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ebsmind · 2 months

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𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐞 𝐆𝐨𝐝 ❀ armando aretas x fem!reader

summary: no one ever said love was easy. good thing you weren’t planning on leaving anytime soon even through rough patches.

word count: 2.9k

warning(s): angst!, fighting (verbally not physically), smut (mdni), oral (fem receiving), fab!reader, readers height being mentioned (she’s 5’2), reader has armando wrapped around her damn finger, ummmm probably abandonment but like for only two days 😭, soft!armando, mention of rafe x reader, not 100% proofread

a/n: okay woooo this is the first imagine i’ve written in a minute (if you remember my hockey days ily) i hope this is good and can meet to yalls standards! i had fun writing this and ik it took me like over a week but i really didn’t know what i wanted to do with the plot lol. anyways please send me any feedback and if there’s any spelling mistakes or anything feel free to lmk! this was also my first time ever writing in depth smut so i hope it’s somewhat good 💃🏻 also reblogs are highly encouraged! they help me out sm!

oh! i almost forgot too, i didn’t mention it in here bc it’s not that important to me but i thought id share anyways! i see the reader knowing the AMMO team but she has a different job (id say in hospitality or something with medical knowledge) it doesn’t really matter tho since it’s what i envisioned but i just wanted yall to see where my head is at! okay im going now bye! and enjoy 💋

“we were crazy to think, crazy to think that this could work. remember how i said i’d die for you?”

The weather in Miami the past week has been bipolar. For it being the middle of September, it was chilly. Something felt off, almost like Mother Nature was reaching out. The rain had just finished pouring, and Armando wasn’t due to be home until another hour. So, when the younger girl heard the lock to the front door turn, she was surprised. He wasn’t one to leave early if anything, he loved working overtime. He always gave the excuse of 'wanting to be the main provider'. When he walks in, he sets his jacket on the coat hanger and doesn’t say a word. Weird.

“Hey you’re home early, what happened?” She stays calm. Something seems off with the 5’10 man and she doesn’t want to upset him even more.

He sets the keys on the dining table rather than the coffee table in the middle of the living room. He scurries off to their shared bedroom. She sighs and takes it as a hint to get off the couch and follow after him. Her mind runs wild on what could possibly be bothering him. Did Marcus find some way to piss him off? Did a raid go wrong? Did she do something wrong? There were so many possibilities of what could’ve gone wrong.

She walks into the bedroom cautiously and makes a B-line to the restroom. Armando had a routine when he came home from work. Put the keys in the bowl on the coffee table, find his girl, give her a kiss and hug, talk about both of their days and finally, hop in the shower. A sense of stability in his life made him feel somewhat relaxed and gave him a reason to never leave. He almost felt normal. Normal was a funny word considering he used to be in the cartel.

She knew the domesticated part of their relationship scared him and it did the same to her. Most nights she’d stay up thinking about if he was going to get up and leave one day. It wasn’t good for her and she knew it too.

She leans against the door frame and watches him get into the shower. He doesn’t seem to notice, he’s in his head and it’s bothering him. Armando didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve but she knew him well enough to know when he was in his head. Being in a romantic relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style wasn’t easy but she needed to be patient. Some days were harder than others though, and she felt it in her bones that today was going to be a bad day.

She mentally prepares herself by taking a deep breath. She starts by saying, “Armando you’ve got to talk to me.” She uses his full name, no pet names, wanting him to know she’s being serious.

“We will when I get out.” He raises his voice, not enough for it to be considered yelling but just enough to get the point across that he isn’t in the mood.

She doesn’t respond, he needs time to gather his thoughts. She exits the bathroom and makes her way back to the living room. She picks up a book before finally making contact with the soft fabric of the couch. She needs something to distract herself with. About 15 minutes later, Armando walks into the room. She lets him soak in the silence, maybe he’ll get the memo to finally speak up without her having to tell him. To the contrary, he doesn’t.

Taking a deep breath she starts with, “I’m not in the mood to play a guessing game,” She pauses to look him in the eyes, “So please just talk to me and tell me what’s wrong.”

He keeps his eyes locked on her. He knows she’s irritated and wants to get this over with.

“And if I don’t want to talk?”

She scoffs, “You do realize we have to talk about it sooner or later, right? I don’t feel like doing this Armando, so please just tell me what’s wrong so I can help.”

“What if we don’t have to do this?”

Bamboozled, she questions him, “the fuck you mean by ‘what if we don’t have to do this’ ?”

“I don’t want to do this anymore Y/N.”

His confession makes the poor girl's heart fall to her stomach. She can’t tell if he’s being serious or not. Their relationship was a tricky one, just like any other. She’s seen her parents go through rough patches before for fucks sake, there’s no way he’s leaving without an explanation. Patience is running real slow between the two and the tension in the room feels foggy.

“Remember when I told you I loved you for the first time? Remember when I told you I’d take a fucking bullet for you? Hmm?”

Armando doesn’t respond. Typical. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for the young couple to fight, shit happens. But Armando’s cold demeanor is what was out of place.

She was his safe place and he knew it. She made it very clear when they started seeing each other that he couldn’t run away. Not from his feelings and most certainly not her. So for him to put up those walls that they desperately worked hard to keep down, was upsetting. To say the least.

With the tensions high between the pair, the girl took a much-awaited deep breath and spoke.

“My love for you is unconditional. I hope you remember that.”

Armando looks away and walks out the front door.

“they all warned us about times like this, they say the road gets hard and you get lost when you’re led by blind faith. blind faith.”

The mirrors in the bathroom are fogged up due to the boiling-hot water coming out of the shower head. It had been two days since Armando stormed out of the apartment and Y/N was fed up, to say the least.

Armando’s behavior has never gotten that bad. With the way Isabel raised him, it was expected to be rough but he had been doing good, for her. Everything he did, he reminded himself that it was for the both of them. He loved her just as much as she loved him. She fell first but he fell harder.

Armando never thought he would fall in love, but he did. In the middle of a stakeout, he spotted the girl walking out of a cafè. He remembers the dress she wore, it was white, and long, with yellow flowers. It screamed innocence and he loved it.

A week later he found himself following her around. He wasn’t due to go back to Mexico City for another week and he already finished the job so why not kill some time?

Two days before his departure from Miami he found himself in her apartment with his head between her thighs. He never wanted to leave but he couldn’t let anyone find out about you two. The good thing is, Armando was an excellent liar and no one ever discovered his dirty little secret.

Once she gets out of the shower, she waits no time to yell out her lover's name.

“Armando?” She pauses and there’s no answer.

Her heart breaks just a little more. With the ache in her chest, she decides to call the one person who might know where Armando is, Mike.

Mike was someone Y/N found comfort in, especially when it came to Armando. She knew their relationship was tricky, but he cared about his son and so did she.

Mike picks up at the 5th ring. He knew she only called when it was an emergency.

“Talk to me. What happened?” Mike doesn’t need to ask how she’s doing, if anything he’ll do it after but he needed to know what in the hell his son did now.

Mike’s voice brought the girl to tears. She felt at ease knowing that Mike was always willing to help her in a time of need.

She sniffles before speaking, “Oh Mike, it’s been two days since I’ve last seen him. He came home Tuesday night without saying a word and left right after showering. I tried to get him to talk but he wouldn’t budge. I’m really worried he hasn’t done this in so long, I don’t know what happened.” She says it all in one breath, and by the time she is done speaking, she’s panting. Mike pauses before replying to the anxious girl.

“I’ll call Dorn and Kelly to see if he’s been staying with them but he’s been going to work. I knew something was up when he refused to talk to anyone.”

“Thank you, Mike, I appreciate you so much.”

“Of course, but Imma need you to remember that when shit hits the fan never give up. You hear me? Never give up, especially with Armando.”

Mike hangs up after speaking and leaves Y/N to wallow in her thoughts. She understood Mike was a busy man and had a separate life so she didn’t take it to heart but it hurt knowing that she was all alone again.

“but we can patch it up good, make confessions and we’re begging for forgiveness, got the wine for you.”

Mike called Y/N back two hours later saying that Armando was on his way home. The girl couldn’t tell if she was happy that he was okay or enraged that he didn’t have the balls to come home without someone having to tell him too. Armando would just have to come home to see the answer to that.

The young woman was frightened, not knowing if this was going to end in a raging verbal war or if everything was going to return to normal. She didn’t want to lose Armando, like she said earlier, she loved him unconditionally.

To kill time, she decided it was best to bake her favorite sweets, chocolate chip cookies. She makes her way to the kitchen to prep the batter. When she goes to preheat the oven, she hears the front door unlock. Armando’s home.

Even after almost two years of being together, he still made her heart race and the butterflies in her stomach never seem to have left.

He walks in and spots her in the kitchen, her back is facing him. He can tell she’s waiting for him to make the first move.

“I’m home.” He closes the front door and locks it, his eyes never leaving her back.

She looks to the right and over her shoulder, “It took you long enough. Where were you?”

“I stayed with Dorn and Kelly. I’m fine Y/N.”

She takes a deep breath and mentally reminds herself that she can’t blow up on him, even though he deserves it. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out. There’s nothing else for her to say, he messed up badly and he needed to be the one to fix this.

“Baby look, lo siento, I do. I don’t know what happened. One second I was okay and then Rita said something and I just got angry. I needed some time to think. I needed space.” He makes his way to the kitchen island, he’s now 5 feet away from Y/N. He yearns for her touch. The last couple of days were hard and all he wanted was a hug from his girl, but he knew he wasn’t getting that.

The oven beeps, cutting off Y/N’s train of thought. She grabs the metal tray filled with cookies and gently puts them into the oven. She turns and is faced with Armando. She takes notice of what he’s wearing. It’s a different outfit, she knew for a fact that he came when she was gone for work. He had left with nothing but his keys on Tuesday and Dorn’s clothes wouldn’t have fit Armando. That man was 6’2 for Christ's sake.

“I didn’t expect you to become a coward and just leave without saying a word but here we are.” Armando could feel the heat radiating off of the 5’2 woman. She may be small but she was frightening when she was angry.

Armando grips the counter, hard, he takes a deep breath before answering the girl.

“I know I fucked up but I just needed space.” She scoffs at his statement.

“Needed space from what exactly?” She manages to huff out. She’s fed up and Armando knows it. One wrong move and he’s a dead man.

“Rafe wouldn’t shut up, okay! He kept talking about you like you were just some piece of meat.! I couldn’t take it! I get that you guys dated but fuck!” Armando's grip on the counter is lethal and his knuckles are practically white.

“Armando Aretas are you jealous?”

“No.”

She smiles and gets a glare in return from her lover. Oh, she was going to have a field day with this.

Before Armando came into the picture Y/N had dated Rafe for about 4 months. It wasn’t anything serious, but if you were to ask her what she thought of Rafe, she’d tell you he was a piece of shit.

“Well I think you’re jealous,” she wasn’t letting it go, “and I think it’s hot but you need to remember that Rafe can be a douchebag.” She makes her way over to Armando and pulls him in for a hug.

“Just next time please don’t leave without saying a word and you have to communicate with me.” She looks up at him with her doe eyes while speaking.

“I promise it won’t happen again. I love you, baby.”

“Religion’s in your lips even if it’s a false god, we’d still worship, we might just get away with it, the altar is my hips even if it’s a false god, we’d still worship this love.”

Without a second to waste Armando sweeps the girl into a passionate kiss. He’s hungry and seeing Kelly and Dorn together really made him miss his girl.

He brings his hands down her body and rests them on her hips. He deepens the kiss by swiping his tongue into her mouth. As much as she wants to fight for it, she knows it’s his turn to take care of her, so she gives in. She runs her hand up to the back of his neck, rests it there, and occasionally plays with the hairs at the base of Armando’s neck. She was the first to pull away, she needed to catch a quick breath before being able to continue. Armando uses this moment to speak.

"Let me take care of you cariño."

Not even a second later, the younger woman lets him devour her like she's his last meal. He maneuvers them to the dining room, grabs her hips, and lifts her onto the table in one swift movement. She lets out a soft gasp when he makes contact with her neck. His teeth sink into the soft skin on the left side of her neck. It hurt, but not enough to cry about it. He soothes the small ache by running his tongue over the semi-red spot. She reacts by putting her hand on the back of his neck, never wanting him to stop. He has her panting, softly. The sounds go straight down into his pants. He chooses to ignore it, he's focusing on her.

He detaches himself from her neck to pull off the oversized tee she's wearing. He throws it to the floor. When he looks at her chest he notices the lacy fabric that hugs her breasts.

He lowers himself to where his lips rest right above her ear and whispers, "You drive me fucking crazy, baby."

Armando kneels in front of her and then proceeds to get a hold of her right leg. Before he continues, he looks up at her. God, he looked so fucking hot. His pupils were enflamed and filled with lust.

He starts to kiss his way up her leg, starting at her ankle, and right when he gets to her inner thing, she lets out a soft gasp. She's got him right where she wants him to be. Armando's right-hand grips the waistband of her black athletic shorts, signaling he wants them off. She lifts her hips and lets him do the rest. Armando takes off both her shorts and panties in one go. He was a tease, but not tonight.

He puts his hands on her hips and guides them to the edge of the table. He has full access and without a second left to spare his mouth makes contact with her folds. She shrieks, then it gets repressed into a moan when he finds her clit. He's lapping at her folds but it's not enough, she needs more.

"More, baby, I need more."

He wastes no time and inserts his ring and middle finger into her seeping wet cunt. Her moans are getting louder, and he fucking loves it. He continues by licking her clit, and her orgasm starts to finally peak.

"Oh fuck, yes, right there." She manages to speak through her moans.

Her right-hand finds its way to his dark brown hair, and she takes a fistful of it, not caring if it hurts him or not. He deserved it, after all, he left her alone for two days. She's close to her orgasm and he can feel it. His mouth makes its way to her clit and about 25 seconds later, she's coming undone.

Her sight fades to black and all she can see are stars. Once the image of them fades away, she looks down at Armando, he's licking her clean. She jerks away, from still being sensitive, but his hands immediately find their way to her hips to keep her in place. Not a drop of cum is going to waste. When he’s done he stands and removes his shirt. Y/N's hands go straight to his jeans, the outline of his cock doesn’t go unnoticed, but before she can get the zipper down the oven beeps. Both of their heads turn in the direction of the kitchen and the girls eyes widen in realization.

“What the fu-,”

"Oh my god, the cookies!"

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lxclerc · 1 year

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𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 | 𝐝𝐫𝟑

summary... it’s never the right time for you and daniel, always something pulling the two of you away from each other. requested... yes by literally everyone. yall were coming at me with pitch forks for this warning... age gap (7 years), emotional cheating, physical cheating, angst, angst, angst, light smut (more on fade to black) pairing... daniel ricciardo x horner! reader

note... i am tagging each and everyone of you who asked for a part 2 bc this fic has quite literally loomed over my head ever since i posted it a year ago. literally everytime i open this godforsaken app, someone is offering me their first born for the part 2 so yall better give me all the notes!!!

𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

← prev part

high tide came and brought you in

“if you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?”

the question caught you off guard as your friend drunkenly pondered over it out loud. where would you go? you were sober enough to say home, the most acceptable answer that would not invite any other follow up questions. it’s simple and doesn't need a discussion. the reason it caught you off guard wasn’t just that though but because your answer was instantaneous in your head. your answer isn’t a where but rather a who, came your bitter realization.

and you knew that if you could go anywhere in the world right now, it’d be him you’d go to. he always lingers in the back of your mind, everything that reminded him of you tends to bring a certain kind of aching and longing you’ve grown to resent over the months and years spent without him.

daniel sent you away and deep in you, you know he meant good. he’d done a selfless thing, loving you and setting you free. but missing him was unbearable, loving him all consuming and you resent him for doing this to you. you resent the world for making you fall for a man without letting you have him.

still, you did as he told you. you went back to school, pursuing a career in a field you knew he’d be proud of, achieving your dreams and living your life as though a part of you hadn’t been left with him.

your friends carry on with the party. half of university was partying which is a scene familiar to you. this time, it’s on the beach, the salty air and sound of crashing waves echoing with the sound of the music and chatter. still though, you can’t help but scan the place as though looking for him among the crowd of people the same way you always would. you miss the way you’d find his eyes already on you, pools of brown dripping like honey on your skin.

but he’s never there and you feel dirty whenever another man looks at you, their gazes too eager as they look at you as though you’re a piece of meat, never gentle like his as though you’re aphrodite herself walking among mere mortals.

you miss him is the ugly truth. you miss him so fucking terribly it makes you angry. you don’t want to miss him. you no longer want to love him. loving him hurts, as though he’s clawing at your chest and squeezing your heart together in a sick sort of torture.

but even before he touched you, you were his. all he had to do was look at you. you exist in two places – here and wherever he is.

eventually as the night progresses on, you move away from the party. you’re in some fancy country club and the tile is expensive on your feet as you step out of your heels and walked towards the beach, feeling the cool sand against your skin.

in hindsight, you really shouldn’t have been surprised to find him in a place like this but despite looking for him wherever you go, you’d never expect to find him. searching for him has become a comfort the same way longing for him has – in a sick, twisted and painful way.

but he’s here now and in the one time you hadn’t searched for him, he found you. the moment you’d spotted his figure looking out at sea, he turned to you as though a gravitational pull connected you to him.

one year, three months and fourteen days. that was the last time you saw him but he looked no different from the man who’d brought you back to your hotel room only to say goodbye.

and then he smiled and it was as though the sun shone on you again.

“honey,” he says and your heart trembles.

daniel.

it was too early. and you’re drunk and you aren’t entirely sure if you were dreaming or not.

but he stands before you, eyes of brown looking as though you’re aphrodite herself and he can’t quite believe he gets to stand before you. eyes of brown that seem to be sobbing without tears. daniel.

you’re still not talking and he’s letting you, watching you so intently as though he’s memorizing your face. he looked the exact same but you know what he must be seeing. you look nothing like the woman he left behind. you’d cut your hair short and dyed it. long gone were your summer dress, replaced by tight fitting ones that showed off your body. you feel different and you tried so hard to make sure you wouldn’t recognize yourself in the mirror. you hated seeing the woman who couldn’t make him stay.

but in his eyes, you see your reflection and you recognize her well.

“daniel,” you muttered as the crashing waves touched your feet. would you love me now? you wanted to ask.

he smiled again. “you look beautiful as you always are.”

please touch me, you wanted to beg. soft eyes and soft soft hands. you’re lonely without him.

you manage a grin. “sure, old man.”

the laugh that he let out echoed against your soul. “i’m being honest.”

you missed him. god, you missed him so fucking much.

but daniel still would not let himself love you. not yet, not now that you’re finally building something for yourself. you have friends and have set goals. not yet.

“y/n!” someone calls from behind you but you’re hesitant to take your eyes off of daniel, terrified he’d become a figment of your imagination the moment you do. but your friend's familiar calls force you to. “come on, we have to go.”

you ignore her, turning back to daniel and he smiles at you, offering his hand for you to shake. this is the best he can offer for now. “i’ll see you around, kid.”

you wanted to cry, wanted to scream that it’s so unfair, but you smile sadly as he shook his hand, his calloused fingers so familiar against yours.

“in a few years,” you say.

and as the ocean brought him back to you, the waves must return to the sea.

but you were still gone and gone, gone and gone

the next time you see daniel again, you were twenty four. you’re in your last year of university, applying for your doctorate. you loved academia, you loved your two cats and your little apartment downtown, you loved science and the galaxy it holds and you eventually realized that this is why he let you go. he wanted you to have this — be more than someone who just follows a man around country after country.

he wanted you to grow, wanted you to find the things you really loved without influence from him. he wanted you to find your independence and learn to stand on your own two feet.

max brought you here. it’s his first world champion and as his self proclaimed best friend, he refused to allow you to skip this one and so you pulled up your big girl pants and got on with it, arriving in abu dhabi on friday.

by some cruel twist of fate, he’s the first person you find the moment you enter the paddock. it would have been rude to ignore him and so you smile even though you can clearly see the woman next to him and the way she stands close.

goddamn it.

it hurt. it hurt seeing her there. it hurt seeing her cluelessly smile at you. the way he looks at you now, eyes of brown full of silent apologies, looking as though he wanted to reach over and touch you, to comfort you.

you release a shaky breathe, raising your hand in an pathetic attempt of a wave before you walk past him. you aren’t the same young kid like before. now, you have enough self reservation to not actively put yourself in a situation that would only hurt you. you don’t need to play besties with daniel’s new girlfriend.

the moment you enter the red bull motorhome, you hit max at the back of his head.

“what?” he exclaimed as you glared at him.

“you’re an idiot,” was all you said before moving towards your father. you’d ignore daniel and his girlfriend. you’re here to support max – even if he is a stupid idiot – and there’s no need for you to obsess over daniel.

but of course, you still do anyway. even as you watch the race, you’re watching him. he looks good, amazing, fucking edible. he looks like he stepped right out of your dirtiest dreams, all thick neck and stable arms. he looks beautiful, absolutely gorgeous and breathtaking and you selfishly want him just for you. but you’ve always wanted that and you’ve never been allowed to have him.

and then you’re watching her. she’s grace herself, really. she’s exactly the kind of woman he needed and you wonder if she knows about you and then you wonder what it is about her. what is it about her that made it so that daniel thought she’s good enough for him to love when he never could you?

“mate, it’s getting creepy,” max said as he took the seat before you. he looks tired but he looks determined and the way the hair falls over his face makes you smile. max is a very special person to you and you know that he always will. you hold him close to your heart and you know you’d move the earth for him.

you reach over, fixing the collar of his red bull shirt. “shut up.”

“her name’s caroline,” max says. “if you want to get to know her then just approach her.”

you glared at him. you don’t want to know her name. you don’t want to know what her laugh sounds like or the color of her eyes. you don’t want to know what made daniel fall in love with her. you don’t want to know her.

“shut up,” you say again. “i’m still blaming you.”

max laughed and you think him annoying you might just be his way of distracting himself from the race so you let him. you let him talk on and on and on the entire time till he’s needed back in the motorhome. you let him steal yur ice cream and tap your nose.

but when you turned back to her, caroline, you find him staring right back at you, anger and jealousy in those brown eyes you missed so much.

and it was like you’re twenty again, petty and young as you glared right back at him. he had no reason to be jealous when he has her beside him. he has no right to be jealous when he’s the one who’s never allowed the two of you to be more.

these hands had to let it go free

that night, he called you for the first time in three years. his name lit up your phone and your hand shook as you picked it up. his picture, smiling up at you taken at your twentieth birthday stares right back at you.

“daniel,” you breathe out as you press the phone against your ear. you’d arrived back in your hotel room two hours ago smelling of champagne and victory. max’s world championship trophy is laying next to you after being forgotten because your best friend was far too drunk to grab it before his girlfriend dragged him out. throughout the party, you avoided daniel like the plague, keeping to your side of the room and never straying towards him.

“i missed you,” he says from the other end, voice cracking and slurring. he’s drunk and you push back the blanket as you enter the bathroom, hand gripping your phone. “but fuck it, i don’t miss this.”

“what are you saying?”

“he’s my best mate, y/n.” there goes your name. not sweetheart or honey. he says your name like it’s sacred, something he’s only ever allowed to say when he’s at his most vulnerable, completely raw and baring his soul to you. “and i wanted to fucking punch his face the entire night.”

you close your eyes. this is familiar to you. daniel and his raw honesty when he’s drunk. daniel and his jealousy of max. this is all so familiar to you that you feel twenty again. you feel young and out of control and so drunk in love with a man you can’t have that it physically hurts. he’s ripped you off the past few years where you’ve grown into yourself. you’re twenty again and so tragically in love.

“i wanted to punch his fucking face because his touching you, because i’m not allowed to touch you,” he continues as you sink to the floor.

“you’re the only one who’s never let yourself touch me, daniel,” you whispered on the phone, broken down from one phone call.

he laughs bitterly and you might as well not have said anything. “and here i am, can’t even sleep next to my damn girlfriend because i keep thinking of you. it’s so unfair.”

you wanted to laugh too. unfair? how does he get to talk about unfair when he’d been the one to create this mess for the two of you? how dare he talk about being unfair when he’s the one who’s with another girl? this is unfair. it’s unfair to you. he doesn’t deserve to talk about it being unfair.

the night he left you in your hotel room on your twenty first birthday, you’d called his name again and again like a child. you hoped by some magical thing that he’ll appear. you were desperate.

“you shouldn’t have come back,” he says. “not yet. we both weren’t ready.”

you wipe the tears falling to your cheeks. “and when will that happen? when will we be ready? maybe it’s time to accept that it isn’t us.”

you heard him let out a shaky breath. “don’t say that. don’t say it.”

“i’m so tired of waiting. if it wasn’t us then and it isn’t us now, why do we still believe that it’s us someday?”

“ask me to stay,” he whispers. “ask me to stay and i will. ask me to drop her and i will. i will drop everything if you ask me to.”

you cry, pulling your knees against your chest. “goodbye, dan.”

struggled through the night with someone new

the next time you see daniel again, you invited him. you’re twenty five, it’s two thousand and twenty two, you’re engaged and you’d gotten arrogant.

you met your fiance, james, in university. you’re in the same program and the same friend group though you never paid much attention to him. for the most part, you never really paid much attention to anyone. six months later and he asked you on a date, one you’d declined without a second thought. it didn’t matter how many guys asked you out, you always declined, daniel in the back of your mind always reminding you of what you’re truly waiting for.

but james never treated you any differently. he never made it awkward and never put you on the spot. for the most part, you both acted like it never happened. but you applied to the same doctorate program and coincidentally ended up in apartments right next to each other. he was a comfort, a friend you already knew that you could rely on. he never made anymore advances towards you but it was inevitable to grow closer.

he’s stability and curiosity. he never once pulled back whenever you touched him or apologized for liking you. it was a breath of fresh air – to be admired so freely. you did your thesis together, hands tightly clamped together as you defended it.

you were the one to ask james out on a date, knowing he wouldn’t again in fear of making you uncomfortable. and after leaning on each other as friends for so long, transitioning to become lovers was so easy, you didn’t have to worry what anyone would say or think of you. you didn’t have to worry what your family would think. everything was easy with him.

james was so different from the type of love you were used to. you could love him without guilt, without pain and longing. you could love him simply, easily. you didn’t need to ask him to love you back, didn’t need to wonder if he’d still love you tomorrow. it was so easy being with him and you’d gotten lazy. waiting and hurting and crying for daniel was exhausting.

you wanted a love you didn’t have to fight for.

you’ve convinced yourself that you no longer felt anything for daniel, gaslighting yourself into believing that you’d close that chapter and left it in the past. you can move on now. there was no need for you constantly being miserable and lonely waiting for him to be ready.

and yet here you were, your fiance’s arm around you as you stare at the front door. you shouldn’t have invited him. there was no reason for you to do so but you wanted to prove yourself. you wanted to prove to yourself that he no longer affected you. daniel is in the past and you’ve told yourself repeatedly that you’ve let him go but now you wanted to show yourself that you have.

if you’re lucky, maybe he wouldn’t attend at all.

“are you okay, love?” james whispered against your ear, having noticed your stiff posture. you spent weeks planning your engagement party, stressing over the smallest details but now you don’t seem to be enjoying yourself.

you loved this about him – the way he’s able to read you like an open book. james knows there was someone before him – someone who’d left you broken and torn apart. he just didn’t know that person would be attending today.

you nod, taking a sip from the champagne glass you’d been holding as an excuse to stop your hands from fidgeting. “just a bit nervous from the crowd.”

“don’t worry too much. it’s just friends and family.” he gives you an assuring smile, accepting your reasoning as he pulls you closer towards him to try and comfort you.

you’re an idiot, the biggest one there is. max told you himself after you told him that you sent the invite to daniel. you’re a massive idiot and you’re in denial and you set your own trap, tempting yourself when there was no need to and now you were going to hurt james because the moment daniel entered the room, your breath was knocked out of you, heart beating furiously as though it recognized him.

it was daniel. how can you be so stupid?

his eyes meets yours and you missed the way those eyes of brown settle on your skin, grazing as though his soul was touching yours. but they’re sad this time – sad and exhausted and defeated and you can practically hear the way your heart shatters. it was daniel. it has always been daniel. it will always be daniel. how stupid were you to think otherwise? how stupid were you to believe you could ever forgot the way your heart and soul roars back to life the moment he enters the room.

you’ll break james’ heart, you’re breaking your own and you’ve broken his.

the entire time, you and james had stood before the door, greeting all of your guests and showing them where they can wait. you absolutely had no plans to greet daniel. it was bad enough that he was here, but james, sweet sweet james, who had no idea what he was doing dragging you towards the formula one driver, hadn’t gotten the memo.

he didn’t know that having daniel’s eyes on you so close would set wildfires in your stomach and he didn’t know how exhausting and difficult it was to contain those wildfires. he didn’t know that he was burning himself as he all but dragged you in front of him.

“hey,” your fiance says cluelessly. “daniel ricciardo!”

daniel is looking at you and you feel frozen under his gaze. it’s heavy. he makes you feel heavy, like you were cheating on james simply by looking at you. you feel nauseous but with guilt eating up at every cell in your stomach. but you shouldn’t feel guilty. he had no right to make you feel guilty for moving on. he moved on. last you him, he had a girlfriend. why aren’t you allowed to do the same? why can’t you go on with your life and build a future with a nice man that isn’t him?

“i’m a big fan,” james says cheerfully, offering his hand for daniel to shake and forcing him to tear his gaze away from you.

daniel forces a smile to his face, moving to shake his hand and you know this is the part where you’re supposed to introduce him. daniel is your guest after all and so you clear your throat, hoping your smile isn’t as stiff as you feel like it is.

“james, this is my friend daniel. daniel, my fiance james.” you manage to let out, gripping your champagne glass to avoid having to touch either of them the same way you avoid the way daniel’s eyes hardened when the word fiance tumbled from your lips.

“it’s really nice to meet you, mate,” james says with a massive smile. god he’s so nice and sweet and you hate what you’re doing to him.

daniel says nothing, only smiling and you end this entire interaction the moment you get a chance to. pointing at the snacks table, you turned to him. “there’s food over there and max is around here somewhere. nice seeing you again, daniel.”

you were lying through your goddamn teeth. thankfully, he seems to have taken the hint, walking away without saying another word.

the entire night, you feel his eyes on you. even as james makes his speech declaring his love for you, daniel stares at you with hooded eyes. he looks pissed and sad at the same time and you wanted to scream. stop looking at me! you couldn’t take anymore of this. he’s looking at you as though you’re under a microscope – staring into your soul like he could reach you there.

you’re an idiot and now that he’s in the same room as you are, the illusion has left you. you’re not over daniel because you can never be over him. he’s engraved in your soul, his fingerprints all over your heart. he was, and still is, the sun that made your universe turn. you’re choking and you needed to get away lest you burst.

daniel is overwhelming. he’s terrifying and addicting and you hate him but you’re madly in love with him. and worse of all, you’ll spend the rest of your life being in love with him. you’ll spend the rest of your life wanting him and hurting for him and and longing for him and that’s a goddamn fucking tragedy.

you manage to get through the party, practically dissociating yourself. eventually the guests leave one by one, only your family and closest friends left. you sit on the foyer with max, the dutchman watching you drink champagne straight out of the bottle.

“you shouldn’t have invited him,” he tells you quietly. “you were fucking yourself over.”

you roll your eyes. you stare inside the house where daniel is talking to your father. your dad offered his home for your engagement party. you know he likes james. your mother too and your little siblings can’t get enough of him. that fact almost makes you want to throw up.

“i thought i was over him,” you say.

it’s max’s turn to roll his eyes. “you’re just a good liar. you’ll never be over daniel and he’ll never be over you. even i know that.”

you glared at him. you already know what he’s telling you and quite frankly, you had no desire to hear it again. “i hate you.”

“neither you nor dan would survive this long without me.” max laughed and you threw the throw pillow at him.

not that he’s lying. you met max the same time you did daniel and you clicked immediately. he knows everything, comforted you many times as you pined over dan. he’s your best friend and he’s also daniel’s best friend. he knows more than anyone how deep the connection you two shared.

“go home already,” you tell him. you’re tired and slightly drunk and you just want to go to bed now. “and make sure you take him with you.”

max laughed at the way you said him like it’s a bad taste on your tongue but did as you said anyways.

that night, you laid on the bed you and james shared, you couldn’t sleep. he’s fast asleep next to you, his arm over your stomach as you lay wide awake. you shouldn’t have invited him because now he’s turned your world upside down again. everything you’ve built for yourself was gone the moment his eyes met yours. he’s a plague, sucking all the happiness out of you.

eventually though, the restless night was about to get worse as you picked up your phone, scrolling through your contacts till you found his name. you stared at it for a while, knowing that you shouldn’t but you’re rattled and your self control is at an all time low. you shouldn’t have been trusted to make any types of decisions.

you come back to what you need

daniel was waiting for you when you parked your car outside his apartment building, hand gripping his phone as he watched you step out of the vehicle. four years since he first let you go and one year since he last saw you and you look as beautiful as you ever were.

he shouldn’t have told you to come but he’s so exhausted from staying away, from waiting for the right time. there will never be a right time and tonight, he’s done holding back. he wants you, he always has and he no longer has the energy to stop himself from wanting you.

“i shouldn’t be here,” was the first thing you said as he opened the door for you.

a lazy, almost mocking smile covered his lips. “and yet here you are.”

you glared at him but daniel’s heart was soaring. it’s been so long since you were this close. he can smell the perfume that followed you and the scent of your shampoo. he’s so so tired, he just wanted to hold you.

he’s going to make this as hard as possible, you realize. you’re no longer a child, he doesn’t need to play nice and easy with you anymore. you’re a woman now and he’s going to treat you like one. but you just need to get over this. you need closure. you need to put him in the past where he truly belongs so you can go about your life. you need him out of your system.

daniel may be everything you wanted but it’s time to accept that he’ll never be what you need.

“why did you come?” you asked, wanting to get this over with as quickly as you can. three years pining for him in red bull and four years of longing for him and everything leads you here.

daniel cocked an eyebrow. he’s done with playing nice. “you invited me.”

okay, you walked right into that one. “you still shouldn’t have come.”

daniel wanted to laugh. “i guess we both like doing shit that we shouldn’t do. now the question is, sweetheart, what are you doing here?”

“i’m getting married, daniel,” you whispered. “we need to accept that it isn’t us.”

“i thought you did that in abu dhabi.”

he’s being an asshole. “you’re the one who told me to leave. you don’t get to be mad that i’m moving on.”

“you’re not moving on,” he laughed, leaning against the wall.

you glared at him. “yes, i am. i’m getting married!”

he looked at you as though you said something hilarious and you wanted to punch him in the face for it. “and yet you’re here.”

“for closure.”

he stepped towards you and you found yourself holding your breath. from this close, you can see the freckles on your cheeks, the ones you used to spend all your time trying to memorize. the curve of his plump lips and the intensity in his eyes. and when he touched, it felt like the first drop of rain after a million years of dessert. his hand perfectly fitted on your hips, warm and so achingly familiar.

his hand snaked from your hip to your legs, finger light on your skin as he ever so slightly tugged at your shorts. you need to pull away but your body needs him closer. you want him. you want him to get closer. you want him to touch you more, to feel his skin against yours. you can have every single inch of his body pressed against yours and you’d still begged to get closer.

his lips graze your cheek before it reaches your ear, even breathes in contrast to your desperately shaky ones. “is that really what you want, baby?”

with every ounce of sanity you have left, you forced yourself to nod and you can feel the way his lips formed into a mocking smile against your cheek.

“really?” he mocked. “then why are you clutching my shirt like you want more?”

you hadn’t even realized the way your fist is holding on to his shirt, pulling him closer towards you like you’re terrified he’d disappear right between your fingertips.

“fuck,” you muttered, the heat of his skin against yours dizzying. james is nowhere near your mind as your hand slips under his shirt, self control flying out the window as you feel the curves of his abs. you want him. you’ve always wanted him so desperately that you’re willing to go to hell for it. “fuck me.”

he kissed you then, fire in his lips as it finally finally touched yours. this is all you’ve ever asked for and it’s worth the damnation you’d be paying in return. you pull him impossibly closer, going on your tiptoes. you need to get closer. closer, closer, closer.

like an addicted chainsmoker to cigarettes, you can’t get enough of his kiss. you want to inhale the fumes of his breath, of him, deep into your lungs. he tugs at your shirt and you pull away enough for him to get it off.

you grunt in complaint when he pulled away from you, only to swallow it back as his lips attached to the skin of your chest, licking and nibbling as it slowly made it way down.

“oh,” you breathe out as he lips attached to your breast, your fingers tugging at his curls as his tongue circled your nipple.

you should have stopped him the moment his hand unbuttoned your shorts but as he bent you over and his hand slipped between your folds and he trapped your moans with his mouth, you were far too gone. god be damned, morality be damned. you’d crawl through hell for this.

but eventually, reality comes knocking and morning comes and your bliss ends. you woke up from your phone ringing, cocooned in daniel’s arms.

“don’t answer it,” he mutters but sleepily, you grab your phone from the nightstand, seeing james’ name on your screen.

and that snaps you out of it, being reminded of what happened the night before and what you did and you all but jumped out of his arms as though his touch burned you.

“fuck, fuck, fuck,” you mutter under your breath as you hurriedly put on your clothes, daniel watching you still naked from his place on the bed. you turned to him, “this never happened.”

you watched as anger slowly filled his eyes. “are you being serious right now?”

“i’m getting married, daniel!” you’re panicking now, screaming as your phone rings again.

“then why the fuck were you knocking on my door at two in the morning?”

you ignore him, gathering your things. “it was a mistake.”

he’s glaring at you now, looking like he wanted to start screaming. but he remains silent, only glaring as you gather your things and put on your clothes.

you look at him again, apologies and sorrow in your eyes. “i’m sorry but this isn’t me. this can’t be me.”

and then you left, not allowing yourself to look back as you ran to your car. maybe in a parallel universe or a different world, you sit next to each other at the kitchen table and go over the grocery list, but for all the universes and worlds there are, this one was not enough, not for now and not for you and daniel.

when you finally arrive home, your father is in the kitchen, eyeing you up as you walk past him. “where were you? james was looking for you.”

you grimace. there’s a knowing look in christian’s eyes as though whatever you reason he already knows will be a lie. and unfortunately, he’d be right. “i was out with friends.”

“at seven in the morning?” he narrowed his eyes and you hated his timing. of all times, did he have to question you now?

“breakfast.”

you all but run to your room before he can question you further, thanking all the gods that james isn’t there. for a moment, you stood stunned, reeling from the past twenty four hours as the guilt settles in your chest. you need to get as far away from daniel as you possibly can. you can’t be the type of woman who cheats on her fiance. you refuse to be. you refuse to break a good man’s heart like that.

and yet as you finally calm down enough to try and fix yourself, your phone buzzes, his name appearing on your screen saying he sent you a text message.

daniel i’ve loved you in every way i can. i loved you selfishly and so i tried loving you distantly, i tried loving you selflessly, i tried loving you correctly but i just want to love you now. if i could do it all over again, i would love you better but i can’t love you more than i do now.

this love came back to me

the wind is chilly as you step foot in hungary and the dress you wore is definitely not meant for it but still, you persevere, finding your way to the red bull motorhome and greeting your father. the last time you attended a grand prix was abu dhabi 2021 and yet it still feels like home.

“there’s my biggest fan!” max cheered the moment he saw you, immediately wrapping his arms around you. he hasn’t seen you for nearly a year and he missed his best friend. to be fair, no one has seen you for nearly a year, disappearing from the face of the earth after your failed engagement.

after the night of your engagement party, the guilt ate you alive as you realized that you were exactly the kind of girl you didn’t want to be and so you came clean to james. he screamed and cried and said you could work it out but you were exhausted from lying to yourself. as long as there was daniel, you can never be happy with anyone else and no man deserve to be someone you simply settled with.

you realized then that you’d lost yourself. you don’t know who you are, don’t know who you’ve become and so you left everything you know, ignoring everyone’s calls as you attempt to find yourself.

“actually, i’m supporting ferrari,” you joke once max finally lets you go.

“i’ll disown you!” your father screamed from across the garage, making you and max laugh.

“have you seen him?” max asked, whispering as though he’s telling you a secret.

you shake your head. coincidentally enough, or ironically, the first gp you attend in a while, daniel is announced to race in. and max, quite frankly, is far too excited for the two of you to see each other again. he’s had enough watching you both be stupid.

after catching up with max and the mechanics you still know, you find yourself in a cafe with your father, talking about everything and nothing at all. christian watched your every move and you can see the worry in his eyes. he’s part of the people you ran from and you know that it was a cruel thing to do to your father.

and then he was there and you’re all too familiar with the feeling of your world freezing the moment your eyes meet. he looks better, happier and you’re sure you look different too, hopefully more grown.

“you’re here,” he says, unbelieving.

you smile, genuine and free this time. “i’m here.”

and this time around, you were both tired of fighting it. it’s him. it’s always been him. there was no point denying it. he’s the only person you’ll ever want. you are totally and irrevocably in love with him – the kind of love that’s so intense it feels like an explosion of fireworks throughout your whole body. the love that leaves you sleepless but exhilarated, speechless but poetic, lost but exactly where you're meant to be.

and in that moment, your lives flashed before your eyes – marriage, children, growing old together.

daniel ricciardo is the defining moment, the collision of stars that slammed into you so hard it tore your heart in pieces and only he can put it back together again.

he smiles at you and you smile back.

hello, love, welcome home.

and finally, finally, it felt like the world isn’t burning anymore.

