#I am TIRED of emails and TIRED of schedules and TIRED of whatever else I'm supposed to be doing right now

[wardenbloom]

Caleb: For Whatever's Worth

Caleb/XYZ (Love and Deepspace) X Nikola Martel OC

Age-gap; Student/Teacher

"Really? A three unit law subject??" Caleb frowned as he looked at his schedule.

"Yeah bro, we gotta take it. It says here Aeronautical and International Law, units: three" His classmate replied.

Caleb took a deep breath and mustered his energy for his next class. Inside the classroom, his classmates greeted him as he entered.

"Bro! What's up??" One said with familiarity.

"I'm good." Caleb smiled. "Man, I think this subject would be tough." He sat on his designated chair.

"I heard the professor is a terror." His classmate shuddered.

The bell rang and a woman, in her late 20's, entered the room. Her long dark hair was tired in a low bun and she was wearing a grey pantsuit and high heels.

The class settled down upon seeing her. Caleb furrowed his eyebrows. Damn, this subject WILL be tough... He thought.

"Good morning, everyone. I am Nikola Martel, your Aeronautics and International Law professor. You may call me by my surname." She spoke clearly and loudly for everyone to hear.

What the fuck was that voice? It sounds really hot and dominant... Caleb thought as he fixed his sitting position. He took a deep breath as he observed her.

"Since today is our first meeting, I won't hold you too long. I'll just give this syllabus-- oh, before anything else, I need a class beadle and I will communicate through the class beadle anything related to our class and he will disseminate the information to everyone. Anyone volunteers?" Nikola asked as she looked around and was greeted by silence. But, one stood up.

"I volunteer, Attorney Martel." Caleb stood up with a smile on his face. "I'm Caleb and I'll be the class beadle."

"I see, but no need to call me attorney. I'm your professor, not your counsel." She replied. "Please sit down, Mr. Caleb. I'll talk to you after class."

He nodded then sat down. After Nikola handed out the syllabus for their semester, their coverage for recitation next meeting, she laid down the house rules then dismissed the class. As their agreement earlier, Caleb stayed inside the room while his classmates left.

He approached the teacher's table and Nikola gave her contact number and email address.

"You may contact me here, please introduce yourself. I'll be connecting with you to let you know if I will be able to attend the class or not." Nikola handed him a post-it note with her contact details.

Caleb happily sent her a message.

"I got your message, Mr. Caleb. Then, I'll see you next meeting." She stood up and grabbed her bag.

"I'll walk you to your car, ma'am." Caleb smiled.

"No need, my bag is not that heavy." She refused then went her way.

He smiled to himself. Talking to someone like that is kinda exciting.

Back at Caleb's apartment, he looked up the books he'll be needing for Nikola's class.

These are some expensive books... Maybe I could just pirate it... but then again, I'll look more impressive if I hold a book... He thought and pressed the "buy now" button.

The next meeting, Nikola shuffled the index cards for her class and called a random student for their recitation. The student and the next did not do well so she resorted to lecturing instead of continuing the recitation.

After class she asked Caleb to stay for a while.

"Mr. Caleb, I'd like to remind your class that recitation bears a significant chunk of your grades. It's quite disappointing that they were not able to study for today's class." Nikola sighed.

"On behalf of the class, ma'am, I'd like to say sorry. We'll do better next meeting. It's just that we're not used to this kinds of learning." Caleb honestly replied.

"I understand. That's why I didn't get mad earlier and I'm directing my instructions to you." She looked at her class record. "You're in..."

"Second year, first semester." Caleb answered.

"I see." Nikola stood up. "Then, I'll see you later." She grabbed her bag and a stack of papers.

"I'll help you carry those, ma'am." Caleb smiled and gently retrieved the stack of papers.

"Okay, thank you."

As they walked, Caleb took the chance to get to know her even for a little bit.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, ma'am. But, aren't you a little too young to be our professor?" He asked.

She chuckled. "Me? young? Mr. Caleb, I am already pushing thirty."

"What??" Caleb exclaimed. "I thought you're about our age... twenty three..." He tried to compliment her.

"Your compliments will get you nowhere. I'll compute your grades accordingly." She smiled.

Oh, what do you know? She looks nicer when she smiles.

They reached her car and Caleb helped her in loading the papers she had.

"Thank you, Mr. Caleb. I'll see you next meeting." She nodded then entered her car.

The following week, the night before her class, Caleb was reviewing intensely. He wore his glasses as he read through the prescribed book and wrote various things he found useful. He ruffled his hair as there were so many jargons he didn't understand.

