#I hope you don't mind I moved this here

[amischiefofmuses]

@obey-n-pay from [here]

As dimissive as he may be, Alastor is not one for ignoring potential threats- and Vox certainly is just that. Potential, though not currently his concern. His medium was made for spreading lies effectively, and while Alastor will never openly praise his success with that, it does seem to work as he wants. Thing is, the Radio Demon isn't one to trust the word of others regardless of where it comes from. He's sure even gentle souls like Charlie tell their half-truths and cover their secrets, it's just human nature. -- ❝Hm, and all it takes is an interesting opposing narrative to stir the pot. While I dislike your sad excuse of a medium, I do have SOME understanding of its machinations. Sensationalised fiction and altered news- it lacks class. Only as effective as the average demon is gullible.❞ Which is the crux of it all. Alastor has no concern for the average demon, they mean little to him. As long as they fear what he's capable of, he's unlikely to have any issues. His smirk grows to a grin at the mention of what he VALUES. Oh, this is interesting. -- ❝And what is it, exactly, that you think I value? The Hotel? A pet project, little else. Something to kill time for now, shake things up. Were you under the impression it was anything more? You of all people should know I am not sentimental.❞

[undead-moth]

I know I've been on about this for a while now and I'm being a hater but you're telling me SydCarmy was "always meant to be platonic" even though there are two seasons of writing making use of tried-and-true explicitly romantic tropes, themes and writing signals, and SydLuca is going to be romantic because...he was nice to her on screen for a few minutes?

I don't even care if people ship SydLuca, or if they just prefer it, but you can't honestly tell me that you believe Carmy was always meant to be a friend but Luca is an obvious love interest.

Just because Syd and Carmy haven't kissed or confessed their love to each other doesn't mean that isn't very obviously the direction this show is going. The Bear has already shown you who is endgame. It has shown you every episode of the show so far.

Honestly I really don't think The Bear fanbase understands this show or cares about these characters or the story being told here, which is unfortunate because this show is shockingly well-written in comparison to most shows right now, and we should be so grateful for it but all we're doing is complaining that the writers led us on by not making a ship canon fast enough. It's just. Sad.

[hellolulu]

The anime made the telepathy arc more about the aliens haha funny anime girls than it did about what the arc represents and I'm still sad about it! I didn't post about it until now because I'm sad! Especially because the animation was quite beautiful!

The point of this small arc is to show that Shigeo has made peace with himself. Both as a person, by genuinely exhausting himself to help the friends he loves - putting all that effort in and continuously choosing to keep going, even when Tome is saying she doesn't want to and everyone is tired. And as an esper, freely using his powers to do something that could be regarded as useless, silly, or maybe even a touch playful; which he hasn't done since he was a child. He has only ever used it when told to, ever since the accident with Ritsu. And remember, during the last season, he was having an extremely hard time being stuck between his esper half, and his human half. It's incredible progress!! Seeing him able to combine both sides of himself in front of others, knowing he's accepted by these people?! That's crazy! I'm so proud of him!! He's grown!!

And this arc is also about him connecting with the other important part of himself (and of all of us), too: the truth of your heart.

Tome disbanding the club, leaving so quietly and dejectedly because she realises that all this time they hadn't taken her seriously. The club members being genuinely upset about it because they love her and didn't realise that she was that serious.

Takenaka being amazed by the truth in Shigeo's heart (a straightforward person who doesn't like to lie or put up false pretenses, which is rarer than you'd think, genuinely wanting to help his friend by doing something crazy like communicating with aliens) and choosing to join them because he had actually wanted to meet others like him, and because he felt like his power could be used for the sake of good for once (as he had used it when he was a child). Because he was moved by Shigeo's honest heart.

