#I am obsessed with her since past few months😭

[httpsuniverse]

mr lover [ ben chilwell ]

— right where you left lover girl sequel, this takes place two years later!

[ 𝗣𝗔𝗜𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦 ] — ben chilwell x singer!reader . ⊹ ✶ ㄔ 🫂 °.   *

[ 𝗗𝗘𝗧𝗔𝗜𝗟𝗦 & 𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦 ] — romance, mentions pregnancy, google translated french . ⊹ ✶ ㄔ ℹ️ °.   *

࣪˖ 💭 .. 𝗘𝗬𝗔’𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧𝗘𝗦 ⌕ clearing my drafts again 😵‍💫 if you ask me, i’m obsessed with singer!reader fics lol

this work is purely fictional. names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. © httpsuniverse, 2023. do not steal, repost in other platforms, translate and/or claim this work as your own.

benchilwell

liked by masonmount, yourusername, reecejames and others

benchilwell family time

view all 592 comments

user am i reading this right ?? ‘family’ time ??

user his dog clinging to y/n is the cutest thing ever

user they’re such dog parents 😭

yourusername my babyyy my babyyy

benchilwell which one?

yourusername one of you will be in a lot of pain if i say who

benchilwell 🙄

yourusername

liked by benchilwell, masonmount, cmpulisic and others

yourusername look at me, i am the favourite hooman now.

view all 826 comments

user not y/n quoting from captain phillips 😭

benchilwell once i get back home, i will take my title back

yourusername NONSENSE! you cannot dethrone the current favourite hooman

user y/n saying hooman instead of human 😭 that’s so dog momma of her

yourusername i birthed this child

benchilwell huh

yourusername huh

user pls he looks so comfy on y/n’s lap, he’s obviously not a lap dog

yourusername if he fits, he sits

user agreed 🤝

user why did all this time i thought y/n was a cat person

user she literally loves any kind of animal 😭 she adopted a ferret when she was a kid

yourusername omg !! mr fuzzy wuzzy was my childhood pet 🥹 maybe i should adopt another ferret

benchilwell what? no way

yourusername heheheheheheheeh

benchilwell

liked by masonmount, yourusername, judebellingham and others

benchilwell home is where the heart is.

view all 289 comments

yourusername but god i love the english

benchilwell you know i love a london boy

yourusername 🫣🫣

user ben at this point, you really are the extra hooman

benchilwell i cant blame him

yourusername i told you i birthed this dog

benchilwell 😂

yourprivate

liked by masonspriv, reecespriv, mikaspriv and 23 others

yourprivate hehe oops

view all comments

mikaspriv what the fuck is this how i find out ?!?!?!!

yourprivate heheheheheheheeheh

mikaspriv IM PACKING MY BAGS AND HOPPING ON THE NEXT PLANE

benspriv little chilly 🔜

masonspriv i never wouldve known if i hadnt opened this account

reecespriv me too mate

christiansprivme three

jackspriv me four

benspriv me five

yourpriv what

benspriv what

yourusername and benchilwell

liked by masonmount, chelseafc, england, madders and 8,826,937 others

yourusername we’re getting him a human in a few months 🙈

view all 399,826 comments

benchilwell babe i thought we already agreed what the caption will be

yourusername mines funnier

benchilwell 🙄

masonmount who thought that covering his eyes would be cute

yourusername mine. do you have any problem with that? 😀

masonmount i don’t maam, it’s a great idea, very very cute!

user this is the cutest announcement 😭

user as a fellow dog mummy, i approve of this post!

weratedogs 100/10 for being such a good boy and will be the goodest big brother!

user as a y/n fan since debut, i feel OLD (we’re the same age)

yourusername omg since debut album?!?!?! 😳 we have to meet like RIGHT NOW

user y/n went from writing how she’s stuck in the past, to loving herself and loving a new person 🥹 now she’s probably gonna write something about her baby ... just thinking about it rn makes me emotional

— ❤️ by yourusername

england congratulations benchilwell and yourusername! 🤍

chelseafc shall we make a onesie for baby chilwell?

yourusername omg YES PLEASE

benchilwell 🤦🏻‍♂️

yourusername JUST IMAGINE HOW CUTE OUR BABY WILL BE ON THAT ONESIE

benchilwell

liked by prodbymika, masonmount, madders, england and others

benchilwell eleanor chilwell is here 🩷👨🏻‍🍼 you did good mama, i’m proud and grateful to you, yourusername. i love you both

comments on this post have been limited.

yourusername thank you dada, we love you too 🩷

yourusername

liked by benchilwell, charles_leclerc and 3,826,929 others

yourusername the happiest i’ve ever been 🩷 merci pour tout mon benji. je t'aime toi et eleanor de tout mon coeur. (thank you for everything, my benji. i love you and eleanor with all my heart)

view all 150,729 comments

benchilwell 🩷🩷

user several chapters missed but i’m glad to see you so happy y/n 🥹

user i was surprised when they announced she was pregnant, bit i was more surprised to know that they’re married now 😭

user the hand placements of ben 😭

user i’m so alone yall

user AAA y/n 🥺

user literally went from being dog parents to real parents 🥺🩷

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ─────────────────

yourusername and benchilwell

2,836,729 likes

yourusername darling, don’t you ever grow up... just stay this little. happy birthday my sweet eleanor🩷 mama (with the help of dada) wrote a song for you baby, me and dada loves you sooo much. never grow up out now ✨

view all 238,861 comments

benchilwell growing up too fast, my ellie bear 🥲

user ellie bear... 😭 bens such a girl dad

user stopp im emo im not even a parent

user omg eleanor looks so cute!!

