#I HOPE THIS IS OKAY BUT PLS FEEL FREE TO IGNORE -- I DON'T WISH TO OVERWHELM WITH SO MANY STARTERS OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT WIEUDHIWEUDH

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

just got my wisdom teeth out and owwww ow ow

pls give yves and montgomery helping reader after the surgury….. would love to see monty lovign on boss ass bitch reader who normally is so put togethre but now needs him to get them fresh ice eveu 15 minutes and listen to them whine about their whole mouth hirting

okay i was imagining them separate but now i am thinkign it wiuld also b funny if they were taking care of rwader together <3 but mostly i wann see put together reader forced to enjoy monry’s company but also be like well this is great that i don’t have to do shit myself lolz AHH just got blood on my pillow fuck

okay bye i go slep <3 i spit out part of a totth i’m not sure if that’s supposed to happen

thaaaaaaaank you an no oressure

"I know, honey." Montgomery petted your head as you whined about your gums throbbing in excruciating pain, his other hand helped you put the ice pack wrapped in a cloth up to your cheek. You kept moaning in pain, letting beads of tears roll down your cheeks.

"I'm sorry darlin'... I wish I could take your place for ya'." You writhe in his lap, but his hold on the ice pack never left. Montgomery planted numerous kisses onto various parts of your head, hoping to distract you from the swelling.

You felt him jolt when he heard the front door opening. You weakly tilted your head to see what was happening.

"What the fuck- I just changed the damn locks!" Montgomery, surprised, was scowling at Yves who entered your house as if he's coming home.

You let out a weak greeting, feeling relieved that he's here because he makes everything right. You expected him to fix this, to take away the agony that Montgomery is desperately trying to free you from but failing.

"Hello, dear." Yves smiled at you and disregarded Montgomery's presence entirely. His voice was kept at a minimum, as to not aggravate you more.

You close your eyes and bury your head in Montgomery's chest, knowing that it will take some time for Yves to wash and disinfect his hands before performing his usual magic. And Montgomery being the man you loved, smugly took this as a sign that you chose him over his rival.

You heard some shuffling. He has returned from performing his hygiene rituals. Yves must be preparing all the items he needed to perform a miracle on the coffee table.

"(name)." He stole your attention, making you lift your head up.

"Leave 'em alone, they're in pain and you're makin' it worse." Montgomery scooted away from the other male, who merely crossed his legs and watched.

"Open your mouth." Of course, he ignores the lower lifeform in the room.

You heeded his instructions and allowed access. Yves hovered his hand close to your face, only to be slapped away by Montgomery.

"What the fuck are you doing!?" He hissed. Yves glared at him and disinfected his hands again with some sanitizer.

"I am changing their gauze, it is completely saturated with their blood." His next attempt to extract the soaked gauze was successful.

"You were supposed to change it every 30 minutes, you fool." Yves spat at Montgomery but with his voice lowered to a hush, so you wouldn't need to be acutely aware that he's berating your partner.

Montgomery shot him a dirty look, but couldn't utter a word because the guilt started setting in. He realized that he should have known better, but he wouldn't admit to Yves that he's incapable of taking care of you.

"My love, when was your last dose of painkillers?" His tone softened considerably, almost like he was never hostile to anyone in the room.

You couldn't answer him. And he correctly took that as a confirmation that Montgomery never gave you any.

He brought his piercing gaze back up to the man holding you. He was merciful enough to let Montgomery explain himself, before tearing another one into him.

"I-I don't want my precious to be eatin' all kinds of strange--"

"Yeller, the painkillers are meant to relieve them of their pain. Hence the name; pain, killers. I do not expect very much from you, but I do expect simple comprehension of English. At least." Yves wasn't even looking at Montgomery as he removed a pill from a blister pack.

"I don't trust no pill, those damn side effects are gonna kill them!"

"It will not." Glowered Yves.

"Oh yeah? How the hell would you-"

"It will not, Yeller." Montgomery was about to argue again, but was immediately silenced when Yves presented Montgomery's hospital wristband from months earlier. Your husband was brought back to the time where he thought Yves was an oracle, with all the impossible knowledge he had on the two of you.

"...Whatever, you fuckin' prick." He looked away and let Yves handle your situation.

He fed you the pill and tipped the mouth of his water bottle to wash it down your throat. You didn't realize how thirsty you were, as Montgomery was too caught up in cuddling and cooing to keep you sufficiently hydrated. This didn't go unnoticed by Yves, he made a mental note to scold him on that later.

When that's all done, he instructed you to open your mouth again so he could put a new, clean gauze over the extraction site.

"Bite down." You did as you were told, and allowed yourself to rest on Montgomery's broad chest once again.

Your husband picked up the ice pack and began icing your cheek. "Everythin' is goin' to be okay, sugar. Everythin's gonna be okay..." He murmured, delicately cradling you in his strong arms.

Yves held onto your hand and tenderly caressed it. Neither man said a word and waited until you slipped into slumber.

Only when you're in deep sleep, did Yves let go of your hand and start to speak.

"I need to talk to you in private, Yeller." Yves is also scowling, crossing his arms.

"Can it wait? You know where I work and my schedule, and you have the fucking key to our home."

"Outside. Now." Yves pointed at the front door, his arm was rigid and voice stern. It almost made Montgomery flinch with how uncannily similar he is to the disciplinarians he used to fear greatly as a child. Perhaps he still does, even to this day as an adult.

"Yeah, yeah. Give me a moment and I'll let you call me stupid as much as you want..." Grumbled Montgomery as he worked carefully to lay you on the sofa.

Yves got up and marched outside to the porch, where the most explosive of arguments can take place without disturbing your sleep.

Montgomery followed soon after, trudging and deeply dreading whatever Yves might say. But he didn't leave without giving you another kiss on the forehead for good luck.

"I'll be back, sweetheart. Gonna get a little scolding from your... goddamned smother" He whispered.

While making his way out, he was mumbling under his breath about how nosy and stuck up Yves is.

While you remain blissfully unaware of the fight or your toothache.

[altraviolet]

Hello! I'm not sure if its okay to send asks rn. I'm sorry if they aren't open. I was curious about something small and was hoping to ask you. (If it isnt, pls feel free to ignore me and im sorry again).

I was re-reading some chapters of The Echo Garden and Rodimus mentioned learning Soundwave's Cybertronian so they can have a secret language. (So cute!) I was wondering if they were going to do that? And also, are there any details you could share about the differences between 001 dimension cybertronian and Soundwave's Cybertronian? Also also, the explanations you have for 2938 Cybertronian are very fun to read about.

Hi! It's totally ok to send asks :) I open anon asks every once in a while for people who are nervous about asking not-anon. But asks are always open to people who are signed in.

>if they were going to do that?

Oh yeah... they should, shouldn't they? ;) Good reminder.

>any details you could share about the differences between 001 dimension cybertronian and Soundwave's Cybertronian?

I don't have any really hard and fast rules in mind. Sometimes with worldbuilding you can get away with making general statements without having details sorted out, and that's the case here. If I think about it for a lil bit I can give you this:

-I imagine the LL's NeoCybex has more influence from human language than Soundwave's, due to those mechs being wayyyy more open to conversing with organics, as well as the influence of Movie Night and the movies that they get from Thundercrackers as they travel

-in terms of grammar and structure, I think of the two methods of speech as truly being accents. they can absolutely understand each other. the biggest difference is found in writing. An Earth example would be something like: Urdu and Hindi are mutually understandable via speech, but they each use a different alphabet. 0001 and 3244 have different slang, and the body-based aspects of their language use (field pulses and biolight signaling) are quite different.

I didn't have the time or points of view to get into it in TEG, but every time an alt dimensioner boards the LL, at least a tiny bit of their culture gets absorbed. You've seen it via the 2938 "glittering polymorphy" in Ch 45. I honestly don't have Ambulon or Trailbreaker's influences fleshed out. Those would be interesting to think about and either touch on in this fic, or perhaps in a sequel or related story. This is inspired by the phenomenon that happens in the real world- cultures meeting and swapping ideas/fashion/food/language/etc.

>the explanations you have for 2938 Cybertronian are very fun to read about.

Thank you! After the fic is done, I'mma have an Afterword with a FAQ, and I'll explain the inspiration for that (it's the same as the 'meaning of Soundwave' thing).

This does give me a chance to do something I've been thinking about for a few months: visually representing the way they speak in an economical manner. I wish there was a way to represent in text how the 2938 mechs spoke, while keeping the text accessible to screen readers. If I knew a way to do it, I would've done it throughout the fic in a way that looks something like this:

That would probably be exhausting and annoying to read, but 2938 Megatron is exhausting to comprehend. I didn't play around much with opacity in the examples here, but if there was an accessible way to do this, I'd love to do it with color and shape and tilt and opacity. Make it as otherworldly as possible.

The only way I know to do this on AO3 would be through images, but they would really stick out against whatever default formatting any particular reader might have. (there's mouse overs as well, but eh, doesn't give the spatial property)

If the fic were being read aloud, you could whisper those words around their 'root' words. But, here we deal in pixels ;)

Anyhoo, hope you enjoyed that little trip into my brain! I love languages and culture and all the good things. Thanks for the ask! :)

[ruthlesslistener]

Hello! I'm not sure what proper etiquette is here so I hope I'm not overstepping, pls feel free to ignore if I am. You mentioned in a tag and/or post about having estrogen allergy? My wife is dealing with that, and it's... so difficult, most doctors don't know what it is and we thought we had a short term solution so she could finally get some sleep (she hardly sleeps at all anymore because of nightly itching). It's so hard to find ANY information on it and we're not sure how to proceed anymore. Just...wondering if you have any information at all? I'm sorry if this sounds desperate, it's because...it is lol.

Thanks kindly, from, your friendly neighborhood very worried lesbian wife.

Dw anon, you're not overstepping!! I've been in hormone hell since I was 13 so I know how much of a relief it is to find someone who understands for once. I don't believe that me or my mom (who's also affected) have the same allergic reactions that your wife is experiencing, but I'm hoping that I can help anyways.

Okay so first off, the doctors not knowing about estrogen allergies is bullshit. They may not be super common, but they've also been documented since at LEAST 1921. Just a cursory google search has yielded two scientific articles about it (that looked legit when I scanned through them before going to lecture, where I'm typing this rn), which I'll put right here:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5745953/

https://waojournal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40413-017-0176-x

I'd suggest trying to read through medical journal articles on it because despite the density of the information and the difficulty of the language, medical articles tend to be more comprehensive about the symptoms and causes than ones written for the general public. They also mean that you have the language to confront doctors about it if you wish- which you'll have to do, because if she's experiencing an allergic reaction like itchieness, then I'd also be concerned about potential anaphalaxis if her reactions get more severe. The intolerance that me and my mother had manifested in different ways (migraines, muscle weakness, disorintation, being hypersensitive to food/unable to keep food down, extreme drowsieness leading to being bed-bound), but those weren't quite on the level of being so itchy that you can't sleep. A more typical allergic reaction is something to be concerned about and I highly suggest not only stressing this to your doctor, but also getting confrontational about it and meeting multiple different doctors if needed before you get care. Force them to run tests, force them to listen to you. That's my biggest regret when it comes to my hormone issues, because they just got progressively worse and worse until I had to go to the ER for it. Turns out that I was not only estrogen intolerant, I also had hypothyroidism! And nobody in 10 years of appointments thought to check for that!!

As for what helps me and my mom, I found that progesterone hormone treatment was effective for us both (until it stopped working for me, but I still don't know why that is. It works for my mother). You might want to be cautious about trying this because in the articles I read, some people were just as sensitive to progesterone, but it's worth a shot. I used to get the DEPO-provera (or however its spelled) shot to offset the issues caused by estrogen, which is an injection once every few months. I also found that once I went on testosterone that a good chunk of my hormonal health issues straight-up vanished, but obviously that's not exactly the best option for everyone. I'm on a masculinizing dose so maybe you can do a really super low-grade dose, but I'm telling you about it mostly just to get the point across that HRT works. It's not just for trans people- cis people get hormone fuckery and need hormone therapy as well.

But there's also proposed solutions in the articles I linked, so I hope those are helpful or give you an idea of treatment options. Best of luck!

[astroboots]

Hi, I just wanted to say that I'm absolutely in love with eyem, I think I've reread all chapters at least 10 times now snndmdkdjd I have SO many theories for everything that's happening, I don't think I've ever gotten this way over a story before!!

I hope you don't mind me asking but will it have a happy ending? I can't tell you how many times I lost sleep wondering if miguel and cielito will be okay in the end dnsmsjh

Pls ignore this if you don't feel like answering buy yea I just wanted to let you know that you're an amazing writer and I can't wait to see what you do next!!! Thanks for blessing us with your works mwah

AAAH thank you honey!! that is such incredibly kind praise! that makes me so happy to hear, honestly one of my fav parts about sharing this series has been to see what everyone's theories are!!! and I have been so impressed with everyone's ideas (Many of which I haven't even thought of and i'm like DAMN! i wish i had thought of that)!!

