#Headie One

[yawninho]

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 27/04/2024 (Taylor Swift's THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT, Drake's "Push Ups", Headie One/Stormzy/Tay Keith)

Let’s talk about Taylor Swift.

#4 - “Down Bad” - Taylor Swift

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift

Yeah, I’m cactus, welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS, blah, blah, blah - I don’t like bending the format of this series, which actually fares quite well for a massive artist who will inevitably debut on top as it ensures a build-up to the big smash hit, but I also like reflecting the culture I write about. Taylor is such a cultural monolith in much of the English-speaking world and outside of it that despite the episode now having to end with her biggest competitor, Drake, he still doesn’t even stain this week’s biggest story, and really, only news story in an industry less and less important, and further removed from the concept of monoculture outside of freak accident white women like Taylor or Barbie than ever. Regardless of my opinions on her output, I may have to respect and reflect her sheer capability to produce discourse, reaction and most importantly, for people to actually give a shit about analysing music.

Now if we’re talking opinions on her output… you can probably get more out of me from looking at my first impressions account of listening to the new Taylor Swift album on RateYourMusic in my 2024 listening log (the account name is exclusivelytopostown). Oh, yeah, if you somehow don’t know, Taylor Swift released an album called The Tortured Poets Anthology and then two hours later, reissued it with the subtitle The Anthology, and naturally, broke all kinds of Spotify records, got a billion streams in a week, what have you. I have less to say about these individual songs than I do about the album, so I’ll try to weave it in but the crux of my takeaway is that this album’s title naturally leads to polarising results and it’s no surprise that she has compelled and practically controlled pop music and celebrity discourse for the entire week… it’s also her worst album attached directly with my favourite piece of full-length work she’s ever released.

Whilst there are plenty of in-depth reasons to compare and contrast the two releases, from here on referred to as ‘sides’ even though I’m not actually sure how the physical releases for this one worked out, the primary reasons for my stark difference in opinion lie in two fundamental components, both of which are not night-and-day between the sides, but have such a detrimental effect on my enjoyment when the two factors are combined that it ends up just as effective.

For “Down Bad”, I’ll focus on the first, and perhaps most important, reason for my preference of The Anthology: lyrics. Do not get me wrong, the second side has its fair share of strange lines and choices, as with any Taylor album, especially in her current obsessive, wordy over-sharing era, and some of its most befuddling are present on this half, making it stand out even more because of the array of lyrical perspectives that are actually on display. The second side lives up to its name, it allows for further exploration of the narrative perspectives Taylor adopts, the subtler details of decidedly unsubtle songs. I’m not saying that Taylor isn’t writing from her own perspective on all 15 tracks - there are 31 in total, of course, thank the Heavens for arbitrary singles chart rules - because she’s absolutely making parallels to if not directly referencing known moments in her life and career. The approach is adventurous, the charm returns to her clumsiness that was my favourite part of Midnights, and there are moments that can be genuinely biting and, well, poetic.

The standard edition is, for lack of a more accurate term, cringe. Again, there are absolutely moments where that is the case for side B, and I’m not claiming there’s a void of good lines… but there kind of is, isn’t there? We will always gravitate to clunkers, but what I’m more bothered by is the deadpan delivery of these lyrics, that don’t feel very Taylor-esque at times yet don’t establish themselves as a separate perspective. This is exemplified in “Down Bad”, which could be written by anyone outside from some Swiftisms in the verses, which really sound more like derivatives of her prior work rather than a signature style at this point, and really, I don’t need to explain to you why Taylor Swift should not have wriitten a song called “Down Bad”. Musically, this album spends much of its time in dull adult contemporary lightened up by Jack Antonoff synth wank that fails to distinguish the record from what came before it, so when the lyrics don’t feel like Taylor outside of when they’re at their worst, most petulant and bratty, which she fails to consistently sell because of said musical backing, it becomes a slow exhaust of four minutes… this song should really not feel this long. Hopefully now, you’ll understand what I mean in how the two components are mediocre by themselves and fail to constitute a complete package. We’ll talk more about the sonics with…

#3 - “The Tortured Poets Department” - Taylor Swift

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift

Musically, the first side of this album feels uninspired, a retread of steps Taylor’s been tracing alongside Mr. Antonoff for years now, with its most unique textures reminiscent of 90s adult contemporary and soft rock… it could work as utter background music if that weren’t a complete misunderstanding of why Taylor Swift works as a singer, songwriter, musician and cultural presence: an imperfect mess that has achieved unbeatable status not through style or character but through ability to craft a narrative regarding herself and everyone involved, or in some cases, allow others to craft that story for her. Taylor, despite me not enjoying a large amount of her catalogue, admittedly never made it off of bad songs: those came after the good songs, and those bad songs - the “Shake it Off”s, “Bad Blood”s, “ME!”s - were risks, paying off not in acclaim or sometimes even notable chart success, but for developing and evolving the mythos. An unstoppable force - of fans, acclaim, criticism, ex-boyfriends, cultural osmosis and Kanye - has finally made her the immovable object, and it sure sounds like it on this first side of the album, especially compared to the organic, risk-taking and more ambitious, often minimal, instrumentation that Aaron Dessner brings to the second, alongside some work from Antonoff that feels more delicate and refined, unless Taylor really wants to bring the punch in because when she takes a swing, she does it with mesmerising grace. When she misses… the album just kind of sounds like twinkly soft-rock ass.