user milks expensive, im too young to be a mum

user my daily mantra every time i see ben or y/n post eleanor

user they have a little ballerina 🥺

user 4 years old already? 😭 time really flew by omg

yourusername i know right 🥺

user y/n and her happy ending 🥺 CURRENTLY TAKING A BATH WITH MY TOASTER RN

[eyeheartboobiez]

-> 𝗃𝖺𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗈𝖽𝖽 𝗑 𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

-> 𝗌𝗈𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗅 𝗆𝖾𝖽𝗂𝖺 𝖺𝗎!

-> 𝖺/𝗇: 𝗈𝗄𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖫𝖠𝖲𝖳 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝗂𝗆𝗆𝖺 𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝖼𝗄𝖾𝗋 𝖺𝗌 𝖺 𝗃𝖺𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝖿𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝖼𝗅𝖺𝗂𝗆 𝗂 𝗌𝗐𝖾𝖺𝗋😭

Jason Todd and ex girlfriend, Artemis Grace, spotted outside a club together just hours ago! May this old flame be finding its spark again? (8/20/2022 3:14 AM PT)

For months now, people have been buzzing after Gotham elite Jason Todd and singer Y/N Y/LN hinted at being in a relationship. Ever since this past March when they were initially spotted together, fans have done nothing short of obsessing over the two.

Artemis Grace, former girlfriend of Jason, had gotten into some hot water recently when insiders claimed that the singer had something to do with leaking Y/N’s unreleased track, Fantasize.

As mentioned in former articles, TMZ investigators came to the conclusion that Artemis was involved in publishing the song as a way of “getting her lick back”. Time logs show that the dubbed “rival” singer entered the same studio as Y/N not too long after she left for the night.

Many people online have been more than vocal about their love for the song, despite the fact that it was released without the artist’s consent.

While Artemis has yet issue a statement regarding the accusations, she seems to have plenty of time to be out partying with her ex.

Fast forward to last night, when just hours ago, Jason and Artemis were seen leaving a nightclub together and looking very close for comfort. Onlookers were not only shocked, but absolutely gagged when they saw the two hugging each other goodbye.

With their late night rendezvous breaking headlines, some fans are starting to question if Jason may have also played a part in helping Artemis, or if they ever really broke up at all!

The exes, who were romantically involved for almost two years, have a long history of being toxic towards each other. Their on-again-off-again relationship was notorious for its dysfunctionality, making it hard to keep up most of the time.

It wasn't until late last year when both Jason and Artemis officially called it quits by posting an announcement on their respective Instagram accounts (although many were skeptical to believe it).

Despite the initial shock of the situation, it begs the question: Where does Y/N stand in all of this?

Fans of the singer songwriter were quick to come to her support, majority of whom expressing their clear disappointment in Jason.

“I was really betting on these two,” says Twitter user @y/n’scoochiehairs. “I feel like a child of divorce…”. The fan account, while only just a few months old, grew exponentially due to their constant posts about the alleged couple.

Many sentiments like this have been circulating the internet once the pictures from last night began to surface. Y/N is notorious for putting her emotions into her songs, so at least we know she’ll be releasing new music soon, right?

— replies —

user1: oh she really aint playing...

user2: COOK HIM GOOD SIS!!

user3: girl this is a whole bar put this energy into a song or sumn😭

user4: sooo what im hearing is that ur single🤔

⤷ user5: ntm on my wife now..

user6: this next album bouta be BIBLICAL

user7: genuinely hope youre doing okay🥺🫶

user8: ily queen🩷

people you may know!

liked by b_zarro and 613,189 others

@artemisofmighdall: last night was a dream✨

View all 25,846 comments

user1: first you mess with her music then you mess with her man.. if bold was a person…

user2: the hell is she smiling so damn big for?? ain’t shit funny😐

user3: girl you betta PRAY i don’t catch you in these streets…

user4: “last night was a dream” yeah and you in for a rude awakening cuz wth💀

user5: these comments killing me😭

user6: you already going to hell for being a ginger now you just making it worse for yourself🤦‍♀️

— creator has turned off comments—

end notes: is jason involved or is he just being framed👀 lmk what you think!!

[alicerosejensen]

I love your page so much omg. I‘m literally obsessed with your work😭🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Also I have this imagination in my mind going on about how Leon would try to help his girlfriend from recovering from her mental health issues since she’s always helping him. I was recently thinking about how he would react finding her not moving on the bathroom floor and trying to bring her back! I rewatched American horror stories and the scene with tate and violet in the first season episode 6 (ig?) is always in my head. I‘m still recovering from my past and my unhealthy habits and tbh recovery never felt better.

If this is too much for you or triggering please ignore this.🫶🏼❤️

I had a terrible period in my life when I was a few steps away from doing something like this in my life and unfortunately this shit often comes out. I'm not sure that such texts help me work through my psychological traumas, which were, in fact, inflicted on me and continue to be inflicted by close people who do not consider me a person, but at least such works help me to vent my pain, which I cannot permanently bury in myself.

