#I did actually colour one of those shiny so if you can discern it give your eyeballs a pat on the back

[atompalace-official]

shiny hunting igglybuff aka. xtreme retinal olympics aka. an exercise in self loathing

[drxwsyni]

Paths That Lead Home

Yandere Fae!Tooru Oikawa x f!Reader

Synopsis: In returning home for a family reunion, you’re rescued from being lost in the expansive forest behind town forever. The saviour who calls himself Tooru offers to help you make it through the night of awkward small talk and prying relatives, only for a small thing from you in exchange.

a/n: This is my part for the Lovesick server’s October collab, with the theme of Monsters & Mythical Creatures! Be sure to go give the other super awesome stories in this collab a read!!

5.2k words

Warnings + Themes: Dubcon (w/ praise, dry humping, oral [receiving]), alcohol use, stalking, implied captivity, predatory behaviour.

_____

“Have you settled down with anyone yet, dear?”

“How are your studies coming?”

“My, you look exhausted―are you getting enough sleep?”

“Have you been taking care of yourself?”

“Sweetheart, if you’d like I can introduce you to a few people―you’ve got a beautiful personality.”

• • •

God, you hated family reunions.

Somehow your relatives always managed to be so blissfully unaware at the way their words jabbed at your self esteem. Or maybe they were aware, and truly liked seeing the hints of pain flickering across your face at the intrusive and backhanded questions.

Normally you’d be able to stick it out, but tonight’s gathering had truly brought the worst of the worst. Your hometown was small, and word got around quick that a gathering was being hosted in your uncle's home. It was his fault you were being unceremoniously weighed down with such negativity.

It was his fault you had to run from it.

Maybe if he didn’t not-so-subtly wrap an arm around your shoulder, pulling you to the side and whispering, “Why don’t we go somewhere a little more private, sweetie,” you wouldn’t have fled into the forest behind the large abode.

You all but shoved the greatly unwanted attention away, feeling sick to your stomach as you sought fresh air and un-suffocating surroundings.

The sun still hung in the sky, casting a warm orange hue against the clouds as it slowly set for the night. You crossed your arms over each other, hugging your frame in an attempt to stave off the fall chill as you ventured into the forest’s clear cut path.

Ever since you were a child, the stunning natural beauty of the thick woodland area behind the town always amazed you. It offered an escape, a place to restore your innocence in losing yourself with the rustle of the trees, the breathtaking and vibrant colours of untouched nature. You’d venture down the path, and each and every time, you’d return feeling anew. Whatever ailed you upon breaking past the forest wall was casted out of your body as you happily soaked up the calming atmosphere.

Right now, it was exactly what you needed.

You were practically on the verge of tears as your feet carried you out of the house, twigs snapping underneath the soles of your shoes as you drew further away from civilization. The wind blew past you, cold stinging your eyes and making you wince as you hurried into the woodlands.

It was so easy to get lost in the passing surroundings, trees tall and nature alluringly overgrown. It looked almost ethereal, the sight pulling you deeper.

Before you knew it you’d slowed into a walking pace, heart settling in your ribcage, calmed by the refreshing air and secluded space.

But you were no longer on the trail.

Once you sensed a tinge of panic swelling in your chest, you knew it would only serve to make things more difficult, distracting you as you tried to make sense of where you were.

It was fine, you were fine. You’d explored these woods countless times when you were younger. Surely finding your way home wouldn’t be hard. Just head back the way you came, no problem.

The brisk run you took certainly did something for you, a wave of exhaustion sedating nerves that may have you breaking down under the weight of your own self hatred. For getting lost, which would never have happened if you’d refused the invite to your family reunion. Which you would’ve never received if you cut off those toxic relatives the moment you left town.

And now you were trying to go right back to it, because you couldn’t stay in this forest forever, and you’d got the relief you came for.

With the setting sun, it became increasingly tasking to discern the ground you walked upon. Your search for the narrow path yielded nothing as of yet, and you could’ve sworn that you passed by the same cluster of trees three times now.

While before you may have thought you could still be heading in the right direction, the sudden appearance of hills in your way would prove otherwise.

When you turned around, the area you came from looked quite similar, valleys of thick foliage and steep inclines.

It wasn’t reassuring, to say the least.

You had your phone, but upon closer inspection you found that there was no cell service all the way out here. In any normal case it’d just be best to stay where you were and wait for someone to find you. But these woods were greatly unknown, condensed enough where visibility was dangerously limited, and screams for help would be muffled with the bush.

Your only option was to keep moving forward, and pray that you’d find your way out somehow.

Travelling across the landscape was slow―you fearful of losing your balance on the uneven terrain. The last thing you needed was a sprained ankle, and so you treaded carefully up and down the hills. Nothing that met your eyes was recognizable. With the natural light dimming fast, you knew it wouldn’t be long before you would have to pull out the flashlight on your phone.

When your searching eyes landed upon a flickering light in the distance, you didn’t know whether the feeling of shock or gratitude was more powerful.

Almost blindly, you made your way towards the beacon of light. You watched as it grew brighter, and the closer you got, more gleaming appeared.

What you once thought was a single source was actually many smaller ones.

