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connan-l · 8 days

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Made of lace

Fandom: Natsume’s Book of Friends Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Hinoe/Benio, one-sided Hinoe/Reiko Natsume Summary: Hinoe gets a gift from a human. Benio doesn't get it, until she does. [Femslash February 2024 Day 12: Dress] Words: 7,253 Link: AO3 | Fanfiction.net

Notes: When are you going to bring back Benio Miss Midorikawa!!

Hinoe/Benio as a ship is funny to me — I mostly like them cause I think they’re very aesthetically pleasing, but concretely I’m not sure how well they’d actually work. In the tiny glimpses we get of their relationship it doesn’t seem like Hinoe likes Benio at all lol, and we don’t know what Benio’s feelings about her could be. But hey, that’s what fics are for. (Also, I guess technically they don’t entirely fit for Femfeb given yokai aren’t supposed to care much about gender — or at least Benio likely doesn’t. But well.)

Reiko gets mentioned a lot in this too and it was completely against my will… I didn’t intend to make her such a big part of the story but in the end that’s how it went. Sorry I guess I just love Reiko too much so I can’t help it haha.

Like I said in the tag, the Hinoe/Reiko is one-sided much like in canon; but although I don’t think she returned her feelings I do like the idea that Reiko was still fond of Hinoe in some way. It’s hard to tell what Reiko’s feelings on Hinoe were in canon given we only ever get Hinoe’s perspective, but I feel that’s something that might be implied too in the series.

* * *

The thing is, Benio don’t really understand the concept of caring.

Not for other yokai, and certainly, especially not for humans. She does understand it for herself, though; she certainly care about staying alive and feeling content and being entertained. But other people or beings or whatever they might be — that’s something she’s never managed to muster the slightest care for.

Benio lives for herself first and foremost, and truthfully, most ayakashi do as well.

She does understand the concept of respect, though. There are some yokai, usually the powerful ones, that she respects and whom she doesn’t like seeing disrespected. This is the case, for instance, of Lord Riou.

Benio has known Lord Riou for as long as she could remember — she has no idea who between the two of them is the oldest, but through their centuries of mutual coexistence, they probably share a similar lifespan. Ayakashi never pay much attention to time, after all; such a silly, superficial thing best left to the humans.

But Lord Riou does pay attention to time. He pays attention to respect, too — but where he deviates from Benio and most other inhabitants of the forest, is that he also respect, weirdly enough, the humans. That’s the odd particuliarity about Lord Riou — he cares, too much, about too many things. Useless things, like the humans. He cares about making the yokai of the forest, who venerate him like a king, respect humans too. “They’re living creatures just like us,” he said once. “So if you want to keep living on my territory, then you have to let them live in peace as well. I will not tolerate anything else.”

This is utterly ridiculous to Benio, and she knows most yokai think that way as well — after all, what good humans are really for? Poor frail little things, most of them not even capable of just sensing their presence, making a mess of everything that cross their path. They’re only good to torment and to eat for dinner — and even then not all of them are tasty. Most of the forest inhabitants think like this, but they still respect Riou too much to dare challenge him. Lord Riou is powerful, after all — and although he might be about the same age as Benio, he is definitely much, much stronger. And strength is law in their world.

But even with all this strength, Lord Riou never touch humans — because, for some stupid, unfathomable reason, Lord Riou loves them. He often disguises himself as one of their kin, spend time in their villages, play around, talk, laugh with them. And whenever he comes back, there’s a brightness in his eyes, an awed look on his face; and the wonder radiating from his being sometimes even makes it hard to just look at him. Because it makes Benio ponders what on earth he might’ve found in the human village that gave him this expression — what on earth might’ve gotten him to care so much.

“He got his heart stolen,” Lady Hinoe says during a party before laughing loudly. “What a pitiful thing.”

Benio doesn’t know Lady Hinoe very much. She’d seen her and talked to her a few times here and there, and she had heard of her even before that. Hinoe is quite famous around here, after all; the bearer of curses who loves stealing the hearts of innocent, pretty humans girls only to torment them later on — and who does much worse to human men. She’s among the only ayakashi allowed to speak poorly of Lord Riou in these parts, because she is also very strong and anyone daring to criticizes her would get themselves cursed.

They say she is actually a real romantic despite her habit of breaking human girls’ hearts — and that she goes around looking for female yokai lovers in desperate search of her one true love. Benio thinks this particular part is ridiculous — romance means caring, and caring is something that would never makes any sense to her. Yokai who so desperately tries to replicate humans’ stupid relationships and customs are the most abject of beings to her. Nevertheless, she has to admit that a part of her cannot help but be interested by Lady Hinoe. She is quite powerful and elegant and gorgeous, after all, and Benio loves beauty. She’ll always be a butterfly at heart, unable to resist the attraction of shiny pretty things. However, she does find Lady Hinoe too boisterous for her tastes, often lacking in delicacy, and so that actively discourages her to get any closer to her.

She thinks, however, that Lady Hinoe must be right about Lord Riou this time. He must have gotten a part of him stolen by the humans; and in turns, he often come back with things he took from them, too.

“I haven’t stolen anything from them, Benio,” he replies to her once, after pulling out an ugly fake puppy made of cotton he’d gotten from that human hunter he mentions regularly. Riou always takes the appearance of a child when he goes to the village, so that might be why the hunter thought he’d like a stuffed animal. “He gave it to me. As my friend.”

Benio snorts, and manage to not roll her eyes. “Friend. And what are you going to even do with this, Lord Riou?”

“Cherish it, of course. This is what gifts from people you love are for, don’t you agree?”

Benio huffs, and thinks, I don’t love people, even less so if these people are humans. And while she doesn’t say it out loud, Riou seems to read it on her face, because then he gives her a strange, fond look, and gently smile at her.

Benio thinks she hates that smile. Such a soft thing is unbefitting of being on the face of one of the strongest yokai she knows, one who rule over the forest.

“That’s a sad thing to not agree on. I hope you do, one day.”

And then Benio actually let herself laugh.

What a ridiculous king. She wishes she didn’t respect him as much.

* * *

Reiko Natsume. Lady Natsume. Natsume of the Book of Friends. Or, sometimes, just ‘Reiko’ or just ‘Natsume.’

Benio doesn’t really remember when that human’s name started spreading like wildfire among yokai, but the moment it did it seemed to be all they could talk about. She seemed like a disease, almost; poisoning and destroying everything on her way. She mercilessly took the names of any who dared to oppose her, weaponizing such terrifying powers, and she quickly became a legend among the forest and mountains; a girl as powerful as a god and as scary as an oni.

Among all these rumors, Benio can’t really tell the truth from the lie, but no one is spared. Even Lord Riou gets challenged by her and, stunningly, actually loses — which the whole forest still hasn’t gotten over. And, maybe unsurprisingly, even Lord Madara and Lady Hinoe seems taken by the strange phenomenon.

“Lord Madara, what’s going on with Lady Hinoe?” Benio asks the large wolfish creature one night.

Benio has known Madara for quite some time; although much like Riou, she wouldn’t be able to tell how many. He is older than her, though, she is pretty sure; older than most ayakashi around, really. Much like Benio, he doesn’t like people, yokai or humans — so that’s a rarity to see him at a party. The only thing the grumpy Lord Madara seems to enjoy is his sake, but he generally prefer to enjoy it alone; that’s why Benio was so surprised to see him here tonight.

Although he does seem more social lately, for some reason. Coincidentally since Natsume has started hanging around here. Madara is hard to get along with, but Benio finds him amusing. He is always complaining and trying to keep his distance with everyone, but at the end of the day, he is not that different from Lord Riou — both have a heart way too soft for all the power they possesses; but the difference is that Lord Riou wear that heart in his sleeve, while Lord Madara tries to hide it has much as possible.

The beast slurps at his large cup of sake, then snorts as his gaze poise on the blue-haired yokai slumped against a tree. She’s alone, frowning, and clearly not having a great time. In fact, it doesn’t even seem like she wants to be here at all.

“She’s gotten rejected by Natsume,” he explains, and Benio arches an eyebrow.

“Natsume? Did she stole her name?”

“Worse. She stole her heart.”

Benio blinks. Doesn’t really understand the meaning of that until long, long seconds later.

“What?”

“Natsume didn’t even want her name. Hinoe got smitten, but the girl doesn’t want to have anything to do with her.”

“S— Smitten? Lady Hinoe? With a human?”

That sounds so ridiculous Benio can’t even wrap her mind around it. Lady Hinoe fooled around with human girls a lot, but only to torment them. She certainly never had any real feelings for them. Even a yokai falling for another yokai in itself was ludicrous, so for a human?

How shameful. Disgusting. Benio can’t even bear the idea.

“The girl turned her trick on her,” Lord Madara continues. “How pathetic.”

“You say this as if you don’t spend all your time hanging out around that Natsume human as well,” another ayakashi throws at Lord Madara, and then a couple others chuckles. The moment the old wolf glares at them, however, they cut it off instantly.

