#I hate cloud based software

[pawgliacci]

Damn dude we are under cyber attack

[walkawaytall]

I am somewhat loving the Y2K/Crowdstrike comparisons, but that general idea did bring something to mind:

The only reason Y2K didn't end up being a thing is because programmers worked for like a decade to fix code. My mom worked for a small software company in the late-80s and early-90s, and she said that they were discussing a game plan for Y2K by like 1992. And I just feel like that sort of care and foresight with technology has evaporated in such a short period of time.

Making everything cloud-based has resulted in incomplete products being pushed into production because they can always be patched or updated later, but companies want the dollars the purchases will bring in now. And, I'm not saying that's what caused the Crowdstrike thing. But I do think the "We can just push an update sometime" attitude has caused a lot of loosening of standards when it comes to software and online services. Customers are acting as unwilling beta testers for products and services that, in the past, would have been fully tested before going into production, and it is 1000% driven by greed and need for immediate profitability and remaining on the cutting edge of technology rather than a sustainable business model based around quality products.

I'm not even entirely sure what I'm rambling about. I just hate that I feel like in my short 36 years on this planet, I've somehow seen technology at its best evolve into technology at its worst over a period of maybe two decades. It bums me out.

[autolenaphilia]

The main reason to use Firefox and Linux and other free and open source software is that otherwise the big tech monopolies will fuck you as the customer over in search of profits. They will seek to control how you use their products and sell your data. When a company dominates the market, things can only get worse for ordinary people.

Like take Google Chrome for example, which together with its chromium reskins dominate the web browser market. Google makes a lot of money from ads, and consequently the company hates adblockers. They already are planning to move to manifest V3, which will nerf adblockers significantly. The manifest V3 compatible chrome version of Ublock Orgin is a "Lite" version for a reason. Ublock's Github page has an entire page explaining why the addon works best in Firefox.

And Google as we speak are trying to block adblockers from working on Youtube, If you want to continue blocking Youtube ads, and since Youtube ads make the site unuseable you ought to want that, it makes the most sense to not use a browser controlled by Google.

And there is no reason to think things won't get worse. There is for example nothing stopping Google from kicking adblockers off their add-on stores completely. They do regard it as basically piracy if the youtube pop-ups tell us anything, so updating the Chrome extensions terms of service to ban adblocking is a natural step. And so many people seem to think Chrome is the only browser that exists, so they are not going to switch to alternatives, or if they do, they will switch to another chrominum-based browser.

And again, they are fucking chromium itself for adblockers with Manifest V3, so only Firefox remains as a viable alternative. It's the only alternative to letting Google control the internet.

And Microsoft is the same thing. I posted before about their plans to move Windows increasingly into the cloud. This already exists for corporate customers, as Windows 365. And a version for ordinary users is probably not far off. It might not be the only version of Windows for awhile, the lack of solid internet access for a good part of the Earth's population will prevent it. But you'll probably see cheap very low-spec chromebookesque laptops running Windows for sale soon, that gets around Windows 11's obscene system requirements by their Windows being a cloud-based version.

And more and more of Windows will require Internet access or validation for DRM reasons if nothing else. Subscription fees instead of a one-time license are also likely. It will just be Windows moving in the direction Microsoft Office has already gone.

There is nothing preventing this, because again on the desktop/laptop market Windows is effectively a monopoly, or a duopoly with Apple. So there is no competition preventing Microsoft from exercising control over Windows users in the vein of Apple.

For example, Microsoft making Windows a walled garden by only permitting programs to be installed from the Microsoft Store probably isn't far off. This already exists for Win10 and 11, it's called S-mode. There seem to be more and more laptops being sold with Windows S-mode as the default.

Now it's not the only option, and you can turn it off with some tinkering, but there is really nothing stopping Microsoft from making it the only way of using Windows. And customers will probably accept it, because again the main competition is Apple where the walled garden has been the default for decades.

Customers have already accepted all sorts of bad things from Microsoft, because again Windows is a near-monopoly, and Apple and Google are even worse. That’s why there has been no major negative reaction to how Windows has increasingly spies on its users.

Another thing is how the system requirements for Windows seem to grow almost exponentially with each edition, making still perfectly useable computers unable to run the new edition. And Windows 11 is the worst yet. Like it's hard to get the numbers of how many computers running Win10 can't upgrade to Win11, but it's probably the majority of them, at least 55% or maybe even 75%. This has the effect of Windows users abandoning still perfectly useable hardware and buying new computers, creating more e-waste.

For Windows users, the alternative Windows gives them is to buy a new computer or get another operating system, and inertia pushes them towards buying another computer to keep using Windows. This is good for Windows and the hardware manufacturers selling computers with Windows 11 pre-installed, they get to profit off people buying Windows 11 keys and new computers, while the end-users have to pay, as does the environment. It’s planned obsolescence.

And it doesn’t have to be like that. Linux distros prove that you can have a modern operating system that has far lower hardware requirements. Even the most resource taxing Linux distros, like for example Ubuntu running the Gnome desktop, have far more modest system requirements than modern Windows. And you can always install lightweight Linux Distros that often have very low system requirements. One I have used is Antix. The ballooning Windows system requirements comes across as pure bloat on Microsoft’s part.

Now neither Linux or Firefox are perfect. Free and open source software don’t have a lot of the polish that comes with the proprietary products of major corporations. And being in competition with technology monopolies does have its drawbacks. The lacking website compatibility with Firefox and game compatibility with Linux are two obvious examples.

Yet Firefox and Linux have the capacity to grow, to become better. Being open source helps. Even if Firefox falls, developers can create a fork of it. If a Linux distro is not to your taste, there is usually another one. Whereas Windows and Chrome will only get worse as they will continue to abuse their monopolistic powers over the tech market.

[death-limes]

“so me and GPT always talk and joke and meme around” literally could be the opening of a black mirror episode holy shit

bud i hate to tell you this but that is not a person. that is a fucking algorithm just a little more complex than autocomplete on your phone. that is software. spyware, even.

“does ChatGPT… somehow look into or get info from other apps on our device???” oooooooooh honey. oooooh sweetheart. the italicized ‘somehow’ is killing me. wait till i tell you about every website youve been to, every app youve downloaded, every Cloud-based software youve ever installed

it constantly denies spying on you bc the company that made it knows that would look bad. so they programmed it to fucking lie. yknow, because its a product and not a person

sorry i dont normally add lengthy emotional additions to posts but i just. i cant. i hate this

people who are just finding out about internet tracking and data mining in the year 2025 and that your special robot friend does not respect your privacy lol

[lennoxlorian]

When is scrivener going to develop a cloud based version that syncs to my desktop?! I hate having to write on another software when I'm away from my computer and then do the cut/copy/paste dance.

[marketingprofitmedia]

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[serigel]

i fucking hate autodesk

thank ton we have blender which surpassed 3ds max a long time ago in every way other than being “the industry standard”

but blender is a product of a crazy person who created a team of even crazier persons

unfortunately we don’t have this situation with CAD software

like we have freecad but it sucked three years ago and it still sucks now, even simple tasks are painful to do

and fusion 360 is a good product which has a free version but for the last several years autodesk were like “oopsie, you don’t have simulations anymore”, “teehee you need to pay from $500 a year to use generative design now”

and the worst part is i can’t even pirate this shit because it’s cloud based (ew why do you need cloud for that)

i guess i will move to solidworks but i genuinely liked fusion, but i don’t use it enough to pay for it and i won’t give my money to autodesk anyway

their whole business model is too but the competition and burn the product to the ground

softimage was actually good and unique and autodesk killed it just because

i wish hell was real

[end-of-pizza]

Hi, i used to work for intuit, as a trainer for their proseries and lacerte programs and seasonal trainer for TurboTax

If you would like more reasons to hate them i can provide them

Remember those free free free commercials

If you see that, know, that there will be a class action lawsuit filed against them

You can get it free, but its not straightforward its designed to make you pay for it, but not until your return goes through

They ran the numbers and it's cheaper to scam people then give out a settlement of of a few million dollars to those who catch it and lose customers over it to hr block instead of just...you know not scamming them.