I have been postponing this request for a long time because I was probably waiting for the right moment to write this text.

There are mentions of suicide, psychological trauma, severe self-doubt and anxiety, so if this is not acceptable to you, then please just block it.

Perhaps there is a similarity with my previous texts, but I am writing this with strong emotions now that I am trying to cope with it again.

the text is chaotic, I repeat, written while I was under the influence of strong heavy emotions. Maybe I'll delete it later, when my brain gets back to normal a little bit.

If a songbird doesn't sing well, they wring its neck.

Maybe it was the costs of Leon's profession and the result of his constant missions, after which something human is gradually dying in him despite the constant struggle to save everyone. Raccoon City was supposed to teach, if not to survive, then make him begin to understand that some are doomed to die.

Leon Kennedy was taught not to offend, but to protect the weak, especially weak women. But it is difficult to calm the flow of disordered thoughts and put aside the fear that has seized him in order to clamp bloody wrists and apply something to them to stop the blood. Leon knew many strong women: Ada was perhaps the first among them, he did not know either her past or her real name, only the present that pushed their foreheads against each other; Claire, a fighting friend of misfortune that he met in that ill-fated city; Ashley, who turned from a baby eagle into a proud eagle; Angela Miller and others…

Your strength dissolves in the water, coloring it scarlet while your heart stubbornly still beats, let the rhythm noticeably shorten.

In truth, over the past few months it became clear that this was the only way out. When even your loved ones considered you an expired product and did not hesitate to remember this and remind you every time. In the end, their words turned into an obsessive worm that settled in your head, slowly day after day, month after month, devouring you and the circumstances seemed to be not in your favor. Instead of support, you somehow faced reproach, as if the universe was screaming that you were an wrong person, nature's mistake who had no right to live.

Escape attempts were doomed to failure. At first you tried to suppress it in yourself, helping Leon, because, in your opinion, he was the only one who had the right to complain about life, although he did not do this in front of you, because everyone said that you had no problems: you have everything limbs, there are no fatal diseases, all loved ones are healthy and there is a roof over your head, as if this is enough to not fall for nonsense and not walk around forever with a sad face.

This was the last time you shared your experiences. You didn’t even bother telling Leon, but everything inside was torn from constant pain. The feeling was as if you were being beaten by two extremes that led you to the edge of an abyss where you ultimately voluntarily jumped.

no, you really loved him, it was just other people’s words and your own speculation that convinced you, despite your strong relationship with him, that Leon would find someone better, someone more confident in himself, someone who would not be you because you had already missed the chance for a good life because it moved too slowly. Ultimately, a couple of sips of alcohol with sleeping pills and a sharp blade in his hands simply promised to correct the mistake in the form of you with your own hands.

You didn't have the courage to do it any other way.

But you really didn’t think that if you could try to open up to your loved one, you would meet support and not condemnation. Perhaps in a mad world he would be the only one who would heal your wounds as you healed him in your time. Leon clenched his teeth, feeling tears flowing down cheeks, seeing these crimson stains, when he pulled your body out of the bath, holding you close to him, repeating “I’m holding you. It's allright"

He so carefully laid you on his lap, managing to pull out a first aid kit and then bandages to tightly, albeit carelessly, wrap them around your wrist in order to somehow stop the bleeding. At least you were still breathing, thereby giving him hope that everything could still be fixed. the darkness and emptiness came to life, calling in a whisper to dissolve into eternal silence where there is no pain or condemnation. Your body will be in a grave under a gray stone, while the remains of your soul will float like a small grain of sand in infinity.

For Leon, everything happens in a fog; he tried more than once to save people, but he had no right to lose in this battle, even if you yourself surrendered to death. Shaking his head, brushing away the tears, he wrapped your body in a large terry towel, kissed your temple and picked you up, trying to somehow warm you, pressing you closer to him. the ability to provide first aid in the field and pull suicides out of the other world is not the same thing. Leon would have thanked God if he had believed in him, convinced that blood loss was the least of the evils that you had caused yourself, until he saw the remains of some substance at the bottom of the glass that stood on the table along with an almost full bottle of alcohol.

You really didn't give him a chance.

The ambulance took several minutes, which seemed like an eternity. In fact, Leon wasn't sure if it was worth trying to make you vomit when you'd already lost so much blood that it was already seeping through the bandages. Surely you would need a transfusion and Leon is ready to give you all his blood if only you would wake up. Holding his breath, he carefully looked at your chest, watching whether you were breathing and fortunately, your heart was still beating, slowly, but it was still fighting for life.

He stroked you on the head, kissed you, promised that he would take you somewhere else, quiet, where no one would dare to offend you, even if it was your family. You could have just asked him for help, just cuddled up to him and he would have protected you from other people’s attacks, but you preferred to remain silent. Kennedy was tired of waiting for the medical staff to let him in, although relatives should be allowed to see the patient first, but the position of a government agent sometimes had its advantages, and they concerned not only the high salary. When he was let in to you, it seemed to him that you had become half your size while you were lying on the bed, curled up under the blanket. It didn’t work out to pull off a beautiful suicide, which meant that soon angry relatives would come here with new sweat of bile especially for you. They won’t care about your feelings, but Leon sat down next to you, trying not to intrude too much into the space in which you imprisoned yourself, as if this blanket cocoon could be a separate world where you could hide. He spoke to you carefully, hating himself for not being able to understand in time what was wrong with your behavior; perhaps if he had been more attentive to you, the incident could have been avoided. You would see a psychotherapist, take a course of medication, and your environment would definitely be taken care of.

