#I just want some dignity

[just-rogi]

Guys… I know this is shocking to no one at all but I’m just so pissed about how horribly teachers are treated in this country. I do so fucking much and I can’t even afford to live on my own but on top of that I’m 21 and I’m frightened because my physical health started rapidly declining and I have to go to loads of doctors appointments and my joints hurt and I’m exhausted and standing and walking causes me pain now and I don’t qualify for PFML because GUESS WHAT!! Educators don’t qualify!!! Like at all!!

Like , I get paid shit. I am exposed to insane abuse on the daily. Im working in - I kid you not LITERALLY- mouse infested classrooms, I don’t get paid during the summer so I have to find other work, and I don’t even qualify for PFML so I’ve got to juggle THAT on top of being twenty one and paying rent in Boston and going to all my new doctors appointments and idk being in pain? And we can’t even strike about it because striking is ILLEGAL!!!! It’s literally illegal for teachers to go on strike here. I’m fucking tired of this shit I love my job I love teaching I love the children I love the classroom- this is what I’m passionate about and I’m fucking good at it and look at how we are being treated. This whole country is fucking SHIT! How do you have so much fucking money for war but you can’t pay your fucking teachers and get the goddamn rats out of the classroom. My kids don’t deserve rat shit all over their class and so do I. Fuck you.

[levaagrace]

The thing about JMart isn't that I think it's toxic or poorly written or came out of nowhere or any of that. Cause I don't. At all. When I take a break from drinking haterade, I do agree with a good few points people make regarding their relationship in season five. I don't want to, but I can give Martin little a grace. As a treat. When people aren't acting like he's morally in the right for every action he takes.

Because, though I think there is some veracity to not attributing malice in Martin's actions, the actions he does take DO show disregard for Jon's... everything. Because, though I do agree that they both take steps to purposefully not fall into the same habits, Martin adamantly refuses to believe Jon is trying. At all. And why do I think that? Why do I, in my heart of hearts, think there's no way for either of them to get any better when it comes to moving forward in their relationship?

Martin flat out tells Jon that he believes, in a world without the horrors they face, that they wouldn't even be able to stand each other. That Jon's best-case-scenario, the scenario that he's tied up all his hope into, the very idea that they could've been doing normal things as normal humans instead of whatever they became, was so far-fetched as to be something Martin had to bring him down from.

"No, Jon, we're both too unlovable on a fundamental level and wouldn't even find each other worth speaking to in any other world."

That's, essentially, what I hear when I think of that scene in the penultimate episode. Actually, I don't think Martin includes himself as being unable to be loved, cue the "I am Martin Blackwood" scene, but as I said I'm giving him grace in thinking he's not, as usual, putting all their problems on Jon.

This isn't even bringing in the 'trauma-bonding' mention, but that's also a sticking point for me when thinking about whether or not the two of them SHOULD even attempt to salvage a relationship with each other post-series, whether somewhere!else or not.

All the trauma they went through needed to MEAN something, to Martin, so he placed their relationship in that role. So the question begs, when adding in that quote above, what would've kept them together after Martin's 'kill Jonah, pull the lever, save the world, kiss the Archivist' dream scenario? The one he legitimately thought he was going to accomplish mere hours later? Without either of them needing to rely on the other in a world gone mad, without either of them needing each other to be sources of comradery when everyone else in the world can be, then why would Martin even stick around?

Nothing, according to Martin.

Course you could say that both of their insecurities would mean neither of them would see themselves as worthy of being with anyone else but each other. But that's not sustainable a foundation to build anything on. Especially if, god forbid, they go to therapy and develop any form of self-worth not tied to each other or their places in the apocalypse. Eventually something will give and I don't think many of the 'relationship growing pains' they went through will be that easily forgotten. Or forgiven.

Here's the point where I would point out how all the issues they had actually are mostly issues MARTIN caused by not listening to Jon when he said anything about anything at all, but as I said. Grace. So I won't. Just know, though, that the 'hurdles' they went through are uneven, in my eyes, at least, and I won't say no more.

I suppose, when it comes down to it, what I'm trying to say is... telling someone you love them. Means nothing. When you think that loving them. Can only be the result of total and complete psychological, spiritual, emotional, ethical, physical, and mental destruction of the very fabric of your being.