It was a house built into the side of a steep hill. Lanterns hung from posts and nearby trees, lining the cut walkway all the way to what must have been the front door.

In a place of seemingly unending forest, the existence of life was truly baffling.

Seeing it’s light, the warm illuminate coming from the windows and contrasting the harshness of the encroaching night—it had your feet moving before your mind could make any sense of what to do. A shaky and cold hand came up to the wooden frame of the door, prepared to inquire on whoever was living in this strange little abode.

As your knuckles rapped against it, the door pushed open with ease.

Instantly, the smell of homemade baking and the warmth of a lit fireplace washed over you. With a glance over your shoulder, it wasn’t hard to favour the welcoming atmosphere of this strange home over the foreboding and thick woodlands behind you.

In turning back to the front entrance, you peaked your head in before stepping through the threshold. “Hello? Is anybody home?”

Silence continued to hang in the air as you ventured further, curious eyes swiping over the visible rooms. You ended up in what you assumed was a living room, finding the place to be authentically rustic. Wooden furniture, cozy knit blankets and shiny lit candle sconces hanging off the walls.

The home was quite honestly breathtaking, such a cozy environment. It made you wonder who could be living h—

“It’s been quite some time since I’ve had visitors.”

The sudden smooth voice came from behind you, prompting you to startlingly turn its direction. At a loss for words, because you’d blatantly trespassed onto someone’s property, and they’d caught you in the act, you stared wide eyed at the man before you.

Brown hair, matching the colour of his eyes, tall and fit, his long sleeve shirt that was rolled up to the elbows being tight enough to highlight his lean frame along with dark denim jeans―overall dressed quite nicely for living in the middle of nowhere. He was regarding you with an almost playful look, confusing you as you’d expect him to be downright appalled at your unwarranted intrusion.

The man awaited an answer for a few seconds, and in finding you still speechless, he let out a light chuckle. “Perhaps I should introduce myself—you can call me Tooru. I suppose you’re quite lost, little wanderer?”

He slowly drew closer, taking cautious steps, moreso to not scare you off.

His approach did break you out of your stupor, and suddenly there was no filter on the words tumbling from your lips. “Oh, god. I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude or anything. It’s just I went too far into the forest and I couldn’t find my way home and then out of nowhere I found this place. I should’ve never just walked in but the door was open, and I called out to see if anyone was here but—”

“It’s alright, it’s alright. No need to fret, I’m not upset—quite the opposite in fact. These woods are dangerous, you were lucky to have found my home before nightfall, dear.”

Nervously, you toyed with the ends of your sleeves, opening your mouth to apologize further.

But he had other ideas.

An inquisitive look crossed his strikingly handsome face, “You seem troubled, perhaps I could ease your mind?”

Dismissively, you waved your hands. “N-No, I’m fine, really. Just concerned with finding my way back is all…”

That gleaming smile returned to his face, “Oh well I knew that, cutie. I was talking about something else—what made you come into these woods.”

Still standing in the place he found you, you watched as Tooru walked past and took a seat on the couch. He patted the spot next to him.

A slight crease formed between your brows at the proposition. “It doesn’t really matter, it’s kind of stupid to be honest, so…”

“Don’t be silly, it has to be serious if it had you fleeing into the forest.”

The comment made you pause for a second, because you never told him you ran away. But, judging by your disheveled appearance, and how panicked you were in general, the assumption was technically understandable.

Before you could question it, Tooru spoke up once again.

“Tell you what, cutie. I’ll make you a deal—you explain to me why you ended up here, and in return I’ll help you get home.”

Now, you questioned his sanity more than you questioned your own. “That’s hardly fair, I mean...what do you get out of that.”

Quite comfortably, the man leaned into the couch, legs spread and head tilted back ever so slightly. He gave a small shrug of his shoulders, “Your company, it’s lonely out here after all, and I don’t think I wanna see you off just yet.”

At that, you realized that without his help, the odds of you getting home were slim to none. If all it took to get back was some idle chit chat, then so be it.

With a respectful distance between the two of your bodies, you sat down onto the cushiony couch. Hands folded on your lap, you began reciting the ailments of the night to his strange request.

Tooru listened patiently as you went on, gently encouraging you to keep going when you felt shy under his gaze. At the times you felt you were oversharing, he only reassured you that you were doing everything but the sort. It was the deal, after all.

Almost thirty minutes had gone by, you detailing the detestment you held for your relatives, what they’d said and why it was entirely offensive and unwarranted. How you’d escaped into the expansive forest once you reached your breaking point, remembering how the atmosphere always used to calm you when you were upset as a child. Maybe you rambled a bit too much at your appreciation for the entrancing backwoods, but Tooru didn’t seem to mind in the slightest.

If anything, you could almost see a hint of genuine warmth flash across his features as you noted how you admired the natural and effortless beauty of the place. How it seemed to overflow with tranquility, and that you were immensely thankful it remained untouched for so long.

By the time you were done, Tooru was forced to hide the intense swell in his heart at your innocent adoration for the forest he watched over.

You hadn’t changed one bit...

