#ESPECIALLY IF THEY’RE DOING A STRUCTURED APPROACH AND HAVE TO DO A SHIT TON OF DOCUMENTATION

[sprucestairs]

oooooh pokemon company want to put all their energy into z-a sooooo bad. You will not release a half assed johto or unova game you want soooo badly to make a good game that everyone enjoys.

[jypbae7]

Could you do a breakdown natal chart for Kun from Wayv?

QIAN KUN - NATAL CHART

Kun was one the most requested I got which was a pleasant surprise!!❤️❤️

(Not claiming to be an expert this is just for fun please don’t take anything too seriously!) Hope this is helpful and that you enjoy it 🥰❤️

Personality: Capricorn Sun, Leo Rising, Taurus Moon, Capricorn Mercury, Capricorn Mars

Clearly a LOT of Earth sign placements but nicely broken up by the fire sign rising

Capricorn Sun has serious and long term plans for the kind of future they want for themselves and once they set out for it they seldom give up. Stubborn to a fault, but also consistent enough to actually persevere. They want the perfect job, reputation, partner, house, family, etc.

Leo rising is a bright, warm and outgoing personality. Lots of energy, creativity and flair. They enjoy having a strong core of friends that they feel understand and enhance their experience and effect on the world. Leo’s are known for being hardworking and as a fixed sign it offers a lot of consistency and determination. They are extremely devoted and loyal once they develop a bond and trust with someone. Though the passion can fizzle out quickly if they aren’t feeling the kind of attention and passion they want.

Taurus Moon is a very grounded person with more social charisma and approachability than Capricorns are known for. They also have a tendency to like bold styles, they have big dreams and goals and you’ll be surprised at how well they can attain them if they’re focused enough (Kun is a Capricorn Stellium so yes this boy KNOWS how to get shit done when it needs to be done) Taurus is also a fixed sign which along with the stubbornness everyone knows about also comes with patience and consistency making them really good leaders when added with their natural friendliness and perseverance

Capricorn Mercury indicates a strong preference for structure, somebody who tends to follow rules and feels uncomfortable breaking them. They tend to have authoritative energy and demeanor. Big ambitions and determination to succeed and excel in their chosen career. Spend more time thinking than they show with a generally very logical mind which can sometimes lead to a black & white perspective

Capricorn Mars - responsible, organized, secretly a thrill seeker, can come off as aloof or guarded when they are around new people or people who they really want to make a good impression on.

Relationships:

Non-Romantic Relationships: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising, Capricorn Mercury, Capricorn Mars

Trustworthy and dependable - the “dad” of the friend group who everyone calls when they have something serious to deal with

Platonic love languages: acts of service and quality time - he loves spending time with people with shared interests especially music. Also loves going out to different places such as different trendy cafes, movie theaters, museums - you name it.

Likes other thrill seekers who push and motivate him to get out of his comfort zone

Sense of humor is a lot more childlike and playful than one would expect from his serious and strict side

Capricorn energy is NOT to be crossed or messed with. These are the ones who are calm af and calculated when angry - this is when you know you are screwed. When Capricorn is calm and collected while enraged, ohhh boy, do they figure out ways to hurt you in the smoothest and most effective ways without so much as lifting their finger. Spare yourself the trauma and DO NOT LIE to him no matter what.

Romantic relationships and preferences : Aquarius Venus, Capricorn Mars, Capricorn Juno, Aries Eros

Aquarius Venus is outgoing, friendly and charismatic. They are attracted to interesting and unique people who stand out of the crowd. They like bold and spontaneous gestures and they will do them back for their partner as well.

Aquarians also dislike overly clingy/needy partners which Capricorn also isn’t a fan of either. These signs are all about independence, individuality, personal expression and achievement. Meaning that while they do yearn for a partner (especially Capricorn placements) they want a partner who is self sufficient and independent with their own hobbies, careers, dreams, goals, etc.

Capricorn Juno implies they’ll be a tough to nail down for very long because Capricorn wants only the best of everything and they’re always busy trying to excel at things and scoping out their options. So you’ll have to prove your worth to them before they are willing to commit because once they do it’s for the long haul

Capricorn likes natural ethereal beauty while Aquarius likes the bold - my guess is healthy mix of both. Natural looking and soft featured with some bold/unique traits like bright/bold hair or fashion style, a bit of spice/sass here and there is another secret pleasure

Be prepared for endless serenades and songs made and sent to you like love letters - whether he’s singing or composing a warm ethereal instrumental for you, his whole heart is in it

Love languages (most to least) - words of affirmation, gift giving, physical touch and quality time

Words of affirmation makes him feel really wanted and needed, he’s also really really good at giving it out to people he loves so if he’s doing it one sidedly it would hurt him and make him feel insecure.

Gives either unbelievably beautiful luxe gifts or unique/fun gifts and loves to surprise his partner with them often especially after time apart

Capricorns HATE wasting time they are hyper aware of how many hours in a day and how much can be done in a day. So, if he’s spending a lot of time with you, you’re very very special and important to him and he prioritizes this time very highly

Star gazing dates, beach dates, camping trips - this man will go out of his way to make sure every date is an experience. He is PREPARED, he has an itinerary in his mind, he’s looked up the travel routes and picked the best one. When you go camping he will FLEX with his efficiency and ability to handle the labor heavy tasks. This man will purposely wait till you’re looking to start chopping wood (not that ANYONE is complaining), put the tent up and have it filled with blankets and pillows galore in 2.00034 seconds because he practiced in the dorm living room with the others like a drill routine. (Lucas taught him how to chop the wood & still look hot while doing it)

Is the MOST polite and endearing person to your family and friends. Goes above and beyond to be the perfect partner around your family and they are unable not to LOVE him. Is especially soft and doting of any children or elderly relatives. And none of it is phony at all, he doesn’t know anyway else to even think. Respect, manners, and family are extremely important to Earth signs. They’ll probably end up liking him more than you but honestly you can’t even blame them

(None of y’all ungrateful people better ever slack on Zaddy Kun’s visuals ever again!! If I don’t get to see his happy trail during 2021 I’m burning the SM building down once and for all)

18+ Preferences:

Aries Eros ooof - passionate, possessive and steamy. Pick their partners off instinct and energy - once they really like you they become infatuated and want to STAY that way. If it’s not the “I need you so fucking bad I’m gonna lose my mind” type of love they DON’T want it.

Leo Rising is a possessive as fuck placement thankfully when they get riled up or jealous they have the confidence not to get angry with you or insecure about it. BUT.... you‘ll still be awakening a whole new type of beast and quite frankly he will let you know that it’s all your fault as he holds you down and uses you like the stupid toy you are till you remember who you belong to

If he sees you doing anything even remotely domestic his Taurus Moon and Capricorn Juno will have his mind go from soft and warm thoughts to bending you over the kitchen counter and taking you right there without a care or second thought spared

Positions where he feels in in control are his favorite - he likes being on top of you, behind you and if he can pick you up and carry you while ramming into you best believe he will.

His favorite is position is missionary - likes to feel big and dominant he also wants to be able to see as much of you as possible and kissing you as much as possible from your lips to just about anywhere else he can reach. Will be staring at you 99% of the time with big smoldering eyes that don’t waver in the slightest. In fact if you give him eye contact back he’ll just be even more turned on

Now...this might be controversial but... Capricorn Mars usually suggests power play/dynamic kink - think rich powerful CEO who secretly fantasizes about being tied up and blindfolded. Not to say that is exclusively his main kink bc it’s definitely not, he is 100% mostly dom BUT with the right person he’d be more than willing and very excited to try it out - probably because they are always in control so it’s an adrenaline rush for them to relinquish it to someone else. Doesn’t necessarily mean an extreme level of being submissive even just simple restraints can feel very extreme for a bossy and in-control Capricorn

Aquarius Venus also likes breaking relationship “norms” and trying out new things. They are super fun and bright when happy so when he’s in love he’s in LOVE. Wants to sing about it 24/7 but is too stubborn to be clingy or needy. The type to smile during sex, especially when he’s on top of you or drunk. Don’t even get me started on drunk handsy Kun whining in your ear about how he just wants to sneak out of the party early.....bc I will genuinely never recover

Very vocal in the bedroom - gives his partner tons of praise. Completely loses his mind and is loud af when you kiss your way from his neck down to below the hips

Most of the time sex with him is more passionate than kinky, not lightening fast jack rabbit thrusts instead hard and deep rhythmic ones that make your whole body shake - Hungry makeout sessions, sneaky little hickeys where no one else will see, massages than turn into hours of love making, takes his time to hit deep and hard inside you, handfuls of your hair, gaspy whispers

When he is feeling more kinky it’s usually spur of the moment. In the car in the middle of a rainy night during a cancelled schedule or after an especially steamy date night where he decides to take you to a hotel afterwards

KING OF AFTER CARE (NOT up for debate) - cooks you an amazing meal afterwords or orders up a feast if he’s too spent to get up too, cuddled up in blankets watching a movie for the rest of the night afterwards.

[saudade-mayari]

Luna!! 1st year Pharmacy major here too care for some tips? and is it a good decision as a premed course? Please ignore if you don’t want to answer totally okay! I wanna be your 💊anon too

hello hello 💊anon and im so sorry i didn’t answer before bcoz work is killing me ksksksks. but... first off, go go future pharmacist!

as a graduate in pharma major... i tried not to be biased HAHAHAHAHAHA n e ways it’s all under the cut 💙👏🏻

—as i said before, no premed program is perfect. however, premed programs are great for application in med school.

—in our country, bs pharmacy is an underrated program let alone, an underrated job as well. that’s why i went to med school because pharmacists are treated here as “seller of medicines” no more no less

—your ace will be pharmacology, biochemistry and laboratory medicine. this is one of pharmacy’s core subject when you enter med school.

—short story: because of my knowledge in pharma i aced the mock physician licensure exam because i was able to easily provide an optimal management of medication for various chronic diseases.

—know your body clock :) as a college student in general your body clock is important. you are seriously going to fail if you don’t study ahead of time.

—ask questions. you are a freshie, taking side notes from your upperclassmen and professionals is a HUGE help. asking questions will help you avoid mishaps and blunders.

—try not be too much of a shy person. as a first year, allow your social network to balloon. it’s natural to welcome unfamiliar faces and unknown names, it’ll boost your confidence, your study peers and most importantly, it will immerse in relevant causes too.

—your study approach. it’s okay if you prefer to study alone or with peers. DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU AT PEAK CONCENTRATION.

—reinvent yourself :) not just in pharmacy but college in general is a perfect opportunity to make a positive change in your life. it’s a stepping stone to set your goals

—NOTE TAKING SYSTEM. i highly suggest you write notes especially when it’s not in the powerpoint then rewrite everything after. if possible, don’t look at your books while you rewrite because that way it’ll help you memorize.

—feel free to have color coding on your notes too. (eg. Yellow is for important keywords, pink is for other terms, orange is for examples, green is for main terms and such)

—device your own mnemonic. that plays an important role whenever you review. it’ll help you ace your quiz and exam

—USE ALL RESOURCES AVAILABLE. I mean use them at maximum! be it the library or the research center. seek additional help in those resources to mend with your weak links.

—loosen up and get drunk LOOL HAHAHAAHAHA

for pharmacy related....

—first year is the EASIEST. that’s it😂 the moment you pass through pharmaceutical inorg and org chem you’re gonna miss them because they’re the easiest ones.

—Pharmacy is not just science. I swear to god it has damned lots of MATH.

—the start of your struggle is when you meet the hailed Pharmacology 1 and Pharmaceutical Analysis

—i highly recommend to buy jenkin’s, pharmacognosy and clinical pharmacology book. that book is literally A BIBLE for us😂 even until now i use my pharmacology book. #myholytrinity

—jenkin’s would help you in pharmaceutical analysis 1 and 2 (quality control 1 and 2), pharmaceutical calculations, physical pharmacy, biopharmaceutics and pharmacokinetics. those are your pharma subjects that is filled with math... and jenkin’s has lots of sample problems to help you practice. that book is my savior since i am bad at math.

—if you plan to work on industrial pharmacy and manufacturing pharmacy setting, be sure you ace your pharmaceutical analysis 1 and 2 because it’s a foundation of what pharmacists should do in manufacturing.

—pharmaceutical calculation and physical pharmacy. this is one of the foundations of a future pharmacist. this will help you on the conversions and computations that we generally do on community, clinical and hospital pharmacy setting.

—pharmacology 1 and 2 is hard in a sense that you never see the answers in the BOOK. pharmacology is a subject where you will analyze every drug receptors and MOA. the pharmacology book will help you practice moreeee case study problems and that shit is the secret on how to pass pharmacology. be ready to test albino rats and rabbits. this subj is my personal fav. pro tip here is MASTER PHARMACODYNAMICS, KINETICS AND DRUG RECEPTORS. just know that shit and moa of drugs will be easy for you.

—pharmacognosy. that motherfucker is ten times harder than pharmaceutical botany. so the book holds a great help when you need to memorize tons of scientific name and their uses. this is one of the most interesting subj, we get to do wine and let the freshies taste it coz we’re afraid to taste our own work puhahahaha. tip here is to memorize ONE AT A TIME. master one section first before you move to another. it will avoid confusions.

—dosage forms and pharmaceutics, compounding and dispensing. these subjects will help you practice application as a pharmacist. we are best at patient counseling so if you want to pass dispensing, do not be shy to do patient counseling with your friends😂👏🏻 that way you’ll be more comfortable when you do your counseling exercise.

—microbiology and pharmaceutical toxicology. just be sure not to fuck up the laboratory exercise or you’ll be scolded real bad😂 or not to contaminate streak plates and culture😂 another interesting subj.

—in regards to pharmaceutical chemistry like inorg and org, pharmaceutical biochem, pharma medicine org and pharma medicine laboratory. the technique is continue studying. continue reading. practice with lots of structures and be sure you still remember your org chemistry because it’s a foundation to other chem related subjects.