"Bro, the girls we met last time at the club says that there's a free entrance today." His roommate said as he entered Caleb's room.

"Nah, not today. I'm preparing for my babe's class." He casually replied.

"DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT??!!" His other roommate popped his head inside the room. "YOUR BABE?!?! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'RE INTO HAGS??"

"Hag? Does she look like that?" Caleb replied without looking at them. "At any rate, I can't go drinking tonight because you fuckers can't study properly and I'll be the one answering if any of you fail to answer!" He exclaimed and threw a pillow at them.

"But really, bro..." His roommate sat on his bed. "You're really into her? Did she seduce you by any chance?"

"Yes, I want to get to know her and no, she didn't seduce me. She doesn't even talk to me unless it's academically related topic. I just think she's interesting." Caleb replied as he highlights a portion of the provision he read.

The next day, Caleb and his friends went to the cafeteria before their classes start. To his surprise, he saw Nikola eating her lunch alone while reading some documents. He signaled for his friends to occupy the rest of the vacant tables.

He then approached her.

"Good afternoon, Ma'am. May I share a table with you?" Caleb politely asked.

"Uhm, I believe there are vacant--" Nikola replied and looked around and saw that the tables were occupied by her other students. "Oh. Okay, then. You may sit with me."

Caleb placed down his tray and sat in front of her. He observed her as she chewed while reading a paper that seems to be their lesson for today.

"I already informed them about what you told me last week, ma'am. I'm sure the class will do better today." Caleb broke the ice.

"And if they won't?" She coldly asked.

"Then, you can just call me and I'll answer." He confidently smiled.

Nikola looked at him and noticed that he's quite good-looking. She took a deep breath and continued eating.

After, Nikola then went first to the faculty room and freshened up. She entered the classroom and found Caleb sitting at the frontmost seat.

She placed down her things at the teacher's table and asked "Mr. Caleb, I believe your seat is at the third row."

"Well, I'm the class beadle and I sat here because you might suddenly need me for something like errands. This is the most accessible seat." Caleb explained. Nikola didn't have the energy to argue so she proceeded with today's lesson.

Caleb smiled and felt satisfied as he could see her more clearly than when he was sitting at the back.

The following week, Caleb reviewed religiously not only for his law subject, but for his other subjects as well.

If I want this woman to notice me, I should be able to ace everything...

Caleb's phone vibrated and he looked at his phone and saw a text message from Nikola.

Mr. Caleb, unfortunately for me (Fortunately for the class), I won't be able to attend the class tomorrow due to high fever and I doubt I'll be able to recover by tomorrow. I'll just give out video lectures by the end of the week. Thank you.

Sent by: Nikola Martel

This is noted, ma'am. But may I ask if you need anything? I could buy you medicine and other things if you need it.

Sent by: Caleb

No need, Mr. Caleb. I'd appreciate it more if you spend your time resting or studying.

Sent by: Nikola Martel

Caleb suddenly stood up and his roommates jolted in surprise.

"You okay bro? Did you get crazy from reading so much academic stuff?" His roommate joked.

"My babe is sick." He said as he grabbed his keys, hoodie, and helmet. "I'll go to her place."

"Huh? Bro. Aren't you overstepping your boundary as a student? I don't think she'll like that." His roommate advised.

"I don't care. She lives alone and she's sick. By the way, chat the class that babe will be absent tomorrow and there's no class." Caleb urgently said as he left the apartment.

Caleb bought medicine for colds, electrolyte drink, pain relievers and cooling strip then rode his motorcycle to Nikola's house.

He pressed the doorbell and after a minute, Nikola opened the door. She was wearing a sweater and jogging pants. Her eyes look tired and dry.

"Mr. Caleb, what are you doing here? I already said that you didn't have to." She said while opening the gate.

"Are you okay? You said you have a high fever." Caleb worriedly asked.

"I'm fine. But please, don't sweat yourself over me." She replied. Caleb then entered the gate and as he moved closer to her, she wobbled and tried to get her balance.

My head hurts so bad... She thought as Caleb caught her.

"It's okay. I'll take care of you." Caleb said as he carried her inside the house. He laid her down the bed and replaced the cooling strip on her forehead. He took her temperature which read 40 degrees.

That's too high...

Nikola forcefully opened her eyes.

"Mr. Caleb, you have to go home. It's not appropriate for you to stay at your professor's abode." She instructed.

"No. I'll have to take care of you until your temperature drops." He sternly replied.

"Please don't make it difficult for me, Caleb." She pleaded. "I'll take care of myself."

Her tired voice made Caleb worry more. But at the same time, he realized that she's right.

