#I am holding myself accountable

[dribs-and-drabbles]

This is a little something (she says and then writes nearly a thousand words) about Kawi and intimacy and his behaviour towards Pisaeng's affections in Be My Favourite ep 9. I've been thinking about it all week but wasn't sure if I wanted to use my precious free-time to make a post. However, on the cusp of the new ep, I realise I do want to get these thoughts out.

I realised from reading other people's perspectives of the ep that my initial assessment of how Kawi was behaving was perhaps clouded by the 'old lenses' that I was subconsciously watching the show through. For context, I wasn't sure that I liked that Kawi kept pushing Pisaeng away and I even mentioned the dreaded Blushing Maiden trope. After some thought, I realise that my initial judgement was very much influenced by a couple of things carried over from ye olden bl times (which may not have been done away with completely but seem to be on their way out in present times).

First, from having seen so many bl/qls with the blushing maiden trope, subconsciously I guess I still expect to see it because it had been so prevalent. And second, despite the re-wiring my brain has undergone when it comes to Krist, I think I still fell back on the earlier presumptions that Krist was either averse to skinship (particularly with men) and/or wasn't a good enough actor to convey physical intimacy (this, of course, mostly stems from his portrayal of Arthit in SOTUS, which for all we know was how he was specifically directed to act - and which many have interpreted as demi- or asexual, which absolutely has a place at the table).

My conclusions to these realisations is that I need to learn to trust these newer bl/qls that they really aren't going to rehash the old questionable tropes of yesteryear.

I remember some discourse before the last three eps of My School President - when we were worried about the ending - about how Bad Buddy taught us that we can feel safe watching it - "safe in the knowledge that tropes were being subverted, that the usual angsty triggers actually got resolved pretty quickly, that the ep 11 curse wasn't actually a curse at all". And we needed to take that knowledge to help assuage our fears about the ending of MSP. And I think I'm in a similar situation here with Be My Favourite and Kawi in particular.

Staying with Bad Buddy for a bit longer (because, really, when can I ever not talk about it in relation to something else?), I remember feeling a similar disappointment with how Pran was being portrayed in ep 9. I felt he too bordered on the blushing maiden with how he shied away from Pat's advances in his room before Korn came in, before the rugby game, and even when washing up after the hotpot date. I don't see that now because, of course, we know Pran isn't a blushing maiden at all - I mean he's not known as Feral Musky Scented HOE Pran for nothing.

Yes, it took time for Pran to get used to Pat's affections but that was probably because he had pined over this man for so long it was all a bit overwhelming at first. Pran probably needed to ease into letting down his walls, to be vulnerable around Pat, and to believe it was all real. And in the end, when he had gotten used to it all, Pran holds back because he likes to make Pat work for it...because Pat also likes to work for it, because they get off on role-playing - as I've said before, it's like foreplay to them.

I'm not saying this is the same for Kawi but it's a similar situation. I knew this about Pran, and that I was wrong in my interpretation of him, and yet I didn't think to approach Kawi and Pisaeng with the same lens. The lens that so many of you have helpfully pointed out - Kawi is a 30-year-old virgin. This is all so new to him, not only to be intimate with someone but also with a man whom he hadn't even contemplated being with. He's spent 12 years only thinking of Pear (emphasis on 'only thinking' as well as 'only thinking').

@burntsuncomet said it well in their tags: "touch gets very very difficult if you don't interact with people much, so intimacy of normal affectionate touches are tough. Kawi would have to start slow and let Piseang just smack a kiss, maybe hold hands, hug a bit, it's a lot of work before intimacy from touch will be like second nature in Kawi's case." @rocketturtle4 also added that Kawi's "general uncertainty could be very well tied in with his loneliness and, especially, his fear of losing Piseang if he does the wrong thing".

@waitmyturtles offered a slightly different perspective, that almost "everything in this show is totally intentional, and...that [Kawi's] discomfort is totally meant to reflect those accusations from Krist’s past about his clear discomfort in acting out intimacy (especially juxtaposed with how much better he’s done with the intimacy in this show)".