He was devastated the day he learnt you had moved out of town, fearing the worst for your impressionable little self. Tooru only knew you as the young girl who would frolic in the forest to and fro using the path he built so you wouldn’t get lost. Before he could do anything about the growing obsession he had, you slipped right through his fingertips.

He was so sure if you ever did return, that hopeful gleam in your eyes would be turned dull. But here you were, sitting right next to him, only thanks to him subtly scooting closer. Telling him all about how much you found solace in the woodlands, like he didn’t already know that fact in great detail.

The fae sensed your energy the moment you stepped foot past the tree line almost an hour ago, like his own personal breath of fresh air.

He regarded your bashful face at how you once again unintentionally rambled. Tooru wasn’t complaining in the slightest, since the reason you’d returned to him also served as the perfect opening.

“Well, in any case I know you don’t deserve to be treated like that. Such a shame how hurtful people can be.”

Averting your eyes and instead focusing on the lit fireplace, you responded. “I’m guessing most of them just don’t realize what they’re saying is hurtful. But even then―my uncle really couldn’t be any more creepy.” You laughed off the admission, even though the reality had a nervousness stirring inside of you.

“Hmm, I think you just need a little something to ward them off. Why don’t I sweeten the pot a little?” Tooru leaned forward, suddenly much more seriously engaged. “I’ll head home with you tonight, get them off your back. It’d be weird if you left and never returned, and there’s no way you’re going to survive the night if your family acts as nasty as you say they do. I only need one small thing in return, it’s a good deal if you ask me!” While the offer sounded very enticing, him knowing just as much as you that his presence would certainly fend off much unwanted attention, the last part did unnerve you.

“What exactly do you want?”

Tooru stood up from his spot, holding out a hand for you to take. “That’s a surprise for later, my dear. I promise it will be worth it, what do you say?”

Unsure, you hesitated to accept him. But the fearful emotions of throwing yourself right back into the cesspool of prying family members was powerful. Tooru seemed like a good man―he didn’t freak out in finding you uninvited in his home, nor did he push you away when he found you were quite clearly distraught. He was offering to help you make it out of this god forsaken family reunion alive, and only for an apparent small price. Although you didn’t exactly know what that price was, the part of you dreading what would happen should you return alone was more than willing to take your chances.

Gingerly, your smaller hand took hold of his, letting him help you up from your seat.

Quite pleased with your reaction, Tooru took the unspoken agreement and gave you a reassuring smile.

“Perfect, let's get going then.”

_____

The music playing around you seemed like a distant noise, reverberating through the room but not really being something you could focus on. Not when you were so wrapped up both mentally and physically in the way Tooru had you held against him. He spun you to the beat of the song a couple times, his smile wide at the way you carelessly giggled at the action.

Since the both of you returned to the reunion, which by now had turned into a small party, you’d certainly had more than a few drinks.

Neither of you seemed to mind, as your newfound caretaker only facilitated your energy.

In seeing you with this man who was certainly more than easy on the eyes, your once greatly offensive relatives suddenly were behaving the exact opposite as they once had. Most of them left you alone in fact.

Keyword: most.

As the upbeat song came to an end, Tooru could tell you were growing quite tired. He was a great dance partner after all, and it genuinely felt like a workout to keep up with his stylish moves. In an eased motion, he pulled you back into his chest, leaning down to speak into your ear as another song began playing over the speakers.

“How ‘bout we take a break, huh pretty girl?”

With a gentle and reassuring squeeze of your hip, you somewhat mindlessly went along with the suggestion, nodding in response and letting him lead you away from the dance floor. Granted, the ‘dance floor’ was just the outside patio, large enough to serve the purpose as it was no secret your uncle had the wealth to own such a large estate. Tooru kept your hand in his as you both made your way back into the home.

At least you were doing that, until the host of the party, owner of the house and irritatingly touchy uncle that served as the main force which drove you away once tonight stepped into your path.

“Hey there, sweet pea. Where ya headed to?” It was clear he too wasn’t anywhere near sober, the stumble in his step, along with the beer bottle in his hand giving him away.

Before you could answer, Tooru made a point in gently pushing you behind him.

The consideration warmed your heart―but maybe it was just the booze.

“Just taking my girl inside, excuse us.” He made a point to step around your uncle, only to get a warning in the form of a sweaty hand on his shoulder.

Your uncle pushed him back slightly. “Now hold on there, I wanna talk to my niece.”

“And she doesn’t want to talk to you, fucking pervert.”

While your reaction was a little delayed, your uncle’s certainly was not.

He reared his arm back, the one with the bottle in hand. “Why, you little―” As he swung the makeshift glass weapon, a look of pure shock cemented in his features as Tooru gripped the man’s wrist in one hand, still holding your’s with the other.

You hadn’t a clue what Tooru was doing, but somehow the defensive act brought your uncle to his knees. He let out a wordless scream, dropping the beer bottle and letting it shatter against the stone patio.

“She’s not your anything, you’re nothing to her. Just a creepy piece of shit old man―got it?”

He tried wrenching his arm from Tooru’s grip, but it didn’t budge an inch. “The fuck? You her boyfriend or somethin’? Let her decide for her damn se―”

With a particularly harsh twist, you hear something pop in your uncle's arm, before Tooru let him crumple to the ground. You couldn’t even make a single move to stop what was unfolding, the tight grip Tooru had on your own hand a deterrent enough.

