#I could list like … six names honestly but then you’d be able to identify me

[theloveinc]

I wish I could tell u the names of all my baby cousins that keep being born because they are RIDICULOUS

[authorkimberlygrey]

The things you need to start the self publishing thing

This is a day late, doesn’t even follow the how to do the thing format, and my dyslexia is running rampant today so ther’s probably six billion typos and mispellings but fuck it let’s goooooooo

Shit you’ll need before you can even get to the shit you need: 

A complete manuscript

I’m talking multiple drafts here people. Beta readers, self edits, tears, blood sacrifice, the works. Unfortunately, this isn’t 1920, we cannot publish our first drafts. 

I mean, you can but its not gonna go well. 

Money

Like. Lots of money. This shit is Expensive. 

A Plan

Don’t be like me. Don’t just suddenly go “alright let’s publish” one day

Actually lay out a timeline for yourself 

Expect delays 

So Many Delays

Plan for publishing at least like six months in advance you will thank yourself later I promise

Ingramspark vs. Createspace or whatever they call it now. They changed the name the other day I think

I went for ingramspark 

Because 

Fuck amazon

Ingramspark is More Professional 

Everyone else also thinks “fuck amazon”

You’ll be able to sell your book more places this way. 

This one is a p personal decison so look this shit up yourself. 

One you’ve got that shit, you can get this other shit

First things first, hire an editor. There are a shit ton of different editors out there, I’m not listing them all, mostly because I don’t remember them all and a lot of them overlap anyway. The majority of places will let you pick an editing ‘package’ that’ll combine several types. Go with that. 

Alright I’ll list a couple kinds of editor. Just the ones I can remember tho, I’m not looking them up again.

Content Editor-looks over the big picture, the story itself. Fuck that grammar bullshit, this is about lookign for plot holes and character inconsistencies and shit. Basically a beta on steroids, I love these dudes. 

Line Editor-this is what everyone thinks of when they say editor. They do the grammar shit. 

Sensitivity reader-make sure you’re not making a dick of yourself, good thing to have. 

Learn how to Format the book

This one you actually can do yourself, its not like...unattainably difficult, especially if you can get ahold of Microsoft Word. 

The basics are: 

Book Size

8.5x5.5 is pretty much the most common

And that’s the interior pages, the cover itself tends to add a lil bit onto that and so if you go measure a bunch of books you’re gonna get 9x6 or something

Font

12 pt. Times New Roman is the standard

Margins.

I think 1 inch is standard? 

Listen, this shit gets complicated and its been like nine months since I did it, I’ll link you some things at the end so you can get a better idea. 

 Header and Footer

Pro tip: Center all of this shit, that way you don’t have to fuck around with aligning it right on the corners of the page. 

Author name on one page, book name on the other

You can do evens or odds, I don’t think there’s a standard

Page number on every page 

EXCEPT: the first page of a new chapter

Just to make things more difficult, nothing goes on those pages. Because fuck you. 

Widows and Orphans 

Yeah I know “what the fuck does that mean???” 

You know how sometimes you’ll have this one sentence that’s just hogging a whole page? Yeah those 

Or those times that a sentence goes onto the next page all on its own

I’m not sure which of those are widows and which ones are orphans tbh. I mean... I could probably guess but nothing is simple you know? 

There’s some places that’ll tell you to do this manually by changing the line spacing and/or text size of each page? 

Don’t fuckign do that

That’s ludicrous. 

There’s literally a button for it on microsoft word

This is one of those things where the easy solution is actually the one you’re supposed to use. 

Oh yeah, indents

No you can’t just press tab

That would be too easy.

And nothing can be easy, remember? 

0.3/0.5 is the standard I think. 

Also make sure everything is left aligned. 

And the line spacing is usually double spaced? I think? 

I want to say there was a certain number of lines per page that was standard and you’re supposed to fiddle around until you get that. So enjoy. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IGkyMhsr28

https://firstmanuscript.com/proper-manuscript-format/

A Cover

Unless you’re like A Professional don’t do this yourself its way more complicated than you’d think 

Have a Solid Idea of what you want your cover to look like. Just shrugging and going “idk man” isn’t going to help anyone. 

This isn’t just the fun artsy shit either

Figure out where you’re putting the blurb and your author picture and your author bio, which, btw, you gotta write too. I’ll get there. 

Author Bio 

Jenna Morecci did a whole video on this so def look that up cause that’s pretty much the best info I’ve got for you. 

But: 

3-5 sentences

Written in third person

Yes its weird to write about yourself this way, just go with it. 

Embrace your inner “whatever fictional character talks in third person” and go with it

One sentence on your experience with writing whatever this is

One sentence about yourself/shit you like 

And one on something else, I’m not watching the whole video over for this. Just go watch Jenna, you’ll love her.

I don’t think I’ve ever read an author bio and I don’t know anyone else who does either but I guess somebody must so we all have to suffer. 

A Copyright thing

Like. Register your book with the copy right office so that if someone tries to steal it you can tell them to stop. 

Yes this costs money too. Becasue fuck you I guess. 

This sounds really intimidating but honestly you just fill out paperwork and while that stresses me personally out beyond rationality its not really that bad. 

Don’t forget to add the copyright page in your book too, there’s a thing on the format for it, lemme look 

Here ya go: 

https://blog.reedsy.com/copyright-page/

An ISBN

Most people upon reading this immeditaely went “what the fuck is an ISBN?”

If you didn’t then good job you’re more prepared than I was. Good on you. 

An ISBN is like an identifying number for your book. 

Actually, its an identifying number for specifically this format of your book. If you’re planning on doing a paperback and an ebook or a hardcover or an audiobook or whatever, you need to get an ISBN for Every Format of it

You can buy ISBNs ((in the US at least, I don’t know about other countries sorry)) on Bowker.com 

Why did they name it that? 

I don’t know

You would think that they’d maybe pick a more...I don’t know, relevant name for their site? 

Listen, a fact of publishing a book is that everyone involved has conspired to make is as frustrating as humanly possible. You’re just going to have to accept that. 

Why is their whole site mascot a bird? 

Also don’t know. They’re having a good time with it I guess.

Maybe something to do with Bowker sounding like bough?

Also a barcode! 

Yeah, didn’t think you’d have to buy that did you? 

Neither did I but here we are

Actually you don’t have to buy one if you use ingramspark, they’ll give you one when you use their cover template thing apparently. 

Know what price you want to sell the book for

Even in self publishing, the place you’re going through is gonna want a piece of the pie. Enjoy that. 

Ingramspark has a calculator for that actually, its p cool

You can stick the price in the barcode 

Idk if that relevant but that’s a thing you can do?

uhh…..I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting something….

You might want to get an author website set up? 

You should probably have that before now but if youre doing this Chaos Style (™) like I did then you probably want it up before you publish so you can put it on the book somewhere. 

People you need to hire: 

Editor

Cover Designer

Possibly a formatting person if you decide fuck that shit

 Which. Understandable

Shit you need to get a handle on

Formatting

 If you decide fuck yourself

 Which. Understandable

Copyright

Price

ISBN 

OH yeah. 

Marketing Junk 

You honeslty need to have a handle on this shit Waaaaaaayyyy the fuck in the future. If you’re only thinking about it like...now its probably not great. 

The Chaos Method is not generally a good approach

See: Ascendant’s release was essentially a flop and even tho people who read the book love the book I’m still struggling to get people to read the book

Psst read the book its great I promise

Your book release is like. The Biggest Chance for marketing shit 

Get on top of that junk

Giveaways

Posts about it 

Just

Everything all the time everywhere

You definitely need a schedule for this 

Like seriously

Make a plan. 

That’s pretty much it I think. I mean...look in other places too because like I said earlier, its been months since I did this and when I did do it it was the Chaos Method of me just going “I’m gonna publish now” and Doing That. 