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ma1dita · 1 year

Text

without a doubt

part one can be found here -> it will pass

words: little under 3k

summary: James has a lot of questions, but he quickly finds out Peanut is the answer.

warnings: none! angst–hurts before things get happy, peter (since some of yall might need a warning), all the marauders are alive and happy, lily is too smart for this, peanut and jelly 4 ever

a/n: thank you for all the love (and tears shed) for it will pass! i genuinely rewrote this about four different times and almost lost the plot, but please let me know if it meets your expectations!

(posted 9/11/23)

—

DAYS UNTIL JAMES PROPOSES: 4

I know it will pass, it’s just heavy. You’re all I know.

There’s something about the noise in your brain as you move around your silent apartment. It overpowers the fear that hasn’t quite left your body after he let the front door fall shut. Being paralyzed in the aftermath of the truth that left your lips…It’s maddening. And you can’t even talk to the person you want to hear it most. You love him.

I do love you (Y/N), just in a different way.

Those 10 minutes were a fleeting moment in the life you’ve shared with your best friend thus far. But now, he’s stopped writing, stopped calling, and you’ve never heard him be so quiet in the past few days after the fact. There’s a knock at the door, and the sound interrupts the way you breathe, dishrag in hand, and James’ sweater still on your body.

I know that, James. I just don't know how to stop.

“What a vision you make, (Y/N).” Remus jokes in an attempt to try to make you smile. He’s leaning against the doorframe as you pop your head through the opening and he slowly moves to follow you into your home. Why does it feel like you have to explain yourself this time? But Remus is deeply understanding in nature, and he opens his arms for you to burrow yourself in.

“Get yourself fixed up. Not taking a no for an answer, love. You’ve been MIA for long enough and you know how Pads is about his birthday. He’ll want you there, broken heart be damned.” Remus is rubbing your back, and you groan.

“Ever the fucking diva.”

His chest rumbles with laughter, but both of you know that you say it lightly. Years ago, when Sirius moved into the Potter’s, it was understood that every birthday was to be as great as he was to his found family.

Nothing has to change, Peanut.

Remus sniffs you lightly, nose crinkling, “Place is spotless. Your turn for a deep clean and then off we go.” A horrified noise leaves your throat as you push yourself out of his embrace.

As the steam from the shower slowly suffocates you, you realize that Remus innately knew the reason for your emotional sabbatical from James and the rest of your friends. You wonder if everyone’s known that you’ve been in love with James Potter, and scrunch your face at how oblivious you both have been. The cold water washes away the grief that’s had a handle on your being this past month. Out of all the pranks they’ve played, this tops it. What a sick joke for the both of you to be left out of.

I think you should go now. Please.

—

DAYS UNTIL JAMES PROPOSES: 3

All of Sirius’s birthdays are spectacular, but you really can’t fight the hurt crawling up your chest. There are too many memories here at Potter Manor, too many familiar faces asking where you’ve been, and James looks petrified, eyes following your figure around the Manor like you’re a ghost he can’t touch. You walk up the stairs like you have many times over the years, finding a hideaway in the west wing. You and James used to gaze at the stars here.

“So why the hell are you moping on my birthday? No one’s allowed to be sad today.” Sirius grins, breaking the silence as he walks across the balcony to throw his arms over your seated figure.

“Happy Birthday Padfoot.” you smile, leaning up to kiss his cheek. You clink your glass against his as he takes a seat next to you on the bench.

“Trust me when I say you always look stunning, (Y/N) but there’s this look in your eye that you get when you’re around Prongs nowadays. Might I say it’s why you dropped off the face of the Earth?”

Your face instantly drops at his words, and you’re glad he can’t see much in the dim light.

“How long have you all known, Pads?”

“I don’t know about much when it comes to love, (Y/N). But what I do know is that I’m his brother, and you’re his best friend. There’s a lot of responsibility being those two things for someone like that idiot. You love him like humans need air.”

“I just… I don’t know what to do with it.” The elderflower wine glides down your throat, its taste sweet on your tongue. Sirius sits with you, knowing what’s coming next. As an older brother, he also knows you’ve been waiting for someone to listen.

“What do I do with all the love I have for him? Where does it go now that he doesn’t want it?”

“I’ll take some. It sounds lovely.” Peter’s voice almost echoes in the silence as you both turn your heads to see him and Remus in the dim light of the hallway, a bottle of firewhiskey in hand and it makes you genuinely smile for the first time in days.

“Yeah, pass it around. Godric knows Prongs doesn’t appreciate you enough.” Remus says bluntly, and you hit his stomach when he ruffles your hair.

“Honestly, what a prat! Makes you plan his proposal and doesn’t want you at the afterparty? The nerve.” You choke on the remnants of your wine as you laugh at Sirius’s outrage for you, and all four of you are giggling in the dark like idiots as Remus pours you shots. If anything else goes wrong in this life, you’re glad that you have the Marauders to live it with you.

The laughter reaches the hallway, and in walks Lily, who teasingly asks “Did the party move in here without us?” James is as still as a statue behind her, watching you laugh with his boys. He can’t remember the last time he’s seen you happy and acknowledges that he’s to blame.

“You shouldn’t be surprised, Lils. There’s always a party when Padfoot’s around,” you remark, and everyone gets up to go back to the party. Lily looks around as if she’s missing something, then looks at James.

“I’m glad that (Y/N)’s back from whatever’s been keeping her busy. Looks like everything’s falling back into place.” she muses, and James can’t help but watch his best friend, no, his best girl, walk away, thinking that everything must be falling apart.

—

DAYS UNTIL JAMES PROPOSES: 2

It’s morning now, and a lot of the crowd has gone home or fallen asleep in the many rooms of Potter Manor. You decide to stay to help clean up for Mr. and Mrs. Potter, who were always like second parents to you as well. They had a thing for taking in kids who needed love. With your best efforts, you can’t seem to escape James, who has incessantly trailed behind you into every room you walk into. You dodge him again as you walk down the hall, but James, who has always been a chaser in more ways than one grabs you by the arm and pushes you into his childhood bedroom.

A shriek leaves you as he closes the door and has you up against the wall.

“What the fu—”

“You’re avoiding me. Why are you avoiding me?” his face is panicked as his breath hits your face.

“You told me to leave you alone. That’s what I’m doing now, James. What else could you want from me?” Your hands are on his chest, crinkling the dress shirt that you once helped him pick out at the shops, and you feel breathless, angry at knowing him too well, and angry at what he’s insinuating.

James is at a loss. He loves you. He’s never gone more than a weekend without you and now it’s been ages…. And he loves you. He’s looking at you differently now, in the sunlight that floods through his old bedroom. He loves you so much that it hurts.

His hands slide from the wall behind you, until they reach your shoulders, and trace down your arms. Intertwining your fingers together, James speaks.

“I didn’t mean…” he exhales. “I just…”

“Did you not want me here too? Because unfortunately, my friends are also yours, so maybe we can clarify exactly the terms you want me to follow next time, James.” you seethe, getting in his face.

You push him away, his arms chasing after you, pining for your touch. Your heart is racing with hurt, with anger, with love, all for the man standing across the room.

“Peanut…”

“No.”

“I never want you to leave me alone, okay? It’s been agony without you and I can’t even put into words how—”

“I can, James. How long have I been so oblivious to the fact that I’m in love with you and how long have you just let it happen? You can’t just… please don’t pretend that you don’t know that I’ve been waiting all my life for you to let me fill the empty spaces in your heart.” Your voice wavers as you pull yourself away from him, sitting on his bed.

“Just tell me what’s happening, Peanut. You’ve always had the answers. I feel like I can’t breathe when you’re not there and I….. my heart feels like it’s going to combust… I… I just feel…. so intensely. I miss who I am when I’m with you.”

James throws himself down onto the bed, hyperventilating with his head in his hands. Your hands are shaking as you reach for him. You’ll always reach for him.

He raises his head, as you delicately grab his face into your hands. Your fingertips brush his tears away, loving him for the mess he is.

“My life has been so quiet these past few days and I’m so scared to live life without you. Did I fuck it all up for us?” You whisper.

James licks his lips, and he’s playing with your hair in his hands. Your knees are touching on the patterned bedspread. The space between you diminishes as you realize that he’s about to ruin everything.

Your best friend is going to kiss you.

He’s holding your jaw so gently and for a second, you wonder if this is what it would feel like to be loved by him in the way that you do. With every single ounce of control, you turn your head away from what you’ve been craving most. James’ lips land on your cheek, and he’s chasing after you again, muttering apologies as he looks into your eyes and sees everything he’s been wanting. He sees his whole life with you through the split second your eyes connect. Pushing him away again, you stumble away with a sob.

“What was that?”

“I just… “ He’s gasping for air, feeling like his heart has exploded, and the silence is so loud that he feels like his heart must be in pieces, and you’re picking up the wreckage to take home. He’s in love with you. His heart has always been yours.

“You what, James? Don’t do that!”

He’s lived in a mansion his whole life but Godric, is this room suddenly feeling too small? You get on your feet, stepping away from him and he’s following you.

“Do what?”

“Don’t make me hate you, Jelly. Loving you has been painful enough.” Tears are blurring your vision as you hiccup, and maybe it’s better to not see him right now. Maybe you really shouldn’t have come.

“I just wanted to know. I know now, love, I…” James whimpers at the sound of his nickname. Your nickname for him alone has this man wanting to drop to his knees.

“No. Don’t you know how cruel you’re being right now? To me? To the love of your life? I would never do that to Lily!” Your voice is getting louder by the minute, and James is stoic in his silence, steps away from your blaze.

“But you told me you’re in love with me. Are you saying this is because of me?”

“Everything I do is because of you, James. And if you don’t know that by now…” Then maybe you don’t know me at all.

The words go unsaid but the both of you are hit with the reality of it. Your hands jangle the doorknob to get away from him, to be anywhere but here.

—

DAYS UNTIL JAMES PROPOSES: 1

Lily listens intently as James tells her everything he's been wanting to say for the last eleven years. She's not surprised, in fact, she knows this is the truth, but she's still heartbroken. Lily Evans and James Potter are both people who like to chase things, people—but after all that’s said and done, the thrill wears off. They’re more alike than they’ll ever know.

He tries to apologize, but Lily cuts him off and tells him there's no need. She's always known the truth, and even though it took him this long, she's glad he finally figured it out. Smartest girl of their year, after all.

“I mean, I always felt like she should’ve been dating you, but then we happened and I fell too hard and didn’t stop to ask questions. I tried to be blind to it, but…it was nice, wasn’t it?” Lily whispers, holding James’ hand for the last time. He looks like he’s about to pass out.

“I’ll be okay, Potter. I was before you, and I will be after you. So thank you for being honest. You’ve always been honest with me.” A small kiss on his cheek renders him breathless. Once upon a time, he would stay up all night at the idea of Lily Evans loving him. But his heart has always belonged to you. Without a doubt, James Potter is in love with you, his best friend.

He doesn’t tell Lily he was planning to propose tomorrow, since the situation is already as messy as it is. But Lily Evans always knows.

—

JAMES HAS A PROPOSAL

James is pushing boxes back into Potter Manor, and Mippy helps flit the rest of his belongings up the stairs with magic. The least he could do is give Lily their apartment after their breakup. He looks around, rubbing his fingers of dust as his mother calls him for dinner. How humbling, he thinks, to start all over because he was too stupid to realize he’s in love. Starting over in a place he calls home is absurd. He looks out towards the courtyard where you had your fairytale wedding, walks by the hallways you used to race training broomsticks in, and back to his room where he used to whisper hushed lullabies to help you sleep. Everything reminds him of you, and your love consumes each memory that flickers through his vision. The feeling shocks him like ripping your head out of a pensieve. He’s so utterly in love with you.

What the hell is he doing at his parents’ house? He should be getting his girl! James apparates to your apartment, knocking on the door like a madman. He knocks so loudly the wood is bruising his knuckles, red blooming under his touch.

The door rips open, and he’s never been so glad to see you angry.

“You literally have a key, James. You don’t have to be a dick every—”

“You’re wrong.”

Your frustration gives way, lines on your forehead wrinkling in confusion. It’s like there’s a glass separating the both of you, and you’re scared to touch him.

You shake your head as he continues, “You’re wrong, by the way. I don’t know if Lily’s the love of my life. I haven’t lived it with her, nor will I. What I do know is that I’ve loved you for most of mine.”

“What are you saying, Jelly,” you utter, and James’ is grinning so largely you want to punch his face in.

“I love you. As in I’m in love with you. Without any doubt, or excuses, or anyone holding me back, my heart is yours, if you’ll have me?”

He rushes to catch you, his proposal hitting you hard as you fall into his embrace, hands feeling as much of him as you can. His broad shoulders, his strong neck, the dimples on his cheek, the glasses on his face—all of him is in love with you.

Your blubbering is muffled as he finally pulls his lips to yours, finally feeling, finally… James’ kiss lays out all of what he’s been holding in, and without words you both understand that this wreckage in your beating hearts, the destruction of everything you’ve set together as best friends, is love. He’s clutching you to his body, moving you backward into your apartment, feet moving in sync like an orchestrated dance. You both fall onto your couch in a fit of laughter and tears. Finally.

“How foolish of me to be with another, Peanut. I’m a married man, after all.”

"Not bad for a second kiss, Jelly." You laugh at him.

James looks at your smile like it’s the answer to every question he’ll ask in this life.

—

“We give those we love nicknames, because love requires a word that belongs to us alone.” Fredrik Backman

tagged: @prongs-moon @alltheotherkidss @anehkael @princessprongs

#made by ma1dita ♥︎#marauders x reader #mischiefmoons iwp #james potter x fem!reader #james potter x you #james potter x y/n #james potter x reader angst #marauders era

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solbaby7 · 11 days

Note

(For the blurb bar thing)

*sits on one of the bar stools and leans against the counter)

Can I have a frozen vodka cran with a sugar rim, and add lime please

Oh and here *slides a ten dollar bill across the counter*

oops, i may have added too much lime 😭🫣but it’ll still taste good i swear😬, bottoms up 🍹 alsooo idk what cave you cassian girlies crawled out of but when i tell u my inbox is flooding with cass requests. here yall, you get a beefcake, you get a beefcake, everyone gets a batboy beefcake

[ “why do you even care?” “because i do” + fluff / angst + cassian ]

-> BLURB BAR <-

It is what it is.

That’s the only phrase that keeps you going after countless hours spent hunched over bloodied bodies with their entrails held in their hands. Deep slashes from sharpened blades that leave skin flayed and muscle severed, tendons plucked out of place until sensitive nerves are screaming in agony. “I know it hurts,” You croon softly, care oozing out of every pore as healing magic pulses from you. “I’m sorry, it’ll be over soon.”

Dab with disinfectant there. Pressure to staunch the bleeding. Fire to cauterize. Magic to smooth it all over.

It’s an exhausting process, one that leaves you aching and has your head swimming as you shut the curtain for patient privacy but this isn’t the place to complain about that—not around all of these tortured souls as they endured a pain you couldn’t dare comprehend. “You should get some rest.”

You can’t fight the roll of your eyes at the sound of his voice. “And you should go back to your friends.”

Cassian keeps up with your stride with ease and while you refuse to acknowledge it, you walk a little slower when you catch sight of the neatly wrapped dressings around his thigh. “My friends are fine. You made sure of that. Azriel wouldn’t have made it if you weren’t there.”

“Yeah, well that’s my job.” You don’t bother hiding the irritation in your tone. It’s not normal for exes to be this present. But, you’re certain you catch the scent of him by your window every morning; sandalwood and eucalyptus, crackling embers and oak. A perfectly annoying blend of masculinity and comfort. It haunts you—follows you around the shops when collecting groceries for the week and lingers in your blind spots when treking home after a little too much to drink. Quiet but constant; an unspoken rule that Cassian was definitely breaking. “Something I really need to get back to so if you’re finished—“

“Don’t think I’ll ever be finished with you, peach.”

You hate that charming cadence. Despise the handsome grin that’s flashed your way because he knows how much you (love) loved it. “What do you want Cass?”

“Want you to take better care of yourself.” That’s a lie. At least partially because Cassian knows that what he really wants is to be the one to care for you. He knows he’d do it well—dedicate himself to the roll because there had been a time where it had been his only desire. But Rhys had come back after fifty years and Cass had a High Lady to protect now; had duties to uphold—responsibilities that wouldn’t allow the freedom necessary to take you on picnics in flower fields or to remember anniversaries. “You haven’t been eating enough and you’re always working. You barely even sleep.” He says it oh so gently but you can hear the underlying worry there. Can see it in the way his wings rustle and gaze scans the length of you, most likely noticing the way you resemble a deadman walking.

“You stalking me or something?”

“You promised.” His stance straightens out a little, syllables carrying a little more conviction as he tries to get his point across. “After everything between us, you at least promised that you’d be safe and take care of yourself.”

“You left me, Cassian.” His throat rolls under the shame, chest constricting as he’s forced to witness the way your eyes go glassy. “You walked out on me so what I look like without you shouldn’t matter.” Emotion holds thick in your voice and it takes true effort not to let tears fall down your cheeks. This was too confusing, the back and forth too exhausting, the hope too draining. “Why do you even care?”

A million possible answers claw to the forefront of Cassian’s mouth. Ones that scream, ‘because I love you! Because you’re everything to me.’ So badly he yearns to just let it out and confess how your safety was everything he thinks of when suiting up for battle and drenching himself in the blood of others with no regard for his own life. “Because, I do.” He says instead and he knows it’s not enough—can see the way the light in your eyes die out when you’re left hanging yet again. “Please peach, just get some rest. For me.”

He almost wishes you’d resist; to give him another reason to seek you out and darken your doorstep even if meant just a glimpse at you.

Your shoulders fall too low to be gearing up for a fight and the furrow of your brow wobbles with the effort it takes to keep you from crumbling all together.

Gauze patches at your battered heart. Dab with disinfectant there. Pressure to staunch the bleeding. Fire to cauterize. Magic to smooth it all over. “Fine.” You nod stiffly, the picture of professionalism. “And thank you, General, for your service.”

It is what it is.

#acotar x reader #a court of thorns and roses #acotar #acotar x you #cassian fluff #cassian x you #cassian angst #cassian acotar #cass acotar #cassian fanfic #cassian fic #cassian x reader #acotar cassian #cass fic #cass x reader #cassian #blurb bar #cassian blurb

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abbyromanoff · 6 months

Note

MILF!Reader slowly realizing that her son's BFF/GF, MJ, has been flirting with her for a while now.

A DIRTY FLIRT

PAIRINGS: MJ x reader

WORD COUNT: 1815

WARNINGS: flirting, age gaps, small angst, sexual themes but no sex, MJ being a huge flirt and tease and hot as SHITTT, milf!R, R is married but it’s not cheating…yall will get it, MJ is 19!!, think that’s it :)

NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN!!

You turned as you heard the door creak open and your son yelling out to you, and only seconds later he was in the kitchen with two friends you assumed were from school.

“Hey, mom! I hope it’s okay I brought some friends over, this is Ned as you already know and this is MJ, she’s new to the school.” Peter spoke, and you waved to the other boy when his name was addressed as you had already met him years earlier. He was a regular at your house as Peter was at his, but the girl was fresh. She had long curls that were slightly messy, and her outfit was more laid back like the other two.

“Hello, Ned, it’s great to see you again. And hello, MJ, it’s lovely to meet you, dear.” You felt her eyes follow up and down your body twice before a small grin fell on her face and she nodded to your greeting.

“We have a science project so we were going to go and, well, do that. I’ll be in my room if you need me.” The three began walking towards the room until you called for your son. He stopped in his tracks and told Ned to bring MJ to his room to get started before turning to your direction again.

“Just…have fun and,” You looked to where the two were, hoping they were out of ear shot before finishing your sentence. “Keep the door cracked.”

“Mom!”

“What! I’m just saying, you’re in college now and I know kids your age like to, you know, experiment-”

“Please stop talking about sex, I promise MJ is just a friend, I don’t see her in any weird way.”

“Just keep it open a little, it’s not like I’m going to be standing there stalking you three.” He agreed before rushing off. That was the first time you had met the girl, but it would definitely not be the last. She was there for the next three days until they finished the assignment, and each day you felt her watching you like a hawk. Whenever you called them for dinner or she had to go to the bathroom, her eyes would be stuck to you as if she was glue.

You hoped it was only curious glances seeing as she refused to speak to you, but that came to be proven wrong two weeks later when she arrived again. The two boys were out and you received a knock at the door. Confused, you checked the windows before opening it and spotting the college student standing there with a bag over her shoulder. Her eyes fell to your body and that’s when you remembered the messy apron covering you that you forgot to take off.

“Oh, hey, MJ! Uh, Peter isn’t home right now, if you want I could leave a message or…” You led off, not sure what to offer as she continued to stare at you.

“I’m not here for him, I think I left my jacket here the other day and I wanted to grab it.”

“Oh, of course, yeah. Uh, come in.” You awkwardly suggested, opening the door further as she stepped in, and this marked the first time you’d ever be alone with her.

“You can look for it, I’ll just be in the kitchen.” She nodded and began slowly walking around, and it seemed as though she was examining each space the building had to offer. You continued to mix the dough in the bowl without turning, your mind so set on perfecting the consistency that you jumped when you heard her voice.

“You’re married?” She asked while holding a portrait of you smiling with a man in a wedding dress, him in a suit. You were pregnant at the time, and your bump was visibly noticeable to her and anyone who saw it.

“Uhm, yes. Yes, I am.”

“But you don’t wear a ring?” You glanced at your empty hand with tight lips, refusing to look her way and pouring the unprepped bread into a greased pan.

“No, I do not. Me and Peter’s father aren’t entirely, uh, together if you could say so.” You didn’t understand why you shared the piece of information with the young girl who you barely knew, who your son barely even knew, but you found yourself being able to share the words easily.

“But he lives here, does he not? And Peter tells me you two are together?”

“Why are you asking my son if I’m married?” You avoided the question with one, hoping to remove the pressure from your end.

“That doesn’t matter right now, I asked you first.”

“It does matter.”

“It’ll matter once you answer me.” You sighed, giving up as you set the timer on the stove and began walking towards the sink to clean your doughy hands.

“I got pregnant by a one night stand, he was that one night stand. We tried to make it work knowing we had a son on the way and even when Peter was born we were still trying, but we could never find ourselves being in love with one another. We still love each other, we’re just not in love. So instead of having a divorce, we thought it would be easier to stay together and see other people. He has a girlfriend who is okay with the situation, he often stays there or she’ll stay here, we’re actually pretty close. That way I can stay at home to care for the house and for Peter, Peter won’t need to be too affected by a divorce, and his dad can focus on his career.” MJ nodded in understanding with a hum, and unbeknownst to you, instinctively moved closer while you were still in front of the sink. You had not realized how long you had been washing your hands, being too focused on telling the story she asked for. It was only when you remembered the question you had asked her that you dried your hands and turned, only to have the girl standing only inches from you now.

“Uhm, and why- why were you asking Peter if I was married?” She smirked lowly at the thought, her free hand coming to the counter behind you while the other brushed against your hand. Her bag was gone now, and her jacket was still nowhere to be seen.

“Well, I’m interested in you. I’ve always liked, how do I put it,” She stared at your lips as your breath became uneven. You gulped, following her actions and licking your lips as you glanced upon hers.

“Older women?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that. Or you could say I’ve always liked more beautiful, mature women who know what the fuck they’re doing.” A small hint of red came to your cheeks and you cracked a small smile, causing the younger woman to chuckle softly.

“What about you? Have you ever thought about being with a girl?” Her thumb came to tease your lower lip, dragging it down slowly before she grasped your chin in her hold, not allowing you to look down in fear.

“I- I don’t…I don’t know.”

“That’s okay, I’d love to be your first. Do you want that? Do you want me, baby?” You nodded without a thought, fluttering your eyes shut as she leaned in to brush herself against you. You waited for the kiss you were anticipating, but it didn’t come. She was teasing you.

“MJ, please kiss me already.”

“Mm, I like the sound of that.” Before she could complete your request, you both heard the door open and close and jumped from one another. Your husband entered the kitchen with Peter and Ned trailing behind him, the two too engrossed in their conversation to notice the obvious elephant in the room. Your husband wasn’t however, and he hid a chuckle as he placed his suitcase on the counter.

“Hello, MJ, it’s good to see you again.”

“Hey, Mr. Parker.” He rolled his sleeves up and entered the fridge, grabbing the closest beer and taking a swig while Peter looked up at the noise.

“MJ, what are you doing here?” She shot you a glance before clearing her throat quickly, crossing her arms over her chest as she met his gaze as if nothing had ever happened.

“I left my jacket, I was just looking for it.”

“Oh, did you need any help?”

“No, I found it. We’re all good, thanks though.” He didn’t question her lack of holding the said clothing, and you sighed in relief before leading the attention away from her.

“Dinner will be done soon if you boys want to head upstairs and I’ll call you down soon.” MJ was ready to leave before Peter interrupted, a hopeful grin on his face as he held the new Lego set he just purchased.

“Do you want to stay for dinner? Me and Ned were going to work on this together, but with your help it could go by a lot quicker.” You secretly wished she’d say yes seeing as the interaction you two just held was not one to be left in the dirt.

“You two are such nerds, but fine.” The three went upstairs, MJ sharing one last glance with you before turning the corner and leaving you with your husband who had a large, teasing smirk on his face.

“Really? Peter’s friend?”

“How did you know her already?”

“He introduced me to her a few weeks ago when he stopped by Claire’s to grab his binder and I was there, I just never thought she’d try to fuck my wife.” He shrugged, laughing when you groaned in annoyance and rubbed your forehead.

“I don’t know how it happened, it just did.”

“Hey, I’m not judging, I just think you need to be careful.” You bit your lip in thought at his words.

“You don’t think Peter will be mad if he finds out? And the age gap-”

“Hey, stop that. This was your exact problem when we were dating, you worry and think too much, just let it go with the flow and be mindful of him too. If he finds out and doesn’t like it, that’s when things need to end. But if you’re happy and so is she, who cares what people think.” You knew he was right, but you also knew you had always been much too scared to date while having a son. MJ was his age, how would she handle that? And what if he was mad, upset, or worse, hated you for it? You didn’t know, but you also knew you spent that whole night wishing to relive the moment when her lips brushed against yours and imagining the feeling of them touching. You knew it would be so relieving, so why couldn’t you let yourself give in?

#mj x reader angst #mj x reader fluff #mj watson x reader #mj x reader #mj marvel #mj watson #MJ fluff #MJ angst #MJ x reader smut

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artists-ally · 8 months

Text

{She Gets The Flowers, Right?} Reader x Lucien Vanssera {Pt.2}

Welp. Here we are. Didn't know this was gonna happen. I had ZERO INTENTIONS of writing a part two but I basically got cyber bullied into making another so here ya go fuckers. Someone literally threatened to stop taking their meds so to whoever that was I hope you get to keep your kidney! Enjoy! This part is inspired by this song.

Word Count: 6,111

Warnings: ANGST (yall thought you’re gonna get a happy ending? HAHAHAH) Some pretty negative self talk.

Tagging: @bubybubsters @cyrygher @thelov3lybookworm @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @anuttellaa @lookingforamissingpage @thehighlordishere @crazylokonugget

Summary: In the days and weeks that follow your downfall with Lucien, he has no fucking clue how to go about life without you. He can’t cope. And he desperately wants to fix everything with you.

~~~~~~~

LUCIEN’S POV

I have made the biggest mistake of my entire life. I thought that would be reserved for not being able to protect Jesminda. No. This… this is… I don’t even know.

I’m just standing on the sidewalk, staring at our- her home. At the rustic, auburn door we painted. At its brass knob, at the rusty, creaking hinges that would ring through the house when someone came in. At the little potted plant in the corner, the vines spilling out of it.

I’ll never be back here again.

I’ll never get to hear her laugh.

I’ll never get to taste her new recipes.

I will never be able to take all that I said back. That is the most haunting feeling of it all.

I’m an awful person. After all she’s done for me. After saving my life– on more than one occasion– I went and did nothing in return. I gave her nothing for her endless kindness. All I was capable of doing was destroying the one person in my life who has given me everything I’ve ever wanted.

Unconditionally. She always loved me unconditionally. How could I have been so blind and naive to it? How did I never see it?

Gods every single time she made me something to eat, a recipe to try… she was basically shoving the bond in my face, hoping I would see it. And I never ever considered it. I was so lost in Elain. Lost in the fact that I finally had feelings for someone after Jesminda… Not once did I think it could be Yn.

I don’t deserve her. I never did. I was a bitter, rotten shell of a man when she met me. She dragged me by the arms to her house to fix me. She thought I was worthy of being saved when my own father thought the opposite. Yn put me back together. She made me who I am. And this is the thanks I give her?

Elain has said all of ten sentences to me in the past year. I haven’t been able to do anything but replay every single one of them in my head. A thousand times– a hundred thousand times. I wish I couldn’t. It’s exhausting. Constantly thinking of her. But I don’t have a choice.

I like the feeling of being able to feel again. But at the cost of Yn? At the complete sacrifice of all I’ve known for the past century? My rock? My best friend? Nothing is worth more.

But it is far too late to do anything about it. I’ve lost her.

I want her back.

Yn did things to me that no one else could. She just seemed to know when things were wrong. She always knows what to say, when to say it, and how. She never tells you what you want to hear, it’s always what you need. She is the most well rounded person I’ve ever met. She’s never afraid to feel her emotions.

I envy that skill.

I’ve always hid my feelings deep down. It took years to decipher them again. But it was Yn who made me do it. She always fought for me, fought me for me. Yn never let me do it alone. Refused to, actually. Was there every step of the way and never told me I was taking too long or wasting her time.

I get it now.

And there is nothing I can do. I have nowhere to go. Tears scald my eyes as I trudge down the little path that we beat into the grass. Day in and day out.

I remember when we picked this place. We had only been in Velaris for a week or two when we stumbled across it. It was run down and needed a new roof. As a thank you for keeping Feyre safe on our journey across the Courts, Rhysand gifted it to us. Complete with a new roof, new furniture, a new kitchen for Yn to cook in. And he let us be. Well, let her be. I still had my debts to pay off.

And then I met Elain and… fuck. Everything went to shit after that.

There is no way of processing all of these emotions at once. These very real feelings I still have for Elain. And these all-of-a-sudden very fucking real feelings I now have for Yn. It’s how I imagine imploding feels like. My body wants to cave into itself and never fold back out.

I pray to the Cauldron that I do self destruct. This feeling, a mixture between irrational rage and betrayal… I don’t wish it upon another living soul. And Gods know I’d sell mine to change everything I’ve just done.

I don’t even know how I ended up at the Town House. All of a sudden I was just standing in front of it. I normally resent coming here, but for some reason I was relieved to see the bricks and busted up cobblestone sidewalk. Maybe no one would be here; Rhys was more often than not at the River House with Feyre and Nyx, indulging in the life of parenthood. Nesta and Cassian were probably somewhere in the House of Wind with Elain, Mor at Rita’s, Amren with Varian, and who the hell knows where Azriel is.

I can’t wait to be alone to scream.

Fuck, the door is locked. Of course the door is locked, no one’s here. It takes every bit of control in my shiver-ridden body to not rip the door off its hinges. And it takes even more control to not collapse against the door and break down for the whole street to see.

The lock clicks and the door opens.

I force myself to appear relaxed. I wipe my tears and brush away my loose strands of hair. No use. My face is probably as red as the burning self hatred inside my twisted heart.

“What are you doing here Lucien?” The High Lord asks.

I gulp. Of all the people, it had to be him? At least it’s not Azriel, I think. I might hate him more than I hate myself. For actually getting Elain’s attention. Yn was right, I am selfish. “Sorry, didn’t realize you were in.”

“Did you leave something?” I don’t move, and I stay deathly still. Rhys looks me head to toe, and I know he can scent me from a mile away. “Lucien, what the fuck did you do?”

“Stay the fuck out of my head,” I snarled, pointing a finger at his chest.

“I don’t need to read your thoughts. Your face says it all.” Rhys crosses his arms over his chest, “Look, we’ve all told you that Elain is hard to reach these days. She isn’t worth-”

“This… this doesn’t have anything to do with Elain.” I lied. He seemed to know it. “Can I just come in?”

Rhys just steps aside, shutting the door behind me. “I don’t really have time for-”

“I fucked up.”

“Clearly.”

“Rhysand,” I said. So full of disgust. He looked at me with a blank expression. One I have seen too many times to not know what comes next. I eased up my tone. “Is anyone else here?”

“No,” he answers, moving around me and heading into a study on the other side of the living room.

I can’t help but think of how we all gathered in that living room a few months ago for Solstice. Exchanging gifts and drinks and smiles and stories. I vividly remember making Yn laugh so hard she tipped her head over the arm of the couch, sending her wine tumbling to the ground. The stain still on the small rug almost makes me smile, and it almost makes me burst into tears.

“I ruined everything in my life. Yn’s gone.” I could feel the air freeze around me. “Not like, gone gone but she’s… I don’t think I’ll ever be seeing her again.”

“So this is because of Elain.”

I bit my tongue so hard I thought I’d bite it off completely. But I sighed, the tears coming with it. “Yes.” A really long pause. “She told me I’m-”

“You’re Yn’s mate?”

“Yes.”

“And you never knew because you were so focused on Elain.” “Is that supposed to be a question?”

“It was, but you just gave me your answer,” Rhys sat. “Do you want me to keep guessing or are you going to tell me what happened?”

I took the biggest breath I could, steading my words. “I missed the opening of her restaurant because I was with Elain.”

Rhysand looked at me with such revulsion that I thought he might put me through a wall. Those wicked, violet eyes could’ve boiled my bones. For a split second I wished he would. I could tell he wanted to say something, but I don’t think there were enough words in the world for how much of an awful person I was.

“There are things in this world that we sacrifice in this world Lucien,” Rhys said.

Hesitantly, “I know.”

“And Yn gave up the biggest of them all. She shut her mouth to let you be happy. She did what I did for Feyre until she realized what situation she was in. You are one spineless bastard for doing anything but giving your life to her.”

“I know.”

“Have you any idea what you’ve done to her? She gave you everything you could ever ask for. From the moment the two of you stepped in my Court I could tell she only had eyes for you. When you are in the room you’re the only one she looks at. How could you have not known?”

“I don’t know…” “Yes, you do.”

I plunged my nails into my palms. “For Cauldron's sake Rhysand of course I know.”

“Then why did you continue to ignore Yn?”

“Because I couldn’t ever let myself think a female like her would like such a broken, dismantled and lost soul like mine.” Rhysand stared at me. “When Yn pulled me from the border to fix me, she spent every waking moment of her life stringing my mind and body into one piece. If I let myself think for even a second that it was anything other than kindness, I would’ve gone mad.”

“Would it have been so terrible to love her?”

“I’ve always loved her. I just never thought I’d be allowed to love her the way she loves me.”

“Because of Elain?” “Because of Elain.”

Rhys blew out a breath, sitting down on the corner of his desk. “So, let me see if I have all of this correct. You wouldn’t let yourself fall for Yn because you thought you were unworthy. Instead, you sabotaged both of your happiness for Elain simply because she was your mate and you just wanted to feel something?”

“It sounds so much more fucked when you say it outloud.” I rubbed my hands over my tired, burning eyes. “And it’s not just because she’s my mate, Rhys. I genuinely like her. She’s… she has the potential to be so sweet. I’ve seen glimpses of it, heard stories from Feyre and Nesta. Why won’t she let me see?”

“You are still clueless, aren’t you?” He scoffed. “Here you are, a ruined man because you drove away your best friend, and you’re still worried about someone who doesn’t want you. Pathetic. You are a selfish son of a bitch.”

“I can’t just ignore Elain. It’s impossible to think of anything else but her and how I can help her.” “Lucien,” Rhysand stopped me from going on another tangent. “Maybe start considering that she doesn’t want you.”

“What?” My lip trembled. “N-No she… we have a bond. It’s there she just needs time. I’m her mate, she’ll want one eventually.”

“Just like Yn will want one?” His eyes were as viscous as the tone of his voice. “You are doing the same thing to Yn that Elain is doing to you. You understand how that feels. Now imagine that Elain was the one you found on the border of the Spring Court and you spent decades nursing her mind back into her body. Recreating her personality and passions. Wouldn’t you be a little fucking irate if she started showing interest in another male after all you did for her?”

I froze.

This was so much deeper than I ever thought it could be. But I could see it. Bringing Elain back to herself all for it to be thrown away by another male. Azriel filled that roll, and I was filled with raw fury at the mere thought of that happening.

“So now you see what Yn has been dealing with. And Gods, Lucien, she has been dealing with it for a long while. What you did was wrong, unjust, and unfair. And for you to be with Elain on the day of her grand opening, where all of us just were, is… that may be unforgivable.”

“I don’t deserve to be forgiven for what I’ve just done…”

My shoulder hunch, and my chest cracks. I am a bleeding mess of tears. I can barely stand as I openly sob in front of Rhys. I’m surprised when he shoves a chair under me instead of letting me crumble to the floor in my self induced agony. And I’m even more surprised when he puts a hand on my shoulder.

It’s Yn. It’s always been Yn. There is nothing in this world that can compare to her or her kindness or her love. What a fool I have been to not take the hand that was given me. What a selfish, self-serving waste of a man I have been to her.

I can’t take it. I have to have her back. I have to fix this. I have to. I have to. I have to.

I stand. “Woah, what are you doing?” Rhys tried to get me to sit down.

“Yn- I have to fix this with Yn-”

“No,” Rhys slams me back into the chair. “You are not going to march back over there.”

“I have to,” I yelled. “I can’t let her kick me out without her knowing that I’m sorry. That I’ll do anything she wants me to to win her back. I can’t be without her, I need her.”

“She kicked you out?” I nodded. “You’re not going anywhere. She clearly doesn’t want to see you. Nothing you could say to her would suffice. Especially right now. She needs time. She needs space. If I find out that you go back to your- her house, I’ll drop you back in the Spring Court, do you understand me?”

I nod viciously.

“Good,” Rhys let out a heavy breath. “You can have your old room back. Nothing in it but a few storage boxes. Everything is otherwise untouched.” Great. My old memories to haunt me. Just what I needed. For a very short week we stayed here. Yn’s room was right across from mine. Just another reminder of everything that’s happened between now and then.

I slump in the seat, letting tears trickle down my nose and onto my knee. Watching them evaporate and dry, just for the material to be soaked again. “I’m so sorry Yn…”

I heard Rhys whirl around, and I could feel the tension across the room. He probably thinks I’m mad. I might as well be.

More footsteps sounded than people in the house and Cassian walked in the room. Luckily I was facing away from him. “Don’t tell me he’s a part of our special detachment.”

I rolled my eyes. Cassian, ever the charming.

“No, he’s… well, he’ll be living here for a little while.”

“Do I wanna know?”

“It’s none of your business,” I snapped. No one spoke. I sighed for what felt like the billionth time today. “Sorry.”

“What happened?” Cassian asked, coming to stand next to me, his body reeking of sweat and dirt. All I had to do was lift my head and I think he understood enough. That or Rhys told him. “I won’t say anything cause I’ll probably just make it worse.”

“Probably,” Rhys nodded.

“Probably.” My eyes burned, so did my skin. “I have to get all my stuff out tomorrow. She told me to.”

“Then you’ll do it tomorrow. Not tonight, tomorrow. Respect her wishes, or I will make you.”

“I heard you the first time.”

“We’ll be back,” Rhys grabbed a few things from his desk then ushered Cassian out the door. “Don’t do anything. Just stay here.”

It could’ve been twenty minutes or two hours until I finally moved upstairs. Forcing myself to not go to Yn’s room was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. All the conversations we had, all the plans we made. It’s where she first got the idea of her restaurant. She literally had a dream and made it a reality.

I’d be lying if I said I told her how proud of her I was. I never have. Why have I never told her that? Could I really have been that caught up in Elain that… Wow. It’s funny how you only realize after the fact.

My bed caught me as I collapsed into it, tucking my knees into my chest. I am such a loser. Pathetic. Just like Rhys said. My heart would burn up and die at this rate. It was a mystery how I hadn’t burst into flames yet.

There are so many things I need, and Yn takes the top of the list. She had always been everything I needed. When I needed comfort, I went to Yn. When I needed solutions, I went to Yn. When I needed answers, to be heard, to be validated, to be loved… who was I supposed to go to now? Definitely not Rhys or Cassian, and certainly not Elain.

Maybe for the first time ever I wanted nothing to do with Elain. I didn’t want to see her. I couldn’t care less if I ever saw her again. Her presence in my life has done nothing but tear my other relationships apart.

She’s the reason I’m here in this mess.

_____

At some ridiculous hour of the night– morning? Is that the sun?– I heard the door open. I shot up, then deflated down. I wasn’t in my bed. I wasn’t at home. And that wasn’t Yn walking in the door.

Every thought and emotion rushed back into my head, creating an endless tangle of thoughts. The next more horrid and self destructive than the last. I deserve it.

Missing the opening of her restaurant, Latibule–an ancient word for refuge or safe place–was the biggest mistake of my life. I will never be able to make that up to her. I turned her biggest accomplishment into a slimy, diseased memory. I ruined what was supposed to be the best night of her life.

I’ve let her down in a way I’ll never be able to repair.

Even Rhys and Feyre were there last night. And I wasn’t. Nesta and Cassian. Azriel, Amren, Mor… they were all there, supporting her. And I was with Elain. She probably wanted to go, and I was there, holding her back.

I need to get out of this room before it crushes me whole.

I could see the sun just barely peeking over the Sidra when I stepped outside, cloak wrapped tightly around my head and shoulders to keep out the early morning bite.

There wasn’t a soul around, Velaris still blissfully asleep besides this one small corner store that sold hot tea and pastries all hours of the day. Rustling in my pocket was just enough for a peach turnover and a cherry blossom tea.

The bell chimed above the door as I walked in, knocking my boots against the step to not track dirt in.

“Early start to the day, Luc?” Ms. Immy smiled from behind the counter, polishing a few mugs before moving to come to the display case, packed full of delicious goods, savory and sweet.

“Unfortunately,” I sighed. “Couldn’t really sleep.”

“Well I am glad to have you in, the usual?”

“That would be great, Ms. Immy.”

The lovely owner of the bakery was Ms. Immy. One of the older members of the Night Court but as wise as they come. She’s the kindest, most gentle fae to roam Prythian. With her soft, sage green eyes and long, slender ears adorn with piercings, Ms. Immy was by far one of my favorites here.

The kettles whistled behind her as she dipped a tea bag into my mug. Ms. Immy always had designated mugs for her regular customers. Mine was made of green clay, mostly green with a white oval on the front with two lines of flowers. In the center of it all was a simple fox. She once told me that I had the spirit of one of those extinct creatures in the human lands. That I was reserved, and at my core I fiercely protected those I cared about.

If only I had been able to protect Yn from myself.

Her mug had been one crafted of the moon and the stars. With all the constellations of the Gods being lifted into the air by the magic of the Cauldron. Ms. Immy had told her it was a visual representation that Yn was a great reminder of the past to the current world. That she was lost art that was to never be forgotten.

There is nothing I want more than for the rest of the world to be loved as fiercely as she had loved me.

“Here is your tea, Lucien,” Ms. Immy set the mug on the counter, pushing up the glass case and plucking a peach turnover out. “And for you as well.”

“Thank you,” I tried to smile. I stared at the blackberry tart next to the peach turnovers. Yn’s go-to. It made my blood run cold.

I put the coins in her hand before I could begin to cry again and scooted out the door as another person was coming in.

The table and chairs outside were hard and covered in a light mist. It creaked as I sat, just as it always did. I should've sat anywhere else, but my body naturally drifted to this exact spot. It had a good view of the street so Yn and I could watch the people walk by. Pretending we know every bit of their personal lives and beyond. Make up extravagant stories and adventures for the most boring looking individuals in hopes they may one day get to go on them in another lifetime.

Gods she is everywhere. She’s in the tavern across the street, in the stones on the ground that we used to kick on our walks. She’s in the sunrise, the same color of her heated cheeks filling the sky. There is no escaping what used to be my whole world.

Silently, I let a few tears roll down my cheeks. I ought to be ashamed of showing so much emotion in public, but for some reason I can’t find the will to care.

The door chimes and footsteps go back down the street. The door chimes again.

“My fox boy,” Ms. Immy says so softly I almost don’t hear it over the roar in my ears. “What troubles you so badly you can’t sleep?”

I bite my lip to keep from making any embarrassing noises. “I don’t know how to fix something that I’ve done.”

“You missed the opening of Yn’s restaurant.” She says.

I nod. “How did you know?”

“Because I did not see you there, fox boy.”

“She kicked me out, Ms. Immy. I deserved it, every bit of what she said was true.”

“I think that is true, Lucien,” Ms. Immy came and sat in Yn’s spot, folding her hands in her lap, letting out a breath of air as she extended her old, feeble legs. “Nobody is happy with what you’ve done but-”

“I didn’t mean to blow her off Ms. Immy I just-”

“But,” she cuts me off with a pointed look. “I think you are a very lost soul. For the first time in your life you are truly free. No High Lord to obey, no throne to fight for, no war to fight in. Just a High Lord to serve and to respect. You have everything you could ask for, and yet you have no idea what to do with it.”

She’s right. She’s always right. “I want to fix it. I have to.”

“I am afraid that may not be what the spirit of the Gods wants.” Why is it that I get called fox boy and Yn get’s called something as majestic as ‘spirit of the Gods’? “If those are her wishes, you are going to respect them. Eternally.”

“I will go mad. If I don’t have her by my side for the rest of my life I will go mad.” “So you share a bond with her as well?” She asks.

“I don’t know. All I do is that I haven’t stopped crying and shaking at every reminder of her. No matter how small. Life without her in it is meaningless to me. Afterall, she is the one who gave it back to me.”

“And a good job she did, fox boy,” Ms. Immy smiled softly. “You are a good male who has been blinded by instincts. While it is not your fault, it has become your problem. And by the looks of you, it seems like it has become quite the ordeal.”

My shoulders dropped as I put my head in my palms. I breathed. “I don’t know how to function without her. She has been there, every day of my life, for nearly seventy years, Ms. Immy. We did everything together. Our mornings were spent as one, our evenings, all the restaurant planning and-and brunches here with you-”

“Breathe, Lucien-”

“How am I supposed to just pack up my things today and move on? H-How am I supposed to just carry on as if she never existed in my life? The thought of not being able to see her every day makes me want to peel the skin off my flesh.”

Ms. Immy looked at me, the hard lines in her face becoming more defined. “Listen to me very carefully, fox boy. What’s done is done. You cannot go back in time and take back what you said. The worst of it is over. Now comes the long process of trying to piece your life together. Whether Yn will be able to help you will depend on what you decide to do in the next several days. If you follow her wishes of moving out and staying clear, there could be a chance in the future. But, if you neglect her wishes, as you had neglected her to lead you to this moment, then there is no hope.”

If you neglect her wishes, as you had neglected her to lead you to this moment, then there is no hope… Words have never stunned me quite as forcefully as Ms. Immy’s had. The true gravity of the situation has set in, if it hadn’t already. One wrong move and she’s gone. For good.

“There is a reason why you are my little fox, Lucien,” Ms. Immy stood, taking my cold mug that I hadn’t touched. “They were intelligent, cunning creatures, just as you are. Do not let your instincts guide you to a decision. Let your heart and the facts do it for you.”

“The facts? What facts?” “The fact that you have screwed up. The fact that Yn has made a decision for you since you were incapable of doing it yourself. It is truth, and it hurts, but it has to for change to come.” And then she went inside.

I sat with those final words for far longer than I anticipated. It was long enough for people to begin leaving their homes, the streets beginning to fill with people.

Yn would be out of the house by now, opening for the restaurant’s breakfast hours. I could go now. Or I could stay here and try to blend into the hundreds of faces passing in and out. But I need to move. Yn might come in for her apple cider and blackberry tart. If I saw her right now I’d surely do something stupid.

As I walked, the clouds blocked out the sun and it began to drizzle. The drizzle turned into a steady rain, then a downpour. I was soaked through my cloak and boots, water seeping in and out with every step. My hair stuck to the back of my neck.

I kept my head down as I walked, afraid of being recognized. If Ms. Immy had been there to not see me at Latibule, who else?

The cobblestone ended and mud replaced it. I knew where I was.

The old, beaten path dared me to go up to the house. It beckoned me. From here, at the bottom of the hill, I could see several boxes stacked up outside the door, the disposable brown material soaked through with the rain. She was serious…

Some part of me– the extremely selfish part– has been secretly hoping that she’ll tell me she made a mistake and that she wants me back. But I think those boxes are a not-so-gentle-shove in the opposite direction.

The key in my pocket might as well have been the key to another universe, because when I opened the door it was like I entered a whole new world. One without me in it. All the pictures of us, all the paintings Feyre had done for us, were off the walls. All the plants and trinkets and decorations I gifter here were piled in the corner for me to collect.

How could so much damage have been done in just a few hours?

One by one, I packed away the things into the soggy boxes. I moved from room to room. Silently. Hoping this was all a dream only to be launched back into reality with every memory that surfaced. Every possession I had given her in the last seventy years was piled here for me to take.

She wanted no trace of me here. And I didn’t blame her. I don’t want any trace of me either.

I must’ve stayed there for hours– crying, packing, reliving moments I had long forgotten only to cry again– because it was close to sunset now. Every trace of me was packed up; all those pictures, all those trinkets, all my clothes and bathing goods… everything I owned fit into these boxes. Everything except for the one person I didn’t want to do life without.

But Rhys and Ms. Immy are right. If I try to do something now, to get her back, I’ll ruin any real chance. That is something I can’t afford.

To an immortal, a few months or years equivalates to just a few minutes of human life. But if it takes years for Yn to accept me back in her life…

Besides the clothes and membranes from the Autumn and Spring Courts, I discard everything. I will tear myself to bits if I don’t get rid of them. Will I regret it down the road, probably, but I can’t have them.

The two boxes and bag of clothes I carry from her house to the Town House are water logged and falling apart. It’s a miracle they didn’t unravel completely. Just add more humiliation to a High Lords son dragging boxes and bags through the street. I deserve all the stare’s and hushed questions.

Nothing could’ve prepared me for the sights of Rhys and Cassian helping me carry them up the stairs.

“I don’t know how you’re feeling but-”

“Don’t,” I pleaded. “Just… just don’t. I don’t want your pity, Cassian.”

“I am probably the last person besides Azriel who would pity you, Lucien. And I had no intentions to belittle you for what you did. I was going to offer you a spot in my training ring if you ever needed an escape.”

His kindness shocked me. I can’t say I know the Illyrian well, but this gesture spoke a lot to his character. So I sighed, of course I thought he was going to be hostile to me. Everyone should. “Oh.”

“Training starts at eight and goes to one. Come well fed and in something warm. The top of the House is colder.”

Neither of us said anything else as he left me to unpack.

______

Some weeks later I had taken Cassian up on his offer. Him and Nesta were great at kicking my ass and telling me about it. This side of both of them was far different than the ones I had seen. Here, Cassian wasn’t a prick. He was an instructor, teaching me how to defend my life and my honor. Nesta was… less Nesat. She channeled this otherworldly presence and became one with her weapon.

Me on the other hand… it was far more difficult. Fighting and battle wasn’t rooted in my blood like it was for Cassian. It was much harder for me to get it but I sorta did. Sorta.

“Just keep working on that footwork and it’ll help with the sword placement. If you’re solid by the end of the week, I’ll put a real one in your hands,” Cassian grinned, chucking me my practice weapon.

It brought a quick smile to my face. As fast as it was there it was gone. Like most these days.

When I got home, I rifled through my closet. Brown and green and cream colored shirts after another. Where was that Night Court Blue one I had gotten a long time ago? I could’ve sworn I plucked it from the pile on the floor- no, that was a towel. I was planning on wearing it to dinner at the River House tonight for Mor’s birthday.

Oh, Yn has it. I had given it to her to wear for a meeting with a realtor when looking at properties. She had tucked it into this black leather skirt.

I’ll swing by on my way to the party to get it. Mor always liked the color on me, and said it brought out the fire in my hair. She’ll appreciate the gesture.

After a shower and some other outfit choices, I can’t help but want that blue shirt. I’ll just go get it.

Through the falling leaves, I make my way down the street, across it, and to the meadow. There are six or seven houses with smoke billowing out of their chimneys. But there, right in the distance, is her house. She’ll be at her restaurant tonight so I know I’m safe.

I scurry up the path, still worried about being seen for some reason.

Has it been easy these past couple weeks? No. I haven’t been able to think of anything but her. Or dream of anything but her. It’s awful. Not her, but the fact that somehow, someway, she is still everywhere I am. In those memories in the darkest part of the night. The darkest part of my mind reserved for her and her only.

I hadn’t dared to go visit Elain. I don’t feel the need anymore. Which is relieving and frightening at the same time. It’s like there is a gaping hole in my heart that nothing will fill. Not even training. It proves a good secondary distraction, but nothing can suppress the primary guilt I feel every waking–

What is that smell? I stopped just shy of the door, key in hand. It wants to smell like the rest of the smoke and ash wafting into the air from the nearby cabins, but it’s… more alive? What if she left the stove on? Or a candle? There are hints of woods mixed into it, but not the type of woodsy scent from pine or maple logs.

I jam the key in as fast as I can to unlock the door. What if she left the fireplace burning or had an electrical fire or-

In the span of five seconds, three things happened. One: Yn was here. And she looked so beautiful. Her eyes are bright and full of color. Two: she was being held by someone, his hands on her cheeks. Three: boiling rage shot through when I realized who it was.

Eris.

