#I can't watch this scene without tearing up 😢

[yet-another-wlw-shipper]

I will find you every time(?)

(check all my Reverse 4 You edits)

[bigblab-talktotalk1]

This is what I call an opinion and training,

Even though I've definitely watched this scene and heard other people's opinions enough to feel comfortable in what I feel about it (but we're definitely open for change).....I feel very much for Penelope. I relate to her, but not 100%...

(Given: the story in itself is a little thicker to swallow than in the book when she's like 28. That makes the whole thing seem a little less desperate because her fear of never being kissed seems justified in their society. But we play along.)

Many people are turned off by what they see as Penelope begging Colin to kiss her. There's tons of complexities of this interaction I won't get into, but I feel there are plenty of reasons that people should feel able love this scene without as much conflict in their heart.

Pen's actions in this is scene are exemplary of some of what Colin loves about her. He can definitely relate to Penelope in this moment. That sad, hurt, out-loud expression of what she want to say (the internal battle of "I don't want to sound weak but I'm so hurt") when she asks to be kissed, that's bold!! You think Colin has never wanted to just like yell out to a brother, in tears like, "WHY DIDN'T YOU WRITE ME BACK??!? 😢😥Why DON'T I SEEM TO MATTER to you the way you almost HAVE TO matter to me?"

(aka soft launching the experience of expressing his vulnerabilities with the enemy 🙄, because it's NOT EASY)

No he wraps that pain up in the easier solution. He puts up the façade and nearly alienates the love of his life pretending to be someone who MAY be criticized, but in ways that feel less personal. But Pen says "No" to that easy answer that will keep her where she is. She's trying to move forward, and as much as she's kept her Whistledown secret, that "I cannot tolerate a lie" line is one that sticks real good and hard to Penelope. 

So she asked him to kiss her. I think she's pretty aware that he doesn't have a clue how much she loves him. Or has loved him. But she also is just exhausted of that too. This is her giving up (I think that part well widely accepted).  But she knows what she wants and is standing in front of a resource to get it, so she ask for it. Even if it means she'll have to blush or cringe later. That's a badass woman.

Of course we don't want her to beg. That's what's most sickening about the concept of being the 'pick me'. But every once in awhile some in-born confidence rises up against shame or embarrassment and reaches for something that is within her grasp even though she has no right to it. Penelope's always reaching for what society's telling her she can't have. And what she accomplish from that act of bravery???!?

[hyukascampfire]

I love your current winter theme. It's so pretty! I also love how well put together your navigation posts look. I'm in awe.

I apologize for how long it took me to send my thoughts about TSFAWC. I was occupied with some work, but I started reading it religiously yesterday.

Also about the ask I sent about their ages, you are so right. the winter is going to go crazy. I can't wait to think about this fic all winter. Reading this in winter is a must, and I'm so happy to be reading it right now. It's the perfect timing.

After reading your reply, I HAVE MY EYES set ON BEOMGYU. HE SOUNDS LIKE A DORK. I NEED TO SEE HIS ASS RN (currently reading chapter 3).

OC being 19 makes so much sense, actually, I love your interpretation, by the way, I completely get it.

Here are my thoughts now.

The beginning of the first chapter, omg 😭, mc is better than me because I would've kicked that damn goblin in the balls after seeing the way he behaved regarding that staircase LIKE THE AUDACITY OF THIS MAN (but again I don't think she had any other choice in her universe unlike I do).

It’s more difficult than you had anticipated to keep your mouth shut about what had happened, but Taehyun stays quiet, so you do too. You make yourself useful, packing up with him, hoping to ease the palpable tension.

Now... Mc might just be stronger than me because I'd make my embarrassment too visible, like running away the night that happened.

Insecurities whisper in your ears that the kiss was just… disappointing to him. It was your first kiss, anyway.

Now I'm lowkey curious if Taehyun is a manwhore or not.

“I already sent them back.”You watch him storm out. That means that the dress in your hands is not from Yeonjun; it is from Taehyun.

Wait, what happened here? 😢 Did he take one out of the many dresses YJ sent and keep it to scold her, or did he get a pretty dress by himself and send the royal errand runner back to YJ without taking any of the dresses? I'm confused is he being sweet or a cvnt right now?

-🕸

thank you so much, love!! i’ve been waiting to hear back from you >_< i’ve been loving the winter vibe recently, if u couldn’t tell, lmao. tsfawc is absolutely a perfect winter read. if it snows around you, you can pretend you’re there when you look outside. heheh.

I CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO MEET HIM 😭 i can’t say anything at all because i don’t want to spoil, but omfg i love him. it’s a little treat to write him amid all the tense and emotional stuff.

omfg i know. him grabbing her arm? wouldve crashed out. who do you think u are mr goblin 🤨 but yeah she’s lived there her whole life so she’s got tolerance for that kinda stuff LMAO

no seriously, if it was that tense and quiet after kissing him and he REFUSED to talk abt it….? sorry id be heading home. or just kill me. shes so strong for that. especially him pulling away from the kiss like that and then just… stifling tenseness. ID RATHER DIE. but there’s also so much going on behind the scenes there.

MANWHORE 😭😭😭😭 picturing TSFAWC taehyun as a manwhore omfg i think a tear just ran down my cheek. YOU JUST GOTTA SEE. i love seeing reactions to things in live action, like i love this SO much.

sorry if it was a little muddled what happened >.<!! the latter is right. he sent all the dresses back to yeonjun, because he’d already gone and gotten MC. a dress after her frustration with how she was dressed the night before. so he gave her his dress, and all of yeonjun’s went back. i love this scene so much, it’s one of my favorites.

thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to read it, especially when it sounds like you’ve been super super busy! and even taking the time to write out reactions for me. i could hug you right now. i love my readers to the moon,, i enjoyed this so thoroughly. LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU GET TO THE NEXT PARTSSS

[imaginarylungfish]

Chimera Ant arc (episodes 76-136):

Ging seems a little like a deadbeat dad

Aww, the fact that Gon used Accompany instead of Magnetic Force because he wanted to introduce Ging to Killua but Ging thinks it's wimpy if he wants to bring a friend? 😥

I love how Gon wants to find Ging in his own way without taking shortcuts

Ok this arc is kinda weird. Like the whole Queen needing to eat to get pregnant. And the ants. They're kinda weird since they're animal-like yet human-like. And the guns. Idk just feels weird in this universe. I feel like it's hard for me to suspend my disbelief.

Plus, I dont think I like many of these new characters (besides Kite)

Interesting to see Pokkle and the poison girl again

Lol love how Gon finally got new clothes lol

Woohoo so happy to see Killua go into Killer Mode lol

I love Crazy Slots lol

Well damn, poor Pokkle

Aww no!! Kite was taken! 😥 I liked him!

It was crazy to see how strong Neferpitou was compared to Kite!

Glad Killua knocked out Gon

The light thing! Gon is Killua's light 😭

Yay, Bisky's back! Shes a good mentor for the boys

Damn, Killua giving Gon so many piggybacks this arc

I always respected Killua but didn't see he tended to give up easily/be cautious until Bisky pointed it out

Lol Bisky knows how to motivate Killua: through Gon

Ok episode 91 broke me. I really thought Gon and Killua were gonna win against Knuckel and Shoot. And Gon crying? Killua saying he's going to leave Gon after the 30 days? 😭😢

But also Killua repeating he's gonna protect Gon was so precious

And he was jealous of Gon's date with Palm, right? Like idk how else I'm supposed to interpret that

Also that date was so creepy. Palm is like 22, right?

"I dont ever want to lose him" Oh, Killua!! 😭

Wow I was so hype after Killua pulled the needle out of himself. Fuck yeah, he's my favorite!

Poor Kite, I liked him. Sad to see Gon seeing him as a puppet

Love how Killua can calm Gon down

Yay, the Phantom Troupe! I missed them lol. And my favorites! Feitan! Shalnark! Shizuku!

I like how the Phantom Troupe fights one on one and watches that person. It's funny to me

Love this little girl (Kumogi) beating the King in Gungi. Hilarious.

Knov putting those shadow circles in the palace was nerve wracking. I was so scared he was going to get caught!

Killua made another friend!! 😁 and Ikalgo is so sincerely happy!

Ahh the King cares about Kumogi!! He's like someone who gets mad at someone else when they cry because he doesn't know how to help

Super cool how Meleoron and Knuckle work together in the battle!

Kumogi!! I almost cried when witnessing the scene with the King and her when she was hurt by the Dragon's Arrows

I like how the battle war narrated. And the teamwork!!

Aww, Killua helped Ikalgo! It felt weird to see Killua have feelings for anyone other than Gon tbh lol

Gaah the emotions shown in everyone during this battle is so beautifully articulated!

Ok that Let's Go scene really threw me--like time slowed down and it felt like Killua knew Gon changed but was confused/couldn't process it all right then I was feeling really good about the battle until that point. I wrote more about it here.

Shoot's battle was really cool! To see him get better was awesome!

Ok damn Gon's lil outburst was hard to watch. He was hurting Killua and Killua was being so mature about it. I wrote more about that here.

