#I am almost exclusively familiar with the original voice cast

[popculturebuffet]

Of Moons, Millionares and Mothers Part 2: The Ballad of Duke Balloney or “I’m Flintheart Glomgold and I Always Will Be!” (Commission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people. I”m Jake, I review stuff and today continues my look at Ducktales season 2 story arcs, of Moons, Millionares and Mothers. And while this arc as a whole is paid for by WeirdKev27, due to the Arc’s length, 17 parts including 15 episodes and 6 comics (2 of which will be in the same review), this one’s special as he’s using his patreon review every month to do so. If you too want me to review something of your choice simply hit up my ask box or join my patreon at patreon.com/popculture buffet. You get access to my discord, to pick a short when I do a group of them for characters birthdays, help me hit neat stretch goals like my next which is reviewing a darkwing duck episode a month, and best of all EXCLUSIVE REVIEWS. And I just added one this saturday of a carl barks story centerting around wigs, legal battles and attempted murder, both by our villian.. and by our heroes...

I will never get tired of that panel nor the boys inexplicably finding a blowgun. Point is it’s there if you want it at THIS LINK, but enough plugging so I can help pay the streaming bills and keep doing this... let’s get to the meat of things shall we?

This episode begins the second arc of this retrospective, The Glomgold Arc. And this arc was inevitibly going to come to this blog for two reasons. The first is that I have made no secret, in fact i’ve shouted it as loud as I can the neighbors are concerned, that I fucking love the 2017 Version of Flintheart Glomgold. 

Glomgold is Keith Ferguson’s best role, tied with Lord Hater obviously, but it is indeed a tie. No one but Keith could’ve pulled off glomgold’s combination of ego, ham, and batshit insanity. He just makes the utterly stupid and wonderfully ludicrious things that come out of the mans mouth sound so damn natural with such an unearned confidence. It’s very clear that Frank had Keith in mind when putting this version of everyone’s faviorite South African Billionare pretending to be a Scottish Billionare and wisely built the characcter around him and his immense talent. I was not familiar with Keith at all, wasn’t even aware he voiced hater before this show but damn if that hasn’t fully changed. 

Glomgold was also just in general a brilliant update of the character: While I know a lot of duck fans weren’t happy with this version at least at first. As the action figure sitting on my shelf that once road in a car with my david hasslehoff baywatch funko pop I have entirley due to my love of baywatching,  this insane music video hoff did in the early 2000′s, and just in general how gloriously rediculous the man’s life is when you stop and think about it for a second from a pay per-view concert that ended up falling on the same night as The OJ Chase,  to his kung fury cameo , to his weird insetence they never had sex on baywatch desspite mounds of video evdience and the fact the show was buit around the bulk of it’s cast’s sex appeal, to the fact the model of his pecs used for the spongebob movie was sold in an auction and on and on... I was going somewhere with this...

Oh right as the action figure, and previous praise, shows I am not one of these fans: The original isn’t bad, in fact one of my faviorite life and times chapters that i’ll be covering this week and talking about later in the review has him as the main antagonist and a pitvitol figure in Scrooge’s life in the worst way possible. Rosa GETS what’s needed for Flinty to feel specail: to have him be an evil mirror to scrooge, what he could’ve been had he kept down the path he started down in Africa. A ruthless, amoral asshole who will do ANYTHING to get rich. 

It’s just often that isn’t emphasised enough and he’s instead just another one of the millions of generic assholes trying to get scrooges money sometimes with hired goons...

Not only that but Frank really COULDN’T have him at full effectivness. See an arch enemy in the Silver Age, which STARTED the same year Glomgold Debuted no less, wasn’t a big deal. They were still considered your deadliest foe but they’d often, much like Flinty be shuffled into the rogues gallery, show up for an issue to meance the hero, then either escape, get thrown in jail only to escape from that easily later, or be presumed dead. The last one I bring up because it happened to Magneto a LOTTTT pre-claremont. For Fuck’s Sake Charles have those teenagers train to look for a body once in a while!

Original Flinty was built for that, and brilliantly so as Barks had a talent for it , as seen by the fact The Beagle BOys, Flintheart and Magica have stuck around ever since and even in comics overseas where Flintehart is replaced.. it’s by Rockerduck who Barks ALSO created. The 87 Show followed the same formula, which was just as standard for 80′s cartoons. It’s why Megatron took until his toy was canceled the movie to shoot starscream in the face. 

The problem is villians evolved and the expecation became more that a true arch enemy had to be a true threat. While Frank and Matt COULD’VE made Flintheart a real and honest threat, he also would’ve had to make him a Big Bad. The probelm was those seats were clearly taken: while i’m pretty sure some ideas came as they went, the main story beats were clearly planned out well in advance: Webby being a clone was always the plan, as was FOWL, Darkwing being a fan of a fictional Darkwing who became the real thing, and Della being on the moon. So he presumibly carefully choose each season’s big bad... and thus Season’s 1-3 would be full up wise. Season 1 had Magica, who he made into a TRUE threat, yet left the door open for her to return as she did, Season 2 had Lunaris who even if they hadn’t fully thought him up, they probably had thought up the moonvasion, and Season 3 was what they’d built the series towards with FOWL. 

Details probably changed, it’s very clear to me they were likely going to have all three buzzards be important and ended up deicding to pivot to it just being Bradford over time. But given how well they though tout the general framework, I highly doubt Flinty was ever considered as a seirous big bad.. and I know i’m saying this in an arc that tried to set him up as one, but i’m getting there simmer. 

So they could wait for a season 4 that might not happen.. or make him a recurring villian. So Frank and Matt decided to do that and leaned into comedy. Centering him around keith who Frank worked with previously on Wonder and thus knew he could play a hammy manchild like no one else, they simply leaned into the goofier aspects of his personality. His being similar to scrooge became him being an intentional and blatant knockoff. As Scrooge himself perfectly summed up in episode 1 “The poor man’s version of me.. which to be fair still makes him insanely rich”. 

It’s another reason to really love this version as while yes, they did make him a bafoon.. he’s a wonderfully, redicuously layered bafoon: He still contrasts scrooge perfectly, manically hammy to Scrooge being calm, especially around flinty, blantatly crooked to Scrooge’s died in wool honesty, and wasting money on revenge instead of spending it on his actual company. There’s more obviously but some i’m saving for the review. 

Not only that but his insane schemery has a rhyme and reason to it: He attacks Scrooge every week like the saturday morning cartoon villian he is, but his schemes are always unwieldly and massively stupid, and he always goes with the first draft. It’s something the team enforced: the first version is what they role with because that’s how his sad brain works. He also is obssed with sharks and explosives, the former being given a suprisingly heartfelt and unsuprisingly insanne origin story towards the series end, and works them into every plot no matter how much itm akes no sense. He’s pure ego, pure stupid and pure fun. 

So yeah circling back to him being the big bad, I felt he was made one for this season for two reasons: the first is while a lot of fans (raises hand) enjoyed this version, some didn’t like how inept he was, so this would give them a breif bit of Flintheart being a genuine threat again. The other was frankly... they didn’t want to play their hand. Lunaris WAS the big bad... but fans would get supscious if there was seemingly no true threat on the horizon. Magica popped up in episode 4. We didn’t know her full plan yet true, but all we needed was lena SAYING HER NAME and fans of any other version of teh Disney Ducks would instantly go “Oh shit there she is”. So fans would now have the expectation of a main antagonist.. but would be instantly supscious of Lunaris and Penumbra if there wasn’t one for the first third of a season it took to them, and it’d leave a gap in the story to not have someone driving the plot on earth. 

So Flinty got an upgrade.. a slight one and we’ll talk about the eb and flow. And thus he got a proper origin. Now granted they could’ve planned this too, but this one’s harder to tell as the curse you me gag could’ve been a clever setup or could’ve just been a one off gag they somehow turned into an entire episode. So Flinty got an arc.. and a comedic foil, the other reason this was inevieble, and Kev’s faviorite character, Zan Owlson. So how did it work out for them? Well we’ll begin that journey under the cut. 

We begin our story a few months ago.... on every level really: the months ago shadow war aired when this episode originally good, the months ago I reviwed Shadow War (which via counting I found out was my 200th episode not counting Patreon. Nice), and most importantly for this story, the four months ago before the present day of Season 2. 

Glomgold saying curse you me as he fell into the bay during the Shadow War.... only for once in his life he dosen’t somehow get out of it unscathed and instead passes out, almost drowning. He’s found by Fisher and Mann, two fisherpersons... Mann is specific about that due to being a woman despite the obvious irony. It’s a good gag. Flinty acts like he normally would.. hostile, demanding that they know who he is.. and while they don’t.. neither does he. 

Cue credits and cue present day. Via a newscast with Roxanne we learn what I mentioned earlier: It’s been four month and Glomgold’s been missing. The general mood.. has been about what you’d expect. 

Yeah Roxanne turned on him real fast. I genuinely wouldn’t be surprised if it was because he later openly bragged about stealing scrooge’s money during the shark thing on live tv at some point, making Roxanne look terrible for enabling him and for blatantly supporting him earlier. I mean.. how else do you get a corrupt journalist to do anything decent. 

But with Glomgold gone SOMEONE’S gotta replace him.. and that someone is Zan Motherfucking Owlson. Top of her class at Mouseton Univesity, Owlson is the show once again updating things: previously they added Mark Beaks to the Rogue’s Gallery as he contrasts the 50′s (scrooge ) and 80′s (glomgold) idea of billionares from previous versions of the property being a modern tech weasel. Though instead of just one thing Owlson represents a few: The most obvious is she’s a woman of color: Having a black woman in such a high position of power is something disney would’ve outright vetoed in the 50′s and 80′s. Here it’s well accepted as it always should have been. It also feels like a delebrate move on Frank’s part: There weren't’ any major african or african american coded characters in season 1, despite the show being very open and accepting, so that needed to change. The other is frankly outside of Brigtaa MacBridge, whose also weirdly absent from this series for some reason and has taken Fethry and Rockerduck’s place as the most major overseas duck character to never get adapted, there are hardly ever any females on Scrooge and his richer foes level. He’s had the occasional female rival or suitor, but only Brigittta had staying power and while I love the idea of her, another person as rich as scrooge whose willing to spend more and has a crush on him, she badly needed an update as she’s essentially Adventure Era Amy Rose in a grown ass woman’s body. 

Owlson also provides a diffrent dynamic in that she portrays the ideal of what we’d want from a ceo: She’s honest, works hard, earned her way as square as scrooge did, gladly donates to charity and is extremely charismatic and intelligent. Granted most CEO”s are nothing like this but still, she’s what we WANT them to be. Using the money not for themselves or taking big paychecks but to help people. She also provides something Glomgold needed: a straight man. While he has one in Scrooge at times, Owlson unlike both of them is a fully functional resonable human being. Scrooge, while a good person deep down, can be reckless, impulsive and greedy, and Glomgold had a tarzan like experince with sharks, goes on to name his dummy son sharkbomb, and tried to murder Scrooge on live television twice that we know of. She’s the calm, snarky, put upon sane person trying to reign in the crazy shark explosion man. 

Owlson dosen’t get a ton to do here, but that will change and she does get a decent amout in the final scene. But what she does here establishes who she is and how sh’es FIXED Glomgold industries; She’s shut down the vast number of money sinking scheme related departments, set ups everal charities, and is even setting up a new one with Scrooge, Dimes for Ducklings. In short she knew exactly what was needed to fix the company and it’s image and did so in FOUR MONTHS. Probably even less given they had to be sure Glomgold wasn’t coming back right away. I guarantee he’s faked his death like 10 times just to try and kill scrooge. They have to make sure it’s real first.  As one last note before we move on, Owlson is played by Natasha Rothwell, a producer and writer who i’ve only seen outside of this in Love, Simon and Sonic the Hedgehog.. that is a weird combo of things that mean a LOT to me I haven’t been able to bring up here again. 

We find the tv this was all playing on on the docks with a non-anthro segull pecking it while a bunch of fisherpersons go about their day. We also get this guy. 

Add him to the list of spinoffs I want THE LIST OF SPINOFFS JAKE WANTS: 1. Darkwing Duck 2. Donald, Daisy and the Kids 3. The Sabrewings 4. Tailspin Reboot 5. The Flintheart Glomgold Show 6. A Sequel Movie 7. This Guy Punching A Fucking Fish 

So you might be wondering when any of our main cast are going to show up.. and why the fish puncher isn’t in said main cast. Well that’s about now as Webby and Louie are fishing. Well okay more acuratley webby is fishing because she genuinely enjoys it and Louie is tagging along so he can nap on a boat while Webby paddles him around. That plan is threatnned by her spear fishing and he suggests using rods instead, but they need bait for that. 

Naturally, given we need to get this plot going our heroes run into Duke Baloney, aka an amnesiac Glomgold. Understandably, both of htem think this is some sort of scheme at first because waiting for someone related to Scrooge to stroll by his fish stand for some sort of shark themed trap, especially since he’s right near the water so he dosen’t have to worry about keeping them hydrated like that time he dropped one from a plane onto scrooge’s board meeting with two chainsaws strapped to it. But .. it’s not. While we the audience saw him amnesiac, and at first I thought that spoiled the episode... it really dosen’t. He still ACTS like himself on instinct, so your not sure if he faked it as part of some elaborate scheme or is really gone till this scene shows that, no he really isn’t there. And the how is simply in knowing the guy: Glomgold is not good at subtley. He has disguises and such, but their never remotely convincing. He could NEVER pull off  actually being a humble fish monger nor have gone four fucking months without yelling at scrooge or remotely contacting him. There’s also the fact Fisher and Mann 100% belivie in duke and back up his very real story of being dredged out of the bay. There’s also his south african accent, which actors including David Tennant himself have admitted is one of the hardest to pull off but Keith does swimingly, which is a hint.. but only on rewatch or for those who know his comics origins. 

Louie isn’t convinced which is fair: even if Glomgold isn’t good at this sort of thing, he’s still tried it a lot. Webby however correctly figures he has amensia. So the two simply try talking to him. Fisher and Mann do get a bit dickish laughing off the idea he’s possibly Glomgold.. despite the fact you know you dredged him out of the fucking water 4 months ago.. and if you actually looked at the news, would see Glomgold disappeared around the exact same time you found Duke. It just annoys me because otherwise these two are great characters: Friendly loveable fisherpersons who love their job, have no comeptiviness and genuinely want to help their friend duke. The encounter does have them seeing a fancy money clip Duke has but with no other options they leave for now. 

But while Duke has forgotten who he was... bits of glomgold still stir within him. And that starts when Duke spots the McDuck Industries fishing boat, the best fishing boat on the sea, something his friends are okay with.. but Duke naturally isn’t. So while Duke was a calm sane fisherman before the true glomgold in him is on full display as he comes up with insane schemes involving fish and explosives, before presenting a rather insane scheme to his friends involving getting engineering degrees and other stuff.. it’s as poorly drawn and wonderful as you expect from him. But what’s telling is that he reigns it in when his friends show obvious concern with his actions... something Glomgold would NEVER do. For one he dosen’t have friends. For another, he doesn’t care about anyone else’s feelings or thoughts. 