You cry, not letting him come to you, hating how you weren't just left to die and how much you hate this world. Hysteria after hysteria, nervous breakdown after nervous breakdown, in the hospital you repeatedly tried to commit suicide, but the attentive staff managed to prevent this before you inflicted fatal injuries on yourself, and if after some time Leon still managed to carefully break through your armor, then your loved ones This did not concern relatives in principle. You only allowed one person to visit you while you were undergoing psychological treatment and you behaved calmer and calmer, listening to the velvety words that soon all this would be behind you.

“We’ll go home soon,” Leon smiled, gently holding your hand and kissing your forehead, just glad that you’re alive, that you’re breathing and that your psycho-emotional state is slowly but improving. “You know, I have a surprise for you, I think you’ll like it when we get home.��

Soon what happened will become another nightmare in his life, a blessing with a good ending, but for the sake of this happy ending, Kennedy is ready to descend into hell at least every day.

You nod at him and smile a little, fearing that the gift is some kind of party on the occasion of your discharge. In fact, the last thing you want is to see someone’s faces, especially those who diligently hammered into your head how insignificant you are. Why do you even hope that the doctor will postpone your discharge, but the plans for your further treatment were completely different.

On the other hand, after taking antidepressants and psychological help in a special medical institution, how many men are ready to stay with their girlfriends who have been there for several months? For Leon, it seems this was not a significant problem, or he simply carefully did not show it. However, there were no parties, no calls, you simply returned now to his home where there were new interior items. it became somehow more comfortable... but something else surprised you.

Puppy. A small puppy of a couple of months old ran towards you and Leon to meet both of them, but stopped and began sniffing your shoes, while something thawed in your heart.

“Animals seem to help us well, They feel when we feel bad, it seems to me a good idea to get us a little companion,” Leon said quietly, stroking your back while you were busy with the puppy, rejoicing at the little living soul who will love you with the same pure and devoted love.

Ultimately it should have a happy ending too. Leon is ready to go to great lengths so that his beloved songbird starts smiling and singing happy songs again, even if it is necessary to remove other birds from her family who sleep and see how to pluck all her wings again.

You and he also have a chance for a happy ending.

[beyondthegame]

you got me SOOO obsessed with e 😭 can i please ask for some music facts about them? thank you <3

Ooo, yes!

E discovered their writing talent before their singing talent, so they originally thought ‘okay, I’ll be a songwriter’.

^ All until one day they were at their friend’s birthday party. The live music booked for it got sick and didn’t turn up so E stepped in — and boom, found their singing talent.

They have multiple notebooks full of songs written, they even have the first shitty one they started working in.

E also dates when they start working on songs.

Genre: pop, RnB, a bit of dance. They’re a very emotive artist so they’d love to sing a ballad at some point… their label isn’t keen on that last idea.

Has a bass guitar named Rebel and an acoustic guitar named Rae. Also named their grand piano Forte <- (yes, E is a softie)

They like adding Spanish lyrics to some of their songs.

E realllyyy wants one of their tracks to be on a movie soundtrack.

When they’re on tour, their team: dancers, backing singers, technicians, catering, band etc. always have the best stuff to say about how lovely, caring and inclusive E is… but of course the media love painting them out as a diva.

Anndd of courseee, they want the pinnacle, E wants a Grammy. They’ll take a Brit Award but… y’know, GRAMMY!

under the cut for my Maxine Taylor x E brainrot, because I am down BAD uggh

Pre-Beyond the Game:

I totally headcanon that E approached Second Coming and thought ‘I like them… I like HER!’ and was like super respectful about the approach, slid in the dms, met face to face a few times, became acquaintances and was completely honest from the beginning about wanting to work with Maxine.

Maxine & E got each other’s numbers, they started texting and whatever and picked a date to go to the studio. Maxine strolls in, freshly dyed red hair and says ‘go on, what are your thoughts? tell me what you want’ *insert innuendo from E here*

E eventually gets serious & says that the media has been on their ass and they’re pretty much sick of it, especially since they’re usually depicted as only a model with no talent.

And I feel like Max loosely relates in a sense where she knows that the media is always going to have an opinion on you, and I think she handles this aspect of fame better than E but y'know... it's gonna sting sometimes.

Thus, the two of them talking about their dislike for certain aspects of their careers and the media — this then caused the creation and birth of Heartless.

I feel like Heartless had a good idea behind, obviously two talented artists ready to work on it, and it ended up taking some long ass months to finish and get perfect.

Month 5: I just imagine the two of them in the studio, a little tired, well past midnight, something isn't quite going right with the song, they've ordered takeout to relax and they're talking about stuff that they wouldn't usually tell anyone... if feelings are getting caught, it's right hereee.

^ Like they're looking at each other with hooded eyes and they just knoww that, not that it's necessarily a bad idea for them to kiss/catch feelings, but they both have 'thoughts' about relationships as a whole, and their partnership was one they walked into without even thinking about anything other than music... definitely leaving whether they kissed/did anything more up to you nikka

Fast-forward: Heartless is out into the world, gets nominated for an award and the single holds such a special place in E's heart. Definitely solidified Max and E's friendship, like E adores her.

