#I love turnstile so much bro

[whattraintracks]

9. What's Wrong with Me - TMNT 2012

A follow up to Day 2. Raph gets hugged, held, and loved.

Raph wakes up exhausted. He's waspish without trying, takes offense at every look and touch and tease, and he just knows. He doesn't even bother pretending to meditate before training. He counts his breaths, staring at a candle until his eyes unfocus, and all he can hear is his racing heartbeat.

Sensei pairs him with Mikey for sparring, and he thinks, hopes, maybe this'll help? Maybe he just needs to twist, and kick, and punch the buzzing ache out of his limbs. Maybe it'll be enough.

It's not.

Because Mikey is determined to show him up today, and boy is he in fine form. He can't get a single hit in with sai, fist, or any other part of him. Mikey is completely untouchable as he dodges and flips and taunts and laughs and laughs and laughs.

And for a single terrifying second, Raph really truly wants to maim him.

So he runs.

Casey, for once, doesn't ask stupid questions when Raph shows up unannounced at his window. He tugs on his gear and leads the way to heads that need cracking. Doesn't seem to mind his silent company either, which is pretty cool of him, but apparently not at all what Raph needs.

Sparring with Mikey had sparked this painfully angry feeling between his lungs. The thing sitting tensed in the hollow of his belly all morning tore itself out of Raph's body, uncaring of who got hurt so long as someone did. But at some point between here and the sewers, it curled back into his shell. Now, that's all Raph wants to do.

The thought of fighting punks with Casey, even just being around Casey, is drawing his skin too tight. They haven't said a word, but everything else is too loud. The cars, the street lamps, his thoughts, his skin, and his feet hitting the concrete. The longer he runs beside Casey, saying nothing, the more inches gained against rage give way to something sticky and cold and awful in an entirely different way that he can't explain.

So before his spiraling thoughts can send him tripping off a roof and long before they find anyone to beat up, he ditches his best friend and makes the march of shame back home.

What's wrong with me.

He stops before the turnstiles. The same thought looping in his head since he left Casey.

What is wrong with me.

Training is long over. Two fists against his plastron. The awareness that someone might be in the main room. He doesn't move.

He doesn't want. He can't. He should go to his room. Crawl into bed, then his shell. Sleep for the next week. He hasn't eaten. Spike needs to be fed. He stands at the top of the stairs. He thinks he might be stuck.

What is wrong with me?

Something moves. Someone. Leo. Not Leo, please. He looks at Raph and sees something small and fragile and prone to tears. Something five. Something gone gone gone.

Maybe that's just in his head, too.

What is wrong with me!

"Piss off, Leo." He unsticks. He steps. He stops.

"Raph, wait." Leo shuffles. Nervous. That's wrong.

Viscous oil fills his lungs. A familiar anger reserved for his own wrongness. His big brave brother is nervous worried afraid. Of him.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH

"Do you want a hug?"

He blinks.

Blinks again.

Blinks at Leo, and his brain restarts.

Leo walks closer, and now Raph can see slow, steady purpose in his steps. He's telegraphing and deliberately noising his footfalls. Not with fear or anxiety, not even mischief, as far as he can tell. There's a careful look of concern that speaks to something more. He stops just an outstretched arm's length away, posture open and patient.

It isn't much work at all to stumble into his brother's arms, to let them encircle him with their impressive strength. When Raph starts sinking, Leo drops to the floor with him, never letting up on his fierce hold.

At last, the awful throbbing thing that sometimes takes residence in Raph's chest is soothed.

"I love you, bro," Leo says, quiet and warm and just for him.

Raph hugs back fiercely enough to push a wheezing laugh out of his big brother's lungs.

[trop1cal-punk]

Empires season 2 characters as Turnstile songs but i go in depth and yall get the full list before tiktok does because the audio clips are longer than I thought they would be: (also in alphabetical order)

False: The song is Stress. The lyrics that most pertain to her character is: “ It's building up, building deep inside / Paranoia driving take you for a ride / It's building up / Sleeping on rocks / Can't find the switch to stop the thoughts” But really the entire song is spot on for her. Its a song about being so stressed out your frozen on what to do. Your lost and pretty helpless. And i think that is very fitting for where her character is now. She’s lost in a new world, she doesn't trust anyone, she’s constantly looking over her shoulder. 

Fwhip: The song is Big Smile. The lyrics that most fit his character are: “ I don't need your big smile / Your green light / Your damn time / I got no room for you inside my mind” The green light being both physical and metaphorical. The green light being Joel. And relating to Fwhip releasing the warden on Joel as revenge. Hes got some strong character motives but also some what lose. He does as he pleases, gives out revenge/justice to those he sees fit. He’s very much in control of his perspective. he’s not gonna let anyone talk him out of something. He doesn't need to be watched. He’s a strong independent goblin. Also the song is very fast pace and punctual which I think is also very much like his character. He’s always doing, doing something. But it all has some meaning behind it. 

Gem: The song is HOILDAY. The lyrics most befitting are: “ Too bright to live, too bright to die / I wanna celebrate / Beauty is built not from outside / And I imagine it / So I can never feel the cold.” Honestly She was the hardest. Although I have a clear vision of her character in my head, i felt like I couldn't get it right. c!Gem is a princess who doesn't mind a little blood, she’s self righteous (/p) and knows what she fights for, but is curious and wants to know more about the world around her. She’s Beauty and brains. So I gave her a more upbeat song. She has a positive outlook on the world. Not wanting to quit no matter what, unless the odds are very very tipped. But just like her flag, its very bright but its got that dark background. But also she doesn’t let things bother her, if they do she goes and takes care of it. Butterfly lady my beloved. 

Mr. Jimmy SolidarityGaming: The song is Heavy Hand. The song lyrics that fit this character are: “ Pain, the only way. And you will feel it in your head like you never did / I hope you feel it in your heart and you fall apart / I'm coming down swinging my heavy hand” First off, the idiom of “Heavy hand of the law” so it was very very befitting. But also Jimmy is also constantly pushing off of those around him. He’s constantly pushing against Joel. He’s frustrated. I would not be surpsied if he lashes out and kills someone. <3 I kinda hope he does. Let him go apeshit <3

Joel: HAHA how funny. Anyway the song is ENDLESS. The lyrics I think are most befitting are: “ Shot down every time I come around and try / To get it off the ground / Following a feeling in my heart / Even if it all just falls apart / When I hit a wall I got to: / Break in, break in” As antagonistic as he is, he still has a heart. Its displayed when he talks about Hermes, Sausage, Lizzie. He still has his head in the clouds no doubt. But hes got a good heart and knows how to protect the ones he loves, no matter what. I like his character alot <3 

Joey: The song is Generator. The song lyrics that I think match the character are: “I'm hanging on to what I got left / Picking up all the pieces in the dark / And sound is gone / Without me, you'll be moving along just fine / Don't waste my time / With all your lines.” He was also pretty hard. Bro came back from drowning though. He’s gotta lotta fight in him. he’s having to rebuild himself constantly. By the skeletons or by Joel. He doesn’t want to deal with other ppls bs. He don’t got time for that. 

Katherine: The song is New rules. The lyrics that most fit the character is “ Can't stop my breathing. Never sleep but keep dreaming. / Old rules, they don't apply. / You live and you die. / I've had this burning in my heart for a long time. / You can't put your hands on me.” Katherine is SLAYING. She’s pushing against her destiny and parents. She is PUNK. I LOVE her character. I need to watch her more. But anyway yeah simple she’s pushing against old rules. She’s got a passion and she’s willing to fight for it. 