By now Webby is also championing that Duke is a diffrente person.. which is true. Duke is Glomgold stripped of his hate and resitment towards scrooge. He’s who the man COULD’VE been had he not sworn eternal vengeance on Scrooge. Louie is doubtful that he’s amnesiac still.. but neither can quite figure out the full story so it’s time for research.. and for Webby to accidentally knock Louie into some lobster traps.. which given he’s spent the entire episode assuming an amnesiac man isn’t that despite all the evidence to the contrary, he earned that. That said these two were the perfect choice for it: All of the boys have a bit of skeptic in them, and we already had a plot with Huey being skeptical.. and even he would’ve given up by now as would dewey since he only has a pinch at best. Webby.. has none. She can question motives and stuff sure, but at her heart she’s a kind forgiving soul who belives the best in everyone. And.. its’  paid off fo rher. Look at the whole Lena situation, she believed in her, even while Lena was actively manipulating her,.. and it truly changed her, convinced Lena to do the right thing despite the cost, to choose love over the abusive monster who made her. It’s the only missed opportunity in the episode for me. Character wise it has exactly the 8 it needs to tell the story and focuses heavly on the five it truly is about. But not having Webby bring up Lena when we don’t hear her mentoined AT ALL during her absence (though to the shows credit they did a good job showing Webby still had never remotely given up), and it made the wait more agonizing and would’ve made her motivations hit even harder: that she belives in duke because she believed in lena and it was real. And while this thank christ isn’t remotely romantic, the point does stand: She wants to see the best. 

Louie is a conman by nature so he only sees the worst, the weakest in people, the things he can use to take htem down or take hteir money. He can’t fathom someone doing good because he can’t fathom HIMSELF being good. And that.. says a lot.. but he’s accepted himself as a shady conperson who cares only for himself.. even if that’s not the truth. His inclusion here enhances his own arc much like Huey’s role in quack pack enhanced his. It shows that deep down Louie dosen’t think much of anyone.. and probably not himself. That he has to be shady and greedy to survive when that’s not tru. Sharper than the sharpies yes but also square.

One last bit before we moved on  I just found out though: The Crew originally had this as a straight up origin story: no kids, none of the rest of the duck family, except presumably Scrooge’s parts here, just Glomgold’s struggle with amensia and his past leading to who hei s now. Honestly I think that version could’ve worked, but likely given disney seems TERRIFIED of making a show starring an adult without a chlid and had to be talked into the child light Golden Lagoon, that was a non starter but I think it still works fine. I also foudn this out via a twitter thread of Frank’s rewriting history that goes in deep on teh production of each episode. Had I known this existed before writing this one, I would’ve used it for the other two arcs and most dangerous game night, but I intend to read through it so I have everything on the table from here on out. 

For only the second time in her long career of researching stuff though, Webby has hit a dead end. Mostly because she couldn’t find anything on Duke.. and NOTHING on Glomgold’s past pre-Duckburg. The most she has is his visa...

I want to frame this on my wall.. and someone is actually seling id cards out there, so I want this one at some point. It’s not Disney because they don’t care about fan merch like this, but then that just means they don’t get the money because they didn’t think of it or put the work in then huh. 

But yeah with nothing else our heroes go to the only person they know who knows him well...  Scrooge. 

Meanwhile Duke has .. this... I just.....I can’t put words to this truly bizzare surreal dream sequence.. it involves Glomgold going insane, the kids dancing on a bagpipe, and owlson is there.. despite the fact that Glomgold should have zero idea whot hat is. I think the kids mentioned here but even then, he somehow knows exactly what she looks like.

Otherwise good stuff and it’s raining hard as Duke goes in. Fisher and Mann have formally added him to their sign, and warmly welcomed him in and Duke says “this is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me I think” which is probably true. and makes what’s coming all the more heartbreaking. 

But before what’s coming Duke has another thing coming.. Scrooge who the kids brought to talk to him. The two talk casually, the kids watch not knowing.. and then Scrooge comes back to them. Turns out Webby was, unsurprisingly right on the money, Flinty does have amnesia, and unlike what Louie thought.. he isn’t inherently evil. Duke is just duke.. and Scrooge has no intention of fixing the amnesia. And while that SOUNDS bad.. his intentions are noble: Glomgold.. was a throughly miserable person. He was never happy and never would be till Scrooge was dead by his hand and that was never going to happen.  It isn’t even taking an enemy off the board: Flinty is only a threat on occasion. Scrooge clearly ENJOYS their conflict: it may annoy him from time to time, but he clearly enjoys upstaging the guy. And as he points out, it’s not a brain injury or anything: Glomgold is practically immortal as Louie put earlier, and Scrooge outright mentions Glomgold’s taken a LOT of explosions to the face. So he’s in no real danger physically or emotionally.. he’s happy. He has friends, a calling he truly enjoys. There’s another reason too but we’ll see that in the final scene. 

So Duke is finally happy... but it doesn’t last... the kids go out but a storms a coming, and Duke selfleslly heads out to save them.. only to get hit on the head and fall in the ocean again. 

It’s here we get the 2017 version of Glomgold’s origin story. We did kinda get one with life and times, as we saw his first meeting with scrooge and why he hated him, long story short with the long story coming later this week Glomgold left Scrooge for dead and Scrooge’s response was to come back, kick the fuckers ass, tar and feather him and utterly humilaite him, leading to Flinty swearing vengance. 

But while I love that version..t his one is just as awesome if not better. And it’s without having Scrooge ride a lion. Here we instead meet Flinty as a child Scrooge’s age... and as a shoeshine boy. Yup just like Scrooge Duke, Glomgold’s birth name, was an industrious young boy with big dreams. He also had unwieldy schemes from minute one, but Scrooge saw in this lad the same fire he had and tried replicating his own origin. 

The problem was... the different context ruined it. Scrooge was paid by an equally poor ditchdigger the us equilvent of his pay: still useless in scotland, but a good lesson in hard work and not being swindled. Scrooge tried that... as the richest duck in the world and without giving flinty the same amount of money. 

So Duke/Flinty took umbrage at this yelled at scrooge.. and pick pocketed his money clip. In the only bit taken from the rosa version of their first meeting, Scrooge never realized he’d met flinty already. There and then duke came up with his first true, and first insane scheme: Save the money and use it to mold himself into a richer, more scottish version of scrooge dedicating his life to one upping him and killing him. A “single white female” type thing as Frank put it. 

It’s.. utterly brilliant... taking Glomgold being a knockoff as mention and just running with that... making Glomgold a LITERAL knockoff. This was indeed the plan all along: A way to have him be both south african and scottish and it was brilliant. It also gives him more depth and more tragedy: He COULD’VE been the next scrooge.. but instead of being his own man or learning any of the hard lessons scrooge did he doubled down on never learning anything and getting vengeance on an old man’s well meant but accidently classist gesture. 

So Glomgold reawakens and while it first looks like he’s going to save the kids... he instead throws Webby into the raging sea, and steals their fish. Webby is heartbroken and Louie asks him “what about duke.” His response is heartbreaking as it is character defnting

“I”m Flintheart Glomgold and I always will be!” the lightning shot, the cackle..i t’s just such a damn good moment that underscores the tragedy of the episode as Glomgold’s new friends are horrified by what he is now and what he was always meant to be and Glomgold leaves to go stalk scrooge once again. He indeed is Flintheart Glomgold and always will be.. because he threw the decent person he could’ve been away. He’s miserable.. because he can’t let go of his rage or ego and just move on from something that happened to him when he was ten! He has to be in his 60′s now! Glomgold may think Scrooge is his worst enemy.. but it’s really Flintheart Glomgold.... and it always will be. 

So naturally his first actoin is to storm into his company and scream at scrooge. How he found him there... honestly not a huge suprise it’s his company and he likely knows how to find scrooge anywhere because he’s a creep like that. Scrooge and Owlson’s reactions are both worth a look at:

Given Glomgold bursts into an already annoying meeting of Scrooge trying to get the dimes part knocked down to nickles (and likely lower before that given he mentioned Pennies earlier), to accuse Scrooge of trying to trick him by appearing as a boat in his dreams her bafflement is both understandable and hilarious. Like she probably HEARD what Glomgold was like but gennuinely didn’t belivie it and her face is just now frozen in a look of “oh my god they were not exagearating what fresh hell is this”. 

She tries to be professional and introduce herself but he just brushes her off and yells at Scrooge blaming him for being forgotten (”You literally forgot yourself), with Owlson also considering calling security. She only dosen’t because Scrooge points out he’ll tire himself out eventually and as usual for their jousts, is not remotely threatened or worried. He’s just..sad. And getting back to his reaction.. that’s what’s telling about his plan. He probably KNEW this would happen. He in his heart knew Duke Balloney would be gone soon, and he’d have to deal with Glomgold again. It helps soften the implicatoins: it wouldn’t last and fraknly if it did Scrooge would probably have people check on him regualry to make sure he was okay. He’s not a monster.. he just wanted Flinty to be happy for five minutes and to not ruin that out of some misplaced sense of right and wrong.. when the right thing was to simply let the man be happy till it inevitably blew up. 

Glomgold however, furious at being forgotten and cast aside has decided to take a huge poorly thought through gamble and challenges scrooge to a classic Scrooge comics trope between the two, but with higher stakes: A contest to see who will be the richest duck in the world by the end of the year.. and given Christmas happens right after this i’m just assuming he means a year from now. Winner gets both companies and fortunes. Scrooge scoffs at this.. till Flinty pulls out the clip, taunting him with how he did it and “If I can beat you once scrooge i’ll beat you again”. And this, Flinty revealing he stole from him and he NEVER KNEW it or realize it, enrages scrooge enough to agree and to take him seriously... meanwhile Owlson.. just tries to get actual work shit done and just forges their signatures. Look she is a woman of color in the business world with genuinely good motives... she’s probably used to using white nonsense to get things past two idiots having a peeing race. 

Final Thoughts:

This episode is truly excellent and like Most Dangerous Game Night! i’d forgottne just HOW good it was. The pacing, the comedy, and the character work is all on full blast and i’ve gushed plenty enough about how great an origin story is. it’s a character piece that explains why this doofus is the way he is and that is what holds him back. 

Next time on MMM: Louie’s back as he pulls a ghostbusters to make quick money and Storkules starts rooming with Donald with predictable results. 

If you liked this review consider joining my patreon and i’ll see you at the next rainbow. 

[noisydreamlandkoala]

Fashion week

3rd person POV

The class was having a heated discussion about the last day of fashion week which was tommorow.

"Oh my God Mari-bug tommorow is the last day of fashion and you know what that means" Chloe shouted.

"Red carpet" Marinette squealed.

"Remind me why I hang out with you again" Kagami deadpans.

"Because babe-" Luka started to be cut off by Ayla.

"Why would you guys care about fashion week" she rudely cuts in earning a eye roll from the group.

"Because I was your friend and you love me" Marinette says.

"Don't ignore me you attention seeking b*tch" Ayla fumes.

A lot has happened in the last two years. Lila came back and made due with her promise. The class now bully Marinette. Chloe and Marinette are best friends.

Marinette has a boyfriend, the one and only Damian Wayne. They met when Audrey dragged them to Gotham to make a business deal with one of the richest men on earth.

Turned out the business deal revolved around Marinette and that's how MDC , famous fashion designer (more famous then Gabriel), was born.

Luka and Kagami started dating shortly after they moved to Marinette's class to protect their friend.

Nette was soon brought into this world with help from Luka.

"Well that's true" Kagami says still ignoring Ayla.

"So do you think Adrien and Lila will be going" Marinette.

"Psh HACK NO" the group shouts laughing.

"I said don't ignore me you wanna be fashion designer"Ayla says.

"Well please leave me alone you wanna reporter" Marinette shouts clearly annoyed.

The bell rings signalling the end of the day. The group walks out the school to see people grounding a moter cycle.

"You don't think" Marinette asks to spot a familiar pair of green eyes.

"Dami" she shouts running and hugging the boy. "Your early" she squeals in his arms making him chuckle.

"He couldn't wait to see you" a voice comes from behind them.

"Timmy" Chloe shouts hugging the source of the voice.

"Marinette, Chloe get of the poor guys. I can't believe you would go through so much trouble just to get attention you attention seeking b*tch" Ayla shouts.

"Tt I don't know who you are but please don't insult my girlfriend"  Damian says putting on his famous frown.

"Who insulted Marinette and how are they still alive" another male voice says.

"Sunshine" Marinette says hugging the source of the voice.

"Hey blue how you doing" he asks.

"I'm great but how are you here I only invited Dami and his family. Oh my God where's my brother" Marinette says jumping around.

"Calm down Angel" Damian says pulling her into his arms while chuckling.

"Yep I'm here with my parents and were here to take y'all to the others" he says. "Now let's go" he says dragging Tim and Chloe to the car.

They rode of with Marinette and Damian on the moter cycle.

- Time skip next morning -

The class is currently sitting in class waiting for the fashion week ball to start.

"Miss Bustier where's Marinette" Rose asked.

"She Luka, Kagami and Chloe are not coming to school today"  she replies.

"Probably didn't want to see how much she has failed in life compared to Lila who designed almost all of the celebrities clothes" Ayla says.

"They starting" Mylene sequels.

- at the red carpet -

"Jagged Stone, I didn't think you'd show up today, what inspired your outfit" Nadia asks.

"Of course I wouldn't miss supporting my honorary niece for anything" Jagged says.

"What do you mean by that" she asks.

"Didn't you here MDC is revealing who she is today" Jagged says leaving.

"You heard it folks MDC is doing a revel people, we're finally going to see who's under the mask" Nadia says speaking to the camera.

- in the classroom -

"OMG" Rose squeals.

"We're finally gonna know the identity of your childhood friend Lila" Ayla squeals.

- at the ball -

"Here comes Damian Wayne with his date, well I can't believe, his date is non other than Marinette Dupain-Cheng" Nadia announces.

"Hey Nadia" Marinette greets.

"Well hello Marinette so your Damian's guest today" she asks making her giggle.

"Actually it's the other way around" Damian says smiling.

"How's that possible" she asks.

"I would tell you but that would ruin the surprise" Marinette says making Nadia laugh.

"Well okay who designed your dress"she asks.

"The one and only MDC" she says smirking "sorry Nadia I have to go, Jon would kill me if I didn't speak to his parents, but the other Wayne's and a few special guest of my own are going to be here shortly, by Nadia" she says dragging Damian away.

"See you Marinette and thanks" she says.

Soon Kagami, Luka, Chloe and Tim come with Kagami and Luka hand in hand and Chloe and Tim hand in hand.