~~~~~~~~~

Part 3

#acotar fanfiction #acotar fanfic #lucien x you #lucien x reader #lucien acotar #lucien vanserra #acotar #acotar fandom

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s-4pphics · 1 year

Text

scent of the pine. 4 (e.w)

we back in this shit like we never left y’all 😳

wc;cw 10.7k ohhh not again, sistersbestfriend!ellie, guitarist/producer!ellie, violinist!oc, age gap(three years), all ocs r black coded <3, FLUFF i know shocker, but slight angst bc i’m devious like that🤭, domestic ellie with a cat, some crack :p, SMUT UH OHHH MDNI, dubcon(ellie is high), weed, sexual tension yall already knowww, thigh riding, fingering, eating out no restaurant, mult. orgasms, squirting, dirty talk, one pussy slap, overstim, ellie’s tongue is pierced yes that’s a warning lol, masturbation, more stunna girl promo someone pay me, this is cute tbh lol

“Your girlfriend is living lavish. GYYYAATTT— “

“Arya, can you please shut up! She’s not my girlfriend!”

“No bitch, you needa shut the hell up! I drove you here and I will leave you!”

You and an irritated Arya (she’s not herself when she’s hungry!) were parked outside of Ellie’s very… expensive looking apartment building. It looked like there were about thirty floors to it with lots of windows. You knew she had accumulated a following due to the reaction people had to her on New Year’s Eve, but you weren’t expecting her to be living like an actual celebrity. She was fucking rich, now. You couldn’t wrap your head around it.

Arya must’ve noticed the nervous, intimidated look on your face as you gazed at the building because you immediately felt a soft hand on yours. “Hey, you’re gonna be fine. She seems more than willing to talk and apologize! I’m gonna be here the whole time and you come down when you’re ready, okay?”

You looked over to your best friend—the light of your life—and nodded. You’ve never been so appreciative of someone before. She made you feel so calm—

“With that being said, just know if she says anything outta line, I’m telling your sister and we’re jumpin’ her ass, no question!” she said seriously before encouragingly slapping your thigh. “Go ‘head, love you.”

“…Love you more.” She made you feel calm enough.

Your friends are so…. supportive!

You exited Arya’s car as you waved to her, her giving you two thumbs up in return.

Here goes nothing.

You took in the building as you entered…. this was some Michelin star shit!

Marble floors, white walls edged with gold frames, women wrapped in trench coats with puppies in their purses! What the fuck is going on—

You were even starting to second guess your attire. You wore a simple black puffer, hoodie, and sweatpants. Should you have dressed… better? More presentable? You were starting to get a bit insecure.

You pulled your phone out to distract yourself from second-guessing your appearance (or lack thereof!) and opened your texts with Ellie. You started typing.

hey. i’m downstairs.

You immediately saw her chat bubble pop up before her reply came through.

cool i’ll be down in 2 mins

You sighed a heavy sigh as you shut your phone off. Don’t overthink, you thought. You’re here to talk and that’s it! Nothing more, nothing less.

Don’t lie, slut!

Your brain hates you! It fucking hates you—!

Your train of thought immediately shut off as you saw Ellie walk out of the elevator. She looked so…warm. She had on a black beanie and sweatsuit, little marijuana fuzzy socks, and slippers.

You missed seeing this side of her. So relaxed and comfortable.

She walked over to you with a timid expression before finally muttering a hi, and you muttered one back.

You could tell she was nervous: her thumbs were fidgeting, she wouldn’t look you in your eyes for too long, and she was licking at her slightly chapped lips.

“We should, um… go upstairs?” She asked quietly, like speaking too loudly would frighten you.

You only nodded gently. She nodded back before turning, leading you towards the elevators.

You found out Ellie lived on the… nineteenth floor. What the fuck? Wasn’t the golden rule of apartments: the higher you are, the more expensive it is?! What the fuck was she doing up here?

“My place is down the hall,” she said over her shoulder. You took note of the shakiness in her voice. You’ve never seen her so skittish before. Was it because of you?

She unlocked the third from the last door and opened it, allowing you entry. You took in her place and… holy fuck!

Her apartment… her loft was fucking immaculate!

Her living room was huge: plush, gray couch that was stocked with matching pillows, black and green rugs littering the floor, TV mounted on the wall, black glass coffee table, and her dual monitor setup (you see that black kitten ears headset! was she a fucking gamer?!). There were black details everywhere on the walls, floors, and spiral staircase that led into her bedroom what the fuck?! You could see where she slept… and you were still downstairs!

And her fucking black marble kitchen! You were in love! You never cooked a day in your life, but you will gladly start now if it means you can stay in there forever!

“Ellie, who the fuck are you?” you asked, shocked and dazed.

She seemed to relax at your question as she softly chuckled, shyly looking down at her socked feet.

“I’ll tell you everything you wanna know. Come sit with me.” She said, nodding towards her couch. It was slightly sunken in; she must’ve been napping there! You unlaced your boots and removed your coat, holding it in your hands. As you followed her towards the couch to sling your coat over the back, a soft jingle, followed by soft paddling on the floor caught you off guard. You turned to see a small, green-eyed Bombay cat next to the kitchen counter, curiously staring at you.

You let out a gasp of excitement at the little baby before looking at a surprised Ellie, grabbing her wrist joyfully.

“Ellie, oh my god! Why didn’t you tell me you had a cat?! It’s so cute, boy or girl?! How old is it— “

“She’s a.. she’s a girl. Seven months.”

“She’s soooo cute! Oh my god! I always wanted a cat! What’s her name? Oh, look at her little princess collar— “

You turned back to her: she had an expression that you didn’t recognize, and you hadn't realized how close you’d gotten during your jumpy, hyper kitty questions. You felt her breathing against your face as she studied it, and you studied her back.

Why were you suddenly thinking about that night? You kissing her, her kissing back, her grabbing you like she never wanted to let you go again. Her eyes slowly dropped to your mouth, and yours did the same. All you had to do was lean forward again—

A quiet meow! snapped you out of your lustful haze before you looked down and backed away. You noticed Ellie hadn’t moved from her position when you looked back up, eyes still searching for… something.

“She’s.. she’s cute,” you said as you cleared your throat, walking towards the cushiony space. “Let’s sit.”

She silently nodded and sat next to you.

Deep breath. Exhale.

Let’s get this over with! your brain shouted.

“I’m so sorry. I never regretted anything so much in my life. I treated your sister like fucking garbage—I treated you like garbage and I’ve never felt so terrible— “

“Ellie, breathe,” you cut off her nervous mumbles. You just sat down! “I’m not… upset with you anymore. And you're not the only one who fucked up, either. It wouldn’t be an apology if I didn’t take some accountability too.”

You watched her relax before confusion overtook her expression. You explained yourself, blushing as you recalled the events of that night. “I know… New Year’s wasn’t the best first meeting after…. you know. I wanted to apologize for how I… reacted and what I did. It wasn’t okay at all—”

There was a moment of silence before she broke it, eyebrows still pulled downward as she stuttered. “You don’t... You don’t have to apologize for that. I um…. like, it was fine. Well, it wasn’t fine—we were drunk and whatever, but, yeah, I don’t think of you differently, or, what I mean is— “

You laughed lightly at her nervousness. She shook her head with a sheepish smile before she hit her mint elf bar that she pulled out of her pocket, blowing the smoke away from your face.

“I’m not sure if you can tell, but I’m scared shitless.”

“I think you’re making it obvious,” you said as you chuckled and continued.

She paused as she collected her thoughts, staring down at the couch. “I said a lot of… fucked up shit when I met up with your sister after everything happened. About her… about you. I don't know how much she told you but… I said things that I regretted immediately. I was angry and hurt… and I felt cornered, and I lashed out. Doesn’t excuse it at all, but… yeah, it was gross’n uncalled for.”

“She told me everything. All of it,” You tried to ignore the sting in your heart as you recalled that night. She nodded her head shamefully. You continued.

“Why didn’t you reach out after your birthday?” You pressed as softly as you could manage.

She didn’t answer immediately as you watched her breathe deeply.

“I…” She stuttered before whispering. “I was scared.”

“Of?” You pressed again, tone more urgent.

“Of you both never talking to me again,” She said, confusing you before she clarified. “I held it off for so long because I needed to think about my approach. I felt if I immediately called you, you wouldn’t wanna talk to me because of how fresh it was. But I also…I don’t know, it’s fuckin’ stupid.”

You shook your head at her. “I'm just…I’m confused because I never, like, hated you or anything like that after we left your party. I want you to know that,” you said seriously, your nerves making you stutter. “I was sad and embarrassed, but never… hateful, if that makes sense. Even when I tried to be afterwards, it never came.”

You noticed her expression drop slightly at the mention of hate before she replied softly. “I’d understand if you did. What I said to you and your sister was fucking disgusting… I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me for what I said.”

“She’s been… stubborn, I won’t lie. I don’t know what state of mind she’s in when it comes to you, to be honest. I just know she’s still hurting.”

Ellie nodded in acknowledgment as she looked down, but you could see the sorrowful look overtake her face at your admission. It made your heart stutter. You watched as she hit her nic again.

Just as you were about to move to comfort her, your phone dinged, and dinged, from your pocket. You unlocked your phone and saw a slew of texts from Arya.

ari: is she giving you “i’m sorry” head yet?

ari: im bored bro being a good friend is tiring 😐🙄

ari: i know her strap is bright red and THICK

ari: like a fire hydrant!!

ari: how tf r u gonna walk outta that big ass building!!🚷🚷🚷

You clenched and blushed heavily at the suggestion, clicking your phone off and dropping it in your lap out of embarrassment. You looked back up at her with a mortified expression and she… was smirking. And then she smiled. And laughed. She’d been looking at your screen the whole time. Why didn’t you angle the screen away from her?!

She saw them. She saw the messages!

You want to die you want to die you want to die—

“Your friend’s funny,” she said as she blew out a waft of smoke around her giggles.

“I’m—I’m so fuckin’ sorry, she’s crazy and gross! —“

She laughed harder and shook her head. “No, you're good, don’t worry.”

You fell back on her couch (it felt like a fucking cloud!) with your face in your hands as you thought about the type of casket you wanted for your funeral.

But… oh, fuck.

You felt her body move on the couch before you felt her weight crawl on top of you and oh god what the fuck!

She pulled at your forearms to slide your hands off of your warm face, but you refused to open your eyes there was no way you’re opening your fucking eyes right now—

“Look at me.”

You shook your head. She smelled so good, she smelled so good! Your body clenched tight, you were so horny, and you wanted her bad and was her dick like a fire hydrant?!—

“Open ‘em, c’mon, wanna see you!” you heard the smile in her voice.

You missed her smile so bad, and you moved on autopilot, slowly opening your eyes and taking in the sight above you. She was cheesing so hard, a light blush painted across her freckles, beanie discarded and hair everywhere from her messing with it out of nervousness when you sat down. She looked so much more comfortable in your presence, and it made your heart skip with joy. You couldn’t help but smile back at her.

What you didn’t expect was for her to take your wrists in her calloused hands, pin them either side of your head, and bend down to whisper it’s not red, it’s purple, but yeah! before you turned away from her to suffocate yourself in her cushions. They smelled like her why does the universe hate you—!

She started hysterically laughing as she let go of your wrists and plopped down next to you, and it made you want to cry: her laugh is so goofy and stupid and she snorts, but nobody could tell you that her laugh didn’t sound like angels singing in that moment. All you could do was watch her with the widest grin on your face.

After she wiped the tears from her eyes, she met yours, her smile getting softer and her eyes gentler. She licked her lips before she subtly dropped her eyes to your mouth, and back up to meet your gaze again. You could feel her gently grazing her fingers across your forehead as you looked at each other. Your heart was pounding due to her closeness—

THROW IT IN ROTATION! (THROW IT!)—

Your ringtone blared in the living room and you wanted to fucking scream. You sat up to reach for it before plopping back down, answering it.

“BITCH, I’M STARVING! ARE Y’ALL DONE?!”

You heard Ellie snicker at your friend's blaring before she whispered a soft don’t leave yet. You sent her a reassuring smile and she sent one back.

“Umm.. Ari?”

“Girl… what?”

“I’m staying, m’ sorry for keeping you waiting for this long.”

You heard her let out a cackle before she wailed, “THE STRAP GOT YOU LIKE THAT?! WHEN’S THE WEDDING—!”

You hung up before she could say anything more. Ellie’s booming laughter nearly shook the entire building.

Your entire body was boiling hot. You heard another ding! from your device. You couldn’t help but read it, making sure to block the screen from Ellie's view this time.

ari: I LOVE U!!!!! PLS BE SAFE

ari: AND DONT B MAD AT ME BC HER PIPE CRAZY!!! XOXO

“Holy fuck!” Ellie said in between breaths, more tears running down her face. “I have to meet her, oh my god!”

It was dark and you were still at Ellie’s.

You’d been laying on the couch talking for hours about any and everything: how you and Arya are roommates on campus, your attempts at music production, your fucking YouTube channel and how she’d been a dedicated subscriber for months?! You let her talk about her life as well: her being a music engineer and producer (she started selling her beats to artists in the city months ago, rich bitches only!), how she, Dina, and Jesse are still very close (poor sissy), her being a literal fucking celebrity and a monarch for the creative community in your town.

(“It was such a random night, I swear to god!” she squealed out with a smile as you listened to the story, laughing. “But… I felt like I wanted to help them, they were such nice people. And it blew up like crazy, it was insane! We couldn’t believe it.”)

You both rambled on and on!

But, even with her transparency, there was still something heavy weighing on you that she hadn’t addressed.

“Ellie?”

“Hm?”

“I don’t wanna… press on this, and don’t answer if you don’t feel comfortable, but… why did you and Cat break up?” You asked softly, staring at the wall behind her.

You felt her shift next to you, and you immediately went to apologize for crossing a boundary, but she spoke before you could.

“We um… we were kinda… bad for each other? That shit sounds so fuckin’ corny, but it’s true.” She said as she collected her thoughts. She continued when she gathered them.

“We met really randomly. I was walking home from school, and we just bumped into each other in front of this gas station. She looked so cool to me and I was like oh my god, she’s perfect. I was still in my fucking gym clothes from P.E, like,” She said with a soft laugh. You smiled encouragingly. “I was in a really… bad place and she came in and made me not think about it all the time.”

She paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. “We’ve always been a little unstable, but it just… all went downhill after we moved to Cali. She was doing things I didn’t like, I was doing things she didn’t like and… yeah. She broke up with me and kicked me out.”

“I’m really sorry, Ellie,” you said comfortingly. “I know you were together for a really long time, that’s terrible.”

“No need to apologize, we just grew apart. It happens,” she replied softly, finally meeting your eyes. “And I got cat custody, so.”

You both let out soft laughs as the familiar jingle rang from the kitchen.

“I swear to god she was human at some point, she always comes when I mention her,” she commented with an eyeroll.

“She’s such a sweetie pie, I wanna cuddle!”

She quietly hummed in agreement before letting out gentle kissy noises to lure her pet over.

Jingle, jingle, jinglejinglejingle—

And a cat appeared on the back of the couch.

“Hi, princess!” You said giddily as you sat up, propping yourself up on your elbow as she sniffed your extended hand. “I’m a fuckin’ idiot, what’s the baby’s name?”

“Duchess, fuckin’ vermin,” She said lightly, grin on her face as she sat up to grab the kitty and placed her in the open space between your bodies, planting kisses on her little head.

“Hi, baby! You’re so cute!” You squealed out as she purred at your gentle pets, before she froze, looked off into the distance and ran off the couch like she saw a ghost.

Ellie tsked and rolled her eyes at her fleeing form before she turned back to you. Did she move closer? Or did you?

“Are you hungry?” She quietly asked, her eyes—once again—locked onto your mouth.

“A little.”

“My dad made lasagna last night, it’s in the fridge. We can order in too if you don’t want that.”

“I love lasagna!”

You watched her grin and look at your mouth one more time before she got up and waddled over to the kitchen.

The lasagna was in the oven, and you were watching Ellie seal her rolled blunt at the kitchen table.

She was lightly licking the wrap closed and you were staring hard. Like, really fucking hard. Your devious fucking brain almost allowed you to forget that she had a fucking black tongue piercing, and you were starting to squirm in your chair—

“You smoke?”

You dazedly shook your head no. “Not really, on very rare occasions.”

She nodded at you while she licked the paper before speaking. “If you wanna hit, just lemme know.”

You nodded at her before redirecting your gaze back to her mouth. She was already done with sealing her blunt, but her lips were so fucking pretty and you couldn’t look away.

Until she started smiling. Fuck.

“You stare really hard,” she noted with a light laugh.

“So do you!” You said as you dropped your gaze to her table.

“Mhm,” She agreed with a nod, squinting her eyes at you. “But you try to act like you're not looking when you are. I want you to catch it, that’s the difference between me’n you.”

She said it so casually and it made your pussy clench—

Ding!

“Be a doll and light this for me, gonna go get the goods,” She said, sliding the stocked ashtray and lighter over to you before lightly jogging towards the oven.

You picked up the lighter and flicked it before picking up the blunt, awkwardly guiding it to the flame.

Was this correct? Or were you supposed to light the other side? What the fuck—

“How the fuck do you live with a stoner like your sister and not know how to spark?” She playfully teased you from the counter, mitt-covered hands holding the hot pan of food.

“Fuck off! I just told you I don’t smoke!” You said with a pout.

She walked back over to you, placing the pan in the middle of the table and removing her paw oven mitts before taking the blunt and lighter from you.

“You’re lighting it like a cig, here, lemme show you.” She said as she sat down.

You watched her ignite the flame and brought it over to the tip of the blunt. She slowly rotated the blunt so all sides were burnt, a steady stream of smoke releasing from the lit end of it.

She brought it to her lips and lightly puffed it twice and you didn’t realize how tight you were squeezing your fists together.

She put the lighter down, properly ripping from the blunt and breathing in a little… sphere? before exhaling and what the fuck was that she’s so fucking sexy—

“See?”

“I can see your charred lungs—!”

She busted out into laughter before she started choking, pointing towards the kitchen cabinets, whining out a go get the fuckin’ plates!

You giggled as you rushed over to grab two, along with forks and a knife before jogging back to your seat.

You made Ellie a plate, cutting her a piece of the cheesy corner and sliding it in front of her, placing her fork on the dish.

You felt her eyes staring holes into your face, and you slowly turned to her, holding her intense gaze as she brought the blunt up to her lips to hit it. She was watching your every move. All you were doing was putting the fucking casserole on the plate, but you felt so hot.

You shyly turned away from her gaze and made yourself a plate and ate in comfortable silence (this lasagna was so fucking good, it rendered you speechless!) as Ellie smoked her roach down. You could still feel her staring!

You both finished eating and you got up to stack and wash the dishes before Ellie stopped you with a nope! you’re my guest! go sit!

“Let me at least wash mine!” You said as you snagged your plate from her hand and ran to the sink, water running and sponge already in hand.

Ellie threw her plate in the sink as you both giggled, reaching for your plate to snatch it back. You tussled with her, dodging her playful grasps for the dirty dish before you felt her front press all the way up against your back, trapping you between the counter and her. And you were immediately still.

And so was she.

She slowly reached around you to turn the water off, grabbing the plate and sponge from your nonresistant hands to place them into the sink. Your hands and body were frozen as you stood there. You hadn’t realized how much you’d been anticipating her touch until you felt her hands on both your covered arms. She slowly moved them up before she brought her hands to your shoulders to squeeze them, sliding them over to gently massage her thumbs into the back of your neck.

You nearly bent over this fucking sink!

Your breathing picked up even more when she whispered out a this okay?, her breath making the hairs on your arms stand up. You nodded eagerly as you bit your lip. Your pussy nodded even faster!

Desperate slut! I knew it!, your brain screamed, and for once, you didn’t listen. You just felt the hands on you.

“You wanna know somethin’?” She whispered out against your neck.

You nodded so hard. Anything anything anything—

She let out a light chuckle before she said, “I thought about you a lot after you left the bar, ‘s kinda embarrassing.”

You spoke before you could think. “What… what'd you think about?” You breathed out, unsteady. You felt her hands clench tighter on your shoulders.

You felt her smirk at your greedy tone against your neck, “Fuckin’ you up against that door, wanted to make you cry.”

You were about to cry right now! Your pussy’s crying! She needs attention! Your hands were glued to the sink, but you slowly wrapped your foot around her ankle to subtly pull her closer to you. You wanted no space between the two of you, you needed her closer.

You felt her drop her hands before she whispered out a turn around, baby.

You dropped your foot spun—whipped— around and it made her giggle. She was so, so close but you needed her closer, needed to breathe her in, needed her inside—

You looked at her, you looked at her so fucking hard. She's so gorgeous and handsome and sexy and you needed her like you needed air! You missed her so much! You couldn’t fucking breathe—!

Kissmekissmekissme—

“Stay the night,” she whispered out against your mouth.

“Not fuckin’ going anywhere.” You could barely recognize your own voice; you needed her so badly.

She hummed, satisfied with your answer before she grabbed your waist to pull you flush against her—just like she did that night—and kissed you. She kissed you breathless and you couldn’t think. She barely touched you and you were brainless!

She smelled like weed and fucking pine and your legs felt like jelly!

Her hands were everywhere: grabbing your hips, grabbing your ass, grabbing your tits through your clothes and you were moaning into her mouth, tugging at her sweatshirt to pull her closer. You felt her studded tongue slide against yours and you moaned again, louder. She hummed back, sucking your bottom lip into her mouth before releasing it to lick it again. You felt her thigh shove between yours in a hard grind against your pussy. You squeaked into her mouth as you impulsively moved downward to meet her thigh.

“Wanted to cum on me so fuckin’ bad, right? Huh?”

“Yeah, baby, shit— “

“Uh huh,” she hummed at your whines before pulling back, grabbing at your sweatpants with a rough tug downward. “Take these off, c’mon.”

You yanked them down as Ellie squatted to help you get them from around your ankles. You stumbled as you lifted a leg to step out of one, but one of her hands came up to your hip to steady you, planting a gentle kiss to one of your thighs with a muttered easy. You noticed her catch a glimpse of your underwear as she pulled away from your leg, which were littered with fucking bowls of fruit are you fucking kidding—

“You’re so fuckin’ cute, holy shit,” you felt her chuckle lightly at your bashed reaction, covering your face as you whined into your hands.

“This is so fucking embarrassing!”

She ignored you as you felt her press kisses all over your legs, “Look at me.”

You whined again, shaking your head.

You felt her kiss her way back up over your panties, over your stomach with a tight grip on your hips, grabbing your tits over your sweatshirt, and you hadn’t even noticed that your hands dropped from your face to grip the counter to steady yourself. She reconnected her lips with yours and you threw your arms around her neck. She pressed her thigh against you, and you slammed a clenching hand down on the counter behind you for balance. She held your hips to help you grind down on her and you were so, so high-strung and ready to cum for her—

“El—Ellie, oh fuck!”

“Yeah?” She said against your neck, sucking marks into the skin.

“Ye—mmh!”

“Gonna get m’fuckin’ leg wet? Gonna make me yours?” She slurred raspily.

The thought of her being yours was enough to make you cum hard in your panties, your body stiffening and your eyes rolling back as it wracked through you. Ellie made sure to keep the gap between your pussy and her leg closed as you rode your high out. You tried to shut your legs as she pressed into you, but your resistance only made her dig her leg harder into your clit with a cocky chuckle against your neck. You couldn’t stop saying her name and you knew she loved it! You were so happy she was standing as close as she was; You would’ve hit the floor the second it washed over you!

She continued that slow grind as you came down. She pulled away from your neck to kiss your mouth, then your nose, then both your cheeks before mumbling, “Can you make it upstairs or do you want me walk you to the fuckin’ couch?”

You peeled your eyes open to lightly glare at her flushed face, and she laughed before kissing your cheek again and pulling you away from the counter. “C’mon, baby, wobble your ass upstairs.”

You did, lightheaded and all.

Ellie's room was so… her.

Posters of metal bands all over the black, faux brick wall, green and blue fairy lights above her dresser, little trinkets and action figures and books on her other dresser. It was all dark tones with hints of forest green on her dresser and nightstands. You were surrounded by her scent when you walked up the stairs, and you almost passed out from elation.

What you didn’t expect to see was her customized fucking guitar that her dad gave her on the stand in the corner of her room. Next to it, on the desk near her producing equipment, was the embroidered guitar pic that you and your sister got for her eighteenth birthday. She still had it, she actually used it. You immediately felt tears prick your eyes.

“What’s wrong?” she said sympathetically, wrapping her arms around your waist to hold you against her. You sniffled and wiped your eyes.

“…Nothin’, just happy and missed you,” You hoped she bought it. You weren’t about to tell her that you were crying over a fucking guitar pic.

“Missed you so fuckin’ much, you don’t understand,” and you felt her squeeze your waist tighter.

You were on cloud nine.

After you calmed down and wiped your face as she kissed your neck in comfort, she guided you over to her mussed king bed with a mumbled sit down against your forehead before kissing it. You sat and moved to scoot up towards the middle of the bed, but she quickly grabbed your ankles and pulled you back down to the edge. You let out a shocked squeak.

“No one told you to move. Stay there,” She scolded quietly before removing her sweatshirt. Your pussy squeezed at the sight of her bare chest and her fucking defined abs and her everything. You examined her upper body closely: flushed chest littered with freckles shaped like stars, small and random scars that you recognized from her skateboarding accidents years ago, how muscular she was. She was so…

She watched your legs squeeze together with a lick of her lips. You watched her gaze peer down as she watched wetness collect on your panties before she turned and walked towards her dresser to turn her dim lamp and dug around for something… a few things.

Your heartbeat pounded at an alarming pace as you watched her back muscles move with her rummaging. You let out a quiet, dreamy sigh. You’d let her do anything she wanted to you!

She walked back to the bed with full hands, placing the pile of… toys on her exposed, forest green, pine-scented sheets.

You were staring so hard at the… weaponry she just dumped next to you. The only one you recognized was the rechargeable blue wand, her fucking thick, dark purple strap oh fuck, some cherry-flavored lube, and that clit massager that people always linked under viral Twitter threads. Hey, ladies! —

Ellie must’ve noticed the shocked look on your face as you eyed the toys because you felt her grab your chin to redirect your gaze onto her. You were so wound up.

“We don’t have to use all of these, we don’t have to use any of you don’t wanna,” Ellie said gently as she looked down at you while gently caressing your jaw with her pointer finger. “Just wanted you to know I have a preeetty good selection to choose from, it’s up to you, though, whatever you want.”

You got wetter at her consideration and her soft chuckles and her touch and her tits, and oh god, you were about to say I love you—!

“Ellie, I’ve never—y’know,” You blurted out before your habit of impulsivity took over.

“Never used a toy?”

Your face got hotter as you sighed heavily and averted your gaze towards the wall, and you felt her release your chin to lay on her stomach next to you.

She called out your name softly. You timidly looked at her.

“You never had sex?”

You slowly shook your head no.

You were expecting her to joke around and laugh at your embarrassing confession, but she looked and sounded so attentive, so comforting, and it made you squirm.

“It's not a big deal, y’know that right? There’s no timeline to do it. You do it when you wanna… and that’s it.” She said with soft finality as you turned to look at her… very high ceiling. Wealth.

“I wanna, it’s just… like, I don’t know how. Like, where do I put my hands?” You asked with an awkward chuckle as you stiffly held them in the air.

She snorted in your ear before she shuffled closer, turning onto her side to face you. You felt her lift your hoodie up just under your lounge bra and you felt her hand graze the exposed skin above your panties, not dipping under, yet. Just… touching along them. It made you shudder.

“You put ‘em where you like,” She whispered in your ear as she kissed them, barely nudging her fingers under your panties. “And you just watch. See how they react.”

You dropped your hand to place lightly on her wrist to rest there. You saw her gauging your reaction for any signs of discomfort from the corner of your eye. There weren’t any, touch me everywhere!, you wanted to scream.

“El…Ellie..” You whimpered out

“Tell me what you want from me, I’ll do it, anything you want, just need to hear you say it.” She sounded just as eager as you felt and it was making your toes curl.

“Can you,” You whined out quietly as you gripped her wrist tighter. She nodded encouragingly at you. “Want you to touch me.”

“Tell me where, baby.”

“Y-you know where.”

“Say it.” She demanded. Her voice was going to put you in a casket!

“My… my pussy, want you to touch my pussy,” you quickly murmured out to her, your eyes squeezing shut in embarrassment.