I feel like they regularly keep in contact too — calls, texts, FaceTimes, chatting shit about the media as usual. E will always want to know how Second Coming's doing. E definitely invites them to tour with them.

Alsooo, headcanon that E has literally written a song about Max: just how grateful they are for their friendship with her, how you can find a person who is such a diamond in this industry etc... but that song is never seeing daylight asdfghjkl (shy E! for once)

Beyond The Game:

E texts Maxine like 'hey, got hospitality tickets to this football game... wanna come with??'

Hospitality seats at football stadiums are soo nice, like you're inside and you can watch through a window or watch on tv and you have the best food, alcohol, and you're rubbing shoulders with other celebs that are there.

Soo, Max and E would get pictured together and they'd probably laugh about it.

Whilst they're watching the game, Max would probably say 'oh, she's cute/hot' and she's talking about Miko. Miko then scores a goal. Maxine: 'very hot'.

^ This would then get E smiling a little...

[slimeranch7]

Hi, same anon here! So uh, it's only been a few days since I wrote the 12th harbinger reader fic, and I cringe everytime I reread it. I suck at writing smut and my dialogues sounds so unnatural wtf 😭. Also, I'm fairly new to genshin - two months in - so I probably got a lot of things incorrect 💀. I have an offer, you let me free so I can see my wives again , I will regularly barge in your ask box and give you these really small drabbles that have been rotting in my brain for ages. You agree? Yes? Yes.

Okay so, same plot. But instead of reader being found out, reader gets attached, same with the Inazuma girls but the girls get to the point of obsession. They claim you as theirs but you know that you already belong to the fatui harbingers and the tsaritsa. And like, imagine the scene where the Raiden Shogun executes Signora Rosalyne, but you were also there. You have to choose, save Signora and betray Ei (they're both alive so it's a win?) or watch one of your beloved masters die. I've been rotting over this because Ei and Rosalyne are my wives

Did that shit make sense? Hopefully. And uhh, just call me sage anon. Expect me in your ask box at unusual times. 🙋

anon i think that you are in no place to make deals with me, but i am benevolent and forgiving so you may return to your wives.

that aside, there ain't "bad writing" per se, it's an practice that takes effort to hone and there is no standard for perfection. this blog is non judgemental and no hate is tolerated as long as you don't break my rules.

send in what you will as long as you're comfortable:) i will always welcome more thirsts and good vibes!!! <3

content warnings: DEAD DOVE, implied public humiliation

oh god... no matter what choice you'd make, nothing good comes out of it, anyway. choose the raiden shogun, and signora will be cleanly executed, your only ties to the tsaritsa and your home being cut, and you'll have no choice but to prostrate before your new master. you'll be taken in as a shiny trophy wife, and then a warning to other transgressors (similar to preserving criminals' heads for public display in the past).

for the rest of your fleeting, mortal life, you'll be held under a short leash, forced to present yourself like a priceless jewel, forced to obey, forced to bend to the shogun's will. your delusion will be properly disposed of, and your vision, should you have one, will contribute to the thousand armed, hundred eyed god that looms over inazuma city, taking all that you once were.

on the other hand, choose la signora, and only if you manage to make it out in one piece, you'll be taken back to your homeland, where you will kneel to the tsaritsa and be forced to provide a good explaination as to why you were caught warming a shogunate official's bed instead of properly gathering intel, in front of your fellow coworkers. if you look to signora for help, she'll get you off the hook, just this once- she does have the tsaritsa's favour afterall.

saving you the humiliation comes with a price, of course. you'll have to obey her every command, lick the floor she walks on, worship her as your saviour, despite how utterly embarressing it would be in front of other fatui. you'll be dishonourably downgraded into a measly little housepet, good for nothing other than pleasing their master rosalyne. and maybe if she's feeling particularly good, she'd be willing to indulge some of her other coworkers (who you once shared a rank with, mind you) and let them play with you for a bit. of course, not without her supervision, should you misbehave. but hey, it's probably better than having to be charged with treason and facing the mighty wrath of the tsaritsa herself... right...?

[blackvail22]

9/25/23

10:25am -

i just had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist? i think thats the word. i got diagnosed with BED (binge eating disorder), and ive been saying for YEARS that i had it, and no one would help me. its been 9 years since i first went to a doctor and told them about my eating habits; they didnt help me. i had an obvious ed, and im glad im finally getting the help i need.

my relationship with food is severely complicated. im obsessed with my weight and the calories im intaking, but i cant stop... binging. and the fact i have fat on my body makes me want to throw up, nd every time i notice it, it makes me feel like my insides are being scratched over and over. my fear of purging is the only reason i dont...

a month ago, i was talking with my counselor, and she asked me if ive ever been screened for adhd. i told her no, but i can tell her yes!! my new doctor did a screening thing for adhd, and i have it. shes referring me to somewhere to get a more in-depth test to see what type of adhd and the severeity of it.

i told my mom all of this, and she seemed upset. i dont understand? shes been so rude to me lately... i mean, she always is.. but it feels like she changed? shes so bitter, and shes being like homophobic 😭😭 out of nowhere LIKE WHAT PROMPTED U TO BE LIKE THIS? i SWEAR on everything, being a chronic facebook user ruined her. she wasnt like this before facebook LMAOO shes so sad. but, all well!

im going to try my best to clean my room again. i NEED to get my shit together!! its so embarrassing how messy it is. i have to focus on doing it. i have to do it today; i have no choice!!