On the ending, I'm very conscious I don't want to spoil it for others, but if you worry, please feel free to send me an off-anon ask and i can answer you privately <3

ASK ME ANYTHING

[pynkhues]

I don’t know if you’re a Taylor Swift fan but is it weird that I relate my emotionally abusive relationship with my stepdad to would’ve, could’ve, should’ve? Like I know that it’s very obviously about her relationship with John Mayer and like obviously not all of it is relatable but like in general it feels therapeutic to sing but I feel like that’s kind of dumb since it’s about a romantic relationship?

I know some of it I’m twisting the obvious meaning. Like 19 was when I got to leave and when I finally got out and free but I also started to process how angry I was so that pain was heaven. And like before him I did wonder what it was like to have a family with two incomes and a house with a yard but after him I do wish I would have never found out. And like I know when she’s talking about girlhood she’s most likely talking about virginity but like for me it was my childhood and who I could have been if he’d never been in my life.

My apologies, this is such a weird ask. I’m just trying to sleep and am spiraling instead, lol. You always give such thoughtful answers and since you don’t know me I feel like I’d really trust your take to be honest but if this is too heavy or weird pls feel free to ignore. Have such a great weekend! 🖤

You don't have to apologise at all, anon! I totally get it - in fact, absolute confessional, haha - but Forgiveness by Paramore is the song for me when it comes to my relationship with my dad, even though I know the song itself it's about a cheating partner.

I think what's amazing about storytelling (which is ultimately what lyric writing is) is that it's meaning becomes mutable. As soon as it's told, it no longer belongs to the author. Storytelling, at it's heart, is collaboration and community, because people are able to interpret it, to bring their own experiences to it, to derive meaning from it that's unique to them, and that's a huge part of what makes art - - well, art.

That's the beauty of it! Our experience of art is subjective, and it should be. We are creatures of habit, of history, of hubris, and however we experience something will be true to us, even if it's not something that feels true to others.

But more to the point of your ask, I think it's pretty normal for songs like that one to resonate on deeper levels, because regardless of what the relationship itself was, the themes below it of manipulation and feeling exploited and losing childhood, resonate in many very different types of relationship. We tend to stress, I think, romantic or sexual connections, in narrative - whether that be in art or tabloid or news - but the reality is relationships take a lot of different shapes and forms, and they're often complicated regardless, and unfortunately, a lot of the time this behaviour is broad.

You take what you get, and sometimes feeling your way out of a difficult platonic relationship means belting out the lyrics to a song about a romantic one. Embrace it! The only way out is through.

I'm sorry about your stepdad though. Families are complicated, and I hope you're okay. <3

[jeoseungsaja]

@mythvoiced​ ♚ i told him he wasn’t requested but he wanted to come out anyway, i’m sorry---

♔ ———–​

Nine-tailed fox tries to sneak behind him, even when knowing that shining dokkaebi can practically hear the most minuscule of sounds, no matter how distracted he can be with book between his hands. Gumiho’s palm suddenly lands on Shin’s shoulder; his other set of fingers placing a flower crown atop goblin’s head. Cherry blossoms and royal azaleas hold a beauty of their own, but they look even more beautiful amid the contrast of silky dark brown strands.

    He’s sure the flowers would agree: Kim Shin is the most beautiful creature to exist.

    The hand on Shin’s shoulder boldly but gently slides down; dares to rest where Shin’s heart must be. This isn’t a reminder of blade stuck in chest, nor is it a wish to remember the blood spilled. This is a way of silently letting Shin know that there’s tenderness in this space; home of utmost warmth. Many have been the times he’s found comfort upon dokkaebi’s chest; calmness that cannot be found anywhere else but in his presence. A sacred spot. 

“A King should have his crown, shouldn’t he?” 

  He announces, with that glint of playful mischief in eyes. Still behind him, Yeo leans in, slowly accommodating himself so both his arms can loosely encircle Shin’s neck. 

  The nine-tailed fox kisses beloved’s temple. 

“Sorry, is it disrespectful to give my devotion like this?” 

  A smile; nose now gently brushing his cheek. 

“Do you want to know what are you King of?” 

———– ♔

[beeindaclouds]

Hii! How r u doing? I’m all good here! :]

Okay so I just thought of an idea

How about a scenario with the DSMP? Kissing your best friend challenge? Like playing truth or dare or a TikTok challenge- I bet that’d be fluffy af 😳 (Or the classic pocky game for more fluffy reactions :D)

Feel free to ignore this request if you’re not comfy writing it! Thanks in advance <33

—🧀

🧀 ANON. YOU. ARE A GENIUS.

I love, literally adore, this idea! I'll do the "kisisng my best friend" one cause I have more ideas for that u.u

Hope you enjoy <3

DSMP reacting to you doing the "Kissing your best friend" challange

Pairings: Dream, Georgenotfound, Sapnap, Badboyhalo, Quackity, Karl Jacobs, Wilbur Soot, C!Technoblade, Nihachu, Eret, Punz, FoolishGamers, Awesamdude × Reader

Click here before requesting, please <3

So, how did you end up in this situation you might ask?

Good question.

You put yourself in it

You had a mental fight with yourself, over if you should or shouldn't confess to your own best friend

There were a good amount of pros and cons to this, so you were a bit skeptical

And then a certain tik tok came to mind

All those happy best friends kissing eachtoher were all over your fyp, like they were hinting at something

So, listening to the universe for once, you decided to do it

You invited them to your house to hangout, asked them to film a silly little tik tok for funzies

And went for the kill (not actually lol)

❝ Dream ❞

I feel like he'd either know of the tik tok, cause man knows his stuff, or he just has the confidence

But he'd definitely kiss you back the second you kiss him

No doubt, no second guessing, just straight out kiss back

One of his hands would snake behind your neck to hold you closer, and so you wouldn't pull back if you were caught off guard

"Just a silly little tik tok, huh?"

"I mean... I didn't lie"

"Oh come on now..."

❝ Georgenotfound ❞

He would 100% freeze

Like he's been hit by a petrifying spell lol

Doesn't know what to do or how to act

But not because he doesn't like you back, he does, he just wasn't expecting you to make the first move

So he gets flustered

"I-I'm sorry- I was NOT expecting that! Not that I don't like you, I DO- Wai, I mean, I-"

"George, shut up and kiss me."

❝ Sapnap ❞

He'd definitely be surprised at first

Just internally hyperventilating cause "omg, my crush is kissing me rn, what do I do?!?"

But once you pull away, thinking that he didn't like you back cause he didn't kiss back, he'll pull you by your waist and kiss you himself

It probably lasts a bit longer then the first one 👀

He then pulls away a bit embarrassed, his cheeks covered by a cute dust of pink that are complimented by the redish swolen lips

"I never thought this would happen. Like ever. Like I wished every day for this to happen"

"Well, your wish was granted~"

❝ Badboyhalo ❞

He was so caught of guard that he jumped a little, accidentally pulling away from you

You, obviously, took it the wrong way and started apologizing

But then he started apologizing too, cause he didn't mean it

"I really didn't mean to make you uncomfortable I-"

But none of you are listening to what the other is saying cause y'all are in full on "panic" mode

Until Bad decides to stop this

"LISTEN. I'm sorry for raising my voice but...I like you and I was just surprised, I'm sorry for making you think otherwise. I.LIKE.YOU."

❝ Quackity ❞

Man goes in a daze

The "they're kissing me, wooow" kind

You just pull away to see Quackity with one of the dorkiest lovesick smile you've ever seen on someone

Which makes you giggle

He literally cannot function atm

"I'm guessing you liked the kiss and also me"

"uhu... whatever you say~"

❝ Karl Jacobs ❞

He is surprised for like 5 seconds before kissing back

Y'all have this cute little moment and then pull back

Only for Karl to hold onto you and pull you back in for another kiss

And another

And another

And another

He's just peppering your lips in kisses

"I'm so *kiss* happy that *kiss* you did this *kiss*"

"Ok, Karl- air pls-"

❝ Wilbur Soot ❞

He'd get a bit blushy

Of course he's caught off guard

But he tries his best to stay calm

And kisses you back

But as soon as you pull away you notice the state his in

"Wilbur you're a bit...red, hehe"

"It's just h-hot...haha"

❝ C!Technoblade ❞

Different scenario for Techno

Wilbur had been teasing you, telling you that someone in the SMP was planning to confess to Techno

You were not having it

So while hanging out with him, you randomly pulled him to your level and kissed him

Techno, like Wilbur, is good at keeping calm on the outside

While on the inside his voices are celebrating the new found couple

He pulls away just to nuzzle his face into your neck

"Techno...?"

"That was adorable...I like you to my Aphrodite"

❝ Nihachu ❞

She's so caught off guard that she let's out a small squeak

Which alerts you to pull away

But you can't see her face cause she's hiding it behind her hands

You did get a glimpse of her red flushed neck, which made you smirk

"Niki~ let me see your pretty face, please~"

"No, you're gonna make fun of me!"

❝ Eret ❞

They have too much control over their emotions to show that they were surprised

But they will gladly pull you closer and deepen the kiss

And then pull away just to rest they're forehead on yours, pull your hands up to their lips while they're staring deep in your eyes

"Never thought you'd had that kind of courage, I like this new side of you"

"Shut up >.<"

❝ Punz ❞

His reaction is quick too

As soon as you start leaning in, he does the same

Then he'll hold onto you cheeks as you two kiss away

You both pull away from eachother and Punz caresses your cheeks with his thumbs

His eyes sparkling with joy

"You taste so sweet, I need more"

"Nuh uh mr. Punzo, we aren't even official yet."

"Oh, do you want to be~?"

❝ FoolishGamers ❞

I feel like he'd get all shy and blushy

But eases into the kiss after a while

His hands finding their way into yours, your fingers intertwining

He then pulls away, eyes still closed with the cutest smile plasted on his lips

He leans closer so that your noses are booping, laughing as he talks to you

"I- heh- I'm on cloud nine, hehe"

"You are so cute"

❝ Awesamdude ❞

He definitely kisses you back, maybe after a small while

If you try to pull away he'll hold onto your chin and pull you back in

He just wants the moment to last a bit longer

You'll both breathlessly pull away, and he'll talk first

A bit awkward, but like the cute kind

"So...that happened huh, heh.."

"Why're you being so shy now?"

"I-I'm not-"

[fullgazly]

I wish I could articulate my thoughts in English better to explain why I've been uncomfortable with Lewis's posts about his vacations. I thought of saying nothing at all bc what I wrote doesn't have all the nuances I would like. But even if i cant express my feelings the way i wish, I think it's important to talk when you don't agree with your faves and call them out. So here it is.

I've seen people say omggg u can't say everyone in Africa is poor, omggg it's so diminishing of their culture to pity them for being barefoot as if its better to have shoes. I don't (fully) agree. Bc that's not what is the most shocking to me. What I find shocking is how he goes to ""Africa"" (where he says his ancestors come from. Do we think he goes in any european country and feels like he is connecting with his ancestors?) anyway so, he goes to some countries where he sees people living in poor conditions (ok it's not the only thing he sees of course!! But he still sees it) and what he gets out of this is.. he feels peaceful and re-centered? okay. I get that he wanted to be positive in his posts but seeing inequalities and posting things that sounds like #blessed is so crazy to me. It's not like everyone there avoid social media bc of their culture, some just don't have access to it. The same way (some of them) don't have access to food safety and security, health care, education, sex equality and sooooo much more. And this is not about pitying them. This has nothing to do with culture either. (Btw the way he talked about culture like he was a tourist visiting people could also be interesting to develop). Anyway. So that is what bugged me the most. him being #blessed, and not acknowledging inequalities he might(must) have seen. I haven't been to these countries in particular but I've never come back from Africa peaceful. If anything I came back with a whole lot of rage. and I hope the rage helps me to take a career path that can make a difference.

Let me be clear I don't think he should get hate about all this. Deconstruction is a learning process and he has already proven that he is willing to learn. And I know he meant well. But it doesn't mean it shouldn't be talked about, on the contrary we should be talking about problematics view people still have, even when they mean well, even if they are still learning. That's what the learning process is all about. Btw if I was ever ignorant or offensive, pls feel free to contact me I am willing to learn and listen aswell. As I said it's not easy for me to find the words and I still feel I didn't really manage to say what I wanted to say.

[slenderman-apologist]

[x] general match up information

I'm so sorry but i'm writing this with a headache, i will check for grammar but i can't promise much even with that...

Sorry if this isn't the best,,, this is like my first attempt at a match up ever..

