#I am over a week late to make this relevant but dear god I love the kelpie chapter. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

itgetsdarksometimes35 · 4 years

Text

The God and his Muse

Warnings: Non con, dub con, forced pregnancy, breeding kink, anal sex, spanking if you squint, innocent reader, 18+

Word Count: 3,707

Pairings: Dark!Thor X Innocent!Reader

Summary: Reader is an innocent little journalist that’s too sweet for this world. At least, that’s what Thor thinks.

Prompts: 2, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 17, 19, 21, 23

- indicates a POV change

~ indicates a time change

A/N: This is a very late entry to @searchforanotherway challenge. I am going to up load another challenge I’m late for tomorrow and another one that’s due on the 31st on Wednesday so I’m caught up. I hope you guys enjoy! :)

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Earth was different. The people, the food, the drinks. The way people thought, dressed, the history. It was all so strange. At least, that’s all Thor thought. This tiny little planet filled with things that mattered so little in the grand scheme of things. Yet that’s where he found himself. He fought battle after battle here, had friends here, yet he couldn’t understand the way people behaved. So where did he go to learn? The library. That’s where he came to find out that’s where people went to learn. He went to the library with the cafe inside, it smelled good and had his favorite Earth drinks. He checked out books and read them, sometimes learning other times becoming more confused.

One day while going in he saw her. Earth wasn’t filled with many people who managed to catch his eye, he always saw himself marrying an Asgardian warrior. That was more his style. But this girl, curled up on a lounge in the library reading a book, looked so peaceful made his heart stop. She was so beautiful. He had to know her, he had to be with her.

He looked to the book in her hands, he had read it. Lord of the Flies. It had disturbed him, but it helped him to understand the system that the people of Earth needed to keep from going barbaric. He supposed there was no God to just lock them in ice forever if someone were to misbehave.

“I love that book” Thor said walking up to the girl with his own book and vanilla latte coffee in his hand. The girl looked up at him and smiled brightly. So sweet.

“Yeah? I don’t know how I feel yet. It seems good, but I also don’t think there’s much to learn from it.”

“How so?”

“Well, the point seems to be that we need a hierarchy to keep balance, a set of laws that everyone must follow to keep away from chaos. I already knew that. I’d hope everyone does.”

“I think that book is more relevant now than ever. People seem to forget that laws are there for a reason. Crime is spiking, it’s not safe. Not that it ever was, but it certainly was never this bad. My grandpa spoke of a time that people could leave their doors unlocked and let their kids go out for hours without worrying. Now kids are at risk when they’re with their parents.”Thor thought about all the times Steve talked his ears off about his day, it seemed to be coming in handy for once.

The girl thought for a while, her nose scrunching a bit while she thought. Finally her smile returned and she looked to him. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’m Y/n”

“Thor.” He set his books down to shake the girl’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

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Months went by and Y/n and Thor talked more and more. He was becoming obsessed with her presence and he sought it more and more. He wanted her to move in with him, wanted her to quit her job so that he could be around her more and she could bend to his schedule a lot easier. He sensed her discomfort and she became a bit standoffish. It hurt to think she wouldn’t love him anymore or that she wouldn’t want to be his wife one day. They weren’t even dating, but he knew she was the one. He started a plan that would ensure their future together, he needed to do what was best for them. What was best for her. After all, this world wasn’t safe.

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Your phone buzzed while you typed away at your computer. Just a few more edits and this week’s article would be ready to publish. You worked for a magazine and got the majority of your work done during the day at your office, but sometimes had to bring it home with you. It was a lot of work finding correct sources, arranging interviews, and typing it all out. You didn’t work for some website that was all about “how to get the perfect smokey eye,” you worked for a magazine that was borderline news. It got you into trouble sometimes, not everyone likes their dirt thrown out there for all to see, but you liked it. You didn’t tell petty stories, you told stories that got predators out of the schools they worked in, got politicians arrested for stealing money from the citizens. Things like that. Your phone buzzed again and you looked at the time. 10:42. You decided to call it a day and finish first thing tomorrow morning and turn it in to Jodi, your supervisor.

You unlocked your phone to see two missed calls from Thor. You rolled your eyes and set your phone down, heading into the bathroom to shower. It wasn’t that Thor wasn’t nice, it’s just he couldn’t take a hint. Your job asked for a lot of your attention right now, and he didn’t seem to get that. Even when you explained it. You weren’t even dating and you felt suffocated.

You turned the water on and let the steam fill the room while you hummed to yourself while you undressed and stepped into the shower. You let the heated water cascade down your body and ease the tight muscles. Your hands hurt from all the typing you did and your shoulders hurt from hunching over. You popped open the bottle of your honey body wash and put it on the fluffy luffa. Suds covered your body as you massaged the body wash onto your body.

You finished your shower and wrapped yourself in a fluffy white towel. You opened the bathroom door and the cool air wafted around you, causing chill bumps to rise on your skin. You stepped onto the cold wooden floor of your apartment and made your way to your room. As you took a night shirt and underwear out, you saw it was raining outside. No, raining wasn’t right. It was storming. That’s strange you thought while walking over to closing the window, it wasn’t raining 30 minutes ago. You dressed yourself and then climbed into the bed. Thunder flashed outside and you got up to close the curtains, thunderstorms always scared you. Right as you were turning away to get back to bed, thunder rang again and your window crashed open. You saw a white flash before everything went black.

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Your head pounded as you started to wake up. It was Saturday, you didn’t have to go into the office but you did have to finish your editing. That article is due tomorrow. You opened your eyes and immediately froze. This wasn’t your room. The night before floods back to you, but nothing is coming to mind. The thunderstorm, but then what? Didn’t you get back to bed? What the hell happened?

You looked around the room you were in. It was huge and the art looked like they were painted for kings. A white wardrobe with golden details graced a corner in the room and the doors in the room held the same decor. You looked at the bed you were now sitting up in and realized the bed matched the set. The marble floor held your reflection just like the mirror on the vanity near one of the doors, probably the bathroom, did. This room alone looked like it was ripped from a magazine about how the wealthy lived. You couldn’t afford it even in your wildest dreams.

You hear footsteps behind the door to your left before the golden handle jiggles. You prepare for the worst as the door is pushed open. In walks Thor with his blonde hair and gorgeous eyes. His outfit looks like a costume and in his hands he holds a hammer. He looks to you and he smiles.

“Good morning, dear. Sleep well?” Thor asks sweetly with his accent you’d never been able to place. He stalks in before shutting the door and crossing to the bed to sit down.

“Thor? Where am I?” Thor sets the hammer he held down on the floor before turning all the way to you, his hand moving up to set the hair out of your face. You cringe away at his acts of eerie calmness.

“Asgard. Your new home.”

You looked to him confused. “Asgard? Wh- that’s not a real place, where am I? This isn’t funny, please, Thor.” You start to freak out. Thor wasn’t making any sense. He kidnapped you and he brought you to wherever you were and he was in a Party City costume. He had lost his mind.

“It is. It’s my home realm, I guess you could call it. I’m the God of Thunder,” He lifted his hammer, “and future king. You shall be my queen, and a fine queen you’ll make.” He smiled to you again as you shook your head. Realm? God? You had to get out of here.

“Thor, I have to leave.”

“Leave? Honey what’s wrong? Don’t you like your new home?”

You were getting agitated, Thor wasn’t listening to you and he was acting insane. This wasn’t your home, he wasn’t a God or king, and you certainly wasn’t going to be his queen. Especially not of some mystical place, this wasn’t the time to be playing make believe.

You took a deep breath, if journalism taught you anything it was being freaking out in a moment it was all too dire to be calm in wasn’t going to help anyone. Especially not yourself. “Thor, I am begging you. Let me go, I’m not going to be your queen. Asgard isn’t real, what you’ve done is illegal. Just let me go and I won’t tell anyone…” You calmly stated while slowly moving, if you acted fast you could make it to the door.

Thor’s smile faded. “You’re meant to be mine, y/n, whether you realize it or not. Back at the cafe, I knew you were the one who’d lead my people at my side.”

“No Thor, it wasn’t like that.”

“But I’ve seen the way you’ve smiled at me! You wanted me!”

You shook your head, it was an argument with a brick wall. You smiled at someone and was kind and now it’s just okay to kidnap you? Thor turned from you to look around the room. “I built this for you. For us. I was never one for decor but I called everyone I knew to help. The day I met you I knew you were the one, I just can’t believe you’re actually here. You can even help decorate if there’s something you don’t like.”

As Thor continues rambling you were slowly easing out of bed and toward the door. There had to be somebody else here, so even if you don’t make it far, let’s face it you probably wouldn’t with those powerful legs that supported Thor, at least you could scream for somebody to help you. Your hand had just touched the kbob when Thor turned and looked to you.

“Y/n, you better come back here on the count of three...two…” He was starting to rise but it was too late, you had thrown the door open and you were booking it down the long hallway. You had no idea where you were going but you were going. Still in just an over sized night shirt and panties the cool night breeze whipped at your legs as you flew by. The halls had tall windows where you could see outside. You must’ve been asleep for a long time because you definitely wasn’t in New York anymore. Your mind threatened to wander to you truly being in Asgard and Thor being truthful but you shook the thought out and pressed on.

You got to double doors and looked behind you to see Thor was coming from behind a corner, his face hard with anger. You quickly pulled the heavy doors open and squeezed out into the night. There was a long bridge in front of you and below that was water. You looked up and saw tall mountains and a sky that was breathtaking. Where were you? The doors behind you groaned as they were being pushed open further and you pressed on, running harder than before. Your efforts were fruitless as you were hit in the back and fell to the ground. You look back to see the hammer Thor carried magically levitating back to him.

You turned on your hands and knees, fear and shock painted your face, and made to get up again. Thor came up and grabbed you, hauling you over his shoulder.

“No! Help, somebody please!” You kicked and screamed, punching Thor’s back so you’d be released. “Thor stop, let me go!”

Thor spanked your ass causing you to whimper in protest. “Stop screaming, you dirty slut. You’re tricking no one with that act.” The word stung, you couldn’t lie. The man you had come to know was sweet. Overbearing, but sweet. Never would you guess he’d cause this to happen to you or ever call you such a vulgar name. The tears threatened to spill as Thor carried you into the tall castle and back to the room you’d awoken in.

Thor threw you onto the bed and spun to shut the door. He set his hammer down in front of it. “To keep you from escaping.” He started to grab at his clothing, pulling it off to reveal his muscles. Your eyes widened and you pressed yourself farther away from him. Thor smirked at your efforts. “Don’t worry, honey. I promise, after tonight, you’ll never escape again. I have rules that I expect you to follow, number one is no running. I will catch you and it just wastes both of our time” How he switched from sweet to agressive back to sweet had your head spinning. “Number two, don’t try to hurt me, I’m your lover and I’ll be treated as such. Number three, listen to me. I am your king and God, I know what’s best. And lastly, the given of course is that you will give me many heirs. Not too many rules, is there darling?” You shook your head. “Good. Just remember, I will hurt you if you don’t do what I say.” You were shaking. Heirs? Rules? What kind of fucked up nightmare realm had you just stepped into?

Thor continued to undress and soon he was in nothing more than his boxers. He palmed himself through the thin fabric while making his way to you. He reached for your shirt and tore it right down the middle, leaving you in your underwear. Your tits bounced from the force of the rip and Thor’s eyes flew to your chest. His tongue swept over his bottom lip as his eyes blew out in lust. Your eyes blurred with tears. “Thor no, don’t do this. I’m still…”

Thor’s eyes traveled to yours and he smiled. “I know you are. Don’t worry I’ll take care of you” He reached for panties and easily ripped them from you, exposing yourself to him. He groaned and you saw his member twitch in his confines. Thor reached down and started stroking himself again before pulling his underwear down and pulling you closer. You were shaking your head while tears flew wild. “Shhh, its okay. Just open your legs. I promise this won’t hurt.”

Thor set your legs on each of his hips and he lined himself at your untried center. He rubbed the head against your clit and it was then you realized how wet you were. “See? Already so good for me.” Thor’s praises struct your body in a way that you weren’t familiar with as he slowly inched in. Your body jerked in response to the slight burn and you hissed out in pain. “You’ll feel so good after this. Just let me…” Thor pushed deeper into you, coming to your fleshy barrier. He stopped for a moment before leaning over you, his lips hovering over yours whispering, “I love you so much.” Before crashing his lips to yours. Thor distracted you with his tongue while his hips thrust forward, causing you to cry into his mouth. He continued his assault on your mouth while his finger danced it’s way down your hot skin and to your tiny bud of nerves, rubbing it slightly. Your hips jerked up into his hand while you moaned out, separating your mouths so the sound echoed in the room. Your head hit the pillow while Thor continued hovering above you. “Yeah, feels good now doesn’t it? Wasn’t so bad, I told you I’d make you feel good.”

Thor continued fucking up into you while his finger worked harder and faster, chasing your release. Your head was floating on cloud nine, never had you been able to bring such pleasure to your life before. Your moans were mixing with his grunts as he got faster and faster. “I’m so close to coming. Oh I can’t wait to fill up your belly.” You squeezed around Thor’s thick cock as he thrusted a few more times before you crashed over the edge. Your eyes shut as you screamed out in ecstasy. Your back arched and your body shook, trying to recover.

Thor growled while hooking his hand under your shoulder, pumping himself deeper into you, trying to find his own euphoria. “Oh shit, I’m cumming baby, I’m summing.” Thor pushed in to his limit and stayed as you felt warm spurts fill your tummy. He moaned your name in your ear while his balls clenched and unclenched in his release. He stayed within you for a moment, enjoying your warmth and breathing into your neck. He wiggled his hips before pulling out and laying next to you, a smile playing at his lips.

“Our baby will be so beautiful. I hope it’s a girl.”

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Nine months you had been living here in Asgard with Thor. A few days after your first night with him you two were wed in front of the entire kingdom. A few weeks later he announced a royal pregnancy. Your belly was growing and was ever prominent in the dresses Thor ordered you to wear. He had become very enraptured in your pregnancy, never giving you a night to rest when you started to show. He wanted others to see it too.

Today you were in trouble. Deep trouble. Thor invited his friends to come and meet you and have dinner; it would’ve been okay had he not failed to tell you of his little party. You hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before and you were stressed due to the large group of people, so you lashed out at him in front of everyone when he asked you to dance with him, ignoring your constant complaints of you being tired and sore. You quickly apologized, but Thor was already angry. He went about the party normally and you were on edge for the rest of the night, what awaited you when the last guest left was something you worried about.

You tried to keep Valkyrie, the last guest, in the doors for as long a possible. Thor stepped in and ushered her to the door, saying how you both needed to rest.

“Oh yes, you two won’t be getting much of that once baby girl is born.” She said with a wink, stepping out of the door. Thor’s laugh boomed around the empty dinner hall while he said goodbye to his close friend. He shut the door with a loud thud before turning on you. You gulped as he made giant steps toward you.

“Bedroom. Now.”

You scrambled from your chair and took quick steps to the bedroom. Thor was hot on your heels as he shut you in, locking the door behind him. He inched closer to you like a fox does a lamb while you backed up.

“Now darling, you know the rules,” he tsked at you, this wasn’t the first time you’d broken the rules. It always ended with a sore bottom. “But it seems my normal punishment doesn’t work with you, so, how should I punish you this time?”

You were blabbering the word no as you tried to scoot away from Thor, but he easily caught your arms and bent you over your vanity, making sure not to harm your pregnant stomach. You continued to try to wiggle free but it wasn’t until he brought his thumb to your tight ring of muscles that you stopped all together. Your head shot up and you strained to look behind you, he had never done that before. Thor swiftly unfastened his pants and took his throbbing cock out, lining it at your sacred and untried hole. You squirmed more but knew it was hopeless. You would never win with him. Thor pressed himself to you and pushed in. The burn was far worse than anything you had ever felt and you cried out in pain. Your hips helplessly pressed to the vanity trying to free yourself from this pain, but Thor just pushed in more. He was hissing from the way you squeezed him.

“God, baby, you’re so tight for me. Always so good…”

Tears were sliding down your face as you sobbed into the cold marble of the vanity, praying he’d be done soon. Thor thrusted into you, stretching your asshole to fit his godly girth. He pumped himself a few times before cumming in your ass. He pulled out of you, grabbing you before you can slide to the ground. He picked you up and laid on the bed, your backside aching from the abuse.

Thor pulled you to him while caressing your hair and back. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. Sleep, you need the energy.” He pulled you closer to him. “Any day now, and our child will finally be born. I can’t wait for us to finally be a family. You’ll be such a wonderful mother.” You continue to silently sob and Thor’s breath started to even out in slumber. The world is an unsafe place, and you were learning from it first hand.

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@jtargaryen18

#aw!dark!ficchallenge #dub con #non con #dark!thor #dark!thorodinson #dark!thor x reader #dark!thorodinson x reader #dark!thor x innocent!reader #dark!thorodinson x innocent!reader #dark!marvel #dark!mcu

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mnthpprt · 4 years

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Chapter 18: A Certain Kind Of Intimacy

[Extra long and angsty chapter because I am an insomniac and a sucker for Arthur being soft]

The rest of the week passes uneventfully. By now, I have developed a comfortable sort of daily routine, and have gotten to know all the residents to some extent.

Every morning, Sebastian wakes me up with a light breakfast and a steaming cup of black coffee. He has quickly learned the way I like it, and to his credit, it is the most effective way of getting me out of bed so early. I take a few drops of Saint John’s Wort before I eat, get dressed, and go to work in the garden.

I water the violets under Mozart’s window, chat with Dazai, and watch Vincent paint. Although he has not said anything about it, I suspect he is using me as a model. He has taken to sit by the greenhouse, and I feel his observant gaze on me as I repot exotic plants or shake the jar of tincture I am making.

I eat lunch with Isaac, and he silently works on his research while I read the English copy of Dazai’s book that I borrowed from Sebastian. Afterwards, if I am done in the garden, I spend some time in the training room. For a couple days, le Comte insisted on giving me dancing lessons there, but I caught on quickly enough for him to drop it. Napoleon likes watching me skate, and we talk about my hometown during breaks. He asks me a lot of questions about the future, mostly about politics, and I do my best to explain the major events between his time and mine. I admit I do not do a great job of it. I have a very strange patchwork of knowledge, and while I could easily list the chemical composition and dates in which each pigment was discovered, I have a hard time remembering names and places. Jean is elusive as ever, and I only ever see him when he’s sparring with Napoleon.

When they are hogging the training room, I tend to stay in the library. Leonardo is usually there, and he jokes around as he helps me find the relevant books for my own research. He is charming and funny, but I have noticed the sadness that seeps into his eyes when he thinks I am not looking.

A couple days ago I found him working on some kind of machine with Isaac. They needed a wrench small enough to fit into a specific piece, I suspect a part taken from another object. I gave them the tool I use for my skates, and Leonardo has spent most of today apologizing profusely for losing it in the dumpster that is his bedroom.

I help Sebastian here and there. Sometimes it’s laundry, sometimes it’s cleaning, or even delivering rouge and blanc to the vampires. We talk about the things we like about the mansion, and about the things we miss from our time. I have come to understand why he chose to stay, and quite frankly, I am starting to lean the same way, although for entirely different reasons.

