#For some reason I've been more active on the Instagram account for my blog | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bluewinnerangel · 2 years

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I KNOW! I was literally like the least thing they could have done was follow us 💀

Aaaaand I'm going on a rant now. People don't really view tumblr users the same way they do accounts on platforms they are active on themselves... I think over there they understand it's nice to see a notif come in and so they do the same for others, meanwhile tumblr is some other plane of existence where we do not require the same treatment and a post can sit on 2 reblogs but have 40K likes on someones instagram on your explore page (this actually happened to me)... and the amount of times I've seen a completely deepfried screenshotted post of mine that's been taken to twitter then to instagram over to a tiktok and then part of a youtube compilation post, one that would sit on less than 100 notes, one that got who knows how many interactions each step of that journey, and none of that response ever reaching me, while I made it. (not to mention the follow button is visible in the screenshot more often than not) Also. I'm out here writing posts first of all mainly for myself but in a way tailored to my bubble, tailored to you, to the people I see in my notifs. You're in the back of my mind when writing it, the fucking tiktok horde isn't. If someone grabs that and runs with it.. it's not meant for twitter or tiktok like I haven't written it in a way for that .. bubble.. to understand, it's for my tumblr friends who I know will have context. Like there's a baseline of understanding in this place that's not there on other platforms. And I try to spell some things out sometimes just in case it'll reach some new people, other times I'm just shitposting for my friends yk. So don't bring it somewhere it just brings up questions in a pool of people not capable of answering it without notifying the person who wrote it, leaving it up for interpretation out in a void of "WHAT" and "I-" and "HUH"'s like that's just a bit frustrating when it's your words yk. (ok that got sidetracked)

But to get back to the post in question, this might be where they got it from by the way.. i mean .. its.. nice to see the peoples reactions? 💀

Anyway to anyone taking screenshots of posts on here and taking it to other platforms: Just fucking interact with us. Ask Us If You Can Repost. Some people don't mind the reposting, others you're making very very uncomfortable. Because exposing the @ of someone's blog they consider their safe space to an audience they don't know is scary as fuck, especially because there's an anon ask option on this hellsite. Like the thing is you're possibly sending anon hate our way. EDIT: And this does not mean repost anyway but cut our @'s off because then you're cutting off the source and not crediting and that's even worse. I'm just saying some people don't want you to repost at all for this reason, please don't fucking repost without credit. Anyway the point is if you like a post enough to repost it, follow OP and reblog (that like button doesn't do shit. reblog.) the post on tumblr because that's a free happy serotonin boost for OP and the person you're reblogging from. Even if you have a tiny account and nobody will see it, OP does in their notifs and that makes them happy and that's the only thing that matters k. write your response in the rb tags if you want. If you do have a blog but it doesn't fit your content make a sideblog if you have to. Even if it's got 0 followers, on tumblr you can't see that, and it doesnt matter. All that matters is you give OP some interaction and make them happy, instead of .. this. A fking rant post before noon.

#i know this is funny because i contributed absolutely nothing to that post so like this rant aint justified whatsoever but im still doing i #t. like i seriously just put two pictures under yuor text and now im doing this. im funny.

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thenwethrowitonthefire · 4 months

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do you have sparks side blog? cause I catch a glimpse of something on my dash and thought maybe they have one? would like to throw ask there if it's an option

I have a Sparks main, actually. Sparks was the reason I joined Tumblr and this sideblog used to be linked to the Sparks main, but I have since created a different main to more easily interact with some other fandoms as well. This sideblog was migrated to the non-Sparks main. And now I get to have a completely Sparks oriented experience when logged in on the Sparks account, and all my other things are here on this account ^^ (Which is why I didn't use to post about Sparks much on this blog despite Sparks literally being my life. I'm really enjoying occasionally posting about them here now though!)

The thing is though that for various reasons I've not been super active on my Sparks blog in quite a while. The biggest reasons are that Sparks themselves have gotten more active on social media, most of my Sparks friends have become part of my personal life, and I'm currently mostly publicly expressing my love for Sparks through art. So most of my Sparks interactions have shifted to take place outside of tumblr. A couple of Sparks people have followed me here to this sideblog too though :) (*waves at my Sparks friends* I love you!) I've actually been advising tumblr Sparks friends to contact me here instead of on the Sparks blog because I'm sure to see their messages here, I'm using this account very regularly after all.

So this currently actually is the best place to send asks to, and I've been really loving getting your asks on this account :) This not being my Sparks account somehow really adds to my joy, because through this account I'll maybe get to introduce some new people to Sparks. Sharing with an audience who's new to it is so fun :)

My Sparks main mostly functions as an archive now and people have told me quite a few times it's a good one, I've been relatively meticulous with my tagging system the last 10 years. (It really needs updating though, it's very behind on the times and there might be some mistakes in my tagging.) But if you'd like to have a root, it's @pineapplefulfillseveryneed. If I become more active on my Sparks tumblr again at some point I'll let you know ;) (I have an art account under the same name on Instagram that I am actively running though, if that's of interest.)

#ask #anon #sorry this got wordy - it's late here #again would like to say I appreciate your asks so much!

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panda-sensei · 6 months

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An open farewell letter to "idol Habu Mizuho"

I first met Habu-chan in 2017, when Keyakizaka46 had just released Kaze ni Fukarete mo. However, the first MV I saw was Fukyouwaon.

When I really started following Keyaki, Habu and Neru were my favorite members. The people who were able to make me smile during one of the most tense periods of my life.

The love I felt for both of them turned out to be the same, so even though the term "kami oshi" can be summed up as a single person, I treated Habu and Neru as my kamis.

In 2019, when Neru-chan graduated, Habu-chan officially became my kami oshi. A position she still holds today, even after new members joined and I met other groups in the meantime.

I tried to find another idol to whom I could share my time, dedication, and love, but Habu-chan was unbeatable.

Over time, I became more and more obsessed with Habu (in a good and healthy way). Something about Habu-chan enchanted me in a way that no other idol had been able to before.

I believe there were several reasons for this...

One of them is the fact that we're the same age, we were both born in 1997 (I'm a month older ☺).

Another may have been their physical appearance and personality.

Habu has several physical aspects that particularly caught my eye: her hair (at the time I knew her best, it was mid-length), her height, her hands, and her neck (which I don't even accept is her least favorite part of her body). And over time, Habu became an extremely beautiful woman. In my eyes, she looked like a goddess sculpted by a superior divine force lol. Her personality was also an important point: Habu conveyed to me an energy of being someone extremely kind, cheerful, and positive; and this was confirmed over the time I spent being her fan. With each passing moment, I really realized that Habu was everything I had imagined. Confirmation of this came from her blogs, mobames, magazine, and radio interviews, which were corroborated by statements from Keyaki/Saku members, other co-workers, MCs, the habu oshi who took part in handshakes and meguris, etc. Everyone reaffirmed that Habu was an incredible person.