Lizzie: The Song is Real Thing. “ Real thing I'm feeling / No eyes can see it / Part dream, part memory / Got to make myself believe / But can I keep it all together / Waiting for the real thing.” Come on now, you see it right? Shes fooling everyone around her. A wolf in sheep's clothing almost. She’s trying to keep up her illusion.

Oli: The song is WILD WRLD. The lyrics that fit him are: “ Oh, you better hide outside, it's a mad scene / Stepping on each other with all eyes up on the big screen / Running like we got somewhere to go / Every high is followed with a low, low, low, low / Wild time / So easy to find in such a wild world / In such a wild world / In such a wild / No one makes it out the fire.” First off, first time watching him? Wild man. His vibes are so,,,,, ???? i am unable to vibe check Him (affectionately). But anyway just like the song, he’s so up beat, even with his stories darker undertones. He’s happy and excited despite his shitty situation. He’s dealing with being abandoning but re-finding his friends although no one remembers him. Mans needs a hug. He’s making the best out of what he’s got and I respect that. 

Pix: The song is Yes I Need my Generator. The song lyrics that are fitting are: “ Generator by my side / Push me thru the darkest times / You know I tried / Know I tried.” I fucking LOVE the head canon he’s someone from present time being sent back in time, like just some random college major that got send back in time. Also haha The machine. He’s pushing himself to limits. Also a machine himself. (Hes just like me fr fr.) He’s building out of the dead. Sure he knows everyone and does stuff with them but he’s almost introverted. He doesn't want spotlights on him. also the song is kinda ghostly and I feel like that fits him. 

Sausage: The song is Step to the Rhythm. The lyrics most befitting are: “ Break out the rage / Get back, just like that / There's no reason to calm down / Step with the ones who stick around / Make your own path because I'm making mine / I don't need your help, never look back, never look back, never look / That's what life's about / Don't stop.” Sure he’s not a man of rage but more of passion. Sausage is CRAZY passionate. He comes from rubble and ash. He’s making sure his love ones are safe. He’s almost rebelling against the old king. He’s having to leave behind his past for a better one though. 

Scott: The song Better Way. The song lyrics that I think are befitting:  And I cant believe that you're out. / Mistakes are made, there's no doubt that I've been going the wrong way. / Making moves just to pass the days. / So now what you got for me? / Can't stop moving, take on anything.” Bestie,,,, i love you but if your pissing off that many authority figures,,,,,,, You’ve cursed yourself. c!Scott has done stupid shit in the past and is now having to correct them. He’s repairing himself. But also he’s having to live with his mistakes. 

Shubble: I CANT BEILEVE I FORGOT HER DONT LOOK AT ME. Anyway the song is Keep It Moving. The lyrics that I think fit her are: “I've been there before, leaving my heart like an open door. Breaking my back, wasting my time, I lost my sight / I'll shake it off and step out of line / I'm thinking that it's about time / To find control and slip away / Watch your step, don't get caught.” Another Punk babe <3. She is so beloved. But anyway She is really trying or at least was trying to be a good witch. But now shes just kinda like frick it, if they come for me, they come for me. Shes slaying and strong. I love her so much, <3. 

[spine-buster]

the secret's out.

gif credit @/9116

A/N: We begin our regularly schedule posting of this series with more fluff and with something that is truly fiction: William Andrew Michael Junior Nylander Altelius having more than one (1) thought.

“So how’s your secret girlfriend?” William asked as he and Rasmus dressed for practice together. Rasmus was busy putting his elbow pads on while William was sitting in his gear, waiting to just put on his jersey.

Rasmus noticed William’s skates weren’t tied yet, and he wanted to tie them together so William would trip and fall. He loved William like a brother, and William was most definitely his mentor, but there was no way he was going to tell him just yet. “I don’t have a secret girlfriend, you idiot.”

***

“Is that your secret girlfriend?” William asked as he watched Rasmus type away on his phone during dinner. Rasmus was texting his brother, but as he was doing so a notification popped up that Lusine had sent him a text too, which led him to smile down at his screen.

“What secret girlfriend?” Jason Spezza barely waited two seconds before chiming in too. He looked between Rasmus and Willy, highly skeptical.

Rasmus rolled his eyes. “I don’t have a secret girlfriend!” he hissed at William.

Jason leaned back in his seat slightly, all of the sudden not so uptight. “Why are you teasing him about a secret girlfriend?” he asked Willy.

“Because he has a secret girlfriend.”

“So?” Jason eyed him. “You had—” he stopped dead in his tracks at the same moment William dropped his fork loudly into his plate of pasta below.

“He had what?” Rasmus asked.

Jason cleared his throat. “He had blue balls for Aberdeen for an entire year. He can’t make fun of anyone else’s love life.”

Rasmus laughed, grabbing William by the shoulder and shaking him. William, for his part, was making a face at Jason. “Best year of our lives being able to make fun of him like that,” he smiled.

“Yeah. It was hilarious,” Willy deadpanned.

***

***

Rasmus had never been intimidated by a building before – not any hockey arena, church, house, what have you – but he was intimidated by Robarts Library. It was just so…big. And ugly. And there was so much going on – so many students and books and workers and computers and just so many…things. That didn’t even take into account the energy of the place: if stress had an origin, it began at Robarts. The only thing was that he was lucky he blended in with most of the students, seeing as he was around their age, anyway. He saw the turnstiles, which were just one obstacle in Operation Find Lusine.

“Fuck it dude. I’m gonna fail anyway, what’s the fucking point?” a guy in a baseball cap and hoodie complained to his friend as they walked close towards Rasmus and the turnstiles.

“Hey bro,” Rasmus got their attention suddenly, not even knowing exactly what he was going to say. “I uh, I forgot my student card upstairs. You mind?”

The guy didn’t even blink twice. “Yeah bro, come on,” he motioned with his head, swiping the card and letting Rasmus through. Well that was easy enough. Rasmus followed them towards the elevators, and as they were waiting, looked up to see where the ‘history’ floor would be.

Only it wasn’t that simple. Of-fucking-course.

For some reason everything started at the 9th floor. And for some reason, things were organized into alphabetical order, not subject.

9th floor

AC–AZ | B–BX | C–CT | D | Oversize

10th floor

DA–DX | E | F–FC

11th floor

G–GV | H–HX | J–JZ | K–KZD

12th floor

L–LT | M–MT | N–NX | P–PM

13th floor

PN–PT | TR,TT | U–UH | V–VM | Z–ZA

Rasmus gulped.

“What floor you need, bro?” the kind young man who had offered his student card asked.

“Uh…9th,” Rasmus said, not quite knowing what exactly he was going to do. Should he work his way up? Down? How the fuck did people do this? He should have thought this through a hell of a lot more, but when it came to Lusine, he didn’t really think much because he was convinced he just knew.

The elevator brought him and the boys up to the 9th floor. They were going to the 12th. “Good luck bro,” one of them said as Rasmus exited, and he nodded back at them as if he was going on a secret mission and it was the last time he’d see them. Both those things were technically true. Once the elevator doors closed, Rasmus was greeted with an absolute behemoth. There were bookshelves everywhere. Desks everywhere. Stress everywhere. He looked towards the wall and saw the floor map, right next to the fire escape instructions.