I tell him about my job, and about my friends in the year 2020. I tell him how much I miss my best friend Mila, who I was about to meet for the first time in over a year, and about Carlos and Jack, who are just as dear to me but I get to see often. They would all love to see what I now live every day, and I am sure that, given the chance, they wouldn’t have hesitated to come with me, especially Carlos. Like Sebastian, he would have given anything for the chance to see the past with his own eyes.

“I have a sister,” I said to him when he asked about my family. He spoke very fondly of his. “She lives in Milan. Our parents aren’t really in my life anymore...” He understood when I said I did not want to talk about it. Though stern, he is a kind man. We have become close while working together.

I have also spent a lot of time with Arthur lately. In the spare moments when he is not writing or out in some bar, he has taken up the habit of visiting me wherever I am. He gives me riddles to solve as I work, and teases me about the odd answers I come up with. While neither of us really confide in the other, conversations with him are always fun and stimulating. He still flirts relentlessly, but I have become used to it.

This afternoon in particular, he drops by my bedroom while I am reading, and I welcome him and the cup of tea he offers me. He brings one for himself, too, and does not hesitate to get comfortable on the armchair as I sit on the edge of the bed to face him, the tray on top of the ottoman between us.

“I am afraid I have come up with a case of writer’s block,” he says as his only explanation. “I need a break from that story. Will you distract me, my dear?”

“Uh, sure,” I shrug. Maybe he can answer my questions about living in this time. “I have no idea how women do their hair for special events in this decade. Perhaps you could help me with that? You know, with the ball being tonight, and all.”

“Could you show me the dress you’ll be wearing?” he asks thoughtfully.

I oblige, and pull it from the wardrobe. It is a beautiful shade of lilac, made of delicate chiffon. Aside from the slightly puffy cap sleeves, it is simple, yet elegant. Arthur examines it for a few seconds, holding it up in front of me.

“I am afraid I can’t help you, darling. I know nothing about hair,” he concludes, the pondering look in his eyes replaced by an amused glimmer.

“Then why did you ask for the dress?”

“Why, I just wanted to see how hot you would look in it, dove,” he laughs. I playfully smack his arm, and he laughs harder. “This shade brings out the green in your eyes!” I laugh too, rolling my eyes, and let him put the dress away as I return to my spot on the bed.

“Okay, then I hope you can actually answer this,” I giggle. “You’re a doctor, right? And you’re obviously well acquainted with female anatomy.” He smirks as if he thinks where this is going, and boy is he wrong. “How do women deal with menstruation? Am I just supposed to use a piece of cloth or what?”

He chokes on his tea, and lets out another boisterous laugh.

“By Jove, I was expecting you to go the sexy route with the way you phrased that!”

“Arthur, I’m being serious!” I giggle. He is still chuckling when I begin my endless tirade of questions. I would genuinely like to know the answers to them, but I mostly just ask for the sake of keeping up the joke. “Do you know any women vampires? Do they menstruate too? Are vampires fertile, or are you, like, dead in that sense? Oh my god, do you drink period blood? I really hope not, but I wouldn’t put it past you,” I tease him, mockingly disgusted.

When he finally calms down, Arthur proceeds to answer all the questions in methodical order, still clutching his sides.

“They sell special undergarments for that, coated in something that makes them impermeable on one side, I think. Just go to any shop that sells ladies’ dresses in town.” I nod, satisfied. Reusable pads it is, then. Next comes the rapid fire of answers to my increasingly ridiculous questions. “I personally do not know any women vampires, but Leonardo and le Comte definitely do. There are two kinds of us: purebloods like him, who are born like that, and lesser vampires like me and everyone else in this house. Purebloods are the only ones who can turn people, and I have no idea if they menstruate or not because I have never met another one, but they certainly do reproduce like humans. Lesser vampires are very much alive, but while we can have sex, we are infertile, and I suppose the women follow the same rule. And no, we do not feed from menses, you filthy lunatic! Don’t be absurd!” he concludes with a chuckle.

“Good to know,” I laugh at his horrified expression.

“It actually smells completely different from regular blood,” he says. “It’s very unpleasant and does not trigger hunger at all, though I have no idea whether a vampire could potentially survive on it. I am relieved to say I don’t think anyone has tried.” He raises his eyebrows and takes a deep breath before he goes on, condescendingly adding explanations that I did not ask for. “By the way, yes we do have reflections. Also, crosses don’t scare us and neither does sunlight. Anything else you’d like to know, dove?”

“Give me a break, I am curious, not stupid,” I roll my eyes. “Oh! I thought of one! The garlic thing is obviously false, but it is a natural anticoagulant, so I wonder: was that myth started by vampires so you could feed on people better? Like, if superstitious people ate a lot of garlic to try to avoid being bitten, their blood would be thinner and therefore easier to suck, right?”

“Frankly, I have no idea.” He looks surprised. “I can’t say I’ve ever thought about that before, but it makes sense. You’re a clever one, darling.”

I flip my hair over my shoulder with a cocky smile, earning yet another chuckle from Arthur. Suddenly, his eyes focus on something behind me, and he grows serious. He walks over to my nightstand and picks up the small vial on it, carefully reading the label with a furrowed brow.

“Did you cut yourself while gardening?” he asks, a hint of worry on his face. I simply shake my head, and he looks at me, and then at the vial again. Having rejected one of the two main uses for the tincture, he quickly figures it out “Oh. I did not know you suffered from melancholy. I used to give this to soldiers who were affected by their time in the army.”

“Well, you hardly know anything about me. Did it work?” He shrugs, which I interpret as a ‘sometimes’. “In my time we have more effective medication for that sort of thing. I kind of depend on it, but being here... Well, it’s been an unexpected inconvenience. I was lucky to find a mediocre replacement before the effects wore off. It cancels out my contraceptive, but I don’t have that here either, so it’s pointless to worry about.”

He listens intently, his head slightly tilted. He looks at me with sadness in his eyes, the same kind of sorrow that I saw that day at the market. It is not pity, but rather... a mutual understanding. He gets it.

“Oh, Anaïs... I took the Saint John’s Wort myself for a while in my previous life, but it never really did anything for me,” he sighs. I am somewhat surprised by his words. “I hope it works for you, dear. I would hate to see you unhappy.”

“Thank you,” I mutter. He is standing close enough for me to hold his hand, and I am overcome with the urge to reach for it. I interlock my fingers with his, and he squeezes gently in response. We stay like this for a while, silently looking at where our hands meet. His touch is warm and comforting, and he makes no attempt to break contact.

“Oh, shit,” I exclaim, abruptly standing up. “The ball! I have to get ready!”

Arthur lets go of my hand and I immediately begin to undress myself, unbothered by his presence.

“I’ll leave you to it. Have fun, darling,” he says, but I stop him before he gets to the door.

“No, no, don’t leave. I need help getting into the dress.” I shove the one I am wearing down my hips, dropping it on the floor, and hastily remove my bra to change it for the corset. “Besides,” I turn to him, my breasts exposed as I fumble with the clasps on the stiff garment, “you’ve already seen me naked, remember?”

“I suppose you’re right,” he responds with a smirk and, as always, I roll my eyes.

He hands me the lilac gown, and proceeds to helpfully search the room for my shoes as I put it on. By the time he returns by my side, a pair of matching heels in his hand, I am holding my hair up, ready for him to button the back of my dress. His agile hands work fast, and soon he taps my shoulder to let me know that he has finished. I relax my arms, letting my hair cascade over the chiffon bodice, and slip my feet into the shoes he has left by my side, suddenly becoming two inches taller. I kiss his cheek and thank him for the help, to which he replies with a whistle.

“You look lovely.” He looks genuinely impressed, for once, causing me to blush.

“You really think so?” He nods, and I walk over to the mirror. A chuckle escapes my lips upon seeing my reflection. “I look like a cupcake. Seriously, though, this is so different from what I am used to wearing. I hardly recognize myself.”

“You almost seem ladylike, even,” Arthur jokes. “All prim and proper. I agree. That,” he says, pointing at the mirror, “is a totally different person.”

It is amazing how effortlessly he can make me laugh. I move on to the dressing table, and pull out every hair accessory I can find in the drawers. Arthur observes thoughtfully as I quickly brush my long hair and begin to work on the styling.

“You were wrong, you know?” he finally breaks the silence. “When you said I hardly know anything about you.”

“Huh?” I raise an eyebrow at his remark. “Well, go on, don’t leave me hanging. What do you know about me that I haven’t told you?”

“For starters, I know that you were not scared of Isaac feeding on you that night.” I look at him through the vanity mirror and nod for him to go on, my hands still braiding through my hair. He seems almost hesitant to keep talking. “When I brought up biting you in the thermae, you were completely unfazed. Considering the incident was so recent, it just didn’t add up. It wasn’t the idea of him biting you that scared you, was it? It was the way he acted when he tried to. I won’t pry if you do not wish to talk about it, but I know that your past can’t have been easy, Anaïs.”

“You’re right,” I whisper. My braid now hangs limp and undone over my shoulder. I must have stopped at some point without realizing. “If he had explained, I might have let him do it, but... I don’t know. He became so violent, so suddenly. The way he grabbed me, it just... It brought back a lot of memories I’d rather forget,” I explain. My voice is barely a murmur, but I am sure Arthur can hear me just fine. “I know it wasn’t his fault, and I have long since forgiven him. Honestly, the reason I was so shaken up after the incident was because I kept reliving all those things it reminded me of. Granted, suddenly learning about the existence of vampires just added to my stress, but ultimately, It had nothing to do with Isaac himself. Or with any of you, for that matter.”

“You’re strong, Anaïs,” he comforts me. “That’s another thing I saw the moment I met you. You’re clever as the devil himself, and I have no doubts that were I human, you could absolutely destroy me in a fight. Those skater legs of yours are good for more than just walking, I bet. Not to mention how kind and caring you are, even for a bunch of strangers who could kill you. You manage to be so open without being naïve. I love that about you.”

I look down at my hands and resume braiding my hair, unsure of how to respond. I refuse to look at my reflection for fear of Arthur seeing it too, but I can feel my cheeks burn. My fingers work fast, providing a distraction, and I blindly pin the braid into a bun at the back of my head.

“Another thing I know,” Arthur continues, granting closure to my silence, “is that you played Mozart’s piano.” I notice his choice of words. He said ‘played’, and not ‘touched’. Coming from him, I have no doubt it was intentional.

“How on Earth do you know that?” I look up at him through the mirror as I keep working on my hair, adjusting strands and adding pins every now and then. He chuckles.

“I heard Wolfie complain about going to the ball with you. You clearly did something that upset him, although I must admit that’s not exactly a hard task.” He waltzes over to the vanity and comes to a stop right behind me, putting his hands over my shoulders to playfully lean closer. “And I know you were playing, specifically, because you do this thing with your fingers when you’re quiet. Like you’re playing a song in your head.” He wiggles his fingers on my shoulders to illustrate his point.

“I do?” I ask, puzzled. “I have never noticed.”

“Yes,” he laughs. “I first saw you do it in the bath, when you closed your eyes. After that, and after spending some more time with you, I have been able to notice how frequent it actually is. It’s rather adorable, if you ask me.”

“Oh, no,” I laugh, embarrassed, and bury my red face in my hands. Once again, Arthur has successfully made me feel better. He sits back on the armchair and finishes his tea, which is probably cold by now.

Meanwhile, I dig around my backpack for the small amount of makeup I happen to bring with me when I arrived. I apply some mascara, and smudge a tinge of red lipstick on with my finger, before reaching for the last product. I spend the next few minutes applying layer upon layer of concealer over the few tattoos that are visible over the dress: the one on my collarbone and a portion of the flower on my right arm, just below my shoulder. While the gloves will cover the rest, I made sure to try them on beforehand, only to find out an inch wide portion of skin would remain visible.

“Okay, can you still see it?” I turn to Arthur, applicator still in hand, for his approval. He squints and then shrugs lazily.

“Only a little, and only because I already know it’s there,” he says. “Honestly, I doubt anyone will notice.”

I sigh, defeated, and walk to the full length mirror to add one last coat, for good measure. This is surely going to become a cakey mess in a few hours, but there is nothing else I can do. I guess that means I am ready for the ball.

#ikevam #ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikemen #ikemen fanfiction #ikemen vampire arthur #ikevamp arthur #ikemen vampire fanfiction #ikevam fanfic #ikevamp fanfiction

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jovialyouthmusic · 5 years

Text

Interlude to Protect and Serve

Word Count 1126

A/N Just a bit of silliness to follow the idea of the characters in P&S being self aware.

Warnings - nothing explicit but sexiness is an issue.

Location - Applewood Manor, after the relevant scenes there.

MAW (our middle age writer) screwed the plotline up a little, forgetting that the Hunt came before the scene with Tariq in Riley’s bedroom. All the characters have returned from their ride, while Bastien and Sophia (Mr B and Miss S) stayed behind and did unspeakable things in their private suite, unheard and unseen, and for some reason a new desk has been ordered for Bastien’s office.

There is some concern, as MAW hasn’t called on the characters for some days. They gather in the Ballroom, all talking at once, confused and concerned. Drake takes it upon himself to take charge, as MAW sometimes meets with him in person, though her new found obsession with Mr B has meant he’s seen a lot less of her. He jumps up on a table and bids everyone silence

Drake Okay everyone, settle down. There’s no need to be concerned, things are great!

A snigger runs through the assembly and Prince Liam points at the t shirt he’s wearing, which has Drake’s face and ‘Things are Great!’ printed on the front

Drake That’s not even funny any more Liam, grow up

Liam (muttering) Max is laughing

Drake and your point is…

Liam scowls and shuts up. Maxwell looks hurt and leaves the room

Olivia Who died and made you boss anyway?

Constantine Yes, I think it should be me making the announcements

Drake Well, speaking as the person who’s had most contact with our esteemed writer…

A ripple of laughter runs through the company, and Drake scowls

Drake Yes well, I’m her companion when she visits our virtual realm, and we’ve gotten very close. I know she’s written more about Bastien lately – but I’m still in the picture, and her fic with Lucy and Brad still features me prominently.

Liam I don’t know what made her call me Brad in that one, Liam is a perfectly good name – very regal…or, you know, someone could call me L i am – you know like Will i am, very contemporary…

Drake (ignoring Liam) Look, I’ve managed to hack into some of her stuff – you know how we’re all here because of all the talented writers who uh – ‘play’ with us.

He pauses to make air quotes. Everyone surprisingly waits for him to go on

Drake Well, I get written about so much, I can sometimes see other things that she posts.

A chorus of ‘oooo’s go around the room, and they crowd forward asking him questions. They all want to know about their overlords and what storylines they might be plotting out.

Drake Hold on, hold on, you all know when they post what’s going to happen, I don’t have a magic mirror.

He turns to Bastien and Sophia

Drake You two should be more careful, she’s beginning to realise you’re still at it like rabbits even though she’s writing fluffy scenes for you.

Sophia blushes, but Bastien puffs out his chest and nods with a pompous grin on his face.

Drake If she ever finds out you’re not as well endowed as she’d like you to be…

Sophia Hey, it does the job, I’m not complaining. He’s my Sea God. If he was that well endowed he’d destroy me!

She gazes as Bastien lovingly, and he puts his arm protectively around her shoulder. Olivia mimes gagging

Olivia Give it a rest you two. I know you’ve been in my room – Bas, I want that pair of red silk camiknickers back.

Sophia Bas! You said you wouldn’t. You’ve got me now, why would you want anyone else’s panties?

Bas goes pale

Bastien What? How – it wasn’t me, I swear! I have my goddess, why would I?

Sophia Bas, you are unbelievable – in fact you are quite literally a jerk…

She storms off out of the ballroom and Bastien pursues her

Bastien Wait – Sophia please, it wasn’t me – come back…

Everyone turns to watch them leave, then look back to Drake

Drake Okay, well, what I called you all to say is – she’s taking a little break. She’s got a lot on her plate right now and it may be a week or two before she’s writing properly again. She’s not stopping altogether but it will be difficult.

Everyone starts talking at once

Drake Calm down, we can do whatever the hell we like while she’s gone. I know it’s not Ramsford, but she won’t know if we have a gigantic party. You know they only see what they want to see…

There is a commotion by the door and Bastien re-enters, leading Maxwell by the ear. He stops in front of Olivia. Sophia follows them, a look of thunder on her face

Bastien Maxwell, tell Olivia where I just found you

Maxwell Ouch, leggo! Okay okay, I was in Olivia’s room, what’s the big deal?

Bastien The big deal is what you were doing, and what you are wearing. Pants off if you please, master Beaumont.

Maxwell Have you lost your mind? In front of everybody?

Bastien You know very well why. I will personally catch and pluck every peacock at Ramsford if you don’t comply RIGHT NOW

Maxwell (gasping) You wouldn’t!

Bastien Bessie will most definitely be first…

Maxwell You fiend!

He drops his pants in front of everyone to reveal – red silk camiknickers. Olivia gasps loudest of all

Olivia Maxwell! You pervert!

Maxwell But they’re so – silky…

Sophia Bas – how could I ever doubt you – I love you!

Bastien Sophia – you never said – oh my darling, I love you too!

The two lovers embrace and kiss – and Bastien starts to sneak his hand under Sophia’s dress

Sophia Oh Bastien my Sea God – Take me now!

Olivia Dear God – they’re at it again! They’ll have screwed each other silly by the time MAW comes back…

Riley Nobody’s reading right now – I call orgy! Drake, Liam – come over here and ravish me on the table!

Drake You don’t have to ask me twice…

Constantine Regina my darling, let’s withdraw, there is a shocking lack of decorum in this room

Regina Constantine my stallion – lead me to the bedroom. We can still perform like we’re young again…

Liam I think I’ve gone off the idea…

Drake Suits me fine, Liam. Brace yourself Brookes, I’m coming in.

Maxwell Hey Livvy, how’d you like to get your knickers back? I’ll take them off for a blowjob

Olivia How about I cut your…

Maxwell runs… All around people are pairing off – some sneaking off to various bedrooms, some pulling the tablecloths and carefully set cutlery and place settings onto the floor, or sneaking behind the curtains. All is chaos, while MAW obliviously clears and cleans the house for her RL guests…

@stopforamoment @sirbeepsalot @bobasheebaby @cora-nova @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @lolablackwrites @burnsoslow @dcbbw @bbrandy2002 @katedrakeohd @hopefulmoonobject @emceesynonymroll @nomadics-stuff @pedudley @debramcg1106 @mfackenthal @innerpostmentality @pug-bitch @ritachacha

#protect and serve #fanfiction #royal romance fanfic #drake fanfic #bastien lykel #sophia x bastien

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ultrakouka · 4 years

Text

Senators - The Danger of Trump

Dear Senator,

I am sending this information to you as a concerned citizen and as a Christian. ( Yes, there are evangelical Christians in Massachusetts. ) I am upset with the unequivocal backing of Donald J Trump by the Republican Party when , at the start of the 2016 election, the Republican Party did not want him to be their candidate. And now, former Secretary of Energy Rick Perry stated that Donald Trump was chosen by God to be president. He said throughout history God had picked “imperfect people” such as King David or Solomon to lead their people. ( See article below ) This statement mirrors the thrust of the late Doug Coe and his religious group “The Family” who subtely influenced our federal government officials for years. ( See the Netflix special on “The Family” and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Douglas_Coe ). Yes, God chose David to be king of Israel. Yes, David was imperfect. They failed to continue the story about the affair with Bathsheba and then the murder of her husband. That God punished David severely. ( read 2 Samuel 11 - 2 Samuel 18 ) Here is basically what was said: “ 2 Samuel 12:9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’ “ David sinned in God’s eyes and was punished, severely. Once again read 2 Samuel 11 - 2 Samuel 18.