Reigen complaining that he has to babysit a bunch of kids, when in reality he knows he's spending time with people he loves and is just a little happy about it. Serizawa being genuinely upset that he can't join Reigen for drinks, worrying about him, until he knows Reigen will be with someone he cares about at the turn of the year (btw this is quite funny to me, because any typical person would go hey I'm sure my classmates wouldn't mind if I invited a friend along to drinks! We're all adults after all! Do you want to join? I can ask :D but he's autism honour bound and doesn't realise he can probably bring anyone, and Reigen's self confidence is too low to invite himself smh)

Tome crying because she was so frustrated that they only started to care when things were about to end, but knowing the truth in her own heart being that she, too, wanted to stay - so she showed up to go with them even though it hurt. Only to learn that even though they hadn't thought she was serious, they put this plan together because they do care. Because the truth is they value their friendship with her as much as she values them, and they want to make an effort to prove that.

Takenaka then putting in even more effort than he had expected to, because he realises he had let his hurt feelings (loneliness) get in the way of the type of friendships Shigeo had formed. The type of friendships he had yearned for all along. He'd even stayed awake that whole night prior, studying and memorising and taking notes, because he wanted things to go well, because these people could be onto something deeper than he'd thought friendships could be. Because the truth is he wanted to take part in something like that, too.

And Shigeo, in this arc, despite pushing himself to exhaustion, is doing it for the sake of love. For his friends. We've seen him exhaust himself before; after big fights and overwhelming moments, he becomes tired and exhausted to the point of collapsing or passing out. But here it's different - he's doing it for the sake of those he cares about. He wants to see Tome happy because she's a very dear friend to him, he wants to enjoy a day out with his group of friends that he just happened to become close to over the year, and he wants to show them how much they mean to him right now; and he wants to see Takenaka open up to others and learn that sometimes friendships are formed out of things that you don't have in common. Out of the things you learn from each other. (The mortifying ordeal of being known, if you will.)

Because what matters is the truth in your heart, that you care about your friends, that you want to be there for them, to push yourself for them, and that you know they'd do the same for you. That maybe they already have. That's the point of the arc. (That's what the point of the arc is.)

The aliens section in the manga touched on it too, in a "we were able to communicate because of a common understanding of each other, despite being unable to verbally communicate, and I was able to return home" and not.. whatever that was in the anime.

[moe-broey]

HELP maybe this is influenced by how I'm writing this, or maybe it was supposed to be gleaned from canon and I just. Haven't fully thought about it til now. Haven't Deeply analyzed it beyond the blaring alarm bells that go off when reading this. But. Alfonse's,

Straight into.

This isn't him doubling down. This is him BACKTRACKING. This is him going, "oh fuck I think maybe I came on a little too strong maybe I was a bit too vulnerable and that's really scary. How do I fix this" and he's running through all the dialogue options in his head like Okay. Play it Cool. Keep it Casual. Proclaim your undying loyalty and devotion to your Trusted Partner (person he just told in the beginning of this conversation that he didn't intend to become friends with) by making yourself a blade and shield for them. NAILED IT 👍

[softquietsteadylove]

Thenamesh. Tomb Raider. AU. Please.

Gil did his best to swim to the surface but it wasn't easy. The tunnel he had followed let out to a rather violent section of the river. He had chosen this slightly riskier path entirely because he had thought it might give him a head start on Thena.

Did Thena make it out okay?

He had bigger problems to worry about, like surviving this river.

He fought to the surface, gasping in what air he could before he was tossed aside again. Okay, so choosing the tunnel section close to the rapids was not his wisest decision. He was trying to think like his more reckless and impulsive colleague!

Colleague probably wasn't the right word for what they had. A frenemyship...a rivalry...some tension that he knew he felt, but was quite sure Thena was oblivious to. Not that it mattered now that he was drowning.

"Gil!"

He was hallucinating now. Much closer to drowning than he thought--great. He hit a rock under the water, its speed overpowering all the muscles he had worked so hard for. His air left him in one gulp.

He wasn't sure if it was a hallucination or not when he saw Thena in front of him. His eyes were barely open when she swam down to him. The river was calmer further from the surface. She swam right up to him, pressing her lips to his, pushing air from her lungs into his.

He must be dying, he thought.

Thena's hands gripped the straps of his bag, urging up back into the momentum of the river. He knew she was plenty strong herself. She would have to be, to be called 'Tomb Raider' by those in their profession, freelance or otherwise.

Thena gasped loudly as she surfaced first, then forcing his head up as well. "Breathe, you bastard!"

