of the cabin, his form disappearing into the shadows. You took up your position behind the squad cars, your gun drawn and ready, your senses heightened.

The seconds felt like hours as you waited, the tension in the air thickening with each passing moment. Then, the sound of a gunshot shattered the stillness of the forest, echoing through the trees with a sharp, unmistakable clarity. The blood drained from your face as the reality of the situation hit you like a sledgehammer.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you watched Emily Prentiss and the rest of the team move into action. Will grabbed your arm, his own gun trained on the surrounding area as he moved closer to you, his concern evident despite his professional demeanour. Emily's voice cut through the chaos, commanding the team to secure the back and ensure that the perimeter was held.

The gut-wrenching realization that Doug had been shot struck you like a physical blow. The sound of the gunshot had been followed by a sense of dread that you couldn’t escape. You moved forward, determined to find out what had happened, your hands trembling but your resolve firm.

It wasn’t long before Emily approached you, her face a mask of controlled urgency. “Doug’s down,” she said, her voice tight with suppressed emotion. “He’s been hit. We need to secure Elias Voit.”

The drive back to the BAU felt like a blur. The once-familiar landscape seemed alien and distant, as if the world outside had shifted irrevocably. You sat in the back of the squad car, your gaze fixed on the floor, your thoughts a chaotic whirl of grief, anger, and disbelief. The arrest of Elias Voit had been a hollow victory, a fleeting moment of triumph overshadowed by the crushing weight of Doug’s death.

The journey was agonizingly slow, every mile stretching into an eternity. The once-comforting hum of the vehicle’s engine now seemed a cruel reminder of the silence Doug would never again fill with his presence. Your heart ached with a hollow, gnawing pain that seemed to have no end. The victory of bringing Voit to justice felt meaningless without Doug there to share it, to see it through.

When the BAU headquarters finally came into view, it felt as though you were being pulled back into a world that no longer made sense. The familiar sight of the building, the lights shining through the windows, seemed like a cruel mockery of the reality you were living. The sense of normalcy was jarring, a stark contrast to the turmoil that raged inside you.

As the squad car came to a stop, you struggled to maintain your composure. Your colleagues, who had been your anchors in this storm, were waiting for you. They looked at you with a mixture of concern and exhaustion, their faces reflecting the toll the day had taken on them. Emily, Will, and the rest of the team were there, their expressions a mirror of your own grief.

You stepped out of the car, your movements mechanical, as if you were operating on autopilot. Each step toward the building felt like a journey through molasses, the heaviness in your chest making it difficult to breathe. The hallway was a blur of muted colours and low murmurs as you made your way to your office, your sanctuary amid the chaos.

The moment you closed the door behind you, the floodgates opened. You sank into the chair, your body trembling as the reality of Doug’s death hit you with full force. Tears streamed down your face, each sob a visceral reminder of the emptiness that had settled in your heart. The room seemed to close in around you, the familiar walls offering no comfort, only an echo of your grief.

The memories of Doug’s last moments replayed in your mind, each image a fresh wound. His nod, the soft, unspoken acknowledgment of your love, seemed to mock the finality of his absence. The way he had held your hand, the reassurance he had given you—it all felt like a cruel joke now. His absence was a void that nothing could fill, a silence that seemed to stretch infinitely.

The realization that Doug was truly gone was almost too much to bear. You remembered the way he had stood up for you, the trust he had shown in your decisions. It was a profound connection, one that had transcended the boundaries of professional and personal. And now, that connection had been severed, leaving you adrift in a sea of sorrow and regret.

As you sat there, the pain of Doug’s death was a physical presence, an unbearable weight pressing down on your chest. You could almost hear his voice, see his reassuring smile, and yet, it was all a phantom of what once was. The room, the building, the team—they all felt like distant, irrelevant fragments of a reality you could no longer fully engage with.

The knock on the door was a jarring intrusion into your grief. It was Emily, her face etched with concern. She entered, her presence a reminder that you were not alone in this, that your pain was shared by those who had worked alongside Doug, who had known him as you did. She approached you gently, her hand resting on your shoulder, a silent offer of support.

The two of you sat there in silence, the enormity of the loss hanging heavily in the air. Words seemed inadequate, insufficient to convey the depth of the grief that you were feeling. You could only sit there, letting the tears flow

“I just hope one day, when the time is right, when the world isn’t watching so closely, we can find a way back to each other. But until then, I’ll be here, loving you from afar, hoping that you find happiness, even if it’s not with me. Take care of yourself and know that you’ll always have a piece of my heart. You deserve the world, and I’m sorry that I can’t give it to you the way you deserve. But I’ll be here, cheering you on, proud of the incredible person you are.”

You stood in the quiet corridor of the FBI headquarters, the walls lined with solemn photographs of agents who had given their lives in the line of duty. Your gaze was fixed on one particular image—a portrait of Doug Bailey, his face caught in a moment of earnest resolve. The sight of his image brought a fresh wave of grief, mingled with the faint hope of comfort found in the letter you held tightly in your hands.

The letter was folded neatly, its edges worn from being held and read repeatedly. The words on the paper were a balm for your wounded heart, a bittersweet reminder of the love he had felt for you.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself as you looked at Doug’s photo. The letter had been a revelation, a confessional of his deepest feelings for you, feelings that had remained unspoken until the very end. The ink had barely dried, and yet, it held the weight of his love, his regrets, and his final thoughts.