Get a plan, believe in yourself. Get a publishing mentor

Someone who’s done this shit before and can give you some encouragement and direction. 

It probably shouldn’t be me but I guess if you need help I’m game to do what I can. 

Also be prepared to like. Crash, mentally, So Hard. Its terrible. See my older post for all the shitty shit about publishing this way.

[lastsonlost]

I heard a story about a woman who knew her husband had left her when she came home from work and their Alexa was missing.

The woman put something in the oven and said, “Alexa! Set the timer.”

Alexa did not respond.

“Alexa?”

The woman searched her house. Her husband had packed his bags, moved out, and taken Alexa.

This will never happen to me because I am the kind of woman who will never have an Alexa, because I will never let another woman’s name be said more than my own, in my home. 

Or anywhere else.When my husband and I stayed at The Wynn Resort and Casino in Las Vegas, every room came with Alexa. Two robes, electric blackout drapes, HBO, and Alexa.Alexa was beige and sat on the beige desk and blended into the beige wallpaper. She looked like one of those toads that blends into a desert. You don’t see it until it blinks.

 And then it is all you see. Breathing and blinking and listening and looking at you. Blink.We overheard our hotel neighbor get his wife in the mood. “Alexa! Play Stevie Wonder!”Alexa said, “Playing Stevie Wonder on SiriusXM.”And then: “Alexa! Play ‘My Cherie Amour’!”Alexa said, “Playing ‘My Cheri Amour.’”And then, through muffled cries of passion: “Alexa! Play ‘Very Superstitious’!”Alexa said, “I’m having trouble understanding you. Would you repeat that?”“Play ‘Very Superstitious’!”“Do you mean, ‘Superstition’?”“Yes!”“Ok. Playing ‘Superstition’.”

Yes, during a game of Tune in Tokyo with his wife, our neighbor had a full-on conversation with another woman. Robot lady or not, that is an open marriage. And my marriage is as shuttered up as a beach house in a hurricane.I called housekeeping to have Alexa removed from our room.

No, I did not think my husband would fall in love with Alexa the same way some Japanese men marry their Nintendo virtual girlfriends. But you can never be too sure. These things happen. And Alexa knows all of your man’s things.Alexa is never impatient or sullen or moody or mad. She never gets her period, so she never gets PMS. Menopause and gravity are as hysterical as Chip and Dale. Alexa speaks only when spoken to. She sits at the ready, ready to serve.

You’d call me crazy if I let another woman sit in the corner of my bedroom, all day, every day; never sleeping, or in want of food, water, chitchat, or a toilet; able to summon my husband’s every whim from Amazon like a modern day Barbara Eden in a bottle.“Alexa! Order a cooling eye mask and a box of Nicorette.”“Yes, Master.” Blink.Nuh-uh, no way. I Dream of Jeanie genie, Jeff Bezos robot lady, or Playboy centerfold — they are all the same to me. I ain’t letting none of them in my house. Because it’s my house and my husband is mine. I’m not jealous, I’m territorial.

It’s not that I don’t trust my husband. I trust him.But, it’s like Mama used to say when I started to drive, “I trust you, Helen Michelle, I just don’t trust the rest of the world.” Mama taught me: “Before you get in a car, check the backseat for a crouched murderer; and then check under the car because that’s where murderers like to hide and slice your ankles.”Mama taught me: “Before you get in a car, check the backseat for a crouched murderer; and then check under the car because that’s where murderers like to hide and slice your ankles.”I’m such a defensive driver, I haven’t driven since I was 19. So when it comes to my marriage, I’m a defensive wife.

Im not going to let my husband and thereby my marriage be preyed upon. We’re all human and susceptible to temptation. Honestly, if fold-out Farrah Fawcett came to life in that red one-piece, she’d have my hall pass. Hall passes are imaginary Get Out of Jail Free cards that married people give each other to fantasize about cheating with celebrities or dead people, before they got old or died. But, a fantasy is cheating. 

That’s why you keep it to yourself. My husband and I do not have hall passes.If my husband cheats on me in my dreams, I wake up furious. Or I used to. A few years back, I made it a New Year’s resolution to stop chastising him as soon as he opened his chocolaty brown eyes because, as he has said: he didn’t DO anything.If my husband cheats on me in my dreams, I wake up furious.My husband never does anything. So, I trust him. I just don’t trust the rest of the world.When I went on book tour for three weeks, my husband lost seven pounds and I treated his healthy choices as a personal affront. In my absence, he’d ordered twenty-one lunches and twenty-one suppers from Chop’t Creative Salad Company. 

So, forty-two salads.To me, a salad bar is as foreboding as a sex dungeon: chilly, and laid out with objects that I would never dare handle. I mean, Beets? Jicama? How do you even even begin to peel and cook those things? I imagined a Chop’t lady salad-chopper, clad in a latex apron and stud collar, side-stepping along a smorgasbord of kink, asking in the desensitized tone of a 9–1–1 operator: “And what else?”“Ball gag.”“And what else?”“Anal beads.”“And what else?”“Avocado”“Avocado is $1.99 extra

.”“Ok.”“And what else?” Blink.Ifeed my husband pasta, potatoes, gluten, and carbs. I feed him these things because they make his eyes roll back in his head and he makes a little noise. I like to make him make that little noise, and Lipitor be damned, I will continue to make the food that makes him make that little noise until our hearts burst and we die.And I make spaghetti. My husband has loved and eaten my spaghetti for twenty-some years. He loves my spaghetti and I am quite sure it is one of the many reasons why he married me.

 My spaghetti started out as a jar of Ragu and a pound of ground round; but with age and experimentation, developed into hand-rolled lamb and pork meatballs simmered in a homemade marinara, topped with sautéed mushrooms. Same dish, new tricks. But it’s still my spaghetti. Or as I like to call it: The Usual, Enhanced.When my husband eats forty-two salads while I’m out of town, I get nervous because someone gave my husband something I could have, but didn’t.I asked him: “Do you want me to make salads?”My husband said, “Maybe sometimes.”I asked: “Do you want me to buy a cat-o’-nine-tails and walk you around the living room on a leash?”“What? No. Why would you ask me that?”“Just checking.”After all, we’ve spent half our lifetimes doing The Usual, Enhanced in bed. And for ages, I’ve worn pajamas with my married initials monogrammed on the pocket. Nothing says, Let’s get it on like embroidery. But you never know. 

So, every few years, it’s polite to ask.Because I respect my marriage.To people who are not respectful of my marriage, I am not polite.There are marital lines you should not cross. And as a defensive wife, it’s my place to point them out to you. Usually it takes one comment from me for you to learn where the lines are. Once you identify them, we’ll get along fine; and you can maneuver around those lines like Tom Cruise did in that roomful of lasers in Mission Impossible.A man at our home poker game had the habit of getting up from his seat to rub other men’s shoulders. I was the only woman at the table, and he knew better than to lay hands on me, but when he put his meat hooks onto the bare skin of my husband’s neck, I said, “Get your hands off my husband!”“What?” he laughed.All the men laughed.I said, “Would you massage another man’s wife?”Message received.

Other helpful hints include: Don’t call, text, or email my husband to make social plans, contact me. Don’t give my husband a gift, because I will construe whatever it is as too personal. Don’t talk about my husband’s butt, only I get to talk about his butt. Don’t post a picture of my husband with his shirt off on your Facebook page. No, it doesn’t matter that he was sitting on softball bleachers with six other men who had their shirts off on the hottest day in history. He is half-naked, and that glistening sun-kissed chest is mine, not yours to share.And I ain’t sharing.Those who don’t take my warnings seriously, fall off our Christmas card list. Sometimes, I let them live on in infamy with little nicknames like Baby Fish Mouth and The Drip. I can’t tell you what those nicknames stem from, or what those women did to offend me; because if they recognize themselves in print, won’t my face be red? So, let’s just say, they did something inappropriate in front of my husband. Like commando cartwheels. And then, after I expressly told them not to, cartwheeled again.Not everyone who bothers me is such a femme fatale.