He didn't know how necessary the name calling was. But he did take in a breath--a real breath of air. So, he wasn't hallucinating, and he wasn't dead. He was surprised.

"Come on," she growled, still fighting against the current to keep him afloat. "Just keep breathing."

He tried his best, although he was waterlogged, to put it lightly. He felt her sharp talons of fingers creep around his pockets, finally pulling at the zipper of his bag, "hey!"

Thena grunted as she finally disposed of the counterweight he had in his side pocket, expressly for the purpose of switching out certain artifacts, potentially surrounded by traps. "Not a world of difference, but a stone is a stone."

He wasn't sure if that was a crack about how heavy he was or if she really was talking about the rock he was planning on switching out.

They did eventually make it to the side of the river. Thena grabbed onto the riverbank first, fingers dug into the grass and holding onto the strap of his bag for dear life. "Come on."

Gil groaned, dragging himself up out of the water after her. He did feel heavier after his impromptu river ride, he had to admit. He coughed up some water, although he was pretty sure he could hear Thena doing the same. "Thanks."

She remained facing away from him, also fighting to catch her breath. He had underestimated just how strong she was, apparently, given her ability to drag him to shore with those thin little arms. "Imbecile."

"Okay," he huffed, turning over to sit on his butt and lean back on his palms to gasp in the rest of his air. "I'll send you a card, I guess."

"What were you thinking?!"

Gil stared at her as she grasped the front of his soaking wet shirt, shaking him. Her voice was raw and warbled from the shouting and the almost drowning. But it was more than that; she had tears in her eyes.

She shook him again, looking terribly upset (angry and otherwise). "Why didn't you follow me?"

"I-I-" he shook his head, still stunned.

She grabbed his shirt with both hands now, pulling him closer so she could really shout in his face. "Why didn't you follow me?!--down my tunnel! It leads further downstream, at a lower altitude!"

She seemed awfully upset with him for...almost dying? Gil let her grab and shake him all she wanted though. Whatever helped her get it out (and not start punching him). "I didn't know. This was the way I came in."

"You could have died, Gil," she asserted, since apparently it bared repeating. She never called him Gil.

"I-" he blinked, sitting up more properly and gently reaching up to her hands. He tried to pry them away from him gently, and she let go as soon as he touched her. But her hands were so small, and so soft, and now they were so cold, too. He held them in his, "I'm sorry, Thena."

She didn't have a clever response to him holding her hands and wholeheartedly apologising. He still wasn't sure why he was apologising for almost dying on her, but what the Lady wanted, the Lady got.

Thena sighed, her hair now hanging around her cheeks limply after their little log ride. "I thought I was the reckless of the two of us."

The two of them made quite a pair, he thought. He chuckled, looking up at her in her hunched position up on her knees. His hand drifted, and he almost wondered what it was doing. He pushed back some of her loose strands escaping her braid, tucking them behind her ear again. "Guess I had to beat you to it, just this once."

Fuck, she was beautiful. If only her very existence didn't interfere with every job he had ever taken.

Thena looked him over, determining if he really was fit to travel or if he was having one last surge before croaking right in front of her. But she must have been satisfied, because she rocked back on her heels before standing. "Just this once, Gilgamesh."

He mourned how she called him Gil.

"Are you able to walk?" she asked more genuinely, more firmly, and more like her usual self. She glanced at him over her shoulder (with as little effort as possible). "Or should I come back for you."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he insisted, even as he let out a loud groan to get on his feet again. "Maybe if I tell them I almost died trying to get that stupid idol they'll still pay me for my trouble."

"You did technically find it," she shrugged as they began trudging back to the main basecamp around the remains of the city. "I would vouch that your finder's fee still applies."

He smiled, tired as it was. Her shoulders sat lower than before, and she had never looked more delicate to him. But he dared to nudge her shoulder with his elbow, "thanks for saving me."

She declined to respond to that.

If she wanted to walk in silence then so be it. But he had to wonder, "where's the idol."

"Bottom of the river."

Fuck.

"It was made of gold, Gilgamesh, I could not possibly have swam with that on my person."

She abandoned it...for him? He looked at her curiously, but apparently his eyes burning a hole in the side of her head was low down on her priority list.