"Hey Nadia" Chloe greets.

"Chloe so you guys are the special guest Marinette was talking about. I see you have Timothy Drake as you date" Nadia says making Chloe giggle.

"Yes we're Marinette's special guest that including the Wayne's and Kent's" she says.

"Marinette has practically ordered all of us to speak to you before we enter" Tim says.

"And a exclusive interview after" Luka says.

"I'm not going to ask who designed your clothes because I'm sure they are MDC originals but I have to ask, what do you mean by interview" Nadia asks.

"Indeed your correct our clothes are MDC originals and about your second question, you'll see what I mean later" Kagami says as they walk inside.

- in the classroom -

"Wait Marinette is at the red carpet" Mylene says.

"Wearing a MDC original" Alix adds.

"With Chloe, Kagami and Luka" Julika says shocking everyone.

"Wait how" Kim asks.

"Probably manipulated the poor guy" Lila says.

- back at the ball -

"Can I have everyone attention please" Audrey says as the music stops and everyone quits down. "As you all have heard MDC is going to be revealing herself tonight along with LC, Melodic fencer, Royal C and Nette" she says making to crowd mummer in excitement."Now introducing our group the out cast's singing their song 'New rules'" she shouts making the crowd go wild.

4 teenagers come out they are immediately recognized as LC, Melodic fencer,Royal C and Nette.

"Hey guys you know me as Nette" Nette says.

"Me as Royal C"

"Me as LC"

"And me as Melodic fencer"

"But do you really know us" they say at the same time.

"I'm the girl who had a hard time in life. A very strict life to be exact. Then Nette came in and talked to my gurdian and I now leave like a normal teenagers, well a normal teenager who gets bullied because of a lier" Melodic fencer says.

"I'm the boy who can read your melody. I can't communicate well without my guitar. The boy who has been shunned by his family because of a lier" LC says.

"I'm the girl who grew up without a mother. Had a father who was to busy to spend time with me and decided to buy my love resulting in me becoming a spoilt bret. Nette was able to better my relationship with my parents and give me some everyone failed to give me. A second chance and love but I to am being bullied because of a lier" Royal C says.

"Nette changed our lives for the better" the 3 say together "we all achieved our dreams and a few things extra"

"I'm Nette. But under the mask I'm the girl who is getting bullied because of a lier. I have to wake up extra early just to avoid getting bullied. My things are continusly being destroyed. What's worse is this is all being done by people I thought were my friends. All our lives have been ruined by one lier" Nette says.

"Oh so they thought" they say at the same time.

"The lier might have just shown the people we thought were our friends or loved ones true colors"Nette says "I wrote this song for them"

LC, Royal C and melodic fencer

One, one, one, one, one

Nette

Talkin' in my sleep at night

Makin' myself crazy

LC,Royal C and melodic fencer

(Out of my mind, out of my mind)

Nette

Wrote it down and read it out

Hopin' it would save me

LC, Royal C and melodic fencer

(Too many times, too many times)

Melodic fencer

My love, he makes me feel like nobody else

Nobody else

But my love, he doesn't love me

So I tell myself, I tell myself

Royal C

One, don't pick up the phone

You know they only calling 'cause they drunk and alone

LC

Two, don't let them in

You'll have to kick them out again

Melodic fencer

Three, don't be his friend

You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning

LC and Melodic fencer

And if you're under him

You ain't getting over him

All four

I've got new rules, I count 'em

I've got new rules, I count 'em

I've gotta tell them to myself

I've got new rules, I count 'em

I've gotta tell them to myself

Nette

I keep pushin' forwards

But they keeps pullin' me backwards

LC, Royal C and melodic fencer

(Nowhere to turn, no way)

(Nowhere to turn, no)

Nette

[quarterfromcanon]

RE: Heather

Okay, fellow CEG-watching buddies, I’ve got a quick question because I’m torn on how I feel. What was your general response to the subplot with Heather being a surrogate?

So much of that period was passed over by the time jump. Then, by the start of Season 4, she’s already back at work with little to no indication she was ever pregnant within six canonical weeks (actually a little less) from the time of the baby’s birth. We really only get the very beginning of her pregnancy and some tidbits from the last month. Vella was really crushing it in every scene she was given during that time and I did get some solid laughs from that, but I’ve got so many issues and questions that I don’t feel like I’d say I’m 100% *happy* it happened. 

Some things I found myself considering during this round of viewing:

1. Where were Mr. and Mrs. Davis during all this time? I know we haven’t really heard from them or seen them since the scene following the Miss Douche competition, but it seems unlikely they would in no way be present or involved when their only child is pregnant. Even though Heather did express being glad to get away from them and have her own place, I didn’t get the sense that was supposed to mean she would henceforth cut them out of her life. Plus they are both at her wedding in Season 4, so we know there’s still some contact there.

2. Did Darryl spend a lot of time talking/singing to her belly? I read that’s encouraged with surrogacy to help the baby transition after birth. This one isn’t a concern or anything, I just feel denied a delightful viewing experience. I’m sure Heather’s running commentary and facial expressions while Darryl tried to get Hebecca familiar with the sound of his voice would’ve been PURE GOLD. (P.S. - I am similarly sad we didn’t get to see her while the baby shower guests whispered intentions into eggs. Considering how irritable she was already feeling that day, her tolerance for this activity would’ve been basically nonexistent.)

3. I have largely positive feelings toward Hector during this period, which is saying something since I have dug my heels in about that relationship every step of the way. He was mostly pretty decent about everything. 

HOWEVER 

(A) I cannot stand the “for once in your life you can’t quit” exchange. As of this scene, there have already been two significant times since we’ve known her that Heather made the choice not to quit something because it mattered to her. The first was when she wouldn’t let her failed relationship with Greg prompt her to quit the job at Home Base. That was in Season 1 Episode 14. She made that decision on her own. The second time was when she refused to let the stuffy corporate atmosphere at the training program drive her away from trying to make a difference. She stood her ground, declared what she wanted, got a new program created for her on the spot, and became a regional manager. That was in Season 3 Episode 10. I’ll grant you, she tried talking out her thoughts with a couple of different people while she grappled with this one, but nobody’s dialogue seemed like a real catalyst for her. No one said something that gave her the “light bulb” moment where the solution clicked into place. She found the answer on her own. The kicker is that both of those moments were key life events for the character, and they played an interlinked role in Heather being financially and emotionally ready to invite Hector to live with her. Yet here he sits giving her this supposedly motivational speech about not quitting. She was clearly just having a hard time dealing with the reality of her situation. Heather got freaked out and panicked for a little while, which is perfectly understandable. I can’t help feeling like they sort of realized, “Oh, Heather being his girlfriend is benefiting Hector in numerous ways, but we haven’t really seen him do anything significant to help her other than support choices she was already making.” Which, uh, yeah. That is correct. But the speech didn’t fix that. This just sounds like he’s minimizing her growth and casting aspersions on her strength of will. He’s immediately guilt-tripping her when the threat of quitting wasn’t even real. It’s no wonder this is when she starts to cry. While I get what they were trying to do here, all I do is leave this scene feeling mad.

(B) There’s a similar problem with the final doctor’s appointment scene where the majority of the friend group is in attendance. Everyone goes around introducing themselves and Hector says he’s the boyfriend who is “surprisingly cool” with this whole situation. Yet another time I feel like I’m being *told* why Hector is a good boyfriend and I should be supportive of this pairing, rather than me actually being made to believe it. I’m not arguing against the fact that he has indeed been cool. It’s just that this little meta bit which is supposed to make audience members nod and go, “Yeah, he really is” turns out to be Not A Good Look once you consider that this is supposed to be something he’s legitimately saying not just to us but to the characters in the room. It comes across as passive aggressive, like he’s fishing for brownie points and getting in a quick verbal jab regarding the fact that he was not consulted first. This instance is the same as the first in that I know how I’m feeling about everything is the opposite of the intention, but it still rubs me the wrong way.

[Quick tangent/side note: I also disagree with the oversimplification of why Valencia has started recording things on camera, but that’s a lengthy train of thought for another time.]

4. It really bothers me how much of this subplot is just flat-out not about Heather at all. The only pseudo-character development-esque element to be found here is that Heather comes to lament her capricious nature and the huge life decisions she tends to make on a dime. If that were leading somewhere, like to her acknowledging that spontaneity has its charms but shouldn’t be given the power to shape her life in such serious ways, that’d be something. But it doesn’t. This is an isolated incident of her saying, “It’s the worst thing I’ve ever decided.” When she is presented with another big decision the following season - marrying Hector - she makes that leap with similarly little introspection. Don’t get me wrong; I like that Heather isn’t phased by what others will think or the possibility that someone might say she was overhasty. It just doesn’t feel right that her call to volunteer as surrogate was almost exclusively about Darryl even though it’s her body going through all this, and then her call to marry Hector was about him obtaining insurance and then him wanting a traditional ceremony. We saw Hector receive his tux. We didn’t see Heather choose her dress. I feel a little guilty being as frustrated by these things as I am because it isn’t that Darryl and Hector shouldn’t get to have these feelings and experiences that mean so much to them -- that isn’t the problem -- I just rue the fact that Heather’s interiority is being sacrificed/left unexplored in favor of putting the focus on that.

(5) Like I briefly touched on near the top of this post, I’m really vexed by the fact that Heather appears to have simply gone back to life as she knew it right after she got home. According to the timeline we are given in dialogue at the start of Season 4, it is less than six weeks after she was in the hospital. Yet she is already back at work and appears to have returned to the way she looked prior to insemination. Even though she is not the individual raising the child, that doesn’t mean there aren’t still a lot of things happening to her body/her hormones/her mood in the wake of the birth. It was made clear that they wanted to write the little bit of her pregnancy we saw and the scenes in the delivery room as more true-to-life than we are accustomed to being shown on TV, so it feels like the aftermath ought to be treated with similar care and attention to detail. 

(6) Because we weren’t going to be spending a whole lot of screen time with Heather during pregnancy or post, and because we weren’t going to be exploring how the experience affected her mentally/emotionally outside of comedic mood swings, it just feels like it didn’t have to be her? There was no real reason we couldn’t have stuck with the surrogate who fell through right before she volunteered. From a writing standpoint, I mean. Very little would’ve changed if the unnamed surrogate had worked out, except that Heather wouldn’t really have any other way of tying into this plot (i.e. the way Paula was advice giver and two time mother, Rebecca was egg donor, and Valencia was meant to record proceedings). It ultimately feels like the main appeal of having the surrogate be Heather was to throw all the emotions at someone who usually stays on an even keel. I’m just really resistant to the idea of having her go through all this predominantly for comedic effect. 

Anyway, since I wasn’t in the online fandom yet when this episode originally aired, I don’t know if I’m late to the Heather-centric fuming party on this one. I basically just wanted to get a feel for where other people land on this narrative choice, in retrospect. So, to the kind souls who’ve read all the way to this point (for which I sincerely thank you because, good gracious, this was a lot): 

What are your thoughts?

[mama-m1na]

The Journey of a Witch: One

                                          ~~~~~~~

So, quick note I made a quick sketch of the layout of the Shop on my page under “The Journey of a Witch” tab.

                                          ~~~ I ~~~

“Hey, isn’t that the witch?”

“Shit, it is! Be careful around her, they say all of her predictions are 100%!”

The sixteen-year-old paid no mind to the ramblings of those around her as her waist long, raven black hair fluttered in the breeze as she walked down the street.

Her the golden flecks in her brown irises glittered as they caught the dreaded sunlight which she came to dislike.

Her plum colored dress complimenting her tan skin tone quite well as she browsed the stalls in the farmer’s market.

“I feel kind of bad for her though.”

“What do you mean?”

“With what happened four years ago in Pyget, I’m still surprised she continues to do magic.”

A smile graced her face as her eyes caught a group of chicks for sale and she stopped to play with them for a while.

“A lot of the people are glad she does though.”

“I guess, with a pretty high success rate for her magic.”

“Yeah.”

With her arms full the teenager walked home to her home and shop in the small town of Etlecaum.

“I’m home!” she chirped to an empty house as she unlocked the door and took off her shoes.

She sighed as she put things away and tidied things up, walking past the three suitcases for the trip she was leaving for with seven of her closest friends.

The next morning the girl dressed in a plain black t-shirt, black leggings, and black combat boots.

Around her neck was a black collar with a bow at the front and a golden lock hanging from it. Most people would find it weird or kinky; however, for her it was a part of one of the spells she had cast upon arriving back from Pyget four years ago.

After eating breakfast she went down stairs to where her magic shop was and she checked everything before opening for the day.

Ten minutes later the door opens to let in a familiar elderly woman holding a wooden staff.

“Good morning, Mrs. Sage,” the girl greeted, “Looking for anything in particular?”

“No, Rhamina, I’m just wandering,” the woman replied looking through a book on crystals, “So, I hear you’re leaving for Pyget soon.”

“Yes, I’m finally bringing some others along,” the ravenette chirped.

“Oh, so more people will be allowed to join in the Festival now,” Mrs. Sage smiled.

“Yep, with that rule of ‘You can only take part in the Festival if you’ve partaken before or you’re a guest of a magician partaking in it,’ only Mr. Conrad and I have been able to do it for the past three years,” the ravenette sighed, “It was boring, just the two of us. He was a good person but the Festival and rituals are better with more people there.”

“Ah, yes, Mr. Conrad. Such a shame he passed away,” the woman sighed earning a nod from Rhamina.

“Yes, but better from old age than being murdered by them,” stated the teen, her eyes narrowing a bit.

Mrs. Sage placed a hand on Rhamina’s shoulder as she asked, “Do you still hold anger towards that group, The Remedy?”

“No,” she sighed, “I just wonder why they hate magic users to the point where they would want to rid the world of all of them. They haven’t pulled a stunt as big as the Festival recently but they still manage to ruin the lives of so many of us.”

“Truly,” the woman said checking her watch, “Well, I must be on my way, Dear, good luck.”

“Have a good day, Mrs. Sage,” Rhamina chirped as the woman exited her shop.

As Rhamina was on her lunch break the door burst open and a familiar voice screamed, “Mina!”

The ravenette sighed as she came out of the back room to find her friend, Kerstin, swinging around a toy minecraft sword.

“At least it wasn’t like Christmas when your parents got you a fucking nerf gun,” the ravenette sighed sitting on one of her counters, “I mean they should have known better than to get you that.”

“I know right!” the brunette chirped, “They immediately got shot that day!”

“I’m surprised they didn’t take it away from you,” Rhamina chuckled.

“They tried,” replied Kerstin causing the ravenette to bust out in laughter, “Oh, they tried.”

“So are you ready for your magical awakening in Pyget?” Rhamina mused as the shorter female squealed.

“Oh my fucking god! I’ve been so excited ever since you invited us!” Kerstin exclaimed, “Like it sucks what happened, but now it’s exclusive for all of us!”

