#but making my own caricatures for people? freaks me the fuck out

[theswedishpajas]

I’m way too tired for this kinda brainrot, especially if the rot makes a guy dig around in my brain

[md-intermission-archive]

"Murder Drones: Intermission": A Story of Understanding

Uzi Doorman: Understanding Loneliness

I feel like during the development of this episode, Uzi was the hardest character for me to wrap my head around. To my understanding, she’s feisty, angsty, and plays up this persona of being apathetic. A sort of lone wolf thing.

She’s snappy towards her classmates who ostracize her, snappy towards adults in her life, and overall gives a middle finger to anyone who isn’t on Team Uzi. It’s a very “me vs. the world” type of thing. That, to me, just felt like the callous shell of someone who’s painfully fragile and has been hurt so often.

I will admit, I may be projecting slightly, but I honestly read her as like… a neurodivergent kid who didn’t know how to navigate social circles, so she just became incredibly bitter. Her father didn’t help her situation at all because he also treated her like a freak, literally calling her a disappointment in his business ads. Then on top of all that she had no mother figure to look up to. All of this accumulates into a habit of isolation. “No one will love me, so fuck it. I’m on my own”. She acts like she’s fine on her own, when in reality she’s so starved for genuine connection. With that in mind, in Intermission I wanted to peel back those layers a little bit. I wanted to explore self-isolation and that hunger for love. 

Some people clocked this I think: the way Uzi’s attitude is toned down in Intermission. I didn’t want to play up her angsty teen act as much (and I capped her at one “bite me”) because then I’d risk falling into the trap of making her into a caricature of herself. The way I framed her in my head is “if she wants connection, then she’d be happier around people who she sees as her friends. If she’s also fragile though, she’ll make an immediate 180 at the slightest hint of meanspiritedness”. This was the guideline I gave myself when it came to bouncing her off of V and N. N melts her icy demeanor. He’s very gentle and encouraging with her. One example being how N kneeled down to her eye level when speaking to her when she was putting up her walls again. As someone who’s constantly ostracized, she needs a gentle touch in order to relax.

I made sure to keep that in mind, that while she was being treated gently, she should show more signs of happiness. Comfort. Part of that comfort is also reflected in being mischievous/playful. As for the 180 she makes if shown any sort of cruelty, that’s reflected in acts of self-isolation. 

This is something I’ve observed from myself and people in my life. If someone is already deathly afraid of rejection, they won’t reach out for help and their immediate instinct will be to isolate. In the beginning of the EP when Uzi’s having her Solver flare up her immediate thought is “I’m going to put up a firewall (repress) and just not even mention this to anybody”. Then when N offers to help, she still shows signs of being uncomfortable because she’s not used to it. It isn’t until V’s comment calling her a lost cause irks her that she decides “screw it let’s give it a shot”. She hates being underestimated, so this reaction made sense to me. Meanwhile the climax of the episode is where I wanted the most overt display of her fears to be presented.

As I said earlier, Uzi’s sensitive to rejection. She attacked the only people in her life who care about her, and the worst part was it wasn’t even her fault. Uzi is a person who really wants a sense of control over her life for the sake of security, so that loss of control and the idea of “oh my god they hate me now” was the final straw for her. So, she isolated. She ran off (or in this case, flew off), she barricaded herself, and she cried.

During the scene when Uzi's found, I had a bit of an issue figuring out where to go from there with her. I had two options: I could once again lean into her badass persona and have her fight back, or I could have her fold. I decided the latter. To her, she just lost the only people who cared about her, she's a monster to worker drone society, her father doesn't care about her.

What's the point. She's doomed to be alone.

If V didn't have her revelation, Uzi would've let herself die. While I understand that's an upsetting choice to make in the narrative, given Uzi's circumstances it felt like the appropriate reaction. Which is why the events following were so important.

While Uzi's at her lowest point she's shown pinch of kindness.

While it’s true V’s initial intention was to off Uzi, her showing compassion and sympathy was what helped calm Uzi down. Rather than making her put up walls like V usually does, V was able to break through them a tad. That interaction, N pouncing at her with a hug, and the final scene was meant to cement in Uzi’s head that she finally wasn’t alone (even if V still struggled to not be prickly with her). The three are still incredibly messy, but there’s that sense of trust that Uzi now has people in her life that actually care about her despite her messiness. The mischievous attitude even comes out when she says, “you found a nanospark of warmth in your heart to care about me”. She now feels more comfortable with V to an extent, and she finally has a support system.

I think…the reason why I love Uzi so much is that she’s sadly reflects the experience of what it's like not being able to fit into society's mold of acceptable. Even if she might not be neurodivergent, the bullying and isolation she experiences is very familiar. I wanted to do her justice as much as I could with that all in mind and with the resources I had. I wanted to give her one happy ending to a day when every other feels like utter hell.

The angsty teen may be badass, but her heart is still fragile.

[steveharrington]

have you ever thought about how tommy steve and carol became friends? do you think it was like since they were all babies or like they knew each other peripherally but only became close during middle school or something? i love anything that involves tommy and carol and i wish they would show up in the last season somehow

my little made up history for them is that steve and tommy have been friends literally since like. pre-k mostly because their moms knew each other from like mommy groups in the community and set up play dates. i know it’s easy to make steve’s parents into these 2-D evil caricatures but i do think often about steve’s mom being stuck in this loveless marriage that makes her more and more paranoid about her loser husband being unfaithful….im sure before that she tried to make hawkins work…i think she was good friends with tommy’s mom and they spent a lot of time together which is how we get the steve-tommy dynamic in season one where they almost seem like brothers. steve smacking him and rolling his eyes when tommy says something shitty but still continuing the conversation as normal and hanging out with him the same as always, almost as if he feels like tommy is just a permanent fixture in his life and his cruelty is just a part of the deal

i think carol moved to hawkins a little later in middle school and as soon as she stepped in the doors a little censor went off in her head that guided her to tommy immediately because their genetic bitchiness is a 100% match. i think steve adopted carol in and essentially also sees her as a little sister (forever thinking about the Choice in s1 of showing us steve giving carol his applesauce and meatloaf off his own plate….) and overall i think that’s how steve rationalizes their behavior in his brain. he’s like “well… yeah maybe they shouldn’t have said that….but what can i do, they’re like family! that’s just the way they are! what am i gonna do, cut them off?? it’s tommy and carol!”

to me that’s more compelling than steve just sticking with tommy and carol for Status. that doesn’t really make sense because it’s not like we see the three of them flanked by their peers at lunch, or inviting masses of people to their party. i don’t think carol and tommy are particularly popular and that steve clings to them because They as people determine his social ranking, but more because they’ve been his best friends for so long that he just can’t really fathom existing without them. maybe he parties a lot and has a lot of girlfriends and is a star athlete or whatever, but when steve invites people over on a tuesday night, he only invites tommy and carol (and later nancy and barb). they’re his only Friends, clearly, who mean anything to him. so as they get older and tommy and carol get crueler and sharper and more prone to escalate situations, steve just kinda averts his eyes to avoid this cataclysmic break up between the three of them

tommy and carol so endlessly fascinate me. in such a short time we learn so much about the depth of their history with steve, the way they feel comfortable joking and laughing about his parents relationship (in a way that to me almost feels like siblings laughing at the antics of their shared parental unit), the way they seem determined to kinda press on the wound of steve’s insecurity about cheating and infidelity until he freaks the fuck out on nancy and jonathan. there’s like a possessiveness that they seem to feel when steve actually starts to form a close bond with nancy that is so interesting…. ugh i could yap about them forever. they are such an important part of the tapestry of steve’s life……and chester rushing said tommy is in gay love with steve ❤️

[sevilynne]

Sorry in advance, I'm going to rant here a bit.

Why do 80% of Snaters have to bring his looks into the discussion? Like, the way he looks has nothing to do with his character! I just saw another post calling him a "disgusting, oily, ugly man" in their rant on how he is an evil person, like... I look, apart from being a woman, exactly like him. Like, I 100% match the book description. Crooked teeth, shoulder long hair that gets greasy way to quickly, big, hooked nose, dark eyes, too skinny, walks in a "gliding" way: that's me! Why do the marauders fans have to do this?! Don't they realize that there are people, who will look like the charakter they hate on? This fucking fandom made me so insecure about my nose, that I am considering an operation at 19 years old! I just cried for half an hour after seeing jet another post about how ugly Snape is and no wonder he never found love! It just causes so much pain. If they want to hate on Snape's character, fine by me! But why can't they leave the way he looks out of it? Why?

Sorry for freaking out here, but you are one of the few pro Snape accounts one can write to anonymously and I don't want them to be able to figure out who I am. Thank you for reading this messy thing i wrote, it just needed to be said.

I must offer my deepest, sincerest apologies for posts you’ve seen. Alas, Marauder Stans possess a troubling insensitivity and thoughtless disregard for the nuances of character and narrative. In Sev V. S Marauders arguments, when they find themselves cornered without a coherent defense for their beloved quartet, rather than talk about the substantive truths about Sev, they instead throw callous, almost vulgar fixations on his appearance.

Marauder Stans, as fervent as they may be, are often proved problematic. Their disdain for Sev runs so deep that they not only dismiss his importance and erase him from his own circle but also stoop so low to attacking his appearance and ridiculing his poverty.

Marauder Stans seem to revel in disparaging Sev, often going out of their way to strip him of any redeeming qualities. It's that they take pleasure in rewriting his narrative, erasing his virtues and amplifying his flaws, making a one-dimensional caricature that serves their biases. It's a weird thing, revealing more about their own prejudices than about Sev himself.

Your appearance is a distinctive and beautiful part of who you are, but it does not, in any way, define your value or your capacity to be loved and cherished. Those who resort to attacking someone’s looks often do so because it’s the quickest, most mindless way to inflict pain. It says more about their own insecurities than it does about you. You deserve to be appreciated for the incredible person you are, far beyond the surface.

Please remember that you are so much more than any fictional character, you have your own unique story, rich with experiences and emotions that are entirely your own. Here, you are loved and valued for who you are, regardless of how you look or the way you express your personality.

You can always try to block every Marauders Stan who spews negativity about Severus’s appearance. Hypocrisy is those are often the same people who accuse him of bullying, completely oblivious to the irony of their own actions. They fail to recognize that by mocking an 11-year-old who grew up in the grip of poverty and isolation, they are perpetuating the very behavior they 'condemn'.

Have a pleasant day! (Apologies, I'm bad at comfort. And in summary, they hate Severus's character by itself and it's appearance and NOT because he bullied kids, and people like spewing insults at Severus because he is conventionally unattractive, unlike Potter and Black.)

[renardtrickster]

There really is no bottom for the Green Horse, is there

As part of my ongoing campaign to be understanding towards people who will never in 12,000 years provide a fraction of the same level of charitability towards me, yeah he's basically cooked forever. It's not an innate thing, I have a low opinion on him, and his intelligence, and his ability to take criticism or consider new information, and his ability to not freak the fuck out when agitated and start CAPS LOCK SCREAMING AT PEOPLE HE DISAGREES WITH, but it's not because his brain is broken. Consider the following:

From what I recall, he lives in the South, was raised (and still is) Christian, and I think even alluded to his parents being not that positively receptive to the possibility of him being bisexual. So he's been inundated with conservative beliefs basically from birth.

The inundation continues to his online life. For at least a decade he's been embroiled in right-wing discourse, exposing himself to arguments with "SJWs", caricatures of what Föminists believe, all designed to confirm the existing biases while cementing in your head that "the other" is basically delusional or dishonest and not worth considering. Once you've been in this rut for years, you need to devise a *reason* to not keep doing what you've been doing and what's always worked for you.

All of his peers are similarly conservative, or "classical liberal" at the most. Once I broke with common consensus and started railing against him, everyone instantly turned, mutualisms were broken, respect was lost, I became persona non grata. I was not the first, nor the last. He also tends to conceptualize ex-friends and ex-mutuals as "betrayers". Basically his social circle ensures that everyone will basically agree on most things, or else be ousted and mocked. Which, if you don't have other social circles to fall back on, can be another reason to not change your mind. Isolation is a killer.

