#GIT ER DONE

[cuzikan]

[creepycornerart]

(via "Git 'R Done Boys Football Skeleton " Classic T-Shirt for Sale by CreepyCornerArt)

[floridaboiler]

[angustully]

so far my gender doctor visits have been good (i have pt 2 tomorrow where i will hopefully be prescribed that good substance) but whenever the doc is like "any questions for me?" i just say nope :) bc i truly dont LOL but then theyll say something like wow youre easy! and it makes me feel like im doing the patient thing wrong...... like help are there any questions i should ask my doctor tomorrow about going on T lmao

[witchblade]

[buddyhollyscurls]

i literally have 3 papers due the 28th and one paper due the 25th bye 😭

[dandyshucks-moving]

i need Guz to pick me up and swing me around like a ragdoll

[myfootyrthroat]

That's just a kludge!

I don't know what's in the air in Brazil that makes Brazilian people genuinely batshit. We're just built different

[evilvillain123456789]

now son don't ye tellenny one i told ye this cause i love ye an i dont wanna git the govment involved but i swear seen our mama barn cat nursin her kittens and done watched all six a the little ones fade away inta nothingness at the same time within halfa minute. alum- gone, turned clear rightin fronta ma eyes. n the mama didnt even notice she just kept a lickin the air where one ums head was wither eyes closed i heard er purrin. n wen i looked up at the trees i saw a popalation divaded, musta been every damn bird in da county was there, half um lookin raght at me, otha half peering down at the mama. non um breaking their gaze. non um movin.. damn it kid whered ya go this is importent.

[lizardho]

Something to understand about my family (and by extension myself) is that we come from an apparent cowboy dynasty. Idk how far back that legacy goes, but I know my grandpa and great grandpa on all sides of my family were raised on farms with cows, riding horses, hunting, branding cattle, milking in the dark morning, and beating the shit out of people in fist fights over minor grievances because the alternative was counting tumbleweeds and praying.

We’ve escaped the confines of cowboydom in a physical sense, but the cowboy heart is genetic because we’re still a bunch of easily bored, rough-and-tumble, ‘git ‘er done’ hicks on the inside. I say it’s important to know about me and mine mostly because it helps y’all understand why we tell mildly embellished, patently unhinged stories about our lives all the time. Also because it explains why I have a Red Dawn-inspired bugout kit in my back room.

[kurishiri]

03 ┊ A match of life and death, the art of self-protection

꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ @ notice ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱ this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but don’t repost these or claim these as your own!

— jude⌛'s past records, record #3. i'm so, so sorry for taking so long on this ,, orz

— cw: brief mention of human trafficking in the end.

Jude: I’ll give ya more in return. So give that medicine to me.

Going so low as to threaten him with a shattered bottle, it resembled what had been done to us by our father and brother.

God knows how long we glared at each other.

But the one who opened his mouth first was the doctor.

Oswald: ...Listen up, lad. An investment is lending out funds with the expectation of future gains.

O: Only an ignorant and selfish child would think he could receive funds just like that.

(...!)

(Hate to admit it, but this damn doctor’s got a point.)

I could shout and yell out all until I gave out, but in the end I was only saying bratty, spoiled nonsense.

Unable to say anything back, the doctor handed me a thick medical book.

Jude: What’s this for?

Oswald: By the time I come around next time, have this entire book memorized.

O: If you can demonstrate your abilities, I promise I will administer the medicine.

The book he gave me was so thick, it could probably kill a person if they got hit with it.

And the doctor came around here once a week.

——All that to say.

(He’s thinks I don’t got it in me from the start so he’s givin’ me this tall order.)

Jude: Ha, bloody hell... all of ya lookin’ down on me, aren’t’cha.

(But it’s this or nothin’ for us.)

(I’ll weave from a single straw if I hafta.)

To get more out of this than if I were to steal and sell it for a likely-high price,

I was grateful to my mother, who had taught me how to read.

Jude: Couldn’t ask for nothin’ more. I’m in.

——is what I said, but memorizing everything was far from an easy feat.

Jude: Ether has been used as a narcotic in treatments...

J: Tch, there’s way too many fancy words in ‘ere.

I felt like my heart was going to get crushed countless times.

But, if that happened, that would really be the end for us.

I absorbed myself to the point I neglected sleeping and eating——

And then, one week later, I memorized everything.

The damn doctor would point to a page, and when I recited its contents, he let out a satisfied laugh.

Oswald: Haha, to think you really went and memorized everything. That was quite a feat even for myself.

Jude: The hell? Weren’t ya the one who told me to memorize this entire thing?

Oswald: Indeed. It’s my defeat.

O: As promised, I will treat you guys.

Jude: As ya should, ya git.

Jude’s little sister: ...Hey, mister doctor.