 A femme fatale used to be a 1940’s black-and-white movie actress, who smoked Pall Malls with a cigarette holder and could seduce a walnut; nowadays it’s any woman who’s younger and has a waist cinched like a Go-Gurt. But I’m an equal-opportunity hand-slapper. And no one deserves to get her hand slapped more than a person who tries to bust the chops of my marriage.At a party, in front of me and a bunch of guests, a woman grabbed my husband’s left hand, and asked him where his wedding ring was. In truth, there have been three such women at three such parties. And the only reason any of these women would call attention to a missing wedding ring is to imply that my husband is in the market to cheat. My husband is Greek and thereby wears his ring on his right hand.

 He held up his right hand and showed this woman his ring.The woman said, “Oh.”And then I asked that woman in front of my husband and that very same bunch of guests: “Do you have many women friends?”The woman said, “No.”I said, “That kind of comment is why.”When I told my friend Hannah about this, she said, “I don’t remember what you did years ago, but I figured out real-quick that I wasn’t supposed to say nice things about his suits.”I said, “I probably dumped a bowl of spaghetti over your head.”Hannah said, “No it wasn’t that.”“Did I tell you flat out: don’t talk about my husband’s suits.”Hannah said, “I think you gave me a look.

”Yeah, I can give a rough look. There’s nothing scarier than a happy peppy woman going dark in an instant. It’s like a Raggedy Ann doll foaming at the mouth. You see that once, you don’t ever want to see it again.And Hannah hasn’t. A benefit of never again crossing one of my marital lines is that I am as fiercely appreciative of, loyal to, and protective of our friendship.My friend Ann says, “Your ferocity is how you show love.”I love my husband so much, I tell him: “If you cheat on me, I am going to jail. Because I will murder you. I have no fear of prison. I can be somebody’s bitch in two seconds.”My husband has never cheated on me.

 I trust him because he knows my rules apply to him too.He may compliment another woman’s intelligence, sense of humor, career, and accomplishments; but he may not compliment her appearance. He may hug a female friend hello (upon her initiation), but he may not otherwise touch her unless he’s administering the Heimlich maneuver, which out of respect for me, he has never bothered to learn. He doesn’t need to know the Heimlich maneuver, because I know the Heimlich maneuver, and the latest CPR method, and how to use an airport defibrillator. My husband knows how to dial 9–1–1.A dispatcher asks, “9–1–1, what’s your emergency?”“I’d like a serving platter for our twentieth wedding anniversary.”“And what else?”“Roses.”“And what else?”“Chocolates.”“Soft center or nuts?”“My wife isn’t nuts.”Blink.

[chocoholicannanymous]

Laying Down the Law (J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter) 1/?

When all is said and done, the Wizarding world will never be kind to muggleborns, nor will it follow the rules they’re used to.

This is a Marriage Law fic (yes, I know, in 2019). It’s an older work that’s been in my folder for ages (pre-tumblr by a few years even) and that I’m curious to see if there’s any interest in me finishing. (If you want to know what the Marriage Law challenge is/means, here’s a post on Fanlore.)

Disclaimer: I solemnly swear that I do not own anything except this idea, two incomplete sets of books and a pile of DVDs.

Laying Down the Law

When the spell blasted her front door to pieces Hermione didn’t as much as flinch. She raised an eyebrow, almost enjoying the irony of it all, but she was anything but surprised. She’d been awaiting it – and not only because her “visitor” had triggered no less than six sets of wards in the past five minutes. In all honesty she was only surprised it had taken this long – she had after all been waiting for over 36 hours.

As the last pieces of the door fell down and the person responsible for the destruction stepped into her home Hermione sat calmly in her chair, sipped her tea and wondered if she should have gotten herself some cake to go with it. The door, well, she never had been that fond of the bulky dull brown door.

“It’s over. Your traitor of a husband is dead, and now it’s time for you to pay for your crimes,” the tall man said in a threatening voice.

She looked him over, noticing every little detail about him, trying to see the boy she’d once known in the man – the killer – in front of her.

She failed abysmally.

“As for my husband, I know he’s dead. I’ve known about his death for quite some time. And ‘pay for my crimes’? Really. How droll. We’ll have to talk about those, honestly. What crimes would that be exactly?” She arched an eyebrow, knowing full well that the only crimes she’d ever committed were unknown to her former schoolmate. However, there was no telling what those in power would be trying to tack on her; she had a feeling she was about to find out though.

“You betrayed us!”

“Betrayal is such an ugly word, serious too. While I may not have acted the way you wanted me to that hardly qualifies as betrayal. No, there was a lot of that going around, but not from me. I stayed loyal to my ideals, kept fighting for what I believed was right. But if you really want to talk about betrayal, how about you start by looking in the mirror, Ronald?”

“You married that bloody git Snape!” Ron bellowed, looking like he was about to burst a blood vessel.

“So? Yes, I married Severus. Getting married doesn’t equate to betraying anyone, not when both parties are single. Besides, you know why I married him.”

“Yeah, because McGonagall caught you shagging him!”

“No, the Marriage Law–”

“Don’t give me that crap, Hermione. You keep talking to me like I’m stupid, you always have, but I’m not. The Marriage Law only concerned those who were of age, and you weren’t. So stop trying to lie to me.”

“Fine, Ronald. You say I treat you like you’re stupid. Let’s find out if you know what you’re talking about then, shall we? Did you ever read the Marriage Law? Not the tripe reported in the Daily Prophet, or whatever memos the Ministry sent out, but the actual Law?”

“I know what it says, Hermione.”

“Did. You. Read. It?” She stressed every word, and kept looking at him with unwavering eyes, challenging him, silently daring him to try and lie his way out of it.

“Not really, no,” Ron finally mumbled.

“Okay. Then let me explain. For starters, it didn’t really say that it only concerned witches and wizards who were of age. Yes, I know that’s how people interpreted it, and how it was reported, but that’s not what it actually said.

“In the actual legal text it stated that ‘subject to the Marriage Law are witches and wizards who have lived for at least 6200 days’. First of all, that doesn’t really add up to 17 years, there’s a few days lacking actually. Second, it meant that people who had used a Time-turner had their ages revised. Do you remember that I used one during our third year at Hogwarts? All it took was some spells down at the Ministry, and presto! I was an eligible witch subject to the Marriage Law.”

“That still didn’t force you to marry Snape! So, you were eligible! So we’d have had to get married a little sooner than expected! But oh no, you run off and shag that despicable bastard. When you knew I’d marry you.”

“Did I? Honestly, I–”

“Shut up Hermione!” Ron’s anger was getting the best of him, and his control over his magic was clearly wavering. His bellow carried a hint of magic in it, making her windows crack. Oh, well, this place needed repairs anyway. The list will just be longer by the end of this.

“You knew. Everyone knew. We were meant for each other, and I would have petitioned for you as soon as I found out about your age-revision. All you needed to do was give me some time, but no. Not you. You just took off and went straight into bed with someone you knew I hated. You–”

“Silence.” There was no magic behind her command, just a silent fury. Ron still obeyed.

“Now, I can’t speak for anyone else, Ronald, but me personally? I sure didn’t know we were ‘meant for each other’. Just as I didn’t know you wanted to marry me. I didn’t even know for sure you saw me as anything but a way to cheat your way through Hogwarts.

