#I don't have to apologize for my denomination this week!

[firstumcschenectady]

“Mixed Multitude” Exodus 12:33-42 and Acts 2:5-11, 41-42

I love our “We Cry Justice” reading today (#25 by Daniel Jones) and the hot take on “mixed multitudes.” I loved the MLK quote it started with too, including, Pharaoh '”kept the slaves fighting among themselves.” This “trick” of having most of the resources in a society “float” to the top while leaving the multitudes fighting for the crumbs is well known, and unfortunately still well used. Take a look at governmental budgets and then the people advocating for various just causes – who accidentally end up fighting each other to prove the imperative nature of their own concern AT THE cost of the others. (Fixable, it turns out, by fixing the regressive tax code so it doesn't magnify inequality.)

Mr. Jones points out that Ancient Egypt was “an empire based on violence and injustice that sacrificed lives to the accumulation of wealth and its paranoia, viewed the murder of children as a fair price for keeping control.”1 I can't decide if I should respond “OUCH” or “PREACH” to that one. He goes on to say that the mixed multitude – the Israelites and those who suffered along with them in the empire – built a new society based on God's laws. “This higher law proclaims the accumulation of individual wealth to be immoral and demands freedom for enslaved people, forgiveness of debts, care for the environment, and the responsibility of everyone to their neighbors.” And THAT's why we call it the Promised Land.

The holiness of this mixed multitude, seeking shared goodness for each other instead of competing with each other and creating community out of shared need is found in Acts 2 as well. We normally only focus on Acts 2 on Pentecost, but it is another example that when God's Spirit is at work, people are bonded together across boundaries that might otherwise seem too impossible to cross.

God seems particularly committed to mixed multitudes.

Now this is funny thing to say right now I think. This week I've watched the incredible power of God's spirit move in the intractable-until-now United Methodist Church and all of a sudden there is hope abundant! And, truthfully, that hope abundant comes BECAUSE of disaffiliation, it comes because we split. It comes because we BROKE bonds.

Part of me - ok, a really large part of me – wants to simply say that those who left identified with the oppressor and oppressed God's beloveds and we are better off without them. But God has said to love our enemies, and I'm pretty sure being that petty isn't appropriate for a preacher... while preaching at least ;)

We who value the wide diversity of God's creation may find it easy to hear about the mixed multitudes and the amazing ways God's work to overturn oppression pulls people together. But I also know that we who value the wide diversity of God's creation sometimes find it really hard to deal with those who... don't.

Right?

It's OK, I know I'm right.

It turns out to be easier to be in a mixed multitude where people agree mixed multitudes are awesome than it is to be in a mixed multitude where there is a diversity of opinions about the value of diversity.

Or, maybe there is a bigger truth here. God's amazing work to overcome oppression and pull people together is REAL. But it is hard to live in community – there are ALWAYS differences. I think often of the story a little later in Acts when the incredibly diverse Body of Christ in its infancy already had issues with food distribution being fairly managed. Humans come into community with differences. There is no community without conflict. There is no community without bias. There is no community in prefect agreement – except maybe those who all defer to a strong-man leader.

The truth is that God binds us together. And, I think sometimes we get to the point when the best choice is to let some bonds go. Because not everything is now as it should be. We know this about marriage itself – there are times when two people have hurt each other enough that the best, most loving way forward, is apart. This week showed very clearly that all the dreams I've ever heard God dreaming for The United Methodist Church are possible – now that we're broken. And, to be fair, I hear from those in the Global Methodist Church that they think all the dreams they ever heard God dreaming are now possible there. The issue has ALWAYS been that we hear God differently.

So I've been thinking about what the moral, Christ-like response is to those with whom we have fundamental-values-level-differences. And I hear the echos of Jesus on the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” and I think that's the actual start of it. I hear it in Martin Luther King teaching about the goal of his work being to bring everyone together, not to bring down the oppressor. Let's hear him:

Now there is a final reason I think that Jesus says, “Love your enemies.” It is this: that love has within it a redemptive power. And there is a power there that eventually transforms individuals. That’s why Jesus says, “Love your enemies.” Because if you hate your enemies, you have no way to redeem and to transform your enemies. But if you love your enemies, you will discover that at the very root of love is the power of redemption. You just keep loving people and keep loving them, even though they’re mistreating you. Here’s the person who is a neighbor, and this person is doing something wrong to you and all of that. Just keep being friendly to that person. Keep loving them. Don’t do anything to embarrass them. Just keep loving them, and they can’t stand it too long. Oh, they react in many ways in the beginning. They react with bitterness because they’re mad because you love them like that. They react with guilt feelings, and sometimes they’ll hate you a little more at that transition period, but just keep loving them. And by the power of your love they will break down under the load. That’s love, you see. It is redemptive, and this is why Jesus says love. There’s something about love that builds up and is creative. There is something about hate that tears down and is destructive. “love your enemies.”2

So, dear ones, I'm going to keep on loving the Global Methodist Church, because I deeply believe God asks me to. Further, I believe there are people in that church who need it, and others who will need it. And, apparently, we are supposed to love Christian Nationalists too – even when they misrepresent our tradition. (Pulling no punches today.)