"I'll make you something to eat then I'll leave." he conceded. He then went to the kitchen and made some porridge good enough until tomorrow. He placed it on the table in her room then left.

Caleb arrived back at his apartment and found that his roommates were drinking and chatting happily. He silently went back to his room and locked the door. His heart sank as he worried for Nikola who was living alone.

I can't do anything... He laid down and forced himself to sleep.

Months went by and Caleb has aced every exam she's given the class. During their last meeting, she noticed that the cards never really landed on him.

I don't think I've called Caleb for recitation...

Nikola thought as she shuffled the index cards.

"Since today is our last meeting, are there any volunteers?" She asked.

Caleb raised his hand and stood up. "I believe I wasn't called this semester, bab-- I mean, ma'am. I volunteer for today's recitation." His classmates made a noise and laughed.

Nikola looked at his empty index card and started asking questions to which Caleb answered with mastery and more. She gave him a perfect grade for today.

"Well, that concludes our semester. I'll see you all on your finals day. Study the pointers I have given you and you'll pass for sure." She smiled then left the room. Caleb went after her and called her attention.

"Miss Martel." He spoke. She turned around and looked up at him.

"Did I forget anything, Mr. Caleb?" She asked.

"I was wondering if..." Caleb hesitated. Behind the bush beside them, his eavesdropping classmates hid.

"If?" Nikola tilted her head.

"If I could court you after I graduate." Caleb finally asked.

I had a hunch that he's got something for me, but I didn't think it was this serious for him to confess.

Nikola thought and smiled. "Sure, Mr. Caleb."

Caleb smiled from ear to ear. "REALLY?!??!" He exclaimed.

"Under the condition that you'd be the batch valedictorian. Then we'll talk."

"Consider it done, Miss Martel."

[thessalian]

Thess vs Misreading Work Situations

One of the failings my manager, Scruffman, seems to have is a complete inability to gauge how bad a work situation is. I came in today after my week of, checked my emails, and got, "Hey, two of the girls did some overtime over the weekend so we're in good shape!"

Then I checked the typing queue. There were about 350 cases in the queue. The reason for this was actually that a lot of people were out yesterday, and almost everyone was out today. Basically it was Goblin being on annual leave (she's back tomorrow, though the schedule Scruffman sends us at the start of each week does not reflect that), New Girl is sick again, Milady's still off indefinitely... Basically it was me and Temp today. And you know what Temp is like - slow, and won't touch anything overly long. In fact, was also doing the thing where she kept a couple of long cases in the queue and threw them back in at her home-time of 5pm".

We're still at about 350 cases, with more coming in (and a lot of them will be urgents). We're not even halfway through all of yesterday's typing. So guess who's doing overtime because of the absolute mess that was left for me when I went off for a week?

I am tired and I hurt, but this absolute fucking mess will not go away until I do things about it. And, I mean, if this is with overtime done over the weekend, what the fuck would it have looked like if they hadn't? Gods.

We are so understaffed. We just keep shedding people and no one times their annual leave properly and we need a temp if we keep having people off on long-term sick! But nope. It's just me, and sometimes Temp if she feels like it, and I'm praying that Scruffman is right about Goblin not being on annual leave all week like the schedule says.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Okay, break over. Back to it. Whatever he says, even with Goblin back, we're going to be in a mess the rest of the week and I am going to suffer.

See, this is why the absolute massacre of disability benefits by the Labour government is terrifying me. Because this is the sort of shit that workplaces expect, and I shouldn't feel obliged to do this, never mind anyone else in a similar position.

[from-me-to-you-unsent-letters]

Unsent Email: July 29 (Monday)

Henlooo, Jo 🐳!

It's been over a month since the last time I wrote an email. I've been writing through other means though. Communicating through other ways. Mostly talking to air.

I've been having a hard time trying to pretend na okay lang ako. With the recent flooding and stuff, people just assumed I was tired from it -- buhat, luto, cleanup. Yeah, maybe. Honestly, though, I thought na dahil sa bagyo magiging enough yun para makalimot -- kahit saglit. I thought that maybe it would be a good enough distraction to not think about you as much. God, was I wrong.

Share ko lang, nung bumaha, ako yung taga-buhat. Kargador pa rin until now. Hahaha. I think, for some reason, they assumed na dahil ako pinaka matangkad sa amin kaya ko rin magbuhat ng kung ano-ano. Well, I guess I could. But, under the recent circumstances, I was weaker than I once was I think. Kung last year siguro baka kaya ko pa… I just haven't been eating well. The huge appetite is gone. I haven't been sleeping easily. Basically, my physical health is not at its best -- I'm not well overall.

