#Google just thinks that I mean horoscope when ever I try to find everything

[goth-gaming-nerd]

Anyone else just waiting for the path to nowhere fandom to really get going with the lesbians finding to and make some amazing fanfic

[realcube]

YOU GOT: YŪ NISHINOYA 

matchup for @scftfairyking

‘I use glasses (LMAO BC IM BLIND). I'm an Aries , im bi and a ENFP.’

♡ it would be bold to assume that nishinoya has a ‘thing’ for glasses just bc he liked kiyoko and kiyoko wore glasses but it also wouldn’t be insanely far-fetched as his type isn’t really elaborated on. either way, he’d definitely find your glasses charming - like sometimes he’d steal them from you if you ever set them down and he’d hold them above his head like ‘if you want them back, you have to go out with me ( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧’  except his plan goes to shit bc you’re like 6 inches taller than him so you just snatch them from his hands lol

♡ HE’S AN ARIES TOO! i’m no horoscope expert but that seems compatible to me

♡ a google search claims that nishinoya is an ESFP but that is only a headcanon bc he does seem very similar to an ENFP 

♡ either way though, there is only one letter between you two; N (Intuition) and S (sensing preference) - which means you prefer to look at the greater picture when trying to solve a problem while noya tends to take a step-by-step, factual approach (which is arguable)

♡ that doesn’t really seem to hold too much value in a relationship though; especially considering how similar you both are despite that. you are both extroverted, energetic, chaotic, somewhat unpredictable but you both possess the capacity to be serious when you need to 

♡ that is power couple vibes tbh- like you are probably the fuel to noya’s flame- while others are telling him not to get a buzz cut bc he’ll regret it, you’re cheering him on 

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

‘I usually am pretty shy when I first meet someone, but when I start to get comfortable enough, I tend to be really chaotic and fun to be around with. I'm pretty loud and very open but only with my closest friends, and I tend to be a really sarcastic sometimes. My love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation.’

♡ noya would not mind if you were shy at first, as long as you weren’t uncomfortable. bc he’s persistent and lil gremlin stalker man so considering that he’s gonna sit next to you in class, try sit next to you at lunch and offer to walk you home, you’ll probably get used to him pretty quickly

♡ going off the assumption that you and noya are gonna get close very fast, he thrives off your chaotic energy and matches it. he likes to turn everything into a competition and before y’all actually start dating, he flirts with you in the most cursed ways possible- like he send you (tw/ choking) this image at 3AM with the caption ‘this could be us 😩’

♡ he deals with your sarcasm pretty well- he just pretends like you are being serious and rolls with it >:) 

♡ ex. he tries to throw a piece of popcorn in the air and catch it in his mouth but he misses and he lands on the couch. ‘wow, noya, that was so cool.’ you murmured monotonously and he just whipped his head around to show you his smug smirk, ‘i know!’  

♡ he shows his love through gift-giving and physical touch but he prefers to receive affection through your love languages; physical touch and words of affirmation.

♡ like he was asking for your hand and marriage after you called his rolling thunder ‘badass’

♡ also i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again; noya likes to find rocks on the ground that remind him of you so whenever he takes you on dates, the first thing he does is show you all the rocks he collected while explaining why each one is similar to you

♡ ‘ok so look at this one, it has little brown specs on it and it’s the exact same color as your eyes! look!’ then he’ll hold the rock up next to your face and take a picture so he can show you the comparison while you just stand there like 🤠

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

'Some of my hobbies are: skating, swimming, reading, writing, listening to music, learning new languages, gaming and watching movies.’

♡ omg 🥺 skating dates with noya- if you mean ice-skating/roller blading, i can imagine him being somewhat of a natural so when he first steps into the rink, you’ll probably have to hold his hands to guide him for a bit until he finds his balance but then - in the blink of an eye - he’s suddenly doing advanced tricks, skating elegantly and rapidly

♡ but if you mean skateboarding, then he demands that you teach him how to do random tricks he’s heard of in his video games and half of them you’ve never even heard of; ‘(y/n)! please teach me how to do a 360-ollie-back-flapjack-bananasplit-kick!!’ ‘noya, i don’t think that’s a real thing.’

♡  he loves swimming with you! he’s no professional but he can frontstroke really fast. so he likes to race with you and have competitions to see who can hold the breath the longest underwater

♡ pfft i firmly believe that the only book noya has ever read for pleasure was the diary of a wimpy kid series when he was like 8 - but if you read to him, he’d really like that 👉👈

♡ he likes to listen to music too- like while he is cleaning, studying, exercising etc and if you make him a playlist, he will literally forever be in your debt 🙏 he makes you playlists too but he mostly listens to latin music, rap, r&b and random songs he found on tiktok so that’ll be what his playlists consists of 

♡ FKDAGHR post-timeskip he travels so ofc he likes to learn new languages too so you both do lil duolingo sessions together where you just sit on the app and test each other on your vocabs- and sometimes he’ll just ask you random house questions in a foreign language for a challenge 

♡ you just hear his voice echo through the house like ‘OU EST LE LAIT?!’

♡ obviously he games too- and whenever you play first-person shooters with him and some random guy in the lobby tries to hit on you, he goes feral. like you’ll never see more protective than when he is in a COD lobby with you 

♡ movie nights with noya? movie nights with noya. y’all watch everything from sharknado to star wars like he’ll literally watch anything as an excuse to spend time with you :3 when it’s his turn to choose, he picks either a comedy (bc he loves hearing your laugh 🥺) or a horror (because if you get scared, he wraps you in his arms like ‘don’t worry babe, i’ll protect you ( •̀ ω •́ )✧’)

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

‘My favorite food is carrot cake and i dislike snowstorms or anything that has to do with storms ^^’

♡ his favourite food is gari gari kun which i think is a sort of icelolly so i hc that he has a sweet tooth- also he has the third largest appetite in haikyuu!! so i’ll bet my teppanyaki grill on the fact that nishinoya likes carrot cake too!

♡ speaking of which, i bet he takes you out for dates at dessert places rather than restaurants bc sharing a plate of chocolate waffles is way more romantic than eating separate dishes with a lame ass candle in the middle 🙄 

♡ ok i imagine that nishinoya is fine with storms considering his signature move is literally called ‘rolling thunder’ but he’d be such a sweetheart if there was a storm while you were round at his house; like he’d hold you in his arms and refuse to let go until the storm was over and he’d blare your favourite songs on his speaker to drown out the sounds outside 

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

for @scftfairyking​: ok so when i read your request literally the first person i thought of was nishinoya- especially bc y’all have matching zodiac signs :o like that’s soulmate energy

[comeonharold]

get to know me tag game 💙

@thegodsaregay tagged me, thank you friend

And I'll tag my usual squad too @blackindiaink @jello-thunderstorm @dscully2019 and the rest if they want to but they haven't done any of the earlier ones so I won't bother them, oh and @lostbunnysblog did one sometime maybe you want to do this one too

What do you prefer to be called name-wise?

You guys can say AJ if you want something other than my url but if you want my actual name you'll have to earn it😉 also I don't really care what people call me like I was studying in exchange and the other people just couldn't pronounce my name like idk I don't even think it's hard but they insisted on using a very English-speaking pronunciation so I was like whatever

When is your birthday?

Same as above, I can reveal that it's in October and horoscope-wise I'm a scorpio (not that I believe in that stuff but that gives a general idea of when my birthday is)

Where do you live?

Finland (which is why I'm not telling a lot of personal information it would be way too easy to find me because this isn't a huge country when it comes to population)

Three things you are doing right now:

Sitting in a car, talking with mom and I'm so slow at writing this thing that now I'm looking for my brother's hockey stick

Four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

Honestly I don't really do fandoms I like many ships and have great people to talk to about those when I want to but I would like to watch motherland fort salem, haven't had the time to look for it yet

How has the pandemic been treating you?

Well it's not great but I've been working on my pro gradu (that's like a master's dissertation) and quite a few courses so between that and floorball (before covid put stop to that one) I haven't really had that much extra time anyway so it's not that bad, like it would have been nice to see my friends more but what can you do when someone's sick or in quarantine 🙈

A song you can't stop listening to right now?

Impossible by Exit Eden. Or I am the storm by Ad Infinitum. Or many other songs by those ones I can't decide there are so many good songs

How old are you?

Okay this is another one I'm not giving a straight answer to and you can find it out by talking to me but between 20 and 25

School, university, occupation, other?

I study psychology

Do you prefer heat or cold?

*sigh* okay look. I'm from Finland and so my definitions of heat and cold are probably very different from any of yours like for me heat is above 20°C and cold is below -20°C (I don't do fahrenheit I'm sorry but you can google it) so definitely heat but like I'm also really happy about the snow we have here now, the way it crunches under my feet is so fun😄

Name one fact others may not know about you:

Hmm 🤔 okay it often takes a long time for people to really understand the way I speak (or write) because I'm often very sarcastic and don't bother using a sarcastic voice when I am, also I don't really do punctuation and just write whatever I think of and sometimes it makes sense and sometimes it doesn't and I forget what I was talking about in like 10 seconds so then I'll just keep talking about something else and all in all my communication can sometimes be super inconsistent like sometimes I use emojis and sometimes I don't and that doesn't necessarily mean anything at all

Are you shy?