Ok love Knuckle. Simple but straightforward. And how he realized Shoot is his best friend? 😭

Also Killua is just like being hella badass and saving everyone. But like Gon? Wtf you doing bud??

Ahhh Killua's power up. Lookin like a lil Pokemon. He literally just continued leveling up after removing Illumi's needle!!

Ikalgo! Loved seeing his thought process about killing Bloster

Killua literally just doing it all out here

Palm turning evil seemed a bit unnecessary

Fuck I teared up when Killua broke down and told Palm "I can't help him anymore." He finally let everything he was holding inside out.

Ok but actually Palm overcoming the soldier ant programming was cool. And her thanking Killua for helping her return to herself! And telling him he's the person Gon needs the most!

I really enjoyed the King vs Netero. I was kinda rooting for the King tbh. It felt weird to see Netero just continue fighting the King when the King said he just wanted to talk.

Very weird when Youpi and Pouf were feeding themselves to Meruem

Lol Killua thanking Palm and then saying they're friends. Kullua is making so many friends! So proud of him!!

Damn Gon's breakdown after Pitou telling him Kite is actually just dead. The stages of grief.

Ahh Killua immediately going to help Gon even after how Gon has treated Killua this whole fight! They are friends, through and through.

Gon's aged-up form when he fights Pitou was weird lol. Weird to see him grown up

I understand Gon's anger

I think Meruem appreciates Komugi's intelligence of the game. But does he really love her?

Ok wow the Meruem and Komugi death episode? Fuck. I wrote more about it here

It sounds like Killua knows he cleans up Gon's messes for him and he'll keep doing it because he loves him but he's going to hold him accountable. It sounds like he knows things need to change--at least I hope he does.

Ooop there's the deadbeat dad Ging!

^These were the note I took while watching the arc. I was going to consolidate them and make them more cohesive after seeing everything play out, but I decided against it. It was kind of fun seeing what I thought of things as they were happening. I was wrong about certain things and my views changed. I like seeing that.

The biggest things that affected me this arc was Killua and Gon's relationship and Meruem's character development (and therefore, Komugi's involvement in that).

I was a bit wary of Killua in the beginning of this anime. But after seeing their relationship progress more (and especially after the You Are Light scene), I felt like he was 100% whipped for Gon. However, after the extermination battle, I don't feel like he's 100% whipped anymore. I think Killua realized he just does what Gon wants, and I hope that he can see how he is an individual. Frankly I don't want him to be 100% whipped. That means he isn't his own person. I was happy to see him making friends and helping others and not just doing what Gon was doing. So, I'm excited and anxious to see what happens in this next/final arc.

As for Gon, (I mean I assume he recovers because what's Hunter x Hunter without him?) I hope he grows a little more. I think his stubbornness is good in some ways, but horribly detrimental in others. I hope he can learn from this battle and see his errors. I hope he can also learn how to be more of an individual rather than always leaning on Killua for things. I think Gon and Killua have an amazing bond that is very special, but I think this arc made it clear they were codependent and need some time to figure each of themselves out so they can continue enjoying their friendship.

Ok so Meruem (and Komugi). I think I've said what I've wanted to say with my previous post. I'll likely be thinking about these characters and their stories for a while now. And I think that shows what sort of impact they made on me.

Finally, I want to say that while I was a bit resistant to this arc at first (I thought it was weird, boring, and slow to start), it ended up being really fucking good. I don't know if I can say it's my favorite because it was just really brutal to get through at certain points. But I think it was well done overall. I really ended up liking all the characters at the end and loved the direction of each of their stories.

Alright, onto the next/final arc! (Ahh what am I going to do with myself once I finish this anime? 😅)

I'm watching Hunter x Hunter for the first time and am almost done with season 1 and I really love it. Like Gon is such a ball of sunshine. He's really just like hey I'm gonna pass the Hunter test. I'm gonna see Killua. Even though I may not be able to do it now, I can. I will eventually. Small progess is still progress. And Kurapika and Leorio are like yep, exactly and we're here with you along the way. Idk it's just really beautiful.

[im-ovulating]

(A/n: I saw this one rp asmr audio on yt and thought it would be cute to put my own spin on it with Ojiro; Full credit to Navillus ASMR on YouTube!!)

(A/n: This is probably the sweetest thing I've ever written😢)

@makethiscanon

Summary- First kiss with Mashirao

Word Count: 2,779

Warnings: First Kisses, Self-Doubt, Comfort, Mention of 'Where the Red Fern Grows' (yes that movie needs a warning iykyk)

Age Rating: None

Ojiro Mashirao x Fem! Reader: "May I?"