One characteristic that I also came to admire a lot about her was Habu's ability to be good with words. Her iconic phrases (the funniest possible) and others full of meaning delighted me even more.

But actually, I think what made my bond as a fan even stronger was that I followed Habu's growth and development as an idol.

She started to grow a lot as soon as she took part in the Girls Award (back in 2016, before I knew her), followed by her entry as an MC on radio shows (thanks to Chokotto yattemasu and Gochaten), as an MC in variety shows, taking part in Zambi's stage play, among other external activities associated with the group.

However I believe that her evolution as a model has been fundamental in making Habu-chan who she is today. Many thanks to JJ and CLASSY for giving her this opportunity and for signing her as an exclusive model in 2017 and 2021 respectively.

With this modeling career, Habu was the 1st member of the group to open an Instagram account, allowing the other members to also have this opportunity to interact more with fans, as well as promote the group.

Another pioneering move was Habu being the first member to have a fashion photobook, a departure from the usual standards for Sakamichi idols. And that's a story I really like because only I know how happy I was with "Destination" and the fact that it was exactly the kind of photobook I had always envisioned for her.

In fact, Habu-chan was a positive influence on me in the world of fashion. I've changed some habits and ways of dressing. I hope to continue following your fashion tips, Habu-sensei!

I could spend days and days telling you why Habu Mizuho is an exceptional idol. But unfortunately, the day of her graduation has arrived.

I've met many incredible people in the time I've been following her as an idol: Japanese ハブライバー (I could list several who have been super kind to me, but especially Masayo-san who was the person I had the most contact with during this time and who was VERY kind and helpful to me); ハブライバー from other countries and people who weren't even ハブライバー, but who supported Habu. I'm also grateful to have bonded with many different people, even though they live in different countries.

Now, seeing anything from Sakurazaka46 without Habu Mizuho will leave me with a huge feeling of emptiness.

I'm not sure yet how my relationship with the group will be after Habu's graduation. That's something I still can't answer...

But I'm very proud of the woman Habu-chan has become.

I know that whatever path you take now, you will be successful and will have the full support of your fans.

All I can do now is say thank you.

I'm grateful for all the happy moments you've given me during your career as an idol.

I know I wasn't as "committed" a fan as other fans. I tried to do my best to support her within my capacity and my reality. I could have been a much better fan... But I hope that somehow you know that you have a fan in Brazil who has always and will always hope that only good things happen in your life.

Thank you so much for coming into my life.

And I'll be supporting you forever.

panda🐼

#habu mizuho #土生瑞穗

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missmortox · 9 months

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This blog is for and about Alida Morberg in regards to her relationship with Bill Skarsgard. It contains facts, news, gossip, theories, and more. If this is not the type of content you wish to read then feel free to unfollow or block. Remember, no one is forcing you to read this content or agree with it. This blog is currently inactive. Join me at my main blog AlidaMortox.tumblr.com

Asks: [Link] These are current day asks with current day information on Alida and Bill. Hate Mail: [Link] This is all the hate mail I get from Alida Stans (though I do not intend to answer much of it I think it sets an example of the behavior I am up agains) Original Posts: [Link]These are current day posts and thoughts about Alida and Bill with the new information coming out and what is going on. Throwback Asks: [Link] These are previously answered asks collected from an alternative source but contain valuable information about Alida and Bill. Throwback Posts: [Link] These are older posts previously made collected from an alternative source that contain valuable information about Alida and Bill Polls: [Link] Survey questions run instagram from time to time and the results of such Archive: [Link] Access to all of my old posts and asks from before current times about Bill and Alida in one place FAQ: [Link] Frequently asked questions about Bill and Alida on this blog that are unlikely to get an answer since I've already covered them so much. Resources: [Link] If you find my blog triggering or offensive here are some resources to help you avoid content you don't want to see.

These are my other active social media accounts. I do not have any accounts other than these. I do not have a tumblr blog other than this one. Should anyone dupe my URL and claim to be me, know that these are the only accounts I currently have:

Instagram

My Blog

For whatever reason tumblr will not allow me to link to my tiktok but you can find the account through my Instagram quite easily.

This blog is for entertainment purposes. It mainly relies on questions being asked and given answers as a response. Sources such as photographs, videos, interviews, and news articles will always be cited if they have been used. Theories and Opinions are not stated as facts. Should you not be able to have a grasp on the way this blog currently operates here is instructions from tumblr on how to block me. [Link]

#navigation #masterlist

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boozye · 2 years

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Transparency.

Well, as much as I enjoyed my privacy here, for the sake of transparency and stuff, I should be a little bit more open about my online presence.

If for whatever reason tumblr just bans me out of nowhere, or I get hacked, locked out, anything. I want people who need to contact me (like commissioners) to have the means to do so. I've been doing commissions for over 10 years and I have never left a commissioner hanguing. And I don't plan to start any time in this life. So, without further ado, my social media:

Before clicking follow the moment you see a link, know this. While I check my socmed regularly, this here tumblr is my most active place and the best place to reach me. It is more active than all the rest combined. And there will be NO OBEY ME ART OR CONTENT in any of my other accounts, do not follow it expecting "bonus content" of the likes of this tumblr, because there won't be any at all. It is mostly reblogs/retweets and the occasional fanart of something other than Obey Me and my own characters, or my friends characters. I am not very talkative by default, anywhere, this is the place where I talk the most, and I have 0 intentions of changing that.

My civilian tumblr (for reblogs and other personal art besides OM)

My Instagram (barely checked)

My portfolio.

My twitter that I dose sparingly to stay somewhat sane and rational. (heed the bio)

My furaffinity. (minors dni, my art and commissions are sfw but the site itself is heavy on nsfl content, be fucking warned, yes, furries have paid my bills more than once, please don't be annoying about it, if you have a problem with that then pay my bills instead)

So what now? Well I don't plan to change anything about how I use this site. I don't plan to try to advertise my other social media here. That's not why I made this post. If you see something you like, go ahead. If not, don't. This blog is still my main focus when it comes to being my creative outlet currently. I may crosspost some art from here to my other social media listed above, but probably not the other way around.

#posm link #phew

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swordformike · 11 months

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genuine question, have you ever give a damn for Palestine before this noah issue? like idk spread awareness, support campaigns, share donations, sign petitions, educate yourselves and other people who aren't aware, advocate for Palestinian rights? i follow you on twitter and i know damn well you haven't done any of that. from what i've seen, most of yall young people on twitter just want to gain cookie points by posting essays full of hatred so you can appear morally righteous and educated when in fact yall really haven't done anything to attempt to help and even spread awareness about what's actually happening

i usually just rt and post about stuff i see on my tl. unfortunately, there is barely anything regarding palestine because of how everyone went radio silent after 2021 for some reason.

i am Not resourceful enough to donate or support campaigns, but i try my best to spread awareness.

i DO give a fuck about palestinians, that’s why i’m so worked up about this situation. i DID care even before All This, and i HAVE been caring since 2021, constantly educating myself about stuff like this, and i DID reblog a lot about these ‘politics’ on my last blog, which i deactivated right at the end of ‘21.

