#Evil Naan is Sweet Naan now

[miss0atae]

The Jungle - 7th Episode Review

I’m late again but here we go with the review of the 7th episode.

We got back at the time where Pladao was explaining the death of her cousin. Hack was kind of surprised while Hunter gave of the impression that he doesn't give a shit. His condolences lacked warmth. I was a bit afraid that the episode would be centered around Hack when they started taling about tarantula. Fortunately it wasn’t the case. Evil Naan arrived and gave Pladao some info about her cousin. I found Hack super weird during the scene. The way he was looking at them and his facial expressions. Something is not right with him.

So the info from Evil Naan was that he knew a friend of Pladao’s cousin and they both went to meet that girl. Evil Naan was pretending to be the doctor of Pladao’s cousin and for that he just decided to wear glasses. I mean who can fall for this disguise? Especially when he put them when she is in front of him. Does he think the girl is so gullible that she would fall for it? Pladoa complains about his stupid lie and she is speaking for the audience at this point. Luckily the plot is helping Evil Naan because the girl indeed fall for it and helps them. She gave him a phone with a picture of the cousin and some gossips about the mysterious boyfriend. Of course no one knows his name because this is really a healthy relationship. If my friend refuse to give me the name of her boyfriend I would really become wary but this friend did not do anything. Everyone is dumb is this show otherwise it doesn’t work. Of course after hearing all of that, Evil Naan is sure that this mysterious boyfriend can't be Naan. Pladao still thinks it's Evil Naan because of the pictures. This episode shows again that Evil Naan and Naan have a weird relationships and the series could have addressed that in a better way but no why writing something that makes sense when you can make it beyond understanding. Anyway, Pladoa wants to send him details that she gathered about her cousin and so she asks for his mail. Back at home she is checking him on internet with it. I can’t believe that he would be stupid to use this mail for everything but I forgot I was watching The Jungle when the most stupid move is always the one they chose to do. So she found a private Instagram and directly she thinks he sells drugs. Who in his right mind would use Instagram to sell drugs??? Can someone explain it to me?

So cut to Pladao and Kitti going at Kaewta’s house. I'm sure the guy is suspicious. I Can't trust him. There is a bad vibe around him Look at him with all his questions! Why is she trusting this guy anyways? He was the one who said it was Naan but he has no real evidences. Don't trust him!! Why Okay, she found a diary and she gave it to him. Don't give him anything! Why is she so trusting with him but the other men she can’t trust any of them. Don't listen to him, pleas! He wants to do something else now. He is avoiding her and trying to distract her from her investigation. How can she trust him?! It's frustrating. She didn't trust any of the Jungle but the friend... No question asked. Back at home and she is still investigating Evil Naan when she should investigate the friend. Why is she still on this exposing the RV and the Jungle? How will it help her? Girl, you're an idiot. Using Twitter for this is even more dumb. I don't understand her at all. She looks like she found the best way but it's not a clever move at all. Okay so people knows where is the RV now. Evil Naan finds her and takes her somewhere else to ask her why she did that. She still acts like Evil Naan dated her cousin. So she is still on with this idea because she followed him on Instagram by pretending to be someone else and found a picture of him and her cousin. Evil Naan revealed that he indeed dated her cousin and she broke up with him apparently. Why did you say it before? Why dragging this to that point? When he met Kaewta, he pretended to be his brother. Why would you do that??? Now I’m sure Pladao and Evil Naan are soulmates because they are both super dumb.

Okay so Evil Naan met Kaewta outside of the bar. They had cute moments but it came to an end when she met the real Naan and he didn't know about her. Again, why Evil Naaan pretended to be his brother? This is stupid. Naan is not happy because he was with another girl and he realizes that she misunderstood him with his twin. After that Naan appeared and she slapped him because well he did something wrong. He tried to find her again and apologize but she doesn't want to listen to him. She said that she doesn't trust the things he said to her which is understandable. That was a dumb move to pretend being someone else. He has a problem. Okay so Evil Naan really liked the cousin but lied to Pladao about knowing her. She asks the real question: why pretending to be Naan? He thinks that Naan has an easier life. (What the hell? Why would he think that?) He has such an inferiority complex when it comes to his twin. Man you need a therapy. All the people who gathered outside could not find the bar so they left. The Jungle made the action to hide but showing a bunch of other addresses on internet. Pladao's plan was bad from the beginning anyway.