“Yeah, but you have to be careful, you can still be kicked out by the townspeople since you’re new,” Rhamina warned, “they’re really on edge about it. Security is ramped up to the max this year since I’m the only original left.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll be on my best behavior!” Kerstin replied patting Rhamina on the shoulder.

“That means no stealing anything from the markets,” Rhamina deadpanned as the brunette cursed to herself.

“Also, I hope you’re packed,” the ravenette chuckled, “We leave in two days and stay there for about a month.”

Kerstin chuckled as she left the building and Rhamina shook her head at the teen’s antics.

As the day came to a close Rhamina checked all of the things around the store before locking up and heading up to her living space.

As she ate her dinner she read through a book that she found interesting.

“Oh my Lord, I hate this character so much!” she exclaimed as she turned the page, “Why the fuck am I attracted to you?!”

This was actually a constant problem for her. Falling for fictional characters that is.

“I’m so fucking lonely,” she giggled as she closed her book and put away her left overs.

Two days later Rhamina sighed as she sat in between two fourteen-year-old girls who were both clinging to her arms at the airport.

This continued as they proceeded to board their airship.

One of them had shoulder length blond hair, ivory colored skin, and blue eyes.

The other had shoulder length brown hair, a light tan, and brown eyes with glasses.

“Mina!” the brunette chirped.

“Yes, Chloe?” Rhamina asked as she looked down at child-like brown irises.

“Pet me!” commanded the younger female as the ravenette begrudgingly obeyed.

“Look how spoiled she is,” Rhamina said momentarily stopping causing the brunette to look up in disappointment as she let out a series of owl noises.

“I mean look,” Rhamina continued as Chloe began to nuzzle the sixteen-year-old’s arm.

“Ramen, she looks like she’s gonna kill you in your sleep,” the concerned blonde said pointing out the adorable looking glare on Chloe’s face.

“Aurora, you know she can try but I’ll just put her in a corner,” Rhamina replied before leaning back in her seat for a nap.

Ten minutes later Rhamina slapped a hand that was above her face and opened her eyes to see a dark hand above her as a green marker fell to the floor.

“Have you not learned your lesson, Tijarah?” Rhamina asked her friend, “You cannot achieve this.”

“I’ll still eat you out of house and home though,” Tijarah scoffed leaning back in her seat.

“I can do that on my own, thank you very much,” Rhamina said looking out the window to see the night sky and ground below the airship, “Well, looks like we’re almost there.”

“Yep and it’s already dry as fuck,” Kerstin scoffed from her seat, “Sam, you’re going to have one hell of a time.”

“Fuck you,” the emerald-eyed female spat putting vaseline on her lips.

“You know,” a red-haired female said, “I’m kind of glad Mo isn’t here.”

“Yeah, I’m agreeing with Hannah here,” the oldest female said, “I mean he’s a good kid but-”

“He’s annoying as shit,” Sam said cutting off the other brunette, “Sorry, Sophie, but he is.”

“No, you’re not wrong,” Sophie replied, “He is just way too much.”

“Oh he asked if I would bring him so he could get a month off of school but I said no because he’ll just disrespect the whole thing,” Rhamina explained, “He comes from Pyget, yes. But he comes from a different area and knows nothing about this.”

“Wait, so what exactly did you say?” Hannah asked.

“I just told him ‘No, you’re not coming with us’,” Rhamina sighed, “He came up to me talking about all the places he was planning to visit like I had already invited him, too. It was really insensitive.”

“I mean I get free transport there because this is an important thing and I’m identified as crucial for this and I was able to weasel you guys free tickets as well but I had to pay for luggage and that shit ain’t cheap,” Rhamina continued.

“How did he react?” Kerstin asked.

“He was really disappointed but I don’t really care,” Rhamina replied, “He was being way too pushy and I have a right to say no.”

“Plus, I wanted a vacation for just us special weirdos,” Rhamina chuckled deciding to change the subject.

“Yes, Ramen,” Aurora mused wiggling her eyebrows.

“So what exactly are we going to be doing first?” Sam asked pulling her brown hair into a ponytail.

“Well, I couldn’t really afford to get hotel rooms so we’re just staying in my other shop,” Rhamina explained as the airship descended.

“You have another shop in Pyget?” Kerstin asked, “How the fuck did that happen.”

“You know,” Rhamina chuckled with an awkward smile, “It used to be my friends but he- he’s gone now and I didn’t want anyone else to touch it so I, you know, snatched it.”

“Oof,” Sophie said as Chloe and Aurora tried to comfort the ravenette.

“There’s not much room though,” Rhamina continued, “You guys can take the bedrooms. I’ll just be in the living room then. Just if y’all see me floating in my sleep or some shit, run.”

“Mina, we’re the guests so we can just take the living room,” Sophie suggested earning a glare from the ravenette.

“My Aiasian ass says no,” Rhamina barked back, “You’re the guests you get the luxury shit.”

“How many bedrooms are there anyway?” Kerstin asked.

“A guest bedroom and the Master bedroom,” Rhamina replied as they let the aisles empty out before standing.

“Did your friend use the Master bedroom?” Sam asked earning a nod from Rhamina, “Then we’ll just cram in the guest bedroom and you take the master.”

“Excuse me?” Rhamina asked.

“Yeah,” Hannah added, “It would feel wrong to take the master bedroom since it’s your friend plus if the guest bedroom is the size of your normal bedroom then we should be fine.”

Before Rhamina could fight back the two children at her sides kept insisting until she gave in.

“Fine,” Rhamina groaned standing up and grabbing her leather, kiss lock purse, “But you better not sneak into my room at night or some shit.”

This earned snickers from all but two of the other girls as they got off of the aircraft.

“Holy shit,” Kerstin said standing outside of the airport under and overhang as the girls waited for someone to bring them a cart to bring their luggage to the shop.

“Aesthetic, isn’t it?” Rhamina chuckled using a black scarf as a hood as multiple whispers came from the people surrounding them.

“Ms. Miyu!” a girl with dark skin, short dark hair, and hazel eyes called running up to the large group, “It really is you!”

“Nice to see you again, Selene,” Rhamina chuckled as the girl wrapped her arms around the ravenette’s waist, much to the shagrin of two fourteen-year-olds.

“I was afraid you weren’t going to come this year,” the child sighed.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Rhamina asked smile slowly fading, “What happened, Selene?”

“Ms. Miyu, thank the stars you’re here!” an older woman exclaimed almost on the brink of tears, “We thought they had already done something to you!”

The aura seemed to shift as the girls left their luggage to be taken care of by some of the townspeople while they were lead to the plaza only to see something quite disturbing.

Right in front of them was a carbon copy of Rhamina tied to a cross with iron rods impaling various parts of her but what stood out to the ravenette was the familiar symbol tattooed onto the thing’s forehead.

It was a red cross split by crossbones, known as the symbol of the extremist group known as the Antidote.

Rhamina’s were narrowed as the girls looked at her in concern.

“Mina, are you okay?” Hannah asked putting a hand on the sixteen-year-old’s shoulder.

“I’m, okay but I’m concerned because they haven’t really tried anything big since four years ago,” the ravenette explained, “And they decide here and now to try to scare me off. They didn’t do this the past years I’ve been coming with just Mr. Conrad.”

“They want to end the Festival entirely,” a male walking up to the group, “It is the only event amongst the magic community which gathers all kinds of magic as united and with it gone, they’ll have a better chance at erasing magic from our world.”

“Thank you for the explanation, Mr. Antar,” Rhamina spoke nodding in recognition at the man.

“Ms. Miyu, I’ve told you many times to call me by my first name,” the male chuckled, “We are friends after all.”

“I’m sorry, its just after so long, it would feel weird,” Rhamina chuckled before turning to her friends, “Guys this is Mr. Antar, he is the head of the town’s council.”

“Mr. Antar, these are the ones who I’ve invited to take part in the Festival this year,” Rhamina introduced earning a happy expression from the man before it faded into a frown.

“It’s such an honor to have you all here, though I wish your first trip here wouldn’t have been so alarming,” he said turning back to the obvious threat.

“I-is that a real person?” Chloe asked tugging on Rhamina’s sleeve.

“Nah,” came the teen’s reply, “It’s a doll, a really realistic looking doll, but a doll.”

“Christ, Mina, is this safe?” Sophie asked in concern not for herself but for the ravenette.

“Every path has its own risks,” Rhamina replied with a shrug, “I just happen to choose all of them with the most life threatening but hey my life isn’t boring.”

“Mina, you have actual terrorists after you and you’re not fucking concerned about this?” Tijarah asked as they walked to the shop.

“Oh, I’m concerned but knowing that they could be watching from anywhere do you think I should be panicking?” the ravenette replied, “I’m not going to give them the satisfaction. If they want to burn me down they have to reach me first.”

“Mina, please tell me you don’t plan on doing anything to provoke them,” Hannah said knowing how she, Kerstin and Sam acted.

“Oh hell no,” Rhamina said taking out her keys and unlocking the door, “I leave them alone if they leave me alone. However if they cross me they get what comes to them. Hell consider them lucky that I don’t come after them now. They’ve done enough to consider themselves on my bad side.”

“Holy aesthetics,” Sophie said as they walked into the shop which was quite different to Rhamina’s in Emltucae.

“Yeah, Asra tended to keep the shop a little messier than mine but it’s cute isn’t it?” Rhamina chuckled beckoning the girls to follow her up the stairs.

“This is where we’ll be staying for the next month,” Rhamina said once they reached the modest sized living area, “Of course I hope you guys will be helping me around the shop as well but I only plan on opening the shop for two days a week. After all I have to give you guys some training before the actual Festival.”

“Yeah no problem, Man,” Aurora said, “Of course we’ll be helping!”

“Hey, Mina, where’s our shit?” Tijarah asked.

“Should be in the guest room,” Rhamina said as she led them down the hall to their room which did indeed have their luggage.

“So what do we have planned for tonight?” Chloe asked.

“Well not much for today since we just got here, but we can go eat out for tonight then tomorrow we can go explore a bit,” Rhamina chirped.

“Yeah, plus we need to unpack,” Hannah stated earning a series of groans from the rest of the females.

“Oh yeah, Mina, what’s with the scarf?” Chloe asked as Rhamina looked up from her luggage to motion to the scarf around her head.

“Chloe, I don’t like sunlight and we are like almost in the smack dab middle of a fucking desert,” Rhamina said grabbing her suitcases, “I’m taking precautions.”

Once the ravenette left the room, the girls got to work at organizing who would be sleeping on the bed and who would take the floor as well as who’s clothes would go where in the closet.

By the time the sun went down the girls gathered in the living room to go out for dinner wearing the same thing they had been earlier that day.

“So where exactly are we eating?” Tijarah asked as Rhamina came down the stairs.

“Of course, all about the food,” Sam sighed.

“Like you’re one to talk,” Kerstin snickered earning a glare from both of them.

“Neither can you!” Sam exclaimed back as the other girls burst out in laughter.

“Depends, what do you guys want to eat?” Rhamina asked pulling the scarf over her head again.

“Paajnese,” came the collective reply.

Rhamina blinked before asking, “Did you guys coordinate this before I came downstairs?”

“Yes,” Kerstin replied, “We decided when we were unpacking our shit.”

“Okay, there’s a sushi place down the road and its pretty good,” Rhamina said after a few minutes of thought, “We can just walk there.”  

“That works,” Sophie said, “Alright guys let’s go.”

Once everyone put on their shoes they walked out of the building and Rhamina locked the door before leading them to the restaurant.

It was much cooler now that the sun had disappeared below the horizon and in front of the restaurant Rhamina pointed out a large building in the distance.

“That’s the building the Festival takes place in,” she stated pointing at the sand colored building, “It’s actually just four walls surrounding an oasis. The walls are enchanted though only those with special sigils can enter; which, reminds me I need to make you guys ID’s to get in.”

“You need ID to get in?” Chloe asked as they entered the restaurant.

“Yes, it’s really old but powerful magic,” Rhamina replied as a hostess took them to a large booth, “I’m really lucky to have learned how to use it.”

“How the hell did your parents even let you start coming here, Mina?” Kerstin asked, “Your parents were strict as fuck.”

“Actually, Asra convinced them,” Rhamina chuckled, “When we first met, before I had my shop, it was at Lady of the Lake and we just started talking and we got really close. My parents were really wary of him since he was a foreigner who was ten years older than me and yeah. He brought up the Festival when we were hanging out and offered to bring me for that year.”

Rhamina smiled at the memory as they browsed the menu and continued, “I really wanted to go but I had to decline because I knew my parents would flat out say no. They didn’t even like the fact I was practicing magic, going to the Festival, the largest magic event ever, was out of the question.”

“But,” she continued, “somehow I came home from school one day, he was in my living room with my parents and they said I could go.”

“I’m still surprised they said yes,” Sophie said.

“I know,” Rhamina chuckled, “I was for sure that if I didn’t come home when I did, they would’ve killed him or something with the looks on their faces.”

Once the girls ordered talk of various topics mostly regarding magic filled their table.

“You talk so much about Asra,” Aurora chuckled, “What does he look like?”

“Well, he was a bit taller than me as I am now, so about five eight? Five seven, maybe?” Rhamina started, “He had golden brown skin, kind of like mine but more glowy, deep violet eyes, and fluffy white hair.”

“He sounds like a character from a book,” Tijarah commented causing the table to burst out in laughter.

“He was an attractive character that’s for sure,” Rhamina chuckled, “Too bad I was, you know ten when we first met. I can show you guys a picture when we get back.”

When the food arrived Rhamina put down her scarf so she could eat without it getting in the way.

Rhamina got a roll with eel and a sweet sauce on it along with miso soup and vegetable tempura since she was allergic to shrimp.

The food was quite good and the owners even gave them each a free dessert of their choice.

After they paid and left it was about eight in the evening and the girls decided to walk around a bit since they basically stayed inside all day.

Walking back up to the plaza they were all relieved to see the cross and doll from earlier gone leaving only a small hole in the sand where the cross was stuck.

“So anything else about the Festival we should know right now?” Kerstin asked as they sat down by a fountain.

“Not really since I’ll be teaching it to you guys when we start your training,” Rhamina said before noticing most of the stores were still open.

“You guys can go browse around for a bit,” Rhamina suggested, “It’s more lively here at night.”

“Fine by me,” Kerstin said standing, “Are you just going to be here?”

“Yep, knock yourselves out just meet back here by ten okay?” Rhamina smiled dipping her fingers into the fountain.

As the girls dispersed Rhamina turned her full attention to the fountain and she dried off her hand as the focused on the water.

To those trained in magic they could feel the shift in aura of the girl as a ball of water floated out of the fountain and in front of the girls face.

At her command it shifted into various shapes until in the water she saw a familiar pair of violet irises causing her to drop it in surprise.