I’m sorry, this song is fundamentally fine, but it is lost both in its production, a meandering piano jog with no compositional drive, and in its lyrical conceit of megastar Taylor having an affair with some nerd from a band I’ve been a proud hater of for years - check the archives - and mirroring Drake’s inability to explain who the fuck Jason is in “Away from Home”. I know who Lucy and Jack are, do I want to? No, do I dig the farfetched historical comparisons? Kind of, it adds texture lyrically, but it’s also as tacky as saying Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist. He’s big enough. He’s fine. I don’t even think HE wants to be a bigger artist. If it’s sarcasm, then it feels mean and if it’s genuine… maybe you should start listening more closely to the art of your friends - if that’s still accurate here - and fellow musicians that you reference in your music. Maybe there’s something there you haven’t fully grasped in all your security as the biggest artist alive: the ability to truly fail. I’m not sure Lucy Dacus, or Charlie Puth, or even Matty Healy, could survive an album as polarising as this, but once again, that mythos, that fanbase, that tree branch connection to every record and radio executive in the damn Anglosphere and beyond, it’s a comfy king-size bed to sleep on. Is the poet really tortured when they can go through the Hell of showbiz and come back to that? I don’t know, but what I do know is that the song fades out instead of ending properly, you fucking cowards.

#1 - “Fortnight” - Taylor Swift featuring Post Malone

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift

Inevitably, it’s her fourth #1, his second, and it has a well-directed video to wrap it all up. Self-directed, too. There’s a relatively solid foundation of this being about her relationships with Joe Alwyn and you know who. I think there’s a fascinating dichotomy that can be made if you interpret the song in different ways: the breakdown of her relationship with Alwyn, or the closing of the distance between her and bitch-face. I think the wham line of “I love you, it’s ruining my life” develops on one of my favourite songs of Taylor’s, “You’re Losing Me”, even if it doesn’t reach the same heights - or realistically, lows - instead going for a typical Antonoff synth pastiche that frankly disappoints. I think Post Malone’s presence, whilst perhaps underused, is best fit to haunting backing vocals to establish that looming male presence, and he sounds great here. The song largely goes nowhere, planting seeds it refuses to grow, but that’s a problem with the production more than anything. Like “Anti-Hero”, it’s a strong-concept, nuanced lead single that I don’t like primarily because of reasons outside of her control, and I’m just glad to wrap it up in a simpler bow that I can compare to her previous album… because Lord knows that’s what the first side of the album really doesn’t want you to do. Seriously though, this is absolutely lethargic, I can assume this felt like the best way to represent emotional numbness but there are much more unique minimal textures and patterns on the back-half, this feels cheap. Perhaps a good lead single, but terrible opener in my opinion, it really set the tone in a frustrating way. Sabrina Carpenter’s “Espresso” is at #5, Hozier’s “Too Sweet” is at #2. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

So other things happened, more than I expected, actually and to be honest, the intention is to be relatively brief. You know what the notable dropouts are but I’ll say that I cover the UK Top 75 anyway and that they are songs exiting out of the region after five weeks or a peak in the top 40, so we bid adieu to “Supersonic” by Oasis, “so american” by Olivia Rodrigo, “Been Like This” by Meghan Trainor and T-Pain, “Never be Alone” by Becky Hill and Sonny Fodera, “Praise Jah in the Moonlight” by YG Marley with uncredited appearances from Ms. Lauryn Hill, “Houdini” by Dua Lipa, “Water” by Tyla, “Asking” by Sonny Fodera, MK and Clementine Douglas, “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift and of course, rest in peace, “Lil Boo Thang” by Paul Russell, and welcome back to “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers. Camila Cabello’s “I LUV IT” featuring Playboi Carti is our other re-entry at #65 which is just funny if anything given this week.

As for our gains, there aren’t a ton, but a surprisingly fair few considering the amount of new entries, so I’ll note down the boosts for “Cry” by Benson Boone to #55, “FE!N” by Travis Scott featuring Playboi Carti at #53 - good week to be whatever species Carti is, I suppose - as well as “Never be Lonely” by Jax Jones and Zoe Wees at #50, “Never Lose Me” by Flo Milli at #49, “We Ain’t Here for Long” by Nathan Dawe at #47, “Back to Black” by the late Amy Winehouse at #43, “Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappell Roan at #21, “Tell Ur Girlfriend” by Lay Bankz at #18 and finally, one I’m very happy to see, the scrunkly Shaboozey at #16 with “A Bar Song (Tipsy)”. I can see top five in this one’s future, but speaking of… oh, wait, we’ve already covered it. Seven new songs! Speed round!