He took a deep breath.

He looked at every face in every cubby he saw on the inner perimeters first before looking at every face sitting on the outer perimeters in the desks. He’d never seen so many desolate faces in his life. She wasn’t in any of them. So he went up a floor and did the same for all the cubbies and all the desks on the 10th floor. She wasn’t in any of them. So he went up a floor and did the same for all the cubbies and all the desks on the 11th floor.

And there she was. Huddled over, earphones in, a stack of books next to her, typing away furiously on her laptop. He stopped walking and just watched her for a few moments, watched her as she looked back and forth between an open book and her screen, typing out the words before turning the page. He smiled to himself. Rasmus didn’t want to cause a ruckus. He knew that if he did, he’d get nasty stares and probably get kicked out. So all he did was slip into the empty cubby next to her.

When she looked up to see who in God’s name was taking the seat right next to her while there were so many available, her jaw dropped onto the floor. Rasmus was smiling back at her. She pulled her headphones down. “Rasmus?!” she half-yelled, half-whispered, covering her mouth when she realized how relatively loud she was in the silence of the library. “What are you doing here?”

“Thought I’d keep you company,” he whispered, taking his phone out of his pocket and plopping it on the desk.

Lusine couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “How’d you find me?”

“Started on the 9th floor.”

Her heart melted.

***

Rasmus didn’t complain once throughout the four hours they stayed at Robarts. He had been on his phone the whole time, scrolling Instagram or watching hockey highlights. He held down their little two-desk fort when Lusine had to go back in the stacks to find another book, and he tried to give menacing stares at people who tried to sit relatively close to them. He wanted their own space. Lusine needed her own space.

It was just passed nine when Lusine was finished her essay and ready to go. Rasmus helped her put the books she took out on the restock cart. They stepped onto the elevator in silence. When the doors closed, Lusine looked up at Rasmus. “Were you planning to do that the entire time?” she asked.

“Of course,” Rasmus said. “When you texted. I had to see you.”

Lusine swooned. She never imagined a boy saying these sorts of things to her. For such a long time, she didn’t think it would have ever been a reality for her. But Rasmus was real. Somehow. He wasn’t a figment of her imagination. She knew so because she saw him on TV. That had to make him real, right? She would never have guessed a hockey player. “You’re something else.”

Lusine felt his hand cover hers. “You hungry?”

“I’m tired,” she chuckled. “I just wanna go to bed.”

“When’s the essay due?”

“In two weeks.”

“And you’re doing it now?”

“Why wouldn’t I do it now?”

“I don’t know, don’t university students, like, wait to get stuff done until the night before and pull all-nighters?”

Lusine couldn’t help but giggle. For someone who wasn’t going to university and never did, he got the stereotype pretty dead-on. “I’m trying not to be that irresponsible,” she said. “With work and now you, I have to make sure I make time for everything.”

***

Rasmus was with Willy and Aberdeen. They invited him over for a homemade brunch because they wanted to make sure he was getting his proper nutrients. He’d reminded the both of them that in his and Willy’s relationship, he was the cook. That didn’t matter. It was actually quite nice that they invited him over, if he was being honest. Aberdeen knew how to poach eggs, and he’d rather pay zero dollars for Aberdeen’s homemade poached eggs than $20 for poached eggs at some restaurant.

The team had won 5-4 against the Detroit Red Wings last night, but it had been a tight game – tighter than Rasmus would have liked, but they got the win regardless. It was Halloween night at Scotiabank Arena too, and though the team had their own Halloween party earlier in October, it was nice to see some fans, especially kids, get festive. He couldn’t even keep track of how many Auston-style moustaches he saw on the kids pressed up against the glass during warmups.

Lusine had gone out last night to a Halloween party with Bianca and her friends. He’d checked his phone after the game only to see a series of five pictures Lusine had sent him of her in a skin-tight Catwoman costume. He almost didn’t make it home. He had half the mind to ditch his car at Scotiabank Arena and scour every club in Toronto to see if she was there, much like he did in Robarts. But instead, he kept his cool. And he kept looking at the photos until he dozed off and his phone dropped on his face.

She was texting him now, as he was sitting at the table, complaining about her hangover. He tried not to seem too preoccupied with his phone, but the attempt was meaningless. “How’s your secret girlfriend?” William asked as he sat down in his seat, cup of coffee in his hand.

“I don’t have a secret girlfriend,” he mumbled, typing out a message to Lusine about Advil and Gatorade.

“Will you stop with that?” Aberdeen chastised her boyfriend as she put Rasmus’s plate full of food in front of him. “Rasmus, do you want more coffee?”

“Is that who you’re texting now? Your secret girlfriend?” Willy pushed.

“William, will you sto—”

“—She can’t be my girlfriend yet if we haven’t even kissed,” Rasmus blurted out without thinking.

The entire apartment went silent. Rasmus’s heart dropped into the pit of his stomach once he’d realized what he’d said. He shot his head up to look at Aberdeen and Willy. Aberdeen’s jaw was on the floor. William’s eyes were bulging out of their sockets. Within a few seconds, William had banged his fist down on the table. “I KNEW IT!!!!!” he screamed.

“Will—” Rasmus tried to say, in Swedish, but it was no use.

“VIIIIINDICAAATIOOOOOOOOOONNN!!!” William screamed at the top of his lungs. “I WAS RIIIIIGHT!”

“You have a girlfriend?” Aberdeen was exasperated, her jaw still on the floor from the shock. “How? When? Who? What?!”

Rasmus facepalmed with both his hands. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Not like this. “Guys, please…” he pleaded.

“Who is she? What’s her name?” William asked. “Give me all the details now, Sandy.”

There was no use trying to hide it any longer. He was caught. He framed himself for that matter. He’d never forgive himself for this. Trying to look for a silver lining, he guessed that if any two people found out first, he was happy that it was his best friend and his girlfriend. “Her name is Lusine,” he revealed.

“Lusine what?”

“Lusine Forrester. She goes to U of T.”

“Oh!” Aberdeen exclaimed. “You got yourself a university girl! I already like her. What’s she studying?”

“History major.”

“This seems promising. What year?”

“Second.”

“Is she from Toronto?” William asked.

“She grew up in like a small town or something outside of Toronto, but like…yeah, she’s from here,” Rasmus said. “She moved to Toronto to go to university. She’s living in an apartment in the Annex right now with a roommate.”

“What’s she look like?”

There was zero percent chance Rasmus was going to show them the pictures she’d sent of herself from last night, so he gave them her Instagram handle instead. Aberdeen typed it in on her phone and William leaned into her to check the profile. “Are you dating a model?” she asked, exasperated, hoping that Rasmus wasn’t turning into another Kasperi. “She’s stunning, Sandy. How on earth did you even meet her?”

“She’s not a model,” he corrected Aberdeen.

“She’s not?”

He shook his head. “I was in a coffee shop and overheard a disaster date she was on and I, like, went up to her pretending to know her to help get her out of it.”

Aberdeen leaned back in her chair dramatically. “Oh my God, Rasmus! Are you kidding me?!”

“Wait,” William said dramatically. “Have you invited her to a game yet?”

“No.”

“Oh, but she has to come!” Aberdeen said. “Invite her on Saturday. Hockey Night in Canada. I promise to take care of her. Me and Bee, anyway.”