I'm Finnish

Pronouns?

She or they are both fine, I don't know honestly, in Finnish we don't have gendered pronouns and well, the Finnish one for he/she/whatever is technically "hän" but we usually use "se" which means "it" so like let's just say that my relationship with pronouns isn't that close

Biggest pet peeves?

I hate hate hate the stupid psychology-related half-jokes that the people actually mean in a not-joking way like when they ask me to analyse someone or are like "oh you study psychology I thought you were normal" because just please let me live and like, not break all the ethical guidelines we have

What is your favorite "dere" type?

I don't know what that is

Rate your life from 1-10

Hmm let's say 9 I'm really happy with my life honestly and I don't think there's anything really missing from my life or anything but it can always be better and I don't want to get stuck

List your side blogs and what they're used for:

I have one that I use for storing literally anything for future use, mostly writing stuff for if I ever actually have time and inspiration, hasn't happened yet 😂the name of that one is just a literal keysmash so I have no idea

Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

Well probably mostly that I'm really busy a lot of the time and my tumblr notifications don't work and I forget to answer if I get distracted which happens a lot and I'm sorry but that's not likely to change anytime soon so all in all you have to be okay with that...also the earlier part about the how hard it might be in the beginning to communicate with me and oh sense of humor is super important I joke a lot that's like half my personality (I recently wrote a self-reflective diary bc that was the assignment but I wrote the whole thing in a very joking way like I talked about all the stuff I was supposed to but it was just very funnily written I think and I passed so no problem there but well I'm not going to be very serious most of the time, I can do that too of course but most of the time I just really don't want to) then maybe the fact that sometimes I write whole fucking essays as an answer to the simplest question because everything in life is complicated

I may or may not have answered them all I'm on my phone and I can't see and will start feeling sick if I keep trying to read any more because the road is very curvy because road work at high way xD

[tessatechaitea]

Scarab #5

Scarab just learned how to use "whomst'd" correctly.

Maybe the sudden need for drugs was due to this character with my name trying to kill himself.

I hadn't actually gotten to the part where the guy notes he's on drugs or that he's surrounded by poppies so I think I just have to give credit to John Smith's writing for setting up a real "I'm fucking overdosing on pain killers" tone. Now I'm also jealous of a fictional nobody. If only I had too many painkillers right now, um, well, I'd probably never hit publish on this blog post and all five of my readers would be wondering, "When the fuck is Grunion Guy (or Tess (or Jeff (or whoever the fuck this asshole is))) ever going to finish reading Scarab?" According to my Non-Certified Sister-in-law, nutritionists have to report people for suicidal ideation. She told this to me because she's a nutritionist and I said to her one night at karaoke that my current retirement plan was to do whatever the fuck I wanted until my bank account was dry and then kill myself. But she never reported me so I guess she doesn't realize that's actually my retirement plan. Speaking of karaoke, I knocked another song off of my karaoke bucket list this week: "Like China" by Phil Collins. I fucked that song so hard on stage, some woman high-fived me and some other guy came up to me and thanked me for reminding him that the song exists. He was super drunk. Super drunk guys love me at karaoke. One time this guy whose name I believe was Creepy Kevin asked me, after I'd just sung "Everybody Knows," if I was doing it in the style of Leonard Cohen or Concrete Blonde. I said Concrete Blonde and he said, "Your voice really suits it." Which is when I stabbed him in the throat and tossed him in the dumpster out back with the leftover spring rolls from the night before because how dare he insult Johnette Napolitano! She has the voice of an angel and I have the voice of the person the angel walks on so that they don't have to get their feet dirty at the angel orgy. I know nobody is reading this and thinking, "What the fuck are you talking about?! What has happened to Scarab this issue?! Has Eleanor found her way home?!" How many people even remember that this comic book ever existed?! I just read four issues of it a week and a half ago and I almost forgot it existed! This issue is called "Paradise Defiled" which I just read although maybe my subconscious read it earlier (due to the comic being opened to that page and just sitting there on the scanner) which is why I was thinking about angel orgies. This guy Jeff is somebody Louis knows. An old woman — maybe his mother? — phones Louis to ask if he's seen him. So that's how Scarab gets involved with Jeff's suicidal problem. Meanwhile, Eleanor is sprouting ecotoplasmic rivulets. It's super gross. But this issue isn't about Scarab and Eleanor! At least I don't think it is. It's about Jeff waking up from his pleasant and relaxing overdose to find himself in an afterlife torture garden sex party. He totally hates it and I understand why. The place is first described as "a literal incarnation of a littoral world" and I have to stop myself from Googling "home lobotomy." The first tortured sex victim he meets is a guy strapped to a wheel with a bunch of knives in him spouting "Vertigo phrases." I explained "Vertigo phrases" in a previous commentary (or all of my previous Vertigo commentaries maybe?) but for those who somehow just stumbled upon this commentary because "every blog post is somebody's first" (although why Scarab #5 would be somebody's first is beyond comprehension), here's a nice example of "Vertigo phrasing."

It doesn't have to mean anything. It just needs to sound weirdly profound while making the reader feel like a real fucking smarty pants.

Jeff is taken to some Herod-like angel named Lord Colouris. He's also a bit like a cross between John Lennon and Jabba the Hutt. Did I just describe David Crosby? Lord Colouris declares he's going to make a new man out of Jeff and I don't think he means it figuratively. In the middle of the Garden stands the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It bears the fruit of truth and whispers as skulls pile up beneath it from those feeding on its devastating pronouncements. Also, I sort of agree with what it's saying here:

Ninety-eight percent of this blog is me screaming from the anguish of losing the bliss of nonexistence.

Not that I think I'm evil. Nor do I believe in souls. But that whole anguish over the loss of nonexistence? That hits me fucking hard, bro. Look, it even made me call you bro. I'm hurting here, dude. See? I said dude too! The rest of what the tree says is meaningless gobbledygook. Something about sex tearing the flanks of God and a snake jerking it into a pot of clay like my junior high school classmate Chris Huff beating off in a breadbox. Maybe it makes sense to guilt-ridden Catholics but it's all wasted on me. I'm just wondering if I should do a Google search on a snake ejaculating. I've done it before for bats and let me tell you: there's a great video of a bat at a zoo sucking itself off in front of some kids! Truly a work of art. So privileged to live in this modern age and able to experience such wonders of this world! Lord Colouris turns Jeff into a monstrosity because he's trying to reform the lost souls that wind up in the Garden of Pain into his image before he fell from Heaven. But he can't do it because everybody who enters the Garden is tainted by their boring and uncreative lives. To finally make a work of art equal to his previous state of being, Lord Colouris releases all of his Frankenstein monsters into the world to hunt down a truly innocent and beautiful person who can provide the raw material for Lord Colouris's sculpture. Jeff is now one of them. Being uncreative morons, the monsters raid nurseries all over New York. Idiots. How many babies does it take to create an angel? Probably like millions! Some of the monsters seek out Eleanor because her leaking bodily fluids smell succulent and, I guess, virginal? I don't know. Like I said, she's gross. I hope they take her. Instead of Eleanor, the monsters accidentally take Scarab back to the Garden where he's quickly defeated by Colouris with a tree grown up through his guts. Then Scarab, like a true super hero, remembers that he can't be defeated if he just summons one last burst of strength and hope to overcome his enemy! Which he totally does by biting Lord Colouris's tongue off (because Lord Colouris was doing naughty things to Scarab. So naughty that I was embarrassed to discuss them). Then he punches Colouris in the throat and he barfs up the keys to all of his monsters' souls. Plus the key to his own soul which Monster Jeff helps Scarab find. Scarab recognizes him and thinks, "Fuck. Okay, I guess I'll just have to tell Jeff's mother he's dead." Then Scarab sticks the key in Colouris's head and the Garden dissolves into an empty room with a ticking metronome. That probably makes really smart people go, "Holy fuck! That's fucking brilliant! What a great reference or theory or idea or intelligent bit of philosophical scat!" And, um, that's totally what I said too. I'm not one of those morons who don't understand Vertigo comic books. Pshaw! Can you even believe uncool losers like that exist?! Scarab #5 Rating: You know how many things I had to look up on the Internet while reading this comic book? At least two! Maybe more but even two is a lot! Remember, I first read this in 1993 when most people didn't have Internet (and those that did were spending their time in AOL and Prodigy chat rooms with names like "Horoscope Lovers" and "Remember The A-Team?!"). So that's two things I definitely didn't understand when I read it the first time because you can believe that I was too lazy to pick up a dictionary in the middle of reading a comic book. And that's even assuming that I'm the type of person to own a dictionary! Man, stop embarrassing yourself with your lousy assumptions!