Hope you like it though!^^

I MATCH YOU WITH:

Creepypasta:

Jeff the killer

Let's be honest,,, you saw this coming

Jeff is a man of respect so he definetly likes that you give it to everyone until they fuck up

Boy is a simp for the petnames you listed ngl--

Call him sugar once and he is melting dude-

I feel he could take all of the personalities you listed, Siletly hating everyone? Okay let him sit next to you while you do that, Lighting shit on fire? He's bringing the gasoline. Also not to mention that he is definety stronger than you so you won't be destroying anything that he knows you wouldn't want destroyed.

He cusses like a sailor so i don't think that'll be a problem.

You just can't sneak up on him bro, due to his,,,, line of work that's pretty impossible.

He would look up every possible thing about your hyperfixations or let you ramble about them if you'd like.

Definetly collects you bones and random cool rocks he finds that made him think of you while he is on the job.

Music sessions that consist of laying on the floor in his room doing nothing just laying there and listening.

Will take you to forest walks if you'd like him to and he's free.

All in all would be an almost completely smooth relationship if we don't count both of your issues with anger management and other stuff.

Marble Hornets:

Jay Merrick

Listen ik you think i'm dumb rn but hear me out

You and i both knew i was going to go with Tim (or Alex but that wouldn't end up good either) but then i reminded myself that he doesn't take some bs you would do very well sooooo

Yeah Jay

One thing i can defiently see is you just dragging him back into the house when he tries to go off to "look for clues" aka die.

He could take almost every personality type exept the destrucive one, so if you happen to be acting that way he'll just go away and let you calm down by yourself.

Also melts if you call him sugar no questions asked, he is a simp.

Will ignore the cussing but he doesn't do it often.

Also get you random stuff he saw and thought about you especially bones.

Tbh he looks up at the way you don't take bs, he wishes he could be like that sometimes too.

Tries to keep you away from the events that go down in mh

Pls be nice to him omg

It would be a lil rocky due to Jay's issues (and yours aswell), but i think you can figure it out

FNAF SB:

Moondrop

You saw this coming too didnt' you?

Probs can't get you bones or anything like that, but he will make Sun glitter glue some rocks for you if that counts as a crystal.

Also one to be able to take all sides without issues, he can easly go with your mood and vibe with you, and if you feel like destroying stuff he'll just drop you off into Monty's room (while he isn't there ofc) and let's you destroy all the things you want. No one will notice anyways lmao.

Will also call you petnames (if you're comfy ofc) like star, starlight etc

He would be pretty intrested in your music ngl. Having to hear that daycare theme all day makes him desprate for any kind of sounds other than that lol

Sorry but you will never see nature with Moon, it's the pizzaplex policy and his programming.

As i headcanoned earier, Leo, your oc fixed his programming at one point and after that he would try to make you random pillow forts for absolutely no reason (if he coould he would cry if you fell aslep in them tho)

It would be a perfect match in my eyes if you can bear the burden of sticking to the lights schedule.

K ur getting impatient so imma just wrap this up bdsjb...

[ofgentleresolve]

What’s something you enjoy? Be it a food, a band, etc. What RP trends are you so over and can’t wait for it to die? What do you do when you get writer’s block? Tell us about your day.

(I'm late on this meme but I'm here to send IUWEHDKASHDWEUDH, pls feel free to ignore if you wish to and also pls have a wonderful day, Ferre!)

@jeoseungsaja || a munday meme i almost forgot about 😅 ( munday prompt. )

What’s something you enjoy? Be it a food, a band, etc.

i don't really talk about them too much, but i always have had a soft spot for the try g*uys on youtube- they're my comfort series 🥲 been watching them since they were in buzzfeed back in and followed them and their content ( and their podcasts too ) since then. they're literally just a bundle of joy to watch ( and not to mention informative too ) and if i think about celebrities who are genuinely good ppl...they would be a great example of that :D

What RP trends are you so over and can’t wait for it to die?

hmmmm i don't really keep up with trends but i seriously wish that callout culture was something that just died. literally most if not all spats/callouts i see on this hell*site could easily be solved in dms and as much as it is difficult and awkward to confront a person directly about something that is making you uncomfortable, what's worse is 'calling them out' and getting other ppl to join in...or maybe if i were the one making the callout, i would just feel bad for the person it’s being directed towards bc 9 out of 10 times i’ve found?? ppl usually don’t have malicious intentions and are simply doing their best...it just might not be good enough for you :/

What do you do when you get writer’s block?

leave my laptop and go do something else like read or draw- in particular something that doesn’t involve looking at a screen! unless it's my thesis, most times a writer's block on here happens bc i've been looking at a screen for way too long and therefore, i need to refresh myself 😅

Tell us about your day.

okay so i’m writing this on sunday, august 21 at 5:47 PM- my day’s been pretty good, if not quiet...woke up at a relatively reasonable time, got some writing on here done, called my mom, finished the kinnpor*sche episode i was on AND started watching spy x family ( WHICH IS SO?? CUTE 🥺 family dynamics combined with action/magic/anything that ISN’T considered normal- please sign me tf up 🥺 ) and i’m gonna go make rice balls for dinner 2nite :D oh!! and also tonight i’ll be facetiming a dear friend of my mine ( weekly ritual! )!! hope your day is going just as well tho alex!!

[arts-and-drafts]

Boogeyman

(Special thanks to @fluffy-papaya and @sweetest-honeybee for the design and concept of Boogeydubs! I hope I did him justice, but pls keep in mind this is just my interpretation of him 💗)

-

Bdubs furiously rolled around in his bed, praying that mindless sleep would wash over him like it had every night before. There was always a panic that struck his heart when the sun went down, a sort of unexplainable terror that gripped his soul with icy claws as dark and cold as the sky.

But it was fine. He was fine. He was just scared of the dark. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody has fears.

But he doubted that everybody's fears manifested in a way that his did.

Bdubs knew as soon as he heard the low chuckle echo from under his bed that it was going to be a long night.

He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, trying to will away the Thing that slithered out from below, as he knew it would. Bdubs buried his head into his pillow, breathing in the comforting smell of familiarity and peace that lingered to his faithful resting place. For a moment, his heartbeat slowed, and he began to calm.

Then ice cold fingers brushed his cheek, and he snapped his eyes open in horror.

The Thing grinned wider with horrible glowing teeth when it noticed Bdubs finally looking. "Good morning, Bdubs." It greeted sarcastically, its voice distorted and hollow.

Bdubs couldn't respond. He couldn't move. If it wasn't autonomous, he doubted he would even be breathing right now, as sharp and ragged as it was. He could only stare unblinking at this disgusting attempt of a doppelganger that sat at his bedside.

The Thing was pure black, an evershifting mass of shadow save for its face, which would look exactly like Bdubs' if he had sharp teeth and glowing green eyes. It only existed to taunt him, to torture it's host, only making itself known at night.

"You kept me away for a good while, Bdubs." The Thing purred, voice as oily as its form. "What changed, I wonder? Missed me?"

The Thing bared its teeth in a sly grin. "Or could it be that you were thinking of me?" The Thing asked, shifting into a demented copy of Scar.

Bdubs' breath hitched in his throat, but he still couldn't say a word as the Thing pranced around in his beloved mayor's form.

"You were always a disappointment, you know that, don't you?" The Thing continued, its voice now a distorted but very recognizable Scar's. "You were never useful. I only kept you around for the fans. I couldn't have them be upset."

The Thing leaned closer to Bdubs, putting a mocking smirk on Scar's lips. "You know how important the views are to me."

"Stop," Bdubs croaked, tears spilling down the sides of his face. The Thing somehow grinned wider, it's glowing eyes flashing with glee. "I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just relaying the facts. Can't you handle the truth, Bdubs?"

Bdubs' chest heaved with a sob that got trapped behind his teeth. The Thing backed away, again performing that pretentious strut around Bdubs' bed in Scar's body.

"I don't need you. You're only a minor nuisance that I deal with every day." The Thing sighed mockingly. "So goes the plight of the most powerful man in the shopping district, I suppose. At least I have Cub by my side." The Thing side eyed Bdubs with a smug smile.

Jealousy burned in Bdubs' heart, temporarily pushing back the fear that trapped him to his bed. It was gone sooner than a torchlight snuffed out, but something on his face must've informed the Thing that its words affected him.

"Touchy subject, Bdubs? Hm...there's something you wish to say?" The Thing taunted with a cruel smile, sitting on the foot of the bed. "Come now. You know you can tell your mayor anything."

"STOP!" Bdubs cried, wrenching himself free of the mental chains that froze him in place and leapt out of the bed, chest heaving from the effort. The Thing slid off the bed to pool on the floor in front of him, quickly rising and molding itself back into Scar. Its leering aura was very quickly changed to a menacing scowl; an expression that Bdubs was terrified to see on Scar's face, even a copy of one.

"You can never run from me." The Thing growled, dissolving back into Bdubs' doppelganger. "I am part of you. I AM you." It began walking towards him. Bdubs was frozen in place. "And now you're just wasting time. What would your mayor think?"

The Thing molded its face into Scar's once again, eyebrows knitted into a disapproving look. "You know how I HATE low productivity."

Bdubs stumbled away from the Thing, falling to the floor and clutching his head. "Stop it--stop it! You're not him!!" His face burned with regret and resentment, tears pouring from his eyes when he squeezed them shut so tight he became lightheaded. "Just leave me alone--" Bdubs choked out.

The Thing grabbed his shoulders from behind, it's claws so cold they felt like burning metal through Bdubs' shirt. "I'm always with you. I can never leave. Someone has to keep you in check." It hissed.

The Thing wrenched Bdubs' face up to look it in the eyes, it's claws leaving the skin numb where it touched. "After all, it certainly won't be you."

A pitiful cry escaped Bdubs' throat before he could swallow it. Deep down, he knew the Thing was right. He wasn't good enough for Scar. He couldn't hope to beat Cub. Nobody needed him.

The Thing shifted back into Bdubs, grinning again. "Now you're getting it."

The numbness in Bdubs' face suddenly grew white hot, pulling a strangled scream from his chest. He tried to rip the Thing's claws off his face, but his fingers stuck to where he touched, sending searing pain into his arms.

"I'm starting to get sick of reminding you. You don't even give me the time of night anymore." The Thing sneered at Bdubs, ignoring his sobs of pain. "So I've decided to stick around a little while longer."

The Thing laid a hand on Bdubs chest, feeling as though it had set him on fire. Dark tendrils spread out from the Thing's claws, and Bdubs could feel the darkness burrowing into his veins like a deadly poison, setting every nerve ending alight with agony.

Pain. It made him remember. The last time Bdubs was in pain, Scar was there, bandaging his legs after a nasty fall from the floating Eyes of Ender that covered the shopping district.

Scar was there for him. Scar helped him, looked him over with his gorgeous green eyes full of worry. Brushed off Bdubs' false words of being fine, helped him back to his office in the Town Hall to heal. Didn't leave his side until he was truly okay again.

Scar cared. The Thing was wrong about that.

Warm affection swelled in his heart despite being in excruciating pain. But as soon as it did, the Thing drew back as if it'd been burnt, halting the process of assimilating into his host. A split second of bewilderment crossed it's face, but it was enough to affirm Bdubs.

Bdubs staggered to his feet, clutching the fabric over his chest where the pain was still very raw. He heaved breaths of relief and excursion, standing taller to face his nightmarish counterpart.

"You're wrong," Bdubs gasped. The Thing bared its teeth like a cornered animal, it's glowing eyes narrowed to angry slits.

"Scar--Scar doesn't think I'm useless. He--that's what matters. You can say all you want but it won't mean anything!" Bdubs spat. He fruitlessly wiped the tears from his face, but more replaced them just as fast.

"You--you can screw off." Bdubs panted. The Thing snarled and took a step back, it's form shifting more incomprehensibly.

"Go back to the--the nightmare world you came from." Bdubs said. There was no bravery inside of him; just a defiance. If denying that Scar cared for him was denying the truth, then call him a liar.

The Thing must have noticed Bdubs change in thought. It took another step back, lowering itself to all fours. "You'll realize one day." It provoked. "I don't care how long it takes."

"I'll be waiting." Bdubs growled, tightening his grip on his shirt. He was shaking and sopping wet from sweat and tears, but his resolve was stronger than diamond armor. The warmth of love burned in his soul, soothing the pain of the Thing's attempted possession.

The Thing dissolved into a puddle and zoomed back under the bed, leaving Bdubs alone in silence.

Bdubs shakily sat down on a block of scaffolding, finally giving himself time to breathe. He leaned his head back to rest on the cool cobblestone wall, closing his eyes to let the last of the tears fall.

After several minutes of recovery, Bdubs slowly retrieved his communicator.

[BDoubleO100] Scar, can we talk?

[GoodTimesWithScar] Sure? You're not sleeping, everything okay?

[BDoubleO100] That's what I want to talk about. Can you come to my base?

[GoodTimesWithScar] Of course <3

Bdubs felt a soft smile tug at his lips. He was exhausted, but at the same time never felt farther from sleep.

