#I hope I succeded in making it obvious who's hand is who's

[bo0tleg]

Everyone's dying to meet me...

(Destroyer of Worlds, song by Coyote Kid)

Oh, to be Mav still drowning with the ghosts of the people he loves... Still drowning in the guilt that plagues him, making him believe that all of them were his fault....

If requested, I might post my process behind the stylization choices and meaning behind the artistic liberties taken. I took notes, in case anyones interested!

[separatedleoau]

I guess the obvious follow up question to one of the other asks is what happens if the brothers join and oops One isn’t One anymore? And does his reaction change depending on who beats him out? (Sorry if you got this one already)

Thing about Number One, is that his name just comes from the fact that he was the first experiment, if any other of the turtles had been on his place they would have been the Number One, if more than one would have been left behind they would have been One and Two, who gets to be wich? wichever Draxum picks up first, honestly.

The whole "I am Draxum's #1 warrior, his #1 creation" blah blah blah, is just One's own delusions of greatness, fed by Draxum's expectations of him to be the best.

SO

If One got to succede on convincing his brothers to join him and Draxum, his name as Number One is not in danger, his name will allways be Number One. His possition as Draxum's right hand can change, tho I don't think it would anytime soon.

One is better trained than the rest and Draxum knows him too well and trust on his skills to still be the first person to turn to with missions.

As time passes I can see how he would become more and more disstressed thinking any of the other would take their place. They all shine in a place where One knows he doesn't, or is not as good as Draxum would have hoped and expect from him.

Raph has the strenght Draxum always wished One had, and if the brothers joined by One's little manipulations, they would also have fallen for his bad influence, so Raph would have stop pulling his punches and start using his full strenght all the time. That plus his mystic power will just make Raph a freaking thank.

Donnie is smart and while I think he would be irritated by Draxum's preference to the mystics, Draxum would not put down his interest with tech and encorage it as much as One does because he likes the results Donnie brings.

Mikey is good with mystics and learns pretty fast and I can see him catching up to One pretty fast while training. Draxum would not be blind to Mikey's potential with the mystics and start training him on his own, I can even see Draxum start teaching him to manipullate the vines and seeds too.

So, while on the AU One will notice this things on his brothers and he'll fear them taking his place, in this little "bad timeline" One would straight up start descending to madness just thinking worst case scenario of any of them taking his place at Draxum's side, he'll be constantly pushing himself to the limit just to stay on top and he'll distance himself from the other turtles.

[mizumiii]

Being More - Bonus IV

Desha x Fem!Reader

First - Previous - Table of contents

Credit : Oreskis

Hello ! The two next bonuses are working together. You can still read them as a two-shots, or read them from the first one or the entire fic Welcome too. ^^

I hope you'll enjoy your reading ! I'll explain some more things at the end ;)

The joy had run out, and now he was left with only doubt and an infinite void in his chest. Did he really know what he was doing? Was he doing the biggest mistake of his life? Was it too late to undo it? Desha scratched his chest, upon his heart, as if he could simply tear it out to stop the pain coming from it. However, he had chosen it. The less he could do now was to keep it together. But it was hard, so terribly hard. 

And each time he was closing his eyes, he would see her eyes. Monstrous, blood-thirsty eyes, condemning and resentful eyes glaring back at him. 

“Desha ?” A soft and loving voice called him from under the blankets. “Are you not sleeping ?”

“It’s nothing, love, go back to sleep”, he hesitated to add something else but it was still too soon for him to express his thoughts.

“I will, when I’m sure you’re okay.”

The king scoffed lightly when noticing your messy hair and your sleepy face staring at him with a remarkable will despite your obvious exhausted state. 

“I am okay, now sleep”, he tried while tousling your hair.

“I’m the one who decides that”, you pouted grabbing his head before pulling him in your arms with surprising strength. 

Desha was a willing victim and ended up laying in your arms, then you caught him in a bear hug, making it for him impossible to escape. Your behaviour made him laugh, and he decided to settle like this, enjoying your warmth and the blankets’. 

“Don’t fret”, you finally said in an already half-sleeping voice, “everything will be fine.”

*

“Please guys let me train with you !”

“I am sorry Y/N but I do not have a death wish”, Captain politely declined.

“I’m begging you ! I’ll go crazy if I spent one more day doing nothing !” 

“You know I can’t go against the king’s wish.”

“B-but…”, you tried to coax him with an adorable and pitiful pout.

“It’s still no.”

“Tch.”

You gave up and turned toward Ouken who was trying to discreetly pass behind without you noticing him.

“Ouken, don’t try to flee like that !”

“I’m in a hurry ! I have a mission really urgent in town !” He also declined. 

You felt an overwhelming rage go through you before letting you shiver and your eyes began to water against your will. 

“I hate all of you !” You shouted before running away in a very dramatic way.

“How long do we have to endure it again ?” Captain asked Ouken.

*

Desha had never thought it was so difficult. He had not realised that it was not automatic, and such a toll it would take on the both of you. Each failure had broken you a bit more, until around a year later you both finally succeded. However, it was only the beginning of everything. 

Until finally… 

“Here, you can take her”.

The day when the nurse finally tried to give him his daughter came. At that moment, he did not even dare to breathe, terrified by this little body. She was crying a bit, looking desperate in that man’s careful and skilled hands. 

“Can’t you take care of her ?” He asked back to the nurse, still not making any move and his eyes widening because of his unfathomable request.

“I could, but you’ll do a far better job than me”, he said equally. 

Desha looked at you, but you were already half-sleeping, exhausted by the hours of hard work you had to go through to deliver safely your baby. You had held her for her first feed, but your state did not allow you to keep her safely on you. 

“Why ? You’re the nurse, not me.” He finally looked back at the man. 

“And you’re her father, not me.”

The words, really direct even if not said with any kind of anger or judgment, made Desha realize what was happening. That little thing was his, and her life was closely linked to his, her joy, well-being, every part, was relying on him. It was almost overwhelming, but the beauty of it was far greater. It was beyond anything he had experimented with being king. His people could feed themselves, can be happy without him, but not her. 

He hesitantly extended his arms and the nurse carefully and gently guided him on how to carry the baby in the right way for her to be well and safe. 

“Be sure to always support her neck”, he advised Desha, “you’re doing a great job.”

The man was still not overemotional, but his last sentence made the king feel better, and even lighter. He was sitting on a chair close to you, and now your daughter was resting on his bare chest. He was really stiff and awkward, but he was now unable to advert his gaze from his little baby. She had instantly calmed down as if she was already recognizing him. Her breathing was so quiet that he was scared that she would stop at any moment. The worse was that with his giant body he was sure he would end up hurting her. However, the nurses’ words helped him a great deal to trust in himself. 