From the New Testament 1John 3:4 “ Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness.” 1John3:10 “This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister.” Please read all of 1John3.

Let’s get back to Rick Perry. He flip flops on policy. “Perry said using foreign aid as a policy tool against foreign countries that violate the human rights of homosexuals was "not in America's interests" and was part of a "war on traditional American values”.” Now Perry wants to use foreign aid as a policy tool? “Two weeks after the inquiry was launched, Trump claimed in a conference call with Congressional Republican leaders that he had only made the telephone call at Perry's urging.” Here is another topic in which Perry did a flip flop. “In 2016, The Texas Tribune wrote that "Perry has long been a critic of building a wall or fence along the border."[118] After Trump won the Republican presidential nomination in 2016, Perry backtracked and fully embraced Trump's proposed border wall.”

Why am I bringing Rick Perry into the discussion? INC Christianity of which “we found, to have some close ties to conservative politicians, including Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Bobby Jindal, Rick Perry and more recently President Donald Trump. Now to the First Amendment to our Constitution to which our President and Representatives have sworn an oath to uphold.

In United States law, the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, together with that Amendment's Free Exercise Clause, form the constitutional right of freedom of religion. The relevant constitutional text is: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof...".

The Establishment Clause was based on a number of precedents, including the Constitutions of Clarendon, the Bill of Rights 1689, and the Pennsylvania and New Jersey colonial constitutions. An initial draft by John Dickinson was prepared in conjunction with his drafting the Articles of Confederation. In 1789, then-congressman James Madison prepared another draft which, following discussion and debate in the First Congress, would become part of the text of the First Amendment of the Bill of Rights. The second half of the Establishment Clause includes the Free Exercise Clause, which allows individual citizens freedom from governmental interference in both private and public religious affairs.

The Establishment Clause is a limitation placed upon the United States Congress preventing it from passing legislation forcing an establishment of religion, broadly making it illegal for the government to promote theocracy or promote a specific religion with taxes. The second half of the Establishment Clause inherently prohibits the government from preventing the free exercise of religion. While the Establishment Clause does prohibit Congress from preferring or elevating one religion over another, it does not prohibit the government's entry into the religious domain to make accommodations for religious observances and practices in order to achieve the purposes of the Free Exercise Clause. Furthermore, it does not prevent the placement of religious symbols on government premises.

The problem that we have here is that the First Amendment does not prohibit the influence of religion on our government, which is exactly what is happening at this very moment. From the conversation.com : “A large number of evangelical Christians in the U.S. believe that God has chosen Donald Trump to advance the kingdom of God on Earth. Several high-profile religious leaders have made similar claims, often comparing Trump to King Cyrus who was asked by God to rescue the nation of Israel from exile in Babylon.” Here is the problem with INC Christianity: “INC beliefs, however, are different. Most INC Christian groups we studied seek to bring heaven or God’s intended perfect society to Earth by placing “kingdom-minded people” in powerful positions at the top of all sectors of society. These “seven mountains of culture” include business, government, media, arts and entertainment, education, family and religion. In this form of “trickle-down Christianity,” they believe if Christians rise to the top of all seven “mountains,” society will be completely transformed.

“The goal of this new movement is transforming social units like cities, ethnic groups, nations rather than individuals,” one INC leader we interviewed explained. “If Christians permeate each mountain and rise to the top of all seven mountains…society would have biblical morality, people would live in harmony, there would be peace and not war, there would be no poverty.”

We heard these ideas repeatedly in most of our interviews, at events we attended and in INC media materials.

Most significantly, since the 2016 presidential election, some INC leaders have released public statements claiming that the Trump presidency is part of fulfilling God’s plan to “bring heaven to Earth” by placing believers in top posts, including Perry, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos and Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Ben Carson.”

Here is what Jesus said : John 18:36. “Jesus said, ‘My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place.’” What are these INC Christians thinking? “A large number of evangelical Christians in the U.S. believe that God has chosen Donald Trump to advance the kingdom of God on Earth.” Jesus has said that His kingdom is not here , but “from another place.” Do you know who’s kingdom IS here?

Read Matthew chapter 4: Matt 4:1 “Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted[a] by the devil. “ Matt 4:8 “ Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.” Why am I writing this? BECAUSE!! It is not God’s plan to have his kingdom here. Please read the following:

Matt 24:29-32

“Immediately after the distress of those days

“‘the sun will be darkened,

and the moon will not give its light;

the stars will fall from the sky,

and the heavenly bodies will be shaken.’[b]

30 “Then will appear the sign of the Son of Man in heaven. And then all the peoples of the earth[c] will mourn when they see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven, with power and great glory.[d] 31 And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other.

32 “Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. 33 Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it[e] is near, right at the door. 34 Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. 35 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.

Did we see this? Matthew 24:35 Heaven and earth will pass away.

Will we be sheep or goats?

Matt 25:31-46

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

Read Matt24:35 “ Heaven and earth will pass away..”

If Jesus said “My kingdom is not of this world” and “Heaven and earth will pass away” Then the INC Christians are wrong in their efforts. Matthew chapter 4 tells us who’s kingdom is here on earth, and it is not the one Jesus or God will establish.

My point: Our representatives in all three branches of our government should not be swayed or even listen to these so called Christians. Our founding fathers insisted as stated in the First Amendment that there was to be a separation of church and state. But, as I have stated before, the amendment is has only one direction - government influence down to control

religion. It does not prohibit the influence of religion up to and through our government. I think that our founding fathers intended the First Amendment to be a two way street, not the one way avenue that it has become.

Why this rant? Back to R Perry and his flip flopping and influence on DJT POTUS. DJT called the Ukranian president after Rick Perry asked him to make the call. Seems like Mr Trump really does not have any clear ideas about what policies he should have and is open to “anyone” influencing those ideas. Because he is so easily influenced , DJT has and is making BAD decisions. He is the President of the United States of America !! He is in charge of our national security! His actions have undermined the office of the President and of Congress. Yes, he was elected to office. But, he is incompetent. Have you heard of the Peter Principle?

To my Democratic Senators : Please vote to Impeach. You are correct that DJT is a threat to our national security. To the threat to our national security please note these reported events about DJT-POTUS :

1) September 18, 2019 Former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson says Israeli officials, including Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, “played” Pres Trump. Who else has “played” Trump. Maybe the President of Turkey?

2) September 18, 2019 Trump visits the US-Mexico border to talk about his wall. After discussing some of the wall’s technological features, Lt Gen. Todd Semonite, acting head of the Army Corps, says, “Sir, there could be some merit in not discussing that.” Sure - give away military secrets. Isn’t that treason? A high crime?

3) September 9, 2019. CNN reports that the U.S. successfully extracted a high-level covert asset from Russia in 2017 because of “ concerns that President Donald Trump and his administration repeatedly mishandled classified intelligence and could contribute to exposing the covert source as a spy.” The decision came after Trump spilled classified information to Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov and then-Russian Ambassador to the U.S. Sergey Kislyak during a may 2017 meeting in the Oval Office.

To my Republican Senators : Mr Trump is an embarrassment to the office of the President and to this country. The few policies that he does have go counter to my understanding of what a Christian should be. The Democrats have given you the opportunity to remove him from office and to spare this country from more of his idiotic claims and rants. You will still have a Republican in office as President, and control of the Senate. Do us all a favor - remove DJT from office.

And my response to Romans 13:1 “ Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.” Jesus did not question the physical authority of the Romans, but he did separate authority on earth from God’s authority in Matthew 22:21, Mark 12:17, and Luke 20:25 when “He said to them, “Then give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.” . Here is what was happening at that moment :

Luke 20:20-25 “Paying Taxes to Caesar”

20 Keeping a close watch on him, they sent spies, who pretended to be sincere. They hoped to catch Jesus in something he said, so that they might hand him over to the power and authority of the governor. 21 So the spies questioned him: “Teacher, we know that you speak and teach what is right, and that you do not show partiality but teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. 22 Is it right for us to pay taxes to Caesar or not?”

23 He saw through their duplicity and said to them, 24 “Show me a denarius. Whose image and inscription are on it?”

“Caesar’s,” they replied.

25 He said to them, “Then give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”

26 They were unable to trap him in what he had said there in public. And astonished by his answer, they became silent.”

Remember John 4:24. “ God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

The truth is that the coming kingdom of God is NOT going to be here on earth. Please do not let anyone influence our government to act in a way that expects that outcome. Resist the one way street that the First amendment has become.

December20, 2019

The following is for your reference :

FROM: Wikipedia ( a web site that DJ Trump likes )

Perry said using foreign aid as a policy tool against foreign countries that violate the human rights of homosexuals was "not in America's interests" and was part of a "war on traditional American values".[96]

In 2016, The Texas Tribune wrote that "Perry has long been a critic of building a wall or fence along the border."[118] After Trump won the Republican presidential nomination in 2016, Perry backtracked and fully embraced Trump's proposed border wall.

A July 25, 2019 telephone call between Trump and Ukraine president Volodymyr Zelensky led in September to a whistleblower complaint and an impeachment inquiry against Trump. Two weeks after the inquiry was launched, Trump claimed in a conference call with Congressional Republican leaders that he had only made the telephone call at Perry's urging.[165] Perry's spokesperson said that Perry had suggested Trump discuss energy security with Zelensky, but energy was not mentioned in the publicly released memo about the conversations, which instead focused on Trump asking Zelensky to launch investigations into Joe Biden, Hunter Biden, Crowdstrike, and the 2016 U.S. presidential election.[166] Per Trump's direction earlier this year, Perry spoke with Rudy Giuliani about Ukraine, which Mick Mulvaney confirmed.[167][168][169] Perry denied ever mentioning the Bidens in his discussions with Trump or Ukrainian officials.[170] Mulvaney had put Gordon Sondland, Kurt Volker, and Perry in charge of managing the Ukraine–United States relations instead of diplomats at the National Security Council and the US Department of State.[171][172]

Perry was mentioned in October 2019 by former U.S. officials in relation to reports he planned to have Amos Hochstein replaced as a member of the board at Naftogaz with someone aligned with Republican interests. Perry denied the reports.[173][174] In November 2019, both Sondland and David Holmes, who serves as counselor of political affairs at the U.S Embassy in Ukraine, testified that Perry had played a senior role in the Ukraine campaign, with Holmes even describing Perry, along with Sondland and Volker, was one of the "Three Amigos" who directly assisted both Trump and Giuliani.[175][176][177][178][179]

US Energy Secretary Rick Perry urged President Donald Trump to talk with Ukraine’s newly elected president, a suggestion that resulted in the telephone call that has triggered House Democrats to launch an impeachment inquiry.

“Secretary Perry absolutely supported and encouraged the president to speak to the new president of Ukraine to discuss matters related to their energy security and economic development,” spokeswoman Shaylyn Hynes said Saturday after the Axios website reported on comments it said the president made about Perry and the origins of the call.

According to the website, Trump told House Republicans on Friday during a conference call that he spoke with President Volodymyr Zelensky at Perry’s urging.

The only reason I made the call was because Rick asked me to. Something about an LNG [liquefied natural gas] plant.”

Hynes said Friday that Perry wasn’t on the call between Trump and Zelensky.

As energy secretary, Perry has regularly travelled to Eastern Europe to promote the sale of US-produced natural gas and coal.

Perry told confidants in recent days that he plans to resign from the Trump administration by the end of the year. ( How convenient. Me)

While Perry’s contacts with Ukraine have drawn him into the impeachment inquiry into Trump by House Democrats, three people said his expected departure was not related to the Ukraine controversy, POLITICO reported last week.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced the impeachment investigation after a whistle-blower lodged a complaint about Trump asking Zelensky to look into investigating former US vice-president and Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden and his son Hunter.

The complaint mentioned Perry, who led a small US delegation to Zelensky’s inauguration in May, replacing US Vice-President Mike Pence.

Trump has openly called on China as well as Ukraine to investigate Biden.

Trump alleges that Biden, as vice-president in 2014, tried to block a Ukraine corruption probe into his son Hunter’s business partner, a Ukraine gas tycoon, using US aid as leverage.

He also alleged the younger Biden used his stature to raise $1.5 billion in 2013 from China for a new investment vehicle in Beijing.

He made “millions” off these investments, Trump alleges.

Biden has responded by calling Trump “the most corrupt president we’ve had in modern history.”

No evidence has surfaced showing wrongdoing by either Biden.

US President Donald Trump fired back at Mitt Romney on Saturday morning, calling the Utah senator a “pompous 'ass'” while defending his calls for Ukraine and China to investigate political rival Joe Biden.

“Somebody please wake up Mitt Romney and tell him that my conversation with the Ukrainian President was a congenial and very appropriate one, and my statement on China pertained to corruption, not politics,” Trump wrote on Twitter.

“If Mitt worked this hard on Obama, he could have won. Sadly, he choked!

“Mitt Romney never knew how to win. He is a pompous ‘ass’ who has been fighting me from the beginning, except when he begged me for my endorsement for his Senate run (I gave it to him), and when he begged me to be Secretary of State (I didn’t give it to him). He is so bad for R’s!” Trump wrote.

FROM: Theconversation.com

In a recent interview with Fox News, Secretary of Energy Rick Perry stated that Donald Trump was chosen by God to be president. He said throughout history God had picked “imperfect people” such as King David or Solomon to lead their people.

Perry is not alone. A large number of evangelical Christians in the U.S. believe that God has chosen Donald Trump to advance the kingdom of God on Earth. Several high-profile religious leaders have made similar claims, often comparing Trump to King Cyrus who was asked by God to rescue the nation of Israel from exile in Babylon.

Many of these Christians are part of a movement that we call “Independent Network Charismatic,” or “INC Christianity” in our 2017 book.

Leaders such Rick Perry are connected to this movement. Eight years ago – in August of 2011 – more than 30,000 people cheered wildly when Perry, who was then a U.S. presidential candidate and Texas governor, came center stage at “The Response: A Call to Prayer for a Nation in Crisis” at Reliant Stadium in Houston. Perry quoted from the Bible and preached about the need for salvation that comes from Jesus. Many of the leaders who organized this event are the same leaders who claim that Trump is God’s chosen to advance the Kingdom of God.

We argue that INC Christianity is significantly changing the religious landscape in America – and the nation’s politics.

Here is what we found about INC

INC Christianity is led by a network of popular independent religious entrepreneurs, often referred to by their followers as “apostles.” They have close ties, we found, to some conservative politicians, including Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Bobby Jindal, Rick Perry and more recently President Donald Trump.

Charismatic Christians emphasize supernatural miracles and divine interventions, but INC Christianity is different from other charismatics – and other Christian denominations in general – in the following ways:

It is not focused primarily on building congregations but rather on spreading beliefs and practices through media, conferences and ministry schools.

It is not so much about proselytizing to unbelievers as it is about transforming society through placing Christian believers in powerful positions in all sectors of society.

It is organized as a network of independent leaders rather than as formally organized denominations.

Finding followers

INC Christianity is the fastest-growing Christian group in America and possibly around the world. Over the 40 years from 1970 to 2010, the number of regular attenders of Protestant churches as a whole shrunk by an average of .05% per year, while independent neo-charismatic congregations, the category that includes INC groups, grew by an average of 3.24% per year.

Its impact, however, is much greater than can be measured in church attendance. This is because INC Christianity is not centrally concerned with building congregations, but spreading beliefs and practices.

The influence of INC Christianity can be seen in the millions of hits on many of their web-based media sites, large turnouts at stadium rallies and conferences and millions of dollars in media sales.

In interviews, leaders of Bethel, an INC ministry based in Redding, California, claimed to have had an income of US$8.4 million in media sales in 2013. This included music, books, DVDs and web-based content. Another $7 million came from tuition to the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry.

Sean Feucht, one of Bethel’s popular musicians and worship leaders, is now running for Congress in California’s Third Congressional District.

Appeal of INC

As part of our research, we conducted in-depth interviews with senior leaders, staff and current and former participants in INC Christian ministries. We also conducted supplementary interviews with Christian leaders and scholars with knowledge of the changing religious landscape and attended conferences, numerous church services, ministry school sessions, healing sessions and exorcisms. In all, we conducted 41 in-depth interviews.

Our primary conclusion is that the growth of these groups is largely the result of the informal way in which the network is governed. When compared to the oversight and accountability of formal congregations and denominations, the network allows for more experimentation. This includes “extreme” experiences of the supernatural, unorthodox beliefs and practices, and financing as well as marketing techniques that leverage the power of the internet.

We also witnessed the appeal of INC Christianity, particularly among young people. We saw the thrill of holding impromptu supernatural healing sessions in the emergency room of a large public hospital, the intrigue of ministry school class sessions devoted to the techniques of casting out demonic spirits and the adventure of teams of young people going out into public places, seeking direct guidance from God as to whom to heal or to relay specific divine messages.

‘Seven mountains of culture’

Most Christian groups in America have seen the role of the church as connecting individuals to God through the saving grace of Jesus and building congregations that provide communities of meaning and belonging through worship services.

They also believe in serving and providing for the needs their local communities. Such traditional Christian groups believe that although the world can be improved, it will not be restored to God’s original plan until Jesus comes back again to rule the Earth.

INC beliefs, however, are different. Most INC Christian groups we studied seek to bring heaven or God’s intended perfect society to Earth by placing “kingdom-minded people” in powerful positions at the top of all sectors of society. These “seven mountains of culture” include business, government, media, arts and entertainment, education, family and religion. In this form of “trickle-down Christianity,” they believe if Christians rise to the top of all seven “mountains,” society will be completely transformed.

We heard these ideas repeatedly in most of our interviews, at events we attended and in INC media materials.

Changing the landscape

INC Christianity is a movement to watch. If it continues to draw adherents in large numbers in the future, as we predict, it will produce a growing number of Christians who see their goal not just as saving souls but as transforming society by taking control over its institutions.

While the Ukraine scandal, family separations at the border, and allegations of corruption have made some evangelical Christians question their support of Donald Trump, most of those steeped in INC Christianity will never abandon their president.

To them, as we found, to oppose Donald Trump is to oppose God who chose him specifically to bring America and the world back to God.

This is an updated version of a piece first published on March 15, 2017.

FROM: Christian Science Monitor. June 18, 2018

When Julie Frady planned to make a poster to protest the Trump administration’s new “zero tolerance” immigration policy last week, she wanted to find the perfect Bible verse to stand against it, she says, one nobody else would expect.

She’s voted Republican most all of her life, but Ms. Frady, an evangelical Christian who lives in Wichita, Kan., says she’s been “appalled” by the Trump administration’s practice of separating immigrant children from their parents. And she’s been especially appalled, she says, at the administration’s stated purpose to use the practice as a deterrent to other immigrant families thinking of crossing the border illegally.

Since she joined about 60 protesters who marched in front of the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services office in Delano, Kan., Thursday, more and more people across the United States, and from across its often-polarized political spectrum, have begun to express deep moral reservations at the logistical realities of the practice.

Former first lady Laura Bush called the zero-tolerance policy “cruel” and “immoral” on Sunday, and first lady Melania Trump spoke out in favor of a resolution that would reunite families as well. Conservatives in Congress, including House Speaker Paul Ryan and other Trump loyalists, have also voiced their opposition.