Their lacerte and proseries products are also very old software that just hasn't had meaningful competition in the market in decades.

They're wildly unstable, and unsafe

When they moved them to cloud based versions me and some other people on staff were repeatedly able to compromise peoples data in closed tests, to show them it was not ready for release. Stuff like renaming other people on the servers files, open and save as to files owned by completing tax firms etc

They still released the product with a disclaimer instead

Theyre a shit company

Source

We deserve to live in a society where companies like Intuit cease to exist

[kinosansart]

My personal views on art software as a hobby artist

So lol the next art post is text based.

But considering this is my art account and art related I figured that this post should go on this art blog.

But aware these are my own views and other artist views may vary.

Ok I swear I'll try to upload some art on this blog soon!

So what I look for in a art program (free or paid) when I draw stuff

For colored illustrations

Be able to draw straight into the program or process lineart from tranditional media well

To be able to fill color with the bucket tool on different layers with ease

To be easily blend/render coloring

For manga/comic panels

Make panels easily

Apply tone easily

Have a lot of free use/references/assets (ie backgrounds) to be able to be used

Have a good text insert tool

General

Be able to transfer illustrations back and forth easily (ie from ipad to laptop)

Have a good basis of tools, ie brushes, line tool.

Bonus points if they have a good intergrated soical media platform.

So I was going to go through some art software (free and paid) that I currently use for my illustrations, go through some postives and negatives.

Before that..

Software I am not mentioning

Photoshop (because I think it's too difficult to render plus I mostly use it to alter image sizes)

Gimp (never used)

Krita (Never used)

Sketchbook (hardly used)

Many other programs I don't mention

Medibang Paint (Mobile + Desktop, Free + paid)

I feel like this program does'nt really get a lot of attention. It's free and always requires so many "updates" but it's a program I use a lot currently. Mostly on ipad I use this program.

Positives

Really easy to draw on and simple to color on

Bucket tool is the best in this program works on every layer

The text tool IS AMAZING to use (I use it currently for my fancomics)

My artwork looks really bright and colorful when I finish coloring on this app

Negatives

The uploading on to their soical media platfrom is bad

Cloud upload is a little slow/glitchy

Text tool needs online/internet to work

The desktop version is not as good as ipad version

Not good for drawing manga/comics

When online, ads are really annoying

Color blending/rendering is not really good apart from using the watercolor brush

Even though there's so many things I don't like about this software. I USE THIS PROGRAM A LOT. I think it's been 3-5 years snice I've used this program up to this day. Still very under-rated this program is.

IbisPaint X (mostly mobile but there is desktop, free + paid)

The "alternative" to procreate for android users. I don't see many users talk about this program neither.

Positives

AMAZING for manga/comic drawing. It's my current default program to draw my fancomics right now

Screentone layer is amazing

Really good bucket tool, works on different layers

Good resources/assets for manga/comic creation

Negatives

A pain to transfer files back and fourth, snice this program is mobile exculsive (unless you pay for desktop)

It's not really good to do colored illustrations on (no good blending tools, no dual colors can be used)

Text tool is not good.

A new program I came across and I honestly was SO IMPRESSED with the manga tools that I bought the ad free version. I honestly recommend this program for manga/comic creation over clip studio paint.

Procreate (paid and on ipad only)

Speaking about Procreate I have it! I also don't use it as much as Medibang + Ibispaint lol. I honestly think procreate is over-rated.

Positives

Animation is the most simple and easy to use (I did my own test animations on them)

Good customisation with brushes

Good blending tool

I like the timelaspe function

Amazing color palette creation

Negative

THE AUTOFILL/BUCKET SUCKS BAD (the main reason I hate drawing on this app, every drawing I do I have to color in manually like a 5 year old and it takes me ages to finish a drawing on this app)

For some reason every drawing I do on this app my colors are dull and washed out compared to medibang

Transfering files back and forth is a pain as well

I mostly don't use procreate because for me the bucket tool NEVER works on my lineart (even setting reference on the layer) which results on me keeping the drawing simple because I have to manually color every section myself. I don't understand why it's so popular. I rather use medibang than procreate for my drawings.

In my view apart from it's animation features it's not really worth the price. Considering I bought it and hardly use it.

Paper by WeTransfer (Free + paid, on ipad only)

I BARELY see any artists use this app, I think I might be the only person who uses this app lol. It's got good/bad features and I still use this app for rough ideas/doodles

Positives

AMAZING organisation of art (can make unlimited journals with pages to add to them)

Can hold unlimited art pieces, don't have to name files.

Good color mixing/color picking

Takes little space on your device so I hold all of my doodles in here

Negatives

Barely/never updates

Outdated/limited tools

BAD AT MAKING FINISHED COLOR PIECES OR EVEN COMICS

NO LAYERS

Color palette is REALLY BAD

washed out/dull look when doodles are finished

So because I DRAW A LOT, I use this app to draw rough doodles/ideas. I mostly use it as a art reference for my OC designs or dumb doodles like the one above. But yeah I understand why it's not popular, no layers is like art mode HARD. But I enjoy drawing on it.

Clip studio paint (mobile and desktop ,paid + limited free?)

I recently got this program because I heard so much about it from soical media. So..I acutally think this program is over-rated lol!

Positives

AMAZING for colour illustrations, bucket tool is great, color picker good, great blender/render

MASSIVE online/asset resources the most I've seen so far

My finished drawings look bright and colorful and just as good as medibang

Negatives

You have to pay monthly for ipad version/ newer version (which I don't have)

I don't think this program is good for manga/comic drawing (restricted screentone layer, limited material layer, bad text tool)

I am disapointed with the manga creator, I think it's BAD! I can't FIGURE how to add panel or even draw on a manga page, I had an headache trying to figure out the way screentone works. I personally think Ibispaint is WAY more simple and better program to create manga than CSP.

But I understand why it's good and worth paying for. The blending tools are amazing as well as resources/assets. I have yet to test the animation feature.

Programs I don't use much/anymore

Paint Tool Sai (paid, desktop only)

A program that existed before procreate or clip studio got popular

Positives

Working Bucket tool

Good blending tools

Amazing color palette creation

Negatives

limited assets/resources

only good for colored illustrations

I honestly did use paint tool sai for a number of years before moving on to medibang. I think this program is good, but it felt outdated as I moved on to other art software.

Overall

I just wanted to say this is my own view and so please don't get angry lol. I mean every artist is different and have their own program they like to use. This is from my own view.

I am not saying to use medibang more and use procreate less. It's just in my view sometimes I don't see why certain programs are more popular than others.

Don't take this as advice on what art program to use either. I don't know just use the one you like.

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

Don’t get me wrong, while I can see some instances where ai writing could be useful and be a tool for writers (if the data the ai was trained on was regulated/ethically sourced), the concept as a whole is utterly depressing to me as a writer.