I’m not that active on tumblr as i was before for multiple reasons, so it’s gotten harder for me to be able to spread my knowledge unlike how it was on my last blog.

like i said, i dont see much about palestine on twitter or tumblr unfortunately but when i do, i rt and actually spread it.

i see a lot more stuff discussing palestine on instagram AND I DO SPEAD IT.

i dont really talk about things when it isn’t relevant or when i don’t see much if it, and i realize that maybe *i* should be instigating the conversation because of how important it is, so i’m sorry.

but please don’t rely on me for end-all resources and information when i’m just some teen running a blog dedicated to hyperfixation.

please stop assuming that i don’t give a fuck about palestine just because i have not posted much about it, but i promise you i’ve tried my best to spread awareness when there was more conversation surrounding it.

i wouldn’t have spread what you assume to be hatred if y’all weren’t so hopelessly naive about this situation. i thought this discourse would evolve into a more serious and general discussion about palestine, but all y’all do is reduce what we’re saying to just being ‘hateful’ towards noah and calling us chronically online. it’s relevant so I’m trying to contribute to the conversation that is finally existing.

and I’m not trying to gain ‘cookie points’ or whatever. i’m not trying to appear morally righteous or educated. i’m just trying to talk about all i know so far, since y’all are being stupid and it’s extremely relevant right now.

just because i have a stan twitter account with ‘minor’ in my bio doesn’t mean I’m not a real person outside of twitter and tumblr who is actively trying to learn and educate myself, even if i wasn’t as vocal about it.

but i see your point about me not spreading awareness, so i will try my best to do so. so thanks for that.

#mailbox #nonie #noah schnapp #free palestine

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pashminalamb · 2 years

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okay first of all *clears throat* how are you? are you feeling better? has the tea and comfort show binging been helping? i hope you get better soon!! second I FREAKING LOVE THE NEW THEME THE HECK IT LOOKS SO GOOD!!!! and third for the ask game can I ask 🤩, 🔮, and 💌? and fourth. Oh my God. The fact that you love Haikyuu and Tokyo Revengers is literally amazing adhkkjhhhgf. Who’s your favorite character? Are you caught up in the manga? Did you hear the devestating news that the rest of Haikyuu is gonna be animated into 2 movies? I wanna sob like they can’t do my comfort show like this there are too many scenes they’re gonna have to cut out and God forbid maybe some matches too *sobs*. And Tokyo Revengers only had two chapters left. Yes I’m totally fine what are you talking abt 🙂🙂🙂. Last weeks chapter and this weeks chapter freaking destroyed me. I mean I say that abt every chapter but like THESE TWO GAVE ME SO MUCH WHIPLASH LIKE *screameths*. Anyways. I hope you’re doing good and that your day goes well!! As always *sends many virtual hugs*

- ✨ anon

✨ anon !! Hi lovely !! ૮⸝⸝> ̫ <⸝⸝ ა

I just got back from the doctor's, took my meds and healing, kinda bummed out that my roommates went for a halloween party dressed as ghostface basic bitch and the other was gluskin (he didn't look terrifying but his manners were; 'for the sake of our children') but i got chocolates so i'm happy and November is here (¬‿¬)

AND I HIT 900 FOLLOWERS!!

Its my birthday month so I have an excuse to skip out on No Nut November... but my writing? It's gonna go up a notch (¬‿¬) with the possibility of making it hard for you guys; pun intended.

I'm deciding to roll with pink as my theme. Spooktober is over and now its my month so I'm going with pink cause its my favorite color.

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ აThe theme is still in the making... but I'm taking my time with it and trying to make the blog look pretty. Theme said being; dangerous but cute

For the ask game :

🤩 : What led to your interest in the fandom?

I blame my brain, youtube, pinterest and instagram for this.

I was pretty active in the knb and bnha fandom (i was an aomine fanatic, still am tho) and bnha is something I've put on hold for now. With wattpad, tumblr followed and soon ao3 (my ex friend had to teach me how to use it). After instagram came, I got to see edits and that piqued my interest in the anime and I also followed pop culture accounts (that's how I found jjk and tr). Then came the writing. I've always had a knack for it, winning creative writing certificates in school and even writing for papers, there was always an idea that I had so, I decided to use it for writing x reader inserts for characters.

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

There can be a lot of reasons for a writer to have a burnout or have a writing block but its mostly to do with pressure imo. Can be because you feel that your writing is not good enough, could be that you want to keep the follower count high, could be a rivaling author or any reason.

To avoid a burnout, you need detachment and discipline. Don't write it all in one day (unless you're really up for it) make a bit of progress every day and add content to your writing. Don't let your readers force you into updates, taking your time with it is what makes the writing and reading more savory. If you have a writer's block, try something new. A change in environment always helps and there's not one particular thing you have to stick to. Watching a show and reading books has helped me understand the style of my writing better. You can follow writing prompt blogs as well and build your storyline around it (I prefer to create my own content so I have my own writings prompts).

💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?

Enemies to lovers (please the amount of hate sex I thrive on - five wrong one right readers know), forbidden love (planning to start this for Toji), mythology ( i had this in my wip and then I had to take it down), partners in crime (Bllk) and best friends to lovers (planning to write this for Bllk)

Basically, dark romance, slow burn, angsty with comfort themes.

Haikyuu : I really can't choose tbh cause I like all of them... sawamura daichi, miya twins, kuroo, Kageyama, Haiba Lev (victor and yuri's lovechild) and bokuto (the himbo captains sue me)

Tr : I like Shiba Hakkai (mans too precious and is the baby. Can't look a woman in the eye and yes, I like shy boys but he's also kinda a himbo), Mitsuya (must be protected at all costs), Kisaki tetta (his brain is sexy), Wakasa Imaushi, Inupi (reminds me of shoto) and Kawaragi Senjuu.

Tell me your fav characters! (/ω＼)

Oml. The rest of haikyuu is gonna be made into 2 movies? This is as bad as taking beefy Bokuto away from the anime. smh its starting to look like the repeat of beastars and promised neverland (remember how disappointing that was? They literally skipped an entire arc with Hugo in it)

I'll have to catch up with tr. I haven't read the manga in months now but it wasn't a surprise that it was coming to an end; saw a lot of posts instagram about that

Chainsawman on the other hand. You guys aren't gonna like Makima. The manga readers already hate her.

*Sending back hugs*

#saint.σ #.lost sheep : ✨ anon

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ilegnangeli · 1 year

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Random March Thought #1

It's been a while, Tumblr.