Rasmus loved Bee, so the thought of Aberdeen and Bee being with her at the game calmed him down a little bit. If he and Lusine were going to be doing this, coming to a game was a logical next step. He just wondered if it would be too much for her too soon. He didn’t want to jeopardize anything. “Yeah. Okay. Maybe. We’ll see.”

William shook his head, grabbing his knife and fork to finally dig into his brunch. “I’m never letting you live this down,” he told Rasmus before stabbing his poached egg with the knife.

[dershloopmain]

End Of Everything - Chapter 2

‘’Jesus,’’ Casey said, looking down at the broken fence with multiple zombies, all in different states of living, tried to claw their way out of their barbed wire and wooden confines.

‘’Tell me about it. I knew they were dumb but I thought they were supposed to have dope eyesight? Doesn't look like it to me,’’’ Raph scoffed, pulling his own splintering baseball bat out of his bag, poking the arm of the closest trapped zombie.

‘’Won’t Donnie want a sample for his tests? Don't poke em too much what if they come free you ass!”

‘’They won't come free! I dunno I thought he was good for all that.’’

‘’I dunno either but shouldn't we at least ask him? Besides, we need the help,’’ Casey said with a shrug, ‘’and stop poking em Raph!’’

‘’What? You can ask him, but if I show my face in that lair before this is done, Leo will end my life so you’re going,’’ Raph said, pulling back from the undead recipient of his abuse.

‘’Fine, I’ll go alone then.’’

‘’Don’t say it like that you’re making it seem like you're going out into a haunted forest. You just gotta drop down the sewer pipe and walk like 100 feet then you’re at the turnstiles.’’

‘’I know! I also know I am, just as susceptible to Leo’s… whatever we’re calling them.’’

‘’First of all, when did you learn such a big word Jones and second just text him then you big dope,’’ Raph rolled his eyes, turning back to his undead victims, beginning to poke and prod at their bodies.

‘’I said stop fuckin’ poking em dude!’’ Casey said, pushing Raph away from the fence with his foot as he tapped out a text to Donnie, ‘’And it's surprising what hanging with D all day makes you learn.’’

‘’Hey! Rude. They're not gonna hurt anyone they're stuck as anything in there. Besides, I’ve been hanging with Don for years, you won't get smarter in a couple of months. Half his ramblings are gibberish at this point,’’ Raph said, sitting up and continuing to poke the zombie. Casey rolled his eyes, realising he wasn't going to win this.

‘’I dunno. I guess I just actually pay attention to him,’’ Casey said with a glare.

‘’Oh sorry,’’ Raph said with a sarcastic high pitched tone, ‘’What is he your boyfriend now? Why’re you getting so defensive?’’ Casey shot another glare at Raph, ‘’Yikes, touchy subject then. I’ll support you no matter what bro, and if you wanna kiss some time, just let me know,’’ Raph said, standing and pouting his lips while moving towards his friend.

‘’Dude stop it,’’ Casey laughed, pushing Raph back, ‘’No he isn’t either I’m just saying, maybe you’d be less of a bone head if you actually listened to him.’’

‘’Nice to know I’ve still got a chance with you then,’’ Raph said with a smirk, ‘’And who are you calling ‘bonehead’ Casey Jones, you’ve got more skull than cells.’’

‘’Alright alright I get it you’re gay for me, its hard not to be, just don't let Mona hear or she will kill both of us. I’m also just gonna ignore that last part but what I said still stands you’re a bonehead.’’

‘’I show you bone head,’’ Raph said, diving at Casey and tackling him to the ground, locking him in a headlock, ‘’Say I'm not a bonehead and I’ll let you go.’’ He said with a smile.

‘’Never!’’

‘’Well then, I hope you like the taste of dirt and sweat because I ain’t moving until you say it!’’

‘’Children, children, come on stop it,’’ Donnie said, rolling his eyes as he pulled himself out of the sewer. Raph looked up at his brother and smiled, allowing Casey a moment to flip Raph up and off of him. He landed on the dusty, cracked tarmac with a shout of surprise, before huffing and pulling himself and Casey up off of the floor, ‘’Now then. What’s the problem?’’

‘’We need help and Case was wondering if you needed new samples to test,’’ Raph said, pointing at the hole in the fence and multiple zombies clawing at the floor in an attempt to pull themselves free and feast on the 3’s flesh.

‘’Right… I’m guessing Leo said you couldn't have help right? That’s why you texted me?’’

‘’Yup.’’

‘’Thought so,’’ Donnie said softly with a small grimace on his face. A grimace that didn't go unnoticed by Casey and Raph. Nothing was said regarding it but yet… they all understood. A silent yet ever-present cloud hung over them all but not a word was said. Raph cleared his throat.

‘’Right then,’’ He spoke, rubbing his hands together readily, ‘’Let’s get on with it.’’ With that, the moment was over and the cloud disappeared, however not completely. It still loomed over them, threatening to take over their beings at any point. Donnie and Casey nodded, pulling their splintering boe staff and baseball bat out respectively and begun to shift the monsters, pushing them back from a safe distance.

‘’How long have our defences been compromised?’’ Donnie said, straightening up and letting out a deep breath.

‘’Not sure,’’ Raph said, copying his brother, ‘’But they’re really stuck in there so it must’ve been at least a couple of days. Probably longer.’’

‘’Why did Leo only send you two to do this?’’

‘’Your guess is as good as mine. He probably still hates me because of what happened.’’

‘’He can’t be still hung up on that. It’s been 3 months.’’

‘’I know,’’ Raph let out a shaky sigh, lifting his hand and pinching the bridge of his nose, ‘’He's not the only one who lost someone important though. We all lost something but we aren't all tyrannical megalomaniacs.’’

‘’You know how close Usagi and he were though. You can’t be mad at him for missing him.’’

‘’It’s past ‘missing him’. Fuck, I miss Mona too but it’s not my fault it happened I just- I just hate that I can't stop loving him. He's my brother, no matter what he does to me. I nearly died on that supply run, if it weren't for Casey I wouldn't be here but… no matter how mad it makes me I can’t stay mad at him,’’ Raph bit his tongue, his shoulders sinking in defeat, ‘’I’d do anything to get him back.’’

‘’I know Raph. I know,’’ Donnie said softly, moving towards his brother and wrapping his arms around him, rubbing his shell comfortingly. Casey didn’t say a word, he only followed Donnie’s lead and wrapped his own arms around his friend.

‘’Fuck me, man, there's something about the apocalypse that's making us all sappy,’’ Casey laughed, pulling an arm away from Raph and wrapping it around Donnie, who evidently also wasn't taking the entire situation well, but was just a lot worse at talking about it. He could tell from the turtle's physique that it’d taken a toll on him. Initially, while he had always been relatively thin, any muscle mass he had had before was gone, leaving nothing but skin, bone and organs. The eye bags Donnie had always sported seemed deeper and more rooted in weeks of sleepless nights rather than days of late nights and early mornings. His face was sallow and thin, his cheekbones protruding through his skin, almost pushing to escape their green confines. But he never said a word. Not to him. Not to Mikey or Raph. Not even to April. He was a silent sufferer, he wouldn't say a word to anyone but yet everyone knew. One of these days, Casey thought, he was going to have a proper conversation with Donnie. A proper talk. Even back before all this, they hadn’t been insanely close. Always at war over something or other yet something drew Casey to Donnie. He wasn't sure what yet but he’d figure it out. Eventually.