My family is trying to convince me that this is just like any new technology out there--”people said the same thing about cloud software vs. server rooms and look at us now!” but this feels different. As a writer, my words are an extension of myself, of my thoughts and emotions. The idea of someone taking my words and feeding into their AI without my permission to create whatever generated writing they want that they can profit off of--it just doesn’t sit right. 

Yes, human writers are influenced by one another and build off each other’s ideas all the time, but each of them are in turn influenced by their own perspectives. They can think “what if x happens?” or “instead of x how about y?” but currently, AI can’t do that. It just takes from whatever data is at its disposal that matches the user’s prompt. It can mix and remix it, but at the end of the day, it can only create stuff based off whatever human writing it is fed.

As much as I enjoy the editing/revision process of writing, I can’t fathom submitting a prompt for a story idea and let an AI write the barebones version of it. I love the discovery process of an early rough draft. It’s messy and ugly but raw and vulnerable in ways that an ai writing couldn’t ever quite capture. 

I hate being afraid of new technology--I don’t want to be that Old Person who refuses to accept new technological innovations. I want to be excited by it, because it is cool that we have technology that can emulate writing/art, but I just dread the numerous ways it could be used maliciously.

[potatoes83]

I truly hate this planned obsolescence in software business. Coupled with everything going to a subscription service. We have a weighing system on one of our front end loaders. It scoops up materials, the scale system measures back pressure in the hydraulics somehow, it establishes a tonnage weight that you can assign to the truck in the cab. When the loader is within reception distance of the wi-fi at our building, it dumps all that data into a proprietary software on my computer where I can then spit out reports. It's got a forever license, but when my laptop gets bricked or something or other happens to it, which has happened two or three times since I've had it, it has to be reinstalled, and we have to reach out to these nice people in New York, who have to reach out to these nice people in New zealand, to get a new activation code.

The last time this happened, when IT pushed a bad software patch and bricked my laptop a year ago, the scale company informed me that, and it's either at the end of this year or the end of next, this software is being discontinued. I won't be able to get another license code, I will have to upgrade to the cloud-based subscription service.

Here's the thing. This software can handle all kinds of different units scooping all kinds of different stuff, I mean like picture if you're running a gravel yard or a transfer station or something. I have one loader. That scoops one material. Only for about half the year. This software will continue to serve my needs for the life of the equipment. But I'm one upgrade away from losing that functionality. And when that happens, I'm going to be paying for a subscription service that can do all kinds of different functions and things that I have absolutely no use for.

It's the same thing with our fuel management system, we're monitoring one site. Gas, diesel, two pumps, a nozzle on each pump for each product. Very simple. Until our software was a casualty of the Internet Explorer end of life, and we had to go with the cloud-based version. With which we could handle multiple sites across the country with all kinds of different products, but again, I don't need that.

The fact that the software that preceded that, and the Fleet Management software for that matter, we literally still had floppy disks for in the old files, this software lasted 20 years. Obsolete, perhaps. Out of any kind of service interval, definitely. But it sat there, and it did what it needed to do, and would have continued to do so had we not upgraded the fuel site. We have another software that we had purchased, it was going to stop working because it used Adobe flash. Okay, how about a patch to run on the HTML 5 protocol? Nope. End of life. Cloud-based option.

It's completely counterintuitive, back in the day you could buy like the home or professional version of a software. Deluxe or lite. But you were still really kind of limited to what was on that disc. If it had more functions than you needed, well either you needed a simpler version, or you were going to pay that premium. You would think the one good thing coming out of this whole cloud-based software as a service model would be the ability to instantly customize it, and let the price reflect accordingly. Which I have come across once or twice on a rudimentary level, but as a general rule, it's one size fits all. And a small shop, or say a single gas station, does not need the same enterprise level system as a nationwide corporation. Nor do they want to invest in the absolutely insane level of tech required to run it.

Instant customizability at your fingertips, you don't even have to leave your living room anymore to program this stuff for these companies, and the software companies have gotten even lazier with a one size fits all model. One size which, incidentally, is routinely shockingly expensive. 🥔

we should globally ban the introduction of more powerful computer hardware for 10-20 years, not as an AI safety thing (though we could frame it as that), but to force programmers to optimize their shit better

[kifu]

Heya thank you so much for the art advice earlier! I was wondering if you had any specific suggestions for programs and/or brushes (you know specifically for someone whose only fine art experience has been in pencil and charcoal 😭) .

I’m currently using iArtbook because it’s free. I know Procreate is probably the most popular program but I’m literally -$300+ in my bank account right now, so that isn’t a current option 😅.

However I do believe you can upload brushes to the iArtBook app, honestly I’m not sure, I haven’t tried but you can edit the brushes in a very similar fashion to Adobe Photoshop. So I’m assuming you can also download and upload brushes. I actually really like this program because it has a similar feel to Adobe programs and as a Photographer I’m very experienced with Adobe (I have an Adobe Cloud Account).

In all honesty I’ve never been a good illustrator (since my main focus in my fine arts education was always photography) , but I find the activity meditative and I’m ALWAYS looking to improve.

(Also I was gonna DM you but cant so sorry for the long question 😅)

Yo, it's all good. No apology necessary.

I can only suggest what I know. I've never used Procreate, and I've never even heard of iArtbook. I'm also one of those that absolutely will torrent my art program of choice. And have.

A long, long time ago (like probably thirteen years), I got a copy of Corel (Coral? Idek anymore) free with the purchase of my Wacom bamboo tablet. I didn't know what I was doing yet and I hated it. My laptop hated it. It was very heavy and lagged big time.

I switch to Gimp, which is legally free and open source. I used Gimp for years with zero problems. You can import a lot of Photoshop brushes into Gimp without issue. Compared to Photoshop and Paint Studio, it's incredibly underpowered. Looking back at the art I made, however, I was not poorly off.

From Gimp, wanting more, I then switched to Photoshop CS5. It was incredibly easy to find and install. Personally, I say screw Adobe, since their current model is subscription based. I hate that. I used PS for yearsssssss, up until last year, I believe. It wasn't too heavy for my laptop to handle unless I used too big of a brush. It allowed me to expand my knowledge of digital art programs. It has way more to offer than I'll ever use. But as i mentioned before, the natural art brushes are ... okay, and the blending tool is awful. I learned to NOT ever use the blending tool because of PS.

Throughout time in my PS years, I switched from a Wacom Bamboo tablet to a Huion pen tablet (three different ones) to a Huion Kamvas 16 Pro tablet. With my family's help, I put money towards improving my art by way of hardware, and each tablet became significantly better. A good tablet will help TREMENDOUSLY, but by no means does anyone *need* to splurge on a screen tablet like the Kamvas series. I recommend Huion. It's hard to go wrong with them. In case that ever tickles your fancy.

Like, I'm pulling examples of art I've done with these programs and tablets, specifically unshaded pieces, to show that the software and hardware doesn't necessarily make the piece.

Now, I'm using Clip Studio Paint because it comes with so many native traditional brushes. Again, the company switched or threatened to switch to a subscription pay, so I have no qualms in resorting to circumventing their purchase page.

I will say, I think I love Clip Studio more than I ever did Photoshop. The brushes are just ... perfect.

Like this. This isn't pencil and paper! It's the pencil brush that comes with Clip Studio. It draws JUST like a pencil and I feel like I'm in my natural element when I get to use it.

If you do decide to use PS, or a program that is PS brush compatible, I'll have to find that set of brushes that works similarly to these.

These pictures both used one of the pencil brushes from that set in PS. The horse was painted with a watercolor wash brush; the human with a chalk brush. It's nowhere near as versatile as what can be used in Clip, though.