So, all of this is to say that I need to start trusting this new wave of bl/qls - a message I obviously forgot from My School President and which has been proven by several other series this year.

And I need to trust Be My Favourite especially, because, as @williamrikers said, "they've swerved and avoided every other trope so far I believe that they're working towards something here". And I agree. Every episode has been fantastic and I haven't disliked a single thing about the show so far.

On top of that, I need to trust my newfound belief in Krist's acting, because he has pulled out some absolutely brilliant performances in this show so far - so why should I think ep 9 is any different?

[blacksails2017]

okay next on my tbr:

- finish time war audiobook & wool omnibus 

- station eleven 

- lord of the rings!!! need 2 buy a copy 

this should take me to early august ish then:

- fifth season !!! finally

- goldfinch Or secret history

- jade city

[minastras]

ok my current schedule as of late feb is:

march: sunghoon friends to strangers to lovers uni au (12k)

april to may: taehyun roommates to lovers uni au (smau)

june: huening kai fake dating high school au (series, like 16k and counting 💀💀)

[wouldntyoulichentoknow]

people with destinies shouldn't make plans.

day 6: blood

[historixally-accurate]

peace

[theminecraftbee]

every time i exit like, an exchange writing period, and i no longer have a deadline, i start to become dizzy with "i should be writing right now--no writing??? i do NOT need to be writing right now??? cannot be right?????? writing??????"

anyway i've decided to use a poll to make you all into people who can create a deadline for me (and also i've started using habitica and want to try to write a LITTLE daily). there's no guarantee this is the one i'll actually go with given i've asked this like SIX TIMES in the past few months but this time it is a poll and also this time i'm trying to start writing daily again, so maybe this time it'll stick, idk??? so:

[stuckinapril]

Okay so last night I complained about being glued to my screen more than I’d like to be. So this morning I decided I’ll do something about it <3 the purpose of documenting it here is so that I hold myself accountable on my blog instead of writing it down in my notes app and negating it like two seconds later. And also so it’s easier for me to be like “bitch enough” whenever I catch myself scrolling through my Tumblr when I absolutely should not be. I plan on increasing these rules (progressive overload) or decreasing them (too much too soon) depending on results, but for the next week it’s:

Cannot get on my phone until I’ve drunk water, done my am skincare routine/taken my am shower, and taken my am supplements.

Phone in the morning for 15 minutes max. Otherwise I cannot be on my phone until noon (I wake up pretty early so this gives me like 4 hours of no phone time).

Also cannot get on my phone after noon unless I’ve studied at least two hours beforehand.

Need to study 2 hours for every 1 hour I’m on my phone until 6 pm.

Can use my phone liberally after 6 pm ONLY if I’ve: hit my study goals, done my Anki flash cards that are due, and finished my workout (or walk) of the day. Otherwise, the previous rule applies.

Need to read a book for at least 30 minutes in the day. This can be thrown in whenever, but preferably before bed.

Need to set aside 20 minutes after 6 pm to do pm skincare routine/take pm shower.

[numbuh424]

the lighting of this is kicking my ass so hard rn 🚶

[firenati0n]

several sentence sunday <3 :)

hello friends :) thank you to @welcometololaland @anincompletelist @suseagull04 @bigassbowlingballhead @indestructibleheart

@thedramasummer @onthewaytosomewhere @cricketnationrise @ninzied @sophie1973

@cha-melodius @orchidscript @sparklepocalypse @kiwiana-writes @tailsbeth-writes

@theprinceandagcd @hgejfmw-hgejhsf for the tags :) :) i finally have some sentences. i have been struggling a lot with reading and writing recently. so, I'm writing something that makes me happy to bring the juice back.

here is a peep at angel!henry sequel. because honestly, writing him experiencing joy at small human things is helping me recalibrate myself and find my own tiny joys. i am doing this for me. it is a love letter to humanity from me to you, but also a reminder to myself