It is true, though. Benio has heard about Lord Madara’s strange habit to spend time with the girl as well. Which is even more mesmerizing than Lady Hinoe’s newfound love to her, given how much he hates people. Not that she’d actually say that to his face, of course — she values her life too much.

Benio sighs, then, after a moment of consideration, she leaves Lord Madara’s side and approaches Lady Hinoe. She sit down next to her, but Hinoe barely acknowledges her presence.

“Good evening, Lady Hinoe. Don’t you look lovely tonight,” she says, and Hinoe huffs.

“Go away, Benio. I don’t want to entertain you.”

“So that is true, then? You got infatuated with some human? How disgraceful.”

“Reiko isn’t ‘some human.’ Watch your tongue.”

Benio scoffs. “What is so special about that girl, anyway? Is she the big one true love you’ve been looking for?”

Finally, Lady Hinoe turns her head towards her, red eyes glaring and red lips tight with anger. Benio don’t look away. Lady Hinoe is stronger than her, but that doesn’t mean Benio fear her, either.

“Someone like you could never understand.”

And Hinoe’s probably right, too. Benio never cared for caring about anyone but her, after all.

Even so, she doesn’t leave Lady Hinoe. She stays there, next to her, for the rest of the party — and it’s not to comfort her, certainly not, but even Benio wouldn’t be able to tell a reason if anyone asked.

* * *

Benio finds out what the big deal about Reiko Natsume is not long after that.

It all happens very quickly; one moment she was simply leisurely walking down the river as usual, and the next she found herself spectator of a conflict between a young girl and a dozen of tsuchigumo wanting to skin her alive. The human has no problem taking them down all at once thanks to a weird long, polished stick covered in talismans, and Benio watches the whole thing take place without a sound, a little bemused. She wasn’t going to feel bad for the tsuchigumo — as a butterfly yokai herself she very much was not their biggest fan — but she did feel quite baffled a little human girl was able to demonstrate such a show of strength.

It doesn't take long for Benio to realize that this girl was none other than the infamous Reiko Natsume, owner of the Book of Friends — after all, who else could it be? There certainly were no other human around that would fit the description. When she noticed Benio’s presence after her showdown with the tsuchigumo, Natsume grinned and challenged her to a match — but Benio liked her name and independence too much to accept it. She changed into a butterfly and flew off before the girl could say anything more, and she seemed quite shocked to have been rebutted that way. Benio supposes that didn’t happen very often to her, after all — and she would learn later the only other ayakashi who had ever refused one of her games was Lord Madara himself.

Benio kept catching glimpses of Reiko Natsume here and there after that. Sometimes with Madara, sometimes with Hinoe, sometimes alone. And… well — for as much as Benio had been pretty annoyed by the obsession the yokai of the forest had for that child, right now, she had to admit that she did start to feel intrigued. At least a little. There was definitely something… special, emanating from this girl. She was just so different from other humans, so mesmerizing; a little scary, a little endearing, a little sad; and it was hard not to be captivated. She was also quite pretty, with her long silver hair and sharp green eyes — and on that sense, Benio supposed Lady Hinoe didn’t have bad tastes. Benio was not, would never be, enthralled by such a creature — Benio did not care. But the more she caught sight of the little human girl, the more the ambient fascination made sense.

But at the very least she felt relieved that she would never behave as ridiculously as Lady Hinoe when it came to Reiko Natsume. The poor thing seemed to have completely thrown her pride away; whenever the girl was around or even just mentioned, she would become so utterly joyful, ecstatic, euphoric. Desperate to get her attention or please her in anyway. Benio had never seen her like that before, ever.

And despite how beautiful Lady Hinoe usually was, Benio could barely stand to stare at her in that state.

It is during one sunny summer morning that Benio comes across Lady Hinoe in the strangest form of all. She is, as often lately, in a particular good mood; humming to herself, spinning around like a little child with a big smile; but her expression isn’t the only strange thing. What she’s wearing is.

This is a dress. A human dress, Benio presumes — and more than presumes, actually, she realizes while scrunching her nose because that thing stinks of humans. How is Lady Hinoe able to wear this without throwing up is baffling.

It is of a delicate, deep scarlet color, all in lace and fluff, tightening Lady Hinoe’s silhouette from the shoulders to the knee and leaving her arms completely bare. Maybe Benio would find it pretty if it wasn’t for the fact this is something clearly made for humans by humans, and humans are the ugliest thing in the world.

(Well, except Reiko Natsume, but she does not count. Benio sometimes even doubt that this girl is human at all.)

Lady Hinoe finally notices her presence as she stops being busy contemplating her silhouette in the surface of the river. She turns around, her strawberry lips matching her eyes and dress smiling brightly at her — and if Benio’s heart twitches a little at the sight, well, she simply ignores it, like she does most things she doesn’t like. Lady Hinoe must be in an especially good mood today for her to smile like this at Benio of all people, instead of her face crumpling in distaste like she usually does upon seeing her.

“Oh ho! Look who’s here, if that isn’t Benio.” She spins around once again, then take a pan of her dress in order to show off the outfit. “How do I look?”

Benio arches an eyebrow at her cheerfulness. “Human.”

She can’t help it. She certainly would never gave a compliment to anyone when they’re wearing something man-made, and even less so to Lady Hinoe.

The bearer of curses groan, then roll her eyes. “Well, yes, it is.”

“And you’re still wearing it.”

“I do. I don’t like human things, but this one is different.”

“Different how so?”

Hinoe grins, almost smugly, as if she knows a secret nobody else knows. “Reiko gave it to me.”

Somehow, that might explains the blasphemous sight of a yokai wearing humans’ clothes she has in front of her, but that only manage to make Benio feel even more confused.

“Why would she do that?”

Finally, Lady Hinoe’s smile falter a little at this, and a slight frown take its place instead. “That, I’m not really sure. She just told me she ended up getting this dress, but she doesn’t like it, so she gave it to me instead.”

“How nice of her.”

“Isn’t it? To think I’m the first woman she thinks of when she needs to give a dress to someone!”

And she is sincere, too. Her red eyes are shining, her cheeks are tainted of a slight blush and her smile is so big it might threaten to swallow her whole face. She looks so happy, and so in love, and Benio’s mouth turns to ashes.

She cannot believe how delusional Lady Hinoe is when it comes to Reiko Natsume. She doesn’t even have the heart to point out the poor lonely girl probably doesn’t even know any other woman besides Hinoe — as much as a yokai can be called a ‘woman,’ anyway — and that she literally said she did not like that dress. It isn’t a sweet, thoughtful gift, more like something Natsume didn’t know what to do with and threw at Lady Hinoe at random because she wanted to get rid of it.

(Although truthfully, why didn’t she just threw it in the trash then is a bit of a mystery.)

But Lady Hinoe doesn’t even seem to care about any of that. To her, it is a nice gesture from Natsume towards her, specifically — and so she accepts it like birds throwing themselves at bread crumbs.

“She even called me beautiful, you know? She said it’d fit me. So I’ve decided I was just going to wear it all the time now. Maybe then she’ll keep calling me beautiful!”

“I think she’d rather you stop following her around like that all the time. Doesn’t humans have a word for that? And they threw people in cages for it as well?”

Lady Hinoe rolls her eyes. “I don’t ‘follow her around all the time.’ And anyway, that’s not the topic now. You still haven’t answered my question. Do I look good? I think I’ll try a new haircut too, so I need to know.”

Benio feels like she’s facing a strange dilemma. There can only be one response to this question, because truthfully Lady Hinoe is beautiful and, objectively speaking, so is this dress despite its… humanness, so there’s no way she cannot say yes. But the whole perspective of Lady Hinoe, the cruel, powerful bearer of curses, dressing up in a human dress just to pleases a human girl and having the slight, slight chance of gaining a little bit of her care, is so nauseating to Benio.

She may understand the fascination for Natsume, but she just cannot, no matter what, wrap her mind around why Lady Hinoe let herself degrade herself like this that badly.

“You know she’s going to die one day, right?” She says instead of replying. “Quicker than you’ll realize, too. One day you’ll blink and she’ll be all wrinkled and gray-haired and she’ll be a rotting corpse before you even notice it. You know that, right?”

And Benio doesn’t think she’s being particularly cruel here — this is something only normal, logical, to know about. This is one of the reasons why caring for humans — for anyone, really, but especially for humans — is so utterly ridiculous.

This is why Benio refuses to be as stupid as Lady Hinoe and Lord Madara and all those other dull-witted yokai who got their names and hearts stolen and yearn endlessly for the affection of a girl who doesn’t even know how to love.

Benio may enjoy Reiko Natsume, may have fun watching her dominates the forest — but she’ll never, ever allows herself to love her.

But then at her words Hinoe’s face crumple. It feels as if Benio told her the most evil thing she’s ever heard, and she first briefly looks afflicted before quickly switching to anger — and Benio instinctively flinch, then, because an angry Lady Hinoe is never something good to witness.