“Take these off,” she whispered, kissing the side of your head as she snapped the band of your underwear against your skin. You quickly lifted your hips to rip them off your body, harshly kicking them onto the floor. She snickered at you.

She sat up to instantly straddle your waist and your eyes shot open. She looked so pretty on top of you like this. She bent down to place a quick kiss to your lips before she lifted your hoodie up and over your head and tossed it…. fucking somewhere, you didn’t care where! She started kissing you on your cheeks, down to your jaw, to your neck, to your shoulder (you jerked slightly, you love it when she touches you there!). You felt her slowly lift your bra up and over your tits, your back immediately arching up into her so she could pull it off you, tossing that into the abyss, as well.

“Put your fuckin’ hands up there,” She said, nodding her head up slightly as she sat up to take your body in. You pushed your self-consciousness aside and immediately followed her instructions, releasing the tight grip you had on her sheets and stretching your arms out above your head. “Don’t move ‘em, either.”

You nodded your head. You won't, you won’t!

She brought her lips down to meet yours again before she trailed them down your body. She kissed and sucked on both your nipples, the stud in her mouth circling the bud, as you whined and squirmed under her, fingers grasping the blankets above your head, your hips bucking up before she pressed them down with her strong hands.

“Stop moving.”

You nodded as you whimpered.

She left kisses down your stomach, sucking bruises into it as she moved down down down, her feet planting on the floor before she got down on her knees. She yanked you closer to the edge and her, throwing your legs over her shoulders again. Your lower half was nearly hanging off the bed!

“Prettiest fuckin’ pussy, I swear to god.” She said against your thighs as she sloppily kissed them. You clenched tighter when she whispered out a so fuckin’ cute.

You felt her spread your pussy lips with her fingers, exposing the pulsing bud. Another gush of wetness left you and she laughed gently. It made you clench again.

“Ever put a finger inside?”

“N-no?” You whimpered between pants.

“You don’t remember?”

“I’ve never… yeah.”

She chuckled lightly. “Okay, wanna see if you like it?”

You let out a shaky mhm!, and you felt her arms tightly wrap around both your thighs before she licked your clit in a slow swipe.

You moaned out and your back arched and your eyes watered. The jewelry in her mouth was making you see stars and it’s been five seconds. She barely did anything and you felt that tight clench in your core! You were about to cum already!

You felt her tongue move in slow circles on your clit and you couldn’t stop making fucking noise! You were whining out pleads and your pussy was telling her I like it, don’t stop! with every throb, every clench. You could feel her take notes of all your reactions as she slowly massaged your clit with her pierced tongue. You felt that feeling coming back and it was so fast—

“El, mmh!—fuck, ‘m gonna—!”

“You can, ‘m not gonna stop.” She said against your clit. The vibrations sent your brain into overdrive.

“Ughh! Fuck—!”

You came. You came so fucking hard. You couldn’t fucking run due to the tight grip on your thighs, so you slammed your hand down on her shoulder to ground yourself, digging your nails into it as she moaned out against your clit as she sucked on it. Your head was thrown all the way back as you screamed her name, and she was still sucking on your clit and wasn’t stopping and oh fuck—

“El, pleasepleaseplease, I can’t—“you called out as you pushed her head away from you.

She released your clit and slapped it before you could squeeze your thighs together. You let out a squeak and jolted away from her snickering form as you felt her kiss up your legs, to your torso, to your face before resting beside you.

“You okay?” She asked as she laughed quietly, planting kisses on your ear and neck. You couldn’t move or speak—you could hardly breathe! — and she had the audacity to laugh?!

“I’m not done, I told you that,” She said as she sucked on your shoulder, and you felt a tight squeeze again.

“Ellie, I can’t take anymore— “

“Yeah, you can, open em’, c’mon, lemme see,” She said as she tapped your stiff thigh. You slowly released the tension in them before letting them fall open and she sat up to prop herself on her elbow. You watched her look down so she could look at and rub your clit again, letting out a quiet fuuuck at the sight of your sticky center. Your legs almost flew shut at the sensitivity, but she held them open with one of her legs. You let out a groan as she laughed louder and rubbed a little harder before she stopped at your whining. Fucking sadist!

“Wanna watch you take my fingers.”

You whimpered out her name as you met her gaze.

“Want me to stop, baby?”

You quickly shook your head. No, no no, don’t stop, don’t leave me!

She bent down to kiss your neck as she moved her hand to squeeze the inner parts of your thigh before she brought her hand back down to rub your clit again. Your hips bucked, but she didn’t hold you.

You felt her fingers dip lower and lower until she was at your drippy opening, only to bring them up to her mouth to suck them clean. You moaned when she moaned at the taste and turned to kiss you, gliding her tongue on yours so you could see for yourself. You sucked lightly on her tongue and her tongue ring, and she whined out.

“Taste so fuckin’ good, such good pussy,” She slurred out against your mouth. You felt her hand go straight back down to your pussy before she lightly nudged her finger in. You went stiff. She kissed your neck to soothe you.

“This okay?” She asked gently before continuing. “Always remember you can stop me.”

“Wan’it, El, I promise, want you everywhere, want you inside,” you sounded just as delirious as she was, drunk off each other.

She nodded against you. “Okay. Gonna go slow.”

You nodded back.

She continued her movements, slowly pushing her pointer finger inside you, watching your face for any signs of discomfort. But you were so fucking wet, you could feel yourself dripping on her fucking sheets, her finger slipped in and you wanted more.

You felt her slowly rub your clit with her thumb and it made you squeeze tight on her.

“Can barely move my fuckin’ finger, what the fuck,” She said in shock and it made you squeeze harder! “Want another, baby? Want another inside?”

You were nodding mindlessly as you listened to the noises your pussy made (yes, please! another inside!) as she rubbed you raw, and you could feel her wiggling around, in search for something—

You moaned aloud as your legs instinctively opened wider so she could get deeper and holy fuck it felt so fucking good when she hit right there—

“Yeah?” She rasped in your ear, pressing on it harder.

“Yeahyeah, fuck—“

“Yeah babygirl? That’s the spot? Like it right here?” She asked dazed as she slid another finger in to press up against it. You felt the stretch but you didn’t care because you felt something inside you rising and rising—

She wasn’t even fucking you anymore! Just grinding her fingers into right where you needed them while her thumb circled your clit and she was about to make you cum again. The squelching noises of your pussy got louder and louder and your eyes rolled into your skull as your back arched as it hit you.

“Fuck yeah, fuckin’ give it to me, thaaat’s a good girl, fuck me.”

You felt a burst of wetness around you and it wouldn’t stop because of how hard Ellie was fucking you. You couldn’t think and all you could say were slurry, wet fuckmefuckmefuckme’s as she took you to the moon and back.

You finally came down as Ellie pressed kisses on your head while slowly rubbing your clit, talking you back to earth. Your eyes peeled open, bleary and teary-eyed. How were you not dead yet? You felt like you died!

“Welcome back,” you heard a light voice giggle at you.

You flipped her off and she laughed. She gave it a kitten lick before she sat up. What the fuck—

You watched her get up to run to the bathroom. You heard the sink running before you saw her quickly return with a warm, damp washcloth to clean you up.

“My sheets are drenched, goddamn,” She said in quiet amazement as she ran her fingers through her hair. It made you blush harder.

Jinglejinglejinglejingle—

Meow! MeowMeow! Meow—

“Oh shit. Needa feed her, I’ll be back,” Ellie said to you, bending down to plant a kiss on your bruised thigh, discarding the towel in her hamper. You watched as she scooped up Duchess to carry her downstairs while pressing kisses to her head.

Your heart was pounding as you smiled dotingly at her descending form.

After feeding the purring kitty and smoking another blunt, Ellie made her way upstairs to find you curled up and snoring.

She snorted and made her way over to you, pressing light kisses to your back as you shuffled around.

“I gotta change the sheets babe, up you get, c’mon,” She said gently with an encouraging pat to your ass. She did, in fact, watch it jiggle. “You wanna shower?”

You shook your head as you rubbed your eyes, rolling over onto your back. “M’kay, just gonna change them and you can sleep.”

Ellie made her way over to her linen cabinet to grab the freshly washed sheets before making her way back over to your now upright form.

She watched you stand up to toss the blankets and pillows off and ripped the… soaking sheets off, everything—including the pile of toys that she never put back— falling onto the rug covered floor. She noticed your avoidant gaze as you caught glimpses of her dick poking out from under the pile of bedding. It made her smile and blush.

Ellie made the bed while you sat at her desk to drink water, fluffing the pillows and fixing the blankets.

“Alright, come lay down.”

She heard you move instantly as you dove headfirst into the plush bed, immediately grabbing a pillow and sliding under the blankets.

Ellie shook her head with a smile before moving towards her nightstand to turn off the dimly lit lamp. She made her way to the bathroom before she heard a little waaitt. She turned to see you with an outstretched hand, luring her back to you.

“What’s the matter?” She asked, squatting next to you.

“Wanna kiss,” You said, pouting, and Ellie's heart rate shot up. Fuck, fuckfuckfuck—

But she only hummed in acknowledgment, bending down to connect your lips in a soft kiss. “Better?”

You nodded with a grin, looking lovingly at her face. You leaned in for one more and she accepted. She accepted so quickly.

“Gonna go shower, okay?” She said gently against your mouth.

“Without me?” You whispered back with a sly grin, pressing another kiss to her mouth.

“Shut up, I asked you,” She was cheesing so fucking hard, her cheeks were starting to hurt.

You giggled, kissing her cheek before turning back over.

Ellie let out a deep sigh as she stood and stripped, removing her sweatpants and damp boxers, and tossing everything—including your fruit bowl covered panties that you would not be getting back—into the hamper as she made her way to the bathroom.

She shut the bathroom door and leaned back against it and thought.

What the fuck has she gotten herself into?

She wanted you close the minute she saw you downstairs, all warm and cozy with the brightest, gentlest eyes she’d ever had the pleasure of looking into. So soft and gentle and filled with longing.

She hoped you noticed how much she missed you, too.

And your stares… so filled with want and desire and eagerness. She wanted to touch you all over.

She was so fucking horny, and her heart was beating at the speed of light and every time she shut her eyes, she could see you smiling and laughing and—

She just made you cum all over her bed… and fingers…and leg and you were so fucking tight on her, and she wanted to fuck you so bad. Want to make you feel good. Wanted to make you see what she sees whenever she looks at you. So fucking gorgeous.

She was getting hot again.

She slowly walked towards the shower and turned the water on, checking the temperature before stepping inside.

She leaned forward slightly to wet her hair and her face before grabbing her loofah and soap, sudsing it up and scrubbing her body with the bubbly, pine-scented wash. She turned her back towards the hot water and immediately felt a sting on her shoulder. She turned her head, pulling the skin towards her to see the little red lines you dug into her when you came on her face.

All she could think about was making you fucking squirt again. She needed to fucking cum so bad.

But she didn’t want to wake you: you looked so cuddly and warm nestled under her blankets with your face nuzzled into her pillow. She wanted you to stay like that, content and satisfied and relaxed. Calm. You deserved it. Fuck, you deserved so much.

Her soft thoughts were cut off when she turned back around and looked up. At her shower head. Her detachable shower head. She let out a sigh and accepted her fate.

She rinsed her body off, making sure all the soap was running off of her and into the drain before she reached up to unhook the shower head from its latch in the wall. She adjusted the temperature to make it cooler, adjusted the settings to massage and squatted against the wall. She exposed her clit with her free hand and moved so the water could hit it straight on. The strong pulse made her shudder instantly.

Justneedacumjustneedacum—

Her glossy eyes fluttered shut and she immediately saw you bouncing on her dick. She saw you rubbing your clit and touching your tits telling her how good it’s stretching you out, and it’s all for her. She saw you looking up at her with your glossy, lustful eyes, your trembling thighs, your glistening pussy. How pretty it is. How pretty your face was. How bright your smile was and fuck, it was going to make her fucking cum—

She wanted you to be happy. She loved seeing you happy. She loved it, she loved it!

“Fuck, shit!”

She felt that sweet, swelling feeling in her cunt and she was so close. She missed your scent: you smelt like fucking sunflowers she wanted it all over her. Wanted to drown in you in any way she could. Any way you’d allow.

She lov—

And she came so fucking hard, her ears started ringing. Her brain only producing images of you and your giggling face and you playing your fucking violin! Who would’ve thought that would make her eyes roll back into her skull as her clit throbbed in her high?

She felt the sensitivity in her bud as she held the flow of water on it, but she needed more. She wanted you so bad, she couldn’t get enough. She was biting her lip to keep from making noises because you were fucking sleeping, but she couldn’t help the little hums and squeaks of pleasure as she bucked up into the stream.

She was going to cum again. She was getting tighter and she felt it in her toes and she couldn’t stop shaking.

It was coming so fast. She threw her head back against the shower wall as it swelled in her lower belly and it’s right there it’s right there—

All she heard was your screams of Ellie! and fuckme! and yes! more! want you everywhere! and she blacked out when it hit her. Her mouth dropped open, and she couldn’t help the moans that left her, saying your name as quietly as she could manage. Fuck, she wanted you next to her. Wants you close, always wants you close. She never wants you away from her again.

She came down, tossing the still running shower head onto the floor as she slouched in her position. Her vision was spotty as she glanced around at the marble walls, but she could still see you in her mind. And she knew that you wouldn’t be leaving it anytime soon.

Fuck.

She was in trouble.

After Ellie got up on her trembling legs and dried off, she walked back into her room to find you tucked under her dark blankets while Duchess laid across your feet on her back. Her heart stuttered in her chest, and she couldn’t help the small smile that made its way onto her face.

She put on a pair of boxers and Dina’s old Slayer tee before she pulled the covers back to lay next to you. She heard Duchess move around on top of your legs. She carefully sat up to stick her arm out to lure her closer, picking up the tired kitty before she put the fur ball between your bodies. She felt the kitty relax in her grasp.

Ellie looked up at your tranquil, sleeping form before leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on your forehead. You nuzzled closer even in your resting state.

Yeah.

She was in fucking trouble.

You woke up early. With no scarf on!

It was around six in the morning when your eyes pulled up, and you were very hot. And there was something fluffy between your neck and chin.

And then you remembered. Ellie. Kitty. Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. Oh, shit. The memories of last night slammed into you like a sixteen-wheeler and you couldn’t stop grinning. You probably looked crazy from another perspective.

She was holding you to her chest, your bare back flush against her clothed chest. You tried to shuffle as lightly as you could so you wouldn’t wake your cuddler, but she moved with you anyway, pulling you closer.

And then you felt her nails just barely grazing up and down your arm as you relaxed into her instantly.

“Ellie?” You whispered.

“Mhm?” she said hoarsely back. Fuck.

“You awake?”

“…No.” She said with a snort. You gently kicked her leg as you grinned.

Duchess had moved from your shoulder and onto the bed when you both started shifting, stretching her back before sitting to lick her paw and wipe her face with it, soft jingles ringing through the silence of the room.

“She likes you,” Ellie noted softly in your ear before kissing it.

“I love her,” you whispered back as you turned around to face the warm girl. She was resting her head on her large pillow, softly caressing your other arm. Her eyes slowly trailed down your face, then your neck, to your breasts. You watched her lick her lips before biting them. You blushed and reached out to lightly slap her arm. She smiled.

“Not gonna touch. Just lookin’,” She whispered with a foxlike grin on her face as she continued to stare.

You giggled at her as she softly laughed with you. “You can touch if you wanna.”

“Oh, I’m gonna, just not right now,” she said huskily as she cockily raised her brow at you. It made you shiver in delight. She could touch you anywhere.

But your smile slowly disappeared when you remembered.

“Ellie?”

“Yeah?” She said back quietly, meeting your eyes.

“I leave in a couple days,” you said sadly. “Back to campus, I mean.”

She nodded in understanding, but you saw her brows pulled down in a slight frown. She looked a little sad at the sound of you leaving and you wanted to hold her so tight.

“When do you come back, do you know?” she asked in a whisper as she mindlessly played with your fingers under the blanket.

“Not ‘til April,” you said with a sad smile. “Spring break.”

She let out a sigh before she leaned forward to plant a kiss to your lips, you instantly reciprocating.

She pulled back to whisper, “Do you needa leave today?”

You reluctantly shook your head yes. “Not right now, but later, yeah.”

She said nothing, but she grabbed you by the waist to pull you closer into her chest, nuzzling your neck to plant kisses on it. You didn’t want to leave, and you could feel tears pricking your eyes. You blinked rapidly so she wouldn’t notice how upset you were getting.

“Wanna make you breakfast, at least.”

You let out a wet laugh as you sniffed lightly. “You almost burned your house down when you made Jesse those cupcakes for his birthday way back! You’re never allowed in the kitchen again.”

“Oh, fuck you! I was ten and didn’t know what the numbers were on the knob, leave me alone,” She muffled with a smile into your neck. You let out an even louder laugh at her admission. She pressed one more kiss to your neck before sitting up and removing the blankets. Your nipples hardened as the cold air hit them.

“What are you lookin’ at? Hm?” You heard her ask. You propped yourself up to see who she was talking to. You followed her line of sight onto the floor to see a… very judgmental looking Duchess giving her owner a feed me now! glare.

“She’s a fuckin’ homophobe. Make out with me so we can piss her off more!” She said jokingly, making kissy faces and grabby hands at you. Even though you wanted her tongue in your mouth again, you declined.

“No! Go feed the baby right now!” You said with a laugh as you moved away from her. She laughed at you before she jumped up from the bed.

“Come on, m’love,” Ellie said as she clicked her tongue at her cat, moving towards the stairs. Small jingles and soft scratches on the hardwood filled the room.

“Ellie, can I use your shower?” You yelled from upstairs.

“…Course you can!” You heard her yell back.

You hadn’t noticed as you moved towards the bathroom, but Ellie flushed bright red at the mention of the shower.

After washing up and stealing some of Ellie’s pine-scented lotion, you put your hoodie and sweatpants from yesterday back on—bare pussy, where the fuck did your underwear go?!—and flew down the stairs at the smell of sausages and syrup.

You saw Ellie standing over the burning stove, spatula in hand, toaster filled with blueberry Eggos. Your heart raced at the sight.

“Oh my god, you weren’t joking about breakfast!” You said excitedly while trying to act like your heart wasn’t about to burst out of your chest. You hoped it was working.

“Oh, you think this is for you? This is mine, you’re making your own!” Ellie said as she looked at you in mocked shock.

“Fuck you! Put my eggs on the damn plate!” You yelled back to her as you walked over the table.

She laughed as she stacked two waffles on your plate before topping them with whipped cream, along with your crispy sausages and (slightly burnt) eggs. She's so cute!

The little chef walked over to you, towel slung over her shoulder as you giggled giddily. She sets your plate in front of you, calling the masterpiece chef Ellie’s surprise! with a dramatic wave of her towel. You clapped for her as she bowed.

You drenched your waffles in syrup and dug in, as she lightly jogged over to you with a you couldn’t fuckin’ wait for me?!, plate in hand.

You ate and talked and joked and laughed so hard, you nearly choked on your orange juice. The two of you were in your own little universe and you never wanted to leave.

But you had to eventually, and you felt devastation wash over you every hour that passed.

It was noon, and you had to go home.

Ellie held your hand the entire walk down the stairs. You got your puffer from the couch and put it back on as you both walked towards the front door.

She bought your Uber after your denial of her offer to drive you home, sadly claiming I don’t know if sissy’ll be there, and you could tell that the mention of your sister saddened her, but she accepted with a soft okay.

She squatted to lace up your boots, planting a gentle kiss to your clothed knee before she rose to your height. She’s so tall, fuck.

“Ready, babe?” She asked gently, wrapping her arms around your neck. You waddled closer, rubbing your nose against hers. She pressed a kiss to your mouth, and you pressed another to hers.

“Don’t wanna go,” you barely whispered out. You felt your eyes getting a little glossy. Don’t fucking cry.

“Don’t want you to go, but you gotta,” She said gently. “Fucking scholar.”

You were going to say something, but a notification came from her phone in her pocket. She grabbed it, softly saying your car was downstairs.

“Text me when you get home, okay?”

You nodded, giving her one more kiss before pulling away from her warmth, slowly walking towards the front door with her following behind. You pulled it open before turning to wrap your arms around her, and she held you just as tightly. You could see Duchess sleeping on the couch on her back, and your tears fell as you shut them. Don’t cry don’t fucking cry—

You knew you weren’t going to be able to see her before you left, so you inhaled her scent one last time until you saw her again.

And you turned to leave before she could see your tear-stained face.

You sent a quick text to Ellie as you exited the car saying that you made it safely. She sent you a im glad baby. get some rest and ill see u soon. And it made you sob. And horny. You want to fuck again.

You pulled your phone out of your pocket when you got up to your room, wiping your damp cheeks. You opened your STUNNA GIRL RIDERS👩🏾‍🦳💯 group chat.

y: hi guys lol

And you nearly jumped at how fast the messages came through.

ari: BITCH DKNT FUCCKINGNSAY HI LIKE SHIT IS SWEET HOW WASS THE PIPE

krissy: hi honey!

shining starr: U HOE

ari: SHES SO YRJXIDNFN I KNOW SHE LAID IT DOWNNNNN DDDDEEEEOWNNNNN

y: y’all r so annoying

y: not u kris ily so much ur everything to me

krissy: ur my baby! ilym

ari: SHUTHT EYFHCJCXUPPP GIMME THE DETAILS I NEED EVERY DETAIL RIGHRNFUCKDINGNNOW IM NOT FUXKING PLAYING

shining starr: 😛😛

y: she made me cum when she did the knee thing and sucked my tits and ate me out and made me squirt when she fingered me

You quickly typed the message and sent it before you regretted it. Your cheeks ran hot even thinking about it. You missed her so fucking much.

shining starr: oh wow.

ari: OHTNMTCUXKDKSIEIEIEISISJSKAKDBHDJS

krissy: eeeek i’m so glad u had fun!!

shining starr: u freak. always the fucking quiet ones i told u bitches that

ari: FUCKKDMFMEKWISDJJDJKOOEOEKWJWN

ari: SHES S ABOUT TO TURN YOU OUT FUCKCDINNG THATS SO FUCKIRGNNHOT

y: we didn’t even get to fuck fully but she has so many toys

y: i miss her so bad already

y: she has a kitty🥺

ari: BITCH FUCK THE CAT!!!! NOBODY CARES!! WHAT COLOR IS HER STRAP

ari: FUCKIGNNGG. FIRE HYDRANT DICK CONFIRMED???

shining starr: LMFAAOOOOO

You giggled as you sent them (Arya) the details about what happened last night and this morning and you fucking missed Ellie. You couldn’t believe how much you missed her.

You used to hate the Spring, but now, you couldn't wait for it to come.

they getting freaakyyy mmmm everybody clap.

everyone pray 2 the proofread gods 4 me they aint answering my calls no more

shoutout to my lil taglist :p. @fandomshitpostingqueen, @nymphetkoo, @sawaagyapong, @gold-dustwomxn

pt. 5 :p

#ellie williams #ellie williams smut #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams angst #ellie x you #ellie x reader #ellie williams au #black!oc #black!reader #the last of us #ellie williams x black!reader #lesbian #works 𖧧࣪#scent of the pine. ̥*ೃ

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hwaslayer · 1 year

Text

project: make you love me (jyh) | six.

♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.

—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader x park seonghwa

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 3.5k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, sweet yuyu per usual, seonghwa moment (sorry yes he's back briefly lmao), crying & some overthinking, next few chapters will prob feel like lil filler chapters while things progress between oc x yunho <33 we are almost there yall, promise!!

Yunho parks his car in the driveway, clicking the key fob to make sure his doors are locked after he grabs his things from the trunk. Entering the house, it's a lot quieter than expected— typically, he has family members or close neighbors over even if they're just there to sit in the kitchen and gossip with his aunt and mom.

When he sets his things down and walks further into the house, he realizes why it's so quiet in the house.

"Yunho! Our handsome boy!" His aunt yells from the backyard where she sits with his mom, two neighbors and their two friends. Yunho feels the heat rise to his cheeks because even though this is happens constantly— he's still not used to the praising and babying from his own family members.

"Hi." He gives them a toothless smile and waves, helping himself to a seat right next to his mom. "Miss Universe herself, how are you feeling?" His mom chuckles before playfully hitting his arm.

"I'm doing okay, my love. I missed you."

"I'm here now, right? Did your appointment go okay?" He swings his arm around her chair and focuses all of his attention on her.

"Yeah, it went perfectly fine. I felt a bit tired and weak afterwards, but nothing some good rest and food couldn't fix." Yunho nods.

"Okay, that's good."

"How about you, tell me all about school? I think your mom is missing some details." She says with a small smirk and Yunho can't help but playfully roll his eyes.

"Didn't you wanna go to the grocery store?" He changes the subject, his aunt immediately catching on to the shift in his body language.

"Yunho has a girlfriend, I think." She says to her neighbors while smirking at him. Yunho's mom laughs it off, standing to save her son from the oncoming comments, teasing, etc etc.

"Suho." His mom says in a scolding manner, slight drip of playfulness to it. "Don't you have a list of things we need to get at the grocery store?"

"Oh shit, you're right." She says, hurrying into the kitchen for her list. Yunho laughs and bids farewell to their friends, following his mom and aunt into the kitchen. His mom grabs the list from her sister, asking if she needs anything else or if she wants food from anywhere before they return. She simply says no and says she'll be heading out with her friends soon— that the both of them should just enjoy shopping and eating wherever they'd like.

And so with that, Yunho carefully helps his mom get settled before hopping into the driver's seat. His music is softly playing in the background, while his mom continues to tell him about how her appointments have been and the people she's encountered. He starts to laugh when she mentions one of the technicians at the dialysis center, and how she's bragged about him to her countless times.

"Okay mom, I appreciate it but you don't have to play cupid." He smiles at her before shifting his attention back to the road.

"I know, but sometimes I worry about you." She gently squeezes his bicep. "I can't help it because I'm your mom. You do a great job taking care of everyone else, sometimes I just want someone to help take care of you."

"I'll be okay."

"I know, I know." She lets out a breath before toothlessly smiling at him. "But, you get where I'm coming from."

"I think so."

"What about your friend?"

"What friend?"

"From school? The one you talked about, you know? Helping with her assignments."

"Oh, right." Yunho chuckles. "What about her?"

"Well, what's her name?"

"You're gonna look for her on Facebook."

"I am not." She playfully hits him, making him laugh.

"Her name is Y/N."

"Beautiful name. I'm sure she's very pretty." Yunho shrugs.

"Y-yeah she is. But, we're really just friends. We click pretty easily. Surprisingly."

"What do you mean surprisingly? You're the sweetest and the friendliest boy I know. And I'm not saying that because I'm your mother."

"You're definitely saying that because you're my mother." He laughs.

"Why don't you see where it goes?"

"I never said I wouldn't." He laughs a bit. "I'm also not going to force anything."

"That's fair. She seems to be a good friend, though."

"She is. She's sweet."

♣︎ FLASHBACK

"Yunho!" You happily head down the steps when you see him standing there, patiently waiting for you. He has his hands dug deep into his pockets, hood on his head. A small, tiny smile tugs at the corner of his lips when you finally come face to face and stand in front of his towering figure. "Hey you." You gently poke at his arm.

"What's up?" He starts to lead the way with slow, steady steps— walking down his usual path around the complex.

"Kinda just wanted to take a quick walk."

"Feeling okay?"

"Yeah. Just tired."

"You're telling me. How's practice been?"

"Practice is practice. It's fun to be doing it with friends though." He nods, silently walking alongside of you. "How's Yeosang?" He chuckles.

"Yeosang is Yeosang. Currently still yelling at his screen."

"You guys should game together."

"We do when he decides to play Valorant, but he's more into League." He scratches at his temple. "I must sound very attractive right now." You laugh a bit.

"That sounds very fun. You'll have to teach me one day."

"You sure about that?"

"Yeah, why not. I'd probably have to play on a dummy account or something so I don't ruin your level." You tilt your head in confusion. "Ranks? Whatever they're called." He smiles.

"Fair." You laugh.

"Wow, so you don't believe in my abilities, huh?"

"You said it first."

"Yunho." You whine, making him laugh a little loudly this time.

"I'm kidding. I believe in you. It's really not that bad." You smile, but it quickly fades when you almost bump into Yunho just as he suddenly stops in his tracks. "Look." He looks down at you, then points upwards. "The moon." You stand beside him and look up at the moon.

"It's beautiful."

"Hm, yeah." He snaps a photo. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stop."

"No, please. I like seeing these parts of you." He smiles.

"Yeah?" You nod. "You don't think it's odd?"

"I could never think that way about you, Yunho." You playfully tap his arm. "Seriously. It's nice to see someone appreciate the moon."

"Someone has to." You giggle as you both continue to slowly walk alongside each other, arm brushing against one another.

♣︎ END

"Please don't forget to bring her by one day. I'd still like to meet her."

"Meet her?"

"You've been happier lately, and that's all I could ask for. She sounds lovely."

"Okay." Yunho nods and smiles at her just as he pulls into the lot of the market.

Yunho patiently goes around with his mom, placing every item she needs into the cart while she points out what's needed. They spend a good 45 minutes, close to an hour, just taking their time buying what's needed and other necessities. Afterwards, Yunho takes his mom to her favorite Chinese restaurant. They spend time talking about all things school-related and what his plans might be for the near future.

And Yunho loves being home, don't get him wrong. He'd always spend time with his family over anything. But, he couldn't help but think of you— especially after his mom brought you up.

He hopes you're okay. Maybe he'll check on you tonight.

Tonight, you wrap up your homework and waddle over to the couch— joining Seungmin and Chaery in the living room while they watch their show. Soobin is cooking himself some dinner since he just got back not too long ago from the library.

"Any of you guys want some ramen before I shut this off?"

"Nope!" Seungmin yells loudly even though he's just in the living room.

"Same. Thanks Soobinnie." Chaery says in a sing-song tone. You simply look at Soobin with a small smile, shaking your head before returning your attention to your phone. A text comes in and you're [slightly] surprised at who it is— but, you definitely can't say that it doesn't put a smile on your face.

yunho: take a look at the moon if you haven't yet.

But, your smile instantly fades when you can't respond right away. A call cuts through on your screen, and it's probably the last person you want to speak to right now— even though you know you need to.

"Hello?" You answer nonchalantly, not in the mood to speak to Seonghwa.

"Hey. Are you free right now?" You sigh and look at the clock. 10pm.

"Yeah, I am."

"Can you come down? I'm here in my car."

"For what, Seonghwa?" You hear him sigh heavily on the other line before speaking up again.

"I just want to talk. We haven't talked in days and I'm trying to figure out what's going on between us."

"Seonghwa—"

"Y/N, please. That's all I'm asking for." He says in a serious tone. You roll your eyes and purse your lips together, pausing for a moment before responding.

"Fine. I'll be down in a few."

"Alright." And with that, you end the call— sliding your phone into the pocket of your sweats before forcing yourself off of the couch to grab the nearest jacket.

"My jacket?" Soobin watches as you snatch his jacket off of the dining table chair.

"I just need it for a second. Please?" You pout and he nods.

"Where are you going?" Chaery asks while her and Seungmin continue to watch their show, her eyes fixed on the TV.

"Seonghwa wants to talk."

"Oh, jeez." She says. "Goodluck with that, hun. Call if you need anything."

"Yup!" You slip into your crocs, dragging your feet down the steps and to Seonghwa's car. He's parked by the curb, windows slightly rolled down so you're able to catch a peek of him. He's staring down at the phone near his lap, the light illuminating his face. He texts away even as you approach the door, but chucks it into his middle console after he's sent whatever he needed to send. You plop onto the passenger's seat and avoid eye contact, crossing your arms as you look straight ahead at the car in front of his.

"Hi to you, too." He furrows his brows a bit.

"So, what is it Seonghwa?" You finally turn to him and let out a barely audible sigh.

"Baby, come on." Seonghwa clicks his teeth and pouts a bit. He slips his hand on your thigh and lets it rest there. "I said I was sorry. I know I fucked up majorly, but something just came up and—"

"Something came up? Something always comes up for you. You couldn't even take one second to text me or let me know? It doesn't take much."

"I know, I thought I was going to be able to make it in time."

"Right. I've heard that before."

"I'm sorry." He repeats.

"Heard that before too." You shake your head. "Seonghwa, I think we should just stop doing this, okay? Clearly, you have better things to worry about and I'm just tired."

"W-what?" He looks at you, really looks at you. Almost in disbelief. Probably disbelief. "Baby, I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna lose you."

"It doesn't matter if you do, you always have someone to fall back onto." You shoot back, and he's silent. Of course he is. "I thought so."

"No, you're not giving me time to get my thoughts together." He panics. "Y/N, baby. Please. Hear me out. I don't wanna lose you. I really don't. I know I fucked up time and time again, but I'll do better. It's always been you and—"

"You're only worried about losing the idea of me, someone who will be there as your safety blanket when other shit doesn't pull through for you. You aren't actually worried about me, and you know I'm right." He scoffs and shakes his head, but he doesn't say anything, no. He can't say anything because he knows it's true. He quickly deflects and brings up the one thing that has been running his last nerve lately:

"Why don't you just say that it's Yunho?"

"This has nothing to do with Yunho, Seonghwa! I'm so tired. It's been months of this back and forth bullshit, don't you get it? It's so clear what this means to you, and I don't wanna stick around, waiting for somebody that doesn't even care about me."

"Don't say that I don't care—"

"You don't!" Your tone raises a bit, and this is when it settles that Seonghwa isn't good for you. He will never be good for you, good to you. He will never change, and you will never find an ounce of pure, genuine happiness being stuck here. "You really don't. You can't claim that when I've caught you multiple times doing shit behind my back, let alone left my ass in the cold like I was easily disposable. Multiple times." Tears are pricking your bottom lids and you're not sure if it's because of everything you've been through or if it's because you feel bad for yourself— for settling, for letting him walk over you. You are aware that, however this ends, you'll need to take a moment and say your peace to it. "I'm so done with it, Hwa. I don't need this."

"Wait, Y/N. Please." He says, hand giving your thigh a gentle squeeze so you don't up and leave right away.

"No. We're just going to go in circles and repeat the cycle. This is done—"

"How can I fix this?" You furrow your brows and shake your head, letting out a scoff.

"You really have to ask? If you really wanted to know, you would've asked that question a long time ago." You remove his hand from your thigh.

"So, that's it?" He asks because he doesn't know how else to respond without sounding even more pathetic. "Y/N." Hwa panics again when he sees you swing the door open, stepping out without saying another word to him. Though, he couldn't really tell you why he panicked— perhaps, yeah, it's the thought of losing you, but mainly his image. How he'd look if people ever found out that you left him first.

And you know this already.

In plain words, he's just worried about losing another girl on his list. Especially the one that was always there for him, the one that rarely gave him issues. Didn't get strung up too quickly, didn't really press him for shit over the months.

Damn.

Even though you said it had nothing to do with him, Seonghwa still thinks Yunho played a part in it. And that's fucking annoying.

"Y/N!" You hear him call for you again, even after you've slammed his door and stormed off to your apartment. You feel the tears pricking your lids again, and you're doing your best to hold it in. But eventually, the tears stream down your cheeks; one by one.

This is you saying your peace.

Then, you'll move on. As you should.

"Baby is back!" Chaery cheers but her smile instantly fades when she sees you wiping away at your face. "Aw no, baby. What happened?" You shrug as she comes to you and pulls you into her arms.

"I just ended it with Seonghwa."

"Oh shit, good for you! Finally!" Seungmin is still sitting on the floor, so he flicks her on the leg. "Ow! The heck?"

"What she means to say is that everything's gonna be okay, and that it's okay to cry if you need to." He looks at her and she follows with a slow nod.

"Yes, absolutely." You wipe the remaining stragglers and shake it off, returning Soobin's jacket to the dining chair.

"It's fine, I'll be okay. I needed to do that." You look at them with a reassuring expression. "It's just time to move past this." Chaery rubs your back.

"Do you need anything?" You shake your head.

"No, but I'm going to head into the room and just chill for the night."

"Okay." Chaery gives you a small smile.

"Get some rest." Soobin adds.

"I will." You head off to the bathroom to wash up and get ready for bed. It's still early but you don't think you'll be sleeping anytime soon with the thoughts that are currently bombarding your head. It does suck to finally part from something that no longer serves you, but you know it's for the best.

You were done.

Suddenly, you remember Seonghwa bringing up Yunho and it begins to irritate you. How dare he? He knows nothing about Yunho, and you hate how he's the first one he tries to blame. Shame that he's grown but can't take full responsibility for his actions. Until this day, Seonghwa has yet to fully acknowledge everything he's done.

He still finds a way to beat around the bush, implying that he did no wrong.

You shut off the lights and lay in bed with the mood lamp on, picking up your phone to finally respond to people. You sent your mom and sister a quick text before switching to Yunho's thread— realizing you still haven't responded to his last text.

you: ugh, that picture is perfect. the moon is sooo pretty tonight. 🥺

you: sorry for the late response, kinda got wrapped up with something super last min. how's your weekend going?

yunho: why the sad face? 😣

you: it'd be nice if we could go on a walk and look at the moon together.

yunho: aw yeah, that does sound nice. but, i hope the picture at least put a smile on your face.

yunho: & you don't have to apologize. but, it's been nice being at home and catching up with my family. what about you? everything okay?

you: i don't know? it's okay, i guess. just kinda tired.

yunho: you sure that's it?

you: no. 😕 but, it's nothing really.

yunho: calling you in a few, is that okay?

you: more than okay!

You continue to scroll through your phone for a couple of more minutes before Yunho's name lights up on the screen. A small smile pulls at your lips just as you pick up the call, Yunho rustling around in the background.

"Hi." You hear a bit more rustling before Yunho is letting out a [content] sigh.

"Hey, sorry. Just got in bed."

"That's okay." You chuckle. "I'm also lying down and just being lazy."

"Good, you should just rest." Yunho clears his throat. "You okay?"

"Mm, I don't know. I guess."

"What's going on?"

"I ended things with Seonghwa tonight." He remains silent for a bit before he responds with a—

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Again, just moving on." You chuckle a bit. "I did cry a teensy weensy bit, but I needed to let it out in order to let it go."

"Yeah, totally understandable. You sure you're okay? It's okay if you aren't."

"I am okay. It does suck though, we argued and then I just—" You pause. "I don't know. I guess I realized how this wasn't good for me. Everything came crashing down and I was so over it."

"Mhm." He softly answers, letting you continue on.

"I don't wanna keep being like that, you know? I don't say much, but I always feel anxious and stressed. I always end up thinking about what Seonghwa will do to hurt me next. That sounds so bad, but it's the best way to put it." You sigh. "It's just not good."

"I'm sorry, Y/N. It's not. But, it's okay if you aren't okay right now. Take your time."

"Thanks Yunho. Seriously. I'll be good." You let out a small, breathy laugh. "Just a moment of weakness."

"Not weakness." There's a small pause as you let Yunho's response sink.

"Hey, by the way. We're doing a scary movie night thing at our apartment soon. Do you wanna come over and join us?"

"Hm." He hums, thinking about whether or not he should just do it.

"Come on, it'll be fun."

"Fun for you because I'm sure I'll end up as your punching bag when things get too scary." You chuckle.

"No, not even! Seriously. We'll have lots of food."

"What movie are you planning to put on?"

"Would that be a dealbreaker?" You tease.

"Maybe." He plays along.

"I truly have no idea yet."

"Alright then." He laughs. "Yeah, I'll join." You gasp.

"Really?"

"Yeah." He reiterates.

"Aw, yay! I hope you didn't feel pressured or obligated." Yunho sits on his response for a bit; no, he doesn't feel that way. It might be new hanging out with you and your friends, but he was looking forward to just being in your company.

"Never that."

"I'll text you all the details later." You yawn.

"Sleepy?"

"Kinda. Just exhausted."

"I can go if you—"

"Stay. You're good. Even though I might fall asleep soon." You giggle.

"That's fine." Yunho answers. The two of you continue to talk a bit about how home has been for Yunho and what you had been up to over the weekend. After the cute giggles and playful teasing, there's a nice, comforting silence that falls between you two. Yunho almost believes you've fallen asleep until you sleepily break the silence by calling his name.

"Yunho?" There you go, calling his name like you always do. It's becoming a weakness for him.

"Hm?"

"Thanks for always showing me the moon."

"Course." He matches your tone, and responds close to a whisper. Another silence settles in, but Yunho is positive you've fallen asleep due to the very small and soft snores he hears on the other line. He chuckles to himself before setting his phone aside, keeping the call connected on speaker in case anything went wrong.

He'd be there.

♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine @soupbinlily @tyongff-ff @jiminiscricket @g1g1l @staytinyinmybpack @woomyteez @gfksz @bitchwhytho @savluvsmingi @thisisntmyrightera @hyukssunflower @miriamxsworld @tmtxtf @kuromibabe04 @lmnhead @carrietwrites @tournesol155 @persphonesorchid @txt-yaomi @marsattacks @mxnsxngie @h-nji @mundayoonimnida @jalapeno-princess @nakiiko @asjkdk @kunikku @idkwgoh @kyeos4ng @agust-d2 [bold = can’t tag 😭]

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quintessencewrites · 2 years

Text

Vanish pt. 2

ShuRiri x Wakandan! fem! reader

“Aneka, you will lead this mission.