[starfiresupernova]

11 Questions

I was tagged by both @jiyamarrii & @chasethesun18 to do this, so I’ll be answering 22 questions. But I love these things so I’m totally okay with it LOL. Anyway, let’s get started!

Laura’s Questions

1. Marvel or DC? TV-Verse or Film-Verse? Why? — The easy answer to this question is that I like all superhero stuff. I tend to watch more Marvel, but I’m a big fan of both. MCU? Yes please. Smallville? Sign me up. I haven’t watched the Marvel Netflix shows yet, but I really want to. Cloak and Dagger on Freeform is pretty good so far! I watched the first two seasons of Arrow and most of the Flash, but since the CW added all the other DC shows to their programming, I’ve been a little overwhelmed, but they’re still good! So yeah, long story short, I like it all :)

2. I’m looking for new TV shows to watch. Recommend me a show and tell me why you think I’d like it. — I can’t remember if you’ve watched Gilmore Girls or not, but I recommend it to everyone who wants something funny and heartwarming, but heartbreaking sometimes, too. Lorelai is my SPIRIT ANIMAL. Otherwise, I recommend Lost in Space on Netflix if you’re into Sci-Fi stuff (it’s also funny, and the characters are amazing). One Tree Hill is amazing if you’re into soapy teen dramas (like 90210 or Gossip Girl). The awesome thing about OTH though, is that it’s obviously drama, but it deals with other serious topics and it isn’t bitchy like GG. The characters are all different in their own way, and it’s my favorite teen drama show of all time.

3. Watch a random episode of Timeless. Tell me your opinions on the episode and I’ll try to guess which episode you watched. — Okay, so I know each episode like the back of my hand, so let’s go. It’s my second favorite episode of the entire show. The music is A+. (You’ve probably already guessed it by now lolol.) It has one of my top 5 favorite Lucy outfits. I’ve seen this episode so many times I’m pretty sure I can almost recite it word for word (and I’m not sorry about that).

4. Do you have a skin care routine? If yes, what is it? — Not really. I don’t use much on my skin to tell you the truth. I use the St. Ives Blackhead Clearing green tea scrub every other day, and once in a while I’ll use a Biore charcoal pore strip. Other than that I don’t use anything.

5. What are your favorite pair of shoes? Why? — This might sound completely childish, but I LOVE my shoes that have daisies on them. I got them at Payless, and they’re Minnie Mouse brand, but they’re black with little daisies printed on them and I love them so much. I need a new pair soon because they’re a few years old and they’re worn, but I love them to death.

6. What is your phone wallpaper? What is your desktop wallpaper? — My lock screen on my phone is a picture I found on Google Images of Timeless. It’s blue and has the Time Team and the Timeless logo with a cloud. My home screen on my phone is a cotton candy-esque background. My desktop wallpaper is the Timeless edit I made with the Taylor lyric “Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it.”

7. If you could have dinner with one person, dead, alive, or fictional, who would it be and why? — I really want to say Lorelai Gilmore (or anyone from Gilmore Girls, honestly..) for this one. Eating at Luke’s Diner? Yes. Please. I’m all in.

8. What’s your favorite smell? Why? — This is very oddly specific, but I have this notebook that I got for Christmas last year. And every book/notebook/paper smells good, but THIS NOTEBOOK. It’s my favorite kind of paper smell. I know, it’s weird, but it’s amazing. Otherwise I love lemon, vanilla, and peppermint scents and the smell of the grill when we grill hamburgers/hot dogs.

9. Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what are they? Do you regret any of them? — I do not have any tattoos, but I want to get one in the near future.

10. What is your horoscope for today? —  Jun 11, 2018 - You enjoy caring for others and you intervene regularly in their lives to guide them. Ironically, today you're the one who needs advice. You'll probably need to get away from it all in order to get a clear view of your own life, Leo. You could even decide to make the necessary arrangements for a trip abroad.

11. Beards: Yes or No? — UM YES.

(OBVIOUSLY I NEEDED TO INCLUDE WYATT’S MAGICAL BEARD)

I also love Xavier from No Tomorrow, Hugh Jackman, and John Krasinski. Their beards are also pretty magical.

Ryan’s Questions

1. If a book becomes a movie do you read it or watch it first? — Most of the time I don’t realize a movie was a book until after I see it. And then I always end up liking the movie better. (IE the Twilight saga) I always try to read the book first, but sometimes I’ll just watch the movie. 

2. What’s your favorite Disney movie? — OOH OKAY LET’S GO. Tangled is my favorite all-animated Disney movie. Meet the Robinsons comes at a second. Enchanted is my all-time favorite Disney movie EVER. My Favorite Martian is my favorite all-non-animated Disney movie. Also The Princess Diaries comes at a close second.

3. If you could have one superpower what would it be? — If I got to choose I would want to have telekinesis. Matilda has solidified that dream LOL.

4. Do you believe in soul mates? — I’m not sure, to tell you the truth. I don’t like to think that there’s only ONE person in the entire world that I’m meant to be with, and that they’re my other half. I mean, it’s a nice concept, but also I feel like I would just be too worried that I won’t ever meet my soulmate because it could literally be anyone in the entire universe. I’m meh on the subject.

5. What’s your happiest memory? — Honestly I think my most happy memories are when I was really little, like in early elementary school? Like, ages 5-11 is when I think I was most happy. And don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy now and whatever, but I have more responsibility now and I was more carefree back then. One memory that sticks out is Christmas of 2010. I got my DSi XL and I was at my grandparents house with all of my cousins. We played around on the DS and took pictures, and I still have them saved on it. The very first picture I ever took on it. It was just such a happy time for me, and I love thinking back on it.

6. Most embarrassing memory? — I threw up in front of my entire classroom in 4th grade. It was terrible. And it happened so long ago, but I still can’t get over the fact that there are people my age who saw me throw up on the floor of our classroom. Nope. Let me go hide forever LOL.

7. Where do you see yourself in five years? — I don’t really like to plan that far ahead into the future, but in five years I’d like to be moved out of my parents’ house and working on getting my book published. (I’m still working on writing it at the moment, so hopefully I’ll be done with it by then and in the process of finding it a home.)

8. Who is/has been the most influential person in your life? — I have to go with my parents on this one. But only personality-wise. I’m not interested in what my parents do for a living, but I try to model my work-ethic and values after them. I’ve obviously grown my own personal tastes, but I see more of myself in them every day and I’m very proud of that.

9. If you could time travel to the start of this year and tell yourself something what would you tell yourself? — You won’t have everything figured out yet, and that’s okay. You’ll be pressured, but take things at your own pace. There’s nothing wrong with taking time to figure things out, no matter what everyone is telling you. You’ll get to where you want to be, you just have to take your time, and set your own pace.

10. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done? — Wow, okay, this is going to sound lame. Are y’all ready? I stole a toy camera from Goodwill when I was, like, 6. I wanted it but I didn’t think my dad would let me, so I hid it in my coat pocket and never told anyone. That was literally the first thing that came to mind.. 

11. What’s your favorite thing about yourself? — I love that I don’t waver in my enjoyment of things. My sister mainly, always makes fun of me for wearing what I wear, for reading, and for listening to the kind of music that I listen to, but I’m very proud of all of those things and I don’t let it bother me. Yeah, it gets annoying when she tells me my taste in music sucks, but I will very happily listen to Two Weeks Late by Ashley Monroe at a high volume and sing along proudly. No shame. As Jessica Day so proudly states, “I break for birds! I rock a lot of polka-dots. I have touched glitter in the past twenty-four hours. I spend my entire day talking to children. And I find it fundamentally strange that you’re not a dessert person. That’s just weird and it freaks me out. And I’m sorry I don’t like Murphy Brown, and I hate your pantsuit; I wish it had ribbons on it or something to just make it slightly cuter. And that doesn’t mean I‘m not smart and tough and strong.” 

Thanks for the tag, guys! This was fun :)

[a-tired-bass]

Every 7th question of that huge ask meme :D

Hooo boy here we go. I’m gonna pop this behind a read more cause holy fuck it’s long. Apparently almost 2500 words all up

7 - Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:

My zodiac is Capricorn. A google tells me that supposedly, Capricorn’s are ambitious, conservative, determined, practical and helpful. I would say I am approximately 2-3.5 of those things at any one time. Given that the average would be slightly above 2.5, I would say it fits me well enough :P

14 - Do you wear contacts/glasses?

No vision correction for me, I have perfect eyesight. Well, so much as ‘perfect eyesight’ is defined for a person. My visual acuity is above the average healthy human eyes.

21 - What’s your sexual orientation?

Heteroromantic. Demisexual.

28 - Where are you from?