“I’ll let you be now. They just both needed rest, they worked hard. I will come back in the evening.”

Desha nodded, his throat tightening at the thought of being left alone with her baby’s safety, but he also wanted to be up to the task. Once the nurse had left, he basked in that beautiful, ephemeral sight of his little girl. 

“My daughter…”, he quietly called out. 

It was his new favourite word in the whole world.

*

“Are you sure?”

“As much as the last tenth time you asked it, brother”, Despa answered, annoyed. 

Desha looked at his baby daughter sleeping in her cradle. As soon as his younger brother had come to see her, he had asked him to check if she had any sign of godlike powers. He had to be sure! Even if for now she looked totally human, he was afraid that she still could grow differently. But, Despa had not foreseen their younger brother's immortality, so there still was a slight possibility that she could grow unexpected skills one day or another. 

“I was young back then”, Despa tried to ease Desha, knowing exactly what he was thinking. “I am sure of my skills now, Marika is an ordinary human girl as she can be when being the daughter of a king.”

“If it’s only that, I can live with it…”

Desha’s eyes had not left his daughter, as if he was afraid that she could change or disappear if he diverted his gaze even for a second. 

“You need to pull it together,” Despa finally advised him, “Y/N and Marika need you.”

“I know. I will not let them down”, Desha swore. “I will do anything for them.”

*

“Daddy is the most handsome man in the whole world !” A young three years old girl proudly claimed while clinging to Desha. 

He looked quite embarrassed and awkward about the whole demonstration but obviously could not bring himself to stop her from climbing on him as if he was a big plush. Meanwhile, you were lazily half sitting half laying on a big chair while watching your husband and daughter cuddling together.

“How come I am not even jealous ?” You wondered out loud. “She has such great taste.”

“I’m more concerned about how she knows that kind of words”, Desha sighed while realising that he had now two people ready to nag him with lots of love. 

“She’s just really smart, I’m proud of you Marika !” You said with a dotting face. 

The little girl had long and curly black hair, very much like her father’s. Her eyes were dark like his too, but the rest of her face was human. She had almost all her little teeth, and her mouth looked normal. Her skin was light pink and her size was also quite average. However, she was really sharp and had understood very soon that her daddy was concerned about her appearance so she always behave the most childishly she could. 

“Nice try mummy, but I won’t share daddy with you”, the little girl slyly let you know.

“Caugh in your own game, eh !” Desha loudly laughed at your disappointed face. 

*

“Again! Again!”

Desha frowned, before making his lightning lighten the room. He was not really fond of showing off his godlike skills, especially in front of Marika. But she looked so happy and thrilled by it that he could just not reject her eager asks. However, he was still a bit afraid that seeing it too much would trigger something in her, or make her want to be like this too. 

“Ok now it’s time to sleep”, he ordered. 

Marika wained, before putting her blanket on the top of her head, then she put it out one last time with an admirative look.

“You’re amazing daddy!”

“There’s nothing amazing about it”, he denied, looking suddenly gloomy. 

“I still think you are”, she insisted with the honesty of a four-year-old girl.  

He wry smiled before tousling her hair so similar to his.

“Good night my beloved daughter.”

“Good night Daddy!”

Just before passing the door, he whispered a gloomy sentence without thinking “I hope you’ll never become like me…”

*

“I forbid you from learning how to fight !” Desha loudly yelled at a now five-year-old and almost crying Marika.

He had found her training with the guards, a sword in hand and a couple of scratches on her tiny arms. His worries were totally clouding his mind, making it for him impossible to think straight. 

“You do not need it!”

“But I want to !” She cried back, looking furious. 

“Enough! Go back to your room! And let the sword here!”

“AAAAAH!” Marika loudly yelled while throwing the blade on the ground. 

“Marika? Marika!”

But the young girl had already left to run into her bedroom while Desha stayed frozen and enraged at her behaviour. He had not thought one moment that the situation would worsen so quickly, since he had forbidden her in the first place, only out of worry for her well-being. But another thought had corrupted the rest, if she begin to learn how to fight maybe she would be tainted by it, maybe it would awaken some god’s parts in her. 

“I am sorry, King Desha”, Captain apologized, his head down.

He currently was feeling like shit for not having predicted that the king would not agree to such a thing. Since everybody around her knew how to fight, it had not seemed strange for him that Marika would undergo the same path. 

“Not a word”, Desha ordered coldly, hardly succeeding in keeping his anger to himself. 

The father knew that he was not acting right, but for the first time, he was in front of a difficult situation where his authority was challenged by his child, while his worries seemed totally legitimate to him. He finally left the place, still undecided about what to do about the situation.

Meanwhile, Marika was crying on her bed, cursing his father for forbidding her what she was seeing as really important. A moment later, a knock at her door was heard.

“It’s your uncle Ouken”, the man's voice came through. “Can I come in?”

“... Yes…”

Marika sniffed and wiped half her tears and snot with her sleeve while he was entering her room. 

“I heard about the whole commotion”, he admitted while coming to sit beside her.

“Daddy is so mean”, she whinged still half crying. “I just want to be able to protect mummy’s baby…”

“It is a very noble intention”, Ouken warmly acknowledged. “Still, I guess that your daddy thinks that he is the one who need to protect you three, soon four.”

“But he is too busy with his king things”, she cleverly pointed out, her eyes shining, “he is the king so it’s normal. So I have to be stronger to help him.”

“Maybe you should explain to him what you think.”

“He doesn’t want to listen to me…” Marika pouted, feeling down again. 

“Do not worry, I know my brother, he will listen to you.”

“Really ?”

“Yeah.”

Marika jumped in her uncle’s arms, feeling already relieved by his words. And no longer after he had left her room, she indeed get her father’s visit.

“Don’t worry Daddy, you can help me protect mummy and the baby too”, she allowed him with a huge smile.

Desha froze at those words, and his dark thoughts instantly vanished from his mind in front of such genuine and gentle concern. 

“Thank you, my daughter… Thank you…”

As you can guess, the next bonus will be about little Marika and the new addition to the Underworld's family ;) In those bonuses, Y/N is less present, so I hope you'll like it anyway ^^

Also it's a bit less self-indulging, but to excuse myself, I just had a baby myself so I'm experiencing how hard it is, and I have a hard time writing about it.

The last thing, I wanted to talk about the OCs name, like Marika. Since ROK's author chose a mythological name for Desha (Hadès) and Satun (Saturn) I did the same. For those who remember in Welcome, there's Janu (Jupiter or Jove) and his son Anetha (Athena), and here Marika is Makaria, Hades's daughter. There are a lot of interesting things in Latin or Greek mythology and ranking of kings, so do not hesitate to check it out!