Oswald: Hm? What is it, kiddo?

Jude’s little sister: Will... will ya really fulfill your promise?

Jude’s little sister: ‘Cause even if my brother makes a promise, all the adults go ‘round breakin’ ‘em.

Jude: ......... (O_O)

Oswald: I could say anything with this mouth, so I was intending to show it with my actions...

O: But I will not break the promise. ——And that is absolute.

And so, the damn doctor, as promised, periodically administered the medicine to us.

My sister and I then slowly recovered.

While under the treatment, the damn doctor didn’t utter a word. Nor did he show us any pity.

He simply treated us as another human being, on equal footing——and while I hated to admit it, that made me happy.

So that may have been why my mouth ended up slipping.

Jude: They would’ve wanted us dead. Which was why I did everythin’ I could not to.

Dammit, I had thought then——but the damn doctor responded with a dispassionate voice, all the while continuing the treatment.

Oswald: If you died because others had wished for you to die, that would be the most uninteresting thing.

O: So, if that’s the case, why not live a stubborn life? That is the ultimate revenge.

In an act of amusement, he would tell me about lots of things.

And I would come to absorb more and more of that knowledge.

But, such a peaceful time would end and fade away in an instant.

Jude: The hell? ...Ya sold her?

to be continued…

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masterlist🌙 ┊ ko-fi ☕️ ┊ comms 🤍

[auspicioustidings]

141 fighting each other to be the one whose lap reader sits on during a meeting or smth

CONGRATS ON 1kkkk

Thanks <3 Please find silly nonsense below!

Tomfoolery Senses

Words: 1k

CWs: Slightly spicy but nothing explicit

Honestly you shouldn’t even be on base, not with your knee being how it was. It was annoying as hell that the recovery time meant you were out of the field for the foreseeable, but they still needed you. You may not be able to run around with a gun right now, but tactical was always your strong point anyway so for now you attended meetings and made plans.

You walked into one such meeting and your tomfoolery senses immediately went off. There were too many glinting eyes for them not to have pulled something, and when you went to sit down you nearly laughed out loud at the bloody audacity. No empty seats. Strange since there should be some, almost as if someone had relocated them beforehand specifically for some ridiculous purpose.

“Ye can sit here bonnie!”

It took a moment for your brain to catch up. Soap was very much patting his lap in excitement. The last time you had ended up in that man's lap his hand had wandered during the entire meeting. You recalled being a mess by the end of it and Soap being very much like the cat who got the cream about it because he knew it meant when he followed to your room like a puppy you would let him in.

“Move your arse MacTavish, I’m injured and I need the seat.”

“Wouldnae dream of it! As ye’ll recall, I also have a dodgy knee. Only right for us tae stick together.”

“Surely you’re not asking them to sit on your dodgy knee then Johnny? Come on sweetheart, right here.”

You gave Ghost a bemused look. Soap you expected this from, but him? Actually no, you had very much been overwatch for 141 missions, this is exactly the kind of nonsense you expected of this idiot.

“Now I would love to, but weren’t you just telling me about your bad back? I seem to remember something about needing me to massage it. It would be irresponsible of me to risk making it worse.”

“Your massage fixed it right up actually" he replied, large hand patting thick thigh in further invitation.

You rolled your eyes. Your “massage” had lasted about a minute with you sincerely giving it your best effort before he had pinned you down and given you a very thorough massaging of his own. Only that one had done the opposite of fixing your back, if anything you'd say he had in fact blown it out.

“That so? You were complaining about it right before they walked in” Gaz said, smug as anything even while Ghost glared over at him.

“He's a lying git luv, obviously just looking to get a gorgeous thing in his lap. My lap, however, is neutral.”

You knew for a fact his lap was not neutral, not one bit. His lap was very much the kind of lap that you found yourself bouncing on anytime he got you alone and charmed you right into it. You could be in the middle of a training exercise, fully in the zone, and next thing you knew you were stuffed full of Kyle bloody Garrick in the middle of a safehouse where anyone could wander in at any moment. It wasn't like you were a big risk taker, but he could make you think anything was a good idea.

“A veritable Switzerland I'm sure.”

“Safest place to be really.”

“Look me in the eye and say that with a straight face then.”

Soap and Ghost groaned in tandem as you made the mistake of looking at Gaz. That bloody sunshine smile could sell ice in the Arctic and as such everyone usually avoided eye contact when they knew he wanted something. Charisma score above 20 that boy. Honestly these fuckers were the worst, but oh Gaz's big brown eyes were just smiling so gently at you and surely he would never do anything untoward. How could you look at this man and think he would ever manipulate you?

“Corporal, come ‘ere, that's an order.”