‘’Guys you do realise there's still zombies literal centimetres from us,’’ Donnie said, glazing towards the green-grey decaying hand reaching out for Raph’s ankle.

‘’Oh shit yeah,’’ Raph and Casey said in unison, pulling away and starring down at the writhing mass.

‘’How are we gonna move ‘em then?’’ Raph said, pulling a broken hockey stick out of Casey’s bag and poking the creatures again.

‘’My God Raph you’re like a 6-year-old. Stop. Poking. The. Fucking. Zombies!’’ Casey said angrily, ripping the hockey stick out of his hand and shoving them firmly back into his bag.

‘’Well, by the looks of things,’’ Donnie said, crouching down and levering the creatures up using his staff, ‘’They’ve been impaled by the fence. Pushing them back is just going to lodge them in even more and break the fence even more. We need to create some kind of lever system to lift them up so we can push them off the fence and out of our perimeter,’’ He stood up again, stretching his legs out and giving them a small shake, before looking over at Raph and Casey.

‘’This is why you’re the brain’s and I’m the brawn D,’’ Casey said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pushing him down into a headlock.

‘’Cut it out Casey,’’ Donnie said indignantly, squirming in an attempt to get out of Casey’s arms.

‘’Yeah Casey, cut it out. We gotta sort this out before ‘Nardo throws his rattle out his pram,’’ Raph rolled his eyes and Casey grimaced, loosening his grip and allowing Donnie to pull himself free.

Without another word, Donnie pulled a small toolbox out of his bag and placed it on the floor not too far from the creatures writhing in the barbed wire and jagged wood. Opening the box gently, he pulled out a small, clean-looking glass syringe and a neatly folded wet wipe.

‘’Ok,’’ He said finally, ‘’I need you two, and its imperative that you listen and do exactly as I say because I’m your only hope for a cure and if I get turned you’re all doomed so,’’ Donnie pointed at the pile of zombies, ‘’hold them down and away from me. But under no circumstances are you to do ANYTHING that could kill that one. If they die, their sample will be tarnished and it won't be effective,’’ He finished, a stern and serious expression on his face.

‘’Got it, Don,’’ Raph said, walking towards the pile and pushing his foot down onto the head of the creature Donnie had said, ‘’Casey, can you hold the others back while try and sort this one out?’’

‘’I’ll try,’’ He said sheepishly, looking down at the 3 or so other zombies laying at his feet before quickly composing himself and beginning to use his hockey stick to lift them up and pushing them back and away from his friends and home. Stepping over the barbed wire and broken fencing, he jammed his hockey stick back into his bag and pulled the splintering bat out, moving towards the now free pile of freaks.

‘’You want me to kill em, D?’’

‘’Can do,’’ Donnie said flatly, not looking up from his test subject.

‘’Uh- You know what never mind I’ll just kill em,’’ Casey said, swinging his bat in a downward arch, smashing the creatures’ skulls in, killing them all instantaneously. Mushy brain and dark, viscous blood splattered on his sneakers and jeans, coating them in another layer of grit and grime. He had to admit, the idea that these were once living people was disturbing to him. They’d once had lives, jobs, families and friends. They’d been like him once. Alive and free. Would everyone have bashed his skull in if he’d been infected? Or would he have been corralled and used as a test subject for Donnie to find a cure? He hoped the latter but… He wasn’t sure. After what’d happened, he wasn’t sure Leo would’ve been insanely happy with the idea of keeping zombies in the lair, especially not him. Being low on the hierarchy had its perks but not having Leo on his side in regards to anything was not one of them. He sighed, shaking the viscera off of his shoes and bat before stepping back into the borders of their home.

‘’Nearly done Don?’’ Casey said, crouching near him. He glanced over at his

‘’Nearly and… there we go done,’’ Donnie said, wiping the mucus and deep red blood from the small wound he’d just created, smiling at his work.

‘’Why’d you wipe it after. They’re dead their entire body is infected,’’ Raph said, removing his foot from the creatures head and letting Donnie back up before dropping its arms and dashing around to the other side of the fence.

‘’Force of habit,’’ Donnie said quietly, clearly uncomfortable with what was about to happen.

‘’We have to do it, Don, I know you don’t like it but we do,’’ Raph said, walking over to his brother and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Donnie looked away, gently placing the syringe into a ziplock back and putting it back into his toolbox.

‘’I know you do I just- I don’t think I’ll ever get used to seeing them be killed. They used to alive and through no fault of their own, now they’re monsters I- I don't know how much more of this excessive violence and murder I can take,’’ Donnie said, his eyes filling up with tears.

‘’Hey, hey don’t get upset. Crying’s healthy and all but if you start, I’ll start and even Raph might start- hey ow!’’ Casey exclaimed, whipping around and shooting Raph a death glare. Raph snorted, a mischievous smirk plastered on his face. Donnie laughed, wiping away yet another batch of unshed tears.

‘’Sorry it just… gets a little much at times,’’ Donnie shook his head, rubbing his elbow nervously.

‘’Don’t apologise for having emotions you big dummy,’’ Raph said, walking to stand next to Casey, ‘’I gotta say, me and Casey aren’t exactly peachy. I doubt Mikey and April are either. Don’t even get me started on Leo. It’s ok to feel like this Don, just stop bottling it up. That’s where it’s not healthy.’’

‘’I can’t believe for once WE are the one's schooling Donnie,’’ Casey said, crossing his arms and shaking his head jokingly. Raph rolled his eyes, as did Donnie.

‘’Now the sentimental shit’s over, let’s just finish up here and go down, I seriously doubt ‘Nardo is gonna be happy with how long we’ve been,’’ Raph said, trying not to think about what was inevitably to come.

‘’Tell me about it. D, we’ll deal with the creature and you can like, close your eyes and ears if that’ll help, then we’ll get started on the fence,’’ Casey said, trying to add an air of enthusiasm to his voice to bring up the mood, however, even he could tell it wasn’t working.

‘’Sure,’’ Donnie said, walking back to the manhole cover and looking away, covering his ears as Raph and Casey pulled out their respective weapons and began pulling the zombie out of the barbed wire and splintering wood, replacing it out onto the dusty street. Then, Raph stepped towards the thing that was slowly attempting to crawl back towards them and slammed his sai down into its head, cracking its skull and killing it, once and for all. He felt the vibrations up his arm as the metal of his sai clashed with the concrete, causing him to shiver a little, before pulling himself up and shaking the remnants of blood and brain off of his sai.

‘’Ok D, all done,’’ Casey shouted over, turning around to his friend and giving him a reassuring smile, who offered a small, shaky smile in return.

With that, Raph tucked his sai away and stepped over what was leftover of the small portion of the fence.

‘’You got any nails in that thing Donnie?’’ Raph asked, gesturing at the toolbox.

‘’I should have a few, I brought some hammers too, I figured you two wouldn't have remembered to bring any with you,’’ Donnie said, opening the toolbox and pulling out a handful of nails and handing them to Casey, before pulling his backpack around so it hung over one shoulder and rummaging through it for a couple of seconds before pulling out 3 relatively clean hammers and handing one to each of them.

‘’Well then, let's get to it,’’ Raph said, swinging the hammer around and grabbing a couple of nails from Casey’s outstretched hand, before picking up one of the wooden boards and beginning to bash it back into the wooden post that protruded from the tarmac. Casey and Donnie soon followed suit, before finally beginning to carefully pick up the barbed and wrap it around the makeshift fencing.