------------------

You hear a sniffle from your left.

"Are you crying, Mashi?" There's a nonstop river of tears streaming down your face accompanied by a watery nose, so it's not like you have any room to talk.

"I- No! I am not crying; I don't know what you're talking about..."

Mashirao glances at you only to see the lifted brow and the failed attempt at suppressing the smirk you're giving him. The movie's credits are rolling as if it didn't just drop the saddest scenes in history in the past few minutes.

"I'm totally fine," he chuckles with another sniffle.

Doing your best to lift your eyebrow impossibly higher, you hit him with an "Mhm..."

"Stop looking at me like that." He teasingly pushes at your legs that are spread across the couch to stretch over his lap. "I'm fine with sad people stuff in movies, but as soon as an animal is involved-"

He dramatically cuts himself off with a hand to his chest as he plays dead. Your eyes don't leave him as you reach for the popcorn bowl on the table. Still dead. Popping some pieces into your mouth, you decide to chuck one at him.

The kernel bounces off his chest without so much as a twitch from your boyfriend. So, naturally, you throw another. And another. And-

"Throw another one and see what happens." He finally opens an eye level you with a glance. Your hand is still poised and ready to launch the popcorn. If he wants to dare you, you'll be more than happy to fulfill his request.

So, you let it fly.

The popped corn hits him in the cheek and immediately the air is knocked from your lungs.

"Hey! Uf-" He plops his massive tail right on your stomach.

"Not fair!" You try to push it off you to no avail. You can't really be surprised. It's basically pure muscle; it's not moving until he says so.

Unfazed, Mashirao merely tosses the popcorn back at you, smacking you between the eyes with unfair accuracy. "Why did you invite me over? Just to scar me with sad puppies and to assault me with salty snacks?"

"Pretty much, yeah," you've accepted your now trapped fate, resigning yourself to play with his tail's fluff.

You had invited him to your house for a movie night, knowing damn well what you were doing when you queued up 'Where the Red Fern Grows'. Sure, you're crying too, but a win is a win.

"That's cruel even for you, Y/n- Invite me over just to watch me cry." He pinches your calf before continuing, "Just wanted to see your boyfriend weep?"

"It's not my fault you're such an easy target," You laugh, trying to yank your legs to safety.

"I'm sad now..." He lets out a fake cry, "No! Doggy~"

"Oh no! Not the puppies!" You throw your head back as you let out your own fake cry, the previous tears on your face helping to sell your act.

"Woah- Hold up! Look at you~ You're a mess," he's fully cackling now, "compared to me! I just teared up a bit- you were full sobbing!"

Not expecting to tables to get turned you attempt to sit up. Luckily, Mashirao gives you mercy and shifts his tail to rest in your lap instead.

"I was not!"

"Were too~ You're not even trying to hide it!"

Sticking your tongue out like a child is the only acceptable response, so that's what you do.

"Aw~ Would a hug make it better?~"

"WOulD A hUg MaKE iT BEtTeR?" At this point your arms are crossed, fully slipping into the role of a petulant child. Are you still sad over the movie? Yes. But are you still going to be petty? Yep.

He only laughs again. "Do you want a hug?~"

One last eyebrow raise and thousand-yard stare aimed at your partner has you conceding. "Kinda..."

Ever infuriating, Mashirao asks: "What was that baby?"

You purse your lips with an unheated glare before responding.

"Yeah."

"C'mere," he lifts his tail, opening his arms for you to climb into.

You bury your face into his chest, the soft fabric of his hoodie mixes with his warm, coffee and vanilla scent to wrap around you in the most comforting blanket you can imagine.

"It's okay- The doggos were acting, They're okay," Mashirao gently rocks the both of you until you drop a bombshell on him.

"This was made in the 70s, they're dead..."

"I-"

Taking his stunned silence as an opportunity, you wipe your drying tears on his hoodie.

"Wha- Hey! Are you wiping your snot on my hoodie!?" He tries to pull away, but your arms only tighten their hold.

"No, I'm not!" Your voice is muffled but you don't want to move.

"Get your face out of my hoodie, you heathen!" Luckily, your positions are keeping him from prying your head away.

"I'm not wiping anything on you, you bitch!" You laugh, definitely wiping a bit of snot on him.

The sudden name-calling makes him throw his head back as he tries to hold back a laugh. "Get. Out. Of. There!"

You pop up to stare him down again only to be closer than anticipated to his face. Your own laughter dies in your throat as you let out a small, "oh."

Mashirao's eyes go wide, and a blush crawls up his cheeks at the proximity. You know you're no better; you can feel the heat emitting from your own flushed face.