But yeah.

[gingermintpepper]

Absolutely the funniest thing about my current corner of tumblr is that pretty much everyone I've recently followed for Apollo-Appreciating Purposes are either genuinely Hellenist or just rather very into Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series which is wild because I know a net zero about both of those things.

[shiryawashere]

me when I decide to listen to an audiobook for the first time in my whole entire life exclusively because it's partially narrated by a woman i saw on my TV and I download Audible only to be met with "Title Not For Sale In This Country/Region"

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[kurozu501]

*thinks for 2 seconds about morgan's death scene* that was so fucked up. that fucked me up. i need to lie down.

[bulldagger-bait]

When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.

TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.

If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.

If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.

If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.

If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.

If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.

If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.

If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.

If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.

If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.

If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.

If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.

If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.

If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.

I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.

If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.

If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.

If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.

These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.

And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.

If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.

[oceanmoss]

Should I send ex danish sweetheart a happy birthday message on his birthday be honest 😭

[cosmik-homo]

I wrote about this on discord a bit back but I think a big part of the whole doctor-master complication is that it's the type of argument and the master is the kind of person where they'd rather die than do something that might make it seem like conceding they're wrong, regardless what they actually think, and that's why "where I stand is where I fall. Stand with me" that almost works on Missy: She has made her move here, she killed him- made so he's dead when the other shoe drops- and he knows and acknowledges that and can offer her a way of coming near him and being on the same side without it being her side losing, saving face that she can join him in this. And the speech very much highlights how to the doctor it's never been about winning, always about harm to people and help to people, but I don't think the master is as affected by that as by the 'if you want to hold my hand now I can make it so it doesn't make you seem the fool for your past actions'.

[mazojo]

Oh worm

[iinryer]

.👇

[patheticpuppyboyslut]

(not hornyposting just musing lol) so i’m a singer-songwriter and performer irl and i’m thinking about the fact that i go around on a day to day basis singing serious, professional songs that use dogs and brainwashing and cannibalism as painful heartbroken metaphors. and i’ve been doing this for years but little by little all these things i process my anguish through in songwriting, have also become how i satisfy my sex drive. and i don’t know what to do with that information i just think it’s wild!! fun fact abt me i guess. i go out there in public singing about how service is my fulfillment and calling myself a good boy and i sing about wanting to be violently torn apart and eaten and i’m like. yeah it’s a metaphor. yeah dw i’m really normal. i don’t fantasize about having my humanity stripped from me and being treated like a stupid sweet puppy barking and whining for my lovers sick and twisted pleasure what are you TALKING about. i just like the poetic imagery of it. i SWEAR.

[cookie-run-haven]

*through gritted teeth, making claw marks on the table* One bad take doesn't affect my enjoyment of a character. It doesn't matter.

[pigeonperch]

I think everyone has gotten a liiiittle too comfortable with assigning strangers labels based on how they perceive them. Yes I’m absolutely talking about queer ppl too.

[exopelagic]

I need to go to bed I’m just gonna shout a lil

[killerchickadee]

I want to try to go hiking more often this spring/summer, but where I live makes it kind of a pain in the ass. If I want to do proper hiking, obviously I have to get out of the city. But the highway going west has the world's SHITTIEST INTERCHANGE

Where you have three lanes of traffic, but on ramps on both the left and right lane coming in simultaneously. Which is seriously the worst design I've seen in my entire life. So by 7am traffic is at a standstill there.

And the highway going north is 100% construction zone for like 15 miles, so it's always backed up really badly too.

I like hiking early but I have to roll out of bed by 6 if I want to beat traffic, and frankly I'm not all that motivated to do that.

My neighborhood has a lot of great places to go for a walk too... like the Milwaukee River is two blocks away and has a great path through the woods alongside it, and also Lake Michigan is a 10 minute walk away and there's plenty of sidewalks/parks/etc over that way.

But I live in a city. And this city has a lot of addicts living on the street. And when you go for a walk in the neighborhood you're probably going to get harassed, or have to dodge a fight, and occasionally actually fear for your safety, and frankly that's fucking exhausting.

So yeah motivating myself to get out of my nice comfy cozy bed and go outside isn't very easy.