With the letter clutched in your hand, you made your way to Emily Prentiss’s office. She was the one person who might understand the depths of your anguish and the confusion you felt about how to move forward. You knocked softly on her door, and when she called for you to enter, you stepped inside, your heart heavy with the burden of your emotions.

Emily looked up from her desk, her expression softening as she took in the sight of you. She could see that you were struggling, and without needing any words, she gestured for you to take a seat. You settled into the chair across from her, your hands still gripping the letter.

“I…” you began, your voice trembling slightly. “I need to tell you something. I need to talk about Doug. And what he wrote in this letter.”

Emily’s eyes were filled with concern and empathy. She nodded, giving you the space to share what was on your mind. You took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts and emotions before speaking.

“I’ve been carrying this letter with me,” you said, your voice cracking. “It’s from Doug. It was one of the last things he wrote. And it… it’s full of things he never had a chance to say to me before he… before he died.”

You unfolded the letter with careful hands, holding it out for Emily to see. She took it gently, her eyes scanning the words that had been written with so much care. After a few moments, she looked up, her eyes meeting yours with a deep understanding.

“Doug wrote about his feelings for me,” you continued, your voice gaining strength. “He wrote about how he loved me, how much I meant to him. He talked about his regrets, about not being able to fully express his feelings while he was still here. It’s… it’s both comforting and heart-wrenching.”

Emily’s gaze softened further, her eyes reflecting the shared pain of the moment. “I’m so sorry,” she said quietly. “It’s never easy to lose someone you love, especially when there are so many things left unsaid.”

Tears began to well up in your eyes again, the weight of your emotions pressing down on you. “I’m not sure how to move forward after this,” you admitted, your voice filled with uncertainty. “How do you keep going when you’ve lost someone so important? How do you find a way to heal from something like this?”

Emily reached across the desk, placing a comforting hand on yours. Her touch was warm and reassuring, a physical reminder of the support you had. “Grieving is a deeply personal process,” she said gently. “There’s no right or wrong way to do it. What’s important is that you allow yourself to feel, to mourn, and to seek support when you need it.”

She paused, giving you a moment to absorb her words. “It’s okay to feel lost and unsure. It’s okay to take time to process your grief. And it’s okay to lean on others who care about you. We’re here for you, and we’ll get through this together.”

Your eyes met Emily’s, finding solace in her words and the compassion in her gaze. The sense of shared grief, the understanding that you were not alone in your pain, was a small comfort amidst the overwhelming sorrow.

With a deep breath, you stood up and moved around the desk to embrace Emily. The hug was a silent exchange of grief and solidarity, a gesture of mutual support in the face of unimaginable loss. Emily held you tightly, her presence a steady anchor in the storm of your emotions. You walked out of Emily's office, the weight of the day's work heavy on your shoulders. The hallway was quiet, save for the soft hum of activity from other rooms. You were lost in thought, your mind replaying the conversation you’d had with Doug earlier. The emotional distance between you both seemed to grow more pronounced with every interaction, and you felt a growing need to bridge that gap.

As you turned the corner, you spotted a photo on the wall. It was a framed picture of Doug, taken during one of the agency's formal events. His smile was genuine, and his eyes held a hint of the warmth and determination that had drawn you to him in the first place. The sight of his photograph stirred something deep within you, a mix of longing and resolve.

You paused in front of the photo, taking a deep breath as you gathered your thoughts. The hallway was empty, and you felt an overwhelming urge to speak your heart. You could almost hear his voice, feel his presence, and it gave you the courage to say the words that had been weighing on you.

"Doug," you murmured softly, as if speaking directly to the photograph, "I love you. I want you to know that, no matter what happens, I'll make you proud."

You stood there for a moment longer, your emotions raw and unguarded. The photograph seemed to absorb your feelings, and for a brief second, you imagined Doug standing beside you, hearing your confession.

Just then, Penelope appeared in the hallway, her bright presence a stark contrast to the quiet seriousness of the moment. She noticed you standing by the photo, and her expression softened with concern.

"Hey, what’s going on?" she asked gently, stepping closer.

You turned to her, your eyes glistening. Without saying a word, you rested your head on her shoulder, seeking comfort in her warmth and understanding. Penelope’s arms wrapped around you in a supportive embrace, her touch a soothing balm to your troubled heart.

“It’s just… I needed to say it,” you finally whispered, your voice trembling slightly. “I needed him to know.”

Penelope’s embrace tightened, her own emotions clear in her gentle gesture. “I know,” she said softly. “And I’m sure he knows. Sometimes, we just need to remind ourselves of what really matters.”

You nodded against her shoulder, finding solace in her presence. The quiet support of your friend was a small but significant relief, helping you feel a little less alone in the complex emotions you were grappling with.

As you stood there, wrapped in Penelope’s comforting embrace, the office around you seemed to fade away. The weight of your unspoken feelings and the reality of the situation felt a little lighter, if only for a moment.

“Forever yours, Doug.”

#criminal minds #Doug Bailey x reader #Douglas Bailey x reader #Doug Bailey #Criminal minds Evolution #Deputy Director Doug Bailey #Emily Prentiss #Penelope Garcia #Luke Alvez #Jennifer Jareu #Nicholas d’agosto

19 notes · View notes