I guess no one every said being a follower of Jesus was easy, huh? But, friends, it is the season of Easter and we are told over and over again that God is Love and Love wins and NOTHING, not even death, can stop God's power of love. So, dear mixed multitude, let's keep on loving on EVERYONE even when they don't seem to know how broad God's love is yet. Let's be accused of being naive with our love. Let's be radical, and a little too broad with it. Let's be like God. Amen

1We Cry Justice #25, page 110.

2https://kinginstitute.stanford.edu/king-papers/documents/loving-your-enemies-sermon-delivered-dexter-avenue-baptist-church

[erithel]

I didn't respond to the original post in the moment because I was honestly trying to remember if I had ever done that and then I forgot (work's been A Whole Thing for like six weeks and brain is a blur) but if I ever have I'd like to apologize. I don't *think* I have (I'm pretty certain I'd remember you even lightly rebuking me. Mostly I comment on Patreon about my terrible habit of opening clearly NSFW things at work anyway because I'm impatient).

I think this conversation sums it up nicely:

But I sympathize quite strongly with you that repeated comments like that must feel like everyone's saying You're Doing It Wrong when you really, really aren't. I love your stories and a big part of that *is* the pacing. The emotional payoff for your stuff is always 😘😘

There's nothing wrong with wanting an endless supply of boys kissing, but there's other places to find that. This space, the world created just for this comic, is not it. I'm glad you create this space, and I'm *very* glad you chose to share it, and I'll try to leave more specific comments in the future. The Keyboard Smash of Glee is nice, but you deserve just as much praise on your technical skill as you do on your evocative storytelling.

For the record, I don't have some master list of all the people who have ever made a comment like that. So if you ever left a comment like that, I have absolutely no idea lol.

(BUT YES IF I EVER POST SOMETHING ON A THURSDAY IT IS NSFW DO NOT OPEN IN PUBLIC LOL)

As I've said in other posts, I didn't say my piece to specifically call anyone out, but just to bring a bit of understanding to the situation and how it had been making me feel.

And yes, that post actually sums it up perfectly!

Because if I'm replying to the comments on a post, it boils down to me typing the same response over and over and over.

It all melds into this big ball of me thinking "I literally just said this. I just told you they're not gonna kiss until Lance is ready, why are you still asking this?"

And of course the comments are coming from different people, but the common denominator is me having to repeat myself.

Another example that could be used is that I had a friend who used to work at a restaurant called "Waffle" and every day someone would make the joke "oh, do you serve...waffles here?" thinking it was the cleverest thing in the world.

But it was something she heard every day - and she was expected to laugh at it. Every day.

And since we are all human, there's only so much any of us can take before we start responding honestly.

[btranwrites]

Hall Business

a Liam An short

a gay urban fantasy short story

Things are well on the Glacial front, but the Hall comes calling. There is trouble afoot that needs the Reaper's attention. ...Jamie softened. "That's the only almost-common denominator, yes. Can you handle this?" "Of course," Liam stands up. "It's Marion Square. If the Reaper can't defend his origin, then he may as well hand in his badge."

I.

"What is so difficult for you to grasp, Mr. An, about the fact that you simply cannot involve yourself in matters of other companies!"

Liam flicked off a reply on his phone, and laid it down on the desk. The screen lit up again immediately; Elizabeth pinged back a thumbs-up emoji and 'coming right in'. He smiled, and kept smiling as he returned his gaze to one fuming Paul Thompson standing arms-crossed before Liam's desk, the chair he offered the man untouched.

He wanted to kick back so bad. Hands behind his head, a spa mask on with a glass of wine, and just savour the rage that was flooding from this man. Cold and biting, like frost. Weak prickling heat, like stale pepper. The man was old, sixty-seven, sixty-eight maybe, and yet so loose with temper. So unpoised. All these years lived and yet still… unseasoned . An exotic mishmash.