Her head snapped behind her as she saw a rustle of plants from the corner of her eye.

Standing up to go inspect it she saw it lead to a small alleyway which held seemingly nothing.

She walked into the small space between buildings until she reached the back where she saw a white snake.

It was about the same length as her forearm and an upturned snout; which, allowed her to identify it as a Western Hognose snake. She also took notice of it’s light lavender patterning as she slowly approached it.

“Hey, Little One,” she cooed kneeling down as the snake curled into itself but not showing any other defensive or strike posture, “What are you doing here? You aren’t native to Pyget.”

She slowly brought her hand in front of the snake and it flicked it’s tongue out to smell her almost like a dog.

It made no noise as it slithered onto the female’s hand and wrapped itself around the appendage.

“Well looks like you’re mine now,” she chuckled bringing the snake to her face to see purple eyes instead of the normal red for this morph.

As she walked back to the fountain the snake seemed to survey its surroundings from its new, higher, point of view.

Rhamina spent the rest of her time waiting, playing with her new companion and gushing over how cute snakes were until her friends returned from their exploring.

When they did come back some of them had bags of things they bought like new clothes or little items they bought.

“Mina, we back,” Chloe exclaimed not noticing the reptile of the ravenette’s hand.

Actually, most of the group didn’t… Most of them.

“Ramen, what the fuck?!” Aurora gasped at the betrayal in front of her, “Why are you holding a legless lizard?!”

“Aurora, this is Snow,” Rhamina chirped holding up the snake as it flicked its tongue, “Isn’t he cute?”

“Rhamina!” Sophie exclaimed, “Did you just pick up a random snake?!”

“But he’s domestic,” Rhamina whined, “Western Hognoses aren’t native to Pyget, plus he’s a really rare morph. It would be a shame for him to just be in the wild where he would be easily spotted and killed.”

“Mina, where are you going to keep it?” Hannah asked as the ravenette stood up.

“There’s an old tank in the storage room of the shop and I have a heating mat there too since there used to be a lot of stray cats,” Rhamina said leading them back to the shop.

Once they arrived the girls got ready to go to sleep while Rhamina stayed downstairs grabbing the tank and heat mat before bringing it up to her room and setting it up with a small water dish on a desk near her bed.

“There you go, Snow,” Rhamina said letting the snake into the tank so she could get herself ready for bed.

Once she was done she went into the bathroom to wash her face, brush her teeth, and get dressed in a tank top and shorts to sleep in.

Getting into bed she wrapped herself up in blankets before drifting off to sleep.

From his spot, the snake easily exited the tank and slithered out of the room going into the card room before slithering into a small hole under the floorboards.

Once he returned to the tank he watched as the ravenette shifted to lie on her side, the moonlight shining over her face.

In the guest room, the girls were all up talking random shit until Kerstin asked, “Hey guys, want to go see if Mina is still up?”

“Sure,” Sophie said getting up from her spot on the floor as Kerstin grabbed a polaroid camera.

“...Kerstin?”

“Yes, Sophie?”

“Why are you bringing that?”

“Just in case Mina isn’t awake.”

“...”

“Y’all gonna die,” Tijarah commented as they walked down the hall.

As Kerstin opened the door the well oiled hinges made no sound.

They krept over to where the ravenette was laying, eyes closed and breathing even.

Kerstin let out a quiet snicker as she lifted the camera to her face.

Flash! Snap!

Golden orbs cut through the dark surroundings of the room as the two girls momentarily froze.

“Hi, Mina,” Kerstin chirped as she collected the film.

The ravenette said nothing as she lifted the covers off of her and Sophie exclaimed, “Run!”

The two girls ran back to their room and slammed the door and turned the lock just in time for Rhamina the run into the door with her shoulder.

“Holy shit what did you do?!” Sam asked as Kerstin and Sophie were laughing their asses off.

Kerstin just handed the brunette the partially developed photo as she struggled to breath.

“Oh my fucking god, you didn’t,” Sam said as she passed the photo onto Tijarah.

“But we did,” Sophie said regaining her breath, “It was worth it.”

“Aw, she’s so cute in this,” Tijarah gushed, “She is so adorable!”

“Guys, wait it’s too quiet,” Aurora said hudling with Chloe, “Ramen, is in angry mode right? Shouldn’t she be screaming through the door?”

The girls stopped talking as they stopped their talking to listen for the female’s voice only to hear silence.

They turned to the door only to jump at the sound of a crash and the appearance of a human-shaped shadow as night air entered the room.

“You think locking the door is gonna keep me out, Bitch?!” Rhamina exclaimed as she pulled herself into the room through the now open window.

“Holy shit, Mina, this is the second floor!” Hannah exclaimed as Sophie and Kerstin were trying to open the door again.

“That means nothing,” the ravenette seathed turning to the two teens, “Don’t you fucking pull that shit again!”

“Sophie, you’re the responsible one too, I’m disappointed,” Rhamina hissed opening the door for them.

“Mina, she is the one that decided to break the window,” Chloe reminded earning a sigh from the brunette.

“Listen, being there was a crime anyway, what was a little window breaking,” Sophie argued.

“You cut open your hand when you tried to vault yourself in, Sophie,” Sam deadpanned.

“Listen, Buddy-” “Good night, Assholes,” Rhamina sighed as she left the room to return to her own and maybe get some sleep.

                                      ~~~Fin.~~~

[kaleidographia]

[Review] Tales of Vesperia: The Brightest Star in the Night Sky Doesn't Shine as Strongly as I'd Hoped

Warning: Contains allusive/thematic spoilers.

The day is finally here! Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition, containing content previously unseen outside of Japan, has finally been released, so that us English speakers and/or non-PS3 owners can experience the new storylines, characters and features for the first time! Alas, this isn’t a post about that, firstly because this post is going up day-of-release and I haven’t had a chance to play it yet, and secondly because I am writing this from outside of the country and won’t be united with my pre-ordered copy until I return next week, RIP.

Therefore, this post is written from the point of view of someone who has only played the Xbox 360 version. I will try to keep it brief for the sake of not spoiling newcomers to the game, and also hopefully not to complain about things that are fixed (or broken??) in the Definitive Edition.

Tales of Vesperia is a game in the long-running “Tales of” franchise from Bandai Namco, the first one in HD, originally released for the Xbox 360 in 2008, later receiving an updated PS3 version in 2009, exclusive to Japan. Like many older fans, my introduction to the Tales of series was with Tales of Symphonia for the Gamecube, and I fell in love hard; I was therefore extremely excited to play the next games, but unfortunately, I never owned the platforms for them until very recently. Along with Tales of the Abyss, Vesperia and Symphonia form the “holy trinity” of games in the series almost everyone loves; find a Tales fan and ask them their favourite game, and the answer will likely be one of those three (note: I’ve heard very good things about Graces and the two Xillia games, but unfortunately haven’t had a chance to judge them firsthand myself). The three games, while not directly related in terms of plot or setting, share a lot of things in common, as they had mostly the same creative team, often referred to as “Team Symphonia” (as opposed to “Team Destiny” which made most other games since then). One notable difference is the scenario writer, Takashi Hasegawa, while Symphonia and Abyss were written by Takumi Miyajima.

The Tales series is known for its reliance on anime and JRPG tropes, often used in a way that plays off cliché expectations only to then layer plot twists and character development and produce a much deeper experience than what would be expected from the get-go. When used effectively, these methods produce a story that is both fun and emotionally challenging. Tales of Vesperia is no different, offering a cast of archetypes that should be highly recognizable to those familiar with the genre, and yet this may be best set of characters in a Tales game. The party has impressively good banter, chemistry and dynamics and several scenes had me laughing out loud or yelling, and I never had a bad time watching their relationships unfold.

Unfortunately, the game spares little time fleshing out backstories or learning more about each individual character outside of the main plot. By the end, I was left wanting, as the cast was so endearing and vibrant, yet I knew next to nothing about them aside from what had been relevant to show onscreen. I longed for more information about where they had come from and how they had gotten where they were, but it is a testament to the strength of the character writing that their storylines reached a satisfying conclusion despite this relative sparse amount of information about them. “Backstory is not story”, Craig McCracken and Frank Angones were fond of saying to fans of Wander Over Yonder, but for a game with the size and scope of a 60-hour JRPG, not providing that window of information feels like a hole in the worldbuilding.

Mechanically, Vesperia builds on the model established by Symphonia and refined in Abyss, where combat takes place in a 3D arena and the player can run around, hit enemies and rack up combos fighting game style (the franchise calls this “Linear Motion Battle System”). While Symphonia was in 3D, it restricted the player to a single side-to-side corridor of action. Abyss added the ability to run around in 3D space by holding down a button, a feature Vesperia also has. This makes combat easier and more fun, as nothing is quite as satisfying as avoiding an attack and then running around and hitting the enemy from behind. And, as the game allows up to four players controlling different party members, and I have a player 2 (shoutout to my roommate Opal), Vesperia’s system is the most well-suited to multiplayer. If nothing else, I never felt lost while on the battlefield yelling for backup. The one major flaw is that boss fights come with massive difficulty spikes and I often had to grind and formulate careful battle plans with Opal just to not get continuously massacred by bosses.

Storywise, Vesperia starts off very strongly, sort of peters out near the middle, and then the third act falls apart. At first the theme is anti-authority, with a protagonist who grew up in the slums, neglected by nobles, who became a knight and then quit out of disillusionment when it turned out all they did was squabble about politics, and the inciting incident and early driver of the plot is his quest to “fix the plumbing” as a popular Tumblr text post put it. It’s clear Yuri has all the reason in the world to not trust authority and he even goes full vigilante against unjust abuse of power, but while this thread seems like the most important theme in the story, after a while so many other elements come into play it ends up lost and doesn’t really make much of an appearance except to highlight the differences between Yuri and Flynn’s approaches to life and how they prefer to help people. On its own it’s a compelling idea, but it never gets the follow-through it deserves, and my expectations were certainly subverted—but in a bad way.

It’s hard to talk about the third act without spoilers so I will probably come back to it for a proper analysis at a later date, but its ultimate message was already kind of limp in 2008 and is even more laughable now. For a game whose initial premise was so strongly against authority, the ultimate resolution of the main conflict reads as incredibly daft in light of just about everything that is happening in politics at the moment. There’s a very strong environmental allegory and the comparisons to climate change are not subtle, but the writers probably bit off more than they could chew because realistically trying to solve this problem in the time the story allotted would have been next to impossible; I still would have hoped the implications of the given solution had been actually explored instead of settling for an “oh well, guess everything’s been fixed now”.

I’m being harsh about the plot because to me Vesperia has a lot of wasted potential. Don’t get me wrong: I do love this game. It is in fact up there with the holy trinity as far as my opinions of the series go, but it lands in third place out of the three because it just fails to live up to what its first half promises about the world it created. To put it bluntly, if the story had just ended at the conclusion of the second act, it would have been much stronger. That the game continues for another 20 hours on a completely different track with an unsatisfying, unrealistic conclusion is a huge shame because it brings down what could have been a real masterpiece of tropey anime JRPG narratives. I live for that stuff, there’s a reason I want to play every Tales game, but that’s what makes this letdown the most disappointing. At least the characters themselves get good conclusions; it is unfortunate I can’t say the same for the main plot.

Despite all this I think Vesperia is a worthwhile experience, and one of my favourite things about is its aesthetic sense. Every location is immersive, polished, and the pinnacle of what I want to see in a videogame, to the point I dream of Symphonia and Abyss remakes made in the same style (and every other game in the series, to be honest, but that seems unlikely with the direction it’s taken since then). I genuinely cared about the party and I wanted to see them succeed and I was ultimately happy that they did even if I did roll my eyes a lot. The combat was so satisfying and so fun to play with a player 2 it makes me twice as mad that Zestiria’s camera goes completely wild during multiplayer and prevents me from joining in. I should note that for someone who plays as many games as I do I am notoriously terrible at them so I heavily favour story over mechanics, but Vesperia is a game that reminds me that engaging gameplay can make a huge difference. Yeah, I suck, but at least I’m having fun while sucking. That’s more than I can say for a lot of games.

If you like JRPGs, games that let you run around and hit things, or fun and intriguing character dynamics, you’ll probably like Tales of Vesperia. If you’re looking for a coherent story from start to finish, you’ll probably disappointed, but there’s just enough there to keep you engrossed until the end. Overall, Vesperia is solid, and the parts it fumbles aren’t bad enough to ruin the whole thing, but hopefully the extra content in Definitive Edition helps to smooth it out; I’ll have to find that out for myself.

Aside from how it messes up the voice acting this time around. Oh, Bamco.

[anangelicday-mrwolf]

Wolfsbane : Noblesse Fanfic (post-ending)

(previous chapter)

Chapter 9 – KSA’s Guest

“Are you sure you don’t need dinner right now?”

“Absolutely. An hour or two of hunger wouldn’t put me to eternal sleep.”

Rael replied as he removed the boots to deftly plug his feet into a pair of pink slippers, thus proving his habit alive.

“Then count us in.”

“Amen to that. Staying hungry just a bit longer won’t kill us.”

Takio and M-21 meant no harm, yet Rael simply gulped without any sound. The three men exchanged looks, having expected the noble to snort at the very least. They posed no question for his behavior, however. The direction Rael was gawking at told them why he was suddenly timorous.

“It appears we cannot join you for dinner tonight. Is it alright with you?” 

M-21 asked Raizel, standing silent, tall, gorgeous. Takio turned his feet towards the kitchen, more than ready to pull off a full French dinner course if required.  

“Sir?”

But Raizel granted not a single glance to the kitchen and glided across the floor towards the living room.   

“O-one moment, please. I shall bring you some tea.”

Takio rolled up his sleeves. He knew now it was impossible to take their time with the conversation. Not with the Noblesse’s stomach neglected. Before they could witness Takio’s long ponytail disappearing, Rael, Tao, and M-21 took their seats on sofas stationed along Raizel’s sides.

“We discussed with KSA about this new communication system. And they said they are more than welcome.”  

“Same here. It’d be much more convenient and faster talking directly through phones than running to Tao or our communication chamber whenever something happens.”

“We didn’t hear back from the werewolves, but I’m sure Sir Frankenstein will relay the message as impeccably as he can. So I’d say it’s safe to assume everyone’s on the same page regarding this network.”

Upon the mention of his oldest follower, Raizel pinpointed his beautiful bloody eyes on Rael, redirected shortly afterwards when Takio arrived with a cup of tea.

“In addition, my lord seeks a separate medium of communication to share exclusively with you, Sir Raizel. She understands that a new genesis will dawn upon Lukedonia, since she has determined we must avidly incorporate human technologies in our security. Thus she concluded she will need your insights on the matter.”  

Raizel kept his mouth inevitably shut, as he was savoring a mouthful of tea upon his tongue. Curiously, Rael hinted alarm and moved on to shape his claim more legitimate.