Okay so all the men are here except Naan and they are not happy with Evil Naan. Pladoa is still thinking she did nothing bad. Girl, it was stupid and not really well thought out. Why should people knows about the RV? Especially that she has proved continually that she's bad at finding the truth. Stop it trying to be the detective. Evil naan defend her but the others laugh at him. Gosh I will have to change his name to Sweet Naan now. Okay Pine was super cruel at that point because he knows how to be very hurtful by comparing Evil/Sweet Naan with his twin. Ouch! Okay so Evil/Sweet is quitting or getting kicked out? Pladao tries to understand and they all think it's their fault if things didn't work out well. Pladao is right, it's hard to know who is the real Evil/Sweet Naan. He is very confusing! Are they flirting right now?! He was just talking about your cousin and you thought you could kiss him You need to check your feelings Pladao!

Pladao is again trying to find info and finally reading that diary! I knew it was that dude! KittiTiwi was so suspicious. Kaewta wrote in her diary that he helped her during this hard time. He totally killed her. The pregnancy revelation was proof enough that the man who killed her didn’t want to deal with it.

Why is Pladao going to talk to Kitti like that? Please talk to someone who knows how to make a real plan. You're not fit for that job! Thankfully, the plot is so easy to follow. Of course he tries to brush it off but Pladao finally knows the truth. She accused him of murdering her cousin and they are alone in the shop. I wouldn’t feel safe. He tries to laugh and tells her to move on. I believe he wasn't thinking that she would be such a pain in his ass when he killed her cousin. Okay, she wasn't really alone. Evil/Sweet Naan was hiding next so she isn't that stupid. So their plan was to rile him.... It could have backfired. This is not a plan. This is suicide mission. They need real help. So they have a conversation about how to find the truth. They want to make him believe Kaewta is still alive. What a ridiculous plan again. A ghost? Where are we? Their plan sucks but it works to make Kitti being afraid. He is taking a taxi to flee but it’s the wrong taxi because it has Evil/Sweet Naan inside. Kitti then wakes up in the bathroom of the RV. This place is so useful. This is the real main character of the show XD. We learn that Kitti killed the cousin because she was difficult... Why not just breaking up with her? Why pretending to be nice and to have the baby with her? Why being a liar? He pretendedto give her medicine for morning sickness and killed her instead. Well, it’s time to pay for his evil actions and we knew it would happen. Evil/Sweet Naan beats the shit of this guy. It is actually refreshing because he clearly deserves it. What is funny is that Pladao came inside the room just to help Evil/Sweet Naan. It’s their fun couple activity to bond. This episode is completely unrealistic. The police comes to arrest Kitti but says nothing about his injuries that he probably got from Evil/Sweet Naan and Pladao. Anyway, they want a statement and Pladao decide to go their alone to protect Evil/Sweet Naan’s identity. This scene ends with a sweet hug between them.

In the next scene, Pladao meets with Evil/Sweet Naan to thank him for his help. She also add that he needs be his true self because he is as good as his twin. She uses his trick with the coin to tell him to gives his real name to people from now on. He admits that he likes her. I think they should have had more time to develop their relationship. He flirts a lot in this two last minutes. Why are they playing their relationship with the coins? Why not just deciding by yourself? At least we got a kiss. I was waiting for it but I'm disappointed. I expected more from them. All the love stories are disappointing, to be honest, which is sad because the actors are not bad. So it’s definitely right to sat that the story is not well written. The concept was intriguing but it doesn’t make sense most of the time. They introduce ideas and never follow them. Their characters don’t have a real personalities and they don’t get the time to have one either. I think I didn’t understand that scene properly. Are they not together? Why making the story so complicated for no reason. Date if that's what you both want. I mean Naan got married in the last episode and he probably stayed a real short time with Nithan. Why Evil/Sweet Naan can’t get a better love story. He was my favorite… after Hunter.

Pladao has decided to drop the Jungle story. Thank you for finally doing what is the best! So she got a message from Evil/Sweet Naan flirting with her. I don’t like that they are not really dating. I would completely rewrite that story if I was the writer.

The episode is not even finished that we get who will be the main characters of the next episode. Irin is in trouble at the airport and Pine came to help her avoid the journalists. She wants to stay at the RV. While she is there, she opened the door to find Hack and not Pine who she was waiting for and that’s the end of the episode. What can I say… I don’t care about Hack, Pine and Irin. What's his deal anyway…

So I was really disappointed by this episode. It was super boring and I almost didn’t make a review of it. I really wanted something better for Pladao. I expected until the end that she would get a better story but no… nothing. Evil Naan is not evil anymore and was never truly Evil. We still did not get any answers about his relationship with Naan and why he acted crazy in the last episode when apparently he is super nice and sweet. Pladao and him don’t even have the chance to have a second episode centered around them that we jump to the triangle love between Hack, Pine and Irin. The pace of the story is worst than ever. I understand why so many people don’t like it. It has big flaws and nothing can save it anymore. It’s sad because the actresses on GMMTV don’t get a lot of chances to shine. They deserve better.