"I do understand boundaries, Mr. Thompson," Liam said. "And I understand subsidiary autonomy. I also understand intra-portfolio cohesion for the Group, and surely you understand our role as Ms. Chauhan's advisory body is to provide timely counsel and executive intervention."

Paul all but bellowed. "Counsel which I was to provide! Strategy resources that I appointed, executive bodies that I maintained, and you simply cannot… butt in and seat yourself wherever and whenever you see fit!"

Like cinnamon. Ooh, maybe even star anise? "The Neopac situation impacts a significant portion of the Group portfolio, Mr. Thompson. And it was an extraordinary situation. Ms. Chauhan saw it fit for my involvement, and I am simply seeing my work through."

"Stand. Back." Paul jabbed his finger at the oak desk, each thud heavy, reverberating with anger. God, this was delicious. Paul continued, "Neopac is dealt with. This is my turf. You are intruding."

"This is Glacial, Paul," Liam grinned. "There are no turfs but the Group. We are on the same side."

It was just a touch of taunting, yet Paul caught it immediately. His face burned beet red, and—

A knock on the door; just in time. Liam called out immediately. "Please come in!"

Lee Manik opened the door, as fine as ever, this time in a burgundy blazer, and stepped in. He stopped short as he saw Paul in front of Liam's desk. "Oh, my apologies; I didn't mean to intrude. I–"

"Don't worry," Liam said, leaning back on his chair with eyes still fixed on Paul, smiling. "Mr. Thompson is just leaving."

Paul glared at him, fists curling into white-knuckled balls. But the other executive left, all but slamming the door.

Lee, precious Lee, looked back at Liam with a slight frown. "Is everything alright?"

"Everything is splendid!" Liam exclaimed. "We were just having a passionate discussion is all, don't you worry. Now," he gestured at the empty chair opposite him, "what gave me the pleasure of seeing you here?"

Lee took the seat. Just as Liam asked him to. His grin grew wider.

"I just wanted to say thank you for your help with Enstern," Lee said. "You showed up, joined a few meetings, made some phone calls, and somehow they changed their mind."

"Ah, I'm sure you already had almost everything under control! And I just stepped in right at the tail end of your work."

"It was quite a mess before you stepped in, Mr. An—"

"Please. Call me Liam."

"Yes. Um. Liam. Uh. Right. Enstern was struggling not in an insignificant way, with Neopac being a major partner for our operation. And mere weeks after your involvement, all the roadblocks simply vanish. Things turn out too well, too smoothly for all of this to be simple coincidence."

"Then we must appreciate these rare bouts of good luck more often!"

Now Lee smiled. "You are very charming." The man caught himself, eyes wide as Liam's grin stretched to its max. "I mean, you are very charismatic. Um."

He could watch Lee squirm for the next hour, but that would risk the man never speaking to him again. Liam said, "That is what I'm good for, Mr. Manik."

"Lee."

Lovely. "That is what I'm good for, Lee." And without missing a beat, Liam leaned in, just ever slightly, "a pleasure to serve you."

Lee, too, turned beet red. "Um. Right. Thank you. My pleasure. You have a good day now." The director excused himself and left, the door clicking close behind him.

Liam looked at the closed door, and the emptied chair before him, and sighed with content. This was going to be a long dance, and he would relish every drop.

II.

"People are missing memories, Shard Reaper. We collect them totally confused, disoriented, like they were very, very drunk. They could not remember anything they did the night before, except being very, very certain that they were utterly terrified. Was it you?"

Liam flipped through the pages Jamie placed before him, frowning in the guest chair. It was a thin stack in the folio, but a stack with more sheets than he wanted to see. "No, and I do not know these people. Well," he flipped back over the pages. "I fucked this guy twice, and… this girl's husband, ex-husband now, and…" Liam kept flipping as Jamie audibly sighed. "And a few more of these, but I did not kidnap or terrorise them. That's only to incapacitate confirmed targets to be brought back to the Hall or police. Where was this?"

Jamie leaned a shoulder against the window, looking out. They weren't on the top floors of the International Hall of Heroes headquarters; high enough to see the streets of Neon City, but not enough to see the skyline. "The last one was at Marion Square."

Liam frowned, and went back to flipping through the pages.

His handler continued. "This happened all over the City, and their paths on the nights of attack all crossed alleyways…" Jamie sighed again, and sat down behind the desk before Liam. "Should I escalate this to the B-rank—"

"No, there's no need," Liam cut in. "This involves my domain. A lot of these people have at least one substance in them when they were attacked. Not all, but a majority."

Jamie softened. "That's the only almost-common denominator, yes. Can you handle this?"