Born and raised in Sydney. Lived my entire life in the same city. I’ve travelled a bit and would love to live elsewhere (I don’t count my brief occupancy in the Hunter Valley as living there)

35 - Say 3 facts about your personality:

Oh fuck.... I tend to be quite disparaging of myself, as evidenced by the fact that I couldn’t think of a single thing upon reading this question. Otherwise... I’m a very closed person? I guess? I don’t open up easily, so it’s really nice when I find someone who I can click with immediately. I especially enjoy the company of people who like ot talk a lot, since I really don’t talk that much. I love listening to people’s voices. Finally... God I don’t know. I don’t analyse my own personality that often. Generally it’s other people who are looking at that. I’m just me. That is who I am. I’m not going to change who I am to fit someone else’s expectations. I have to do what is right for me. 

42 - What you want to be when you “get older”

The simplest answer is happy. I want to not have to rely on medication to maintain a semblance of reality. I want to share my life with someone who wants to share theirs with me. I want to travel to places I’ve never been, just to see the beautiful things in the world. I want to not have to worry about working just to maintain a decent level of living. I want to fall asleep every night holding someone I love.

I just want to be happy. I have no other lasting aspirations

49 - Do you have any phobias?

Falling. I’m absolutely terrified by it. Heights don’t bother me in the slightest, but falling, especially free-falling, panics me beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I find abseiling quite terrifying if I don’t trust the mounting point, something usually only earnt through pushing through it once. When rock-climbing, I can’t stand to be belayed by someone I don’t trust. If I’m bouldering, despite the mere like, 2m drop, I’ll downclimb to at least half way if I have the strength to so I don’t have to jump down. I hate falling. There are only 2 nightmares that have ever stuck with me for more then a few days, and 1 of them is falling. I just can’t do it.

56 - What are three things most people don’t know about you?

Fuck I don’t know. I overshare a bunch a lot of the time. But there are still loads of things I don’t tell people, generally because I don’t see them as worth telling. My story isn’t that interesting, I haven’t done anything marvelous. I’m just... an average person. I have mental health problems. I fall on the ASD spectrum. I have severe body image issues. I have an incredibly high lung capacity, but incredibly bad oxygen transmission. I’ve technically died. I started school early, and was offered the ability to skip grades (Never did, glad of that), as I’d begun to work on early high school level materials in year 2 and 3. I miss my old baritone voice, when I had a range of almost 3 octaves. I’m completely right side dominant, hand, foot, and eye. Stuff, I guess.

63 - A quote you try to live by:

I can never remember quotes. Their essence stays in my head, but never what the actual quote is. Honeslty, while cheesy and obviously influenced by my upbringing, the one that comes to mind most is “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Yup, nice and churchy. But in seriousness, it’s a good maxim to live by. Everyone deserves politeness and respect until they’ve lost that priviledge.

70 - What is your favorite thing to do?

Another hard one. You truly have bombarded me. In the end, I think it’s play games WITH friends. Oh sure, sometimes I can’t stand being around people. Sometimes I want to play alone. But noting beats playing with friends, achieving progress side by side. It’s... immensely satisfying to me

77 - What is your least favorite word?

Cuckold...

84 - What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex?

Fucked if I know. Scent’s are scents, and my nose is not terribly discerning. I like a lot of flowers or fruit scents. There are some lovely spices. Scents to me are defined as ‘this smells nice’ or ‘this smells bad’. If I had to pick something... Lavendar. It’s simple, but lovely.

91 - Say 2 facts about your favorite things:

I love music, but I tend not to like rap - I like my melody too much. Roleplaying Games - I love to put on another person’s skin, to slide into another persona. 

98 - The best and the worst childhood memories:

Look, I don’t remember much of my childhood. I don’t remember much of anything at all really. I purge a lot of my memories because I find it easier to live that way. I can pull up fragments of absolutely random stuff, but I couldn’t tell you where I learnt it. What I can dredge up says my favourite is one of my teachers. Ms Werner, back in primary. She was a wonderful teacher, and my the world would be improved if there were more people like her. I think the worst would have to be when I realised I had to cut off contact with a very long time friend of mine. We’d known each other for.... I want to say at least 10 years, of which 6 of them were as very close friends. He became someone I didn’t want to associate my life with. Someone I wouldn’t have been surprised if I read their name in an obituary report of some police activity.

105 - Top three places to visit:

Italy, duh. I’ve said so many times before. I would also love to go to Greece again, becasue I would love to meet you in person. Finally, Finland, because I’ve heard wonderful things about it

112 - If your best friend died, what would you do?

Be sad. Attend their funeral. Drink. Forget some. Live on. Be surprised that I’m the one attending theirs and them not attending mine.

119 - Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes, my last ex was older then me by a bit over a year. I’m also assuming family doesn’t count for this question.

126 - Based on past relationships or crushes, describe your perfect boyfriend/girlfriend:

Oh ooft. Well, uniformly my crushes have been on people shorter than me, because I think they’re cute. I’ve always preferred longer hair. They’d have to have a nice voice, that is paramount - I remember one girl who is an incredibly interesting person who I loved to talk to and almost developed a crush on many times online, but lost any interest the moment we spoke again in person because her voice just slightly grated on me. In personality? Kind, caring, accepting, loyal. Someone who desires physical contact as much as I do.

133 - Do you have a crush on anyone?

Yeah, but you already know that. I told you whilst I was drunk 

140 - Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Absolutely. I mean, ignoring the fact that this could potentially mean any crying caused by someone else, and only related to those caused because of relationships, I have cried severely over them. I lost my voice for 2 days after my last break up from screaming out into the void

147 - Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

No. There are lines I will not cross.

154 - What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

I’d just really like a hug you know? I’m a closed person, and have always had trouble initiating hugs - I’m not good at judging when other people want physical contact. I’m always happy to recieve a hug, I just don’t give them out very often.

163 - Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Yes. What a despicable question.

170 - Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes. It’s... not an experience I ever wish to repeat, nor is it something I will ever forgive lightly agian.

Realised I got off track on numbers. Leaving those answers though

161 - Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Not that I’m aware of. Would be thoroughly confused if there were though.

168 - The last time you felt jealous, and why?

Near the end of my last relationship. Don’t particularly want to go into detail about it. It involved violations of boundaries.

175 - A description of the person you dislike the most:

I don’t really dislike anyone that much? If I dislike someone, I forget about them. I remember a tall, gangly, greasy black haired mediterranean boy in high school who I despised because he was a bully, and would frequently bully me whenever we got on the train because he happened to get on/off at the same stop or nearby. But I couldn’t tell you any more about him.

182 - What kind of music you like?

Lots! Catchy tunes, glorious symphonies, orchestral works, It’s probably easier to list things I don’t typically like, which are screamo and rap, for typical genres.

189 - A book you want to read/have recently read:

I recently read George Orwell’s 1984. I went to a stage performance of it with a friend of mine and it really captured my mind, so I thought I’d read it to compare. The stage show was much more appropriate to our modern era, but the book still has really interesting concepts in it. Having experienced both though, and were I to only choose one to recommend or re-visit, I would definitely pick the stage production

196 - You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to?

Easy, Jake. He’d split it with me and buy himself some nice stuff as well. Maybe my parents though, if I weren’t in a personal spending mood

203 - What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be…

God I don’t know. I don’t do parties much. A birthday late last year I think? Oh, Post Concert Parties count I guess? Though that’s generally just meeting at a pub and eating some food, getting a drink, and chatting about stuff after final performance. Next one... I guess i’m going on a trip with some mates later this month, which will probably involve at least a little bit of partying. Should be fun

210 - What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Nothing, my time is my own at the moment! Possibly sleeping, but it is still early. There are productive things I could be doing I guess - I need to clean a bit of the house, or do up a resume, or do some physical activity - but it’s late, i’m occupied with other things, and I’ll probably go to sleep soon. I’d prefer to stay in bed

217 - Do you believe in fate/destiny?

I believe in chance. I’d like fate or destiny to be a thing, even though that means our lives are pre-determined in at least some fashion or other, but honestly.... A set purpose would be nice

224 - How important you think education is?

As important as you make it. A basic education is invaluable. Higher education is... less useful, and shouldn’t be forced on anyone, but should always be offered

231 - Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance:

Oh fuck. Um. Here’s something I wrote long ago, I had to go find it, since i’d forgotten how it goes. I was pretty angry at the time - the man who killed my uncle was cleared of all charges. It’s dramatic and over-the-top and in no way actually representative of anything, but it rhymes nicely

And the fire burns deep insideAs the witness sees the liesThe traitors tongueHis falsehoods sungThe sordid crimes which he deniesThe jury stands, decision madeWhile the chatter of the crowd does fadeThe man who sawNow sees the lawAs nothing more than a false charade“The man goes free” the jury declaresFree to escape back to his lairsHis crimes ignoredEscapes the cordIt seems the world doesn’t really care

238 - What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that?