—HAVE FUN HAHAHA. as paracelsus said, the dose makes the motherfucking poison so... don’t tense up too much on your program and poison urself.

—Don’t pressure yourself but be competitive. Always surpass your other achievement but don’t burden yourself too much. I get drunk and go to school for an exam... i did that even when i was in med school and i am doing fine and well :)

rome is not built in a day. you are where you are right now because of all the opportunities you shaped in pharmacy. get that three letters soon! 💙✨

[docholligay]

Writing Survivors and WINNNERSSSSSSS

This was an EXCEEDINGLY simple question, because sometimes Holligays deserve to get their ego stroked. As a treat! : Which of my fics is your favorite? 

the two that immediately spring to mind (aside from your friday nov 13 fluff about which i've already furiously emailed you) are roughly recalled as follows: 1) usagi invites rei out for ramen to pitch her new goal of becoming a food critic. she uses the word "zesty" to describe her meal, and i feel the precise blend of exasperated, protective adoration you describe coursing through rei. i also recall the descriptions of the setting being quite vivid, as well as coloured so well by the shifting emotional landscape of our pov character. 2) haruka is sad at a fancy event, and slips out to wallow (most sympathetically, of course). ah, but how vague! possibly an au...certainly it is cold outside? she may not be wearing more than a jacket, which i believe she may offer to usagi, who comes looking for her. the details are fuzzy, but i was so struck by your use of the word "bright" in this piece that i've thought of this fic roughly every other time i've read the word "bright" since. oh, and who could forget "we know the devil?" but i've said quite a bit about that one already, and the deadline fast approaches (i think)! TOO BAD ---- @rasiqra-revulva Oh my god I forgot that Usaig and Haruka one!!!! 

I can't remember the titles of them now, but two of my absolute favorites that you've written are the 'Imaginary Friend' one with Haruka with the ghost Michiru and 'In the walls'. Both of them deal with haunted houses, and both characters deal with them in very different ways. And that is probably why I like them both so very much. Neither of them has a 'happy' ending (although Haruka might just make it out of hers with a bit of luck) and that lack of a happy ending comes from the weakness of each character. In addition, both stories are tremendously creepy. I think about both quite a bit when I'm noodling around with horror writing. ---@shavedjudomonkey Thank you! I LOVED imaginary friends, I’m not sure I’ve ever done better.

A Stopped Clock? i am bad with titles but the one after one of the OW character reveals where Tracer had her stabilizer broken! I sponsored that one and *did not* expect to get so much out of it and the prose throughout is so good, so vivid and effective, how dare you be so good at making me care about these characters when the actual writers don't, 1000000/10 would sponsor again --- @katrani  There are parts of A Stopped Clock that are some of my FAVORITE writing. Man, I feel like this year I haven’tdone anything with tht sort of quality, but thank you!! 

An Unwanted Favor, most definitely. First off, I love the title, partially for how its meaning is only really conveyed once the twist hits, but also for how succinctly it sums up the difficult place Mina finds herself in: on the receiving end of something done as a kindness, with no say in the matter. Haruka's decision is somehow both selfless and selfish, and yet we know from her message and how she's portrayed, that even if it was a bit hurtful, it was truly done with only the best of intentions. Mina's hurt, and she can't even yell about it, and probably actually feels a little bit guilty about wanting to in the first place. It's a very tricky emotional position to be in, and it's even harder to convey in writing.

 I love too, how your strong your characterizations are of the senshi. I know I'm an outlier among your followers, but I'm really only familiar with Sailor Moon in the most basic of ways. I watched about a season and a half of the dub and played the SHIT out of Drops, but that's about it, outside of your (and Jet's) fics. But, as with the people who love your Overwatch fanfics despite never playing a moment of the game, I often find myself really enjoying the senshi purely through your loving depictions of them. I especially love the description of Rei's prodding at Mina as lancing a boil (emotional healthcare through minor emotional violence), especially the bit where the words come out before she's done formulating them (deeply relatable).

 And, this is maybe overreaching a bit, but there's one line that I always read a lot of significance into. Sometimes when I write things, I find that there's certain lines that are like keystones for me, that I'll structure entire paragraphs around. Sometimes it's because they explain things so well that the work falls apart without them, or sometimes it's just that I think they're really clever, or have great rhythm, and drive things along nicely. But my favorite keystones are the ones that, in literary terms,  "fuck me up real bad". It's when I write something that hits ME like a ton of bricks right after I've written it, usually cause it's brutally sad, and I know that even if nobody reads the thing, or has that same reaction to it, sometime in the future I'll come back and read it and go "that's some real shit right there." 

 All that just to say, that "maybe this is my reward for doing okay. I get to be with her again" always hits me like one of those lines. I read that, and it fucks me up, and on some level I imagine you writing that line back then and going "aw hell yeah" to yourself, in one of those moments one really only gets when you're totally on your game, and it makes me smile. Maybe I'm wrong! But I'd prefer not to know, if that's the case. We all have our headcanons, and that one's mine. ---- @blastoise_m  Oh my god thank you so much!! I’m so glad you loved it so much, it’s been so long since I even thought about it and this made me smile so much! 

CURRENT "Endings and Beginnings" in the MAS-verse - so many of your MAS stories are rich with emotion and pain and reality and *life* intertwined in such amazing combinations, but I first read this one at a time when I was grieving an old loss turned fresh, at a time when I needed it, and always, to this day, it makes me cry happy tears. I love it - how even grief can turn into something beautiful, and my world would be a much sadder place without this particular, spectacular story. --- @amberlilly

AND YOU DID NOT LEAVE A NAME SO YOUR ENTRY WAS TOSSED BECAUSE I CAN’T VERIFY YOUUUUUU -- ALL OF THEM but especially Ruka Hood, for being both EXTREMELY fun and for just how good the characters are and how you explore them, and A Simple Game (I think?? The senshi civil war one) because the scene where Michiru drowns her entire family in the aquarium is SO GOOD, and finally St. Ralph bc I’m a repressed catholic gay to the end

Randomized survivors under the cut!

Holligay Answers For Her Crimes

Holligay Loves Food (questions/prompts sent in)

Holligay Screams About Her Favorite Characters (any media)

Nonfiction/Personal writing (prompts sent in, however vague or specific)

Holligay Rants/Raves About (positive or negative, prompts sent in)

Holligay History posts (Y'all will have to actually send in questions/prompts, mind)

Outline for a more satisfying final season of She Ra Holligay style / HBO style

[hag-lad]

Digging Deeper

Thank you to my radiant wonderful friend @alienfuckeronmain for sending me EXACTLY the type of self indulgent wind-down activity I wanted on this otherwise depressing weekend! If anyone else wants to answer FORTY-NINE QUESTIONS about themselves, I’m super nosy and will read it all! @fight-the-seether @ptolemyofchaos @butchwizard @metalbutch @nyndelion @comrade-ziltoid @leatherdear @kristalknobb Enjoy, friends!

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? I prefer black, but I always feel like I write neater in blue??

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? The city, but only if it has breathable air, green infrastructure, and decent public transit. So like... definitely no city in America lmao

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? The ability to quickly become fluent in another language! I’ve been struggling with Spanish for literal YEARS and it’s honestly pathetic. My brain is so stuck on English.

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Look pal. If I wanna drink sugar, I’m gonna have a soda, not herb water or bean juice.

5. What was your favorite book as a child? I was OBSESSED with The Wish List, by Eoin Colfer (of Artemis Fowl fame). I remember being so fascinated by how dark it was?? It’s an afterlife adventure, where the main character has to escape purgatory by atoning for her crimes of robbery and fraud and whatever. I had a crush on her, so basically this book made me want to pursue a life of crime, even though it explicitly condemns crime and depicts Hell as a very real and horrible place. I was in like fourth grade and was super morbidly curious about Hell and the possibility of going there! Lol

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Baths... but only when I’m not actually dirty going in. A bath is leisure, not hygiene.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? 100% fae! I would build my dwelling within a sidhe mound, steal shiny things in the middle of the night, make bastardly little contracts for no reason, and cause harmless mayhem and mischief because mortals really are fools (go off, robin goodfellow!) Also I love mushroom circles and dancing in the moonlight.

8. Paper or electronic books? Paper all the way! I read much more content electronically, but it’s usually in the short story or article format. Books are much better in print, I think.

9. What is your favorite item of clothing? Probably my rust-brown overalls.

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? I’ve always hated my name but no alternative has ever stuck, unfortunately. My name is Amy, and I don’t think it fits at all. If I knew I’d never have to correct anyone on it, I’d probably just change it to Amelia?

11. Who is a mentor to you? My little brother! He’s this genius musician, and he has taught me so much about song structure, polyrhythms, guitar technique, production tricks, all kinds of trivia that really deepen my appreciation for music and the LABOR that goes into it.

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? No, never, not for anything. I cherish my anonimity so much, I don’t even put searchable tags on this blog cuz I get an adrenaline spike from anxiety if too many people interact with me. I also just think fame is a fucking hideous construct. I don’t think it’s even slightly cool or desirable.

13. Are you a restless sleeper? No, I’m a fucking log. I can easily sleep for 12 hours straight. Thanks, depression!

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? No, actually. I’m very much in love, and it brings me lots of joy to do nice things with and for my partner! But romance feels very difficult for me to connect with. I’m super domestic, like, I love the idea of marriage but not necessarily a wedding, or a moonstruck romance or whatever. Those dramatic gestures feel very awkward for me.

15. Which element best represents you? EARTH. Specifically, like... dirt, or soil.

16. Who do you want to be closer to? I want to be geographically closer to my family. We’re thick as thieves, but we all live like 50 miles apart from each other. I miss my brothers and my parents so much, I feel so incomplete and depressed without them to hang out with, especially since quarantine.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? See above! Lol

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. When my little brother was a baby, he had this grey car seat with a folding mechanism which held his legs in place. It made a very satisfying clicking sound when the mechanism moved, AND when it was fully unfolded, it looked a lot like a Klingon battle cruiser. (Or so my five year old brain thought.) So! My older brother and I would take this seat out of the car CONSTANTLY so that we could unfold it and “sing” the Klingon theme music from Star Trek: The Motion Picture while we scooched our car seat battle cruiser across the living room floor, pretending to shoot phasers into the TV or the dining table or whatever else got in our way.

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? Gifilte fish, maybe?

20. What are you most thankful for? My family, including my wonderful partner and all the cats in our lives!

21. Do you like spicy food? Yes! But my tolerance for extreme spice decreases every year, unfortunately. So I can’t handle as much heat as I used to, but I do enjoy a good kick.

22. Have you ever met someone famous? Lmaooo I made the regretful decision to PAY FOR a meet&greet with Fall Out Boy in like 2006, which was so fucking awkward and painful, I vowed to never approach that level of lame again.

23. Do you keep a diary or a journal? TONS! I’m an obsessive record keeper. Some years I journal more than others, and I’ve found that it is super difficult to keep up with it while working full time. But it’s absolutely one of my favorite hobbies.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or pencil? Pen for writing. Pencil for drawing, and math.

25. What is your star sign? Virgo sun, Aquarius moon, Scorpio rising 🙃

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Crunchy! A shallow bath in that milk is key.

27. What would you want your legacy to be? My artwork. I go through these aesthetic phases every year that I become super obsessed with/ focused on, and I’ve always meant to catalogue them in annual art journals, but I’ve NEVER FINISHED ONE! They always get pushed aside by the need to work, and I hate that so much. If I could just take a year off work and backfill all of my missed concepts into completed books, I would be so happy. But I literally have NO WAY to pay for that, absolutely none. I fucking hate capitalism.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I love to read, but finishing a whole book has been A STRUGGLE lately! Right now I’m chipping away at Tending Brigid’s Flame, which is a quaint lil devotional for the Celtic fire goddess. Very new agey, like cheesy Wiccan vibes. I love that shit!

29. How do you show someone you love them? Quality time!

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Only if I have a straw. Ice touching my teeth kinda makes me wince.

31. What are you afraid of? Incompetance, doing a bad job, letting someone down, taking up too much space, being a nussiance, etc

32. What is your favourite scent? Incense! Especially cinnamon, dragon’s blood, and amber.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? I always call people, regardless of age, by the name they ask me to use. Sometimes it’s a surname or title, usually it’s a first name. I’ll ask their preference if I’m unsure. But I definitely don’t default toward a surname, that’s weird.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY!!!!!! The need for money rules literally every single hour of my entire life, and I hate it so much. I’m naturally nocturnal, but my job requires me to get up super early and sit in a car for 11 hours a day. I wake up at 5am, come home front work at 5pm, spend an hour or two trying to unwind, then go to bed and do it all over again. I hate my life! Really! I never see the stars, I never exercise, I am completely exhausted and burnt out all the time, and I barely get any quality time with my partner. If money were no object, I would sleep til noon or 1, make art and hike all day, ride my bike and stargaze all night, stay up til 4am reading and playing with my cats, and sleep like a baby. My partner and I would cook dinner for each other and watch Star Trek and collaborate on art projects and I would be so happy.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Here’s my hierarchy: Private pool > ocean > public pool

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? I’d look around to see if anyone obviously dropped it and try to give it back. If I couldn’t find anyone, I’d exchange it for dollars and deposit that shit into my account!

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Of course!! Hundreds!

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? America is evil and needs to be destroyed.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? Lmao this is so cute. If you HAD TO HAVE a tattoo! I really wanna finish my damn sleeves, they’re literally 9 years in the making and barely half finished. But I’d also love more art on my legs! I DESPERATELY want Ziltoid in a lacy valentine heart on my thigh.

40. What can you hear now? Our fish tank water bubbling and my fan on full blast.

41. Where do you feel the safest? Home alone, doors locked, windows covered, lights low. I absolutely LOVE to not be seen or perceived in any way.