New Entries

#69 - “Joga Bonito” - AJ Tracey

Produced by Remedee and Nyge

The bar for cover art is in Hell. That is a PlayStation 2 model of a flag-wearing Brazilian lady showing leg, and that is now a charting single. It’s no surprise to me that Tracey is hopping on Jersey club-influenced beats, particularly with the mellow, filtered R&B sample and incredibly mundane flexes, as whilst he’s always been fun, and occasionally latches onto excellent hooks, he’s ultimately tied very heavily to trends and guest features, and this just feels a bit… empty, without a real “hook” outside of, well, its hook. He’s chatting the girl up, he says that she would look sexy in his merch, and he has the incredible bar of “I like Japan, so do you”. It must be true love. Look, if I’m going to critique Taylor for lazy writing over empty production, I can’t really give this a free pass either, even if it has some vague energy - none of it feels palpable or driving. ‘tis a shame, I tend to like Tracey’s output more consistently than other UK rappers.

#67 - “Pedro” - Jaxomy, Agatino Romero and Raffaella Carrá

Produced by Jaxomy, Agatino Romero, Steffen Harning and Reinhard Raith

Okay, this one might need some explaining. Raffaela Carrá was, and still is, a beloved icon in Italian pop music, LGBT and women’s culture, and seemingly the entire country. I’m not familiar with her at all, but that’s purely my bad: she’s sold millions upon millions of copies internationally, and released a prolific amount of albums worldwide in multiple languages. A gay icon and self-proclaimed Communist, Carrá’s classic hit “Pedro” never made it to the UK charts from release in 1980 until now, long after her passing in 2021. Latin disco by an Italian Communist sounds like I’d adore it, and for the record, I do. The original song is infectious, silly and brimmed with bombast from its obnoxious horn section to percussion so incredibly layered, especially with the snaps and claps, that it feels almost claustrophobic. Whilst far from a bad singer, Carrá brings a childlike clumsiness to the song’s hooks that define the song’s infectious personality. As someone who’s been introduced to this song literally today, it kind of feels like it’s been here for all of my life and that I’ve heard it at like seven school discos. Sicilian DJ Agatino Romero joined forces with Berlin-based Jaxomy for a pretty faithful remix that may pick up the pace and replace its rhythm section with pounding hardcore kicks, but the horns remain, because how couldn’t they? In fact, they sound even more full of life when placed onto much less organic instrumentation, from being just one element of a cacophony to a disco ball shining in your direction whilst you’re on the worst, most pounding, migraine-inducing high in a rave. It doesn’t change the song structure or even its fundamental instrumental texture a ton, probably out of respect, but that one change to the song’s arguably most important component does a lot to flip it on its head and I can really appreciate how skillfully it’s done here. Rest in peace to Raffaella Carrá, and I really hope this ends up sticking around. It’s just too infectious.

#62 - “Starburster” - Fontaines D.C.

Produced by James Ford

This is Irish indie rock outfit Fontaines D.C. with their new single about accidentally eating the Starburst with the wrapper on. Jokes aside, this is a great song. I’m not particularly invested in Fontaines as I am for some other indie and alt-rock acts that pop up here and there on the charts, in fact, I’m not familiar with their work at all, but it doesn’t mean this can’t stand on its own as one of the leading single for their next record, which I might actually have to listen to if it’s in this vein. I was initially worried given the sprinkle of pianos over lo-fi strings and James Ford production that this would be a late-era Arctic Monkeys rip but as soon as the dejected drums came in alongside that droning lead vocal from frontman Grian Chatten, it became obvious that this would functioning in a hip hop structure through way of indie rock, with Chatten actually rapping, in full Irish accent and all, over the instrumental as if it were a collection of loops instead of a live band with some smoky if typical riffs to back him up. Lyrically, Chatten details several violent analogies that seem to coalesce into sexual desire, or at least some kind of euphoric rush, intended to be purely momentary and necessary, even if it intrudes on others, if there’s a moment of bliss to be found. It’s difficult not to see this as kinky, and I honestly get a lot of mileage out of that interpretation given how its bluntness isn’t relegated to the lyrics, before of course, the strings trickle in for an ethereal bridge about swallowing and following, and Chatten asking for someone to “hit [him] for the day”, before returning to the gnarly mantra of the hook with a sly chuckle. Come on, it’s a sex jam. A weird one, for sure, one wrapped in grotesque metaphor, but I dig this on the smoky, grimed-out level it presents itself as, and maybe I’ll have to listen to whatever comes of this upcoming project.

