yo-anna0315 · 3 years ago
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Soukoku and a kiddo HCs
Some of this might refer to my own OC rather than just any kid, but anyway Dazai is still with the ADA, Chuuya is either the mafia boss or still an exec under Mori.
Chuuya has a fondness for stray kids and Dazai is impartial to orphans because of Odasaku, but neither of them plan on having kids or adopting because wow they have hectic lives and they themselves are very chaotic.
They’re also doing this new thing called can we have a functional relationship with each other?  This includes Chuuya not turning to alcoholic tendencies every time he gets overwhelmed and Dazai not attempting to actively kill himself without going to Chuuya or someone else first, and the both of them trying to open up and trust each other more outside of combat.  
Chuuya is probably walking home to one of his safehouses late at night, and some street kid comes and pickpockets him.  And GETS AWAY with it.  Chuuya is just shocked because excuse??? Some runt just came and picked his pocket???  He’s more amazed that someone would dare to pick his pocket and succeed rather than be annoyed.  Well damn.  The kid didn’t take anything important, just a bit of pocket change so Chuuya doesn’t care.  But he’s impressed.  
Dazai finds out when Chuuya mentions it over dinner and he’s DYING of laughter.  He wants to meet this kid.
“Chibi got mugged!”  “I didn’t get mugged, you asshole!  I just said they stole some pocket change!”  “Ah, Chibikko’s losing his touch.  “You bastard!”
So Dazai does what Dazai does best and finds the kid without Chuuya even telling him a single thing.  
“All I do is check the security cam footage you have around the safehouse, but that must be too big for your sheepdog brain to handle.”
The kid is a little snappy at first because who the fuck is this bandaged wearing idiot asking if they stole something.  They live on the STREETS, what DON’T they steal?  And then it clicks that they stole from a Port Mafia Executive.  And Not just ANY PM Exec, they stole from the Gravity Manipulator.  
The kid: “haha I’m in danger”
Dazai catches them and brings them back to Chuuya’s apartment and the kid is freaking out because oh my god, I’m going to lose my hand for stealing.  Or worse!  And Dazai is just so happy, what an asshole
“Chibi!”  “What do you want, asshole?”  “Look!”  “Did you KIDNAP a fucking child!”  “No, this is kid who stole from you, remember?  The one who mugged you and stole your cash!”  “You kidnapped a child.”
At this point the kid is in hysterics because why is he so happy?  What’s going on?  Are they going to die???  And then Chuuya, always the one with manners, is like I’m sorry my asshole boyfriend kidnapped you, can I make it up to you with dinner and a shower?
They’re not going to turn down free gifts, but they are extremely on edge.  But Chuuya is a great cook and his shower is luxurious because he knows how to treat himself right (unlike a certain mackerel).  
So the kid takes a shower first because hot water is utterly delightful and should never be wasted, they have two bowls of ramen and rice with nori sheets because hunger.  Chuuya is appreciative because at least someone appreciates the hard work he puts into his food.  Dazai is secretly relieved because he won’t have to eat the leftovers and he can just eat canned crab without feeling guilty.
Dinner and a shower turns into a night on the lounge in the study in safety and comfort, which turns into breakfast in the morning, which turns into dinner every few months and the cycle repeats until Dazai spills sake on the lounge and insists that the kid move into the spare bedroom for the night.
This kid is like okay wtf.  Chuuya is exasperated, Dazai is scheming.  Chuuya makes them have a sit down conversation because he’s trying to be better and the kid doesn’t need more dysfunction in their life.  They extend an open invitation for the kid to come by whenever they want.
“Or you could just stay, it’s not like we’re not used to you at this point.  And you haven’t run away screaming from us so we haven’t messed up yet.”  “Dazai… what the fuck.” 
Dazai and Chuuya agree to keep the kid away from the mafia, mostly Mori because Mori could use the kid as leverage over both Chuuya and Dazai and thas no bueno.  (If Chuuya’s the mafia boss then he’ll probably keep the kid away from the mafia, unless they want in then he’ll sit down with them and have a talk to make sure they know what they’re getting into).  So, Dazai gets a little shadow that just kind of loiters around the ADA.
Dazai trades completed paperwork for tutoring lessons from Kunikida when he has time, Yosano teaches them anatomy and basic first aid, Atsushi, Ranpo, Tanizaki, Naomi and Kenji get a new friend.  Fukuzawa sometimes spends time enlightening the kid about politics and strategy and history, or watches over the kid when Dazai has to work on a case.  
Kouyou finds out about the kid on accident and whisks the kid away to teach them etiquette and class and spoils them with shopping.  Despite her loyalty to Mori, her fondness of Chuuya keeps her from outing the kid to the Boss.
At home, Chuuya teaches the kid martial arts and if they have an ability then Chuuya and Dazai team up to coach the kid through developing their power whatever it may be.  Dazai also teaches the kid how to pick locks and psychology, like how to read body language, how to lie, how to get the truth from someone.
I feel like the kid wouldn’t completely abandon the streets, so they go visit old friends and bring left overs or snacks or water bottles to their friends still on the street.  
Even though they don’t need to, the kid has connections through other street orphans so they can relay information to Dazai and Chuuya.  
“There’s been this group trying to take over one of the ports, but we can’t find any intel on where their base is located or who they are.”  “Oh, you mean the group of people taking shelter in one of the abandoned warehouses?  They’re so rude.”
“The killer escaped, but they aren’t sure how.”  “If you go down this alleyway, you can sneak over the wall.  It’s hard, but once you figure out how to get over, it’s really easy to lose people.”
Dazai and Chuuya have a push and pull type of relationship.  It’s balanced for the most part because they trust each other and know each other well, but sometimes it tips too much like when Dazai gets flighty and suicidal and refuses to tell anyone or when Chuuya starts falling back on alcohol, then it’s a little rocky.  But I feel like having someone else to provide and care for and receive help and appreciation helps them to balance out.
I really like this headcanon because I’m a sucker for found families and Soukoku deserves to be happy dammit. 
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