But in many ways, it was evangelical Christians, including some of President Trump’s most vocal supporters, who first began to change the course of the national conversation about immigration.

As federal agencies began to put into place the actual protocols of separating, detaining, and then finding suitable care for more than 11,400 immigrant children in custody – including about 2,000 taken from their parents since the Trump administration began its “zero tolerance” policy in April – many Evangelicals began to speak out against it.

Before opposition to the policy began to dominate the national conversation, Frady decided to use a verse from the small Book of Obadiah for her poster. The Hebrew prophet condemns the nation of Edom for closing its borders to Israelite refugees fleeing the Babylonians.

In multiple colors, she drew: “The LORD declares: You should NOT stand at the crossroads to cut down fleeing REFUGEES … in the day of their DISTRESS.”

It’s in many ways a defining feature of American Evangelical identity: the centrality of Scripture for both personal piety and political action.

“I place an extremely high value on the authority of Scripture, and the place it should hold in our lives,” says Frady, a lay leader who often leads Bible studies at Northwest Free Methodist Church, a small congregation in Wichita, where she also plays tenor sax for morning worship. “I would not knowingly go against something I thought the Bible commanded, no matter how I felt about it.”

Indeed, the Bible, and the voices of Evangelicals around the country, have become a focus of the debate.

The Rev. Franklin Graham, one of the president’s most outspoken evangelical supporters, called the policy “disgraceful” last week. “It's terrible to see families ripped apart, and I don’t support that one bit,” he said.

The Evangelical Immigration Table, which includes pastors from the president’s group of faith advisers, wrote a letter to the president earlier this month, calling for the end to the policy. “As evangelical Christians guided by the Bible, one of our core convictions is that God has established the family as the fundamental building block of society,” members of the coalition wrote. “The traumatic effects of this separation on these young children, which could be devastating and long-lasting, are of utmost concern.”

The Southern Baptist Convention, the largest Protestant denomination in the nation and one of the most politically and theologically conservative, overwhelmingly passed an immigration resolution at its annual meeting last week. The resolution called for immigration reforms that would include a path to legal status for those here illegally – which has long been anathema to most Evangelicals. Such reforms should maintain “the priority of family unity,” the convention proclaimed, and should “[honor] the value and dignity of those seeking a better life for themselves and their families.”

“It’s been a really interesting week or so,” says David Gushee, an professor of Christian ethics at Mercer University in Atlanta, and an Evangelical.

“I don't think we should be using Scripture to defend any of these laws. My question is: How does love demand us to act?” said Sister Phyllis Peters, a Roman Catholic nun, speaking at a roundtable in Brownsville, Texas, Monday afternoon after elected officials visited the Casa Padre and Casa Presidents children's shelters in the city. Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, (D) of Texas, called on Evangelicals, Mr. Graham, and other religious leaders to act, saying, “It will take that kind of spirit that is nonpartisan, religious, social, and humanitarian, and I think that group is much stronger than the federal government at this time. We must stand up to the federal government when it is necessary, and it is necessary now.”

Still, white Evangelicals have been Trump’s most ardent supporters from the start, and as a group they remain the most supportive of his administration’s immigration policies, polls suggest.

And Evangelicals within the Trump administration, including Attorney General Jeff Sessions and press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, invoked the Bible to defend the policy of separating children.

Discussing the “concerns raised by our church friends about separating families,” Mr. Sessions told an audience in Fort Wayne, Ind., last week, “I would cite you to the Apostle Paul and his clear and wise command in Romans 13, to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained them for the purpose of order.”

Later, Ms. Sanders told reporters that “it is very biblical to enforce the law. That is actually repeated a number of times throughout the Bible.”

On the one hand, it speaks to the power and influence that Evangelicals wield in US politics, notes Professor Gushee, given that a political debate over immigration policy became a debate over biblical interpretation. “Only in America, really, and only in America in the 21st century and with a conservative Republican government, would we be having these public biblical arguments about immigration policy.”

The fraught history of Romans 13

Yet after Sessions invoked Romans 13, “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established,” Christians, including many white Evangelicals, pointed out the long history of this passage, a passage that Gushee says “has been used and abused by tyrants and governments doing injustice for centuries.”

“There are two dominant places in American history when Romans 13 is invoked,” said John Fea, a professor of American history at Messiah College in Pennsylvania, to The Washington Post. “One is during the American Revolution [when] it was invoked by loyalists, those who opposed the American Revolution.”

The other was in the middle of the 19th century, to support defense of the Fugitive Slave Act, Professor Fea continued. “I mean, this is the same argument that Southern slaveholders and the advocates of a Southern way of life made.”

Steven Colbert, a devout Roman Catholic and the host of “The Late Show,” suggested Thursday that the attorney general continue reading the passage on submitting to civil authorities through Romans 13:8-10. “Love thy neighbor as thyself. Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”

Trump has been backtracking from his policy of zero tolerance, falsely asserting that his hands are tied, and that Democrats are the ones responsible for legal requirements that his administration is only enforcing.

But as the Monitor reported in March 2017, the Trump White House has been mulling separating children from their families as a deterrent policy from the first months of the administration. After an outcry from religious leaders, however, the plan was postponed.

‘Prosecutorial discretion’ vs. ‘zero tolerance’

The Obama administration, too, separated immigrant children from their parents, advocates note. And it also greatly expanded a policy of detaining mothers with children in expanded facilities. If a father crossed the border illegally with a child, they would typically be separated.

“The separation of families at the border is not new,” says Christina Fialho, co-executive director of Freedom for Immigrants, who advocates for immigrants being held at places like the private, for-profit Otay Mesa Detention Center in San Diego. “Under the Obama administration, we worked with hundreds of parents who were separated from their family in home raids, including mothers who were still nursing young children.”

The difference, however, was that the Obama administration maintained a policy of “prosecutorial discretion”: the focus of resources on known, dangerous individuals, rather than “zero tolerance,” an adherence to the letter of the law in all instances.

“We realized that we had limited resources in what we could do,” says Kevin Fandl, who worked as a senior counsel for the US Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) from 2007 to 2013. “We believed we should target those resources toward the most serious threats to the country, those threats being convicted felons or those with a criminal history, terrorists, threats for national security, and recent border crossers, those people with no ties whatsoever to the United States.”

“Everybody else was considered a really low level for enforcement, which encouraged agents to say, ‘OK, if we spot a family with children, we’re probably not going to spend much time with them,’ ” Mr. Fandl continues. Sometimes, if they were picked up, the policy of “catch and release” allowed families with children to enter the country after being given a Notice to Appear order – which, he admits, no one expected them to do.

For critics, however, this created a perverse incentive. “No nation can have the policy that whole classes of people are immune from immigration law or enforcement,” said Stephen Miller, the president’s senior policy adviser, to The New York Times last week. “It was a simple decision by the administration to have a zero tolerance policy for illegal entry, period. The message is that no one is exempt from immigration law.”

And as Sessions put it earlier this month: “If people don’t want to be separated from their children, they should not bring them with them. We’ve got to get this message out.”

As a result, however, the system has been severely strained. Sessions said last week that taking care of unaccompanied minors was costing taxpayers more than $1 billion a year, most now under the care of the US Department of Health and Human Services and its Office of Refugee Resettlement.

Logistically speaking, the system is not prepared to handle the care of thousands of children, says Lisa Koop, associate director of legal services for the National Immigrant Justice Center, who represents a number of immigrant woman whose children were taken from them by the US government.

“They did not know what was going on with their kids, and when we finally managed to figure that one of the kids was being detained in New York, the child’s mother [being held at the Otay Mesa Detention Center] said to me, Where is New York? Is New York far away from here?’ ” says Ms. Koop, who recounts stories of mothers having their children literally torn from their arms. “They just have no concept of where their children are, and what conditions they’re in.”

Gushee says he has been heartened by the biblical responses to Sessions’ use of Romans 13, from those on Twitter to the discussions in the media. Biblical passages that have to do with compassion and care for those suffering, and especially for “the least of these” and the most vulnerable in society, he says, “they surfaced when they were needed.”

“But the story is not just the Bible verses,” Gushee continues. “The tears and suffering of human beings whose rights are being violated speaks. That is a language that should be taken seriously. In fact, one might even say this language is revelatory.”

“To see children weeping, to see bereft parents not knowing where their children are, to learn about a man who killed himself in a detention center because he was torn apart over the destruction of his family – these stories speak, too.”

And they have spurred devout evangelical Christians like Frady to action.

“I love America,” says Frady, who wore a purple T-shirt with “Jesus was a Refugee” to the protest near her home in Wichita. “It is my homeland, and I am certainly blessed to be an American.”

“But I am also not naive to its warts,” she continues. “And this is more than a wart.”

Staff writer Henry Gass contributed to this report from Brownsville, Texas.

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inappropriatefangirlneeds · 6 years

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Gotham s4ep21 “One Bad Day” Personal Review

“It´s an odd time for a nap” Warning spoilers below

* “Oh, Jim, you still think that you're the only one who can save the city.” Okay that one was lovely. Almost a bit like that one Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I love how everyone was vaguely rooting for the same thing: Save the City! while trying to as well reach their own personal goals. > LUCIUS FOX of course is the precious cinnamon roll that he is and just wants to save the city. > JIM GORDON kind of just wants to save the city as well. But I do think this whole talk with Edward, as entertaining as it was it was jarring plot wise. Of course we do have the “We're gonna settle this. No, Jim. This isn't the GCPD. Here, I make the rules, so we're not gonna do this until we talk about what I want to talk about.” line that claims Edward is the one that wants to discuss relationship stuff while Jim is the one who wants to stick to saving the city. But Jim actually brought as much into the conversation as Ed did. Especially if he indeed thinks Leslie is just using Edward he should have just kept this to himself and let Edward run into his misery and laugh about it over the whiskey into which he usually cries. But for Jim it´s at least as important as it is for Ed to plant his flag in that conversation. He´s still asserting “ownership” (for the lack of a better word..) over Leslie Thompkins by claiming he knows her better than Ed does. Ed might have the relationship and the sex but Jim still got the connection to who Leslie really is, ha ha take that Ed (to be read in Jim´s voice.) > TABITHA GALAVAN worries about the city, BUTCH GILZEAN doesn´t comment it but both want a cure for Butch. > BARBARA KEAN was really endearing in the scene with Jerome. She goes from “not really??!” to “absolutely not on my watch”, her personal stake in it was being nice to Tabitha. How Sweet. > OSWALD COBBLEPOT is a bit more used to situations like this. He´s just keeping an eye on his goals: Money. While waving the city issue aside “Of course not” just to scramble and struggle and scurry to do all he can to make things better once they went astray. > LESLIE THOMPKINS want´s her “legal knots untangled” and of course save the city as well. It´s a win win thing. “We solve it and we trade the information for clemency.” “I'm trying to protect what we've built.” > EDWARD NYGMA is bound to act in Leslie´s interest “Well, then the mayor would be wise to forgive Lee and I our indiscretions.” But he´s in fact kind of the only one to declare that he personally doesn´t give a damn about Gotham. “If Gotham becomes a rock pile, I mind zero percent. I'm only helping you because I'm with Lee now.” The situation is however one that he´s trying to use to figure out more about his nagging “does Lee even like me” question. > Oddly the show sent BRUCE WAYNE on a much more personal quest this week. By getting him out of the GCPD he´s separated from the Save Gotham plotline. Of course you could say everything that´s against Jeremiah could be useful for that other goal but there´s a split. SELINA KYLE also is just there to “be there for Bruce” what a muffin. * “I almost got killed fighting your ex-boyfriend's rotting corpse.” Everyone is so nice and grown up to each other. I don´t like the whole Tabs, Babs, Butch relationship mess but I really like how they keep treating each other. BARBARA KEAN sees how important BUTCH GILZEAN is to TABITHA GALAVAN and just a small reminder how Tabitha was there for her is more than enough to have her agree to helping her. JIM GORDON and LESLIE THOMPKINS agree that the past changed things but they still care for each other and respect each other. As icky as the whole situation including Edward Nygma is (rant above and below), that is sweet. Then the third trifecta is SELINA KYLE also despite all the ups and downs being there for BRUCE WAYNE and even explicitly voicing this! It´s not a I hate you but I´m here. It´s also a unmistakable I like you. Progress. And while we´ve had all those unusual little moments of agreement between Alfred and Bruce we have ALFRED PENNYWORTH acknowledge her by basically asking her to stay for dinner. Sweet. So JEREMIAH VALESKA and BRUCE WAYNE. I´m not feeling it > Jerome still tries to tell everyone he´s better than his brother and saneTM. “Are you out of your mind?!” “Why do you keep insisting I'm insane? What's insane about having a backup plan?” / “I'm nothing if not sane. And reasonable. Two things my brother never valued. Which is why I'll be successful where he failed. Well, that and being vastly more intelligent.” > He´s then again acknowledging that his brother was right that there was something inside of him. “Jerome gave me what I thought was the worst day of my life. But only by losing everything was I able to face what was inside me. And I believe I've seen something very special inside of you as well. But to free it, you'll have to lose everything and everyone you hold dear.” > I feel vaguely remembered of how RA´S wanted to kill everyone that Bruce loved to change him. > While talking to Selina Kyle Bruce wonders if that one day made part of him insane and if Jeremiah saw this and wanted to bring it out. I somehow could not care less. I don´t really feel medias obsession with that “beast/evil inside man” or whatever. Like just don´t? Even Jeremiah made an effort to “just don´t”, and it would have worked if it weren’t for him getting poisoned. That´s hardly relevant. > Then we have RA´s AL GHUL and Jeremiah both obsessing over Bruce Wayne and teaming up. Okay. > On a side note: Ra´s what good are your visions if you have to makes sure yourself that they happen? How´s that different from you know ordinary people, usually that´s called having an idea.

* “Ah, Lucius. It's making some kind of weird noise.” “What kind of a noise?” “A bad one, and and it's it's, uh, getting all glowy.” HARVEY BULLOCK so we got the message that mob mentality wise the GCPD is still pissed because of the Pyg scenario and blames Harvey. But all it takes to get them clapping again is some (dumb) luck of choosing the right 50% option. Okay, okay and the willingness to run up to a bloody bomb. But to be fair all the police still in the city took kind of the same risk, so we are down again to the luck thing. Look, I love Harvey. But the dynamics of “followers”, including the Valeska ones on this show are just ridiculous. * “Detective. Don't lie to me.” “It's not looking good, kid.” Harvey keeping to lie to himself about Jim´s likely demise was sweet though. Also hooray for another case of directly addressing an issue (Does it show that I´ve been around too much passive aggressiveness lately, and tbh struggle with that myself .. ) * “Leave Gotham. Start a new life somewhere else. Alone.” JIM GORDON telling LESLIE THOMPKINS that she should leave Gotham and should start a new life again (2x15). Like that one time when he already did, and she left and started a new life and then Jim shot her husband. Am I a bit sensitive here or is that additional “alone” kind of not okay? Like it feels like an implied if Jim can´t have her no one should. She´s been through so much and has done so much that she´s not worth anything more than a life in solitude? Like I get why Jim would think that Leslie couldn´t have feelings for Edward (and I agree #Kristen #framedJimlostchild etc) but hey how about she might think it´s nice that someone is around that cares about her, and even is ready to suppress his own narcissistic goals and ways for the sake of her.. While the scene with EDWARD NYGMA and Jim Gordon tattling about Leslie was funny I hate it in terms of plot. And if Leslie & Ed´s split is going to be about Jim Gordon or in general a “this is my wifey” conflict I´m gonna murder someone. There´s already been plenty of tension in between them before they mashed Jim into this. This could be about Leslie´s ambitions and goals. As much as I´m kind of meh about the whole atoning for her Virus related sins (or her injecting herself the virus in the first place .. ) thing I like that her character got a goal in doing god (even if they haven´t really shown how she wants to reach a better situation for her people in a way that does even seem slightly plausible) while at the same getting some badass scenes and now I fear this is going to be pushed to the background for the sake of everything being about Leslies feelingz. Nothing wrong with emotions but how about we can get her not being about her feels for men and about her feels for what she thinks is her duty. * JIM GORDON got some advanced phone trolling going on. Him being on screen just like the Valeska´s before is almost as good as him keeping hanging up on Jervis Tetch. * And “A PALE imitation of Jerome” how on earth could he drop that one with a straight face :D * “It doesn´t matter” What kind of crap interlude was the SCARECROW scene? Like I appreciate the view, thanks. I also very much relate to just abandoning the task once it turns out to be more difficult than expected. Like a girl against three villains who would have guessed that much trouble. But that´s just a waste of a potentially so interesting character. Like do something with that beanpole of terror Gotham! But hey .. at least his lack of commitment to the task DID in fact matter in the end! * And srsly why is the one that got tortured going to make dinner? I get that none of the three had an easy day so how about just ordering some food? ALFRED honey make that shower a very long hot and bubbly bath, that´s the least. * On another side note: Why did they spare Alfred? Why have a stand in? Why keep Alfred alive? Did they have something more sinister planned? Bruce killing real Alfred 2.0? * “ You do realize the city is about to be blown up? It's an odd time for a nap. “You know that she drugged me.” “Yeah. Don't really care.” * Think. Think. Think, think, think, think, think, think” * “ sighs You're behind me, aren't you?” * “Would you believe it? They put me on hold.” Whoever wrote JERMIAH´s lines, bless you. They are so polite, polished and yet vaguely unsettling. I love them. Of course bless Cameron as well! * “I hope you didn't catch a cold in my brother's grave. I know those things aren't exactly designed for the living.” * “No, not Alfred” Oh hello there Theo Galavan, long time no see .. they really refuse to do the “beautiful morning” thing with Theo (Aka you can´t have a dying character talk about something going to be a beautiful morning 2x11 and then have them be revived 3x6 and not have them say something like oh what a beautiful morning or not as beautiful as expected) but then repeat that one line with another character ??! Gotham?! * Oddly it´s even nice to see Oswald getting a dose of what others that went against him had to put up with buuut .. let´s get back to Oswald having the great Plan B´s n stuff again soon pls

#gotham #gotham meta #gotham s4ep21 One Bad Day #edward nygma #jim gordon #mine Gotham full episode reviews

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ellipsea · 6 years

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2017 fanfic meme

tagged by @emmerrr, thank you!!! this was a great retrospective.

total stories written this year (completed/WIPs):

8 oneshots.

total word count:

29,253. it seems like an itty bitty number in relativity but prolific slow burns are not my forte.

putting the rest under a cut because it got looong.

fandoms written in:

the raven cycle. briefly i toyed with the idea of doing something for tales of zestiria, but it was the kind of story that was only relevant at a certain crossroads in my life, and then that passed, and so i moved on. maybe something else will strike me this year.

looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

like, exactly what i expected. i knew i wanted to publish something this year, so January through March was all about getting down drabble ideas, practicing, writing nonstop. from there my posting schedule loosely kept to monthly.

what’s your own favorite story of the year?

sentimentally, my first is my favorite: who were so dark of heart they might not speak. it was everything i needed it to be.

did you take any writing risks this year?

a bunch. i imposed three or so challenges on myself with every story to see if i could do it: experimenting with structure, 5+1 things, AU, M-rating, POVs, verb tenses, etc. i think a story isn't interesting for me unless i'm anxious about the choices i'm making for it.

do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year?

oh, yes. we're doing the soulmate AU this year. trying my hand at a long-form multi-chapter. also in the works is a spiritual successor to qosd, a post-canon no-fucking-around fluff-monster from Adam's POV. we'll see how scheduling goes but i'm really excited to work on those.

best story of the year?

who knows what BEST means. personally some of my best writing was in how the clouds swung low over kings and thieves (can i cut it out with the long ass titles mayhaps these are ridiculous to type), but it was also a mess. messes can be the best.

most popular story of the year?

quod ore sumpsimus, domine. i liked that one, too.

story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

under-appreciated is weird to say, because stories mean different things to different people and i don't pretend to posture for mass appeal. i just write what i can't stop thinking about, and some people will find rhythm in it, and some people will not, and some won't care for rhythm at all, and if everyone processed things in the same way we'd all be boring.

most fun story to write:

Dear Diary, hands down.

story with the single sexiest moment:

this is funny since i have only ever written a single sexy moment, and it's in bottle up the sea breeze. a few others allude to sexy things, like tmcg and qosd, but they're all intensely non-explicit.

sweetest story:

with up so floating many bells down. like, it has mistletoe. self-explanatory.

”holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you!” story:

i would never! i'm no angstlord demon, even though the first three parts of Heaven Kissing Hill are kind of like that. i leave the hurty pain weepy ache to stronger hearts than mine.

story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters most & most unintentionally telling story:

i would love for this to be a normal answer, but this title rightfully belongs to an unpublished 7k that will remain a draft forever. it was a story about healing disabilities with dream magic, a truly self-indulgent and terrible theme that had nothing to do with real recovery and everything to do with wishful thinking. i realized that far too late in the process, and up until i decided to scrap it, i had been using Adam and Ronan as outlets for things too close to my heart instead of writing them as people. our mistakes teach us the most. i was a better writer for dropping it into the trash.

hardest story to write:

all of them were hard in their own way. brain-dizzy and sinus-sick while editing wusfmbd, starting and finishing butsb in just ten days for pynch week, HKH being an emotional rollercoaster. those were all from prompts, too, and preconceived expectations are hard to stick to.

the real answer is thou mightest conceive gods, though. i put a lot of effort into researching tarot spreads and interpretations, and filling in the gaps was a struggle. that was also prompt-like. the realest answer is basically anything with a prompt. i prefer to start with the answer and work my way back to the question.

biggest disappointment:

there were lows, to be sure, when some stories had lower kudos ratios than others. i kept multiple notes pinned to the top of google keep to remind myself to not get so down about stuff like that. it's a process, but i'm much better about it now.

biggest surprise:

when i woke up at 7:30 AM on a Sunday because i couldn't sleep because i had impulse-posted my first fic at 11 PM the previous night and found it with 40 whole kudos. i thought that was the biggest number i had ever seen in my life. i couldn't stop grinning for days.

i think i've seen a lot of people get tagged in this, so i don't want to overdo it! if you would like to do this feel free to say i tagged you <3

#tag game #it's time i made a tag for this stuff huh #my writing

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fieldsofplay · 4 years

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Top Albums of 2019

Top Albums of 2019.

25. William Tyler – Goes West

For those of you reading along, I want to thank you for sticking with this blog for basically an entire decade at this point. Jeez, where does the time* go? To that end, I’m gonna put out a decade list sometime next week, so to keep my sanity somewhat in check, this years tops list is going to be a little more abbreviated than usual. A few less records, a few less words, but still the same self indulgence you’ve come to know and expect. To that end, William Tyler. Tied for my favorite cover art with IGOR. This is beautiful finger-picked cosmic acoustic guitar music with some nice flourishes added by Brad Cook and the usual suspects. Perfect for fall days. I accidentally heckled him at a concert about the Andy Griffith show, but I was only trying to say he shouldn’t be ashamed about liking that program. The shame still haunts me, much like this music. *A fictional social construct

24. Floating Points – Crush

Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend to know much about electronic music. I don’t know the deep history, I don’t know the technical lingo, but like pornography, I know it when I hear it. Much has been made about the impact opening for the XX and being limited to minimal gear while doing so had on Sam Shephard, and I’ll admit the differences from Elaenia is palpable. Where that album felt minimal, Crush is maximal, bursting with colors and ideas, not unlike the beautiful painting that adorns its cover. I never quite knew what the phrase Intelligent Dance Music was supposed to mean, but to me, that’s precisely what this is. You could dance to “LesAlpx” if you wanted, or you could just throw it on headphones and drift away to its unceasing pulse. Find you a man who can do both.

23. Nerija – Blume

Let me be the first to tell you that jazz is back! Centering largely in London, there is thrilling music being made by the likes of Sons of Kemet, The Comet is Coming, and this year, by Nerija. Breathing new life into a long moribund form (at least until Kendrick Lamar started featuring jazz musicians on his albums), Blume literally does just that, unfurling jazz from a long dormancy. While I’m not normally a fan of the guitar in jazz, here it keeps the whole thing moving forward, as the horns swirl around in a supportive role and the percussion cooks. “Riverfest” is the best exemplar, as the guitar chimes with joy while the cymbal-crashes enliven the vibe.

22. Florist – Emily Alone

A tale as old time (song as old as rhyme): member of ambient-electronic band puts out solo acoustic album, about the sadness of moving to LA and finding oneself. No one is reinventing the wheel here, but I can’t help but feel little touches of Florist’s electronic full-band output in Emily Sprague’s solo record—the way the words repeat, subtly, but building meaning with each little phrasal repetition. Plus, the ocean is a recurring image, and dear lord do I miss the sea. If you want to listen a sad girl sing sad songs accompanied by acoustic guitar, you aren’t going to do better than Emily Alone this year.

21. Kevin Morby – Oh My God

Possibly the best Kevin Morby record? No one else would say that, but I will. If so, why is it so far down the list? Well, when you consistently put out amazing records year-after-year it becomes difficult for any individual album to make an imprint on the “culture.” I think “Seven Devils” is possibly his finest tune.

20. Sacred Paws – Run Around the Sun

My friend David turned me on to this band right before I was about to embark on a road trip up north in the middle of the summer, and let me tell you, that was the perfect time to first experience Run Around the Sun. Noodly guitars burst out of every seam on this record, as bubblegum lyrics tie the whole shebang together. If you ever wondered what the Shangri-las would sound like if Johnny Marr played lead guitar, I give you Sacred Paws.

19. Jamila Woods – Legacy! Legacy!

On Legacy! Legacy! Woods takes the R&B of the excellent Heavn and applies a jazzier sheen, to excellent results. One need look no further than the track titles (“Frida,” “Miles,” “Basquiat,” “Baldwin,” “Sun Ra” etc.) to see that Woods is consciously engaging with the titans of history, and here, while she doesn’t exactly reach the heights of those innovators, she certainly begins to carve out a legacy of her own as one of the best voices in a currently thriving R&B scene.

18. Mt. Eerie & Julie Doiron – Lost Wisdom, Pt. 2

On Lost Wisdom, Pt. 2 Phil Elverum (of The Microphones) and Julie Doiron (of Eric’s Trip) recapture the magic they bottled on the first Lost Wisdom back in 2008. It is hard to imagine sparer music than this, but the duo make so much of a pair of voices and few plucked guitar or banjo lines. As with all of his music of late (for obvious reasons), loss hangs all over Elverum’s output, but here, the loss is more mood and less of a literal presence (with the exception of the blistering “Widows”). Few songs I can think of capture a single, specifically odd phenomenon quite like “When I Walk Out of the Museum.”

17. DIIV – Deceiver

As capital-G guitar music recedes further into irrelevance, it’s good to still have a band like DIIV kicking around, who make shoegaze like it’s still 1991. And it’s a good thing they are still making their beautiful walls of feedback, as heroine has repeatedly knocked this band off the rails of what appeared to be a very promising career. This is ominous, portentous music, that swirls with white noise and black despair. Shoegaze is premised on making beauty out of the squall of overdriven electric guitars, and DIIV make beauty of the squall of 21st century opiate addiction.

16. Earl Sweatshirt – Feet of Clay

Earl continues the excellent experimentation of Some Rap Songs in the (slightly) more structured Feet of Clay. Whereas Some Rap Songs felt like fragments, the tracks on Feet of Clay (almost) feel like “songs” proper. Earl continues to quickly sweep the ground out from underneath you, whether it’s in the form of oddly woozy backing tracks that can’t really be called “beats” or the sub 2-minute run times, but he seems to pack slightly more structure into those abbreviated entrants, even if there are a lot less of them than there were on Some Rap Songs. Right now no one is pushing the boundaries of hip-hop like Earl, and each new release, even if the total run time is under 15 minutes, is a thrilling event.

15. Better Oblivion Community Center – S/T

Yes, last year I had Boygenius as my number one record, but if I’m being frank, and I am, this is the better collaborative album put out by Phoebe Bridgers. At first blush a record between the up-and-coming Bridgers and the largely has-been Conor Oberst seems like a desperate grab at continued relevance by the latter, but having seen them live, I must admit the pairing makes perfect sense. The energy between the two is infectious, and while they share a common fascination with emo, they really draw the best out of each other. Bridgers plays the Emmylou Harris role from I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning to perfection, and Oberst plays the Kenny Rodgers in “Islands in the Stream.” For a period I could not turn on Radio K without hearing a song from this album, which is strange because, as a college radio station, every hour is usually completely different.

14. Chromatics – Closer to Grey

In a certain way, Chromatics are victims of their own tendency towards self-mythologizing. Their last two official albums were absolutely perfect slices of Italo-Disco, equal parts late night ennui and seething dancefloor longing. There was way more guitar on those albums than most anyone would appreciate on first glance, and yet Ruth Radelet’s smoky vocals were unquestionably the star. In the interim Johnny Jewel (the mastermind behind the band and basically everything on Italians Do it Better) famously destroyed all the copies of the long teased Dear Tommy after a near death experience, provided essential music to Twin Peaks: The Return (which included multiple Chromatics performances at the dear Road House), and then suddenly dropped Closer to Grey out of the sky, with neither warning nor fanfare. This record is everything you would want a Chromatics record to be, but perhaps that is part of the reason it didn’t really make a major impression. It felt a little Chromatics-by-the-numbers, right down to the cover of “The Sound of Silence” to open it up. I absolutely love this album, and if it weren’t for the incredible quality of albums put out this year, it would certainly be a top-10 or top-5 in any other year (hell, in the terrible-for-music 2018 it would have been number one by a mile). Perhaps the biggest frustration is just how fucking good “Light as a Feather” is. It hints at a version of Chromatics influenced by Portishead, and now that’s all I want more of.

13. Thom Yorke – ANIMA

Doubt it if you will, you sneering youngsters, but Thom Yorke and his more well-known band are currently making some of the best music of their careers. Just as A Moon Shaped Pool was a much needed return to form after the completely forgettable King of Limbs, with ANIMA Yorke gets back to what made The Eraser so compelling all the way back in 2006. While a fondness for Aphex Twin is no longer at all exceptional in rock music in 2019, it was in 2006, and with ANIMA, Yorke gets back to the creepy, clicky, paranoid distrust of modern consumer culture that is solidly his wheelhouse. Bonus points for using Netflix and a pairing with PTA to make America care about a long form music video again in 2019.

12. Black Marble – Bigger than Life

I would call black Marble my favorite new band of the year, but the thing is, they aren’t new, just new to me. Bigger than Life is their third record, and first for Sacred Bones (whose distinctive album art is what first caught my eye). Because their music is comprised solely of arpeggiated synths, melodic bass, and clinking drum machines, overlaid with melancholicly narrow vocals, it is easy to accuse Black Marble of being a little same-y. However, if you, like me, worship at the temple of New Order, than this is the band for you. I have lived with their three extant albums the last couple months (the second, It’s Immaterial, being my favorite), and in reality, this is really the only music I want to listen to.

11. Big Thief – U.F.O.F. / Two Hands

If you’re reading this than you likely already know how much I love Big Thief, and you might be a little surprised that one, if not both, of the records they put out this year is not sitting atop this list based on how much I’ve professed my love for this band over the course of 2019. So here’s the thing, the highs on both of these albums--“U.F.O.F.” “Not”--are better than anything else anyone has done this year, but to my ear both records suffer from a flew blah-ish passages that prevent either album, on its own, from achieving top status. However, if you borrow a few tracks here (Cattails, Contact) and a few tracks there (Shoulders, Two Hands) and made one album out of the highlights of both sessions, you would unquestionably have the album of the year. That Big Thief gave us two records brimming with amazing folk rock ideas is a blessing.

10. Sharon Van Etten – Remind Me Tomorrow

Hey, do you remember Sharon Van Etten put out an amazing record in 2019? I bet you don’t. The culture moves so fast these days that albums from January might as well have been released five years ago, and it seems to me like this record slipped off a few peoples’ radars as the year progressed, which is a shame, considering how damn good it is (her best imho). There are few runs on an album I’ve enjoyed more this year than “Jupiter 4’s” electro-throb into “Seventeen’s” Springsteen chug into “Malibu’s” comedown. Bonus points for being my dear friend Hadley’s downstairs neighbor for all those years. Ah Brooklyn, how I miss thee.

9. Black Midi – Schlagenheim

Yes, that most reliable of music-critic tropes: the hot young band from London. Black Midi made waves with a legendary youtube video of their live show, and having seen it in person, let me tell you, even that now infamous video doesn’t do them justice. Much like its gobldy-gook made up title, Schlagenheim is an amalgamation of strands of music that don’t really fit together but somehow they pull off with aplomb. At times they play with the hardcore fury of Minor Threat, while at others the proggy interconnectivity of Rush at their most arena-rockish, all with a weird dash of David Byrne wiry energy holding it all together. If they come to your town, go see them, just don’t stand in the front unless you want to be swept into the maelstrom.

8. Helado Negro – This is How You Smile

Did you love Little Joy (the Strokes sideproject) but wish it was occasionally electronic and periodically in Spanish? If so, I give you Helado Negro. This is the prettiest record of the year; it never goes above a certain emotional register / decibel range, but it inhabits the spectrum in which it lives like a ghost in its occasional electronic flourishes. This is a record for someone with a long drive with something to think about. “Seen my Aura” is simultaneously funky and restrained, acoustic and electronic, and emblematic of the joys of This is How You Smile.

7. Sturgill Simpson – Sound & Fury

Each of Sturgill Simpson’s last three records have been fundamentally different from one another, and each has been excellent, which is almost impossible to accomplish. Metamodern Sounds in Country Music introduced many, like myself, to a new voice in an often overlooked medium, A Sailor’s Guide to Earth dusted off the horns from Elvis’s stax-era and romped around, and now with Sound & Fury Sturgill looks to the outlaw tradition (and ZZ freakin Top) he’s so-often been associated with, but rarely resembled, to crank out an incredible record that is far more “rock” than it is “country.” Throw on a heaping of 80’s-era Springsteen synths and you have the recipe for a record that makes me very, very happy. The two halves of “Make Art not Friends” have little business coexisting within a single track (the first half sounds like Tangerine Dream, the second half Arcade Fire) and yet it is precisely in this tenuous cohabitation that Sturgill has produced his best record to date.

6. Vampire Weekend – Father of the Bride

Vampire Weekend started out their career being accused of stealing from Graceland and ended up becoming Paul Simon. Funny how that works out sometimes. Modern Vampires of the City has become, next to Sound of Silver, the definitive record about life in New York during my era (2005-2016). On the follow up, the band, newly shorn of Rostam Batmanglij (whose solo record is also phenomenal, even though he’s maybe one of the worst performers I’ve ever seen), decamped to California, and Father of the Bride revels in both the California sun and a well earned sense of accomplishment. “Hold You Now” is my favorite song of the year, it is simply stunning.

5. Bill Callahan – Shepherd in a Sheepskin Vest

There is a bit of theme developing here at the top of the list: established artists putting out arguably their best work deep into storied careers, and no one on this list is deeper into a more storied oeuvre than Bill Callahan. Between Smog and under his own name, Callahan has been releasing consistently great albums since 1992, and to me, Shepherd in a Sheepskin Vest is his finest work to date. Having found domestic bliss, so the press materials state, Callahan is content to sit back and let that world-weary baritone spin out all the comforts of a well-worn chair near a fire in a hearth. This is the type of record that gives you hope that happiness isn’t the exclusive provenance of the young.

4. Purple Mountains – Purple Mountains

If I were to really sit and write out all of my thoughts about David Berman this blurb would probably be 10 pages long, at least, so rather than spill a bunch of digital ink lamenting the loss of a true inspiration, I’ll just try and stick to the album itself, which is almost impossible now in the wake of his suicide shortly after its release. Even on first blush this was a difficult hang, clearly the product of someone who lost their wife to a series of poor decisions / mental difficulties, and who hadn’t come to terms with it. Understandably so. Berman remains endlessly quotable, right up to the very end, and “we’re just drinking margaritas at the mall” remains emblematic of his ability to compress the tedium of middle american misery into a single haunting, yet, hilarious, image. While “Nights that Won’t Happen” lives on as his suicide note directly to the fans (“The dead know what they’re doing when they leave this world behind” ; “all the suffering gets done by the ones we leave behind”), and it is hauntingly beautiful, it still makes me cry every time I hear it. As does most of this record. So the song I’ll carry on with me, and can still actually listen to, is “Snow is Falling in Manhattan.” Just a beautiful song from a beautiful man.

3. Tyler, the Creator – IGOR

I really don’t have the words (well, clearly I have some) to express just how impressed I am by the arc of Tyler’s career. The one-time shock-rap flash in the critical pan quickly turned into forgettable homophobe who perfectly fit a description of Eminem’s fan base I once heard: kids who call their mom a bitch to their face. The first startling change came with Flower Boy, which came right on the heels of his step out of the closet. Flower Boy is a really great record, but it still largely sounded like Tyler, just a more mature version who stopped saying cringe worthy shit. IGOR is something entirely different. I honestly don’t even know what to call it. It’s not a rap record, and there are honestly entire tracks on it where I’m not sure what it is he does on them, but my god, this thing is incredible. It’s basically a Parliament album for the end of the world, and if the earth is going to burn down around us, we might as well dance our way out, which is precisely the party Tyler has orchestrated here. I cannot wait to see what he does next.

2. Angel Olsen – All Mirrors

All Mirrors isn’t just clearly Angel Olsen’s best album by a clear margin, it is the best pop album made by anyone in sometime. Just like black clothes make anyone a little slimmer, orchestration can make any pop song sound symphonic, but most pop acts don’t have the power of Angel Olson’s voice to match the bombast of the string section and percussion. It feels like the term Beatlesesque has started to fade from the critical lexicon, but this music is truly akin to the orchestral richness of “I am the Walrus” or “A Day in the Life.” People celebrate Lana del Ray for her torch songs (and I really liked Norman Fucking Rockwell, even if it didn’t quite make this list in a stacked year) but no one carries a torch like Angel Olsen. I was initially reticent to catch her live show this tour, it was on a weeknight, it was cold, I had to go downtown, I’d seen her a couple times already, yadda yadda yadda, but I knew deep down I really wanted to see if she could recreate the power of these songs on stage (the inverse of how that equation usually goes). Reader: she did.