He's never been the most skeptical of whatever he reblogs. I've seen, on multiple occasions, him reblog a post that reads something to the effect of "city-dwellers don't have souls, if you don't stand in a field barefoot you become spiritually retarded". And when his friends point out "dude this is asinine" he reblogs that as well, equal amounts of no commentary. In and out.

The internet, and society, has slowly gotten more radicalized over time. This Haitians Eating Cats thing would have been unthinkable in 2016, but he's already under the operation of "the left is always wrong, the Republicans aren't *that* bad and they're treated unfairly".

He already believes in Cultural Marxism, the Deep State, and that the 2020 election was stolen. The only reason he doesn't believe in the "trans groomer epidemic" is because he's queer and has trans friends, but even then he sure was charitable towards DeSantis and denied that it was a "don't say gay" bill.

With all of this in mind, why *wouldn't* he believe that immigrants from Haiti (who are mostly Christian) went to Ohio so they could steal people's pets and perform voodoo rituals? He's basically stuck himself inside The Contraption. It is a hell of his own creation, all working perfectly as designed, in order to make him not smart and keep him from being able to accurately assess anything. The only ambiguity is whether it's malicious ignorance or genuine ignorance, but it's mostly academic. I can't tell you his internal thought process or what his heart is. All I can tell you is that, at the very least, even if he is a "proper" left-of-center guy, he does not have the proper intellectual rigor to prevent himself from going along with whatever fascist argument or lie that he stumbles upon. He lacks the discipline to *prevent* himself from becoming a fascist, if that makes sense.

These are the conditions and circumstances that can create a mindscape like this. But lest you be mistaken and think I'm portraying him as a victim of circumstance, I'll repeat what I alluded to before. There are "understandable" (as in "they can be comprehended and explained, even if they're wrong, which they are") reasons for why people become groypers or nazis. Functionally, he is stuck in the alt-right pipeline, trapped in that onion cult model thing. His posts are even indistinguishable from that of the average nazi's, he was doing the "Tim Walz gargles horse semen" thing. As though that's a bad thing, when he thinks Rarity is best pony. Curious.

Which is the important thing to take away from this, I think. takashi0 is not a notable or exceptional person in this regard. "Notable" in the sense that his only real presence outside of tumblr is a kiwifarms thread (and twitter I guess), "exceptional" in the sense that this exact same song and dance has happened to thousands of other people, mostly young men, frequently homosexual, always mentally ill. I guess he's "a very popular anti-SJW/alt-right blogger on tumblr", but this describes many other people who I do not know the names or backstories of. The only reason why I or anyone else possesses this knowledge is because of a passing personal connection, which has by this point ended. Having beef with him is like having beef with any of the 5 nameless MAGA Toms, Dicks, and Larries at the top of your blocklist.

Keeping up with him is interesting in the sense that he's a part of a broader trend, "what talking points do the moderate wing of online reactionary thought think is acceptable to say", but it's almost demeaning to be any more personally invested beyond that. He's not going to see this because he has me blocked, but if he does he'll be bitter about it for a week, and come to the conclusion "well Renardie says stuff like that because she's brainwashed, like all lefty commies are" because his analytical abilities are capped around there. He's beneath me, and so is his ideology. Once that's consigned to the dustbin of political irrelevancy, so too will he vanish. In that respect, paying him any mind is pointless self harm. I only indulged in my very quick research today due to a moment of weakness and sick curiosity. My reward was a lack of surprise.

[arcann]

if you don't mind me asking what FFXIV classes do you like in terms of gameplay/fun to actually play versus ones that are fun for the story/characters; taigat related or not

Taigat is canonically a conjurer (... just a conjurer), dragoon, dark knight, red mage and reaper. He won't ever be a ranged dps because he's missing an eye.

My top favorite classes by just their gameplay are reaper, red mage, dancer and sage. I like playing all roles of the triad! They can all be fun but tbh I don't like all classes.

For gameplay, I enjoy warrior very much because it's a no brainer and you can just rush through dungeons without the help of a competent healer esp by level 90. Dark knight and gunbreaker are also very fun but they do requiere more attention. I never adapted to paladin because it feels like a hot mess. It got a rework like a year ago and it's still pretty annoying.

I agree that dark knight is the best job storyline as it is the accepted general opinion. Gunbreaker is nice but too short. Things they tried to explore are explained way better in a different raid mission (Bozja). It also had a random dark knight garlean duskwight villain that came out of nowhere and they said he was as poweful as gaius which was super random and ooc for garleans to recruit a guy like that. Warrior is mid but it takes a turn for the worst when the mentor gets introduced to The Girl tm and they fall in love (heterosexual af despite the girl being a better warrior than him). Paladin is the worst, I know you didn't like the gladiator part and tbh it just introduces more and more annoying characters and very little of it's lore is worth it. They completely leave out ishgardian knights in favor of uldans 💀

I love healing too except maybe astro. It's enjoyable and very pretty but some parts of the rng are annoying and it's always getting reworks. It will probably get another one in dawntrail. Sorry to the people who main it if that happens. Sage is my favorite and I find white mage and scholar very fun too.

I love the white mage's npcs they're very cute to me especially Sylvie and Gatty. E-Sumi-Yan is one of my favorite mentors as well. I've mentioned it before but Taigat ran the whole whm story but only to help Sylvie and the Senna twins. The rest are fine. Just fine. Scholar and Astro give some neat lore tidbits but tbh I'm not that interested in them. Sage has you running around with a sharlayan cop catgirl so several points will be taken off bc of that.

The only caster I like for its gameplay is red mage. I know black mage players enjoy how much freedom they get to make their own rotations but I just don't see it, also it changes a lot depending on the level you're in. Summoner got reworked in ew and now it's a no brainer (Sasha has a lot more to say about these changes, I just didn't experience it when it wasn't like this) and like I get no braining tanking with warrior bc I'm pulling all the heat and still living but. just clicking 5 buttons without worries? While nothing is chasing me? Not for me. Red mage is super fun and sexy. This is a good mix of melee attacks and ranged magic. I wish paladin would approach it a bit but tbh I don't imagine how. Blue mage doesn't really count and I haven't played through it but it feels like a hassle.

Thaumaturge's plot is pretty funny because you see how fucking pathetic those lalafell siblings are. I made it so that Taigat goes through it post ew but just so he can go "you're all freaks i'm stealing something from your house". Dyulgor did the black mage storyline decades before ARR happened. It's interesting and it has a moon keeper conjurer who doesn't trust you and it was cool to think there was still enmity between black and white mages but they kinda ruined him a bit by making him have a crush on our lalafell mentor. Some beast tribe members are also important here but tbh they act to much like caricatures and it's sometimes annoying. Summoner introduces a lot of interesting lore about your relationship with the primals and allag + you hang around with y'shtola's half sister and she's very neat + the ascians are one of the main villains which is unique outside of the msq. The red mage storyline has voidsent and weird implications about getting close to vampirism with this class which gets an automatic 10 from me. The mentor is a really nice catdilf from ala mhigo who fought long ago, before and during the garlean conquest. He's also Alisaie's mentor and he will mention her a couple of times. Blue mage sounds fucking awful and that's all I'm saying.

Dancer has a very unique rotation and even if parts of it are rng based I can't complain because you're mainly support and you're there to buff other teammates. Machinist is fine even if I don't like certain attacks where you have to stand still or else you'll interrupt your attack. Bard's rng is a mess right now and in lower levels your rotation feels very incomplete which is pretty unsatisfying.

Dancer's story is really bad and like gunbreaker, too short to explain anything introduced there well enough. It would have been better to give them something to do in Thavnair. Machinist makes you spend a lot of time in Ishgard and I think that's great but I didn't care much about what happened. I'm glad the mentor kicked nobles' butts though. Archer is kinda rancid bc it's about a racist elezen learning that maybe moonkeepers are people and still being super rude around them. Bard has this two mid looking white guys so ofc there's a section of the fandom that is obsessed with them but I don't care for them. Moogles give you your job stone and they're involved so that is a plus.

Tbh I like all of the melee classes' gameplay. It traumatized me a bit that I wasn't playing dragoon right for a long time but I recovered. I probably don't remember all the rotations that well on account of not practicing lol.

I like Foulques way too much to let him die so like you I make him older and changed his background quite a bit. He does have a competitive relationship with Taigat but after they save him from falling down that cliff they start bonding. If anything Taigat visits him more than anyone at the lancer's guild but I imagine Foulques travels a lot around the Black Shroud so sometimes it's a bit difficult to find him. Dragoon is neat. Just neat. It was fun to see Estinien lose his marbles and swear revenge then several days later going "no no, I'm fine, we're fine. Let's forget that happened." in the msq. Puglist and Monk suck so bad especially that racist historian I hope he drops dead and his wife cucks him. Samurai started really strong but after you reach Kugane it becomes a story of "maybe the oligarchy is there for a reason and everyone who defied them is being too violent ergo worse than it" which. why. why. Rogue is an interesting idea to insert in limsa, which is very much filled with plot holes but having a secret police to keep the pirates in check is neat. Hated that the mentor is just a nod to jack sparrow. I imagine Dyulgor has a huge problem with these guys since he's very friendly with the sahagin and he has killed several of the people sent to investigate him but they can't track the murders back to him, lol, lmao. I don't remember ninja quite well but the main rival was a clown who annoyed me real bad. I'm glad the mentor and his main ally came back for Bozja and got away from that guy.

Y'all know I'm insane about reaper but it did a good job at having a neatly closed story imo. Tbh sage did so too, when compared with gunbreaker and dancer. Maybe they realized by then they would have much less screen time and organized the story beats better.

For dawntrail, viper and pictomancer look extremely unappealing to me right now. Viper seems like samurai but with nothing cool about it and pictomancer looks like something adapted from neopets. Not excited about this at all.

[what-gs-watching]

"If you have to ask, you're streets behind."

Welp. This week on What G's Watching: comfort shows.

Because gang, I got (somewhat surprisingly) laid off yesterday. Internal politics, blah blah blah, a lot crying, a lot of beautiful messages from coworkers, some insomnia, more crying, cleaning random things, turning my airpods up as high as they go and screaming through playlists. You get it. 

So if I thought I was watching everything before, just kidding. It's about to get so much worse. Which means, right now, I need comfort shows.

Today's comfort show highlight? Community. A pure and beautiful masterpiece.

Here's the thing: I watched Community from the beginning. Like, when it started airing weekly on NBC in 2009. From the very first episode. Because I'm ancient. I was a fan of Joel McHale from Talk Soup (oh yeah, we're going back that far) and I would have watched him in anything, so I was down for a show about a community college, hell, I'd even gone to one for a little bit.

But it's so much more than that. It's hilarious and real and way too meta for most people and all of the characters are imperfect and ridiculous and some of the plots are so dumb, but it makes you feel things. 

The overall point of the show was that Jeff was a lawyer who lied about having a bachelor's degree and got caught so he goes Greendale Community College to replace it. He lies about having a spanish study group to hook up with a blonde in his class - Britta - and ends up creating an actual study group with the help of Abed, who I'm not gonna lie, might be my favorite character. 

Group of the usual suspects, right: 

- Jeff is the handsome manipulative one (I'm still not quite sure why Joel McHale is handsome, like, its WEIRD but I'm here for it)

- Britta starts out as a chick in her late 20's who maybe got lost along the way and was trying to clean her life up and then she kind of becomes a caricature of herself later on, but it works

- Shirley's a mom going through a divorce, wanting to start her own business

- Pierce is a rich old guy that's been going to Greendale for years just for something to do (Chevy Chase returning to TV, which sounds great but then it gets weird behind the scenes)

- Abed is sweet and magical and likely on the spectrum (and the best unreliable narrator)

- Troy is a former high school football star that suffered an injury (he's Childish Gambino! Before anyone knew he was Childish Gambino! But he will ALWAYS be Troy to me)

- Annie is young and a perfectionist and a control freak who had a pill addiction that landed her there (Allison Brie becoming Allison Brie)

and it starts out as you would assume it should, but it gets unexpectedly hilarious. And I give that credit to Dan Harmon. For his flaws, Dan Harmon is a tortured genius and I will, and mostly do, watch anything that man is involved in. He puts shit in your face that you never wanted but in a way that makes you laugh out loud and then hurt a little bit, for a while. 