"Which means my finder's fee also applies."

Ah, that was more like the Thena he knew. He chuckled, soaking up the sun, both for the warmth and in hopes it would help dry out his clothing. It was stuck to him like a second skin. He would worry about Thena, but her raiding outfits tended to stick to her like a second skin already.

Not that he had noticed.

"I can always go back for it."

He laughed more fully, even though his lungs still ached a little. She elbowed him for it this time, and damn her elbows were pointier than his. But he let it slide, given how she did forsake a great treasure to save him. "No racing this time."

"It was never a race," she rolled her eyes at him. "And if it were, I had beaten you anyway."

Ah, Thena never changed. And he kind of didn't want her to.

[novelconcepts]

shoot a silver bullet (point-blank range) - everything is the same, and everything is different; in which the wolves turn Van Palmer into something more (werewolf!Van AU)

M, 8.5 k words

Her life ends while she’s asleep. Seems unfair. Seems fucked up. She’s there one moment, curled beside a fire, safe and warm and just a little bit irritated with the girl she loves. Normal shit. They always say don’t go to bed angry. She never knew why before now. Her life ends while she’s asleep. One minute, she’s a girl: flame hair and round cheeks, soft and fragile and stronger than even she knows. One minute, she’s a girl: weary and frightened and still laughing as loud as she knows how. One minute, she’s a girl. The next, she is meat.

[infinite-xerath]

Moved from here

Xerath scoffed. “You think yourself free? You are trapped on the border of life and death, unable to acquire the so-called ‘peace’ that you revere. Besides, death is not as final as you seem to believe... Your existence, as well as Azir’s, prove that it can be easily subverted.” Xerath raised a hand, and within it, formed a blue, arcane flame. “But I can grant you finality if you wish it, lich. I can eradicate you in body AND soul, reducing you to nothing... I can grant you annihilation.”

@songofdeath

[tacitusauxilium]

moved ask from here // @foolshoujo

"I see." Fuuka stated softly, her fingers tapping her chin. She already knew what Minako would say, but she was hoping for more insightful help? Fuuka shook her head. "But, would anyone want chocolate from me? I've taken your tips to heart and I've made a few cookies. But, I am scared to give them to anyone."

Especially anyone who I like. Which is a handful of people.

Then again, no one has said no to her when it came to her sweets. Fuuka was very confident and sure that no one would say no to her sweets if she said she had help from the one and only Minako Arisato! "Maybe store bought would be the safest bet."

[sunkxsscd]

@songofnoheart liked for a doodle

[standbowed]

@hopingforjustice // continued.

"A Stand…?" Hachi mouths the words a few times as Reimi continues speaking, fingers pulling restlessly at the bottom of her sweater. She tries her best to listen, but it's overwhelming to say the least--to have this all explained after weeks of fumbling through it blindly and doubting herself at every turn. The arrow gives people stands--she suspected but hadn't been sure until now. There are other Stand users in town--this Hachi knows, given how fervently she's been trying to avoid them after seeing how much destruction scuffles between them seem to leave in their wake (she doesn't want to see her Stand crushed like a soda can by one of those bigger, scarier ones--poor Driver 8 who seems just as anxiously at a loss with their predicament as she is).

Reimi is new at this--that's surprising to Hachi, and makes her worry--not just for herself, but for Reimi as well; Reimi has been doing her best to guide her through this, but who has been guiding Reimi? Was there anyone she could rely on? And why had Reimi taken up this task, of all people? Why could Reimi see Stands without having one? Hachi had been operating under the assumption that only those who had one could see the others, since her grandpa couldn't--but maybe it's a matter of aptitude? If that's the case... what if there are a ton of really dangerous Stands Hachi can't see because she's simply not high-level enough for it?! Ohh god... Hachi gnaws anxiously at her lip and almost cuts across Reimi to ask one or maybe all of these questions in rapid succession, but stops short as the girl presents her with information that cuts her to the bone with dread--informs her of the danger of the alley itself. Then comes her reassurance, like a soothing balm, then right back into the shock with her final, terrible announcement--Arnold is dead.

Arnold is dead.