I asked for a reschedule for most of my interviews from last week. After bumaha, hindi ko na nasagot yung mga phone interviews tsaka scheduled interviews. Nag-sorry na lang ako sa kanila and tried to explain the situation. Mukhang magiging full this week yung interviews so, I guess that's a good thing.

By the way, I applied for work sa PressReader and I'm hoping na makuha ako. I had my final interview last week with their COO na HR talaga background. They are looking for L&D Specialist na individual contributor. I can't say na I'm confident with how I answered his questions nung interview pero I like the company. It's located sa Makati pero hybrid setup sila -- 2 days office, 3 days work from home. Ang office hours lang nila is 7am - 3pm included na lunch break don. Oh, di ba, daming time? The position sounds intimidating though. I'm not sure I am being seriously considered for the position. Sana makuha, pero if not, baka kunin ko na yung next offer I'll get -- whatever that may be.

I'm getting slightly paranoid na wala pa akong work. Mostly because mag-stastart na ako ng master's pero wala akong pang sustento sa sarili ko. I can't and shouldn't rely kay mama when it comes to my expenses. I should have work na.

Enrollment na next week (start ng August 6) and alam naman nila na mag-masters ako, hindi ko pa lang sinasabi sa iba. Nakakakaba, honestly, kasi di ko alam if tama ba ginagawa ko. Hindi ko rin alam if gumagana pa ba utak ko enough para mag-take ng masters. What if sa first day pa lang mag-ask ng questions on stuff na I should know from back in college tapos wala na akong maalala? Tsaka, ang intimidating kaya mag-grad school. Nakakatakot. Well, like everything else I'm doing in life right now, I'm mainly doing it as a distraction. I'm not really doing it for the right reasons.

Heyy, I also wanted to say, I'm sorry about chanchan. Nakita ko yung note ni Maam JM nung nakaraan and I was tempted to send you a message -- make sure you're okay. I know how much chanchan meant. Kahit di mo aminin, feeling ko naman si chanchan mas favorite mo kesa kay nomnom. Alam naman ni chanchan na mahal mo siya, na mamimiss niyo siya. He's one loved pet. I'm sorry it happened a week before your exams. Also, I'm sorry about the exams. You must have worked hard for it. Baka nakadagdag din sa alalahanin mo yung nangyari kay chanchan. I'm sorry both things happened this month. I could only imagine how much it sucks. Maybe I could send you a virtual hug? 🫂 I'm really sorry about those.

Nasa Netflix na yung "When I Met You in Tokyo" -- yung dapat papanuorin natin nung January. I couldn't bring myself to watch it. In fact, I couldn't bring myself to watch anything na may touch of romance. I've been mostly watching crime documentaries as a distraction. Kahit pag-rewatch ng sitcoms hindi ko magawa. Things just remind me of you -- some more than others.

May pinanuod sila tonight. I avoided watching it knowing na may romance sa genre nung movie kaya sinearch ko na lang yung plot. It's called "Wonderland". Through an AI generated environment, may service para sa mga tao na makausap yung mga taong mahal nila kahit na namatay na sila. May isa don na mag-lola na kinakausap yung mom nung bata kasi di alam nung bata na wala na yung mom niya peor yung lola alam. Parang way to preserve the memory ganon. May isa naman na yung boyfriend niya na-comatose and nag-avail siya nung service na kunyari nasa space yung boyfriend niya and hindi pa makauwi. Cool, right? In the end, nagising yung boyfriend, tinerminate ni ate girl yung service niya, and they tried to relearn/get to know each other ulit. Yung sa bata naman, nalaman niya na namatay na mom niya pero di nila tinerminate yung service kasi gusto pa rin nila may nakakausap siya na mom niya. It's a nice thought na you could preserve and keep the conversation going with your loved ones.

I've thought about yung premise nung movie. I would have probably availed one. Parang tanga, no? But, I think I would have wanted one if it meant I could get to talk to you. Yes, meeting you in person is not in the option pero, at the very least, to hear your voice, to see you through a video call, to talk to you, that would be enough. I could still pretend na you;re here. Pwede pa akong magpanggap na andito ka pa, na hindi ka umalis. Maybe I wouldn't miss you as much.