[trrickytickle]

The Tea Word 🕸️🫖

GIF by liurnia

A/N: STILL NEED TO REPLY TO MESSAGES!!!!! Okay okay Liya let's get on track. DO. REQUESTS! goes without saying that the movie is goated but like, I was gonna write some Gwen (Stacy) but I had a silly and stupid idea and it snowballed. Soooo here's some Pav and Miles enjoooy blehhh (lee!Miles, ler Pavitr)

Pavitr procures pipin' hot chai for the spider-gang, but Miles still says it the wrong way. Luckily, an unmissable opportunity comes by for Pavitr to correct his mistake.

Spiced sweetness wafted through the air in the rec-room of the elite spider society, a pleasant aroma to the chattering spider-people, who mostly were bundled up into their own clique. Lego Spider-Man was recounting his fight with an evil businessman with huge pants to Spider-Cat, Peni was cleaning out SP//dr, and Miles, Gwen and Hobie were being served tall and sweet mugs of chai by Pavitr Prabhakar. With perfect barista-like precision, he procured two warm mugs and with a THWIP! they slid across the bar to the trio. Miguel was definitely going to give him an earful for serving the anomaly, but he did owe the spider-people one after saving Inspector Singh and his girlfriend in Mumbattan. With a dash of cinnamon, the drinks slid across the counter faster than any of them could say "My Spidey senses are tingling". Hobie took a sip, slamming his glass onto the counter. "Bloody amazing. Oi, Pav, you reckon this is why we bought out your plantations?" Gwen giggled, Miles briefly glancing at her apprehensively, going back to blowing on his chai and taking a generous swig. The political quip earned a chuckle and a playful shove from Pavitr. "Oh, yes, absolutely. Much better than spotted dick. Why's it called that anyways? Spotted dick.." Burning her tongue, Gwen winced with a high pitched -squeal!-. Miles laughed. "Shit, guess that's too hot for you." he teased, blowing on her tea. "What even was that?" "Shut it, Spider-Boy." Gwen chided. "Ahh… Man, this is some good chai tea.." Miles sighed, startled when the bar stilled with the loud noise of Pavitr's exasperated sigh. "Miles, Miles, my guy, we've been over this! CHAI. MEANS. TEA. You're seriously still saying chai tea!? It's JUST! chai!" Miles stammered, arms flailing like two eels out of water. "Wh- Look, bro, bro, back up, I'm used to it-" "Yeah, no wonder e' forgot. Bloke's bleedin' from 'is head down to 'is armpits." As he attempted to defend himself, Hobie very unexpectedly traced up the red lining in the armpits on Miles' suit, and he let out a high-pitched snicker. Making him flinch, Gwen and Pavitr both jumped back at Miles' reaction. Gwen giggled. "Yeah.. what even was that? You laugh like a girl." "That's a patriarchal construct." Hobie quipped back and nonchalantly sipped his tea. Miles shrugged. "Ticklish." Hobie backed up apologetically, keeping his hands to himself. "S'embarrassing. Think I probably would've glitched." Pavitr walked out from in front of the counter to the bar-stools where the spider-people sat behind Miles- (..hopefully only to join the other Spider-People) -and playfully jabbed at his sides. "-IIIEEE!-" "I- I mean it's all the same with you people! "Ghee butter".. "Naan bread".. gh- Y-You know what? You know what I'm gonna say to you now?" The spider-person wildly gestured with a ribbing enthusiasm, prodding Miles, who curled away in nervous anticipation. Just as suddenly as he had jumped up, Pavitr jammed his hands into Miles' armpits, spidering from there down to his ribs.

"Gudi-gudi-gudi-gudi-gudi! Tickle tickle!" The look on his masked face was determined and sly, eager to dish out playful karma. He teased, sure to rub in his grammatically correct Hindi-speaking, at machine-gun speed that went as fast as his dextrous fingers.

"Heh-hEEH-hahaHAAI'M- no! C'mon, wehe're friends, right-st-he-h-hha-Stop, stoppitst-hhhHh!! Sh-IH-ihit, man!" Miles sputtered, flailing like an awkward goose. "Ghh-Gwen! Gwen, help, he's attacking mE-!!"

She only ignored him, squealing and blushing with every octave of Miles' laughter and desperately trying not to be involved, Pavitr's prying teasing only filling her with slightly more dread.

"Hoho-heh-Hob-IEEE!! HELP!!" His hyperbolic pleas once again fell on deaf ears while Hobie's news-clipping phone case was pressed in the mugs of the two tussling Spider-People. Pavitr kept poking Miles in the ribs, gradually moving down his sides, prodding and teasing with a fascinated zest unil he reached his suit-clad tummy, which he clawed up and down, up and down, up and- it was driving Miles insane.