[burningrebelsworld]

Hello ! I just hope the exchange readings are open:) if they're not pls feel free to ignore my ask:)

Soo.. I'll be answering the ask of :

Which fictional character does your fs represent ?

I got the CHARMING Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S

okay so your fs is gonna be super duper loyal . Even though a bit dim-witted , they'll always have their luck with dates haha. The fact that your fs is the very sweet and with people makes them a good person! It's like there's sweetheart hidden inside them .But , but , we also know that Joey was a bit innocent (like naive-innocent) so that could be your fs . Before i watched friends i saw Joey as funny (only) and he's so much more than that ... Your fs could be very compassionate too ... Now , it could happen that your fs doesn't treat some women very nicely(like ghosting them and stuff) and you'll be the one who'll actually make him treat you nicely or something lol , it'd be fun !The best thing is that your fs is gonna be funny .. due to laughing you're gonna cry your eyes out is what I feel . Your fs could.also be cute and needy lol .. they'd always wish to have you around and could even miss you during working hours/while you're away ... Be ready for your fs to charm you out of your wits hahaha !

I hope atleast something resonated pls.do tell me if it did , if it didn't I'll be more than happy to do a reading for you again :)

Soo for me I'd like to have the same question answered :)

My initials - TNK

A Virgo Sun

Hi, love. Thank yoouuuuu soooo much for participating in the exchange reading. I'm extremely sorry for the unreasonably delayed reading. I appreciate your patience :)

Onto your reading now:

Which fictional character does your FS represent?

The fictional character your FS represents is Bojack Horseman.

I haven't watched the show entirely, but I know the plot and the things I'm picking up for this reading are lack of self-esteem and a painstakingly low self-worth. Your FS might attach their value to all the materialistic things they own, and the riches they can accumulate and hoard. Like Bojack, they feel very lost in their life, and they see the world from the eyes of the hurt inner child who's holding onto all the bad things that have happened to them in the past. They crave a lot out validation from other's, because they're unable to love themselves and see themselves in a very bad light. Everyone automatically becomes better than in their eyes because they tend to put people on a pedestal when they like someone. They loathe being alone and spending time with their own selves. They're terrified of facing their demons. I am picking up on a lot of libra energy with strong scorpionic placements. They could have addictions such as drugs, alcohol, sex etc. And they barely do anything to take care of their well-being. Similar to Bojack, they're stuck in a very toxic cyle but continue to live life that way without acknowledging how their habits are not allowing them to evolve and become a better person. They're operating from a very low vibrational energy atm. Bojack was a narcissist, but I feel your person just has a lot of narcissistic traits that could've been because of their upbringing and the environment they grew up. They have a lot of ancestral trauma they're dealing with too. It could have been passed down in he family. They're power hungry and desperately want fame because they rely a lot on external factors to feel temporary happiness. A lot of people don't get along with Bojack and hate him, however, deep down no one really understands why he is the way he is. I'm not saying what he does is okay, all I'm saying is that it's the lack of fucks he has to give because no one empathizes with him. Your FS might be street smart and extremely direct in their speech. They do not like sugar coating the obvious. They're not emotionally however, and want to be a "macho" person. They could discard emotions are a sign of weakness. They're always after the next shiny thing, be it a PS-5, a new car, a pair of Jordans etc. They try to fill their void in weird ways instead of taking genuine steps towards healing. They don't take accountability for their actions and in the process hurt a lot of people who have a lot of love for them.

I'm so sorry, the messages that came out weren't the best to read. But I didn't want to sugarcoat anything. :(

[mami-koppe]

Desperate - Dabi x Reader

This is my first fic ever in this fandom pls be gentl. no beta reader WE DIE LIKE SCUM. Also please note that english is not my native language so if you find something wrong *please* point it out 👀 Enjoy!

TW: smut, angst, mentions of drug use and abortion, violence, yadda yadda. aaa

Cyan eyes open up, alarmed and scared and anxious, only relaxing when following the rise and fall of the lump under the white comforter set just beside him. He knows he shouldn't be here; he's had a few more nightmares about a fellow villain finding out about your existence than he was comfortable with. In his dreams they would tear down your house, break the heirloom grandfather clock in your hallway, ravage all the cabinets and drawers (maybe they would find that picture of him under your Christmas-decorated pine tree, the only proof you had of his existence intermingled with yours, and you thought you hid it oh so well but Dabi's far more smarter than that). A shiver runs down his spine and he breaks a sweat when he imagines if Overhaul was the one raiding your apartment. The yakuza boss would most likely delight himself in breaking and putting you back together, again and again, only so he could leave in your bedroom wall a myriad of blood splatters for Dabi to find and grieve for. Chisaki would make sure he wouldn't even have a body to bury. Maybe if he was feeling lucky, not even a brick of your house would be intact, your whole life only resisting in Dabi's memory.

He wishes he could be honourable and selfless enough to say that's the main reason he never bothered to officialise your relationship; but even greater than the fear of coming home and finding your body reduced to a pulp, is the fear of being vulnerable (yet again). He kinda cares about you, yes, he can say that much, and anyone who has met you for more than 15 minutes know that you're in deep. He's not that emotionally stunted. But he's jaded enough to know that caring is a concept with many translations and definitions, and if you so happened to have a different one than he did, specially if that concept involved controlling and screaming and fighting and black bruises all over his back while his skin burned off at every flash of his quirk painfully taking over his body ... He couldn't just sit down and wait to find out.

Also, you seem pretty fine with this arrangement. He has a knack this has less to do with letting him roam free range, and far more with knowing that as soon as you express the need to define the feelings that have grown stronger and stronger for over three years, he will be out the door to never come back. And that simply won't do.

Almost as sensing his distress, you wake up and wrap both your arms around his neck. He tenses for a fraction of second, then relaxes, reaching out for the cigarette pack you leave in the nightstand just for him.

_ "What's on your mind, babe? You seem real distracted. I know you're usually kinda emo but that much brooding just isn't you. Are you okay? Perhaps you're having... cravings again? Did something happen? Was it crusty fuck again? If he tried to decay your face again, I'm so gonna fuck him up..." You run his fingers through his coarse hair, trying to show your adoration while lightly pressing your lips to his jaw and he shudders both from your ministrations and the mentions of his past cravings.

_ "...Whoa whoa whoa, calm down princess. Why are you even awake? It's still really fucking early for so many questions. One would think you would be out like a light by now, since we had so much fun last night, but guess I haven't fucked you hard enough if you still have half a mind to think about all that, dollface. And fuck you, I'm not emo." – he stops, cringing at his out-of-nowhere flirting and vague answers, hoping you don't see right through his crude words, thrown around in case you haven't noticed he's been shaking for the last 20 minutes.

Please don't notice. Please let it go. Please don't point it out.

_ "...Yeah, maybe you're right. But I should be asking you the same, it's 2am and you still got the energy to lewd me. And YES you are emo and well fuck you too. Forget I asked anything, love, if you want to we can talk about that tomorrow morning. Can't afford to be tense when tomorrow's gonna be such a long day, right? So what do you say about letting me tire us both out so we can finally have a full cycle of sleep?", you say, and in that moment he knows that you know.

The sudden pause in your sleep ridden speech tells that you have at least an idea that he's not fine in the slightest, but decided to just ignore it, knowing that your black haired lover wouldn't want to talk about it anyway. So you lift a leg just above his hipbone to pull him closer to your hot, warm core, both of you still naked and spent from your previous lovemaking, one of the few displays of affection he's completely comfortable with.

He runs his hands all over your sides, commiting them to his memory (just in case common sense comes to you without knocking and you finally leave him); suddenly his hands find your hair and tug at your nape, pulling your neck back to find his charred lips. Your smells mingle together, and it's all a blur of smoke, sandalwood, scotch and black pepper.

You kiss him, bringing his mouth towards yours with fervor, while slowly stroking his manhood, pausing around his tip, smearing his precum on your mouth with your fingers (you know he loves seeing you covered in him, and after all these years he wouldn't man up and admit it freely, so you tease him to no end). He can't find it in himself to be rough to you tonight, but it seems you have different plans because it doesn't look like you'll be patient enough for foreplay; and in a blink you are tangled in a mess of sheets and legs and sweat, him sliding swiftly into your heat, appreciating the drag of his swollen tip inside your pussy, going in and out roughly, the fast paced rythm of your skin slapping together only stopping when you feel the familiar head rush of your impeding orgasm and the sensation of his white hot seed spilling deep inside your throbbing center.

His low moans fill the room as he feels you tightly clenching around him; you cannot follow him in his vocal declarations due to being physically incapable of screaming anymore, a mix of pleas and gasps falling out your lips as he bottoms out and groans your name, fucking his cum deeper inside of you. The space between your foreheads close, both heavily panting near each others mouths, following a kiss that's way too sweet considering your personalities.

For a moment, he kinda wants to say those damned three words, but he will be dead before he makes a fool of himself like that, so he kisses your forehead and pull you to his chest, helping himself to a now dreamless sleep.

-------------------------------------------------

It's one of your biggest flaws yet: you are far worse in keeping secrets than you give yourself credit for.

In the five years you spent together, he has plenty of evidence to support this case – all the gifts that were supposed to be a surprise, the job promotion you were hoping to disclose about at a movie night in your house (that said promotion tumbling out of your mouth in one of your daily, unimportant phone calls), the stray cat you tried to adopt without his knowledge (because obviously he would say no without even thinking about it, but now Tama's getting fatter and meaner than ever and Dabi lives for it), and you always said it was the other way around, that Dabi was the one who was way too good at uncovering things that he wasn't supposed to.

And in that exact moment, he wishes you were wrong, because the ripped blue cardboard box he finds forgotten in your bathroom floor just behind the toilet – probably fallen, since it's a bad habit of yours to let your shit fall all over the floor and eventually forget to pick it up – looks too much like the ones he would see in drugstores and at that time Shigaraki made him work undercover for a week in a brothel to gather intel about a winged pro hero who was kind of a degenerate, and he freezes.

He sensed something wrong weeks ago, your delicious skin even more tender to the touch and your face perpetually stuck in a barely concealed frown. He tried to ask you what's the matter a few times, before finally granting you the same leniency given to him when he was having a bad day and wanted to be left alone.

Now the only things going through Dabi's head is "why didn't she tell me", "wasn't she on birth control", "what the fuck is going on" and suddenly he understands why his – wife? girlfriend? lover? fuck buddy? SHIT – always said that some things can't just be left ignored. He never wanted to get high so much in his life.

Like a man possessed, he goes through your trash (it's not like he's not used to some dumpster diving and other unsavoury survival skills, since being a kinda prolific villain can only happen so late in life and before that, you have an empty stomach and way less standards than you'd like to), pausing when he finds what he was dreading: a fucking plastic wire, adorned with two dark pink lines. His eyes begin to blur and he can only thank so much you're at work right now so you can't hear his raging shouts ressonating around your room.

-------------------------------------------------

He does what he does best: he ignores it, simply leaving it all exactly where he found it and waits for you to come home. He helps you cook your favourite meal – you insist it's his turn to choose, but he says he's craving yours – runs you a bath, making sure to douse every crevice of your body in that cherry body wash he loves to smell in you, makes love to you until your head spins and your body is feeling almost bloated with his essence.

Can't get anymore pregnant than that, huh?

He asks about your day, and you let it all out, and every time you make that face you do when you want to tell him something important, he kisses you until you're breathless and changes the subject.

He desperately hopes you choose to keep it.

Then, after you're sleeping soundly on his naked chest, he brings out the duffel bag he hid earlier beneath his side of the bed, gets dressed, gives Tama his beloved wet food, sitting him down for a few minutes of belly rubs and leaves your home, his home, sending you a text through his burner phone that tells you too much about an undercover mission for the LOV that might last for years and none about where your relationship stands.

He's never felt so inadequate. Suddenly he hates being a villain.

He hopes you might catch the underlying forlorn tone in his words – that this is a "goodbye", not a "see you soon" – and not foolishly wait for him to come back. But he kinda knows it is unreasonable to expect you to move on and find a more loving, present person to warm your bed, put a smile on your face, a ring on your left hand, give his only child a decent attempt of a family, promise you the world and keep that promise. He leaves knowing that much.

And as you wake up in the middle of the night, with a cold bed, an empty apartment, a text and the briefest memory of Dabi lovingly kissing your midriff, you cry out for what could have been. Said text was supposed to be monotonous, robotic even, and it's so much like Dabi to go on a mission without wanting to say goodbye in person (because he's too cool for that) that normally you wouldn't even bat an eye, but you know you'll never see him again because of the words adorning the end of your screen.

I love you.

--------------------------------------------------

Yet again, Dabi's dreams haven't ever been easy on him. He jumps out of the bed, startled, as he fumbles with a bag of white pills which he spent the last year or so sneaking from your sight and angrily swallows four at once; the image of a little girl with her grandmother's hair and his azure eyes, no older than three, tightly clutching his hand and smiling. It's way too early in the morning for this shit and he can't be bothered to deal with that yet. Not sober.