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My fear of discomfort

43. If you could time travel to another era, which one would you choose? I feel like I’d want to be a teen in the 80’s and an adult in the 90’s. Does time travel work that way?

44. What is your most used emoji? 😭 or 😎

45. Describe yourself using one word. Defeated

46. What do you regret the most? Convincing myself that math was too hard or boring (or something?) when I was in middle school. I feel like I’m actually a pretty intelligent person who could’ve totally overcome that difficulty and gone on to understand all kinds of patterns and concepts which have eluded me to this day! It’s so frustrating to try and fight that formative self-concept, which now comes naturally but ultimately sabotages me. 💀

47. Last movie you saw? I made my partner watch Troop Beverly Hills, one of my childhood faves. It’s so fun! I love chick flicks so much.

48. Last tv show you watched? Deep Space Nine. Getting through the first season has been harder than expected. It’s actually my favorite Star Trek show?? (Orrrr maybe that’s TNG, ahh! It’s so hard to choose!) But season one is so baffling and awful! Why is there so much space capitalism??! And racism? And war? And drinking alcoholic beverages? #notmystartrek

49. Invent a word and its meaning. I used to call a single strand of curly hair a “curly quink” when I was a child. Therefore, a “quink” is a section of hair, usually a particularly cute or iconic one.

[elizabethrobertajones]

Since Cas is supposed to be spending a lot of time with Jack next season and teaching him about life and stuff, and probably being really sad about Dean while he does it, do you think Jack might notice and bring up Cas and Dean's relationship? He certainly would have no reason to avoid the topic like Sam or anyone else would. If they're really serious about focusing more on interpersonal relationships then I really don't see how they can avoid talking about Dean and Cas.

The tone of your question is making me weirdly feel like we’re verging somewhere between reality show and scripted drama, where the characters are almost out of control of the writers and all the drama is bubbling under the surface, ready to spill out at any moment :P 

Like, from a writing perspective, I feel that they just do not approach it as if Dean and Cas are literally real and in love in the same way that to fans who only get the finished content, it can come across… There’s a much more mechanical approach to actually writing scenes than feeling like there is any inevitability. It depends entirely on what Dabb and/or the writer of the scene/episode wants to convey on a wider thematic level and on the closer personal level. If they wanted to emphasise that both Cas and Jack are missing Dean and Jack asks Cas about Dean, then it’s 100% in their control to script Jack’s innocence and Cas’s care with responding, based on circumstances, location, current mood, other things that happen this episode, and wider season-long factors, to be as cagey as he likes. 

If Cas and Jack were having that throwing the ball back and forth moment I was dreaming of this morning, it could be cute and wholesome, and Cas regretfully says that they’re doing this because it’s the kind of human thing Dean would suggest, and Jack makes a sad inquiry about how Dean helped Cas become more human and learn to do human things, and Cas, aware that Jack is struggling to be human, answers from the POV of his own slide towards humanity that Dean’s caused, and talks about how Dean has lead him down that path with fondness and pain, and ends with assuring Jack he’s doing really well compared to Cas’s own attempt, and we just charged through a ton of serious Destiel territory without touching the sides. 

Maybe Jack gets hurt on a fight that they get into in the sharp end of the dramatic search for Dean, and Cas has to heal him and laments his dumb humans always getting hurt and now Jack is one of them, but then prompted or not, starts talking about how strong Dean is regardless, and it lapses into a quiet moment of them agreeing they’ll save Dean and he’ll be okay, and again, Cas says some deep shit about Dean but it’s not romantic in the surface text, it’s prompted by his sense of protectiveness of Dean and Jack, and that linking factor is just the conversation starter. 

Or Jack does some gross thing and then blames Dean, like spitting food like Dean did in front of him in 13x04 and Cas tells him off and Jack says Dean does it, defensively, and Cas gets all roll-eyes-fond-smile, and says that Dean is the best and worst teacher of humanity, and they get into the subject that way… You know, that would be a comic beats, quick answer, joke about Dean to break the tension moment and wouldn’t really get deep at all except for the implied massive fondness they both have for Dean. 

Or Jack and Cas are having a quiet moment maybe driving somewhere or stopped at the side of the road and Jack asks Cas to tell him more about Dean because he seems to know him so well but they would be fully in the right to make the question innocent and to have Cas respond carefully like for a kid who doesn’t need to know all his angst, and Jack might see how Cas is handling it all but he will remember Sam and Dean acting so differently about losing Cas when he was newborn that he can only really at the most probing to maintain his innocence ask Cas about how he is feeling about Dean compared to how Sam and Mary are handling it. And as messed up as Cas might be he’s not under an obligation to tell Jack that he’s pining for Dean romantically, and their shared connection to Dean is a family one, not the extra romantic stuff that only Cas has, so talking about that is what can result in any probing directly from Jack in a calm moment if they don’t want to force a confession, which would be the writers’ hand, not Jack or Cas making it happen.

You know, those ideas just as an example of many ways of how to think about the themes and character stuff going on about how a scene is structured and why you would write it. As Jack spent so much more time with Dean than he did with Cas, and ditto Cas has of course more knowledge of Dean, AND that freakin attention hog drama llama is off being possessed by Michael and the main mytharc for them as a result, there’s so many reasons for Jack and Cas to discuss Dean or find him the common thread in a scene that will help them connect. 

But there’s no actual imperative on the writing or with the characters that will FORCE them to talk about Cas’s feelings because as much as they’re so strongly implied the text is sagging and tearing and creaking around the weight of it all, the writers are using romance TROPES but they are NOT writing a romance NARRATIVE. Like, romantic things happen all the time between Dean and Cas, but of course the actual story is action/horror/drama and all of those tropes have the bigger storytelling weight. The overlap is enough you can see the ups and downs of the story as basically any narrative - it’s like horoscopes in that sense - and you need to take common sense clues on the writing to know what is actually being told. 

The jokes we make that the writers keep Dean n Cas separate or whatever because they’ll just start making out are funny and true in some ways for us as the audience, our expectations and desires if we had full control of the story, especially when reading the emotional weight of their personal narrative. Like, we can identify SO MANY “just kiss him you fool!” moments in the story, obviously none of which were actually kisses despite being the opportune moment.

In the wider picture, the story is never constructed around telling itself just about Dean n Cas and making the beats of their relationship the MAIN reason anything is happening, as in, this story is first and foremost about the hunter pining for the angel and everything has been constructed to be about that from the start. It can inform major events and stuff, but it still isn’t WHY they are writing the story. I know it’s common discourse to be like NOTHING MAKES SENSE WITHOUT DESTIEL but in truth you can ALWAYS see the real line the writers mean to take and while I don’t think the Destiel is accidental, I also don’t think it’s a primary motivator to the plot or characterisation.

This is also NOT a wild hot take for a Destiel shipper or meta writer, it’s being clear about what the show’s intent actually is, and trying to understand where the Destiel reading comes from. Like, in no ways am I saying Destiel isn’t real, a solid part of the narrative and acting, and knowingly written into scenes and story arcs and that there’s always a romantic flavour to Dean n Cas stuff that lacks elsewhere. Of course there’s all this subtext to float a massive ship on. But the luxury of this sort of subtextual romantic story is that the main arc between the characters can have plausible deniability and that in no way for where the writers are working from, does that force them to make choices which they aren’t extremely knowingly doing when it comes to the give and take of making scenes read one way or another. 

Like, the entire point is, no previous season has been written as if the actual pitch was canon Destiel at the highest level, because if it had been, we’d have canon Destiel right now, I can say from the luxury of a hiatus where all previous seasons are laid out before us very firmly not having canon Destiel. 13x01-6 was written to be about Dean and Cas in a way that has not ever really been so overt that the emotional arc Dean feels about Cas is the controlling interest but at the end of the day it did not go canon in that time and we moved onto the next story arc. Which is nice we GOT a story arc so much about how they feel but it was still just teasing and subtext and all.

And I am seriously, seriously, not saying this from a place of negativity, bitterness, or whatever else. It’s not a criticism!!! it’s just stating how the fact of the story is. The narrative about Destiel has got so wildly derailed by attention grabbing hype I’ve been clutching my face and wailing at recently about how the end of last season was their big moment to make it canon or they’d have irredeemably fucked up, and blah blah everything seemed to be going that way... No! It wasn’t! The story is not beholden to Destiel! It’s CLEARLY not except for 13x01-6 and that was a contained arc and honestly I still haven’t processed what it means in a bigger picture except that I have no bitterness and all the chill for now.

But the writers’ room is just plodding along through seasons and plotlines and all the different character arcs, and all their MotW and episode pitches and ridiculous ideas and they’re using Destiel as a known emotional tool we respond to and they also clearly like, while at the same time all their focus on plot stuff can very clearly be nothing to do with Destiel and in no particular hurry to do anything about it. 

I need this to be really really clear because I spent last season yelling into the void it felt like, repeatedly warning about fandom hype, expectations, and so on, and a bunch of people still got all revved up then really confused and disappointed and upset that the whole thing hadn’t been a massive Destiel whatever, and that instead the episode had been about *gasp* Sam and Jack and Lucifer??? (And also Michael!Dean with no build up and out of the blue because we hadn’t been warned since 12x12 it was happening, because the only thing that happened in 12x12 was Destiel flirting and confessions and sometimes if you were looking closely Mary being an evil hag :P) 

So this year I’m going full grump about fandom narratives, expectations, predictions, told-you-sos and so on. At least on my blog, if you come chat to me sounding like the narrative is locked in stone and Dean n Cas are so real they’re breaking the bounds of reality to force the writers to write them being gay together, I’ve just been in fandom too long at this point not to feel like I’ve seen it all before and the only predictions I make are about the fandom meltdowns and what do you know, of THAT I have 100% clarity >.> 

PLEASE be critical of what you read; things that might be jokes are hyperbole and things that might be are serious are usually filled with disclaimers and attention to how the reader might react, such as reminders of anyone’s ability to predict canon, and so on. If I’m going around making unfounded statements about Sam ripping the sleeves off his shirts, I’ve seen a BTS pic with a sensible explanation for why we’re not seeing this on screen but it’s a hilarious detail to know when he wears a jacket indoors... But I’m going to PRETEND Sam has flipped and torn the sleeves off all his shirts until canon proves me wrong, because I know it will so I can dick around making jokes about it because no one gets hurt when it doesn’t happen. When someone is making gargantuan claims about canon, Destiel, intent etc, even if you think they’re so much smarter than you (we’re all just faking it, truly. You’re good :P) don’t take anyone’s word as gospel. Understand that meta has no secret access or understanding, there’s no certainty in what we say or do. 

i mean I am flat out being hesitant to talk about things which others think are firm spoilers because I just do not think they’re at the point where we know anything about them to say anything. What is the tone, the context, the, you know, full episode surrounding it? I don’t really care about spoilers because they never mean anything, it’s just a weird collecting hobby we do on the internet, and belatedly offer interesting context but before we see the episode are just infuriating and misleading and can only ever be. Full spoiler CLIPS of episodes can be infuriating and misleading, if it’s of an early scene that is pretending to be something else before we get to the real tone/plot/reason for the episode. There’s no validation or proof from spoilers, only glimpses and PR and no storytelling context to explain why it looks the way it does. 

The spoilers from SDCC were all utterly banal, empty, predictable answers that tell us nothing of any use or relevance because they’re not going to tell us anything actually interesting or useful because if they were, Dabb would start narrating his full meaning of a chunk of episode. At best we can use the common themes of the answers they gave as our starting points for interrogating the text, like I did above with my hypothesis for Cas and Jack conversations, about Jack feeling human without his powers, and we know they’re spending more time together and they’re looking for Dean. So we can construct ideas but they can go anywhere the imagination takes us... Which is, of course, not where the season is going unless we happen to roll some really lucky speculation dice. Which means, again, the spoilers are only actually relevant/matter WHEN WE HAVE THE ACTUAL EPISODES.

Speculation is ridiculous and I am more and more annoyed by it the longer I’m in fandom, because it ends up with everyone seeming to want to  know the story in advance. There’s a media industry in guessing, selectively spoiling, and basically just over-analysing things only to try and work out what happens next. People on the internet being able to guess all the plot twists and secrets because tropes work in certain ways and there are inevitable conclusions sometimes, or legit detectiveing the resolution to a final book or episode or whatever, are missing the entire point, in their need to KNOW what happens next, that it’s only watching it which is actually fun. And if people struggle watching something without knowing what happens, then wait a day and spoil yourself on the real facts and then watch... Blargh. 

Wanting to know the raw beats of the story and all the things that happen, usually just to look smart and like you beat the system of the mystery of storytelling, is not what we should be doing as a fandom. We should be ENJOYING ourselves in the fictional space, not stressing over what will or won’t happen. Or feeling like the story now HAS to happen one way or another.

No. It doesn’t. It never does. It can act like it does right up until the last minute and we can hope that it goes where it seems to be indicating and talk about storytelling integrity ahead of any rug pull or whatever, but the writers themselves, the people crafting the story, are under NO pressure from the characters, story, plot... not to do whatever they want with it.

Like... idk, I just feel like fandom has got so full of hyperbole that we’ve got to the point where people aren’t reading it as hyperbole any more and are legit operating on a level where demands and interpretation are on this completely wild place where everything’s just Destiel holding the writers hostage and screaming and there’s full agendas and No Homo Interns galore and I really can not tell at this point, if I whipped up the No Homo Intern from scratch now instead of 3 years ago, if people would BELIEVE it because things got so wild at the end of last season, when it came to how people were treating the text as a living, almost violent thing. 

Destiel is ever-present in our lives, yes. It is NOT the writers’ top priority in a scene and they’re under no obligation to make it so despite what would be in the best interests of the show and story, and scenes written without it overtly present are not going to be bad, negligent, stupid, poorly-written, confused, forced at gunpoint by the No Homo Intern, or all written by Buckleming. It is very very possible that the show continues to be written entirely as it has been almost the entire time - which is to say, with Destiel subtextual, and not on the top priority of the agenda in every writers’ mind in every scene, up to and including when Dean and Cas interact or one of them talks about the other. 