With senses still dulled with the influence of countless drinks, you weren’t sure whether to be horrified or relieved that your uncle was getting what he deserved.

The scowl across Tooru’s face as he sneered down at the pathetic man was blood chillingly harsh. “She means more to me than she’ll ever mean to you―that’s all that matters.”

With that, you stayed tormented with conflicted thoughts as you were pulled away from the party. Tooru kept his hold on you firm, unrelenting as he pushed past your relatives and finally away from the house.

At the tree line, right where the path you went down earlier tonight started, you finally tugged at his hand. “S-Stop, Tooru..” It came out as more of a whine, backed up by the way your feet dug into the ground.

He halted abruptly, turning to face you, causing you to lightly crash into him. You could feel his amused chuckle vibrate in his chest, no signs of whatever deeply unpleased vice that once held him still existing now that the two of you were alone.

“Night’s not over yet, cutie. Gotta take you home, we made a deal remember?”

Placing your hands against his broad frame, you pushed yourself away from him, which wasn’t very far when his arms were securely wrapped around your waist. “But, m-my uncle. He looked hurt…”

Slender fingers held your chin, tilting your head up so that your glassy eyes met his soft brown ones.

“He’s fine, don’t worry your pretty little head over that, alright? Just let me look after you for now.”

You knew he was talking about the way you were nearly falling over under the influence, but it didn’t stop the frustrated look from forming on your expression. The way he so casually brushed off how he effortlessly laid out your uncle didn’t sit right with you.

Quite tenderly, Tooru switched to cup your face, thumb absentmindedly swiping across your cheekbone. “You look so cute when you pout like that.”

To his declaration, you pouted more.

Not before a quick pinch of your cheek, Tooru swiftly scooped you up bridal style, starting down the path of the forest. The sudden action made you squeal in surprise, not expecting the sheer strength he exhibited. It was like you weighed nothing more than a feather, him playfully hoisting you further into his arms.

“Hey! Put me down, I can walk jus’ fine!”

He kept his entertained gaze fixed ahead as he responded. “Not gonna happen, just enjoy the ride, we’ll be home before you know it.”

In a final attempt, you annoyingly and weakly pawed against his chest.

“Quite your squirming, it won’t get you anywhere, little wanderer.” Pointedly, you felt his arms constrict around you, effectively pinning you against him, as if you weren’t already stuck before.

A deep and tired sigh escaped your lips. “S’not my home, whatever…”

Having resigned to his will, you slumped against him.

Tooru’s lips quirked up into something a little less soft, more mischievous. Eyes glinting in the moonlight, if not a little brighter now that he was going home.

Not that you saw, having closed your own in favour of a small cat nap while he carried you away from the stresses of the night.

_____

It’s been maybe an hour or so since you decided that you were grateful for not just the way Tooru handled your repulsive relative, but really for spending the whole night with you in general. From making sure you weren’t lost in the forest forever, to playing the dutiful knight, and now, how he was so hospitably entertaining you back in his home―Tooru really did feel like a dream come true.

He was charmingly charismatic, held an almost innate concern for you, honestly making you regret how once you sobered up, you’d have to part for your return back to your own home in the city.

But right now, that’s not what you wanted to think about.

Especially not when you were so comfortable, unable to remember at what point you clambered your way into his lap on the couch, but not really caring. Tooru looked at you like you were the sun, stars and moon, and you returned that gaze through dazed eyes and wetted lashes.

More tears pricked as you straddled his hips, intaking a sharp breath as his mouth slotted against yours once again before he lightly nipped at your bottom lip. It wasn’t the first time he’d done that tonight, you having been in this position for quite some time now.

That didn’t stop Tooru from greedily pulling you closer, fingers digging into your hips as you unconsciously ground against him, a familiar warm sensation budding inside you.

“Such a pretty little thing, you are.” He leant in for a chaste kiss, leaving you wanting more as he pulled away once again. “So goddamn pretty.”

A high pitched whimper tumbled from your lips as your hips picked up a shaky pace, dragging your clothed heat back and forth. Tooru let his hands slide down your body and under the hem of your dress, you shuddering at the heat of his palms when he pushed the fabric up, returning his grip to your bare hips. Still dangerously intoxicated, you didn’t mind the way he pulled and pushed you down on his hardened length in the slightest.

Speaking in between the small kisses he was leaving across your jawline, his breath had goosebumps rising on your skin. “Feel what you do to me?” Tooru met your movements by grinding up against you, the harsh fabric of his jeans pressing against your sensitive clit and earning a mewl from you.

“So needy for me, aren’t you?”

He let out an airy snicker, seeing your desperate expression as he lifted your hips up just enough so that your bodies weren’t touching. His strength was unrelenting as you tried to keep moving.

“Ah, ah, ah. Not yet―first, you hold up your end of the deal―” Tooru leaned forward, whispering in a low and teasing tone, “―and then I’ll give you what you want.”

He was right, you really were needy, because the question of your obligation came out almost instantly. “Please, whatever you want, it’s yours.”