#58 - “Gata Only” - FloyyMenor and Cris Mj

Produced by Big Cyyu

It’s rare to see Chileans chart anywhere outside of Latin America, let alone the UK, so I do want to give this some more of a chance, especially since the synth-led production at the start is a nice, promising ambiance… that gets immediately washed out by some of the shrillest synths and cheapest reggaeton percussion I’be heard in the genre. I’m not intimately familiar with the scene but I’ve heard plenty with more character, and even reggaeton that’s relaxing and ethereal. That could have been the play for these two auto-crooners, if it wasn’t for… THAT sound they keep repeating. Translating the lyrics, though of course this can lead to miscommunication, we get little of substance to chew on either. The most mush-mouthed appearance here is from Cris Mj, who was criticised by his own fans for his overly-reverbed, robotic performance before other fans convinced him that it was cool, actually, preventing him from deleting the song or at least removing himself from it as promised. I guess it turned out well as this is both acts’ biggest worldwide hit - it’s a massive deal to get a reggaeton song of all genres to cross over to little ol’ England - but if it weren’t for its inexplicable viral success, maybe he had the right idea initially in staying humble and listening to feedback. This is rote and droll in the worst kind of way because it’s in a genre that can be so exciting and weird… yet that stuff wouldn’t dare chart over here so we have these guys. I’m sure they’re nice, talented guys, but this is not compelling in any way. I can weirdly see it growing on me through some kind of subliminal hypnosis… but I don’t see myself revisiting it enough for the brainwashing to have its effect quite yet.

#41 - “Malicious Intentions” - Pozer

Produced by RA Beats

…really? Pozer? Of all possible guys in UK rap to give a second hit, it’s Pozer? The “Kitchen Stove” guy had that much potential? Whilst I have nothing against the guy, and “Kitchen Stove” is completely fine, it’s a viral breakout hit which finds its main appeal in a novel ambient sample flip taking advantage of the Jersey club wave. He does not feel built for another #41 peak, let alone however long this ends up lasting afterwards. Ironically enough, Pozer himself was the most out of place element of that song, and he seems to have understood that. Does that mean he’s changed his flow and delivery to fit a more chill and atmospheric tone? No, not at all. He’s ditched the ambient sample, replacing it with a wave of synth strings that sound pretty triumphant and play off pretty well against incredibly bass-heavy and driven Jersey rhythms less bothered with fancy percussion additions, and more with the sheer intensity of the 808s, slowly and gradually developing into a more traditional drill beat through the eventual addition of enough additional drums, it’s a really cool idea for an instrumental, especially when it reverts to pure numbing intensity for the chorus, and serves well for what Pozer is going for: an incredibly consistent flow delivered much livelier and with a significantly bouncier, funnier grit than before, and bars that really aren’t bad. Pozer also adapts very seamlessly to the changing rhythm of the beat, and his more introspective moments stick out as perhaps surface-level but particularly potent when delivered with the same restlessness as any other bar. Unrelenting feels like a good way to describe the song, always punching and punching a bit beyond its weight and getting reversed back - and that’s the rhythm. Whilst it’s not reinventing the wheel, this is genuinely pretty infectious and difficult to not get excited to, in spite of - or because of - Pozer’s acquired delivery that takes a while to get used to but shares its realm more fairly than you’d think with such great production and a rapper I didn’t think much of until today. Well done, man, this is an unsettling piece of production that is transformed by the confidence of the rapper on it, and for that, I really dig it.

#33 - “Cry No More” - Headie One featuring Stormzy and Tay Keith

Produced by Tay Keith, Pooh Beatz and Tommy Parker

Speaking of promising UK rap, here we have Headie One with yet another single from an upcoming project titled The Last One. Whether this is a full retirement, we can never tell with rappers. But would this be a strong farewell verse? Well, yeah, it’s impeccable for Headie, it feels like a perfect example of what he does well: a cold staccato verse that runs like a train, punctuated by dejected ad-libs and delivery and paranoid, detached bars revolving around gang violence over tight drill percussion and some of the best mixes I’ve heard for a drill beat: it all sounds crisp to me, especially that warping bass. The sample may not be the most interesting melody to go for over this beat, but its sing-songy tone reassures its ability to be both eerie and anthemic, alongside the incredibly clever implementation of Asake’s “Lonely at the Top” - which peaked at #90, though weirdly I did review this one - in Stormzy’s verse. How it doesn’t feel tacky is beyond me, it feels like a genuine shout-out that matches the tone of the song perfectly and leads into the flex in a subtler way than he probably would have done without it. Notably, Stormzy goes for a similar flow to Headie but kind of shelves him in the wordplay and rhyme scheme departments, even if neither are too lyrical here, mostly showcasing a clash between the images they have to maintain and the real people behind them, though some of that may be unintentional given all the flexing that surrounds it, especially in Stormzy’s verse where they’re so well-intertwined. I was expecting to like this, but came back with even more to chew on than I thought I would, so I’m glad that, even if only for that big debut week and a few more, it can land on the chart, this is great stuff. Hyped for whatever forms out of this and “Marvin’s Sofa”, honestly two of Headie’s best singles leading up to this forthcoming record so expectations are high.