I always say that. Like for some reason, I barely update this blog but I always visit it though. So many things have happened the past few months. And I want to chronicle them now. Why I didn't while I was going through some hardships then, I don't know but now I want to write about them.

It has been seven months since I moved to my home. I live alone now and it has finally sunk in. Although I have reached a new milestone in my life, I still feel unaccomplished at times. What does it mean to be accomplished in life, anyway?

I feel that I have always been so hard on myself. That I personally set myself for failure because of the unrealistic or unreachable goals I set for myself.

There are so many things that I want to achieve all at the same time which is why I feel overwhelmed and at most times, I feel inadequate. I feel incomplete. I feel at loss. I feel never enough.

2023 is a new year, just like any year that comes after the last one. I didn't set goals for this year. Not even wanting to be happy or contented or satisfied. I just want to be. BE.

Deleted Twitter (or accidentally did by not logging in after deactivating for 30 days). Deactivated Facebook, I just don't see the point of having it anymore. I am maintaining my Instagram account though and my Messenger account, my father worries when he can't get a hold of me. At least through Messenger, he'll be able to see when I'm online or he can instantly message me whenever he needs to ask me something.

I'm quitting being available to people 24/7. I'm avoiding human beings for now. I'm finally letting go of pleasing people too much. I just want to be able to function fully as a human being without breaking my personal boundaries. I feel like I've become too available to other people, that I've given them too much access on my life through social media that I've forgotten how much of my personal life I've given them access to.

Since 2019, I don't think I've been THAT active on social media anyway. I do update from time to time, mostly on IG stories, but I haven't posted anything on my social media for personal reasons and for personal security (and boundaries).

The pandemic has had this effect on sharing things online. People became more active on social media. And there's just so much information and updates to see. Little by little, I'm trying to filter out the information I receive or have access to. I don't need to know what the latest news is, I don't need to buy the latest gadgets, I don't need to see what the latest trend is. I just want to be.

I feel like I want to start writing again. Writing poetry, I mean. I may have to archive a lot of things in this blog though. Hopefully, I will be able to start soon. I may have to finally focus on writing again and just be me. I know how cliche that sounds and I've said it a thousand times before but I just want to write again.

Even if that means I have to force myself to curate stuff in this blog for my random thoughts. There. I said it.

A friend has asked if I want to climb mountains again. The last time I did was in 2019. For the new year's. I climb Mount Huangshan in China. It was a new year's trip with my class. God, it's been four years since I got back and I still feel that time stopped for me in 2020. Like my clock seriously broke and something in my time continuum refused to continue. I'm still stuck somewhere between March 15, 2020 (the last day before the lockdown in the entire country) and March 16, 2020 (the day everything slowed down for everyone).

I want to travel alone somewhere though. I'm not yet sure where. Although I don't want to be alone. I'm torn actually. I was in AirBnB's website earlier and thinking about booking myself a room somewhere WHILE I ALREADY LIVE ON MY OWN. That the reason why I bought a home IS BECAUSE I DO WANT TO BE ALONE. But I don't know why I don't feel so good in this four-walled home. I still want to escape and runaway and never come back.

Do any of you feel that sometimes? That's you're home and everything, and if you're living alone like me, but you still want to run away from everything and everyone?

I consider myself a burden to people. Not because I pity myself or anything but because I feel like everyone else's life is shitty too and I don't want the shit in their lives to pile up even more. I don't want to cause them to think about how life is shitty as if they're not experiencing the same hell I am currently living in, y'know?

I'm listening to this playlist and when I first listened to actually hyped me up and made me think of really good and happy thoughts but as I'm typing these words I don't know why the playlist isn't even giving the same vibe anymore. Maybe I listened to it too many times so I've grown familiar with the songs playing. But I still don't have the songs memorized but I don't know. It's weird.

Do you guys also sometimes spend hours on your phone, like me? I remember the times I used to be okay with my phone and maybe just pause when it's time to eat. But now I've been skipping meals and don't even feel the slightest hunger sometimes. And then I fall asleep. I'm not sure if it's depression. Maybe it is. I hope not. I don't want to be depressed. It's not a nice place to be, being depressed.

I don't want to go out the house. I don't even want to meet friends. I don't want to go to work. I don't know anymore. I've been spending so much time looking for alternative ways to entertain myself and nothing has worked so far. I want to be better, I want to feel better, I want to be okay again.

I've not told my friends what I've been through for the past few weeks. I've kept it secret from a lot of them and I used to tell everything to my closest bunch. But I've been keeping so many things from the people I love lately. I don't know if that's healthy? I don't think so. Sigh. I've been sighing a lot lately. I wonder why that is?

Do you guys also get severe anxiety? Or random panic attacks? Sometimes I do. Most of the time? Sometimes I even wake up in the middle of the night feeling agitated. It's weird. God, I've been through so much lately and I don't know what to do about it anymore. So I'm writing right now so I could go back to this next time and check myself if there are improvements.

Guys, if people check on you, tell them honestly what's going on. They're concerned about you and your well-being. Do not be like me. I always reply with "I'm good" and "I'm fine" and "I'm okay" but I'm so far from good, fine, or okay. I don't even have words for what I feel. I can't even personally describe it.

I hope the theme of my follow-up entries would be lighter and not as heavy as these words I'm writing down right now.

But I feel like I need to be honest here and just type these words otherwise I'll go crazy, y'know?

Right now, it's dinnertime and I'm just waiting for food to arrive. I order a lot of takeaways even though I have a fully-functional kitchen and I have food in the fridge. I just don't have the energy or I just don't want to be bothered with cooking or even preparing.

Goodness, I need to really get my shit together. I don't like where I am right now.

P.S. I should end this now. I'll think about writing again tomorrow. I hope I wake up on the right side of the bed.

P.P.S. In my sadness, I ended up buying another digital piano. And it arrives tonight. I'm excited. At least there's something I could look forward to while I'm at home.

P.P.P.S. I'll be playing and making music again. Please wish me luck. I'm thinking about naming her Keira, Keyra actually. She'll be my new baby.

#random thoughts #2023 #about god's chaser #March 11th

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pjstafford · 2 years

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What Twitter has meant to me (and other social media musings)

Twitter is buzzing today - people leaving- threatening to leave- scared about others leaving. So, I do what I do when I want to process emotions in an analytical way. I write a blog. As I type this, I am struck by what a social media-oriented approach that is for a woman as old as I am, but I'm not ashamed to say social media has become important to me.

What I worry about today - almost mourning as if it is already gone- though it is not yet- is the platform that not only gave me the opportunity to play but almost taught me, as a mid-life adult, the importance of play. I worry that I will lose friends I care about. It is almost as if I live in a community and a natural disaster - a hurricane or tornado- is heading for my community and I fear the landscape will change. I will be displaced. I will not be able to find my friends.

Does that sound extreme? Let me give some background.