Next one

[almost-correct-bnha-quotes]

hai, so this bish cut her own hair, the layers look good tbh bUT the fringe is too short (fml) so i thought if you dont mind, if you're free, maybe hcs of izuku/todoroki/kirishima on that? please? (i already cried three times because my family bullied me about the fringe and i feel like jim carrey from dumb and dumber tho its actlly not that short)

Hi! I'd love to do this! I'm really sorry your family is so mean to you. Try not to let it get to your heart. I hope this helps you feel better!

Izuku

-He knew you wanted to try a new, shorter haircut for a while.

-To be honest, he was really supportive. If you really wanted to try a new haircut, you should go for it.

-When you shared your worries that it might not turn out well, he was quick to reassure you.

-"Hey, there's nothing that can go bad. If you don't like how it turns out, it's fine. Your hair will grow back in a few months," he told you.

-So one particular Saturday, in the U.A. dorms, you went for it. While the layers were fine, you didn't like how short that the fringe turned out.

-You were low-key stressing out since you had to go to school in two days. Hair was going to grow back in a few months, not a few hours.

-So you did the most logical thing- you called Izuku and asked him to come to your bedroom urgently.

-Within two minutes, you heard knocking on hour door, along with Izuku's worried voice asking you to let him in.

-You didn't specify what the emergency was, so Izuku and his anxious brain only assumed for the worst. What if you accidentally cut off your leg, or broke an arm, or got stuck under the wardrobe that fell on you...

-You opened your door just enough for a person to fit through it and pulled Izuku rapidly inside of your bedroom. As soon as he was inside, you slammed the door shut.

-"Eh, Y/N... What-"

- That's when he noticed your hair.

- You puffed your cheeks as you looked through your wardrobe. You eventually picked out two caps that you really loved.

- "Which one should I wear to school?" You asked.

- "Wel- I- You- Um- You- You don't have to wear one, though. I know that your hair didn't turn out the way you wanted, but it doesn't mean it's ugly. Quite the opposite. You look really nice with it. It would be a shame if others wouldn't get to see it."

-Saying that both of you turned as red as a tomato was an underestimation.

-Regardless, he did make you feel better and, as it turns out, your new hairstyle truly wasn't so bad. Many appreciated it and you actually started a trend amongst girls to cut their hair similar to you in order to be "fashionable".

Todoroki

-You never considered yourself close to Todoroki, but you acknowledged the fact that you did have a particularly strong bond with him.

-It wasn't romantic- it was more like a sibling relationship. You would tease and annoy each other a lot, but when one was in need, the other would always have their back.

-That's why he was the first person you called for comfort one evening. You cut your hair earlier that afternoon and a few students made some really rough comments on it.

-It wasn't that you weren't confident or happy with yourself, but words still hurt and the comments you recieved truly upset you.

-As you sat on your bed in your dorm, trying to cope with your suffering, you heard a knock on your door.

-You honestly hoped it was Todoroki. You called him a solid fifteen minutes ago and he had yet to fulfill your wish to come and be by your side for a while. You didn't dare to go out and look for him. Not with that hairstyle you had.

- "Hey Y/N... I'm here." The person behind the door said. Their voice was so familiar you wouldn't be able to mistake it for anyone else's- Todoroki was there.

-You mumbled something about how he could come in, but for obvious reasons, he couldn't understand what you said.

- "Hey, dickhead, I can't hear you. Open up. I brought you something."

-Your head shot up in curiosity. You wiped off a few tears off your face and made your way to the door.

-You opened it and found yourself standing in front of Todorki, who had a small bag by his side.

- "Surprise. Sorry it took me so long, I had to make a stop by the store nearby."

- You invited him in and soon found yourself laying on the bed, your head on his lap, crying your eyes out. His hand ran through your hair in an attempt to comfort and relax you.

-Honestly, it did.

- "Don't stress so much about it. You had a mild error in the process. It'll get fixed soon." He said.

- "Yeah, but until then..." You said between sobs.

- "You'll live your life like always. Try to enjoy the small things. Buy your favourite candy, sweet or desert. Try some make-up. Buy that t-shirt you've wanted for a while. Do whatever. It'll get better before you know."

- "How can you know so much?"

- "Experience," Todoroki shrugged, "Had to accept I can't change some things and how to live with that."

- "Like what?"

-"Shitty father... Half a quirk I don't want... and ugly hair."

- You frowned lightly as a snort escaped you.

- "You don't like your hair?" You asked.

- "Well, everyone seems to have a very good opinion of my hair... except for me. Can't say it's my favourite part of me."

- "Why do you hate it? It's unique."

- "My father has an unique style of parenting, but it's not good, is it?"

- You pursed your lips at the thought of his father. You generally weren't the one to fully dislike someone or to say that you hated someone, but Endeavor was one of the exceptions. Outside his work as a hero, Endeavor was a horrible person, in your opinion. He failed spectacularly as a husband and even more as a father.

- “Your hair is not a toxic father.”

- “And neither is yours. Your hair isn’t that big of a fail. A little unsuccessful, yes, but terrible? No. You’re beautiful.’

Kirishima

-Kirishima couldn’t say your hairwas the most successful hairstyle out there, but he knew the struggles of hair insecurity, so he couldn’t help but feel empathy towards you.

-As it turned out, you two were living only two streets apart, so you had most of the way home together. You became buddies in no time and you’d chat all the way home with all kinds of topics that interested you. One particular afternoon, you opened up to him about your new hairstyle.

- “It’s okay, Y/N!” He exclaimed, “Your hair will grow back in no time and you’ll be able to redo your haistyle!”

-You smiled faintly. “Thanks. It’s gonna be quite a road until then. My family’s kinda rude to me about it as well.”

-Kirishima let out an empathetic laugh. “I had that as well when I changed my hairstyle. My mom was kinda supportive, but everyone else... nah. The thing is, don’t let other people’s opinions bring you down. You’ll get judged no matter what you do, so you should best just do what you really want to do and be yourself.”

-That was some solid advice. When you thought about it, it truly didn’t matter what people thought. Even if something you did turned bad, you had to try again and again until it succeded. Otherwise, you would remain with the sour feeling of misery that would do nothing but bad to you.

[popculturebuffet]

Hickman’s X-Men One Year In: Part 2: The Dawn of X

And we’re onto part 2. Since it took me a while to talk about Hickman’s Series outside of Giant-Size and the setup here, that’s in part one if your curious, I split this little retrospective into two parts, with this part here talking about the rest of the books. This isn’t to say they aren’t great, many of them are, it was just easier to do this as a two parter so with HIckman himself out of the way how did his hand picked batch of talented writers handle the lofty status quo he set up?Find out under the cut. Pax Krakoa baby. 