General,” the word comes off her tongue like a tease, knowing she’s driving a spear through Okoye’s heart. “Fall back.”

Warnings: ANGST! Explicit language, some violence, toxic!Shuri, mentions of blood, mentions of death.

Word Count: 4.3k+

Tags: @yvxmpire @zestgodtj @k3nn3dyxo @mlmilani @letitias-fav @doms-fav @sweetalittleselfish-honey @g4yforu @widowmakker @becauseimswagman1 @zayswriting @inmyheadimobsessed @laurensmabel1 @malltake12 @msudaku @faeriah-thv @fetchyourlife @mbakuetshurisprincess @sinsikoxo @honey-teaaaaaaaa @rxcently @pinkcorns @takeyaki @yamsthoughts @thethickerside @0hshoot1tsl4ni @shurisbathwater @shurismainbxtch @luvrzhearts @sadfreakx @shuri-my-love @justariellove @heartsforjojo @blackgirlfariy @tuesdaylovesu @chocoflagcutii @taiiunknown @zhanylai @ziayamikaelson @verachii @taiiunknown @beautybyfire @soearthquakequeen @remwritess @pinkwright @jenlouvre @letitiasleftfoot @christinabae

A/N: This is too good, yall! I wasn't originally gonna do a part 2, but then I got to writing and by the time I finished part one, the ideas for a sequel got to flowing. Translations are in the text. As always, ENJOY <3

Vanish Pt. 1 here

A moment of silence passed.

Riri stood frozen in place, shocked at her own words, knowing she didn’t mean them.

Shuri sobbed on her knees, silently pleading for Bast to not take another person out of her life.

Hell, even Griot was quiet, not announcing your departure as he was programmed to do.

“What are you waiting for?” Shuri stood and approached Riri so quickly, the smaller girl flinched. “Why are you standing here? Go after her!”

“Shuri, I-”

“Go get her!” The Queen growled, voice cracking as she begged.

Riri’s mouth opened and closed, her brain working double time for anything to say. “She-I didn’t-”

Her responses weren’t quick enough to extinguish Shuri’s anger. The Black Panther lifted Riri’s entire workstation in one hand and threw the table and all its contents.

Iron Heart ducked, praying the impact of the desk wouldn’t take her head off. It didn't; it hadn’t even hit her, instead crashing to the wall mere inches away from her body.

“Shuri, what the fu-”

But Shuri was already on her way out of the lab, ignoring Riri and shouting orders, “Griot!”

“Yes, My Queen?”

“Do I have any visuals on y/n’s location?”

“No, My Queen. Queen Y/n has abandoned her kimoyo bracelet here in the lab.”

“What about her earrings?”

“Left behind in your bedroom, Queen Shuri.”

“FUCK,” the explicit echoed in the lab, causing Riri to retreat into herself.

“Griot, summon Nakia, Okoye, Ayo, and Aneka. I need all hands for this mission. Tell them to meet me in the throne room.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Wait,” Riri called out, grimacing at how small her voice suddenly sounded. “What can I do?”

The doors to the lab’s entrance parted, letting Shuri leave without so much as opening her mouth to address Riri. The only sound then was that of dainty metal coming in contact with the steel floors.

Riri approached the door slowly to investigate what Shuri had left behind.

It was her wedding band.

“What is this about, My Queen?” Okoye asked, being the first to enter the throne room. Ayo and Aneka followed closely behind, their spears drawn at an unknown attacker.

Nakia was absent.

Shuri’s eyes were still puddled with tears and the anger radiating from her produced a heat the other girls could feel as soon as they approached.

Aneka looked down at Shuri’s hand, eyes searching for the wedding ring that never left it. Of course, it wasn’t there.

“Y/n is gone. We need to bring her back.”

“Gone?” Okoye mimicked. “Gone where? Who has taken her? What are we up against?”

“Sh-she left. She left us. Left behind her beads, even the earrings and her-”

“Her wedding band…” Aneka finished. “But, where is yours?”

Shuri looked down at her bare finger, unable to speak.

“My Queen,” Okoye started gently. “With all due respect, you are asking me to convene my army and explain to them our threat… Are your relationship issues?”

The Queen rose from her throne, so slowly, it gave Okoye ample time to retract her words; her steps shaking the mostly empty room.

“I am asking you to convene your army, General,” the words came out hot, burning Okoye to the core, even causing the couple standing behind her to wince.

“To ensure the safety and safe return of your Queen.”

“Shuri, she took her band off,” Okoye was a brave soul, not backing down.

“She is still your Queen! Regardless of the ring she wears. Mine is off, does that not make me your Queen, Okoye?”

“It’s not the same, Princess, and you know-”

“Queen.” Shuri’s thin body is shaking with the rage that fills it. She looks away from Okoye, even past Ayo to her friend Aneka.

“Aneka, you will lead this mission. General,” the word comes off her tongue like a tease, knowing she’s driving a spear through Okoye’s heart. “Fall back.”

The General’s eyes are wide but she nods at the command. Aneka steps forward, poised tall, and in stance. “Yes, My Queen.”

She offers a small smile to the royal, a sad, knowing one, but Shuri doesn’t return it. “Find y/n. I don’t care what it takes; resources, money, you have it all. Ensure she is safe. Br-” her voice finally breaks and the tears descend her cheeks. “Bring her home to me.”

“My Queen,” Ayo offers slowly. “What-what if she does not wish to return?”

Shuri’s chest retracts, all the air leaving her body. She hadn’t considered that; you not wanting to come home, not to Riri, nor even to her.

“I said bring her home.”

The command came out in a whisper, the Queen no longer being able to talk at a volume above that.

The Wakandan warriors brought their arms across their chest and back down, saluting their Queen before leaving the room. Only Aneka lingered.

When it was just the two of them, she rushed to Shuri, pulling her into a hug she clearly needed. “What happened?”

Shuri’s sobs swept her feet from under her and she fell to the floor, still arm-in-arm with her friend.

“She left us, Aneka. Sh-she left me.”

“Why?”

Shame rushed through the royal’s veins. “We-” she paused a beat, deciding herself unable to speak on Riri’s behalf. “I,” she corrected. “I haven’t been very supportive lately. I broke many promises. I let my work in the lab and with Riri take precedence and she felt forgotten… I even forgot her birthday…”

Aneka gasped “My Queen…”

Shuri nodded. “I’d been distracted. I let that get in the way, and now she’s gone.”

Aneka took Shuri’s left, ringless hand in her own. “That explains why she left her ring behind, but my Shuri, where is yours?”

A sinful scoff left Shuri’s lips “Probably still in the lab with Ri-Miss Williams, where I left it.”

“Miss Williams? Shuri, my dear friend, what is going on?”

Shuri is silent.

Aneka sighs “So when we bring y/n home, My Queen, will she be returning to you and Miss Williams?”

“No,” Shuri stands, tapping her necklace twice and allowing the Black Panther mask to swallow her face. “Just me.”

It’s been weeks.

Three weeks since the search for you began.

Shuri stormed into the lab, mask retracting as she entered.

“Queen Shuri has arrived.”

Riri’s head shot up from her new workstation; she hadn’t seen Shuri in days. She rarely came home anymore, spending days and nights looking for you and coming up short each time.

“Griot!” the agitated queen bellowed.

“Yes, My Queen?”

“Have we any updates via satellite? Has y/n been seen anywhere?”

“Unfortunately not, My Queen.”

Shuri’s shoulders slumped, weighing heavy with another defeat. “What about Nakia?”

“I’m afraid not, My Queen.”

“Bast!” Shuri allowed herself a second to rest her head in her hands before starting to mask up again.

“Wait!” Riri called out, approaching the Queen. “Wait, Shuri, let me help. Please, I want to find her too; I wanna know she's safe just as bad as you do.”

The Black Panther’s posture stiffened, though she didn’t speak. Riri tried again “Y-You don’t have Nakia. You need an extra pair of hands. I can help.”

Shuri laughed, an evil-sounding chuckle coming from her. “I do not need your help.” She approached Riri. “I would not even be searching for her, had you been able to hold your stupid tongue, hm?”

Riri cringed at the words Shuri spoke but didn’t shy away. “I want to help. She’s just as much my wife as she is yours, and I miss her.”

Shuri shook her head, but never let her eyes leave Riri’s face. “She is not. She will not be. When she comes home, she will be coming home to me. Damned to you.”

That rocked Riri to her core. “Shuri, come on, you don’t mean that.”

“I mean it. I mean it in the same way you meant it when you called her the forgotten wife.”

The smaller girl grimaced when her words were thrown back at her. She had been thinking over those words for weeks; losing sleep over how she spoke to you.

Before she could utter another word, Shuri left, leaving Riri where she stood, but not before the Queen noticed something that tugged at her stoned heart, only slightly.

Riri was still wearing her wedding ring.

Two weeks since Nakia returned.

“Queen Shuri, you are being summoned to the throne room.”

Shuri lifted her head, not realizing she’d dozed off in the Talon Fighter while on patrol. “Summoned? By who?” The girl asked, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

“Nakia of The River Tribe,” Griot responded.

“Nakia? She is in the throne room? At the palace?”

“Yes, My Queen.”

“Griot, return me at once.”

“Yes, My Queen.”

Moments later, Shuri crashed through the doors to the sacred room. Nakia stood on the furthest side of the room, glancing sadly out the windows. The sight of her fueled the Queen’s anger. “Where the hell have you been?!”

The former spy didn’t even attempt a fake smile. “Hello to you too, sister,” she stated smoothly, turning to face the vexed royal.

“Where is she, Nakia?”

“She is safe. That is all you need to know; it is all that she requested I share with you.”

Shuri approached her brother’s lover with claws drawn. “Nakia, Bast help you, where is she?”

“Oy? Am I to tell you? Y/n came to me, crying, your majesty. She told me her wives wanted her no longer. Rejection from one partner hurts, can you imagine that from two partners?”

The Queen couldn’t speak; The warrior continued.

“I watched, as the two of you fell out of love with her. Prioritized each other over her. You didn’t even attend the school’s opening. We’d worked on that for years, Shuri. And her birthday?” she scoffed. “You were supposed to be better than that.”

Nakia closed the gap between her and Shuri, grabbing her claw-clad hands. “You must have forgotten. You’ve forgotten who you spent your childhood with. Who grew up alongside you,” she tapped Shuri’s temple as if to bring the memories to the forefront. “You seem to have trouble recalling who was there for you when Baba died. When T’Challa died. All before Miss Riri even came into the picture.”

Shuri’s head fell, shame a feeling she was all too familiar with these days. “I had forgotten. I am trying to fix it,” she whispered, recollections of the two of you flooding her. “But I can not fix it if I do not know where she is.”

Her eyes climbed to the smaller girl’s hopeful, begging, but when Nakia closed her lips tight and shook her head, Shuri’s anger reignited.

“Demethi wena (Damn you), Nakia!”

“Yehlisa umoya, sisi (Calm down, sister). Uzofika ekhaya xa sele elugile (She will come home when she is ready)-”

“Hayi, hayi (No, no)! Ndiyamdinga (I need her). Ndiyamdinga ekhaya ngoku (I need her home now)!”

“Uya kuba nethamsanqa ukuba angafika ekhaya (You will be lucky if she comes home at all)!”

Shuri spun, Nakia’s words recoiling against her. “Intoni (What)?”

When Nakia looks away, rather than speaking, Shuri marches toward her. “INTONI (WHAT)?!” she repeats.

She takes Nakia’s face in her hands, roughly. A line of scarlet flashes from Nakia’s cheek, where Shuri’s claw is digging, but neither girl moves. “Wena (You)-” the Queen croaks. “Wena undincedile ukumkanikazi wam ukuba andisindise (You have helped my queen escape me for good)?”

“Hayi, sisi (No, sister). Ndamncedisa wahmba ade alunge (I helped her leave until she is ready).”

Shuri extends her arm, throwing Nakia forcefully into the window. The thud of her sister’s body does nothing to calm her. Nakia is barely on her feet when Shuri speaks. “Hamba (Leave). Kwaye ungabuyi ade abuye umkam (And do not return until my wife does).”

The River Tribe Warrior is shocked. “Shuri, uthini (What are you saying)?”

The Queen’s lips curl around her next words. “ Elubhacweni (Exile).”

Nakia crumbles. “Sisi, ndiyacela (Sister, please). Likhaya lam eli (This is my home).”

“Was this your home when you missed my brother’s last days? His funeral? Was it your home when you hid my nephew from me for six years, the same way you hide my wife now?” Shuri questioned, switching tongues.

“Shuri, oko akufani (That is not the same)! It was my home when I saved you and your lover’s asses from Namor! When I risked my life, though I had a son to live for. It was my home when I laid there,” Nakia pointed to the now repaired spot on the throne room floor, the events of Queen Ramonda’s death no longer staining the place. “Resuscitating your wife! Trying to save umama (mama)!”

“Lishiye ibhotwe lam, Nakia (Leave my palace, Nakia).”

One week since Riri started her own search for you.

Shuri wasn’t speaking to her, ordering Okoye, Ayo, and Aneka to do the same. Riri’s communication was cut off, even Griot subjecting her to silence.

One night, she decided enough was enough. She hadn’t been able to sleep since you left and she was growing tired of being left in the dark.

If anyone needed to find you, it was Riri. She needed to be the one to locate you and retract her vile words. There wouldn’t be an apology great enough, but she sure would try.

So Iron Heart suited up and quietly left the palace. She didn’t bother removing her kimoyo beads, knowing Shuri was no longer keeping track of her. The realization stung, but it was well-deserved. She let her frustrations get to her and that Chicago attitude and pride presented themselves.

The words spilled from her big mouth before she had time to realize what she was saying. Riri was just as hurt as you were; feeling as though the love she and Shuri showed you were going unappreciated. Their time dedicated to the lab, their sleepless nights, and their repeat failures were just to keep you safe.

“C’mon baby, where’d you go?” Riri spoke lowly to no one, navigating the suit towards Haiti. It’d be a dumb place for you to hide; Shuri would have surely checked there already.

And of course, you weren’t there.

The following day, Riri searched the States. You had no reason to be in America, but that’s exactly why you’d seek refuge there. Again, her search came up short.

Today, Riri was ready to give up. She’d spent many days, many hours looking for you all alone. If Shuri and her team hadn’t found you yet, surely Riri wouldn’t all by her lonesome.

She sauntered through the village, sadness dragging in each of her steps. “Uxolo (Excuse us)!” children’s voices called as they ran across her path. Riri stopped short, avoiding running the tikes down. “Oh, um, sorry!” the girl spoke, understanding their simple word, yet still not knowing how to respond in their language.

One child, a young girl whose hair was adorned in barrettes, turned to give Riri a wave. When she skipped back to her group of friends, she spoke “Yiza, khawuleza (Come, hurry)! Utitshala Y/n ndiza kubuya namhlanje (Teacher Y/n is to return today).”

Riri understood not a single word from the girl’s sentence as they disappeared into your school. None except your name. So she followed.

“Uh, excuse me,” she called once she entered the building, searching desperately for an adult. “Uxolo (Excuse me)?”

“Hello, Your Majesty,” a tall gentleman spoke up, approaching the short royal.

Riri cringed, her royal title sounding foreign to her these days. “Mholweni (Hello), um, hi.”

“What can we do for you? We are very blessed to be acquainted with your presence, though we were not expecting you.”

“Yeah, um, I-” Riri stuttered, unable to form a sentence, the words scrambling around her mind too fast for her lips to keep up.

“My wife,” she finally choked out. “My wife, Y/n. Is she here?”

The older man’s eyes were saddened. “No, Your Majesty. She is not set to come back today.”

“Please,” Riri was close to tears as she begged. “Um, ndiyacela (please). I heard the children mention her name. I just-” The tears flowed. “I just want to know she’s safe.”

The man must’ve felt some pity for the lonely queen, crying in his hallway, pleading. A genuine chuckle released from his chest. “Your Xhosa is not very good.” His words shocked Riri and for the first time in weeks, she laughed a real, hearty laugh. “No, it’s not,” she sniffled.

“But you are trying.”

Her head bobs as she nods a confirmation to his words.

He sighs, grabbing Riri’s hands and pulling her out of reach of passing ears. “Your majesty, tonight the school is having an event. A banquet; to raise money for the Haiti institution. The Queen has promised her return for the event. She will be here then.”

More tears flow from the small girl’s pretty brown eyes. Her queen would be back, tonight.

Did Shuri know?

With a gentle squeeze, the fellow started to leave. “Wait,” Riri called. “Enkosi, mhlekazi (Thank you, sir). What is your name?”

“Emmanuel, Your Majesty.”

“Thank you, Emmanuel.”

Riri raced back to the palace on foot, too excited to wait for the Talon Fighter, though it would have been quicker. She sprinted into the throne room, hopeful that Shuri would be there.

She was, with Aneka. “Kufuneka sijonge iHaiti kwakhona (We need to check Haiti again). Ndiyazi Nakia umfihle apho (I know Nakia is hiding her there).”

“I found her!” Riri interrupts.

Aneka turns to the girl first, then back to her queen, who refuses to look up. “Aneka, sishiye (Leave us). Enkosi, mhlobo (Thank you, friend).”

With a nod and a salute, Aneka leaves the throne room, leaving the two queens who haven’t spoken in days.

“Shuri, baby, I found her.”

“Where is she?” the panther asks, still not making eye contact.

“She’ll be here tonight,” Riri takes slow, careful steps to Shuri, unable to gauge her emotions and not wanting to set her off. “The school’s having a fundraiser. She’ll be here.”

Shuri glances at her wife “How do you know this?”

“I went to the school.”

With a bite of her lip and a swift nod, Shuri dismisses Riri. “Thank you for the information. You may leave.”

“Leave? Shuri, what the hell do you mean leave?”

A deep, impatient sigh is brought forth by the Queen. “I know you know what leave means.”

“Nah, to hell with that, Shuri! I’m not leaving. I’m the one who gave you the intel. Imma be there with you. I’m a part of this mission now. I should have been from the start.”

Shuri steps closer to Riri, seemingly to intimidate her, though the girl doesn’t appear scared. “A mission that would have never come to pass had you not said what you did.”

Riri’s heart thumps hard in her chest. “And I’m trying to make up for it, Shuri. How am I supposed to apologize if you keep shutting me out?”

The question is rhetorical; Ri keeps talking. “You not entirely innocent in this either. You broke promises too. Ignored her just as much as I did. You,” she stabs a finger into Shuri’s armorless chest. “Forgot her birthday too, princess. Your shit stink too, Shuri. So forget that shit; y/n is my wife. That’s my girl and I been missing her heavy. So I’m coming tonight.”

A smirk sneaks its way across Shuri’s face. “There you go with that mouth again.”

“Yeah, here I go with my mouth again, a mouth I don’t know how to close and a mouth that don’t know how to hold its tongue. That’s why y’all was supposed to do it for me.”

Shuri shakes her head, frizzy curls swaying across her face. A bright smile, her first in weeks stretches her lips. “Alright, let’s bring our girl home.”

The night comes quickly and as present as you’re trying to appear at your function, anxiety is running through you. Being home brings forth a mix of emotions; excitement for the banquet, and familiarity at the faces you’ve missed. And worry that somehow word of the event that you swore your staff to secrecy over hadn’t remained confidential during your absence.

Nakia was at your side, acting as both a friend and a bodyguard. “You did not have to come,” you spoke to her. “I didn’t need protection. The queens; they will not hurt me. Shuri will be more upset at your presence than mine.”

The small scar on her cheek marked evidence of Shuri’s anger in the passing weeks. You’d apologized repeatedly to your dear friend, but she didn’t blame you. “Your wife has a temper. She always has. I’ll be fine, she just needs some time to calm down.”

Her eyes move towards the entrance of the school as the doors part and Aneka, along with Ayo and Okoye precede your wives. “Speaking of the queens…”

Hayi, akukho ndlela imbi (No, no fucking way). When you turn, the breath escapes you. Shuri and Riri. The Black Panther and Iron Heart. Their eyes locked intensely on you.

You look around at your staff, wondering which one had loose lips. “Nakia,” Shuri greeted when they approached. Nakia stays silent and Shuri continues. “I owe you an apology, for our disagreement those weeks ago. I am sorry, sisi.” To you, she switches tongues as she asks “Ikumkani wam (My queen), singathetha (can we talk)?” with an outstretched hand.

No, your heart screams, but your movements betray you. Placing your palm in hers, you allow Her Majesty to guide you outside, where the Royal Talon Fighter awaits, with Riri in tow.

None of you speak until the ship’s doors were encapsulated, providing all the privacy in the world. When they did, it was you to break the silence. A loud slap echoed in everyone’s ears, your hand coming in contact with Riri’s cheek. Breathing hard, you voiced “I’ve been waiting to do that for weeks. Sorry, Riri, I didn’t find a bitch to give your wishes of luck to.”

Shuri stood, slightly amused until her cheek was the next to be assaulted. “And you. You’re lucky I’m not skilled with any weapons for the way you returned my Nakia to me. Her face bloody, her ribs broken. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Though her face stung, Riri’s ears perked up. “Your Nakia?”

Shuri stared at you, her brain wondering the same.

“Put your petty jealousy to rest. It has been three weeks, do the two of you really think so little of me to find another lover in that short time, especially one who is so close to you, Shuri? We’ve known Nakia since we were kids.”

Shuri nods, clearing her head, and starts to open her mouth, but Riri beats her to it. She comes at you fast, throwing her arms around you so tightly, it steals your breaths. “I’m sorry, ma. I’m so fucking sorry.” The tears are already spilling down her cheeks. “I don’t know how I could have said those things to you.”

You unwrap her hold on you. “You said them because you meant them.”

Riri’s head shakes furiously. “I didn’t, y/n, my love. I swear I didn’t.”

Her eyes are swimming with sincerity and it breaks the cement that had formed around your heart. You grab her face. “You swear?”

She leans into your touch. “I will spend the rest of my life showing you I didn’t mean it, ma.”

You nod slowly. “You know I owe you more than just a slap, right? For speaking to me like I’m some bitch on the streets and not your wife of four years?”

A tiny smile crosses Riri’s features. “Let me suit up and you can take all the shots you want at me.”

“Uh, uh. You don’t get the suit.”

Your words bring a laugh from the small girl, one that passes onto you.

Shuri stands back, hands in her pocket, just watching. She’s silently wiping her own tears, but when you finally look upon her, she takes it as an in.

“Yiza apha, usana (Come here, baby).”

You obey, releasing Riri from your hold as you glide over to your queen. She pulls you in by your waist, holding your body tightly against hers. “Uyakhumbula xa ndivuma iimvakalelo zam ngawe (Do you remember when I confessed my feelings for you)?”

Your head bobs. “We were children; only about 12 years old.”

“Ewe, kukanikazi wam (Yes, my queen). And what did you tell me?”

A giggle escapes you as you recall. “Nditshate, ukuba uyandithanda (Marry me if you love me).”

Shuri shares your laughter. “Ewe, nkosazana (Yes, princess). Bendikuxelele ukuba ndizakwenza kamsinya kangangoko ndinako (I told you I would as soon as I could).”

“Kwaye wenze (And you did).”

“Nda (I did).”

The tears in Shuri’s eyes threaten to spill over. “I made that promise to you at 12 years old, and I kept it. However, for some reason, at our grown age, I made promises to you weeks ago that I did not keep.”

Your head drops just as the tears do, unable to look your wife in her face. Shuri’s having none of that though, gently grabbing your chin and pulling your gazes back into unison.

“Uxolo, sthandwa (I’m sorry, my love). Ndingu (I am). I’ve been slacking, but I won’t continue to. Please, come home. Ukukukhanya kwan (You are my light), and my world has been so dark these past few days. I can not bare it anymore.”

Her words crack any further hardening of your heart. “Ewe, sthandwa (Yes, my love). I’ll come home.”

Shuri buries her head in your neck, kissing and crying, “Enkosi,” repeating from her lips. Riri stands back, weeping harder at the display before her. You reach your hand out to her, “Yiza, ntombazana sisidenge.”

Riri stands still, eyebrows raised, brown, hopeful eyes piercing your own loving ones. “Translate?”

“Come here, silly girl.”

608 notes · View notes

chokchokk · 1 year

Text

2/2

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 [𝐢 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬] | choi san x fem!reader

PART THREE of : have your way with words, be my people pleaser

“Be mine tonight, Y/N.”

𝚜𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚜: The hour is twisted. You’re not at a club, you’re not sober, but most importantly, you’re not with him. Will Seonghwa do? No, of course not.

But he leaves you no other chance.

“You’re so pathetic, it might actually be worth a try.”

𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: angst, smut

𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚜: 2nd half of PART THREE

𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 13.3k

𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐(𝚜): drug-use, drug abuse, alcohol, mdma (ecstasy, molly), vulgar language, just a lot of vulgarities and profanity, hate-fuck?, aggressive, teasing, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected sex, sex with feelings but no love, sex with no respect, cumming inside; reader cant stop thinking about san, writer is a bit stoic, seonghwa is a hot bitch, hwa and writer are liars lmao

𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎: the border looks that ugly on purpose btw not that you think otherwise LMAO

on ao3, this chapter is called “insanity” and i can’t promise it will be the only seonghwa-centred part throughout the series, but do please enjoy for the filth and angst of it all hehe!! <33 if you're asking “does san even make an appearance here?” i won’t tell you :P i know it's intimidating since there's just about like 10k build-up (because i'm a bitch LMAO) so if u wanna skip just find the second border i guessssssss

also, i really recommend listening to KLOUD's ESCAPE HALLOWEEN set (it's a soundcloud link) or any other hard tekno for the whole immersive experience lmao !!! <33

and also, thank you all very much for 100 followers and over 1000 notes ! ! ! wtf it's all happening so fast i can't catch up with yall....

𝚝𝚊𝚐-𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝: @brown88 : @svintsandghosts: @hanniebeesworld : @downbadreading : @shingsoluvely (kissing all of yall <33)

Didn’t Seonghwa say “club” or are you being some conservative narc flaking out?

You’re standing in front of a white, slightly burnt industrial building that is barely holding on by itself, and taking into account how many people are smoking around here, the likeliness that it will catch on fire again is not too low. You can’t believe that you’re going to meet Seonghwa inside here, let alone San, let alone anyone with a healthy sense for flight or fight, but here you are, walking up to the line with confident steps.

Yes, it has made you very anxious that even the taxi-driver had no idea where he was heading. He promised to drive you back home if anything happened, so the taxi-hotline is on speed-dial— just in case— and you just thought, holy fuck, hopefully Seonghwa won't leave me alone here.

But once you’d seen the seemingly endless line of people, you knew you have arrived at the right place. Or at least something like the right place. It all seems off, this building in the middle of nowhere outside the city, but you told the driver the vague address and he found you this hidden ware- and clubhouse, both of you hesitating to confirm that this was the correct location.

Nothing here seems legal, smells legal, looks legal— oh well.

The only thing you can say with certainty is is that you are looking and smelling the best you have ever looked and smelled this entire semester, and even if you have no fucking clue who these people that are whistling at you are, you know you’ve done everything right tonight when they wave at you to join them. You just skipped a whole chunk of the line here, but nobody seems to mind it. What a democratic party, maybe it’s not all that foul play and people do appreciate good things, eh?

It’s not an exaggeration or empty self-boast: You, in your skin-tight, revealing black body-con dress, skin glowing under the harsh night-light, are absolutely ravishing. There are looks on you— uncountably many of them, and usually, you’d fold under their heavy gaze, but having taken a few shots of the cheap rum back at home, you reciprocate their curious eyes with a sleek, cheeky smile, down-right inviting them to bathe in your appearance.

While the group of people take in the presence of you, blurting out their first thoughts immediately upon thinking, your confidence only grows bigger. Thank god drunk people say the truth, because “damn, she’s hot” is the ego-boost you needed to face whatever awaits you in that cubic building.

“ARE YOU FUCKING READY?”, booms out of it and it seems like a voice sample that’s been altered that hellishly deep. The crowd outside cheers. They're not even a part of the shenanigans yet, but still, they’re screaming and already moving their body in anticipation, throwing funny looking candy (you’re very sure that’s molly) inside their mouths. They’re ready, but Y/N, are you? It is an honest question to ask yourself, and as you inhale the smell of people smoking the devil’s lettuce around you, you draw out how the night might progress for them.

You don’t know about San’s whereabouts, only that Seonghwa and him are going separately, which is a big plus if you want to fuck him today.

Uh-huh. Fuck Seonghwa. You’ve made it up in your mind because he just wouldn’t stop hinting at it in the car this morning. He is going to buy you drinks, going to show you his dancing, but most importantly, going to “make you enjoy yourself”, which of course, could just be wishful thinking from you iterating the conversation, but Seonghwa wouldn’t have bought the tickets for you for free if he wasn’t expecting some type of reward, would he?

At the minimum, the hinting painfully reminded you of the way you talked to San the very first days you first insinuated that he could stay over at your house and — oh, golly! — sleep there. Coming to think of it, your talk actually never worked, and it still ended up being San who made the first sexual move. You’re going to save Seonghwa from this embarrassment, and if not, you’re going to save yourself from your own embarrassment for if you do see San and his volleyball-“date” or whatever here.

Anyhow, at the maximum, you have a brain and are fully aware of the fact that people don’t “meet” at the club to just have a chat, whether it's him or San. People “meet” at the club to get crazy and fuck, and that’s exactly what you’re doing with Seonghwa — End of story. San is not going to write this chapter today. He won’t even end up in the epilogue, that’s how much you’re going to focus on Seonghwa. Go down. Get him on. Get on with him.

You bop your head a little bit to the deep bass that’s vibrating through the walls of the warehouse and the line is taking a painfully long time to move forward. You watch the people in your group chug down their self-mixed abominations and how they're throwing the remaining glass on the floor, whiffing their stimulants through their joints or gulping it down by tablets. Letting out a huff to exhale the sharp smell of weed, you try to become as detached as the ones around you, at the very least assimilate to their mood. You’re going to be with these people tonight, and just by putting one and one together, you get the feeling that it will be a long, ruthless evening. You can hear intoxicated screams leave the front door, the deep voice continuing to hype up their cheers.

It's all a hivemind of pure madness and … well, you're here for it, it seems like, no? Seonghwa is not going to be an exception, and you brace yourself to be meeting your date here.

Show you his dancing, he said…

You don’t know whether the DJ playing some extraordinary remixes or whatever to be deserving this much of screaming feedback, but it’s definitely music to get your mind lost to, you'll give this guy Mingi that; Splurging, ear-numbing beats and basses, inviting you to rock your body. You don’t hate the music, not at all. It just makes you question how Seonghwa was imagining to impress you. Here you are imagining body-rolls or whatnot, but this hard style techno isn't really the tune for that, is it? Okay, let's just say it's not music you'd turn on to get yourself into the mood on a Saturday night, that's what's there to it.

It’s ironical, really. Usually around this time you’d be fumbling around your phone on your couch to ask San if he’s free or not, and sometimes he is, but most of the time he’s not. Those days where he just comes over on your mark have been over long time. Now, he’ll either show up at your house unprecedented or ask you to show up at his house in an ungodly hour.

Huh, isn’t that one funny butterfly effect. You woke up early because of San's mistress and here you are, lining up to become Seonghwa's. Is this right? "I heard you were going to be at Mingi’s party. Meet me there." Even now, you’re trying to convince yourself that this contact name “volleyball” could be anyone, maybe even just a friend that is trying to link up at this not-so party-looking party. Hm, you think, would a friend text him so intimidatingly? San hates periods to end messages, it scares him. So no, not a friend. At least not a friend that knows him as much as you do. Someone he had a fight with, maybe? No, Choi San doesn’t have fights, he’s too avoidant of conflict for that. It has got to be someone that has once been close to him and a bit too close to your liking.

No, no, fuck no, let’s stop this, you murmur to yourself and wriggle down your dress so it covers your ass at least.

Fucking Seonghwa. That’s your one and only mission tonight, of course followed by having fun and getting all hell loose.

It will just be one night and it will either make you 1) want to stay with San, or 2) finally move on and agree that San is just a … friend with too many benefits. You have to convince yourself you’re not in love with San. You can’t be in love with San. Disregarding of how curious you are in meeting him here.

“Ticket,” the control-man orders around the people in front of you and you get out your phone out of your tiny bag for the ticket, when you see that Seonghwa has already messaged you.

Seonghwa (San’s roomie): I’ll be waiting at the bar for you by the way Seonghwa (San’s roomie): You have to walk up the stairs on the left when you enter Seonghwa (San's roomie): Excited to see you ;)

You have been guessing already that something was going to break tonight, but it might as well be those stairs Seonghwa is talking about. From the amount of people that are still waiting behind you, you hope that they’re not all trying to go the bar.

“Ticket, please,” the control-man repeats, but strangely enough, his tone is a bit friendlier to you for some reason. “Here you go,” you duplicate his kindliness and he nods, dropping his smile as soon as he moves on to the next guess. Strange.

You eye the buff guy, but the impatient crowd pushes you into the square door. In you go.

“GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS UP!”

Harsh red lights, laser and smoke hit your senses. (Though you can only be so sure that the last part is really planned for the show-experience.)

Maybe you underestimated the capabilities of a warehouse. It’s still not what you thought of when you heard "club", but it surely still gets your club-mind going. Ignoring the grimy looking walls that seem to crumble with every beat that’s drumming inside your ears, the pungent smell of cheap-ass perfume, artificial sweeteners and alcoholic beverages strike into your nose, blurring your sight for a short moment. There are no windows in this hell-hole, but that’s the concern for another hour.

This is only the beginning. So, let’s focus.

Left, stairs, go up, there’s the bar Seonghwa was messaging you about. It surprises you that you’re not being swarmed by more people trying to get drinks, but it makes sense, since so many of them have already drunk outside or taken other substances to get themselves prepared for the night. That’s the first thing.

Second thing; suprisingly, the stairs are actually kind of durable. You can physically feel the bass run through your veins as you grab the handrail, but maybe that’s just because of the cold metal. Nothing to worry about here, you exhale and make your way up.

Lastly, and most importantly, look at you, you’re smiling. That’s the biggest, best thing. The euphoria these people are screaming out is down-right infectious, isn’t it? Their daft, hypnotic cries are calling out to you on the dance floor, but you’re going to be there sooner or later, with the man that brought you here in the first place.

“Hey, Seonghwa.”

“Hey, Y/N, you—“

He was sitting on a barstool, admiring the flashing lights all throughout the warehouse through his sunglasses, when you put your hand on his barely clothed shoulder and make him turn around.

“Holy shit, Y/N.”

You grin. Of course Seonghwa wouldn’t disappoint with his reaction. He rips the sunglasses from his face immediately, gets up from his seat and embraces you with one arm, not daring to let one eye sway away from you, his tongue pushed to the surface of his mouth, as he suppresses his gleeful grin. He looks star-struck, the supernatural-looking lights surrounding him are only emphasising this sight. Otherworldly.

“Where have you been hiding that?”, he asks, commenting on your body as respectfully as he can. You know he can’t handle a lot of alcohol, so his marvel must be double the truth, right? Seonghwa isn’t a liar.

“I’ve not been hiding anything,” you scoff and Seonghwa laughs nervously.

“Y/N, you look… absolutely fantastic.”

“You don’t look to shabby yourself, Seonghwa,” you smile and muster the charcoal-haired man from bottom to top. It’s very out-of the ordinary, but honestly, you should have expected something like this after he invited you here. It goes without saying, you could have served him the same reaction to his outfit. The man who was wearing sportswear? He’s now wearing a black, nylon, baggy pant, with a distressed knitted top that barely serves as an excuse for clothing as it is not covering any of his body parts correctly— and even if you’d already gushed about his athletic figure this morning, you have not expected to be seeing Seonghwa’s abs and breast this exposed this early tonight. There is jewellery all around his outfit, just dangling from the fabric, but also his ear and hands, spiky and shiny, almost hazardous looking.

Damn, either you haven’t seen Seonghwa enough or this dude has been hiding more from you than you could account for. He looks as fashionable as much as he looks demonic, ready to sin with you, and that is the most meaningful compliment of the night.

“Thank you, I knew you’d like it.”

“Really? Me?”, you laugh, getting your hair out of your face, tugging it behind your ear.

“You have a strange taste,” Seonghwa smirks and while you puzzle together what he means, he signs something to the bartender with his ringed fingers.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m ordering us shots. Keeping my first promise.”

“With sign-language?”

Seonghwa smirks and sits down again, you following him to the same.

"I'm a friend of Mingi's, they know me around, that's all."

"Y'all are weird."

“That’s just our ways here.”

“Your ways? You sound like some pretentious club-kid,” you nag.

“What if I am, huh? Are you gonna leave, if I was?”, Seonghwa teases and is served a tray of four shots, coloured a dangerously unnatural purple colour. He slides a 10-dollar bill onto the counter and the bar-keeper takes it with no words spoken out loud, which gives Seonghwa the time to devote all his attention to you. It’s flattering how astounded he is by you, as if he hasn’t seen you pretty ever in his life. But then again, you can only do so much styling and make-up when San calls you at 10 PM, asking you to “hurry”.

“We’ll see how the night progresses,” you smirk, and grab the first shot. Seonghwa also takes one and slightly raises the small cup.

“I won’t disappoint you.”

Sweet — the taste of the shot.

All types of fruits and harsh, cheap liquour plunge into your mouth and melt on your tongue. It’s going to make your head hurt the next day, one hundred percent, but maybe it will be Seonghwa to get you some pills to soothe the ache.

… If he wasn’t San’s god-damned roommate.

Or he could stay at your home. It’s been a while since another man than him has slept in your bed, and maybe it’s long overdue.

“Let’s hurry up, I wanna dance with you,” you gulp down the sugary liquid and Seonghwa chuckles.

“We’ve got enough time, Y/N. Let’s savour this one together.”

Sweet — The spark in his eyes, his flawless skin, perfectly plump lips— holy fucking shit. Seonghwa is fucking breathtaking.

“Y/N?”, Seonghwa asks and you see that he’s already moved on to the second shot, waiting for you to move on.

“I didn’t know you had that kind of sexy stare in you,” your alcohol blurts out for you and in the meanwhile, you grab the next shot glass.

“Sexy stare?”, Seonghwa asks and grins.

“Screw you! You know what I’m talking about,” you hiss and show him your tongue to offend him, but Seonghwa just tilts his head, raising the glass to your face.

“Loveshot?”, he asks and for a moment, you don’t know whether he’s joking or not. Maybe you’re just feeling weird because a male has said the word “love” in your proximity. (The only man in your life who's a candidate in hearing that word avoids it like a disease.)

“Only if you mean it,” you purr seductively, lick your lips, and praise to fucking god he’s taking the hint. Seonghwa leans in and crosses your arms around, the cold rim of his drink suddenly resting at your lip.

“That’s not how loveshots work,” you notify, but you still mirror him and place your glass under his lips.

“Do you care?”

“No.”

Seonghwa chuckles and with one movement of his hand, the second shot is flowing down your oesophagus. It’s cold, starkly contrasting the humid conditions in the warehouse, but it’s just enough to get your senses rolling again.

You don’t even care that you made Seonghwa miss half the drink, his alcohol tolerance will give him just the right kick from the first shot. Also he doesn’t protest at all, when you hop from your seat to finally get the evening going.

“Let’s go now!”, you order him around and he gladly obeys. “Lead the way,” he says, putting his hands on your shoulder, which he hopefully won't be able to keep there for long, as you both strut down the stairs and into the crowd.

The massive crowd is crazy, and it’s ever-growing.

“What is this place?”, you ask Seonghwa, as he’s being pushed against your back by the people on the way to the dancefloor and Seonghwa has the perfect opportunity to grab you by your hips to not lose you, but frustatingly enough, he doesn’t. His hands leave your shoulders and Seonghwa just tries to manoeuvre to you.

“I wouldn’t be able to tell you,” Seonghwa answers honestly and you look for a free place to roam and dance. People are trying to get as close to the DJ as possible, but once those are gone, there’s actually some space you can use— you just have to get there.

“You come here often?”, you ask, leaning backwards for your voice to hit his skin. You'll be hoarse by the end of the night.

“I’ve only went twice. San went to every single set of Mingi, though!”

“Really? San goes here frequently?”

“Yeah! Does that shock you?”

“Of course it does.” You stop, turn around and Seonghwa’s hands stay in place in his pants, as you talk to him. “This, all of this, doesn’t seem like San at all.”

“Hmm, I know what you’re getting at. But that’s just our boy, eh?”

You stare into his eyes and search for some type of playfulness, but Seonghwa means his words. This is where San roams— is roaming right now, maybe— and it, all of it, just fucking confuses you. This is not the "party" you would have expected to see that man in, and if that wasn't bad enough, he's apparently a regular. You hope you’re not pushing some kind of innocent image onto him, but despite the alcohol that's heating up your cheeks and making you dumber every talking second, you’re seriously puzzled. That he’s never invited you is questionable already, but is “that San for you”? You don't know.

Wiggling your hips, you try to retrace history to the very moment you had met shy little San at the seminar, up until now, where he’s grown three times his size and you feel like he's some type of fucking mystery that is impossible for you to solve. Nerd? Hopeless romantic? Hard to get? Playboy? San may act like he’s open-minded, but he’s the most secretive guy you’ve seen. Not like Seonghwa, who, mind you, is still looking at you with the most intense fuck-me eyes, that it’s actually eating you up.

