#I feel very big brain but probably not x'D

[mitamicah]

Prompt 18 for @kaarija-inktober (Frank Edition); Distance

Did I spend too much time of this? Probably. Do I regret it? Nope x'D

[amethystina]

In chapter 5 of Who Holds the Devil, Ga On doesn't send Elijah a picture of Komi and he wakes up to several messages from her being worried. At this time, what do you think was going on in Switzerland? Because if she was stressing out about it, do you think she spoke to Yo Han or not, and if so, what would be his reaction to this?

Hope you can recover well!

She eventually spoke to Yo Han about it, yes, but it took a while before she got worried enough to do so. She's used to Ga On working late sometimes and so at first she figured her reminders would be enough. Which means she sent the majority of the messages you can read in the chapter before she even considered going to Yo Han.

And, by the time she did, it was mostly because she realised that it was so late in South Korea that Ga On might already have gone to bed, and he still hadn't contacted her. Which she felt was very unlike Ga On.

As for Yo Han's reaction, there is, unsurprisingly, quite a big difference between what he chooses to show Elijah and what he's feeling internally.

He'd be pretty flippant with Elijah, downplaying the severity of the situation, telling her that it's probably nothing to worry about. Maybe Ga On was busy with something and his phone ran out of batteries, so he didn't get her reminders? Or maybe he just forgot? Yo Han can come up with several very rational and logical explanations as to why Ga On didn't send Elijah any pictures.

Basically, Yo Han would try to calm her down by pretending it's no big deal. And tell her to at least wait until tomorrow before she starts freaking out

Internally, however?

He'd be worried, too.

Because no matter what he tells Elijah, Yo Han knows that Ga On wouldn't just forget a promise like that. Ga On cares too much about Elijah to disappoint her. So something must definitely have happened, Yo Han just doesn't know what. And while Yo Han is well aware that the explanation might be perfectly innocent, his mind would also start spinning towards worst-case scenarios — because that's how he works. He needs to be aware of the possibilities and, if need be, prepare for the worst.

And, somewhere around there, Yo Han would be frustrated that he can't track Ga On yet. He already decided that he wants to long before this, but this is one of those things that helps him decide that, yeah, he needs to give Ga On something he can track sooner rather than later so this won't happen again. Yo Han has no idea where Ga On is and it's making him antsy as hell.

The closest he can get is to text Lawyer Ko and ask if Ga On was at work that day. But even if Lawyer Ko says yes, that still leaves far too many possibilities. A lot could have happened to Ga On in the hours after he left work.

But Yo Han would tell Elijah none of this, of course — especially since the crisis is averted the very next day. Nor would Yo Han ever mention it to Ga On. It's just one of those things that stays inside Yo Han's head and influences his choices later, but is more or less invisible to everyone else. Perhaps not so surprisingly, there are a lot of those. As Ga On has pointed out: there's always a reason for the choices Yo Han makes. And, sometimes, the information he's basing that choice on was gathered weeks, months, or even years ago.

That man's brain never stops processing x'D

I hope that answers your question! :D

And thank you so much for the concern 💜 Unfortunately, I'm not feeling the best right now (neither mentally nor physically) but I know it's temporary so I'm just trying to wait it out :)

[space-blue]

Ask game:

Fathers and Daughters: 1, 2, 4, 5, 11, 12, 13, 15

Wow, Anon, take me to diner first! (I'm joking, thank you so much, that's such a big ask! I'll try to be concise) From these fic asks.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Not sure about what way. The style, the topic? Why Silco adopting Vi? I'll go with that. The show had just ended, and everything was pain. I wanted a better version, where Silco was a little better, and Vi wasn't so…. underdeveloped. I felt like she was the worst character, completely shafted by the narrative to be our POV into act II and III and sped run through a dubious romance. Beyond that I had very few rational thoughts. I was a brain inflamed. Star Wars? Original fiction I was supposed to do Nano about? Out the fucking window. I had to process all these feelings… I was inspired by how fucking INSANE that show made me. I never experienced a brain rewiring like I did with Arcane. I was also turbo stressed at the time, and obsessing over the fic was pure escapism.