Honestly the charm of the show comes from the fact that it never truly takes itself seriously. Abed relates to the world through media (hi it's me, I'm the problem, it's me) and he insists time and again that they're in a tv show. Episode about everyone turning into Zombies because of tainted food at the Halloween dance? Completely plausible. 'Bottle' episode because Annie lost a pen and she can't fucking take it anymore, someone must have stolen it? Yes. Series-running story about the "Ass Crack Bandit" that drops a quarter on you when you least expect it, resulting in one of the best episodes of the later seasons? 100%. 

Abed deciding that by rolling a dice to see who goes down to get the pizza being delivered, six different timelines are being created? That one will knock you on your fucking ass. And it makes no sense, but it really, really does. 

This show has given me a lot of random things that still rattle around in my brain, even now N rewatches deep. Way back when offices were a thing, I'd once shouted "BOOKS!"when it was particularly quiet and a single engineer stood up across the room and just pointed at me, incredulous. After that he and I didn't stop terrorizing the entire team with random quotes. I still find myself humming 'Daybreak' (IYKYK). Yesterday while I muddled through my feelings I started yelling "I'm high as hell and I'm about to get SHOT!" It's infectious, it gets in your bones.  

The best part of course is the relationships, complicated but sweet and endearing. Troy and Abed form a friendship that makes me sad almost because it's childish and pure for a while and it does (what I think, I'm not an expert though so who knows) a pretty good job of portraying the bond that can come out of accepting someone on the spectrum wholly and fully. 

They build a blanket fort. They pretend to have their own morning tv show (🎶Troy and Abed in the mornnnniiiing 🎶). They dress up in coordinated Halloween costumes. They get obsessed with Inspector Spacetime (we're gonna get to Doctor Who, I promise). They spout off the best random Spanish rap and create 'Baby Boomer Santa'. They invent the Dreamatorium. They pillow fight for hours because they think if they stop, their friendship will end. 

The two of them desperately make you wish you had a friend like that in your early twenties to just get real WEIRD with, because they'd always go along with it and have your back no matter what. I still, very much, want to build a blanket slash pillow fort half as majestic. (Which, maybe I should. I have a fuck ton of time right now.)

Honestly, Community is one of those things I sometimes measure people against. Seen it and loved it? You rank a little bit higher with me. Season 4's your least favorite? it's okay bud, we all agree. You wanna use your name in poorly concocted puns? That's you're i-dean-tity, I'm with it. You found something that's streets ahead? YES. Be my best friend.

I know a lot of people feel a certain way about Friends, like, oh they're the friends everyone wishes they had, but I'm sorry. No. The friends you wish you had are the Greendale Seven. And there's too many moments and too much to go into here, but you need to trust me on that. Because they're all just flawed people trying to do better in a flawed place that manifests a little bit of the mania we all feel. And it lets you feel it, but it always wraps you up safe at the end. Jeff always brings it home with a perfect Winger speech. And sometimes I really wish life was a little bit more like that. Because sometimes we suffer a fucking gas leak year in our existence, sometimes it's like that, and it'd be nice if everyone just shrugged that off, if everyone just accepted the fact that we're all flawed, selfish people is actually a strength. 

At one point in the first season, Abed gets obsessed with "The Cape" (which was a real show, y'all) and he's skulking around in this ridiculous get-up and Jeff yells "That show's gonna last three weeks!" and while Abed runs off he yells "SIX SEASONS AND A MOVIE!"

During the show's run, #sixseasonsandamovie became a mantra, because it was always on the brink of cancellation - season six was revived by Yahoo Stream, which isn't even a thing anymore - and I still think about that when I want something to last. I want #sixseasonsandamovie for everything that I love. I want everything to have that little bit of magic and faith. 

I started my latest rewatch a couple of weeks ago, compelled to seek out the comfort for some reason, my brain trying to tell me something was wrong. My brain had been right. So yesterday I eventually climbed into bed with puffy eyes and I got back into season five. I'm already into the part where the show starts to dismantle a bit (the second half of season 5 and all of 6 are distinctly different but still perfect), and that makes sense for me right this second, it's fitting. Sometimes things fall apart. Sometimes people leave. Sometimes you have to clone yourself in a game of 'the floor is lava' so you can properly say goodbye. 

I'll finish it again in the next couple of days I'm sure, and I'll put it down for a while (until the next time my brain is trying to tell me something). But I'll be thankful I had something to turn to while I attempted to sort myself out. 

Greendale is always the perfect place to sort yourself out. 

[quinntamsin]

One Piece: Amazon Lily Arc

Kizaru tore through the pirate Captains and their cfews without abandon. SHe watched as the Supernovas did their best to fight the strange giant humans. Light flshed so brightly she had to cover her eyes. A loose growl in her throat as she used her zoan form to leap from her hiding place atop the giant mangrove. Landing on her feet she dodge an oncoming blast of fire as a Marine company sent a volley of bullets her way. Each movement she did required all of her enhanced reflexes, Only when she went sailing over the edge, though, did she truly know fear. --- The Amazon Lily Arc, whoa! WE got this far! Luffy is sent flying after a moment of pure gut- wrenching despair. His body is struck by the power of Kuma's Nikyu Nikyu no Mi and on his way at high speed through the air. After he strikes the ground we find him in the one place perhaps he shouldn't be. Amazon Lily, home to the all-cisfemale (YES I AM INCLUDING OKAMA and NEWKAMA IN THIS ASSESSMENT!) Kuja Tribe. We get to meet Marguerite and her friends as they discover poor Luffy after he stupidly consumes a parasitic mushroom. Bouncing forward and skipping over the anime dick jokes with the Kuja, what is most important here is how Luffy reacts. He wakes up, freaks out and yet as he gets chased he doesn't intentionally try to ruin a bunch of stuff. Instead, he nearly dies and get's saved by Marguerite while her friends, Sweet Pea, and Aphelandra do their best to support her. A few things about the Kuja I like. One yes, some have the pretty curvy designs of the typical One Piece women, but many also have pretty different body types. WE see broad-chested women, short, plump and more. Plus, yes, they all wear bikini's in a pretty blunt manner which is all the better when Luffy ignores everything. I love how Luffy is easily this lovable Ace motherfucker who just wants to make people happy. Now skipping through all the shenanigans Boa Hancock comes in after turning entire Marine Crew to Stone. After Luffy pops into her bath and sees her back she flips out (with good reason). The Snake Princess is shown in parts of this arc as cold and distant. Her looks and her fruit make people love her without any really deeper feeling. They see her as an object, and this makes her painful backstory all the worse. Plus I wanna say that I love her sisters, Sonia is just a fucking darling. And, Marigold is just this awesome fat goddess who can kick serious ass. The scene after they take over Luffy's execution after he defeats their giant panther is, funny and interesting. It sets up the Boa sisters as cold, and brutal. They use their Haki to easily defeat and toy with Luffy. When they move to smash the stone forms of Marguerite, Sweetpea and Aphelandra I was calling for Luffy to destroy them. There is a point to this brutality though, the sisters have been shaped by their society which forbids men, and they were tortured. So just as Luffy first unleashes a mega Conqueror's Haki burst and soundly starts kicking their asses I cheered loudly for him. One Piece is a show I can just watch for Hours and just feel good about. With gusto! I was lost in writing when I saw Sonia knocked toward the sharpened spikes and heard how her mark would be exposed. Seeing Luffy just leap onto Sonia's back even after she eagerly threatened to smash one of her own people was a clincher for why I love him. Wait no, it was him say, yup fuck my freedom, save your people please! Yeah, Luffy has a level of goodness that just makes me feel better. Boa Hancock's Backstory So, I didn't go much into my feelings on the Celestial Dragons, but lets ignore the fact that they are literal caricatures of what rick people really do! SO. All three young girl were captured as cabin girls on their own ship and then branded with the "Dragon's Claw". Let that sink in, these were young teens sold into slavery for some monsters. I swear if these fuckers were wearing crosses and were part of a mega-church or even a republican meeting! Yup, the girls got away after they were experimented on and wow. The amount of trauma they all went through and the fact they can still lead a country is pretty impressive. All of the stories and the coldness they show to their people is kind of explained in their trauma. Honestly, I am so glad they ran with how blunt the story was. Because any other idiot would have turned this into a tragic villain scene. Instead, we got a scene that shows us how a ruler can easily become distant from her own people. If they show weakness they think the people will turn on them. Damn, you think that the kids making a homemade statute would prove the opposite. I think the dissonance I felt as I watch them threaten to smash Marguerite versus revealing their trauma was surreal. It really shows how much emotional distant and masking the three do. All to maintain the false story of the Gorgon Sisters. Preparing For Impel Down After Hancock acquiesce to Luffy's request to save (and yes I realize I'm skipping a plot beat or two) she gets a pretty thorough verbal comment from Granny Nyon. As Luffy prepares to leave Hancock becomes suddenly sick. WE learn that all of Luffy's compassion has given her reason to fall head over heels in love with him. This was a bit of a weird scene, that her cold heart would come to fixate so much she could die outside his presence. The scenes where we see Luffy and her traveling aboard the ship alone was strange. Hancock's lovesickness seems a bit out of left field for me, I would have preferred if it was a little less sudden. Now,  know beforehand she had a thing for Luffy. Hell, I even tried to find a few fanfics that played around the relationship. The problem is I couldn't find any really shorter than 50k words that kept my interest. Please don't blame me that I prefer Nami and Luffy. Please note, I headcanon Luffy as a nonbinary ace hero. Overall This setting does a good job of showing more abilities derived from Haki. The idea that up until now we've barely seen it becomes more realistic as it seems it's not a widely practice gift outside of the New World. Sentamarou was a master of Armament Haki and it appears the Kuja use it as well to empower their attacks. This was a decent continual show of what Haki can achieve and it was a nice way to show how Devil Fruits can be defeated by Haki users. If Luffy didn't have his experience in battle he wouldn't have dodged all those Kuja arrows. If he didn't have Second Gear, he wouldn't have defeated Sonia or Marigold without it really. The increased speed was the only way he really got around Sonia's observation Haki and the increased velocity for his strikes assisted him against Marigold. This is a big change from when we first saw a certain annoying Skypeian using "Mantra" (Satori) against Sanji. Or hell, Shank's in episode one from the get-go. Conclusion This Arc focused on Luffy regaining a sense of hope. Watching him break down in Saobody when everyone disappeared was nerve-wracking. As someone who has felt a sense of despair, I will never reach Luffy's level. The poor kid loses his entire found family and finds out his brother is to die not long after. The actual way they emphasized each disappearance by Kuma by a bubble popping was tightened the anxiety I felt as I watched. Switching suddenly to something a bit more filled with hope was a nice change of pace. I say hope because both Hancock and Luffy brought it to each other. Luffy brought about the physical beating of two Celestial Dragons. Plus saving a friend of his from slavery ups the reality of how much Hancock can show some trust. Hancock, on the other hand, and as she treats her people better gives Luffy stability. It also seemed to give him time to remember his crew wasn't dead. They were all just sent flying everywhere. A pause to recover from watching everyone almost die. Hottakes:

That poor giant boar at the beginning, he deserved better.

The entire scene with Luffy being considered a girl was, so weird for me.

Like I was happy that the girls were like "ah yes another woman", but then the mushroom jokes and body washing. eeeww.

Mageurite deserves a bigger part in a side story, watching her help Luffy was interesting.

Sweatpea was a fucking amazing bean.

Aphelandra really shows how people in One Piece can be super tiny or fucking giants, and NOT BE ACTUAL GIANTS.

Momonga, wtf is up with the naming of this world.

The Mero-Mero no Mi is such a weird fruit, it's a fruit that creates a great sense of attraction and can turn people to stone if they have lewd thoughts.

THE FUCK ODA?!