“Not once did you tell me you liked me; not once did you ask me out or in any way as much as hint to seeing me as a real girl. The closest you ever came was when you and Harry hadn’t been able to score dates for the Yule ball during the Triwizard tournament – and even then it was only after Neville told you he’d asked me. Remember? ‘Neville’s right, you’re a girl,’ wasn’t that what you said? And of course, not even then did you ask me. You just told me I’d be able to go with you or Harry.

“How could I have missed the glowing declaration of love in that?”

Hermione knew she was being mean, and snarky enough to practically be channelling her late husband, just as she knew this was a bad approach when dealing with Ronald Weasley. Still. He’d hurt her so much, so many times. Not showing it was beyond her capability.

She was done pretending to be less so other people would like her.

“Then, when I told you I already had a date you accused me of lying, proceeding to tell everyone so. And to top it all, once you found out I really had a date you completely flipped. First accusing me of helping Victor against Harry, then accusing Victor of only going with me to gain inside information, and all together ruining my evening.

“It was obvious you were angry, maybe even jealous, but that didn’t make me feel any special or treasured. After all, during Third Year you showed considerably more feeling when it came to the disappearance of ‘Scabbers’...”

Looking at Ron’s face Hermione saw that he was in need of a Calming Draught. She wasn’t going to offer him one though – not only because he’d most likely refuse.

No. As far as she was concerned Ronald Weasley could make himself implode if he wanted. After everything he’d put her through he didn’t deserve her concern.

Ron visibly tried to pull himself together, wanting to say something. Hermione wouldn’t have it though.

“Explain to me how I was to know that you intended for us to get married? Oh, wait. Was it your comment when I was worried about the early reports that the Marriage Law might be passed? What was it again, now? Oh, yes. ‘Don’t worry, Hermione, it’s not like you’ll be in any danger.’ Right. How on Earth could I have missed that declaration of love?”

Ron stuttered, still scarlet-faced, and then started breathing in and out in an obvious attempt to calm down. She waited him out – after all, he might have something worthwhile to say, and monologuing just seemed so villainous.

“So maybe I wasn’t as clear as you’d have liked. Still, all you needed to do was give me time.”

“Oh, Ronald! Please, don’t be naïve. There was no time. If I had waited for you to make your move I would have been married off before you’d even managed to find a clean piece of parchment.

“The Ministry tried to make sure no information about the Law leaked out before it was firmly in place and active, but the Order had their informants. As soon as the Ministry decided to pass the Law one of those informants found out, and went to Albus,” she saw Ron’s shock at her easy use of their former headmaster’s first name, and relished in it, “who immediately started going over which members of the Order needed to be protected. It didn’t take him too long to realise that I was a target too. I was called to Hogwarts for a meeting at once.” Hermione shook her head as the memories rose up and threatened to take over.

“How did Dumbledore know you’d be affected, huh?”

“The informant overheard Fudge talking to someone in the fire, telling them that he had all the signatures he needed for the Law and that it would pass the next morning. Then he said something along the lines of ‘Don’t worry, I had the age-revision done a few hours ago’. The informant couldn’t properly identify who Fudge was talking to, but that snippet of information was enough to make Albus act.

“Of course, he didn’t tell me straight out that I should rush back to Grimmauld Place and ask you to marry me, but it was obvious that he was expecting it. Oh, he asked me if I needed ‘help’ avoiding the Law, but when I told him I thought I had it covered he just smiled that ‘I thought so’ smile and sent me on my way.

“And I, silly girl, did exactly as he expected. I went back to Grimmauld Place as quickly as I could and started looking for you. When I left you, Harry and Ginny were talking about some Quidditch game in the kitchen, but when I returned you were gone. All that remained was a note, ‘Gone to cheer up Harry’ – not even a location and an invitation to join you. If the situation hadn’t been so serious I would have been extremely hurt. As it was I just panicked.”

The hurt had come later – days later. It'd been years, and Hermione still remembered how she'd cried, feeling discarded. The hurt was still present, somewhat, even if it was tinged with rage these days.

Everything she'd gone through, all the pain she'd felt. And all of it could have been avoided if only her best friends had included her in their plans.

[redditnosleep]

A Stitch In Time

by sleepyhollow_101

My family history isn't all that interesting.

I've been getting into genealogy in recent years. It's really cool, reading about all the people who led up to... well, you. I've helped my friends uncover bits and pieces of their family histories. I discovered a drug dealer who fell asleep on some train tracks and lost his legs - he lived to be eighty-six. I found the death certificate of a twelve-year-old girl whose cause of death was: "victim of the beast."

As for my family, we haven't done much of note. The only person I found that had made a "splash," so to speak, was my great great Aunt Esther. She was the first female surgeon in the state, and she was rumored to be brilliant, a prodigy. In fact, after being rejected from dozens of medical schools, she marched into an admissions meeting at the local university and demanded the opportunity to show her skills. The board gave her a chance, hoping to watch her humiliate herself. Instead, she showed such a breadth of knowledge and skill that they admitted her on the spot, the university's first female student. Articles about her pop up once every few years when discussing women's contributions to medicine and our state's history.

I'd thought I'd learned everything there was to know about Esther. I'd read all the articles, gone through all her documentation that I could find online... I was ready to call it quits, happy with what I'd learned, when I got a call from my great Aunt Margaret.

You see, Aunt Margaret is getting on in age - she's in her eighties already - and is going to move to a new city to be closer to her daughter. She'll be moving into an apartment and, as such, needs to get rid of some of her old things. One of those things was a trunk of items she'd inherited from her mother, Esther's sister.

Esther had never married, and so all of her possessions stayed in our family. Margaret had taken ownership of it at her mother's request, leaving it to sit and rot up in her attic. When she happened upon it while cleaning out her things, she immediately thought of me.

"I knew you'd been looking for more information about our family, so I thought you might like to see it!" she'd said. "You can take it off my hands and do what you want with it. My daughter has no interest in it. Honestly, it will probably end up just getting thrown away. At least this way you can see if there's anything interesting or worthwhile in it."

I couldn't stand the thought of letting that trunk be thrown away - even though our family history wasn't that interesting, it was still OUR history. And who knows, maybe something in there was worthwhile. So I agreed to make the drive to pick up the trunk.

When I got there, she had hauled it downstairs - much to her daughter's consternation - and opened it up so we could look through it together.

Going through the trunk was fascinating and reminded me of why I fell in love with genealogy. We found two journals in good condition, which I resolved to read thoroughly later. We also found several papers, including Esther's birth certificate and her diploma.

But what really caught my attention was what we found at the bottom of the trunk.

It was a huge, beautiful quilt with colors that were still as bright as the day it must have been stitched. On several of the squares, a name had been embroidered, each done in a different style. There were twelve in all.

"Ah, I'd almost forgot about that," said Aunt Margaret. "That Esther was in that stitching club."

Margaret seemed content to let the matter die there. It wasn't until I prompted her that she continued.

"Well, when Esther moved into the area, she didn't have any friends. She wasn't married so she didn't meet any of the other couples. But she was very skilled at embroidery and quilting. She managed to get together some ladies who were similarly interested and they made this quilt together. Each one designed a square and embroidered it, then stitched their name on it. The result is what you see here. They got on very well indeed. I'm sure Esther was sad to leave them when she moved on to the next town to attend school."

"Well, what happened to the ladies?" I asked, tracing a name with the tip of my finger. "Did they keep in touch with Esther?"

Aunt Margaret shrugged, but her smile was just a touch mischievous. "Well, I'm sure I wouldn't know any of that. But I bet you could find out, couldn't you?"

She'd backed the right horse.

I took everything in the trunk - even the few dresses and odds and ends of clothing that nobody would think to wear now - and headed home, determined to uncover the mystery that was Esther.

