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#I don't like it my body needs this water
tapakah0 6 months
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馃憗?
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uncanny-tranny 8 months
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Basically, my philosophy around disability fakers is: I would rather a thousand people fake a disability than have one disabled person suffer without care, aids, compassion, or any help.
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Man, sometimes living alone with ADHD really do be like:
Me: Huh, I wonder why I'm so shaky and tired and seeing spots everywhere
Also me: *hasn't eaten food in two days, hasn't had water in just as long, has been hunched over current hyper fixation for hours without moving, hasn't seen sunlight in days*
Me: .... Just one of life's great mysteries I suppose
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taikanyohou 2 years
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there's an alternate reality where this vegas:
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and this pete:
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most definitely fuck.
#i have a scenario in my head where the bodyguard disperse to find porsche and as vegas is heading out back to main foyer area#he bumps into pete and pete just looks at him with disgust and knows vegas is Upto Some Shit and porsche disappearing is bc of him#and vegas who's already Mad does not need pete to be looking at him like that so he spits out a 'what the fuck are you staring at?'#and pete just cuts to the chase and asks vegas 'where the fuck is he i know you're upto some shit.' and vegas just smirks and says 'who?'#whilst he steps closer to him until he's trapped pete up against a wall and leans into his ear and says 'who pete?'#and pete spits back in vegas' face how 'i know you've got your eyes on him. don't think i haven't been watching your every move.'#and at first it feels like a bucket of ice water has been thrown on vegas but then he composes himself and says#'why? are you jealous?' at which pete just scoffs. and then vegas tries again and says 'or do you like what you see? the thrill of it?#eyeing me just to see what i do next?'#and pete doesnt respond. just bites the inside of his cheek. bc there is a thrill to it#but he is not gonna give vegas the satisfaction. and yet all vegas has to do is look at pete as he clenches his jaw and he gets his answer#and then vegas just rakes his eyes all over pete's body and says 'you've never looked so good'.#and pete isnt gonna get distracted by the fact that vegas of all people is telling him this. so he asks again 'where is he?'#and vegas just tuts and steps even closer and presses their bodies together and says 'fuck him. i'm talking about us.#stop being so fucking good all the time pete. doesnt it get tiring?'#and pete's trying to stay focused on the task at hand here and he knows exactly what vegas is doing as vegas carries on saying#'don't you wanna be bad sometimes pete? what if i let you be that with me? no one has to know.'#and the invitation sounds so tempting. the prospect of it. that he should be with kinn doing his job but instead he's fucking his cousin#and just being the centre of attention for once. being vegas' centre of attention .... it makes pete's toes curl.#and vegas glances down at pete's mouth that's fallen slightly open. and its so pretty. so pretty that he has to touch it. and as he does#pete opens his mouth wider and vegas runs his thumb along pete's entire bottom lip. and he can feel pete breathing hard.#'you want this.' vegas says. 'look how you open up your mouth for me so pretty to have more.'#and now vegas is calling him pretty too and pete's resolve is breaking brick by brick until he moans when vegas wraps his hand around his#throat and vegas says 'i wanna taint you so bad that you'd have to wear this to cover the bruises on your neck. and the next time i see you#i'd do it all over again.' and pete asks in a barely there voice 'next time?' and vegas smirks and leans into pete's ear and says#'if its what you want. because i do. i wanna see you be bad for me. just for me. i want you to come to me only. for me only.'#and then vegas bites down on the skin there making pete clutch onto vegas' blazer and as divine as vegas looks pete wants to rip it off.#and just as he's about to do something about it vegas steps back leaving pete's arm mid air. and pete hates that. and vegas sees it all#over his face and says 'what do you say pete? you either leave with me right now or you can go back and be the good little boy they think#you are.' and vegas holds out his hand. and no one's ever treated pete like this before. so he takes it. and lets vegas take him.
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Ok sorry I鈥檓 long overdue for a follow up of these tags I left on your post lol. Here goes: In my brain, the role of a cop is a very masculine one. Like obviously there are female cops but whenever they appear in media ( at the ones I鈥檝e seen) they always are very masculine. So with Hayward whole thing about performing the role of a standard cop I think he was also performing masculinity in a very standard way. His whole arc in season 2 has also been about learning who he is outside of that performance so he I think he can also start to experiment with gender and get silly with it. I think that鈥檇 be good for him. maybe this only makes sense to me but thank you for the space to expand upon me ideas.