The snake forms on Sonia and Margold into big titty nagas, shows that furries are well loved in ONe Piece.

I like how they are emphasizing this weird sort of fated pairing of Luffy almost in a folkloric way. He and her have Conqueror's Haki which is pretty damn rare.

Hancock needs a good Polyam ship with Vivi and Nami.

Robin would adore Amazon Lily since it appears to have constant sense of archaeological history.

[ibolyafagyi]

social pressures eating my ass up.......... i freak out about making new irl contacts online, as in adding someone i met in real life ; and im also insecure trying to measure up with my few instagram numbers on my private account. because my numbers are low, its like im elevating the ppl that i do have contact with, like those 20 ppl are my bffs, which is not at all true. its a couple past dating app matches, a really few legit friends, a few of their friends, loose university contacts.

i want everyone to see me quietly, unknowingly, and know that im interesting.

i dont want to make new contacts.

i dont want to be "someone who cares about this".

so many ppl from my major have hundreds of followers, insta baddies, strangely preoccupied with a niche aesthetic, that at the end still feels alien to me. i wanna be like that, but also i havent been collecting contacts since years ago, and i feel like i still dont do it "right" currently, i dont wanna add new contacts... i dont want to look at and care for other people, i want people to care for me, reinforce me!

i feel like i need a token friend in my learnt language (my major). it feels, seems easy for others to do, n i feel like im late again, just like in all my teens about making friends and making steps in socialization. i am at the same time literally running from the exchange student i ended up in contact with. and it makes me feel small that i dont wanna meet her. and if i think about my therapist picking at this and asking why, i get soooo annoyed. ik its telling something, it may be regressive to not engage, but i wont cuz i have a lot on my plate rn, even if i miss this specific opportunity. might be bc of the selfishness of give me x, but i dont wanna give you anything.

reading back, all this seems so juvenile. its not like people have more authentic connections cuz they have instagram contacts.

i hate my therapist for making these problems so everyday in their nature, like what steps can we do to do that simple thing that im insecure about. in my brain i know it, i have the voice telling me it, that its not glorious and not dramatic and not huge, but i dont internalize ngl!!! cuz i hate the ungloriousness of it!! i preemptively feel stupid about them. i take them seriously, but it feels like this sentiment wants to cancel that, emotionally. they are huge things for me, and it feels so dissatisfying that others are incapable of seeing me/it that way, that its just another small thing for them, my big step a dust in their universe..... is that self-centeredness and immaturity? i mean yea. is it also perhaps a wound? i mean it could be?

i have other friends i havent written back to in a year. i have my high school classmates i was never comfortable with. ik its mostly about getting over it. no ones even forcing my hand to be besties with anyone, to go back and befriend my high school class at a reunion. it just comes back exactly because im stressed and insecure ----------

this loneliness sucks so fucking bad!

i hate overindulgent introverts bc this is that side of me! wallowing in own sadness. i wanted to believe i just have to believe in connection with other people, but it doesnt necessarily work just like that. i cant know. i cant decide. i cant just go in and feel fine and connected always. the answer to this particular step isnt "just suck it up and extrovert more". its not "introvert and find yourself cool by yourself" either.

i dont want it to be "stop thinking about yourself so much" either. cuz come on >:( i have to be between people all day everyday, changing situations, how could i stop perceiving my percepted perception! instagram is that perception hyperrealized. its an imitation and caricaturization of that same reality, but also it *is* a part of reality, its not like its not. ugh

[thevindicativevordan]

On Kong Kenan/Super-Man

It should've been him. He should've been the Superman of 5G/Future State/right now not Jon, and he should be the one getting an HBO Max series not Val. Hell he should be getting a movie!

God this dude is literally the best legacy character Superman has ever gotten, wholly his own person with his own lore and status quo while still building on the idea of "Superman". I am so pissed at DC for essentially just dropping him after his ongoing ended, what the hell Lee? You keep trying to make the Wildstorm characters happen, I need you to get my man Yang another Kenan book.

Have to admit I was a bit nervous at first about whether or not Kenan would be a worthwhile character. Yang's New 52 Superman run had been a disappointment to me overall, with only the the arc where Superman has underground wrestling matches against forgotten gods really sticking with me. Now he was introducing a brand new Superman? Didn't feel like he had "earned" that yet. But from the first issue I was hooked on this new character.

Kenan was unlike any other member of the Superfamily. He wasn't kind or sweet, he was an asshole! He was a bully! He was fantastic! Right from the start Kenan was set up to undergo a very different kind of character journey than the other members of the Superfamily. Empathy, humility, respect for people weaker than himself, these are all traits most heroes wearing the S-shield already posses by the time they first don the crest, but not Kenan.

Like all bullies he was even a bit of a coward himself at first, trying to bail on the experiment meant to give him Superman's powers right as it begins. After "saving" Lixin (the kid he bullies and steals lunch from every day) from Blue Condor he demands all the money Lixin has on him as payment. He's not courageous or selfless either at the start, Kenan is as much of an opposite of Superman as you can get short of being Bizarro. Learning the appeal of these traits formed the basis for his growth over the course of his series.

Seeing Yang bring in a lot of recognizable "Superman" elements in the series, but with a twist, was also great. Kenan is the one who bullies "Luo Lixin" rather than the traditional Clark/Lex friendship of Pre-Crisis and Birthright. Initially Kenan develops a crush on intrepid reporter for Primetime Shanghai, Laney Lan, but she dismisses him as too young and Kenan eventually ends up pursuing Avery Ho (Flash) instead. Baxi the Bat-Man of China has a similar relationship with Kenan as the traditional Superman/Batman in terms of being vitriolic best buds, however Baxi is the one who has the most respect for authority while Kenan is the rebel. Kenan is a part of the "Justice League of China" which does not meet with the approval of the already established Chinese superheroes, the Great Ten. That contrasts nicely with the good relationship the Justice Society and Justice League have, as well as seeing Yang lampshade the "Chinese copy" trope and incorporate that into his storytelling.

One of the funniest differences is how Kenan chooses to immediately reveal his identity as Super-Man to the world by taking off the compliance visor he was forced to wear, contrasting with Clark's choice to hide his identity. He was so eager to impress people that he never gave any thought to the danger he could put himself or his family in by revealing his identity until it was too late, something Clark is well aware of and has taken great pains to keep his identity secret. Was a missed opportunity for DC to have Kenan comment on Clark copying him for once when he outed himself under Bendis.

But one of the most poignant differences between Clark and Kenan is the gulf in separation between their relationship with their parents. Clark has a loving relationship with Ma and Pa Kent, trying to live up to their lessons as best he can. In contrast Kenan's mom was believed to have died in an airplane crash when he was just a child, and he never really knew her. His father was distant from him after that and the two weren't really close despite Kenan's attempts to impress him. So Kenan lacks that strong connection while still clearly loving both of them.

Pa Kent's death is one of the most tragic examples of Clark's love for his parents, and I've always been a fan of takes where Clark promises his father to fight for the powerless on Pa's deathbed. Kenan gets a similar scene at the start of his career, his dad "dies" (after being exposed as Flying General Dragon, a pro-democracy "supervillain" from the Chinese authorities perspective) and wants Kenan to promise he'll fight for Truth, Justice, and Democracy. But because Kenan's dad never really bonded with him, Kenan doesn't know what those mean, and can only promise that he never wants to see people die, something his father takes comfort in at least. In classic comic book fashion it's revealed that Dr. Omen, Kenan's "boss" and the one who gave him his powers, saved Kenan's father, because she is Kenan's mother! Kenan's relationship with his parents forms a lot of the crux of his character arc, and seeing how Yang utilizes the classic Superman concept of family kept the storytelling exciting.

Yang's brilliant exploration of the concept of "Superman" through the prism of Chinese culture was a great way to differentiate Kenan as well.

I absolutely freaking love how he tied to the concept of Qi to the S-shield in particular. Connecting the shape of the shield with the way Kenan has acquired his powers along the path of the Bagua (eight trigrams used in Taoism that represent the fundamental principles of reality), with his octagon S-shield outline representing all eight principles together, was mindblowing! So was the idea of restricting Kenan's access to his powers unless he was actually acting in a Superman manner, that tied his character growth to his power growth in an entertaining manner. There were so many characters and concepts that meshed Chinese and DC lore together, like how Emperor Super-Man was Kenan's "Doomsday", they even recreated that iconic dual kill shot! The Chinese Wonder Woman Peng Deilan, being based on the Chinese Legend of the White Snake! There was even some Korean mythology referenced with the Aqua-Man member of the JLC "Dragonson".

Yang also managed to do a Superman Blue/Superman Red story with Super-Man Yin/Super-Man Yang!

Shameful that it took me a while to realize what Gene Yang was doing but once I caught on I was touched. You can tell how much Yang loved Superman and his mythology, and how he was excited to incorporate as much from Clark as he could, while still using it in a way that was solidly Kenan's. And not just Superman's mythology, but the history and lore of the entire DC Universe. I-Ching got to be brought in, fleshed out, and used as Kenan's mentor! The "Yellow Peril" villain from Detective Comics #1, the comic DC gets its name from was brought in and revamped as I-Ching's twin brother All-Yang! Hats off to Yang for taking a racist caricature and attempting to make him into something more.

This series was a beautiful attempt by Gene Yang to build a space for Asian heroes and villains where they could be more than stereotypes, Kenan himself being a defiant mold-breaker in every regard as the complete opposite of most Asian characters in Western media (a jock, a bully, loves his dad but not on great terms with him, a powerhouse as a hero, etc). So much thought and hard work was poured into this by Yang and his team of artist collaborators.

Especially the costumes, man Kenan had so many great looks. From his starting outfit (which is my favorite Superman variant not worn by Clark himself), to the one with the Yin/Yang shield he acquired later on, to his Super-Man Yin & Super-Man Yang outfits, Kenan looked damn cool. Part of me is bummed they didn't go with the Chinese character shield they toyed around with, but I loved how Yang used the "s-shield" as a plot point, so I'm not too broken up over it.

All that great work Yang did to build that space up has been more or less forgotten sadly. It was nice to see Kenan in the DC Asian Month Celebration issue. Avery is going to be in Justice Incarnate at least (unsurprising considering she was created by Williamson). So fucking bummed that Superman Family Adventures cartoon didn't happen, they were going to have Kenan and John Henry Irons in it! Would've been a dream come true for me to see Irons in animation again, and Kenan making the jump to outside media! Maybe that would've encouraged DC to let Yang keep writing New Super-Man, or at least encouraged them to use him elsewhere instead of allowing him fall into Limbo.

Unfortunately I'm not sure what the future holds for Kenan. Jon is being pushed as Clark's replacement in the comics, with DC keeping all the other contenders such as Kon benched. Calvin is leading the Justice Incarnate team likely due to the upcoming Coates reboot that will make Clark black. Val will probably get something once Taylor leaves Jon's book or once they officially announce the HBO Max show is happening. So where does that leave Kenan, my new favorite PoC legacy hero? Currently my only hope is that Yang is working on something for DC involving him. Yang left Batman/Superman, where I was hoping to see a Baxi/Kenan team up, to go work on "exciting other opportunities" per his Twitter. So fingers crossed that there's something in the works for Kenan!

One day I hope he gets his day in the sun again.

[catchester]

Guardians of the Galaxy, Ragnarok, and Classic Loki

I was discussing Classic Loki's costume with someone online and I admit, in the small teaser, I was really disheartened.

Yes, it was a faithful copy of a classic Loki costume, but comic book costumes are ridiculous, especially older ones. And if that wasn't bad enough, his pants looked like a nappy.

I'd been mostly impressed with the mixture of drama and comedy but this outfit was just a step too far for me. I was not confident in where the series was going.

Then in the next episode, they took this walking visual joke and gave him not only a full, but a fulfilling character arc.

I admit, Classic Loki is my second favourite variant, just pipped to the post by alligator Loki.

And isn't that weird? Alligator Loki is objectively more ridiculous, not in his costume but in his whole character. He's a freaking reptile FFS! But I love him.