“Right,” she says with so much spite Benio feel a chill going down her spine. “I don’t know why I even bothered to ask you. I don’t care what you think. Go be a miserable, bitter insect and die all alone in a corner without anyone caring for you.”

And then Lady Hinoe simply turns around and leaves, and Benio thinks she would’ve preferred she put a curse on her instead. Although she feels a little like she was forced to suddenly swallows a thousands of needles, so maybe she did curse her after all, Benio just hasn’t noticed it.

Once the shock fade away, however, it is Benio’s turn to feel angry. Because who is being the fool here, really? Benio is the one who’s going to die alone and miserable, when Hinoe’s the idiot pinning for a mortal girl she’ll never have?

Benio may die alone, one day, in a few thousands of centuries, but she will most certainly not die miserable.

Because unlike Hinoe, and Madara, and Riou and all those other mindless dunces, she knows perfectly what to expects from life and doesn’t try to yearn for anything more.

On that sense, she is pretty sure that she and Reiko Natsume are exactly the same.

* * *

The day the owner of the Book of Friends disappears plunge the forest into deep, deep mourning.

So many of the forest inhabitants looks for her, begs for her presence, calls her name — but as usual, Reiko Natsume is cold and unfeeling and she never, ever calls anyone back.

Benio has no idea what happened to her, but one day she just stopped coming — and that shouldn’t be surprising, really, with that whimsical girl, but it doesn’t change the feeling of something being suddenly missing. Benio doesn’t really think she’s dead — because truthfully, no matter how much she made fun of Lady Hinoe for seemingly thinking Reiko Natsume would always be here, there’s something a little… everlasting, about that girl. She is a human, a mortal, but she doesn’t really seems like one — so the idea of anyone getting the best of her sounds ludicrous.

But she stops coming. Regardless of what actually happened to her, that still means she’s not here anymore; and so she might as well be dead. Most yokai around seems to understand that and starts mourning her as such. Even Lord Misuzu of the swamp has become much more quieter than usual.

This is also followed by the disappearance of Lord Riou — and then of Lord Madara. It almost feels like the girl took those two down with her, even if she feels that can’t be right. Although it might be for Lord Madara. He was, after all, spending most of his time with her, so it wouldn’t be surprising if he was somehow involved in her sudden vanishment.

Benio doesn’t mourn. She never cared for Reiko Natsume, she keeps repeating to herself — so whether she comes or not to the forest anymore, it is none of business.

Benio doesn’t mourn, and doesn’t care — but sometimes, ever so slightly, she feels like she can catch the sight of a silver thread behind a tree, of a fluttering skirt at the detour of a bushes, the swing of a stick covered in talismans whenever she sees a tsuchigumo; and every time she’s proven to be wrong, she feels her heart deflates in disappointment, in a strange sadness that she doesn’t quite understand. Doesn’t really let herself understand.

That’s an ache in her chest that an uncaring person like her doesn’t need — that she swore to herself she would never feel, and she just… doesn’t know what to do with it.

She tries to bear it; doesn’t have any other choice. Hopes it’ll fade away with time.

(It doesn’t.

And then she feels like the biggest fool of them all — because for as much as she looked down on all those other yokai who let themselves gets attached, she’s really not that different.

She preserved her name, but her heart was snatched away regardless.)

That aches that Benio feels, however, is clearly nothing in comparison to what Lady Hinoe must feel.

Truthfully, she doesn’t really sees her in the days and weeks and months that follows Natsume’s disappearance. Mostly because Hinoe spend all this time looking for her, and the few times Benio catch sight of her is when she’s coming back to the forest, alone and empty handed and with eyes darker than hell itself. Benio vaguely heard rumors of Natsume and Hinoe having had a falling out of sorts before she left, so she wonders if maybe, on top of missing her, Hinoe simply feels guilty. Maybe she thinks Natsume is deliberately ignoring her; which, for all she knows, might actually be true. She looks like a ghost, wandering around looking for the girl, doing favors for random yokai so that they might maybe give her the slightest bit of information about her lost beloved.

None of it works, of course, because Benio has no doubt that if Reiko Natsume doesn’t want to be found, no one will be able to do it. So the months and years goes by, and Lady Hinoe looks more and more wretched; just a shadow of her former glorious self. She has no interest in tricking and tormenting young girls anymore, no interest in the parties and sake, no interest in throwing curse around just because she can. The yokai still speak about Natsume of the Book of Friends, in discreet whispers and awed voices, but the more time flow by with no sight of the girl, and the more she feels like an actual legend, sometimes posing doubt as to whether she even really existed in the first place.

One day, Benio come across Lady Hinoe in the dim light of a clearing. She’s all alone, her long blue hair cascading her shoulders, wearing her usual kimono. She’s staring down at something, on the ground, with vacant eyes.

Benio wishes she could say meeting Lady Hinoe here is a coincidence, like it is most times, but… it isn’t. She’s actually been keeping an eye on her for some time now, even tracking her around. If Hinoe noticed that, she did not make any mentions of it.

Benio doesn’t do it because she cares. She doesn’t. This is just… out of curiosity. To sees what Lady Hinoe intends to do next.

And that pitiful sight in front of her — a disheveled woman, shadow of the mighty, feared yokai she used to be, also does nothing to her heart. No ache at all. Benio doesn’t feel angry in the slightest about seeing someone as powerful and beautiful as Lady Hinoe in such a state, when she should know better — when she should’ve known better from the start.

“You knew she was going to leave at some point, right?” Benio asks. Lady Hinoe doesn’t answer. Doesn’t move. “If not leave, she would have died one day. Or what? Did you think you could convince her to stay here her whole life? That you would’ve been able to — turn her into one of us, somehow?”

Not that it would’ve been impossible. Humans turning into yokai are not uncommon, after all; although Benio herself has met very few of them. And for someone as unhappy, lonely and powerful as Reiko Natsume, who had already been shunned by her own kin and sometimes even barely felt human at all — well, honestly, it probably wouldn’t have have been that hard or surprising. Though the idea very much repulse Benio.

In some way, humans are much like butterflies; they live only for an instant and disappear just as soon — but there's still a major difference between them, and it's their ways of life. Benio was blessed to become a yokai, but humans should just stay humans. They do not possesses the aptitude to becomes eternal creatures defying their fates. Is that any wonder that every human-turned-yokai she’s heard of are miserable beings that are only talked about as tragedies, unable to truly fit in and accept their newfound condition? Benio never missed her past before turning into a yokai, but that’s because she used to only be a mindless insect with no dreams or wishes of her own. A human, on the other hand, would always mourn the former life they got robbed of.

But this is also the only thing that Benio have over Reiko Natsume. She’ll never be as strong or as fascinating as her or win over Lady Hinoe’s heart as thoroughly as she did, but at least Benio would get to share that eternal life with Hinoe.

“I knew,” Lady Hinoe suddenly says without looking up from the ground, almost surprising Benio. “I knew… that she was going to be gone one day.” She chuckles, but it sounds empty, even to Benio’s ears. “Truthfully, I also knew she didn’t care much for me. I’m not like Madara; I was only one of many yokai to her — and she probably has already forgotten all about me. She didn’t even judge me interesting enough to have in her Book.”

Benio doesn’t point out Lord Madara wasn’t in the Book of Friends either. She isn’t sure what it means, if it means anything at all; but she doesn’t think her name being in the Book or not is any indication of Natsume’s feelings for Lady Hinoe either way.

But it’s not like it matter much anymore.

Reiko Natsume is gone, so no one will ever be able to tell.

“Why are you still here?” Lady Hinoe asks, and suddenly she lifts her head towards Benio.

Her ruby eyes are very dark, very empty; and Benio… Benio, as it has often been the case in the last few years, can’t stand to look at them. Can’t stand to see her eyes so dull and dead.

That is not a look that the great Lady Hinoe, bearer of the curses, should have.

She might have found her disgusting, but she would take back the lively, cheerful Lady Hinoe in love any day over this one.

So for once, Benio decides to be honest.

“I thought you would need the company.”

Lady Hinoe stares at her in silence. It is like she is trying to gauge the veracity of those words, and Benio actually wishes she can tell that she is being honest.

But then the moment is gone, and Hinoe just laughs.

“I don’t want company.”

Lady Hinoe turns around, and it is only now that Benio realizes what the other ayakashi has been staring at all this time on the ground: the scarlet human dress. It looks dirty and teared apart at the seams, and Benio looks down at it curiously, as if not comprehending what she’s seeing.

Hinoe cared so much for that dress. Treasured it so much, like a precious diamond; like it was Reiko Natsume herself. And now she just decided to leave it on the ground carelessly, letting it get dirtied and muddied by the forest like that?

“That dress…”

“I don’t need it anymore. I doubt Reiko cared that much about it anyway.”

Lady Hinoe leaves, long hair sweeping in her back, not even sparing a single glance at the dress or Benio.

And Benio, miserably, shamefully, pathetically, aches.