I was reluctant to join social media platforms - didn't do the AOL chat rooms in the day. I was not an early adapter. I feared social media would change the ways humans communicated in a negative way. In 2008 an old friend tracked me down to call me with news about another old friend and told me it was time to get on Facebook. I enjoyed it. I kept in touch with family and friends. I joined a scrabble group and the Bob Dylan fan club and found out it was possible to make new friends on social media. Then I broaden who I was letting onto my page and found myself moderating my content and, I still enjoy it, but not as much as I once did.

I became active on Twitter specifically because of a Facebook group I belonged to doing an Aquarius watch. More on Twitter in a minute.

I started this blog because I wanted a place to post my fiction and poetry and discovered I liked blogging and some people liked reading my blogs. I am the writer I always wanted to be - at least with an audience - if not getting paid. But I found Tumblr is a place where meanness is fostered and thrives. So I keep my Tumblr to write and post - mostly to Twitter.

Instagram is for pictures and I enjoy it very much. It's great. A picture is worth a thousand words and you see that on Instagram, but I like words and conversations very, very much. I've made no new, deeper connections on Instagram.

I've tried other sites =mostly for work- but, I don't want 100 different social media sites to keep track of and visit. I want a place where everyone, at least everyone I interact with regularly, knows my name.

So, let's talk about Twitter. I have two accounts. One PStafford3 is for my serious side. For a while, it was my only account, but for various reasons I decided I needed to differentiate between my serious side and my fun side - so I now, also, have PJSPosts. I, also, am the administrator of the account for the organization for which I work as I have been with other work positions. I once was the administrator of HearteyesForDavid fan account which I started, but in 2021 I passed it on to a younger and more capable fangirl.

This very month I graduated from a Digital Campaign / Social Media class that included various sections on Twitter. I get that, on one level, Twitter is about information gathering and information sharing, followers, influencers, and persuasion. Whatever changes come to Twitter, I will adjust as far as is needed for those purposes - learn to use it differently, moderate my content, and who I follow differently.

But it is the other thing Twitter is good for that I fear losing. I came onto Twitter as a fangirl when the X-Files was filming for its reboot and a star of that show had another show beginning. It was that simple. Within a few weeks, I had a group of four friends in a private chat who I now think of, seven years later, as among my very best friends. I have, I think, an identity within that community. I belong. I don't want to say that it's all been good. It turns out fan-based groups can be competitive over followers, petty jealousies, and misunderstandings. I don't often use the phrase In Real Life because I think social media is real life actually. If friendships are real, meaning they can bring you joy or pain, then it's real life.

But the platform Twitter has been uniquely suited to experience this "play" aspect of life in a way I don't think other platforms are. By play I mean, we create games, we debate episodes, we post "thirst" pics, we joke, and we laugh. It can get serious. There are scholars of the subject matter(s) who participate with us and philanthropists who manage fundraisers and artists whose art is worthwhile. Still, I think most people who I interact with on my PJSPosts account or in the hearteyes4DavidDuchovny community are on the platform for play and fun. One person described it today as her daily serotonin burst.

In 2020, Twitter became my lifeline. I ran a book club. We had Saturday night concert/dance parties. We posted memes about what stage of the pandemic we were in. 2020-2022 has solidified and strengthened this sense of community.

Twitter works because most accounts are public, you can search by subjects of interest, you can interact with people, you can follow, and you can have private chats. Your friendships can build and become deeper. Also, you can unfollow, block, and mute. You are the person responsible for the content you see and in charge of your own experience. Twitter has, also, been the most responsive when community concerns are raised - a fake celebrity account, violence, cruelty, hate speech, bullying- in ways that the other platforms have not been.

What Twitter most taught me ( in addition to the need for play) is the human need for community. My fear of what social media would do to the world (which obviously was warranted and is very real) was, in itself moderated, by the wonderful people I have met and interacted with on Twitter. In 2017 I wrote blogs about the fact that Twitter is, in fact, proof that mankind will seek to form communities in whatever reality they find themselves - around the campfires, in villages, towns, and cities, and on the internet. The fact that Twitter means I have friends around the globe and of different ages who all love the same thirty-year T.V. show I do is a strength of the community; not a weakness.

I guess, that this then brings me hope. We are humans. We will find other ways to connect if needed. I hope that the people who have been responsible for Twitter over the last 8 years know that the platform they created is valued beyond the money Elon Musk paid for it. I can't be anything but grateful today that it has existed.

Change is the one constant. It is, also, the thing we most fear. As I collect email addresses today "just in case". I hope the threat of a storm passes my community over and, if it doesn't, then that we find each other and rebuild elsewhere.

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cindylouwho-2 · 1 month

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RECENT SEO & MARKETING NEWS FOR ECOMMERCE, April 2024

It's time once again for my roundup of marketing and SEO news/resources for small and microbusinesses in ecommerce! April has been a very busy month, with a lot of Google & Meta news in particular.

Reminder that you can get news and my own posts from me a variety of ways:

blog emails (both Tumblr and my website blogs posts)

Patreon (the fastest and easiest way to get everything)

Bluesky

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES

Don't know much about SEO but want to learn how it can help your ecommerce website? I've collected some trusted resources for you. (Bookmark that page for future use, as I plan to keep it updated.)

Google has recently been emphasizing that links to your site are not as crucial as they used to be. From Google’s John Mueller: “There are more important things for websites nowadays, and over-focusing on links will often result in you wasting your time doing things that don’t make your website better overall.” Here’s another instance of staff telling people you don’t need many links.

When doing keyword research, especially for niche/longtail terms, “think about think about 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐯𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐦𝐞 not search query volume.” Many less common searches will have a ton of slightly different variations, and a well-written piece will be able to target all of them. [It’s a good reason not to avoid really low search volume keywords that fit.]

Contrary to recent speculation, pages with ads on them can still rank well on Google; the real problem is ads that negatively affect the reader’s ability to use the page.

Google has started testing its “Google Search Generative Experience” (AI) in regular organic search results. This was a US-only test, at first, but results have now been spotted in Australia, the UK and India as well. Note that Google’s AI still provides really lousy responses for lots of questions a full year after it debuted, including making stuff up.

Google has been taking a lot of heat for bad results lately, especially for ranking forum sites above quality experts. SEOs have been piling on, and Google is getting a bit defensive, saying that sometimes it is just showing what people want to see.

If you missed some Google changes in March, here is a complete accounting of all the updates.

Not Google

Bing is apparently going to follow Google, as it is testing removal of cache links.

SOCIAL MEDIA - All Aspects, By Site

General

A lot of people are confused about what “federated” social media means, so here’s a chat [text and audio] with the CEO of Bluesky that covers that and other goals of the social media site that started as part of Twitter but is now fully separate. Bluesky posts can also now be embedded on websites.

Twitch is one of several social media sites introducing a feed similar to TikTok’s, for both livestreams and recorded videos.