2: What scene did you first put down?

Literally chapter 1. I don't pre write, and I don't plot. I literally sat down and wrote : "Vi doesn't really understand who pulled what sort of levers, for her to be walking free again after only two months in a Piltovan holding jail." and ran from there.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

That is impossible to answer!! 80% of the fic is dialogue! The entire story is character moving from one dialogue to another! Okay… If I have to pick, for brevity's sake I'll go for that early introduction of Syd's character :

'Stop hiring idiots and get some kids off the streets for me. At least I can train kids!! Fuck, I could train a cat to do this job, but not the fuckos in that last batch. ASK IF THEY CAN DO MULTIPLICATIONS!! I'm not running a candy shop!' is adorning the bottom of a wholesaler's receipt.

I felt very smug later on, when I was able to recall that bit when Silco introduces Syd to Vi :

'You said you'd rather train someone than inherit incompetents,' Silco protests, jabbing a finger into Syd's chest. 'As I recall, you said you could train a cat to do the job. I think Vi is probably smarter than that.'Vi snorts. 'Well, thanks.'

5: What part was hardest to write?

I have more hard chapters than I care to admit. I think the second big Silco and Vi conversation (about Vander and Silco's past) was very hard because I was using two different sets of notes. Some written about Silco's backstory, back when Talia (Sevika's sister) had a pretty different role, and I had a pretty poor grasp of Vander as a character. The other notes were written because I was struggling with the early part of the chapter. By the time I'd caught up to that scene, I was juggling all this pre-written content and I haaaate that.

Another rough one was the first Vi chapter after all those Silco PoVs. I never really managed to recover my Vi voice. I think she sounds weaker in newer chapters and gives me more grief. My betas don't see it, so it's probably in my head x'D

11: What do you like best about this fic?

The universe it created, that's home to other little fics. It's just kinder than the canon universe, but not completely different. It's a space that's fun to live in, as a writer, more than my other AUs. I also love how much fun I've been able to have with minor characters like Mek or Syd, and how it gave me such a big audience to pitch my Dark!Vander theory ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

12: What do you like least about this fic?

How hard it's gotten to write. Also, how long it is… Because see, if I lack inspiration or am stuck, I'll usually reread everything I have… I've re-read this fic to death, can't handle it anymore. Still, I love it to death—yet I'm tired of it. I kind of know where I'm going with the ending, and it's making a lot of the writing tedious, like I over-plotted. I end up extending it with surprise chapters like the last one, just to keep myself on my toes. That's how you add 12 chapters without noticing though, so I gotta be careful.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I listen to a lot of weird shit. I've listened to the full Arcane OST times and times again, of course, but I also listen to a lot of "viking" music (Danheim, Heilung, Forndom, Wardruna…), all three albums of Carbon Based Lifeforms I own (Hydroponic Gardens, Interloper, Derelicts), the latest Black Keys (Delta Kream), and a ton of mixes of Vapor Wave, tribal/folk electronica, tech noir, and other techno/electronic music, jazz/bossa nova, and lofi. Here are some of the youtube mixes I listen to regularly. And yeah, also a LOT of skyrim/Jeremy Soule music lol

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

That being a turbo panther doesn't actually get in the way of writing good character development and multi chapter emotional arcs. I kept not wanting to "rush" Vi to the point where she just accepts Silco. I knew it was an end goal, for her to love him… But I didn't have a scene in mind, and I'm glad that painstakingly writing everything blind, in a linear fashion, didn't actually get in the way of making it work! I honestly wasn't sure, this is my best and longest work to date after all!!

[amethystina]

I just wanted to say that it was thanks to you that I watched Black Knight, and boy was it worth it! It's such a good drama and your fanfic is so good to read. I love how useless 5-8 is while pining meanwhile Sa Wol is working so hard. It's hilarious. 5-8 doesn't really think about much else and it's so funny.