#14 - “Push Ups” - Drake

Produced by Boi-1da, Tay Keith, Preme, Fierce, Dramakid and Noel Cadastre

I’m not Kendrick Lamar so who cares what I think about a Drake diss? Genuinely, what purpose would it be for me to sit down and analyse bars that have been thoroughly annotated on Genius already, discussed and taken apart by hip hop podcasters and influencers, if not other rappers, and in some cases, went completely viral? There’s a mix of corny and clever bars here, mostly in the latter which is impressive for late-era Drake, and I hate to say he has some points regarding what seems to be a convenient, preplanned attack on Drake that just confirms his suspicion and contributes to his own narrative. The beat is hard, the mix is rough but it’s a diss track so that is the least of anyone’s concerns. I assume the abrupt beat switch, after a DJ Akademiks meme inserts itself into the song like the leech he is, is a demonstration of Drake having more bars to come, but given there’s only one real punchline in that section, it feels like a long build-up to nothing and a strange decision to include overall as an epilogue. Otherwise, it’s a fun, venomous track with some of Drake’s most well-thought-out and honestly, well-delivered bars in years. It’s crunchy, it’s to the point, and I’m excited for what Kung-Fu Kenny has to say in response.

Conclusion

He’s not getting Best of the Week though. A cool diss doesn’t always equate to a memorable or replayable song, and for me, I think Pozer of all people has the most infectious here, colour me surprised, with the evil-sounding “Malicious Intentions”, but I’ll tie him with the more joyful “Pedro” by Jaxony, Agatino Romero and the late Raffaella Carrá for a more balanced Best of the Week. Hell, there’s enough good stuff here to tie the Honourable Mention up two between Headie One, Stormzy and Tay Keith for “Cry No More” and “Starburster” by Fontaines D.C. As for the worst, it should unsurprisingly fall out quite easily: Taylor Swift has Worst of the Week for “Down Bad”, with the Dishonourable Mention going to “Gata Only” by FloyyMenor and Cris Mj. For what’s on the horizon, I mean, hopefully more good to look forward to but knowing my luck… I don’t know, Bladee? For now, thank you for reading, rest in peace to Mike Pinder, and I’ll see you next week!

[zeraphimtwins]

Backhand grip

Look at the flick of the wrist,

he's still got a mark, no Jacobs

[freshthoughts2020]

[herahearsitall]

Martin’s Sofa

Martins place holds a lot of memories, this song talks us through Headies thoughts and memories. Obviously I can’t mind read or understand all that he is saying but this is the ‘movie’ my mind played from the lyrics. My own take on Martin’s sofa.

He’s driving a bang up car that basic as fuck with a seatbelt that doesn’t fasten, left back door is forever stuck close and one pothole away from the the car being a write off. It gets him on the motorway to where his final destination is though, martins home. Some may call it a trap house but we call it a bando, drugs are definitely involved. Bad life events left Headie feeling like he lost everything and feelings stressed trying to figure out the next step while sitting on the sofa that is at martins . That sofa saw him through the lows and the hight such as after his first show that done AMAZING. Martins home is the hub of Headies current job and it means staying at the depot for a while, sleeping on that same sofa. After working hard at his other craft, music, he is now famous and he hopes it stays this way and not being forced to go back to his default life, sorting out drugs and drug runs, from martins sofa.

He even works, on martins sofa, on his birthday and his birthday wish to make more money from cocaine. There is no weed at martins house as it’s not that kind of drug den. It’s boring counting constantly while not being high though. It goes round in cycles because once the drug user comes and buys the last lot then more can be made to then make more money. With that money he won’t need to be around these people because he will have someone proper drive him around.

He is claiming his intentions are good, if it was just about drugs he could make it bigger but it’s about keeping it ticking while he funds and works on his bigger plan. Buuuut…. The Crown Prosecution Service wanted Headie to get convicted with attempted murder. Eeek.

His friends see him on the up with music but still making those trips to Martins they have to ask, why are you out there making money like that? He says that he would rather go prison for selling drugs than a gun charge, if he was to get caught, because it’s less time. His music plan can still work if he is away for a shorter time. He has to be careful because courts are giving out sentences like crazy. Going to prison constantly for stupid things (or he’s being sexist by claiming women are acting foolish. I hope not)

He’s an ‘out there boy’ doing his plans to make money publicly but it’s different when he comes to the hood because he will fuck shit up. His friend got 8 years for having a gun with him, lucky no bullets but now he has to sit around in prison until he is free. Just walking through Haringey with a hammer he will easily donk on your head but to police he is just simply walking to do some diy at a loved ones home.

Keeping his education going while making money caught up with him. He was planning on doing Monday – Friday college and then hustling at the weekends, going to different county’s to earn money, but it over-lapsed and he didn’t go to college as much.

Dad was toxic and always told Headie he was useless. Bad parenting. Well DAD, if he was that useless how could he make a lot of money in Scotland on his first day travelling from the bando.

One of his bando minions came up with some bullshit about something happening causing him to lose a package of cocaine. Headie hardly had anything left and needs to get more product. He’s in the taxi, with a gun to tell this guy don’t chat shit with lies, just sort it out and get the drugs now! He lied and said all is ok, let’s just meet up at martins sofa after the guy gets all stuff he can. Remember that gun with him in the taxi, well its with Headie on martins sofa with the guy who stole the cocaine.

Oh dear, so much has been done on that sofa it’s crazy.

Headie has daily contact with cocaine, MDMA etc but he really doesn’t want to to prison for 30 years because of it. He wants to save up £30,000 and buy a watch.