His eyes flicker down to your lips, staring for a second before he meets your gaze again.

"Hi..."

This is bad. Very bad.

No. Not bad.

But scary. Very, very scary.

Are you ready for this? On the one hand, you do want to kiss him. Words can't express how much you do. On the other hand, you've never kissed anyone before. You don't know what you're doing.

'Are you ready?' Are you crazy? No, you're not ready!'

With speed that could rival Iida, you're back on your side of the couch. You bring your knees up to your chest, deciding that the separation between the couch cushions is the most interesting thing you've seen all night.

"Hey- Are you okay? What's wrong?" Mashirao reaches out to you but pulls back when you instinctively flinch. "Baby?"

"I'm sorry..."

"What happened?"

You glance at him only to return your gaze to the cushions. The genuine concern in his eyes makes you feel even worse about how you reacted.

"I got scared..."

You see him shift in the corner of your eye. "You got scared? What of?"

"Being so close... It felt like we were going to kiss and I freaked out." There's no use lying, it would only cause more harm than good.

The room falls quiet for a second. God, you've ruined everything, haven't you? Who freaks out like that over a kiss?

"Did..." Mashirao finally speaks, "Did you not want to kiss me?"

The slight hurt in his voice kills you. You managed to bag the sweetest, perfect guy, and you've made him think he's unkissable. Great job, as always, Y/n.

"I did, that's what scared me." You rest your cheek on your knees, finally facing him again. "I've never... I've never kissed anyone..."

"Never?"

"Never," you shake your head. "Isn't that embarrassing? I'm a grown-ass woman who hasn't had my first kiss."

The laugh you let out is nothing short of self-deprecating.

"Why would that be embarrassing?" Why does he have to be so sweet all the time? Him asking you with such genuine curiosity is making you realize how silly this all is.

"I don't know; everybody else had theirs back in middle or high school and I'm sitting here like the world's biggest prude."

"No, you're not." There's a serious note to his voice that wasn't there a second ago.

"While it's not the biggest deal in the world, it's still a big step in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with not doing it yet, whether it's because you haven't been with anyone you deemed worthy or because you were focusing on other things in your life. You're supposed to take things like this at your own pace."

You try to find the words to respond but the only thing that manages to squeeze out is his name. "Mashirao..."

All of a sudden his eyes light up.

"I have an idea!" He twists in his seat to fully face you, pulling his legs up to sit cross-legged with his tail hooking over his shoulder. "If you're comfortable doing it, of course."

"And what's that?"

"We could play the "May I" game; it's kinda like firetruck or red light," You cringe a bit at that. Memories of "Firetrucks don't stop at red lights" fill your head.

Seeing your reaction, Mashirao seems to realize what was wrong with that analogy, "Without the ignoring of consent, that is!

"You ask the other person "May I ___" and, if they say yes, do that thing. It's to help with exploring boundaries and getting comfortable being closer." Despite the rocky start of the explanation, you've got to admit, it's kind of piquing your curiosity.

You shift to sit crisscross as well. "Okay, let's do it. How do we start?"

A comforting smile breaks across his face. "Is it okay if I go first?"

You know he won't jump straight into anything extreme so you nod.

"Okay. May I hold your hand?"

You let out a puff of air you didn't know you were holding. "Yeah. Yeah, that's fine."

He reaches across the space to grab your hand. His thumb rubs calming circles on the back of your hand. "It's your turn."

"Um..." Not sure what to ask, you go with the first thing to come to mind, "May I put my hand on your cheek?"

Your face feels so hot you could fry an egg on it. The eye smile he gives you doesn't help.

"You may."

Your hand is shaking a bit as you reach out. You watch as Mashirao's eyes shut when you make contact; he leans into your touch, letting out a sigh when you slide it down to his jaw.

"May I kiss your hand?"

You nod, then, realizing his eyes are still closed, you say, "Yes."

And so, he does. His lips are soft against your palm when he turns his head. It leaves you wondering how they'll feel against your own.

"My turn?" You ask.

He hums in approval.

Curious to see if he's as nervous as you, you ask, "May I move my hand to your chest?"

His eyes fly back open to stare at you. "I-"

Did you move too fast? Was that a weird ask?

Overrun by your thoughts, all you can do is apologize.

"No, yes! I mean-" He takes a breath to collect himself. "No, don't apologize and yes, you can; I was just surprised..." He scratches the back of his neck as he looks to the side.

He looks back at you once he finishes gathering himself.

You slide your hand down to his chest, stopping at his heart. Sure enough, it seems to be going just as fast as your own. "Your turn."