Boy oh boy could I talk about this one! I don’t want to though. In summary - my university choirs, because of my ex.

245 - What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about?

I can’t really think of something I’d be embarassed about. I guess ask for more hugs would apply though, since it’s something i’d feel weirdly guilty about.

252 - Do you hate anyone?

Yes. Dislike is different from hate. I will not go into detail about this.

259 - Do you care if people talk badly about you?

A little bit, yeah. I don’t really like it when people are dissapointed in me, or label me with things I’m not, or assume my actions or what I say are negative. It’s worse especially when people are vehement about it and don’t try to explain what they’re feeling or actually think about it and why.

266 - Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Oh yes. I can’t remember her name though. She was a princess in some novel, and was descendant partially from dryads. It’d be nice to find that book again, that would be some nostalgia

And that’s everything! So many questions!!! Good fun though :D

[lovingyoubetter]

Things I REALLY wish I knew before becoming a Mom

Do you know that feeling that tugs at you after you've gotten yourself into a sticky situation you can't get yourself out of? That is EXACTLY what motherhood is like most of the time. First-time motherhood to be exact! Sticky AND permanent.

Growing up, I've always been the nurturing and "motherly" type,  always drawn to the babies in the room. I figured, motherhood must surely be a walk in the park - who wouldn't want to spend every single moment with a cute little human? I got the shock of my life after having my own child.

I became a first time mom at the age of 25 and although it IS the best thing in the whole wide world, there are about a gazillion trillion things I still wish I had known before becoming a mom.

* It's a Lifetime subscription

If you picture a cute community of friends and other mommies always picnicking around you when you think of motherhood - think again. I mean sure, you might have an entourage close by to help with the baby and recovery BUT below all of that is a pool of loneliness. Gut-wrenching loneliness. Why? Everyone has a life. Everyone gets to say "Okay, I'll be going now. Love you, Bye!" and off they go, back to their lives. You on the other hand - can't. Or, even better, if you decide to go -  you have your own personalised handbag with eyes, ears and toes!

* Motherhood is (extremely) lonely

Looking at other mothers from outside might make it seem as if they are completely acing this role. Or atleast I used to think so. After having my own, it suddenly struck me just how many things I couldn't be a part of anymore and how many things I had to do on my own. Friday night? The Movies? Sunday brunch with friends? 2AM Drive-through's? Forget all those! You'll be stuck at home ,mostly in silence staring at your phone or reading a book while your bundle of joy takes a nap.

* You Will change

If you think you will remain the same after housing and birthing a whole human being - THINK again! Motherhood will change almost everything about you. From your personality, your style, your tolerance, your patience levels (or lack thereof) and so much more! Most of these changes will be for the best while some of them, not so much. For instance, you might just loose your mind for good. Yes I SAID IT! You might literally go crazy to a point of no return! Some mommies go completely AWOL after childbirth. You'll look in the mirror and not recognize who that is. It happens!

* You will experience love like no other

The best thing in life after caramel, is having a baby. Your heart will swell up beyond your throat with so much love, you can almost spit it out. Your tiny human who looks at you with magical eyes and a smile that melts your whole existence will bring out so much love from you! He or she might spend a fraction of the time driving you insane, but apart from those moments, it will be mostly love and adoration you feel.

* Your relationship will change

The Relationship you currently have with your significant other can and will change if not guarded. Have you heard of Murphy's Law? It states that "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong" and that's precisely the point I am trying to make. IF you and your partner do not put measures in place to deal with the wave of hormones, insecurities and down-right madness that comes with having a baby, you might find yourself in a tricky situation. The aim is to remain a team through everything life throws at you. You might need to learn and unlearn a lot of common things you both did to keep the ball rolling. The dynamics of presenting a united front to yourselves and your baby still puzzles me to this day. Some days will be better than others, but I've realised that laughter truly is the best medicine. Learn to laugh it out if it isn't worth a melt-down.  

* You'll need a home alter-ego

Think Sasha Fierce, but specifically for your house. For the sake of your child and maintaining an untainted aura in your house, you will have to learn to wear that smile even when you don't feel like it. Babies feed off from your energy as its presented to them and as such, you want to make sure you aren't feeding them trash. Yes, this includes a bad day, a fight with a colleague, family drama, traffic on your way home, financial difficulties, stress, or even conflict with your partner (you might want to have a peek at THIS regarding your relationship and conflict). From the minute you walk into the house, you have to put on your happiest mood ever. Perform Sis. Atleast until your little one falls asleep.

* You will ALWAYS be busy

Goodbye Me-TIme! Regardless of how much help you get, you as a person will always be busy. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. BUSY - BUSY- BUSY!!  Your mind will always be running on over-drive. Diaper changes, bottles, the best teething ring, raising a happy baby, your baby daddy, the dynamics of having a family, where's your phone, forgotten passwords, keeping healthy, a non-existent social life...the list goes on and on. I'll give you a dime if you showed me a mom who is thinking of nothing.  Just relaxing and thinking of Absolutely nothing! What pure bliss!  

* Your partner might take a while to catch up

The thing about pregnancy and motherhood is that you kind of build a strong bond with your baby along the way. It comes gradually and naturally you can't pin-point when exactly it happened for you. You slowly ease into being pregnant and walk around with baby all the time. Then the excitement hits and you start shopping around and getting ready. When it comes to our partners, it's a completely different story. You will need to be a little more patient with him when it comes to this. Remember he didn't have a belly, or feel little kicks or give birth. He has no hormones. He might even see nothing wrong with going out with the boys the very day you come home from hospital with a newborn! It's not because he doesn't love you or his child - he just has to slowly ease into it. Allow him that chance.

* Google will be your all-in-one friend

As a mom, you will turn into a professional researcher. Need a pedaetrician/ therapist/ doctor/ expert/ pick-me-upper/ personal coach? Look no further. You will be googling E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G! From your child's bowel movement (colour/frequency), how long they sleep, if your vag will pull itself together and when, how to do everything, why this is peeling, why that is chapping, why you feel this way, why your partner did this, horoscopes, you name it! At one point I caught myself typing in "Why do I hate my partner so much!?" SILLY, I know. Turns out, it was hormones! I felt like his life was going on as normal while I was stuck at home with leaking boobs, uneven skin and falling hair! Add no social life to the mix while he's having the time of his life! I became resentful and mean and I needed answers.

I still maintain, Motherhood is amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the whole wide world. I still wish I had watched a trailer or two beforehand. Maybe even a couple of previous episodes just to prepare myself.

[nanalikessurveys]

Are you one of those lucky people to own a walk-in closet? No, i’m so unfortunate haha Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? Not really lol Do you use Google? Yes, everyday Would you like to go swimming right now? No, not right now Can you play electric guitar? I can’t

Do you have an HDTV? I’m not sure lol, it’s just a TV to me When was the last time you drank something through a straw? I have no idea, i usually don’t use a straw Have you ever tried to teach yourself a different language? Not really How long was your last phone call? About 2 mins which is long for me haha

Do you need to repaint your nails? I don’t have them painted and i don’t feel like doing it now Has there ever been a horoscope that came true for you? I don’t read horoscopes Are you a fan of industrial metal? No, i don’t like metal music Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? Yeah sometimes