She aches at Reiko Natsume’s departure, she aches at Hinoe’s pitiful state, she aches at the pretty human dress, the cherished gift, now drowning in mud all by itself.

Benio never know how to handle that ache — so in an attempt to soothe it, she bends down and get back the piece of cloth.

* * *

Reiko Natsume’s grandson is just like her and just not like her in all the parts that matters.

Their physical resemblance is striking; so much it is a little disturbing to see. He has her face and her eyes and her hair and her frightening powers, but his smile is genuine and kind, his voice is soft, his words friendly. Whereas Reiko only communicated through fighting and stealing, Takashi talks and gives back. Benio cannot stop thinking about his statement, when she first met him, about him wanting to be “a bridge between humans and yokai.”

How ridiculous, she’d thought then. But the more she watches him — the more good he’s able to do throughout the forest and the more yokai he’s able to help — the more a part of her feel this wish might not just be some stupid throwaway words.

He cares too much, just like Riou and Madara and Hinoe, and as Benio keeps on watching him, she wonders when that caring is inevitably going to cost him.

Just like what happened to Lord Riou. Although he might be back now, that caring took so much out of him that he decided to swear off seeing humans ever again. And Benio is glad for him, too. She certainly doesn’t understand how anyone would to keep doing this after getting hurt this badly.

She thought Lady Hinoe and Lord Madara would have come to the same conclusion as Lord Riou after what happened with Reiko Natsume too — but, bewilderingly, they don’t. It seems the both of them still ended up falling head over heels over her grandson regardless.

So Benio watches.

She watches the boy and his merry group of monsters from afar —and feel some longing, some aches over seeing this human child who looks so much like Reiko Natsume but isn’t her; and then she suddenly realizes that she’s starting to grow the same fascination and attachment for him that she had for his grandmother. So much for not wanting to stay with humans, like she said to Lord Madara.

She inadvertently end up joining Takashi Natsume’s silly yokai followers half against her will — friends, he calls them, just like what Lord Riou called his humans — and party with them, while her brain keeps screaming at her that she would do better to cut ties and run away from here before she gets contaminated by the strange illness that has taken over Lady Hinoe and Lord Madara years and years before. She knows how the story ends. She’s seen it, experienced it before with Reiko Natsume — and it is not a happy story.

But she doesn’t run away.

She stays, while doing her best to keep on not caring.

(It doesn’t really work.)

It is one night, to her utter surprise, that Lady Hinoe comes to see her out of the blue. That has never happened before; usually, they only each other by coincidence, at parties, or Benio is the one seeking her out. Although she stopped doing this since the last time they saw each other after Reiko Natsume’s disappearance.

But this time, Lady Hinoe visits her on her own at Benio’s cozy little clearer hidden next to a large summer lilac. Benio doesn’t have a home the way humans does — unless the whole of the forest count as one — but this is the place she enjoys coming back to when she needs rest and silence. This isn’t a secret, either, so Lady Hinoe knowing about it shouldn’t be odd — yet Benio can’t hide her surprise, staring at her in stunned silence. Hinoe chuckles.

“What’s the long face for? Can’t I go visit an old friend when I want to?”

“I had no idea we were friends,” Benio replies, actually genuine. She could give a lot of names to her relationship with Lady Hinoe, but friends isn’t one of them.

“Natsume calls you his friend, and I’m Natsume’s friend.”

“Even if I were to agree that I am indeed young Natsume’s friend, that still would not make us friends.”

“Heh. Well, I suppose not. Then again, believe it or not, you’re not the worst ayakashi to hang around with. Plus, I like your female appearance.”

Benio snorts. Although she is also someone who’s always put a lot of importance into the appearances of others — she would never give the time of day to anyone even remotely ugly to her tastes — she never understood Lady Hinoe’s obsession for those human gender things either.

“I just wanted to see you, I guess,” Lady Hinoe says. “I was surprised to see you started hanging out with Natsume too. I mean, he’s not really the type you take an interest in usually — and you always says humans disgusts you. Well, you don’t really take interest in anyone in general.”

“That is true. But that child did save Lord Riou. Lord Madara seems fond of him. And,” she says with some hesitance, proceeding carefully with her next words. “He is still Reiko Natsume’s grandson. That alone make him worthy of interest.”

Lady Hinoe chuckles again, but doesn’t add anything else.

“…You seem to be doing fine,” Benio declares after some seconds of silence.

“Hmm? Do I?”

“After Reiko Natsume left, you were a mess. I was wondering if you’d ever go back to normal.”

Lady Hinoe appears to contemplates the words for a moment. “I don’t think I’ll ever go back to how I was before Reiko,” she says, a quiet sadness in her voice. “She changed me too much. But… that’s true. I am better. I still can’t fathom the fact she is actually dead, though. Even after she disappeared, I kept hoping that maybe one day she’ll…” She shake her head. “Well, it was stupid. I’ve come to terms with it now. And I’m glad I got to meet her grandson, he’s a funny child. Very disappointing he’s a boy, though.”

Lady Hinoe’s apparent fondness for the Natsume boy is more surprising than Benio hanging out with him, truthfully. After all, not only is he a man, but he’s also the type of person Lady Hinoe usually dislikes — too frail, too gentle, too self-sacrificing. And yet she seems almost as attached to him as she was to his grandmother. Maybe the boy does have some strange magical powers.

“…I’m curious to see that you’re not jealous.��

“Jealous?” Hinoe repeats.

“Of Reiko Natsume’s supposed lover. I would think you would hate it. That she found someone else, especially a man.”

“Oh.” Lady Hinoe seems to ponder over this, then shake her head. “Maybe I would have, years ago. I can’t say I’m happy about it either, but… After she left, I kept wondering what her life might be like. I wondered if she was still lonely. If she found someone who truly loved her, then that is not something I can possibly be angry about, right? …Even if it was a man.”

Maybe that makes sense. In a way, she’d already mourned Reiko Natsume’s death throughout all those decades. Maybe she’d actually accepted long ago the fact there was no way a human like Reiko, no matter how exceptional, would ever build a life with a yokai and that it was only natural she’d settle down with another one of her kind one day.

Lady Hinoe’s gaze suddenly leaves Benio’s eyes to fixates on something behind her. A rock, that stands right under the summer lilac, and Benio almost feel her heart skip a beat as she realizes what the other ayakashi is staring at.

There is a piece of cloth, on the rock. An old lace dress, of a deep scarlet color.

At first, neither of them speak a single word; until Lady Hinoe finally opens her mouth, and murmurs, in a barely audible voice: “You kept it.”

“…I did.”

“Why?”

Lady Hinoe’s slender, manicured fingers grabs the dress, slowly caressing the tissue. Although it is now quite old, it’s still been kept very clean and polished; Benio has made sure of it. She took care of it carefully for all those years, hidden away from prying eyes, as if it was still waiting for someone to put it on.

Benio can’t answer her question. There is no logical reason that would’ve pushed her to do such a thing; no explanation that would makes sense for her character, with her way of life.

The only reason that could be given is a sentimental one; that it was a present once given to a yokai by a human, a gift like that plush Lord Riou kept so preciously. Something that has no meaning, but once made that yokai so very happy.

The only reason Benio would’ve done something like this is if she were to care for Lady Hinoe — and there is no way she would allow herself that.

“I don’t know,” is thus the only thing she can say; and then Hinoe looks at her and, bewilderingly, actually smile. If she didn’t know any better, Benio would almost feel embarrassed because it almost feel like Lady Hinoe saw right through her lie.

“Well… You did a good job at keeping it intact. It almost looks exactly like the day Reiko gave it to me.”

“…Maybe we could give it to her grandson.”

Lady Hinoe laughs. “And what would he do with it? He’s a boy, remember?”

“Does human boys not wear dresses? I’ll never understand human customs.”

Lady Hinoe shake her head, though Benio doesn’t know if it’s because she thinks she’s being stupid or because she agrees with her statement.

“Reiko didn’t even like that dress anyway. That’s why she gave it to me.”

Sadness permeates her words once more, before being swept away as she looks at Benio again.

“Thanks for keeping it,” she says. “I was a fool to throw it away, and I actually regretted it afterwards. It does mean a lot to me… especially now that she’s not here anymore.” She hesitates a little, and a bit more bashfully, she adds: “You won’t ever hear that from me again, but I wanted to say I was sorry for how I treated you before. You were right, too. Obviously, caring so much for Reiko was stupid, but… But I still don’t regret it. Despite everything.”

Benio doesn’t answer, and tries not to look away, tries not to let the warmth that blossoms through her chest not show too much on her face. She wonders if Lady Hinoe can tell anyway, because she grins back at her.

“You never did tell me how you thought I looked in it. Was I beautiful?”

Lady Hinoe doesn’t regret caring for Reiko Natsume, for her grandson, but Benio does. She knows caring only leads to bad things. Only leads to regret and suffering.

Yokai don’t need caring. But then, she thinks about the look in Lord Riou’s eyes as he spoke of his human friends, of the way Lord Madara’s face lit up when he is at the Natsume boy’s sides, at Lady Hinoe’s shining figure when she was in love with the Natsume girl.