Papa, look! I've drawn us today at school! I've made sure you look cool enough like you asked, okay? That's you in your coat, that's mama, that's Tama and that's me!

He's not sure he should burn the image to his mind or off his mind. He still hears your stupid giggles in the back of his head (probably it doesn't help that he has been watching almost daily for the last six months that particular video of you hollering, high as a kite, when he and the LOV raided the compounds of a drug cartel that was antagonising their plans, and let's say that Dabi has come home that day with more than a few weed satchels).

Feeling the top of his head getting heavier and his eyes blurring with difficulty to focus, he clings to the porcelain sink in his hotel room, mindlessly bangs his head on the cabinet just below the small mirror until his forehead is openly bleeding – not that he can feel anything when he's like that anyway, but he DID always try – and lets himself fall to his knees, silently glaring at the floor.

He somberly notes that his blood has painted the bathroom floor a vibrant red. He hopes yours isn't painted too.

Later that day when he has already puked almost all the drugs out his system, he and Kurogiri are sent on a minor errand; some human trafficking ring leader, a former ally, was threatening to spill out their secrets and they were to break and enter, kill him swiftly and move on with their lives, no biggie. But as he steps into the compound – a shell orphanage, he notes – Dabi knows it's not going to be a normal mission. Soon as the children know the leader's dead, most of them flee, making a run for their long lost freedom; but a small group, maybe six or seven of them, stays. And usually Dabi is proud of being the nonchalant, motionless member of the party, but with the late events even he can't help to be a little horrified when he notices that children as young as four have the same eyes he had when he fled his childhood home, Ende- his house.

Children that have seen so much grief and despair they can't be bothered to exit the building, even when he irritatedly screams at them to get out already as the walls roar up in flames. They have no reason for escaping; their will to go on died way before their bodies did. He can look into their eyes and tell already that they will turn out to be like him, or worse. This would be the perfect time for a rookie wide-eyed pro hero to appear and save these innocent children just so they can grow up so emotionally damaged that they will turn to villainy, to be eventually caught and brutally murdered by the very same hero.

Dabi knows the kids will stay rooted to the same spot until they're engulfed by the flames or choked up in poisonous smoke and that's gonna take so much longer; he's already in deep shit with Shigaraki because he said "no witnesses" and so many of them have already fled, so he does what he does best – ignores the vision he has of that little girl, his little girl, embraced by the blue fire of his body as he gives the children the most quick, painless death he can think of.

Dabi's thankful that they don't bother to make a sound. He doesn't think he could stay clean for much longer if he could hear the white haired girl's voice in the squeals and pitiful sobs of the children who stayed behind.

--------------------------------------------------

He returns to his empty hotel room that day, still hearing Shigaraki's screeches ringing in his ear, and the only thing he wants to do is to swallow the whole bag of pills he still has under his mattress and doze off until he chokes up on his own vomit and doesn't wake up the next morning, but he cannot die, not yet, and that night he remembers the children's empty glares as he brings out the half full bottle of whiskey sitting besides his bed and drinks till he's tumbling unconsciously down the wall.

The morning after he wakes up a little emptier inside and his sheets are actually wet with the sweat he expelled during his goriest nightmare yet, but the possibility that yet another child is going to end like the ones he has spared killed the day before drives him mad with frustration. And then, he takes the longest steps he's ever taken in your home's direction.

-------------------------------------------------

This time, is your turn to wake up in a sweat. You can clearly hear the noise of a window lock being picked (your former lover did this way too much in the beginning of your relationship, so much you suspected that he did it for fun, even when you gave him a spare key), and the sheer panic that runs through your whole being when your brain computes it's the nursery window lock being picked, you grab the pistol Dabi gave to you after a night out with your friends almost went sour in a robbery, and runs to your newborn daughter's room. You can feel the tears gathering around your eyes, desperate to hear her make any sound – anything to know she's alive – and when you kick the door open, the gun in your hands seems heavier than it does when shooting, as soon as you reckon the black hair and blue eyes you loved (honestly, love) so much, you seem to forget how to breathe.

The father of your child is holding onto her so tightly, a pained but relieved expression on his face as he clutches her so close to his warm chest, and you feel something wet running down both your cheeks as he presses his trembling lips to her forehead, almost like he expected to find the spare room in your apartment just the way he saw last, empty and full of broken spare parts of utensils and furniture. Your daughter is not bothered at all, like she recognizes him even if she never met him before and your heart is so confused.

Is he gonna leave again?

You longed for him throughout all your pregnancy, wanting him to know he was going to be a father, wanting him to see her first sonograms, feel her first kicks but you knew Dabi could only be there when his mission was over. And you waited, even if every cell in your brain screamed at you for it, confirming what you already suspected – he's abandoned you, both of you.

He thought that maybe you would be gullible enought to believe he was gone for a few months, not the slightest intention of leaving you behind, but in that moment, he knows that you know. And as you choose to let it go once again, he feels all the weight on his shoulders disappear as you both say, in unison:

"Welcome home."

[mo2k]

🖤 love train!! send this to all the people who deserve love!! don't forget to spread the love! 🖤(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

HI BAM!! I haven't hi in so long I'm sorry qwq

but I do have an Arabic exam today and all my other exams will get over by next Thursday so I'm doing a countdown for that

wby? how're you doing? anything interesting? any exams of your own?

THANK YOU SO MUCH AMORA !! <33 RIGHT BACK AT YOU !! ♡♡

And hello ! Oh please don’t be sorry, it’s okay love, I should be the one apologize for late response — I’m so sorry !! 😓🙏

Oo — you learn Arabic ? OMG THAT’S SO COOL !! Is it your second or third or perhaps fourth language ? Oops — if I may ask ofc — sorry. Dw ab. it bae ! I’m sure you’ll do great & everything will turns out good !! I’ll encourage you ! >w< Wish you luck bby ! ✩

Uhh — under this is a bit of rant — so — feel free to ignore the next part !!

This week’s been full of tests & stress for me. But I’ll say I’m doing okay, tyvm for asking, I hope you’re doing good as well !! Even tho my mouth ulcer hurts quite a bit (I don’t really drink much of water that’s why I got it bahahaha — and yea — I got scolded by my mum but blah blah blah — lmao —) I’ve been quite busy with studying & school’s club activities, along with a piece of artwork — it’s first time trying digital art and it looks really hideous — *sighs* I told myself not to think / worry too much ab. it but I still end up keep thinking ab. it at nights… I got really stressed and frustrated because it didn’t come out as I wanted it to… And once I got stressed then it brings all those negative thoughts and insecurities back… But I feel a lot better now tho !! I kind of got rid of all those negative things and back to my normal (chaotic) self again ! 🤪

Also how about you love ?? Anything you wanna talk or share w. me ?? Feel free to tell me anything darling !! 🥰♥️ Pls take care & have a great day or night lovely !! <33

- With love, BamBam 🦢🌙

[ila9182]

PLS DON'T HATE ME. I found some angsty prompst that I tought you might like for a new fic. They are "I’m not the same person you fell in love with" “You’re going through a rough time. You’re hurting. But you are still the person I love the most in this world and nothing can change that.” and “I know why you stay with him. You think you deserve the pain. You want it. And he’s all too happy to give it. But this isn’t healthy." Could you come up with something with these? Thank you!!

Hey everyone! I know it has been a while, but I’ve finally managed to write a prompt and I hope I will slowly be able to write all the requests you’ve sent me. It may take some time, but I’m working on it! ;)

So here’s the first story I came up with, mixing three prompt lines. Thank you so much @allons-y--spaceman for sending me this ask! Since I know a lot of you like my Closer AUs, here’s another one that is set somewhere during season 5 of The Closer. The flashbacks (in italics) are set 2-3 years prior.

I hope you will all like it! To make it up to you all, this prompt is rather long!

Warnings: alcohol, coarse language.

As always, mistakes are all mine.

----------------

“I’m not the same person you fell in love with.” + “You’re going through a rough time. You’re hurting. But you are still the person I love the most in this world and nothing can change that.” + “I know why you stay with him. You think you deserve the pain. You want it. And he’s all too happy to give it. But this isn’t healthy.”

Her mid-length floral dress fluttered in the late summer breeze as the sound of laughter filled the air. She ran gracefully, her dress swinging from side to side, uncovering her legs even more. She turned to look around and giggled when she noticed he was right behind her. She felt him circle her waist with his arms and she giggled even more, her green eyes shining with happiness. She pecked his lips and smiled at him before she set herself free and bent down to take off her sandals. She could feel him staring and when she met his eyes again, she realized he was watching her in awe, a loving smile on his face. She wasn’t sure anyone had ever looked at her with so much love, desire and admiration at the same time.

She started jogging again, swinging her sandals by the strap, and smiled when she felt the soft sand under her feet. It didn’t take long for him to join her and wrap her in a tight embrace. She turned in his arms and stood on her tiptoes, locking her arms around his neck. She stared into his eyes and smiled, her cheeks lightly flushed, her green eyes sparkling. He leaned down and when his lips were only a few inches from her face, she caught them in a tender, but passionate kiss. She was careless. She was happy. She was in love.

-----------

Sharon felt someone sit on the stool next to her. She told herself that she wouldn’t be polite anymore if this someone would turn out to be another man trying to hit on her and offering to buy her a drink. Sharon sighed and kept staring at her almost empty glass of wine, wondering how the heck she had managed to drink it that fast. She swallowed the last sip of wine and put the glass back on the counter a little too forcefully.

“Another one, please?” Sharon asked, her words a little slurred, as she slid the empty glass toward the bartender.

“I think the lady had enough for tonight.” A familiar voice echoed next to her.

Sharon noticed a hand take the empty glass away from her and she groaned in frustration. She didn’t need to look to her right to know who was sitting next to her. She wished he would mind his own business and leave her alone. She kept staring right in front of her, ignoring him as she replied in a sharp tone, “It’s not up to you to decide.” She then met the bartender’s eyes and repeated, “I want another one, please.”

The bartender glanced at the two people in front of him, unsure of what to do. Andy shook his head and flashed his badge, “I got this, thank you.” He told him politely. The man nodded and got himself busy with other orders.

“You don’t get to flash your badge like that.” Sharon told him sharply as she finally turned to look at him, an annoyed expression on her face, “This is an inappropriate beha-…”

“Oh you can’t play the FID card with me right now, Sharon.” Andy cut her short firmly. “We’re not at work and you’re drunk, so let’s not talk about what is appropriate and what is not.” He added, challenging her with a look.

“How dare you?” Sharon hissed, leaning towards him. The last thing she wanted was to make a scene; she definitely didn’t need that kind of attention. “I’m not drunk.” She snapped, even if she was aware that her breath said otherwise.

Andy shook his head and sighed. He had been in her position countless times before; he knew how much damage alcohol could do to a person’s life. He just wished that it wouldn’t happen to Sharon, of all people. Maybe tonight was the first time she had drowned her sorrows in alcohol; he would definitely make sure it would be also the last. He locked eyes with hers and replied, in a surprisingly soft tone, “Sharon, I’m just trying to help you…”

“No one asked for your help, Lieutenant.” Sharon shot back, using his rank in an attempt to mark boundaries and to push him away definitely. “Go away.” She ordered, emphasizing each word slowly.

“And what?” Andy retorted, fighting to keep his anger at bay. He looked around and gestured nervously with a hand, “Leave you here with a bunch of men just waiting to take advantage of you?”

“This is not your business.” Sharon muttered through clenched teeth. “I can take care of myself.” She added, her words a little slurred.

Andy arched an eyebrow and sighed. He stood from his stool and took her gently by the arm as he whispered, “Not tonight, Sharon.” She didn’t move at first and glared at him, but when he tugged at her arm firmly but gently, she slowly and reluctantly stood as well even if it was the last thing she wanted to do. She felt like she had no control over her body anymore. Maybe Andy was right after all, but she would never admit it out loud. “Come on, I’m driving you home.” He told her in a soft tone as he left money on the counter. He then turned his attention back to her and urged her to follow him. Sharon felt him tighten his grip on her arm as she took a few hesitant steps, his voice sounding like a distant whisper when he reassured her, “It’s okay, don’t worry. I got you.”

----------------------

His lips rested against her hair as she sat between his legs, leaning her back against his chest. She closed her eyes and hummed contentedly as he kept his arms wrapped around her, his thumbs stroking her belly gently. She covered his hands with hers and squeezed them before turning her head lightly and nuzzling into his neck. She took a moment to breathe in his cologne and then dropped a few kisses down his neck. He shivered under the soft touch of her lips and tightened his embrace on her, brushing the side of her face with his lips. He kissed her temple softly and she pulled away, looking up to meet his stare. She smiled at him and her smile only grew wider when she felt him cup her face with both hands and whisper to her, “God, Sharon, you’re beautiful.”