Clearing his throat, Mashirao asks, "May I hug you?"

"You may." You smile; this isn't bad. It's more intimate than you thought it would be, but you like it.

You shuffle over to him, sliding back into his arms like you never left. You hook your chin on his shoulder, content to breathe him in for a second. For a while, neither of you moves, happy to just bask in each other's presence. You're glad for the break, needing to steel yourself for your next question.

You take a final drag of his cologne and speak.

"May I sit in your lap?

"You wanna sit in my lap?" When you nod, he answers.

"Yeah, that's okay." You can feel his heart hammering against yours.

"Here," he pulls away a bit to help you shift into his lap. "Yeah, there; Just- Put your knees on either side of me."

Once situated, his arms wrap back around your waist and you lay your head back on his shoulder. His tail wraps around you to add extra support to your hips.

"May I kiss your cheek?" His voice rumbles your chest.

Drawing in a shaky breath, you nod. "Yeah."

Turning his head, Mashirao gently tucks a finger under your chin to tilt your cheek towards him. The kiss is brief, lasting only as long as he dared to let it. Your eyes sting a bit from how tender he's being.

Before he's fully pulled back, you ask, "May I kiss your cheek?"

"You may," he breathes.

"Close your eyes..." You're not sure you can settle your nerves enough to do this if he's looking at you that softly.

He lets out a small chuckle but complies, nonetheless.

You start to lean forward but stop to place your hand over his eyes. Just to be sure. When you finally make contact, you feel more than hear his sharp intake of breath. You only hold the kiss for a couple of seconds but it feels much longer.

"Was that alright?" You pull your hand away as he opens his eyes.

"'Was that alright?' It was more than alright. The girl I love just kissed me..."

You both freeze as you register what he just said. "You love me?"

"I'm sorry- I- I didn't mean to say that... You're already on edge and now I'm dropping the L word... God, I'm so stupid!"

"It's okay, 'Rao... I," you hesitate to finish your thought. 'He's been doing nothing but comforting you. It doesn't matter if you're embarrassed, just say it!' "I liked that you said it..."

And your face is back in his hoodie. Unfortunately for you, that means you're not seeing the breathtaking smile that he gives you.

"May I kiss you?" His voice is hushed, like what he's saying is only meant for your ears.

Here it is... The question you've both been building up to.

"You can." You don't make a move though, too nervous to think properly.

What if you're bad at kissing? Or you have bad breath?

"You're gonna have to let me see that pretty face, then," Mashirao's gentle teasing stops you from spiraling too far into your Olympic-sized swimming pool of self-doubt.

Tentatively, you raise your head from his chest, trying to prepare yourself for what's about to happen. Your hands are gripping the back of his hoodie like a lifeline.

Mashirao's hand comes up to cup your cheek, a comforting smile on his face as he gives you a second to ready yourself.

"Are you ready?" His breath fans across your face. The hand still on your back soothes over your nerves with each brush to your spine. You loosen your hold, bringing a hand up to the one on your cheek so you can lightly clutch his wrist.

"As I'll ever be," You return his consoling smile with a nervous one.

Slowly, to give you time to pull away should you change your mind, Mashirao leans in. He pauses a hair's breadth away. When you don't draw back, he closes the gap.

Your lips brush together with the intensity of a flicker of a butterfly's wing. Your eyes flutter shut and your hand tightens around his wrist. You're sure you could pass a polygraph test with how certain you are that your heart skipped a beat. You can't help the stuttered gasp that leaves you as he pulls away.

You swallow. That really just happened...

Without opening your eyes, you ask: "May I kiss you?"

You can feel his arm tighten around you. "Yes."

This time, when your lips collide, there's more desperation. The sliding of your lips together sends waves of euphoria and love crashing over you. You can't believe you've been missing out on this feeling; though, something tells you that it's only because it's Mashirao that you're feeling this way.

Your hands move to his hair, clutching at the soft strands with a fervor you didn't know you had. A noise akin to a whimper bubbles up your throat as you lift yourself to try and get closer.

All too soon, you have to break away to catch your breath. Neither of you moves as your foreheads rest together, content to breath each other in.

"Wow..." It's Mashirao who breaks the silence.

"Wow," you echo, licking your lips. God... You can still taste him on your lips.

"Hey, Mashi?" He hums in answer.

"I love you too."

-end

[nimata-beroya]

My thoughts on TBB 1x16 "Kamino Lost" ~ Season finale part 2

I can believe that the season is over. It's been an amazing ride the last 4 months, full of laughs, excitement, and heartbreak. And the finale didn't disappoint in that regard. Some might not agree with me, but I think it was a great way to wrap things up. It tied some knots quite nicely while left other loose, opening endless paths to continue the story in future seasons.