10:17pm

news flash: i didnt clean my room. whos surprised? im going to try and get it together before i go to bed because i have to... i have or else ill feel like im letting my boyfriend down lol

yk idk why but being friends and flirting w somsone is so much different than dating them. its insane!

i didnt mention this before but im being put on a different medication that targets bed and adhd and it also helps depression. i have to do a bunch of testing before i take it, though, because its a controlled substance

im afraid of facing my past. i know that i was a fucked up kid, but seeing HOW fucked up i am is... terrifying. like i read through a few of my old roblox messages and woah!!! i was living a double life, holy shit! obvi... i used a fake name, fake age, and some of the stories i would tell belonged to my sister. ill forever be regretful for the way i was back then... it makes me think, though... did i ever really change?

i had this girlfriend named .... lets call her juju. she lived on the other side of my country, and we met because we both ran fan accts for a youtuber on insta. i became ... obsessive? quickly. i feel sorry for her, but i was 12 and she was nearly 16, so... she easily couldve cut me off once she found out my age lmao. idk, i kept trying to find ways for her and i to meet in person because i was so excited to meet her online. she broke up with me, and i made another instagram and pretended to be someone else for a while.... aka i catfished her. i didnt show her photos of anyone else, just used the name "katrina" like i used to. i got her to talk abt her exes and then she talked abt how she recently broke up w someone and how crazy they were. i knew then that my behavior wasnt normal. i didnt understand the boundaries i was crossing.

am i all that different now? i used his snap maps to see when he's at his dad and when hes at his moms or at school. when i planned on moving down there, i looked for apartments that were nearby his primary home. i attenpted to make an acct to pretend i was someone else and see if he would lie to me abt info abt his life. i didnt finish it.... i got like the ick from myself and was thinking abt how crazy i was.

i try my best to not be ... stalker-like. i wouldnt follow someone throughout their day to see where they are, who theyre with. i wouldnt use it to harm him, and if he didnt want to see me or talk to me, i wouldnt force him to by showing up to his house or texting him off the number i give to weirdos.

im getting tired. its 10:37p now, and i keep like closing my eyes every once and awhile inbetween sections.

i think the last thing i feel i need to rant abt is how i told my dad i have binge eating disorder and for dinner when i told him i didnt care what he got me, HE GOT ME FOOD FOR A FAMILY OF 4. he looked me in the eyes and said, "two cheeseburgers, 16 chicken nuggets, 10 cheese sticks, and a milkshake incase u get hungry later" when he KNOWS i have a habit of eating a lot of food in one sitting.

i feel gross from how much i ate today, and im still wanting to eat more.

being told "u can reverse everything thats wrong w you if u just lost weight!" and then having those same people ENFORCE ur unhealthy eating habits is insane

like, do u rlly want to help me? or do u want to just berate me for the hell of it?

okie song song time

this song is so ... relateable. typical pop song but its so good 2 me

[obabayangu]

Trust Issues

September 15th, 2023

Y'all. I'm probably in the most scariest place of my life right now. I'm in a place where I have no idea what's next for me in life, and I hate that for me. I like having some idea of where we going next in life or at least know what we doing right now. I don't even know if I'm coming or going, literally!! I am completely in the dark this time, knowing NOTHING! Chile, I'm in the boat. And I think that this is exactly how God wants it.

See, I have a habit of tryna "figure God out". So I've spent the last few weeks tryna figure God out to the point where I was unhealthily obsessing over the vision and now God has called everything to a screeching HAULT! I don't like speaking vaguely so lemme give you a quick excerpt of my life right now:

For those that don't know, I currently reside in the DMV. Living in Maryland, working in DC, and falling in love with Virginia. I'm a native North Carolinian and up and decided to move to DC a few months after I graduated from college because I believed that God called me here. Moved here, feel like I learned why God called me here rather quickly, but then also identified that this move was only a season for me. That I were to be in the DMV for only a season. Y'all. IT'S GOING ON YEAR 5! 🙃 Once upon a time, I was really really homesick and made sure that God knew this every moment of everyday and was so hellbent on moving back to NC. But, I believe that that is not in God's plan for me anymore. Which is cool. But ya'll, I am RET to GO! Somewhere, anywhere. I've been battling back and forth over the past few months about where to go next and chile, I have truly exhausted myself! And that's only my RESIDENCY. Now let's talk about my career.