Benio doesn’t let herself caring — but just this once, instead of answering, she let herself step forward towards Hinoe and press her lips against hers.

#Natsume Yuujinchou #NatsuYuu #Natsume's Book of Friends #Hinoe #FemslashFeb2024 #Benio #HinoBeni #BeniHino #Femslash February #Femslash Feb #FemFeb #Natsuchou #Connan's Fanfics #Hinoe NatsuYuu #Benio NatsuYuu #Hinoe x Benio

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dragon-in-a-mug · 1 year

Text

To Be Worthy Of The Title

Heya, @drunk-nyanko! I'm your secret santa for @natsume-ss. I wish you a happy new year and I hope you enjoy your gift!

Summary: Natsume's first year with the Fujiwaras and how others perceive their family - or 4+1 times people call the Fujiwaras Natsume's parents

Additional: mention of Natsume's childhood, slight emotional hurt/comfort, misunderstandings

Natsume had become a staple in their friend group surprisingly fast. When they first discovered that the mysterious, aloft boy was actually just a painfully awkward teenager, with next to no experiences in the friendship department, they didn't really have another choice, but to socially adopt him and show him what it was like to have real friends. It was basically the law!

They hadn't had Natsume for long, but it was already hard to imagine how it would be again without him there, if he would leave again. Not that any of them expect him to leave. It was very unlikely after all.

Something Satoru had picked up fast on was that Natsume had a hard time with the concept of acceptance. But because Natsume couldn't be simple for the life of him, even his problems had to be extra complicated.

Because on the one hand, Natsume was one of the sweetest and most kindhearted people Satoru had ever met. He was always nice to everyone, even if they were being anything but pleasant in return and he was oh-so forgiving to people who, in Satoru's humble opinion, really didn't deserve it.

But on other hand, as soon as someone showed Natsume even the slightest bits of care or kindness he would look at them with his wide, weirdly cat-like eyes, that invoked the immediate need in Satoru to punish every single person who had ever wronged his friend in any way. Of course, Natsume probably wouldn't approve of it, that loveable bastard.

To be honest, sometimes Satoru got the feeling that Natsume thought he didn't deserve any warm-hearted behavior towards himself. It was weird. Especially because Natsume was living with the Fujiwaras, two more of the warmest and sincerest people Satoru ever had the fortune of meeting. Even with those two Natsume had the issue of receiving their kindness without having any strings attached.

There was an instance, not too long after Tanuma had joined their friend group. Himself, Atsushi, Sasada, Tanuma and of course Natsume where walking home from school, chatting. The conversation had moved to the weekend.

"We should do something together!", Satoru exclaimed excitedly, whirling around to face the others.

Atsushi nodded along. "Yeah, that'd be fun. But we are not going fishing again!" At that Satoru started pouting.

"You know, fishing is not the only thing I do. I'm able to suggest other things."

"Oh really?", countered Atsushi with a teasing smile. He answered with an indignant squawk and hurled himself at his friend, clinging to his shoulder. Atsushi was only able to stay upright because of his life long experiences with Satoru's antics.

"A-chan, why are you always so mean to meeee?", whined Satoru. The prompt reply "Because you deserve it." was only followed by more whining. Atsushi just snorted and pushed his friend's face away, which only led to him tightening his grip on Atsushi's arm.

Sasada, who was walking behind the two boys, let out a long suffering sigh. "What did I do to deserve this?", she mumbeld, head turned up as if to ask the heavens. Then, before one of the others could make a remark, she perked back up again.

"Oh, I heard their is a nice art exhibit in the next town over! We could go there for the weekend." She eagerly clapped her hand together, smiling brightly.

Satoru let go of Atsushi's arm to turn around. "Sasada, noooo! That sounds educational. I don't wanna learn stuff on the weekend," he moaned in agony as if Sasada was actively torturing him. Next to him, Atsushi just shook his head, mirth dancing in his eyes, but Sasada wrinkled her forehead and glared at him. She huffed annoyed before she turned around, to look at Natsume and Tanuma, who were walking behind her, watching the exchange with amused smiles.

"I'm sure Natsume and Tanuma would love to go to that exhibition, am I right?"

"Ah, sorry, I actually don't have time this weekend. I already told my father I would help him clean the temple," Tanuma said apologetically. Natsume nodded along. "Me neither. I promised Touko-san I would go shopping with her. I'm sorry." They both looked sheepish into the round.

Satoru waved them off with a grin. "If you really wanted to go and you'd ask, I'm sure your dad and your mom," he pointed at the two boys in front of him respectively, "would let you. Just sad that art exhibits suck and no one wants to go there." He wanted to triumphantly stick his tongue out at Sasada, but he was interrupted in his actions by loud coughing. Because when he had called Touko Fujiwara Natsume's mom the other had choked on his own spit.

The whole group came to a stop, the others were looking at Natsume worriedly and Tanuma was rubbing his back, while the boy himself was trying to reign in his coughing fit. Satoru wasn't sure what, but he was positive that he had done something wrong. When Natsume was able to breathe normally again, he turned towards Satoru. As soon as those light brown eyes met his own, he felt immense guilt crawling up his body and settling in his chest. Natsume's face was beet red (Satoru had never seen so much colour on the boy's pale cheeks, not even when he caught one of his worser fevers) and his eyes were slightly wet from the exertion of the coughing. And oh, the expression in those eyes. Satoru almost flinched back when he was faced with the sheer panic and distress in Natsume's expression.

"My mom?!", Natsume repeated, his voice more a wheeze, than anything else. Satoru cocked his head to the side. That was the big problem? "I mean yeah? Fujiwara-san is basically your mom, isn't she?", he asked confused. Natsume shied away at his words, faintly curling into himself.

Now Satoru was officially lost. He looked to his other friends for help, but all he got in return was Tanuma, who gave him a weirdly pitying face and an angry glare from Sasada, who sharply shook her head at him, to signal him to stop talking. Then, she softened her expression and turned back to Natsume and spoke to him in a gentle voice. "It's alright if you two are already busy this weekend. We can postpone the visit to the exhibit. Let's go home for now, okay? We can talk about it more tomorrow," she steered the conversation away from any upsetting topics. Natsume just nodded, still looking slightly dazed.

Next to Satoru, Atsushi put his hand on his friend's shoulder and gently turned him around. With that their procession started moving again, but this time it was uncomfortably quiet. Satoru wanted to break the silence so badly. He felt responsible for it, even though he was still not really sure what he did. His hands fidgeted with the strap of his school bag when he was pulled out of his musings by Atsushi lightly squeezing his shoulder. He looked up to his best friend, who gave him a reassuring smile, before leaning in a bit. "It's gonna be okay. No one is mad at you. I just think you overwhelmed Natsume. I think he's not ready for the m- or the d-word. Don't beat yourself up about it. Give him some time before you talk to him and then everything will go back to normal, you'll see," Atsushi whispered comfortingly and gave his shoulder a final squeeze before letting go.

Satoru risked a quick look back at where Natsume was walking between Sasada and Tanuma. He wasn't paying attention to his surroundings, his eyes distant. It made Satoru's gut twist.

It was hard to forget that Natsume grew up constantly on the move, being passed from one relative to the next like some used toy, having nowhere to settle down, no one able or willing to provide him with a permanent home in which he'd be supplied with unconditional love and acceptance. It was hard to forget, but it happened, like in this instance and Satoru felt all the more guilty for it. He wanted to immediately turn around, hug the boy and apologize and then, just for good measure, assure him that the Fujiwaras loved him very much, even he could see it clear as day, so Natsume shouldn't even think about doubting it. But of course Atsushi was right. Satoru had to give Natsume some time to think. He could right his wrongs tomorrow.

An inaudible sigh left his lips when their ways home separated. He timidly bid his friends farewell and, though the mood was still subdued, the others waved their goodbyes as well, except Natsume who seemed to be knee-deep in his own thoughts. Ah well, Satoru would get his chance tomorrow.

The next day Satoru would apologize for having said something that had made Natsume feel uncomfortable and Natsume would in return apologize for his reaction. After that, they wouldn't speak of the incident again, unless it was Natsume who brought it up.

It was still way too early for Natsume to use them, Satoru supposed, but hopefully his dear friend would soon grow to find comfort in those words as much as in the people, who would, Satoru had no doubt about it, love to earn the honor of being called parents.

Things during his current exorcist job had gone a bit south and of course Natsume had gotten himself involved in it yet again. In the end, everything had worked out just fine, but Shuuichi could definitely do without the constant near heart attacks he experienced, whenever his young friend got tangled up in his work.

Shuuichi sighed as he looked at the boy, who sat in the train seat opposite to his own, double checking that he was alright and hadn't gotten injured. Of course, he had already looked Natsume over as soon as they had finished sealing away a particularly nasty yokai, but sometimes Shuuichi thought the boy was able to get in trouble the second he looked away.