“Lukedonia is equipped with indigenous technologies to substitute human ones, but this is a different case. We are planning to permanently integrate humans’ technological inventions into ours, which will bring gains and confusions at once. This is what my lord wishes to prepare for, with your judgments.”

The silence from the Noblesse continued. So did Rael’s unease and hastened justification of Lascrea’s command.  

“You had walked with the former lord and former heads of clans during their era. You constitute half of the pair of the most elevated eyes of Lukedonia.  Most of all, you revel in spiritual and technological essences of modern humans. Therefore, my lord believes, you are more than apposite enough to be the beacon of noblekind. The vortex of recasting that will unavoidably land upon our home must not emerge as a tempest to our future. With your guidance lighting up our path, this vortex will be cast as a wind that will tend and nurture seeds of hope and evolution.”

I had no idea Rael could be such an eloquent speaker. Looks like being a head of a clan taught him a trick or two.

The original members of the RK had to tighten the corners of their lips, so they would not embarrass Rael with smiles of uncles looking at their proud nephew.

Contrary to their impressions, Rael was merely reciting what Lascrea spoke. In fact, back then he could feel his concentration screaming at him in protest as he forced himself to memorize every consonant and vowel in Lascrea’s speech, as vivid and expressive as it could be.

Which is why he failed to notice how Lascrea failed to hide a blush not at all expected from the other half of the most elevated eyes of Lukedonia – a blush to be expected from a shy schoolgirl in love. Which is why he therefore could not describe how lovely her blush was.

“However, you have made this place your home, sir. So my lord hopes to collect your advices from a distance as needed.”

“In that case, I can devise and install a private messenger application on your phone, sir. An app that will be installed only on your phone and the phone for the noble lord. With security guaranteed, of course.”

After listening to everything, Raizel finally sipped again from his cup. Waiting a moment for the warm, fragrant liquid to softly envelop his lips and tongue and wash across the ceiling of his mouth and inner walls of his cheeks, Raizel at last unlocked his voice box.

“I cannot do that, I am afraid.”

The four men were immediately stupefied. They figured Rael was asking for his approval just for the sake of proper courtesy. The blonde noble managed to break free from his stunning oblivion, to inquire in a trembling voice.

“Would... Would you mind if I ask why, Sir...?”

“...No more.”

No more? Is he implying he does not even want to stay engaged to this conversation?

As appalled as he was, Rael could not dare to open his mouth. He was carrying out a mission, ordered by the lord herself. And failure was not an option. Knowing that, Tao, Takio, and M-21 nervously held their breaths as they watched how and if this situation can be reversed.

“My phone is no more. It was lost when I stopped the nuclear missile.”

Immense relief and fluster hit the former and current Raizel Knights like a lightning. The four listeners almost slipped off the sofa in synchronization upon Raizel’s revelation.

Rael in particular was most perplexed and relieved; he was, if necessary. willing to kneel until his knees gave out and bow until his skull was rooted to the spot.

“...You took your phone that day?”  

“Precisely. I decided to carry it as my last memento. It was gone, however, when I reopened my eyes.”

“B-but sir, why didn’t you tell us? It must have been awful without the convenience of your phone.”

“...A physical replacement I could find. Nonetheless, no copy of the device would beget value the original had borne.”

The atmosphere took an instant switch, as grave as a funeral. His audience understood and respected why he chose the inconvenience of life over a new cellphone. Frankenstein was the one who gave him his phone, and it served as a bridge to his first human friends.

Yet they also knew this was not a good news for Rael. He was sent to secure Raizel’s consent on this project.

So it was not surprising that the Kertia noticeably jerked his entire body when Raizel voiced himself.

“Natheless, we will need more than the wind in order to nurture seeds of hope and evolution into blossoms and trees. More than wind it takes to parent a tree, until its shade extends enough to embosom all life above earth, its roots to embrace all life below. Requisite would be sunshine of enduring, endless equilibrium and unfailing ground that will sustain every feeble follicle of roots. If our lord wills to be unfading sunlight to ultimately render our kind fruitful, I, too, shall be the ground to nourish Lukedonia’s sons and daughters with boundless knowledge and succor.”

Raizel marked an end to his speech with graceful orchestration of his words, thereby making Rael feel like falling on his knees to grovel in gratitude.

“I’ll go ahead and prepare a new phone for you, sir. Since the lord also needs one, I’ll specially get one more phone in an identical model, set and improved to perfection. And furnished with an email account as well.”

Knowing only the most skeptical and idiotic would dispute Tao’s competence, Rael at long last relaxed his shoulders and released the question that had been teetering on his nerves.

“Where are the kids today?”

“I asked them to please save the visit for tomorrow, as we will be having an important guest.”

“They must’ve been quite disappointed.”

The topic of conversation was smoothly converted to a catch-up, which loosened up the atmosphere.

“So how is Sir Regis doing?”

“What about Ms. Seira?”

“...They’re doing their best to familiarize themselves with their duties. What about you guys? How’s it going, working with KSA?”

“Nothing troublesome so far.”

“Which is another way to say all is well, thank god.”

“Though that made it only natural for us to be buried in work.”

At least five voices were missing, but things got closer to friendly side, just like old times, thanks to their chats.

Which was short-lived.

“How is Frankenstein doing lately?”

Raizel’s whisper was almost like a serenade. Almost like the song of Orpheus, the master poet and musician who put Sirens to fatal shame. The moment the lyrical sound was articulated in the room, however, invisible blizzard was whipped up around the sofas.

It was no coincidence that none of them brought up Frankenstein or anything related to him; their amnesia was deliberate, their reasons in unison. In fact, Rael avoided interviewing Tao for his status report on working as a chairman. The three modified humans eluded asking Rael what he shared with Frankenstein prior to his arrival.

Which is why Rael, now under situation in which a reply was mandatory, felt as if karma decided to kick his butt, especially because of his latest evaluation on Frankenstein’s state: something is not right with Frankenstein.

When Rael first learned that Raizel’s most trusted, most faithful deputy settled to leave his master, he was staggered beyond imagination. Which was not the first time he thought something was off with Frankenstein, howbeit.

Rather, he was urged to believe Frankenstein was not the man he knew when the latter gave his reason for not disclosing his communicative coordinates and not taking part in this new network project.

The data I’m handling here are top secret, so a single leak of information due to infringement of this new system would be irrevocable. And need I remind you, the 3rd Elder happens to be with me. The chances are low, considering that Tao’s got my back, but what do you think would happen if the 3rd Elder manages to break through the new network once I am made part of it?

That was the reason Frankenstein yielded.

Rael did take into account that he could have misunderstood what Frankenstein told him. Nevertheless, what drew his attention was the fact that Frankenstein was apparently concerned first and foremost with the data. Not Raizel.

‘Sir Frankenstein’s research is not completely unrelated to Sir Raizel, so it’s hard to say he doesn’t care about Sir Raizel now. But knowing Sir Frankenstein, he should have listed Sir Raizel as soon as I asked him why. Then he would have explained what Sir Raizel has to do in his situation.’

To his shock, Frankenstein did not even mention his master’s name. Which was less likely than the chance that the heaven will go through a cataclysm, for the sun to revolve around the Earth.

Although there was not the slightest sign of thunderstorm, let alone a cataclysm, Rael was self-debating whether he should ditch Copernicus and start rooting for Ptolemy. And whether Frankenstein’s action was based on a specific motive, such as intentionally shunning his acquaintances, for instance.

Frankenstein asked Rael how come he did not commission the Central Knights deployed outside Lukedonia to deliver the message.

‘What if that was his euphemism for ‘you’re-not-welcome?’ He didn’t look so good when I was there. Plus, he was helping werewolves for the sake of taking advantage of them. And he was using – no, he was manipulating the 3rd Elder. I’m not sure if I talked to the man I know. I didn’t stay there long enough to enjoy a cup of tea, but that was good enough for me to realize that the warmth or poise he has always held beneath his devilish smirk is spent.’

Lacking knowledge that Frankenstein is detaching himself from every soul, lest the Dark Spear within rampage with the power of the Blood Stone, Rael could not help inferring the man has changed.

Which will with no doubt split Raizel’s heart to seams if he is to hear it.

Rael wrapped up his deduction as fast as Shinwoo sprinting to school in the morning and hid his face by vowing.

“He is doing his best. As usual.”

Raizel wordlessly gaped at the Kertia fighting against guilt that he must lie to the one whom he worships as much as he reveres his lord. His countenance was serene, almost innocent. In contrast, his eyes were neither serene nor innocent.

“I see.”  

Luckily the room temperature did not fall below zero, thanks to Raizel’s answer that promptly echoed. Takio, M-21, and Tao followed suit to perform virtual air vent.

“Looks like this conversation has reached an end. So allow us to serve you dinner, Master Rai.”

“We’ll bring your meal in a moment.”

“Please excuse me – I must go tell the director of KSA that they should expect a guest tomorrow.”

“Rael, why don’t you go get some rest? I’m sure you couldn’t even spare a second of break for yourself.”

“I’m fine. Actually, there is something I must do, and forgive me, but I must ask for your advice, Sir Raizel. You dined with my lord upon your first return to Lukedonia. Do you still remember what was the product of ramyeon you had back then?”

As soon as Rael finished talking, Raizel’s crimson eyes expanded much more than the former anticipated.

“My lord has ordered me to bring some on my way back, so...”

That was more than enough to make Raizel practically eject himself from his seat in a swift motion, miraculously as elegant as a peacock taking flight. Upon this, corner of Rael’s lips twitched in panic.

“T-there is no need for you to force yourself to labor. Please, if you could just tell me the name of the...”

“Have no concern. I shall enjoy this walk.”

Takio and M-21 stared at back of Rael’s head, feeling tremendous pity for the noble who was tasked with choosing the right product to present to lord herself, with the Noblesse tagging along.

The duo boasting exquisite looks left, after telling the remainder of modified humans they do not need to hurry with the meal. The first one to speak up was M-21, after brief hesitation.

“Was it just me, or...”

“Was Rael kind of apprehensive? So I’m not the only one.”

“Agreed. For some reason, he seemed sort of skittish. Compared to the past, it felt like he is constantly on the edge of his seat. Which I doubt is because of Master Rai.”

The Kertia was fidgety when the dinner was about to be delayed. He was then led to a trail of distress, with his shopping trip made a nightmare, in a way. At least he had a common, legitimate reason for aforementioned phenomena – it involved the chief authority in the house. That was one thing.

On the other hand, when they began tackling the connection to be built only for Lascrea and Raizel, he very anxiously rushed to persuasion even before the Noblesse could move his lips. Moreover, he turned excessively pale when Raizel initially said no. Additionally, he grew as good as dead when Raizel divulged his reason. To top it off, he reacted overdramatically, nearly paranoidly, to each and every one of Raizel’s tone and choice of words before it was finalized that the Noblesse will take part in the project.

“Remember what Frankenstein said before he left? He was right. The guy is definitely stressed from the weight on his shoulders.”

“And I can relate to him. He’s going through what I had gone through when I was registered as the new official agent of the Union.”

M-21 raised his ashen eyebrows, clearly mirroring raw curiosity. He had not heard for a long time his comrade pulling out his memories when he was one of the DA-5.

“But for a good reason. I supposed it wouldn’t be beneficial for me to win myself any hater when I had to protect my sister.”

Takio enunciated himself with distinct emphasis on his final word. His listener would have reckoned the man was jokingly self-mocking (which was not far from his intention), if only his names were not M-21. The gray-haired human knew Takio is normally tenderhearted and cordial. Only on extremely rare occasions could one hear him bickering; now that he was met with a case, M-21 projected his eyebrows as highly as he could.

Victory from his final showdown against Aris freed him from his haunting past, the wolf-hearted modified human diagnosed. At the same time, he observed a familiar raven-head approaching.

“It’s done. Now all we need to do is to make sure Rael gets to KSA headquarter the next morning. By the way, where did he...?”

“He’s outside, with Master Rai. Shouldn’t take them long.”

“Hmm, then I guess we’ll let him know after dinner. Now then, how can be of service? For your information, I’m going to say ‘no thanks’ to ‘no thanks.’ I’m allergic to the comment.”

“Since when?”

“Since 3 seconds ago?”

The three men chuckled as they dispensed small jokes, their sounds effortlessly permeating in the air.

“We’re gonna have to make more servings for the night. We have a guest.”

“But he’s not staying long, is he?”

“But it can’t hurt to make savings, can it?”

That way it’d be inconspicuous even if I take tiny servings, though I’m not sure when they will prove useful.

Picturing certain someone who had yet to awaken in the safehouse, Takio accepted a knife and a cutting board, his face unruffled, well-masked.

*****

That night, KSA Headquarter

“I think I need to book an appointment for a full check-up.”

“What? You’re doing that bad these days?”

“No. It’s just that I need to check if my blood type shifted to C.”

“C? C for what?”

“C for caffeine.”

The agent spouted thick mixture of spit and snigger, only to seal his mouth right away, for he could see his future from his coworker, mechanically withdrawing coffee from the machine like a programmed android.

“Just when will this damned body of mine get used to overnight shift?”

“You should do something about your stamina. Less complain, more exercise.”

“I would’ve done that already, if I were a field agent like you. And seriously, are these printers charged with magical ink or something? The paperwork will never end.”

“Just shut up and finish fueling yourself. You don’t wanna strike the cup with your head and spill it on your desk like the last time, when you were in serious need for sleep.”

Accusing his fellow agent of how annoyingly mean he could be to his colleague, the man left the coffee machine. After a few minutes, in a cat-like, limber movement Helga slipped herself out from the space behind the huge trashcans arrayed in a straight queue.

‘Gross. This sucks.’

Helga violently scrunched her nose upon sighting a viscid stain on her sleeve.

‘I didn’t go through all those dozens of experiments and trainings just to hide myself in the middle of trashcans and leave with a disgusting smudge!’

She knew nobody could hear or humor her no matter how irritated she made herself sound; nonetheless, she had no choice but to indulge in her pointless fit.

With the clock ticking past 3:30 A.M., she was in the middle of a planned infiltration in the KSA building guarded only by personnel on overnight shift. She invaded the place in secret and was about to walk out in secret, more carefully coordinated than the entrance part.  

‘No, this isn’t a walk-out. It’s an escape.’

As of now, Union’s power has been ridiculously diluted. It was no exaggeration to assert that its basis has diminished from size of a football stadium to that of tip of a needle. In other words, it would be no good for her to pick a fight with a force opposed to the Union.

‘And Sol did warn me about this man and his gang that are supporting the KSA. That they defeated Crombell and Yuri, Mark, and Aris, after they had been upgraded by Crombell himself. Though I’d hate to admit it, it’d be best not to do anything that would draw their attention.’

Helga gritted her teeth and shook her head at how the Union turned out, but her lament did not last long.

‘At least I’m not leaving empty-handed. So... Now KSA hopes to make friends with nobles and werewolves. Looks like I have several people to talk to.’