"Come oooon, say it, Miles! Chai is…"

"Teehee-HEEEE!!"

"Can't hear you! Chai is.." Giggling a little himself, Pavitr kept poking, making sure to harshly jab at Miles' stomach or armpits or wherever caused the best reaction as he was about to admit his "mistake". Much to his chagrin, Gwen was still acting …strange, and Hobie had recorded up to the three-minute mark by this point.

"Chahahai is tHHEEEEEE-HEE-HEE-HE!" "Stop laughing and just say it! What's so funny about masala chai, huh? Huh?" "You're the one tickling me-hehehe!" Miles attempted to swat Pavitr away, sometimes succeeding with his spider sense. "Ooooh-hohoho, then this must be a really bad spot!" Pavitr chimed, spidering the space between Miles' ribs and sides. "Yeahaha-hah, no shit!" "So, what is chai?" His laughter grew louder as Pavitr moved down to his back, sliding his fingers down it. His eyes widened- he had control in those earlier moments of playful banter- but out of pure dumb luck (and probably prayer), oblivious ol' Pav had unknowingly found his worst spot. "Shi-HIT!-SHIHI-HIT! AHA-HH-HAH!" "Shit? Chai is shit?" Pavitr mock-gasped. "The audacity!"

"Nohohoho! Chaha-Chai tehe-HEEEA!- It's good!"

"Come on, you still don't get it?" Pavitr bluffed. "I thought we were friends, Miles!" He ramped up his fast flying finger movement as his digits climbed up and down Miles' ribs like he was speed-crawling up Mumbattan highways. "I'll give you One. More. Chance. Say it."

"Chai-chahaiisteehEEhee!-" Miles panted in exhaustion, Pavitr stilling his fingers as Hobie set down his phone and Gwen perked up from hiding her face on the bar's counter.

"-pant- -WHEW- Ne-heh-ver… neveragain…"

"Wow, great job, Miles, that only took you like, three tries." Pavitr quipped, fist-bumping Hobie. Said spider-anomaly quenched his laughed-out throat by guzzling the rest of his cold chai. Gwen perked up and kept composure, patting Miles' back. "Looked ...intense." she shivered. Hobie shrugged. "Just a spot of fun. I'll send you the video." "Iiiiiiranouddastorage." Gwen bluffed, blushing. Hobie slugged her in the arm, smiling. "Pork pies. (Cockney-ism for "lies") C'mon, we're mates, make some space for me, willya?" The shared air of laughter was greeted by a frown of disdain and glare from Miles. Pavitr pattted him on the back and gave him a smile. "C'mooon, go get her! I can't bear this!" "I-It's not like that!!" ----------------------------- The camraderie came to a close with a blanket of snow-white glow, enveloping the Spider-People fast as lightning would. Everything- the mugs- the counter- Lego Spider-Man- would be gone without a trace. It was an anomaly not even this lot could fix, and the events from earlier all washed away. 4 dAYS Avengers: Secret Tickle Wars- Part III Everything will change.

[oozmium]

SMT4F Collaboration Cafe Menu PT. 1

Translator: @twilightmalachite

ENG Proof: Elegy

This is a translation of the official (advertised on the collab website + reposted to this famitsu article) and Twitter descriptions of the menu for the 4F collaboration cafe. This contains the character meals and drinks. The twitter description will be indicated using "TWT".

MEALS:

Godslayer’s Meat Platter (¥720)

The meat of the demons (?) confronted by the Godslayer protagonist. Served with a bright red spicy salsa sauce!

TWT: First, we have the Godslayer’s Meat Platter. It is the meat of the demons (?) confronted by the protagonist; chicken and duck meat. I don’t think it’s the meat of a Gryphon or Fuxi. Probably.

Asahi’s Energetic and Healthy Coriander Salad (¥800)

Become as energetic and healthy as Asahi by eating this coriander salad!

TWT: Asahi’s Energetic and Healthy Coriander Salad. This coriander salad is filled with nutrients. You can even eat the blue flowers inspired by Asahi placed on top!

Mushrooms of the Fairy Forest (¥720)

Mushrooms and vegetables that were (probably) grown within the Fairy Forest, grilled in foil.

TWT: Mushrooms of the Fairy Forest are mushrooms and vegetables that were (probably) grown within the Fairy Forest, grilled in foil. The paprika represents Nozomi’s costume.

Ashura-kai Specialty Evil Pizza (¥950)

Hallelujah too eats with his Bro every day! Pizza with naan, an Ashura-kai specialty.

TWT: Ashura-kai Specialty Evil Pizza. It’s a teriyaki-flavored pizza. The word “evil” is edible, too. It’s hearty and tastes great, so do try it with everyone!