Before answering, Tooru gave pause to land a soft kiss right under your ear.

“Tell me your name, pretty girl.”

A bout of confusion washed over you, causing you to pull back. You regarded him with curious eyes.

“...That’s it?”

The wordless encouragement of the reassuring smile he gave you didn’t do much to ease you.

“That’s it.”

Tooru was clearly waiting for an answer.

Meanwhile, you pondered why this moment spurred a distant and nearly forgotten memory. Maybe it was the strange glint in his eyes, but a moment of clarity washed over you at an all too familiar event.

Back in your old home in the very town you were subjected to travel to for the reunion tonight. When your grandma would scold you as a child for venturing too far into the woodlands you were currently so deep in. A bedtime story that you tried not to take seriously, because part of you knew it was just meant to scare you into submission.

Tales of monsters that looked like humans. Mischievous beings who prayed on innocence, hiding in the forest and luring people deeper. Promises of a better life just being a clever play of words, twisted to hide the true meaning.

“Nasty creatures indeed, my dear. Once they get you, we’ll never see you again. You don’t want that to happen, right? You’ll get snatched up, lost in their games of power when you least expect it, and it’ll leave us devastated. You wouldn’t be so selfish, let those tricky things without a soul take you from us. You’re smarter than that, I’m sure…”

Those warnings instilled fear into the hearts of your peers, their parents and elders telling them the tried and true tale.

Not for you though.

Back into the thick of the bush you would go, and you’d return every time. Just like tonight, you thought you were lost, but even then you found your way home.

While you reminisced, Tooru’s hand drifted lower, playing with the waistband of your panties. The light brushing against your skin brought you back.

“Why do you need my name?”

When Tooru hesitated to give an immediate reply, a voice resembling the cautionary tone of your grandma’s warned of danger to be had in his presence.

Yet with his words, the concern for wariness vanished.

“Well, I think it’s obvious―” In a swift motion, Tooru brought your clothed heat back down, need stirring inside of you and building once again, “―that you’re staying the night.”

“And…” Careful, so as not to startle you, he laid you down on the couch, taking his place above you. “...You know my name, so you know what you’ll be screaming later.”

Nimble fingers hiked up your dress even further, you remaining wantonly complacent as he left a trail of kisses down your stomach.

You felt your body flush with heat, squirming as he slowly made his way lower, peppering every inch of your skin with equal amounts of attention.

Tooru gave you a look filled to the brim with lust, one that was dark, but that fact only made you want to clench your thighs together if he wasn’t holding them apart. “Don’t you think it’s fair that I know the same for you?”

The way his gaze flickered to the wet spot forming on your panties, that cocky smirk he held in knowing just how much he was affecting you made you feel restless.

He began littering the inside of your thighs with small marks, latching on to spots here and there before stopping completely.

“Your name, and then I’ll make you feel better than you’ve ever felt before.”

Lower lip quivering, you wracked your mind in a final moment of decision making. But as his thumb slipped beneath the thin fabric, a soft pad pressing down on your bundle of nerves, there really wasn’t anything you could do to hold back.

“(Y/n).”

For a second, neither of you moved. But Tooru was a man of his word, and you’d been so good for him.

He didn’t want to waste any more time than necessary. Not after all these years of waiting for you to come home.

“Oh…” Leaning up, his fingers hooked under the waistband of your thin covering, whispering smoothly. “(y/n), (y/n), (y/n)...”

Perhaps it was just your inebriated mind playing tricks on you, but as Tooru slowly and teasingly removed your panties, eyeing the string of arousal that clung to the fabric, it seemed like he was nearly glowing. Yet, you didn’t really care, passing it off as the flickering light of the fireplace, much more concerned with the way his hands glided up your bare legs, parting them with a firm grip.

Tantalizingly so, he dipped back down to your heat, watching as you clenched around nothing when his breath fanned against it.

Finally, his tongue delved in between your folds, dragging a long and languid stripe up and causing your breath to hitch. He let out his own groan of relief, the taste of you flooding his mouth, being the sweetest nectar to ever grace his senses.

Now it was his turn to look up at you through beautifully long lashes.

Tooru soaked up the way you waited patiently for him to keep going, behaving so well for him, being exactly where he wanted you to be. Melting right into his hands, in his home, where nobody would ever find you―deep in the territory of his forest.

So compliant, not even realizing the deciding moment of your fate, naively and unknowingly giving yourself up to him.

It was only fair that he rewarded you for such good behaviour tonight. Over and over again, until you’d be begging for him to stop.

You failed to notice how his eyes lit up, swirling with newfound power, and all because of you.

“Just relax, (y/n). I’ll take good care of you.”

[turtlemoon-design-blog]

Here is an interview I did with Rossi Dennis, a spiritualist who I know of who reads taort cards and is a published writter.

I found this interview really inspiring because I had so much information to take in. Espeically about how books that come with the deck can often all be the same. Something I’m going to try and change.

Hi Jasmine,

Sure I’m happy to help. Here is my rambly reply...