Do you have a wall calendar? I don’t 

Have you ever taken the pictures from a calendar and used them as posters? Nope Can you handle the cold? Better than the heat for sure, i love cold weather Have you ever been to Canada? No Do you believe in superstitions? Not really When was the last time you took a taxi somewhere? When i went to the vet with my cat, i don’t own a car i don’t feel comfortable going to the bus with my cat lol Would you ever join the army, airforce or navy? I wouldn’t How old is the person you last kissed? 25 Is there a friend that you can always rely on to get you out of a jam? I hope so :( What was the most embarassing thing you’ve had to buy? I still get a bit embarrassed buying pads. and also underwear when there’s a guy cashier LOL i’m so stupid Have you ever tried to balance the light switch between off and on? Haha yep Do you believe in ghosts / supernatural occurences? No, i never had any experience with them luckily Have you ever mistaken a person’s gender? I’m sure but they never knew about it What was the most expensive thing you’ve broken? My phone Has anyone texted you yet today? Yes Did you stay calm during the whole swine flu scare? I think i did, but i remember getting the shots in school and being scared af Is there a light on in the room you’re currently in? Yes Are your feet touching the floor? My left foot is Have you ever been in a car accident? No, luckily Do you usually make back-up plans? Yep Can you focus well in high-stress situations? NO, definitely no Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? They’re pretty long and i love them, if they were darker i would never wear mascara again Is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger? I don’t listen to music when i’m angry Are you one of those people who keep their feelings bottled up? Yeah Is one of your friends extremely odd but you love them regardless? She’s weird in the nicest way possible Is there anyone you dread going into public with? No Are you a victim of writing run-on sentences? I have no idea what that means Graffiti: an art or an act of vandalism? There’s amazing ones and then the stupid ones lol. like there’s factor area near my neighborhood with AMAZING looking graffitis on the walls, they looks so nice Do you buy things online? Sometimes, i did order bunch of underwear couple days ago lol Are you easily frightened? I’m afraid of lot of things but i don’t get jumpy? like jumpscares are lame hahah Do you have a favorite model? Gigi and Bella Hadid are gorgeous. Also Gaspard Ulliel is the definition of perfect tbh Have you ever watched Titanic? Yep What’s your current facebook display picture of? I’m not on facebook, seriously every survey assumes i am lol How about your IM display picture? It’s of me Is there anyone whose hair you envy? My therapist’s lmao, she has long, blonde and silky hair Would you act in a movie if it offered a role? No, i was like 7 years old when i attended this movie camp where we made bunch of short movies and then we watched them in the end of the camp and I CRINGED SO FUCKING HARD AT MYSELF LMAO like i was so bad and i haven’t gotten any better since then Does speaking in front of people make you nervous? YES, school presentations are the worst. literally everytime in grade school i had one there was this one motherfucker who just had to yell something about me having to speak up Can you read in a moving vehicle or does it make you sick? I don’t read in vehicles because of that reason Have you ever dated someone who was extremely shy? Not really, i wouldn’t have called him shy Or have you dated someone who took things too fast? Mmm yes Does the idea of driving 220 mph sound exciting to you? Nope Everyone has a weakness, what’s yours? Good dancers, lol Do you or anyone you know have an account on Deviantart? I don’t and i don’t think anyone i know has one Thoughts on the Dunkin Donut commercial that says “America runs on Dunkin’”? I don’t know that commercial Do you bother buying movies on DVD anymore or do you just download them? I buy movies on DVD still, yes Do you listen to Daughtry? No Do you get your eyebrows waxed? No, i pluck them

How do you take your coffee? With milk If you have a dog, what breed is it? I don’t Have you found someone who makes you unconditionally happy? I guess so Do you have a friend who always seems to be dying their hair? She has dyed her hair in the past couple times, but now she just has her natural color Would you swap names with a friend? Sure, but i’m happy with mine Do you plan on going to university? I don’t think so Guys who wear muscle shirts, yes or no? I had to google this and i got two different kinds of results, so i have no idea which muscle shirt are you talking about. anyway you can wear whatever you want pretty much Are you a fan of Carrie Underwood? I know about her but not any of her songs, so no Do you make playlists on iTunes? I don’t use iTunes Have you ever forgotten someone’s birthday? My friend’s birthday this year and i felt SO FUCKING BAD Are you scared of being left behind? Yes Do you remember your last dream? No. i never do Do you know someone who is an obsessed Star Wars fan? No one obsessed 

Is politics something you don’t care about? I don’t care about it that much, no What’s a movie/tvshow/book/series that is way overrated? I can’t think of any Do you think Barbie presents an unhealthy image to young girls? It’s not a realistic looking doll but does it really have to, it’s just a toy Is there a pet that you desperately want? Not anymore, i have two lovely cats Would you ever get your bellybutton pierced? I already did Are you musically talented? No Have you ever shot a gun? No Do you have a friend that always changes their mind last second? No Are you not afraid to voice your opinion? Yep, that’s me Are you one of those people who are always pushing their limits? Not really lol Is there a word that you will always find humorous? A lot of finnish words

Do you frown upon immature people? Idk Have you ever slipped on ice and hurt yourself? I have slipped many times but never hurt myself badly Do you try to have an intimidating impression? I guess, try is the key word tho Living in the big city or chilling in the country? City No one seems to obey the legal drinking age, do they? Haha no Do you like your country’s flag? Yeah i like the color combination. other than that it’s kinda meh Have you ever made a totally amazing snow fort? Not an amazing one Do you use Bounty Paper Towels? I don’t know them, are they like coconut scented lmao Are you the one usually behind the camera or the one in the picture? Behind If you get married, will you have a traditional wedding? Sure Do you feel you’re slowly losing one of your friends? Tbh it kinda feels like that now If you draw, what’s one thing you always have trouble with? Just everything Is there someone you know moving away any time soon? Probably my sister, but she’s not so sure yet Allergic to anything? Penicillin How many cars have you owned? Zero What are you going to do after this? Going to brush my teeth and wash my face and go to bed

[fashiontrendin-blog]

May I Just Say…Your Horoscope is Here!!!

http://fashion-trendin.com/may-i-just-sayyour-horoscope-is-here/

May I Just Say…Your Horoscope is Here!!!

Illustration by Cynthia Merhej. 

The letter “O” on my home laptop’s keyboard broke, so yesterday morning, I had to write this story without the “o’s,” then go back and copy and paste an “o” from an old story in all the proper holes. And when I needed a capital “o,” I had to google “prah Winfrey” so that Oprah’s name would auto-complete and I could snag her “O.”

It was annoying, to say the least, so I thought to myself, There needs to be a place where all of the letters of the alphabet, capital and lowercase, and numbers, and symbols, can exist in one space in case someone breaks a keyboard letter. So in true entrepreneurial spirit, I’ve done just that — plus I removed the middleman (Google):

Aa Bb Cc Dd Ee Ff Gg Hh Ii Jj Kk Ll Mm Nn Oo Pp Qq Rr Ss Tt Uu Vv Ww Xx Yy Zz 1234567890!@#$%^&*() -_=+[]|:;”‘<,>.?/

That’s not all I’ve done for you today though! I also finally did your May Horoscope. Per usual, all credit to Susan Miller of Astrology Zone, who guides my words like a North Star.

Ready, set, SING!

Taurus

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US CELESTIAL SKY COWS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US!

I know it’s cool to hate “the birthday song” at restaurants but I kind of love it. When else — besides at the Hard Rock Cafe, where I spent my 16th birthday and stood on top of a table to dance after too much sugar — is it acceptable to burst spontaneously into song and essentially light things on fire and cause a scene (all without getting thrown out)?

Speaking of causing a scene! This just in from Susan: “This will be a major month for you, dear Taurus, for Uranus, the planet of change, individuality, creativity, rebellion, disruption, and innovation, will move into Taurus for the first time since 1934 for a very long visit. This means this influence will be new for you.”

How ironic, or how perfect: All I do in these horoscope recaps is shit-talk the planet of butts, and yet here it is, coming into our sign — a less than once in a lifetime opportunity because it doesn’t necessarily happen to everyone — to make our lives better/more interesting/more creative. Uranus is going to open up a lot of doors that we didn’t even know existed.

Shorter term, the new moon of the 15th will affect us positively too (we’ll exit toxic situations) and then Mars in Aquarius will breathe new life into our careers (but we can’t just sit there! Get after it, as that annoying guy you know says). It’s a great month for love, and to be betrothed. Don’t forget you can marry yourself! That way you can merge your bday cake and your wedding cake into one!

Gemini

SNAP INTO A SLIM-GEM! I just thought of that, you can thank me or reprimand me later. That wasn’t meant to sound so kinky but choose your own adventure, I suppose.

Speaking of kink! Uranus is going to enter everyone’s life in a major way this month, and Uranus, as you know, is full of “sudden surprises and impulsive actions and unexpected news,” so if you’ve been feeling like everything has been the same for so long, GET READY TO FEEL OTHERWISE, CHRISTIAN GREY.

If you’re writing a book or a play (or you want to) the new moon on the 15th will fuel your creativity. Everything is going to look like copy to you, or like a song, or like a movie. Please don’t miss your stop on the subway because of this, but if you do, anyone who’s accidentally gone to Queens instead of Wall Street knows that this adventure can be a total delight AND further fuel your writing. Unless you’re late for a meeting in which case, I feel you and that’s stressful. I’m projecting though because Susan said nothing about being late! But she did say May will be a romantic month, especially if you want to go to Wyoming and meet a hot cowperson and be around horses. Swear to god she said that, in more words or less.

Cancer

If April felt like it sucked (it kinda…did…didn’t it??) MAY WILL BE THE OPPOSITE! Take THAT, calendar makers who always make April something adorable, like baby ducks in yellow rain boots, versus May, which always features like, a tree. Not that trees aren’t cool but it’s hard to compare, calendar-wise, a tree to a chick in wellies.

May’s going to be super romantic for you, especially this coming weekend. Unrelated to romance — or very related, depending on what you’re into — Uranus is “showering” you with “sparkling aspects” that Susan calls “deliciously social.”

Life will really feel like it’s taking on a new tune for you (in a great way) around May 15th. There’s a new moon when Uranus kicks into high gear. Two bad it’s not a full moon, otherwise I could have a made a two-butts-for-the-price-of-one joke.

I think you’re going to get rich on the 29th!

Leo

Kittens! Inspired by kittens!