It’s just one of those things like the social contract which I tend to assume we’re all operating on until things have gone way too far and I realise I am the only one who read the terms and conditions and also someone just got stabbed??

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #205 - Hocus Pocus

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: More or less.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: DVD

1) Let’s start off this post with a little blasphemy: I actually don’t have a ton of nostalgia for this movie. I watched it like maybe three times growing up. I’d always catch bits and pieces on Disney Channel or ABC Family Freeform, but I just never got into it like so many other people did. And (prepare to be outright offended now) the last time I watched it all the way through (I couldn’t have been older than 13) I thought it was kinda boring. BUT I was going through a bit of a “too cool for this shit” phase then. Spoiler alert: I enjoyed it A LOT more this time around and do understand the hype now.

2) Fun fact: Human Thackery Binx is played by Sean Murray but is dubbed over by the actor who performs him (Jason Marsden) for consistency.

3) Despite being largely a comedy, there is a wonderful sense of creepiness to this film which I think helps to give it its unique flavor. I mean, this is a Disney movie which starts with a child being killed so witches can drain off its life force. Then these same witches - who explicitly say they’re loyal to satan and have been to hell - get hanged. There’s this sense of edge (or the Disney version of edge) which helps elevate it above a lot of Halloween family fare. I think it’s what makes the film so endearing.

4) Ah, our first encounter with Winifred Sanderson.

5) The Sanderson Sisters

So the way I’m going to structure this note is each sister will be like 5.1, 5.2, and 5.3. That’s how long the note is. The Sanderson Sisters ARE the movie. They’re the reason it holds up so well, they’re the reason people keep coming back to it, is because this trio is so absolutely wonderful. Each sister is written and performed in a way where you get a clear sense of who they are as individuals (instead of just being clones of each other), yet they chemistry between the actresses works so wonderfully that the trio is strong as well. They are the heart and fun of the film, with each actress being brilliantly comedic but also able to turn on a villainous dime when necessary. They’re just incredible.

5.1) Bette Midler as Winifred Sanderson.

The leader of the group in both writing and performance, Midler commands the sisters in a natural way. The actress is the most unrecognizable in the part, so much so it took me YEARS to even realize this was Bette Midler. By putting aside any and all ego, Midler gives a performance which embraces its cartoonish fun to totally wrap you in. She pulls focus, commanding every scene she’s in to the point where you can’t/don’t want to take her eyes off of her. She’s just incredible. According to IMDb, this is Midler’s favorite performance of her own. That fun just shows through.

5.2) Kathy Najimy as Mary Sanderson.

Najimy is an absolutely amazing character actress who totally blends into every role she’s given. Mary is no different. Much like Midler, she is able to work with the cartoonish silliness of the part (with a character who is maybe more so that than her sisters) to just make you laugh. There are so many great moments Najimy has, often times while other things are going on, that you have to watch multiple times if you even hope to catch them all. She’s just really great.

5.3) Sarah Jessica Parker as Sarah Sanderson.

The youngest (I believe youngest) Sanderson sister proves that there is no weak link in this chain. Much like Middler, this role is so different from anything else Parker is known for doing (“Sexy in the City”) that I have to remind myself it’s here. She is able to be charmingly dimwitted and absent minded in a way which is absolutely gut busting. There is this wonderful physical and almost airy quality she brings to the part which pulls you in, the way she moves and plays with her beloved boys. But Parker - like the other Sandersons - can turn on a dime to an intimidating baddie. She’s - like the others - is incredible.

6) Max Dennison.

This may be blasphemous (I don’t know all the things people love about Hocus Pocus), but does anyone REALLY watch this movie for Max Dennison as a protagonist? I will admit the place where the character ends is something I appreciate a lot (more on that later), but for most of the film? He starts off as kind of a douche bag who acts all macho, thinks he’s too cool for his new town, and is mean to his sister. Almost every other character in the movie is a more interesting potential protagonist than Max to me, which I will say is not the fault of Omri Katz. He actually does the best he can to make Max seem interesting, because I’m aware that he could’ve been a much bigger pain the butt during the movie. But the writing is just not there as we get to know him, even if he does develop nicely by the film’s end.

7) It was at this moment I realized Alison was a much more interesting protagonist than Max.

Max: “But everyone here knows that Halloween was invented by the candy companies it's a conspiracy!”

Allison: It just so happens that Halloween is based on the ancient feast called All Hallows Eve.”

Allison is actually a bit of a missed opportunity, development wise. She has a good understanding of not only the tradition of Halloween but also the Sanderson Sisters, showing a creepy side to a character who does not appear as a stereotypical goth. She’s rich, doesn’t seem to really care for her parent’s fancy Halloween ball, is kind, brave, but we never really explore her that much. I’d love to get to know a bit more about Allison.

8) The inclusion of buttheads Jay and Ice add a nice bit of humor to the film. Yeah they’re jerks, but their idiocy is definitely funny to watch. Don’t take them seriously as bullies or threats and you’ll enjoy their presence.

8.1) So I was looking up the actors who played Jay and Ice and…AH! ICE IS THE SAME ACTOR AS LARRY FROM “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”!

9) According to IMDb:

Charles Rocket [Max and Dani’s dad] acquired a certain notoriety for swearing on live television during the final moments of the 21 February 1981 episode of Saturday Night Live (1975). There's an in-joke in connection to this, where he says to Max, "Watch your language!".

10) Thora Birch as Dani.

Can I just say, Dani is so much more interesting to me than Max. I kinda wish we saw this movie through her eyes. She just brings a smile to my face whenever she’s on screen. Birch plays Dani with such honest enthusiasm and intelligence (not every kid in movies is played as smart, sadly) that it’s intoxicating. She stands up to the bullies and later her first instinct upon the Sanderson Sister’s resurrection is to LIE HER BUTT OFF in an attempt to make them think she’s a witch! HER FIRST INSTINCT! And then later when she finds out this freaky zombie is nice she’s immediately like, “Hi Billy!” so sweetly. I dig that.

11) Ah great, toxic masculinity infecting an eight year old girl.

Dani [after Max says fighting the bullies would’ve gotten him killed]: “At least you would’ve died like a man.”

Sorry, that’s just a personal thing.

12) Um, maybe some fans of the movie know this, but why exactly the Dennison family move to Salem? I don’t remember it ever being mentioned. I’m assuming job opportunity but what job takes you from LA to Salem?

13) Um Max, you’ve know Allison for like a week (maybe a week and a half). Isn’t this a little much?

Max [about Allison]: “Dani, this is the girl of my dreams.”

14) The Sanderson house has this wickedly creepy sense of place to it. You know these guys aren’t supposed to be there, you know that this is a place of evil, so when things start getting weird it’s not much of a stretch to see it happening.

15)

16) So at one point in the movie Allison hits Mary with a frying pan and all I can think of is this:

17) The most fun this movie has is watching the Sanderson Sisters adapt to 1993. Reacting to things like the, “burning rain of death,” (sprinkler system) the, “black river,” (a pavement road) and even the way they run from approaching firetrucks because of the sirens is all a hoot. Like I said, each actress is amazing and they play it so well. It’s a wonderful source of comedy.

18) Thackery Binx.

Jason Marsden is an excellent voice over actor (perhaps best known as Max in A Goofy Movie and Impulse in “Young Justice”) who helps give Thackery a lot of life. This immortal black cat is wonderfully charming, with a compelling wit and sarcastic sense of humor which helps flesh him out as a character. But he also has a lot of tragedy in his life, a real loneliness. Thackery is a unique and fun addition to the film which just works really well.

19) That’s Doug Jones as Billy Butcherson.

Jones is currently one of the most well regarded character/makeup actors in showbiz, with such famous roles under his belt as both Fauno and The Pale Man in Pan’s Labyrinth, Abe Sapein in the Hellboy films, and the creature in the upcoming The Shape of Water. Just thought I’d share.

20) I gotta say, the Sanderson Sisters are a lot more funny to me in my 20s than my teens. The whole bit with the calming circle specifically had me in stitches.

Also this is great.

Girl Dressed as Angel: “Bless you.”

Sanderson Sisters: [Freak out.]

21) This whole bit with the fake cop is kinda clever, but this bugs me.

Cop [after Dani tells him Max is a virgin] Are you a virgin?

Max: Yeah.

Cop: Really?

22) Garry Marshall’s devilish cameo.

While largely (if not exclusively) serving as a distraction from the plot, it just continues the fun of the Sanderson Sisters adjusting to the new world. Garry Marshall’s presence in any film is a welcome treat, especially when he brings along sister Penny. There’s just a great sense of fun here born from the audience being in on a joke the witches are clearly unaware of.

23) Okay, this always bugged me: couldn’t the kids get A LOT of people to believe them if the talking cat explained what was going on?

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

24) “I Put A Spell On You”

This may be the most iconic moment from the film, working primarily because it’s just so freaking fun! The tune is infectious, it carries a delightful Halloween sense to it, and Midler’s vocals are top notch. It’s just FUN and that’s what works.

25)

Winnie [upon seeing a high school]: “It is a prison for children.”

Well she’s not wrong.

26) As a fan of old school Universal Monster movies, I dig this line.

Max [over the high school PA]: “I’m your host, Boris Karloff Jr.”

27) Honestly I think this film’s biggest issue is a structural one. Some gags, while fun, don’t add much to the overall plot. Also the moment of quiet/peace after the heroes think the Sanderson Sisters are dead just messes with the overall flow. The tension never got high enough for it to be effective or earned. It just throws off the momentum I think.

28) Winifred’s Book.

It’s not often that I discuss prop pieces in these posts but Winnie’s book is in a lot of ways a character unto itself. The art design on the piece is absolutely wonderful and just really interesting. You understand it’s not a possession but (largely because of that eye) something a little more intelligent than that. A little more alive than that.

29) As soon as Allison opens the book this is all I can think of.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know]

30) Sarah’s song to lure the children (written by James Horner, not composer John Debny) is wonderfully creepy while also being sweet. It makes sense that it would draw in a bunch of kids but as the audience we can hear the sense of doom it has.

31) So this is a classic case of Villain Stupidity™. Winnie HAS her victory! All she needs to do is give her death potion to one of the countless kids which just appeared on her front lawn but she needs to have her revenge so risks it all (needlessly) to go after Dani.

32) Okay, how does Winnie know enough about modern life to make this joke?

Winnie [pulling up next to Max’s car on her broom]: “Pull over! Let me see your driver's permit!”

33) The film’s climax actually is pretty well done. There is a nice sense of stakes and tension to it. THIS is earned, unlike the school scene. And Max’s decision to drink the potion so he can save Dani is a great character choice, showing how strong his relationship with his sister is and what he’ll do to ensure her safety.

34) Okay, when the sun rises at the end all I can think of is…

35) It may be a little cheesy, but I do really like that this film ends with Thackery being reunited with his lost sister Emily after 300 years. Also his goodbye to Dani is really nice.

Hocus Pocus has become a cult classic for a reason. With three absolutely phenomenal actresses acting as the heart of the film, it has a wonderfully wicked sense of fun to it that works at Halloween. But either you’ll like it or you won’t. There are some problems with structure, focus, and some character development. But honestly I don’t care about those so much because it’s just so freaking fun. It more than makes up for its flaws with a sense of humor and cartoonish mayhem which carries the 90 minute run time well. It’s just a fun Halloween movie which everyone should watch once just to see if they like.

[cullinankatsudon]

Let’s get super damn real about representation/education and coded protection

So this is a series of asks I just got, which is actually one ask, which I can’t answer publicly without only answering one, so I just screenshot the whole mess and now I’m “answering” by using this as a jumping off point and going from here. And when I say GOING I mean fucking going, because JFC do I have some goddamned thoughts. There is so much to unpack here, both the stuff said and the stuff which is unsaid, which the asker may or may not have been thinking, but I know other people are so I’m just going to say it and everyone can either listen or leave. I don’t really care. The title of the blog is Just Here For The Ships and it is true. Please skip this and go back to the pics of Victuuri being awesome if you like.

I am not 24. I am 44. I am the author to over 25 published novels of LGBTQIA romance, many of which have won awards and have been translated into...I’ve lost count of the languages. Like, five? Lots. I’m not Big Shit but I’m not some peon who doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I write about sex, though, and sensuality. I have written an asexual romance, and BDSM romances, and moderately sexual romances, and a romance with an autistic hero, several with heroes with anxiety/depression, May/December relationships, and a great number of new adult novels, which is basically the next step away from young adult, and often features 18yos so basically I write, often, teenagers having sex. And as I have said, I am 44, so I guess from the perspective of a 24 year old I am an ancient old creaky person perving like fuck. But we will cover this more in a moment.

I am also by identification a queer woman. No one has any right to that information whatsoever, it is none of your business. But I am public about it and I volunteer it for a specific reason which I will also underline later in this conversation. Now to the answer to the ask.

The incredibly short answer to this ask is, if you don’t like what other people are doing, don’t look at it. Don’t read their shit, don’t read their blogs, don’t engage. I keep quoting @fencer-x in this discussion because her opinions and mine align, and I respect her way of dealing with frustrating topics: she blocks people when she knows their views and hers clash and interactions with them will only make her angry/frustrated. My god, what an adult reaction. She doesn’t chase people down and harass them (not adult). She simply says, “This will make me ranty. I’m going to end this before it can start and go on with my happy ways.” Incredibly proactive because she has high-volume interaction on Tumblr.

But this ask isn’t a harassment, it’s an honest ask: why would an adult want to read about two teenagers having sex. I find it a frustrating ask, but I’ll honor it because I’m in a waiting-for-email loop and anyway, I’ve been seeing this go by my feed for months, Fencer keeps hammering at it and why should she have to keep saying the same thing? I’ll take an axe swing for the team. Just be ready because I am here with some fucking receipts.