If Hachi wasn't already on the ground, her legs would have given out from under her then, wide eyes searching Reimi's face for any sliver of falsehood--but all she finds there is a terrible, entreating grief that Hachi feels like a punch clean through her chest cavity. Her eyes gloss over with moisture then, equal parts overwhelmed for herself and stricken with secondhand misery for Reimi and her companion.

"I…" she croaks, and tries to clear the lump out of her throat before she speaks again. "That's… I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine..." Hachi forces her fingers to uncurl and places them trembling in her lap, eyes flickering over Reimi's gentle features as if she'll find the exact right words to say to her on her face if she studies it hard enough. Brows furrowed, Hachi's face is painfully earnest and open in its concern, but she does her best to straighten up from her spot on the ground, to project some sense of stability even though she's feeling anything but. "I don't know if I fully understand everything you told me, but… Please tell me what to do, and I'll do it. I don't want to cause any more trouble for you than I already have."

[aberooski]

After toiling away in the fanfiction mines, I’ve brought you all the fully revised 2023 edition of this 2021 aberooski/Yunalesca10 classic! With extended scenes, new additions, and much better dialog and cleaner formatting! If you’ve read before, I hope you’ll indulge me one more time, and if you’re new here, well I wish you all the enjoyment in the world! Thanks for sticking with me, folks!\

@chazz-is-a-zelda-fan Here you go, pal! I know you’ve been waiting for this!

Chapters: 15/15 Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX, Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Manjoume Jun | Chazz Princeton/Tenjouin Fubuki | Atticus Rhodes Characters: Yuuki Juudai | Jaden Yuki, Marufuji Shou | Syrus Truesdale, Manjoume Jun | Chazz Princeton, Tyranno Kenzan | Tyranno Hassleberry, Tenjouin Fubuki | Atticus Rhodes, Tenjouin Asuka | Alexis Rhodes, Misawa Daichi | Bastion Misawa, Professor Cronos de Medici | Dr. Vellian Crowler, Ayukawa Emi | Fonda Fontaine, Principal Samejima | Chancellor Sheppard, Camula (Yu-Gi-Oh), Darkness | Nightshroud, Hane Kuriboh | Winged Kuriboh, Ojama Yellow, Ojama Black, Ojama Green, Manjoume Jun | Chazz Princeton's Mother, Tenjouin Fubuki | Atticus Rhodes's Mother Additional Tags: Shadow magic, Injury, Blood, bloodsucking, Vampires, Attempted Kidnapping, Kidnapping, Family Drama, Revenge, Mild Language, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Torment, Slow Build, Never let Chazz go into the woods alone, Shadow Games, Writing duels is hard guys, Semi-Canon Conpliant, but only season 1 is canon Summary:

A year had passed since the incident with the Shadow Riders and the Sacred Beasts, and Jaden and his friends moved on with their lives, beginning their second year with the hope that they were in for an ordinary school year. One without evil and danger.

At first, it seemed all would be as they hoped for, until the day Mrs. Rhodes appeared on the island. Angry with Sheppard and the whole of Duel Academy for Atticus's disappearance and the coverup that followed, she threatens to have Atticus and Alexis pulled out of Duel Academy!

Determined to keep the siblings in the school, the J-Squad sets out to try and find a way to prove that the school is safe. Only little do they know that beneath the surface, in the darkness of the night, an old foe is resurrected from the shadow realm. Sustained only by her hatred and lust for revenge against Jaden, Camula makes a deal with the ultimate evil, Darkness. The freedom of her soul and a chance to even her score in exchange for the final piece of his master plan and former vessel, Atticus Rhodes.

[nomanslannd]

Continued converstation with @dhcmpiir from here

❛I  knew  of  your  existence,  but  I  can't  say  I've  ever  meet  one of you-  your  not  what  I  expected  if  I'm  being  honest.  Must  be  watching  too  much  television,❜  he  replied.  Which  was  true,  television  was  one  of  Ian's  favourite  things  about  this  world.  Pressing  his  lips  together,  he  cocked  head  to  one  side.