Natsume was looking out the window, but turned his head to face him when he felt Shuuichi's eyes on him. They stared at each other for a bit before Shuuichi had to blink. He had no idea how Natsume did that. His unblinking gaze was almost as bad as his useless bodyguard's. Though Shuuichi wasn't even sure that the pig cat needed to blink. It was a bit unnerving at times. He was snapped back to attention by the sound of Natsume's voice.

"Is something wrong, Natori-san?" Shuuichi couldn't help but smile at that. Natsume always showed more concern for others than for himself. It was an admirable trait, especially for people like them, but Shuuichi worried. He was always worried about his friend even if he wasn't able to show it in the way he wanted.

Natsume had lived through so many hardships already and he was still so young. They shared quite a lot of childhood experiences. Both had grown up shunned by their family because of their sight, but despite all that, where Shuuichi had become bitter and disillusioned, Natsume had gotten to be understanding and compassionate.

The simple truth was that Natsume was a genuinely good person, who deserved nothing less but the world. Natsume was certainly better than Shuuichi and significantly better than all the other exorcists combined. Shuuichi was amazed by his strength time and time again. Not only his physical strength, but also his mental strength.

When he was out with Natsume, the boy made him want to do better, to be a person that he could trust in when he struggled with something. He hoped that no one would ever be able to break Natsume's bright spirit and he sure as hell didn't want to become the person who dragged him down and poisoned his pure soul. So he tried his best. For his friend.

Of course, Natsume had something that Shuuichi had never had the luck of getting. Natsume had the Fujiwaras. They didn't know of many of the struggles their foster son was facing on a daily basis, sure, but they were patient and determined to not give up on him so easily.

At first, Shuuichi wasn't sure if their relationship would be durable. Natsume didn't tell them about the yokai and for people, who didn't know about them, some of the things that happened to those with the gift (or curse, depending on how you want to view it) of being able to see the supernatural were just too weird, too unexplainable, just too much.

People often don't like what they don't understand. Not the Fujiwaras. They were always there for Natsume. Obviously they wanted to ask him questions when he came back home to them, again with dirty clothes and all scratched up, but they never pressed him for answers because his comfort and his trust in them was far more important to the Fujiwaras.

Shuuichi was thankful for them. Just like he had told him, Shuuichi would have taken Natsume as his ward in a heartbeat, but he was glad that the Fujiwaras had proven themselves to be such caring people.

They could provide Natsume with the stability and the understanding he deserved. It was clear that they loved him like their own flesh and blood, as if he was their biological child.

Shuuichi shook his head to bring himself out of his thoughts.

"No, everything's fine, Natsume-kun," he finally answered the question. "I just hope your parents don't mind if you come home so late," Shuuichi added, more to himself than to Natsume. At the mention of the word "parent", Natsume had turned an interesting shade of red. The exorcist watched fascinated as the blush crept up the ears and down the neck, as his friend's mouth started opening and closing like that of a carp out of water.

"They're not… I mean… I… they… my parents…" Natsume turned into a sputtering mess, not able to bring out a single coherent sentence. Shuuichi still understood what the boy wanted to tell him. His face became indescribably soft as he watched his young friend struggle with his emotions and thoughts. It was an expression that was pretty much reserved for Natsume, even though he'd probably never admit that, especially if that damned cat was around to hear it.

Shuuichi was quite familiar with the tactic Natsume was using right now, hidden between his stuttered words and burning red face. Denial. Squashing down any feelings of hope to prevent the possibility of disappointment. He had done that plenty himself when he was younger, before he had grown to be more confident in himself and his abilities. After all, there was nothing more dissuading than repeatedly getting your hopes crushed and blown into your face. So, Shuuichi understood what Natsume was doing. He understood so well. His smile turned a little sad.

Then, when he got his facial features back under control, Shuuichi finally took mercy on the boy. He lazily waved his hand like he wanted to shoo away Natsume's thoughts. "Ah, sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Anyways, you think Fujiwara-san will try to force feed me again, to gain some weight, when I stay for dinner?" he asked, changing the topic in the process. It wasn't very smooth, but Natsume looked thankful for his efforts nonetheless and immediately jumped onto the new topic. Shuuichi could feel two green cat eyes boring into him, but he didn't pay them any mind.

"Definitely. I think she doesn't believe that you can sufficiently feed yourself. In her defense, you really should eat more," Natsume huffed out exasperatedly. Shuuichi scoffed. "You're on to talk, bean pole." His witty reply was answered with a light kick to his shin. Their small squabble continued for the rest of the train ride and Shuuichi was happy to see that Natsume was able to relax again.

Shuuichi understood that Natsume didn't want to get his hopes up, but he also knew that the Fujiwaras would never let Natsume fall. They were different. They'd do anything to lift him up so he could spread his wings and take flight. Shuuichi only hoped that Natsume would be able to see that the Fujiwaras were there to stay and would be there for him for as long as he would let them. All in due time, the exorcist presumed, as he watched his kind friend, talk about his kind parents.

Natsume sneezed. Hinoe laughed. Natsume glared. Hinoe laughed some more.

"Stop laughing, Hinoe. That could've happened to anyone," Natsume grumbled, wringing out the ends of his shirt. It wasn't dripping wet anymore, but still way too wet to be comfortable. Lucky for him, the weather was still warm and would help him dry quickly.

Madara snorted. "I'd say it was something very Natsume-typical. No one else would be capable of falling into a river in such a stupid manner. Congratulations, Natsume, you're uniquely dense!", jibed the beast, grinning like the cat who got the cream. Quite literally. Natsume glowered at him, muttering about a useless bodyguard.

Hinoe raised her hand to her mouth to at least try and hide some of her amusement, but she just couldn't contain her mirthful giggles. Oh well, nothing to be done about it. Natsume sneezed again. Then again. He looked so much like a drowned rat, Hinoe was actually feeling bad for him. She lowered her hands, her laughter now contained, but a smile still present on her face, though it was more fond than mean-spirited.

"Don't look so grumpy. It doesn't suit that handsome face of yours," she complained, as she draped herself over Natsume's frame. It was a bit uncomfortable to do so while walking, but Hinoe was consequent in her decision to use him as a body rest. Now that she was closer, she could smell the river water in his limp hair and feel the wet clothes hanging from his thin form. There was also something else.

Natsume briefly swatted at her hand as she brushed a few damp strands from his forehead, but ultimately let her pass. She put her hand on his forehead to get a reading on his temperature. It was unusually caring of her. The temperature didn't seem to be off, at most a bit warmer than normal. She breathed out an inaudible sigh before she ruffled Natsume's hair back in his face and retracted her hand. Then she straightened back up so that they were walking next to each other again.

Normally, keeping someone warm with your own body temperature would be beneficial to ward off sickness, but unfortunately Hinoe couldn't do that for him because yokai were naturally cold to the touch. All she could do was make sure that Natsume got home as quickly as possible.

"I hope you're not planning to get sick again?", she asked chidingly. Natsume smiled softly at her while shaking his head. "Don't worry, Hinoe. I don't intend to get sick," he assured her. "Good." She nodded approvingly as if Natsume's sheer will power would actually be enough to prevent any sickness.

"I heard human parents don't like it when their children get sick and start fussing over them, isn't that right, Madara?" Hinoe turned towards the other yokai,but instead of looking at her, his sharp eyes were trained on the boy, looking for or maybe waiting for something to happen. Although she had no idea what that could be. "You're correct. Our dear Natsume over there isn't too keen on having people fret over him, though," he answered, not looking away from Natsume.

Natsume looked thoughtful, eyes glued to the dirt path they were walking on. "Hm, yeah, I wouldn't want Shigeru-san and Touko-san to worry about me. They already do that too often," he muttered, a tender expression forming on his face. You could practically feel the positive emotions radiating off of Natsume, as he thought about the people who took him in.

To be honest, Hinoe had often thought about spiriting Natsume away, to become a part of Yatsuhara forest, where he wouldn't be troubled by human burdens. She had already lost Reiko, a peculiarity between humans, who was treated like less than dirt by her own kind, but ended up meaning the world to her. She didn't want to fail this child, who looked so much like her, but was so different in character, that carried a flame in him that was bright and soothing and oh-so pure. It was nothing like Reiko's lively fire that roared in her chest, yet it was just as beautiful and worthy of protection.

Hinoe didn't trust in humans. Yokai usually don't. However, when she looked at the Fujiwaras and saw them interact with Natsume, all she could see was sheer, unadulterated love. Natsume had found a good home, full of warmth, that Hinoe could never give him in the same way they could. It didn't make her sad. It only made her happy, that that special little human boy, who's heart was too big for his own good, had found a family

Something was going to happen. Madara could feel it in the tips of his whiskers. There was a certain nervousness in the air, surrounding the people in the house like the static of an old tube tv. But there was also something else. Beneath the heavy blanket of anxiety was also a thin sheen of excitement, wanting to break through the uncertainty in a way like flowers in early spring attempting to break through the snow. All these waves of emotions were coming from the same source. That source being the Fujiwaras.