Apart from thinking that it might've worked better if they hadn't split it in 2 parts, I have no many complaints about this finale. It was very satisfying for me and it left me very happy, as I haven't been with a season/series finale in a long time.

I've watched the episode a gazillion times already and after digesting everything that happened, here are my thoughts about it. Putting them below the cut because it's a long post, and full of spoilers, obviously.

I should start saying that I wish to Vice Admiral Rampart nothing but the slowest and more excruciating death you can imagine. I want to bathe in his blood!! Watching him destroying Tipoca City was so painful, and terrifying knowing that the Batch was going down with the city. And my heart broke for all clones that lost their home, especially for that one who reported to Rampart. The hesitation in his voice gutted me. I have to give a standing ovation to Dee Bradley Baker for his voice acting there. Extraordinary!

The scene where Omega and Crosshair were trapped had my heart pounding. I'd been saying for weeks that I didn't believe that someone was going to die in the finale, but I must confess that while watching, I had my doubts, especially after this scene.

Honestly, it was painful to watch Crosshair during the whole episode while he simultaneously pushed away and yearned so fiercely for his siblings. Stubborn fool! I know that the hostile attitude of the Batch toward him in this episode didn't help but what else could've he expected? I mean, he just told them that he has no chip (which I don't believe in a million years, although I do think it's not working at full strength, so Crosshair has regained some autonomy), so basically, he told them that every time he went after them, tried to kill them was really by choice. I wouldn't have been nice to him either.

I love that the entire season revolved around choices or the lack of. How the chip took the choices out of the clones; how the batch had no choice but to escape Kamino and leaving a brother behind in order to survive; the choice of not coming back for Crosshair when the batch realized what the chip did; the choice that Cross made when he regained (partial/total) control of himself of staying with the Empire and keeping following orders; this choice of hunting down his brothers instead of contacting them (If on episode 15 Crosshair was right on roasting Hunter for leaving him behind, then Wrecker was right on calling on Crosshair on this. It was well deserved); the batch's choice of going their way instead of going with Rex; and of course, Crosshair's choice to stay behind at the end.

Rafa Martez told Hunter in Episode 4 that everyone chooses a side in the end, and everything that has happened leads to that. All choices have consequences and people have to live with them. That'll be season 2.

The MVP of the episode was Azi. Without a doubt! When he said that his batteries were running out, I was like... No, no, no, no, that can't be happening! Aaaaaaahhh! Azi has to make it out!! He needs to remove Cross' chip from his head!! (I was still hoping for it at that point). And then when he was pushing Omega's pod to the surface and started to die out, I teared up ok 😢 Thankfully, Omega (And Crosshair) saved him. Yay! Quite the surprise he's going to get when he wakes up after recharging. I'm just happy that we'll see more of him in season 2, hopefully.

There's one thing that makes me want to smack the back of Crosshair's head. I love him, but sometimes... Ugh! He said to Hunter that he takes things too personally, that the Empire did what needed to be done (referring to destroying Kamino and leaving him for dead), which is so ironic and hypocritical. Crosshair is angry and hurt because Hunter left him behind at the beginning (alive and well). Like if Hunter didn't do what he needed to do to protect his squad back then, from Crosshair, I might add. Of course, we know Cross was under the influence of the chip ramped up at like 1000000% of its potency, but Hunter didn't know that at the moment. But he isn't angry at the Imperials who bombarded the city, knowing that he would die?!! It's like... Make up your mind, my man. You get angry at being left behind or not? Just sayin'.

Don't make me start on Crosshair trying to rub his headache away, because if I spent all week 95% sure that he lied when he said he had his chip removed a long time ago, now I'm 100% certain of that. After Bracca, it started malfunctioning, that's for sure, and therefore it gives back Crosshair a degree of autonomy. However, with that agency comes the weight of the responsibility for his actions. I won't stand here and say that he's a benevolent angel, because he's not, never have been. He's not completely blameless. (That doesn't make me love him any less tho)

And I think that's what the conversation between Cross and Omega was about. It broke my heart 💔😭 when Omega said that she was wrong thinking that it was the chip that made Crosshair like that. Gawd, it hurt so bad. But I think she knows that he has the chip still inside but it's compromised, and realized that whether consciously or not, he's using the chip existence as an excuse to let out his anger and jerk attitude free of guilt, not making an effort to fight the chip. It was a wake-up call more as much as it was to let him know her disappointment.