Gaston’s Long Skewer Platter (¥780)

A platter of skewers, inspired by the long spear held by Gaston.

TWT: Gaston’s Long Skewer Platter. A platter of long skewers with a good balance of meat, shrimp, and veggies, inspired by the long spear held by Gaston. Double-dipping is not allowed.

Flynn À La Mode (¥580)

Savior Flynn, who everyone is relying on, is now everyone’s favorite dessert.

TWT: Flynn À La Mode. Flynn, the savior everyone is relying on, has become everyone’s favorite dessert (*no pun intended).¹

Father’s Fisherman’s Meal (¥950)

A laid-back seafood bowl made (?) with fish caught by Walter’s father. And the colors are splendid!

TWT: Introducing Father’s Fisherman’s Meal. A seafood bowl made (?) with fish caught by Walter’s father. This is not an insult to Walter, by any means.

Jonathan’s Grilled Beef Tongue (¥980)

Luxurious grilled beef tongue. Served with a white mayonnaise sauce and shredded shiraga negi!

TWT: Jonathan’s Grilled Beef Tongue. No pun intended,² by any means. By the way, Jonathan’s dish was inspired by the color white, to pair with the black of Walter’s dish.

Dagda’s Large Fried Rice (¥1280)

A large serving of fried rice worthy of the name of the God of Fertility. Black like Dagda, the black sesame seeds are great for anti-aging… and for returning from the underworld thrice as fast?! By the way, this serves roughly 2~3 people.

TWT: Dagda’s Large Fried Rice. A large serving (for two) as suitable for a God of Fertility. Return from the underworld thrice as fast with black sesame seeds (also inspired by the color of Dagda), great for anti-aging!

DRINKS:

Something Green (¥630)

A cocktail made of something green and translucent. A non-alcoholic version is also available.

TWT: Something Green. Please mix in something green that has sunken to the bottom. The Navarre on top will fall apart, but it’s edible, so please drink Navarre on up.

Assassin's Drink (¥630)

A cocktail inspired by the black outfit and blood red Toki is clad in. The alcohol content is a bit strong, but the chocolate syrup’s sweetness reveals Toki’s true face… Maybe?

TWT: Assassin’s Drink. Please note the alcohol is strong. However, there is a sweet chocolate syrup at the bottom (Inspired by her true face beneath the mask…?). Mix well and enjoy.

Never-Give-Up Beam (¥630)

An orange-flavored cocktail, inspired by Isabeau’s strong will to never give up. This can also be made non-alcoholic.

TWT: Never-Give-Up Beam. A cocktail inspired Isabeau’s strong will to never give up. Delicious with or without alcohol!

TL Notes:

The pun involves Flynn's Japanese name. Furin sounds like purin. Hence furin a la mode.

Mika (translator) and I debated what the pun in Jonathan's meal was. We deduced that it likely was Yonatan and Gyu tan-yaki.

[scone-lover]

Simon Snow’s Guide to the Best Diwali

AKA, all the delicious Diwali food that Simon would love. ❤️ 

Here’s a teaser... 

And the rest is below the cut!

Let’s start off with an overview of Diwali! (Pronounced Di-VAH-lee.) Celebrated on the night of the new moon, usually in late October or early November, Diwali is the festival of lights and a commemoration of the triumph of good over evil. During this holiday, people decorate their houses with festive colors, light hundreds of candles and oil lamps, and set off firecrackers into the night. It is the largest and most widely celebrated holiday in India, with a variety of colorful customs.

Rangoli are colorful designs crafted at the entrance of homes to welcome the goddess of prosperity, Lakshmi, and usher in the New Year. Rangoli features in my zine fic for Let it Snow!

Diwali has its origins in Hindu mythology with the story of the Ramayana. Rama (Rahm) was a great king and warrior who completed a hero’s journey and returned home after a 14 year exile. However, there was no moon that night, so the villagers set out thousands oil lamps to light the path home. 

Diwali is celebrated over 5 days; Diwali itself is the 3rd day, and the 4th is the Hindu New Year! Read more about Diwali here.

Alright, now for the fun part.

Simon Snow would love Diwali because one of the core traditions is exchanging food and sweets as gifts with your family and friends. Every year, we spend a few days making mithai (milk sweets) or baked goods, and then it’s like the world’s best secret santa. We receive platters of assorted sweets and savories throughout the entire week leading up to Diwali! 

Let’s start with the sweets. The main desserts eaten during Diwali are mithai, various milk sweets that usually include gram (chickpea) flour and nuts or coconut. They are vibrantly colored and usually arranged beautifully on platters! There is a huge variety—here are some examples of arrangements.

Most are simply a combination of condensed or powdered milk, sugar, and gram flour or nut flour. In addition, they’re flavored and adorned with ingredients like rosewater, cardamom, saffron, and even pounded silver. 