1. (Sandy) Alex G – House of Sugar

House of Sugar may not be quite as experimental as IGOR, or as pop-perfect as All Mirrors, but it takes those two impulses and melds them together into what is my favorite album of the year, even if strictly speaking it may not be the “best” as measured against the other entrants in this top 3. “Hope” was actually a “hit” song on the local college radio station, and understandably so; it sounds like Elliott Smith and tells a comprehensible story about a friend who died from an overdose. But “Hope” is jut one facet of House of Sugar, which is a veritable hall of musical mirrors. “Walk Away” is hypnotic in its repetitions, “In My Arms” is a legit straightforward acoustic love song, “Sugar” sounds like The Knife (no joke), “Sugarhouse” could have been on The River, and while I already said “Hold You Now” is my favorite song of the year, “Gretel” has something to say about that. I saw a show right when this album came out, and as the band left the stage for the final time the soundguy cued up “Gretel” not, I’m guessing, because the band requested it, but because it rules and he just wanted to share it with everyone as they receded into night.

#top albums of 2019 #best records of 2019

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365news · 5 years

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ACCUSER OF THE BRETHEREN by Femi Fani-Kayode

ACCUSER OF THE BRETHEREN Permit me to begin by saying that my heart goes out to Mr. Timi Dakolo, a very pleasant and respectful young man who I first met at President Goodluck Jonathan's house two years ago. We interacted again two weeks ago when we spoke briefly on the phone after the news about the horrendous travails that his beautiful wife Busola was allegedly subjected to by Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of the Commonwealth of Zion Assembly (COZA) 19 years earlier first broke. I commend his enormous courage and for standing by his wife at this difficult time. Last week Pastor Enoch Adeboye of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG) said the following. "Once a woman accuses you of something, no matter how irrational it is, nobody will listen to you". Pastor Adeboye may well be right but the question is whether this is a satisfactory state of affairs and whether it is just, fair and proper? Should this be the case in any civilised society? Should it be the case in the Church? Does this "lynch-mob mentality" not demean and destroy the very fabric of our society and the very foundation of our existence? Does it not undermine the utility, credibility and power of the Church? Should we not outrightly condemn it and seek to change it rather than espouse and accept it as a given? Must a man, or indeed a Pastor, live in perpetual fear of the damning and implicative words of an 'accuser of the bretheren' and grave allegations that may well have no basis in rationality or truth? Does veracity no longer have a place in the land of the living or in the Church? Is the essence and central message of our Christian faith not to show love and to be just and fair to all? Are we, as Christians, not meant to love even the unlovable? Are we not meant to NEVER judge a matter or condemn a man or a woman without first perusing, exploring, establishing and ascertaining all the relevant facts? As the late Archbishop Benson Idahosa once said, "Why is the Body of Christ the only army that shoots it's wounded? Our job is to restore and heal one another". I go a step further by asking, why are believers always so ready to assume the worst about other believers and crucify them at the drop of a hat? Why are we always so eager to join hands with unbelievers to defame and destroy our own? Sometime last year a strange woman falsely accused Apostle Johnson Suleiman of Omega Fire Ministries of illicit and sallacious sexual liasons ahd encounters and many Nigerians assumed that she spoke the truth until the man of God fought back and proved that she was a fraud. The Jezebel that accused him was eventually put to shame. She even came back to the Church a few months later with her mother and confessed that she had lied on the man of God and that she had been paid to set him up and implicate him. Just two weeks ago in the wake of the Dakolo/Fatoyinbo storm, another strange woman suddenly crawled out of the sewer and falsely accused Prophet T.B. Joshua of SCOAN of raping her as a child and abducting and kidnapping her for 14 years. Thankfully in a matter of days SCOAN rose to the occassion, killed the lie, exposed the liar and proved that she was a mentally unstable and worthless creature from the pit of hell. If the Lord had not been with these two men their respective ministries, reputations and Churches would have been utterly decimated. The moral of the tale is as follows: never be too quick to judge simply because the accuser is a woman. She could be a legitimate victim of wrongdoing and an angel that has spoken nothing but the truth but on the other hand she could be a lying demon in human flesh and a daughter of the devil that is out to destroy: only God knows the truth. I do not under any circumstances support or condone rape and I think that it is a beastly, barbaric, cruel and savage act. Every victim of rape deserves nothing but love, sympathy, support and encouragement and every rapist ought to be brought to justice. There is nothing worse than a Pastor that rapes because he is in a position of immense trust and he has abused the power and influence that he has been given over others. However before we pass judgement and hang the "offender" we must establish the truth and the facts. As far as I am concerned this has not been done in the case of Dakolo and Fatoyinbo and it may only ever be done if and when the matter goes to court. Sadly with all that has been said in the media about Fatoyinbo over the last three weeks by some notable leaders and elders of the Body of Christ I am convinced that many in the Nigerian Church would have joined the leaders of Ancient Egypt to condemn and jail the biblical Joseph after he was falsely accused of raping Potipher's wife. . Must our reactions to grave, complex, sallacious and unproven allegations always be emotional? Is there not a presumption of innocence under every decent and civilised moral code and indeed under our constitution? Are we not all entitled to a fair hearing before being condemned in the court of public opinion? Must we always believe the worst about our own even when there is no tangible evidence to prove the allegation other than the uncorroborated evidence of the so-called victim? I was particularly disturbed by two interventions that were made by two great writers who I have immense respect for. Both of them fired hard shots and delivered powerful body blows to both Biodun and the Body of Christ last week. The first salvo came from Dr. Reuben Abati, the former Chairman of the Editorial Board of the Guardian Newspaper and the former spokesman to President Goodluck Jonathan. In his tuesday column in Thisday newspaper he went as far as to assert that there was no such thing as "the annointing" anymore and openly denigrated the Pentecostal Church and Pentecostal Pastors. All that simply because of the unproven and uncorroborated allegations made by Dakolo against Fatoyinbo. The second salvo came from Mr. Yemi Adebowale, the editor of Saturday Thisday Newspaper who, in his column, said that members of COZA Church must be under some sort of spell for defending and standing by their Pastor. I am a great admirer of both Abati and Adebowale and most of the time I agree with them on all that they write. However on this matter I do not share their views. I am a proud member of the Evangelical movement and the Pentecostal Church and I do not think it is right and proper to attempt to undermine the credibility of either simply because of an unproven allegation that has been made by Dakolo. Even if proven, the criminal actions of a single rogue Pastor surely cannot be enough to legitimately indict or raise questions about the credibility, efficacy, legitimacy and power of the entire Pentecostal Church and Evangelical movement. It is Fatoyinbo that is, so to speak, on trial here and not the Pentecostal Church. Secondly the assertion that there is no such thing as the annointing in the Pentecostal Church anymore is not only offensive but it is also simply not true. Not only is the annointing alive and well in the Church of Christ but it also still doing wonders, still breaking yokes, still setting the captives free and still bringing joy, peace, blessings, hope, strength, victories and deliverance to millions. Again the assertion that COZA members are under a spell is insulting. I worship at COZA from time to time, my dear wife Precious is a full-time member and my son Aragorn was dedicated to the Lord in that Church three years ago. None of us are under any spell. And neither would it be right and proper for us to turn our backs on Fatoyinbo without any solid proof of his wrongdoing other than the blanket allegations of his many accusers. I have been the victim of unsubstantiated, vicious, scurrilious, pernicious and sallacious allegations on numerous occassions over the last 30 years and I know what it is like to be falsely accused. If my loved ones had turned their backs on me and not given me the benefit of the doubt on each of those occassions I would have been lost. The point is that there must be a certain degree of loyalty displayed by members of the congregation to their Church and Pastors. If that were not the case the easiest thing in the world to do would be to destroy Churches and scatter the sheep simply by making baseless allegations against the Pastor and the shepherd. It is Fatoyinbo today but it could be ANYONE else tomorrow. No-one is too big to be accused and no-one is too big to fall. We must be ready to stand by our own unless and until hard evidence of wrongdoing is provided. If and when the Pastor's guilt is proved, admitted or established then it becomes a different matter entirely but up until then it is only right and proper for members of his family, congregation and Church to stand by him, show him love and continue to pray for him. Even when we suspect that a man of God has erred we must always remember that our Lord Jesus Christ saved Peter from drowning in the Sea of Galilee BEFORE publicly rebuking him. We must save him from drowning first and then we are free to rebuke him publicly. A real father does not first publicly rebuke and then save his son: he must first save his son and then publicly rebuke him. Sensible and timely was the intervention made by CAN. In a statement signed by the Acting General Secretary of CAN Joseph Bade Daramola, on 7th July 2019, they said, inter alia, that they frowned on the media attacks on the Body of Christ by columnists and commentators alike that have come as a consequence of this whole saga, that they would not impute guilt on any party until they have heard all the facts and seen the evidence, that they would intervene in the matter in an attempt to settle it amicably and that up until then all parties to the conflict should sheath their swords and stop indulging in a media war. CAN has put the devil to shame. They have also displayed immense wisdom, decency and restraint. They have refused to convict a man based on allegations that are yet to be proved and facts that are yet to be established or corroborated and they have treated this grave matter with the seriousness and gravitas that it deserves. They have refused to be flippant, petty, partial and judgemental and they have not allowed themselves to be moved by emotion or driven by the lynch-mob mentality that appears to have afflicted most of those that have made public contributions on this matter. Kudos to them! That, and not the public crucifixtion of Fatoyinbo or the wholesale denigration of the Pentescostal Church and Evangelical movement is surely the way forward. To the millions of women that have stood by Mrs. Busola Dakolo and expressed outrage about what she claims to have been subjected to, including the First Lady Mrs. Aisha Buhari and other prominent figures, I say that I appreciate your concern and pain. No-one will hear such a horrendous story and not be torn apart, including yours truly. However I also implore them to pause and think. Would they be so quick to assume guilt if it had been their father, husband, son or Pastor that was accused of such a terrible thing? Would they not demand to see proof? Would they not at least wait for that proof to be adduced or provided before condemning the accused? Apart from that I would urge then to channel the same amount of energy as they are putting into this matter to the case of Miss Leah Sharibu who was abducted by Boko Haram over one and a half years ago and who, as Reno Omokri rightly said "is being raped every day". They can also consider the case of Justice Esther Asabe Karatu, the former Acting Chief Judge of Kebbi state who the Governor of Kebbi refused to confirm as Chief Judge simply because she is a Christian and who was physically barred, humiliated and prevented from entering her own court to deliver a judgement just a few days ago. They can also take up the terrible case of a young 9 year old girl that was raped by her Imam in a mosque a few weeks ago and for which plenty of evidence and corroboration was adduced. They can also look into the case of Senator Elisha Ishaku Abbo's step-mother who was abducted from her home on the 13th of July even as she was nursing her 11-day old baby! Finally they should consider the case of Mrs. Funke Fasoranti-Olakunrin, the 58 year old daughter of the leader of Afenifere, Pa Reuben Fasoranti and a mother and a grandmother in her own right, who was murdered in cold blood by Fulani herdsmen in the streets of Ore, Ondo state on 12th July 2019. These helpless female victims of dark and evil men are also worthy of the mass celebrity support, media attention, solidarity marches, protests and demonstrations that are being organised on behalf of Dakolo. In a these five cases the evidence of evil and wrongdoing abounds and proof of the sheer horror and wickedness that the victims have been subjected to is there for all to see. In Mrs. Dakolo's case, other than her own verbal account of events, we are yet to see such evidence. May God guide us. Read the full article

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iwillretitlethisatalaterdate · 5 years

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jan 22

2019

Means that today i am TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD!! wow. absolutely preposterous. its bittersweet in that i’m getting older and moving to new stages in life (will get to that since its why im here), but at the same time it’s kind of a bummer i truly have not done very much with myself; not as much as i’d presumed i would and certainly not as much as my family hoped. really, i put it down to not a lot more than laziness - as a dear friend once reminded me, “you didn’t finish uni because you couldnt, its because you werent motivated” and that really sums the whole thing up. uni wasnt for me. i entered it under the assumption that there was literally no other option, and because everyone around me at the time knew it was what they wanted, so it was what i wanted, right??? i loved studying in school, correct?? i didnt prioritise/take more of an interest in my dads 50th birthday than my HSC, did i???? LOL

speaking of other more relevant things that i never really put thought towards was starting a family and being a mum. i swore up and down for many years that i “hated” children, couldnt relate to them. couldnt understand why anyone under thirty would want one. couldnt understand why anyone over thirty would want one. i’d never have them, sorry. having children is for boring people who have no idea what else theyre gonna do with their life so they become a parent to keep themselves busy while they wait to die, to convince themselves that their life had a purpose - to be a parent as opposed to cure cancer, run a business, own a mansion.

flash forward to thursday last week and my feeling the need to take a pregnancy test “just in case” and wow have i been in my head since then. actually, to be fair, flash forward to just under a year ago when i met a guy who simply lured me right in, who i wanted to be near at all times for unknown reasons, whose magnetic force was stronger than that of anybody ive ever known. he had a three year old son and we all quickly fell in love and i even more quickly saw kids in a new light; they were tiny human beings with brains like sponges, with mountains of love to give and an untainted view of the world around them. it quickly dawned on me how love from a child was different than love from a partner or a friend or parent. world’s apart. i was so happy to have discovered this love and reciprocate it, had no idea who the old me who despised children and would (oh my god i cant believe im going to write this) mimic shooting them with a gun shaped out of my fingers even was.

anyway, back to thursday, back to when i gave in and bit the bullet and needed to find out if my period was late just because or if it wasn’t late at all, it was right where it was supposed to be due to something else going on.

ive taken a few of these pee stick tests in my life for a couple of reasons (UTI mainly, bastards). the waiting game when i was younger had me literally shaking and very aware of my racing heart as it throbbed throughout my whole body. this time was different. i read the word “pregnant” (one of these new age digital ones, maybe it was faulty - stay tuned) and was kind of just like “oohhhhkaaaaayyyyyyy”. freaked out but not in a “im 17 this cannot be happening” way, more like “im twenty five soon and still dont have a job, plus we live at home with his family” type thing.

i called matt and he too was relatively unphased, “it’s alright, it’ll be okay. we’ll figure out, i don’t want you to worry about it, alright?”. Well, yes boss, okay then! I proceeded to go do my shift at work, saw some kids and pregnant ladies and wondered what itd be like to work retail with a belly. wondered about abortion. wondered if i should be careful when squatting down to locate items for needy customers.

since then, matt and i have talked. my friends and i have talked. it’s early days and im honestly super unsure but if im honest the idea excites me. matt tells me i’d be a great mum, and i think i would be. ive always said id hate to bring a human into this abysmal world. but at the same time i’d love to teach a human how to better the world, how to be different to me and those before me, how to do and be better, dont make any of the mistakes that i did. care about the environment. love yourself. have manners. show emotion. trust me. trust yourself. dream big. love animals. stay positive. be healthy. discuss your feelings. prioritise your family and friends. dont go to uni just because everyone else is, go when you know what youd like to do or be. dont try get a full time job at 25 when you have absolutely no experience because youve messed around and let the last 7 years pass you by.

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oh-beyond · 7 years

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Idol’s life - Part 3

Chen was so stressed and busy, schedules on a daily basis, no joy, no rest, no nothing, SM getting into his private life way too much, overwhelmed, doesn’t have a moment to even breath, he was done… but meeting this foreigner unexpectedly will make his days more manageable.

Fluff but it’s Chen so he always tries to add a bit of spice to everything because… it’s this cheeky person he is.

Chen (Canon) x Reader

Masterlist

< Part 2 - Epilogue Part 1 >

You swore under your breath not to fall asleep never, ever…

The way he inhaled and exhaled as he slept, just regular… but you were convinced it wasn’t, you felt every movement he did rocking your whole body, he moved you moved, you moved he tightened the grip.

“가지마, 가지마 - gajima, gajima - don’t go, don’t go” he said over and over all night, every time you moved a muscle.

You managed to lift your head and thank god that the moon light was letting you see his gentle sleep, it was true what they said about his lips, curled up naturally even sleeping, even pouting, why was he pouting sleeping? To make your heart race more than what it already was? He was cruel even in his sleep, you were worried that all your ‘awwws’ and ‘nahwwws’ were going to be audible as some stage, you fought the urge to quick your legs in the mattress from all the excitement, all while he slept, safe and sound away from his worries, away from his responsibilities.

Kim Jongdae seemed relieved and his sleep too heavy, you loved it, you loved the fact that you were the source of this relief, it showed in his perfect sleeping face.

You dared darting your hand to touch his cheekbones, those killers that felt sharp even on screen, those that were just at your reach, he was asleep, you might as well, just…

It ticked him, his nose scrunched, his hand went on his face to scratch the area but instead he met your hand, he took it and kissed your palm.

“I’ll let you touch me tomorrow now just please just stop moving” he said without opening his eyes

“Wha- ha? I wasn’t touching you.”

In a blink of an eye the places were switched, he pulled his arm free from beneath your head resting his own over your chest, body face down, his arm around your waist, it didn’t feel nothing but a child clinging on his mom, just too needy, too gentle to even protest.

Your hand rested on the crown of his head playing with his perfect silky hair that smelled manly and clean, heaven wouldn’t feel half as good, you wished time stopped like this because yes Jongdae was addicted to your soothing cuddles, but you were just as addicted to anything that came from him.

The cold hit your collarbones and further down, you felt the pull at the collar of the oversized t-shirt that you liked to wear to sleep, you were just too tired to open your eyes, but you felt fingers brushing at the top of your chest, then it hit you.

You gasped as you jumped straightening yourself placing your hands securely over your chest, finding Jongdae sitting next to you in bed still bare chested his arms on his knees.

“What the hell were you doing? Why are you half naked?”

“This is how I usually sleep, I’m sorry but I’m pretty sure you go to the beach and you’ve seen men nipples before, is it a thing in your country?”

“Excuse you? What? Where you looking at my boobs?”

“No I wasn’t.”

“You totally were, yes you were looking at my boobs, OMG” you repeated getting up from bed still holding onto your chest.

“No I wasn’t! And if I was, I would had no problem in telling you, I’m just blunt like that” he added standing up next to you.

Then you were met face to face with his beautiful bare torso, you did look at his nipples that begged to be pinched. As a punishment. Nothing more… then his Chenguns that complemented the full view, your knees, yes they felt weak, you were totally being attacked.

“It’s you who is looking at my boobs now, and my shoulders and my Nutella abs.”

You covered your ears and closed your eyes “I’m not listening.”

“This is the dream of every stalker” he added.

You frowned, what did he want? OK was this his blunt personality? He was being annoying right now “what were you doing Kim Jongdae?”

“I was looking at the incredibly impossible coincidence that you have beauty spots on your collarbones, like me… it’s fascinating.”

You looked down on yourself and back at his chest, it was also fascinating that he liked them just as much as you did, he paid attention to these small details just as much as you did, he liked the same features just like you did.

“And you know what’s more fascinating?” he asked.

You looked at his eyes that were smiling, almost hiding at this stage from the bright smile he carried.

“That when I hug you, they should fit just perfectly” he surprised you bringing you into an embrace looking down on his chest “and yes I was right, it’s like a puzzle, you provide nice cuddles even for my moles” he said giggling to himself lost in his thoughts and little fantasy.

You were perplexed, it was so cute… everything he said, his thinking, his positioning, his tryout to see if they touched, you wanted to rip them cheeks squeezing, you wanted so badly, but you opted to keep watching what he was doing, this human being was not real…

“I am so happy when I am near you, I can be myself, talk stupid stuff not thinking I’m crazy, I escape reality, I don’t know if I could ever thank you enough, this hug also providing an energy boost because I need it” he rested his chin on your shoulder the hug tightening as he spoke, his voice sounding affected when reminded of what was to happen today.