And that reminded me of a discussion I'd had with a Ragnarok fan who would hear no wrong said about her movie. The points i brought up with her had nothing to do with Loki, I chose the slavery

It's on Sakar

Valkyrie is a slave trader selling people into certain death because no one wins forever, but somehow a hero,

And that Odin build Asgard using slave labour.

And there's the colonialism, related to the third point.

Both of these issues went totally unaddressed in a movie that didn't even need them. They could have written it a different way and still had a good movie.

I mentioned how T'Challa went into the afterlife to berate his father and ancestors for their wrongs and promise to correct their mistakes, while Thor went to his colonising, slaver father and... asks for advice? Really? That's like showing Thor asking Robert E Lee for advice.

She of course, argued that they were making entertainment, not the colour purple or 12 years a slave. Of course that's a straw man argument, but I reminded her that Black Panther had plenty of humour, and GotG literally sends itself up all the time, and even has a goddamn dance off with the villain, yet it still made me care enough to cry about the death of a tree!

Ragnarok had me wondering why Thor tortured his brother, do heroes do that now? Thor isn't even an anti-hero, he's just straight up hero. That scene just left me cold, it wasn't funny and because it was played for laughs, I didn't empathise with Loki. I mean, he just looks constipated.

You all know how much I love Loki, I've written enough stories about him, after all, but Ragnarok Loki is just meh. I care that he was being tortured from an intellectual perspective, because it feels wrong for the hero to do that, and his betrayal of Thor cam out of left field, but I don't feel sympathy for him. I can't relate to him, I feel neither love nor hate for him, I'm just indifferent (to all the characters actually).

The only thing that rouses any emotion in me is Taika and the rage his mishandling of important issues and dismissal existing character arcs brings out in me.

Contrast this torture scene with GotG, which had me sympathising with Nebula while she was being tortured because, sure she's a bad guy, but she's also a well rounded character and her torture wasn't being played for laughs. We know she's been tortured, in one way or another, her whole life. Yes, she's bad, but I can relate to her because I understand her.

Then this Taika fan said something that was more telling than she knew, and was actually 100% correct. Taika thinks comic books are ridiculous, and he's out here making a Road Runner movie.

And it suddenly hit me, she was right.

Everything in Ragnarok is treated the same way an anvil falling on Wile.E.Coyote's head is treated. There are no consequences. There are no lessons learned. There are no character arcs. At the end of the Road Runner series neither the roadrunner or the coyote had changed in any way. They were 2 dimensional, both literally and figuratively.

Unfortunately for her argument, 30 years ago we had what is still arguably the best cartoon Batman series ever, Batman the animated series. It took it's two dimensional animated characters and gave them three dimensional personalities. 30 years later it's still hailed as brilliant.

And I think that's why Classic Loki and GotG can take utterly ridiculous characters (let's face it, all superheroes are ridiculous to some extent) but while some even acknowledge how silly their comic book heroes are, they actually take the characters, the story, and the issues raised seriously.

Yes, Classic Loki looks like a joke, but he's never viewed as one from the crew's perspective.

Alligator Loki is even more preposterous! Who even made his horns, and who puts them on for him? But while the show acknowledges how silly he is with our Loki's questioning, he's a Loki and everyone treats him as a Loki. Yes, he injects some comic relief, but the laughter is never at his expense. He's even shown to be able to hold his own in a fight.

Rocket is a talking raccoon, but he's never laughed at. In fact he's even pitied once you learn what happened to make him that way. He's ridiculous, but he's not a joke. And yes, he makes jokes about how ridiculous they all are (bunch of jackasses standing in a circle) but while a comedic character, the joke is not on him. He's a fully formed, well rounded character. We care about him.

Yes, Star Lord is an idiot at times too, but his heart is in the right place and he wants to do the right thing. So you think he's gone mad when he has a dance off with the villain, but you quickly realise he's being an idiot for a very good reason and is playing to his strengths (and using idiocy as a strength is clever). I think we also understand, because he's a fully formed character, than his humour is a defence mechanism. He plays the fool because that's the niche he's carved for himself to help him cope, but that doesn't mean he is a fool.

Ragnarok wanted to be GotG, but Taiks forgot the part about while it's ridiculous and fanciful, the characters aren't a joke.

To Taika, if it doesn't get a laugh, it's not important. The few serious or touching moments we get are as a result of the MCU bigwigs forcing changes in reshoots, or forcing Taika to stick to the script.

There are no character arcs. You could argue that Loki goes from villain to hero or anti-hero, but he's already been through that journey in Dark World. Why did he regress? Who cares, it's not funny, he's just a bad guy again, forget about the plot holes and just laugh at the guy being killed smelling like toast!

Thor turning away from his father's teachings, like T'Challa did, would have been a wonderful character arc. Seeing his dad, realising his dad was wrong that and he needs to do better, and calling on his own inner strength to protect his people. That would have been a fulfilling arc. Instead he still needs advice from his colonising, slaver father. And this is actually one of the few scenes that wasn't played for laughs. It had so much potential, yet Taika just didn't care enough to reach for it.

Ragnarok is a road runner movie where our heroes toss a series of ACME anvils and dynamite at each other and the bad guys, but like the RR cartoon, there are no consequences. Just like Wile.E, they get straight back up again and lob another anvil at someone.

Hulk has been murdering innocent slaves for quite a while now, but he doesn't care. You'd think Bruce Banner might care about what his alter ego has been up to but no, this good, gentle, introspective, intelligent and caring man doesn't give one single fuck, because it's ACME Hulk and murdering innocent slaves has as many consequences as crushing them with an ACME anvil.

And I think that's the difference. Yes, your characters can be utterly ridiculous, but the crew must take them seriously and make them fully rounded characters who face consequences. Consequences are how we learn and grow.

And if they don't take the movie or characters seriously, you end up with a 2 dimensional story that no one cares about, because you haven't given them a reason to.

I don't care why Wile.E is trying to kill RR. I don't care what his motivation is. I don't care when he gets squashed or blown up, or falls off a cliff, because he's not a character, he's a caricature.

Ragnarok is just a collection of caricatures.

[ultfreakme]

Akashi’s horribly portrayed DID

KNB is a good show for the most part, but the overt homophobia by one of the main cast, the caricaturized representation of black people and the horrible, horrible portrayal of mental illness, very specifically Akashi’s condition, is just- No. That’s all I can say; No. 

I want to ensure fic writers do not follow in those footsteps and hopefully do better than Tadatoshi(the bar is in hell). 

Disclaimer: I am not an expert in Dissociative Identity Disorder, I am not diagnosed with it, neither do I have any friends diagnosed with DID and it’s pretty much consensus that anyone without DID will never be able to get it right without extensive research and actually talking to people with DID. But I do want some semblance of accuracy and want to motivate people to research so I’m writing this. Also it’s about a 99% guarantee that all of us will get the portrayal absolutely wrong unless we do some intense research and retcon some canon stuff.

Now, let’s start with everything KNB got wrong about DID, or fell into stereotypes to describe it. 

1. The Eye Colour changing thing

Yes KNB is unrealistic as fuck about basketball with streaks of lightning come out of people’s eyes but Akashi’s eye colour changing is actually a portrayal of a huge stereotype/myth about people with DID. Eye colours do not change fr for people with DID. 

2. Akashi Emperor Eye ‘powers’

Emperor Eye borders on supernatural as a skill, honestly all of Akashi is portrayed more like a supernatural entity than a high school boy. Emperor Eye falls into the “Alters/parts have superpowers” stereotype. They don’t, but I guess it’s a little dismissable because all of GoM have ridiculous supernatural b-ball skills. If you are writing Emperor Eye, please write it the way you write Kise’s copies or Midorima’s 3-pointers, it’s just another skill and not a side effect or rooted in Akashi’s DID.

3. Alters are not violent

This one sucks because Akashi’s introductory scene is him trying to stab Kagami. Alters are not predisposed to violence or inherently violent. Alters have reasons for their actions. They don’t just go around threatening people and being imposing to strangers. If, IF you want to show this, make it have purpose and give it real good cause. 

4. Alters are not ‘other selves’

Alters/parts of individuals with DID are note different versions of the ‘original’(inaccurate term btw). They are whole people by themselves. Write alters like you do regular people. They have their own likes, dislikes, hobbies, preferences. They also have different sexualities, gender, etc. 

5. It is almost impossible for people to detect that a person has DID

Most likely you will never be able to tell if something is wrong with a person with DID, especially that they have HAVE DID. The disorder develops as a way for individuals to make it through life more easily so if the disorder is causing lots of trouble with living, then it defeats the purpose. People will notice that something is off about the person, but they won’t ever be able to tell what’s up.

Added to that; switches are mostly never dramatic, you won’t be able to tell when it’s happening. You’d probably barely notice it as an outsider. 

6. DID development

It happens with repeated and consistent trauma during childhood and develops around 4-9 years of age. Any older than that and it is probably not DID. So Akashi must have had this disorder even before middle school and it went undiagnosed(in canon it’s still pretty much undiagnosed). We know Akashi grew up in a very harsh environment with his dad constantly expecting perfection, so it makes sense. But falling behind in b-ball was probably not what....’started’ it. Midorima does note there was something up with Akashi even before, There’s no...set point of time where there’s a dormancy and there isn’t. DID just exists. The match Murasakibara might have acted as a trigger but it wasn’t the only thing. 

I think I touched upon the major points?

The biggest problem with Akashi’s DID when writing for it in fics is that we never ever get a concrete label for it. It doesn’t fall into DDNOS but it isn’t exactly DID either so we have to work with what we have. One thing that we all probably need to address is that we should stop calling Akashi-gold-eyes as the ‘other self’ or ‘other Akashi’ because alters generally have different names or identities. They can be very similar to the host’s name but from what I’ve seen, they’ve never shared a name. 

Bokushi and Oreshi doesn’t work as different names because that’d be like calling someone named, let’s say ‘Oscar’, as I-scar and Me-scar.

(I tried to give them more distinct identities by giving who the fandom calls ‘Bokushi’ the name Seiichi but idk, I’m just trying here and it’s difficult to portray this disorder.)

One thing that was sort of gotten close to correct was Oreshi referring to Bokushi as his brother.

Another important thing is people can't just switch on request. There's minimal control over who fronts.

One advice I do my best to stand by when writing Bokushi is I write him as if he were a different person. Write Bokushi the way you write Kuroko, Kagami, any of the GOM, etc. 

Do not take just this as anything useful but use this as a starting point to learn about DID so we could all just do a little better. Here’s someone who has DID with a channel dedicated to educating people: They are DissociaDID and they are so freaking informative but also calming and genuinely entertaining to watch.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6kFD5xIFvWyLlytv5pTR1w

Let’s all try to do better. 

Update: Someone in our fandom did do a comprehensive run down of Akashi’s DID: Links’s here: https://akashi-obsessed.tumblr.com/post/173473977394/an-analysis-on-akashi-seijurrou

[bre-meister]

So, I just watched the first 3 episodes of Fate: The Winx Saga and I know I don’t usually talk about Winx on this blog but... girl gotta put her thoughts somewhere. This show was my childhood and Netflix really said “Fuck it”.

 I’ll leave it under the cut so if you wanna stay for this rant, feel free

 I went into this knowing I would hate it and, honestly, I do and I don’t

 I think it is an absolute shit dumpster fire of an adaptation that someone poured gasoline on and then tried to lite on fire with Bloom’s inconsistent control issues and shit just got even worse 

But, this could have been a fairly decent show If it was a stand alone- It had no need to be attached to the Winx name because it really is not Winx

There are some problems I had with it that everyone had before the show even dropped - The whitewashing and lack of diversity, the atrocious outfits, the lack of wings (“We evolved” that’s fucking bullshit y’all know good and well that part of the fun of the OG show was the new transformations and the outfits and we can’t even have that)

Also there is def technology here so why the FUCK do we not have Tecna? She’s the straight laced girl of the group but at the same time I feel like she could have added some much needed levity 

And my girl would have told it like it is. Sometimes these people (not the Winx because they are NOT the Winx) do dumb shit for the sake of doing dumb shit and Tecna would never have allowed this!