(next chapter)

This chapter was particularly a challenge for me to write, mostly because of Rael and Rai’s lines - they were really eloquent and descriptive, which is what I intended. Writing them in both Korean and English was a challenge, but here they are XD

However, I have a bad news - the USB drive with the original texts of my fanfic suddenly crashed, and the entire folder cannot be opened. And I lost chapters that were worth 6 weeks.

Eff my stupid USB drive and stupider laptop. 

So I had to upload from a file I saved as a backup, so I might have to come back for this chapter to update where needed. I apologize on this matter, and I will try to retrieve the folder as soon as possible.

[wanderingtycho]

Samurai Jack episode XCII

Alright, I just finished watching the highly anticipated return of Genndy Tartakovsky's "Samurai Jack", and as a lifelong fan of the original run I couldn't have been more thrilled for my favorite show to get its highly deserved continuation. Not a reboot, not a remake, not fan canon, the original team and cast(aside from the ineffable Mako as Aku, may he rest easy)all getting back together to see their vision to its long awaited conclusion. So, with all that said, what did I think of episode XCII?

I thought it was awesome.

That said, there are a few things that temper my excitement.

First we'll go over the great things about this entry into the new season, and rest assured there are lots of things to love both for newcomers and diehards like myself. The show is as beautiful as ever, even with a transition from entirely hand drawn to use of digital imagery, you wouldn't mistake the visuals for anything else. It looks and feels just like Samurai Jack, with more obvious polish and attention to the fluidity of movement, but the spirit of the animation is alive and well.

Next, the sound design, pitch perfect and just familiar enough to give tingles of nostalgia. Particularly the sound of crunching metal as Jack carves his way through the beetle robots, cant get more classic than that. Furthermore, the musical soundtracks are refreshingly updated while still keeping faithful themes from the original, each one appropriately crafted for the scene its used in.

Phil LaMarr reprises his role as the titular Samurai Jack, naturally, and he doesn't miss a single step. He does quite a good job of making Jack sound like little has changed over the course of fifty years, yet everything has changed, there's an edge of exhaustion and desperation to his cadence. Also, just as an aside before continuing, they got Greg Baldwin to be the new voice of Aku. GREG BALDWIN. The voice of Frank Fontaine from the first Bioshock game! Even though he only had one and a half lines in this first episode, I have upmost confidence that he'll make a fine replacement.

Perhaps most importantly, the two key elements of what made Samurai Jack so unique and beloved are present and accounted for, moments of silence and great action sequences. Very little exposition is used in this episode, which I think is both a wise move and possibly idiosyncratic, which I'll address later on. There isn't even a post roll opening, it just hard starts with Samurai Jack saving some helpless villagers from killer robots, then riding away on his motorcycle. Then Jack gives us a little set up, all of which we already heard from the trailers, essentially telling the audience Jack has been trapped in the future for fifty years yet isn't getting any older.

Now, as much as this episode may look and sound like old school Jack, there are some important changes I feel should be addressed. Firstly, despite the lack of exposition, this episode doesn't feel like a stand alone story. One of the hallmarks of Samurai Jack was that each and every episode felt like a complete narrative, even episodes that had a direct continuation, this means it's feasibly possible to watch the entire show out of order and not be totally lost or feel like you're missing out on something. In XCII, it's very clear they're designing the story to flow in a more traditional progression, the rising action and ending to this episode is basically set up for episode XCIII when its released. There isn't anything inherently wrong with this per say, as it allows the creators to instill a gradual build up of tension and anticipation for each new installment, all the way up to the finale. However, the fact remains that this style of storytelling isn't what Samurai Jack was known for, renowned for. Every episode of the original run was self contained, they could be thought of as a series of vignettes that loosely tied together, it was more of an odyssey than anything else. For this new season I feel like they're moving away from that in order to create a more congruent and complete story, which I am not against by any means, but I must point out that if so these last ten episodes will stand in stark contrast to the rest of the series when it comes to narrative pacing.

Secondly, in keeping with the theme of changing style, the focus in this episode is not at all like the older seasons. In Samurai Jack, the attention was almost exclusively on Jack, with a few notable rare exceptions when Jack wasn't the main character of the episode. These instances were few and far between however, and the point I'm trying to make is that regardless of who the episode is about, the story was told from a point of view exclusive to them. The focus didn't cut away to another group of characters doing something else somewhere else, each episode had a protagonist and stuck with them, with only occasional quick shots of antagonistic forces in between scenes. In XCII we have two points of attention, Samurai Jack roaming the countryside, and the Daughters of Aku undergoing their training. The focus is divided pretty much evenly between them, we see these young girls  literally from birth up through their adolescence and grueling combat conditioning, serving as contrast to Jack's harrowing guilt induced hallucinations. Again, this structure is closer to traditional narrative storytelling, but it's apart from the style of how Samurai Jack was done. To reiterate, this method of structuring the new episodes isn't inferior to the older series, but not having exclusive focus on one protagonist will lessen the sense of immersion Samurai Jack was praised for achieving.

In conclusion, based on this first episode I think the new season is going to have great strengths to it, classic elements and newer concepts are combined to create a nostalgically thrilling experience. Jack is weathered, tormented and broken by decades of ceaseless fighting and failures, yet still just as capable and tenacious as he always was. The world is still vibrant and bleakly gorgeous, filled with striking and colorful characters encountered by our hero, I especially enjoyed the comedic musical bounty hunter Jack fights using a range of techniques. As excited as I am personally for the new season and hype matched if not exceeded by my fellow Samurai Jack fans, I feel its important to recognize that this isn't the same as the Jack we all remember, things have changed and we aren't getting an exact recreation of the original series. This isn't to say that the new season is doomed and just because it's different it can't be good, at the end of the day its still Samurai Jack, despite anything that may have changed we can all take faith in one simple fact:

Jack is back.

If you're a Samurai Jack fan yourself, lemme know what you thought of the new episode, I'd love to hear other peoples takes and predictions for how the new season is going to go. Thanks for reading. :)

-Tycho

[awhalenamedjonah]

On Punching Nazis

I'm probably gonna regret making this post as soon as a bunch of random tumblr blogs I've never interacted with suddenly fill my inbox with some great arguments about how I should kill myself (which is reason #1 why I don't get involved in stupid tumblr discourse) but this is something that's almost definitely going to have an effect on me and/or the people around me soon regardless, so I might as well get my stupid opinion out there.

Somehow this is a controversial opinion but...maybe...punching Nazis...is bad sometimes.

I'm sure everyone stopped reading already to unfollow me and tell their friends what a fucking idiot this guy on tumblr is for being a Nazi Sympathizer™ and an Alt-Right Neo-Nazi™, and a Hyper-Conservative Trump Supporter™ (I am none of those things). In my opinion Richard Spencer did deserve a solid punch in the face or fifty, but that's not the problem I have here. Encouraging everyone to Go Punch a Nazi in order to Keep Racists Afraid is a bad idea for everyone on all sides of this situation. So, begin rant proper.

In my experience with the internet, I've been told that everyone with a political opinion (read: everyone on earth) is somehow in support of a mass genocide or something nearly as sinister. Westboro Baptist Church types yelling about how The Gays are trying to destroy society with their wretched sinfulness, for instance. Recently, I learned from the ever-wise internet that all police officers (and those that support them) are pushing an agenda of inner-city racial extermination. I was told around the same time that Black Lives Matter just want to kill all whites. Currently I'm being told that everyone that the internet called "Alt-Right" is actually a white supremacist who wants all colored people to get out of the country or be lynched. This isn't an internet-exclusive phenomenon, either; when I was a kid there were plenty of protesters against abortion who claimed all left-wing pro-choice voters were in favor of mass slaughter of babies. Gee, maybe a tiny exaggeration there.

There's a very simple line of reasoning all of these hyperbole-filled generalizations follow, and it's always filled with fueled by the innate desire to be "the good guy" as well as the tendency humans have to paint a group as a singular opposed entity to the True Righteous Path that I, the most enlightened, follow. Here's my understanding of the chain of events. See if this seems familiar to you:

You have two groups that have differing political opinions. Usually fairly big ones. Obviously as usual there's mudslinging but it's the normal shit.

A bunch of specific bad individuals (neo-Nazis, pedophiles, looters, people who think the new series of Berserk is good) start sticking out from either crowd. This is always (and I mean always) a minority faction within the group, at most.

The media (or social media) highlights these gross people exclusively, to cast the entire group in a negative light. These individuals' views become Their views. Everyone in the group that's reasonable gets painted with the same brush. It becomes "Us Versus Them" now that it's confirmed all the people who disagree with you are (Nazis, pedos, looters, attracted to Benedict Cumberbatch)

A call to action against these vile (Nazis, pedos, looters, gen 1ers). Sometimes this involves violence (Punch a Nazi!) sometimes just protest, but it's almost always a gross overreaction.

Suddenly a huge group of people with primarily moderate views are conflated with extremists. Sometimes people will specifically defend this generalization by saying the moderates are “enabling” the minority (even if most people strongly oppose the beliefs of said vocal minority). This is where people get off saying that “whiteness” is inherently problematic.

Ironically this almost always leads to a fifth step where the vocal minority who are touted as the majority suddenly become empowered by the media rhetoric and thinks everyone actually does agree with their awful beliefs. The smaller minority that once quietly agreed now find the platform for their beliefs and the minority gets larger. A bunch of people who formerly kept it to themselves suddenly hear about how millions of voters are extremist homophobic sexist racists and collectively say "I'm not the only one who believes gays belong in internment camps! I've found a group to voice my opinions!" Then these people with newfound support start shooting cops or holding neo-nazi rallies.

You can probably think of at least a few specific examples immediately. Some of you are mentally tagging this #black lives matter and some of you are tagging it #gamergate and that alone is a good example of how this same bullshit happens to two distinctly different crowds. I’ll use those two as examples, as much as I never ever wanted to talk about gamergate again.

I remember being on Twitter almost 24/7 when shit was going down in Ferguson and being completely floored by how the mainstream media was exclusively showing burned-out buildings and using the phrase "riots" left and right. Meanwhile I was watching dozens of on-site sources post live video of huge silent crowds standing firm and not instigating anything. To the people disconnected from it, it sure seemed like the people of Ferguson were a bunch of thugs and looters and rioters just itching for an excuse to punch a cop. Meanwhile the sane protesters in the town were forming living barriers around buildings to stop arsonists and looters from doing any more damage-- but the effect of the media spin was long done by then and to this day people still have completely fabricated ideas of what happened there. And of course this painted future protests the same way. They escalated until the rational and sane people started coming out less and the riled violent crowds became exactly what the media said they were: rioters. Bam, now you have cops getting shot from rooftops and the media succeeded in minimizing the original message of BLM. Now I'm not sure if most of the remaining BLM protesters are actual violent criminals or if the media is just twisting it that way, because the truth is so blurred-- either way there's no way I'm ever associating with that particular group now that they're branded terrorists.

I also remember being on Twitter almost 24/7 when shit was going down in the #gamergate hashtag. Everyone I knew was talking about how ridiculously stupid and elitist gaming journalism had gotten, but a bizarre twist happened in which everyone seemingly decided that it was actually about how sexist gamers are and how badly they want women to leave game development. Legitimately awful humans like Milo Yiannopoulos [insert sound of vomiting here] suddenly got a surge of new followers because on a surface level they supported the original argument (that game journalism had become too elitist and started becoming a circlejerk about the writers' Superior Artistic Taste and Moral Uprightness) but were in it for less savory reasons than to support a reform of the gaming media's journalistic ethics. Suddenly the discussion was all about sexism instead of the original point, and anyone who made a post at the beginning of it like "maybe videogame journos should be required to be actually good at videogames #gamergate" are suddenly sexist and a social media terrorist. To the people disconnected from it, it sure seemed like the gamergate crowd were a bunch of sexists and racists just itching for an excuse to drive women out of gaming. Meanwhile the sane gamergaters involved were getting new gaming sites started and promoting up-and-coming journalists (some of whom quickly got hired by major gaming sites like The Escapist)-- but the effect of the media spin was long done by then and to this day people still have completely fabricated ideas of what happened there. Now I'm not sure if most of the remaining #gamergate supporters are actual sexist lunatics or if the media is just twisting it that way, because the truth is so blurred-- either way there's no way I'm ever associating with that particular group now that they're branded terrorists.

Currently the big one is a huge group of people being thrown into the category of "Alt-Right" for a variety of reasons, varying from actual neo-nazi affiliation to having an anime character for a Twitter avatar. I see legitimate media outlets refer to "anime avatars" as a prominent warning sign of white supremacists, and if that isn't a sign of some hyper-generalization I don't know what is.

Now back to the point of this, which you've probably gathered by now if you're not completely fucking dense. It’s simple: Telling people to punch Nazis isn't the best idea, because nobody can agree on who actually is a Nazi. I've seen people get called a Nazi constantly over a decade on the internet, for reasons such as supporting communism (lol what), voting for Trump, being anti-abortion, or watching Axis Powers: Hetalia.

If you expect the general internet-using public to exercise restraint when told to “Punch a Nazi,” then you're either new to the internet or legitimately insane. If the former: Welcome! We have tons of great porn here. Click this link! Also don't ever Google "meatspin," "goatse," or "lemon party."

Get ready to see a lot of people who voted for Trump get punched in the face for no good reason. If that sentence makes you respond “voting for Trump is a good reason,” you’ve instantly proven my point.

Meanwhile Trump and his supporters get more and more of the evidence they need that anti-Trump protestors are violent criminals.

This isn’t going to end well.

[creepycreature-exe]

Chronicles of An Abnormal Person: A Shadow with Teeth

Hello again. I know I said I was going to try and rest, but it’s been several days now, and I have barely slept a wink. Every time I try to fall asleep, I end up reliving some odd event. It’s getting so bad that I’ve started having flash backs while awake. This story is from one of those flashbacks, and unlike Mr. Nobody, its more horrifying than mysterious.

It started with a scream. The disembodied scream of a man to be more exact. It woke my mother and I at 5 am on a cool summer’s morning. I think I was about 12 at the time. It sounded like it had come from our backyard. Now my mother is a lot of things, stupid is not among them. As soon as she realized the scream came from our own backyard, she got me out of bed, grabbed her cellphone, and dialed 911. She talked to the dispatcher while driving us to the neighbor’s house and refused to return home without a police escort.

The police checked every inch of the property and found… nothing. Not a thing out of place. The windows were all in one piece, the doors were all locked, there wasn’t a sign that anyone or anything have been in the house save my mother and me. The story was the same for the backyard. It had rained earlier in the night, so if someone was out there screaming, there would’ve been tracks in the mud. However, none were found anywhere near the property. In the end, my mother and I returned home without any answers.