Mauraders Okay just to get this out of the way this is my second faviorite x-book running, after X-Men itself and it often equals it and far and away the best tile of the run and restored my faith in Gerry Duggan.  Duggan is not a bad writer and I blame the messy finish of his otherwise awesome guardians run with infnity wars on marvel trying to cram other characters into it and then a weird mash up idea that while cool, kept the guardians out of their own damn event and from confrting a now mad gamora, but that and deadpool made me forget the guy is a good writer and can do great things. Maruaders however won me back to him with intrest.  A unique concept, the x-men as pirates helping ferry goods to krakoan allied states and ferry trapped mutants from hostile ones, is fucking awesome. The only thing missing is nightcrawler and it’s clear hickman has other plans, though I still feel he shoudl’ve been on the boat as he has both the relation to kitty pryde and pirate pedgree that fit in perfectly.  Speaking of kitty after years of writers misusing her due to having a crush on her as a kid and shoving her into half baked romances with peter quill and her ex peter rasptuin, the latter failing so badly that marvel pulled the plug on their wedding because fans clearly didn’t want it, and battling my own reluctance ot see her front and center again, Duggan makes good use of her again: Kitty is given the unique hook of the portals not working for her and no one, even her old friend Doug after he gets back, being able to figure out WHY. Though I do hope Doug does show up here and explain it more, as him being kitty’s best friend once is rarely brought up since he got back and it’s silly it hasn’t been. But rather than take this on the chin Kitty strikes up a crew consisting of big sister Storm, first class graduate x-man, badass gay and kitty’s friend and ex iceman, bishop who reluctantly joins as her bishop more on that in a second and the best of them by a mile: Pyro. The original, finally brought back and given some intresting backstory: he was the first mutant brought back and felt good about it..t ill he realized that despite sacrificing himself to save a, if your familiar with the various cartoons this will be baffling but trust me, reformed senator kelly as Pyro himself was dying from the legacy virus, only to find out they did him first because they considered him expendable basically and naturally was upset over that, drunk a bunch of the liquor kitty smuggled in, for logan naturally, and passed out and then joined in on the rescue mission that formed the team because why not and stayed because it was a great offer.  Speaking of offers with a new purpose, Kitty accepted her old enemy Emma Frost’s offer to be red queen, which includes a seat on krakoa’s council and was basically emma’s way of saying fuck you to her old cohort who she was forced to bring back on to handle the seedier side of Krakoa’s dealings via his underworld connections, sebastian shaw. Emma is the fincical  backbone of krakoa, having the shipping connections to get the flowers in and out and now having kitty to handle the stuff she can’t and do some of the shipping, as well as again tell Sebastian, who naturally wants both gone and is pissy at Emma being so far ahead of him, wants gone. And while he’s seemingly succeded with kitty I not only have every expectation that while ressuection is failing to work on her she’ll be back, but that trying to murder one of the most beloved x-men whose consdiered family to among others three of krakoa’s captains, bishop after this series, four of their council, five if you include Doug whose best friends with both his left arm which is also a deadly space robot and the very place they live on. The only reason he’s not going to die 80 times in increasingily horrifying ways is because the five can’t take on that kind of workload and one murderous ass beating from half of krakoa and krakoa itself is close enough. 

Emma is easily one of the books best parts, being written back as she should: An anti hero who while quick with a cutting quip, truly cares for her charges, and mutantkind as a whole and has grown from the monster she started as or even the kind of person who’d use a therapy session from a desperate man having issues opening up emotionally after apocalypse used his body as a rental car to convince him to fuck her.  And yes that’s how things started with Scott and Emma and yes it’s really fucked up and yes the story treats it as such, though I still wish Scott would get actual therapy, but as Linkara recently pointed out in his House of M Review the Marvel and DC universes weirdly lack therapists for the most part and thus it was left on my mind the last two weeks.. and yes I know DC tried but when your final product at trying to serious tackle mental health is heroes in crisis.. I award you no points and god have mercy on your soul.  But while Emma and Kitty get the lions share of the focus the rest of the group is enjoyable, well done and intresting, if not given many arcs to themselves, but still have enough character moments to counterballance that. The standout of the rest of the crew is easily Pyro, taken from “why is he still dead despite being super popular and used in a heavy role in X2 that’s garnered fans of that version to this day and bafflement he became a foot note in the next movie and used in every adaptation” to fun side character with a skull on his face and a love of booze and setting things on fire. He’s finally given the respect he deserves sorta and while I hope more is delved into his ressurection angst, he’s a ton of fun and it again makes me wonder why it took 20+ years to bring him back, but i’m glad the right person did it. The rest of the crew are fun with Bishop being another standout.  That being said part of the reason there isn’t a lot of focus is simply because in additoin to our brave crew the book is juggling a LOT of characters.. the morlocks and calisto, both given a proper treatment after wya too long, jumbo carnation a minor character from morrisons run who was introduced in the same issue he died is emma’s designer, shinobi shaw and christian frost, the latter I question why a main relative of one of marvel’s a-list mutants who was one of marvel’s earlier gay characters hasn’t been used in a big way till now but no time like the present, Sebastian and the people he shares his big bad spot with Homines Verde aka those tweens who ran the hellfire club during jason aaron’s run because the man is nuts and who I only seemd to liked, brillinatly revamped as a racist replacemnt for the hellfire club and so far a clever threat. The book is just stuffed iwth good characters, beautiful art, and a great tone that combines spectacular humor with really good story and worldbuilding. It’s also a nice contrast to hickman’s stuff: don’t get me wrong I love hickman’s writing style but it’s nice to have something JUST as good.. but with a cheerier tone and less weariness to it, while still not lacking weight. I can’t wait to see where this goes.. it’s a pirates life for me. 