‘’That wasn’t so bad,’’ Raph said, grinning at their handiwork.

‘’Definitely a lot quicker with you here D,’’ Casey said, smiling at his friend.

‘’No problem Casey. I know how Leo can be, so just text me if you ever need help with anything. He already doesn't like you coming down to my lab. Thinks you’re stopping me from working or something,’’ Donnie said with a sigh.

‘’Well, I’m not gonna stop coming unless you tell me to. I don’t care what he thinks,’’ Casey said defiantly, putting his hands on his hips as if he were some hero.

‘’A real modern-day revolutionary you are Casey Jones,’’ Donnie said, rolling his eyes with a smirk.

‘’Should we head back? It’s getting cold,’’ Raph said, wrapping his arms around himself and rubbing them in an attempt to preserve any sort of body heat he could.

‘’Jesus it is. Must really be September,’’ Casey said, stuffing his hands deep into his hoody pockets.

Donnie nodded, flexing his fingers before pulling them back into a fist multiple times.

With that, the three headed towards the manhole cover and climbed down back into the sewer. It was surprising how much you learned about New York’s bathroom habits after 6 months of the apocalypse. Raph had always assumed that there’d always be greywater down here, no matter how many humans lived up top yet somehow, the sewers had run dry. Remains of final faeces and bathroom breaks lay dried up or non-existent along the floor of the sewer. It was almost impressive yet disturbing. The world really was ending. Or, as Donnie had put it ‘’Humanity's end as the dominant life force on earth’’.

‘’Bite your tongue Raph. If Leo says anything, don’t bite,’’ Donnie whispered as they hopped the turnstiles into the lair. Raph swallowed in a desperate attempt to dampen his dry tongue, failing miserably. He could feel his stomach turn in knots and any food he’d eaten in the last 24 hours was churning in his stomach, threatening to make a reappearance.

‘’Raphael,’’ Leo’s deep voice filled their ears, Raph flinched, ‘’I trust your supply run went well.’’

‘’Yeah. Got more medical supplies. There wasn’t much else we needed though so that was it.’’ ‘’What about our defences. Are they secure now?’’

‘’Yeah. Casey and Donnie helped me patch it back up so it should be fine.’’

‘’Donatello helped? I thought I told you that you and Casey were to do it alone.’’

‘’Yes, I know, I’m sorry but he was already up there to get another sample from the zombies and he had stuff on him to help so…’’ Raph trailed off, his eyes trained on the ground. He refused to look into Leo’s cold, uncaring eyes. If he did, he already knew he couldn't hold himself back.

‘’Hmm. Donatello? Is this what happened?’’

‘’Yes, Leo. I promise you, they didn’t ask me to help them. I asked them if I could come up to get a sample for my studies,’’ Donnie said sheepishly, looking up at Leo, trying his best not to let his fear be shown.

‘’Fine. I’ll believe you. You may all leave now.’’ Leo said plainly, glaring down at Casey and Raph, both of whom were starring at the ground still as they walked away, shoulders hunching slightly.

Leo nearly felt himself crack. He wanted to stop them, tell them he was sorry and wanted everything to go back to normal but… he couldn't. He couldn’t stop hating them for what happened. He couldn’t stop his blood from boiling every time he saw Raph walk past him to leave the lair. Maybe time would heal all wounds, but for now, he was perfectly content blaming and hating his younger brother for what he’d done. Not just because of what he'd lost. It's what all of them had lost. It was how reckless and immature Raph had been and HOW he'd caused it. All of it added up into a pit of rage that had been brewing for years. The number of times he'd been kidnapped or injured because of Raph's idiocy and complacency and arrogance. What had happened had broken him, the small, sane and happy, innocent part of him had snapped. Maybe if Usagi returned that part would be reconnected but… he knew that wouldn’t happen. It couldn’t happen. And it was all Raph’s fault.

[pilot-boi]

Shouting In Cafes: Chapter Eighteen

Rollercoasters

The not-a-date begins, and Neptune finds himself enjoying it more than he originally anticipated

AO3 LINK

“So… where are we going?” Neptune demanded, leaning back in his seat.

Sun shook a finger. “It’s a surprise.”

“I hate surprises,” he said flatly, glaring at him.

Sun groaned exaggeratedly. “Well aren’t you just a ray of freaking sunshine? It’ll be fun, I promise!”

“Uh huh.”

“Why don’t you believe me?” the other teen whined, pouting.

Neptune crossed his arms. “Because you’re the same guy who said that driving like a maniac and nearly dying in a car crash was the time of his life.”

“I’m not that bad! And besides,” Sun glanced away from the road for a second to look at him, “I’d never get in a car crash with you in the car.”

“Not like you’d have much choice in the matter,” Neptune grumbled, propping his chin onto his hand and turning to look out the window. But he had to admit, Sun was driving more carefully than he usually did.

For whatever reason that might be. No, it was not because of him, stop thinking that right this instant.

Neptune caught sight of brightly colored lights, tracks running through the sky. He could hear people scream-cheering, and smell the kind of horrible oil-fried food that could only mean one thing.

“Oh no.”

“We’re here!” Sun cheered, pulling up and parking haphazardly.

“An amusement park? Really?” Neptune asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically. At least it wasn’t a restaurant or something, then he’d never be able to convince Scarlet, and himself, that this wasn’t a date.

Sun looked over at him, with an expression that he could recognize even on Sun’s face. Concern. “What… don’t like rollercoasters?”

Neptune pursed his lips, and deliberately did not think about how nervous Sun seemed for some reason. “Dunno, I’ve never been on one.”

“Then this’ll be great!” Sun insisted, turning off his car and hopping out. He offered a hand back for Neptune with a mock-bow, who barely ignored it and got out on his own.

Shoving his hands in his jacket pockets in an attempt to keep himself from even accidentally grabbing Sun’s hand, he lifted his gaze to the large fairgrounds before him. “So… can I leave now?”

Sun doged around in front of him, looking vaguely affronted. “Not yet, bro! Just give it a try, please?” Those damn puppy dog eyes, how he hated them. “One ride. If you super hate it, we can leave early.”

Neptune narrowed his eyes, trying to find the trap in his words. Sun couldn’t be for real. He couldn’t legitimately want to spend time with him on what was not a date, and then just say he could go home if he wanted. “You’re… you’re serious? Just like that.”

Shrugging, Sun said, “It’s your birthday, bro. You’re calling the shots.”

“Except for the fact that you dragged me here.”

“Yeah except for that,” Sun conceded, grinning. “Now how about it?”

With an exaggerated sigh and a feeling like he was going to regret this, Neptune relented. “Fine.”

“Awesome! C’mon!” Ignoring his slouchy posture, Sun grabbed his arm and hauled him towards the turnstiles.

Neptune didn’t pay much thought as to what ride they were going to get on, his mind was too occupied with how close Sun was standing. He was holding him, and being so loud and over eager, and Neptune felt like he was going to combust. God, how pathetic was this?

“Well, which one do you want to try?” Sun asked, shoving the map into his face.

Neptune glared at him and pushed it away, and tried to ignore how nice the closeness made him feel.

Dammit I said I wasn’t going to do this. I wasn’t going to fall in love with another stupid straight boy. 