“Oppa, is everything alright? Did anything happen at night? Any bad news…?”

“I have a meeting with my managers, I think even Lee Sooman himself will come down to meet with me” his tone changed drastically when he was reminded of reality.

Your hand patted his back, his voice sounded more shaky by the second.

“Shhh, it will be alright you will see, I’ll be right here, don’t worry about anything”

He got changed, he combed his hair watching how nervous he was, he sat down to finally tie his shoelaces and make the big step of leaving for his undeniable fate… he huffed and puffed looking at you intensely.

“Come on you need to go, you’ll be late, you don’t want to be accused of irresponsible, I know you aren't.”

“Cuddles, more cuddles.”

“Oppa~~~ come on get up.”

“When I’m done I’m coming back.”

“Yes enjoy this because I don’t start university until next week.”

You stood at the door, playing with the hem of your t-shirt, Jongdae finally giving up and walking like a 5-year-old on his first day of school, he looked like he was going to throw a tantrum anytime now.

“Cuddles.”

“I don’t want to wrinkle your clothes.”

He didn’t listen, it was yet the most desperate one, his lips directly on your shoulder, the thin fabric making his warm breath go through, he came closer to where there was exposed skin and buried his face there, his nose inhaling everything he could.

“Hug me back… please.”

How could you not? Your arms were about to wrap around him, you felt how his head was travelling downwards your chin now atop of his head, his cheek pressed in your chest.

“Op-ah-wha-”

“I just want to hear your heartbeat, it’s reassuring.”

Reassuring to him, but betraying too, you thought to yourself, your heartbeats would give you up.

“No!” you exclaimed detaching yourself, Jongdae questioning if he went to far this time “it’s… weird.”

“I’m sorry, geez I got carried away” he said rubbing at the back of his neck “I’ll better go.”

“Oppa, wait!”

He stood expectant, you cupped his face and kissed his cheek gently lips barely touching his smooth face “good luck” you said getting back to your place.

Jongdae covered the place where you kissed him, his face blushing noticeably. The great ‘Chen’ just got lovestruck, his whole body warmed and he couldn’t hide how shy he suddenly felt.

“고마워…- gomaweo… - thanks…” he said releasing a deep breath “자기야! - jagiya! - dear!” he added looking at your eyes for at least 30 seconds of a total overwhelming silence…

“Kim Jongdae, do you understand that this is a written warning as the verbal warning wasn’t taken into consideration?”

Jongdae looked at Junmyeon and Minseok in total frustration, Junmyeon always wanted to the peacemaker between the guys and management, his hands were always tied, he had no other choice but to be like this. Minseok kept patting on Jongdae’s back and squeezing his knee as a sign of support all while the managers kept nagging and nagging.

“Can we perhaps take a break” asked smiley Junmyeon, Jongdae questioning wether if his smiles were even relevant at all now.

Jongdae walked out of the room losening his tie, resting his hands over his hips kicking nothing but the air around him.

“Jongdae-yah! It’s alright, nothing out of the ordinary, they can’t do anything you know that” said Minseok.

“I still think you shouldn’t sleep outside the dorms, you know we are not allowed when we are leaving for promotions soon”

“Junmyeon hyung! I ask myself this all the time, are you not human? Like do you not have the needs we all do? Why do we need to live like caged chickens that lay golden eggs?”

Junmyeon was taken aback at the bluntness and disrespectful tone Jongdae used, if it wasn’t Junmyeon…

“This is the life we chose for ourselves Jongdae” he almost whispered.

“Can you handle yet another departure? You lost 2 of the best friends you ever made in your life, I can’t believe you let Yifan gege and Tao just leave…”

“Jongdae-yah! Enough” threatened Minseok.

“And you Minseok hyung, Lu-ge, Xiao Lu, remember? Are you fucking kidding me? Why are you so sure I won’t do something like that?”

Minseok brought Jongade into a surprising embrace “shut up you idiot, just shut up” said Minseok as he harshly punched his back “you know better than this.”

“Let’s go guys, I would appreciate if you don’t bring this up again Jongdae, when you are hurt it doesn’t make it OK to hurt others, especially when they care about you”

“자기야 왔어 - jagiya wasseo - I arrived dear.”

He entered with bags of food, but you weren’t home, you had gone to get milk and bread, he pouted placing the bags on the dinning table, the annoyance was so obvious, he had taken for granted that you would be there, that he would be between your arms as soon as he entered the passcode, and now he had to wait.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialled your number:

“Yah! I’m home jagiya!”

“Ah really? I’m coming.”

“Where were you?”

“I was with my loving boyfriend, loving him as he loved me back.”

“Yah! Ah waeeee~~~?” he felt like a thorn in his chest “come back!”

He heard the passcode being entered, he rushed to the door standing with a frown, he surprised you being this close.

“Oppa!”

He crossed his arms over his chest “you promised to be here when I come back.”

“Come here” you said with a teasy smile opening your arms coming closer to him hugging him his arms still crossed over his chest.

“You were with your boyfriend? Giving him cuddles?”

“Don’t be silly!”

He gave in and hugged you back his head in it’s usual place in your neck, this time lifting you off the floor, wow, he was strong, his arms consuming your soul at this stage.

“Come on let’s eat.”

“Alright put me down.”

“But this feels so good, I’ll take you.”

“Oppa~~~ put me down, your breath as you talk is tickling me.”

He put you down with and amused face he covered his mouth “you are ticklish? Girl you have no clue of the big mistake you have just done, you shouldn’t ever had mentioned that you are ticklish” said the almighty Jongdae’s ‘lil shit’ mode that just turned on.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Oppa?”

You run to your room trying to close the door behind you but he pushed it and you walked backwards and of course you fell on your mattress, he didn’t think it twice and he climbed on top of you and started tickling you all over merciless, you couldn’t move, he had you completely caged, you tried tickling him back but he wasn’t getting affected, until he reached that spot on your right side just bellow your bellbottom you stated screaming.

“Oppa! I can’t I’m dying, you are tutoring me.”

“This is way too good to let it go.”

“I won’t hug you ever again.”

He stopped, in an instant he was reminded that cuddling was better.

“Jagi? You are joking right?” he said straightening himself getting out from the bed.

You had lunch in complete silence, he kept looking at you for any sign of forgiveness, but no, he crossed the line ‘he was adorable, like a little scared mouse’ wanting you to look back at him.

“I need to go buy things for uni next week.”

“I’ll come with you!”

“No way, I am really sorry but I won’t have my pictures taken with you, no sir.”

Jongdae smiled, he saw the genuineness in what you said, other girls would had loved to have their picture taken with him, maybe even rumours being spread, you just wanted him to be happy and safe. You didn’t want anything else.

But he couldn’t could he? Could he just stay in the apartment or worst even go back to the dorms?

You finished eating, cleared the table and left questioning how is that he wasn’t clingy about a cuddle before you left, suspicious…

But there it was, your answer, in the subway, this person with a very low baseball hat over his eyes and the face mask his hands were on his pockets, you couldn’t believe it, Kim Jongdae was nuts, he certainly had the balls to act like that.

You decided on ignoring him, as if you didn’t notice, altho he send you eye smiles while sitting across you, you just ignored.

You walked thru the department store, you felt that black shadow following you everywhere, after you were done, you were checking where is the most impressive looking guy around you, apart from Jongdae, come on this is freaking Seoul… yes the guy selling perfumes, tall and gorgeous… payback Kim Jongdae.

“Excuse me” you said with a flirty smile “wow are you here selling these? I bet you sell a lot, you must attract customers” what a slutty statement, the guy wasn’t impressed and he only nodded his head, you knew by not Jongdae would be boiling, not for any reason in particular, but for the mere fact that you didn’t talk to him like that.

“Can I help you with anything?” said the employee.

“Well I have a few ideas” you winked at him, he now was doubting whether you were in your right mind or not.

You felt a grab in your arm “walk… straight” his distinctive voice hitting your earlobe.

“What are you doing? They will see us oppa~~~”

Jongdae drove the car in silence not looking at you at all, you didn’t dare speak, you just went with the flow, he looked too serious for a tiny joke.

You got in the apartment finally taking his mask off his serious frown clear in his face.

“Is that the usual way you talk to strangers?”

“No I wa-”

“It’s not funny.”

“Oppa, I knew you were following me I was trying to-”

“To what? To what ha?”

“Are you that upset? It’s not like… oppa, I didn’t mean to bother you it was a joke.”

“Don’t do that again, it feels horrible.”

You nodded, was he jealous? Or was he protective of his cuddle buddy?

You went to your room still surprised by his behaviour, you changed into your oversized t-shirt and went on washing the dishes, while Jongdae played some Fifa, hearing him curse and all the ‘ah waes’ live was the best thing in life, he was so comfortable that you loved being a little part of his momentarily happiness.

“Can I stay here tonight?”

“In the couch, I will lock my room.”

“Alright."

It went quiet for a moment, just before turning around to check on him he had his chest pressed to your back, arms around your waist, chin on your shoulder.

“I can’t wash the dishes like that.”

“Then leave them for later, sit with me.”

“I need to clean the mess.”

“Then I will stay here.”

And there he stayed, commenting how you missed a spot and how the forks weren’t clean enough, you moved to the cooker to clean and he was still clinging on you like a baby koala, it was uncomfortable to work like that but how happy made him feel was enough to endure his heavy body that was practically rested on you.

“You are such a baby.”

“It’s your fault, they feel too nice, what power irradiates form you that makes me feel this good?”

The rest of the evening was spent talking about your family, friends, childhood, you showed him pictures of you and places you’ve been to, Jongdae did the same, he talked about the guys, especially Baekhyun and Chanyeol and how annoying they were, never forgetting about his best friend Minseok. He brought your legs on his lap as he kept talking, he started to rub your knees with his thumbs as if it was the most normal thing to do, he didn’t leave you space to protest and kept talking, Minseok hyung this and Minseok hyung that, but all you were focused on were his mighty thumbs hitting the right spot ‘ngh~~~’ was swallowed because please, pull yourself together he’s talking about his hyung…

“What are you looking at?” he interrupted your thoughts “are you even listening?”

“Ha? Yes, yes…”

“You like them don’t you?” he said pointing at his moles “yeah what can I say? They drive you crazy I know.”

“Oh I have my own, and they are charmers too.”

Jongdae took one of the new pens you bought today for uni looking at you cheekily “game?” he said taking off the lid.

“Tracing?”

He nodded “ladies first” he offered the pen to you taking off his t-shirt casually, you looked away clearing your throat, bringing your head back to meet with Jongdae pulling his sweatpants all the way up revealing them mighty thighs.

You got up and started with his back, drawing a line to connect 3 big moles he had there, the tickling sensation of the pen making him giggle.

“Stay still” you demanded firmly as you concentrated on drawing steady lines.

You followed on his left arm to connect the line with that other mole he had there, Jongdae watching closely how you bit your tongue, you kept drawing the line meeting with the ones he had on his chest facing him now.

“I’ll go for your legs” you announced, but Jongdae wasn’t smiling anymore.

“Those horrible shorts you keep wearing lately… the sense of fashion Kpop industry has is… unique” you said out of the blue confidently not to let him notice that you were affected when he opened his legs and his incredibly fortunate mole on his thigh was displayed.

“The shorts might be horrible but my legs are nice to show, don’t you think?” his voice sounding too husky all of a sudden, your eyes dared looking at him, he carried a strange look, new to you, one of those looks he has when shooting MVs, or in concerts, the intimidating Chen was making an appearance in the middle of your apartment.

He pulled both your hands and made you sit between his legs “do my face ones”

You gulped very aware of how he was looking at you, dark stare, unreadable. The pen made a line connecting his 2 temple moles at his right side, connecting the line to the ones that were under his right eyebrow, then a line straight to his left eyebrow were he had another 2, doing a line now over his nose, tracing a line over his left cheek to meet the ones on his left temple.

You knew you missed some on his right side but Jongdae had stopped you grabbing on your wrists pulling your hands to rest at his chest, cupping your face with both hands, your own hands left his chest and held his arms, questioning this awkward situation.

“Is there something on my face?”

“Not yet.”

You saw him close his eyes and bring you closer to his face as he titled his head to one side.

Hyperventilation, what would you do now? Wait, no he was basically… aiming for a kiss.

“No wait! I-how-I-don’t.”

He opened his eyes, very confused, he knew you wanted, it was the perfect moment, why would you ruin something so cute like this?

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t know? You don’t know if you want to?”

You rubbed your hands against each other.

“YOU DON’T KNOW AS IN YOU DON’T KNOW… OR YOU DON’T KNOW…?”

You looked at him your face heating up.

“Are you underage? Please just whatever the answer is please let it be a big fat NO”

“No, I’m not, I’, __! See you don’t know anything about me yet here you are in my apartment, we had shared bed and the most friskiest things.”

“I am planning on changing that believe me, I want to know everything about you, I’m sorry, you are right, I’m an idiot, you are too precious, I didn’t mean to scare you off, just please forgive me.”

He was too weak just the thought of really upsetting you was driving him crazy, he rested his head oh your shoulder to taste waters, you weren’t mad really it was just too rushed, too fast and yes really you had no clue how to give a proper kiss and this was Chen, your only experience was back home and it was horrible, that thought was in the back of your mind.

Your hand run up and down in his back feeling his spine and the reaction of his skin under your fingertips and your touch, this was the first time you touched his bare back creating goosebumps on your way up and down that you clearly felt.

“괜찮아요 오빠 - gwaenchanhayo oppa - it’s alright oppa.”

“정말 보고싶을거야, 어떻게? 너 진짜 좋아해 - jongmal bogosipeulgeoya, eottoeohkke? neo jinjja johahae - I will miss miss you a lot, (what to do?), I really like you” he whispered almost inaudible.

“Oppa, I am not understanding what you are saying.”

He pulled you closer making you gasp following by wrapping your arms around him again, he seemed too upset.

“I am leaving.”

“Alright, it’s a good idea, better they see you are responsible, I thin-”

“On tour, 4 weeks, maybe longer, we have the China tour and other Asian cities.”

Oh…

Silence…

“I need to be there tomorrow early, we will leave in 2 days but you know the fitting of the outfits, the crap they need to put on our faces…

“Ah you don’t need anything beauty treatment, these lines I draw on you should be a trend”

You managed to make him smile.

“Jagi… thanks for not questioning anything, for not finding this weird… thanks for having me, thanks for your cuddles…”

You looked at the ceiling of your room not finding sleep, it was very late, counting the hours till Jongdae would leave, you heard the shower running and guessed he couldn’t sleep either.

But then the high pitch voice…

“절대 안돼! 어떻게!? 어떻게!? 어떻게!? 젠장~~~! - jeoldae andwae! eottoeohkke!? eottoeohkke!? eottoeohkke!? jenjang~~~ - No way (never) (what to do x3!?) Shit!”

You got up a bit worried, maybe something happened?

“Oppa?” you said after knocking on the bathroom door “are you-”

He opened the door towel wrapped around his waist steam coming out, little droplets falling from his hair… and the lines you drew perfectly visible.

“It’s not going away! I’m screwed!”

You went to check what type of pen is that you got and it perfectly said ‘permanent’ in red, you giggled and looked back at Jongdae who had the cutest look all scared.

“Don’t worry, I have a way.”

He followed you to your room and closed the door, with the pretext that it was too cold, you got your nail polish remover and with some cotton and started to remove the lines easily.

“My saviour!” he said relieved.

After finishing he hugged you.

“You are wet oppa~~~”

He got up and dried himself placing his sweatpants on in less than a minute, he didn’t even knock the door inviting himself next to you in bed.

“Op-”

“I need them, cuddles, please I won’t get any for weeks.”

“You could cuddle with Kai, I bet you it must feel nice.”

“Yah!”

“Shhh, I’m just messing, 괜찮아요 오빠 - gwaenchanhayo oppa - it’s alright oppa”

It was 5:30 am, you knew he was awake, altho he didn’t move all night from your back, his head well buried in your shoulder, he slowly detached himself making you roll to your back.

You felt his lips on your forehead, then on the tip of your nose, then another in your right cheek, your left one, finally you left his thumb gently over your lips.

“I know I said that I won’t, but I will steal one just this once, I’m sorry.”

Your heart raced when you heard the words so close to you, his lips landed on yours softly.

“사랑해 - saranghae - I love you” he whispered before you felt the feeling of nothingness the door closing behind him.

“WHERE IS MY COAT KIM JONGDAE?” you asked facetiming him.

“Who knew polar bear here could be of such good use? Keep me company in these sorrowful nights in Beijing.”

___________________________

A/N: Yes there is an epilogue to wrap up all this ^_^ don’t kill me!

46 notes · View notes

oxymoronicromantic · 7 years

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I’ve got a lot of ranting about pro-life march, women’s march, stuff, feminism, and how, in general, life sucks, it’s probably not going to be well worded at all... honestly, if such things just drag you down in the midst of this incredibly shitty week- don’t read. I don’t blame you.

Lately, I’ve felt incredibly displaced. I’ve been apart from my husband just over a month now. I’m struggling to get back into a productive, healthy routine at home. Even feeding myself lately has been difficult (made no easier by going through a solid 10 days of mouth pain that made most things harder than crustless bread simply awful) As most people are, unfortunately aware of, last week a badly wigged, ill-made up man- who despite being a billionaire of excellent taste, (believe me, he knows what looks good, have you seen his daughter- cannot afford a decent tailor... was sworn into office. Like many people, I was dismayed. Like many people, I was proud that so many women came together the day after his inauguration, and protested the trumpnugget. Protested that blatant misogyny is not enough to keep someone out of the highest office in the land. Protested for the rights of women, children, for education, for disabled persons, for immigrants. I’m damn proud of most everyone that marched. I wish I had a cunning pink hat with cat ears. I wish I could have gotten myself to a march. But at the same time, I kept seeing things that saddened me. An outright hostility to people of faith- my faith. Mockeries of religious symbols. Declarations that if someone agrees with everything else, but doesn’t hold abortion as a sacred right, then their support is worthless. So. Ok. I’m a feminist, but I’m not welcome there. Then today, the other side. Today was the March for Life. I am proud of pepople fightig for the rights of the smallest and most vulnerable. I am behind every slogan that shares that the pro-life message is more than just abortion- but needs to embrace so many other issues, so that the “crisis” in “crisis pregnancy” is no more. But then, the same march was used as a gleeful platform to say how. fucking. prolife. the Trump administration is. That if you can’t say that Trump is great president, then you are no true pro-lifer. That God has blessed us with this president. and honestly, those women’s march people need to stop bitching because they are already equal, and besides, people CHOOSE to have sex, they don’t need help if a baby happens. But that baby BETTER be born. This the day after the fucking list of crimes committed by “aliens” being proposed. Not illegal aliens. Not Roswell aliens. Just...aliens. Because the public good. Because this shit is not easily accessible through other routes. Nope. We get a fucking weekly scapegoat list. And the lack of “illegal” in there is highly suspicious. So. I’m no true pro-lifer because I don’t embrace our dear leader’s “conservative” republican party. I’m a feminist, but I’m pro-life. I’m pro-life, but I’m a feminist. I care deeply for my country, I am proud of the men and women who serve it- but I am suspicious as fuck of our new leader and police departments who investigate themselves. I don’t belong here or there. Posting MFL stuff brings pain and fear to a friend who had had a false positive in the midst of an abusive relationship- with a family that would have judged the fuck out of her, and took solace in the knowledge that she had an out. Women want an abortion like an animal in a trap want to gnaw their own fucking legs off. ...I’ve taken plan B a couple of times myself. I know that’s not quite the same thing...but I’ve had a taste of that fear. I can’t fucking judge that. I won’t. But, damn it, I can’t sit easy with abortion. I can not. Because human fucking rights. Which should be relevant at any stage of development. Regardless of ability, age, or “worth”. I’m just a stay at home mom. I hardly can take care of myself and my family- much less know to help remove crisis from pregnancy. Hell. Even now, in my efforts to try to do The Right Fucking Thing, and help a young mom to her prenatal appointments and stuff, because she doesn’t have a car, or a lot of friends...I’m fucking failing that. Because, truth be told, I can barely stand to be around her. I just don’t like her personality. And she keeps making comments...oh. boy. Have you ever seen lists on the internet, like “Things To NEVER Say To Your Friend Struggling With Infertility”? “Oh, be glad you don’t have to deal with x,y, and z of babies/pregnancy...” “Don’t worry- I *know* it’s going to work out.” “But you get to try! that’s FUN!” “LOL, I’d be a surrogate for you!” “Just relax!!” “Oh! Do you want to be in the delivery room while I give birth??” ..pretty much every time I’ve seen her. Which then has me questioning- what’s the line? I want to help her, but damn it, I do not like being figuratively punched in my empty uncooperative uterus every fucking time I see her. I want to demonstrate what a pro-life catholic looks like IRL, with actual, tangible help. I want to be able to love people and help them. You know. Like Christ would. But I suck at it.