Gaz's sunshine expression turned to one of wry disbelief. He had been so close, you had been about to take a step towards him. It was awfully unsportsmanlike for Price to pull rank, something Gaz would be holding against him.

“So much for honour.”

“Cheeky fucker.”

“Just taking the piss Captain.”

It wasn't completely unfounded for Price to use his rank to get what he wanted when it came to you, it was why usually the others would try to get you away from him. Ghost did it sometimes too if he wasn't there and the Sergeants were. Although he didn't use it quite as thoroughly as Price did once he got you alone. The Captain was always happy to give you orders if only so he could punish you when you bit back, which you did often. Not because you enjoyed the punishment, that certainly wasn't it. You could not supply another reason, but that was besides the point.

“Well I suppose I have to since you're the Captain, unless there was someone that technically had more authority to give me orders” you said with a grin.

“Come on now pet, don't be like that, just come sit and we can start the meeting hm?” he said, using that voice that was right in the middle of soothing dominance and rough command in a last ditch effort.

“Of course Captain, just want to clear it with command first.”

Price sighed, glancing over and seeing that he had lost the fight when he was met with Kate's sly little smile. She was often your saviour when it came to these men. It helped that her and her lovely wife were both sweet on you. They had invited you round for dinner once or twice, and suffice to say the very delicious home cooked meals were not the only thing getting eaten. If there was one thing the men in the 141 hated more than losing to one another, it was losing to Laswell. She was always so annoyingly smug about being your favourite.

As you settled right down in her lap and both the meeting and Kate's hands gently massaging at your waist started, the 141 collectively thought that next time they'd better bring you a damn chair.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 24 - Popsicle

@wolfstarmicrofic June 24, word count 992

Previous part First part

James and Peter managed to get the spilt water mopped up before McGonagall came to check on them and he and Sirius had made light work of the tables. 

“Where is Mr Snape?” She asked, peering around the room.

“He’s gone to swap the washing over,” Remus blurted out before anyone else could answer. 

“Fair enough,” She said before leaving the main hall. 

Sirius’s phone started blaring the final countdown, the timer for the washing machines. 

Remus hurried after McGonagall, praying she hadn’t gone straight to the laundry room. His stomach plummeted when he spotted her by the door.

“Remus, what are you doing?” Sirius whispered next to him. Remus jumped out of his skin. He hadn’t even heard Sirius come up behind him. 

“McGonagall’s gone to check on the washing, she’s going to know I lied about Snape.” But just then McGonagall exited the laundry room, followed by Snape. 

“Well done, Mr Snape, the laundry seems to be in hand. If you and the others can keep on top of it you should be able to join this afternoon’s competition.” She left him outside the main hall and disappeared around the corner. Remus and Sirius darted into the laundry room. 

All three dryers and all three washers were going and the next loads of bags were set up ready to be put in. The room even looked tidier.

“Did he sweep?” Sirius asked, scuffing his shoe on the previously dusty floor. Remus shrugged. 

“Let’s get back to the main hall in case she comes back.”

By the time they’d finished cleaning the main hall, the first dryer loads were done. They used the photos on Sirius’s phone and separated the clothes from each dryer into the correct piles, folded them and returned them to each individual’s laundry bag. 

They found that it took the same amount of time to sort the dried washing as it did for the tumble dryer to dry a load of washing, so once they’d finished it was time to start again. 

They got into a sort of rhythm and soon all the washing was washed, dried, folded and returned to the correct cabin. 

“Thank you, Severus,” Remus stuck out his hand to the other boy. He knew Snape had said terrible things about him, but life was too short to hold a grudge if there was a chance of clearing the air. To his surprise, Snape accepted his hand and uttered an apology for his previous behaviour. Remus beamed at him. 

“Do you want to join us for lunch?” He asked, ignoring the very audible mutterings behind him. He turned and glared at them. Snape’s eyes darted nervously between them all.

“Er, yeah, okay then. Should I meet you in there?” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Remus said as he herded the others out of the door. 

“What did you do that for?” Sirius griped at him when they were safely inside their cabin.

“He said some shit, he’s been punished for it, and he’s not said anything since. What’s he done that makes you all hate him so much?” The feud between them seemed to be an old one spanning years. Sirius took a while to answer, mulling things over in his head. 

“Well, it started because James was jealous that he was friends with Lily Evans, and she didn’t want anything to do with him and I think it stemmed from there.” Sirius slapped his palm against his head, “Oh my god, Remus, we’re feuding over a crush an eleven-year-old had.” He sighed and took Remus’s hands. “Alright, I’ll try, and I’ll make sure James and Peter aren’t pests either.” 

“Thank you,” Remus rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek.

“Oi, if I’m going to have to eat at the same table as that git I need more than a peck on the cheek.” Remus gladly fulfilled that request and let Sirius pull him into his arms and kiss him until he was panting for breath. 