Such thoughts had been bearing him almost constantly since they’d met, but they were weakening today. Was it because he’d made a choice to try and enjoy it while he could? 

“I dunno anything about roller coasters, you pick one.”

“Really, bro? But I feel bad picking, it’s your birthday.”

“I’m here, aren’t I? That’s enough for me.” Neptune dodged away again at this, making sure to separate them a fair distance.

He didn’t go quite as far as he had been before, and seeing this, Sun smiled again. Bright enough to put his namesake to shame. Neptune fought to keep his expression neutral, determined not to give in any more than he already was.

“Kay bro, then let’s try this one over here!”

The lines were surprisingly shot. From what he knew about amusement parks, Neptune was pretty sure you usually had to stand and wait around for hours. Shockingly, they were only waiting a few minutes, with Sun chattering on loudly the entire time.

Neptune was rapidly reaching the usual point of no return that he’d get to when Sun invaded his normal routine. That point where he gave up on trying to escape the scenario early, for his own sanity if nothing else.

He was going to try to enjoy this. It wasn’t a date, but it was likely that this was the closest he was ever going to get. Neptune might hate himself later for giving in, but for now he was going to enjoy himself.

When they reached the front of the line, he found himself sitting in the front car of a coaster that seemed a little too big, and Sun grinned excitedly at him. “You ready for this, bro?” 

He honestly looked like he cared whether he was ready or not, reminding Neptune that for some reason, he was in charge of this situation. And, lord save him, Neptune believed him.

He averted his eyes, realizing he was staring at Sun’s smile. Sun, thank God, seemed oblivious. 

“Ready as I can be,” Neptune commented, only realizing then how close the two of them would be sitting. It looked like Sun had also figured it out, and he looked delighted, curse him. He had no right.

The proximity between the two of them wasn’t helping his heartbeat, and he searched desperately for something to take his attention away from it. 

Noticing him checking the straps over each of his shoulders and the metal bar running over both of their waists, Sun reassured him, “It’s perfectly safe, bro, I’ve ridden this thing like a bajillion times.”

Of course he had. “Can’t be worse than your driving,” Neptune snarked, looking doubtful but immediately seizing on the topic. Driving with Sun was probably the closest he’d ever gotten to riding an actual roller coaster.

“Hey! That hurts,” he said in mock offense, leaning back in his seat. “But legit if you get scared, you have my permission to scream like a little girl.” Sun grinned, and winked. “My hand is here for the holding if you need it,” he insisted, his voice in a cheap imitation of gallantry, his hand outstretched, and shit-eating grin on his face.

Neptune flushed involuntarily, and smacked Sun’s hand away, hating the amusement on his face. “In your dreams,” he replied, gripping the bar tightly to prevent himself from giving into Sun’s offer or the temptation.

“Whatever you say, bro!”

The cart started moving, climbing up the first hill. A bubbling sense of anticipation built in his stomach. Sun was whopping loudly before they even made it halfway up the hill and nudging Neptune to do the same. But he didn’t have the chance to voice anything before they went plummeting.

For the first few seconds, Neptune could only hear the wind whistling through his ears, but soon enough familiar shouting reached his ears. In the seat next to him, Sun was wailing his head off, alternating between cheering in anticipation and trying to convince Neptune to do the same.

He was not going to do the same, he was busy screaming protestations at the top of his lungs.

Neptune had to admit, his enthusiasm was more infectious than he’d initially anticipated. It also helped that Sun kept looking over at him with flush high on his cheekbones and a manic sparkle in his eyes. And a smile that only widened whenever he caught Neptune’s eyes.

Just for him.

Screw staying strong. Maybe he was pathetic, but he was going to fucking cherish this for as long as he lived.

Sun was smiling at him, for him. Grabbing his hand to hold it over his head, all while Neptune kept his other safely clutching the lap bar. The other teen laced their fingers together, and their hands fit together, and Neptune couldn’t remember why he’d been denying himself this.

When the ride slowed, Neptune didn’t know whether his heart was pounding from the hills or from how Sun didn’t immediately release his hand.

“I haven’t been on a rollercoaster in ages, that was fucking sick, bro!” Sun exclaimed immediately, voice somehow louder than normal and cracking from screaming the entire ride.

Of course he thought it was cool. This was coming from the idiot who nearly crashed his car trying to get air jumping a hill, and thought it was an absolute riot.

“Yeah, you would say that,” Neptune said, voice a little shaky and supremely thankful to have both feet on solid ground again. 

“Hope your first coaster ride wasn’t too traumatizing, bro,” Sun snarked, glancing slyly at Neptune’s face. There was a layer of something in that expression that he couldn’t piece together, and Neptune didn’t catch how Sun’s gaze lingered on his face even after he turned away.

Neptune was the type who needed to have control over any given situation, and on a roller coaster, all you could do was hold on and pray. 

But somehow he’d come to associate such blood-pumpingly terrifying situations with Sun, who seemed to attract them like a moth to a flame. And, maybe just by association, he had enjoyed the ride. 

Sun was still holding his hand. 

His face was split into a grin, and his voice was squeaky with excitement, and he was holding his hand.

“You sounded like a prepubescent teenager!” Neptune exclaimed, the words escaping before he could stop them and a wide smile on his flushed cheeks.

“No I- I… what?” Sun stuttered out, looking taken aback. Neptune had no way of knowing that Sun had been so blindsided by his smile that the words had gone over his head. 

Neptune only knew that Sun’s bewildered expression was hilarious. “You were screaming the whole time, I didn’t know your voice could go that high!” he explained, amusement tainting his words.

Then before he knew it, he was laughing. And then Sun looked affronted, and he was laughing even harder. 

“I was not screaming!” Sun protested, not sounding very convincing with his efforts ruined by the way he was grinning again. “You really do save your laughs for near-death experiences, don’t you?” he said, a fondness in his voice that not even Neptune could miss.

Okay. That was too much for him at the moment. Sun staring at him and looking way too open and sounding like that… Nope. Neptune was not having that.

He coughed nervously, and as his laughter petered off, Neptune said, “And shockingly, that was actually pretty…” Neptune pondered for a moment, and then squeezed Sun’s hand despite himself. “Actually pretty fun.”

Sun gaped like a fish for a few moments before speaking. “You… had fun? You mean it?!” 

“Yeah.” As hard as it was for him to believe it himself, he had enjoyed himself. “I did.” 

Sun broke back into a blindingly-bright smile, and his eyes were sparkling with delight. He was still wearing it when they got off the cart and headed to the exit gate from the coaster. A smile meant just for him.

And was it wishful thinking, or did his hand get squeezed in return?

Swinging their still interlaced hands between the two of them, Sun pulled back out the map as they walked. He shoved the map back into Neptune’s face and asked, “Want to go here next?”

It was one of those fear falls where they drop you from fifty feet and shoot you back up again. Anxiety hammered in his chest, but the thought of seeing that just-for-him smile again made it worth it. Fear be damned.

“You know what, yeah! Let’s do it!”

[bthenoise]

Here’s The Best of 2018 As Picked By Your Favorite Bands

Well everybody, we did it. In two short weeks, 2018 will be over and we will all have somehow survived yet another 365 days on this earth. Now instead of using this space to talk about how shitty of a year it has been (because trust us, we could certainly sound off right now) we’d instead like to use this opportunity to shine a light on some of the finest things to come out of 2018 -- you know, like best album, best song, best movie, etc.