For those that don't know, I am an educator. Been doing this since college and it's truly all I know. I love the babies of all different colors, shapes, & sizes! I've learned a LOT about myself in my career field over the past years. I've learned what I like, what I don't like, my strengths, weaknesses, allat good stuff. And once upon a time, working in a high school with at risk inner city teens of color was like MARRIAGE to me hunny! It was THEE goal. I just knew if I were ever blessed with the opportunity to do so that I could call my mama and tell her "we made it!". Well guess what ya'll, I'm working, in a high school, with at risk inner city, teens, of color......and I'm ready to quit yesterday 🤗. It's just so fascinating to see me finally reach these life long goals of mine, or have the opportunity to explore them, and it is NOT all that I caked it out to be. I am so shooketh that this grass isn't greener on the other side. Ya'll, I just knew that if I moved to NC and worked in a high school with Bebe's children, that I'd be living my best life with Lil Duval. And AIN'T chile, smh 😭

So where does this leave me? Somewhere, shooketh, and scared, fr. Cause I legit DON'T know what's next for me. What are you supposed to do when you've finally obtained all that you've been working for and it's not satisfying like you'd thought it'd be. Ya'll, God has truly shaken everything in my life. I have no idea where I'll end up next, or if I'm even leaving anywhere. I'm to the point now where I don't even know if I even wanna pursue EDUCATION anymore. Like y’all, education is my LIFE! Working with kids is my LIFE! And now we looking at a whole possible career change? That is WILD! Like this is something that I know and love and have a passion for, at least I thought and now I’m completely stuck! It truly is scary ya'll. I hate this for me lol. And it's giving, I'm in the boat 🌚🛶

In Matthew 8, I think it's verse 24ish (girl, you know I aint no Bible scholar 🤣)

Jesus got into a boat with his disciples, a storm came through, boat got real shooketh, disciples started freaking OUT and JC was SLEEP 😒 smh! The disciples woke Jesus up to let him know they bout to die and JC had a slight tude because he was awoken out of his sleep. But he was like "I know ya'll ain't wake me up over no foolishness! I know you bed NOT be scared. Scared for WHAT? Yeen got no faith smh 🤦🏾‍♂️ " So then JC stopped the storm, gave the disciples some side eye, and resumed his nap.

Now, when I first read this I was like "Um, JESUS 🙋🏾‍♀️ yes, Jesus..hey, 😊👋🏾um...EXCUSE ME 🗣️🗣️ What you mean why my man's and em' freaking out? Don't you see this here boat is about to fall apart? Don't you see we all about to DIE? I know you see this storm, you ain't that sleepy!" and Holy Spirit called me out and showed me something so small in the text. "....Jesus got into the boat with the disciples". Ya'll. YA'LL! Did you peep that? Did you pick up what Holy put down? Jesus was already IN the boat when the storm came! Yet, the disciples were still freaking out. And I said to myself "Oh well that's because at this time, they had no idea who Jesus was. They had no idea of where he came from and the POWER that he possessed." And then I had the nerve to say "If that were me, oh I'd definitely be cooling. All I need to know is that Jesus is in the boat, and I wouldn't dare be freaking out. Cause I know Jesus! They just didn't know Jesus at the time, that's all". And then everything hit like the matrix. Holy Spirit said to me "Um Aeriel...ain't YOU in this boat?

🤔 And aren't you currently freaking out? 🤔 Then act like YOU know Jesus please! And act like he’s in your boat👌🏾" And I said Oh snap! You RIGHT. While the unknown is transpiring in my life, I've been tryna worry about it so much NOT realizing that if Jesus is in my boat, and if I got a one up on these disciples and I actually know who Jesus is, then can I start acting like I know he's gonna handle the scary waves and storms in my life? Y'all, it's to the point now where God has literally been dousing me in his peace each in everyday. He won't even ALLOW me to stress and freak out over my next moves in life right now. I'm talking about me knowing that my lease is ending VERY soon so I have to figure out what I’m gonna do and me showing up to work each and every day receiving more & more confirmation that this job is no longer fitting for me, I want to stress about it ALL!! I want to want to be frustrated and try to figure out how we gone fix all of this & plan and brainstorm with God but he literally won't allow me. I can't feel anything but God's peace right now. It’s insane! And here's the icing. With all this peace, it forces me to rest and relax and enjoy life now. So it's like dang, well I guess I just gotta trust God with the course of my life! But I wanna be discontent over my life so badly y’all 😂 I much rather help show God where WE can move to next and obsess over figuring out what career path WE can pursue but he simply will not let me 🙄 I am so numb to the idea of obsessing and instead am thriving and relishing in God's peace. It's truly incredible. Gone head and get after it!

[bapswaffle]