He wants the drug depot days to be over but the newspaper always capture his ways and shows the world. It reminds him he is still in it too. Because of his track record if he gets caught by the police he won’t get bail, straight to prison. It’s an unsettled like and the bando aka Martins sofa is nasty, messy and smelly from the cooking. It makes him smell and the girls are not into that stench. It’s the real trenches smell and that’s not attractive.

Headie admits he does not like to lose, he doesn’t like to fail either so if it wasn’t for a song doing well, he would of quite the whole music thing as it didn’t feel it was getting him anywhere. He wasn’t making money from it but the more shows he got he couldn’t sell drugs as he was too busy.

Martins sofa has been through a lot, including private moments with a woman while Martin was not around so doesn’t know.

(The ding-dong bait, no insurance)

( I put a two and a blue with magic, I made is assemble like the avengers) I don’t know what he means by these two lyrics at all. Does anyone?

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30/09/2023 (Nines/Tom Odell/blink-182)

Content warning: References to sex, emotional abuse, cancer and outdated memes

It’s the fourth week for “Paint the Town Red” by Doja Cat at #1 on the UK Singles Chart - welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, like clockwork, we start with our notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75 - which is what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40, and we do have some pretty notable losses this week. We see the end of two awfully premature two-week runs for hits-that-could-have-been team-ups, those being “Bongos” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion and “My Love” by Leigh-Anne featuring Ayra Starr, and we also say farewell to “I’m Just Ken” by Ryan Gosling, “Seven” by Jung Kook featuring Latto, “Talibans” by Byron Messia, in no doubt assisted in its run by a sequel / remix with Burna Boy, “UNHEALTHY” by Anne-Marie featuring Shania Twain, and finally, “Dancing is Healing” by Rudimental, Vibe Chemistry and Charlotte Plank.

What’s also interesting are our notable gains and returns, and whilst we don’t get a third song from Kylie Minogue’s newest #1 album Tension - with a new single stalling outside of the top 75 - we do get the return of “Padam Padam” at #72 and a big gain for the title track “Tension” up to #47. As for the rest of our list, we see the return of RAYE’s “Escapism.” featuring 070 Shake for… some reason and a much clearer return to #49 for Bakar’s “Hell n Back”, thanks to his recent album release, though the album didn’t make the top 10 of the albums chart and only features the song in the form of a remix featuring Summer Walker so it’s honestly just as inexplicable a return. As for our gains, it’s a mixed bunch, as there are boosts for “Another Love” by Tom Odell at #61 thanks to residual streams from his new release which we’ll get to, “ecstacy” by SUICIDAL-IDOL of all songs at #52 probably thanks to an okay remix with syris and 6arelyhuman, because of course, those guys are certified hitmakers, then “Back on 74” by Jungle at #41 again probably in part thanks to a remix by Joy Anonymous but still awesome nonetheless, “PARK CHINOIS” by Headie One and K-Trap at #39 thanks to the album release which we’ll also get to later, “My Love Mine All Mine” by MItski at #34 (this four-way streak of gains is pretty great actually), “City Boys” by Burna Boy at #17 and “Water” by Tyla continuing to be a surprise hit at #16.

As for our top five, well, as I kind of expected, “greedy” by Tate McRae continues to do well as it scoots to #5 off of the debut, and then we see the usual: “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo at #4, “Prada” by casso, RAYE and D-Block Europe at #3, “Strangers” by Kenya Grace continuing up to #2, and finally, of course, “Paint the Town Red” at the top. Now to get to our business as usual.

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 - “Would You (go to bed with me?)” - Campbell and Alcemist

Produced by Campbell, Alcemist and Franklin

For some context, Campbell and Alcemist are both drum and bass producers, and they released this song back in July. It’s not exactly inaccessible but definitely not the typical drum and bass hit, with a piercing horn line that just blares over all the production mist clouding around it, as well as a spoken word sample that’s purposefully awkward about finding someone attractive and wanting to sleep with them. These are all sampled elements from a song called “Would You…?” by the jazz group Touch & Go, and with the organic percussion, that insanely infectious jazz hook hits even harder - it hit #3 in 1998 and is in my opinion, a perfect song. By the way, “Believe” by Cher was #1 that week. Now how well does it translate to drum and bass? Pretty naturally, given the fast-paced jittery feel of the original and the memetic nature of the vocals. As someone who is into jazzstep, best genre name ever by the way, it’s pretty great to see drum and bass that uses horns directly influenced by jazz on the charts, and even if it’s in a harder, bass-heavy jump-up style rather than cribbing from atmospherics, the sample flip - though admittedly kind of a copy-paste job in some ways - sticks the landing incredibly well. Now why is this drum and bass remix of a forgotten jazz single from 1998 with no real chorus charting? I have no idea, but what may help it next week is the fact that the day I am writing this, they released a Caity Baser remix, and I have no idea why anyone told her she could rap. She is incredibly awkward, somehow deflated-sounding despite putting all of her energy in it, and ultimately cringeworthy, clashing against the intended subtle awkwardness of the original vocal so hard that it’s almost impressive how far they missed the point. Now speaking of obvious samples to rip from…