Can I ask, kelan mo pa ako inunfollow? Why? Did I do something? I know na naka-follow pa rin ako sa'yo pero inunfollow mo na ako. I found it out the hard way. I was supposed send you a message sa ig about chanchan. I was also on the lookout if may note kang ipopost or story. There was none. I checked your profile and then that's when I saw na hindi na ako naka-follow. Ang babaw no? I started wondering since when and bakit pero I don't have any answer. I guess I won't know the answer, right? Ang sakit lang. I just thought you never would. I thought you still considered me as a friend. I just thought I meant a little bit enough for you to want me in the loop. But I guess I thought wrong. I guess it was extra hard on me, finding out about it, kasi pinamukha mo lalo sa akin na I'm just a thing of the past. Ganon lang ako kadaling kalimutan. Ganon lang kabilis to cut ties with me. It's so easy for you. I wish I could say na it's easy for me too, but the truth is, I'm writing this all down kasi it's not easy. It's been really hard on me and ako lang yung nahihirapan.

Sige, ako na yung tanga. Ako na yung tanga kasi at the end of the day, ikaw pa rin gusto kong makausap at pagsabihan ng araw ko. When things happen or don't happen, I want to tell you first -- no matter how mundane it might be. Ako na yung tana kais kahit na okay ka na, kahit na masaya ka na, ako yung hindi. Ako yung nahihirapan araw-araw. Everyday is a battle to not reach out, to not call. Hindi mo alam kung gaano kahirap bumangon sa umaga araw-araw. Hindi mo alam how much it hurts. And, yes, a part of me hope you never have to experience this (again), but a part of me wants to make you understand just how much I miss you.

I try to tell myself na maging okay na kasi okay ka lang na wala ako, masaya ka na wala ako. My heart has other plans. Of course I want you to be okay and happy. But, I guess, a part of me wanted to be a part of it. Tangina kaya ng feeling makita mo yung taong gusto mo na masaya kahit wala ka. Sa araw-araw na ginawa ni Lord, araw-araw ko pa rin tinatanong kung anong mali sa akin, kung bakit hindi ako, kung bakit okay ka lang na wala ako. Naiinggit ako sa'yo, Jo, kasi it doesn't seem to bother you na wala ako. Naiinggit ako kasi masaya ka kahit na wala ako. Wala bang option na ganon sa laro ng buhay, na kapag yung taong gusto mo masaya na sa buhay, babalik ka na rin sa dating ikaw na masaya at hindi nasasaktan?

These letters, the tumblr posts, the recordings, yung mga conversations sa hangin or kay Lord, no matter how many times kong ulit-ulitin, it wouldn't change anything, right? Wala namang magbabago kahit malaman mo kung gaano ako nasasaktan, kung gaano kita na-mimiss. Wala namang magbabago kahit na malaman mo lahat ng mga binulong ko sa hangin, mabsa mo man ang maga 'to. Nothing's going to change. Hindi pa rin ako. Hindi pa rin enough. Hindi pa rin madaling mahalin at piliin si Tine. I understand. Nothing's going to change.

It's 1:27am ng July 30, 2024. I've been writing a lot of nonsense you'd never even know.

I miss you, Jo. 🐳 A part of me still wishes you liked me enough to try. A part of me still wishes you'd come back. But, a part of me just wants to cut my heart out, bury it deep or toss it out to sea, and erase the past two years. Fuck, I miss you. 🐳

Always ✨,

Tine 🐳

[sincelastsession]

BTW I'll probably be ok the nonverbal shutdown doesn't last forever but it's really hard to communicate verbally when I'm overloaded.

My dad needs to have ptsd and cptsd explained and what it does to people and how crippling it gets plus my other diagnosis and that they are real and valid and I do actually need accommodation and to be met at least halfway. Like he's a control freak about me.

It SCARES me.

This session he scheduled is important though. I'm stubborn and I want to give him a chance. Probably one more chance too many but I'd like to be on good terms before he drops dead from health issues or his mental illnesses kill him.

I am worried I'll have a reactive abuse or snappy response to him. I'd like to work on that.

I feel he thinks I'm not holding myself accountable for my behaviors as a 37yrold adult.

I'm still treated and spoken to like a child.

He has no respect for me.

He absolutely will be fake with you like a salesman and watch him flip moods if you correct him even gently.

My Aunts told my mom he's been angry and reactive his whole life.

My dead psychiatrist who used to treat him said he was bipolar probably with a personality disorder and possibly would develop violent dementia and it makes me sad.

It's hard to help people that have beat you down and punished you for being autonomous. The micromanagement is insane.

He does cherry pick. I'd definitely not bring up the DSM book with him and how you treat symptoms. He think I'm schizophrenic or something and my diagnosis actually need to be validated in this instance because I need him to take me seriously when I put up boundaries and he tries to bulldoze them.

He's of the mindset that he deserves respect because he pays for things and is my elder.

I'm of the mindset that he's abused the fuck out of me and I've never gotten respect unless I was playing by his rules.