Combining the Trix into one person is still iffy for me, like I get why they did it but I just don’t think it has the same effect as having the three of them

Sometimes she gives me Icy vibes and most of the time she gives me Darcy vibes and almost never she gives me Stormy vibes (even though her powers are most like Stormy) and that shit just gives me whiplash

 I also think that having the witches at cloud tower provided the original show with this great idea of “even though we use dark magic and are considered witches we still make the choice ourselves as to whether or not we use that magic for good or for evil” but then again I might be reading into it too much who knows 

It’s bad enough they had to go and make Aisha the token black character but then they also make her this mean, black woman caricature (and I know it stems from her frustration that she can’t do this one thing perfect but still, as a black young woman who has seen black women portrayed like this constantly it is damaging as hell)

On that note - why did they have to make the one black and overall minority girl the control freak? Idk it just doesn’t really sit right with me

Speaking of jealousy...we gotta talk about Stella

 I know this is supposed to be more realistic and grown up and ya, I get it, girls can be catty but dude, Stella WOULD NEVER

THIS Stella endangered Bloom on PURPOSE because she was Jealous and then she really wanted to dipp on her in the woods after Bloom was trying to help her get back HER ring she shouldn’t have given her in the first place all cause she was a bit scared? Even scared Stella in the original show wouldn’t have done that! Would she have complained? YES! But she wouldn’t be so quick to give up

Need I remind everyone that she almost drained herself completely trying to protect her friends in the Omega Dimension from the Ice Snakes and only stopped because Musa was like “Stella, your hurting yourself. Take a break everyone will be ok”

And this shit show wants me to believe that these are the saem people? I think not!

 So I’m only on episode 3 but I can already tell that whatever they’re trying to say happened with Rickie is not what actually happened and that whole storyline is just super annoying like bro, there better be a good ass reason why she is pretending to be such a terrible person and I just don’t trust this show to be that creative 

This thing between her and sky is so confusing and makes like, no sense

Moving on...

I love Sam, he is so sweet and cute and amazing 

 His introduction “uh...I’m Sam...what’s up” made me laugh my ass off and I can’t even tell you why

Truly I love him but at the same time...he’s kinda getting in between Musa and Riven

 Like I get that their relationship was not the best at all (and this Riven has even more problems which was kinda unnecessary cause he already had SO MANY!) but at the same time when we’ve only got the opportunity to have 2 of the original couples like... I’m gonna need this show to give me something 

Riven - I loved him in the original show because he always had so many issues but then season 4 rolled around and he was genuinely trying to become a better person. And to have the guts to realize later that he was not ok and that he had to leave to figure that out? Respectable. I recognize that this dude had issues (and that Musa deserved better) but I respected him by the end of his journey

THIS Riven? He can eat shit. I know this is kinda supposed to be the whole Darcy arc he had in the first season or whatever but at least then he was being mind controlled to a certain extent which explained a lot of why he was doing what he was. But this dude is just an overall douche. 

Isn’t he supposed to be Bi? Internalized homophobia is amazing guys we definitely want more of that - -  (just to be clear that was sarcasm)

And I know this contradicts my wanting him and Musa to be together but I think that these two things go hand in hand

I hate that they upped his issues by 100000x because I legit want them to be together and have a genuinely good, functional relationship

But Sam is precious and should be protected

So now Terra

Honestly I think making her say “I have a cousin named Flora” only made the whitewashing more obvious and worse. If they seriously wanted to go this route they should have just committed and not brought Flora’s name into this at all. We the fans are not idiots Netflix! We know what you did!!

This might just be a more personal thing but I kinda feel like they made her entire personality (at least this far) only about her being plus size 

And this was FAR more prevalent in the few chapters from the book I could stomach to read

And wasn’t that their defense for whitewashing? That they wanted to have more inclusion in body types?

You can have a plus size character and not make almost 90% of their screen time about them being self conscious about their body- Like this legit seems to be almost 99% of the reason she’s socially awkward

Again, if you’re going to commit, COMMIT! Show her being ok in her own body and her own skin. Let’s fight against the same culture that makes this character feel self conscious

As far as Musa goes... still don’t really like that they changed her powers 

I guess they thought her new ones would be more useful in a more “practical” setting but um... they haven’t been? Not really?

I know she said she’s not a human lie detector but... they show keeps making her one whenever it’s convenient 

I guess they thought her new ones would be more useful in a more “practical” setting but um... they haven’t been? Not really?

 I still don’t understand why they have to sneak around but, idk maybe they’ll explain it later ( like I get that Sam is Terra’s bro but Musa and Terra don’t even know eachother like that for this drama to be such a big deal)

Bloom is alright

That’s all I have to say about her

Her mom though?

Idk why she was acting the way she was, Just why?

Not her making fun of Bloom going to antique shops when Vanessa owns a literal FLOWER SHOP in the original show!

I will say though, “This basic bitch will pull out her PhD and take you to school. Every comeback is another week without your door. Hit me.” with that confidence? BEST LINE IN THE SHOW!

She had my support for like .5 sec there

“Slam the door, loose the door” she was on some Black mother shit right there - the amount of time my mom has threatened me with this? 

It wasn’t even a threat it was a promise

Sky seems to be the most in character but then again the bar isn’t set too high

Why are the teachers so fucking shady? And are there only 3 professors in this giant ass school?? (I say that knowing there were only, like 4 in the original - 5 if we count Daphnee)

It also took me a min to realize that they kinda combined Feragonda and Griselda into one person. I don’t really like it that much

 I still don’t understand why they had to strip Aisha and Sky of their titles. I felt like that added so much to their characters - Aisha felt the need to be so perfect because she was a princess and Sky had all these increasing obligation through the show that would create conflict (sometimes it was stupid but still)

Also for a show about they Winx they sure as hell don’t spend that much time together 

They got their name in the FIRST EPISODE of the original show. It’s been 3 and the only mention of “Winx” was a quick pan of the door label for their suite. Blink and you missed it

And they seem to keep flip flopping between being best friends to being indifferent to each other, to “I don’t really know you” to sometimes hating each other (the emotion flop is mainly Stella but the others seem to have some weird ranges as well)

From a technical standpoint this show has some weird choices

 Sometimes cuts will just ...happen? Especially during actions scenes sometimes it’s hard to make sense of what’s happening 

And all the fight scenes - especially the training scenes - just seem so rehearsed it hard to watch

and why does Riven keep flip flopping between the worst specialist and a great one?

The utter lack of creativity in terms of the technology and weapons and even just the representation of the magic in this show is sad

The Original was so magical and colorful It was always obvious that this was a different dimension

I feel like I could legit go to Switzerland and find a place just like this and it wouldn’t be anything super different or weird

I also still don’t get why earth can’t know? Are we just gonna pretend that the Earth fairies and Believix and the Wizards of the Black Circle just... didn’t happen?

If this person that Beatrix is working for isn’t Lord Darkar or Valtor like...idk what to do

Again I would just like to stress that this show did not need to be an adaptation

 In fact it really isn’t I don’t know what they hell they are adapting cause this is NOT Winx and I cannot stress enough just how utterly wrong this felt while watching it

 All most of the characters have the same names but they are not the same people at all - no where close

Also can I just say, Sky’s hair seemed so different (length, part, style) almost every other scene sometimes I would legit have to sit back and be like “this is the same actor right?”

 Speaking of I’d like to finish this off by saying: absolutely no hate to the actors and actresses - I can see they are doing their best with what they have been given and most of the more controversial decisions were not made by them 

I will say I did think that linking Fairy magic to emotion was a good touch - idk if they did this in the Original show or not. I can’t remember 

So far this show...

As and adaptation:

words cannot describe how bad it is

As a stand alone property:

 I mean, it’s noting amazing or truly different but I’ve definitely seen worse 

I’ll probably make another one of these for the last 3 episodes. I could literally get 0 notes on this and still do it anyway. Sometimes you really just gotta rant

[staticscreenwriting]

Until we say goodbye || two

Warning! This multipart story takes place after the events of season 3. There’s huge spoilers already in the synopsis down below. I warned you.

Synopsis: (Y/N) Hargrove has to come to terms with the fact that her twin brother is dead and she had to watch him die, unable to do anything about it. There is something she can do for him now though and that’s keeping a promise. The promise to go back home to California. Together. In order to drive cross country and spread Billy’s ashes in a place where the Hargrove kids used to be happy, (Y/N) enlists the help of Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington who decides that it’s time to break out from his parents expectations and be the person he always wanted to be.

This time on “Until we say goodbye”: The teens stay at a quirky motel. Steve talks to mama Harrington and (Y/N) give us a look into her childhood.

(caution: mention of death, emotional abuse, slight mention of physical abuse, mention of alcohol // if you need me to tag any other possible triggers let me know)

One // 

Part 2 of ?

[additional note: I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please.]

Help a girl out with a reblog, thank you ♥

And if we hit on troubled water

I’ll be the one to keep you warm and safe

And we’ll be carrying each other

Until we say goodbye on our dying day

A cool breeze is blowing past (Y/N) as she sits on edge of the old abandoned lifeguard tower, feet dangling in the air. She’s well aware of the fact that the wind is making a mess of her hair, leaving it a tangled mess. She doesn’t really give a shit though.

The beach is practically deserted except for her and the couple strolling by the shore, throwing sticks for their puppy every once in a while. They seem so happy, as if nothing matters but them and their dog and the ocean.

Her thoughts wander towards Pumpkin, the little Jack Russell puppy they adopted a few years ago when dad was dating this woman named Laura. Laura loved dogs and dad loved Laura and so when she moved in, so did Pumpkin.

(Y/N) loved that stupid dog, hell even Billy did. But like all good things in the Hargrove’s life, this one didn’t last very long either. Dad messed up his relationship with Laura and Laura was smart enough to get the fuck out and take Pumpkin with her. 

The thumping of boots against the wooden planks of the lifeguard tower, pulls (Y/N) back from her trip down memory lane. 

Billy plops down next to her, fumbling a cigarette from the pocket of his denim jacket and lighting it. He’s started smoking a few months ago, just after the twins 13th birthday. Dad was really mad when he found that first cigarette hole in the carpet of their room. 

“ Why are you here ? ‘s about to storm “ Billy mumbles around the cigarette dangling from the corner of his lips.

“ Dad’s being as asshole “ 

“ As per usual “ Billy scoffs, “ what happened ? “ 

“ He found out that I pierced my ears, said I look like a slut. “ 

The words still sting even now that she repeats them to her brother. (Y/N) doesn’t think it’s something a father should say, especially to his daughter. It’s just earrings, what’s the big deal ? 

It doesn’t make her a slut. Right ? 

“ What the fuck does he know. He still lives in 1971 with his ugly ass mustache“ Billy jokes, effectively getting a laugh from his twin sister. 

“ You know what the worst part is ? “ (Y/N) asks.

“ Hmm ? “ 

“ I think my ears might be infected. They burn like hell. “ 

“ Ya know what ? That’s your own damn fault. I told you using Galliano liqueur was not the best way to sanitize the needle. “ 

(Y/N) chuckles, nodding her head in agreement. “ Yeah, you were right, I admit it “.

“ Good. “ 

She turns to look at her brother. His hair is growing longer now, the curls sitting messily on his head reminding her of crashing waves during a thunderstorm.

Dad hates that Billy is growing his hair and and (Y/N) is fairly sure that’s part of the reason why Billy likes his hair so much. Everything that pisses off their dad is a good think in Billy’s book.

“ Still think you should’ve let me pierce one of your ears. Would’ve looked damn cool. “ she says, teasing smirk playing on her lips.

Billy shakes his head, curls bouncing from the motion. He’s mirroring her smirk though.

“ No fucking way. Never. “ 

(Y/N) finger plays with the tiny silver spike dangling from her ear as her eyes focus on the scenery passing by the window. There’s not a lot to see really, it’s almost pitch black outside. They’re on the road for about an hour and a half now but Steve keeps bringing up stopping.

He’s tired, (Y/N) can tell. Tired and still a bit freaked out by the whole situation.