"Of course," Liam stands up. "It's Marion Square. If the Reaper can't defend his origin, then he may as well hand in his badge."

Jamie leaned back in his chair, nodding. "Good. I would rather not involve the B's, they are stretched as it is. And absolutely not the tops."

"I wonder if you understand what that sentence reads like in a different context."

"What? What does it read like?"

"All good, you're too straight." Liam said, standing up as he put on his mask, black with red eye caps. It flushed seamless with the rest of his skin-tight uniform, his body a mass of matte obsidian, accented only with the red of his claws and the stylised glass shard on his chest.

He grabbed for the files, and the red glowed into angry crimson fire. To Jamie's right, the innocuous mirror on the wall sunk into sudden darkness as he closed in, and when his burning touch connected they collapsed into a swirling obsidian void, a darkness that surrendered no reflection.

"Please have your watch on during missions, Liam."

The Shard Reaper turned his burning eyes back at his handler. "No promises," he said, his voice the sound of glass scraping concrete. Jamie sighed for the third time today, and the Reaper disappeared into the vortex.

III.

The Reaper floated through an expanse, lightless except for cracks and fractures suspended in the space itself, gently swaying to an unknown current. Some of them hung in the void like wounds within which even deeper darkness festered. From others streamed in the weak light of various happenstances unfolding in front of reflections and shadows across Neon City, blurred as if behind a fogged up bathroom vanity. A barista drying cups in front of a decorative mirror. A day drinker throwing up next to a dumpster in front of an alleyway. An old couple feeding ducks next to a manmade pond. Two guys fucking in a darkened toilet stall. Business lady refreshing makeup. Secretary rehearsing a difficult conversation in a closet.

It was especially tough freshly after his coming into power: these images and sounds and smells he did not ask for assaulted him like torrential deluge, day and night until he could get the Mist to hold them back. Now they were like puppet shows behind stained glasses: the Mist obscured the details here in his demesne, the Glasslit Void, but he could still gauge the outlines where his attention landed. These days, what was a deluge was now more a pleasant trickling stream, screaming marches now more like gentle chatter from patrons in a restaurant.

His eyes and ears were everywhere in Neon City. If it reflected or rejected light, the Reaper was there. Sure, the higher ranked superheroes from the Hall handled the flashier cases, and he shared the underbelly of the City with other C-rankers. But that underbelly could be his domain. The City could be his domain; he just needed patience. It took him years to get to where he was at Glacial. Power demanded time.

It was not a good look for him, however, to have let whatever this… kidnapping thing happen right under his nose. Enstern, and admittedly a rather attractive director, was taking a bit too much of his headspace lately. He even let a few Man in the Mirror calls rang unanswered. But now that this was threatening Marion Square, he could not let it slide. No one touched a super's birthplace without expecting at least some reaction.

The Reaper landed in front of a black mirror. His touch rippled it into light, and Liam walked out of the Glasslit Void from the body-length mirror in his apartment's living room. The sun was setting, young dusk casting a gentle fire from expansive windows set next to the sofa set and high-definition TV. He put Jamie's files down on the white-marbled kitchen counter and poured himself a glass of water.

He had the view of the cityscape from here on the inside, while the Mist-obscured glass panes protected his privacy from outsiders with illusions of Liam being just another ordinary bachelor instead of a member of the Hall. The apartment was clean, modernist in its tactful colour palette of oak, dark juniper, and expensive Scandinavian décor.

Next was to get a skyline view with the outline of the landmark International Hall of Heroes tower in sight.

He peeled off the Reaper mask and set it down next to the files of victims. These people were… fine? They were missing, forgot a few things, and got a little scare, but they didn't have anything worse done to them. What was not acceptable was how this was done in his domain.

He tapped on his phone and dialled a contact. The line connected. Liam said, "Liz, has Enstern added any media coverage west of the City?"

Keyboards typed and mice clicked. After a beat, Elizabeth said, "there's a social media campaign targeting that region, yes."

Liam waited. Keyboards kept typing and mice kept clicking.

He sighed. "And nothing else, right. Let me guess, it's on Gamma as well."

"Liam, there's like two twenty-somethings on their social media team and they're juniors. The rest of them know nothing but Gamma."

"Yeah, tracks with them coming up with the name Enstern. A Gamma campaign for a region with major demographics using every other platform but Gamma."

"What do you suggest?"

Liam kept his gaze on the cityscape outside his balcony: a vista of pristine wood panelling, manicured decorative foliage, and meticulously spotless windows showcasing more expensive décor inside. "They need to know how to speak to ordinary working people. People with grunge and sweat and middle fingers to the establishment. Enstern looks very establishment right now, and Westside prefers something more to their level."