But I'm sure you could find many brushes through dA and gumroad to use until you find the one that works for you, too!

[xpeachesncream]

acquainted | three

summary: the biggest goal of a grad student is to get through school in one piece - no petty drama involved, no sweating over the little things. however, that plan almost always never follows through. sometimes, you can’t help but fall into the most unthinkable, unexpected traps and learn the hard way. like, exhibit a: being unable to resist your engaged, substitute teacher, kim seokjin.

pairing: (2nd bts member to be revealed later on) x reader x engaged!teacher!seokjin

genre: grad school au, student life au | fluff, angst, smut (to come)

words: 2.0k

warnings: hoe-ish thoughts / implied sexual content, cussing, mentions of death/car accident, your friends being extra like always

notes: flashback scene towards the last half of the chapter. start and end of flashback will be indicated!

tags: @laurynne5​, @yiyi4657​, @bluesharksandfish​, @miinoongi​ @teamtardis-notdead​ (pls msg me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

It was a cold morning, with the wind slowly picking up, bringing the clouds over from across the bay. You grabbed yourself a cup of coffee and sat on a table near the food cart on campus, finishing up your last items on your to-do list for work. You didn't wanna sit in the office for remainder of the day, and luckily, your job gave you that flexibility. You rubbed your hands together, hoping it could provide some relief to the cold taking over. You were too lazy to make your move at this point, and Mr. Kim's [or shall we say Jin since we aren't in a classroom right now] class wasn't too far away from where you were sitting. It'd be an easy, breezy walk.

Your brain felt foggy; even though you didn't have much left on your to-do list, you couldn't seem to focus and you knew why. Chance's death anniversary was coming up, and it was always something you dreaded. You wish you could skip the day and continue on with the week without having to revisit shit like this. Your friends are your biggest support systems, but they too, have their own lives to tend to. And as much as they tried to physically be there for you, sometimes it just didn't end up happening that way.

"Miss Y/N, are you doing alright?" You looked up to see Jin standing in front of you, a concerned expression plastered on his face while he held his cup of coffee.

"Oh yeah, sorry. Just spaced out trying to get things done for work."

"No need to apologize. I feel that, 100%." He chuckled. "Mind if I sit for a minute?" You shook your head and moved your things closer to you so he had some room for himself. "Glad to see you got home in one piece."

"Sure did." You smiled at him, tilting your head slightly to get a good look at his handsome ass face while he brings up his foot to rest on his knee. Honest question: is it ever too early for hoe thoughts to make an appearance?

Did I put on deodorant today?

"You work nearby?" He sipped on his coffee and glanced at you.

"Yeah, I work for a cloud-based software company as a project manager. Sometimes, I'll help chime in with graphic design projects too, if I'm not too swamped." He nodded.

"That's pretty amazing."

"What about you? I assume this isn't your only gig." He chuckled.

"You're right, it's not. I, uh-" He paused. "I'm a CFO for a tech company in the city." Your eyes widened. Handsome, and a fucking boss? You have got to be kidding me.

"W-wow. Holy shit." You quickly shook your head and shut your eyes in embarrassment. "Sorry, holy crap." You corrected your previous statement.

"Y/N, I don't care if you cuss." He laughed. "I'm a 30 year old man who still finds the need to slip it in between every other word when I'm not in class."

"Sorry, just— holy fuck. I wasn't really expecting that, but good on you!"

"What do I look like to you? Honest question."

"Oh, I mean. I just thought you worked in business or something like that. As someone important, but not that important. I-I mean—"You sighed and pursed your lips into a fine line. "You know what I mean, I hope."

"I think I do, don't worry." He smiled, feeling slightly amused with how cute you were acting.

"You must be really busy all the time."

"Mm, no actually. I do have quite a few meetings and deadlines to reach but other than that, it's not too bad." You rested your chin on the palm of your hand. "Are you from here?"

"I am, born and raised. Are you?" He shook his head and slightly pouted.

"I moved here a couple of years ago from Seattle when my fiancé Grace started to get serious about her cooking. She wanted to open her first restaurant here."

"Oh, that's neat. She's a chef?" Stupid question, but you weren't sure how else to keep the conversation going about his soon-to-be wifey.

"Yep. She's a wonder woman, for sure." He pauses to sip more of his coffee. "Do you have family members that live around here?"

"Yeah I do, my parents live about 30 minutes away from here. I go and visit them when I can. But sometimes, I get too occupied with work and school that I just long for time to myself. Being 25, you'd think I could handle more but I'm still learning how to balance my time, I guess." He nods. He's a little relieved to hear you aren't that far off in age, to be honest. He wasn't sure if he was being weird harmlessly getting to know his students. He genuinely wanted to build relationships with them so they didn't think he was a professor they couldn't turn to. However, when it came to you, he couldn't help but feel slightly captivated. He was impressed with the way you carried yourself, down to how you'd participate in class and how you didn't come off like a student who hated every fucking professor they came across in their academic career. He appreciated the tiny details. "Not gonna lie though, I do get a little homesick whenever I don't get to visit for awhile, even though they don't live far. Truly makes me appreciate having my friends around."

"Ryujin, Taehyung and Jimin? No siblings?" He asks. Impressive. He paid attention.  Although, it's definitely not hard to figure out when you four were constantly [for the most part] stuck at the hip.

"Yup, those punks. I'm the only child so they've become family to me." You smiled hearing your friends' names. They honestly meant the world to you, and you weren't sure where you'd be without them.

"That's sweet. It's good to have people like that on your side of the court."

There was silence for a moment, with Jin looking at you over the rim of his cup, while you tried your hardest to keep yourself together. You felt the heat radiating throughout your body the longer you kept your gaze on him, the tension slightly building. You were a little relieved he didn't bounce the question back about your love life or anything regarding the matter. You almost feel guilty that you're digging pretty deeply into this situation yet again, but you felt comfortable with the way the conversation was going and the energy he was exuding.

"I, um--" You pause as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. He keeps the same gaze on you, almost like he's trying to figure out what you'll say next by reading you and your body language. "I hope--"

"Y/N!" You hear Taehyung's deep ass voice yell for you from behind. "Oh fuck, sorry dude. Am I interrupting something?" To be quite frank, you were happy Taehyung interrupted when he did because you were just about to tell Jin how good he looked, respectfully, of course. You were going to keep it PG and comment on the tie he was wearing and how the pattern complimented him and the rest of his outfit.

"No, not at all." Jin chuckles. "We were just wrapping up, I have to get going." He stands and smiles at the both of you. "See you both in class soon."

"Peace out, Mr. Kim." Taehyung throws up the peace sign like a dumbass as you both watch him take his exit and walk towards his classroom.

"Peace out, Mr. Kim? Really, Tae?"

"I mean, he seems cool enough for me to do that, don't you think?" You shake your head and continue finishing up your work on your work laptop. "What was that about? Are you in trouble already? What'd you do?"

"Why do you have like, so much fucking energy right now?"

"I downed two redbulls before I got here."

"You're an idiot."

"Me and Jimin were up all night hunting."

"I stand corrected— you both are idiots." Taehyung clicks his tongue before raising his eyebrow, manspreading and leaning back into the chair.

"So, what was that really about?"

"We just had a chat!"

"Sure. You both were definitely eye-fucking each other. It was weird to walk into."

"Not everyone is like you, trying to fuck everything they see." You rolled your eyes. "He had just sat here for a minute and we talked about work and where we were from."