❛The  humans  definitely,❜  He  laughed  answering  her  first  question.  ❛And  I  say  that  being  one  of  'em,  at  least  partially.❜  Humans  could  be  outright  dumb  when  they  wanted  to  be;  but  most  lived  their  entire  lives  not  knowing  that  not  everything  was  what  it  seemed.  That  sounded  pretty  boring  as  far  as  he  was  concerned.

❛What  you  doing  in  these  parts  anyway,  are  you  from  around  here?❜ 

[graveltrip]

love and light to esteban, but i wish he would finally cut the unnecessary agressiveness, because i'm so tired of this bullshit.

[hopeful-hugz]

🤍 Moved from ask for @the-composer​ 🌌

Of course this is how she gets caught. Hope had been hanging around in the timeline in order the check on something and definitely had not expected to get the sudden pulse of vast energy that this particular Composer gave off. It’d just come out of nowhere. Needless to say she got distracted- VERY distracted.

Thankfully the pole to her face is quickly shaken off and her own smile comes to her face. “Intentional or not you’re certainly good at it, that’s for sure, heh.”

“We’ve, uh, met briefly while I was on-duty, yeah. Never quite got around to proper introductions.” A small chuckle is given. “Name’s Dr. Hope Raymond, but just Hope works. It’s an honor to finally make your acquaintance, in a less serious situation.”

[sunoflegend]

@mixed-up-multiverse​ , continued from x !

Her face instantly scrunches up in offense, somehow not expecting to be met with so much vitriol at the comment. There’s another shake at the container to throw her off balance, and her grimace is only more set in stone by the end of it. Well if she wanted to take a jab at tempers, she had no issues returning insults.

“Says the one who just blew up! You don’t have any room to talk as far as tempers go, so I’d shut my mouth if I were you. If words are the only way you have to defend yourself, then you’ll wish you were going splat on the ground rather then what would happen to you if you mouthed off to someone less merciful then me.”

[sufficientlylargen]

It always gets me that the name "Gandalf" literally just means "Wand-Elf" or "Stick-Elf". I'm imagining old Gondorians just being like:

Librarian: I saw that weird guy at the library again today.

Guard 1: What weird guy?

Librarian: The old guy with the beard? Kinda elfy-looking, apart from the beard?

Guard 1: Oh, with the big-ass stick?

Librarian: Yeah, looked like he was carrying an entire tree branch.

Guard 2: Yeah, that's the Stick Elf.

Guard 1: Hell yeah, I fuckin' love the Stick Elf.

Librarian: The "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: He comes by every few years, usually after some weird book or other.

Librarian: Oh. Yeah, he wanted a treatise on goblin breeding habits.

Guard 2: Like, how they have sex? We have books on that?

Librarian: Yeah, turns out we do. I was as surprised as you are.

Guard 1: What'd the Stick Elf need a fuckin' goblin-fuckin' book for?

Librarian: I didn't ask. So you just call him "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: I mean, he looks kinda elfy and he always has that stick, so, like, yeah.

Guard 1: Dude also has some fuckin' dope pipeweed.

Guard 2: Oh yeah, his pipeweed is awesome.

Librarian: How long has he been coming here?

Guard 2: Oh, for decades. He's, like, super old.

Guard 1: More like fuckin' centuries. Dude's old as balls.

Guard 2: Wait, really?

Guard 1: Yeah, my gran-gran used to talk about him. She loved his pipeweed too.

Librarian: So he's… an immortal pipeweed dealer?

Guard 2: I think he's just, like, a connoisseur. He doesn't sell it or anything. He just always has some really top-notch pipeweed on him.

Archivist: Oh, are we talking about Stick Elf?

Guard 1: Hell yeah we are!

Librarian: You know about the Stick Elf, too?

Archivist: Oh, totally. Stick-Elf's a super chill dude. Gave me some awesome pipeweed when I was maybe 12, and tee-bee-aitch I think I'm still a little buzzed from it.

Guard 1: What'd I tell ya, fuckin' dope pipeweed!

Archivist: Also he's really old.

Guard 1: Old as balls.

Librarian: Yeah, so Éodan and Jenniforomir were telling me.

Archivist: My grandpa used to tell me stories - he said one time he saw Stick Elf enter a smoke-ring contest.