He does think I'm trying to control him in a paranoid way.

Please remind me to play you the audio or email the clips before sessions with mom and dad.

Off topic: Worried abt my partner, I feel my stress is kicking his ass. He told me I was fine. He had a question for me today and was all horny which I was not mad abt but I had to deal with crazy people

Anyway idfk what else to say.

I'm tired.

Maybe I'll write more after I smoke out for the pain I'll be in tomorrow from being tense as fuck.

I wish I could have my emotional support burger now. 🍔 I'll see it on Thursday before I meet with you.

Dunno if I should eat before dad session.

I mean I'm stressed out about it and I don't know if you're questioning if it's a good idea or not but if I don't have a session with him and don't figure out some way to communicate to where it's not abusive then nothing is going to really get better because he's still basically in control of my financial shit.

Also his apology was basically the best apology and narcissist could possibly give and it's not really even a true apology and I'm really bothered by it and I don't even know if an apology with words would fix anything.

The fact that he made a session with you and is showing up means something to me but I'm also so scared that it's going to go bad. I'll be bringing my extra anxiety med that day for after.

I am worried I'll disassociate during session to protect myself and keep myself from reacting to the lies.

I literally thought about finding the dog training clicker I have to bring and click to give you a signal that I may need to excuse myself to keep composure or just let you know if it's absolute bullshit.

You're in charge with the parents. I wouldn't know where to start if you left it up to me.

I don't want to not do the hard sessions and work.

Speaking of work I flat out told my mom I was about to say "fuck it" and do like onlyfans or something because there's a market for all body types and random fetishes. I could be a findom or sell my used underwear or whatever the fuck. There's tons of legit sites. I've gone back and forth about it. If I make enough money then I could just escape. I do wish I was more an ethical slut. I don't like the gross feels that my flesh prison gives me but other people are keen on it. Maybe I'd hate being stick in it less.

Lucy who is my ex roommate...her dad died. He was just like mine but an alcoholic. Dad acts like a dry drunk.

Lucy used to encourage me to do nude modeling like she did for painters because she thought the artists would appreciate my body so I could see it wasn't terrible in art form.

Because it's really weird I look at other people and their bodies and features mostly like I look at art I don't really often sexualize people As much as I guess you're normal average person

I mean yes of course I've passed by people and been like oh God damn they're fine but more in my head it's like oh God damn their fine is in their fine art

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

your email post reminds me of my coworker and me. he isn't so much using a lot of exclamation marks as just writing a lot -- lots of niceties, lots of details, lots of asides, etc., whereas i'm very minimalist with my emails. (not saying my way is better, it probably would be better to include more details and niceties sometimes, lol. a happy medium) we work on something that requires us to collaborate writing emails together and you can always tell who wrote the initial draft and who went back and "revised" it.

honestly email etiquette is so hard, like, guessing how formal to be and how many inane pleasantries to include and how firmly to word your actual point... hate it tbh i'm always at the wrong end of the spectrum, either unhinged 3am rambles or rigidly formal statements with nothing to soften them. and while sometimes this can reflect my mood / how pissed off i am, often it's actually much more to do with how tired i am that day and what else i've been doing (if i've been writing a lot of very formal things, they'll come out crisper). if i'm in sensory overwhelm they either become distressingly informal or extremely formal. i'm not sure anyone knows me well enough to be able to gauge that though. if it was more consistent it would be easier for them to infer lol

tbh i often send really long emails in a work context! like, essay-length emails! they're just... a lot of details about a specific thing. and while i might throw in a "i hope you're feeling better" if i know someone's been ill or "i hope you had a good [holiday]" if i know they were taking time off for it, i don't put those in every single email in a back and forth chain, especially when it's just like. a regular weekend.

as noted: i tend to work weekends, so they are not really different from any other days to me, and the person sending me this email knows this and knows i don't have a 9-5 so it does strike me as a bit weird to keep acting like i'm working on that schedule but hey, she's being friendly, i'm not, like, mad about it. it just kinda feels a bit redundant, especially when it's just back-and-forth discussion of travel arrangements for an event or whatever

[okayto]

Anime chatter because I need a break from attempting to reach inbox zero at work. (I’m about 60% down, with only 477 emails in my inbox now.)

I finished reading the entire series of The Betrayal Knows My Name, which is beautiful and very fun and not a complete story wut. Apparently the mangaka had health issues in the middle of it, so I respect that she was able to finish a story arc, and also didn’t try to wrap things up (it wouldn’t have worked. This is a story in which people keep getting reincarnated over a millennia to fight demons and the main character is amnesiac for Unknown but possibly Love-Related Reasons in his past life and at best, the story ends 2/3 through). Instead, it ends at the end of one arc, but ugh I was planning on watching the anime afterwards, and now I think I’ll hold off.