Snape was already sitting at a table waiting for them. They quickly got their food and went to sit with him. 

James cleared his throat as he sat down. 

“Look, Snape, can we just put everything behind us from the past few years? It’s getting a bit tiring if I’m being honest,” James said, trying his best to sound genuine. Snape narrowed his eyes and took them in, presumably looking for the trick, but finding none, nodded. 

“Fine. Truce?” He held out his hand and James took it.

“Truce,” Peter took it next.

“Truce,” He said, smiling nervously at Snape. Snape held his hand to Sirius. Sirius stared at it for a moment before taking it. 

“Truce. But if you say anything about Remus again it will be full-out war,” He warned. 

“Those are acceptable terms, I agree.” Remus was the last. He didn’t exactly have a feud with Snape, but it was because of him that they’d promised to stop fighting, so he took the proffered hand and shook it, smiling a big grin at Snape. “Thank you,” Snape told him honestly. 

“I didn’t do anything,” Remus said back. 

McGonagall walked past their table and threw a big bag of lolly sticks down on it along with sellotape and scissors. 

“These are for the competition,” She paused when she spotted Snape sitting with them. “I’m glad to see you all getting along.” She added with a soft smile before walking over to the next table. 

“You know,” Peter said, opening the lolly stick bag, “In America, an ice lolly is called a popsicle. Weird, huh? I don’t think I could call it anything but an ice lolly.”

“You think that’s weird, Pete? In Australia, they call them ice blocks,” James told him.

“Wonder what the competition is if we only have sticks, tape and scissors,” Sirius mused aloud. They all hummed simultaneously at the thought, silence falling amongst them as they tried to figure out the task.

Next part

[caitthegreatest]

okay charge remember that I am watching you with love in my heart even though I am v sleepy and stressed out, git er done

[chokedonaturtle]

my humanized cars headcanons

Cal Weathers Edition

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- Cal went to a private school in California and when his parents died he moved in with Strip and Lynda at like 12-15

so that’s why his accent ain’t as pronounced as Strip’s but it’s still there

bro definitely got called a city slicker by Tex

- Tex loves him sm he does anything and everything for him, he’s def the cool uncle that says yes just because Strip said no

- 100000% a mamas boy and is glued to Lynda’s hip most of the time

- insanely good at math he does that thing with the mental abacus russian children learn in school

honestly he’s just good at school in general that boy can WRITE an essay

- is right handed but holds the wii remote in his left hand and nunchuck in his right WHICH IS WRONG BTW 😡😡😡

- can and will play the most depressing country music on guitar and has the most perfect country boy voice with the cracks and all (think brad paisley (my love))

- he has low self confidence because he feels the need to be just as good as Strip if not better and feels like he’ll never step outside Strip’s shadow and make a name for himself

and Tex makes jokes like “yeah you better win this season or i’ll drop you” but then he sees cal sad and he’s like “thou shalt not compare thineself to thine predecessor”

- thinks he’s sponsored by dinoco ONLY because he’s Strip’s nephew

“you just sponsored me bc i’m strip’s nephew 😔”

“i sponsored you bc you’re a great racer with potential not bc of strip 😡🥺”

- bro cried when he retired (i did too)

- when Tex was updating the racing suits for safety standards or something he had a new design drawn up and Cal was like “no i wanna race with my old design 🥺🥺🥺”

- Tex thinks it’s adorable that he wants to race in that outfit bc it hasn’t been updated since strip started racing and it’s like a legacy passed down !! aw !!

- whenever he’s in the same room as Tex he plucks off Tex’s hat and wears it like he used to when he was a young whippersnapper

and Tex is like “gotdam!!! that hat looks just like mine !!!!” and Cal is like 😐😑😐 “y’aint funny tex”

- says the weird country stuff like

“that boy’s cornbread ain’t done in the middle”

“nervous as a cat in a room full o’ rocking chairs”

“if the good lord’s willing and the creek don’t rise”

“i’m fixin to (insert perfectly normal errand nobody announces)”

“they was bangin’ like a screen door in a tornado.” (he got that one from Tex and only says it when he ain’t isn’t around Strip and Lynda)

- says “git” instead of “get” bc of Strip and yall’d’ve bc of Tex and then everyone makes fun of him

Strip: “where you git that 🤨” “git over ‘ere” aka “CMERE BOY”

Tex: “yall’d’ve” “y’aint” “yall done got them good”Cal: yeah that’s mine now

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yeah that’s it for NOW i will make more !! later mayhaps!!

- he says mayhaps and perchance NO I DIDNT BASE HIM OFF ME

ok bye <3

[buddyhollyscurls]

started my period today so the last thing i wanna do is this three page hw but it must be done tonight so pls pray that I can finish early