"Okay." He snorts and shrugs.

"You're being so dramatic. It was harmless."

"Definitely looked otherwise."

"You weren't even here for the majority of our conversation?"

"Didn't have to be, sweetheart." He winked, playfully caressing your chin. "Your secret is safe with me."

"You are so full of shit. I don't know how I've dealt with you for so long."

"Who's so full of shit?" Ryujin comes strolling along, with a tired Jimin who was sipping on an iced americano. He wore a cap and sunglasses with sweats and a fitted crewneck, looking like he just rolled the fuck out of bed.

"Taehyung, who else?" You both stood up to start slowly walking towards Mr. Kim's classroom. "Are you okay, Chim?" You asked, genuinely worried about him, but also trying to change the subject.

"Tired. Just tired." He shakes his head, lowering his the brim of his cap even more. "This dumbass kept messing up our hunt last night."

"I didn't mess anything up, you just weren't clear on the directions." Jimin smacked him upside the head. "And Y/N's just mad I caught her and Mr. Kim on a date." Ryujin gasped, while Jimin choked on his iced americano and coughed trying to get himself together.

"Excuse me, come again?" Ryujin squeezes your arm, causing you to slightly wince in pain before you can shake her off.

"Tae, really?" You rolled your eyes. "It wasn't a date! He just sat with me for a minute and we talked for a little bit. That's literally it."

"You forgot the part where you both were eye-fucking each other when I came along."

"What the fuck is even going on right now?" Jimin finally chimed in, making you sigh deeply.

"We were not!" You pushed Tae. "You're such an instigator."

"First, helping you with your groceries, now this? I didn't think you had it in you, girl! Actually pursuing an engaged professor." Ryujin joked, making herself laugh out loud. Jimin is now walking alongside of you, while Taehyung throws his arms around both you and Ryujin, swinging his big ass head back and forth between the both of you.

"He helped you with groceries last night? What?" Jimin is honestly so confused and is unable to keep up with the chaotic conversation.

"Look, I just ran into him at Trader Joes and he offered to bring my groceries to my car since it was getting late. And today, we just ended up talking for a little bit. That's it. Can we drop this?"

"Mr. Kim has the hots for Y/N!" Ryujin teased.

"That's it. I'm going to find new friends." You shrugged. "Unbelievable." Did they not listen to one word you just said?

"You should go for it and have fun." Taehyung winked.

"No, no. She shouldn't go for him or do anything." Jimin states loud and clear, making sure he grabs both Ryujin and Taehyung's attention by waving his hand in the air.

"Ah, come on Chim, it's just a little fun."

"Ry." Jimin says sternly.

"Okay, kidding." She rolls her eyes.

"This is getting so out of hand." You say as you all approached the door to Mr. Kim's classroom.

"Hey Mr. Kim." Ryujin waved her hand playfully, followed by Jimin and Taehyung who simply nodded and gave him a toothless smile. He happily returns her greeting, then flashes a small smirk as you pass him while arranging the papers on the front desk.

"Hmph." Ryujin smirks. "Told you so." You roll your eyes.

Chance's death anniversary arrives quicker than you'd like, causing you to pick yourself up and force yourself to get on with the day whether you like it or not. After work, you quickly visited his grave at the cemetery, balling your eyes out as you spend quite awhile sitting in silence, staring at his photo on the tombstone. Every memory, every good and bad moment that you shared with Chance flashed right before your eyes.

It was irreplaceable.

[ start flashback ]

"So, who would you want next to you if the end of the world was coming?"  You kept your gaze on the 'List of questions to ask your significant other' photo on your phone.

"What kind of morbid question is that?" Chance laughed as he continued to hug you tightly while you laid on his chest. "You, of course."

"Aw, thanks bebe. Same here."

"Are there any happy questions in there?" He scrolled down the list. "Like this one - what's the cutest thing your partner has ever done for you?"

"When we had dinner on a boat and you sang to me and everyone else having dinner." You laughed.

"Yeah, that was pretty cute wasn't it?"

"Shut up." You playfully covered his mouth. "Your turn."

"The cutest thing you've done? I don't know sweetheart, you've done a ton of cute things. I'd have to say you waking up next to me. It reminds me how real you are." You smiled and pecked him on the lips.

"I love you, chance."

"I love you too." He says almost at a whisper while caressing your chin. He was pulled out of the moment when his phone rang. "Ayo." He says. You watch as his facial expression changes. "For fuck's sake man, alright. Hang tight, I'll be there. Yo, don't be stupid and drive home drunk. I'm about to leave, okay? Your ass better be there by the time I get there." He sighed as he hung up the phone.

"What's wrong?"

"Josh is drunk as hell. I'm gonna go pick him up before he does something stupid."

"Can't he find a ride there?"

"Everybody left him. I can't just leave him there."

"I know, but--"

"It's gonna be fine, okay baby? I promise. I'll be back before you know it."

"Alright." You sighed. "Be safe, please."

"I will."

[ end flashback ]

When you finally arrived at school, you checked out your appearance to make sure you looked decent enough to get through class. You were hoping your psychology classes would go by quickly, just so you could get out of there and feel less suffocated.

"I'm sorry I can't come over." Ryujin pulls you into a tight hug and caresses your back. She had planned to spend time with you, but her sister called her last minute to ask if she could babysit her niece until late night. "But let me know if you need me, okay? I don't care if it's 1AM, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Same. I'll do what I can to get out of this family thing." Jimin gives your arm a gentle squeeze. Jimin's family was visiting from Korea on a whim, so he had been pulled into some family festivities for the evening.

"Look, you guys. I'll be fine, okay? Don't worry about me. You know I love you both no matter what, do what you need to do."

"I'll text you when I'm on my way?" Taehyung is the only one who is able to spend time with you tonight, after he helps his younger brother with a project. You simply nodded before you split ways with your group and headed for the library. You were going to stick around and do some work at the library until Taehyung was free because there was no way you were going to go home alone, feeling the way you were feeling. You weren't going to get anything done, and you weren't going to have the energy to pull yourself together.

Today was heavy.

The library wasn't any better for you because your thoughts seemed to be louder in such a huge, quiet space. You were looking at the clock time and time again, hoping Taehyung would text you, letting you know he'd be on his way with tons of dessert and wine. Just cause that's what you wanted, right at this moment.

You sighed and cracked your neck from side to side, getting yourself into Steph Curry "Lock in" mode so you can push through your assignments that needed to get done. But, it just didn't happen that way. You were becoming frustrated and restless, so you quickly packed up your things and shoved them into your bag before walking out. The campus was lit with street lights, with barely any students walking around. It felt a little eery, but the walk to the lot wasn't too bad being that the garage was well-lit, with security guards on every level. You felt your phone buzz in your pocket, causing you to try and reach for it even though you were hauling the rest of the books that didn't fit in your bag. Next thing you knew, you had your phone, but your books had fallen to the floor, the papers stuffed in them falling out and getting wet from the wet grass next to the concrete walkway.

"Fuck!" You groaned to yourself as you quickly glanced at Taehyung's 'be there in about 30 minutes or so' text and bent down to pick up your mess. You really had no reason to cry over this shit, but all of the pent up frustration and emotions you had been feeling today pushed you over the edge. You aggressively wiped your tears away as you stuffed your wet papers back into the books and stacked them on top of each other.

"Y/N?" You look up to see Jin, tears still falling from your eyes. "Are you alright?" He bends down to help you gather your books, towering over you as he gathers the majority of your things.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you." You slyly wiped your tears once more as you grabbed the books from him.