After this, nothing strange happened for several more days. My mother was actually the first to see it. I was at school when she encountered it, but I can vividly recall my mother’s strained voice greeting me as I returned home. After the usual small talk, she asked me if I had noticed any odd shadows in the house. I told her I didn’t understand her question, so she clarified.

“Have you noticed any shadows that seem… Odd? Out of place? Like… Like a shadow cast without a clear origin?”

I remember the shiver those questions sent up my back. There was an implication behind them, one that unnerved me. I told her I had not noticed anything. Before I could press her to explain herself, she told me not to worry about it and walked off without allowing me another word.

It was no more than a week after that I saw it for the first time, as I was walking along my route home. You see, the shortest route from my school to my childhood home would go through a part of town with lots of old shops, then along a forest trail before dumping me off in my neighborhood. I was going along the forest trail, looking amongst the trees when I heard the familiar sound of young children playing in the street. I turned my head to look towards the end of the trail, where the path should’ve dumped out into the street. I was hoping to see the young neighbor boys, the ones who I treated like kid brothers. Instead, I caught sight of a shadowy figure, peeking out from behind a bit of fencing. At first, I thought it might’ve been one of the neighbor boys I had heard playing in the street. Like I said, I had a very sibling-like relationship with these boys, so it wasn’t uncommon for them to try and scare me. The closer I got, however, the more apparent it became that this was not the case.

Eventually, it hit me that this shadow was not one of the boys. I stopped walking at that point, instead trying to get a good look at the figure. It had the physique of a grown man, with broad shoulders and a wider build. It was short though, as its crouching height made it about the same size as a small child. I could tell it was looking at me not only because of the pressure exerted by its gaze, but also because of another oddity. The feature that sticks with me to this day… The shadow had teeth. It was like someone had plucked the teeth out of another person’s faces and stuck it in the creature’s face, right where its mouth should’ve been.

Needless to say, after a few moments, I freaked out. I screamed and stumbled back a bit. That’s when it seemed to… move? Honestly it was a bit more like teleporting. It made this jerking motion, away from the fencing and towards the trail. The motion startled me, and I blinked. When I opened my eyes, it was in the middle of the path a few feet away from its prior hiding spot behind the fence. Now there is no way a normal person could move such a distance and manage to come to a full stop so fast, which is why it felt like it was teleporting. Anyways, it made a second jerking motion towards me, which caused me to blink again. Instead of suddenly appearing further down the trail though, it vanished. That’s when I heard one the boys calling to me from the street. They ran over and asked me if I was okay, since they had heard me screaming. I told them I was fine and made a b-line for my house.

I told my mom about it once she got home, and she admitted to me that she had seen the exact same thing the week prior. We talked in depth about what we wanted to do next. By that point, several odd occurrences had happened to my mother and I, making us experts on “weird stuff” like this. We decided to keep an eye on our new friend, reporting any new sightings to each other. We would also be on the lookout for any changes in behavior. So far, our shadowy friend showed no signs of being an actual threat, so we decided to wait, and hope things would settle on their own.

Almost all of our encounters after that were uneventful. It started showing up almost exclusively in the house though. Usually, one of us would see it while the other was in a different part of the house. That is one important thing to point out, all of my encounters after the first sighting occurred while both my mother and I were in the house.  In hindsight, I think it may have had a hard time manifesting itself. It never really got to choose when or where exactly it would materialize. It would just appear whenever and wherever fate decided to allow it, and for a long time this was only when both my mother and I were in the house. Until it wasn’t.

My final interaction with this being started with me waking up late one night. Now from the moment I opened my eyes, I knew that something was amiss. Thanks to my track record for horrible things happening to me, I developed a habit of closing my door every night before bed. So, when I opened my eyes and found my door open, I feared the worst. What I would learn later is that my mother had grown hungry that night and feeling lazy she decided to go get herself a bite to eat at McDonald’s. She had come into my room to ask me if I wanted anything, but I was already asleep at that point. So, she left, leaving my door wide open.

I didn’t know this at the time though, so I just assumed something horrible was happening. I sat up in bed, my eyes glued to the open doorway as I waited for… something to appear. For a long while, the doorway stood dark and empty. Then I noticed something materializing in my mother’s doorway down the hall. I knew it couldn’t have been human, as the form made no sounds whatsoever. I watched as it grew in size, until finally a row of teeth appeared in its blackened face, and I knew for certain it was the shadow man. Something was different this time though. As soon as it fully appeared, I could hear faint whispers funneling from down the hall. This was crazy because this thing had never made a sound before. Now it had a symphony of whispers pouring from its being, like a million people were whispering from within it.

I was trying to decipher some of the voices when it jerked. I tried to keep my eyes open, but after a minute or so I had to blink. When I opened my eyes again, it had appeared behind some shelving between my mother’s room and mine. As cliché as it sounds, I stalled at this point. I really didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I mean, it was a shadow. An immaterial being, what the hell was I supposed to throw at it? As I was trying to formulate a plan, I blinked and found it peering at me from my doorway. After several minutes of me keeping my eyelids open, I finally blinked again and found it at the foot of my bed. This was the push I needed to move into action. I kicked off my sheets, blocking its view of me, and ran for my window. This was in the summer, when the months were hot, and windows were left open. So, it was easy for me to literally dive through the window and into the backyard. I hadn’t really thought it all through though, as I ended up eating dirt and by the time, I managed to collect myself, the shadow man was in my window. Then… Then I blinked, and he was on top of me. I responded by flattening myself on the ground, and that is when I heard it… It spoke with a million desperate voices. I don’t know how I could’ve forgotten its words, cause now that I remember them, they haunt me.

“Our reality… it rotted… away… nothing. But… The distortion… Can you see it?” Than it took a collective, pained gasp of air and leaned in real close. It uttered its final words, “The infinite forests…”

I screamed. It was all I could manage in that moment. To scream and flail my 12-year-old arms around, going through its being like it was nothing. Than the flood lights lit up the yard. The motion of my flailing arms had finally been enough to turn them on. I guess the lights were too bright for it, because as soon as they came on it let out its own horrible scream. Over all the voices, I could hear the man… The man whose scream had awoken my mother and I several weeks prior. Than it seemed to fade away into nothing-ness, leaving me alone and screaming in my backyard.

And that’s pretty much how I stayed till my mother came home about 5 minutes later. She heard me screaming once she got out of the car and ran into the backyard to calm me down. After I told her what happened, she called up one of her co-workers and I stayed at their house for a week. Once my mother was certain the shadow man was gone, she had me come home.

I didn’t see the shadow man again. The memory of its attack lingers in my mind though, the image of it peering at me from the end of my bed… I can’t quite scrub it from my mind. Hopefully by writing about the ordeal, I can start to put some of the fear behind me. Thanks for reading, I will submit more soon.

[meowsaidmayaanime]

Spring Simulcasts of 2016

Very simple, a list of currently simulcasting anime that I am watching, and how much I recommend them~

Assassination Classroom

I recommend the HELL out of this anime!! It's a must see for anyone and everyone. The show officially ended this spring with two full seasons (season one at 22 episodes and season two at 25). Wow, was it amazing.

A mysterious government made creature blows up the moon and threatens to destroy the earth one year from now. His only request to stop his from reaping havoc is to teach a third year middle school class. His wish is granted, and the students of the class are charged by the government to try to assassinate him before they graduate the next spring.

It already sounds ridiculous, and I was really surprised about what was going when one of my friends showed me the first episode. But this is really well done. The creature, named Koro-sensei turns out to be incredibly good at teaching, and while the students are being taught ways to assassinate him, they also learn from Koro-Sensei and their fellow classmates important life lessons and personal growth.

The show is hilarious, and despite having over 20 characters, the show is able to give each character a unique personality and personal development. Its the best large-cast anime I have ever seen.

I don't really have too much in way of faults either. The show is able to balance the serious alongside the humor of the situation. Occasionally crazy events would happen that would seen way out of place in any other anime. But because the situation with Koro-Sensei is so strange already, in the end, nothing feels out of place.  Even character that I hated, I grew to love as I watched them grow and learn.

The only problem I have, is that the dub is terrible. Koro-Sensei and the main character Nagisa, who occasionally does narrations because we watch everything unfold through his eyes, have terrible dubs. Koro-Sensei, while already sounding goofy in Japanese, sounds even more ridiculous in English. At least in the Japanese version Koro-Sensei actually sounds menacing when he's supposed to be, not to much in the English dub. And the voice actor for Nagisa sounds like he's try to hard to voice him, and just sounds too disingenuous.

Great anime, I would recomend this to anyone,  just don't watch it dubbed.

Haven't You Heard? I'm Sakamoto

A perfect parody of the typical 'cool guy' archetype, a must watch~ Its about this high school boy named Sakamoto (if you haven't guessed) who is the epitome of 'cool' and everything he does is stylish, that's how they describe it in the show. Its a great slightly exaggerated natural slice of life. There really is nothign more to say about this show than the fact that I highly recommend this. It is fabulous, if you do nothing else, watch the first episode!

Sailor Moon Crystal Season 3

Season three was great! they finally introduced Uranus and Mercury who I always wanted to more of in the original run.

If you weren't already aware, Sailor Moon Crystal is a re-boot of the original 90's series made to exclusively follow the manga. Where the 90's series was full of filler content with very few plot pertinent episodes. It made itself more available to children than to the young adult demographic that the manga originally was.

That being said Sailor Moon Crystal is much more serious and surprisingly dark. Here we get to see exactly what everyone's past is and learn more about the the villains themselves. It is incredibly well done, each season tackling a different story arch.

The third season introduced a new villain Master Pharaoh 90 as well as the Professor who, unlike in the 90's series, is his underling. The professor has a significantly different story, including the significance of who his daughter is to the sailor scouts.

I would recommend you give Crystal a  shot, especially if you grew up watching the 90's version like I did. I love Sailor Moon, it holds a very special place in my heart, and being able to see the canonical story is amazing.

Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World

A very good anime, main character Subaru suddenly finds himself mysteriously transported to another world, finds himself in a few sticky situations, and manages to make new friends in the process. While trying to help the girl who saved him find her stolen insignia we learn a little more about the world we and Subaru were so rudely dropped into, and about a mysterious power that surrounds Subaru's sudden summoning to the new world.

So far it is incredibly good, the main character is really likable and you get to watch him start to change as a person as well and many different sides to the other characters around him. I won't say too much as I believe it would be spoiling a little bit of the anime, but it is definitely one you should give a shot.

This anime will be extending into the summer simulcasts as a full 25 episode season rather than the typical 12 episodes. So I will reserve the rest of my judgment in my Summer Simulcast list when it has finished!

Bungo Stray Dogs

This show is great. It has magical abilities, detective work, mafia, and LOTS of dark comedy. I love it! Its like a vague mix of Sherlock and Charlotte, but at times darker. The season is extending into the summer being released as a full season of episodes rather than those dumb 12 episode half seasons. So with that said, I will finish my opinion when it has ended. But for now, I highly recommend watching it!!!

Flying Witch

This one is super cute. It is a slice of life about a young witch who moves in with her cousins family in the country to further her witch training. Here we follow her daily life as a low-key witch.

There is no over arching plot to this anime, and while it is a slice of life its very laid back and fun. Being able to see a new aspect of the witch community is a very realistic way. The best part is that the familiars don't talk! I can't begin to say how annoying it is when an anime character is given an animal side-kick with an annoying personality AND an annoying voice.  The familiars is this show are wonderful and given realistic and charming personalities. They are able to communicate with the witches, but not through a human language. The familiars understand English but speak their natural language as an animal and only the witches are able to understand through it.

If you want a cute anime to relax with, this is the one for you.

Bakuon!! 

Bakuon!! is a comedy slice of life school anime about an all female high school's motorcycle club. Here we follow the lives of the students as they gain more members, watch the newbies learn to drive and purchase their own bike, and follow their adventures. It is absolutely hilarious and simply pure fun.

Unfortunately there isn't much more for me to say about, being a slice of life without a story arch. If you love the genre, definitely give this one a go, you will love it.

Twin Star Exorcists

This anime is just weird. I have a soft spot for exorcist shows but this one is sort of all over the place. It is extending into the summer simulcasts with a full season. It starts out as being about two young exorcists in training who are revealed as the 'twin star exorcists'. A legendary pair of exorcists who are destined to bring a miko into the world who will defeat the 'demons' they fight. It very quickly became a fighting, exorcist, drama, romance, action anime, which is a weird combination of genres. I'm not sure how I feel about this anime either. I supposed I'm rather 'in the middle' with this one, it's not good, it's not bad, but I want to keep watching it. It's still amusing, just so far not something I would openly recommend to anyone... I'll give my final opinion after its finished airing.

Joker Game

This show is about a secret spy organization that was created in Japan between the first and second world wars, and follows the tasks of various spies. Its a well done series, but because I was watching it as a simulcast and because by episode 8, almost every episode worked as a stand alone. So because of that, I wasn't highly anticipating the next episode at the end of every week. I do intend to continue watching this. especially now that all the spring simulcasts I've been watching are over. Though it may be a while until I continue it again.

Tonkatsu DJ Agetaro

This is an... interesting one. At about 10 minutes to each episode, its more of a carton in the american sense than it is an anime in the more common sense... if you get what I mean. It's a very stylized story about a boy who works at his families Tonkatsu house and becomes a DJ. It's relatively well done, but just isn't my kind of show. Personally I lost interest fairly early and stopped watching it, but I know of a few people who really enjoy it. It's not bad, just not my thing.

The Lost Village

The lost village starts off following a bus load of people who want to leave their current lives and start anew in a mysterious isolated village where no one from the modern society can find them. It's an interesting anime apart of the horror genre the first episode seemed really good, but it gets tiring quickly. Especially since every single episode after the first seems to end on incredibly enormous cliff hangers. Its hard to pin point why it was disappointing as  the episodes went on, perhaps its because so much happens in every episode, or the majority of the characters are not very likable, or the fact that every single character has a hard/traumatizing back story, and there are 37 characters! Not to mention that they tend to gang up on each other, do crazy things and occasionally follow the mob mentality.

In the end I lost interest and stopped watching it, maybe I'll finish the episodes in the future? Probably not though. It just got very tiresome and I'm sick of the forced tension caused by the endless cliffhangers...

Anne-Happy

This show is just moe upon moe. Its a slice of life following five incredibly unlucky girls as they attend high school. If fact they are so unlucky that the highschool has a designated "happiness class" for about 30 or so unlucky students, where in addition to taking regular classes, they take special classes in order to make the students less unlucky and be able to find happiness despite their luck. Its very cute, and I watched most of it, however I was mostly watching it with my friend, and since we are so behind on our anime we decided to finish all the spring simulcasts on our own so we can get started with a couple summer ones. It's not a bad anime, just too much moe, and no real plot.

[astral-crescent]

Why the fuck does Ted Lewis voice Yami Bakura like hes a fucking Bosmer/Dunmer from Oblivion?