Answer A: Assuming that adults people are reading about teenagers having sex because they are getting off is incredibly juvenile and reveals shallowness of comprehension of literature in general.

I don’t have hard sales on YA romance in front of me, but I’m a member of Romance Writers of America and could probably get it pretty quickly with a few emails; what I do know is that YA romance is doing fine, more than, and it’s not being read by only teens and whatever magical cut off is considered not-gross in legal adulthood. I don’t have any comprehension over what moment that is, when an adult human becomes old enough and now reading about teenagers is gross--is it simply always someone younger? Am I not allowed to read about thirty-year-olds fucking?--but whatever this is, I don’t care, because I don’t subscribe to it, largely because I know that readers of romance in general but especially young adult romance are rarely reading for sex alone. There are some people, yes. There’s nothing wrong with those choices, but they’re rare in any event, and we’re not talking about them yet. 

My new adult novels, however, while they are read by some college age people and some high school students, are largely read by adults, many of them my age or older. For the queer identifying reader especially, the books featuring young protagonists starting out in life often move them to write me passionate letters which in turn make me cry. But the heterosexual readers will often feel just as strongly. 

Why? Because it will possibly surprise (or depress?) a number of twenty somethings to discover that when people hit their thirties or especially forties/fifties, they look back at their twenties/youth and feel nostalgia, regret, and sadness over possibilities lost, time slipped away, and in the case of many women and queer youth, opportunities never granted. For many bi/pan people in particular of my generation, we quietly slipped into a heteronormative path because it seemed like the only choice, and while we may have made happy marriages, there are parts of our selves which never got to see the light of day, and that hurts. These books, these explorations, are ways to have those moments. 

Writing fiction is an even more empowering way to explore those same themes--and not everyone wants the hell of chasing down a publishing career, so fan fiction is a nice alternative. 

Perhaps you’re about to say, “But Heidi, those straight women are FETISHIZING!!!!!!!!” Oh, sure, maybe some are? I don’t know. I imagine you’d like to point them out to me? I suspect you have a list prepared. I bet you know who alllll those bitches are, eh?

Let me tell you a story. 

In the publishing world, people do the same thing. Readers and published authors alike loooove to play that game, imagining who is entitled to do what, and every so often someone decides to go on a witch hunt. Now sometimes there are truly people who have been deceiving others and the betrayals are horrible to see unfold, and they always break the community. And then sometimes--several times in my tenure--I have watched people go after “straight” women who have “dared” to step wrongly in queer romance...and all the while I have known that these women are in fact not straight, but rather are simply not out. I have done what I can to help, but there isn’t much to do, except that I keep a list--a real list--of the people carrying torches and I do not engage, do not highlight, do not give oxygen in any form, ever. So be very careful when you make your judgments of shippers FETISHIZING!!!!!!!! because you might be completely wrong, even if the bio on that person’s blog says they’re straight. If you don’t like what someone is doing, you should probably take Fencer’s approach and simply block them.

One of the reasons I am out--though only one--is because it is more uncomfortable for me to think about being jumped by assholes from my own team wanting to accuse me of appropriation than it is being accosted by an antigay bigot. I would like you to think about that for a long time before you ever approach someone about being allegedly straight.

But even the straight shippers have plenty of agency to enjoy writing about teenagers having a relationship which may include sex. That brings us to the next answer, though.

Answer B: women have a lot of unpacking to do in this damn world about sex, and in nearly every culture they are saying, over and over, romance between male same sex pairings helps them do this work. Including young pairings.

This answer comes with a ton of controversy and has taken me eight years of being published to come up with, and my way of speaking to it is ever evolving. While it is true that I have many gay male readers and nonbinary readers for my books which are largely about gay males falling in love, I also have many female readers of all orientation, though a large chunk of those are straight. This phenomenon has been the butt of jokes and point of ire depending on who is writing the article or asking me questions over my years as an author. 

This is a whole other essay, gnarly and deep, but the main gist is that women’s sexuality is so fraught and politicized that many women--worldwide, across cultures--feel more comfortable exploring issues about sexuality when the pairing is between two men than a woman and a man or two women. Now: personally, I want us to move beyond this and evolve, to move to two women as well as two men, to add in some heterosexual pairings but have the man be different as part of a trope--but we aren’t there yet, clearly, for so many reasons.  I think it’s important we keep pushing and trying, but it’s going to have to evolve there, not be shamed there or rammed there. 

We have a patriarchal culture; it’s no surprise that to undo this women pit two men against one another and attempt to undo the power structure by domesticating it, by rewriting it (literally), by remixing it on their own terms. Now--speaking as a queer woman, I do think we must, especially when writing gay men, be respectful and be aware we are writing about a marginalized group. However, this is a marginalized group writing about a marginalized group--women/gay men--and especially if the pairing is about white men, it’s an even power match. Gay white men in fact can seize more power than white women, if they want it--they must deny their orientation, but the choice is there.

It’s true that women writing about gay men can and have been sloppy, that descent into rape fantasy and feminization harm the relationship between gay men and women of any orientation. It’s also true that there are gay men quietly reading those same tropes the same way women in the 70s and 80s read rape fantasy and rescue fantasy in romance as part of their own evolution to claiming power (and yes, that is a thing). 

But wait, Heidi, you say, what the hell does this have to do with teenagers having sex?

Plenty. 

Because we’re talking specifically about Otayuri, yes? Yurio having sex with Otabek, who is not an adult, but is for some reason to some people, and we’re talking about adults reading about this. They are a gay pairing. And unlike Victuuri, they are not canon, not yet, maybe not ever, and this is very important right now, because there is more power in a non canon ship when you are writing them yourself, because you are creating the link. When you write Victuuri you’re celebrating a couple the creators literally put rings on. When you write Sterek or Sheith or anyone else who is not in their actual fictional show a couple, and when you are taking straight men and queering them up in a pairing, you are claiming power. I don’t care what your orientation is. You are taking a big dildo and aiming at the patriarchal system of the world through fiction and you are saying, “I am going to fuck with this, literally.”

To do that with young men is another statement on top of that. I don’t know, do people bitch about Sterek? Are there people freaking out about TEEN WOLF, TEEN Sterek and the older guy, the mentor, the adult graduate jailbaiter who gets shipped with him? I don’t have a problem with it at all, but if you want to go legally by the show, those are the terms. Why do people do it? Because there’s something in that power play that speaks to them. Something specific about Styles, who appears weak and young and vulnerable, and Derek, who is older and powerful but has a vulnerable side. 

Derek is the patriarchy, and Styles is how you bring him down. It’s more complicated than that, nobody thinks like that, but if you want to get deep as fuck with it, and I do, that’s what’s happening, and why it’s important. Styles is a kid, technically. As an actor I get that he’s an adult. Maybe that’s why there’s no freak out?

Okay let’s go to Sheith. Shiro is 24 and Keith is 18. Legit no legal issues here, plus they’re in space and in the future, but still youth is on board, and we have an age difference. Age differences are powerful. May/December is a thing and they’re heady in gay romance. Boy do people love the idea of a younger man bringing an older man to heel through love. This is not May/December, 24/18, but that age gap is enough to make people feel the pull, and the power dynamic is another. Shiro is the leader. Patriarchy. Keith is the feisty underling. You want to know why that ship is hot? That right there. Staid patriarchy needing feisty youngling to fuck it from underneath and get it to unlace.

You want to know why gay romance is so alluring, why people love gay ships, especially with straight characters? Because we are so goddamned desperate to change our culture and it won’t change and we don’t know how to do it and we feel like we have no power, and materially we don’t have a ton, but what we do have are these stories and a few hours a night to read or write subversive literature.

So I did everyone but Yurio. Let’s talk about Yuri P. Yurio is fifteen, a baby, a precious baby. He is not a baby. He tells you over and over he is an ice tiger. He got an upgrade in the BD where he explained how he wanted to dress himself and do his own music and he got his friend boyfriend to help him get dressed and pick a song and choreograph a new skate overnight, and then when he saw Victuuri was going to one-up him he came up with something to top them on the fly and it was hot and sexual and not at all contrived. The boy bled sex all over the ice, and if he had skated that routine up against Eros and Chris’s ass grab he would have won the competition. The boy is not a boy, he’s a young man and he is aware of his sexuality. He gets to play with it and claim it.

And people get to play with it too. It is a real thing, it is there, and it is ripe for the exploration. It is valid and on the table. Which brings us to the last answer (except there are about fifty more, I’m just only going to give one more because this is long as fuck and I have a family and I”m getting bored of this)

Answer C: Sex is fabulous and it is okay to like sex (and okay to not like sex)

Okay at the moment I am answering this in the theoretical, as a hysterectomy and PTSD over a past trauma regarding sex and way too much work-related stress have made the actual having of sex not something I’m interested in personally, but theoretically I find sex to be a wonderful, beautiful thing, and I’m currently going to therapy once a week to get my shit straight so that someday I can have it again because I do like it a lot and I believe in the power and beauty of sex and everyone’s right to have it and enjoy it (or not) in whatever way that pleases them so long as it is safe, sane, and consensual. I’ve written books that open with a blow job (true story) and books that are described as about “fisting cowboys full of feels” and also books with nothing more than two kisses and make out sessions holding hands and books where the sex is awkward and books where the sex mostly fades to black and everything in between. 

This includes sex by and for teens, because they have it. It’s okay for them to have it and it’s okay for me to read about it (and watch shows where they have it) and find it hot if it is because there is not an age limit where this happens. It’s an amazing thing, but I read books and find things hot or funny or sexy or scary or happy or sad and I don’t feel they are happening to me personally. I don’t feel that I am now that person. I don’t think that I am entitled to that character’s life, and I don’t mistake that I am suddenly that age. 

Nobody, by the way, would ever say this of someone about a horror novel for teens, or anything else for teens, and amazingly, nobody would ever and has ever said this about men reading fucking Lolita, a “literature” book about a goddamned girl and the pedophile who ogled her. Well, women. But people usually tell them to shut up because literature. Nobody says this to Woody Allen or the other men who have done all kinds of nasty shit. We are talking here, in a coded way, about “older” women reading about young men having sex. Because that’s a dirty act.

It is not. I am not old. I am older, yes, and so much wiser, and I can argue like this all damn day. 

But I might not do it every day because I also have a lot of work to do. Really, to sum it up: if you don’t like it, don’t look at it. Absolutely nobody on here is the morality police and nobody is entitled to protect anyone. The odds are really good you’re fucking up and hurting a lot of people if you try.

Just be here for the ships. Your ships. And everything will be fine.

[myrkvidrs]

It’s been awhile since I dove into my Elf Problem with fic, but I’m not gone from the fandom and I’ve recently picked up some absolutely stellar fic that I have to encourage everyone to read with me! These stories are so good and do incredible jobs with the characterizations and also I will never, ever be over how much I love the Elves. Thranduil and Legolas especially, but if you spend more than five minutes around me, you’ll hear me cry about my feelings on pretty much every Sinda ever, and here’s some fic that will really help with that. :D TOLKIEN FIC RECS: ✦ In a Field of Blood and Stone by ScribeofArda, thranduil & legolas & bard & gandalf & bilbo & cast, 112k    The Battle of the Five Armies, according to the book, from the point of view of the Elves. ✦ Oak and Willow by Potboy, celeborn/galadriel & thingol & luthien & melian & finrod & cast, 49k    The story of Celeborn and Galadriel - with the difference that this time it’s told from the Sindar POV ;) ✦ A Good Year by ScribeofArda, thranduil & legolas & elladan & elrohir & gandalf & elrond, 5.2k    Midwinter in Mirkwood: Elladan and Elrohir come to visit, Elrond and Gandalf argue over books, there’s ice skating and ice hockey and snow, and the beginning of a new year. ✦ The Bitterness of Mortality by Karri, aragorn & legolas & elladan & elrohir & elrond & thranduil, 39.6k    While visiting Rivendell, Legolas stumbled across a misplaced gift. Will he survive it? ✦ In the Service of the Elven King by artaxastra, thranduil & aragorn & gandalf, 2.1k    A short gen story with Aragorn, Thranduil, and Gandalf. This takes place in the decades immediately after The Hobbit. ✦ Learning to Live by Bodkin, oropher, valinor, 2.9k    Oropher is finding it hard to adjust to life in the Blessed Realm. Some solitary brooding. ✦ Adar & Ion by Sivan325, thranduil & legolas, 20.1k    Series of stories between King Thranduil and his son - Legolas, and Legolas is Greenleaf. Fluffy stories.rnrnFrom time to time guests joined the party. ✦ The Prince and the Pea by Karri, elladan & elrohir & aragorn & legolas & glorfindel & celeborn, 3.5k    Young Estel is led astray by elflords. TOLKIEN ESSAY RECS: ✦ The many faces of Thranduil ✦ What Tolkien Officially Said About Elf Sex full details + recs under the cut!