When did you learn how to read tarot cards? How did you learn? (self taught, had a teacher)

My first interest in tarot was about 10 years ago but only in the past 2 years have I made an effort to study and use it. I’m still an absolute amateur learning through reading books, online research and more recently by watching YouTube videos. One of favourite beginner books is Tarot An Illustrated Guide by Jonathan Dee (which you can find pretty cheap secondhand online).

What is your favourite part about reading tarot cards, and the actual tarot cards themselves?

One of my favourite things about the tarot system is seeing the multiple functions people use it for, whether it’s as a psychological/personal development tool, a spiritual tool, or as a way to practice divination. It also makes for an effective focus tool, such as affirmations. Using a card to tap into that desired energy or archetype, for example the 10 of Cups for happiness and the Ace of Pentacles for prosperity.

As a personal development tool (sometimes called shadow work) where you can ask questions such as ‘what are my current subconscious beliefs around money’. It usually helps you to see things from a new perspective and makes you face up to a few truths.

I find it interesting to see how people relate the cards to different spiritual sciences such as astrology, herbalism, crystal healing, etc. Also the diverse range of decks tailored to different spiritual paths such as celtic druidry, native american shamanism, etc. The same applies for themed oracle decks which can be an interesting alternative way to learn about a practice instead of just reading a book.

But my favourite thing about tarot is seeing the diverse range of tarot decks being created. Which all have a basic foundation but the artist/creator puts their own spin on it. I see buying decks like buying 78 pieces of small functional art. To me tarot is a good way to mix spirituality, psychology and creative expression into my day.

My favourite cards in tarot are The Wheel of Fortune, The Moon and The 9 of Pentacles. If I don’t like how they look in a deck I won’t buy it.  

What is something you dislike about tarot cards?

My pet hate is cards with borders that are there just for the sake of having borders. I usually trim them off.  A cheap thin card stock can ruin a beautiful deck.

Also when the books that come with a deck are the same as every other little white book, the shared info is useful but I’d also like to know why the artist chose the elements that they did. Perhaps a crystal association or positive affirmation would be a nice touch also for each card as something to focus on, such as in the herbal tarot companion book. Just to set their book apart from the rest and add something different.

Is there any curtail information you’d pass onto someone who doesn’t know much or anything about tarot cards?

Don’t over think your first deck purchase, it won’t be your one and only. Tarot decks are addictive. Once you do have one, commit to it for at least a month before buying another that way you give yourself some time to learn from it.

Watch YouTube flip-through videos to choose a deck you like as sometimes images can be too violent, scary, busy or dull for beginners so by seeing a deck first can help with any anxiety or buyers remorse.

Over time you will build up a collection of decks to draw from, some will be gentle, some blunt, etc. Each brings its own energy created by the artist.

It is ultimately a personal development tool and is not evil, it is simply a form of divination no different to flipping a coin or casting rune stones.

It’s a myth that your first tarot deck must be gifted to you and that only those who come from a family line tarot readers are ‘allowed’ to read it.

The best way I found to learn was to assign a single word or key-phrase to each card instead of having to memorise complicated meanings. For example Death = Transformation, Star = Hope, Devil = Temptation. From those words you can link to others for example Temptation can mean desire, addiction, lust, distraction/procrastination etc.

Get to know the cards by playing with them daily, such as pulling a single card and writing down whatever comes to mind for the card to you personally in a tarot journal/notebook. Making up short stories for each card can help add a level of personal understanding.

A tarot journal is useful for making a note of personal card meanings, spread ideas, tarot deck wish-lists etc. I use an A5 ring binder as I can move things around if necessary.

A tip I found useful was not to reach straight for the book for an explanation to encourage your own intuition.

How do you feel about those who take advantage of tarot reading?

Unfortunaelty I think there are shady people in any area of faith/spirituality, always have been, probably always will be. I can imagine it would be easy to be taken advantage of by a tarot reader who has purely financial motives. I suppose the same could be said for horoscope/astrology hotlines.

I think open market places like Etsy are a good place to find readers as it gives the reader a worldwide reach and the reviews can help customers discern the genuine tarot readers from the inauthentic ones.

If you were to design a deck for yourself what would be important to include? (design, image, colour, feel, information, etc?)

Lately I’ve been drawn to the more simple decks with watercolour finishes like the Linestrider and the Marshmallow Tarot. So I think my deck would follow a watercolour aesthetic. I have a few decks on order so I’m currently on a deck buying diet so I’m resisting buying them.  I think this deck is going to be very popular - traditional Rider Waite Smith imagery with Unicorns, in watercolours and no borders Crystal Unicorn Tarot

If my deck featured people I would want a more diverse range of races, genders and body types, etc. I think this is the reason a lot of decks use mystical creatures or animals in place of people to avoid this issue for example in The Wild Unknown, The Anima Mundi and in the Animal Totem tarot. The Spirit Within Tarot actually uses silhouettes to make the deck more inclusive.

Matte finish on a card stock of at least 300gsm as shiny gloss can be a distracting and can look cheap in my opinion. I’d also be tempted to make my deck smaller than most decks as I think there is a growing trend for smaller decks such as the Marshmallow tarot. Or at least make a smaller version available in addition to the standard size.