Excalibur:  Like most of the dawn of X-Line outside of fallen angels, more on that in a minute and even then that had an intresting new directoin for betsy braddock, I was pumped for this one. A team I loved: While I struggled to find a run I loved with Claremont’s run having Brian Braddock be a raging dick whose terrible to his girlfriend and gets away with cheating on her and Claremont not really bothering to explain Saturnyne or other characters and their history with Brian well to us yanks who never had the chance to read those tales.. though why stories by alan moore and chris claremont haven’t been republished properly or in epic collections is beyond me. Warren Ellis, who I now loathe for being a scheming weasel who treated women like garbage, had a decent run with plenty of warlock, in a weird phase where he thought he was doug, Moira and Wolfsbane stuff I loved.. but also had 30-40 something pete wisdom shacking up with 18 year old at most kitty pryde, with Pete at the time being basically Warren Ellis badass self insert character, and given recent revelations i’m pretty sure he damn well knew kitty was just 18 and even if he didn’t having his own fanfic character deflower her is just all kinds of EWWWWWW. He also had Colossus, fresh of being a villian for a while for understandable reasons, nearly beat pete into a coma in a jealous rage over the ex.. the ex he dated while she was still a minor, and left because HE , and editorial, was uncomfortable with it for damn obvious reasons. I can see why fans like to see her as bisexual and pair her with Illiayna.. I mean why the fuck not? They have better chemistry than most of he hetrosexual intrests and are paried because of that and not because the writer wanted to make out iwth kitty as a teenager and forgot “oh yeah she’s fictional and i’m 40!”  Christ thank god for Gerry Duggan.  But yeah moving on from that I was still pumped as a magical x-men book with Besty Braddock now captain freaking britan, and apocalypse on the roster. And rictor and jubille? nad rouge and gambit I guess.. I don’t knokw if they fit but whatever. Sign me up. The actual result is a mixed back. I do like Tini Howard’s work here to a point: Betsy gets good character stuff and theres actually good tension from the fact that the new captain britan is no longer primarily a british ctizen, and the book brought back a character I felt marvel needed to do more with: Jamie. if you don’t know, Jamie is betsy and brian’s, her brother and the former captain britian, older brother who went insane due to his powers and thus just goes around in his underwear convinced reality isn’t real and he can do what he wants and the tension with Jamie refusing to have anything to do with his brother for no good reason is really good. Rictor and Apocalypse are likewise good sensable additons: Rictor turns out to be a natural to being a druid which is a nice twist and makes sense given when he lost his powers the biggest issue with that was loosing touch with earth after having a connection to it be a vital part of him for years. Apocalypse as an ominus chess master slowly securing magic for mutantkind with some goal we’re about to get answers to is really investing and adds a layer to his character, that much like doctor doom he’s as much sorecer as he is scinetest and given the guy’s immortal, it dosen’t feel like it was pulled out of nowhere.  The problem is the other half of the cast.. dosen’t really work. I fucking love Jubilee, a faviroite of mine as an xman despite not being a huge 90′s x-men cartoon fan, just feels kinda shoe horned in. Her son becomes a dragon and she worries about him constantly, but her worrying about her son possibly not being a mutant on mutant land could be done in any other x-book, and fraknly I feel her personality would fit better with the maruaders, and it’d be intresting to see kitty and her on the same team since both really haven’t interacted. Here she just feels like “well tini wanted jubilee and no one else did soooo I made her son a dragon to justify getting her”. I feel more could be done and hope Tini has better plans for her. Rouge is one of my faviorte x-men and All New X Factor and Kelly Thompsons work with him and Rouge made me like Gambit again, and I DO love their marriage and it was a way better idea than the one Guggenhiem had planned.. but while the idea of Rouge being reborn is intresting and all, she still dosen’t really get to do much and like Jubilee just feels weirldy out of place while Remy has that plus he’s annoying, as while he’s the only one rightfully supscious of apocalypse he also won’t shut the fuck up about it for five minutes. Ig et where he’s coming from  but it dosen’t make him less annoying. These aren’t bad characters, but sof ar they just feel weirdly out of place in a magic based book and unlike Rictor tini hasn’t made any of htem but Rouge feel in place. 

That being said I could ignore that more.. but the villians are also week. So far at least, as the return of Satyurne has given the book it’s first good antagonist.. but what I feel drags the book down the most from it’s potential is the bad guys; Morgan Le Fay is the first antaognist, being mad at apocalypse’s intrusions and corrputing Brian.. but her motives are just so boring: She wants power and to rule, she hates mutants... while “hates mutants” is a qualifier for every other antagonist so far, she just feels bland.. Tini just dosen’t make her feel like a good antagonist and it’s a shame as mutant hater or not she’s something DIFFRENT from the throngs of mutant hating conspiracies, mostly from russia in the other books... she’s just so bland it dosen’t work. And after her is Cullen Bloodstone who as far as I can tell is written out of character.. haven’t read his book but I had both a friend confirm it and having read his marvel wiki entry, it just seems like an odd turn to have him be a racist asshole. But even with all my problems and underwhelm here.. I still WANT the book to get from okay to amazing, and feel it genuinely has the potetial. I’ve seen books sharply improve after a rough first arc, Duggan himself showed me that with his Guardians run. Sometimes it just takes time for something to truly blossom and I have a feeling even with my issues, with x of swords coming up howard’s going to flip it all on it’s head and leave me standing there gasping like a moron. I have hope for that. And if nothing else the book is at least UNIQUE. And not in a trainwreck way: by giving mutants a piece of the magic pie and having them tackle far weirder threats, it’s at least doing something new and it probably lands for other people if not me, and if nothing else it does brian 80 times better than the claremont run did. not a high bar but I do like the character and it’s nice to see him take such an intresting path, and the same goes for Betsy. Tini’s still got magic to do, and I have a feeling it’s going to take me by storm very soon. 

Fallen Angels: Now for the other half of the coin as it were. Some fans weren’t happy about Betsy getting her old body back, and yes Psylocke wasn’t orignally asian but a white british woman bodyswapped iwth a japanese assasian and yes that’s as ludicrious and unteitonally offensive as it sounds, because horrible implications of said Body Swap or not, Psylocke was one of the few asian superheros of note. So to compromise , Hickman and co decided to split the diffrence: Betsy would come back and get a rank up to captain britan, while Kwannon, said assasian, would take over as Psylocke. Hence Excalibur above and fallen angels here and I was excited about it. The Body Swap thing went on a decade too long and this way fans got the character they knew as Psylocke in another book while the face they recognized would finally get some fleshing out. I was excited about that and while probably the least excited about this book of the intitial 5, it did have an intresting lead, two characters I did like (Kid Cable I grant was only under hickman who turned him from that brat version of cable who killed the one I really love to a good character in his own right), and an intresting antagonist in a sentient machine.  In practice it was okay. The best I can say is that writer Brian Hill DOES do a great job taking a mostly minor x-character and really fleshing her out and making her engaging and Kwannon’s quest to save her daughter is really compelling.. but the premise of those who don’t fit with krakoa dosen’t work with the roster given. Laura Kinney is not only sticking with the x-23 name after dropping the wolverine mantle for no reason previously, something Hickman fixed as soon as he realized how fans felt for her apperance in the main book, while Cable feels nothing like the far more fun version from Hickman’s X-Men and later Duggan’s Cable. Add in Husk and Bling who do deserve to be on a team but feel out of place here, and it just.. is okay. The book has an intresting angagonist and a great lead, but just dosen’t work as a team book and would’ve been better off being JUST about kwannon herself, who is far and away the best part about the book and i’m glad she got fleshed out. Not TERRIBLE but nothing special and it’s a shame given the antagonist, whose name I can’t even remember at this point, is intresting and ties into mutantkind’s greatest enmies being man and machine accoridng to house and powers.. basically a decent concep twith a flawed execution. Maybe hill’ sbatman and hte outisders run is better. I need to get on that. That being said the premise and idea is so far being done well in Hellions which we’ll get to, even if I’m being cautious really getting into the book with Zeb Wells track record. But more on that in a bit. 