#56 - “Got Me Started” - Troye Sivan

Produced by Ian Kirkpatrick

Troye. Troye, Troye, Troye. One of the loveliest elements of “Rush” is the fact that there is no sample, seemingly, and that instead its filtered hook is completely original yet made to emulate the French house style through editing. It’s a brilliant work of songwriting, even if the song has slightly soured on me since release. So I know for a fact you and your co-writers didn’t need to do whatever the Hell this is. If you were on the Internet in 2017, you probably remember the weedy synth line from “Shooting Stars” by Bag Raiders, a song that was originally released in 2009 and became a very minor dance hit in Australia, the group’s native country, but never charted here. “Get Me Started” takes that Internet meme melody and essentially just drops it to the most “memorable” or “TikTok-worthy” parts of an otherwise completely average cloudy dance-pop jam about doing it. It’s in the intro to catch your attention, and the transition into the actual song is fine, but then it completely disappears, and the melodies they bring through the pads don’t really replicate the original lead or anything, so it seems like a troll… but then the pitch-shifted chorus ends and abruptly, almost as if it were a mistake, you get the “Shooting Stars” melody played completely straight over the song’s rhythm section. Then as if he’s hurrying to try and make sense of it, Troye delivers an awfully manipulated vocal take of incoherence in an attempt to harmonise with the synth lead. This is pathetic, desperate and just sad to hear in a year that has relied so much on these recognisable samples. There’s little to no attempt to effectively sequence this sample into the song. It’s just there, because you remember the song, right? Or you remember the meme from six years ago? Let’s just redo the meme, that was already taking a seven-year-old song’s chorus, and repackage it in marketable Troye Sivan form. The original song is so good because it is from 2009, and it goes for a purposeful clash between the despair present in much of the song, especially the lead vocal, and that earworm of a hook, until the chorus comes in by the end of the song and the synth line finally makes sense. It’s incredibly satisfying. Repackaging it to be as straightforward as possible with no respect for the source material outside of its meme factor is almost YouTube Poop-esque, which I would respect and find fascinating if it was clear that any passion was involved in the rest of the seemingly unrelated song. There is no comedy in the shock of that drop, just exhaustion.

#31 - “TRIPLE THREAT” - Headie One, K-Trap and Clavish

Produced by M1OnTheBeat, Likkle Dotz OTB and Ghosty

I have not listened to that Headie One and K-Trap collaborative album yet - been a bit too busy for new releases - but I am pretty impressed it got to #4. I know Headie’s big but he was kind of the decline right up until he took K-Trap under his wing for STRENGTH TO STRENGTH, with this cut getting the video push, and well, I’ll give it to Clavish, this is the first verse I’ve heard from him that I think he does very well on. His flow is tighter, he comes in with more energy than I think he ever has before, and there are honestly some pretty good lines, with his usual problem of leaving too much empty space really not here, which is impressive considering how this beat is pure menace with the waves of synths under particularly metallic drill percussion. Hell, he’d have the best verse here if Headie One wasn’t so effortlessly sick with his looser rhyme schemes, rich voice and memorable punchlines. With all of that said, the beat gets dryer overtime - the song’s not too long but the instrumental is pretty unmoving and copy-paste for it to work when K-Trap comes in and he has the loosest flow of all of them, leading to more awkwardness than there probably should be in his otherwise decent verse. Outside of that brief issue, I think this is still very solid drill, I’m honestly glad there’s still drill charting that’s as intense and dark as this.

#29 - “Agora Hills” - Doja Cat

Produced by Earl on the Beat, Gentuar Memishi, Jean Baptiste and Bangs

It’s no surprise to see that Scarlet, a fascinatingly bad self-immolation on Doja’s behalf, is under-performing compared to Planet Her, and whilst the fall isn’t drastic - this album still made it to #5 on the albums chart - it is telling that this of all songs is what is being pushed and what fans are gravitating to. First things first, this song samples “All I Do is Think About You”, a song originally cut by the Jackson 5 in their declining last few years on Motown before being popularised by Troop in 1989. It was a minor hit on the pop charts but very big on the R&B charts, and Troop’s is the version sampled because I mean, she can’t afford good mixing on this project two thirds of the time so I assume a Michael Jackson sample was also too much. The song never charted in the UK. Second things second, this song is pretty explicitly about Doja Cat’s current boyfriend who has some harassment allegations lept towards him, as well as some edgy X posts, with Doja emphasising the appeal of people not appreciating their relationship, sexualising the idea that they might get caught and harassed or trolled. There are sarcastic interludes about how she lives in a mansion, verses comparing herself to Fortnite and him to Jesus, a chorus threatening to tie the knot all delivered playfully as if she’s dangling keys in front of children and, considering that Mr. Cyrus allegedly had manipulated and emotionally abused several women and members of his Twitch community, a particularly striking line about how she doesn’t care where his penis has been - there aren’t sexual misconduct accusations as far as I’m aware but I feel like Doja jumped the defensive gun with that one and hints towards levels of discomfort I don’t think is actually even there. Third things third, Earl’s on the beat - this is a gorgeous production. Sure, the bass is mastered strangely, but the filtered 80s R&B synths skate under the expected trap skitter really well, and whilst Doja doesn’t do much R&B in this record, this song features her best vocal harmonies possibly ever during the refrain. Fourth things fourth, I have to ask the question: do I care more about how a song sounds or what it’s trying to convey? Can I really separate them? Last things last, I really don’t know.