The Victoria & Albert museum is lively today. Henry hasn’t been back to the Cast Courts since he last visited in his time of need, the heaviest he had ever felt, his whole being sagging under the weight of the world’s pain he elected to shoulder. If he stares hard enough, he can almost see a shadow of his former self staring up at Trajan’s Column, can almost run his fingers across the desperation written all over his face as he seeks comfort in Civitali’s angels; his hands clasped and cold and pleading.   Now, his hands are warm, nestled in Alex’s palms, calloused fingertips absentmindedly running over Henry’s knuckles. It makes Henry feel grounded, tethered to a reality he never thought he deserved, but has manifested nonetheless.  He takes in the statues with a new perspective, a newfound respect. Yes, they endured. Yes, they were seen, and they were loved.  But now, Henry is too. Seen and loved, in the way that matters, with an end in sight. Henry’s never been happier to reject eternity. 

xoxo roop

+ tags under the cut and open tag as always <3

@priincebutt @rmd-writes @leaves-of-laurelin @eusuntgratie @blueeyedgrlwrites

@getmehighonmagic @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @captainjunglegym @duchessdepolignaca03 @porcelainmortal

@orchidscript @myheartalivewrites @dumbpeachjuice @anchoredarchangel @nocoastposts

@wordsofhoneydew @tintagel-or-cockleshells @sherryvalli @lizzie-bennetdarcy @heysweetheart-writes

@onward--upward @celeritas2997 @inexplicablymine @affectionatelyrs @happiness-of-the-pursuit

@14carrotghoul @cultofsappho @alasse9 @nontoxic-writes @piratefalls

@ships-to-sail @itsmaybitheway @adreamareads

[dreamlifebunny]

kill yourself

This is so funny to me because I had my anons off for several months due to personal life issues and needing to catch up on other asks, then today I thought "You know what, I'm gonna open them up and start answering questions again!" and THIS was the first message I received without even announcing my asks were open lmaoo 😭😭😭

Anon I am happy to talk about why you sent this over DMs if you'd like! I'm sorry you're feeling hurt, let me know if you want to talk more about this privately. I don't know what I did to upset you but sending d3ath threats is not the way to get someone to change their behaviour. It's also a criminal offence to encourage someone to hurt themselves; please keep this in mind and consider not doing this in the future.

[2aceofspades]

Just wanted to quickly pop on here and say that I will be working away at those ask-prompt submissions, perhaps slowly but surely. I really really appreciate the submissions though, but I'll definitely need some time to tackle all of them. There may have been a few more than I was initially expecting hehe 😅 all good tho!/gen 🤗✨ I've been in a bit of a funk in terms of drawing turtle stuffs, so I definitely don't mind the challenge 🙌🌟

I'm planning to do something similar to the ✨first one✨ that I did, so I'm pacing myself a little. This is all for fun and I'm doing my best to not stress or worry too much about time. I usually am a little reluctant to do drawing prompts through asks for certain reasons, but I'm making an exception this time around. That being said, prepare yourselves for some sporadic angst and comfort art...~soon-ish~

(:

[lost-in-fandoms]

sort of medieval AU in which you don't ascend to the throne by birthright but because you've proven yourself. Daniel had been on the way to become king but then Max had arrived and taken his place. Now Max is king and Daniel is the knight closest to him, made confidant, protector and lover.

After a tourney in which Daniel competed and Max did not, Max helps him take off his armor, piece by piece, gently helping him bathe afterwards.

[softsidekick]

god herself compelled me to watch the first 40 episodes of skibidi toilet and i literally couldn't rest before i voiced my thoughts

gen alpha meme made me do my first piece of written media analysis since i graduated uni eight years ago

i am unwell

skibidi toilets seem to be perceived and treated as an invasive species by the narrative but they are not outright hostile - so why are the camera heads so aggressive from the get go? are we perhaps entering the conflict in the middle as spectators and the growing frustration of the camera heads/humans is just reaching a tipping point?

camera heads resemble humans in their anatomy at least from the outside (apart from having a camera for the head) so do they shit? do they use toilets? if so, maybe the conflict is actually over a scarce resource (toilets)?