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This is paige and Hayward season three. my final message
I just saw this response omg loving where you head is at... gotta get this out on the record before s3e3
#he can be gnc like harry dubois never let himself be#the silt verses#investigating officer hayward#hayward's gender has GOT to be weird like his whole thing with his wife who doesn't exist is SO gender#god I need to go back and rewrite 'come hell or high water' to make Hayward's wife not have been real#I think Jon and Muna have heavily implied that Hayward's wife was supposed to exist at the end of s1#but Jon decided to make her fake retroactively just to fuck with us#(in a 'just to fuck with us (affectionate)' kinda way#I don't believe in rewriting fic to conform to canon but the fact that THAT'S the fanon they canonized is *so* fucking good#a tasty tasty treat for us gremlins#but his wife that doesn't exist... he's like an alien in a human body doing a dane cook routine at work#whenever he talks about his wife who doesn't exist hating him I'm reminded of that John Mulaney bit#of 'my wife's a bitch and I don't like her? That's not a comedy routine! That's a support group for men in crisis!'#like Hayward. you invented this woman#she isn't real#why did you make her a bitch who doesn't like you????#and who YOU are pathetically still in love with#Like that's the craziest thing he doesn't even portray himself as in a failing marriage#he portrays himself as being desparate to stay in a failing marriage even though he isn't in love because he's afraid of being alone???#like hello am I speaking English here that's fucking insane in the membrane#siltposting#anyway thank you for answering my ask sorry to write this tag novel when you were just trying 2 help
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anotherdayforchaosfay 7 months
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I folded laundry fresh outta the dryer tonight!!! I had folded a couple of big shirts for myself, but then got into A Zone because ADHD. If I walked away or sat down, the folding wouldn't happen. Seeing as I just had dinner and won't be able to lay down comfortably*, I opted for just folding laundry.
I FOLDED LAUNDRY!!!
Two big loads, another in the dryer, and one more that needs drying.
My ADHD let me fold laundry. Just...wow. Folks with ADHD will know how amazing this is.
Now it's late, and I get up early**, so time for sleep. I hope I can fold the last loads tomorrow. That would be fucking impressive.
#chaosfay talks#*I have GERD and can't take meds for it. the meds do something that makes my seizure medicine not work. the seizure med#comes out more or less looking the same as it did when i took the med. this means my body wasn't doing anything with the pills. i was#basically getting no seizure meds at all. i was on the GERD med for a week before i said fuck this i don't wanna die. any other med that#treats it will likely have the same effect. plus the diarrhea was very unpleasant. i trained myself to sleep on my left side and back to#keep the heartburn from happening and fucking with my asthma. if you have heartburn and find yourself coughing a lot#especially when you lay down the coughing is caused by your stomach acid getting into your trachea/windpipe. this is very bad.#laying on the left pinches the stomach closed. avoid laying on your right especially if you have a full belly. i've found it also helps to#go for a walk to do some upright physical activity to help with digestion and reduce trapped gas. if my heartburn is especially bad i drink#sodium bicarbonate in water (recipe is on the baking soda box) and my dr gave me the okay for it. it's basically baking soda poured into#vinegar but less violent and consideable burping. never do this with a full stomach because it can really fuck you up.#**i accidentally took my seizure med in the morning because i kept reminding myself to take my vitamins and my brain went into#autopilot and i grabbed the wrong med. rather than correct this i opted to get up early. my med requires i have food in my belly and#that means i must eat. sooooo i get up at around 8AM. i'm starting ADHD med soon (#my insurance refused to cover the first med my dr)#my adhd med has to be taken in thr morning and again at mid-day so again i need to get up early. my dr suggested i have nothing to eat#because citric acid/vitamin c cancels out adhd meds. so empty belly for an hour before and an hour after. 8AM and then around noon.