March 16, 2023

Hello. Here I am :) I think that was funny (regarding my last check in). I should be sleeping I have work tomorrow at Thornton but 🧍🏻‍♀️ here I am. I saw a few notes from my note in my phone and I thought what had happened also on my tumblr. Just an update, it’s funny how I mentioned schooling and carrington last post; well… that didn’t go well. Sometimes things happen for a reason and maybe I’m just not destined to do dental hygiene. All in all, sometimes things jsut don’t go according to plans. On my family, father dearest isn’t doing so well with his foot and hopefully things look up in the next few months for us. Last post, it was going all good and here we are first few months of 2023 and it’s not as good as 2022! As u can tell 2022 was really nice until it ended, but also mommy is doing okay with treatment just not how it was before.. but it’s okay everything will be okay! :) ate finally got together w the boy from gens👹 LMFAOOO, it’s so funny how 2022 is missing from these posts. I should’ve updated the tea 😭 but it’s all good. Robert is single and I’m unsure how his love life is going to go. Hopefully everything turns out good. Like I always expect, since we aren’t doing so well right now, it can only get better (hopefully!) maybe we can go to Disneyland this may 🥺 was going to go to edc but tbh that’s a lot of work :/ we don’t even have shuttles and stuff and hotels and 👹👹👹👹 so much work truly. Just quickly updating bc I honestly don’t even have time to sleep if I keep typing this :( but also the dog is still here, more gremlin and getting older :(((( she’s 10 now and she’s 16 pounds at her last vet. Hopefully we can see her live until she’s 16+ 🥺 and my boyfriend. Eric… Eric Eric 👹 as usual he’s still pretty good, love him a lot 🤭 can’t really live without him ❤️ o o o o o I finally got my license 🧌 LOL. Anyways thank u past me and future me for logging into tumblr to update life. Sometimes I just need a little bit of reminding. Also to compare me from before and current me. One day I’ll look back at this and be like “oh ur wrong” or truthfully I would love to say “wow I’m glad everything got better” fingers crossed, who even knows what if I get lucky 🤭 I’m in a good mood even though life is hard. But yk there’s a rainbow always after the rain 🧍🏻‍♀️ btw I got a little more in touch with my language and more fob after working at the dental offices 😭. Bro I keep forgetting I can edit this: I posted it and now I deleted the other one just so that I put it here… since I did it twice after this og one was posted… I’m trying to change my header but idk if it changed or not… OMG I forgot I kinda cut off Tania 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️I only kept that header bc I thought I looked kinda cute in my arena days 😭 just changed it to me and ate bc yk what? It’s nice :) it’s nice to have a sister that loves me and that I live a lot! :)) I think to prevent this type of eh feeling, I’ll just change it whenever I think I got a cute photo to use on it!!! :) and that header was needed to be changed a long time ago 😭. ALSO ANOTHER UPDATE: bro I’m a little obsessed w my little doll…..

[narrie]

2020

thank u @sophism for tagging me 💓 what a better way to end this awful year than relive it am i right 🤪

rules: answer the questions about 2020 and tag some people to pass it on!

5 favorite films you watched in 2020:

parasite

tenet

the greatest showman 

the half of it 

portrait of a lady on fire

5 favorite tv shows you watched in 2020:

the witcher

derry girls

sex ed

idk if that counts but cheer was so good

fleabag

5 favorite songs you listened to in 2020:

no judgement - niall horan 

levitating - dua lipa 

if the world was ending - julia michaels, her bf 

always you - louis tomlinson

golden - harry styles 

Top 5 albums of 2020:

four (deluxe) - one direction

heartbreak weather - niall horan

fine line - harry styles (come on it counts) 

future nostalgia - dua lipa 

(s)ex tapes (it counts even tho it’s an ep) - fletcher 

Top 5 books you read in 2020:

i feel like i deadass only read 5 books this entire year and i can’t even rank them bc 3 of those were the hunger games series since i somehow started revisiting my childhood obsessions during quarantine and ordered all the books then 😭☝🏽 speaking of childhood obsessions, another book i read was midnight sun ofc 🤪 and lastly, never let me go - which i’m very proud of personally bc it’s been sitting in my book shelve for 4 years and i never managed to read past the first 100 pages, god bless

How did you spend your birthday this year?

had dinner with the family, then we drove downtown to look at the christmas lights, came back and had cake + watched a movie 😌

What was your most memorable day this year?

gotta be the blm protest in hamburg! i loved that so many ppl (i think it ended up being around 15-20k ppl) came together, even tho it was basically canceled by the police, and it really left me proud and empowered ✊🏽

What was your most memorable meal you had this year?

i made gigi hadid’s pasta recipe for my sister and it’s mostly just memorable bc i never actually cooked for someone that isn’t me 

Did you find any new hobbies or interests in quarantine?

besides baking banana bread, having quiz nights on zoom, and taking walks literally every day - not really ✌🏽

What was the last big event/thing you remember doing BC (before covid)?

going to the jonas brother concert in london with @hunrising - a show that was supposed to be the first one of many this year but sometimes life throws u a pandemic and u just have to deal with it! also driving to sweden for a few days and coming back the very day before denmark closed its borders and everything started to go downhill 🤪

5 good/positive things that happened to you in 2020:

i think the most positive aspect of 2020 was that despite everything it was very didactic: i learned and grew sm and i tried to apply it as best as i could 

i made my first blood donation this year which felt great!!! 

i tried to make the most out of october and went to two (2) pumpkin patches which was lovely 

i got less anxious checking my emails which i believe is a HUGE win bc online classes would’ve been a lot harder if i just ignored my inbox for months

i’ve been very grateful to be safe and healthy this year and that my loved ones were close by. i know how good i have it and it’s def been a year that reminded me of that in so many ways 🙏🏽

Biggest messages or lessons learnt from this year?

use ur privilege and make ur voice be heard to stand up for what is right 

don’t take anything for granted and appreciate everything u have while giving back 

being depressed on campus > being depressed in the zoom meetings 

And what are you most looking forward to in 2021?

apart from starting and hopefully finishing my bachelor’s thesis (and consequently finishing uni for now) i don’t have that much on my agenda for 2021 since i’m still trying to recover from the canceled 2020 plans, so to quote a true legend: “You know what kind of plan never fails? No plan. No plan at all. You know why? Because life cannot be planned. [...] You can't go wrong with no plans. We don't need to make a plan for anything. It doesn't matter what will happen next.” 

i’m gonna tag @hunrising @honeydxp @newangelmp3 @mullingar @imsogoldeen @merrystylans @harrydykwya if ur up for it, happy new year 😌❣️