#28 - “ONE MORE TIME” - blink-182

Produced by Travis Barker

blink-182’s comeback single, “EDGING”, was a horrible and misguided attempt at replicating their older humour. However, I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt that this was a purposeful “sellout” or troll moment just to excuse the high ticket prices and get some viral bombast to their comeback record with the original line-up. This song goes for nostalgia in the video but is also a pretty genuine reflection on how tragedies and hardships in the members’ lives have brought them closer, such as how Mark Hoppus fought cancer quite recently. So I feel kind of like a terrible person for thinking this song is pretty bad. It’s a rote acoustic guitar line accompanied by really rough vocals from Tom DeLonge and stock pianos that sound straight out of the 90s, but not blink’s 90s, more like the adult contemporary and dream trance of the 90s. The lyrics carry weight but not in a way that is all that poetic or hard-hitting, and the melodramatic “emo” delivery isn’t doing the already whiny vocal melodies all that much justice. The vocal mixing - especially for Mark - is unacceptable for a band asking that much for a concert ticket, and Travis Barker isn’t left with much to do, especially not in that underdeveloped outro which lets a final “I miss you” sit there in the air before an increasingly sappy instrumental passage. I know this is human, I know this is genuine and to a lot of fans, going to bring back some memories, I’m sure. For me, I’m just sad the boys don’t have it in him to make a genuinely crushing single like they used to.

#21 - “Black Friday” - Tom Odell

Produced by Tom Odell and Cityfall

Thanks to the bizarre longevity of “Another Love”, Tom Odell is a mainstay on the UK Singles Chart, but he’s finally got another single in the top 40 and it does indeed have an acoustic guitar line. It has strings, a vocal take from Mr. Odell that implements reverb and softer vocal delivery, singing lyrics about love and relationships in a particularly frail cadence. In fact, so frail that I have to get out of ChatGPT mode and wonder what actually is going on in this song. It starts with an obscure soundscape that ends up being drowned out by the typical folk-pop, and even then it isn’t all that typical given the distance the mix gives the guitar and the subtle squeals before the first verse. Odell seems a bit checked-out and paranoid, not able to enjoy the time he’s spending with his partner, as he feels like a burden due to his inability to truly be happy and have fun, feeling like he’s being carried by his partner - or really friend as there’s not that much romance here - through life. Spending time with them almost confuses him, it seems, due to his perceived inability for self-improvemnet, with that falsetto warble in the chorus as he asks what is happening to him wavers on the drumless forest like he’s calling out for help. Sure, some of the lyrics may feel a bit cliché or stunted, but the performance definitely makes up, especially in that second chorus where he starts belting over a swell of strings and rushijng percussion that so cathartically crashes into a symphonic Britpop-esque instrumental, never fully erasing his yelped question: “what is happening to us?” It could be mixed a bit more dynamically at times during that impactful bridge, but otherwise, um, this may be a fantastic song. Colour me kind of confused and very corrected about Tom Odell, this is beautiful.

#20 - “Daily Duppy” - Nines featuring GRM Daily

Produced by Karlos

And we end, somehow, with a Nines freestyle. Huh. Well, you know the drill by now, GRM Daily is a YouTube channel that invites UK rappers to freestyle in this Daily Duppy series, and the biggest guest stars end up having their single officially released and charting. This beat from Karlos is one of the best I’ve heard from Daily Duppy freestyles, given the smoothly-blended 90s R&B loop being very effectively chopped up under a very hard trap beat. Oh, and Nines is here. I’d prefer if he weren’t. Yup, that’s it. What did you expect? It’s Nines, he doesn’t say anything interesting, and his dull flow actively detracts from a beat that deserves so much more personality. This is also just one long verse as usual, so there’s not a catchy hook or anything to latch onto sadly. Just kind of a wasted beat - and even that overstays its welcome a tad.

Conclusion

I feel like “Agora Hills” sums up this week pretty well because it really was kind of a binary clash between good and terrible for the most part. As a result, these titles fall out pretty easily. Best of the Week goes to Tom Odell of all people for “Black Friday”, as the Honourable Mention ends up in the hands of Alcemist and Campbell for “Would You (go to bed with me?)” though that sample is doing a lot of lifting. As for the worst, Troye Sivan gets the Worst of the Week handedly for “Got Me Started”, it’s practically insulting. I do feel bad for saying it but blink-182 get the Dishonourable Mention and really aren’t that far behind with “ONE MORE TIME”, sadly. As for what’s on the horizon, I don’t think it’ll be too busy of a chart outside of maybe Ed Sheeran but my predictions are pretty awful so take me with a grain of salt. For now, thank you for reading and I’ll see you next week!

[cediweb]

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