"Is this Hall business?"

"You know me too well, Liz. It is Hall business."

"Right. What are we doing?"

Whoever the perpetrators were, they expected the Reaper. But they didn't expect Liam.

"Drag night. The Trench, Marion Square."

[journalofsorts2]

anytime my dad is overworked or stressed out or angry about something it always always reflects back on me. anytime he's in a bad mood i feel like i'm walking on god damn eggshells. i am so sick of it. i am so fucking sick of feeling scared of existing in my own god damn house. and that's all this fucking place has ever been to me, it's only ever been a house, not once in my whole life have i ever considered this place a home. i can't recall a single fucking moment where this house ever felt safe and comforting and somewhere i would escape to. i was always escaping from here, never to here. but anyways, my dad is angry and tired cause he's had a busy two weeks and now it's over and he's making sure everyone knows just how fucking tired he is. and i get it, he's a busy man, he had a busy week, i get feeling tired and in need of a break, i get it, i do, but what pisses me off is how he gets to express it. he gets to tell everyone, he gets to tell people to leave him alone, he gets to warn people he might scream at them, he gets to yell without apologizing, he gets to feel it. he's allowed to outwardly express how he's feeling even if it's a negative emotion. but i don't. i don't get to do that. if i'm mad at someone or something, i have to bottle it up. if i yell at someone when i'm overwhelmed without apologizing, you bet your ass i'll be in trouble. if i'm mad i get suggestions on how to fix it or my problem instead of just letting me be angry for once. if i tell people to leave me alone when i'm overwhelmed, i get angry huffs and silence for the rest of the day. i don't get to just feel how i'm feeling if it's a negative emotion. and especially with him. i don't just get to tell him i'm mad at him even if it's something important. i don't get to express how i'm feeling negatively towards him. but he does. he gets that. he's allowed himself to do that. and it pisses me off beyond belief. he gets to exist without consequences and i don't. and god forbid i try to communicate with him about how any of this makes me feel because it'll get turned back on me because 'what about how he feels?' and 'he's under a lot of stress right now' and the second i shed a single tear it turns into a yelling match. i just, i'm so frustrated all the time with him, it feels like everyday that passes he just gets worse and worse and he's like mom lite, like he has all these bad traits that she has but at least he puts in some effort into being a parent. i'm just so sick of bottling everything up and one of these days he's going to raise his voice at me and it'll all come spewing out. idk, i can't bring myself to say i hate him like i do my mom because he's so much better than my mom but they're still both bad parents. but for years i've been choosing the lesser of two evils and lately my rose colored glasses have been falling off and i can finally see that my dad's responsible for some of my problems too. idk maybe if i wasn't such a fucking nuisance i'd have a better home life. maybe if i learned to be normal i wouldn't have a whole family that hates me. in the end, the common denominator is me so i must be the problem. idk rant over

[chirhos]

Hi chirhos, I've been really enjoying your blog. This is somewhat asking for advice and somewhat a prayer request (apologies for thrusting this on a stranger on the internet,but I really don't know any other gay Christians irl...). I have been struggling so much with my feelings of guilt for being a lesbian, and also with a constant worry that I am just being lustful for experiencing sexual attraction, same-sex at that. Things like sex and masturbation have been so guilt addled for me as a former Catholic. Sometimes the grief and guilt is so much I can barely stand it. I really would appreciate any prayers for finding peace...not only for me, but for others. I can't imagine that I'm the only one struggling in this arena.

Anon, you are absolutely not the only one struggling here and there is no need for you to apologize. I (and every other gay Christian I know) struggle with all kinds of guilt around our same sex attraction. Being a lesbian just compounds that, as we're not only gay but also women, and further shamed for our sexuality.

As for the advice: surround yourself with lesbian content. Read books about lesbians, watch movies and TV shows with lesbians in them, listen to music and podcasts made by lesbians. (If you want recommendations for any of this, let me know and I can help you out!) Make lesbian (and LGBT+) friends, both online and in real life. When I was first realizing that I was gay, this helped me so much in reinforcing that same-sex attraction is not shameful, it is natural, normal and good. Being a lesbian is not something bad: it's something to be celebrated! It's not just okay that you're gay, it's wonderful.