Facebook (includes relevant general news from Meta)

Meta is rolling out its new political filter to Instagram and Threads, requiring users to opt in if they want to see political content. The change will be added to Facebook in the future.

Starting in May, all AI-generated content on Facebook, Instagram and Threads will display a “Made with AI” label, Meta announced. “The old policy prohibits videos created or edited using AI tools that make a person say something they didn’t but doesn’t cover the wide range of AI-generated content that has recently flooded the web.”

Meta’s new AI assistant pulls results directly from Google and Bing, in real time.

Meta’s Advantage + Shopping Campaigns have new targeting capabilities, allowing advertisers to select interested accounts that are not current customers.

Beware of Facebook ads glitches that many companies report have increased their costs.

If you aren’t happy with the traffic and interaction on Facebook, consider trying some of these 8 tips. [infographic with some text]

Court documents revealed that Meta tracked some of Facebook users’ activity on other apps such as Snapchat, perhaps without adequate disclosure.

In yet another court action, advertisers who placed ads on Facebook and Instagram have a class action for $7 billion, claiming Meta reported more ad views than actually occurred. “The advertisers suing Meta allege that the Potential Reach metric used by the company to determine advertising costs relies on the total number of social media accounts rather than individual users. They argue that this approach is problematic because it could include bot and fake accounts, resulting in advertisers paying more money for their ads to be served to bots.”

Instagram

Instagram has some pointers for getting more interaction on Stories.

Here is a comprehensive list of various features on Instagram that might be useful to promoting and selling, including very recent updates.

A study of LinkedIn posts in 2022 and 2023 revealed a few tips for getting more engagement.

Because everyone wants to be TikTok, LinkedIn is beta testing a short video format. “While you have always been able to post videos on LinkedIn, the new dedicated feed is designed to boost engagement and discovery on the platform by presenting bite-sized videos that people can quickly scroll through.”

There’s been a lot written about how Reddit and other forum websites are really benefiting from high Google rankings for many basic knowledge queries; this article details Reddit’s search rise in the past year. “The most visible URL in r/buyitforlife, for example, is a thread on the “best coffee maker” which gets an estimated 10980 organic clicks per month. This one thread on one subreddit, on one domain which competes for visibility with nytimes.com, epicurious.com, target.com, cnn.com and bestbuy.com, to name just five on the list of over 1000 domains that are also on the competitor list for the URL.”

Threads

Threads users in the US, Canada and Japan can now cross post in the fediverse. This mostly works with Mastodon at the moment.

It looks like Meta is going to make advertising available on Threads in the second half of 2024, which is earlier than expected.

TikTok

TikTok’s Creator Rewards Program is now out of beta, and rewards users for 4 different metrics: “Originality, Play duration, Search value [and] Audience engagement.”

Tiktok’s photo app has now launched: "TikTok Notes” is now available in Australia and Canada [article contains screenshots of the app].

Twitter

No, Twitter is not currently at its highest traffic ever; the graph Musk tweeted was estimated web traffic only. Roughly 80% of Twitter’s traffic is through the app.

Twitter may be banned in Brazil if the company doesn’t comply with government orders to block some accounts there. In related news, Bluesky is now allowing heads of state to open accounts, after their surge in Brazil. Brazil’s president was the first to sign up.

YouTube

YouTubers now must admit when they use artificial intelligence (AI) in their creations, other than the most minor changes or “generating scripts, content ideas, or automatic captions.” This will be an interesting development to watch, as there are probably other platforms considering this type of rule right now.

Over 25% of YouTube Shorts creators are receiving money from their short term videos’ revenue sharing option. Here’s how to monetize your Shorts. There are also increased ad opportunities for Shorts now.

Buffer analyzed YouTube videos posted through its site to find the best times to release your pieces. “The best time to post on YouTube is on Friday from 3 p.m. to 4 p.m….Other high-view times are Tuesday at 2 p.m. and Thursday at 6 p.m.” [Worth reading if you rely on YouTube for views, as it also includes tips on increasing traffic.]

(CONTENT) MARKETING (includes blogging, emails, and strategies)

With so much AI-generated content out there, anyone writing new pieces will need to rise above computer-generated regurgitation. Make sure your posts contain new information, such as your own tests or personal experience, or go way beyond the superficial.

Yahoo is beta-launching its new creator platform, “Yahoo for Creators”, for lifestyle content from writers and influencers. Participation is currently by invite only.

This is a decent calendar for planning an entire year of content marketing around theme days/weeks and special events. It’s not too early to plan your content marketing for May; there are several major events and holidays to work around.

ONLINE ADVERTISING (EXCEPT INDIVIDUAL SOCIAL MEDIA AND ECOMMERCE SITES)

Google Shopping now allows US buyers to upvote or downvote suggested items, to help Google find what you are looking for.

If you program your own Google Shopping ads, be aware of recent and upcoming changes in several feed areas.

The 2023 Google Ads safety report claims they are restricting far more ads and suspending more accounts than previously. How come they can’t stop the scammers advertising a “support phone number” for Etsy then?

Instagram ads are more profitable for Meta than YouTube ads are for Google, according to legal documents.

STATS, DATA, TRACKING

Periodic reminder that while the Google Search Console is often the best Google stats package we have access to, it is still missing a lot of data.

You can use the Google Search Console and Google Analytics to diagnose traffic changes on your website; here are a few tips.

BUSINESS & CONSUMER TRENDS, STATS & REPORTS; SOCIOLOGY & PSYCHOLOGY, CUSTOMER SERVICE

“Pre-loved” clothing is on the verge of taking 10% of the world fashion market. “[T]he US secondhand market grew seven times faster than overall fashion retail where sales were flat in 2023 from a year earlier.”

An oldie but a goodie: how to write an apology letter to customers. One that companies often miss is “Explain clearly what you or the company will do differently next time to avoid this happening again.” When a business screws up badly, I want to know how the problem will be prevented in the future.

IMAGES, VIDEO, GRAPHIC DESIGN, & FREE ONLINE TOOLS

Canva has purchased Affinity, potentially making the platform more attractive to those with professional design skills. The 2 companies have now confirmed that Affinity users can keep their one-time licenses, and will not be forced into subscription plans.

MISCELLANEOUS

Michaels has reduced prices on over 5,000 items, some as low as pre-2019 prices. “Prices on frequently purchased items including paint, markers and pens have been reduced up to 15%, papers and stickers up to 20%, canvases up to 35% and T-shirts up to 40%, among other reductions.” This could affect anyone competing with Michaels in these areas.