“Let’s stop talking about San.”

“Why?”, Seonghwa asks, obliviously, eyes turning back to normal.

“Because it’s us here! You and I, Seonghwa and Y/N. If they drank a loveshot together, they should act like it, don't ya think, huh?” you grunt, already slurring your words. You start to move your body according to the heavy beat, tits jerking out to the front, arms waving like they have a life on their own. Seonghwa smiles and accordingly begins to step his feet where yours aren’t; your bodies are annoyingly close, but still not touching at all.

“How do you mean that, Y/N?”, he asks and you slap his revealed shoulder with the back of your hand to stop his teasing. “I thought you wanted to show me your dancing, Seonghwa!”, you whine and he laughs at your comment.

But Seonghwa doesn’t say anything after that, which gets on your nerves even more and in response, you turn your body slightly away while swaying your hips from side to side.

“You know what you said,” you hiss and he probably can’t hear you because the DJ is transitioning to a track with even more bass penetrating your ears.

You scurry your body to the beat and catch the gaze of someone in the crowd, who’s noticed you for the same reasons Seonghwa can’t keep his eyes away from you. The stranger is drilling his gaze up and down your chiselled body, licking his lips. Feeling playful, you make a suggestive expression towards him in return of the attention, winking at him. The male immediately makes his way to you.

"You do molly?”, he asks into your ear and you see that he’s got two skittles with cartoonish hearts and smileys drawn on them. That’s Adam. You never did him before, but you surely have heard of him, your friends have had him, your friends have loved him, your friends had painful break-ups with him. Merciless adam, MDMA.

You look back at Seonghwa who’s still dancing next to you, acting like he's not watching this whole situation go down, putting on his sunglasses again, and pushing it up his nose bridge. It sucks. His skin under the top is teasing you to look at it, and it feels so unusual to be longing for him, like you can't comprehend he's not... the other one.

So, though you do hesitate for a short second, you take two of the heart-painted ones and smile at the stranger, who sounds rotten from inside out, voice raspy and hoarse.

“Are you alone?”, he asks into your ear and while you think of answer, you muster Seonghwa, whose eyes you cannot track anymore, since the black cubic shades are hiding his prettiest possession. Is he still looking at you? Watching the sky? Who knows. Only he knows.

“Maybe?”, you answer and rotate your head to the stranger’s direction. You don’t care for this man, not at all, but what you do care for is Seonghwa’s reaction. Bouncing your ass up and down against the stranger's baggy jeans like the grand girl you are, he gets his hand at your waist and tries to pull you over his place, but, there he is, Seonghwa to come save the night.

“Fuck off, she's taken.”

He pushes the male away with his elbow and the grip immediately loosens up. “Hey, hey, dude, don’t hit me. Sorry, dude.” Seonghwa is visibly taller than him, and apparently that’s enough for the poor guy to get intimidated by his sunglassed face and disappear into the crowd with quick feet.

“YOU WANNA PLAY?”, the artificially deepened voice echoes through the warehouse and you stare into what you can make out from Seonghwa’s eyes with an earnest frown. You’ve felt unnecessarily angsty and frustrated the whole day since you saw that message on San’s phone, and this is the guy who’s going to hold responsibility for it, better with his whole fucking devotion now.

“What was that?”, you tease Seonghwa, who’s finally getting his hands out of his pockets and pulling you closer to him by your wrist. You can’t exactly read his expression since he’s covered his face still, but that actually makes it feel a lot better. There's something off about him, like Seonghwa is a stranger, like you’re not doing it for him, but rather… yourself. You're doing this because it makes you feel good, not the other way around. That's empowering.

“Whatever you want it to be, Y/N.”

“Stop tip-toeing around it! Are you going to fuck me or not? ‘Cause there’s more of those guys everywhere here,” your alcohol spits again and Seonghwa pants.

“Well, shit,” he laughs and finally glides into your waist with his arms. “That was direct.”

“I can flirt with you, but not under these fucking conditions,” you growl, intoxicated, recycling gritty air in your lungs, moving your sticky body to the beat and occasionally grinding against Seonghwa’s lower body with your legs from the front. "I can flirt and fuck you," he hums and frames his hands around your hips, connecting himself to you.

“Do you do molly, Seonghwa?”, you grin, the two pills waiting to be popped in inside your hand.

Seonghwa takes a look at the capsules, and you wait for his answer, as he appears to investigate them. Does he know what he's looking for? Apparently yes, as he pushes up his sunglasses and rubs the corners of his lips with two of his fingers, “Gimme.”

He picks it up from your flattened hand, and you would’ve loved to share it like a love-shot again, but before you could request it, Seonghwa has gulped it down. Not his first rodeo, you assume, and follow his suit.

Good thing that your throat hasn't dried out yet and the pill glides down your throat with your saliva. It's not going to take long until the jubilation of the alcohol you've consumed meets the ecstatic effect of molly, and you bite your lip with a grin. "Never thought I'd be doing drugs with you, Seonghwa," you purr and Seonghwa shrugs with a huff, “I thought you’d never even consider it.” Seonghwa exhales in the heat of it all, pulling you closer.

“What? Because of San?”

“Of course because of San,” Seonghwa cackles and puts his pointy chin in between the space of your collarbone and neck, so that his voice is hitting the spot of your hickey. “You know he’s here somewhere, right?”

“Yeah, but the probability that we’ll see him is like zero, so that’s not my concern.”

“You’d be concerned if he saw us, though?”, Seonghwa asks, loose-tongued, murmuring against your neck. He’s definitely fully gotten drunk, his body heavily weighing into yours, as he gets one arm up and around your head; his hand is tangled into your scalp without a caution of messing up your hairstyle. You finding out what the molly will do to him is only a matter of time.

“Are you asking if I’m committed to him?”

Seonghwa licks his lips, “accidentally” getting your skin with his tongue. It takes you aback a bit and you whine, your eyes dozing off for a short moment. You can still taste the remains of the shot at the back of your cheeks and it's the only thing you can sense correctly. Everything else is either fogged or slowly disappearing, or becoming even harsher like the red laser lights that you fear are going to pierce through you.

“No, I’m not asking whether you’re committed,” Seonghwa answers, leaning into your skin even more, “I know you guys aren’t in a relationship. Or, you know, at least he isn’t committed.”

“WANNA GET NASTY?”

It shouldn’t hurt, but it does. Even when you’re feeling very seduced because he is trying to get the same moaning reaction out of you by licking your sensitive spot and it’s working, you don’t want to be reminded that San doesn’t care for you as much as you do for him. Sure, that sounds harsh, but it’s the truth, isn’t it? You’re not the one living in the same space as San, Seonghwa is.

“Huh? Does he sleep with a lot of women?”, you ask him out of morbid curiosity, acting tough, as Seonghwa works deeper into your neck, getting the skin to soften for him.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Fuck you! Don’t protect me!”

“Ask him yourself,” he lisps, his sharp tongue grazing against your hickey, teasing your pettiness.

“I deserve to know.”

Seonghwa is the one rolling his eyes now, sighing, “You can be such an annoying brat, Y/N. How does San keep up with you?”

You try to yank your head back to show your discontent with his choice of words, but Seonghwa has you deep in his grip and puts you in place.

“You were the one who didn’t want to talk about San,” he lulls into your ear, stroking your hair to calm you down. Sure, that sounds reasonable, but still not an excuse to call you an “annoying brat”.

You take a wild guess about why Seonghwa isn’t just giving you the answer and argue, “I can still be curious, can’t I? San is not committed, you say? Why? Does he get more bitches than you?”

“He tried to get back with his ex.”

Bingo!

Wait, no. What the fuck?

“Huh, when?”, you ask, and irritatingly enough, Seonghwa has begun biting and licking into your neck at the one spot you can’t stop exhaling sweet noises for him. “Seonghwa, you better fuu-huucking answer.”

“Yesterday,” he murmurs against your skin and ding, ding, ding; things make a lot of sense now.

“No, you’re kidding,” you scoff, and push him away with all your strength. With a numbed mind, Seonghwa tumbles back and laughs, “Hey, it’s no big deal, he called you immediately after it didn’t work out.“

“Seonghwa, are you listening to yourself?”

“WANNA GET FUCKING CRAZY?”

“I’m saying it all like it happened, Y/N. San tried to win her back by inviting her to an expensive dinner, but then she flunked out right in the end, when he invited her back home. And, when he came home alone with a boner, San contacted you.”

“You're lying. Don't lie, Seonghwa, lying is a sin," your splur, but once his words have met your brain, it all just becomes chaos inside. It feels like marbles are rolling down inside your head and nothing is making sense, it’s all going nowhere and everywhere with this information. What are you supposed to feel like? Betrayed? There has never been a promise. Sad? You were going to fuck Seonghwa, you're not the most truthful, either.

“Come on, Y/N. You knew it the second San slammed you against that wall at 11 PM, didn’t you?” Seonghwa glides his thumb over your neck and grins, confirming the evidence of yesterday’s night. The roughful sucking of San could barely be covered up by concealer, and you probably sweated it away already.

“He— he said he was stressed.”

“Because of uni? Don’t lie to yourself, Y/N~”, the male purrs. Amidst of it all, Seonghwa is strangely still moving his body calculated to the beat, hitting each one of the drums with his shoulders, all while he hushes behind you to brainwash you with a whiskery voice. “It’s still San we’re talking about.”

You huff perplexedly and are too flabbergasted by his harsh words to not be affected by Seonghwa’s talking and let him hug you tightly again. He’s almost putting you into a headlock of consolation, or something that would have been great if it had been, indeed, consolation. (It is not. He’s almost choking you with his forearm and the way his hand is pushing into your scalp, nothing about this position is in any way soothing.)

“Tell me something, Seonghwa,” you gutter, since the thought has been recoiling rounds in your head forever and curiosity will always kill the cat. “… is she from his volleyball team?”

“No,” he answers and for some reason, this is a lot worse, “she isn’t, but— wait, how do you know about the girl from his volleyball team?”

You don’t answer. For the sake of your heart, you do not answer. You’re still moving, but you’re moving silently, staring into the humorously wild lasers that are teasing you just like he is.

Seonghwa gasps and cups your chin, his thumb meeting your lip, mushing the lower half of your face, trying to turn your face towards his direction, but you resist him. But who are you fooling. Seonghwa doesn't even need to see your expression to ask you, in an almost utterly disappointed whiny tone, "Nooo, Y/N, do you seriously check his phone?”

“I’m gonna punch you in your pretty fuck-face if you keep whining like that, Hwa.”

“Feisty and flattering, and a new nickname too! It must be my birthday,” Seonghwa chuckles and suddenly begins to nibble your earlobe, warm breath from his nose hitting the skin as he pants throughout his dancing. The alcohol is boiling inside you, being churned by the molly, and the crushing disillusionment is slowly into flaming, enraging, hateful desire. It has all gotta go somewhere, and for now, all you can do it talk with this scorching tone that is only going to turn into even more fuming, “How long has San been pining for his fucking ex?”

“For as long as I can remember," Seonghwa answers, seemingly not aware of the severity of this situation, "Middle of the second semester? Exam-season?”

“Nooo,” you scoff and can’t believe what you’re hearing. You don’t even need to calculate what time Seonghwa is talking about, it is engraved deeply into your memories. The same fucking exam season, when you were seeing San every afternoon and evening. You were right fucking there. He knew— you, on the other hand, not so much.

But you should have known.

“Well, yeah,” Seonghwa grins and is running his hands low to your stomach, almost touching your pelvis to get you worked up even more.

Should have known that you weren’t supposed to fall for San.

Angel faces hide the guts of devils’, and right now, your insides are over-cooking with the question "what the fuck were you thinking?" That he’d come around? Like no man in your life has ever come around? That San was the one? No, that San was going to believe that you were the one? 'Well, yeah', he should have, because you are the fucking one. You did so much for him, you could have done so much more for him, and it frustrates you.

“What are you grinning for, you motherfucker?”, you ask, as you peek over and see that Seonghwa has lowered his sunglasses and staring into your empty eyes, searching for a sign of life. You asked, but you don't really need the answer, the picture is drawn perfectly in front of you. Seonghwa is smirking for the same reasons he’s telling you all of this; it’s pretty clear.

“I like it when you’re bossy,” he chuckles, having become more than ‘a bit cocky’ with you, “unlike San. He hates that, right? He’s so weak-hearted, how can he—“

“You’re his friend, Seonghwa,” you insist and grit your teeth, pushing up his sunglasses again with your two fingers, poking into the middle of the lens to make it greasy.

“Friends can say things about each other!”, he giggles gullibly, and scrunches his face together.

All you can say is that Seonghwa sounds and looks moronic in those square sunglasses, senseless and boozed out of his mind, but in the short moment he licks his sharp canine teeth, you suppose that this is exactly how you need him to be.

“You listen to everything, don’t you?”, you ask him, giving into his touch, pushing your back profile so close to him, that there is no touchable space left between you two. Ass pressed against his pelvic area, you breathe heavily into his face that’s glued to your temple. “Every single night I come over to fuck your roommate?”

“Noise-cancelling can only do so much, and your sound is addicting,” Seonghwa pouts— babbling his truths like it’s water falling out of his mouth— and when you see his pink lip shine under the flashing lights, your mind disorients. He is still the pretty boy that says pretty words, even when he's probably faking all of it; he is getting your insides all fuzzy, and you are still being lured in by him, but not for the reasons Seonghwa would enjoy them to.

You’re chasing the feeling of his comfort and you know it. You’re chasing after the man that won’t leave you alone. Or no, you are alone— so fucking lonely because of him even— but you don’t want to be alone, you don’t want him to leave you alone.

San.

Fuck. San.

The feeling of drowning in San’s praise, in his words, inside his bedroom, muffled by his sheets, it hunts you, it makes you feel watched, and it makes you feel like you’re hungry for something you can’t digest. Every word he has said to you is written in your memories in special font, and even though he is out of sight, San will always stay in your mind. Does he do it on purpose? Leave marks, with both words and his lips? To profit off of your yearning? To make himself feel better? To own something? To feel proud? Does he say it that loud on purpose, too? To make his roommate hear him? To make his roommate feel bad in order to feel good?

Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe San doesn't know Seonghwa is listening at all, maybe he doesn't care about any of it.

"Your pretty sounds," Seonghwa repeats himself, his face pressed against your cheek and you roll your eyes at his lips grazing your skin, his heavy breath from his nose warming it up.

These two men are woven by the same needle, knitted with the same material for they say surprisingly similar things and act surprisingly same, but for some reason, it does not feel the same. It is not the same. It should be the same. It should be the fucking same, fuck! You’re going to explode. The way that your head is spinning, your hips swinging, music ringing— people screeching, feet stomping— everything is happening around and inside you. Head, shoulders, knees and toes, livid. Brain, guts, uterus, livid. Let’s not talk about your heart or else we have to start over again. Just forget about your heart and think about the things that are of use tonight. What can you focus on? You can focus on your body glowing hot, but you could also focus on Seonghwa, whose baggy pants is rubbing against your thin minidress. It’s Seonghwa that you wanted, right? Or was it Seonghwa you were supposed to want, because he is the one that wants you back? — No, fuck, let's re-roll, quickly; Seonghwa is grinding against you right now, from behind, and that's exactly what you imagined, wasn't it? Under these lights, under this influence, this is what you wanted, wasn't it?

With the state of your mind, you can not agree with anything; your thoughts sound foreign and it's not your voice speaking, when you grind your ass back. It also doesn't feel like it's your eyes that you're seeing with; Seonghwa’s smile behind of you is becoming blurry and there’s just one more face that’s slowly appearing from the front-ends of your head. There’s a catch though; what you’re seeing is not the soft face you usually cup with your delicate hands and observe in awe when he sleeps, it’s not the face that lights up when he sees you enter through his front door, it's a face that's reading a text message from his fucking ex in the morning and immediately forgets that you're next to him, available as available can be.

It is actually going to make you puke, right here and there. All your emotions, all your ambitions, all of your fucking dreams. Who is San to you? What is he? You’ve known him for what, a year? — Okay fuck, that’s actually more than you thought, but still, it’s not like San and you have met up in any way that wasn’t purely sexual during all the time you knew him. Know him. You don’t know San. You don’t know shit about him. What are you— San and you? What are you going to be? Boyfriend, girlfriend? Has a nice ring to it, but fuck no, right? There are too many girls, right? Which is why you wanted to get yourself another man too, right?

“Come on, Y/N, forget him.”

While you have alcohol and molly inside you, singing two different songs of lust and desire, Seonghwa is moving his legs according to yours and pressing himself more against you. He’s one sadistic dipshit if Seonghwa thinks you could forget any of what you just went through just by moaning into your ear, but you're going with it.

You can't feel a lot right now, except that Seonghwa’s bulge perfectly fits in the space of your ass, rubbing up and down between the two circular shapes, getting himself more erected with every passing beat.

This whole situation is so fucked up and messy.

But, add one more: You are fucked up and messy. The music is building up loudly and people are shaking their bodies next to you, dancing in the high they've reached long time ago, eyes having lost any sign of concentration or sobriety, and you came here to contemplate whether you’re going to have a one-night-stand to prove a point, mixing drugs to get it on faster. You feel quicker, no, you are quick, rushing from one thought to another like you’re fleeing from your inner voices, both the devil and angel. They’re useless in this situation, they have too much reason.

And you don't need any reasons to think you're in the right to fuck him. Seonghwa’s hands are on your abdomen and gently massaging the skin, making you feel like he thinks you’re valuable, but you both know that this dance you’re holding right now barely cost you anything but 10 dollars in cash.

The red lasers haven’t stopped. They are pointing upwards or downwards for you, but you guess, from the way you’re watching Seonghwa’s lips right now, there’s only one way down. There has always been only one way down.

San chooses an ex over you? Then you’ll choose his dumb fucking roommate over him. Two can play this game, and even if he’s had the lead, you’re going to make your play. Is it going to hurt him? You don’t know. Maybe it won’t. But at least it will be over, right? At least this fucking thing will be over.

“Kiss me, Seonghwa.”

“You serious? I thought San was all up your mind right now.”

“Oh my fucking god, just do it before I take it back.”

“LET’S GET FUCKING INSANE”

Seonghwa doesn’t let you ask twice. While people all around you are turning up to the beat-drop, he pulls your chin up and clashes his lips against yours. His teeth clank against you lip and there's a short, piercing pain there, but Seonghwa's high chuckle blows it away. It’s a violent kiss, but mind-numbing enough so maybe you can forget why you decided to kiss him in the first place. While your lips are working against each other, his hand is sliding down to your groin and it's dangerously close to the seam of your tiny dress. One tug and your whole leg is revealed to the crowd, but you don't look down to see how naked Seonghwa is making you; all you see is yourself, in the reflection of his square sunglasses.

His tongue is electrifying, when it forces its entry into your mouth. It’s long and tastes deliciously foreign- a mixture of alcohol and tobacco, which you haven't experienced in pair since a long time. San, no, “he” (this is what you’ll call him now) doesn’t smoke, which at first, you considered as a big win, because you were passively inhaling all the smoke from your prior flings that you’d had the feeling your lungs were being polluted. Yet a year later, you’re clean— cleaner than never before, you should be able to breathe, you should be able to think clearly, but you can’t. Did you think he was pure? Was it that? That he was this untouched man? Maybe he was. Maybe he was, when he was still a nerd who had never heard a woman say the word “sex” in his— or had he? Fuck, had he? You don’t know, you couldn’t have known. ‘He’ was a façade, wasn’t it? He turned into another person immediately, didn’t he?

Let's get back on Seonghwa’s lips.

You're reminded of your lost freedom and as much it drives you insane, it's driving you into a state of pure, adventurous lust. The way Seonghwa works across your slick tongue is animalistic and wild, and you feel like you’re being pursued with no escape. To catch your breaths a little bit, Seonghwa lets go off your chin and thigh, turning you around so he can have better access to your mouth. Not letting the enlivening music go to waste, he presses his lips on yours the second you inhaled for the second time.

You slip your hands under his knitted top, running them up and down his breast, his abs and abdomen to feel his muscles and skin. It’s only a matter of time until he asks you to move off the dance floor, but your alcohol is bombarding you with sweet suggestions you can’t let pass without saying. His exposed skin feels cold under your fingers, but when you cup his hardened erection through the fabric with your hand and move it according to Seonghwa’s tongue slicking against yours, he radiates heat.

“Fuck,” Seonghwa pants into the kiss and you hum, continuing to tease him on this godless dance floor. Nobody has their senses right and is observing you two making out with dozy eyes, nobody cares about anything here. There’s only right now, the song the DJ is playing for the mindless crowd of drugged, intoxicated people. Let’s get insane.

You try to get a good feel of Seonghwa’s cock and its girth with your hand. “You’re big,” you murmur, catching air again, “smaller than San though.”

And there you have it, men are so easy to galvanize.

“Say that again, you fucking cunt,” Seonghwa growls and digs his fingers into your ass, eyebrows pulled down so hard that his forehead could explode.

“Why? ‘Cause you’re better than him?”, you taunt him and click with your tongue, catching a breath. “You’re no better than Sannie,” you sneer, pointing at your hickey with your finger to remind him (but mostly yourself), “don’t think you could be.”

Seonghwa goes fucking angry. Apparently he thinks he’s done so much for you, has been so nice to you, has helped you, whatever, and this is how you show him your thanks. Grabbing your hair, he pushes his forehead against yours and you catch a glimpse of his darkened eyes, feeling the stinging pain from the impact linger, while he talks. His breath is scarce from having kissed you, so he’s trying his best to use his voice to taunt you.

"San is probably fucking his fucking ex-girlfriend right now, do you think you're any better than him, huh, slut? You are the one who's so fucking desperate to get him to love you, and you're still here with me, and you're kissing me, so we're both in the wrong, you fucking whore."

His words don’t mean anything to you, visiting the synapses of your brain, but leaving right after. You just grin with your eyelids covering half of your eye and Seonghwa realizes nothing is arriving inside your sweet, broken mind. Your cheeks are red from the lack of oxygen, drugs and you’re flushed at the cause of his libidinous touch, and Seonghwa sees he's been working around your hair a little bit too much, having ruffled it up to the point that a comb-through will not amount to a lot. You look like a crazy person to him, but nothing attracts a joke more than a hard-hitting punchline.

“We're both single,” is what you lull to correct him, licking over your lips that you can't feel anymore since Seonghwa has kissed them numb. "And I think that's all that matters."

You both hear the music come to an exhilarating high and slowly reach your evaporating point.

“You sound like San,” Seonghwa giggles and he probably thinks it's going to push you over, but it doesn't. He’s still staring into you like he’s searching for a weak spot, but you’re persistent, you’re needy, and while you are weak, you are unforgivably yourself, Y/N.

You smash both your hands on each of his cheeks and you look at yourself through the sunglasses, sneering, "Good. San is a better name to moan."

He scoffs and smiles so condescendingly sweet again, but out of his mouth comes nothing worthwhile. "I'm going to fuck your voice out of your fucking throat, you're never going to moan ‘San’ ever fucking again," he growls and you drench yourself in his vulgarity, kissing him repeatedly.

"Never again," Seonghwa repeats himself, digging his thumbs into your ribs, but his tone isn't as forcing as it is... begging. Asking—demanding you to put all your attention on him, like he knows your heart isn't his and he desperately wants to possess yours. Oh, he definitely knows. You're not fooling anybody, at least didn't try to, but Seonghwa is gullible enough to fall for your tricks, how it seems like. San is painted on your body all the while your dance partner is speaking through his heavy breathing; painted on your neck, in your eyes, it’s annoying Seonghwa, it distracts him, it makes him see red, and not the colour on your skin.

"Awww, do you want me to only moan your name tonight?", you baby Seonghwa, mocking that he's finally revealed his motivations behind all of this. At least you think you've hit the nail in the coffin, when you pout to mirror Seonghwa’s expression.

Seonghwa's greatest sin isn't lust, it's envy. It could be any girl coming and leaving their dorm, moaning San’s name through the thin walls, never to be seen again and he wouldn't bat a second eye, but you— Y/N? San letting a woman like you go without further notice sickens him, like a crime, like a mistake. To hear your voice be pleasured by San at night, and then hear you sing good-bye to the man who does not care as much as he does in the morning, that has sent Seonghwa into a spiral of jealousy, but you’re not sure why. Some fucked-up reason probably, though it doesn’t seem like an ex is the cause this time. Maybe it’s really just because of you.

Sorry to say that you don’t care about that though. Not one single fucking bit. You don't want any of that complex trauma-talk tonight. You want to have sex and forget the sex right after.

"Be mine tonight, Y/N," Seonghwa answers and his eyebrows are pushed in to his forehead. He looks sultry, at least the parts you can see. Sultry, passionate, ready to fuck you, no, desperate to fuck you, in fact, you can feel the pre-cum soak his pants, when you cup his girth.

“You’re so pathetic,” you smirk, “it might actually be worth a try.” Seonghwa lets out a breathy exhale, finally breaking. You don’t know if it’s the alcohol, the molly, or his issues that suddenly took over his conscience, but he doesn’t have any of that left. He grabs you by your wrist with a grip that leaves a white mark, and without forewarning, Seonghwa yanks you through the people.

You hit each and every one of the strangers on your way to wherever. Shoulder hitting against shoulder, breast against breast, it better not leave any more bruising that you already have on your neck. “Seong- wha!”, you wheeze, tumbling at his force, tripping over your own feet over and over. The hall is huge, and he’s seemingly seeking to get to the very end of it.

“Seonghwa!”, you repeat yourself, but he won't listen to you. You're being pulled into a rollercoaster of anything but emotions (at least for you) and you can hear laughter leave your mouth without reason as you pass by irritated people who find it impolite to be barging into the big crowd like this. This dude's crazy, they scorn, but they don't really look that lucid as well, you find, with the last bits of thinking you can do.

"Where are we going?", you ask, but mostly to reassure that you still have a sense for geographical knowledge. You can see the bar again, mobs of people dancing on the stairs so that it's shaking even more compared to how you two had left it, but most importantly, you see that this is a space that's occupied by your kind. So much skin. So many slutty outfits. Outfits? Lingerie. This side looks like a fucking strip-club. Are you at a strip-club? What the fuck is this place? No, seriously, what the fuck is this place?

Seonghwa is finally stopping and you catch a breath from the running. With him doing his weird hand-signs again, you recognize the security guard from the beginning, smiling under his sunglasses, showing an "OK"-sign and pointing to the back of the stairs. You could swear he winked at you.

"What the fuck?", you ask, but Seonghwa only shrugs, making you follow his backwards steps under the stairs, where in black graffiti 'MY PEOPLE DONT BELIEVE IN LOVE' is smeared all over the wall. The same walls are occupied by couples or at least people making out wildly with their eyeliners smeared beyond repair. Is this some sex-area? (No idea) Is this legal? (100% no) Does Seonghwa look so fucking hot without his top on? (Fuck) He does.

Your eyes go cross-eyed, when Seonghwa enters the most mirrored bathroom you've ever seen in a warehouse, but before you can question the fact why people invest in decorating a fucking porta-potty, the male is pulling off his knitted top with one smooth pull, barely waiting a second for you to close the door behind you. The vibrations of the music ring on the metal stairs over you, and you feel like the beat is mushing your brain one size smaller, when you're met by Seonghwa barging at your body.

Pushing you against the plastic door, you feel all of Seonghwa's naked torso with your hands stroking roughly over his skin, and you admire his jewellery sitting on his collarbones, getting your fingers at it around his neck to pull him closer. "You like my necklace?", Seonghwa murmurs, as he pushes his lips into the crook of your neck.

"Choke on it," you gutter and yank him upwards, kissing him. While you do so and Seonghwa begins to unclothe you by getting your arms up, you catch a glimpse of yourself through the mirror. Your hair isn't looking as silky as it did when you left your home, there's mascara smudged around your eye already, but if you're not mistaken, and you can see it by how Seonghwa is sucking your nipples the second your bra falls to the floor, you will look worse in no time.

But that's not to say that you aren't still looking gorgeous. You look bewitchingly sexy, eyelids fluttering with each of Seonghwa's eager touches that are tracing down your body. "Fuck, you look so good," he murmurs and he's trying to keep his eyes open in order to see you. He's gotten you naked pretty quick considering the circumstance, you would've wished for a bit more foreplay here, but maybe it's a reoccuring theme to be impatient.

"You are such a fucking gorgeous girl, San doesn't know what he's missing right now," Seonghwa wheezes and goes through his hair, once he has your dress dropping on the dirty floor, revealing your joke of underwear. If he had kept your bra, he would have seen that you've worn a matching set of burgundy lingerie, but Seonghwa's mouth is still drooling at your pair of perfect thighs, his hand stroking over his lips. You roll your eyes at him and lean your head against the plastic door. You've done such a good job forgetting his name, and here's this dumbass mentioning him again. "You bet your ass he's missing this, huh?", you snarl and play with your own breast with one hand, while the other is cupping Seonghwa's rib, gliding down to his v-line, where his throbbing cock is awaiting you.

"He doesn't deserve you, Y/N."

He wheezes again. It seems like Seonghwa is taking his last breaths, unable to form words since your fingers are exploring how quick they can get to his erection.

"And you do?", you snap back and scoff. He pushes his glasses up to his forehead and for the first time since a long time, you can see Seonghwa's eyes shimmer. Oh fuck, you think, and it's difficult to not kiss him again. You're a bitch. You know you're a bitch for not caring about his feelings, and you know you will indeed not be better than San if you ghost this man right after this evening, but it must be done. For your sake, at least.

"I do," Seonghwa answers, though a lot weaker and less confident than he used to be before. You sigh. He may think he deserves you, but you don't deserve him. His gaze is too sweet, you've got to put those sunglasses back on, if you don't want to develop something. The only thing you can look at to get your mind elsewhere is yourself, in the mirror.

"Don't try to prove yourself," you murmur and Seonghwa wraps his arms around your back and props you by your thigh to lift you up. You can see his back muscle tense up, as he has you steadily in his grip. "I'm not," he answers and there's something that's fluttering inside your breast, when Seonghwa licks up your jawline, because you feel everything; From how wet his tongue is, how warm his saliva sits on your skin to the way what an adoring look Seonghwa is wearing on his face, as he kisses you. "I got nothing to prove to you."

You smirk and see yourself looking very dozy, drunken on alcohol, drugged by MDMA, ducked by Seonghwa's hand between your legs. It's pushing between your folds and with your last bit of control you have over your body, you spread your legs for him, inviting him to get his fingers inside your panties, and of course he does.

With a grin, Seonghwa devotes his tongue to your jaw again and works it into your skin with circular motion. "So fucking wet, and I thought you didn't want to fuck me."

"Who said I wasn't going to fuck you?"

Seonghwa is too busy sucking on the other side of your neck (other side meaning the side that is still unhickey-ed) to answer, but you're persistent. You came to this place to fuck him, and you're pretty sure that nothing from what you told him tonight alluded to something else. And also, even when you're fucked out of your mind, you still have a sense for people who keep secrets. So while Seonghwa is sucking small patches of skin on your neck and you see yourself with an opened mouth with sighs leaving it that you can't hear with your own ears.

"San says things sometimes," Seonghwa murmurs and continues to plant roses on your neck that you can see appear on your skin, "but that's irrelevant now."

"What does he say?", you insist, but the charcoal-haired man puts on his sunglasses again and shakes his head. Switch. As if you hadn't had enough from men who were two-faced, Seonghwa hides his eyes, turning into an inscrutable being again. A stranger. A stranger who's groping your cunt from the front, making your groin tense up and push him closer from the back. You're wrapping him with your legs and holding onto him tightly, when he catches a breath.

"Meaningless things,” he pants and throws you over the door, your arms landing on the frail sink in front of you. The mirror expands and all of the sudden you see yourself in full quality, in all your glory and Seonghwa is only supporting you from the back. His hand is grabbing your chin and pushing it up to the mirror, his pointing finger smudging your lip. With your lips slightly opened, it just makes sense to you to lick around his finger and look at him with a demanding look, eyebrows sultrily pushed together.

"Fuck, Y/N," Seonghwa gulps and cups your breast from behind, massaging it, while he presses his hot lips on your back. "Can I eat you out? Please,” he sighs and you take his finger in, lubing it up with your saliva.

"Do whatever you fucking want," you sneer and balance yourself with two hands on the sink, as Seonghwa raises a leg and throws it over his shoulder, his pretty face planted into your pussy the second you've given him permission to. You spasm to the front, Seonghwa's hair tickling your lower abdomen, as he works his tongue over your slick folds. If his tongue was great for kissing, it's certainly great for cunnilingus too, no, maybe even better suited for it. He's reaching spots that haven't been reached by a tongue in a long time and with the wet muscle working in and out inside you, you're becoming a moaning mess with fluttering eyelids in no time.

"Fuuuck", you gasp, when Seonghwa kneads your ass that's extended out in the air. The sound of his slurping and the music outside assimilate and mix up, and if it wasn't for the hightened senses you got from your molly-influence, it feels like everything is hammering you down from the outside. You can feel each twitch of Seonghwa's mouth, how he smiles, how he's yelping for air, how he's licking over his lips — you're going to fall somewhere, and if it's not into the cheap sink and the mirror that's taunting you, it's in love with his tongue that’s going to make you cum.

"So soon?", Seonghwa murmurs, and two fingers begin to penetrate your gaping hole, as he flicks his tongue over your sensitive clit.

"Fuck, fuck!", you whine and Seonghwa takes note of how your entrance is tightening around him, angling his fingers towards your g-spot. "So fucking good!", you breathe and you're trying to get a glimpse of your mirrored image in front of you, but your eyes are rolling to the back of your head too much.

"Mhm~", Seonghwa hums with an amused tone, repeating a cycle of sucking and licking, pumping against your g-spot. You're flying, the loud tunes bombarding the walls of the porta-potty are slowly getting to your head and intrusing what's left of your conscious mind, only feeling the tickling sensation that is being eaten out by none other than Park Seonghwa.

Until it stops.

You were whining, announcing your impending orgasm, but he apparently had other ideas, pulling out his fingers and removing his lips from you the second you were drawing together your body, preparing for sweet release. "Don't fucking stop!", you yell and grab Seonghwa by his hair, pushing him closer to your cunt by force. "Seonghwa!"

Seonghwa, who you don't know if he seriously just wanted to be called by his name in this situation, chuckles in witticism and wraps his arm around your thigh, getting the other leg over his shoulder too. You're sitting up front now, and there is no space for him to get his finger anywhere near your cunt, but his tongue is more than enough.

"Make me cum or I'm gonna fucking leave, you fucking asshole," you growl and grip a big chunk of his hair to get your message across. The man below you moans and resumes his job, clearly attracted by your lust-driven dominance. 'I like it when you're bossy', you re-call, and before you can finish the quote in your head, Seonghwa has plunged his tongue into your cunt.

"Ungh, fuck!", you moan, a bit more sensitive and distorted this time. Trying to hold your heavy upper body straight, Seonghwa is laving at your cunt, driving you crazy with the speed of his tongue maneuvering inside you. Maybe it was better that Seonghwa edged you, because now every flick is shooting you further into the abyss of pleasantry. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," you stutter, the second wave of the overwhelming euphoria gathering itself like a tsunami.

Seonghwa is more relaxed than you are, though his whole face is busy being used to pleasure you. His nose is dug into your clit and he's shaking his head around to be able to tickle it all during the while he's cutting away his breath to pant into your heat and spreading your slick on his tastebuds.

"Make me cum," you whine, "make me cum with your tongue!"

"Say 'please Seonghwa'," Seonghwa smirks and has the tip of his tongue placed on your clitoris just enough for your orgasm to not be washed away, but definitely not coming, while you grip more of his hair.

"You fucking bitch, I'll never fucking—", you pant, but there's no other way around it. You need this orgasm. "You—"

Seonghwa looks up to you and you can see him waiting. Pushing your thighs together because he annoys you so much, you yank his head closer to your cunt and scream, "okay, fuck, make me fucking cum, Seonghwa, please!"

The man between your thighs chuckles through his nose and once you said the magic-words, he opens his mouth back open to lap around your clit and cunt like a mad dog. Having been denied your orgasm for the second time, the third attempt to chase it down hits you even more, making you breathe heavily and loudly, and this time, the strings are pulling you to total stupification.

"Please, please, please, Seonghwa, please—"

Repeating the words Seonghwa wants to hear so bad again and again, you're fuelling his decision to finally allow you to come. His tongue circles around your clit as if he was racing with the music and your face is parallel to the floor, when your body goes lax and the strands of Seonghwa's hair are the only thing keeping you up.

"Seonghwa, please," you whisper again, weak, and almost sent over the top, while Seonghwa growls under you, his tongue stroking over your sensitive bud until you're shaking and pressing your legs together. "Fuck!", you scream out and Seonghwa throws one leg away from his shoulder, your wobbly foot landing on the floor, when the male stands up and gets to fingers into your cunt.

"Seonghwa, please—", you gasp, when he rams them into your throbbing arousal that barely reached its high and you have to get your arms around his neck if your knees are still worth something to you. "Oh my fucking god," and other moans come spurred out of you and Seonghwa bites into your shoulder to add another stimulative pain to all the sensations you're feeling.

His fingers are long and slender and for all you can grasp, they know what they're doing, when they're driving in and out with no mercy. That this is Seonghwa, you don't really care, that this isn't San, you do just a little bit, but "caring" takes a bit too long in the brain anyway. If your first orgasm from his tongue made your head fly, the second one is evaporating it. Your head feels light and corrupted by the DJ screaming inaudible things into his set, an artificially deepened laughing-track following his ad-lib and your lower body is trembling like a new-born deer, when Seonghwa keeps pushing against your soft patch inside. “Stop— stop, Seonghwa—“, you pant and your legs hold Seonghwa's wrist until he wiggles it out.

"You good?", Seonghwa laughs. He walks behind you and raises your face by your chin, pressing his own cheek next to yours, so both of your faces are seen in the mirror, his pelvis pushed against your ass again.

"Uh-huh," you shudder, your runny mascara making your eyes sticky, "very good."

He smiles, though it's definitely not a friendly smile. This isn't what friends do. It never will be something that friends do and you try to find some type of sanity behind your sunken irises, but there's nothing there. There is someone knocking on the door, Seonghwa's phone is vibrating in his pants, and like the bad person you are, you can't stop to wish that behind at least one of these interruptions is a certain someone is waiting for you, asking for you or anything— fuck. It's worse Seonghwa somehow knows what you're thinking, taking out his phone with his free hand, your face still being cupped by the other.

"You think this is him, don't you?", he asks and lets his temple drop against the top of your head, "Let's bet."

"If you think I'm gonna bet on something like that," you hiss and grind your bare ass against his clothed cock to distract him from the fact he's correct, “you’re a fucker.”

"I'm gonna fuck you, so I don't know where you're coming from here."

You scoff and throw his phone into the sink, when Seonghwa seemingly opens the message and starts to grin.

"Seonghwa," and you know you're lying through your teeth here with the full awareness that Seonghwa probably knows that you’re lying as well, "I want you," and yet you have the very secure feeling that you got into his head.

"Hm, what?", he asks and looks confused, unable to be angry that you snatched his phone out of his hand. You smirk for a short time and lean into his hand that's stroking your cheek. "I want you, Seonghwa," you sigh and pout. If you can't commit, you might as well commit to the lie, right? Be a little opportunistic.

"I don't care about San," you whisper and Seonghwa pulls down his glasses, making him human again.

"Really now…”

Choi San: the connection is so bad Choi San: where are you right now?

You nod and there’s a black-tinted tear rolling down your cheek, warm and melting on your skin. Seonghwa takes his thumb and glides it over the flow and holds his hand at your cheek again.

Choi San: i saw her Choi San: wtf she looked so different

You both saw the message and you both decided to ignore it. It doesn't matter anymore, his hand was already between your legs, your arousal has already coated his fingers.

That's how this works.

His touch, caressing your woeful face, his eyes pitying your pain. He's still erected, definitely impatient, but Seonghwa has something that you haven't experienced for a long time. You don't want to think of it, you can't think of it, because it might just be an illusion, but when Seonghwa slides his arms around your waist and pulls you closer to him, you have to suppress the suffocating feeling that you must never see this man ever again, if you don't want to carry this burden with you. You can't tell yourself enough, you do not want Seonghwa.

But it's nice.

"Look at yourself, Y/N. Look how pretty you are."

It's nice to know that someone wants you. That someone cares to wipe away the tears from your eyes, though they're not tears formed by a sadness you’d be able to express, a sadness that encourages you to hold eye contact with yourself, as Seonghwa whispers words of comfort into your ear. "Don't cry, pretty girl," he murmurs, and it feels like the music is being subdued around you. You've fallen from grace. “You could have anything in the world..”

How nice would it be, if he was right? You’re not sad, you have everything you could, don’t you? It could be this is just another lie you're going to commit to to protect yourself, but Seonghwa is holding you by your throat, cutting your airflow. The blood curdles in your head and while the male behind you is opening up his pants, the phone blinks.

Seonghwa and you both look down. Incoming call: Choi San.