She looked away, blushing. The sincerity in his eyes and tone still caught her by surprise, even if it wasn’t the first time he had told her so. She felt his thumb gently lift her chin and her eyes slowly met his again. He offered her a soft smile and she couldn’t help but smile back at him. “I love you…” She told him, her voice above a whisper.

“I love you more, babe.” He replied with one of his renowned grins and she melted. She felt like a schoolgirl with her first crush and she couldn’t help but think that she was ridiculous. The thought crossed her mind only for a few seconds though as her smile grew wider and she leaned in to kiss him tenderly.

They resumed their previous position, as she leaned her back against his chest. They stayed silent for a little while, enjoying the feeling of being in each other’s arms, rocked by the sound of the crashing waves and the evening summer breeze. She shivered lightly against him and he started running his hands up and down her arms in an attempt to keep her warm. She hummed softly and snuggled deeper against him. She shivered again, this time not because she was chilly, but because of his warm breath tickling her ear as he leaned in to whisper, “You’re cold, Sharon. Let’s go back to the car and go home…” He felt her stiffen against him and he rubbed her arms soothingly before adding in a reassuring tone, “Together. You’re coming home with me, babe.”

She relaxed in his arms again and he stood slowly. She instantly missed the warm of his body and shivered. He offered her his hand and helped her to her feet, his arms immediately pulling her close. She cuddled against his side as they walked back to the car. When she stumbled slightly in the sand he tightened his grip on her and whispered, “Don’t worry, I got you.”

---------------------

Sharon freed her arm from Andy’s grip with a scoff. “I can walk by myself.” She grumbled as she walked slowly to her car. She kept her eyes on her feet and tried to walk nonchalantly, as she felt his eyes on her, studying her every move. After a few seconds, Andy shook his head, sighed and followed her in silence.

Sharon reached her car and started rummaging in her purse. Andy leaned his back against her car, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched her dig through her purse, looking for her keys. He could feel her edginess, he could notice how tension stiffened her back. Sharon finally found her keys, but before she could even open her car, the keys glided out of her hand, hitting the ground with a loud clank.

“Dammit!” Sharon muttered through clenched teeth. She tried to bend down to pick them but stopped halfway, as dizziness flooded over her and forced her to lean against the car for support.

“Hey Sharon, easy!” Andy exclaimed and he took hold of her arm, holding her steady. Once he was sure the dizziness had passed, he let go of Sharon and picked the keys from the ground. “Come on, Sharon. I’m driving you home.” He informed her, opening the car door for her.

Sharon didn’t speak nor move. She merely glared at him, her arms crossed over her chest defiantly. Andy held her stare for a while, leaning against the open car door before he shrugged and sighed, “Fine, grab a taxi then, but there’s no way you’ll be driving home tonight.” He told her, jingling her keys in his hand.

Sharon threw him a death stare and scoffed before she neared him reluctantly. Andy didn’t move, his arms resting on top of the car door, as he studied her every move. She glanced at the passenger seat and was about to lower herself into it when she stopped. She stood between the seat and the car door and she hesitantly met his gaze.

Andy sensed her hesitation and he suddenly got a glimpse in her eyes of the vulnerability she had tried to hide all along. “Is he at home?” Andy asked softly. He didn’t need to say more, they both knew who he was talking about.

Sharon’s eyes hardened. She scoffed. “Do you think I would have ended up drinking my weight in alcohol if he were?” Sharon snapped, her tone a mixture of pain and anger. She didn’t move and kept staring at Andy as she barked, “He left, okay? He left for good a few weeks ago. So go ahead, tell me I told you so and leave me alone!”

Andy looked unfazed, his tone was still soft when he replied, “I’m not here to gloat…” He looked down and sighed before meeting her glaring eyes again, “I hate that he did this to you…” He paused and added with another sigh, “again…”

Sharon was a little taken aback by the sadness she could read in his eyes and hear in his tone. He seemed genuinely concerned, but before she could let her mind dwell on that thought, she shook her head and said coldly, “Well this must be what I deserve.”

“No, no, no.” Andy replied immediately, his hand instinctively reaching for her arm to comfort her. He refrained from touching her when he noticed Sharon taking a step back hastily. His hand hovered briefly in the air before he let his arm fall back to his side. “You don’t deserve it, Sharon…” He told her softly and she met his eyes again hesitantly. “You don’t deserve any of this.” He repeated. There was once again something in her eyes, some kind of vulnerability Sharon wasn’t able to fully hide, at least to him. Andy wasn’t sure Sharon believed his words, but he knew she needed to hear them. He knew she needed them to prevent her mind from spiraling into the world of unworthiness and inadequacy Jack had made her fall into. “But believe me, Sharon…” Andy spoke after a few minutes of silence and stares between them, “the drinking isn’t a solution here.”

There was no reproach in his voice. He wasn’t judging her; his tone was oddly… broken. Andy’s voice trembled lightly as he said those words, and he didn’t try to hide it. He hoped she would understand that he was hurting just as much as her, that seeing her like this was tearing him apart… that he felt helpless. Sharon stayed silent and kept staring at him, her usually mesmerizing green eyes now building up with tears. Her lower lip started to quiver and she drew in a few shaky breaths. Andy slowly walked around the open car door, but before he could reach her, Sharon blinked a few times. It all happened in a flash. Her tears were gone, the quivering of her lip stopped, her features hardened. She turned toward Andy and shot back, “Oh well, the Husband and Father of the Year has spoken. I should definitely take the advice.”

Andy shuddered but said nothing. The look in his eyes however spoke volumes. Sharon knew the moment her words left her mouth that she would hurt him deeply, but she couldn’t stop, just like she couldn’t stop her next words, “Not everybody is weak like you, Andy.” Sharon told him defiantly, “I am not an alcoholic. I know when to stop.”

“Oh really, you do, Sharon?” Andy shot back harshly, his patience growing thin. “Then tell me why you can hardly stand on your feet tonight?” He asked her mockingly, looking at her from head to toe.

“Fuck you.” Sharon spat, glaring at him.

“I used that answer a lot as well when I didn’t know how to reply anymore.” Andy merely told her and Sharon glared at him even more. “Come on, let’s get you home.” He added, as he took her by the arm and helped her lowering herself into the passenger seat, ignoring her protests and huffs.

Sharon reached for her seatbelt nervously and tried to fasten it, groaning as she struggled with it. Andy leaned in and reached for the seatbelt, buckling up Sharon in a blink of an eye. When he looked up, he immediately met her glaring eyes and realized her face was only a few inches from his. He could feel Sharon’s intoxicated breath tickling his skin when she muttered, emphasizing each word, “I hate you.”

“Yeah, well don’t worry…” Andy let out, pulling away, “I’ll drive you home and then I won’t bother you anymore.” He added in a defeated tone as he closed the passenger door.

---------------------

The quick, sharp sound of the knife chopping against the board resonated through the silent house. He put the knife down and arranged the freshly cut fruits on the plates before he stirred the pancake batter in the bowl. He grinned when he felt arms circle his waist and a warm body press against his. She rested her head against his back and tightened her embrace as her fingers brushed the skin of his belly gently. He shivered under her soft touch and whispered, “Hey there, you’re already up?” He turned around slowly, sliding an arm around her and pulling her closer against his chest. His grin grew wider when he noticed she was wearing his old t-shirt. “This is my t-shirt…” He pointed out teasingly.

She hummed softly and looked up to meet his gaze when she replied, “I woke up and you weren’t there… I was cold…”

“Sorry about that.” He answered, giving her a tender kiss. “I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed.” She kissed him back and hummed softly, her hand caressing his naked torso. When they pulled away, he looked at her from head to toe and told her with a bright smile, “Mmm, this looks better on you by the way.” He ran a hand over the fabric of his t-shirt and added, “You can keep it.” He stroked her back lovingly as he pulled her against him again.

She lifted her head from his chest and looked at the kitchen counter. Her face lit up when she asked, “Pancakes?”

“Yes, babe. I was about to make them.” He noticed she opened her mouth to say something, but before she could speak, he pecked her lips and added with a smirk, “Yeah, I know. One single pancake for you.” She rolled her eyes at him and patted his upper arm playfully before he caught her lips with his in a lingering kiss. Their lips were still brushing when he muttered, “Go back to bed, I’ll be there with the food shortly.”

She smiled happily and stole another kiss from him before she walked away with an exaggerated wiggle of her hips. He stared at her in awe until she disappeared in the bedroom and he then resumed preparing breakfast with a foolish grin on his face.

He joined her in the bedroom after a couple of minutes, holding a tray with a proud smile on his face. She smiled back at him, her eyes shining with happiness. He reached the bed and sat down delicately, careful not to spill the coffee on the sheets. She helped him place the tray on the bed and when he settled against the headboard, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him softly.

“Thank you.” She whispered with a bright smile.

He returned the smile and stroked her face with a hand, “It’s just breakfast.” He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal.

She shook her head and looked away, her eyes now focused on the tray when she whispered, “It’s more than that…”

He wasn’t sure he understood what she meant, but he looked at the tray as well and moved lightly to reach for her plate. He handed it to her and told her jokingly, “Here, your lonely pancake.”

She rolled her eyes and giggled as she took the plate from his hands. She leaned her back against the headboard, her legs tucked under her as she watched him take the second plate and resume his position next to her. She looked up to meet his gaze, unable to stop smiling and he motioned for her to start eating. She cut the pancake and brought the fork to her mouth gracefully. She hummed softly as she chewed her first bite of pancake and he couldn’t help but smile at how endearing she was.

She could feel him staring at her and the corners of her lips turned up in an amused smile as she kept eating her breakfast. He seemed too lost in his contemplation to even notice she was looking up at him. She leaned in and dug her fork into a slice of peach on his plate before quickly bringing it to her mouth. It seemed to get his attention because he exclaimed, “Hey, no stealing Captain!”

She giggled as she kept chewing, mischief dancing in her eyes. “Sorry.” She added with a grin before she leaned in and pecked his lips. He rolled his eyes at her and they kept eating their breakfast in silence. Once they were done, he took the plate from her hands and placed it back next to their empty mugs on the tray.

“Mmmm… thank you, it was delicious.” She said as she lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling with a bright smile on her face.

“Anytime, babe…” He whispered as he lay on his right side and propped his head up on one hand. He gazed down at her, the fingers of his other hand playing with the hem of the t-shirt she was wearing. “It looks much better on you, it really does…”

She diverted her gaze from the ceiling and turned her head to meet his eyes. She smiled brightly, her cheeks tinged with a faint blush before she looked away and whispered, “I could get used to this…”

“You should, babe. I’m not going anywhere…” He replied softly, his hand stroking her thigh gently.

“Isn’t it what everybody says?” She whispered wistfully, her eyes focused on the ceiling.

“Mmm, I’m hurt.” He told her with a pout, faking offense, “You should know by now that I’m not like everybody else.” He added jokingly.

She giggled and his face lit up when he heard her laugh. She turned to face him, lying on her left side and reached for his face, stroking his cheek lovingly. “You sure aren’t.”

He closed the gap between them and kissed her tenderly. She kissed him back, running a hand through his hair, pulling him closer, as she pressed her body against his. When they pulled apart for air, she was nearly on top of him and he rested his forehead against hers, “I love you so much…” he murmured.

She hummed softly and pecked his lips quickly. “I love you too.” She cuddled against his side and rested her head on his chest, an arm wrapped loosely around him and their legs intertwined. He dropped a kiss on her forehead and tightened his embrace on her. She hummed contentedly and repeated against his chest, “I love you so much, Andy…”

------

She never thought she would make it home. Sharon stumbled at the front door, kicking off her high heels frantically and dropping her purse on the floor in a very uncharacteristic way. She walked hesitantly to the bathroom, her hand brushing the wall in case she would need some support. Andy’s eyes followed her silently, as he considered whether he should leave or stay to make sure she was okay. He heard the bathroom door bang a little too forcefully against the wall and he sighed. He closed the front door behind him and quickly made his way to the bathroom.

Sharon just wanted to get rid of her work clothes and splash some cold water on her face. That was the plan. Too bad she didn’t even make it to the sink. Without a warning, she felt dizzy again. A wave of nausea wrenched her stomach. Her whole body tensed as she realized what was going to happen. She quickly knelt down and leaned over the toilet, flipping up the toilet seat. She gasped and choked as she tried to hold back the first rush of vomit, but she couldn't contain it. Her fingers gripped the toilet hard, her knuckles turning white as she threw up. Just as a second, harder wave hit her, she felt Andy kneel beside her, pull her hair back with a hand and wrap his other arm around her. She wanted to push him away, but she didn’t have the strength to do so. She didn’t even have the strength to keep her eyes open. Why the fuck did she have to drink so much? She wasn’t twenty anymore. She would deal with this hangover for days.