#ecommerce #seo #social media #microbusiness #search engine optimization #content marketing #cindylouwho2

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bulletsxlattes · 2 years

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About:

You can call me Latte. I'm over 21 & Non Binary. I've been drawing since childhood & I am self taught. Please be aware there will be spicy things here and there. So, for that reason I consider this to be an 18+ blog. Minors please steer clear & PLEASE for the love of everything, DO NOT reblog my art and threaten people against tagging it as ship art. If you saw my art, liked it and didn't realize it's ship art - thats on you. Thats your bad. I reply to things via @caroline-hill

LINKS:

TVC

Boostle

Twitter

Soriku

Instagram

facebook

Carrd

Commissions info

NSFW / 18+ ONLY (art) (currently Inactive)

(NSFW 18+ ONLY) BLUESKY

INPRNT

FAQ:

Sometimes I may seem inactive, and maybe I've been gone for weeks but please feel free to send me requests during that time. I don't mind and while I may take a while to get to them, chances are I will eventually.

The only thing I don't do is poly ships or multiships. It's just not my thing, but if it's yours, that's cool with me. My mind just can't juggle more than 2 people in a relationship.

I don't actually keep up with the current comics. I prefer new earth continuity since I've been generally disappointed with the current runs. All my knowledge of current comics relies solely on what i see circulating or from the news cycle.

I like Kon-El. In my jaytim arts, I tend to depict him as Tim's first one-sided crush. That said, I don't really care for Bernard. I did manage to read the urban lengends issues about them as well as some of Tim's new Robin run. I wasn't all that impressed. Please don't ask me to draw Bernard in a relationship with Tim. My only exception is some sort of jealousy trope to give Jason some angst. I love angst.

I'm a pro-shipper. And I'm not going to publish anyone's anon hate. I don't care to argue about 'batcest' or how wrong anyone thinks anything is. I'm spiritually 90 years old and completely over this.

Im not very active on Twitter, I think I hopped on that train a little late, seeing as it went to shit a month or so after I made my accounts. So, you'll more likely find me here than there.

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its-afucking-mess · 2 years

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The reason I'm on hiatus/have abandoned this account indefinitely

My masterpost (used to be pinned but is replaced by this)

I remember when I was just reading fanfics before I tried writing, I always wondered how people could abandon their unfinished works or their account. And for a while, after I became a writer, I had the same inquiry.

Many people who stumble across this account probably see the announcement that "I'm on hiatus" and possibly expect me to return. This post goes on to clear the air for the reason I am NOT returning to this account likely any time soon, at least not under the same brand I had in the past.

I have to make a disclaimer to my mutuals, all people I considered (and still do if they do) friends of mine. My leave has nothing to do with anyone in specific, I have come to this decision purely from a general standpoint.

So, the part anyone who cares is curious for; why is sofi abandoning the account? Why is its-afucking-mess now going to be an account devoid of any new content past February? (I think it's February). Well, there are a few things that have contributed, but I'll mention the most important ones, at least by my standards.

I lost interest in being a strictly maneskin-related blog. Now, I hear you say, "No one stopped you from being a multifandom account!", and I will agree with you to a point. There are over ten works on this blog that are related to the band, mostly self-insert stories. I had a feeling that making the account more open to other fandoms couldn't work, not at least like it had in the past (this account was a teen wolf blog once, then an underverse blog with three works that have become private). Back then I had barely any notes, so rebranding wasn't difficult. Now with over 300 followers, rebranding would not only disappoint a lot of people (since the works some enjoy would be virtually gone) but also prove difficult.

It had always been my thing to be in multiple fan spaces, even if there always were periods where one fandom would be most prevalent in my activity. I had been hoping maneskin would prove a fandom that would be stable, one that I would be able to always be in no matter the ocassion (like how marvel, select youtubers and certain series are). That wasn't the case unfortunately, and it honestly was a genuine fear of mine to have to admit that I've fallen out of it. Well, here I am now admitting that another, major reason for leaving the account is not liking the band as much anymore. I'll still enjoy their songs, and see their pictures on instagram and smile knowing that they are genuinly good people with kind hearts, and that's the extent of it. Maybe I'll visit some fan works that had captured my attention, but that's about it.

Saying that family/friends had found the account had been a white lie hiding the true reasons I wanted to leave the account. At least I consider it a white lie. My mental health also had been at a low around the time the blog had been officially dropped, but finding a book series again and rediscovering an author I truly enjoy helped me pick myself up again. And while that is the fandom currently occupying my mind space, I still have a certain 'freedom' to enjoy in parallel my spiderman, deadpool, and ofmd obsession, without feeling obligated to limit myself to one thing.

In addition, my writing has certainly diminished, and now I feel like I actually do it for fun, instead of when I was active here, where I felt obligated to post something related to writing often. This brings us to the third major reason, that I had started to feel like my hobby was a job that I didn't even get to enjoy as much. I still write, occasionally (Allie knows all about it lol) on ao3, I still make small notes and au's for all kinds of fandoms. I just don't bother to be frequent, consistent, or worry about opinions (while validation is nice, I don't actively seek it). I have found time to be more consistent with my studies and seeing my friends.

At last, I think the fate of this blog has been made quite clear. All the works will stay uploaded and I will be making no changes to the blog content. I am aware of certain risks that come with leaving my works 'unsupervised', but honestly if someone wishes to pass my work as theirs because they are that desperate for attention, let them be I guess.

Final note: Obviously, I am still going to exist on Tumblr. I have made an account that I am currently active on, and I have made it how I deem it should be, for my personal standards. The account is @crisssis if you would like to follow me for some reason, but I am very careful with who I choose to follow back for the sole reason of not wanting to flood my feed with posts I would not enjoy. My messages on that account are open (I think if not my asks sure are) if you would like to talk to me or send me something, however, I will not be doing anything that I don't want to. Just a disclaimer. This post is getting pinned and my master list is linked on the top of the post.

Love,

sofi <3

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southernmidwestgeek · 5 years

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Random Thoughts for Friday 02August2019

Today is my Friday. My for real FRIDAY. This is so beautiful and I'm so grateful. To have worked close to every weekend close for nearly two years was hard, especially when your spouse work shift is different. I went from working 4 (10 hours) days/off three days off (Monday thru Wednesday) then 5 days(8 hour shift) on/off Tuesday, Wednesday) to my shift now is a such a wonderful feeling.

In other news I slipped up in regards to using Instagram. I activated it for the sole purpose of reaching out to some individuals to gather their info and never heard from them. This makes me upset because either...

a) They're really busy

b) They don't check their DM

c) They just don't want to bothered

Here's my thing, if you don't want to communicate, that's cool...just let me know and I'll move on.

Maybe it's just me being a spoil brat, maybe it's the algorithm (but I don't think it effects DMs...or does it? I dunno.) But to me I've come to REALLY realize that if a person wants to have communication with you they will.

One thing that has always bothered me now is when you leave a comment many times now people just say "Thanks" or leave a "❤️". For me that's a huge brush off. No one is saying leave a 2-3 paragraph response but try and put some effort into it. But again, if people really wish to converse and appreciate you as a person the individual would make an effort to try leave more than just a "one word/two word" response. I'm not going to lie, that's hurtful at times. Maybe that's just me in my feelings but that's how I feel.