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daz4i 8 months
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funniest (/s) irony about my pains is that the only painkiller that actually helps (mostly, not entirely) likely also makes them worse in the long run. i just love having a body and being alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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qoldwater 4 months
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I always forget how people back in the olde days used to just die so easily from the flu, until I get the flu myself dhhdhdhf because on one hand I know our medicine is just soo much better now a days but on the other hand I have the immune system of a dead man and once I get sick I'm like the ye olde victorian child on a death bed dhdhdhhd it's been 4 days and I just NOW can get on my phone to watch videos and text, and eat and drink water, and coherently string words together and do more than just lay in bed and moan in pain, and sweat and cough in sick delirium 馃槶
#im being so deadass#i only slept once between just staring at whatever i was hallucinating on the ceiling and that was last night#and i dreamt that i was eating glass#i know its because ive hurt my stomach and ribs from so much coughing because i can barely talk#at least in my dream i was picky about the glass i was eating LMAOOO i was like NO I WANT THE BUBBLE AMBER DRINKING GLASS NOM NOM#and raided a flea market just to find it and eat it#i dont fucking know#i finally ate some chicken noodle soup and apple sauce too and ive finally had some wonderful and amazing water#i swear i never enjoyed it more in my LIFE#i hate being sick because i get so sick so easily and soo soo so bad#fucking rough man#i had no idea it was Saturday until i just checked#fucking was Tuesday last I remembered god damnit#also its really scary looking in the mirror because I dont look well or look like myself right now#body image warning#but my face looks so hallow and dark and scratched up because apparently I either was scratching in my sleep or something happened#and I'm soo much thinner than the last time I looked in a mirror and got out of bed like 4 days ago#my beard is big and shaggy and i need to shave but i really really don't look good and its hard to do any self care#when you go from looking healthy and glowy to pale and dark and thin in just a couple days#like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that#im caught in a state of#this isn't reality#which i know isnt safe or good but ill be okay because i know im just in shock and that i cant push myself through it#especially in this weakened state#i just need to take it slow and steady#drink my water stay in my blanket and eat what i can and take my meds and thank FUCK I came through the fog and rest
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creepyscritches 2 years
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The biosimilar I was forced to spend 6 hellish months on getting worse than I've ever been during the start of 2022 is ALSO contraindicated bc it ALSO can cause drug-induced lupus and shouldn't have ever been prescribed even in the setting of my previous doctor's bullshit diagnosis of "lol we call it rhupus"
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oatbugs 2 years
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found a bunch of old voice memos and this is the first time i've listened to my own voice and thought yeah it makes so much sense that people have loved this person . woah
#personal#i was singing a song under another song (saw my wings with the bodies in the gutter). there is someone else and i cant#recognise their voice . i think maybe i was drunk and maybe so were they . i have no idea who they are but their voice is so pretty.#i ask them if theyre ok and they ask if im sure im okay with this. and then they say see you soon and theres the sound of the door.#theres the voice of someone else after this too. they say listening to chase atlantic feels like sex . i have no idea who this person is.#this file is full of strings rising and falling. reverb of a massive space. some symphony inside interrupted by another symphony.#i remember laying on the floor of the orchestra hall to listen and to hide. i remember laying my hand on the floor and thinking i could#recognise this piece just by the way the ground vibrates.#i've been thinking a lot about mereology. sorry for not talking about nihilism the past week - everyone around me has been falling apart.#this month i have watched others be stricken by grief. the other side of the equation. one day i will create a poem about the way holes are#one whole part. the way disconnects are connected to the fabric of absence. (i saw your guts without the skin attached)#i could hear how in love i was when i asked the unknown voice if they would like some water. i blew out the candles and one stayed lit.#you don't need to tell me. forever and ever. strictly fall for academics and people with a passion. asked my mathematician about manifolds#and he asked me about his hair. i will wake up tomorrow if only it is to spend half an hour making tea. the concept of going to my country#is an oncoming train with a minute's delay. i told them i want to be their friend and they told me theyd like to meet up soon#and test how deep they can bite like good friends do. do you feel ashamed of my degree? do you feel ashamed of#your dry lips? skull fast-tracked to the floor. i have a jar of hand-picked dried damask roses for tea. ill tell you about k-theory until#you shut me up.
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marshmallowprotection 2 years
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Kait, I'm so happy to hear that you're safe! What you've done is incredibly brave, you should be proud of yourself!
I can also imagine that it's incredibly exhausting. Please take all the time you need to rest and recover, and don't apologize for being inactive. You always give us so much support, now it's our turn to support you <33
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I'm doing okay, thanks for checking on me, Faye! It still hasn't hit me quite yet that I made a decision that was bold and decisive. It's one of those things where you have to look before you leap if you want anything to get better. I did a lot of things I didn't think I was capable of and in that regard, I can say that I'm proud of myself for being able to feel like a person with my own autonomy. It's going to take a little bit for me to feel like myself again. But I'm sure most people understand that. When you've been put down your entire life, it can make the moment when you step out into the sun without looking behind your shoulder to see if something's chasing you feel overwhelming. The good news is that I'm going to be okay.
In the same vein that I know Saeran and Saeyoung will be okay.
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betweenlands 1 year
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impressed by the extent to which 2316 is an absolute object-lesson in "less is more" on account of "the more you go into the extended hidden stuff the less good the scp itself gets"
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senadimell 1 year
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oof, I am not so good at being aware of and respecting my body鈥檚 limits. But thanks to cub scout and dad that I met on the trail for allowing me to realize how colossally dumb I was being
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asterdeer 2 years
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the visual imagery of a partially drowned cemetery is extremely cool in theory as a showdown spot but as someone who lives on the gulf coast, a few hours from new orleans, i am so so so unnerved by the idea. thats floating corpses o'clock right there. that's the swimming dead. like maybe it's a historical cemetery so theres no actual bodies left but STILL. get them headstones somewhere else for the love of god
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stardustedknuckles 1 year
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I have no idea what's wrong with me I just know as soon as I'm above Kansas it all goes away and I'm normal.
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yardsards 2 years
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it always feels so nice to be freshly bathed/showered and yet my depressed ass always neglects my hygiene. why.
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