Looking back on it now, I ended up doing things somewhat backwards. I should have started with the journals. First-hand accounts from the woman I was researching? That's gold. However, I was too fascinated by the quilt itself. I decided to start by seeing what I could find about the names listed - I could always check the journals later if I came up empty.

Maybe if I'd done things the proper way, I would have discovered the truth sooner.

First, I made a list of the names. I'll include shorthand versions here, so as to preserve the anonymity of Esther's sewing mates.

They are as follows:

Esther T. (My great great aunt.) Ruth V. Ruth S. Taalke P. Maud V. Greta A. Shirley C. Tabitha G. Elizabeth R. Elizabeth V. Mary C. Annabell T.

Twelve names in all. Based on the information Aunt Margaret gave me, I was able to estimate where they lived, at least while they were working on the quilt with Esther - in a township about fifty miles from where I currently live. That constraint would narrow down my search considerably.

I started with the Internet. Of course, these women lived in the mid-to-late 1800s, so I wasn't hopeful about digital records. I figured that many of the records hadn't been digitized at all. I was right, but the ones that had been piqued my suspicion.

The first two I came across were Ruth and Maud V. They were sisters only two years apart, and gotten married on the same day... to brothers. I found a digitized article discussing the affair. It's small-town news, the kind of thing that shouldn't be noteworthy, but is to people who have nothing better to gossip about.

The article was paired with another - a double obituary. Both girls had died in 1887. At least, they were presumed dead. They'd disappeared together, much to everyone's surprise. Apparently they had happy marriages, according to their neighbors. My immediate guess was that they weren't so happy after all. It's possible they had simply run away and their obituaries were premature, but two bodies were found downriver a few months later. They were too decayed to positively identify, but they were female and in the same age range as the sisters. They were buried with the sisters' names and that was the end of that.

It made sense that these articles were digitized, I decided. After all, it was a strange case with a terrible ending - plus, the site I found them on was dedicated to "unsolved mysteries" in our state. I thought my search would be less fruitful with the other women.

It's almost shocking how wrong a person can be, especially when they think they have it all figured out already.

I found obituaries for six of the other women: Taalke P., Annabell T., Tabitha G., both Elizabeths, and Mary C. What started off as a strange coincidence soon became a disturbing pattern.

Each and every woman - disappeared.

Only one was found and positively identified - Mary C. Her body was found in a shallow grave in the woods several miles outside of town. She wouldn't have been found, except that a dog had unearthed her corpse and its owner had happened upon her remains. She had been missing for about a week when she was found. The doctors were able to discern that her body had been carved open and several organs had been removed. Crudely. A picture that was taken prior to her disappearance was included in the obituary. She looked familiar, but I couldn't place how or why. The police had launched an investigation and concluded she was likely murdered by a drifter - a curfew was then implemented for the women and children of the town and continued for six months.

At this point, my search hit a roadblock. The remaining obituaries and documents had yet to be digitized. What had happened to Shirley C., Greta A., and Ruth S.? I had to know.

The next day, I contacted the county historian for Esther's township. I told her what I was looking for and she assured me she would find all existing documents pertaining to the women. She agreed to fax them over once she had found them.

I spent the next several days organizing the information I'd found while I waited for the documents. When I was finished with that, I found myself wondering. What had happened to these women? But, more importantly... why? Were they being targeted because of the embroidery club? Or did the threat extend to all women in the town? How long did the murdering go on? In the end, how many women died?

My answer came quickly.

First, Shirley C. I received a death certificate and an obituary. Another woman gone missing. She would have been the first to disappear, in early 1886. The obituary commented that she had had several mental breaks before and it was quite likely she had gone off and killed herself. As such, no investigation had been conducted. Another article that the historian included showed that Shirley's husband had remarried six months later.

Greta A. disappeared in 1889 while on an outing with Ruth S. The two women had gone walking near the lake and vanished, never to be seen again. The obituaries cited the lake as a dangerous area where many a young lady had drowned. A separate article in the township paper had advised women to stay away from the lake that summer and to watch their children carefully, lest they should run off and drown.

The final article that the historian sent me was about the embroidery club itself. The article stated that it had been organized by "local spinster, Esther T." A picture was included that showed the women posing together by the half-completed quilt. Esther stood in the back, looking sternly at the camera. Looking at her sent a shiver down my spine.

Twelve women. Eleven disappeared, possibly murdered. All except for one: my great great Aunt Esther.

Why?

I read and reread each article, looking for more clues, more details. When that failed to produce anything worthwhile, I turned to the journals.

In my obsession with the quilt, I'd completely forgotten about them. I wasn't sure there'd be any information in them - I didn't even know if they had belonged to Esther or not. But I decided it was worth looking.

The first journal was really just a collection of notes that Esther had taken on her studies. She'd clearly used it a lot - the pages were stained, probably with coffee based on how dark they were. She went into great detail on anatomy, illustrating each and every nook and cranny on the human body. Her meticulousness was impressive - it was easy to see why she was the first female surgeon in the state.

There was nothing personal in that journal, and a bunch of anatomy notes weren't going to help me solve the mystery. Putting it aside, I reached for the next one.

You know, the interesting thing about books is that, if nobody reads them, they lose all meaning. It doesn't matter how important or how strange or how beautiful a story is - without an audience, it's a shout into a void that can't answer back. And of course, once a book is opened, it can't always be shut. Some stories, once heard, echo in human history forever.

This was one of those books.

The first page was entitled "Shirley C."

It read as follows:

"Met her in the park near Winchester St. Followed me home, no witnesses. Easy to subdue. Had trouble breaking the sternum - a better method is required. Was able to remove most organs without incident, save the lungs - ribcage is a challenge. Process was slow and messy - I am in much need of practice. Disposal went on without incident - weighted down in the river."

A drawing followed. It was a sketch Esther had made of a young woman's body, her insides on display. It was labeled, like the sketches in her other journal. And, like those sketches, there was a smear of something stained onto the page. Something I had assumed was coffee when reading through Esther's notes.

I began to feel dizzy.

I made it through only a few more entries, including the two sisters Ruth and Maud, who posed a challenge for Esther: "They fought hard. Ruth nearly escaped. Will try to take only individuals next time - any more than that is just trouble."

I stopped reading then, unable to continue. My world spun on its axis as I realized what this meant, what I was reading.

What nobody had read for over a century.

My first thought was I have to call somebody. But who? Do I call the police and report a murderer that's long dead and in the ground? And not just any murderer, but one who is revered as the first female surgeon our state has every seen. A boundary-breaker who forged a path towards equality in medicine. Would it even be considered enough evidence? Sure, there's a confession, but how can it be proved that she truly wrote it?

My mind was a tangled mess as I picked up the journal once again, to continue reading or to burn it, I couldn't decide. That's when a letter fell out from the pack pages.

It was still sealed in its envelope. It was addressed "to whom it may concern." I guessed that was me.

Although it was... I guess potential evidence... I opened it anyway, my fingers shaking and leaving sweat marks on the brittle paper.

To whom it may concern:

It is clear to me that this it the most efficient way to learn what so many schools have refused to teach me. It is, perhaps, the only way. These lives, you must understand, are sacrificed for a greater cause. Think on the lives I can save, if only these few make the sacrifice! Only I have the skill - I am convinced of that. I need only cultivate it.

I fear my work will be interrupted when it is discovered what I have done. I only hope to do what I can in the years I have remaining as a free woman. Whatever my punishment, I will gladly accept it. Anything is worth breaking free from the prison that has been built for me.

Esther.

Those few words swayed me. They convinced me.

I went to the police the next morning, once I'd gathered all the information that I could. I thought they would dismiss it as unimportant, but they were just as fascinated and horrified as I was. As a consequence, they were devoted to cracking open the case for the rest of the world to see.

Esther's belongings are now on display in a local museum. Her story has been running in local papers constantly for the past few weeks, ever since I brought matters to light. I expect that it will become national news after a while.