X-Force: Time to make noise, bad guys leave us no choice.. you know the rest. But yeah X-force. The concept here grabbed me, having X-Force rather than just be the black ops squad but be literal black ops for krakoa, was really great and fit the brave new world.. what worried me was the writer, Benjamin Percy. Now a lot of x-fans probably knew him from the much beloved “Wolverine: The Long Night” podcast, which i’ve heard is utterly fantastic as is it’s followup.. but I hadn’t heard it, and had only heard of Percy from DC comics where under his belt was an okay teen titans run and a not very good and politcally unsubtle green arrow book. And i’m not against politics in comics it just wasn’t done at all well there and the “oliver queen looses hif ourture due to a shadowy conspiracy thing” was already done better by jeff lemire. So yeah I was going to give this a chance but figured like those books it’d start strong and then peter out.  I. Was. Wronnnnggg. X-Force is easily one of the best of the dawn of x and uses said premise well. It started a bit roughly, mostly becasue the first arc idnd’t make clear x-force didn’t exist yet but was a great origin story: a squad of military commandos working for a shadowy consirtum who become x-force’s big bad, plunge onto Krakoa and massacre a bunch of mutantas and assinate charles xavier. He comes back, though it’s trickier for obvious reasons, but it’s clear from this, and from wolverine and kid omega’s sucessful investigation and finding domino, that this can’t go on and thus X-Forces is formed; The intellegence and black ops arm of Krakoa and the one arm of it’s goverment exempt from the ‘dont’ kill humans rule”. What followed was nearly a years worth of fast paced adventures with good character stuff: Wolverine is in his element, kid omega, while I had my doubts due to quinten being way overused , turned out to be a perfect choice basically being a more compitent teenage sterling archer, cocky and loving this but also really good at his job, while Domino gets a great arc dealing with her trauma over her mutalation and having some of her power stolen by the shadowy masked dickheads while Colossus deals with his trauma over what went down when he rescued some Russian mutants, with the book slowly building up new threats and towards a showdown with Russia, something that’s also been built up by conflicts in Wolverine and Mauraders, which again makes the world of x feel more like an actual world instead a bunch of comics in one cast herd.  Jean Grey is good for intellegence, though by now seems to have noped out as she couldn’t take the toll, it’s not for everyone and most notably after 5 or 6 years of being treated worse and worse and written worse and worse and becoming a bigger and bigger piece of shit Beast is FINALLY put in the right spot: his darker turns aren’t ignored but he’s back to being an actually intellegent hero as X-force’s director, still a bit greasy but now for good reason and without a god complex or some such bullshit and with a tiny bit of his humor back. Not much else to say really, X-Force is well paced, enjoyable and gritty, getting the spirit of the team at it’s best down right while doing something fresh with it. 

New Mutants (Ed Brisson) Last one, New Mutants is the odd duck of the dawn of x line in terms of how it was launched. Fallen Angels ended up being a mini series both due  to Hill being busy and it’s cast being needed elsewhere but will presmibly get a follow up later, but it’s not the ONLY mini series in the line with Fantastic four/x-men, the giant sized one shots and now Empyre: X-Men all debuting in wave 2. New Mutants however is the first book to change writers and said writer STARTED in the middle of hickman’s run, partly due to scheduling delays but even before that it was partly by design and those issues haven’t been collected yet, with hickman’s short run being collected first. So you have a run that builds off what Hickman started but with it’s own ideas that started insidei t and suprisingly it .. really works.  While I do think there are better books in the line Brisson’s new mutants is enjoyable, combining humor and character work. New Mutants focuses on the sextant, which was first brought up in hickman’s run, the series of habitats for younger mutants on krakoa that the new mutants look out for, and while the original new mutants are in space, Armor decides to try and bring some old friends in to join in paradise with the help of Glob Herman, that big pink guy with a visable skeleton and eyes, and Maxine and Manon, who in the tradition of layla miller were created for an event and not great htere but turned out amazing under the right writer.. who I think also wrote that event but whatever, a pair of empaths and telepaths who have trouble grasping the right ethics for using their powers.  The four go to get one of my faviorite x-men back: BEAK! I missed him even if he’s weirdly suddenly repowered. Beak and his wife Angel only haven’t joiend in with their kids because his dad’s sick, and things soon escalate when a bunch of criminals try holding them all hostage and it’s up to boom boom, bored since everyone left her alone, to save the day! After that we deal with Magik rangling them and the team’s new mission statment: not wanting ot mess up again like she did with beak, who did join them but not without loosing his dad and then his memory of his dad thanks to the twins misguided efforts, Armor still wants to try welcoming new mutants in with the vetrans help, and thus we have our puprose: focusing both on how these younger mutant 20 somethigns of various ages from early to late work together to make a better world nad help their own get back to this world. it’s intresting.. I’m not in love with it like mauraders or x-force, but it’s still pretty good and their first big foe so far, DoX, a blog that well.. doxes mutants that haven’t arrived yet, seems to be intresting. Not much to say just pretty good and and better at mixing comedy and character stuff, and getting the cast right. Ed Brisson had already proven himself on old man logan, but this cements him as one of the hottest new x-writers around and i’m glad he was given a book here. He’s also succeded in making me actually like Glob Herman so that’s a plus. 