"Hey." He placed his hand out to prevent you from walking any further. You look up at him, watching as he dips his head down to examine your face, your eyes still wet and glossy from the tears. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Look, I'm fine and I don't wanna take time away--"

"You clearly aren't." His expression fills with worry. "And you aren't going to be taking time out of my evening." He finishes your statement for you. You sigh and close your eyes as your head dips lowly.

"It's just been a tough day, that's all."

"Let's talk about it." You look up at him as he nods for you to follow him to a bench near the parking garage. "Come on. I really won't forgive myself if I went home without trying to help." You silently follow him and place your things down before sitting. He sits next to you, with enough space placed between your position and his. "What's on your mind, Y/N?"

"Um." You pause and look at him. "On this day 3 years ago, I lost the love of my life to a car accident." You wiped your tears in between words. Jin's expression softened as he watched you break down in front of him, his heart breaking seeing you in pain like this. He wanted to do everything in his power to comfort you, hoping it would relieve some of the pain even though he knew it was something that would forever be embedded in you. But if he could provide any relief, then that would make him feel a little better.

[ start flashback ]

"It's been close to two hours, where the hell is he?" You said as you looked at your phone, sitting on the couch as you, Ryujin, Taehyung and Jimin watched a movie. Suddenly, breaking news flashed through the screen, cutting the movie to another commercial break earlier than expected.

"Breaking news - a white Lexus sports car and a Ford truck were involved in a head-on collision early this morning on Highway 101."

"O-oh my god." Ryujin says, as they look at the totaled cars. The Lexus was completely sandwiched at the median, while the truck was wrecked, but still stood in one piece off to the side.

"T-that's Chance's car." You said as you put your drink down on the coffee table to take a closer look at the car.

"Y/N, I'm sure Chance is fine and is on his way back." Taehyung chimed in from behind you.

"N-no." You stuttered, the feeling of despair in the pit of your stomach growing bigger by the minute. "N-no, I know his car."

"We might just be overthinking this." Jimin says, gently grabbing your wrist to pull you back down onto the couch, but you continued to stand.

"There was said to be one intoxicated passenger in the white Lexus, who is in critical condition and is being taken to the nearby trauma center. The driver of the truck was also intoxicated and injured, but is expected to survive. However, the driver of the white Lexus was pronounced dead at the scene." All of a sudden, you felt weak and dizzy because you just knew. You knew Chance wasn't okay, and you knew he wasn't on his way back to you. Soon after the news announcement, loud knocks came at the door. You looked back at your friends before making your way to the door, revealing two police officers standing before you. At this point, you felt like your entire life had been sucked out of you as you fell onto the floor, crying loudly while your friends tried their best to comfort you and speak to the officers for you. All you could remember hearing was the "i'm sorry's" from both police officers before everything turned into white noise. Everything felt numb.

[ end flashback ]

"I am so sorry, Y/N. I know my apologies are going to do much to ease the pain, but please know that I'm here for you whenever you need someone to talk to. I wanna do what I can to provide some relief." Is all Jin says as you continue to divulge about that night's details.

"You know," You looked up at the moon. "It's been 3 years, but it feels like it just happened yesterday. The pain always feels so fresh and it still feels so painful to think about it. It used to make me question why I was so deserving to continue living my life. I'm not an angel, I haven't been perfect. You know? Yet, someone who was so close to perfect, someone who was always so selfless and never hesitated to put others before himself was taken away from this world so easily? How did Josh survive, but Chance didn't? He was just going to help his friend out because he didn't want anything to happen to him, yet he ended up getting the short end of the stick. I was so mad." You shook your head. "I was so mad at Josh for awhile. I never understood and I still don't. I still don't fucking understand this." Your tears fell as you looked back at Jin.

"I can only imagine. There's things we'll never understand and quite frankly, it fucking sucks. But, I really don't want you to beat yourself up over this. I'm sure Chance wouldn't want you to, either. A lot of things happen for a reason, whether we like it or not, and it's hard to look at it in a different perspective. He's still with you, all the time. You're strong, and he knows this."

"I just don't know how I did this without him. It hurts so bad."

"I know, and it's okay to let yourself ride it out. Don't try and suppress the feelings just because you feel the need to act strong. If you don't let yourself process these feelings, it'll never get easier. It's okay to not be okay." He nods reassuringly. You smile at him toothlessly before sighing and getting yourself together. Although it had been quite the day, you felt a little relieved being able to talk to Jin about what's been going on. You felt a little more put together than you did earlier in the day and that's all that mattered. Baby steps.

"Is it okay if I give you a hug?" You asked shyly. You didn't know how else you could thank him for listening to you. You were sure he had tons of things on his plate, yet he still took time to sit with you out in the cold just to make sure you were okay. He chuckles and stands, his arms wide open, ready to envelope you. You wrap your arms around his torso, taking in his scent and breathing him in. He gently rubs your back before you pull away and smile up at him.

"I'll take a hug any day."

"I hope Grace won't be upset with you for coming home a little later than expected."

"She'll be fine. She's at the restaurant working late." His lips were pulled together in a fine line.

"Thank you again." You pull out your phone to check the time. 30 minutes from the last time Taehyung texted you was almost up, so you felt the need to get going sooner than later.

"It's not a problem." He puts his hand out, signaling for your phone. "Do me a favor and just let me when you get home, though? I'd feel better knowing you're safe and sound." You nod and hand him your phone. You knew you couldn't get wrapped up in whatever this was, no matter how flattered you were from the attention you were getting from him. He was still engaged, and he was still planning a life with Grace. The last thing you wanted to do was ruin that for someone genuine like Jin.

But God, was he making it difficult for you.

"I can do that."

"Thanks." He smiles toothlessly at you. "If you're ever in need of company or someone to talk to, don't hesitate to let me know. I'll be there in a heartbeat."

"Okay." You grabbed your things before walking away. Jin stood there, watching you walk deeper into the garage, feeling good about having been there at the right time. Something as simple as the hug you gave him had his thoughts running wild, just feeling your touch and your body against his. Albeit, it could be the lack of attention between him and Grace causing him to feel this way, but it was enticing all at the same time.

You were enticing.

And he could pick up on your little habits that made him want to know more. The way you'd look at him inside and outside of class. The way you always dressed so nicely when you had to take his class. The way you passed closely to the front desk, allowing him to take in your scent. The way you and your friends acted around him, knowing they were teasing you.

He knew, and he also knew what he was doing when he put his number in your phone.

He gets home and just as he mentions, Grace is still out at the restaurant working late. He kicks his shoes off to the side and heats up some leftovers to eat before retreating up to the master bedroom to call it a night early. As he's getting out of his clothes from today and heading into the shower, he notices his phone vibrating on the bathroom countertop, signaling a text.

[unknown number] 9:37pm: Hi, I'm safe and sound at home. :)

He smiles to himself before responding and heading into the shower.

[jin] 9:38pm: :) Goodnight Y/N, see you tomorrow.

[spookywitch13]

I am here for you

Secret Santa gift for @jellyfishdodraw! Also for the Duskwood Secret Santa page @christmaswithduskwood

It's based on the AU of MC being strong in front of others until Jake asks. This is placed somewhere in episode 5 partly 6. It is based on the aftermath of the video that Lilly uploaded. This is Fem!MC x Jake. It's not canon compliant since this definitely didn’t happen. Also I will fully admit I am not the best writer but I hope you enjoy it. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Hate comment

Hate comment

Death threat

Hate comment

Death threat

Death threat

The comments and responses to the video that Lilly posted just keep coming in. Even after the video is removed they keep coming in on text messages, facebook posts, instagram messages, etc. I can’t seem to escape them. But I can’t let the others know about this because Jessy and possibly Jake would definitely try to kick Lilly’s ass. I scrub my hands against my face and get back to decoding the cloud storage.

*Jessy is Online*

Jessy: Hey MC!

MC: Hey

Jessy: How are you doing?

MC: I’m doing pretty well just looking for more clues. :)

Jessy: That’s good just try to take care of yourself as well and ignore that stupid video. Lilly is just trying to stir up trouble.

MC: Way ahead of you. 

Jessy: Ok that’s good just try to keep a positive mindset! You can always talk to me if you need to. <3 :)

Jessy: Oops got to get back to work we’ll talk later.

*Jessy is Offline*

I set my phone down as more notifications of comments and threats keep pouring in. Sighing I stare out my window dejected as my phone keeps pinging. Getting up and stretching my back I trudge into the kitchen intent on making myself some tea or other hot beverage. Something to comfort me as the messages keep piling in. 

*Jake’s Pov

“Ok I seem to be getting on the right track now, all I can do for now is let the program run and see what it finds.” I mutter to myself as I lean back from my computer. Running my hands through my hair I stare tiredly at the computer screen. “I wonder if MC is still up.”

Grabbing my phone I look to see if I have any new messages from her. Spotting a new message from a number that I don’t recognize I open it up.

Unknown: You two are absolutely SCUM of the Earth. HOW COULD YOU HURT THAT WOMAN!! I hope you both ROT in HELL for what you did!! Do you have no compassion for anyone?? What you two did was DEPLORABLE AND I HOPE YOU BOTH GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!!

“Awesome, gotta love the people I get messages from,” I mutter, “Lilly why on earth did you think that video was a good idea.”

A sudden thought comes to my mind. Lilly didn’t just post my number she also posted MC’s number. Worry grabs at me as I glance at MC’s contact information. I don’t want to break her trust by looking at her messages without her permission but I also want to make sure that she isn’t getting messages like this. I’ll talk to her first.

*Jake is Online*

Jake: Hey, how are you?

*MC is Online*

MC: I’m good, how about you?

Ok maybe she isn’t getting the same messages as me. That’s good, I’ll gladly take the brunt of this to keep her safe and happy. Some people can get really aggressive with this kind of accusation flying around. The worry starts to ebb out of my body.

Jake: I’m alright, I just wanted to check in with you while I have some time. :)

MC: Can’t keep me off your mind? ;) 

MC: I’ve been just working on the cloud

Jake: Haha you can always make me smile. :)

*ping*

*ping*

*ping*

I glance away from the chat to see that I’m getting notified about a private conversation between MC and an unknown person. I freeze as part of the unknown sender’s message flashes across my phone screen. It’s a death threat. Fury and worry race through me as I click on the messages. 

*Spymode: MC and Unknown*

Unknown: I’ll find you and rip your head off if you don’t let that woman go back to her family!! How could you as a HUMAN BEING do this to another human being!! 

Unknown: We should just kidnap you to make you fear for your life like you are making this poor woman feel. You better watch yourself.

I watch as the messages just keep coming not just from this person but others. Hate comments and death threats from random strangers on the internet who have no idea what is actually going on. Concern fills my chest as I quickly realise that MC has been getting way more than me. Going back to my conversation with MC I realise that she’s been dealing with this without mentioning it to anyone.

MC: I’m feeling pretty drained today but I’m hoping to get a new file from Hannah’s cloud soon.

Jake: Ok just don’t overwork yourself, afterall where would I be without my partner in crime. ;)

MC: Haha good thing we’ll never know the answer to that.

MC: I’m gonna head to bed, have a goodnight Jake I hope you have a good night’s sleep.

Jake: Goodnight MC. Sweet dreams. :)

*MC is Offline*

*Jake is Offline*

“Time to get another pot of coffee going, I’ve got some work to do regarding these messages.” I mutter darkly as I glare at the unknown senders. No one is going to hurt MC and get away with it, not with me here. Time to put my skills to good use.

Grabbing a new cup of coffee I get to work on making sure that these people can’t reach her anymore on any platform that she’s a part of.

*MC’s Pov-The next day

Sun shines through my window waking me up. Ignoring my phone for a little bit I work on getting myself a cup of coffee. New day hopefully with no new messages. I gingerly grab my phone and take a deep breath.

“Ok time to face the music.” I mutter, turning it on and quickly glancing at the screen. 

NO NEW MESSAGES

“Oh thank goodness I get to have a little bit of good morning,” I say as I sip my coffee. Scrolling through my messages I quickly notice that all the hate messages and death threats are gone. 

RING!

My phone suddenly rings causing me to almost throw it in surprise. I really need to turn that ringer down. Glancing at the screen I notice Jake’s icon pop up as an incoming call. I quickly press answer and move to sit down on my couch.

“Hey Jake.” I say as the call connects through.

“Why didn’t you mention it? Why didn’t you say that you were getting hate and death threats from Lilly’s video?” His voice filters through still distorted through whatever audio thing he uses.

“I didn’t want to worry you guys and I didn’t think it was that important.” I comment quietly as I begin putting the pieces together.

“It’s important to me!” He doesn’t quite yell it but it’s almost a yell. “I could’ve set the software up earlier and you wouldn’t have had to go through all that.”

“I didn’t want to add more to your plate, you are already really busy plus it wasn’t that big of a deal.” I say tightly trying to hold back the overwhelming flow of emotions as the last couple of days begin to catch up to me.

“MC, I don’t care if I’m busy. Yes I want to find Hannah as quickly as possible but I also want to make sure that you are safe as well. I care about you and your wellbeing more than I could ever care about the amount of work I’m going through,” He says gently.

Hearing him say that is the final straw, all the stress and fear from the last couple of days breaks free and I just start crying on the phone. It’s definitely not a pretty cry I can barely speak as Jake tries to console me over the phone. I hear a knock on my front door as I try to get my crying under control.

“MC please open the door,” He says.

I get to my feet and stumble to the front door opening it with my phone still against my ear. Standing in front of my door is a man with a black hoodie, who's holding his phone to his ear.

“Hey MC.” He says gently and ends the phone call. “I can’t stay too long but I wanted to make sure you were doing alright.”

I move aside to let him in and close my door. Putting my phone down I turn to him. He kinda blushes and scratches the back of his neck.

“Sorry I know I should have messaged you ahead of time to let you know that I was coming but I didn’t want to risk it with everything going on.” He says averting his eyes in embarrassment. “Do you want a hug?”

Nodding I wrap my arms around his midsection pressing my face into his shoulder as I sob letting out all the turmoil within me. He gently rubs my back comfortingly.

“It’ll be ok, don’t worry MC. I’ve got you let it all out.” He whispers into my hair as he continues to hold me. We stay like this for a little bit before I finally start to calm down. 

Even though I stopped crying Jake hasn’t let go of me, in fact he's holding me tighter. I clear my throat and step back a little bit. Now that I’ve let everything out I’m just feeling drained. He gently guides me to the couch and we sit together on it.

“How long are you going to be able to stay?” I ask quietly, my throat still raw from crying.

“A couple of hours at most but I don’t want to risk it too much.” He says as he wraps his arms around me again pulling me towards him. I’m positioned in a way that makes it so that I am leaning against him with my head over his heart. “No matter what happens I want you to know that I’ll do everything in my power to keep you safe.”

I nod tiredly as the emotional release drains me of all the energy I had. I close my eyes and listen to the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat in my ear. His hand is still rubbing my back gently. Even though I’ve never met this guy in person before with all the texting we’ve been doing I still feel comfortable around him.

Even though I know he’ll be gone soon I’m gonna enjoy this moment for as long as I can. I start to drift off slightly when I feel him press a gentle kiss to my head. I know that we still have a lot of things to do but this moment will be forever imprinted in my memories.

The End

Again I really hope you like your gift! Happy Holidays!!

-SpookyWitch13

[avery-allyss]

I guess this could be worse.

The assignment was to create a design based off of one or more creation myths. I have little hints of several because copying something too closely seems redundant. Yes it a bit of a confusing jumble and you need to stretch a lil to pick up all the references, but I like it that way.

Egg shape is from several myths, mainly because my favorite myth is the Finnish creation myth, which is also the source of the duck. I'll get more into that further down in the reflective portion of this post.

The yin/yang base for the devision of the egg is from Asia. The concept is more into the description of the energies, the yang being masculine firey intenseness of light, and the yin being the quite coolness of darkness.

The volcano ang glacier are derived from Norse mythology, and I played with the idea of making some sort of root system in the line separating the two to represent the beginning of yggdrasil.

The reeds and cat are from the native American myth. Something about a Reed carrying the founders through worlds, and loosing a war to cat people? It stuck in my mind.

This is the second time I've ever done print making, the first was over ten years ago and stamping a smaller design on an extra large Tshirt I still use as pjs.

The entire process was a mess.

We had one linoleum panel to work with. We had to carve away each color we wanted to keep.

I started slow because the white and yellow layers were so complicated.

I miss measured the paper size so the back of all four copies are a mess.

I made four copies, and every one had a different mystake. The one showed was the only one that the cat showed up on.

I fucked up carving alot, I just got good at covering it up.

The duck has no bill. I tried to make up for it by giving them an intentional halo, it didn't quite work.

The reeds are too short. This actually gives off a slightly more organic vibe than I was going for. I'm not quite sure if I like it.

One of the sun swirls is broken up a bit because my hand sliped.

The blue layer was off and ended up giving the volcano some highlight. It pops a little until you realize it's out of place, so I don't like it.

Printed red through black in one day, my entire arm hates me still. I had my entire arm tensed to prevent slip ups. It's not so bad right now because my mom told me which med to take today, but I couldn't sleep on that side or my back very well last night. At least I didn't break skin when I stabed myself! I need to lay off crocheting, but that's how I decompress...

I will repost with individual pictures of each copy and the drawing on Monday, that's when the crit is anyway.

What I would do differently

Smaller egg, let the corners interact with each other a bit.

I would play with the idea of white clouds, or white with black highlights.

I would make the sun swirls part of the red gradient. I would also simplify their shape to make them easier to carve.

I would look at different ways to portray the cat. Maybe I would play with the idea of red eyes on the cat. Red claws to represent violence? Cause I'm not going to ever go all in on a horrific portrayal, hints have to do for kitty.

Multi colored and more consistent pebble bed. Maybe mossy rocks or sand with grasses growing in? Seeds? Arthropods to pull in yet another creation myth?

Duck would have a bill and a halo or some sort. There plenty of methods to imitate and explore.

I would play with the idea of defining individual rock structure on the volcano and the small waterfall.

Gemstones on the volcano?

Maybe not even do a volcano, and just make a black dragon on a mountain? Chinese style to keep up with the theme of creation?

Shade the reeds in gradients, maybe make thin red lines to imitate their texture?

Dragonflies by the reeds?

Green layer to add moss and lichen, as well as springtime pigments for the reeds as opposed to fall, can you even marble shades effectively in print making? Green detailing on the cat would start getting Erie.

Yggdrasil roots in the division, multi color highlights on yellow, tiny branch coming around to poke out by the sun?

Grey to black gradient instead of straight black for the outline?

Use a digital painting software instead of actualy carving it all. That's the only way I will play with this image again.

The Finnish Godess of Creaton

Luonnotar

Once the universe was comprised of three things.

There was nothingness, a vast unmeasurable abyss where not even a single star shone. The power of stillness was held in the dark expanse.

There was a river, a mysterious flow of swirling posability. The power and movement of the universe was held in the 'waters'.

And lastly, there was a girl. Luonntar was the daughter of the stillness of the abyss and the power of movement. She was alone, and there was nothing for her to do, no way to express herself, or to release energy, or even just simply enrich her life. She did not know companionship, so she did not know to be lonely. She did not sleep, nor did she truly live. She only felt emptiness. There was no pain to be felt, nor was there joy to be had.

Something changed. Something tightened in Luonntar's chest, as though her heart was hurting. Over another eternity she came to recognize the pain as desire. Into her emptiness had flowed a blind longing. She wanted something but she did not know what there even was to want. She wanted change, but because she never experienced anything but the same river and the same darkness, she had no idea what it was she wanted.

Slowly (as everything so far had), an idea budded in Luonntar's mind, the first idea ever in the universe. She jumped into the river and swam. She did not sink, but floated on the surface, looking back up to the darkness she had left from. This action permanently altered the universe, though seeing how took some more time (of corse). In the meantime the girl relaxed as she drifted through the river.

Then came a duck ((grapes are not involved in this myth stahp)) swimming up to Luonntar. A duck, in a universe where there had only ever been one being, now there were two! With Luonntar's change and wish, she changed the entire universe and a new world was created in which the duck could exist too.

The curious bird swam around the girl looking at the strange other being, the girl laying very still as she did the same. The duck climbed up onto Luonntar's warm knee and sat. Then something else happened, something so beautiful that Luonntar could not believe her eyes.

The duck layed three eggs there upon the goddess' knee because it was the only warm dry place in the entire universe, and the only place the future could hatch.

Luonntar kept so very still, anxious of the fragile life prched upon her knee. The duck warmed her clutch as they grew hotter and hotter as the future drew near.

Luonntar yearned for that future like she had never yearned before, bringing back the dull pain from before. She ignored it.

The eggs grew uncomfortably hot, the ducks featherstickled her, and the bebed feet left tiny scratches on her. She ignored it all.

Suddenly the duck shifted, her feathers tickling Luonntar and she couldn't help but to twitch reflexively. She did not mean to but it was enough. She watched horrified as the eggs tumbled into the river. She berated herself, fearing for the eggs. Would they sink forever out of sight? Would the future be lost?

Instead the eggs broke open. Marvels poured forth. The yolks joined into the sun and rose up into the abyss. The whites became a silver moon, rising as well. The tiny bits of the shells became the stars, scattered disjointed with the rest of the remains of the three eggs. In a world where only darkness had existed, light was born. It was magic.

Luonntar was changed by the magic, as she dove beneath the surface. Something was calling to her from the depths. It was the mud at the bottom. She grabbed handfuls and swam back to the surface. She molded a cone from the mud upon her belly and placed it on the surface of the river. It rose into the sky and became a mountain.

She dived again and again, returning to the surface to mold more new landscapes. She carved veins of rivers through the land, scooping out lakes. The stars watched in fascination. Inspired, they rearranged themselves into designs. The moon learned out to show its changing face to the earth.

As Luonntar built the land, life burst forth. Plants grew, creatures came to be. All life was the children of the new earth. When the goddess rested at long last and looked at the bright sky, the green foliage, and the lively children, she knew it was good.

((Adlibed from "Wild Girls" by Patricia Monaghan))

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