I might be reading too much into it, but Omega has proven to be quite clever when it comes to get what she wants, and she wants all her brothers together. She also knows that she can't force him to do anything. The decision has to come from Crosshair and Crosshair alone. And it kind of worked. That's why Crosshair gave the idea of using Azi to direct them to the surface.

The plan was solid but I wonder why they crammed themselves in the capsules in pairs and left Omega alone?! I know it's because of the plot. But like, couldn't they use a smaller one for her? It's ridiculous, tbh 😆

I must confess that for a tiny moment, I thought Crosshair was turning against Hunter. Not exactly to kill him, but I don't know. I was like "Cross, what the kriff are you doing?! Of course, he proved me and everyone else wrong and saved Omega and Azi. I'm not sure which was his true motivation for it whether or not was to repay her when she saved him earlier, or because he knew how his brothers especially Hunter would suffer if Omega died, or simply because it was the right thing to do. Don't care. All it matters is that it proves that he has goodness in him, that he hadn't lost it.

I'm not mad at the batch for pointing their guns at Crosshair afterward. It's not nice that they did that but I get it. Crosshair with his rifle is lethal and the trust among them is broken. Not irreparably, but it'll take some time to heal IF someday everyone work for it. But what I'm appalled at is Hunter's ungratefulness. I mean, hello!! The guy just saved your little big sister/daughter and you don't even say thank you?!! That's 2 words!! Not even that!! One word, thanks. Heck! Just a nod with the head would've sufficed!! All Hunter did was give Crosshair the stinky eye 😠 Sorry, but Hunter lost serious points with me there.

Wow! When everyone looking at the burning city is such a gut-punching shot. The contrast between the devastation at the naked eye and the clear, sunny day, which I dare say is an oddity for Kamino, is jarring. It made me sad.

But sadder I got with Crosshair's refusal to go with the Batch; it's not what I wanted. I wanted him to go back to his family. However, it's something with what I can live with. Cross is not ready to come back to his brothers and sister yet. I think this experience with them hopefully showed him that they do want him back, it's not like they forgot about him. There are wounds to heal in both sizes, though, and that takes time. What I see it's a story of redemption, and you know who knows how to do a good, satisfying redemption story that doesn't end in a sacrificial death? Dave Filoni.

I've never watched the last Airbender, and I've seen people comparing Cross with Zuko, is it? who was the "bad" guy and redeemed himself at the end, I can't comment on that. But I did watch Rebels, and there's a guy named Alexsander Kallus, and omg! I've never seen a more compelling, logical, and so well-crafted story of redemption than his. It's beautiful!! And the similarities between him and Crosshair are so many, down to the way he was offered a chance to come to the right side of things and said no.

In the last scene when Wrecker asked Crosshair was going with them and Crosshair said no, gosh, it's exactly the same as the one when Zeb suggested Kallus defect the Empire and Kallus said no. And guess what? What happened on that moon was what prompted Kallus to question the Empire. It was the beginning of his journey. I believe that it'll be the same for Cross. It'll take some time though.

One last thing for those who are raging against the Batch for leaving Crosshair on the platform alone. First, it was HIS choice to stay and I quote: "I've made my decision". They couldn't have taken him by force. A) That wouldn't have helped so Cross to realize the wrong of his ways. B) Kidnapping him would've been taking his choice again, which the Batch won't do. Crosshair would've resented them for it. C) If you don't remember, Tech said they needed to go before the Empire's scout came, so they knew Crosshair would be picked up eventually.

You could argue that the batch couldn't be sure that the scout would come. True, but then again, it was Crosshair's decision to stay behind. Why didn't he said to them I'll go with you just to leave the planet but you drop me somewhere and we part ways. He could have said that and the batch would've done it. But Crosshair wanted to go back to the Empire. Well, then he has to assume the responsibility for whatever happens to him if the empire never came. It was what happened with Kallus. The Empire never came for him and if it wasn't for some smugglers he would've died frozen in a moon, alone.

Like I said before, people need to take responsibility for their choices.

Remarkable quotes

"Most of the facility must be…" —the ceiling gives out— "compromised." (This one made me laugh 😄 Oh, Tech)

"Blind allegiance makes you a pawn." (Yikes, the truth hurts 😫)

"A real leader protects his squad." (Yes, they do, Hunter, and you did your best effort)

"Understanding you does not mean that I agree with you." (You tell him, Tech! ~ I think I'll be using this phrase a lot dealing with the fandom)

"It's all gone." (Yep, the end of an era 😭😭😭😭)

"You offered us a chance, Crosshair. This is yours."

"I made my choice."

"We want different things, Crosshair. That doesn't mean that we have to be enemies."