Fantastic Four/X-Men The first title of wave 2 and easily one of the best, right up there with mauraders nad probably JUSST behind it and ONLY because i’ts a mini series, giving the X-Men their first real step into the rest of hte marvel universe. Sure the 4 had cameoed in the first issue and there’s been mentions of krakoa in other books and one off issues but mostly Krakoa really hadn’t impacted anything.. but that first issue also set things up with Scott’s conversation with Sue Richards

Yeah and in case those who haven’t been aware of what’s going on with the FF lately and either remember franklin as a 6-11 year old or wondered why the hell he was suddenly a teen when they read this crossover, it’s actually simple; At the end of secret wars the Richards family was put on a bus, also so marvel could shove the ff as a proper team out the door due to the whole fox rights thing, and when Dan Slott had brought them back.. and cleverly had more time pass for the richards than for the 616 proper, so he could age Franklin up to his late teens and Valeria up to her early ones, allowing the richards children to actually age since Franklin’s age always had to stay vauge due to marvel’s vage and wobbly time scale. This way they get both consitant ages and more agency.  But the return also came with a price as Franklin, who if you didn’t know is so powerful he can create whole universe and shape the sturcture of the universe, had his powers break saving his family, and thus since he came back, he’s onlyg got so much of them left in the tank before they run out entirely, and it’s been an issue for him in Slott’s run as he worries about being the normal human in a fantastic family and comes to a head here, though rather than Hickman himself, who as mentioned last time has a marvelous track record with the family or FF series writer dan slott Hickman choose a wild card for this, though had both Hickman and Slott’s permission to do whatever he wanted: Chip Zdarsky, a modern marvel for marvel who’d writtne the four in marvel two in one but for some reason didn’t get the main book and this book makes me hope whenever Dan Slott bows out he gets his turn and while this is his first x-men work, Zdarsky proves he’s just as good here as is in most of his work on Howard the Duck, Jughead and Star Lord.. a weird selection I know but all classics. 

With this power outage, Franklin is worried his dad is, at least subconciously, not really trying to help him and to make matters worse teh x-men show up to offer their help.. and Franklin his birthright. The arguments made by both sides are great and I will be covering the series in full soon but in a nutshell the four dont’ want to give up their son/nephew, Reed dosen’t trust Xavier and feels he wants to use his son’s powers while the x-men feel it’s franlin’s choice and he’s old enough to make it, he belongs with them and he’ll be safer there. It also works because Franklin understandably isn’t swayed by either as neither is reallyt alking to him more at him, especially his parents .. and only tries the gate when Kitty Pryde, the two  bonded back in the 80s and a young franklin stopped her from comitting suicide long story but really moving, is the only one to tell him it’s his choice. This dosen’t go quite well though since Reed Richards, father of the year, decided to make a device to mask his son’s mutant gene and no one, including his own family, is happy about htis.  Naturally Franklin, with Val’s help, runs away.. and then as if it couldn’t get worse DOOM shows up wanting to help so now it’s a three way dance between them for hte fate of franklin. The series has gorgeous art form the dodsons a really damn compelling story and great setup for further stories for both lines and feels like the best of both franchises. It’s the x-men’s first huge impact on the rest of the marvel universe,a nd it feels like it with the ending showing that and showing this might not be the last time both sides crossover. It’s everything you could want from a crossover and i’m only being so brief because I want to review it soon as a huge fan of both groups. Easily one of the best x-men stories of the line and one of the best stories for both groups period. 

Wolverine:  We’re onto the final two, and Percy’s second book and the first solo.. and it’s logan again! Makes sense though: Wolverine only just came back from the dead, and while both is daughter and alternate future self carried the woverline banner for him, the original hasn’t gotten his own ongoing in some time. And so far.. it’s pretty good> the first issues a bit messy due to it’s lenght, but overall the book is intresting and has Logan graple with being the best at waht he does and if he can be better or if he deserves paradise while also delivering a compelling solo mission teaming Wolverine up with a federal agent who resents mutants. it also does some good world building, explaning why Krakoan drugs have things like wait lists (they want to control production closely both to avoid having the flower taken away and for quality control), and expanding the russia subplot while using Dracula of all people as a major antagonist, which is clever especailly since this isn’t his first rodeo with the x-men. Just a fun book wiht loads of promise.

Hellions: NOt much to say here as it’s hard to judge after two issues, buti f nothing else this series brought back the delightfully batshit Nanny, who just with last weeks issue offered to nurse Greycrow (who had his name changed from scalphunter because of course marvel did why wouldn’t they) and falling down. It combines humor with an odd but well thought out cast and makes Alex Summers intresting without making everyone else assholes, a hard but earned feet. If it continues to be good.. I dunno, especially since i haven’t been impressed by any of zeb wells other works especially his new mutants run, good god that one’s am ess, but so far he’s winning me over with a clever concept and roster full of deep cuts.  Final Thoughts:  I won’t be covering Empyre: X_men, though I did enjoy it and i’l save that one for next time. For now this has been a hell of a year of x-men comics, with even the weaker books still having something intresting and none being outright terribule and only one had a bad grasp on some of it’s cast and for a line this big and expansive, that’s a gold medal achivment. After YEARS of stasis the x-men have finally risen again better, bolder and stranger than ever. IS every book A+ gold star etc etc, no, but what’s important.. is that it’s all DECENT. There’s enough standout books to make it work but as i’ve made clear what isn’t the best of the best is still good or decent. There’s nothing bad, no one phoning it in or not giving an effort, everyone is trying thier hardest and succeding on SOME level even if not completely and that.. that’s truly amazing and I look forward to more of it as this line continues. Pax Krakoa and hopefully i’ll see you again. 

[victorian-cocaine]