You know what’s messed up? The way my “CYCLE” runs, I get fork-stabby-in-my-ovary-cramps every single time I write horoscopes, depending on how late in the month we’re running, and I have them terribly while writing yours. That should make this an adventure! It’s like EXTREME WRITING. It’s like Gordon Ramsey for periods and horoscopes! What would that show even be called? Taking suggestions in the comments below.

SUSAN THINKS you might be moving!!! Good thing Haley — fellow Leo — found all those decorating tips for you.

You’ll feel extra creative this month, and you’ll get famous as a result on the 15th (even if it’s just office famous, or your-boss-loves-you famous — either way you’ll feel like a real Molly Shannon superstar). On the 25th you might even sell some of your work.

The 29th is your day for love, although considering that we’re heading into summer, I’d say you’ve got a whole season of makeouts and whatnots ahead of you. You know my favorite life motto: Have fun, be safe! And don’t forget that whoever you bump lion butts with should treat you like the king/queen/and all sorts of royalty in-between of the jungle that you are!

Virgo

Full disclosure, I date a Virgo, so your ‘scopes are definitely now swayed in a way that some might consider unethical in the world of journalism, but with Susan and the stars as my main source, how can I go wrong, really?

May will be an exceptionally romantic month (!) where you and you and your main squeeze are likely to get away from the 25th to the 27th. DO NOT FORGET that “main squeeze” can also mean your bff or your favorite book.

Bffs rule, especially when you forget a song and hate using Google so you call them instead, but if you’re looking for love — or perhaps a simple summer fling? I can’t believe I forgot to announce the official commencement of uncuffing-season: a super fun time of year, except for the Virgo I date, I suppose — then take joy in knowing you’ll find it and you won’t even have to look under any wormy rocks! (No offense, February, but don’t think I don’t remember that shit.) And I’m just going to add this casual line in here there from Susan: “devote yourself to love sweet love.” Take it or leave it. I’m going to Target!

You’ll feel particularly intellectual on the 15th, and everyone important to your career will love you. Your career is on a skyrocket whiz-bam-boom UP into the ether! Avoid signing agreements on the 13th, but otherwise, sounds like a party month to me!

Libra

Libra Libra bo bibra banana nana no nibra me mi mo meebra, libra! I forget how to do that song but hi how are you how’s your day going let’s talk horoscope and for heaven’s sake maybe I won’t make the next seven so damn long!

I know you want to travel and you’re feeling itchy to get away. You will in June, for now, enjoy the time at home to regroup for summer and watch as the CA$H FLOW STARTS POURING IN. Per Susan, the money influx is looking as though you might suddenly find out you’re the Princess of Genovia, minus the antiquated-beauty-standards makeover montage (although I do love a makeover montage so have one at your leisure that feels good for you).

Mars in Aquarius on the 16th means an influx of fun and friends and dancing and laughing. If you’re finding yourself arguing a bit with your S.O., Susan Miller suggests couples therapy, and so does MR contributor Meghan Nesmith. In fact, she loves it.

Venus will enter your “professional reputation sector” on May 19th, so that sounds to me like an office party (to celebrate all your achievements, obviously!) if I’ve ever seen one. Can’t wait to see all that you achieve, honey bee. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

Scorpio

Sting Butt! Let me start off this spring ‘scope with the kind of Susan Miller quote that people probably expect to read when they take the time to check out what the stars have in store for them, rather than my old blatherings:

“As a Scorpio, you tend to like to do things by yourself and not involve others. You like having full control, but sometimes, like this month, you might want to consider teaming up with a person that can add a needed element of expertise to your life. This may be for business, but you also will have the urge to merge in love – by getting engaged or married.”

Okay! Back to the blatherings! Except this is all kind of related: On the 15th, you’ll grow closer to a partner (professional or bed-wise). It also seems you’re about to partake in moving season: Mars will help you, but because it goes retrograde in June (the 26th through August 27th) try if you can to wrap your shit up now.

Finally, May 25th is an ideal day for love. To find it, nourish it, cherish it, roll around in it. Eyes open and arms out wide. I’m hungry! Are you??

Sagittarius

Hello divine equines! Don’t forget to polish your hooves so that they’re shiny for summer’s arrival. In other non-horse related news (why, though) embrace the fact that the start of the month, you’re going to feel nest-y and like you’d rather keep to yourself than be social. This is totally okay, and also a great time because I feel like there’s good stuff out on Netflix right now to catch up on. (This will also be a good time to save up some money if you feel like you’ve been especially spend-y.)

I have to pee.

You, meanwhile, will feel ESPECIALLY creative this year, and you can thank Jupiter and Neptune getting along nicely for that!

On the 15th (a new moon, tell your friends), will bring “news of a new assignment,” which sounds annoying because everyone’s to-do list might as well be called a Too-Long-To-Do-List, Thanks, but it’s not because this new assignment will mean a lot of money. Hurray! Oh but please do read the fine print slowly and carefully.

Travel, travel, travel (Susan is always trying to get people out of town, no matter the sign. I swear she’s a rogue house party thrower or something), and on May 19th — ooo! Love’s on the horizon: Venus will “glide through your seventh house of commitment from the start of the month until May 19th.” How’s that for a fantastic lube PSA?

Capricorn

Hey Caprese-salad-corns! Susan Thriller says you’ve got the spotlight on you this month. She also says that the world may feel like it’s turning too quickly right now. She promises you can handle this, even if that Simon & Garfunkel song “Feeling Groovy” just told you to slow down because you move too fast.

I had to sing that song in some chorus I was in forever ago and it gets stuck in my brain all the time.

Susan also says that life has felt a little rocky and serious lately. Well MAY (my birthday month, FYI) will bring you — or hopefully already is bringing you — “lots of reasons to enjoy life.”

May 15th will be a hyper-romantic day, whether you’re single as an errant chin hair or as wrapped up in another human as an ingrown.

The rest of May stays romantic, especially the 25th when Jupiter and Neptune hook up. It might be a nice time to travel but also, to paint those nudes you’ve been meaning to do.

^As for those nudes, you can thank Uranus moving into Taurus (we in the Taurian committee are very thrilled and honored to host) for upping your creativity. Can’t wait to see what you paint, literally AND metaphorically!

Aquarius

Hello you beautiful celestial swimming pools of brilliance! (Feel free to use that description in your Instagram or Tinder bio.) Your focus this month will center around the home, so maybe you’re moving. Do tell all the details.

Uranus’s move to Taurus will influence all the signs in a major way. For you, this may involve some kind of move. Try to be flexible because this Uranus situation is a good thing. Remember, the Planet of Butts is also the planet of surprises!

This month is a good time to be productive (sorry if that’s boring) because the summer’s going to get a little sticky what with the planets going on various vacations and everyone being too hot (not that I’m complaining after our long and longer winter). Some things to keep you motivated: Your career is excelling and you as a professional human are sitting astride a shooting star.

And after that, honestly, Susan just repeated more of the same thing! Oh but try to throw a party or take a vacation at the end of May! Yay!

Pisces

Hi sweetie sweet sweet goldfish! Uranus, who “played havoc with your finances for seven years” (when butt stuff goes awry), is finally OUT of your sign. You will feel instant relief, per Susan Thriller. And I get it. You must have felt financially constipated given all of the clues I’m drawing from Suz!

Well. Get ready for your money to steady, if not rise, and get even MORE ready for your creativity and communication skills to shoot up so high that the moon’s like, “Hey watch it down there!” But then the moon will smile in a good-natured manner because honestly, she gets it. (That said, this is why we don’t play with rubber bands indoors or near eyes, okay?)

May 15th might be a good time to seek a scholarship for continued education or something in line with that theme. (You know all of these horoscopes are amenable to your reality.)

Now here’s something I am really excited to talk about even though I just weirdly put an apple I wasn’t done eating in my mug of coffee (to hold it) but turns out I still had coffee in there — way to kill two birds you very much wanted alive with one stone, Amelia: The weekend of the 25th to the 28th is an excellent time for LOVE!!!!!!!!! Love in the romantic sense, and love in the creative sense, plus, Susan Miller gives you free rein to go shopping thanks to Venus!

Bartender! Please! Three cheers, three beers, and a Fuzzy Nipple while you’re at it!

Aries

I’ll tell you what I just saw, Aries: two pigeons engaging in the act of foreplay. It was troublesome, even though I know all things deserve to have and make love, so please just know that I will be working through that while I type this out. I also really, really need to Google “how do birds have sex” and “bird penis,” which I have done before! I just can’t keep it in my mind apparently (there’s probably a protective psychological reason for that?) but, big caveat, I’m borrowing Elizabeth Tamkin’s computer because I needed to work remotely and my work computer is a desktop and if you read the intro then you know that the “O” key of my home computer doesn’t work!!! But anyway I can’t just go searching for bird peens on a colleague’s computer.