“ So Terre Haute is coming up at I think we should see if we can find a place to stay the night, then stock up on food and gas tomorrow morning and drive through the entire day “.

Steve speaks up, more of a monologue than anything else. (Y/N) doesn’t mind how long the journey takes as long as they get to California in the end. She doesn’t mind stopping for the night. Doesn’t mind the occasional food or toilet breaks. Leaving Hawkins behind already feels liberating. 

Every mile they put between themselves and that fucking town feels like a weight lifted off her shoulder.

“ Alright, sounds good to me. We gotta find a cheap place though, I don’t have a lot of cash with me “.

“ S’alright I got it “ Steve exclaims.

“ I don’t need your charity, Harrington, “ (Y/N) snaps at him. Maybe it’s a Hargrove thing, being bad at accepting help from other people. From basically strangers.

For the biggest part of her life, (Y/N) only had Billy to depend on. Now that he’s gone it feels absolutely terrifying putting her trust in someone else.

“ Sorry I — that’s not what I meant. “ 

“ No, “ (Y/N) sighs “ I’m sorry for snapping. I know what you meant. It’s okay. “ 

There’s a thick awkward tension filling the car and (Y/N) absolutely hates it. 

“ Can I turn on the radio ? “ she asks motioning towards it. 

Steve nods in agreement. “ There should still be a mixtape in the player. “

With the push of a button the opening chords to Mötley Crües ‘Shout at the devil’ echo through the vehicle, making (Y/N) raise her eyebrows in surprise.

“ Steve Harrington, I did not expect you to listen to this kind of music “.

Steve just shrugs “ why not ? I like all kinds of music. “ 

“ Steve Harrington, Hawkins’ golden boy listening to the Devil’s music. That’s a surprise. “ 

“ Golden boy, “ Steve scoffs “ yeah right. I just about graduated High School. I didn’t get into college. I work at a video store and my own dad thinks I’m goddamn loser. “ 

“ You wanna talk about shitty dads ? Cause let me tell you, I’ll win that one. “ 

It’s quiet for a moment, before Steve clears his throat and speaks up again.

“ Can I ask you something ? “ 

“ Mmh “ 

“ What did they tell your dad happened ? Did they — did they really tell him that whole fire bullshit ? “ 

“ Yup. “ 

“ And he believed it ? “ 

(Y/N) nods. “ He did. He has no reason not to “.

The fire story. Authorities told Neil and elaborate story about how Billy died in a tragic accident in the big fire at Starcourt mall. Something about wrong place wrong time.

(Y/N) was there when they told him. Susan was crying hysterically. Max was — numb. Neil though. Neil didn’t even flinch. There was no sign of emotion. No sign of grieve. Nothing. Nothing at all.

“ I don’t think he gives a shit either, to be honest. “ 

“ That’s horrible. “ Steve exclaims.

“ That’s my dad for ya. “ 

Steve’s BMW rolls up to the parking lot of the Cardinal Inn Motel. It’s a small Motel complex and it looks like it’s seen better days. The walls are a dirty white, almost gray color and all doors are painted a bright red although most of the paint is chipping off. 

The kids enter the motel lobby, a small room decked out in all kinds of kitschy decor. There’s cross stitch art and paintings and decorative throw pillows. And all if it proudly features various images of a red cardinal bird. 

“ Welcome to the Cardinal Inn Motel. “ a chipper voice speaks up from behind the reception desk. “ I’m Ruth, how can I help ya ? “ 

Ruth is a plump little woman with a kind smile, round cheeks and extremely curly ginger hair. She looks more like a caricature than an actual person. Though (Y/N) thinks she fits this place perfectly. 

“ We would like twooo — ? “ Steve trails off and glances towards (Y/N) in question.

“ One “ 

“ — one room. With two beds though “. 

“ Oh sure sure. Let me see. It’s 32 $ for a night. “ Ruth says and opens a book, probably looking up which rooms are occupied and which rooms are free. She walks towards a board holding a lot of keys and takes one of handing it to Steve.

“ This is your room key, It’s number 44. When you step outside, the room is located in the building to your right. It’s on the first floor, first door once you walk up the stairs. I would have to ask for a down payment though. Just in case. “ 

Steve hastily pulls out a bundle of cash from his jeans, counting the right amount and handing it to Ruth. “ That’s the entire amount, we’re only staying for one night “.

“ Very well then. I hope you have a pleasant stay at the Cardinal Inn. “ Ruth chirps almost like a bird herself.

“ Thanks “ Steve says and walks towards the door.

(Y/N) stays rooted though, eyes wandering around the room from one red bird to the next to the next. 

“ Hey Ruth, “ she chimes up.

“ Yes, dear ? “ 

“ What’s with the birds ? “

“ Oh the cardinal ? That’s Indiana’s state bird. “ 

“ They’re funky looking little guys, huh ? “ 

“ Truly. They’re also very interesting. If you want to learn about them, they’re an informational brochure in every room. “ 

(Y/N) gives Ruth a soft smile then rushes after Steve, out into the chilly night air.

“ Knight Rider, really Harrington ? “ 

Steve sits up from his slumped position on the bed as (Y/N) comes back from the bathroom, freshly showered and dressed in her pyjamas. A choice of pyjamas she thoroughly regrets now as the cool air inside the motel room hits the skin of her legs. 

She’s dressed in a pair of short red pj pants and one of Billy’s old band shirts. One she’s stolen from his closet after — the incident. It smells like him. Makes her feel like he’s still there.

“ What, It’s good. “ 

“ It’s so stupid. It’s a talking car. “ 

“ Okay, whatever. You keep on hating but I tell you this show is gonna last forever and it’s gonna win all the awards. Trust me. “ 

“ Mmmh. Sure. Shower’s yours. “ 

Steve gathers some of his stuff from his duffle bag and moves towards the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

As she is left alone in the room, the gravity of it all comes crashing down on (Y/N). This is it. That trip she wanted to go on with Billy. That trip they had fantasized about since the moment they left California. 

Now it’s happening but it doesn’t feel right. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. With Billy in a thermos. With Billy — dead.

The room suddenly feels too small. Like the walls are gonna close in on her any second now. She needs air. Fresh air. Needs to get out of here. Now. Now.

So she does.

Slips on her shoes and the room key and dashes out through the door and into the night. It’s cold. Way too cold for the amount of clothing she’s wearing or not wearing depending on how you see it. 

For a while all she does is walk up and down the road, wishing she had remembered to take her pack of smokes with her. 

When it gets too cold though, she spots a neon sign in one of the windows of the Lobby building. “Souvenirs”.

She wonders if all of those souvenirs have red birds on them.

They don’t. Most of them do, but not all of them. A lot of them display what she can only assume are important buildings of  the city of Terre Haute, Indiana.

(Y/N) remembers the few trips she used to take with her mom and Billy, when they were just little kids. Mom loved to take them to the little quirky little towns across the coast and the kids loved exploring them. Billy always got a postcard, from every single place. (Y/N) got keychains. She still has a box of them stuffed beneath her bed at home. 

Her eyes wander around the room before they fall onto a display of all kinds of different postcards. Most of them, as expected, have birds on them. Though there’s one that doesn’t. It says “Terre Haute” in big bold letters. It reminds her of the ones Billy used to get from those coastal towns. 

Greetings from … the few happy childhood memories she can remember.

(Y/N) takes the card over towards the reception, where Ruth greets her with another of her signature Ruth smiles. Kind and warm.

“ Hi, dear. “ 

“ Hi uh — I want to buy this postcard. I can’t find a price though, ah shit I left my money up in the room let me just — “ 

Before she can hurry towards her room though, Ruth stops her.

“ It’s okay, Darling. You can have it for free. “

“ Oh no, I —  “

“ Please. You asked about the birds that pretty much the most anyone has cared about this place in a while. Take it. I want you to have it. “ 

It’s kinda sad, (Y/N) thinks. That her just asking about those silly birds made Ruth this happy. That people pay so little attention to her adorably little bird room.

“ Thank you, Ruth. That is very sweet of you. And this place is adorable. “ 

“ Thank you, dear. Do you need a stamp for that ? “

(Y/N) sighs “ No. No I don’t. “ 

The Bean is a little diner at the edge of town looking out onto the Wabash River. It’s emitting a perpetual smell of coffee and waffles and breakfast food.

Steve is munching down an entire plate of eggs and bacon. Oh to have the metabolism of a teenage boy.

(Y/N) takes another sip of her black coffee, hoping that the caffeine is gonna help keep her awake and not get too tired during their drive. After all they plan on being on the road for the entire day.

The pancakes on her plate are long forgotten. She hasn’t really been feeling like eating since it all happened. It’s like she’s acting on power saving mode. Always tired. Always sad. Always working on half speed.

“ You should eat something. You need it. “ Steve remarks.

“ Are you flirting with me ? ” 

“ I uh — what ? “ 

“ Male cardinals feed females as part of their courtship ritual. A female’s partner bears total responsibility for satisfying her dietary needs. “ 

“ How do you know this ?  “

(Y/N) smiles and takes another sip of coffee “ my friend Ruth recommended me some interesting reading material “.

She doesn’t mention that the nightmares didn’t allow her much sleep and that she spent most of the night staying up reading the informational magazine. There’s things Steve just doesn’t need to know.

“ Alriiiight. “ Steve exclaims, eyebrows raised “ Hey, what’s that. You gonna send a card home ? “ he asks and motions towards the postcard she’d been scribbling on while he had been ordering their food.

“ Nah. Not really. This one’s for someone else “.

“ Alright … hey uh. I think I should call my parents “ 

She looks up from her cup at Steve’s words. This can’t be happening. She can’t go back home now. He can’t bail on her.

“ Harrington “ 

“ Don’t look at me like that, I’m not turning around and crawling back home. I just don’t want my mom to worry. I need her to know I’m safe. “ 

That’s right, Steve has a mom too, not just an asshole dad. A mom who cared and who worries and who loves. God it’s been so long since (Y/N) had one of those.

“ Okay, yeah. But um — can you not mention my name. I don’t want any news to get to my dad. “ 

“ Of course. Yeah, no worries.“ 

“ Thanks “.

Despite what Billy always said about him, Steve seems to be an alright guy after all. His hair’s ridiculous though.

It rings once, twice, three times before someone picks up.

“ Hello ? “

“ Mom, it’s me. “ 

“ Oh god Steve. Honey where are you I’m worried sick “. 

That sends a little pang to his heart. His mother is a nice lady, she loves him deeply and she doesn’t deserve for him to worry her like that. But this is something Steve has to do, if not for (Y/N) then for himself. 

“ I’m alright mom. I’m taking a friend on a — uh a roadtrip. “ 

“ A roadtrip ?” 

“ Yea. To uh — “ his mind wanders to Billy. “ We’re going to help her brother “.

“ Okay, well are you alright ? “

No. He hasn’t been alright in a long time. Since 1983 to be completely honest.

Maybe this trip is just what he needs. A way out. An escape. 

Steve leans his head against the payphone, taking a deep breath.

“ I don’t know, mom. But I’m safe and I need to just — just get away. “ 

“ Is this because of what happened with the Holland girl ? Or the mall ?“ 

Yes. All of it. If only she knew.

“ It’s just a lot lately. Can you just trust me in this, mom. That I’m doing what’s best for me ? “ 

His mother hesitates for a moment before clearing her throat.

“ Of course I do, sweet boy. But I am a mom and I do worry. I always will. “

It warms his heart. To know someone does care and someone does love him, no matter how much he messes up.

“ I know. I love you and I’ll be back soon. I promise. I just need to do this, for me.“ 

“ Be safe, Steve “ 

“ I will. “ 

Before he hangs up he can just about make out his father’s voice in the background, asking if “that’s him” and “what’s he messed up this time ? “

And it once again becomes crystal clear why getting on the road with (Y/N) is the best decision he’s made in a long time.

He walks back over to her, as she leans against his car chewing some bright pink bubble gum.