✦ In a Field of Blood and Stone by ScribeofArda, thranduil & legolas & bard & gandalf & bilbo & cast, 112k    The Battle of the Five Armies, according to the book, from the point of view of the Elves.    You can also read the fic on FFNET, if you prefer! I fell back into Tolkien fandom again recently and happened to stumble over this fic again and started reading it, whereupon I promptly got sucked into this gorgeous fic and now I’m going to write a terrible rec for it. In a sense, it’s a fairly simple thing, that it’s exactly what it says on the tin, a retelling of the Battle of the Five Armies, but from the point of view of the Elves, as well as being canon to the book, rather than the massacre the movie made of the Elves’ characterization. But it’s a deceptively simple thing in theory and terribly complicated to pull off well in reality, but, oh, this fic did it. You absolutely don’t need to be familiar with book canon, this fic isn’t about rewriting those scenes, but instead filling in what was happening with the Elves in between the pages of canon–while some scenes are pulled from the pages of the book, most of them are glossed over a bit (in a way that really, really works, I don’t feel cheated by any of it!), and instead it’s a really satisfying, complete, whole story about the point of view of thesecharacters. And, yes, this is what the Elves are! They’re not perfect, they carry grudges, Gandalf is often right in his gentle suggestions that kind of irritate Thranduil, that their relationship is not that of easy friends, but they are true friends nonetheless and they value each others’ council and respect the sheer weight of history that each has been through.    It’s a fic worth reading just for getting some great Elven culture worldbuilding, as they struggle with this constant war against the Enemy (aka Sauron and his evil), what it has done to them and how it’s worn them down, what cost they pay, but also how they still have faith. The fic does a gorgeous job of showing Bilbo’s role as being so important and so inspiring in exactly the way it should be–not preachy, but instead kind and caring and such a good reminder of hope. The fic does a gorgeous job of showing that Gandalf cares deeply and has such a bigger view than many characters, that he’s seen so much more than any one other person, but that he also gets to leave when the battle is done, he’s not the one rebuilding. The fic does a gorgeous job of showing the Elves carry long grudges against the Dwarves that are not necessarily right, but that they’re never less than Good People who sometimes have too much on their shoulders. And, oh, if you’re interested in Thranduil’s relationship with his son, this fic is so incredibly satisfying for that as well, that he is absolutely a King and has Seen Some Shit and isn’t always nice (but is always Good), but he would destroy everything for his son, just as an Elf would. The moments of him worrying over Legolas, the stern king softening into a father’s fussing at times, before the mask must be put back on, are incredibly done and worth reading the fic for alone, I can’t tell you how satisfied I was by them.    This is a fic that is incredibly solid in its telling, it’s so very well-written and paced and structured, all the things a story like this should be, that it adds so much, that it stays true to canon while exploring a different view, giving more depth to it. It’s a fic that gives multiple points of view characters, that this is a story worth reading for the Bard chapters, if you’re a fan of his, because of the beautifully written struggle he goes through to decide whether or not to lead his people, the anger that he feels at what’s happened to all of them, and how he can be so very human and so very good at the same time, that it’s all part of his character. It’s worth reading for Gandalf and Bilbo’s roles in the story as well, they’re such valuable and important and fun to read about! It’s worth reading for Legolas’ characterization, who is such an Elf, that there’s so much kindness in him, that he is such a warm and caring character. It’s worth reading for his friendships with other Elves and for how he interacts with humans and hobbits as well. It’s worth reading for all these things!    If you’re a movies-only fan, you can absolutely read this fic just fine, and I think it’s one of the top ones I would suggest for showing why I got so frustrated with the movie, because this is the Thranduil I recognize. Every inch of his characterization is exquisite, it’s so perfectly understanding of who he is, what his role is, and what history’s weight on his shoulders means. The references to the First Age, to Doriath and Thingol’s kingdom, to the long length of his life and the long fight against the Enemy, the weight the story of the Silmarils still carries, all of it is perfectly used to give further depth and understanding to his approach to things. This is a story with soliditly and weight, it’s a gorgeous look at the Elves during the Battle of the Five Armies, it uses its handful of OCs incredibly well (I was absolutely invested in them by the end, that’s how well written they were!), and one of those fics that’s dragging me back into this fandom because it reminds me of everything that I love here. ✦ Oak and Willow by Potboy, celeborn/galadriel & thingol & luthien & melian & finrod & cast, 49k    The story of Celeborn and Galadriel - with the difference that this time it’s told from the Sindar POV ;)    This can also be read on FFNET. After reading “In a Field of Blood and Stone”, I was in the mood for another fic that told events of the Tolkien canon from the point of view of another set of characters, so I decided to pick this one up and I’m so very glad I did–I think it’s a lot more accessible to fans who don’t necessarily know a ton about The Silmarillion, because it really is a well-told story just on its own! But even more than that it does an incredibly gorgeous job of showing exactly what it set out to do–that the Noldor point of view used in the canon could easily be very different from what the Sindar themselves experienced, that they weren’t so much awe-inspired by the Noldor as being polite in front of company. That they weren’t savage so much as simply valued other things, had other history. That they weren’t hot-heads so much as the Noldor really did some bad things and came into their lands and started acting superior. This doesn’t take away from that there are many Noldor to love, the fic is obviously deeply fond of Galadriel and Finrod especially, both of whom really do try to understand the Sindar. And the fic is gorgeous for giving such depth and care and fascinating detail to the Sindar, to the point that I can’t help but see it as a natural extention of canon! It feels so true to canon, just from another angle!    Of course, the other thing you’re here for is the points of view and characterizations of Celeborn and Galadriel and, oh, the fic is so good with both of them, they’re such incredible presences, that this Celeborn is brilliant and wise, that this Galadriel is the titan of presence she is in canon, and you see why they’re drawn to each other, how they interact, her steely spirit and his strategic warrior’s mind, is spot on. Even their issues, that Celeborn has never seen the light of the Two Trees or that their cultures are so different, that her kin killed his kin, that the Noldor do not make it easy for the Sindar, all of that is gorgeous. Seeing Thingol’s ban on the Quenya language is amazing here because you understand why and how it’s a smart move–they’ve known there was Doom laid on the Noldor, they could see it (and I love love love how Tolkien’s Elves are so well written here that these things are woven so naturally into the story!), but they never expected this, nothing so horrible as this. The Quenya ban is such a fantastic stroke because it’s not just a random thing, it establishes that this is Sindarin land while also not turning away the Noldor completely, and it’s little things like that, told from the point of view of the Sindarin Elves, that makes this a breathtaking fic for me.    It’s one of those that I’d put at the top of any list of fic to read if you want to understand a bit more of the history of the Elves of Middle-Earth, I think it reads well, so long as you understand the context of it (that this is the other half of the coin that is canon, that each side would tell things differently) or if you just want a really incredible look at how Celeborn and Galadriel might have come together, in a way that does justice to the epic scope of these events. It’s beautifully written and beautifully characterized, I loved every single moment of it. ✦ A Good Year by ScribeofArda, thranduil & legolas & elladan & elrohir & gandalf & elrond, 5.2k    Midwinter in Mirkwood: Elladan and Elrohir come to visit, Elrond and Gandalf argue over books, there’s ice skating and ice hockey and snow, and the beginning of a new year.    This can also be read on FFNET. Oh, this was a wonderful story about winter in Mirkwood, how the Elves find joy in everyday life and it absolutely sparkled for everything the author put into it–Thranduil, Elrond, and Gandalf being the Old People who watch over the younger ones, their arguments hilarious and beautifully in character with each other over an old book of Thingol’s from Thranduil’s library, to the way the younger elves interact with each other and have such joy even as the Shadow is never far away. It’s one of those that seems simple on the surface, but has such charisma and talent in the telling of it that it’s an incredibly strong, good story! I’m having a terrible time writing a rec for this fic, but it is so very worth a read! ✦ The Bitterness of Mortality by Karri, aragorn & legolas & elladan & elrohir & elrond & thranduil, 39.6k    While visiting Rivendell, Legolas stumbled across a misplaced gift. Will he survive it?    I have two caveats about this fic–one, there are too many epithets that distract from the story and, two, the events of Legolas’ mortality are never fully explained why and you have to just roll with that. Those things said, however, you can definitely make some educated guesses and the heart of the story is on the relationship between Elves and Men and Half-Elves, which the story delivers on in a totally engrossing way. I ate this fic up, the balance of hurt/comfort and what mortality means in this world. The concern everyone has for Legolas, the way the twins and Aragorn fuss over him, the way Thranduil is distraught over the loss of his son, the way this stirs up such deep feelings for Elrond, all of that is done in such an emotionally satisfying way. It’s longish and just the right length for reveling in all the care being taken with dying!Legolas that I ate it up like delicious candy. ✦ In the Service of the Elven King by artaxastra, thranduil & aragorn & gandalf, 2.1k    A short gen story with Aragorn, Thranduil, and Gandalf. This takes place in the decades immediately after The Hobbit.    There are some timeline issues in this fic (largely that the Watchful Peace ended three hundred years before Aragorn was born, so Sauron had long been back by this point/had left for good after the events of The Hobbit) but they stick out more because the fic is otherwise so lovely. I greatly enjoy the reasoning here, that Gandalf brings Aragorn to the Woodland Realm, because Elrond is wise and can fight, but he is not a natural leader of an army, nor was he even a king. And a king is what Aragorn needs to learn to be, to have the bearing and presence of one, which is exactly what Thranduil has. A lovely fic on such great characters. ✦ Learning to Live by Bodkin, oropher, valinor, 2.9k    Oropher is finding it hard to adjust to life in the Blessed Realm. Some solitary brooding.    I’m not sure if I’ve ever come across a fic of a rebodied Oropher in Aman before, so I was intensely curious and wary at the same time. This fic does a beautiful job of balancing what it’s like for Oropher himself to deal with everything, what he does and doesn’t want from life, with the struggles of any Elf released from Namo’s halls and the choices an Elf must make. It’s not a long piece, but it was wonderfully written and made me instantly smitten with the author’s universe and wanting more! ✦ Adar & Ion by Sivan325, thranduil & legolas, 20.1k    Series of stories between King Thranduil and his son - Legolas, and Legolas is Greenleaf. Fluffy stories.rnrnFrom time to time guests joined the party.    I’m recommending this as a series because they’re short fics and all generally have the same tone to them and I read them in bunches. They’re super fluffy fics from Legolas’ childhood, the kind that are almost sugary sweet, but I am fucking here for that in fandom, so I eat these up like candy when I’m in the mood for that! :D ✦ The Prince and the Pea by Karri, elladan & elrohir & aragorn & legolas & glorfindel & celeborn, 3.5k    Young Estel is led astray by elflords.    This was a super cute piece with the twins and Glorfindel adorably teasing bb!Estel with how Legolas is a prince, as you don’t quite know how to feel for him being used to tease the cute kid. Except for that it’s pure joy and packed with love between all the characters and utterly sparkled. So, I loved it. TOLKIEN ESSAY RECS: (I generally reblog whatever essays I can about the Greenwood elves, there are some really lovely and well-researched posts that help give context to Tolkien’s world and what can be pieced together with it! But sometimes there are links outside of tumblr that I think are well worth reading, so consider this a sort of… set of essay recs, rather than fic recs!) ✦ The many faces of Thranduil    My favorite thing about this essay (which is a good overall look at the character) is that it makes clear the point that The Battle of the Last Alliance is the single most important thing to understand Thranduil’s character, because it shapes so much of everything he does and why he does it. The movies briefly touch on it, referencing that he’s seen dragon fire before and the spiritual wound (which word of god says isn’t actually physical anymore, but still lingers on his soul), but they don’t explain just how horrifying that war was, how much he lost in that battle. It’s more than just that his father died there, but also they came home with barely one third of the elves they started out with, all for a battle where Sauron was not defeated and Isildur never did destroy that fucking ring. So, every time he looks south to Dol Guldur (where Sauron was situated, which was the source of the Shadow and the twisting of the woods and the spiders and the orcs), he was reminded every day of that battle and what it cost, not even for an actual end to the battle. So, yeah, he’s really not going to jump into any unecessary battles. ✦ What Tolkien Officially Said About Elf Sex    An incredibly well-referenced post about Elven marriage, romance, and sex, which I found super informative! The interesting things to take away are that Elves mate for life, they just don’t get remarried after they bond/get married (except for one time with Finwe which, well.), that they enjoy sex just fine for awhile and then sort of taper off once they’ve had their kids, and that you can’t really force yourself on an elf because they’ll die. Oh, yeah, and they’re hard-wired to find long hair attractive, which is why they all have it, and that is both great and hilarious.

[breadtastesgood]

After 200+ hours of playing  Breath of the Wild, I have finished my adventure. Here are my thoughts. (Spoilers)

So, almost two months after its release, I have officially completed The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and oh boy, do I have a lot to say about this game. I’m a little hesitant to call this a review, I guess, because it’s not organized too well or intent on giving a score or anything silly like that. But considering my love for this series and acknowledging this game as a huge departure from what many have grown used to, its got my head spinning with a whole bunch of thoughts that I just feel like dumping somewhere. This is mostly an art blog, it feels a little weird sticking this here but I honestly don’t know where else I’d put it. I’ll try to organize my brain and keep things as short as possible, but for the most part I’m just gonna jump in.

Ok, let’s get the big stuff out of the way: I like this game. Even if you haven’t played it, if you’ve so much as searched Zelda within the past month, this near universal opinion shouldn’t be unfamiliar to you. You could go anywhere on the internet around its release and see overwhelming praise, 10/10, a “masterpiece” or even “the best game of all time”. I’m kind of opposed to scores and big statements like that because they have the power to label a game as perfect or flawless, even if they don’t mean to; but the acclaim isn’t necessarily undeserved, this is a great Zelda game, and a really good video game in general. One of the biggest reasons for this praise is attributed to how big of a departure it is, it really sets itself apart from past Zelda games; However, that’s also what inclines me to dissect this title far more than any of its predecessors.

Since this isn’t really a proper review, and I’m assuming most of the people reading this have already played the game in some capacity, I’m just gonna quickly summarize what I like about it. If you want more in depth conversations about the positives you should go ahead and find something on IGN...or Youtube or something I dunno, honestly anywhere, this game has gotten nothing but glowing reviews, it’s not too hard to find something better constructed than my stuff.

-It’s gorgeous, the cel shading and overall homage to japanese animated films *cough* Ghibli *cough* is wholeheartedly welcome and beautiful to look at. This is the first Zelda game where I didn’t want to cut the grass because it was just so damn pretty. I’d constantly find myself placing link in compositionally pleasing settings to just watch the world teem with life and wonder.