(It’s a good manga, though. If you like shoujo action fantasies, it’s worth picking up. Perhaps there’s some good fanfic that will finish the story.)

I just started the Millionaire Detective - Balance: UNLIMITED and one episode in, the “AI uses money for the whims of one person to achieve anything” schtick has me thinking I’m watching a really weird AU of Eden of the East.

Two of my favorite shows I watched last year (Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid and Zombie Land Saga) have second seasons that will premier this year! I will, however, be waiting (and hoping) for the dubs, since both were very good, but especially Ricco Fajardo as perpetually-running-on-seventeen-Red-Bulls manager Kotaro in ZLS.

Surprise enjoyable show Touken Ranbu: Hanamaru will get some films in the next couple of years. The mobile game that spawned it is also being released in English (currently [March 2021] you can preregister), but I am resisting temptation because my phone doesn’t need yet another app.

I think I am just not cut out for serious shows. I want to like them, but I’ve been trying to get through Cowboy Bebop for several months, and keep pushing it off to watch other stuff. Same with Trinity Blood, it just feels like a slog. And I can’t quite pinpoint why, because it’s not like I don’t enjoy the show in abstract. But I start watching, and then ending up fast-forwarding. Even 91 Days, which was really good, I didn’t look forward to picking back up like I did, well, pretty much anything else I’ve watched in the past year.

Like, everyone’s supposed to like Cowboy Bebop, right?

I’ve got several others on my to-watch list (Witch Hunter Robin, Wolf’s Rain, Trigun) that were big (ish) back in the 00′s, but my apathy toward the others doesn’t leave me feeling optimistic.

[super-hero-girls-netflix]

I'm back :D

Headcanons on sleepover (Boys and Girls)?

Girls First!

#1: Zee NEEDS to be Host if it's the whole group

Zee hosts as often as she can because she likes sleeping in her own bed and not having Babs' dad knocking on the door every 5 minutes.

It's also hard to coerce convince the girls into magical makeovers if she has to be alert about using her magic.

Also...she is positive that Commissioner Gordon suspects her of murder. (He doesn't, he just has the naturally narrow eyed thoughtful look)

Zee, in other words, prefers to host their sleepovers.

#2: Babs is a Wriggler, Kara is a Thrasher, Jess is a Talker

Diana, Zee and Karen are relatively quiet sleepers. Like sure Diana snores a bit and Karen might drool and Zee might shift in her sleep but they are NOTHING compared to Babs, Kara and Jess.

They are nightmares to sleep with. Babs wriggles in her sleep and babbles too. Especially if she's stressed. She'll be talking utter nonsense. Literally like 'waffles have feelings too' or 'butterfly fart machine'. No one shares a bed with Babs because she is known for stealing the covers and wrapping herself in them. Like a Babs Burrito. And if you try to take some back she will shove you off the bed. Still very much asleep.

Kara, she is a hazard to people everywhere. At least if you don't know how to control sleepy Kara. The girls know the control word 'go back to bed' but that only helps them when Kara tries to fly away. If she's kicking and or punching it's doom. Typically her erratic attacks are sparse and weak, so just like a pro-wrestler but badly aimed, but still...no one sleeps within 5 feet of Kara Danvers.

And lastly Jess. Jess is not much of a physical threat while asleep. She stays in the same position and doesn't even drool or snore or anything. But in the middle of the night you might hear a yelp, or a drawn out very loud groan. That's Jess, she groans a lot in her sleep, regularly. And if she's extremely stressed she'll even mantain conversation. Very poorly. Kara tried once. It went like this.

Jess: The moon, is just a ball of cheese.

Kara: Oh? Can your eat it?

Jess: Like a rock

Kara: What do you mean?

Jess: I'm nice, you're mean.

So yeah...they can share a bed with this chic and they have. That's why most if them sleep with headphones tucked into their ears.

#3 Movie Night

Karen hates horror movies. They creep her out and Kara is obsessed with them.

In fact while Karen and Kara argue about which genre to watch, romance or horror, the rest of the girls watch them fight.

Which is more amusing then it sounds.

#4 Diana can't cook

Diana is a girl of many talents but she can not cook. Not a bit. Not even instant mac and cheese.

Babs has tried to show her how to make a burrito- failed.

Jess a salad- failed.

Karen, some stir fry- failed.

Kara, warning up some pizza- failed.

She just can't cook. Moving on.

#5 Babs is generous with everything BUT her stuffed animals.