Here are some of the more popular types!

Kaju Katli: Cashew mithai, always cut in diamond shapes, and topped with real thin-pounded silver. A classic!

Ladoo: Chickpea flour or semolina condensed milk sweets, rolled into balls. They’re amazing, and the texture is unrivaled. Chickpea flour is fine and gritty, so it’s like biting into a ball of kinetic sand... but actually edible. When I was a kid, we used to make ladoos with coconut and use food coloring to make the Indian flag! Here’s the mix we received this year from a friend:

Barfi: Milk squares that can be made with various flavorings, like coconut, almonds, walnut, etc. So soft. So delicious. Sometimes they’re bright pink.

Soan Papdi: chickpea flour squares that flake away in strands when you bite into them, like if you condensed candy floss into a bar. 

Peda: I don’t even know what’s in these, they’re just fucking delicious. 

Alright, onto the other sweets!

My personal favorite: gulab jamun. Soft, perfectly round dumplings made of like, magic. Basically. They’re sweet, fried, flavored with cardamom, soaked in a sweet rosewater syrup, and served warm. If you haven’t tried these, you’re missing out—Indian grocery stores, and certainly some normal ones, sell them in big cans and you can heat them up on the stove. 

Rasmalai: my other favorite. I don’t know how to describe these—happy spongy dumpling disks served cold in a sauce that’s basically ice cream, but better. Pistachios, delicate rosewater, and sweet creaminess. It’s basically heaven.

Two photos, because they’re that good. (These are definitely Baz’s favorite, by the way.) 

Jalebi: Essentially, batter is piped into pretzel shapes, like how you make a funnel cake, and then fried, and then soaked in sugar syrup. You bite into it with a satisfying crunch, and then the syrup floods out and it becomes chewy. It’s a dentist’s worst nightmare. I mean, look at this shit:

Who even came up with this? I don’t care, I love it. Tis the season for tooth rotting.

Kheer: Indian rice pudding... or sometimes it’s made with vermicelli. With almonds, and saffron, and... agh. I dream about it.  

Last but certainly not least, gajar ka halva. 

This stuff could build a cult following if it wanted to, I swear. It’s like if carrot cake one day said fuck it and stopped pretending it was healthy. It’s ground carrots, sugar, ghee, milk pistachios... so good. 

I almost posted this without even going over the savory foods. Who even needs them? 

...Okay, fine. 

Diwali food is traditionally vegetarian, and it’s pretty standard fare: naan, rice, samosas, daal, paneer makhani, etc. The appetizers are top notch. It’s literally all fried.

That spiral thing is a chakli, jalebi’s savory friend. Just... a fried spiral. Various crispy things are eaten. It’s great.

Brb, might actually cry from how hungry I am right now. 

Simon would love aloo tikki, a north Indian specialty... imo, the best way to make potatoes.

Pakoras, too: mixed vegetable fritters served with chutney.

Pani Puri/Golgappa: The best street food. You take a baby puri shell. Crack the top. Fill it with a spicy potato mix, and then add mouthwatering tamarind sauce.

Paneer Makhani (butter paneer) would be Simon’s favorite veg dish. Soft cheese in butter sauce... sounds right up his alley. 😂 

There are a ton of other different dishes made with various vegetables and sauces and spices, like four types of daal, and if I continue this will go on for ages. So I’ll just do a special shoutout to chicken tikka masala, the national dish of the UK lol. ❤️ 

Shoutout to Penelope Bunce as well for being half-Indian and thereby giving me a totally valid reason to write a thousand-word rant about Indian food on Tumblr and claim it’s fandom. Shoutout also to Simon Snow for his canonical love of Indian food. 😂 

If you’ve made it this far, I hope you enjoyed, found this educational, and most of all... I hope you’re really hungry now. 😂 Go eat some Indian food to celebrate. I know you want to. 

Happy Diwali, everyone! ❤️❤️❤️ 

[sachertortes]

Lunch Date

Rating: T

Relationship: Darcy x Bucky

Warnings: N/A

Notes: Written for the Darcyland Drabble a Thon, for the prompt “62%”

The first time was an honest mistake.

They were all going to have lunch together off-site. But Jane and Bruce got held up in the labs, and Steve had a last-minute meeting with Hill.

That left Darcy with Bucky Barnes - the man she’d secretly named “Tall, Quiet, and Grouchy”. Only after the (nearly interminable, thanks Tony, did the upstate facility need to be up-upstate?) drive did she discover that he wasn’t grouchy at all. Okay, he was a little grouchy. But mostly, he was funny and sweet. And polite. He held doors open for her. When she got up to use the restroom in the diner, he rose from his seat too.