-The runes and their implementation with shrines and the divine beasts make for some clever puzzles, even if they are a lot of the times maybe a little too easy and kind of short. When the puzzles are at their best, you can’t help but smile.

-I like the basic concept of the story, it’s nice to see Zelda explored as a character. (Though I will say that Link not being as expressive in this title was a bit of a let down, he’s expressive in the world and not in the cutscenes which is odd. I know there’s a canon reason for this but still, I miss the personality from previous titles. I hope they weren’t trying to reel back on his facial expressions for fear of breaking “immersion” or something silly like that, no one I know sees link as themselves, I’d like to think most people really do see him as his own character.)

-The outfits are great.

-Different weapon types are super cool.

-I actually ended up not hating the voice acting, in fact, I feel like there should have been more of it.

-I love how the world is constantly being traversed by characters that always have something funny or useful to say. I remember one guy telling me that his name was Spinch and his horse was named Spinch too; so completely random. You engage with him further and he’s just like: “We’re both Spinch and I don’t even care.” It killed me, and it’s stuff like that that was part of what made exploring fun.

-It acknowledges the series’ timeline and lore in the most direct way yet. I particularly love how they sprinkled Fi’s theme into scenes with the Master Sword, it gave me chills. Makes you feel like all your past adventures really mattered.

-Music is beautiful, the main theme and Hateno village are some of my new favorites and I can’t wait to hear them Live. Gotta love that Dragon Roost callback too.

-Character design is great. Even the most insignificant npcs have great character designs. This particular reincarnation of Zelda is definitely my favorite appearance wise, the developers did a great job with making her look adorable, dignified, and adventurous all at the same time.

-I like the return of character schedules from Majora’s Mask, makes the world feel alive.

-The champions are all great personalities, but it sucks we couldn’t spend more time with them. (more on this later)

- Prince Sidon is hilarious and really charming.

-Paya is disgustingly cute.

- Bolson is the best god damn npc in the game, that gay ass motherfucker.

-Climbing is fun, unless it rains.

- Fighting is fun (until you’re about 50 hours in and it starts being a little less creative. Once you have a ton of money and really good weapons, the incentive to fight and raid camps isn’t really there anymore unless it's fighting for just fighting’s sake. This made be a bit sad.)

-Based on its basic game mechanics alone, Breath of the Wild is, in general, pretty fun. There’s a lot more I could say, but I feel like it’s fairly obvious what the really good things are in this game.

The list goes on and on and on...but these are my main take aways without getting TOO entrenched into a stream of consciousness. I don’t really feel the need to go too in depth about the games positives, because they’re widely discussed and loudly appreciated across the board; I wanted to be brief with my addition to the echo chamber. With that said, I actually have a few fairly substantial grievances with this game that prevent it from being a masterpiece for me.

Saying this feels like betraying a best friend, especially after waiting 6 years for this game. But I think it’s necessary to put these thoughts out there when a game gets universally good reviews, I want Zelda to grow and improve beyond this point. It’s obvious Nintendo won’t see this shit, but it’s good to get a conversation going, especially when every single Zelda game gets widespread acclaim upon release and only a year or so later do people tend to tone it down a little. This is fairly ironic in my case, as Skyward Sword is one of my favorite games and it seems to have the starkest contrast between its initial opinions and those that popped up a year after. I just have some things that really irk me about this game, which sucks because I actually love it a great deal, I’m super torn.

My biggest takeaway from 200 hours of traveling across Breath of the Wild’s world was that its greatest strength is also its greatest weakness. Nintendo set out to spread its wings and build this immense world that inspires wonder and awe, and it certainly does that, but I feel like that’s mostly all the game is at times.  It’s funny, because as soon as I start to say stuff like this, I can’t help but think, “Wow that’s actually really great, I’m glad the game went this direction.” But I also feel heavily conflicted about that direction’s consequences. This may sound strange and it’s not really bad, but I felt like the world is almost so open ended with itself that its identity is spread a little thin.  

I’m kind of going against my own logic here, because I’ve always wanted a Zelda game with an immense amount of side quests to beef up the experience outside of the main quest. I’ve prayed for a huge world to explore, to really feel the enormity of this land that needed to be saved. And there really is a lot to do, there's a ton, but only a handful of the sidequests outside the shrines have much heft. The game doesn’t really have a set pace as a result, which can be seen as a good thing I guess. I can agree with the sentiment that this choice was necessary as a stepping stone going forward, I think Zelda definitely benefits from the nonlinearity approach, and Nintendo going as far as they did with it this time will help them see its advantages and disadvantages. If Skyward Sword was an extreme in linearity, Breath of the Wild is an extreme in the exact opposite direction. In my opinion, they both still work well in their own regards, albeit in incredibly different ways.

When I say that the game doesn’t have as much of an identity compared to past Zelda’s, I mean that in a way where the identity of the game is largely shaped by the player’s own experience and not by the narrative itself. This can be seen as a huge triumph in player agency, where the power (or in this case courage) really is in the hands of the player. But you can’t curate nonlinearity, at least not entirely. As a result, we tend to lose some of the pacing that made past titles feel “epic”. I guess what I’m getting at is that my main gripe has to do with how the game’s narrative structure comes together.

The developers were definitely aware of a narrative problem, as they needed a way to glue the game together story wise, and the memories were a pretty clever way to do it; honestly, I don’t know how else they could have made it work with their open air concept. But as much as I find the story compelling and interesting, there’s simply not enough of it, which is a real shame because you feel a need to get closer to these characters, especially the champions. Much of this game feels like you are showing up late to the party. There's a weird dichotomy between the past and present as a result. You end up feeling like you need to care more about the champions in the past, but characters in the present end up getting more development, just less emotional weight attributed to them. It’s a weird flip flop, because I loved Prince Sidon as a character, and thought he was the most developed out of all the main quest based npcs, but Mipha kind of steals the climax of the Zora’s Domain story. What sucks about this is that Mipha has, what appears to be on the surface, a tragic and emotionally affecting story, but we don’t get enough time to dwell on it really, so we’re in this weird flux. This past and present problem actually has made me feel the most disconnected from Link than I ever have, and if I was gonna be disconnected I would have at least liked to have seen him show a little more personality, but he only does this in small instances in the present.

This formula disappointed me more and more with each main questline, especially when all the others tended to be less concerned with getting you familiar with or attached to their respective characters. The worst offender is the Rito area, which I swear can be completed in an hour. It really cheats Rivali out of getting any meaningful development, which is a huge missed opportunity because he was funny, quippy, and a nice rival character for Link. Imagine meeting Groose at the beginning of Skyward Sword, except at the end of the tutorial someone pushes him off Skyloft and he straight up dies, the end. Think about how big of a missed opportunity that would be. That’s kind of how this felt.

Now I know that you can argue that Zelda has never been about the story, but honestly I still thinks that’s up to the player, no matter how simple these stories tend to be. It’s mostly less about story and more about how much time is spent on the fun characters Zelda is known for, and the game loses a bit of its heart as a result. A lot of people, like me, are super into the lore and the characters this franchise has to offer; things don’t need to be convoluted like Kingdom Hearts or emotionally complex like the Last of Us. Many players enjoy the adventure of befriending characters, helping them with their problems, and feeling fulfilled by that alone.

Quests that had this fulfillment element were my favorite, such as cooking a rock for a malnourished Goron to help him regain his strength, or building a town from the ground up with a bizarre cast of carpenters that you can’t help but adore. These are rewarding for me, not because of the loot, but because it’s simply just entertaining and makes me feel like I really accomplished something. Once I reached about 90 hours, I didn’t need rupees, or another royal claymore, what I was really looking for was a reflection of how I impacted the world around me. I wanted to suspend my disbelief and truly get absorbed in this world not only for its beauty and sheer size, I wanted to feel like I mattered to its inhabitants too. And the game does this enough to be fairly satisfactory. Though, there are plenty of quests that get halfway there but end up feeling more like fetch quests, which aren’t so bad if they have a nice reward, but they’re still kind of bland and sometimes a chore.

To kind of wrap all this up, I want to say that Breath of the Wild’s biggest and most glaring problem is that its main quest is severely lacking. There is a lot to do in this game, just not a lot of “big” and memorable things. There’s an almost endless list of small challenges, but few end up feeling all that compelling. I know a lot of people have been talking about the dungeons being a huge weakness, and I think that's definitely part of the problem. There really needed to be more substantial dungeons in this game, I’d say there’s about a dungeon and a half in this title. Maybe we can have a discussion about how the shrines make up for that, but I feel like at least for me, most of them were very simple and too many of them were rewards for easy feats or tests of strength. All things considered, the breadth of this game is impressive, but imagine if you fit a main quest from The Wind Waker or Twilight Princess on top of this huge world; imagine big dungeons with a well paced main quest, along with all these sidequests and a beautiful landscape, that would be amazing! I know this comparison has been made a bit too much, but Skyrim found a way to have a good linear main quest packed into a non linear world, you could in fact avoid it altogether and just do “side quests”. Many of its sidequests had significant weight to them that made them feel like they could've been part of the main mission, you weren’t left with a sense of emptiness if you avoided the main route. I think Zelda could learn a lot from this kind of approach to open world games.

Now I will say that there’s a lot to Breath of the Wild’s main quest that I really love (i’ll be doing a lot of fan art because of it!), I just think it needs to be expounded upon a bit more. There’s all the makings of a true masterpiece here, but the center of it feels a bit fragmented. Bigger dungeons, bigger story, more enemy types, more villages etc. I think the game needs more of these large central elements. There's so much I could say about this game, but that would take forever, these are more or less my biggest criticisms. I once again want to reiterate that I like Breath of the Wild and I really love Zelda as a series, I can’t stress that enough. Feel free to disagree with me and maybe start up a dialogue through messages or something, I’m always willing to discuss! I’m not super focused on checking this for structural issues, it’s not really an organized essay, sorry if it was a bit rambly.

Thanks for reading!!!

Sidenote: I’m aware of the story DLC and new dungeon in the future. I’m extremely excited about this and the DLC will hopefully address my grievances with the game.

[eponymous-rose]

hey, can you break down the differences between the adventure zone and critical role for me? i haven't listened to either and now i'm curious

Oh gosh, okay. They’re delightful but… very different approaches to the same general idea (broadcasting a D&D game), and I think the fans of one show tend to have a sort of skewed impression of the other show, so here’s my thinking.

Just the basics, to begin with: The Adventure Zone started running in late 2014, and it’s an audio-only podcast in which the McElroy brothers and their dad start a brand-new D&D campaign from scratch. Critical Role started running in early 2015, and it’s a video podcast in which a bunch of best-friend voice actors started filming the D&D campaign they’d already been playing for years at home with the same characters. TAZ is (generally) prerecorded and lightly edited down, CR is 100% live. Both have a lot of howlingly funny and surprisingly touching moments, both get a lot more intense the more you get into them, and both are good shows that are a Good Time, especially when they make you feel things you didn’t sign up for. The main canon of TAZ is currently 56 one-hour-long episodes, with new episodes every two weeks, and CR is currently 85 four-hour-long episodes, with new episodes every week. Most of the reason for CR’s absurd length comes down to (a) three times as many players, and (b) no editing.

The DMs both put a ton of work into the world, but they also have very different approaches. Griffin (TAZ) is DMing for the first time, while Matt (CR) has talked about how DMing D&D games for the past 20 years is what got him interested in acting in the first place. The world of TAZ is much more of a sci-fi/fantasy hybrid, while CR sticks more to traditional fantasy.

TAZ plays fast and loose with the rules, which can be both a delight and a frustration for storytelling reasons—for instance, until the latest arc both spell slots and HP were not really tracked, which means (a) Griffin has had to come up with incredibly creative ways of introducing risk and limitations to the game, and (b) those incredibly creative ways can start to get pretty damn brutal. The mechanics of the game feel like an imposition on the story, most of the time—it’s rare that you get a dice roll that makes a huge difference to the plot (but when you do, as in the most recent episode, it’s pretty darn cool). As a result, the biggest spanner in the works of Griffin’s plans tends to be in the form of out-of-the-box thinking from his players, which they excel at; I think there is a tendency to railroad the plot as a result, but it’s a good story and it’s well worth a little bit of elbowing to keep everyone on track. Magical items also play a huge role, with viewers of the show submitting awesome new trinkets for the heroes of the story to use/abuse/completely forget about.

Because CR tilts more towards the rulebook (although Matt gets more than his fair share of shit for homebrewing and letting things slide and defaulting to the Rule of Cool), chance plays a much bigger role in the story. Matt’s simultaneously battling some incredibly creative players and dice that seem determined to roll as dramatically as possible. Entire subplots have been wiped out by a strategic roll, and in order to be able to adapt to that on the fly, Matt has to be hyper-prepared and have a lot of possible branching points. It’s absurdly open-world, especially now that the characters have the ability to travel instantly through different planes of existence, and Matt keeps pace with a story that feels more character-led than DM-led; railroading is practically nonexistent, which means you get incredible plot developments and super-deep characterization… but it also sometimes leads to long circular conversations trying to figure out what to do next. Because the players are all actors, there’s also a lot more that’s just straight-up improv theater: it’s not unusual (especially lately) to go for verrrry long stretches of riveting conversation without anybody rolling dice (I can think of a moment where Matt could’ve just had everyone fail a charisma saving throw against an NPC but instead just straight-up charmed them all in real life with words).

I’ll put it this way: CR is a basketball pickup game between friends who’ve been playing together so long that they kind of have their own home rules going and stick to them. TAZ is out there playing fuckin’ Calvinball. Both are great fun, but if you go into one expecting the other you’re in for a bad time.

Both shows have a lot of great NPCs, although Critical Role’s format gives them a lot more time and depth to shine (there are episodes where an NPC will have as much or more “screen time” than some of the player characters). Both shows have LGBT representation among player characters and NPCs alike that, while not perfect, is generally improving as the show goes on. For me personally, one of the more frustrating things about going from CR to TAZ was going from three female player characters and a metric fuckton of extremely deep characterization for all the female NPCs to no female player characters and many great and memorable female NPCs who nevertheless don’t get too much screentime or development just because of the the structure of the show.