“ You ready to head out ? “

“ Yup. Your parents mad ? “

“ No. Surprisingly not. Mom just wants me to be safe. “ 

“ Aw little Stevie. How adorable. Anyway let’s go. “

As they both settle back in their seats, Steve slides the signature dark shades back onto his nose and turns towards (Y/N). 

“ Sooo, snacks ? “ 

“ Snacks “ she nods and throws him one of her signature smirks “ definitely need some twizzlers to survive this trip “.

 “ Happy Birthday to me “ a freshly 9 year old (Y/N) mumbles as she buries her feet in the warm sand. It’s almost time for the sun to set behind the horizon and color the sky in beautiful shades of reds and pinks and oranges.

For the last 8 years this has been a moment she has shared with her mom. Every birthday the two of them would come down to the beach and watch the sunset. Just them two.

Billy had the morning to spend alone with mom, going to the beach to catch some waves, and (Y/N) got to have the evening. 

They’d sit and talk for hours and hours and hours. About everything. The silliest things.

This year she hasn’t so much as called. As if neither (Y/N) nor Billy ever existed in her life.

Billy’s been grumpy all day, refusing to spend time with his sister and deciding to go hang out with some of those stupid boys from the neighbourhood that always call (Y/N) dumb names.

(Y/N) watches the sun lower itself as if to drown the light in the dark water of the ocean, when a little plastic bag lands next to her. Just a moment later Billy drops down onto the ground too.

“ Got you some candy. Twizzlers, your favorite “ 

“ Did you steal them ? “ 

“ No, dingus. I bought them with my own money. “ 

“ Good. Means I don’t have to feel guilty when eating them. “ 

It’s silent for a moment as they sit beside each other, watching the sunset.

“ Hey I’m sorry “ Billy whispers, as if speaking any louder would mean destroying the magic of the moment.

“ It’s okay. You’re sad. I’m sad too. “ 

“ I’m not sad “ he claims “ I’m angry. So angry. “ 

“ You can be sad and angry at the same time. They’re not mutually exclusive. “ 

“ Stop using big words. “ 

“ Sorry. “ 

Billy takes a big breath “ I’ve decide “ he exclaims “ that from this moment on I’ll missing her. If she doesn’t want to come home, doesn’t want to see us. Screw her. I don’t need her and neither do you. “ 

(Y/N) knows that’s absolute bullshit but she also knows that Billy has a certain way of coping with loss and sadness and maybe she doesn’t share his ways or understand them fully but she can respect them if it means he’s less angry and less sad.

“ Okay. “ 

“ We don’t need her because we have each other “ he says, placing his hand on hers “ right ? “

In that moment, little (Y/N) knows that whatever the world is gonna throw her way, it’s only half as bad with her twin brother by her side.

“ Of course. Always “ 

If only they had known how terribly short ‘always’ would turn out to be.

_________

tags:

@sargent-barnes // 

[reachexceedinggrasp]

So I watched Bill & Ted 3 and it was cute, I laughed out loud four or five times. It was very tonally and atmospherically similar to the first film... just its... vibe. Very like the first one. Which I guess is great for people who love that movie, but my deep and abiding love for Bill&Ted really comes from Bogus Journey, not Excellent Adventure. I love the characters and quote it on the regular, but the first film I think is more funny and endearing than it is good as a film. The story is stretched pretty thin to sustain feature length, the pacing is uneven, it’s all a bit rambling and amateurish. Whereas Bogus Journey is actually brilliant. I’ve mentioned before, but I watched it properly for the first time a couple years ago and unexpectedly sobbed uncontrollably at the ending because it was so nice.

The unrelenting, unaffected optimism of these goofy films is extremely moving to me, that ending just epitomised what makes them great.

And, as I was pretty confident would happen given the writers’ own opinions about the sequel, this movie walks back and retcons my favourite part of Bogus Journey for... no real reason. The ultimate solution it arrives at is... not awful... I guess... but it’s just not what you want. I get what they were going for and it’s a sweet idea, but the ending of Bogus Journey will stand as the ending for me. Face the Music just wasn’t worth it to lose that. The direction they took the story makes perfect sense to get a third film out of the premise without wildly altering the feel, but I didn’t like it much. And I don’t like that B&T become their own villains in the future; the whole conceit of the characters is their insuppressible good nature. It doesn’t make sense they would persevere for 25 years basically unchanged, but 5 more leaves them so embittered they are radically, radically altered. When they were their own villains in Bogus Journey it was because they were evil robots. And even evil robot Bill and Ted are totally devoid of bitterness or resentment because they’re still Bill and Ted. Like, that was part of what made it so funny.

There’s a robot in this which could have been great and was a funny idea, but is extremely underdeveloped as both a concept and a character. He comes off as kind of a discount version of Death. Who is also in the film anyway.

I must commend the actress playing Ted’s daughter, because she is doing a fucking bang-on impression of him that’s full of subtle ‘Tedness’ details that shows she legit studied his performance in the originals. And she doesn’t go over the top, it’s not a caricature, it’s just exactly right for a B&T movie. They even gave her Keanu’s coveted ‘Ted Hair’, which really made me laugh when I realised.

Alex Winter slides right back into the shtick, pretty much flawlessly, which is really amazing considering he hasn’t acted in decades. (Speaking of which, everyone- WATCH FREAKED.) Although they toned down the bodacious language, which... guys, no. Do not. I think they were afraid it wouldn’t work any more and would be embarrassing, but you have to go with it. Be fearless.

But yeah. Amusing. Not an addition to the ‘verse I want to take on board, though. Won’t be adding it to ~the canon~.

Rufus’ daughter is pretty pointless and isn’t given much chance to be funny. Ursula’s mum from George of the Jungle was an inspired casting decision as Rufus’ wife and the new Most Important Person in the World, also wasted.

So it’s roughly equal to the first film in overall quality with much weaker characters (the historical figures definitely don’t get to shine nearly as much though you’d need to add ten+ minutes to give them enough time to do so and it was probably a good idea not to drag it out), but it is still funny and endearing. I did love the running joke that Ted is awkward with himself

[prorevenge]

I got back at my homophobic father by pretending to have a boyfriend and bringing him over for Christmas dinner, causing him to freak out and lose himself in front of the whole family.

Ever since I can remember I have been completely and utterly under the thumb of my father. All of us have been, us being me, my younger brother, little sister and my mother. My father is a raging asshole. A male chauvinist, over the top macho type of guy. And I’ve always been the victim, growing up, of his dislike. Because I didn’t really fit in with his image of ‘the ideal son’. I was, for lack of a better word, a bit of a girly boy growing up. I wanted nothing more than to dance and frolic around in dresses.

When I was four or five, my mother had this big box of dress-up clothes. She brought it down from the attic and I immediately picked out the prettiest, frilliest golden colored dress I could find. I pranced around in it and declared myself a princess. And that I was now a girl. This went on for a few months, but strictly during the day when my father was away at work. I watched ballet videos with my mother, a soft-spoken and open-minded woman who worked part time as a social worker in those days. I was happy. Careless.

My father was, and is, an authoritarian figure. Had himself legally emancipated at an early age just so he could join the army ahead of time. After three years in the army he left as a lower level officer and started a career as a seaman. He was a captain when he and my mother met and had me. Later he left his naval career and became a traveling salesman. Think Don Draper, if Don Draper was a 6’4” Western European man with curly greying hair and piercing blue eyes. I’ve always found him incredibly intimidating and I think my mother did too.

Anyway, long story short… he came home early one day. He saw me in my dress and told me in an icy cold voice: “Go and take that of. After you take it off, go sit on the sofa.”

So, I took it off. Little hands trembling. Next, he summoned my mother into the room. Demanded to know “what the hell she had been doing to his boy”. I’ve never seen a person shrink so much so quickly. I myself was like a little tiny fly on the wall at this point, barely present.

He took the box with clothes up to the attic. Put a lock on it and informed us that we were not to touch it “until my wife gives me a daughter”. It stayed there on the attic, untouched, until my sister was born ten years later.

My father took more of an interest in my upbringing after this point. He took me to see navy ships, races, made me go on a martial art. He seemed determined to “make a man out of me” and in some ways he succeeded. One thing he allowed me to do was keep my hair long. Knowing I was bullied at school for it and wanted at times to cut it off for that reason. He insisted I kept the long hair, face the bullies and beat the shit out of them every time they called me a girl, to “show them how much of a girl I was”. I did just that. It toughened my up, in some way. But it also damaged me in other ways.

By the time I went to college, I had grown into a pretty normal dude. I wasn’t gay, I wasn’t even a crossdresser although deep down inside I still had those urges. I tried desperately to fit in and be what he wanted me to be but… I also grew more and more resentful. In college I made a lot of different friends. Including some guys, I met in an acting class we both took. One of them was pretty much your typical ‘flaming and fabulous’ type of guy. He was as over-the-top gay as my father was over-the-top straight. I told him one night when we’re drinking about my upbringing and my terrible father. And my friend, let’s call him Paul, suggested I should “get back at him”. I asked him how. Basically, why not pretend like I was gay?

But not just, say it over the phone or something. Or even to my father’s face in person. No, much better… I’d hint for weeks in advance about “having met somebody” and “being in a relationship”. I’d say it was a girl. I would ask if I could bring ‘Paula’ over for dinner. At Christmas. When the whole family would be there. And I’d arrive at the house with ‘Paul’ instead. So I did exactly that. I went to the house, at Christmas. Dressed to the nines. I told my father and mother that “Paula was caught up, she’s about to come. I’ll just open the door”. So I sat down with my family. Cousins. Uncles, aunts. My grandparents, just as conservative as my father.

Waited a while. Heard the door and rushed to open it. Walked into the living room where everyone was gathered and introduced Paul. My boyfriend. I’ve never seen a room go so quiet. People literally gasped for air. My sister, brother and mother looked both scared and amused, but everyone else was in shock, my father seething… he just completely lost it. Right in front of everyone. Veins bulging in his neck to the point where they looked like they were about to pop. He told me to leave. Ordered me, essentially. My grandparents urged him not to make a scene but he made one. I just replied calmly how he should do it. Call the police and explain the situation to them. I knew he never would; he knew some of the officers well; it wasn’t a call he would be willing to make and it wasn’t a situation he was willing to explain. I called his bluff and he just… sank. Like he shrank before my eyes. My mother and grandmother had to calm him down. He walked out of the room, defeated. I just stood there, not believing my own eyes. I finally felt free. Like I didn’t give a fuck anymore. He had scared me for so many years, terrified me, and now I could see him for the caricature he really was. It felt amazing.

Paul and I stayed the whole evening. He played his part perfectly. He eventually managed to charm some of my aunts and even my grandmother, who told me unironically how she was glad “I found such a delightful man” and that he reminded her of her favorite TV character, “Mr. Humphreys from ‘are you being served’, such a doll!” My father later came back to the room. Sat in a corner, sulking, refusing to meet my gaze. He drank too much whiskey. My mother kept talking to him in a hushed tone of voice, and he kept making a ‘go away’ gesture with his hand.

I stayed away from home for a while. I’ve already explained to everyone how it had been a prank. How I had to make a point and get back at my father for how he had treated me. Pretty much everyone sympathized. I didn’t lose anyone in my family over what happened. But my father lost a lot of respect in people’s eyes, I feel. He was always in control of things, he always directed the scene, but now he doesn’t anymore. I do my own thing. My sister does her own thing. He cannot order people around anymore. And I feel like a fool for ever letting him. I can now wear whatever the hell I want to wear, enjoy whatever hobbies I want to enjoy and nothing changes. He threatened to disinherit me that night. He threatened a lot of things but in the end, something inside him just broke. All of my relationships since have been with women, and I have since married and had children of my own. My younger brother came out as gay eventually, but by that time my now aging father had mellowed down somewhat and as he already has grandchildren and his legacy is thus “secured”, he didn’t seem to mind much. It helps that my brother is a muscular gymrat and that they can bond over sports, more then my father and I ever did. But whenever the subject of sexuality comes up my father is still incredibly awkward. I don’t think it will ever change. But I feel my ‘revenge’ has been pretty successful in the end. (source) (story by Frownagay)