I guess that's why experts believe this is one of reasons social media has high percentage of people that feel lonely.

For me it's really coming down to either deactivate IG or just delete the account altogether or when posting there to turn the comment section off because in the end no comments are left when I post. I wish it was a way to turn of the "Like" option.

More and more I've been using Vero (https://vero.co/dkwyatt) because it has that social feel to it. The creator of the platform will be adding a subscription to it and I'm down for that. As long as he keeps the algorithm out of the equation and I hope it doesn't get flooded by "Influencers" I will continue to use this beautiful, well-made social site. Vero is beautiful from top to bottom in my opinion. From posting your thoughts to adding links to sharing your music and movies favorites.

Shifting gears I'm going back and forth again in regards to which phone I want to purchase for my upgrade: iPhone 8 Plus or Xs Max. I'm not going to the lie in the end it's coming down to COST. The specs for the 8plus and Xs Max are the same. September is right around the corner and I know I need to make a decision. At first I told myself I want the larger screen for when I blog. (I find myself blogging more from my phone than my laptop) but then I would rather have a wider phone than a taller phone. I know I'm upgrading because the camera is better than my current 6s Plus. The specs are the same on the Xs Max and the 8 Plus. And I have to admit I dig using the fingerprint ID and I'm not into the Face ID feature and I love the Home button.

Well that's it for me for now. Have a GREAT weekend everyone.

(I can really say that now. YES!) 😃

A couple of articles to check out...

"Apple and Samsung struggle to sell us super-pricey smartphones" - https://cnet.co/31db6pu

"Ayman Hariri's Vero social app to launch subscriptions in 2020" - http://bit.ly/31bRB0h

Happy Friday, My Weekend, Blogging, Random Thoughts, Instagram, iPhone, Vero

#Happy Friday #My Weekend #Vero #Instagram #Blogging #iPhone #Random

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eversoslinky · 5 years

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Why I don't call myself a "spoonie"

One of the many reasons I don't go on Instagram anymore is not being able to talk about my illnesses freely with like minded people. This is me today, I'm having the worst day ever so frustrated and annoyed with myself and I physically can't move. I have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, (ME) Endometriosis, Adenomysis (Endometriosis of the womb) Fibromyalgia, a hiatus hernia as well as stomach and digestion problems. I won't call my account Chronicallyhannah or EndoHannah or Fibrohannah because it's NOT how I define myself. I'm glad my account is called Eversoslinky because whenever I see that name it puts a big smile on my face. I'm NOT my illnesses, I have alot of problems and health conditions but they aren't who I am. I don't think I can ever look at the words assosatied with my illnesses and feel happy. Yes, I'm ill, I don't work, most of my days are spent in bed. I cry alot cause I feel like a waste of space... I feel like I'm a drain on my family and society and I don't deserve to live. I think I'll never meet a man and be happy cause who would possibly put up with me?

There's alot of negative culture in what is surposed to be a loving environment for people to talk freely... a weird backwards way people compete with each other for who is the most sick. When I first posted about being ill I had lots of people (mainly other women with endo) wanting to speak with me. I felt my heart and soul had been lifted! Finally! A group of people who I can speak to openly and freely about my health problems. But this all soon turned nasty pretty quickly when I started modelling... People saying I couldn't really be ill cause I pose nude and in lingerie for photos. If I really did have endo, I'd have a bloated stomach and be so self conscious about my body I'd constantly cover myself up. That's not true! If I'm ill, I'm ill. I don't do a shoot but I refuse to let it stop me if I do feel well enough. I have so many bad days when I get a good day I make it count! Bloated belly or no bloated belly! Take me as you find me, but don't you EVER, ever try to tell me what you think a sick person should look like! If you do then you are just as bad as those who say "...But you don't look sick."

I read a blog someone had written not that long ago on Instagram saying that anyone with depression or anxiety couldn't call themselves a spoonie and they had no right to complain about being ill mentally. It made me rage!!! I think of my health problems as "chicken or egg" they are connected and I almost certainly started to become depressed on the days I got so ill I couldn't walk. Knowing I was due on my period used to send me into an overdrive of anxiety. I remember sitting on the toilets and crying and shaking knowing that I had just come on my period and I had so much work to do. I needed to concentrate and focus yet I had this constant brain fog and feeling I was going to faint.

I love the spoon theory, I think it describes being chronically sick perfectly and how people like myself struggle to do things everyday that other healthy people might find easy. However, I won't call myself a spoonie cause I get shit for it off the chronic illness community. I feel I constantly have to talk about how sick I am and I have to talk about events like hospital visits instead of talking say for example, a photoshoot I did in the past or going to a really great vintage market. I can't talk about what other interests I have... because I'm too ill to have them. But EVERYONE deserves to have hobbies, interests and things they enjoy doing that have nothing to do with their illnesses. You'd be surprised how many times I've done a really glamourous hair and makeup look and put it on Instagram. I've photographed myself in a portrait style (from the chest up) wearing a sexy lace bra and cute necklace. The person looking at my Instagram can only see the top half of me, the bottom half (from the waist down) I'm in my PJs. (The chances are my stomach was too swollen to wear pants that day!) What I'm trying to say is I did that activity sitting down on my bed with my mirror propped up. It wasn't sky diving or scuba diving or any extreme sport but it made me feel good and it had absolutely nothing to do with me being ill.

Because of how I look I get alot of crazy sex pests messaging me. Most of them are harmless until I have a day I want to talk about the reality of being ill. Then I get messages like "cheer up, chin up" I understand that some people (mainly older people) might not understand, they think I'm having a bad day or I've got a stomach bug or something... the one that made me cry in frustration was a man who asked me if I was taking my pills for fun.Please don't be this ignorant! Please no! So the above picture is a perfect example of how I feel and what any person who is chronically sick goes through on a daily basis. I'm not an addict! I hate taking pills, I take so many and I've been taking them for years and they themselves have nasty side effects. I definitely don't derive any pleasure from anything I take.

Last but not least, let me explain to you what you are doing to someone if you think you can decide if they are sick or not? You drive them indoors, inside their home... you make them wish they had minimal interaction with other people. You are closing walls around them and isolating them from the rest of the world! That person you saw who looks perfectly healthy to you pushing their trolley around the supermarket. They don't work. They have a medical condition and very severe depression and anxiety. They have someone who usually does their shopping, who couldn't do it this week. This is one day out of all the other days of the year they got up and went out? Do you begrudge them that one day? Or do they have to stay in their home to fill the stereotype of a sick person? It doesn't matter if you are a sick person or a healthy person you have no right to decide what "sick" looks like. Many times have I had to go to the shops by myself while I've been in pain but that's because I lived alone and had no choice. I won't define myself as being a spoonie (although, I guess choosing between changing my bed and washing my hair is a good example of my daily decision making process.) There are plenty of things I'm very capable of doing and I do them well but they define me no more than my bad days.

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