On the more religious side of things, see if you can go to an explicitly affirming church (if this is something you are interested in doing - there is also no shame AT ALL in taking a step back from a religion that has harmed you, please take care of yourself!). I've found that ChurchClarity is a good resource for finding affirming churches near you, or sometimes the more explicitly and outwardly affirming churches will fly pride flags or state on their websites that they welcome and affirm LGBT Christians. You could also look for LGBT Christian groups near you. These should be available in a lot of larger cities or university towns - where I go to school, the Catholic church has a meeting for LGBT Christians of all denominations once a week. You can start by googling "lgbt christian groups in [your city/town]".

As for the prayer request, I will be praying for you and every other person in your situation. I will ask everyone who sees this to join me.

Sending you so much love, anon! God made you the way you are and He delights in His creation. You are not alone. I know how absolutely soul-crushing your predicament can be, but there are so many of us just like you and I promise that it won't always feel like this. If you'd like to talk more about this or anything else please feel free to message me or send more asks❤

[dhaaruni]

My conservative Texan father is thrilled because roe v. wade could get overturned tomorrow. I have PCOS and take birth control pills for hormone imbalance, which is mild compared to what some women have to go through, but does it never occur to these people that some women simply can't carry a pregnancy to term safely?

No it really doesn't occur to them, or at the least, even if they realize it, they don't care and it freaking sucks.

Sorry to be a doomer but I don't actually think so. Maybe a couple of swing house districts end up breaking for Dems when they otherwise wouldn't have, but I don't think it'll be enough to keep the House let alone get more Senate seats out of it. It could potentially flip a couple legislatures though, or at least prevent Republican supermajorities.

Megan McArdle is getting yelled at for this thread but she's completely right and liberals need to stop sticking their heads in the sand about how popular our policies are.

The fact is, most REPUBLICANS support abortion in the case of rape/incest etc. but support for keeping abortion legal goes way down when you talk about on demand/without apology especially for married women who just don't want any more children or can't afford more kids. Obviously birth control fails and condoms break and people are busy and don't notice missed periods etc. but the percentage of women that get pregnant that were as diligent about birth control and tracking their periods as I am for instance is very small and everybody knows that! If my period was over a week late and I had unprotected sex (which I've never done in my life for the record), I'd run right to the store and buy a pregnancy test!

Like it or not, freedom and autonomy and personal responsibility is really valued in this country. Like, if someone is getting an abortion after the first trimester unless it's to save the mother's life, people are going to ask how that's justified. Did they not know they were pregnant? How did they not notice they'd missed more than one period? Why didn't they schedule an abortion earlier? Also like, the American public isn't actually sympathetic to poor women so framing it as poor Black/brown women suffer but rich white women can pay to get abortions even when Roe is overturned doesn't actually build support for abortion rights!

So, what's the answer to keeping abortion legal at least on the state level in the face of Roe falling? We talk about the women whose abortions let them have successful careers. We tote out CEOs and executives who had abortions when they were younger, we tote out Congresswomen and senators who had abortions. We tote out people who would have died without having an abortion. We tote out rape victims. We have to play hardball and yelling that people that already aren't sympathized are going to be impacted by abortion bans doesn't help keep abortion legal! Talking about birthing bodies and the 3 trans men per year that get pregnant doesn't help keep abortion legal! Sympathetic victims are a real thing whether or not that framing is "fair," and traumatized 13-year-old rape victims are much more sympathetic to the vast majority of people than 30-something moms with 2 kids who didn't use a condom but can't afford another kid.

I'm not condoning this brand of messaging from a moral perspective but like, honestly, abortion remaining safe, legal, and accessible for EVERYBODY who needs an abortion is much more important to me than like, catering to activists who want to pander to the least common denominator. That makes sense right?

[linneac]

If an entire group feels that way then there might be a common denominator on your end that your not seeing, becuase that's not really healthy or normal behavior. What was your reason for leaving the group? What was the behavior you didn't like?

I totally agree with the common denominator thing. It wasn't really an entire group feeling a way, though, and was one member of the group being awful and me not feeling as if starting a ton of drama and terrifying myself was worth staying in the group.

tl;dr my ex friend from my dnd group dismissed and invalidated my trauma while I was pretty clearly suffering and made it about herself and how it hurt her. But she's the dm's girlfriend, and she's been friends with everyone in the group much longer than I have. I already have enough on my plate, and I'm not about to tell the whole group what she said and start a huge argument. If she talks shit about me, it's up to the rest of them whether they believe her or not. And if they do, then they aren't the kinds of friends I want to have.

But for like, big info

About a year or so, I realized that I have CPTSD from my abusive mother. I'm safe now, thankfully. She move out.