TAZ is pretty shaky throughout the first arc (Griffin’s fighting a bit of an uphill battle getting everyone to sit down and actually play the game, which is funny in and of itself), but things slowly start to come together and the real potential of the show becomes clear once they break the heck out of the 5e Starter Set. I think the “Murder on the Rockport Limited” arc is what started to pull me in, and it’s not until the latest arc that I’m starting to get the character development I really crave in that show. Critical Role also takes a little while to find its footing, and to me the Briarwood arc (starting around episode 24) is where the mood of the show starts to solidify, with episode 40 and beyond really pushing from “this is cool, I’m enjoying how these interpretations of fantasy tropes are sometimes kinda unusual and off-the-wall!” to “how is this the most honest and genuine character development I’ve ever seen in media what the heck is happening here”.

So yeah. TAZ isn’t total chaos with no plot or effort put into it, CR isn’t a humorless wasteland of mathematical minutiae and rigid formulaic approaches. Both shows are great fun, both are IMO in an upswing and getting better and better as they go along, and I heartily recommend them both if you know what you’re getting into. Have fun!

[729renegades]

I’M BACK AND I’M FULLY FOCUSED

Over the last 12 months I’ve been writing and sharing with you chapters from my book Scratch to A Million.

This first book of mine has now been to the copy writers, has a registered ISBN number and is ready to go to print. I hope you enjoyed reading the strategies I used to develop and grow my businesses, and that you’ve taken some golden nuggets of information from it, that you’ve been able to apply within your business to help it develop and grow.

I’m now looking forward to writing my next book, 1-3 million.

Again, this will be writing around strategy and will be based on experience. So why 1-3 million? Because to reach this level it requires a whole new way of thinking, implementing and strategy. More challenges on sales & marketing, systems & processes, KPI’s, infrastructure and finances just to name a few. Well, there’s a whole new book for it….

Now on to the recent challenges that I’ve been facing.

Back in March I was in a fortunate position where I could take 6 weeks away from work to take care of my special arrivals. My partner gave birth to our twin girls Grace & Ellie Thistleton. They were born on 13th March and my life hasn’t been the same ever since (for the good of course).

They’re now 5 months old and I’m loving every day being a dad. I am truly blessed to have them in my life and since dad owns two swimming pool companies, they’ve been swimming several times already, so we could have a couple of Olympic swimmers on our hands.

Since the arrival of the twin’s, all work has taken a back seat and my priorities in life have changed. I felt myself distancing myself away from work associated activities. Alongside that, I was also finding a disconnect between my Renegade colleagues.

I had opted to miss our April summit due to the twins being so young and my mind not being in work mode. My interaction with the Renegade faculty was poor at best and I found myself thinking. . .  Is this something I want to be a part of anymore? Do I want to work as hard as I’ve done over the last 5 years?

This could be a natural reaction after having children, but I don’t know because it was my first time. All I do know is that I couldn’t make decisions like I had been doing, and my motivation for these two things were dwindling.

This was something new for me, it felt strange, and fundamentally I had lost my focus. We were approaching July and 5 months is a long time not to be fully focused. This may sound like I am being hard on myself, but this is what I do. I can’t stand comfort zones, they bore me.

If you’re in a comfort zone, then you’re only going backwards. All I did know was that I needed to pull my head from up my arse and get back on the entrepreneurial journey and balance this with quality family time.

I can’t stand comfort zones, they bore me

As luck would have it our July summit was approaching us, and I was in two minds whether to attend or not. This is usually a non-negotiable 3-day event for me, but I was having doubts. Funnily enough this was a time where I needed it the most and a time where I needed to lean on my faculty for support and advice. So, the smartest decision I had made in 5 months was to attend the summit prepared with the list of challenges I was experiencing.

Our summit begun on Wednesday 24th July. I can honestly say that within 1 hour of being around the faculty I knew that this was what I had been missing. Likeminded people with tons and tons of eye-opening advice and encouragement.

From that first hour I knew I was back. Back as a Renegade and back on the entrepreneurial journey. The juices were flowing again listening to other people’s challenges and helping them find solutions to their challenges. I remember sitting there thinking. . . Why the hell would you even consider not being in this group that had served me so well for the past 3 years? But these things can happen to us all, especially when your head isn’t in the game.

My session was first up on the Friday morning and on reflection I had a lot of very good updates on the businesses. Had the businesses suffered with my 5 months non focus? Yes, they had. Were they detrimental?  No, they were still there making a profit, but they hadn’t pushed on as they could have, they were ticking over and so were some of the staff.

Some had fallen into the comfort zone trap and there was no one there to lead them out of it. So, this was one of my challenges, businesses slipping into comfort zones when I’m not there. I’m a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, and this had been a test to see how they would perform with me not around for a long stretch of time.

My next challenge is finding the right COO

It was quite quickly realised within my session that I need a COO (Chief Operating Officer) in my two swimming pool companies. Or as Ian Stewart likes to say (The guy that gets shit done).

Before my time away I was the COO, but I was also the CEO. I was the guy that made sure shit got done. I was also the strategist and often the strategy work would come second to the get shit done work.

It’s very hard to do both as we all only have a certain band width within our own minds. And these businesses were at a point where this role needed to be filled by someone else if I want them to continually grow year on year as they have been.

This was one of those light bulb moments for me. This was a return on my 3-day investment for attending the summit.

When I started out, the days of COO roles within my company structure seemed light years away, but in truth it’s not.

There’s one thing for sure, you cannot build a successful business without a solid structure, and adding a COO to mine will help bolster that structure and future proof the growth of the business whilst leaving me the time to work on the business rather than in it. And if I want time away, the business won’t suffer because the day to day responsibility rests with the COO.

It’s a well-known fact that when the boss is away the staff think they can get away with certain things that they wouldn’t if the boss was around. The COO will be there every hour of every day making sure the ship is sailing in the right direction.

My next challenge is finding the right COO. I have identified two potentials from within the current structure, which I’m currently vetting. Otherwise the candidate may well have to come from outside.

Either way, it’s certainly a challenge to let someone take the wheel once you’re confident they can keep on course. Finding the right COO is one of the accountabilities I took away from the summit, so I have 3 months to find and implement the right candidate.

It’s fair to say that I’m back, and I’m back fully focused and committed to my goals and visions for my businesses.

The moral of the story is that I very nearly threw away something that I desperately needed to get back on track, and that was not to attend the summit that I so desperately needed.

Luckily for me my awareness kicked in with the value that I know I get whenever I spend around the Renegade faculty.

It seems like a cliché, but where else would I have got the clarity I needed to re-focus and go again to the next level within my businesses.

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[trespiratesque]

Day 6

Sunday, 4/16

Today was Easter. Beck slept in, as he likes to do on Sundays, and I again spent the morning writing. The bananas I'd gotten from Monoprix yesterday were not as perfect and spotless as I'm used to, only about half to two-thirds of the meat was unbruised, so I ate them both for breakfast. We went out hoping for bread - it is truly irresistible - but found a convenience store, where we got some juice, garlic and onion, things like that. Across the street from the convenience store was a curious place - a store called Picard, populated entirely by freezers. (Sorry I haven't watched enough TNG to know if there's a good Picard/freezer reference to make, please email me if you can enlighten me on this matter.) Their stock was 95% frozen food and 5% cookies/crackers. The variety was impressive (obviously we went in), to the point where they have a catalog you can take home (obviously we took one). We also bought a few backup meals in case we wound up in another "everything is closed" situation.

Not everything was closed. But the French take days off very seriously, in that nearly every worker expects to work no more than six days per week. I get the sense that part-time jobs here are a lot more stable than back home - you won't work TThFSu one week and MTWF the next week, you have a regular schedule. Even the Louvre is closed on Tuesdays. So many things close on Sundays, and they especially aren't open at 9:45am on Easter Sunday. When I went back out much later, I would see that more things were open. In the morning, though, we walked a long way and didn't find an open bakery We occasionally spotted a person holding a baguette and peer down the tiny alley whence they came, trying to see where the Precious came from.

When we got home, the next item to tackle was the laundry machine. The night before, it had just run and run and run, with wet clothes coming out at the end. We downloaded an English manual for a similar model and pored over its pages, trying to interpret the unfamiliar symbols. We began an experiment with it under controlled conditions. I told my parents via email that I would call them at 4pm my time, since I hadn't spoken with them since we arrived.

And then my friend Lauren, who is living in Paris this month with her dog and her fiance, asked if I wanted to join her at Les Puces de Saint-Ouen. Les puces means flea market, and knowing nothing more than that I heartily assented. Beck was welcome, but decided to stay home and enjoy some quiet time. We arranged to meet just outside the nearest Metro station, the terminus of the 4 line - all the exits are helpfully labeled and named, so you can say exit #2 and everyone will be able to find it. So I got my shit together, including a bag for any potential purchases. I was thinking maybe a straight-edged knife and a wooden spoon, both of which I wanted for the kitchen and were things I would easily be able to find at the flea markets I've been to in my life.

I met Lauren exactly as promised, outside a store called La Corner de la Recyclerie. I was buoyed by seeing her and by having a new adventure companion - not that I'd been down, or that Beck is anything less than sterling. But adventures take on a different tone, depending who's in the adventuring party, and I'm always interested in sampling new methods. For instance, Lauren might feel confident visiting a place where I might otherwise be afraid to go. She may pause to look at objects I would have passed by. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The region between the Metro and Les Puces is presently occupied by a lot of construction work, followed by a huge sprawl of people selling newly-manufactured junk. Clothes and purses knocked off from recognized brands, bongs, wall hangings, caps. Men stood stationary in the passing crowd beneath a wide highway, wearing garlands of sunglasses and pushing cell phone cases under strangers' noses. I can't imagine that's a very successful business model, but they're still there so it must be working on someone. It took us some time to penetrate this outer layer, and I admit I began to feel disappointment when I thought that this might be what we had come to see. But Lauren's sense of adventure (and direction) led us onwards, past more and more rickety stalls, until we started to see more permanent structures clustering around the small streets.

These were the wonderlands. We wandered squat alleys lined with plate glass and open doorways, turning sideways to pass mannequins loaded with antique hats, brooches, pins, scarves, vests, bags. Card tables covered in wooden boxes of beads or chandelier crystals, postcards, comic books. It reminded me of the Portobello Road scene from Bedknobs and Broomsticks. (Dang, Disney has Youtube locked down so hard that I can't find a link to the original version.) I cannot overstate the quantity, and for the most part, quality of the things we found there. We spent hours visiting stores, and must have walked right by hundreds barely able to glance at their contents. Toys, books, art, records, furniture (oh God the furniture), tools, lace...everything. I abandoned the hunt for a knife and a wooden spoon as soon as I realized what we had really found, and devoted myself to looking at (and touching, when appropriate) all of the beautiful things rescued from history. I saw surprisingly few items that made me cringe at their racism, and no weapons or war memorabilia apart from some pins.

Lauren was fascinated by the many chandeliers we saw, and I enjoyed her enthusiasm. I bought two pins for myself, one of Link in the style of the old NES game manuals, and a bottlecap pin I thought was cool. I also bought one for Lauren, a tiny lipstick. All of the shopkeepers were very kind, and are clearly used to tourists, though we did both practice some of our French. Lauren and her fiance are doing an intensive French class while they're here, which I think is so wonderful. It's a little out of my price range while I'm not working, but I can't remember the last time I was so interested in the idea of a class. Espcecially since there's very little homework.

One place I especially want to mention is a huge vintage/antique clothing store on the second floor of one of the indoor-ish markets. It was staffed by a man in a Napoleonic-era soldier's uniform and a statuesque woman dressed like an Art Deco Vogue cover illustration. You weren't allowed to touch much, but they had tons of undergarments from a variety of eras - corsets, bustiers, girdles - that I know would give some of my friends fits to see. There were beautiful jackets over on the men's side, and so much more that I was honestly too intimidated to approach.

(Remember when I told my parents I would call them at 4? Haha neither did I until about 2. I texted Beck to see if he would be willing to proxy for me, and he did. He spoke with them for 17 minutes, where my later phone call with them was more like six. Ah well, good that they like him!)

After a couple hours of enchanted browsing, we found me a kebab sandwich and we were able to catch up with a little more focus. Conversations inside the markets were frequently interrupted by "oh, look over there" and "pardonnez-moi," making it difficult to hold onto threads. Lauren had some local queer info to share with me, and we talked about a lot of things. I was very grateful that she had invited me out, and I felt revitalized (if footsore) by the time we wandered out of the market's limits. In fact, we wandered outside the city limits. Les Puces are juuuust at the border of Paris, and walking just a few blocks had taken us into the suburbs. We sat in a park and discussed the future, and how to share happiness and excitement without guilt when the world is in such a dark place. And then we found our way back to the Metro - fortunately, Lauren is a better navigator than I am. And before parting ways, we agreed to plan another meeting with our partners in tow. What a pleasurable outing this was!

Pictures, I hear you demanding. Photos! Well, I didn't take any pictures of anything. Not one single picture all day. Many places had signs precluding photography, and I didn't feel up to asking for permission in the others. So I just tucked the memories away for myself. Sorry, you'll just have to visit! Or maybe next time I will feel emboldened - because I absolutely must visit this place again with Beck. He will like it as much as I do, if not more.

When I got home, I took a short walk with Beck, after which he rubbed my tired feet. I called my parents (who are enjoying the weather down the shore). We played a new Alice-themed card game called Parade. I trounced him in the first round, and he won the next two. He made some potatoes for dinner to go with the leftover lentils, and I threw a simple salad together. We started a game of Scrabble over the meal, but grew tired before we could finish. It felt nice to be able to leave the game unfinished overnight.