So here we are: THIS MAY, your finances are on the rise, but (!), the “heavy emphasis on your career will become less important to you once you reach May 15th. “You’ll turn your focus to friendship, largely.” Interesting. Sounds like a work-life balance situation to me. (But also if you’re like whoa whoa hey hey I need to focus on my career, Susan later brings up networking, so maybe you’re focused on your career still, but you’re re-centering your focus on networking so that you can make your next move — make sense? Does anything I ever write in these horoscopes make sense? I have to wash my hair or else!)

The rest of May, especially the 23rd, will be a great time to travel. Going anywhere special for Memorial Day? Do tell me about it. As for love, you know how people get when the temperature rises: all dough-y eyed and looking for someone to makeout with. They don’t call it Spring Fever for nothing!

[anitabyars]

An Ex for Christmas Love Unexpectedly By: Lauren Layne Releasing November 7, 2017 Loveswept

Blurb She’s making a list—and checking it twice. But is there a nice guy among all her naughty exes? The New York Times bestselling author of Blurred Lines returns with a charming friends-to-lovers rom-com.

When a psychic tells spunky, superstitious Kelly Byrne that she’s already met her true love, she becomes obsessed with the idea of tracking him down before Christmas. Kelly immediately writes up an “Ex List” and starts contacting old boyfriends to figure out which one is the one. When her college sweetheart rolls into town, Kelly convinces herself that they’re meant to be. The trouble is, sparks are flying with someone she’s never given a chance: her best friend, Mark.

Mark Blakely has watched the guys on Kelly’s list break her heart, and he’s not looking forward to watching them do it all over again. Mark’s always been there for her, but the timing’s never worked out for their relationship to be something more. Now, just as Mark is ready to move on, the sexual tension between them is suddenly off the charts. With Christmas morning around the corner, he just hopes Kelly will wake up and realize that everything she wants has been right in front of her all along.

Link to Schedule: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1miww0GWknQfddU9eyOwQ2rF6vklyxSCJ45L9kQFw580/edit?usp=sharing

Goodreads Link: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34613341-an-ex-for-christmas

Buy Links: Amazon | B&N | GPlay | iBooks | Kobo

Amazon: http://amzn.to/2AaA1x6 B&N: http://bit.ly/2gLHdXx Google: http://bit.ly/2wLI1ou iBooks: http://apple.co/2wN0aTY Kobo: http://bit.ly/2xewIqz Author Info Lauren Layne is the New York Times bestselling author of romantic comedies. She lives in New York City with her husband.

A former e-commerce and web marketing manager from Seattle, Lauren relocated to New York City in 2011 to pursue a full-time writing career. She signed with her agent in 2012, and her first book was published in summer of 2013. Since then, she’s written over two dozen books, hitting the USA TODAY, New York Times, iBooks, and Amazon bestseller lists.

Author Links: WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | GOODREADS

Website: http://www.laurenlayne.com/

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/laurenlayneauthor

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/_laurenlayne

GoodReads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6969772.Lauren_Layne

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Excerpt

As I walk, I check the weather app on my phone, delighted to see that while it’s nothing but rain today, there’s a chance of a snow shower tomorrow. Nothing says Christmas break like snow. I just miss my train, but there’s a decent-ish voice singing “White Christmas” nearby, and the platform’s not too crowded, so waiting’s not as bad as it could be. My eye catches on a middle-aged woman who’s set up camp under one of the stairwells. It’s not unusual to see all manner of people under the streets of New York, although this one’s better dressed than most. She’s wearing a blousy red shirt, jeans, and ankle boots, and is sitting cross-legged on a plaid blanket. She’s got twigs of what seem to be fake roses in her hair. None of that’s the weird part. What’s weird is that she’s watching me. Intently. We make awkward eye contact, and I give a quick smile before turning my attention back to my phone. But I still feel her eyes on me. Not in an unfriendly way, not in the way that makes me mentally catalog whether or not I saw any cops on my way down here who would hear me if I scream. She doesn’t seem eager to push me onto the train tracks either, and since that’s every New Yorker’s secret fear, that’s a plus. Still, the focus is unsettling. I glance up again, and her eyes lock on mine. Her dark gaze is clear and focused, and I can’t decide if that’s more or less disturbing than if she seemed sort of hazy. Then she smiles right at me. “Kelly.” I get immediate goosebumps for reasons that have nothing to do with the winter weather. She knows my name. “Come.” She beckons. “Come. I see.” Now you’re thinking, Hell, no. Run! I should be thinking the same, and on some level, I am, but … There are a couple dozen people around. None are paying attention to me, but it’s not like I’m all alone in a dark alley. And look, we’ve already established that I believe in fate expressing itself through a Magic 8 ball and horoscopes, and though I haven’t mentioned it yet, I totally avoid black cats, the number thirteen, and walking under ladders. I also believe that there’s such a thing as sight. I know, because my grandma had it. Grandma Shirley was one of those delightfully batty old ladies that most people dismissed as quirky, but nobody can deny that she seemed to know stuff. She knew when I’d win my soccer game, and by how many points. She knew when her cat’s litter of kittens would be born, down to the minute. Once she’d even predicted an earthquake, even though they’re really rare in New York. She’d passed away when I was in eleventh grade (she’d predicted the when and how of that too), and though I didn’t inherit her talents, I’ve never stopped believing that some people see and know things that they shouldn’t. I call it the Sight. I step closer, and the woman grins and beckons me even nearer. I stop a healthy few feet away. I’m superstitious, not crazy. The woman leans forward. “You seek love.” Huh. Color me unimpressed. I mean, don’t most humans seek love? Sure, I’m recently single, and I don’t particularly want to be. And maybe I sometimes try a little too hard to find my forever guy. But I’m not hearing anything other than generic lucky guesses from this lady. “Sure,” I say, already starting to back away. She holds up a hand. “The one you seek? Your forever guy, the love of your life …” I freeze, because her phrasing echoes my thoughts almost exactly. A coincidence? Maybe. I don’t move away just yet, willing to hear her out. She smiles again. “You’ve already met him.” I blink. “What? I think you may want to recheck that crystal ball. I’m single.” Her smile merely grows. “I didn’t say you weren’t single. I said you’d already met him. You just let him go. He’ll come back to you before Christmas.” Whoa whoa whoa. This is … Huh. “You’re telling me that the love of my life is one of my exes?” She extends both of her palms as though to say, There you have it! I stifle a little surge of disappointment. Clearly she hasn’t met my exes. There are some decent ones in the mix, but mostly they’re duds, and none of them make my heart beat faster. Well, maybe— Nope. No. Do not go there. Thankfully, I feel the rumble of an oncoming train, and a glance over my shoulder tells me my ride outta here is approaching. “Thanks very much,” I say with a strained smile. “Merry Christmas.” “Happy holidays,” she says with a nod, standing and gathering up her blanket. Apparently she’s taken a cue from Madison Meyers and is sticking close to the PC route. Fair enough. I lift a hand in a wave and move toward the train, but her next words give me a fresh wave of new goosebumps. “Tell your parents happy anniversary. Thirty’s going to be a magical year for them.” I whip my head around. “How did you—” The woman is gone. Like vanished gone. Leaving me to wonder … If a woman I’d never met was right about my parents’ anniversary, was she also right about other stuff? Have I already met my one true love? It’s Live!

5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Charming, & Exhilarating! Exhilarating & Charming! Every single second of this story was just so incredibly fun, witty and sexy, it was exhilarating to read. Hands done the best holiday story I have ever read, and one I will be going back, to read again and again. Lauren Layne is definitely the Queen of Romantic Comedy. 
Kelly Byrne is happy being a third grade teacher, at Emory Academy, a private prep school that is filled with rich and famous families. She is a upbeat, quirky, funny, twenty seven year old single woman, with a superstitious, nature. She believes in fate expressing itself through the magic eight ball, and uses it often, as well as using tea leaves, tarot cards, horoscopes, and she is also very familiar with, and believes in people having the gift of sight. So when a stranger at the train station, tells her that she has already met, the love of her life, and he will come back to her before Xmas, she is anxious to get the ball rolling. And who better to help her but her best friend. 
Mark Blakey has been best friends with Kelly, since they met their senior year of high school, ten years ago. They are as close as a guy and girl can be without hooking up and they are opposites in many ways. But although these two are opposites, they share a lot, like a dog, a back yard and most week ends together. But Mark definitely doesn’t believe in fate, fortune or luck, so when Kelly tries to enlist his help, for her to reconnect with each one of her Ex’s to find out which one is the one, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with it. 
But as Kelly sends out mistletoe sprigs to every business in town, to help her entice kisses from her Ex’s as she sets up date after date. Will the kiss of the love of her life, or the magic eight ball help her realize what is right in front of her? Will she realize that just maybe she has been in love with this person for awhile? You don’t want to miss this story! Because cutting down Xmas trees, snowball fights and shoveling snow has never been so Charming, Sexy and exhilarating! Goosebumps, Shivers and Swooning Galore! Loved this!!
I voluntarily reviewed an advance reader copy of this book.