Guard 1: Ooh, I'll bet he kicked fuckin' ass.

Archivist: Apparently the guy made an entire warship out of smoke and it flew around shooting down the other rings.

Librarian: And how much of this "fuckin' dope" pipeweed had your grandfather had by this point?

Guard 1: No no, that's totally plausible. Dude's got weird elf powers and shit for sure.

Archivist: He brought fireworks for the king's birthday one year, too.

Guard 1: Oh fuck, I forgot about those! Fuckin' incredible fireworks! Dragons and knights and glowy trees and shit! I was fuckin' 6 years old or something, they totally blew my mind. Hey Éodan, did you see that shit?

Guard 2: No, I think that's before I lived in Gondor.

Guard 1: Wait, you're not from here?

Guard 2: Oh, no, I grew up in Rohan. We moved here when I was, like, thirteen because my uncle Éojeff said he could get my dad a sweet job. And also that there were houses that didn't smell like horseshit.

Guard 1: Oh shit, are you related to Éojeff and Éosteve who run that æbleskiver stand on Norndîl St?

Guard 2: Yeah, they're my uncles!

Guard 1: Shit, they cook a fuckin' great æbleskiver!

Librarian: Ok, hold up a sec, "Stick Elf" can't possibly be his real name.

Guard 1: Why not?

Librarian: What? You think his parents named him in the hopes that he would carry around a fucking tree when he got older?

Guard 2: Maybe they gave him the tree when he was born!

Archivist: I don't think a baby could carry that stick.

Guard 1: You ever seen a baby hanging onto something? They're hella strong.

Archivist: It's not a strength thing, their hands are tiny. That staff is enormous!

Guard 1: My halberd's bigger 'n I am, I can hold it just fine.

Archivist: You're not a baby.

Librarian: Also why would elf parents name their kid "stick ELF"?! Presumably they know that their kid's going to be an elf!

Archivist: Is he actually an elf? I didn't think they grew beards.

Guard 1: How'd he get old as balls if he's not an elf?

Guard 2: His ears aren't that pointy. Maybe he's just a really old guy? Like, a Numémoriam or something?

Guard 1: Did you just say "Numémoriam"?

Guard 2: Nûnenorman? Munimõrbitan? Y'know, those guys like the king that can get super old.

Guard 1: You mean the fuckin' Númenóreans?

Guard 2: Yeah, the Númenóreums.

Archivist: Even the Númenóreans don't live THAT long.

Guard 1: Plus he carries that fuckin' stick around.

Guard 2: Wait, what does the stick have to do with it?

Guard 1: That's an elf thing. Y'know, trees and shit? Very elfy.

Librarian: Ok, look, but his parents naming him "Stick Elf" would be weird whether or not he's an elf. In fact, it's even weirder if he's not - what human names their kid "elf"?

Archivist: Huh. Yeah, you're right, he probably does have another name.

Guard 2: Yeah, I guess so.

Librarian: He's been coming here for decades and nobody's ever asked his real name?

Archivist: I dunno what to tell you, he's Stick Elf. Even his library card just says 'Stick Elf'.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah, the Stick Elf!

Guard 2: Maybe we could, like, ask him his name sometime?

Guard 1: Hey, look, Elrond's over there. He's old as balls too, maybe he knows?

Guard 2: Oh, we shouldn't interru-

Guard 1: HEY ELROND, YOU'RE OLD AS BALLS, RIGHT? WHAT'S THAT OLD ELF WITH THE STICK'S NAME?

Elrond (coming over): Do you mean an old man cloaked all in grey and blue, leaning on a rough-cut staff, who came to the great library this day?

Guard 1: Yeah, the Stick-Elf!

Guard 2: (Sorry to bother you, sir...)

Librarian: He's got to have a real name besides 'the Stick Elf', right?

Elrond: Indeed, for no elf is he. You speak of the wizard Olórin, wisest of the Maiar, older even than Eä itself. Many are his names in many countries: Tharkûn among the Dwarves; Incánus to the south; Mithrandir he is called among my people, the Grey Pilgrim.

Librarian: Oh.

Elrond: And here in the North he is called Stick-Elf.

Librarian: Oh.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah!