#I hated drawing these. …but I feel compelled to draw more cus they look really good to me fsr?????

[theswedishpajas]

I’m way too tired for this kinda brainrot, especially if the rot makes a guy dig around in my brain

[sauntervaguelydown]

Hey I've been following ur tumblr for like a few years less than a decade at this point- you were one of the first blogs i followed when i was like 13/14 and i followed you specifically cus of hannapoc. It was really seminal for me and i really loved it. If you feel so inclined, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the series on the whole. Like, what you think of it at this time. If you have anything you're especially proud of or anything you regret. Any themes in it or parts of it you would want to talk about or just like general vibes. No pressure of course! I would also like to say thank you for that series- i haven't read it in a while but it really compelled me and it remains in my mental landscape as a very treasured apocalypse story as well as my personal canon end for hinabn, as no others were forthcoming and anyways i couldn't rlly picture a more compelling one than what you ended up creating. (i was especially delighted by the fey and the official and unofficial interactions between human and supernatural elements. Stuff like the moonlight accords- i think that was what those treaties hanna was helping with were called right??- and that sort of thing were rlly fascinating to me. I don't think many writers have integrated fey/folkloric races in an apoclypse genre context, i found that rlly innovative and cool.) But yeah! Please write back or if you do not, please know that the stuff you wrote made an impact to me and i still think of it.

first of all this is so sweet thank you a bunch GOD it's been a decade

second of all I LOVE talking about the stuff I've written and I'm happy to do it any time

since there's a lot here and I've never been asked about the fey thing before, I'm going to start there!

So two of my particular special interests at the time I started writing this (12th grade) were a book series about an apocalyptic event wherein all electricity & combustion stops working at the same time, and fairies. Fairies are actually more of a lifelong special interest. I got interested in a kid, and as I got older I went deeper and deeper into the lore and the fiction and the various sorts of taxonomy. I was really influenced by Charles Delint’s The Blue Girl, in terms of spooky uncomfortable modern fairy imagery.  I really liked the idea of there being… like taxonomical classification scheme that encompassed all of the supernatural world, like in Artemis Fowl but more amorphous and less biologically mundane. You can see in “Up in Smoke” how it’s really a lot of things I was interested in at the time—Fight Club, governmental collapse, supernatural taxonomy, magic theory—that form the bones of the plot.

I liked the idea of humans being the “sun” people and supernatural beings being the “moon” people, and that was probably from a desire to do the “mud people” thing from Artemis Fowl but, again, more amorphous and poetic. I’m on of those people who likes to make Grand Unified Theory of Blank, so having all the monsters in HINABN canon and all the monster in folklore fit into a coherent shared schema REALLY appealed to me. Moonlight Races are creatures inherently made of and touched by magic. Sunlight races, humans and our pets and livestock, are not.

Early in the process I remember asking myself why, if fey and monsters are real, we don’t see them in the modern day. And some other fiction writers I had been reading at that time suggested that the actual pollution in the air was steel and fire and fairies Hate That so right now the whole world is kind of poisonous to them. I remember sitting at my desk at my first job and drawing charts on notepads describing which creatures went into which family, genus, species. I remember I found the shadow people by going down a Wikipedia rabbit hole looking for things that COULD be fey but aren’t necessarily considered that by people talking about them.

Before I wrote Hannapocalypse, I wrote a different 30 chapter apocalypse au of JTHM based very strictly on the book series I was obsessed with. I’m glad I got that out of my system, because it was objectively not very good, but it gave me practice with writing OCs and it gave me practice with writing fight/battle scenes, and it allowed me to scratch the need to do that EXACT apocalypse scenario. It’s all kind of fuzzy now, but I think it was some art I saw on Deviantart that got me thinking about doing an apocalypse for HINABN, and I waffled for a bit because I had already “done that”. I think I was at the perfect age to have just enough technical skill to pull it off, but not so much worldly experience to think “smoking cigarettes cures the plague” was a ridiculous idea not worth writing.  It was a very free time in my life.

When I look back on it, the aspect of it that always looms largest for me is actually Conrad’s aversion to sex. I think it’s because that’s still so uncomfortably personal. Conrad is a lot of me—when I went excavating in the canon to find his Characterization, I found a lot of myself there, and that’s what I drew out. His social anxiety, his ineptitude, his fear of sex, his attraction to the person who gives him attention even when it’s not healthy—even, probably, the bright hot moments of unleashed rage that burn away all the rest of the neuroses for one sublime moment. I mean he’s not me, first of all I’m not that witty or that snappish, but. You know. It’s still pretty personal.

I’m sort of ambivalent about it. I’m both proud of it and kind of regret it at the same time—if I think about regretting it, I end up thinking about how interesting it was instead. It’s really interesting because at first I wasn’t doing it on purpose; in my own mind I was just drawing out the will-they-won’t-they in a way that was fun to write, but the deeper we got—certainly by the time "A Christmas Story" came out, I had realized there was something going on inside ME that was making Conrad act the way he did. And that all got hashed out in the narrative as a combination of internalized homophobia and emotional wariness, so I do like what happened, but even now it still feels so personal I cringe back from it a little on automatic. If Vaysh hadn't been writing with me and able to reflect my instinctual work and resituate it in narrative, I have no idea how that would have turned out.

I’ll tell you what I really DO regret was trying to do the whole segregation + Zillah subplot at the age I was. It’s so weird that it’s THE foundational episode of the series, setting the pattern and tone for all installations written after it, and yet it’s like. Wow. Could not recommend this to anyone without a whole barrage of warnings. I was in 12th grade, I knew racism was a problem, I knew racism would be a problem IN THE SOUTH if a major disaster ever struck—and I wanted to do a cult story because religion fascinates me and there’s a cult storyline (ultimately very different) in that book series I liked—and I love girlboss villains and I wanted a Shadow King reveal at the climax—and it all came out as this wild messy strange thing that hasn’t aged well. I was REALLY excited out Zillah at the time, too! I thought she was so cool! Unfortunately I didn’t know enough not to invoke the much reviled “tragic mulato” trope at the time. On the other hand, I don’t really see how I could fix it now. It’s all tangled up to such a degree that if I tried to do surgery on it, the whole thing would just wither away.

I think more than anything I’m proud of the SIZE of the series. I don’t know where I got the JUICE from. How did I DO that. I mean, part of the trick is that I got to just write the parts I liked writing and then have Hanna handle all the parts I didn’t care about off screen lmao

Oh! I'm proud of John too! The moment when I realized he thinks of Worth as a father figure was the most satisfying experience of puzzle pieces all coming together. I love that he sucks, I love that he's funny, I love that he adds the feeling of FAMILY to the structure at the very end.

Uhhh I think that’s enough? I’ll answer more questions any time though I don’t mind

[starflyfarm]

(hmgh the inbox is empty n im kinda bored so have sum incoherent thoughts n ideas abt lou under the cut)

(i think ive mentioned a few times tht lou likes singing but that is admittedly an understatement. he loves singing. he hears a song he knos the lyrics to and he feels incredibly compelled to sing tho his lack of confidence stops him in public spaces. u may hear a bit of humming when no ones paying attention to him tho)

(going off that there are certain kindsa songs he likes singing more than others, think its been mentioned that he likes higher energy music generally speaking so naturally thats the kinda music he likes to sing to but he REALLY likes songs he can just belt to it feels so satisfying to him. he is surprisingly good at adele songs)

(he cannot sing really rough throaty songs to save his life tho like just thinkin abt it makes his throat hurt. he likes a fair bit of metal and screamo n stuff but his voice is just too smooth to sing it. smooth but lightly textured. like vanilla icecream w the lil vanilla beans n stuff still in it. hes also not very good at whistling)

(hes mostly a tenor but he does have a pretty decent range and his falsetto is p decent tho it does hurt his throat)

(its also been mentioned that hes alright at guitar but i like 2 thnk inbetween whatever actual lessons he took the very first songs he taught himself were probably sum very embarrassing sappy little love songs w simple chords. u kno how it is when ur a repressed gay teenager)

(idk how any of yall read his voice but generally he talks kinda quietly, very much not a very loud or present person, which is good for not getting caught committing crimes but not very good for socializing as he has discovered.)

(his semi soft voice is decently reflective of his physical characteristics too, i think i mentioned like once that his hair is very thick and soft, but his skin is also p soft with the exception of some scars here and there)

(speaking of his more notable scars are a burn scar on his right forearm from when he was really young, no one remembers exactly how he got it but it had something to do with a kitchen accident, and sum cut scars on his left shoulder from shortly after he’d moved out of his mom’s house. he also has various minor scars on his hands and wrists from handling/playing with cats and getting into the occasional knife fight back in the city as well as a very small scar on his upper lip from a time a dog bit his face when he was young)

(u might not guess it but he is incredibly clumsy and does not have the best spatial awareness when it comes to like. objects. he does fine not crashing into people but hes probably bumped into a lamp post at least once)

(idk if its ever come across but he also does lots of hand gestures when hes talking. snapping his fingers or shaking his hands when hes tryna think trying to illustrate what hes talking about with vague motions. he does a lot of shit w his hands in general, tapping fingers on surfaces drumming his hands on his legs, doin peace signs n finger guns and playing with his fingers/clothes mindlessly)

(hes also the kinda person who has an idle animation™ when hes not distracted by talking to someone or just paying attention to something he’ll probably rock back n forth on his feet or bobbing up and down probably to the rhythm of a song stuck in his head or something, speaking of songs, again, humming is a thing he does too)

(if u read the previous 2 points and thought “that sounds like stimming” ur exactly right)

(he stumbles over his words a bunch when hes excited, even if hes trying to keep his cool stumbling and stuttering are some of the most tell tale signs of him being excited tho it also happens when hes anxious or flustered. id say it applies to strong emotions in general but it absolutely does not apply to stuff like when hes real angry or sad)

(when hes real angry or sad his speech tends to actually be much more concise, he’ll speak slower and take time to really consider his words. when he’s angry both his expression and the words he chooses have the potential to cut like a hot knife thru soft butter, and when he’s sad hes more considering his words to try and keep from bringing the person hes talking to down)

(ive drawn him with a sketchbook a couple times but he probably has a journal with some writing in it too, nothing serious just thoughts he has sometimes phrased with flowery words but its not like. super amazing poetry or anything. hes no elliott)

(speaking of sketchbooks he absolutely draws his friends from time to time. hes incredibly embarrassed by it and hed never show anyone but he does it. a lot of his doodles are accompanied by lil thoughts and comments he has while makin em)

(back when he worked for joja i like to think he was like a phone operator for like. the joja help line or smth which is an oxymoron and he probably spent most of his work day getting yelled at by ppl over the phone. he does not like talking on the phone. much prefers texting)

(idk how clear ive made it on the blog but he absolutely hates morris. morris is probably the only person in town who hes like physically threatened. morris has thusly elected to avoid fucking with him as much as physically possible)

(i think its been mentioned he carries some kinda pocket knife on him at all times but he also likes to carry one a those novelty combs that looks n acts like a switchblade but its not. mostly just to fuck w ppl. pull out what looks like a switchblade then open it and hah uve been fooled it was a comb all along)

(speaking of combs bcus his hair is thick and wavy as mentioned before hes gotta take real good care of it or it gets. Unmanageable. when he was a teenager he didnt take care of it for a while n it got so long and tangled it broke like 2 combs it was awful)

(that in mind he is prone to getting wicked bed head. catch him when he first wakes up and its like a rat king was planted on his head)

(also did i mention he has several knives? pocket knives switchblades hes probably got a decorative dagger in a box somewhere, and ofc his monster fighting sword. he probably has a pair of brass knuckles somewhere too)

(its defintiely been hinted at more than a few times but lou is a huge foodie. he is always hungry and loves food but he cant stand mint or bitter tastes sometimes he has a hard time w sour stuff too. he likes spicy and savory/umami/w/e foods best, and while he does have a decent sweet tooth he can make himself sick off sugary stuff pretty easy especially w really dense sweets like fudgy brownies n shit)

(the reason hes not so good w mint and bitter things is cus his senses r very keen and bitter and mint are very unpleasant to his mouth and nose. theyre intense and stick around much longer than theyre welcome and it just feels bad ykno. this in mind he could not explain to u why he likes spicy stuff as much as he does)

(hes also really sensitive to like actual temperatures, especially heat. if it gets too hot and humid it can make him real nauseous n give him a migraine, hes better in the cold but even then it makes him really sneezy n sniffly. this is moderately ironic considering the previous point)

(jhjh im gonan stop here bcus this is getting super long but this is absolutely not all the stuff ive thought of. its mostly just the more lighthearted n mundane stuff that i could remember off the top of my head lmao)