“It’s okay…” Andy whispered soothingly in her ear. Sharon wondered how he could stay so close to her and not being disgusted by the smell, or by her. “Don’t worry, I got you.” He added, his chin brushing against her shoulder. Her body was trembling lightly against his as she was fighting the urge to vomit again. “Just don’t hold back, you’ll feel better after that…” Andy told her softly.

Sharon gagged and threw up again, more violently this time. She leaned back heavily against Andy, her head resting against his shoulder. A cold sweat dripped from her forehead as she muttered, out of breath, “Fuck…”

“Yeah, I know.” Andy whispered sympathetically, “This part always sucks.” He added, holding her against him.

Sharon closed her eyes as she tried to catch her breath and to suppress another wave of nausea. “Your driving… s-still sucks.” She managed to say in a shaky tone before she gagged again and threw up for the third time.

Yeah, right… My driving... Andy held back from making a comment and rubbed her back soothingly as she leaned over the toilet, gagging and coughing. Sharon crashed her body hard against Andy’s, worn out by the strain of throwing up. She kept her eyes closed as silent tears streamed down her cheeks.

Andy let go of her hair and slowly sat on the floor, his back leaning against the shower, pulling Sharon against him. She didn’t protest, not that she had any strength left to. He gently rubbed her arms as they sat silently on her bathroom floor. He stood after a few minutes and helped Sharon leaning against the shower wall for support as he walked to the sink and ran a washcloth under the cold water. He knelt down in front of Sharon again and put the washcloth on her forehead. She jumped slightly and opened her eyes, immediately meeting his. His touch was delicate as he moved the washcloth down her cheeks.

“How are you feeling?” Andy asked her softly, concern in his voice.

“Like shit…” Sharon whispered, her throat hoarse from throwing up.

“Understandable.” Andy merely replied, wiping her tears away with the washcloth. He then brushed it over her lips, rubbing the corners softly. “Do you think you can stand?”

Sharon nodded and Andy helped her to her feet. She was still a little unsteady and reached for the wall in support. Andy noticed it and held her by the arm gently. “I’ll prepare you something to drink to ease the nausea… Why don’t you freshen up and change in some more comfortable clothes in the meantime?” He suggested. “Do you think you can make it?”

“Of course, I can.” Sharon immediately replied, a hint of pride in her tone. Andy knew how much she hated depending on people and asking for help. She had made it clear to him a thousand times. It was a wonder she hadn’t kicked him out of her condo already.

Sharon sighed loudly, interrupting his train of thought. He looked at her and noticed she was fumbling with the buttons of her blazer. He halted her movement, covering her hands with his. She met his eyes and glared at him, but she didn’t move away. “Let me…” Andy murmured softly, unfazed.

Sharon sighed again and freed her hands from his grasp. He stared at her, waiting for her to say something, but she merely nodded. Andy started unbuttoning her blazer slowly, feeling her gaze on him. He then helped her out of it delicately, brushing his fingers on her bare arms, before he draped the blazer over his arm. “I can leave some fresh clothes for you on your bed…” Andy offered, hoping he didn’t overstep.

Sharon nodded. “Second drawer in the closet.” She merely said.

“Second drawer in the closet.” Andy repeated, nodding as well. “You’ll be okay?” He asked her, locking his eyes with hers.

“Yes.” Sharon replied firmly and Andy knew it was his cue to leave. He nodded and walked to the door. “Andy?” She called to him hesitantly as he was about to step out.

“Yes?” Andy asked, turning around to look at her.

“Thank you.” Sharon told softly, offering him a faint smile.

Andy smiled back and stepped out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He looked around her bedroom. The room was just as he remembered it, even if he hadn’t been in there in a long time. A loud sigh escaped his lips without him even noticing. He walked to her closet and opened her second drawer. He felt a little uncomfortable going through her stuff, so he quickly picked some black yoga pants and was about to grab a simple white t-shirt when something caught his eyes. He stared at the t-shirt for a few seconds, a soft smile crossing his features. His fingers reached for it hesitantly, caressing the fabric of the familiar clothing, memories coming back to his mind. He picked the old t-shirt, closed the drawer and placed the clothes on her bed before he left her bedroom.

-------------

“I’m glad you could make it…” Andy told her after he opened his front door, a bright smile on his face. He leaned down to kiss her, but Sharon pulled away as his lips were about to touch hers.

“I can’t stay, Andy.” Sharon told him firmly.

Andy arched an eyebrow, taken aback by her tone. “You got a call during the drive here? You have to go back to work?” He asked. “Come in, let me fill you a mug with some coffee if you’re going to have a long night.” He offered with a smile, taking her hand and tugging at it.

“Andy, no.” Sharon replied, freeing her hand from his and standing on the doorstep. “I’m not going back to work, I’m going home.”

Andy frowned, a confused expression on his face. “Sharon, what’s wrong?” He asked, his eyes studying her worriedly. She looked different. Tensed, stern, distant. He didn’t remember the last time he had seen her like this.

Sharon took a deep breath and shook her head, “We can’t keep going on, this has to stop.” She told him coldly. When she noticed Andy staring at her with a blank expression, she added sharply, “It’s over, Andy.”

“Over? W-what? Sharon, come on…” Andy fumbled, a look of panic on his face. This didn’t make any sense. They were happy, they were doing so good together… “W-where did I go wrong? W-what…” He sighed and took a deep breath before he tried to form a coherent sentence, “At least, can we talk about it?”

“There is nothing else to say, Andy.” Sharon answered coldly and he couldn’t understand what was wrong with her. He didn’t recognize her anymore. “It’s over.” She repeated blankly.

“Oh yeah?” Andy told her, irritation getting the upper hand, “You wake up one morning and decide with no reasons to call it quits? That’s it? That’s how Sharon Raydor does it? That’s how you throw away someone’s love?” He shouted back, his voice shaking lightly.

“Stop it!” Sharon shot back angrily, stepping inside and closing the gap between them. She jabbed his chest with a threatening finger, “You don’t get to talk to me this way, Andy! You have no idea what’s going on, okay?!”

“Then tell me!” Andy barked, slamming the front door shut. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm down as he repeated in a softer tone, “Then tell me, talk to me Sharon. I am here, I am listening.” His tone was almost pleading. “Whatever it is, we can fix this, Sharon. Together.” He added encouragingly.

“No, we can’t Andy.” Sharon shook her head, taking a few steps back. She turned her back to him and repeated more firmly, “We can’t.” Sharon drew in a few shaky breaths and closed her eyes. She couldn’t allow the tears to fill her eyes, she couldn’t let him show how hard this was for her. She knew very well that he wouldn’t let her go so easily. He loved her too much to do that. She reopened her eyes and bit her lower lip, already hating herself for what she was going to do, but she had no other choice. She turned around and met his gaze. The half hurt, half worried look in his eyes almost made her give in. “Can’t you see it, Andy?! I needed a distraction, you were a distraction. Nothing more.” Her heart ached with every word she said to him, but the lump in her throat got tighter and she nearly choked on the words she was about to say next, “I don’t love you, Andy. Never did and never will.” She added sharply, looking away.

“Sharon, please, don’t do this to yourself…” Andy told her in a begging tone. “You know very well that this isn’t true. What we have, there is no pretending. It is real and you know it. I love you, Sharon and you love me, I know you do.” He went on, locking eyes with hers, “You told me so the nights I held you close after a tough day. You told me so during our breakfasts in bed, our lazy Saturday mornings when we cuddled in bed. You told me so every time I held you tight against my chest after we made love.” Sharon stared at him, the lump in her throat getting so tight she almost couldn’t breathe. Tears welled up in her eyes and she had a hard time at keeping them at bay. “You told me so that day at the beach. You told me so almost every day the last six months of the year we’ve been together. What we have…”

“What we have is nothing, Andy.” Sharon cut him short, forcing her voice to sound firm. “Nothing!” She repeated louder. “Can’t you understand? It was convenient, Andy. I was lonely, I needed someone around and you were here.” She looked away, unable to hold his gaze anymore as she added, “It was convenient, now it isn’t anymore. My husband is back and I need to be there for my family.”

“What family, Sharon?!” Andy exclaimed, dumbfounded. “You brought your kids up alone. You’ve been a hell of a mother, and a father figure to them as well. You three are a family, you don’t need him back in your life.”

Sharon met his eyes again and sighed. He was right and she knew it, but she couldn’t let him understand that. Her features hardened and she shot back, “If you would have fought harder for your family you would have understood how important it is for my children to have a father, regardless of how old they are.” She wanted to take her words back the moment they left her mouth and she read hurt in his eyes. She should have stopped there, but somehow the words kept coming out of her mouth and she was making no effort in stopping them, “But how could you even know? You gave up.”

Sharon didn’t think she could have reached such a lowest point. Andy was staring at her silently, taken aback at her painful words. When she noticed his eyes glistening with tears, she felt like her heart stopped beating. Pain shot through her chest, but she knew it was nothing compared to the pain she had caused to him. She felt so disgusted with herself. Andy deserved someone better than her.

Andy blinked the tears back quickly and clenched his jaw nervously. He glared at her and told her harshly, “Are you seriously going to sacrifice your happiness for a man who doesn’t give a fuck about you? A man who will leave you again as soon as he gets what he wants? A man who comes back to you because he doesn’t have any of his bitches to fuck at the moment? In the name of what are you doing this, Sharon?” He asked her angrily. “A family you will never be able to put back together. Never!”

Angry tears rolled down her face. She wiped them away hastily as she neared him quickly and slapped him across the face. Andy didn’t even react when she snapped at him, “You’re an asshole.” She took a few steps back, her teary eyes still focused on him as she added, “I have no intention to stand here and to listen to you offending me.”

Sharon turned her back to him and made her way back to the door when Andy grabbed her by the wrist, “Sharon, wait.” He said in a calm tone.

“Andy, please, let me go.” Sharon begged him in a shaky voice. They couldn’t keep going on and hurting each other so deeply. She couldn’t take it and she knew he couldn’t neither.

Sharon was already at the door when Andy halted her movement, covering her hand with his on the door handle. He gently turned her around so she could face him and kept his hands on her waist. Sharon tried to take a step back, but she realized she was trapped between the door and his body. Andy stared into her eyes intensely and Sharon was taken aback by the love she could read in them, even after all the pain she was causing to him. Sharon felt overwhelmed. She couldn’t hold his gaze any longer and lowered her head.

Andy cupped her face with both hands delicately, his thumbs drawing soothing patterns on her cheeks. Sharon closed her eyes briefly, her upper lip quivering lightly as she tried to hold back her tears. Andy lifted her head slowly towards him and leaned in until his lips nearly brushed hers. “Tell me again this relationship means nothing to you, tell me again I mean nothing to you...” Andy told her softly.

“Andy…” Sharon whimpered.

Andy kissed her with a gentleness that nearly had her broken down in his arms. His kiss left no doubt about how he felt about her, about how important she was to him. She held back from kissing him back and telling him that she loved him just as much as he did love her. She couldn’t. A tear escaped her right eye and rolled down her face until Andy wiped it away with this thumb gently. His hands went back to cup her face as he leaned down again and whispered to her, “Tell me you don’t love me…”

Another soft and lingering kiss. Another couple of tears streaming down her face. Sharon placed her hands on his upper arms when he murmured, “Tell me you aren’t happy with me…”

Andy was about to kiss her again but Sharon turned her head to the side. “This isn’t about me anymore, Andy.” Sharon replied in a soft broken tone as she met his eyes again. “I have to do what is right for my family.” She blinked back her tears and told him, her voice above a whisper, “If you’ve ever loved me, Andy…”

“I love you more than words can say, Sharon.” Andy answered right away, his voice breaking as he pronounced her name. Sharon would have normally teased him about how sappy he was. Now his line broke her heart even more.

“Then let me go.” Sharon told him in a choked voice as she freed herself from his embrace and turned to open the door.

“I can’t lose you.” Andy said in a broken whisper.  

“I was never yours to lose in the first place, Andy.” Sharon replied faintly. She didn’t look back and walked away from Andy as tears kept running down her face.

-----------

Sharon was sitting on the chaise lounge on her balcony, her knees pulled to her chest. She rested her left cheek on one knee and closed her eyes, as she felt dizzy again. She heard the glass door slide open and turned her head towards the sound. Sharon saw Andy step out on the balcony with a mug in his hands.

“Hey there…” Andy whispered softly. “How are you feeling?”

“Better…” Sharon murmured and thanked him softly as she accepted the mug he was handing her.

“Ginger tea.” Andy told her. “It helps with everything. Nausea, hangover… trust me, I know.” He added with a small smile.

“Of course you know.” Sharon replied and realized the implication in her words only once they had left her mouth. She sighed and looked down at the warm liquid in the mug as she whispered, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Andy reassured her, shrugging, “It’s true.” He added with a sad smile as he sat at the end of the chaise lounge, making sure there was enough distance between them and he wasn’t invading her personal space.