"Oh," Seonghwa exhales and immediately checks for your reaction in the mirror, but your expression is empty. The drugs are fogging your mind and there is no ounce of vitality behind your eyes.

Seonghwa turns the phone around. "Fuck me first, Seonghwa," you tell him, your voice wispy, barely understandable, he probably had to lip-read in order to understand what you were saying, "let's get it over with."

He doesn't appreciate your dismissive tone, but Seonghwa is too horny to say anything against it, pushing you over the sink, grabbing his cock and placing it near your cunt. While your abdomen is pressed against the dirty, cold surface, Seonghwa is murmuring something under his breath and gliding his hot, throbbing erection across your pulsating folds. "I don't care at all," you whine, trying to convince yourself and ignore the continuous buzzing from his phone, but also make him hurry up. There's an end-goal you're chasing here.

"Kiss me," you order the male behind you, and as he finally positions his tip at your entrance, Seonghwa tilts your head to the side, ripping your gaze away from his mobile. "You really like kissing, don't you?", he huffs and smirks, pushing himself into you in one slow thrust. "Fuuuck," you breathe, feeling your walls expand for his length, "what about it?"

"I just think it's sweet. It makes it more personal, doesn't it?"

"Come on, Hwa, are you trying to make me angry again? I'm getting tired here," you purl and visibly roll your eyes at him, your eyelids getting heavier with each word that's spoken out loud. Your body weighs into Seonghwa's arms and if he doesn't hurry up, you'll fall asleep, your pulsating cunt tightening around his girth.

"Sweetheart, let me talk," he says, in a soft voice that makes your heart drop. You don't want him, you don't want his sweetness, fuck, you only wanted Seonghwa for this one night, for his dick and dick only, why is he trying to get inside your head? Don't do it, you try to mouth to him. You don't know him, he doesn't know you, his cock is inside your cunt, this is the worst timing to—

"You're something else."

"Seonghwa, stop, before you say anything too nice. Just close your mouth, this isn't good for both of us, you already said we're bad people. You know we don't want this," you mutter and start moving your ass to somehow get his mind elsewhere, but through his whimpers and low moans, Seonghwa won't stop grunting under the influence.

"No, speak for god-damn yourself, because, shit, Y/N, I can't watch it anymore, okay? Every day and night— You come over and let yourself be played by San, that fucking asshole, and I just think—"

"Seonghwa, shut the fuck up!", you scream and you're a breath away from pulling his cock out your cunt and leave this place naked, but just when you thought you can't do it anymore, Seonghwa has gotten his hands on your hips, digging his fingernails into your skin as if he's trying to hopelessly keep you close, his pelvis clapping against your ass, as he strikes into you.

Surprised, you moan and your fingers slip against the edge of the sink, strands of your hair falling in front of your face. You weren't prepared for that kind of vigor.

"Don't you dare think I'm that pathetic," he growls and thrusts into you with force in a rhythm that is terrifyingly close to the music outside, his cock slamming against your inner wall, making your legs close up by themselves.

"I'm not thinking I could treat you better," Seonghwa huffs and gets the hair away from your face, grabbing your hair to clear up your view, "I'm thinking what a fucking cockslut you are, Y/N."

Drugs never make sad people happier. Never make broken people whole.

So even when Seonghwa makes you realize that none of the men in your life have ever taken you serious, a hoarse laugh leaves your mouth, and you tilt your head to the back to examine the traces of them on your neck. Your eyes glisten with the way you're being fucked from behind and your mouth is not closing, you've lost control over yourself a long time ago, and it's not when this long day started with you in San's bed, it's when he took off your shirt on that random night during exam season.

"You're lucky you're pretty," he grunts and you chuckle, smiling absent-minded, upper body see-sawing with Seonghwa's pelvis-movement. Your ass is slowly hurting from how hard he is driving himself in, but you're too busy looking at your neck.

Red, red, red. A little bit of purple. A big patch here, small spots over there; anyone could look at you and would know that you've been claimed by someone. Maybe even think that you're, gasp, in a relationship! They wouldn't guess it was two people to leave these hickeys, and frankly, they would be right to think you're claimed by one person only.

"San said he'd fuck me stupid," you giggle— you're fetching old memories from your mind, re-painting the colors, completing the gaps like a mandala; the same memories from the older days which you wouldn't call better, but certainly easier; from days where you didn't have to worry about a man breaking your heart.

Seonghwa scoffs and grabs you by your tit, pulling your nipple with harsh tugs, the sensitive, delicate nub being wounded by his aggressiveness. He's stopped being gentle a long time ago, leaving a big star-shaped mark on your ass by clapping the surface of his hand.

"San said I'm his whore," you reminisce, biting your teeth through the pain, and Seonghwa is speeding up his thrusting, his cock angled inside you to entirely fill out your tight space.

"San said—"

Seonghwa has had enough. He's pressing the surface of his hand onto your mouth and nose, silencing you, cutting you short of your air, your eyes rolling back, but it doesn't prevent your thoughts to continue tumbling down. Seonghwa may be jolting his hips into you like his life depends on it, and in a way, that may be true, but he'll never pleasure you like San could.

People-pleaser. San said he was a people-pleaser.

You don't remember the orgasm, you don't remember Seonghwa's loud grunt into your ear, you don't remember how much hot cum he ejaculated into you, how panicked the black-haired was, when he asked you whether you took the pill, how quickly he became sober and put his clothes back on, the speed of time seemingly passing like a rocket-ship, the music never stopping to blitz into your brain, how the porta-potty became really fucking empty, once Seonghwa left it, but what you do remember is how you took his phone that he forgot like the dumb-ass he was, and how weak your voice sounded, when you answered San's call that by some magical way, kept ringing in.

"Can you come fetch me?"

"Who is this?"

"Come fetch me, please."

"Y/N?"

And people-pleasers should do anything to keep their people happy.

Especially if they're Choi San and avoidant of conflict.

part 4: coming soon!

#choi san smut #choi san x reader #ateez smut #ateez x reader #choi san scenarios #choi san x y/n #choi san x you #park seonghwa smut #park seonghwa scenarios #park seonghwa x reader #park seonghwa x y/n #haveyourwaywithwordsbemypeoplepleaser #chokkiwa

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liverpool-enjoyer · 30 days

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hey yall forewarning this is easily the most embarrassing post ive ever made on here. like im not talking normal levels of tumblr cringe/oversharing, i mean youre probly gonna judge me and think somethings genuinely wrong with me. but i really need to get it off my chest so. yolo.

also tldr at the end in case you wanna spare yourself lmao.

mkay so recently i havent been online, because ive been really sad. and the reason im sad is that gavi got a girlfriend. which i realize is probly the stupidest and most juvenile thing to be sad over but hear me out (or dont lmao its a free country do whatever you want).

its not like i ever thought i had a chance with him or anything, im not stupid. but ive known for a very long time that, due to my asexuality (and other things but mostly that), i am never going to have love in my life. so for me, daydreaming and fantasizing about being gavis girlfriend was like,,, how i coped, i guess. it was a form of escapism for me. and now i cant do that anymore bc hes someones boyfriend and fantasizing abt another girls boyfriend just feels wrong. and pathetic.

it doesnt help that all my social medias have algorithmed so that hes all over all my feeds. and to be honest, looking at him just makes me think of his beautiful girlfriend who has everything i could ever want and i feel this horrible awful nauseating feeling in my stomach and i feel envious and sad and a slew of other things. it sucks that someone who once unknowingly made me so happy now does the exact opposite but hey what can you do.

i know it sounds stupid, but i dont think i'll ever feel for someone the way i feel about him. hes the most beautiful person ive ever laid eyes on and oh God i was right this does sound stupid ok lets continue

oh and let me be clear (you hafta read that in obamas voice) im aware that feeling this way toward a complete stranger (or anyone for that matter, but like especially a complete stranger) is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY. unfortunately, knowing that my feelings and thoughts are unhealthy doesnt stop me from having them.

so yeah. now that ive lost my form of escapism, all i can think about at any given moment is how lonely im going to be. its hard to enjoy much of anything these days when all im thinking about is how im never going to receive romantic love, and now i cant even daydream about dating gavi to cope with it. because all i can think about when i try to is how hard his girlfriend would laugh if she found out some pathetic worm halfway across the world was fantasizing about her man.

so yeah thats it. i know that every time i angst abt my asexuality (which is a LOT like holy shit why do ppl still follow me), my friends tell me that its ok because im going to find someone someday. and i appreciate it, i really do. it means the world. but my friends saying that i'll find love doesnt make it true. plenty of people have died alone and unloved before, and i am going to be one of them.

tldr: a guy ive never met got a girlfriend n im having a depressive episode abt it LMAOOOO

#good Lord i sound like one a those delusional fourteen year old girls on tiktok #as sad as i may be at least im not leaving hate comments unlike some ppl

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your-writer-beta-side-piece · 10 months

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Looks like it’s time for me to pop back up again begging for fics about my new hyper fixation!

What’s in store for you in this post:

*An impassioned plea throughout the whole post to all of you amazing writers

*Gifs that will keep you up at night too

🎅 *My Gator Tillman fic Christmas wishlist 🎅

🏆*A (Smutty) Rec at the bottom for the best Gator x OC I’ve found so far🏆

*More gifs because goddamn I’m in a chokehold

It is seriously criminal how there’s like, two Gator x OC’s (that I can find, if you have any don’t hold out on me please!! I feel like I’m going through withdrawals having to wait a week for another episode as it is) on here and AO3.

I mean come on we all love ourselves a slutty, dominate, broken character that we all fantasize about fixing.

Not a single thought I’ve had about this man has of the Christ like variety, and I don’t think I really need to explain why just look at these gifs/photos:

HE HAS HANDCUFFS ON THE BED THE FICS ARE WRITING THEMSELVES

🎅My Gator Tillman Fanfic Christmas wishlist🎅:

I want a full story fleshing out our new favorite loser, but still somehow so damn attractive, Gator

I want an ofc that is too good for him but we all know we’d sink that low too girl

I’d LOVE it if it followed canon. Like how in the show he’s trying to get her/he's going after her like he is trying to get Dot

(come on if he was stalking you and called out to you and said “mama it’s time to come home” YOU TOO WOULD FOLD)

I want him to use those handcuffs on our girl once he finally gets her

I want smut

Y’all on AO3 come up with the best damn oc’s there’s a reason they’re binding yalls books and talking about them all over booktok like you guys are published authors

(Im not saying it’s right/that I participate or that it is even legal, I’m saying Ive seen it and I know you guys have the caliber of writing to make some people not give a fuck and try the law for some of you guy's stories)

I want him to call her mama

I want the dominance, the stalking, the cat and mouse chase

I want a plot as wild as this season and those families are

I know some people hate fics that follow plots of books or shows but this season is AMAZING and so fucking wild. I love it and I’d love to read about it and be immersed further into Fargo. I don’t want to leave the season 5 Fargo world I want to stay longer... with Gator

I want more smut

A plot that can only be contrived by fanfic authors who have been reading and writing since they were 15 or even younger

I want even more smut

I want all of the angst, good writing, and humor you can think of

I have a feeling we’ll need some of you fic doctors to write us a fix it fic of some sort

But I especially want smut. I want to drown in smut.

I want it all and you guys have served it all before so I know it's possible

If I could outline a whole plot, along with side plots, new characters and character arcs, write, and edit as fast as some of you guys can I would do it myself. I would do it for us. I’ve considered it. I mean I’ve been really considering it these past few days since it’s dryer out here than the Lyon’s bed. I’ve got an idea, lust, Christmas candy, and the hyper-focus to keep me interested for at least three to four weeks!! (I might have started if it wasn't the week before finals for me right now)

But some of you guys who’ve written for Steve Harrington (let alone other fandoms) have the ability to be best selling authors, so I know these communities have both the talent, ability, and the horniness to do this.

I believe in you guys, I believe in us. Let's do it for Christmas 🎄

REC I PROMISED:

Since it is the season of giving, I’m going to share my favorite fic so far. Let me know if there’s any fics we need to add, OR if there’s any books with love interests like Gator, for science 👀

Again the general criteria I’m using is along the lines of:

Is there an actual story going on?

Is there an oc who has a purpose, goals, wants, needs, an actual arc of some sort?

Is Gator Tillman still sexy af?

Is it following canon or is it original?

Is the plot and characterization good?

Does Gator call her mama or is it at least probable that he will 👀 ?

Is the grammar/writing good?

Basically the same stuff we all want to check off

MY FAVORITE FIC SO FAR REC:

The best I’ve found so far has been:

Every Little Thing

By BuckysGrace

Link:

Why I like love it:

1.) The writing is pretty damn good

Normally we have to wait a few weeks or months with new movies/shows/books for people to have time to write and publish their well written and plotted fics but we have been blessed early!!

I really like the sprinkle of tid bits to come here and there. The authors really laying the foundation down for this story leaving little comments and hints here and there in their writing and characters conversations.

I can tell that the author is really working hard to create believable oc's and a world that could actually be a part of the Fargo TV show universe.

2.) Damn the little taste of smut we got just flamed the fire!

Tell me why I could actually visualize Gator during that scene?!?! It really felt like his characterization was perfect here! And damn I love me some dominant, possessive, jealous himbos who would kill for me or worse.

I PROMISE I'M TRYING SO HARD NOT TO SPOIL ANYTHING FOR YOU GUYS!!!

3.) I really like our girl Daphne (OC)

I feel like I can actually see her. Like I can hear her when she speaks. I can feel the awkwardness of her situation and her uncomfortableness radiating through me.

I like that she's shaping up to be a character with wants and goals and not just a 2-d romantic partner

4.) GODDAMN THAT DINNER WAS AWKWARD AND SEXY

I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE AFTERMATH ooooooo boy. I’m not spoiling anything. You can suffer (and enjoy 😏) that part all for yourselves

5.) We have confirmation from the author that there is a whole ass plot and story in the works

I love to hear it almost as much as I love to read it! But I could tell that they had some stuff in mind from the way they were writing alone before the confirmation.

6.) AND ITS GOING TO FOLLOW CANON EVENTUALLY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME US!

I might just get to hear Gator call our girl mama before I die from fic starvation. Plus we just might get the stalker Gator on page like we have on screen!

7.) I like the dual time line

It’s done a good job of getting me hooked. I’m really interested in learning more about Daphne’s past and her relationship with Gator. I think as time goes on as we learn more about their relationship and her relationship with both her family and his things are really gonna kick off.

4.) Gators characterization seems to be pretty accurate

He's selfish, possessive, dominante, kind of a jackass, but he is also sweet to those he cares about. Which, is something I've noticed when watching the show, and I've seen some posts talking along similar lines. I don't think he's mean deep down, I don't think he has it in him. I think the facade he puts on is the product of his father.

BUT I'm not excusing anything he's done of course

6.) The grammar is pretty good

Good writing like punctuation and sentence structure along with good story telling is just so important to me. I'm one of those people who can't get into a story if it's not written well.

7.) GUYS IM SMELLING THE ANGST COMING

Some of us are like blood hounds for this stuff, you read hundreds or even thousands of fics and books and you can start to know what goodies are coming your way. And I can feel the pain train a comin down the tracks!

8.) The smut is promising to be real real good

I just want to circle back to this for a moment because I am so excited to read more

What I don’t like about it:

It’s not longer/finished already so I can't devour it in one sitting 😭

You might not have read it yet

@buckysgrace

I think the only way through this is to fill our thirst for this man and if here and TikTok have shown me anything it’s that we’re DAMN thirsty!

WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!? GO WRITE MORE GATOR X OC SO WE CAN ALL DEVOUR IT ON A03 OR READ BUCKYSGRACE’S FIC AND CRY WITH ME THAT THERES NOT MORE OF IT OR MORE OF ANY OTHER GATOR X OFC FICS 😭😭😭

*Did I write all of this instead of doing homework and studying for next weeks finals? Yes. Am I eventually going to devolve into a fic rec/review only blog? Maybe maybe not.

More gifs/photos for research purposes

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winterspiderpurrs · 9 months

Note

Bucky obsessing over barista Peter Parker across the street from where his apartment is and gets angry when he finds out that Peter is dating someone(not beck though) and hurts Peter in the process, but immediately regretting it and forcing Peter to forgive him or something. I like sad angst dark fic where someone just isn’t right in the head. Bucky’s just lonely :(

Today was the day. Bucky was finally going to ask Peter out. They met for the first time a few months back at the coffee shop. Steve had agreed with his therapist that he should try to step out of his routine - try something new. So thats how Bucky ended up at the coffee shop across the way.

First he just got himself a plain coffee, then he asked if they did one of those cups for animal, but would it be okay to give to his cat. Peter was happy to explain how they are safe for cats just as long as ita not an everyday treat. But one once a week wouldn't hurt. They bonded over the cat video Bucky showed Peter the following day.

Now Bucky doesn't show up there everyday. But he is there often enough, a couple of late nights and a few early mornings. Always chit-chatting with Peter. They got along, the joked some, the bonded the few times they got personal.

Peter telling Bucky about his parents and how his Uncle passed away. His uncle was a Vietnam veteran so he understood. Bucky told Peter him how he lost his arm while serving. His Ptsd. And it Peter was good looking, Bucky just loved his smile and his laugh.

But the day arrived, Bucky knew that Peter would hang out in the side alley, either reading a book for one of his college courses, wrapping up a phone call or just playing a game on his phone. There was a make shift " break area " for the employee in the cafe set up there. He peeked around the corner, saw the mop of brown curls. Smiling a little but before he fully steps into the alley he freezes. There was a tall redhair man pressing close to Peter, the man leaning down to pull Peter up into a kiss.

Bucky leaves. He didn't want to do anything that he would regret. He knows that nothing he had found out led him to believe that Peter was seeing anyone. He goes home and gets on his laptop. It didn't take him long to find out who the man was. Harry Osborn. Been friends with Peter for a long time. He has been in a variety of photos over the years. But nothing that leads him into believing that Peter and this Harry were an item. He does find it ironic that most of the photos Harry is tagged in are with women. None with men. So either this was new... or this relationship is a secret.

But Bucky couldn't keep himself away. He showed up right before closing. He knew Peter would manage the front while the only other employee would stay in the back. After he orders, he sits down m, trying to remain calm. Why hadn't Peter said anything? What does this Osborn kid have that he didn't? Other than money, that is. Peter was too kind to be a gold digger, right?

"Here you go Bucky! Place coffee, and on the house a muffin, rather you have it since I know its the kind you like then throw it out."

Bucky looks up at Peter, he can see that Peter faltered back a little, a smalk frown forming.

"Why didn't you tell me you had a boyfriend?"

Peter blinks " What?"

" The red head, saw yall in the alley earlier. I thought we were friends Pete." Bucky reach up and grabs Peter's wrist, yanking him close, squeezing.

"Friends don't keep secrets like that. "

Peter's eyes widen, he pulls at his arm.

"I... I'm sorry Bucky. Harry isn't out yet to everyone, it must of just slipped my mind to mention I was seeing someone" he tugs his arm again. " Your hurting me Bucky..."

Bucky's eyes widen, and he lets go. He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. " I'm sorry Pete. Sometimes I get triggered and can't control it...."

He can see that Peter's expression softens a little, he knew about his Ptsd, understood. God was he so lucky to have met Peter.

" It's okay Bucky. "

His Peter was so forgiving.

Some weeks went by, and it was like the event never happened. Bucky stilk showed up, they woukd talk. He even brought Alpine one time. And when he had to go out of town for a week, a retreat Steve was forcing him to go to. Peter, his precious Peter, offered to watch Alpine for him. Either he could go to Bucky's, or Bucky could bring Alpine to Peter's.

Bucky readily gave Peter a copy of his apartment key. Walking Peter over on a lunch break. He had spent the previous day cleaning and locking away anything that might be questionable. Peter had free reign of the apartment other than Bucky's office.

Which he had locked. It was the only rule he had. Peter just didn't know that his whole apartment was hooked up with cameras. Bucky was able to watch Peter whenever he entered the apartment.

He paid Peter of course, and once he was back invited Peter to a military event, as a thank you. Peter just didn't know that Osborn's company puts on the event. And he knew for a fact that Harry had called and canceled on Peter the previous day. Saying he wasn't feeling well. But he knew that the bastard was going to the event, and he had a model he was bringing.

He picked Peter up, made sure to be the perfect gentleman. Opened doors for him, complimented on how great he looked. He was even able to finally introduce Peter to Steve who was aslo at the event.

" Nice to meet you Steve, its nice to put a face to the name I kept hearing about... though your a lot bigger then how he tells it"

Steve shakes Peter's hand and laughs " I was a late bloomer, but once Bucky started working out and joined the military I soon followed. It's nice to finally meet you too. Bucky says you even have Alpine wrapped arouns your finger"

" Its the pet cups from work. She knows I was the first one to give her one a few months ago. That's how we met. "

Steve smiles and nods, he then looks at Bucky hard for a moment. " Let's go get a drink, Peter do you mind manning the table?"

" No problem! Could you grab a drink for me to while your up Bucky?"

" Sure Doll. We will be right back"

Steve and Bucky moved across the room, but instead of heading to the bar, Steve pulls Bucky to a small conference room.

" Bucky. Be honest with me. Are you doing okay? I know Dr. Zemo has praise how you are doing... but you would tell me, right?"

Bucky frown at Steve.

" I'm doing fine. Great even. Nothing for you to worry about."

" Are you sure? Cause Peter said you have met just a few months ago..."

" Yeah so?"

" Bucky... you have been talking about Peter for over a year now. Honest I almost thought he.. was a delusion until you told me he watched Alpine for you."

Bucky's face relaxed and he gave Steve a blank stare. " Things are fine. Just leave it Stevie"

Steve would always back off and ease up on him when he used his childhood name. He could see Steve was debating with himself.

" I just want to make sure you are doing okay. That Peter is safe... I don't want a repeat of Sam"

"Don't say that name! Peter is nothing like him. Peter is perfect safe. Peter understands my ptsd he doesn't hold it against me if I have... have an episode. ... we promised we would never talk about that. Stevie.. I'm doing my best. I'm doing everything you told me. I got an apartment of my own, a job, I stepped out ofbmy routine, I don't miss a session with the Doc. You... you can't hold my past against me Stevie... I haven't felt this.... this normal since I lost my arm... Peter is just a friend. Sure I want more but I'm not pushing that on him unless he wants that. I need more then just you and the doc to talk too.."

Steve sighs, rubs his hand over his face before he stares again at Bucky.

" Oh Bucky. I don't mean to worry. But... I worry. I'm with you until the end of the line you know that. Just want you to be safe is all. " he pats Bucky on the shoulder.

"Peter seems like a good guy... just. If you start questioning things. Tell me first and maybe we can resolve it before... before anything else could happen"

Steve sighs again and stares at Bucky. He still remembers the distraught phone call. He raced to Sam's apartment, the blood stains, Bucky rocking on the floor, knife in his hand. The clean-up they had to do. Bucky wasn't meant for prison. He had an episode that was triggered by Sam saying he was moving. Got a job in DC. They could try long distance, but it might be best to break up. Steve helped clean up the scene, Bucky and him disposing the body.

There were warning signs that Bucky was close to a breakdown, but Steve thought Bucky was getting help. He hadn't realized that before Sam, that Bucky hadn't been to therapy for over a year.

" I promise... if I feel like I'm spiraling. I will come to you. " Steve didn't have to know that Bucky was already into deep with Peter. But Peter was different. He was special, and he understood.

They left the room and made there way tonthe bar, Bucky getting a sprite for Peter. Both men noticed a sad look on Peter's face once they got back to the table.

" What's wrong? Did something happen? Did someone say something to you?"

Steve puts his hand on Bucky's shoulder.

" Calm down Buck. This isn't the place"

Bucky was about to snark back at Steve when Peter shook his head. " No. Nothing like that... its just..." Peter turned and looked across the room. There was Harry, a model on his arm, laughing and drinking. Occasionally kissing the model as he jokes and makes small talk. Bucky's eyes narrow, he was already irritated because of his conversation with Steve and now he has to see his Peter being sad? Sure he had hoped Peter woukd see Harry and realized he lied about what he was doing. He didn't realize the bastard would be playing it up and basically cheating on Peter.

He clenched his jaw, before rolling his shoulder to try to relax.

" Let's just forget about him Doll. Why don't you dance with Stevie. Show'em you can find better too and then we can dance. Prove you got options too."

Peter sent a nervous glance at Steve, who gave him a small smile and a nod before he glanced back to Bucky.

" That should be fine... but... if this is the end... I'm worried Harry will tell his dad to remove me from my internship"

" You don't need the Osborn's Peter. You dance with Stevie, he might have two left feet but he is a gentleman "

" Hey!"

" and I will make sure you have a new internship by the end of the night"

Peter blinks and tils his head. " How?"

Bucky takes a sip of his drink. " Just leave it to me Doll. You're crazy smart. You've toldnme about some projects, with the right connections you will have offers by morning"

Steve walks Peter to the dance floor for the first round of dancing. Bucky smirked as he watched the moment Harry noticed Peter, and the jealous anger that appeared when he noticed the man dancing with him.

Bucky circled to the other side of the room. He stands next to a man who just snuck back into the room. He sips his drink before tapping his shoe against the other.

" I'm calling in my favor now"

" Hell of a place to do that... what is it."

" You are going to hire an intern, paid, he gets to pick his hours."

" I can't just hire anybody. I have a business to run"

" and you have this business because of the job I took"

Mr. Tony Stark turned to look at the man he hired years before. He contracted out someone to kill Obadiah. Obadiah had gotten the conpany in bad dealings, took advantage of a young newly orphaned Tony, who in his party days signed documents that he didn't realize. Tony needed Obe gone, and the ex military man delivered.

" Fine. Have them submitted an application and I will push it through"

Bucky nods and he wonders up to Steve and Peter. He smiles at them

" My turn now punk"

Bucky would do anything for Peter. And he had Peter right where he wanted him. Maybe during the dance he will let Peter know that he works part time for Tony Stark, that he would get him that internship. Or tell him he got him an interview.

The hug he got and the kiss on the cheek at the end of the night made it worth it. Even more so when Peter invited him to his apartment to meet his cat Murph, Peter's cellphone, on silence on the counter. Harry's name flashed across the screen. It gets ignored along with the text messages that were flooding in. Peter was choosing him.

But it's not like Bucky gave him much of a choice.

#sorry this took so long #I started it and then thought I posted so i made it a lil bit longer #gifs are not mine #but i love adding them #prompt answered #answered asks #thanks for the ask!#writing prompt #winterspider #peter parker x bucky barnes #dark bucky barnes #winterspiderpurrs

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sweatervest-obsessed · 1 year

Text

In Your Dreams, Whatever They Be - Part 2

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader (she/her)

WC: 11,789

TW: allusions to death, death, guns, knives, weaponry, kissing, making out, teen angst, stressful situations, demo bats? blood, crying, so much crying, nightmares, allusions to mature content, comas, really anything in Stranger Things is in here because I followed the last two episodes pretty closely.

A/N: Part 2 baby!!! I hope yall really like it. I had to cut some things out because I realized that if I wanted to sleep and be okay with this as my final draft, then things that the reader isn't a part of. doesn't really get told in this fic. (angsty, with some fluff at the end for your troubles of making it through the angst.)

Part One !

You had cried on and off for almost three hours. It wasn’t on purpose, truly, but you just couldn’t help yourself. Once you had managed to move enough, Steve helped you through the gate, before diving through on his own. The entire group was crowding around you trying to see if you were okay, but they just made it worse.

Max watched from the side. Eventually, she had enough and screamed at all of them to back off. She took your hand and brought you into what you assumed to be Max’s room, holding out a hand to stop Steve from following the both of you in there.

“I’ll come get you in a minute, Harrington.” She grumbled before shutting the door behind her.

Everyone tried to crowd around the door, attempting to listen in on what the two girls had to say to one another. No one felt comfortable leaving the only two people to have been cursed, alone, but it’s not like they had a choice.

The second the door was shut, Max was on you—arms wrapped snugly around your waist, face buried into your chest, tears quietly streaming out of her eyes. She had lost Billy, and then she had almost lost you. Your tears started up again just at the thought.

You eventually had made her sit down on the ground with you, your leg was bugging you and if you stood for much longer, you might have collapsed anyways.

“What did you see?” she whispered, after the two of you sat together, holding one another. “Did you see Billy?”

You nodded and bit your lip, letting out a shaky breath. “Yea. I watched it happen. Again. He made me watch as he killed him. ”

Max just closed her eyes and held onto you tighter. You kissed her head and rubbed her shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere Max. I’m right here, alive.”

She just shook her head, and after a moment, she peered up at you, eyes brimmed with tears. “They don’t…” She huffed. “They don’t get it. They don’t know.”

You knew her pain. You knew that Steve was going to ask you about it. You knew he was going to try and comfort you. And you knew he just wouldn’t be able to. “I know.”

You cracked a small, sardonic smile. “Well now we have another trauma in common. I’m sure your mother would love to have me back as your babysitter.”

Max let out a little laugh, which was heard through the door. Everyone eavesdropping relaxed a little bit, knowing you two were comforting one another, but they still felt uneasy knowing that your leg needed to be looked at, and Max shouldn’t be without her headphones for too long.

“You should yell at everyone for trying to listen in to our conversation.” You whispered, kissing her head one more time.

Max smiled again but shook her head. “I want another minute of quiet.” She whispered, holding you tighter than before. You ran your hand over her back, letting her relax for the first time in days, with no one staring at her every move. You started to hum a little bit of Running Up That Hill to her, causing her to smile.

After about seven and a half minutes of being kept out of the room you and Max were in, Steve was losing his mind again. He couldn’t see you and for all he knew the both of you were dead in the other room. Steve was also ignoring the amount of bloodloss that he had, choosing to focus more on the fact that you still being able to walk was a fucking miracle. If the bats had bitten off just about any more of your flesh, they would have hit vital nerves, causing permanent damage.

“Dude. You need to relax. She’s fine Steve. I know you’re all freaked out and whatever, but she’s with Max right now, and Max deserves this break.” Robin piped up, watching him wear a hole into the carpet.

“She needs to rest Robi–”

“We all need to rest Steve.” Nancy snapped before closing her eyes and exhaling. “Sorry. I’m sorry. But you panicking during the one moment when we actually can just breathe is going to make things worse.”

She got up, and walked to the front end of the trailer, near the kitchenette and couch.

Dustin and Lucas turned to Steve. “What’s her problem?”

“Mind your own business Dustin.” Eddie murmured, watching as Nancy watched Steve who was watching the door, who kept looking at Robin for reassurance while Robin was trying to keep an eye on the kids while also trying to keep Steve from freaking out over a closed door. Eddie had decided it was exhausting, and also walked towards the kitchen, trying to find some food to cook up for the gaggle of people in Max’s trailer.

Just as Steve was about to break down the door to Max’s bedroom, Max opened it, staring him down. “Come here Harrington.”

He scoffed at Max and leaned in when she motioned too. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him right up to her face. “Don’t make her talk about what she saw for the next hour Harrington or I will skin you alive. And don’t do anything gross on my bed either. Got it?”

Steve almost believed her. “Ye-Yeah Red. I got it, Geez.”

She nodded and let go of his shirt, stepping to the side. “You may enter.”

Steve looked at Max before walking into the room. Max closed the door behind him, allowing the two of you to have some much deserved privacy for the first time since you had danced together in his backyard.

You were sitting down on Max's bed, on top of the covers, and smiled at him.“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my favorite Doctor.”

Steve didn’t even respond to you. He just walked right up to you, and pulled you into a hug. Somehow, after almost paralyzing your leg, vomiting in the Upside Down, and being possessed by Vecna, you were now comforting a second person; if it was anyone else, you would have minded. But this was Steve, your Steve. His head was buried into your neck as he let out a sob, and you immediately pulled him as tightly as you could against your body.

“Oh Stevie.” Mumbling into his hair, tears in your own eyes.

“Fuck. I l-lost you. You–you–you were floating and I–” another sound passed through his lips. You could feel his tears run down your neck. “I thought—”

“But you didn’t lose me.” You cut him off, not wanting to hear the rest of his thoughts.

Desperate to be closer to you, Steve pulled away slightly before coming back in and pressing his lips to yours. There was so much behind it, more than words could have ever described, and you kissed him back. The relief that flooded through his system, as you kissed back, as you pulled him impossibly closer with the vest. His hands were on your cheeks, trying to combine your body with his, intertwining the both of you for the rest of time. The need to feel every part of his body fueled you, as you deepened the kiss, biting his bottom lip, making a pretty sigh leave his pretty lips. Steve used one of his hands to snake around your back and push you into him.

It was intense.

You could feel yourself becoming dizzy from the lack of oxygen but you didn’t care. You wanted Steve’s hands on your body, you wanted to feel him on you, in you, around you. You needed to feel that he was as real just as badly as he needed to feel you.

He pulled away slightly, your lips chasing his, both chests heaving.

“Steve.” You silently whine, kissing him again, trying to get what you want.

He kissed you back, ready to lean you back and fuck you right here.

But as he placed his hands on your waist, and pulled you against him, lips on your neck, your jaw, your leg hit against the frame of Max’s bedside table and you immediately pulled away and swore profusely into Steve’s shoulder, effectively ruining the moment, and shattering the reality that everything was fine.

“Shit shit shit.” Steve pulled away, not fully sure what happened, but when he heard your muffled cries in his shoulder, he started to panic even more. “Baby what happened?”

You just tried to calm your breathing down, choking down the rest of the tears threatening to find their way out. “I-I hit my leg on something.”

Steve pulled away completely, and you let out a sound of resentment, along with some tears when he did. The loss of contact made everything ten times worse.

“I need to get you all bandaged up, pretty girl.” He whispered, placing his hand on your other, healthier, not torn apart by demon bats, thigh.

“It’s gonna fucking hurt Stevie. Can;t I just die from a blood infection instead?” You tried joking but it fell flat since the thought of you dying made him freeze up. “Sorry, bad timing, I’m sorry.”

“It’s, It’s okay.” He whispered, watching as your chest rose and fell, reminding himself that he just kissed you, he felt your breath, you were alive.

“Let's get this over with.” You muttered, grabbing one of the bottles off of Max’s night stand that Eddie had so kindly provided you with, taking a hefty swig of it before handing it to Steve.

______________________________________________________

You had fallen asleep from exhaustion about five minutes after Steve had finished fixing you up, which was probably for the best since Steve just laid with you, holding you in his arms, and eventually getting about an hour’s worth of rest that he also deserved.

But sleep was not a luxury you both could afford. Eventually Max was sent in, having drawn the short stick and now being forced to wake up the two worst people on the planet to wake up. She had tried whispering, and then tried speaking to you both, but Steve had just rolled over, managing to cover your ears in the process, subconsciously protecting you from the world of the awake.

Finally, she shook Steve, who sat right up, almost whacking Max in the process.

“What.” He grumbled, noticing how you groaned, stirring slightly at the lack of contact from Steve.

“We have to figure out a plan.” Max sent him the most apologetic look she could, because she didn’t want to wake either of you up.

“Come’ere.” He wrapped an arm around Max, giving her a quick hug. She was a bit shocked at first, but didn’t pull away, not ready to admit she liked the comfort.”

You had opened your eyes, seeing your two favorite people sharing a moment, and decided that it was your time to shine. “You trying to steal my girl Harringon.” You yawned out, stretching your arms in the process.

Max laughed slightly, while Steve sent you a faux glare.

“We’ll be ready in five Max, thank you.” You sent her a soft smile, eyeing her up and down quickly to make sure she was still okay, before the girl left the room, closing the door behind her.

“She has a lot of trust, believing that you won't just immediately fall back asleep.” Steve smirked as you closed your eyes again, head back on the pillow.

“I’ll be so ready in five minutes, just you wait.” You mumbled, already half asleep. Steve placed a soft kiss on your lips, and you hummed in response.

“Baby you have to get up. We have to talk about…”

Your eyes shot open, his words bringing back everything Vecna had shown you. It would have impressed Steve how fast your walls went up, in a matter of seconds, if it didn’t concern him so much.

“Okay.” You shepherd, sitting up on the bed. Steve had offered his hand, and gently helped you off the bed, very mindful of your leg. He helped you limp out of the bedroom, and onto the couch where everyone was waiting for you both.

“Five minutes on the dot.” Eddie raised his eyebrows, all of them watching you and Steve, very aware of the injuries you both were sustaining.

“I’m punctual Munson. Regardless of apocalypse scenarios.” You winked at him, as Steve took his place next to you on the couch, hand on your good thigh, not as interested in the harmless banter between you both.

“I’m sorry, before we begin, when the fuck did that happen?” Dustin interrupted you before you could even open your mouth, staring at Steve’s hand on your thigh. “Did you even ask if you could officially date our favorite babysitter Steve?”

Steve was actually slightly offended by that one. “I’m sorry Henderon, I don't remember asking you permission for my love life to continue, and second of all, I better be your favorite fucking babysitter after everything you’ve put me through.”

Everyone could sense the thinly veiled threat, not one hundred percent sure Steve was joking, but you just rolled your eyes. “About a year Henderson. Is that all?”

Dustin scrunched his eyes together, “He actually worked up the courage to a–”

It was your turn to interrupt Dustin. “No. I did. Any more questions or can we start the thing that made you wake me up.”

Dustin made a face before looking over at Steve, slightly proud of him.

“Let’s talk about it.” Nancy’s voice cut through the silence, looking at you.

“Yeah.” You let out a shaky sigh before closing your eyes, Steve squeezing your thigh. “He-uh, showed me things that haven't happened yet. The most awful things.”

You paused before continuing. “I saw a dark cloud spreading over Hawkins, downtown on fire, dead soldiers, and this giant creature with a gaping mouth, and this creature wasn't alone, there were so many monsters. An army. And they were coming into hawkins, into our neighborhoods, our homes, and then, he showed me my mom, holly, mike, and they, they were all…”

“–Okay but, he’s just trying to scare you, right, I mean, it’s not real.” Steve tried to interject, trying to make it better.

You shook your head. “Not yet. But there, there was something else. He showed me gates, four gates, spreading across hawkins, and these gates, they looked like the ones outside of Eddie's trailer, but they didn’t stop growing. This wasn't the Upside Down Hawkins, this was our Hawkins, our home.”

“Four chimes.” Max spoke up. “Vecna’s clock. It always chimes four times. Four exactly.”

“I heard them too.” You nodded.

“He’s been telling us his plan this whole time.” Max looked over at Lucas, terrified.

“Four kills. Four gates. End of the world.” Lucas looked back at Max, equally scared.

“If that’s true, he’s only one kill away.” Dustin looked between you and Max, trying not to break.

“Oh Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.” Eddie just placed his hands in his face.

“Try them again, try them again.” Nancy spoke up, looking over at Max, hoping to god the other half of their group would finally be by the phone.

Max tried the phone, waiting, hoping, but the busy signal beeped and Max hung up the phone.

“Anything?” Dustin asked, staring at the phone.

“No. Rang a few times and went to a busy signal.”

“Maybe you punched it in wrong–Try again.” Steve leaned forward, placing his hands near his mouth.

“I didn’t punch it in wrong.”

“Well, I don’t know.” Steve bickered back at Max.

“Dude, I think she knows how to use a phone.” Dustin rolled his eyes at Steve.

“I’m just saying she could’ve typed it wrong.”.

“Steve. Not helpful.” You hit his arm lightly, signaling him to cut it out.

Max tried the number again before hanging up after a couple of rings. “Same shit.”

“How is that possible?” Lucas just stared at the phone

“I told you, Joyce has this telemarketer job. Always on the phone. Mike wont stop whining about it..” Dustin sighed, starting to pace again.

“Okay yeah. But this phone’s been busy for, what, three days now? That’s not Joyce. No way, something’s wrong.” Max looked at you, trying to get some support.

“She’s right. It can’t be just coincidence, it can’t be.” And you gave it to her, agreeing.

“Whatever's happening in Lenora is connected to all of this. I’m sure of it.” Nancy nodded at both you and Max. “But Venca can’t hurt them, not if he’s dead.”

She looked over at you, and you ran a hair through your hair, sighing, prepping for the argument that you were about to start. “Nance is right. We have to go back in there, back to the Upside Down.”

“Woah, No, no, no, no, no.” Steve stood up between you and Nancy, looking between the both of you.

Eddie just kept repeating “Nope.” Over and over again.

“No no, let's think this through–” Steve tried to reason with the both of you.

“What is there to think through!” Nancy argued back at him.

Steve gestured to you. “We barely made it out of there in one piece.” Which caused a flicker of anger to pass across your face.

“Yeah because we weren’t prepared.” You fully stood up, crossing your arms at Steve.

“But this time, we will be. We’ll get weapons and protection.” Nancy huffed indignantly. “We’ll go through the gate, we’ll find his layer, and we’ll kill him.”

Steve didn’t know what was happening but he did not enjoy both you and Nancy teaming up against him at this moment. Eddie was just shaking his head over and over and over. “Or he’ll kill us.”

“The only reason Y/N survived is because he wanted her to. He’s not scared of us.” Steve shot back.

“And for good reason.” Robin finally spoke, standing up. “We were wrong about Vecna. Henry. One–sorry, what are we calling him now?” Her panic was taking over.

Both Dustin and Lucas said One, while Erica said Vecna, while you and Nancy said Henry, all at the same time, completely overwhelming Robin, and being so helpful too.