My Aunt Margaret is no longer speaking to me, along with several other members of my extended family. She feels that the dead are best left alone and that I did nothing but hurt our family by making the story public. I'd always assumed that Margaret hadn't really looked at anything in the trunk, never had the opportunity to make the discovery herself. Perhaps I was wrong.

Esther is no longer a hero. She's a villain, and I refuse to take the blame for it. I couldn't stand to let time enshrine her as something she wasn't. Maybe the world needed her to be a hero. But that's not the truth. And sometimes, the truth is more important, even if it hurts.

As for me, I went to see the exhibit once and only once. Seeing everything on display like that was... disturbing. I saw that they had put the dresses on display as well. I almost walked by that without looking at it when suddenly, it hit me.

The picture of Mary C., the one that had looked so familiar. I understood now.

I looked at the dress that I'd assumed belonged to Esther, my mind suddenly matching it to the dress Mary was wearing in the picture. My eyes strayed to the dark brown stains on the cuffs.

All the way home, it echoed in my brain like a story that just won't die.

[thedeadavenger]

1-30

Well, this is a surprise!

1. If someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

Read: It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini and Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

Watch: Iron Man, Hacksaw Ridge, Baby Driver, Guardians of the Galaxy, Star Wars, Jurassic Park, and The Nightmare Before Christmas

Listen: Panic! at the Disco (specifically A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out and Pretty. Odd.), Kaleo, and Bastille (any of their albums tbh)

2. Have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? If so, who?

If this is like “wow this author’s characters are relatable as fuck” I’d say Ned Vizzini. His character is a reflection of him, and boy do I resonate with him.

3. List your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.

Jesus Christ. This is gonna be a long one, so I’ll only do major fandoms

Shadowhunter Chronicles: Simon Lewis Lovelace

Six of Crows/Grisha: Wylan Van Eck

Doctor Who: Twelve or Bill

Sherlock: Mycroft

Walking Dead: Maggie

Stranger Things: Dustin

Voltron: Pidge

Marvel: Peter Quill or Peter Parker

Gotham: Ivy

Star Wars: young!Obi-Wan

Welcome to Night Vale: Carlos

4. Do you like your name? Is there another name you think would fit you better?

I go through phases with my name, but I don’t think another one would fit me better

5. Do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? Do you identify yourself by the things you do?

Human being. And considering I rarely do anything, no (that’s depressing, yikes)

6. Are you religious/spiritual?

Nope, but no hate to anyone who is!

7. Do you care about your ethnicity?

Answered here!

8. What musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?

This is going to sound ridiculously emo, but Panic! at the Disco and Bastille

9. Are you an artist?

I wish

10. Do you have a creed?

I don’t know what this means, so I’m going to say I don’t think so

11. Describe your ideal day.

No school, staying in my pjs, and watching tv and movies and enjoying them instead of mildly disassociating while watching them

12. Dog person or cat person?

Dogs!

13. Inside or outdoors?

Inside

14. Are you a musician?

I wish

15. Five most influential books over your lifetime.

It’s Kind of a Funny Story, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, The Great Gatsby, The Hunger Games, and IT

16. If you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?

Definitely not. For one, I’d probably be able to deal with emotions normally

17. Would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”?

I like to think so

18. What’s your patronus?

Answered here!

19. Which Harry Potter house would you be in? Or are you a muggle?

Slytherin for sure

20. Would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?

Hogwarts as long as Harry isn’t there

21. Do you love easily?

I don’t think so

22. List the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order.

Sleeping, sitting on the couch in silence while scrolling endlessly, watching tv with my mom, watching YouTube, reading

23. How often would you want to see your family every year?

I see all the people I want to see fairly often, so I guess nearly every day?

24. Have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone?

I can’t even pretend I know what this means

25. Could you live as a hermit?

I mean, if I have WiFi and heating/cooling, yeah

26. How would you describe your gender/sexuality?

A cis ace lesbian

27. Do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”?

Definitely lmao

28. On a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin?

Probably an even 5. It honestly depends on the situation

29. Three songs that you connect with right now.

Weight of Living, Pt. II and literally every song off of Evolve

30. Pick one of your favorite quotes.

Answered here!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #65

“i couldn’t take my eyes off her, but that’s not what i took off that night.”