Some resources you might find useful

Youtube

Ethony - reader, teacher and deck creator

Two Spirit - a tarot enthusiast

Darkstar Tarot - lots of simple flip-throughs

Kelly Ann Maddox - tarot reader

LittleRedTarot - An online shop/blog which stocks indie decks

I hope that helps and good luck with your project,

Rossi

[faulknerwisden-blog]

Love in Idleness

Spheres spun around again pooling smoke against his boots, Boots licked by virtual glitter and bound by phantom roots, Roots to be had by those behind, silhouettes beckoned through white, White carved by vibrant ribbons, drawn together by neon light, Legs frozen, heart beat faster, at the eve of furore and fright, Pulsed quickened with muffled pop, pulsed to edges of the site. Your soul mate is out there so go out there and fight! He dived into the spheres and was spat out into the fray, Into the thriving mass of euphoria, drawn together in the doom. Blinding lights, blaring sounds, senses spun into disarray, A wetting of carnal appetite, feasting on forbidden fruit: malum. Bot materialised from the nether, appeared as shrewd and knavish sprite, Pixels shimmering- no form to tether, to grant user into light. After confirming that his avatar was in sync with his reality, (“Re-adjusted jaw and cheekbones, shrunk user back to actual height.”) It demanded he choose a colour, so that it could designate sexuality: Violet, Yellow, White To reveal to the unknown? Chance detection in real world? Whorled back to me- Humphrey Stripped, exposed and known My identity I must own Humphrey, or Human free? Three interpretations of me Violet, Yellow, White Which one was more right? “Violet” “Highlight all from my city, and hide all under three star rating, Show both male and female- but with sexuality gating.” Sprite vanished undesired users, granted a colour to all remaining, No Viola, no golden ladies nor silver men in sight. Violet, Yellow, White Smoke whispered down the walls, Carved up from every angle, By brilliant laser beams, As vibrant as they were bright, Reflected off a disco ball, That from the apex dangled, Stimulating ceaseless dreams, Under numbing neon lights. Violet, Yellow, White, Purple light enticed golden gaze, Plastered with covetous glaze, Penetrating through musty haze, Prize lying at the bottom. Phantom fingers peeled off his clothes, Stripped, exposed, known, To emaciated boy he loathed. Exotic fish eyed the horny hosts, Haunting behind ribbons of murky blue Apparition as gilled ghosts, Shiny eyes locked on ostentatious view, Held despite their drifting, Dragged by phantom snare, Parallel to the crowd ever shifting, Dancing too hard to care, Chasing the rhythm of constant beats. Rinse and repeat. Violet, Yellow, and White From gold he turned in flight. Turned instead to hunting white. Safest users in the site. Discernments were curious, From gloomy blacks so luxurious, Brought out by chubby cheeks, Stretching a smile sweet and meek. A more simple attraction, Beating heart stalled his action, Could not risk rejection. Then he spotted her blooming blush, Swooned as his blood rushed, She was attracted to him! He made his way towards her, Mustered all the courage he could brandish But she disappeared with a- poof! She was gone. She’d simply vanished. For all purples she must have banished, She dared not chance a violet light, Did not believed his light was right. Violet, Yellow, White Instead he found solace in purple lady, Found splendour in eyes shady,

Smooth dusky skin, Snared him close within, Gilded cage of raven hair, Lips as close as dared. “Do not despair my auburn prince, Squeeze out the red and let it rinse, For a glittering swords descends, Six pieces apart it will rend, But with you the chaos ends, The pink prism where rainbow breaks!” He tried to continue his prancing, But he was too limp, too placid, Could not commit to romancing, For his company needed enhancing, With bucket loads of acid. At the end of every track, foam poured from the unseen ceiling, Until everyone was soaked, glistening, and gleaming, Merged as a singular shambolic form, one in movement and feeling, Feelings vanishing with frantic gyrating, kicking and screaming, Finding contentment in unison, only ecstasy- no healing. Chocking on smoke and foam, Relentlessly shifting through the night, Bound in ceaseless roam. Violet, yellow, white Found a fossil trolling the gloom, Carved by cracks and wrinkles, Yet behind grey eyes life still twinkled, Silently salivating for malum. Oh woe to the man once so pretty, Haunting dusky corners of cyber city, Never graced by cupids arrow, His splendour nourished by the shallow, Until grey hairs were sprouted, Until pot bellow was outed Until heart was shrivelled and narrow, Wilting away on route to tomb Snubbed by new wave of plumes Scratches on bedposts the only, Haunting reminder of his bloom. Would Humphrey become like him? If he did not find love soon, Desperete to consume, Forever trolling the dark? A single commanding roar, To DJ hovering in cage above, But the crowd she ignored, Only her machine held her love. Pop powered by her hands, Morphed into nauseating beats, Oblivious to her crowds demands, Only Madonna, Mercury, and Michaels, Music nauseatingly sweet, Nostalgia destined for infinite repeat, With numbing neon lights, Violet, yellow, white He found a man amongst a crowd of nothing,