“Right. We’ve learned something new about Vecna-slash-Henry-slash-One. He’s a number, like Eleven. Only a sick, evil, male, child-murdering version of her with really bad skin–But my-my-my-my point is, he’s super powerful. He could turn us inside out with the snap of his fingers. It’s not a fair fight.” She took a deep breath in.

“So then why fight fair?” Dustin piped up, “You’re right. He’s like Eleven, and that gives us an upper hand. We know Eleven’s strengths. And weaknesses.”

Erica scoffed. “weaknesses? “

Dustin smiled slightly. “When El remote travels, she goes into this trance-like state. I would bet the same is true with Vecna.”

“That would explain what he was doing in that attic.” Lucas’s eyes got wide with recognition.

“Exactly!” Dustin nodded before looking back at Steve. “When he’s attacking his next victim, I’ll bet you he’s back in that attic, physical body defenseless.”

“Defenseless? Yeah?” Steve scoffed, jaw tight, gesturing to his neck. “What about the army of bats.” It came out a little harsher than intended but both he and his girlfriend were down about a pound of flesh each.

“True. We’ll have to find a way past them.” Dustin considered. “Distract them somehow.”

“And uh, how do we do that, exactly?” Eddie looked over at Dustin, going to stand up but sitting right back down since Dustin just barreled through.

“No idea.” Dustin shrugged, and Steve scoffed. “But once they’re gone, he doesn’t stand a chance. It’ll be like slaying sleeping Dracula in his coffin.”

“That all sounds good in theory.” Robin looked over at Dustin. “But there is no pattern to Vecna’s killings. I mean at least not one that I can decipher. We don’t know when he’s going to attack next. We don’t know who’s he’s going to attack n–”

“Yeah. We do.” Max cut her off, looking at you. Everyone turned to look towards her. “I can still feel him. I’m still..marked. Cursed. I ditch Kate Bush, I draw his focus back to me.”

“Max–You can’t.” Lucas looked over at her. “He’ll kill you.”

“I survived before. I can survive again.” She closed her eyes. “I just need to keep him busy long enough so that you guys can get into that attic–and then you can…chop his head off. Stab him in the heart. Blow him up with some explosive Dustin cooks up. I honestly don’t care how you put this asshole in his grave. Just…whatever is it…whatever you do…try not to miss.”

You all just stood there, looking around at one another, but Steve just looked at Max. She had become his little sister, mostly due to you, but it didn’t matter since he cared for her so deeply, but when he looked back at you, you both could see the resolve of Max, tears in both your eyes.

______________________________________________________

“Check this out.” Eddie dropped a book on the table and pointed to an ad. “

The War Zone.” It was an image of a pioneer, surrounded by American flags and AR-15s, with name “War Zone” completely predicting the font and design of a certain film coming out on May 16th, 1986, you could predict one Steve Harrington absolutely falling in love with and wanting to be the two Romantic leads for Halloween. (but I digress).

“I’ve been there once.” Eddie continued, looking up at all of you. “It’s huge. They’ve got everything you need for, uh, well uh, killing things basically.”

“Do you think fake Rambo has enough guns there?” Robin scoffed. “Is that a grenade? I mean, how is any of this legal?”

“Well lucky for us, it is, so.” Eddie gave her his signature sardonic smile. “Thi-

This place is just far enough outside of Hawkins, as long as we steer clear of main roads, we oughta be able to avoid cops, and uh, angry hicks.”

“If we’re trying to avoid angry hicks, maybe we shouldn’t go to some store called The War Zone.”

Dustin nodded at her but Nancy spoke first. “Normally I’d agree, but we need the weapons. So, I think it’s worth the risk.”

“Me too.” You agreed.

“Yeah but is it worth the time?” Lucas looked over at Dustin, who nodded.

“It would take all day to bike there and back.”

“Who said anything about bikes Henderson?” Eddie smiled again.

“What, you’ve got some car we don’t know about?” Steve looked quickly at you before looking back at Eddie. Eddie stood up in his face, smiling cheekily.

“It’s not exactly a car Steve. And it’s not exactly mine, but uh, it’ll do.” You all looked at him, while he looked at Max. “Hey, Red, uh, you got a ski mask or a bandanna or something like that?”

Max went to shake her head before her eyebrows raised.

______________________________________________________

You could now add and then cross “stealing an RV” off of your proverbial bucket list. Eddie had snuck around the trailer park in Max’s old halloween mask, looking like a fucking idiot, and had managed to sneak all of you into this random couples trailer. Eddie had slid himself through the window, sneaking up to the front of the trailer and locking the door, effectively closing off the couple sitting outside from their home. Steve had hopped through next, helping everybody jump into the RV.

Eddie started pulling wires, and cutting them, getting ready to hotwire the RV to start. Steve had come up and peered over Eddie's Shoulder.

“Where’d you learn how to do this?” Steve furrowed his brows while Eddie kept focus.

“Well while the other dads were teaching their kids how to fish or play ball, my old man was teaching me how to hot-wire.” Steve was honestly in awe as Eddie continued to work his magic. “Now I swore to myself that I wouldn’t wind up like he did, but now, I’m wanted for murder, and soon, grand theft auto. So, uh, I’m really living up to the Munson name.” You were in the back making sure everyone got through the window and staying down, but watching the two of them. You slowly made your way up to the front, listening to their conversation, when Robin brushed past you.

Eddie was sparking the wires together, hoping to ignite the engine. Steve was actually quite impressed with Eddie, looking back at Robin when she came over his shoulder.

“Uh, Eddie.” Robin interrupted. “I’m not sure I love the idea of you driving.”

“Oh I’m just starting the sucker.” Eddie gave Steve the biggest smile. “Harrington’s got her, dontcha big boy.”

Robin rolled her eyes, as Steve gave him an extremely confused look, but was interrupted by the start of the engine. CCR’s Up Around the Bend started playing as the RV rumbled to life. You heard the couple outside screaming as they realized what was about to happen. They were banging on the door, while all three of the idiots up front just stared at them.

“MOVE.” You yelled at the statues before they all started to scramble. Eddie smiled at Steve before dashing into the back with Robin while Steve clambered into the driver’s seat just mumbling shit over and over again.

“It’s just a car.” He reassured himself before yelling at everyone in the back. “Everybody hang onto something.”

Everyone in the back was freaking out, grabbing pillows to brace for impact, grabbing onto the cushions or the couch, or even the ground.

“Dive Steve DRIVE.” Dustin let out a guttural scream as Steve hit the gas, pulling away from the site, and out of the trailer park. “Shit they look pissed.” Dustin looked over at Robin.

“I mean it’s not everyday you lose your house and your car in one fell swoop.”

“Hold on, HOLD ON!” Steve spun the wheel, barreling onto the road, screeching into the distance. ______________________________________________________

You were sitting in the middle of the RV with Dustin and Eddie, the two of them having a conversation while you eavesdropped on Nancy and Steve.

“How's it handle?” She asked, looking ahead at the road.

“Not half bad.” Steve smiled at her slightly. “Considering that this is a house.”

Nancy let out a small laugh, looking over at Steve slightly.

“Y-Yeah, it’s silly but I…I’ve actually, uh, well I’d always had this dream that like I’d have this really…really big family.” Nancy looked over at Steve as he continued. “I’m talking like a full brood of Harringtons. Like five, six kids.”

You had smiled slightly, picking out some remnants of dirt. You couldn’t help it. Sure, maybe you didn’t want a full brood of Harringtons, five or six was a bit excessive, but maybe just even the thought of kids sounded nice with Steve.

“Six?” Nancy laughed slightly.

“Yeah six little Nuggets. Three girls, three boys.” Now that made you wanna burst out laughing. Clearly he had been hanging around Robin too much, and you would absolutely be giving him shit for it later.

He laughed at himself for a second, eyes on the road. “And…And every summer, I’d figured all of us Harringtons, we would pack into something like this and just.” He looked into the rearview mirror, meeting your gaze and smiling softly, speaking right to you. “Just, see the country. You know, the Rockies, Grand Canyon, maybe Yellowstone. End up in some beachside town in California. Spend a week parked in the sand. Learn how to surf, or something.”

Nancy had kept her smile, but her eyes lost the shine they once carried. He was looking at you, not her. And it hurt because she knew it was over anyways, but some part of her always held Steve so closely–first love will do that to someone. She watched as he looked at you, adoringly.

Steve had looked back to the road, breaking eye contact after you had sent him a wink, slight blush on his cheeks. He seemed so confident in the idea. So confident in himself and in you, and Nancy couldn’t help but be happy for the both of you, regardless of how much it hurt to watch the door she thought might always be open become locked.

“That sounds nice.” She said softly, continuing to look at him. Steve looked over at her, before back in the mirror. “Yeah?”

You nodded at him, while Nancy responded, “Yeah..”

She quickly cleared her throat. “Well, um, except for the six-kid part.” And you could agree with her on that. “That sounds like a total nightmare.”

“If only I had some practice.” He jested, waving his hand in the direction of the hooligans, plus you, he was driving around.

Nancy nodded, conceding. “Alright, fair. That’s fair.” The two of them shared a small smile before settling into a soft silence. Lucas had also been watching the whole thing, and turned around, going to sit in the back with Max. You followed his figure back, before turning and looking towards Steve, who’s eyes had already been watching you periodically when he wasn’t looking at the road, causing you to feel a semblance of happiness as you tried to ignore all of the visions of death and destruction that rang through your head. ______________________________________________________

You felt so out of place in War Zone, but Steve managed to fit right in with his denim outfit, and lack of shoes. You all were assigned a couple of necessities to grab so you could be in and out as efficiently as possible. But as you walked into the store, it was filled to the brim.

“So much for avoiding angry hicks.” Robin looked at Nancy.

“Let’s be…fast.” Nancy agreed, before you all split up.

You had gone to the gun counter with Nancy, the both of you being the best with guns, which honestly made Steve question himself when he thought about it a little too hard. Nancy was holding one in her hand while you were still browsing, not wanting her to be alone in a store like this, her feeling the exact same way.

She looked up at the guy at the counter. “How much is this?”

The guy pulled out a box of bullets for her, “$120.99, but I’ll throw in 20 rounds of buckshot for ya.” You and Nancy nodded at each other, muttering something about needing more than that, when your body froze.

“Hey, can I see this pretty .357 please?”

“Nance…” You whispered, and the two of you slowly looked over at Jason Carver, before slowly turning away. But it didn’t matter.

Jason smirked over at the both of you, an air of disbelief in his voice as he held the magnum in his hand. “Nancy Wheeler and Y/N Y/L/N? Wouldn’t expect to find you two here.”

You slowly turned towards him, tight smiles on your lips. “Yeah well, it’s just, scary times .” Nancy answered for you both.

“I’m, I’m sorry about Chrissy.” You said, moving slightly closer to him, and Jason’s face flashed with pain, with hurt. He nodded, placing the gun down. “Want my advice?”

You and Nancy looked at each other before giving him a slight nod. As he slowly walked towards you, Nancy placed herself in front of you, not because you couldn’t protect yourself, because she knew you were about to do the same. .

“Shotguns are not good for much of anything past killing small birds.” He got real close to you both. “I mean, they got power, sure, but not much range. And that’s just gonna force you into close-range combat.”

You could feel Nancy tense up as he continued to get closer, and you were sure she felt you tense up too. His eyes flickered back and forth between the two of you, ultimately landing on Nancy, like a predator deciding which kill to make first. You took a step back, hand trained on the knife you had placed on the counter a moment earlier.

“Then someone can just grab the barrel like this.” His hand came up quickly, and pulled the barrel away from Nancy. “And redirect it.”

“Well you look nervous.” His hand tugging on the barrel.

“Well like I said. Scary times.”

“Now your brother. He, uh–He here with you by chance?”

Nancy’s face flashed something quickly across it. “Mike?”

Jason nodded, eyes grilling into her. “Mike.”

Nancy shook her head slightly, staring him down. “No.”

“I only ask because he’s…he’s in Hellfire isn’t he?”

You looked over and saw Erica, her eyes wide and panicked. You motioned with your hand, below your waist, for her to move away, quickly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jason scoffed. “What about his friends? They here with you?” He pulled the gun closer to him, struggling to gain some sort of control over Nancy.

“Would you let go.” she threatened slightly, trying not to cause a scene, while your hand had already curved around the knife, ready to cause that exact scene. “Let. Go.”

______________________________________________________

Steve eventually pulled the RV over into a field in the middle of nowhere. After your daring escape from The War Zone (insert patriotic sounds), you all needed silence, and a place to start bringing your plan into action.

Eddie and Dustin were hammering nails through trash can lids, while Max held down the shotgun so that Nancy could saw off the edge.

You were by the RV, decked out in a clean pair of jeans, a tank top, and a flannel, ready for battle. You had located a couple of walkmans in the RV and was rifling through the cassettes, hoping to find an extra for Max, just in case, and maybe even one for yourself. You looked up as Dustin and Eddie started wrestling around, smiling at the hint of normalcy, before turning to look at the Sinclairs, watching them trying to make spears.

You were right next to Steve and Robin as they were making Molotov cocktails. You had known Robin for a while, having been friends with her back in elementary school, but drifting apart when she went into band. By the time you kind of reconnected in high school, you weren’t super close again, until you both got drugged and slapped around by a couple of Russian hunks a million miles below the Starcourt Mall.

“It just doesn’t make any sense.” Steve held the funnel up for her to pour some gasoline into the bottle.

“What doesn't make sense.” You responded having shifted closer to them.

“That was Dan Shelter. He graduated two years ago.”

Robin was focusing spectacularly on not spilling any gas, but responded anyway. “So?”

“So he’s in college, which means he was visiting on Spring break.” You both looked at him, curious as to where he was going with this. “Fast Times was returned, like, I don’t know, a week ago? Right? Unless she’s got some horndog brother we don’t know about. Which is possible. Or she’s just like, really into Judge Reinhold–.”

“Steve.”

“Nah–What.”

“I don't care. And I don’t understand why you do either with everything that’s going on. Honestly, this feels like the perfect time for that little pull of the rug because in the face of the world ending, the stakes of my love life feel spectacularly low. ” Robin huffed out, trying to get him to listen.

“Yeah. I mean, I get you there, but I still have hope.” Steve sighed.

“You better have a fantastic explanation for that response, Harrington.” You looked up at him, eyes narrowed.

He blushed a little bit and shot you an apologetic look, but you just winked at him, knowing what he was referring to.

“Not everything has a happy-ending.” Robin sighed, looking between the two of you.

“Yeah, yeah, believe me, I know.” You grumbled at her, digging through a new bin of cassette.

“I’m not talking about my failed love life, I-I just, I have this terrible, gnawing feeling that it might not work out for us this time.” She put the gas down and looked between the two of you.

“You think we shouldn’t be doing this?” Steve picked up a new bottle.

“I think we're mad fools, the lot of us, but if we don't stop him, who will. We have to try, right? “

“To killing Vecna” Steve held out his bottle.

“Slash Henry.” Robin responded.

“Slash One.” You sighed, hearing them clink, and get back to work.

The Rv hummed beneath you, all of you silent. The radio was playing Journey’s “Separate Ways”, which kept the silence at bay. The tension between all of you was palpable, since you all knew how poorly this might end.

Steve looked over at you, before pulling up to the Creel House. He leaned over and kissed you softly, which made you squeeze his hand. You weren’t happy about this plan at all, but you’d rather part things on a positive note just in case… You, Max, Erica, and Lucas hopped out of the RV, and towards the house, while the other’s pulled away.

There had been an extensive fight before you all convened to go over the plan again.

“You’re fucking batshit if you think I’m letting you go back into the Upside Down.”

“Oh ha ha did you think of that pun yourself Steve? Since when do you dictate exactly what I do and don’t do?”

You could be so aggravating sometimes. Steve fucking adored how headstrong and independent you were. But boy did it bite him in the ass when you were doing the same thing he was doing to you.

“I’m not the only one who was being eaten alive Steve.” You gestured to his abdomen, trying not to let the memory cloud your judgment

“I-I know. Okay? I know. But if something were to happen to you down there, again?” Steve ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t get your screaming out of my head.” He whispered.

“And you think I can? Do you know what it was like the moment you were pulled under the water? The moment I entered the Upside Down and saw you get strangled but some fucking demonic bats?”

Steve pinched his brow, and paced around. The both of you had enough sense to move the conversation into the woods, far away enough so that your raised voices were barely heard, but your bodies still seen.

“Steve, I can’t just let you go down there without me again.”

“I know. I know. But I can still walk.” It came out a bit more harshly than he intended but his point was clear.

“Oh my bad. Next time I almost get paralyzed from trying to fucking save your life, I’ll think twice about it. Fucking asshole.” You turned and stormed into the woods, needing some air to try and clear your head. Clearly Steve did not get the message that you want to be alone, or he just ignored it and followed you.

“Hey. Hey! Y/N.” He caught your wrist, making you turn around and glare at him, pulling it out of his grasp.

“Leave me alone Steve.”

“No, listen, baby–”

“Don’t fucking baby me right now. You’re not telling me the whole truth, and I don’t want to listen to half-assed explanations. I’ve followed through on better communication so now it’s your turn.”

“If you died in front of me, I’d want to—....” He took a breath. “I don’t want you to go down there because if you got hurt again, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. And if you d-died? If Vecna or Henry or whatever the fuck his name is, is able to-to-to take you instead of Max’s bait? I canno–I will not let that happen. I don’t want you, either of you, to die tonight. But if you’re together, I feel better knowing that you two can be there for each other, and protect one another.”

“But that is not your call to make Steve.” Your eyes had softened, and so had your tone, but you weren’t about to completely give up. “It feels like you don’t consider how I feel about this. Because if you got hurt, or-or worse? Down there? You think I wouldn’t feel the exact same way.”

“I’m sor–”

“Let me finish Steve.”

He just closed his mouth, hands on hips.

“Do you know what it’s like to date someone who undervalues their life so much that they are first in line the second danger comes up?” Steve had never really thought about it before, but you just continued on. “How about dating someone who, at the drop of a hat, would exchange his life for any one of their friends if they were in danger. You are so fucking careless with your life Steve because all you do is care about other people, never yourself.” Tears were threatening to spill but you refused to cry again, all you had done for the past couple days was cry–cry at Vecna’s visions, cry in pain from your wound, cry at almost losing Steve.

“Can’t you be selfish for one fucking second, just for me?”

Steve walked over and wrapped you in a hug, and you immediately clung to him, tears streaming down your face. The two of you stayed like that for a minute, before Steve slowly started to sway you both back and forth.

“What are you doing Steve?” You gumbled and he brought one of his hands up to your cheeks.

“How does it go? Stars shining right above you…Night breezes like to whisper, I love you.”

You shook your head, laughing slightly, before resting your forehead on his. “I’d say it’s close enough, but Vecna might have some choice words.”

“Knowing you are with Max, and not in the Upside Down fighting those stupid fucking bats, or Vecna–Knowing that I’m putting Rob, and Nance, and Eddie and D-Dustin in potentially a lot more danger, by asking you this, is one of the most selfish things I could ever ask from you.” He whispered, he opened his eyes and stared into yours. “Please.”

How the fuck were you supposed to not concede to that. But you knew he was telling you the whole truth, all of it. You kissed him softly, letting yourself get one more, selfishly good, memory into your bones.

So when the RV drove off, you couldn’t help but feel a little guilty, thinking about the way his lips fit over yours, and the way that through some misfortunate aligning of the stars, you might never be able to kiss him again. But you weren’t going to let that take over your mind right now. You had more important things.

The four of you stood, staring at the Creel House, each with a lantern in hand, before walking up, and through the door.

The sun had gone down, and the house was probably ten degrees cooler than the outside air, which was saying something considering it was fucking freezing outside. You all had headed inside, taking off their shoes to try and make as little noise possible. In fact, you couldn’t hear each other walking around, but you always knew where Max was because of the soft vocals of Kate Bush. You had stayed on the first floor, with Erica, wandering around, hoping to get one of your friends on the other side to make your lights flicker, so you knew it was go time. Lucas was weaving through the second floor, looking around for anything really.

But when Erica waved her hand over at you, when her lantern grew excessively bright, you stayed with the lantern, while she had run up the stairs to get the other two.

As Max got closer, her lantern grew brighter, confirming what everyone was suspecting. Erica quickly wrote out Phase One?, and held it out to you to confirm that it was time. You looked at Lucas and Max before nodding at Erica.

She ran out the door, and towards the remains of a playground, climbing up into what once was a rocket’s shell.

But what you all failed to miss was the man walking his dog, that saw the glowing coming from the Creel House, and the scared child, running for her life.

Back in the house, Max and Lucas were sitting on the second floor, next to the glowing lantern, her music thrumming faintly.

You were across the hall, in what was probably the Creel’s library, searching through books, listening to your own music. Since you had found four more walkmans, and three of them worked, everyone at the Creel House, including Erica, was locked and loaded, fresh batteries and all, with either their favorite song, or one they could consider a favorite. It was your precaution against one of them breaking, or if Vecna had decided to pick you instead of Max.

As your fingers ghosted over the books, your head started to hurt again, causing you to immediately place your headphones on, so grateful for the fact that the trailer you stole must have had a hippie daughter with the same taste in music that you did. The soft lull of the guitar started to play as you tried to find a book to steal while you waited. You almost bumped into a chair, but in doing so found one of the mother’s picture books. You dusted the cover off slightly, smiling when you realized it was their wedding album. You slowly turned through the pages, admiring the long train, and the even longer veil. But they looked so happy, so warm. You almost, almost, started to let your mind wander when Lucas came into the room, alerting you silently that Phase Two was starting. You placed the album down, pushed off your headphones, and followed him to the stairs, where Max was putting on her shoes. You all stood, staring at the thrumming lantern, before Max quickly turned to look at Lucas, a moment of fear and doubt crossing her face. But Lucas nodded at her, putting on a brave face for the both of you.

She took a couple of breaths, before taking off her head phones, and turning off Kate Bush. The house was completely, and utterly silent. Max started yelling.

“Hey!”

Nothing.

“Asshole!”

More silence.

“I’m here. No more music. No more games.”

Max looked over at you panicking because it wasn’t working.

“Do you hear me??”

You just stared at the light.

“What are you waiting for, huh? Come on. Do you want me or not?”

Just then, the lantern started to buzz, and fade. Max looked panicked before her lantern started to buzz.

Vecna was moving.

You grabbed the lantern where Vecna was, and then moved towards Max, all of you slowly moving up the stairs, and following him to the attic. Once you had all made it near the altar, the light just stood still.

“What are you waiting for, asshole? Hmm? I’m right here. I’m right here!”

You moved closer to Max, putting your hands on hers.

“I know you can hear me.” Max continued. “I know you can read my thoughts. Even the worst ones. Maybe mostly the worst ones.”

Max took off her headphones and placed the walkman on the box next to her. You immediately pulled yours off, and swapped the tapes, discarding your tape on the box next to Max’s walkman, ready to place the music on her ears the second she started to float.

“I thought about what you said.” She whispered. “About how I wanted my brother to die.

I thought that you were just trying to upset me, to anger me, but you weren't, were you.. You were just telling the truth. Billy he, he made my life a living hell. Every chance he got ... .So sometimes, when I would lie in bed at night, hope, pray, I would pray that something would happen to him. Something awful. I knew that he drove too fast, so I would imagine him crashing, dying in that stupid car….I just–I wanted him out of my life, forever. I wanted him to disappear. The day that he died, I think that’s why I just stood there, watched. Not because IO was scared, weak, but because I didn’t know if he deserved to be saved. And I've tried to forgive myself. I’ve tried. But. I can’t. I can’t. So now. Now when…I lie in bed at night. I pray that something will happen to me. That something terrible will happen to me. So that’s why I’m here. Because, I just want you to take me away, and I want you. To make me disappear.”

“Is that all true? You wanted Billy to die.” You asked her, chest heaving slightly.

“Why are you talking?” Max looked up at you. “You ever have thoughts like that about me?”

“What?” You took a step back. “Max, how could you ask me that?”

“Normal people don’t fantasize about killing people, Y/N.” Lucas turned to look at the both of you. “You realize that right?”

“Lucas, stop.” You took another step backwards.

“I thought she was getting better, but she’s not, is she? You lied to me about her.” Lucas took a step towards you, and you took a step away.

“You’re sick!”

“Lucas, you don’t mean that.” Your voice wavered.

“Maybe it’s good he takes her. Maybe it’s for the best. She was willing to let someone she claimed to be her little sister die in front of her.”

“Max, please.” Your eyes started to water, as you tried to keep moving back.

“In fact, I’m glad it’s going to be you and not her.” He snapped his neck towards you, glaring.

“You will be the chosen one. The fourth. The final Sacrifice.” Max’s voice became more and more distorted. “It was always you, Y/N. I’ve always wanted you. Because it’s going to be you, that breaks the world.”

Max was desperately waving her hand in front of your face, screaming your name–this was not part of the plan. It was supposed to be her, not you. She couldn’t lose someone else.

“Y/N? Y/N? Can you hear me? Please.” Lucas was calling out to you, searching your face for any sign or acknowledgement, but you just stood there, still, eye’s blank.

“Y/N, where are you going? Don’t be scared.”

You kept backing up, chest heaving. “Stay away from me.”

“Y/N. I thought you said you were ready.” Max was cornering you in. “Ready to Disappear”

“I Said STAY AWAY.” You grabbed one of the jars next to you and based Lucas on the head, and ran past him.

Lucas had run downstairs to signal to Erica that you were possessed, but all he could do was just signal that someone was being possessed by Vecna. Regardless, Phase Three was about to commence.

You had run down the stairs of the Creel house, and opened the front door, only to be met with it being completely boarded up.

“Where are you going, Y/N.” Vecna appeared at the top of the stairs., causing all of the lights in the house to flicker. You bolted into the next room , trying to escape the inevitable. You pulled open another door, only to be met by more wood. “Fuck fuck fuck.” You muttered, trying to pull the boards off of the frame. When that didn;t work, you ran to another door, and then another after that, determined to not give up. You opened another door, which had another door behind it. It was the locker room door at the pool. Billy slammed on the door, screaming at you. “You bitch, let me out of here.” He kept pounding on the door. “OPEN. THE. DOOR.”

You stared at it, terrified, before turning and running the other way, watching the doorway you entered from was covered in boards. You heard Billy shatter the glass, screaming at you, making you run as fast as your leg would let you, ignoring the shot of pain every time you used that leg. You ran straight into another boarded up door frame, turning and facing Billy as he slammed against the door, over and over again, screaming about how he was going to kill you.

You closed your eyes, trying to block out Billy’s screams. Max, on the RV, had told Lucas that he only hides in the dark places, the bad memories, so you tried, so hard, to find your happiest memory. Billy’s attempts were becoming more and more successful, as you pictured your moments. It flickered through summers when you were younger, lips sweet and fingers sticky. You felt the wind in your hair when you were in middle school, going to the drive in with your parents and Robin. You saw Steve. His smile. That stupid, gorgeous head of hair. His hands on your waist. Lips on your neck. Flickers of Steve’s patio crept into your mind. Billy was screaming louder. His attempts were getting better. Steve’s eyes the first time you told him you loved him. His hands on your back, in your hair. You watched as you danced with him, singing to him. He held you so close, looked at you with so much love. You kissed him. You felt his lips on yours. You heard Billy break through the door.

But when your eyes shot open, you were in Steve’s backyard, pool empty, patio door open, but no Steve. It was silent. There were no birds in the background, no wind through the trees, just the sound of your breath. “Holy shit…it worked.” You smiled a bit, looking around in disbelief.

You opened one of the bins on the patio that Mrs. Harrington had insisted it was practical, and grabbed one of the towels, leaning it across the back of the lounge chair, and sitting on it. Humming to yourself, keeping your hopes up.

But as soon as you let your guard down, the umbrella covering two of the chairs started to drip blood. At first it was just one or two drops, but it suddenly became more and more, until the ground was covered in blood, and you were standing with your back to the house.

The radio the Harrington’s kept on in the kitchen switched on.

“But in your dreams whatever they be…” Ella Fitzgerald’s voice lilted throughout the yard, filling up the space. You slowly walked over to the roos, watching all around you, paranoid. You looked behind you, as watched as the rose bushes started to wilt and down, dropping decrepit flowers around the base of it. The grass was turning into a nasty shade of yellow, dying slowly.

“No No no.” You whispered, watching as the paint started to peel off of the porch, off of the siding of the house.

Louie Armstrong’s voice continued the song, haunting your mind as everything around you started to die.

You watched as ash started to fill the air, floating by you just like it did in the Upside Down. Red thunder boomed in the distance, clouds slowly appearing over your memory. You watched the red lighting strike over and over again.

Max and Lucas kept peering out, looking for Erica.

“Why is this taking so long?” Lucas muttered, flashing the flashlight again.

Just then, Lucas and Max heard the front door slam shut, the two of them looking at each other, eyes wide.

“Shit.” Max whispered as Jason Fucking Carver walked into the attic, eyes wide at your form, just sitting on the ground.

“Jason?” Lucas called out. “You can’t be here right now man.”

“The hell have you done?”

“Jason. You need to leave.” Max took a step forward.

“Is this what you did to Chrissy?” He knelt down next to your form.

“Just listen to us Jason–”

“Hey. Can you hear me?” He got closer to you, eyes wide as you rocked back and forth, eyes moving frantically underneath your eyelids.

“Jason, you need to go.” They both tried to get him to listen.

“Hey man. Don’t touch her. I’m not messing around.”

Lucas walked forward, “Please, Please just leav–”

“Hey hey Hey HEY.” Jason stood up, pointing a gun between Max and Lucas. “Back up. Bakc. Up. Both of you. Not another step.”

“W-w-we don’t, we don’t–dont have to do this.” Lucas whispered. “We don’t have to do this man.”

“I hope you’re right.” Jason looked at you and then back at the two kids. “Is there anyone else in the house?”

“No. No.” Max answered for them both.

“Put down the flashlight Sinclair. And turn around.” Jason started waving the gun around slightly as Lucas slowly turned around placing the flashlight on the floor. “Empty your pockets.”

“We don’t ha–”

“Empty. You. Pockets.” Jason sneered at both of them.

Lucas and Max both pulled out the insides of their pockets. Max had a few bits of crumpled paper from when she got nervous, and Lucas had nothing.

“Now this is what’s gonna happen.” Jason quickly glanced over his shoulder. “I’m gonna back away to the top of the stairs there. Then I’ll watch as you wake her up from whatever the hell this is.”

Lucas and Max looked at one another. “We can’t.” Max pleaded with Jason.

“Jason, if we wake her too soon, we all die.”

“No.” He whispered. “You don’t wake her up right now Sinclair, You both die.” He turned off the safety, hands still shaking.

Stars shining bright above you. Night Breezes seem to whisper I love you.

You had slammed the patio door shut, and knocked the umbrella into the pool. You had opened the shed and pulled out a couple of the old clubs Mr. Harrington had royally fucked up, ready to use your All-Star Skills again.

You looked over at the woods, and right where the gate used to be, was the door to the Creel House. Your grip tightened on the club.

“You can’t hide from me Y/N.”

You closed your eyes and pictured Max–braiding her hair, taking her and El shopping, painting their nails.

“You think I don’t see what you’re doing?”

You saw flashes of nights with Nancy and Robin, girls nights with booze and magazines and drunken secrets. You saw hanging out with Jonathan, enjoying the silence of a park, reading together. Flashes of nights where Steve let you all pile into his house, games, movies, safety, happiness.

“You think I don’t see everything?”

Suddenly your mind was filled with Eddie, being chased by bats, leading them away from the camper, Dustin screaming in the distance.

“You thought you could trick me.”

The gun being pointed at Lucas and Max, Jason screaming at the both of them.

“You thought your friends could stop me.”

Steve, Nancy, and Robin attacking the vines in the house, but slowly being overcome– choked by vines, squeezing them tighter and tighter. Their screams fill your ears.

“I see them.”

Flashes of demogorgons attacking Dustin.

“I see your friends.”

Jason yelling at Max and Lucas. Erica being tackled.

“Just as clearly.”

Steve being shoved to the wall, the vines choking him, taking his breath away.

“As I.”

Dustin’s screams for Eddie.

“See you.”

Flashes of the bats biting your leg, pain shooting through it.

“I can feel them.”

Robin slowly loses her breath, frantically searching for Steve and Nancy to save her.

“I can feel them.”

Nancy’s mouth being covered by the vines, her screams being muffled.

“I can feel them dying.”

Steve screams, gasping for air, but it’s not coming. The vines pull tighter and tighter as you watch him suffocate to death.

Your eyes fly open as the first chime of the clock strikes, chest heaving.

“It’s time, Y/N.”

You back away slightly and look around, seeing the death, the gray, the decay. Ella Fitzgerald still singing away in the background, but her voice was distorted, as if it was a different memory.

“It’s time Y/N.”

You turned around right as Vecna lifted his hand, throwing you against the wall of the house, as you cried out in pain, as he slowly stalked towards you.

“You are brave, Y/N.”

You were panting, tears streaming down your face.

“Much braver than Billy.”

You tensed up, glaring at Vecna.

“But in the end, you are weak, and fragile, just like him.”

You were struggling against him with everything you had left.

“Like all the rest of them. And you will break.”

Vecna reached his claw up and over your face, but right as he went to dig his claws into your skin, he was thrown across the patio, and you collapsed on the floor. As you looked up, you could see her–El. She slowly turned him so he was floating, facing her.

“You,” he growled at her.

But El only gave him a small smirk with a “Hi.” before launching him across the room.

You started to stand up, with El running over to you and hugging you tightly. “Are you okay?”

“Huh.” You stood there, not believing your eyes.

“Are you okay?” She asked again, pulling away slightly.

“Y-Yeah El, I’m okay.” You pinched her cheek a bit, poked her shoulders. “Are you-Are you real?”

El took your hand into hers. “I’m real.”

“How.” You were starting to breathe at a regular rate, still not quite believing your eyes.

“I piggybacked from a pizza dough freezer.”

“What?”

“I–” She was cut off by the sound of wood creaking, of Vecna rising. He stood up, glaring at El and cracking his neck.

“Stay back.” El warned.

They stood across from one another, glaring.

“If you touch her again.” El snarled. “I will kill you, again.”

“Is that what you did?” He hissed back. “Did you kill me? I am so glad you are here, Eleven. This is going to be beautiful. So. Beautiful. And it’s all thanks to you.” ______________________________________________________

Your eyes fluttered open as Vecna approached you.

“Don’t be afraid.”

You were sobbing, struggling against the vines.

“Try and stay very still.”

His claw lifted up over your face.

“It will all be over soon.”

El screamed your name, struggling against the vines,

Slowly, your body floated up to the sky, Jason had stopped punching Lucas and scrambled away. Max was screaming your name, trying to find where you had carelessly thrown your tape. Your body convulsed, eyes and palms towards the sky. She found it on the altar and tried to place it in the walkman, hands shaking.

Your body convulsed. Max turned the volume all the way up and unplugged the headphones, trying desperately to get you to hear the song.

Lucas caught a glimpse of your body and started to punch Jason repeatedly, blow after blow, causing him to collapse on the floor.

Just he stuck his claws into your skull, you heard El screaming. You heard the soft lull of the guitar, screaming as you tried to kick Vecna away. And then it was black.

Your body fell to the floor, landing next to Max who frantically scrambled over to you, holding your body. You gasped, breathing in the air of the Creel house.

“Y/N! It’s me. I’ve got you.”

Erica ran up the stairs, screaming your names.

“We need a doctor,” Lucas was sobbing, trying to get you to focus on something. “Call an ambulance, hurry, call an ambulance.”

Max was rocking you back and forth, trying to calm you down, but sobbing nonetheless.

“M-Max?” You looked up at her, touching her face. You felt like your whole body was on fire, as if the vines had left welts in their place. You leg was numb from all the pain, but you hadn’t realized that one of your wrists was shattered, and so was one of your ankles,

“I-I’m okay.” You hiccuped, trying not to cry in front of the two teens holding you. Even when you were potentially dying in front of them, all you truly cared about was protecting them. Max just sobbed into your hair, holding you tightly against her chest.

Your eyes were fluttering closed. “No no no, Y/N, stay with me. Please.” Lucas started pleading with you, alerting Max that you were starting to drift away.

“I-I don’t…I don’t wanna go.” You started crying, not being able to stay awake fully.

“No please, I got you.” Max was begging you. She kept trying to get you to keep your eyes open, while Lucas did the same.

“Erica Help!” He screamed out, watching as your body started to lose tension, becoming less and less alive in Max’s arms.

“Y/n, Y/n? No no no no No! Stay with me. Come on, please. Please stay with me, Please.”

And that was all you heard as you drifted away, unable to hear them pleading anymore, enjoying the silence, the rest, the warmth of closing your eyes, and not being afraid. ______________________________________________________

One week later, you slowly blinked your eyes open, not used to the bright lights, a deep contrast to the sleep you’ve been in. You heard someone off in the corner, breathing, you knew they were there. You tried to speak, but you couldn’t.

You tried to move your hand next, squeezing it, not realizing you were squeezing somebody’s hand. You vaguely heard your name before trying again. You heard yells and commotion above you, but were put back to sleep when the doctors told Steve they had to take the Catheter out of your mouth so you would be able to eat and speak properly.

Steve didn’t like the idea of you going back to sleep, but he couldn’t argue with the doctors, so he let them, sitting back down by your side, watching, waiting for you to hopefully wake up in the hour they had promised. So when you squeezed his hand, eyes already looking at him, Steve almost broke down right then and there.

“Oh thank god.” He whispered, kissing your hand, ready to climb onto the bed and never let you go.

“Hey champ.” You mumbled, yawning and rolling your neck slightly.

Steve’s jaw dropped, and if you hadn’t been in a coma for a week, he would have actually been pissed. “I’ll be sure to include that the first thing you said, after waking up, ws Hey Champ.”

You shrugged, yawning again, but squeezing his hand. “Felt appropriate since you look like shit.”

“I’ll have to find a mirror.”

“You take that back right now Steve Harrington.” You mumbled, going to cross your arms but flinching. “What…” You looked down at your other arm, noticing the casted tightly wrapped around it.

“O-Oh.” you whispered, everything flooding back to you in an instant. Tears welling in your eyes. “Oh. Oh my god.”

The monitor started to beep quicker, as your whole body experienced the pain from before all over again, you were sobbing, shaking your head, not understanding why you could move your leg and arm. It was overwhelming.

Steve had quickly gotten up and sat on the gurney, pulling you into his arms, being extremely mindful of your injuries.

“You’re okay baby, everything is okay. You’re safe. I’m right here.” He whispered into your hair, cradling you, just grateful for the contact.

A nurse had come to check in on you since your heart rate had almost doubled, but she saw it slowly declining again as Steve held you, deciding to leave the both of you alone.

“W-What happened is everyone…”

Steve pulled you in tighter. “It’s a lot, sweetheart. A lot has happened. And I’ll tell you all about it, I swear on my life, but first, you need to just relax okay?”

You nodded, pulling away slightly, tears still slowly tracking down your cheeks. “Is it rude of me to use the fact that I almost died to ask you to kiss me.”

Steve tensed up at your wording, and you examined his face. “How long.” you asked softly, watching as his eyelashes fluttered closed. He had new bruises around his neck, and some around the edge of his face.

“A whole…” He exhaled slowly. “A whole minute.”

You kissed his cheek, letting your lips linger. “But that wasn;t your fault.”

Steve hated that you could see right through him , know his guilt, know his pain, like you were watching it on a billboard.

“I should have just listened t–”

“No. None of that. We’re not playing the blame game. I am sitting right here. I am okay. That is more than I could have asked for coming out of that. I watched as he–you were…”

Steve’s eyes widened, realizing that he didn’t know what Vecna had shown you.

“I’m okay.” He whispered back. You let your eyes rake over his body, doing your own inventory of things to check up on.

He was wearing your favorite pair of his jeans, with a blue crewneck that had a couple of buttons up at the top that were unbuttoned. “I love when you wear this outfit Steve. It brings out your eyes.”

He looked at you. “And there they are,” you said softly, wiping away a tear off of his cheek.

“I should be comforting you.” He laughed, trying to turn away from you.

“And you will be. I can guarantee it. But I just want to make sure you’re okay before I completely devolve for the next couple of hours.” You were only half joking, and Steve knew that too.

You leaned forward, eyes fluttering shut, and your lips touched his. He placed an arm around you, as if you were going to shatter at any more contact. He sighed, feeling your breath as you kissed.

Eventually, you pulled away and rested your forehead on his. “So give it to me straight Doc.” You whispered. “How bad is it out there.”

Steve almost let out a giggle. “It’s so bad. Like comically, super villain bad.”

“Is everyone okay?”

Steve shook his head. “Can we just sit here? I just want to have you for myself for a while.” he whispered. “I wanna be selfish.”

You nodded, kissing his cheek one more time before resting your head in the crook of his neck, hugging him tightly, and promising to not let go for a long, long time.

As he held you, you started to sing quietly, enjoying the feeling of your arms in his. Your happiest memory, recreating it whenever you can. His warmth permeating your skin, his lips on your forehead, the pretty sigh that left his lips when you started singing.

“But in your dreams, whatever they be, Dream a Little Dream of Me.”

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