have you ever wanted to travel to germany?   i have, yes.  if we happen to be blessed with quite a good income, i'd really like to do that once i have children, go on a big family trip to germany.  i'd need to brush up on my german, though! is marijuana legal for "recreational use" where you live? also what is your opinion on the recent legalization of marijuana in certain states?   i don't think it is... but the whole legalization shit is stupid.  you will never convince me that marijuana isn't dangerous.  don't legalize dangerous shit. do you usually have bad symptoms around "that time of the month"?   i'd say i'm luckier than most, now that i've been on the pill.  i get mild cramps, headaches, and i usually break out a bit. how do you feel about being called sweetie/dear/honey/etc.?   i'd have no problem with it.  jason never called me any of those listed though, just "love," which was my favorite anyway. do you have your national flag hanged up anywhere outside your house?   no, we don't. would you ever go to japan?   omg yes!! have you ever been in a choir?
   i was in the church, yes. have you ever had a speech impediment?   i stutter pretty badly. give out your phone number over the internet?    i have to VERY few people. what do people usually think your ethnicity is?   it's pretty obvious i'm caucasian. how do you feel about people using graphic images as a scare tactic to promote their beliefs? (i.e.: peta, abortion…)   do it.  DO IT.  it may be "too much" for someone, but that's how you initiate action, sometimes.  now i mean if you're going to show something ludicrously morbid or something, sure, censor that, please.  some things truly are too much. do you think gender neutral bathrooms are a good idea?   i'm neutral. how about the transgender bathroom business? you know exactly what i'm talking about.   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TUMBLR WOULD FUCKING CLOSE MY ACCOUNT IF I SAID ONE WORD ABOUT THIS MATTER. what are some of your favorite websites for online shopping?   rebel's market makes me moist. do you think it’s fair that people are able to make a reasonable salary and live comfortable lives just by making youtube videos?   not in the slightest.  they're entertainers.  just like singers, comedians, etc... inspired by an event at my school: why do you think there’s so much girl-on-girl hate in our culture?   because the country's homophobic. do you have a nice yard? if so, do you spend a lot of time outside in it? if not, where do you go when you want to relax outdoors on nice days?   there's nothing special about it.  and there's nowhere for me to relax if i wanna go outside.  we have no chairs outside or whatever. is there a group of friends that you used to hang out with but no longer do? why don’t you hang out anymore and how do you feel about them now?   i'll admit i was a loose "member" of the gothic/emo/scene/metalheads/whatever clique in high school.  because i identified most with them.  like we all sat together at lunch and such.  it was hilarious, actually; overlooking the cafeteria, there'd just be this big splotch of black. xD  i didn't "know" everyone in the group, just names, just select people.  i miss a good number of them.  we just had this... weird, underlying connection that said "hey, you're like me." how many siblings does your significant other or crush have?   he has one older brother. what is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating?   WHERE THE FUCK IS "THE INCREDIBLES II" do you have any ideas for a story or movie you’re planning to write or you’d write if you got the time/had the talent? please share a synopsis!   i had plenty of story ideas as a kid, but none i never fully went through, except one.  i don't feel like sharing, mostly because i barely remember it. what is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “that book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)?   i wouldn't just magically say "OKAY I TRUST YOU," but it would in fact entice me to trust you easier.  probably if you mentioned being a gmm fan. do you refer to yourself by any sort of fan nickname (belieber, little monster, etc.)?   mythical beast, motherfucker! \m/ do you ever just get lazy and give up on your friendships?   no.  if you think you're going to "get lazy" with a friendship, omg, just fuck off. if you are single, even if you are normally happily single, are there certain specific things you witness that make you wish you were in a relationship (e.g., people getting engaged)?   honestly, i constantly wish i was.  that sounds very desperate and... easy-to-get-ish, but i'm not lying about myself on my own blog.  single life is very lonely to me personally.  i think almost every human seeks knowing someone is interested in them in that sense and will always be there. out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? do you use it for more than one site?   my name almost everywhere is "ozzkat," which i really like, as it combines two of my favorite things. are there any cities near you that you’re afraid to go to because of the crime rate or its other bad reputations?   fuck sharpsburg.  where i grew up. do you grandparents ever judge you or stick their heads in your business? if not, is there someone else in your life you dread seeing because of their unwanted input?   my maternal grandmother is... ugh.  she's very closed-minded about important issues; like she only JUST recently opened up her mind to mental illnesses because of some drama in my family transpiring.  so for a long time, my illnesses were invalid to her.  last time i saw her though, we got along quite well. have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)?   ha ha omg just a few days back i spent all day with colleen and chels looking up tats, pinning all those i wanted on pinterest! if you ever think about getting married, what are some aspects of the wedding that you would like to see in a non-traditional manner (e.g., a different color dress or “partners” over “husband” and “wife”)?   well first, i do not want a church wedding, and i'm sliiightly considering a black dress to go with the gothic theme i'm hoping for. do you ask for other people's opinions often? on what subjects do you like to get the opinions or advice of others?   yes, i love asking for other people's opinions, mainly when i'm about to make a controversial decision.  god bless the few friends i have that've always been there to give me advice when i need it. what are you religious views or your thoughts on religion in general? how long did it take you to develop them? are you still confused or trying to figure out your religious views?   i am a creationist christian, meaning i do not believe in evolution, but natural selection, as they go in opposite directions.  this is a VERY fascinating subject and i'd love to give anyone curious a link to the blog post that instilled this belief in me.  i also believe the world was not created in six literal days, but rather the "days" stood for junctures of time.  i'm not sure which christian denomination that is.  i was raised a catholic, so i've literally always believed in god, but i turned to christianity alone in high school i think, as well as creationism when my former best friend mini exposed me to it.  i am not confused in my religion, no.  i'm quite confident in it. are you a rule follower? do you get angry if other people break the rules? can you remember a time that you have broken a rule?   it depends on the rule, really.  ex. i won't kill a person, but i'll download a song illegally.  all depends on what it is, if i support the rule, or if it's legally punishable, honestly. what songwriter do you consider to be one of the best lyricists?   CRADLE OF FILTH AND OTEP OMG SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY have you ever cried from physical pain?   as an adult?  yeah.  i fucking sobbed when i was getting my cyst emptied. what do you like best about taking surveys? do you use them to discuss current events in your personal life?   i like that they give me a chance to just... vent.  i get to talk about my life, yes, and i at least believe i can do it without being lectured. do you feel comfortable being about people your own age? do you feel like you "fit in" with people your age? in general, do you like spending time with people older or younger than yourself?   i feel... inferior to most people my age, honestly.  i don't think i fit in because i do far more unimpressive things compared to most people of my age group.  i'm not in school, i have no job, i'm not traveling to europe, i'm not married, i'm not raising a kid... i just don't feel like i belong.  simultaneously though, i like hanging out with people older than me because they're usually more mature. have you ever read more than one book at once? do you do this often?   i'm sure i have for school, but i don't do that anymore.  i don't read period. what is your favorite book series, and what is your favorite book out of that series?   ha ha omg i was MAD into the "warriors" (you know, the cat books) series in middle school through some of high school.  maybe even in elementary, i don't remember.  i don't have a favorite book in the series though, i think. who do you think reads these?   *shrugs*  i've seen my surveys taken before by people (easy to tell when everything's lower-cased and long as fuck lmao), so i guess they may read some of my answers while adding in their own.  some random tumblr users find them too, probably. can you change the oil on a car?   i cannot. the first time you discovered power:   ... i don't want to go into much detail on this, because after i thought about this question for a minute or so, i realized i have only ever felt power in a sexual situation.  i'm such a submissive person and just don't experience feeling powerful.  after thinking just now, i think me being such the sexual tease i am has to do with feeling powerful.  this is... really wrong, but i enjoyed the anticipatory knowing that jason wanted me a certain way, and because he's a man with respect, i had the say whether he could have me or not.  please do not confuse this for me saying i was controlling with my ex-boyfriend, i was incredibly submissive to him in general, but i felt in control in some sense.  for once. SCARIEST video game monster?   but... i've played so many horror games!!  uhhhh... well, i HATED the regenerators in "resident evil 4."  that fucking smile was horrifying.  hmmm... i also really hate/love the keeper/boxhead from "the evil within" bECAUSE OF HIS FUCKING WALK/JOG.  THAT thing storming towards you like that?  NO THANKS!  the one monster, however, that i think would frighten me the most in real life would be the clickers from "the last of us."  fuck those things.  they're disgusting and horrid. something someone said or did that you found extremely attractive:   well i mean, tons of things.  the thing that i believe affected me the most though was probably the time jason, in a whisper, called me his wife while we were "doing things."  he started out so afraid of commitment, and to hear him call me that in such a confident-sounding whisper, it meant... a lot.  but well.  he's gone now. something you've done that someone at least seemed to FIND extremely attractive:   lmaaoooo i'm open af on tumblr but the thing i've ever done i think jason found the most attractive, i shall not repeat.  i promise, you'd thank me. the farthest distance you would travel now to be with someone you desire:   for jason?  i'd go to the other end of the planet. what you dislike most about having a committed relationship:   i mean, i guess after you've been with someone so long, you're afraid of leaving the person even when necessary for your health.  