the rising aggression is first instigated by the camera heads who deal with skibidi toilets by flushing them down, which seems to be as close to death as the skibidi toilets get (based on their aggressive retaliation)

camera heads later associated with tears for fears' evergreen hit "everybody wants to rule the world" and it is pointedly the original version and not for example the lorde cover that was featured in the hunger games part 2 - catching fire

this is an important fact because the song came out in 1980s and is thusly more clearly associated with elder millenials/gen xs and since the gen alpha are associated with skibidi toilet, juxtaposing these two songs as battling forces paints an interesting picture about generational tension

do skibidi toilets die when they are being flushed? there should be so many empty toilets in the streets but that's not the case -- so are skibidi toilets immortal or do the original hosts die in order for a new skibidi to take over that specific porcelain bowl

skibidi toilets are free moving, sometimes flying, so they're not tetherd to a plumbing network like a normal toilet. this rises the question where do the skibidis go when flushed? this supports the theory that skibidis don't actually die when flushed, but come back up after an unspecified amount of time and are hence immortal (however, the feeling of being flushed must be bad because they react so negatively to it -- or maybe it's a cultural faux pas?)

[mushiewrites]

okay fine have a wip

Another gentle swipe. Another stifled giggle.

Dream felt his leg twitch unprompted as George let his fingertips glide against the blonde’s lower tummy, trying his hardest to keep it down against the bed as he brought a hand up to cover his mouth. More giggles slipped through the cracks in his fingers as George continued to trace the warm skin under Dream’s shirt, his head resting against Dream’s chest with his face turned towards his stomach.

“You don’t have to try and hide your giggles, you know.” George spoke softly, careful not to disrupt the calming atmosphere of the night. The lights in Dream’s room were dimmed with some random show playing on a lower volume, serving as background noise to the sound of heavy rain hitting against the windows. The two boys had curled up together on Dream’s bed when the storm first started, and now hours later, they both could feel the warmth slowly getting to them as they allowed themselves to soften into the coziness of it all.

Dream whined in response to George’s comment, pressing his hand harder against his lips as he felt the fingertips lightly spider against the right side of his tummy. He let his head fall to the side, trying to distract himself from the tickly feeling by watching the raindrops race down the panes of his window. Another whine was produced when the older boy’s pointer finger caught the bottom of Dream’s belly button, making him buck up in surprise briefly, a new flurry of laughter spilling out as his back touched down against the bed again.

“Dohon’t!” The blonde moved his hand away from his mouth as he scolded George, turning his head back down in time for him to see George’s shoulder jump as he chuckled at Dream’s reaction.

“Don’t what? Don’t do this?” George spoke quietly with a giggle as he swiped his fingers across his lower tummy once more, this time purposely catching the bottom edge of Dream’s belly button and pulling it slightly as he passed it. Dream squealed loudly, smacking both hands over his mouth this time as he squeezed his eyes shut, his giggles now pouring from him against his will.

“Mh mh!” Dream’s complaints were muffled as he shook his head back and forth, his curls tickling at his forehead as they flew in every direction. He scrunched his eyebrows and brought a hand up to move the hair away from his face, running his fingers through the tangles and wincing through his laughter when they snagged a knot. He moved his hand out of his hair and placed it on George’s shoulder, gripping lightly onto his shirt sleeve to have something to hold onto.

[zephyrine-gale]

Hello!!! First off, love your art so much!!! And hope you had a great time at anime expo. I was wondering when your store is going to open again?

hi!! thank you both for the reminder!

I was gonna open earlier this month but I have another con coming up in a month (rather than 2 months, I misremembered :'D )

so I've been rushing designs that I was working on so they'd be there for that con + figuring out shipping for POs placed before AX and then completely forgor about shop opening......

but I'll give myself a hard deadline so shop actually does open ajfhjhj you can expect it to open on friday or during that weekend! (21-23rd)

I'll make another post with a more concrete date, it just takes me a while to make new graphics for shop and product updates!

(and little sneak peak at designs that I'm currently working on for upcoming con!)

[cha1cedony]

I will write again Someday. I promise 😭