The whirl of emotion was starting to get to Madara, which meant it was absolutely eating Natsume alive. The boy was constantly on edge, his eyes wandering, his gaze calculating. For the past few days he hadn't seemed to be able to relax, as if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It irritated Madara.

He was used to Natsume's odd quirks, especially his own brand of nervousness, which came from being bothered by yokai his whole life, but currently his weirdness was reaching new heights, that would almost make Madara worry if he weren't so emotionally constipated. The whole "I'm only with you because of the Book Of Friends" drama.

He'd rather swear of sake than admit that he worried about that stupid human who somehow managed to always get himself in the worst predicaments possible, where he ended up needing to be saved from the great and generous Madara. Natsume was truly ridiculous in everything he did.

He was getting carried away. The only important thing right now was that the other occupants of the house were being stressed out by something and although he shouldn't care, Madara could already see himself biting the bullet and trying to get to the bottom of this. Even though he kept telling himself it was only because their stress was making him antsy, but deep down he knew it was because he truly cared about them, but again he'd rather die than tell them that.

That's how Madara found himself on his way to Natsume's room. When he got there, he waddled through the door before he closed it behind him. Natsume was sitting at his desk. He was looking out the window while worrying at his lower lip, not even noticing Madara's entrance.

"Oi, Natsume, stop daydreaming," he complained. Natsume's head snapped around so fast it was almost giving Madara whiplash just from watching.

"Oh, I didn't hear you coming in, Sensei," he remarked, still a bit absent. An annoyed huff left Madara. "Really? I couldn't tell," was his snarky reply. But Natsume didn't pay any heed to his tone. Instead he turned his head back towards the window, lip between his teeth again.

Madara trudged over to the boy and slapped at his knee, claws carefully retracted so they wouldn't get stuck in the fabric of the pants.

"Hey, what are you doing?", Natsume protested, pulling the assaulted knee out of the fat cat's reach. The slap hadn't been hard, just enough to sting a little. Madara rolled his eyes at Natsume's dramatic reaction, then he glared up at the boy.

"Stop chewing on your lip," he ordered. "If you keep it up, you'll break skin and bleed all over your shirt and I know for a fact that you don't want to bother Touko because of a bloody shirt. Which is for the best, because she'll start on dinner soon and I don't want her getting distracted."

Natsume finally released his lip. When Touko was mentioned, he grimaced slightly, a look in his eyes that Madara couldn't fully decipher. At the last sentence, it was Natsume's turn to roll his eyes. He waved the beast off.

" Yeah, yeah," he mumbled. "You're right, I wouldn't want to bother Touko-san."

Madara studied Natsume intently. The boy's posture was drawn in, his eyes somewhat vacant. In lieu of biting his lips, he was absentmindedly pulling on his fingers. His face wasn't expressionless, it was just that Madara had a hard time reading the emotions behind him.

That didn't happen often. Normally, Madara was quite good at seeing through the other. But despite all that, he could still tell that there was something weighing down the boy, which led him back to the reason why he entered the room in the first place. Now, how to go about this? Indirect? Delicate? Nah, he'd just be direct, determined the beast. It wouldn't make any sense to dance around the topic.

"What's up with you guys anyway?", Madara finally asked. Natsume blinked at him. "Huh?", he replied confused, cocking his head to the side like a puppy. "What do you mean?" At that Madara groaned, displeased that he had to further explain himself. "I mean," he answered, "why are you all so tense, you and your parents?" At his question, Natsume flinched back violently, as if he'd been hit square in the face, which was coupled with a pained expression, as though he had actually been struck. Madara looked at him surprised. What the hell got into him? Was he missing something here?

"D-Don't call them that!" Natsume's voice sounded near hysterical as his words came out louder than expected. He was looking at everything but Madara as he nervously picked at his hand.

Madara curiously raised one eyebrow. He hadn't expected such a negative reaction, considering he had the feeling that Natsume was warming up to the term "parents". Not that Madara cared or paid close attention to it, of course! But it was still noticeable that Natsume's response right now was much stronger than the last time Madara witnessed someone calling the Fujiwaras his parents. How odd. Madara shook his head, refocusing.

"Whatever. You and the Fujiwaras then. What's the matter with you? Why is everyone in this house (except me, of course) a bundle of nerves?", he questioned as he tried to catch Natsume's gaze. Natsume met his eyes for a few seconds before he wasn't able to withstand Madara's scrutinizing and had to avert his eyes again. The boy shrugged.

"I don't know. It's probably just work and school stress. I haven't really noticed a change in atmosphere though," he told Madara. A clear lie, but Madara wasn't sure what Natsume was trying to accomplish with it. There wasn't any reason why he should feel the need to keep anything like that secret. It was nothing life threatening after all, more an inconvenience for Madara than anything else. Knowing Natsume, it was probably for a stupid reason. Most things Natsume did were done for one stupid reason or another. 'I have to help them because nobody else can', 'It was the right thing to do' or something along those lines. It almost always ended with Madara having to pull off some kind of rescue.

Before he could call the boy out for his lie, Shigeru's voice sounded up from downstairs, asking Natsume to help him carry something. Natsume immediately shot up from his desk, more or less bolting out of the room, probably incredibly glad to be able to escape their conversation so easily.

Madara huffed. What a brat. He'd get to the bottom of this, if Natsume wanted or not. It was likely that the boy's nervousness was caused by the jittery Fujiwaras. The problem at hand may have something to do with the whole parent thing, though Madara wasn't sure what the actual issue with that was. Though, that also didn't explain why Touko and Shigeru were so high-strung all of a sudden. Despite his efforts to come up with an answer, there were just some puzzle pieces missing and without them Madara wouldn't be able to see the whole picture.

He let out a long sigh. All his pondering would lead to nothing right now, decided Madara. Instead he would conserve his strengths and chance a look into the kitchen to see if Touko had already started on dinner. Maybe he could get some scraps if he waited patiently enough. Touko was amazing like that. While he walked back downstairs his mind briefly wandered back to Natsume. He could distantly hear Shigeru and the boy somewhere further inside the house.

Madara just hoped that the Fujiwaras would be able to regain their nerves and at the same time quell some of Natsume's fears. They seemed to be quite good at that. Like parents.

They wanted to pass him on, Takashi just knew it. He wouldn't even be able to be mad at them. It was what everyone did, after all. They had also lasted astonishingly long. He had gained so much, thanks to them. In the one year they had spent together, he had been able to make incredible friends, learn more about his family, had found himself a purpose and most of all, he had found a place with them that felt so much like he imagined home to feel like. It reminded him of his dad and their porch.

But of course, it was all too good to be true. Natsume knew that everything good was temporary, never long-lasting. Not for him at least. It always came to an end, most of the time sooner rather than later. And now the time had come. The Fujiwaras were going to pass him on to someone else. Maybe he'd end up in an orphanage next? Takashi was pretty sure he had run out of distant relatives. He'd have to wait for his answer even if not for long. Touko-san and Shigeru-san had told him that they wanted to talk about something important during dinner.

That's how it went most of the time. Takashi would hear his relatives talking on the phone, complaining about him and asking, sometimes even begging, the person on the other side to take him, to free them of the curse that was Natsume Takashi. There weren't any phone calls this time, at least none that Takashi had overheard, but there were other signs that his time with the only people, who had actually wanted him, was running out.

An unease permeated the house like a foul smell, whispered conversations that stopped when he entered the room and all the looks that were being sent his way as if they were already trying to gauge his reaction to the upcoming news. All that was proof enough for him, that his days in this cosy little house were numbered.

Takashi only wondered what the final straw was, that broke the camel's back. Maybe it was one ripped trouser too much? One lost pencil case too many? Maybe it was his fragility and the constant bouts of sickness? Or maybe it was his overall weirdness that drove them away? Him staring at nothing with an intense gaze, yelling at empty air, reacting to invisible forces, he could see how all that could become too much quickly.

In the end, it didn't matter. Takashi had long accepted that he was bound to a life of never-ending movement, with nowhere to settle down and grow roots. Why should it be different now? Sure, his stay with the Fujiwaras was the longest he ever had until then, but that only meant that the departure would be that much more painful this time.

Because for the first time in his life, since his parents died, he wanted nothing more than to stay, to bask in the warmth of the people and the places he had learned to call his home for just a little longer and then some. But he wouldn't dare to be this selfish. He didn't want to force himself on those kind people. That simply wouldn't be fair to them. Takashi would take whatever fate the Fujiwaras decided on for him with open arms as a final farewell gift from them to him.

When dinner rolled around Takashi was completely on edge. He swallowed thickly. The time had come. The impending conversation hung over him like a heavy storm cloud, waiting to hail down on him.

They started eating, but Takashi could barely force anything down. He constantly threw looks up at the adults, but neither of them said anything, not noticing his rising trepidation. After a few moments, he couldn't stay quiet any longer.