I talked with a psychiatrist, he felt the same. During dungeons and dragons, my character had an argument with another player's character. For whatever reason, this triggered me. I was crying, shaking, and I had to call it quits for the night. The DM and I decided it was best that I took a break. So, I did. I explained that it was nothing anyone did, it was likely a result of my trauma and that my mom had returned to the house to get her mail and barged into my room.

Ex friend was upset that I correlated her character with my mother. Which, no, it was the situation and not her character, but I apologized as I knew she had trouble with her mother and I could understand how that could be upsetting. Although, she had been pretty accusatory. She asked me what I thought I would accomplish by leaving the game for a couple of weeks. I said I'd likely be gone a few months.

So I took a few months off, returned when she and the dm said that I was always welcome back. I tried a few sessions, but I realized that I had jumped the gun and wasn't yet ready to rp the discussion of the argument the characters had. I also came to a realization that conflict was something that was seriously upsetting me, and that I needed help to work through that. I talked with the dm, he agreed and said I was welcome to take another break. I've been having symptoms outside of the game as well. Exaggerated startle response to people shouting or slamming doors, super frequent nightmares, avoidance, etc.

That's when it went to hell.

Ex friend messaged me asking if I "seriously" left because of the argument. She said she "deserved to know" and that she wanted me to "be straightforward" and not make "excuses."

I was kinda scared, tbh. After her response to my previous break being accusatory, and how this message sounded, I was really anxious about it all. I tried to assure her that it wasn't her. It was because dnd has character driven conflict in it, simply by it's nature, and that I was experiencing things outside of the game that were also concerning me. Straightforward, to the point, truthful and open.

She wasn't having it. She told me that I was making excuses to avoid accountability (for a fictional argument, mind you), that it was absolutely about the fictional argument because I had been upset by it, that I was "dragging this on" in regards to my symptoms (ironic, considering she had previously told me that just a couple of weeks wasn't acceptable), that me taking a break wasn't how to heal and that I was just avoiding it because she faced things head on and that's how she healed, that she thought we had built up trust and how I broke it, how she'd been hurt too and also had PTSD and how it "nearly killed" her (these quotations are a direct quote, I don't doubt the impact it had on her but I do want to emphasize that this was in response to me saying how I was struggling), how she suspected I would make excuses because she could tell I would freeze up when the conflict was discussed. Her whole response was about how what I was going through affected HER, and her ignoring my reality in favor of her interpretation.

Not once did she ask if I was okay.

Honestly, I was shattered. I cried a lot. Like, all night. Couldn't sleep. I had admitted to her that I'm scared of conflict and she got aggressive. We shared a lot of really personal stuff with each other about the kinds of households we grew up in. I thought she was someone who I could confide in and who had my back and could understand how my past developed my fears and insecurities and wouldn't judge me for it. So, it really tore me up that she wouldn't see my point of view.

Then I realized that, holy shit, this is incredibly toxic behavior. Friends shouldn't see a friend struggling and make it about themselves, nor should they assign blame or try to guilt someone when they are seeking help. I shouldn't be scared of her response. It's fucked up.

It took all of my strength just to block her and leave the group chat. My hands were literally shaking. Again, not a good sign.

I messaged the dm, saying that I was quitting due to personal reasons that I'd rather not discuss. He messaged me back, but I haven't had the courage to read it beyond the notification that said he was sorry to see me go. I'm still really hurt by what happened. I wish I had the courage to have told her off. I mean, I did in a more polite form which was just me listing the things she said and how it wasn't okay to say those things, but I blocked her so who knows if she got it. Part of me hopes she did, another part is scared.

I could have told the group. I could have taken screenshots of her messages and posted them, saying how fucked up it was. But it didn't feel like the right, or maybe even safe, thing to do. They can decide whatever reality they want. I feel no resentment towards the group, but I'd rather gnaw off my own leg than be around ex friend again. So long as she's there or in contact with them, I'm not going to be there. I was finally free of an abusive parent, and I wasn't about to let myself be in a toxic friendship for any longer.

[grelleswife]

Why do male pronoun fans hate you so much? What did you do? All I see is you minding your own business but the other side posts passive aggressive posts directed at you at least twice a week. I've been scrolling on your blog but all you do is post things you enjoy?? Why are people so obsessed with you and your ships. I don't understand.