I'm so glad to hear that! :D I agree — Black Knight is such a good drama! It probably won't change your life, but it's a nice and solid post-apocalyptic story that knows what it wants to do and does it well. So while it didn't do anything groundbreaking, it was still very satisfying to watch. And I just love the world and all the concepts they introduce! It's so interesting!

Yeah, 5-8 truly is such a mess when he pines x'D I mean, I can understand why, though? Some of it is definitely restlessness brought on by PTSD and the fact that his life's mission is suddenly over. Like, he doesn't really know what to do now? Because, tragically, he didn't seem to have much else in his life outside of the rebellion? And so his mind latches on to Sa Wol — in more ways than one — and that ends up being the only thing 5-8 can think about.

Also, I can't deny that I have a fondness for the big and strong tols being so in love with their chosen smols that it makes them actively lose brain cells. And 5-8 fits so very nicely into that trope. 5-8 may not seem to have all that many weaknesses at first glance, but Sa Wol is definitely one of them at this point.

Sa Wol, by comparison, is really doing the most right now, yes. That boy knows exactly what he wants and he's going to pursue it with the stubbornness and fortitude we all know and love. Godspeed, tiny chaos goblin — I'm sure you'll get 5-8 to admit he's in love with you sooner rather than later.

Thank you so much for sending this ask! I admit that I feel very frustrated with how long it has been since I last updated that fic :/ I know it's not my fault (because I certainly didn't ask for the whole burnout thing) but I'm just so eager to keep telling that story. There are so many scenes I look forward to writing! So I'm hoping to be able to write at least one chapter for it after I've finished editing my current project (Marvel this time, because people have been waiting literally six years for this fic). So let's keep our fingers crossed?

Anyway! Thank you so much for telling me! That fandom is so incredibly small and it brings me so much joy to hear that people are reading and enjoying my fic! Thank you 💜

[amethystina]

Hi! Do you think about making a analysis on the last episode of TDJ? (If you haven't done already) I just rewatched this ep the other day and I feel like no matter how many times I watch it, there will always be something that surprises me. Every episode does this to me actually.

Not the last episode as a whole, no, since that would probably make my brain explode xD Like, it's just too big? ANY episode would be too big considering the number of details, plot points, character moments etc. they contain. I wouldn't even know where to start analysing a full episode, at least not in the way I usually write my metas.

I'd need a narrower framework to build my analysis on, like a specific relationship, a specific scene, a specific plotline, a specific theory etc. Which is why my two more detailed metas so far are very contained with very clear goals. That's how much I have to narrow it down to be able to accurately convey something, because otherwise there would just be too much information for me to condense into something coherent. And I would have no idea in what order to present things. Not to mention that I'd be terrified of missing something important because the scope would be too big.

(I'm also just a terribly wordy person who can't write short things to save my life. Can you IMAGINE how long that analysis would be? x'D)

I obviously have a lot of details and ideas stored in my brain, but in order to convey them in a way that's actually digestible to other people, I need some sort of prompt or structure first. And, sometimes, that structure can actually be a fanfic. I'm not joking when I say that Who Holds the Devil is basically a gigantic meta at this point, because I'm pouring ALL of my thoughts and observations from the drama into it.

Which, in all honesty, if I had known that when I started? Then I probably wouldn't have written the fic x'D Because it's so, so daunting to go: "Alright, I'm going to summarize all my thoughts and feelings about this piece of media into this one work!" Granted that this one work is huge enough to fit A LOT of thoughts and feelings, but it's still a pretty insane endeavour.

Anyway! I'm sorry if that's a bit of a disappointing answer. I just don't think that my specific brand of analysis would be all that efficient on such a broad scale. I'm more of a detail-oriented person? So it would have to be something specific from the last episode, not the episode as a whole.