She was enjoying his company after she finished her lunch special and Bucky had finished three lunch specials, when she realized that she didn’t have her wallet. And Bucky wasn’t carrying cash. A problem at the small cash-only diner.

Which led them to their current predicament.

“Just do it,” Darcy insisted, leaning across the table to give him her best intimidating glare.

“No.”

“Come on.”

“No. You really think it would work?”

“Yes.”

Bucky raised one skeptical eyebrow at her from across their booth.

“Okay, I’m like, 62% sure,” she amended.

“62%, huh? Why don’t you just call Jane to bring you your wallet?”

“Because the facility is like, a 40-minute drive from this podunk town and – “

“Can I get you kids anything else?” interrupted Paula, their waitress.

“Just the check, please,” answered Darcy. Paula nodded and left.

And even though Darcy was fairly certain that Bucky had at least two firearms and one mean-looking knife on his person at all times, she proceeded to pull out her big guns.

“Scared, huh?”

At his look, she knew she had him.

“Fine,” Bucky gritted out. He squared his jaw and took a deep breath. “Darcy Prunella – “

“What the hell, Bucky, my middle name is Elizabeth!” Darcy hissed at him. He only gave her a wink and an evil smirk as he stood from the table and placed his hand dramatically over his heart.

“Darcy Prunella Lewis, for as long as I’ve known you I’ve loved you,” he declared in a loud, smooth voice.

Silverware stopped clinking. The low rumble of conversation halted. Bucky cleared his throat in the silence.

“I know I ain’t got much money…and I ain’t even got a ring yet, but I would be honored if you’d let me try every day of my life to make you the happiest woman on the planet. Darcy Prunella, will you marry me?”

His eyes alighted on their leftover food and he picked up a cold onion ring from the plastic basket. Bucky raised his eyebrows at her expectantly, lips twitching like he was about to burst out laughing any minute. Darcy obligingly held out her left hand and Bucky placed the fried onion on her ring finger where it hung loosely.

“Yes!!” Darcy squealed to the cheers and claps of the other diners. She shot up from her seat to be enveloped in Bucky’s hug. He practically lifted her up onto her toes.

“On the house, you two!” Paula exclaimed with a smile as she approached them. She whisked away their plates and check. “Congratulations!”

“Told ya it would work,” Darcy whispered triumphantly into his ear.

The second time was also an honest mistake. Or so Darcy insisted. All Bucky knew was he definitely had his wallet when they left and now he didn’t, and apparently Darcy didn’t either.

“You ain’t gonna give me a shitty middle name are you?”

“You mean after you saddled me with Prunella? No, I’m nice. It’s the name of one of my favorite characters from classic literature.”

Bucky leveled a warning glare at her that in his spotty memory had once literally made a HYDRA goon wet his pants. Darcy only gave him an innocent, sweet smile in response but he should’ve known. He should’ve known by the crinkle in her nose that she got whenever she was about to do something she thought was hilarious and by the mirth shining bright in her eyes.

“James Bunnicula Barnes – ”

“What the fuck.”

She flashed him a gleeful grin as she continued, “I’ve loved you since I saw your Tinder profile. Marry me?”

He inwardly sighed ­­­­­­then answered dutifully, “Sure thing, sweetheart.”

 From there, it became a game. Over lunches they gave each other ridiculous names and tried to be convincing enough to warrant a free meal. They always sent an envelope full of cash for the bill and a very hefty tip the next day.

 Bucky asked Darcy Hortense Lewis to “be his gal forever and ever” over chicken parmesan subs and mozzarella sticks.

Darcy asked James Benvolio Barnes to marry her over garlic naan and lamb biriyani.

In a little place serving buttermilk biscuits and fried chicken, Bucky begged Darcy Zenobia to make an honest man out of him.

Darcy demanded James Buford Barnes to marry her already to “give their dear baby a father” and Bucky nearly choked on his peach smoothie before agreeing.

 But it was over a homecooked lunch of BLTs that Bucky gave her his next proposal. He had been acting strange all afternoon, furtively patting his jeans pocket as if to make sure that whatever he hid there was still in place. Darcy definitely noticed the nervous, secretive gesture.

Finally, after they finished eating, he took out something that crinkled in his palm then gave her a hopeful smile.

“Darcy Elizabeth Lewis – ” he unwrapped the Ring Pop then held it out to her. “…Will you go on a date with me?”

“Wait. For real?”

“For real.”

Darcy narrowed her eyes. “Lemme see that ring.”

He handed it over and after inspecting it like one would a shiny, clear diamond, Darcy placed the ring on her right index finger and brought her hand up to pop the confection into her mouth.

She smiled, her lips cherry red from the candy. “I’ll totally go on a date with you, James Buchanan Barnes.”