"Y-You wanted to talk to me about something?", he blurted out, barely able to suppress the shaking of his voice. They both looked up at him with their typical soft expressions, but Takashi could also see apprehension and unease in their eyes. At that view, his insides started to painfully twist together. Shigeru smiled reassuringly at him. "How about we talk after dinner?", he suggested. Takashi could only nod in agreement, paired with a small "Okay". Getting out anything more felt like a herculean task, so he gave up on it.

After that, dinner was pure torture for Takashi, but he tried really hard to not let it show on his face. He could only hope he was being successful at it. Shigeru-san and Touko-san were chatting like usual, asking him questions from time to time, but despite his best efforts, his replies were monotonous and brief. If they noticed, they didn't mention it and to be honest, Takashi was glad about that. He forced his food down, everything tasting like cardboard in his mouth (although he was sure it actually tasted amazing, just like always), ignored Nyanko-sensei's eyes attempting to burn holes into his skin from under the table and desperately tried to not fall apart right where he sat. He'd say he'd managed alright.

When they eventually finished their dinner, Takashi could have wept, if it was because of sheer relieve, that he would finally be able to get this conversation over with or if it was due to overwhelming heartache because he didn't want them to tell him, what he already knew, that he was too much for them and they wanted him out of their house, he couldn't tell.

After they had cleared the table, they returned to their seats. Takashi watched the two adults through his lashes, not capable to meet their gazes head on. He watched Touko-san fidget with her sleeve and listened to Shigeru-san lightly tapping at the desk. None of them seemed to be willing to break the silence.

Then Touko-san finally worked up the courage and shattered the tense silence with the clearing of her throat. Her hands let go of her sleeves and one of them slipped under the table, presumably so that she could hold Shigeru-san's hand. Takashi wished he could have that kind of comfort right now. At that moment Nyanko-sensei jumped up on his lap, kneading his legs before settling down. The pressure of Sensei's round body was grounding and Takashi didn't hesitate to encircle the cat-like creature with his arms. He gave Nyanko-sensei a thankful smile, however shaky it may have looked. His bodyguard blinked slowly at him. That was more than enough for Takashi. It gave him the strength to look up at his still-foster-parents.

Takashi would never be truly ready to hear whatever earth shattering words these kind people had for him. He just hoped they wouldn't try to justify their decisions. Most of his other relatives did that, when they told him someone else was going to take him in. He hated it when they did that. It always made his bones itch and his skin crawl. The justifications were never for his sake. Their sole purpose was to make his former guardians feel better about themselves. Not that he took offense at that. Takashi was well aware that it was hard work to take care of him, that's why he never protested when it was his time to move on.

He wouldn't make this hard for the Fujiwaras. They had already put up with so much for him. Takashi had also promised himself not to cry, even though he really wanted to right now. Tears would only make them feel guilty and he definitely didn't want to make them feel awkward or the need to console him over a decision that was more than valid.

Touko-san had seemingly found the right words to start their little conversation because she began talking. "Takashi-kun, you've been living with us for around a year now. A few weeks more and it's exactly one year," she started, shooting a quick look to her husband for reassurance. Shigeru-san smiled warmly at her before the pair looked back at Takashi, then Touko-san continued. "It was an amazing year with you. You filled this house, which always felt too big for just the two of us, with life and laughter and I want to thank you for that from the bottom of my heart." Next to her Shigeru-san nodded approvingly.

Takashi hugged Nyanko-sensei closer to him. He could feel the tell-tale pressure of tears slowly rising in his eyes, but he fought them down. It was so nice of them to say all that, but it made what was about to come feel even more cruel. He could already taste the 'but' that would now follow on his tongue and it tasted like blood in his mouth. He closed his eyes, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And then everything came different. "You gave us so much," Shigeru-san picked up where his wife had left off. "You brought us so much happiness and let us explore a completely new kind of love, that we had never been fortunate enough to experience on our one. We don't know if we will ever be able to repay you for this kindness, but we thought it might be a good starting point to officially make you a part of this family. Not that you aren't already a part of this family, of course, but you know, in legal terms."

Takashi's eyes flew back open and he sat up ramrod straight, almost dislodging Nyanko-sensei from his place on his lap. His shock-wide eyes were racing back and forth between the two adults sitting in front of them. "What-?", was all he could choke out, his voice slightly raspy.

Touko-san smiled at him, her kind expression feeling just as warm to the skin as a hug, and reached out her arm, laying her hand, palm up, on the table top between them. Natsume losend one of his arms from the death grip he had on Sensei and shakily raised it. He stopped his hand inches before Touko-san's, as if he were afraid she'd rethink her decision and pull it back. When that didn't happen he slowly put his hand in her, which she grasped gingerly in return. Then she brought up her other hand that was still holding Shigeru-san's and placed them both on top of his hand.

Takashi stared at his enveloped hand, feeling the warmth of their hands seeping into him. It made him feel so safe. He moved his gaze back up to their faces when Touko-san started talking again. "If you'd allow us, we would like to adopt you, Takashi-kun," she said softly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze which was followed by another squeeze from Shigeru-san. Takashi stared at them, thunderstruck.

He understood what they had said, he knew what they meant, what they wanted to do, but something in his brain was just not clicking into place. They actually wanted him? They wanted to have him around? No, that couldn't be right. They wanted to pass him on to someone else. That's why they had been so nervous and stressed the last few weeks. Right?

Apparently he'd been quiet for too long because Shigeru-san chimed in again. "Of course we understand if you're not ready for that yet or don't want this at all. Neither would be an issue. We're still more than happy to foster you. Like I said earlier, you're already our child in every way that truly matters." At that he tapped the place of his chest where his heart was, before he moved on. "We just want you to think about it. You don't have to make a decision immediately. You have all the time in the world." Touko-san nodded vigorously and squeezed Takashi's hand again.

"Exactly! Take your time. Just do us the favor and consider it. We don't want you to feel as if we are trying to replace your parents. That is not our intention at all. We'd love to have official papers saying that you're our son, but we don't want you to feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to. Whatever you'll decide on, we'll always be here for you. Because we love you."

That was the end of the line for Takashi. He couldn't keep his tears at bay anymore and in the next moment they were already streaming down his face. It was weirdly similar to his first official meeting with the Fujiwaras when he was in the hospital after he fell off that cliff.

At the sight of his tears Touko-san and Shigeru-san had jumped up from their seats in alarm. They had already rushed towards him, now standing to either side of him, hovering worriedly over Takashi. He brought his now empty hand, on which he could still feel the warmth of their hands, and the other hand, that had previously held on tightly to Nyanko-sensei, up to his face to wipe at his eyes. His efforts to stem the tear flow were pretty fruitless, but that wasn't really a concern of his, at the moment.

"Are you alright, Takashi-kun? I'm sorry if we upset you," said Touko-san, concern and a hint of guilt lacing her voice. The Fujiwaras looked ready to fret over him, but they obviously didn't want to intrude in on his personal space.

A wet giggle left Takashi's lips, which quickly turned into soft laughter. He raised his head out of his hands and beamed up at Fujiwara Shigeru and Fujiwara Touko, the people who wanted him to be their son, who offered to become his parents.

"Yes," he chuckled, "I'm feeling more than alright." He heard a relieved sigh from the two adults.

Slowly his laughter died down, but the smile on his face was permanent. He watched his guardians. Their postures were now relaxed, their faces open and full of love. Takashi's heart swelled in his chest.

He took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he was about to say. Then he was ready. He looked down at Nyanko-sensei, who started purring, then at Shigeru-san and finally at Touko-san. His decision hadn't been a hard one to make.

Sometimes you just have to listen to the voice of your heart, no matter how frail it may sound or how loud your brain is yelling over it to abandon all hope, lest you get hurt. Right now Takashi's heart was singing and it was the most heavenly sound he'd ever heard, a sound telling him to trust, to settle down, to accept that he was loved.

New tears of happiness welled up in his eyes as he finally translated the song in his heart for everyone to hear. "If you want me, I'd love to get adopted by you, Touko-san, Shigeru-san. I want to become your… son." That word was foreign in his mouth, but it tasted oh-so sweet on his tongue. Takashi could definitely get used to it.

Then Touko-san suddenly barreled into his side, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him as close as possible, now tears of her own streaming down her face.

"You already are," she wept into his shoulder, sounding happier than he had ever heard her. Next Shigeru-san joined the hug, holding them in his strong arms while he as well had tears running down his cheeks. "We're so glad. Of course we want you. Our child," he whispered into Takashi's hair, his smile almost splitting his face in half.

They sat there for a long while, just hugging and crying and laughing (or in Nyanko-sensei's case, loudly purring). Neither of them wanted to let go, so they just basked in each other's presence. Of course, the adoption process would be a significantly longer one, but the first step was made. And oh, what a glorious step it was.

While being held by the two people, who were so kind and compassionate, who loved him unconditionally, Takashi thought maybe, the word "parents" didn't sound too bad. It would fit well in this house. His home. Together with his family. It definitely would fit snugly together with "son" and that was all that really mattered right now.

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