Of Cyan eyes, fair tressed hair, White arms, muscled coiled and bare, Could never imagine a man to be so fair, All gilded under golden sheen, The alchemist’s dream. Too much of a man to be a queen, A man of such superior genes, Tall, firm, athletic, lean, Not camp, no glittered gleam, Not a pansy, not like me. His existence too convenient, A salvation too lenient, Not deserving for this deviant. Why was he so desperate to venture here? A circle prowled by forgotten queers? Risk damnation from celestial ire, For a fleeting quenching of lewd desires, Desire doomed to be never sated, Until evolved into brute once hated. Take it like a man, Don’t feast on the foil, Dine on the present spoils How can the rejected, Become the rejecter? Steal away with the achievable, Delightful viridians were permissible, Damp lips shouldn’t be omissible, Diseased with all transmissible, Dealt by the dames of Sodom. Instead turned to face more mean, Saw himself in eyes of green, Honest in his golden sheen, Prophesied self- criticism. Gold, and camp and promiscuous, Preferred Purple and ambiguous, Should not handle the mannerisms, Would not defend from antagonisms, Could not merge into mechanisms. It was simple, there was no love to give. Then firm hand was against behind, Tried to relish the attention, Tried to meet them in the eye… I can’t chase the constant beats. I can’t be a puppet of scrumptious meat. I cannot be. Bugger he was of more deserving, sulking in absence. Faggot of twisted limbs, sprouting shoulders of slight cover. Bent around a sunken chest, below a wriggling mask of maggots. Queer hunger seeping from black sockets of the soul he would rent. Poof of smoke he, and all his hopes of affection would disappear. Here stands the enemy of God, Amidst a bloody war against Nature, How did such a sallow emaciated creature, Dine amongst carnal malefactors, Indulging in voluptuous quenching on malum? Scavenger spotted carrion husk, Splotchy skin smeared with floral musk, Sweltering breathes wheezing from lunges, Slick tattered lips split between tusks, Sweet nose on scratchy stump, Sweet cheeks on scaly rump, Sweet eyes into sunken hollows, Take it like a man! Slinking uncoiling of forked tongue, Salvia dribbling onto uncharted lips, Slipping into unplumbed jaw, Stealing its pound of flesh, Slime tickling teeth, mouth probed by the tip, Slithering down the throat to the soul, Where meat and emotion mesh, Down, Down, Down, Down, Lips twisted to frown, Felt soul unravelling, Tongue continued travelling, Black bristles grazing crown, Tongue he tried to sheath, But it was wedged behind his teeth! Eyes rolled in sunken sockets, As appendage jammed in docket, Made a bid for liberty, Jaw was numb and jittery, Down, Down, Down, Down, Damsel frozen in silent scream, Haunted by this virtual dream, Tangled in this twisted mesh, Fingers tearing into his flesh, Until finally free from heat… …Ahhhhh…. Liberty was sweet! Never tasted air so fresh, Down, Down, Down, Down, Sweet nose off scratching stump, Sweet cheeks off scaly rump, Sweet eyes away from sunken heart. And Humphrey was alone again. No feeling, not a fraction. No soul he held attraction. Would not entertain golden gaze. For a mere fleeting phase. Merely dawdling in queer haze. Eyes tempted back to guilty pleasure, To more than carnal leisure, To perfect fusion of Darwin’s and Manhattan, To beauty. What would the prince want with the shrew? Why settle for one with such weak genes as you? Instead Humphrey danced until bruised, Would not be slurped and used, Let skin be frayed and bleeding, Rather than a body he was needing, Let his limbs be ground to stubs, Until he was nothing. For Despite all the fascination, There was not a smile to be seen, No existence of adoration, Driving glittered sheen, Driving furious gyrating, Driving desperate mating, In vain attempt of escaping, Judgement befit for a queen. He could not stand for this dystopia, He would put an end to this myopia, He thrived with furious dancing, In the hive of gyrating rears, He needed no romancing, To drive away his fears. The time has ended for Darwin’s prince, My fellow users I must convince, To hail their rightful Queen! Whose rule will revolutionise the mean, Meaning I’ll restore what gayness means! “My friends, this is a joyous time! Violet, Yellow, White In anonymity we unite, In reality we are synonymous! In this void we can be anonymous! In Idleness we have liberty! In Idleness we have equality!” With spirits high, with shyness controlled, Through strobing lights he took a stroll, He ventured back to his pretty doom, Apple of his eye- golden malum. Sent a message, just a “hi”, Spontaneity reinforced with an alibi, Just in case caught flirting with a guy, No- not flirting, no love for lewd pleasures, Added a winking smiley for good measure, Too impulsive! Rushed in too soon! He blushed profusely- what a buffoon! But the golden man held out a hand, He held the hand as long as he could stand, He winked again, this time for real, His grasp was firm and warm to feel, Hazel into cyan, violet shining with gold, Humphrey’s heart was pumping icy cold, Yet he held his posture firm and bold, With a ping, his inbox updated, Held his breath, prepared for the “no.” Instead the man sent him a “hello.” Man pulled the boy in nice and near, Hushed and giddy against strong and clear, Firm hand on the back, other on the rear, The trance bent and broken by the rush of fear. But he just couldn’t do it. Not here, Even in a void away for the judgement of a queer, Had to be certain, had to be real, Humphrey V. Hugo’s heart had to feel