“Only had to ask ya to marry me three times before you’d date me.”

“Y’know, those aren’t great odds.”

Bucky shrugged and grinned. “It works all the time, 62% of the time, dollface.”

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[almostdiplomatic]

Canadian-born Zed Marke has been living in Berlin long enough to be considered a local. Utterly caucasian, what might surprise people is how this man has actually been feeding Berliners with great Indian food these past years. From a stall in a markthalle and now in his own joint in Kreuzberg called Moksa.

I admit – I was sceptical at first. Who is this non-Indian guy and why is he feeding me paneer? Can he make really good Indian food? Won’t all the pseudo-woke people have a problem with this? But if there’s anything living in a truly globalised world and spending time in a city as diverse as Berlin taught me – it is never one’s skin colour that determines what you can or can’t do. As long as you learn and know how to do it right and you don’t undermine others.

It’s quite safe to say that Marke grew up Indian. In Vancouver, yes. However, he lived in a predominantly immigrant neighbourhood which opened his eyes and palate at an early age. His neighbours often shared their food and even taught him how to make them on his own while growing up. From there he did not rest. He started to work in gastronomy and even travelled to India to formalise his learnings on the cuisine. Not only did his cooking get even better, he came back as a spice collector and connoisseur.

Entering Moksa, you’re greeted right away by the till where you can also place your order. It’s a small space and you might have to squeeze yourself in if there are people already lined up for food. To the side is bench-style sitting for a small group. Up the stairs leads you to a two-stool bar for a quick meal and more benches at a back area that allows for more space. Currently, only Marke and his colleague Ahmed Ali are running the place. So it’s truly a lot of work and sacrifice.

What to eat

Moksa is an affordable Indian food joint. For the quality of what you’ll be eating, the prices go beyond reasonable. This, Marke says, is to keep the dishes accessible. Rice bowls, quesadillas and wraps, and my favourite Tandoori chicken, will set you back between eight to 10 Euros.

Zed’s expertise in spices makes for amazing chutneys that go with their sourdough naan (and practically with everything on their menu). My personal favourite is the pistachio and coriander chutney – refreshing and is a great complement to the butter chicken.

The tamarind and date chutney is great for people who want to tone down spice in some dishes and the menacingly red Jolo chutney is to be avoided if you’re a bit of a lightweight when it comes to scharf-ness. When Zed says it’s spicy, he means it. And not just in European standards. One drop was enough to make me believe that my tongue was on fire.

The butter chicken is tasty, with a creamy texture. Cooked in an actual, tandoori oven, the meat is juicy with the spices soaked all the way through for flavour. My Indian food education is something I will always thank Kuala Lumpur and one of my best friends there – Arpita – for. I can honestly say that Zed’s food would pass Arpita’s standards and that’s a compliment I’m not willing to give lightly.

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Great for vegans and carnivores

The vegan option, Beyond Keema, will not make you miss meat at all. Same as their tempeh bowl. If you’re a carnivore wanting to lessen your carbon footprint without missing any of the flavour, Moksa has these bowls for you.

If you’re feeling rather famished, the Naanwich is a great way to fix that. The sourdough naan is definitely heavy on the stomach and they also don’t scrimp on the filling either. Like with the bowls and the Parathadia, you can opt for butter chicken, pork vindaloo, goat keema, tempeh, smashed eggplant, or vegan meat to fill your naanwich.

Personally, I’d order the Parathadia variant as it’s a little less heavy compared to the Naanwich but just as good. I love the texture of the bread as well and it’s an easier bite. The Parathadia also comes with cheese and is reminiscent of Mexico’s quesadillas – one of my go-to dishes for quick, easy meals.

Moksa also offers a Bengali dessert called Mishti Doi. A sweet, caramelised probiotic yoghurt. It’s not too sweet but comes with a strong, tarty flavour. Made from scratch like everything else in the restaurant, it encourages the health of good bacteria in your stomach’s lining. A dessert that’s actually good for you and doesn’t come with evil, white sugar from stores.

I’ll keep this short and sweet but I hope what’s on here was enough to pique your interest. Visit Zed and Ahmed in Kreuzberg. You won’t regret the calories.

Moksa

Oranienstraße 200, 10999 Berlin Hours: Monday-Friday 1200-2200, Saturday 1800-2200, Closed on Sundays Call for a reservation: +49 176 87772138

  More later.

          **I was a guest at Moksa but that does not – in any way – affect my review and opinions expressed in this article.

Moksa: Your New Reason to go to Oranienstraße Canadian-born Zed Marke has been living in Berlin long enough to be considered a local. Utterly caucasian, what might surprise people is how this man has actually been feeding Berliners with great Indian food these past years.