A sad man's reflections about the love of his life

Love Sounds weird. L-O-V-E Four letters. Just four. Why is it that that word, just that simple four letters, are so fearable? Why is it that I have feared them the most of my life? Why does it hurts so much? Is this what I am supposed to feel? Is it normal to feel this empty? Fuck's sake, why? Is it love what's crashing me now? Or is it the knowledge that I have lost it? She doesn't look at me anymore, there's no more warmth for me in her eyes, not one single corner of brightness there. Her eyes weren't like that before, I'm sure. Have I done that to her? She doesn't want to work with me, she always sends some other pathologist who will end up storming out because I'm such a git. I'm a git. I remember, at the beginning I didn't care about her. I deduced her like I would deduce anyone else, I used her every time I decided it was fit to do it. I didn't even care how much I was hurting mousy little Molly. She was nothing to me. Once I saw the trail of tears there. That's when the guilt started. I would imagine the quiet echo of her sobs in my head. One time after the other, it would always get louder and louder every time I used her, every time I got her hopes up just to crush them the next second. I could see it in her eyes, I was hurting her. But, back then, it was just that moment, it would never bother me the second I got myself out of Barts. But life is cruel, isn't she? Molly was always so kind to me. And she, damn her, slowly but surely started making me care about her. Using her feelings to get what I wanted started paining me as well. It hurted to know I was the one who was breaking her. One night, I hadn't a case to distract my mind, I was lying awake in my bed and I started thinking about her. She always smiled, but it always was a sad smile. Her hurted eyes haunted me, replaying scene after scene, again and again. For some reason her feelings for me never died, it didn't matter how much of a git I was to her, she still felt the same for me. And I relised I liked it. It felt good. It felt solid. It warmed me. That's when I noticed that sentiment had found it's way into my mind. I was scared, I was so very scared. I had worked all my life evade sentiment, but there it was. And I was such a coward that I decided not act upon it. I tried to scare her off, I didn't want to get attached to her anymore than I already had. It didn't worked. And some part of me (the one I tried to shun, the one its voice was getting louder with every beat of my heart) was so unbelievably happy about it. It felt so good. I wasn't the only one trying to make it work, she was trying to forget me and it felt so good that she couldn't. She tried to date someone else, and then it started to hurt. A burning sensation in my chest, I could see every detail, every success, everthing that went wrong, every boyfriend who was not the right for her. Nothing was right about it, I didn't want to admit it, but I was scared that someday she would make it. I couldn't stand it. I just couldn't. It felt wrong, so wrong, I couldn't stand that she was kissing another lips and being touched by other hands. I knew it wasn't fair, I was never going to act upon my feelings, she deserved to forget me and move on with her life. I knew it, but I couldn't accept it, because deep inside me I felt that she was mine. She was mine. One time after the other, everytime she tried to date I deduced her boyfriend and ruined it for her. I was so jealous. I still am. I shall never forget that night, that damned Christmas night. She had dated someone at that time and I was so jealous when I saw that damned red present. I remember the twitch of desire that shaked me then, I remember the rage, she was succeding, she was forgetting me. I remember the coldness that enveloped me when I deduced her. She was going to see someone else that very night and she looked so beautiful. But she wasn't dressed up for me, she had put that much effort on emphasisimg her prettyness for someone else. She wasn't mine anymore. I was blind with jelousness, I felt betrayed, I didn't have the right to, but I still felt it. I felt hurted, and it was the hurt that talked when in turn I hurted her. But in the end I hummillated her for nothing. It was me all along and I was too stupid to notice, my judgment was clouded by jelousness and all I got in turn was the clear sight of her watering eyes fighting the urge to cry. I couldn't stand it. I never apologize, never since I'm a child have I apologized for anything, but that time I did it. Then I ran away, I was so ashamed. But it wasn't enough, after The Woman's 'death' she was forced to do the autopsy, and then she just had to misunderstood the nature of my relation with Adler. Because that's just my luck. And then it came. Moriarty owed me a fall, didn't he? I fell. Hard. And still she was there for me, she helped me fake my own death and I went to chase down the rest of Moriarty's web. It's funny how he never saw her. He put a gun for everyone of my loved ones but her. How could he not see? I haven't yet understood, if he was my equal in intelligence, how could he miss my feelings for her? A bullet for everyone that mattered, but none for the one who mattered the most. Some nights, when I was certain I needn't sleep with an open eye but would still have to sleep outside, in the cold; I would lock myself up in my mind palace and convince myself that John was there to endure this with me, to share that burden, that Molly's warm eyes were there for me, like a hot welcoming tea cup, that Mrs Hudson would be there, offering her motherly and calming presence to me. I would open my eyes expecting to see them. And I would immediately close them again bitterly disappointed to understand that they were never really there. How I missed them! There was some point there in which I just had had too much. Molly was there, everywhere, I could not get her out of my head and I realised that if I ever came back I would act. Because I needed her in my life again. John was there too, I missed thinking out loud with him by my side and I missed his acid sense of humour. I missed my life. Sometimes I would look at the sky and just let myself imagine that she was still there, waiting for me, with her big brown warm eyes and a trembling smile just for me. I daydreamed that if and when I came back she would throw her arms around my neck and everything would be alright again. I kept going, I kept trying and every criminal I took down from Moriarty's web was a step closer to that fantasy. Sometimes I just rushed my mind in order to be done for the day faster so that I could go to my temporary accommodation and daydream in peace. Life must have so much fun with me, doesn't she? Because I came back, I recovered John, but when I came to Molly I had already lost her. She hadn't waited for me, why would she? A kiss on the cheek was my only farewell to my childish illusions. It hurted so much. It was almost comical, her fiancée was physically identical to me, I remember concluding that she hadn't moved on that much. The worst part? He was am idiot, and I didn't have the right to ruin it for her, I wanted to find something, whatever, just to stop it, but he was a good man, he loved her, he didn't have anything for me to use it against him. Why would she choose an idiot? She had a genius at her bloody feet but she chose the idiot. Then it hit me that she hadn't realised that I loved her, and that she hadn't realised yet that he was an idiot. I'm ashamed to say but I was so relieved that it didn't last once she understood his lack of brains. But then again, when I more or less had a chance again, I couldn't take it, because I had a case and it would be too dangerous for her to be involved with me romantically. Moriarty had missed her importance, but Magnussen shan't commit the same mistake if it became that obvious. I remember very well the contact of her hand against my cheek. She was furious when at the beggining of that case I came in contact with drugs. When that case was over I truly believed that I was never going to see her again. I had misused the time, hadn't I? I could have had her, but I chose not to and I was going to die without knowing the taste of her lips because I had been an idiot and banned myself from enjoy at least a bit of time with her. I knew something was off when Moriarty "came back to life". I knew it was a fake, but I was so utterly relieved, I still had a chance. I could still win her. Turns out that chance never came. When Mary died to save me I almost lost John. He was angry and grieving his wife and couldn't manage a rational thought. I couldn't even see my goddaughter. Molly was so distant too. I surrendered, I needed the drugs, I couldn't cope with everything because my world was falling appart and nothing seemed to work to put it back on trails. I almost died while pulling John out of his depression. Molly was too angry at me, I couldn't even think of getting near to her without getting slapped to death. If I hadn't been such a coward then, maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have lost her. Euros and the bloody I Love You coffin. That's when I lost her. I told her that I loved her in tge worst of situations, of course she didn't believe one word. But I did, I knew then that I loved her, I didn't just felt strongly towards her, I didn't fancy her. I loved her. And I heard her heart tearing apart while telling me that she loved me too. I couldn't take it, I broke her heart, I broke mine and I broke that bloody coffin because I had to take that rage on something. And here I am. Lost but found, hurted and trying to heal, mad but sane. What can I do? Is there a way? Something? Whatever, I need her. Love. Four letters. Two syllabus. My salvation or my damnation? Hell or heaven? I don't know. Love. ,Molly. Love, I miss you. I miss her so much. I want her eyes to look at me with that fondness she always showed me. I want her to be dreamy around me. I want her back. Please, please, please. I don't know who I am pleading to, but still... Don't I deserve a chance? No, I know I don't. But I still want it. I still love her, I know (I want to believe) she must still feel something. Please, please, please.