#pro-life #feminism #how to be a good disciple??#no really how because I do NOT nkow #Mimi whines about life #I am a really shitty christian sometimes #idk what I'm doing

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alwayssummerblog · 6 years

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Fall Fashions Inspired By Your Favorites

While some may be mourning the end of summer, there’s many of us celebrating the arrival of fall! And yes, though there is much to miss about those few precious months of sunshine, fall is undisputedly charming in its own way.

The sheer return of Football season and the annual reintroduction of the infamous Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks may be enough to warrant excitement for the new season, but let us not forget about the fashion! Sweaters that have spent all summer cooped up in your closet are now primed to see the light of day. Those jeans, boots, scarves, and even vests, while they all have their place year-round, rule the autumn season.

We’ve rounded up some of the trendiest, and a few classic, pieces that are currently king in the country music scene.

1. Maren Morris & Kelsea Ballerini’s Matching Moment

Both leading ladies of country music Maren Morris and Kelsea Ballerini were seen out this late August in a striped rainbow midi skirt. The longer length provides a nice practical transition to cooler temperatures, while the bright range of colors set aside by black stripes channel those last bits of summer.

This affordable piece from Forever 21 accomplishes both goals perfectly, and with a little extra pleated flair.

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Tuscaloosa time. ☀️ // 📸 @_blythethomas

A post shared by Kelsea Ballerini (@kelseaballerini) on Aug 26, 2018 at 8:21am PDT

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“most loves don’t make it through, but the great ones do...” 💎

A post shared by Maren Morris (@marenmorris) on Aug 23, 2018 at 5:32pm PDT

Get the the skirt for yourself HERE!

2. Carrie Underwood’s Love of Leather

Carrie Underwood’s been rocking some awesome fall looks as she performs abroad in Holland and Germany. In a black and white heathered, slightly cropped sweater and leather pants, Underwood rocked the stage as she always does.

But more relevant here at home, the Sunday Night Football intro which the country singer is famous for starring in, has received a full makeover itself. With a new song, a new video and new looks, Underwood’s ready to wow us as usual. So far only a sneak peek is available, but we’re seeing lots of leather. And we realize full leather pants or shorts might not have a ton of use in everyday life, but we found a great variation on the trend. These knit & faux leather skinny pants bring the perfect balance of comfort and cool.

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Had so much fun tonight at the @TuckervilleNL festival! Thank you, fans, for singing along with us and making me feel so welcome!! And thank you @ilsedelangemusic for having me up on stage with you! I already can’t wait to come back to Holland! Now, on to Berlin! ❤️

A post shared by Carrie Underwood (@carrieunderwood) on Sep 1, 2018 at 2:57pm PDT

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Re-create the look for yourself HERE!

3. Hunter Hayes in a Flannel Zip Up

Hunter Hayes is on a hot streak with the release of his latest two singles, “Dear God” and “One Shot,” both of which of amazing new songs. The newly released music video for “One Shot” has Hayes recounting the story of a wild night while strutting down the street in a flannel zip up. We love the slight uniqueness to this take on plaid and just think of all the t-shirts you already own to wear it over!

And while this piece may be marketed to men, this is one of our favorite looks for the ladies to steal.

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Check out this cozy re-imagined flannel HERE!

4. Kacey Musgraves’s Jumpsuit Jive

Both Kacey Musgraves and her husband Ruston Kelly have been making national television appearances as of late. Recently on her early September appearance on Ellen, Musgraves’s stunned as usual in a glamorous black embellished jumpsuit. There’s so much greatness going on in this look it’s hard to pick one thing we love about it. With one shoulder, high neck coller, beaded embellishments running down the legs, what’s not to swoon over?

If the high neck and beaded detail is for you, we found a perfect and unique option you may dig. Or if what you’re after is the understated elegance of the collar, we have an option for you as well.

Check out both variations of the look at ASOS and Lulus!

5. Miranda Lambert’s Makeshift Wings

Miranda Lambert is more than just the queen of Texas country, the “Weight of these Wings” mastermind also rocks a fringe sleeved top like no one else. Performing recently on the Bandwagon Tour with Little Big Town and the Turnpike Troubadours, Lambert stuck by her signature look many times.

This trendy look is perfect for the dropped temperatures and would look great paired with a black leather jacket and a comfy pair of jeans.

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HOME. In every sense of the word. Thank you Texas. #footlights #spotlights #porchlights #thebandwagontour #musicismedicine 📸: @reid_long

A post shared by Miranda Lambert (@mirandalambert) on Aug 12, 2018 at 12:31pm PDT

Add this statement piece to your fall wardrobe HERE!

6. Reba McEntire’s Designs

Exciting news arrived earlier this summer when country fans found out living legend Reba McEntire is set to receive the Kennedy Center Honors in December. Notwithstanding what an incredible honor that is, McEntire has many successes of the past year to celebrate. Her exclusive clothing line with Dillard’s has been performing exceptionally well.

Lucky for us, her entire line is fall country chic at an affordable price point.

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I am so honored to be one of this year’s #KCHonors along with @cher, Philip Glass, @wayne.shorter and an Honors distinction for @hamiltonmusical & its co-creators. Can’t wait to see you all in DC! . #Repost @kennedycenter ・・・ They have transformed America’s cultural landscape. Your 2018 Kennedy Center Honorees are @Cher, Philip Glass, @Reba, and @Wayne.Shorter, with a special Honors distinction for @HamiltonMusical and its co-creators. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Meet this year’s #KCHonors class ➡️ tkc.co/Honors

A post shared by Reba (@reba) on Jul 25, 2018 at 8:12am PDT

Get the fashion forward looks for fall HERE!

7. Jillian Jacqueline’s Floral Frill

Jillian Jacqueline’s latest single, “Sad Girls” featuring superstar Keith Urban, is everything we’ve been waiting for from the “Reasons” singer. Not to mention the gorgeous album cover, in which she dons a chiffon floral midi dress with a healthy dose of frill.

Early fall is certainly your last chance for a look like this until Spring rolls around, so we recommend this adorable blush floral piece so help you get your fix.

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“Sad Girls” is here. I wrote this with Tofer Brown and Lori McKenna in Boston 4 years ago. I guess it was my way of trying to reconcile the hurt that happens when someone is careless with your heart. So, here’s to all the sad girls...

A post shared by Jillian Jacqueline (@jillianjacqueline) on Aug 31, 2018 at 6:07am PDT

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. . .

A post shared by Jillian Jacqueline (@jillianjacqueline) on Aug 29, 2018 at 9:05am PDT

Get the country newcomers chic look HERE!

8. Lindsay Ell Owns Rocker Chic

Exciting news came this week for rising star of country, Lindsay Ell. On September 4 she announced her first ever headlining tour, and we’ve long been fans of Ell’s rocker aesthetic and penchant for flipping her blonde mane while onstage.

What better time than fall to channel the rockstar look for yourself? We found a great take on one of her looks from her recently released video for “Criminal” off her latest project. The netted mesh top she wears while shredding in front of the cop car is all things rock n roll.

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Check out the rocker fashion piece HERE!

9. Women of Country Love Knee High Boots

Knee high boots are such a solidified fall staple, but we debated including them on this list. However, after seeing numerous photos of some of country’s best dressed women wearing them in both casual and formal occasions, we had to share. Don’t believe us? Check out how Maren Morris took the trend from rehearsal to photoshoot.

Artist: Maren Morris. Photo: cbs.com

We found a versatile and affordable pair for you to snag yourself HERE!

#country #MegaCountry #Fall #fashion

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plobbiwrites · 7 years

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For anyone that’s left behind.

Dear Someone,

When I thought about making my blog public to all my friends on Facebook, I made one thing very clear to myself. That this would not be a personal journal nor would it be an online pity party. This would not be where I scrawl down my secrets. This would be about sharing personal experiences with people I know, in the hope that, through my writing and in me, they may find a kindred spirit. It would be about dispelling confusion, and acknowledging things that we often cannot find words to describe. I’ve written about heartbreak and stress. Today, I’m writing about death. I don’t hope to tackle the topic, for I hope I’ll never have enough experience in this to tackle its every in and out. Nor do I hope to give platitudes or aid healing, because if you ever read this when you really need to, you know platitudes are not enough and healing is too lofty a goal for one blog post. I’m not aiming to philosophise either, because I have not reached even a tenuous understand of what death is. All I hope to do is provide companionship, by breaking down, if you will, the immediate moments, days and weeks after someone you love passes on.

Two days from the day I’m writing this, my grandfather will have been gone for one month. So, be warned, things are going to morose up in here. Crying about it and making you tear up over my thaatha is not what I intend, I only want to talk about death and the reality of life after it. However, such a reality is sad, so proceed, only if you want to.

How does it feel, a month later?

The very first thing I can say with absolute clarity is, it feels like yesterday. 30 days seems like chewing-gum. A small brick, innocuous on the surface, but it will stretch if you make it. If you’re thinking, “Ohmygod, enough with the metaphors Pallavi”, I’d say “STFU, metaphors are love, metaphors are life”. But, I’m here to hold your hand and tell you how it feels, either because you’re curious, or you’re going through something similar, or you’re just plain morbid. To put it simply, it does not feel like a month has passed. It feels like it happened yesterday. But when you start to really think about what happened in that month after someone’s death, you’ll start to piece together everything you did over 30 days. Me? I told a couple of friends. I learnt the basics of the British sign language. I made stuffed French toast and brownies. I drew my beloved thaatha. On the fourth day, I went to Ameerpet to get his picture framed. I had what seems like an unending chat conversation with my brother, who couldn’t be with me, because I didn’t want him to feel alone when I’m surrounded by family. I ate 3 and 3/4th puran-polis, I got a throat infection, watched Suicide Squad on TV and wore a kurta that my thaatha gifted to me for the very first time. I order a cheesecake from Guilt Trip on the day of his passing, and since then, I have ordered Dominos once and Wok Republic twice. 12 days with my family, as our mourning customs dictate. That’s 12 baths and 24 coffees and 36 meals, and multiple between-meal nibbles. I find it hard to believe that this has all happened. To explain it to you, imagine waking up one morning, and realising that you’ve done all the things I’ve mentioned over the course of the last day. The surprise and the disbelief and the urge to scramble and rationalise what you’re feeling? I feel all of that when I try to rationalise that it’s been a month since he’s passed on.

TL;DR? Expect to feel disoriented when you realise how long it’s been since your loved one has passed on.

How did I react?

My mom texted me in the morning, letting me know that my granddad was about to depart to the great beyond in about an hour. Not in as many word, obviously. I hightailed it to the hospital and ran up six flights of stairs, but I was too late. When I asked the throng of relatives and family friends what had happened, my aunt nodded at me. Imagine if you will, being very confused in a high stress situation. Everyone else is in on the secret and you’re scrambling for news. And you get a nod. Justifiably, I whispered/yelled, ‘what does that mean?’. She said, ‘ten twenty-eight am’ and my brain, although begging for specifics, made do with that. I was 9 minutes too late. I will spare you the gory details of seeing my grandfather after, because this is for you, and it isn’t about that. Tears were streaming down my face, and I was choking up when I held his hand. I could not associate my grandfather with what I saw before me. And here’s the thing. Here’s something you’ll acknowledge minutes after you see what’s left behind. Here’s the thing that may be the key to your healing much later. Let’s do a little exercise (way to sound like a pre school teacher huh?). You’re sitting down with your sister for a long overdue conversation. Imagine, if you will, her hair is longer, and red. And she has a smaller nose, and green eyes. Imagine she’s suddenly a boy. But you know she’s still your sister. So yeah, while you have questions about the particulars of her now-changed physical manifestation, ultimately, you can still have that conversation with her, right? She’s still the same person, with the same opinions, experiences, catchphrases and way of saying things. The physical body is something you see but is not necessarily the first thing you think of when you think of someone who’s close to you. To put it brashly, the physical body is a side character; replaceable and inconsequential. When I looked down at my granddad, I realised, my granddad is not this man I see now. My granddad is my memory of him. He is affection and confidence, and hating upma, and he is my memory of him teaching me how to frost cakes and he is haste and he is a kind man clad in all-white. This man in front of me is cold and while some part of me still thinks ‘thaatha’ when I see it, my thaatha is alive because I remember. Tears were streaming down my face and I had choked up. I was crying. But at no point in time did the realisation seem as final as it does in the movies. Again, imagine the brain is a collection of people playing Chinese Whisper. One part, the part that receives visual stimuli, is the guy that starts the game. Thaatha is dead, he whispers to the next guy, and then the next guy and so on and so on. I’m not sure the people in my head have stopped playing that game yet, not all of them know. Because I haven’t had that bone deep sense of realisation. And maybe I never will. Because to do so is to grasp and understand and process death, in all its colossal entirety, and no mortal can do that. No. Mortals spend months crying about new, small things that remind them of this unfathomably large thing happening to them, and the reality of death comes in bits and pieces. I’m convinced that if we tried to understand death in its entirety, our brain would explode like that Nazi woman’s did in Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. You wanna talk about mind fucked? Death is mind fucking.

TL;DR? Dissociating the body from the person is a thing that happens. Don’t fight it. Also, death is life altering, but it comes in bits and pieces, not all at once.

What are the next few days like?

Slow. And these next few days will be very hard to recall for you. I’d imagine the same aftermath for someone who is drunk or high, when you know you did something but you can’t remember what. I’ve never been either, so I can’t be sure, I suppose. So, I’m going to break these hazy few days down.

Physically, I was exhausted. Imagine your worst day. The very worst. And multiply that by 20. That’s how it was. I didn’t want to move, I wasn’t hungry or thirsty but I still felt hollow. My chest hurt. You could call it heart ache, but scientifically, I don’t think the muscle, Heart, is supposed to ache, otherwise, you’re due for a hospital visit yourself. Nevertheless, there is a bubble of in the middle of your chest. For me it was around my diaphragm. It feels like anxiety, the kind you feel in your stomach before an exam, except a little more solid, and less like butterflies fluttering. The lump in your throat doesn’t go away and the heaviness in your head (like your whole head, not just eye pain and neck pain) keeps that lump loyal company. You may look back on this time and realise, you lost the consciousness of everything under your upper chest.

Mentally, the best way I can describe it is moving through ‘pakam’. You know, the thick syrup that’s made from jaggery? Imagine walking through a tank full of that. The days after someone’s death tend to be dragging and stifling and heavily bear down on you. And it also feels surreal. At the time, you don’t really have an awareness of what’s going on. I was aware enough to place that cheesecake order, but I fell asleep for an hour after that. I was not cognizant enough to make sure my phone was next to me, with its ringer on loud, as anyone who’s just placed a food order is wont to do. It feels like those days when you have a high fever and are really sick. You know what you’re doing, but you can’t rationalise, correlate or be logical, and things seem filtered through.

TL;DR? The days that follow, you may feel dissociated from yourself, going through the motions, and physically, you’re basically a wreck.

How can I help a friend who’s going through this? Personally, the most inane thing I’ve heard all month and the few days preceding thaatha joining his family up there is, ‘My prayers are with you’. The sentiment is appreciated. I’m glad to know you are with me, by my side, here, when I will need someone to listen and to fall onto when my feet give out under me, as I feel they surely will. But as a person that is losing her thaatha, there are certainly more relevant things I can stand to hear, other than ‘God be with you’ or variants thereof. Unless the person you’re consoling or offering condolences to is extremely religious, which I am decidedly not, the helpful thing to say is something along the lines of ‘I’m here for you if you want to talk, whenever you need me’. To be frank here, even while you’re telling someone this, the most you’ll get out of them is a sad smile. Don’t expect a show of gratitude or an immediate spilling the beans session. Most of my very close friends said this to me. Again, it’s the sentiment that’s appreciated here, but don’t feel bad if we don’t take you up on your offer. And definitely don’t feel guilty about not being able to get through to your friend in her time of need. The biggest reason we don’t respond to your offer is: we are surrounded by family who are also grieving. We feel their grief too, which makes our own feeling of sadness that much more solid, and for the first few hours or days, the grief actually settles around us like a wet blanket. We are physically tired, but also tired of talking about the death itself. So please, do not be disheartened if we do not take you up on your offer. What we really appreciate, though, is talking about the person. Not about their death, but them. It makes us smile and it makes us remember that the person is still alive, albeit not in a physical way. So, if you want to help, help us remember the person we lost.

Another thing we need a little bit later in the days after, is to talk about anything other than death and the person that died. At this point, we’re surrounded by so many people who are grieving, and quite frankly, we’d give anything to talk about something else. Not because we’re callous, or dismissive, but because that’s just human nature. Unfortunately, surrounded by so much of human nature, we can’t approach our relatives, asking about vacation plans or the latest gossip, because everyone is at a different stage in their grief. So, we’ll call you, and of course, as our friend on the outside, you’ll understand that this huge thing has happened to us, and you will want to offer your condolences. But don’t be surprised if we ask you the latest gossip, or where you are or what’s going on in that TV show that we haven’t watched in a while. In fact, it’s never a bad idea to ask if we want to talk about something else. You’re our scuba diving tube, and you’re helping us take a breath of fresh air.

TL;DR? The most helpful thing you can do, is ask us about the person that’s passed on, and make us remember the good times. And sometimes, make us remember our life outside of this.

There’s a whole lot I didn’t cover. I think I’m further along on my road than this post would suggest, but like I said, death is stupefying in its magnitude and talking about it extensively makes me weary. I’m sorry if this post isn’t as eloquent as the others, but this is intended to be a hand-held tour of having someone very dear to you die. Maybe you’ll use this as an insight into the mind of a friend who is going through the same, or maybe you are the person going through it, and are looking for clarity or comradeship. In any case, I hope this fulfills whatever you need it to.

Love, Me

#plobbi-writes

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