Hi, there! I apologize in advance if my response sounds a bit snippy at times; this rancor is not directed at you but at the "haters" alluded to above. There are a few potential reasons behind their hatred, though the validity of those reasons might be open to debate depending on one's views. First, I am very passionate about promoting Grelle's identity as a trans woman. While I do not send anon hate (that's extremely immature, to say the least) or anything of that sort, I make no attempt to hide my anger when people misgender her if I believe their actions to be motivated by transphobia and/or fujoshi tendencies. My sharp tongue and Mediterranean temper most likely earned the enmity of many male pronoun users.Another potential reason for their hatred might be the frequency with which I post. I adore Grelle with every fiber of my being, am naturally obsessive, and have an imagination that won't shut up. As a result, I come up with new posts about her on a regular basis and reblog my fair share of Grelle art (often with rather effusive tags!). I suppose these "enemies" might assume that I'm doing this simply to spite them? I can be petty, but I'm not that petty, and my world doesn't revolve around TERFs. I just love Grelle (to DEATH!) and want to share that love with the rest of you.A third reason (often alluded to in the vagueposts) is that I headcanon Grelle as bi and tend to shamelessly make and reblog a fair bit of content featuring her in relationships with other Kuro ladies, most prominently Hannah. I'm also the evil bisexual mastermind behind the upcoming Sapphic Sutcliff Week. (diabolical laughter) All jesting aside, I'd like to use this ask as an opportunity to explain my motivations for doing so.

The people who oppose my actions make me out to be a fetishist with the rather ignoble "agenda" of putting Grelle in wlw relationships solely for the sake of titillating my own lusts. However, my main intention has always been to create the representation I want to see. As a sapphic bisexual, I love to see content featuring romantic relationships between women that are healthy, loving, and stable. I adore domestic fluff between female characters. Since my religious denomination forbids marriage between women, it means a lot to me when I can see happy sapphic marriages in fic; if I am denied that in real life, at least I can enjoy that domestic bliss in the realm of my imagination. I especially want wlw content that is made by us and for us, portraying the women and their experiences in a realistic, respectful light rather than reducing them to mere sex objects. However, there tends to be a paucity of such content in almost all the fandoms with which I'm involved, Kuro included. There is little denying the fact that there is a dearth of high-quality content featuring Grelle in relationships with women that also uses the correct (female) pronouns for Grelle. I wanted to see more positive wlw representation involving Grelle, so I resolved to make my own. I realized there were other people who shared my sentiments, so I proposed the Sapphic Sutcliff fandom week as a means of organizing our creative endeavors. I'd like to add that I only ship Grelle with women when the relationship seems plausible to me based on the characters' personalities; while the aesthetic does play a role, it is never the end-all-be-all in any of my OTPs, which I feel sets me apart from a mere fetishist.

One thing I find rather disturbing is that some of the male pronoun users are apparently under the impression that all wlw relationships are inherently "weird" or "gross." We are not intrinsically filthy creatures! We are people just like you, and we deserve the right to see ourselves portrayed in a positive light. Although some of my own content is rather mature, I'd like to think there's more to my work than mindless sex.As a final note, I find it mighty interesting that these people lose their minds over consensual relationships between women while never uttering a peep about Sebaciel. Mighty interesting.Since I don't interact with these people directly, I can't say for certain, but I'm assuming those are the main reasons for their animosity.

[lunarbows]

"it speaks to your character" yeah you're right. i have character and you don't because you're a narcissist.

what i did was wrong. that much is true and i apologized. but you stopped speaking to me for a month like a teenager (how was i even supposed to know what was really wrong or apologize when you refused to answer your phone ?? four entire weeks went by and not once did you think "ok enough is enough i will answer/call now" ???). you tried to out me and somehow made it about me not being "truthful". no wonder you're clearly jealous of me and your life is a mess - the common denominator is you. you're completely helpless because you are completely oblivious to how terrible your behavior is and impervious to good advice or any calls for you to change your behavior because you're a narcissist.

i can see now that what you described as my "pattern of behavior" is actually just (1) you projecting and (2) me putting up boundaries. i refuse to be fooled into thinking that you're super sensitive (like nearly everyone else has been). you are not sensitive. you literally cannot be sensitive because you are a narcissist.

i am so unbelievably at peace, and so full of gratitude for the fact that i am not you. you do not look inward, ever. you are 42 years old and still act like a teenager. not one single piece of advice that has ever been given to you (or any life event) has inspired you to improve yourself. if anything, you're getting worse. you let the stench of your deep-seated insecurities and your failed marriage hang over you constantly until you explode. you don't ever handle anything in a healthy, mature manner. you don't seem to understand what maturity even is. i mind my own business and you got explosively angry about that and put yourself front and center by basically saying that i personally wronged you by being a quiet person because you are a narcissist.

the sun is shining. i fully forgive you, and i accept that you will never change for the better.

[pressurewashing55s-blog]

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