[amethystina]

For the writing ask: 2 & 3

Thank you, darling! 💜

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

I probably could, but I'd write a lot less and be a lot more frustrated while doing it xD Because everything would go a lot slower and I think I'd lose track of what I intended to write before I managed to finish the sentence. Even now I'm kind of frustrated that my typing isn't as fast as my brain and I'm a pretty fast typer.

I also do a lot of revisions, sometimes changing my mind about a sentence as I'm writing it, so the ability to quickly erase things is VITAL.

But, like, if I had to? Of course I could, because when it comes to accomplishing things I want to get done, I'm the kind of stubborn that flips over into blatant stupidity.

Fun fact: I actually wrote a couple of passages for my first fanfic with pen and paper, like on the bus while I was travelling for work and couldn't bring my laptop. So the concept isn't entirely foreign, just not very appealing.

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

I'm not sure if I have much of a ritual when it comes to writing? At least not if it refers to, like, where I have to be, the mood I have to be in etc. Because as long as I have a laptop and some relative quiet (or headphones so I can block out noise) I'm good to go. I prefer to know I can devote a significant amount of time to it before I start writing since I work best if I don't have to interrupt myself all the time, but it's not a requirement.

I think the closest I come to a "cursed" fact about my writing is that I HAVE to write everything in chronological order. Like, from start to finish, no jumping around, no shortcuts, no detours. Ever. And if there's something that doesn't work, I have to fix it before I can move on, because otherwise everything that comes after it will feel wrong or might have to be revised later because it doesn't fit the tone or emotion I'm going for.

So I'm always very careful when I write since I don't want to have to go back and add or remove big chunks, since that messes up the flow and means I'll have to possibly change everything. Which is hella annoying.

This makes for some pretty tedious writing sessions sometimes, but is also the reason why I reckon that my writing feels so cohesive. It's written in the same order as it's meant to be read, so all the emotions, events, and details never divert from the path I've set for them or get dropped in the unintentional gaps that might happen if you write several shorter segments and then glue them all together.

But that also means I have to wait for AGES before I can write scenes I'm excited about, which SUCKS.

You win some, you lose some x'D

Weird Questions for Writers

[amethystina]

today I was re-reading bits of the last chapter of Who Holds the Devil and tbh, I kinda feel that to take a break after that is just like a good season finale. And thank god with no cliff-hangers!

I mean, you're not wrong. I haven't really mentioned this, but I DO seem to take breaks roughly where you'd have a season finale or at least a season break (like they sometimes have over the holidays, you know?). Because last time I needed more time before I got back to writing was just after that big argument they had when Yo Han was visiting Ga On in South Korea. As soon as they got that cleared up and hugged, I had to take a longer break before I was able to continue.

I think my brain forces me to shut down and not write for a while just after one of these bigger events has been handled, since it's a natural lull in the story. An instinctive season finale, if you will.

Because, sometimes, even if you love a project very much, you need time to regroup and take a little breather. I have, after all, been writing this fic for almost a year now (I started in October 2021) and it's... been intense.

I mentioned this in a comment on AO3, but I'm actually not a marathon writer, I'm a sprinter. I sit down and write intently for a shorter (but very focused) period of time, usually until I finish whatever I'm working on. But, sometimes, I have to do more than one sprint, but the time IN BETWEEN those sprints can be everything from a couple of days to months. Which is why I usually don't post until I've finished writing, since I can never guarantee that I'll finish it in a timely manner. This whole "write on a schedule and post regularly" has never been my thing. I'm basically going against every instinct in my body with this fanfic x'D

So these "season finales" or whatever I should call them is probably my brain finally going "hey asshole, enough is enough, you're pushing it" and shutting down. But at least it has the courtesy to do it at somewhat appropriate times within the story?

So yeah. You're not wrong and I think it's partly because of how my brain works. It just decided (without my consent) that now was a safe time to take a breather.

I'm in the process of forcing it back on track, though, because I'm impatient and stubborn. Let's see how it goes.