These are things she has said:

"Rest your feet somewhere else, Kara"

"Burrito Bat Butch hasn't cuddled with anyone but me, ever. Hands off!"

"Listen, if you wanted a pillow you can just ask- you don't have to treat General George Jennings like that!"

"Give me the bear, Karen. Give me the bear."

"EEY, NO TOUCHIE!"

#6 They can't do a proper Binge Watch with each other.

Babs drinks a lot of soda and munches on a lot of snacks so she has to constantly use the bathroom. Insisting they can keep watching but of course they pause anyway.

Zee cannot step away from her phone. It's always vibrating with emails and messages and she is too invested in her rep to put it down. She is the type of gal who likes texting while watching a show. This drives the other girls up a wall because then Zee insists they catch her up.

Kara cannot, for the life of her, sit still. Even though they are curled up on the couch, one of the girls leaning into Kara's side, or having their head on Kara's lap. Or anything, really. Kara breaks the comfort because she cannot sit still. She shifts too often, changes the legs she tucked under her, stretches her back. It is annoying because then the girls around her need to shift too.

Jess gets restless quickly. She predicts the ending or loses interest when the plot becomes to predictable. So then she starts, trying to be subtle, looking through her schedule and doing school work. Its more infuriating because when the girls ask pointed questions she almost always gets it right.

Diana is of course knew to the world of man and stills doesn't get everything that is happening. Sometimes she misunderstands the plot completely and they have to rewatch the episode, explaining everything that time. This makes the watching chunky and somewhat less enjoyable. Usually Zee is the one to do the explaining. No one blames Diana of course, but still.

And Karen? She just wants to see if her ship lives. She is a fangirl through and through and has to scream into a pillow every time they have to press pause. Which is three to five time throughout a single episode.

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Now for the boys,

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#1 Food Competition

Barry eats a lot. Barry is never sure how much is enough. Barry can eat a supermarket out of business if he was particularly hungry. Hal knows this. Still his pride won't accept it so every time Hal challenges Barry to eating some disgusting amount of sauce or drink.

Sometimes Hal wins.

Barry has a sensitive stomach.

But usually not.

#2 NO HOMO

Steve doesn't really care how close any if the dudes sleep to him.

Barry doesn't either. In fact its likely he'll fall asleep on someone else's sleeping bag with his feet propped on one of his teammates stomach.

Garth will probably end up trying to cuddle up to Hal or Barry or Steve or any of the boys.

Hal will most definitely fight him on that. What can you say? He's the Type A male. But he really won't bat an eye if Garth does it when Hal is already asleep.

Oliver will sing love songs to his bro's, flirting hard as hell...up untill Hal, Carter, or Steve smack him. Where he pouts and let's Garth and Barry soothe him.

Carter doesn't like being touched in general so like hell he's going to let any of the boys near him. Or hold a conversation with him. He will just sit in the corner of the room, quietly observing. (He is most definitely trapped in the home where they are hosting the sleepover).

#3 Make Him Laugh

Another challenge.

Whoever makes Carter smile or *le gasp* laugh is deemed royalty.

Usually it's Barry. Who didn't even try. He just tripped over something.

Barry wins a lot.

#4 They Order In

Hal refuses to cook on principle. Rather be fed.

Oliver doesn't like getting butter on him since it'll 'destroy' his complexion.

Garth can't cook.

Carter refuses to feed anyone. He'll cook for himself and no one else.

Barry always offers but he is a forgetful cook and they feel bad throwing out whatever abomination he makes so they force it down. Of course, they learned to order in before Barry offers.

Steve can cook but he is very precise about the recipe, double checking and stuff so being fed takes forever if they let him start.

They arm wrestle to decide who chooses what they eat so yea...Carter always picks. Steve usually pays. Barry too. Everyone else is broke as hell.

#6 They butt heads.

All the dam time.

Hal is stubborn and Oliver is prideful.

Carter refuses to cater to anyone.

Garth is immovable if he wants to be.

Steve is trying to compromise but no one listens to the voice of reason over their own shouts.

Barry eats ice cream. They'll tire themselves out eventually.

#7 They Reprimand Hal

These are things they have definitely said at least once during a sleepover.

"Goddammit Hal! She's my science partner! How am I supposed to look her in the eye now?"

"Do you value your life? Yes? Then please refrain from speaking."

"Shut! Up!"

"Who are you calling stupid, stupid!"

"I'll tell Carol."

"The hell, man? Were you born with the unexplicable urge to be an asshole?"

"Go to bed, perv!"

Ah well, imma close it off here. Very lovely prompt. Headcannons are always fun. 👍