Sharon glanced at Andy over her mug, but said nothing. She couldn’t understand why he was still there after everything that had happened between them, but she was somehow glad he didn’t leave. She slowly and carefully sipped her ginger tea, closing her eyes as the warm liquid slid down her throat. She let out a satisfied sigh. This was just what she needed. Sharon took a deep breath, a spicy scent hitting her nostrils, and stared at the smoky liquid.

Sharon could feel Andy’s eyes on her. She glanced over her mug again and noticed he was studying her cautiously. Andy looked away immediately, a little flustered that she had caught him staring. When he met her gaze shyly again, Sharon offered him a faint smile. He smiled back at her as she kept sipping her tea. They stayed in silence for a while. No words were exchanged, but both were oddly comfortable in that silent situation.

Once the mug was empty, Sharon put it back on the small table next to her chair. She hugged her knees to her chest, resuming her previous position when she whispered softly, meeting his eyes hesitantly, “I’m not the same person you fell in love with.” Sharon sighed. “That Sharon is long gone, Andy…”

Andy studied her silently. He shook his head, a soft smile appearing on his face before he went back serious and replied, “You’re going through a rough time.” Sharon swallowed hard and looked down when Andy added, “You’re hurting.” She wished he had lost his ability to read her like a book, but here he was, forcing her to face the turmoil of emotions she had tried to keep at bay lately. Unsuccessfully. Andy shook his head and looked down. A soft sigh escaped his lips when he said, his voice above a whisper, “But you are still the person I love the most in this world and nothing can change that.”

Sharon drew in a shaky breath upon hearing his confession. How could he still love her after everything she had done? After all the pain she had caused to him? She felt tears well up in her eyes, pressing against her eyelids when she tried to blink them away. “I sent you away.” Sharon whispered, forcing her voice to sound firm despite the lump in her throat.

Andy met her eyes and smiled sadly, “I know, but I also know you thought you were doing the right thing.” He placed his hand on the chaise lounge, closer to Sharon. There was hesitation in his eyes whether she would welcome a physical contact from him. He looked down at his hand as he brushed the chaise lounge’s material with his thumb. “You always want to do the right thing, Sharon and when you do so, you hardly think about yourself.” Andy added, slowly locking eyes with hers.

Sharon swallowed painfully. He knew her too well. She looked away, focusing her gaze on the empty cup on the small table. “I had to try, I couldn’t tear Jack from my children’s lives.” She said quietly. “They needed their father.”

“You see Sharon…” Andy told her gently, “This is not by staying with Jack that he’s going to be a father to your kids. Sadly, you can’t make this decision for him.” He added, shaking his head slightly. “Sandra and I are divorced. We barely talk to each other, we know nothing of each other’s lives now, but I’m still a father to my kids.” He explained quietly, “I’m trying, I’ve found a way to be there for them even if Sandra wished I was long gone.” He sighed, briefly looking down before locking his eyes with Sharon’s again. “She has no intention of helping me in rebuilding a relationship with my kids, but I can’t blame her. I’ve destroyed our marriage, I’ve hurt her more than words can say…” He whispered, regret in his voice, “And some days my kids don’t want to see me, but it’s fine. I keep being there for them, I keep trying. I’m not giving up on them any time soon.” Andy paused and ran a hand through his hair. He placed his hand back on the chaise lounge and stared at it for a few seconds before he looked back at Sharon and went on, “I’m not telling you this to hear you say what an amazing father I am. I am not.” He sensed Sharon was about to interrupt him and he raised his hand to stop her. Andy shook his head and added, “A good father wouldn’t have screwed up in the first place.” He let out another heavy sigh. “But I am here and I’m trying to fix my mistakes. I’ve found a way, but this way doesn’t include Sandra sacrificing her happiness to stay with me.” Andy studied Sharon, looking for a reaction but she kept her features neutral. He went on hesitantly, “I know it’s hard to hear, Sharon… you can even be the perfect wife to Jack, but he’ll never be a father to your kids if he is not ready or if he doesn’t want to…” Andy let the words sink in and noticed Sharon was about to say something, but he cut her short, “And before you say it, you can’t make him change. You can’t guide him in that direction… it’s his choice, as wrong as it may be.”

He was an amazing man instead, maybe she should have just told him that, but Sharon kept staring at him, the words dying in her throat every time she tried to speak. She was trying her best to blink away the tears that started to build up in her eyes. “This is complicated, Andy…” Sharon finally whispered, her voice shaking a little.

“You know, my mother used to say: life is simple, we are the ones who insist on making it complicated.” Andy replied gently, a soft smile gracing his features.

Sharon sighed. She ran a hand through her hair; her head was throbbing. Why on earth did she think that drinking that much was a good idea?

“I know why you stay with him.” Andy told her quietly. Sharon looked up to meet his gaze and frowned. “You think you deserve the pain. You want it.” Sharon frowned even more and Andy added before she could interrupt him, “And he’s all too happy to give it.” He didn’t need to say more, they both knew who he was talking about. “But this isn’t healthy. Why are you punishing yourself like that, Sharon?” Andy asked, sadness in his voice. “How can you believe you deserve this?” He wondered, not expecting an answer from her. “Maybe he made you believe this, but it is not on you if he’s a drunk, it is not on you if he has a gambling addiction. This is what addicts do; they put the blame on someone else. I was like this as well…” Andy admitted embarrassed, his voice above a whisper, “I was too weak to even acknowledge I was destroying everything.” Andy sighed and slowly met Sharon’s gaze again. “Sharon, it is not on you if he has chosen not to be there for his kids. They have grown up to be amazing young adults and this is all because they have an incredible mother.” Sharon’s breath hitched in her throat upon hearing Andy’s words. She swallowed painfully, holding back her tears. “You should take pride of a job well done, you should be proud of the strong woman you are, Sharon, because hell, I am. I am proud of you, of your dedication, of your strength, of your sacrifice…” Sharon stared at him with teary eyes, unable to say a word. She wasn’t sure she had heard anyone speak of her like that. “But now it is time to think about yourself, Sharon. Life isn’t over. You deserve to live, you deserve to be happy.” Andy told her with a gentle tone.

Sharon looked down and shook her head. “I don’t know if I can…” She whispered, her voice shaking lightly as she hugged her knees to her chest tighter.

“Of course you can.” Andy reassured her with a soft smile. “You just need a little more time, but you’ll get there. You need to learn to trust again, you have to believe that good things can happen for you as well… because they can, Sharon.”

Sharon rested her chin on her knees and closed her eyes. She hugged her knees even tighter as her lower lip started to quiver. Andy hesitantly reached out, caressing Sharon’s leg delicately. She opened her eyes again and whispered in a trembling voice, “I’ve made a mess, Andy… I-I… that night…”

“We both said things to hurt each other that night.” Andy interrupted her gently, “But tell me something, Sharon…” He went on hesitantly. “Were you happy with me?”

“Of course, Andy…” Sharon quickly let out in a choked up tone. “I-I… The time we spent together…” She drew in a few shaky breaths before she added, “These moments together were some of the happiest moments of my life… The things I’ve said to you that night… I didn’t…” Her voice trailed off before she could even finish her sentence.

“I know…” Andy told her softly.

Sharon looked up, trying to blink away the tears. “I was so close to give in…” She murmured, her voice above a whisper.

“I wish you did…” Andy replied, sadness in his tone.

“I wish I did too…” Sharon agreed, sniffing softly. She looked away, unable to hold his gaze anymore. Her eyes were filling with tears and she didn’t feel like she could hold them back anymore. Her lower lip trembled, but she couldn’t bring herself to cry in front of him.

Andy noticed her struggling and he whispered soothingly, “Hey Sharon… Come here…” He scooted closer to her on the chaise lounge and opened his arms for her.

Sharon stared at him for a few seconds. Andy could sense her hesitation and he was ready for her to push him away. He was surprised when Sharon slid slowly toward him, closing the gap between them. Andy wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tight as he felt her cling to him. Sharon buried her face in the crook of his neck and he stroked her hair soothingly. This was all it took for Sharon to break down, a soft and steady stream of tears trickling down his collar. Andy shivered slightly and tightened his embrace on her, his hand stroking her hair and then rubbing her back soothingly.

“I’ve made a mess…” Sharon whispered again once her tears stopped, her face still buried in his neck. Her breath tickled his skin and Andy’s hand went back to her hair, caressing it gently.

“It’s nothing that we can’t fix…” Andy reassured her. “It’s okay, Sharon…”

Sharon pulled away slightly, enough to look at him in the eyes, her own eyes still glistening with tears. “I don’t deserve this, Andy…” She murmured and looked away.

“I know.” Andy merely replied and Sharon felt her heart sink. “You deserve way better than me.” He added sadly.

Sharon snapped her head up and answered immediately, “No, Andy, no…” She cupped his face with both hands and told him in a pained tone, “You deserve way better than me. I hurt you so bad, Andy. You’ve been nothing but amazing with me and I pushed you away…” She drew in a shaky breath and went on, “And after all I’ve done… y-you’re still here…”

“I will always be here for you, Sharon…” Andy whispered, his voice slightly trailing off.

A sob racked her body and Sharon looked away, her hands still cupping his face. “What I said that night…” She paused and shook her head, a few tears escaping her eyelids. “I’ve never stopped loving you, Andy…”

Andy’s hand reached her cheek and he turned her head delicately, so she could face him again. “Good thing…” Andy told her with a small smile, “Because I’ve never stopped loving you as well.” He added truthfully.

Sharon smiled at him wanly, her eyes still shining with unshed tears. She wrapped her arms around him again and Andy hugged her back tight. They stayed in silence in each other’s arms for a while, enjoying the feeling of their newfound closeness.

Sharon rested her head on his shoulder, stroking his chest with a hand when she whispered against him, “Where do we go from here, Andy?”

Andy looked down at the woman in his arms. Their eyes met and he smiled softly at her, “How about we take it slow? We’ll figure this out one step at a time…” He proposed gently. “Together.” He added, his hand caressing her hair delicately.

Sharon hummed contentedly and snuggled deeper against him. She felt Andy drop a kiss on the top of her head and tighten his embrace on her. A smile graced her features. “Together…” She repeated after a few minutes of silence, as if she wanted to test how the word sounded, “I like that.” Sharon pulled away to look at Andy. The smile that lit up her face said more than a thousand words.

[frangipanidownunder]

You always give sensible advice. This is really quite silly so pls feel free to ignore! I came back to fandom & discovered tumblr during 2015 as an escape from RL. To my surprise, D's rs still makes me kinda sad when I see his current pics (personal reasons about large age gap rs with older men & very young women) even though don't know him, shouldn't care & it's all between consenting adults. Condemn all vileness towards the actors and their SOs 100% but wish I could get over it & feel stupid

Hey gorgeous. Please don’t think your concerns are silly. And I’m not sure if this is the full message, but this is what I received.

I totally get the discomfort you feel about age-gap relationships. I do have a couple of acquaintances who are in long-term relationships with older men, although we’re talking 20 years not 30+. I think we have a tendency to judge people based on our own value systems, not theirs. I must admit I always struggle with the ‘but you’ll only be 40 when he’s in his seventies’ and that’s pretty weird. I look at my Dad who turned 80 this year and see how much he’s aged in the last decade. It catches up! Also, I was a totally different person at 25, 35, 45 etc. You change as you experience more in life. You find your voice. I guess you can only hope that these RS’s change and grow too.

It’s understandable that you feel let down given that we place our celebrities on a pedestal to admire (although we should probably learn by now that doing so often ends in disaster). To me, DD created a persona of intellectual aloofness, quiet ageing, lonely writer and I found that attractive. But from what we know (which isn’t much outside the arena of paparazzi shots, those cringey fitness vids and salacious gossip) he seems to have slipped into cliched rock star with a beautiful young bird hanging off his arm. It’s disappointing, but it’s his life. What I do know is that his gf is an adult and can make her own choices, despite her young age. Pretty sure that she’s having the time of her life, he gets to feel young and adored and maybe that’s the transaction. Maybe it’s more.

I met DD before his Melbourne concert. He was charming and lovely and signed my shoulder! The gf was in the wings and he looked over at her a few times during the night. They’re still together, so there’s clearly something there. Who knows whether he wakes at night telling himself that age is just a number and it’s nobody else’s business or whether he goes into a dead sleep because he’s exhausted by those workouts and doesn’t have time to reflect, hahaha.

Anyway, we have no idea what it’s like to live in that kind of environment where you are constantly judged and have to look good all the time and your fans are hanging off every word and you can’t go to the coffee shop without someone asking for a selfie. It must be exhausting for those used to Hollywood and probably exciting for the newbies. DD’s family and friends seem to be okay with his gf, perhaps because it’s no surprise. 

Not sure any of this helps, anon. But you just have to separate the persona from the person. As fans, we buy into the image, not the man. I enjoy DDs writing, I endured his music for the sake of the meet and greet, I’m not going to cancel him just yet. He’s too pretty still!

Have a lovely day, beautiful.