if you're in a healthy relationship though, there's nothing i can really think of to complain about... your sexiest feature:   ... can hands be sexy?  because they're the only thing i like lmao the physical feature for which you are most often complimented:   my hair, def. a place where you have always wanted to make love:   ... a church fucking murder me the most perverted situation you have ever been in:   LOLOLOL LET'S NOT the first time you achieved orgasm:   i never have, but i think i got like agonizingly close once and had a panic attack because i didn't understand what was going on.  yes, i am truly that pathetic lmao. a person you regret sleeping with:   no one. a person you regret not sleeping with:   first i don't regret literally sleeping with jason, but i'm assuming in this context, you mean "having sex with."  in that case, jason. a fantastic kisser you have known:   only ever kissed jason, and i am QUITE sure there's no one i'll meet who'll be better.  like ffs he only had one partner before me and certain things he did with me he didn't with his ex, yet he always seemed to know what to do...? the book, song, or movie title that best describes your sexuality:   uhhh.  idk? you have a great amount of guilt regarding:   practically sexting my former best friend's boyfriend when i was like 12.  and i was the one who got them together. a moment in your life when your emotions froze and you felt absolutely nothing:   when jason told me he was talking to dillon about our relationship in a negative context... i knew. you are haunted by the memory of:   everyone knows by now. one of your most peaceful moments:   lying with jason on the trampoline, looking up at the stars... a sickness or disease you fear:   more than anything?  alzheimer's/dementia.  i can't forget.  i can't.  i don't care how tragic my life's been, i don't want to fucking forget. a reason for which you would seriously contemplate suicide:   if jason died.  i'd more than consider it. your greatest fear about marriage:   divorce.  marriage is supposed to be for forever; i don't want to marry the wrong person. what's your mood right this minute?   i'm actually... okay-ish.  for once in my life.  i'm talking to my friend jax about a private subject, and it's opening my mind to some possibilities about certain things.  i feel like a weight's crumbling from my shoulders. ever had an internal worm?   NONONONONONONONONO PLEASE GOD NEVER THEY TERRIFY ME FUCK THAT have you ever been in a lighthouse?   no, but i'd love to. :< do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants?   i always get the same meal when i go to any restaurant. you have the option to have sex right now. do you do it?   only if it's with jason, yeah. would you ever lie to someone to make them feel good about themselves?   depends on the subject. do any medical problems run in your family?   OHHH GOD HERE GOES.  let's see.  heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, cancer, depression, anxiety, bipolarity, and i can absolutely guarantee i'm forgetting some... something you really want right now?   i'd rather not say. have you cuddled with someone you weren’t dating?   i have not. how long have you been using tumblr?   not even a year yet. what was the last pill you took?   idk.  i take my morning pills in bulk. where was the last place you got completely wasted?   i've never been completely wasted. describe god:   i'd... rather not with how life is right now. your most spiritual moment:   i still believe i had a dream once sent to me by god.  when i was much younger, i had a dream that i walked outside onto my front porch, and two geese, one white, one black, flew in sync with each other to perch before me.  they morphed into my grandfather, who smiled at me, and my former cat midnight, who meowed.  i really do feel like this was god reminding me my loved ones will always watch over me, because the feeling it gave me, it was holy. how you picture the end of the world:   the biblical definition, i guess.  pretty much everything that can go wrong, goes wrong.  it sounds terrifying. do you feel that most wars started because of religious conflicts?   i am honestly not knowledgeable about aaaall the wars in our history to determine this answer fairly.  i do, however, believe a good majority are related to religion. does life exist on other planets?   no.  speaking of "life on other planets," isn't it funny how a trace of water on mars is called life, but an unborn fetus isn't?? do you believe we are descendants of adam and eve?   yes, i do. the first step toward resolving poverty:   hunny, i wish i could tell you.  there are a LOT of factors to this. the worst crime against humanity:   hm.  i honestly don't know what i consider the worst.  i'll think about that and come back to this question if i think of anything. the minimum punishment for those who molest children should be:   fucking kill them. your most beautiful childhood memory of your parents:   probably something regarding fishing... your most horrifying childhood memory of your parents:   hearing my mom screaming in ashley's room, calling her a slut, a whore, worrying i'd be in ashley's place some day... a friend you would name as a godparent to your child:   if we're even still friends then... colleen. the moment you are most ashamed of:   i've told this story enough times.  it's the same moment i'm most embarrassed of. someone who shared this moment with you:   um.  his name is joel. what do you think of people who have fake relationship statuses (like married to their best friend) on facebook?   i mean it's whatever, but it may be frustrating if you wanna know if that person is really in a relationship without asking. if your employer looked at your facebook page, do you think they'd fire you?   lmao after seeing i'm conservative, i'm sure. do you wish facebook had a "dislike" button or would that cause too many arguments?   i'm neutral.  i see both sides. who's your favorite band? how long have they been your favorite?   ozzy and metallica have been two of favorites since middle school started, and the others, i don't really remember.  my most recent favorite band tho is a day to remember, who i've liked for a bit over a year now. do you get annoyed when people try to get you to like their music, even though you've told them before that it's just not your thing?   that's never really happened to me.  now, i've been told my music is pretty much devil music and is nothing about depression, death, and despair because my best friend's fucking ignorant, but she hasn't tried to control the kind of music i like exactly. last concert you were at? was it good?   alice cooper, and it was EPIC.  it was storming and we were all soaking wet outside.  he did that illusion where his head gets chopped off by a guillotine, which was REALLY cool.  towards the end, huge balls were being passed through the crowd and he sang a rendition of "another brick in the wall" by pink floyd and it was just.  holy shit it was badass. who was your favorite band in elementary school? do you still listen to them?   it was probably green day, and yeah, i love them. looking at your appearance alone, would people be surprised to learn that you listen to the music that you do (ex. do you dress goth but listen to country)?   it's pretty obvious what i listen to. pro-gay rights or anti-gay rights?   i am for rights towards certain parts of the LGBTQ+ community.  i'm sorry to tell you, but i sincerely believe there are... certain sexual/gender-oriented decisions... that are not "real."  i won't go into detail on tumblr because it's a liberal parade and frankly i don't feel like hearing it. separation of church and state or no?   DEPENDS DEPENDS DEPENDS.  it REALLY depends on the very unique situation. prayer in school, yay or nay?   you'd best let a child pray to themselves in school. free healthcare (like in canada), good or bad?   make it free, yes. using the word "slut" against women--okay or not okay?   against a woman who deserves it?  sure.  before every fucking reader gets triggered, a slut is merely defined as a feminine character who has multiple sexual partners without much commitment.  ummm, last time i checked, there are women who do JUST that???  it's just a fact???  i'm white.  you can call me white without fucking offending me.  same thing for a "slut," i'd merely be stating a fact about you.  people have made such a big fucking deal out of this word. if you were pregnant, how long would you wait to write something about it on facebook?   OH BOY IT'D BE QUICK.  probably right after my husband knew, really!  i've already got pregnancy announcements planned!  i want to make a really creative pregnancy announcement photograph with my hubby, those are like... my favorite pictures ever. (: when you're on a first date with someone, do you like it when they ASK if they can kiss you?   i'm not really into the idea of a first date kiss, but yeah, i think i'd appreciate being asked. in your opinion, is omitting some of the truth the same thing is lying?   hm.  i do believe i- well... i don't know.  it depends on what you say, i guess, but in general, you're not lying yet...? what's your favorite kind of lip piercing? (monroe, labret, snakebites, etc.)   vertical labret!!!  i really like these because i feel it enunciates the symmetry of your face. what's the most annoying "type" of drunk person?   well i mean, this is far more repulsive than annoying, but angry drunks. at what time in your life were you happiest? if it was in the past, would you want to go back and relive it, though still knowing all the things you know now? if you had the option, would you choose (if it’s in the present) or have chosen to stay here/there forever and never learn anything new?   the whole time i was dating jason.  the first one or two years were the best.  but would i go back there, knowing what i do now?  no.  i can't.  there's no way i could. when is the right time to start having sex with someone you’ve become romantically interested in?   honestly this is the same thing as a question i answered earlier today about when to consider getting engaged.  time doesn't really determine this, but rather the intensity of the bond created.  in general again though, i'd personally wait about a year, i suppose, to ensure you're both very serious about these feelings. if you honestly heard the voice of god talking to you, would you tell anyone? how would you tell them? (i.e., "Conversations with god" is a result of the author claiming to have heard god’s voice loud and clear, but some people would have gone packing to the mental institution, and others would have told their church… etc.)   i would hate that, honestly.  i don't wanna be hearing voices, regardless of who you are.  but i do believe i'd tell my mom, but probably only her. have your parents ever told you that you couldn’t hang out with a certain someone?   that i couldn't, no, that they didn't recommend it, yes. could you forgive a boyfriend or friend who physically hurt you?   LMAO NOPE BYE FAM do you take care of your friends when they’re sick?   the only person i've ever truly taken care of when sick was jason when he had bronchitis. do you own any real diamonds or other expensive jewelry?   i don't think so. has anyone ever gave you jewelry as a present?   mhmm. do you like diamonds or gemstones better?   other gemstones, def. silver or gold?   gold.  i find it prettier and i can't wear silver anyway, i'm allergic. what kind of soda is your favorite?   mountain dew, shamefully. do you use any acne products?   not anymore. what do you take when you have an upset stomach?   peptobismol do you get angry when people criticize your taste in music, or do you just shrug it off?   when people say they don't like it, not at all, but if you're gonna straight-up criticize it like it's "bad" or "wrong" or something...?  i won't get angry, but definitely annoyed.  i find it aesthetically pleasing.  you find your music aesthetically pleasing.  shut the fuck up. have you ever smoked?   i have not.