Like we’ve done in years past, instead of pretending to be the hip tastemakers and trendy influences like other websites, we’ve completely turned our year-end best-of list over to the artists we cover on a daily basis -- because let’s face it, their opinions are the ones we really care about, right? 

Right.

So to check out what bands like Memphis May Fire, Fit For A King, 3oh!3, As It Is, Sylar and more have all been obsessing over for this past year, be sure to see below. We hope you love the final list as much as we do and we wish you all the most relaxing and positive holiday season.

Enjoy!

Best Album of 2018:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Dan + Shay - Dan + Shay Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: RITUALS - Deaf Havana  Nat Motte of 3oh!3: Chrome Neon Jesus - Teenage Wrist   Ira George of Movements: Technology - Don Broco     Cody Quistad of Wage War: Dan + Shay - Dan + Shay  Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: Honey - Robyn  Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: Thank You for Today - Death Cab for Cutie  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: Beerbongs and Bentleys - Post Malone Tyler Riley of Gideon: If I Know Me - Morgan Wallen   Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: Technology - Don Broco Palisades: Prequelle - Ghost  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: Stranger in the Alps - Phoebe Bridgers Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Proper Dose - The Story So Far  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: Welcome To The Neighbourhood - Boston Manor  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: Time & Space - Turnstile + Proper Dose - The Story So Far (it’s a tie sorry)  Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: Come Over When You’re Sober pt.2 - Lil Peep Vagrants: When The End Began - Silent Planet  Household: Nearer my God - Foxing Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: Bad Witch by Nine Inch Nails is the best album of the year in my opinion. I am heavily into Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross’ work and I just love that they went for a totally different sound and vibe with Bad Witch compared to all the NIN records prior. They blend modern jazz with industrial, chaotic synthscapes and it’s absolutely wild. 

Best Song of 2018:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: "Better Now" by Post Malone  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: “Hereafter” by Architects Nat Motte of 3oh!3: "Swallow" by Teenage Wrist  Ira George of Movements: “4Ever” by Clairo   Cody Quistad of Wage War: “Tequila” by Dan + Shay    Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: “Middle America” by Stephen Malkmus and The Jicks    Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: “It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You)” by The 1975  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: “SAD!” by XXXTentaction   Tyler Riley of Gideon: “Slow Burn” by Kacey Musgraves Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: “Better Now” by Post Malone   Palisades: “Mantra” by Bring Me The Horizon  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: “Please Don’t Die” by Father John Misty   Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: “Bodybag” by LIL LOTUS feat. Coldhart  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: “High Hopes” by Panic! At The Disco (big mood)  Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: “Lavender Bones” by Stand Atlantic  Vagrants: “Doomsday” by Architects  Household: “Keeping Up” by Microwave  Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: “On My Teeth” by Underoath. I don’t care what anyone says, they wrote a phenomenal record and knew they would get flak for it. They deserve all the recognition they have been getting because they have been working hard since the beginning. It was so sick to see them get a Grammy nomination too. That was essentially a big middle finger to all of their nay-sayers, whether they win or not. 

Best Music Video of 2018:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: “This Is America” by Childish Gambino   Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: “Hereafter” by Architects  Nat Motte of 3oh!3: "New Light" by John Mayer   Ira George of Movements: “Say Something” by Justin Timberlake ft. Chris Stapleton  Cody Quistad of Wage War: “Hereafter” by Architects  Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: “Dark Speed” by Failure    Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: “Sincerity is Scary” by The 1975  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott Tyler Riley of Gideon: “Aeon” by Crystal Lake  Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: “This Is America” by Childish Gambino  Palisades: “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: “Sincerity is Scary” by The 1975    Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier:  “This Is America” by Childish Gambino  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife:  “SICKO MODE” by Travis Scott  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: "New Light" by John Mayer     Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: “God Is A Woman” by Ariana Grande  Vagrants: “Rose Quartz/Fulton Street I” by La Dispute  Household: “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande  Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: Childish Gambino’s “This Is America” has gotta be THE best music video of this year. I have nothing but respect for Donald Glover and the way he presented controversial, political topics through all of the blunt, straight-forward imagery throughout that video. He’s never put out anything I haven’t enjoyed front to back. 

Most Underrated Album of 2018:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Are You Even There At All? - Brent Walsh  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: Gray States EP - The Material Nat Motte of 3oh!3: Graffiti U - Keith Urban  Ira George of Movements: Man of The Woods - Justin Timberlake  Cody Quistad of Wage War: Seasons - Sylar  Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: Holy Hell - Architects  Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: Be More Kind - Frank Turner  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: Kids – The Midnight Tyler Riley of Gideon: Hatred Softly Spoken - Chamber Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: In Our Wake - Atreyu   Palisades: Come Hell - Dead Crown Matt Gravolin of Hellions: Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino - Arctic Monkeys Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Blue In The Dark - Bearings  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: When The End Began - Silent Planet  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: Some Rap Songs - Earl Sweatshirt  Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: Taco - Bilmuri  Vagrants: Palms - Thrice  Household: Pierre - Pierre [ed note: We have no idea if it’s this or this. Guess you’ll have to decide!]     Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: Vince Staples’ FM Radio is very underrated in my opinion. I haven’t seen much about it at all since it dropped and it’s a sick follow up to Big Fish Theory. 

Best Movie of 2018:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Bohemian Rhapsody  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: Upgrade  Nat Motte of 3oh!3: Isle Of Dogs  Ira George of Movements: Annihilation  Cody Quistad of Wage War: Incredibles 2  Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: Avengers: Infinity Wars  Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: A Star Is Born  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: Avengers: Infinity War Tyler Riley of Gideon: Ready Player One  Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: Bohemian Rhapsody  Palisades: BlacKkKlansman  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: Hereditary Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Avengers: Infinity War  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: Avengers: Infinity War  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: Deadpool 2 Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: The Ritual  Vagrants: Avengers: Infinity War  Household: BlacKkKlansman  Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: Hereditary, hands down. Best story, best character development, best everything. Acting, special effects.  EVERYTHING. I don’t wanna give away too much because I want whoever is reading this to watch it for themselves. 

Most Binge-Worthy Show of 2018:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Riverdale  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: Ozark  Nat Motte of 3oh!3: Bodyguard   Ira George of Movements: The Final Table  Cody Quistad of Wage War: Nashville Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: Haunting of Hill House   Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: The Innocent Man  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: Ozark (Season 2), My Hero Academia Tyler Riley of Gideon: Brooklyn Nine-Nine  Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: Vikings Palisades: Haunting of Hill House  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: Ozark (Season 2)  Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Brooklyn Nine-Nine  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: Bodyguard  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: The Office... duh  Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: Haunting of Hill House  Vagrants: The Office Household: Better Call Saul Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: If you haven’t seen Wild, Wild Country on Netflix yet, you need to. My girlfriend and I binged through that show with a quickness. What a crazy time it would have been to be alive and living in Wasco County, Oregon when all of that was going down. 

Favorite Internet Moment of 2018 (Viral Video, GIF, Meme, etc.):

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Super Bowl selfie kid  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: Thanos memes   Nat Motte of 3oh!3: This Post Malone / 21 Savage / Nickelback mashup video  Ira George of Movements: The Real Bros Of Simi Valley  Cody Quistad of Wage War: Moth memes got me pretty good for a while.    Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: This. Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: The rise and fall of Mason Ramsey  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: “Weird flex, but okay” Tyler Riley of Gideon: Mason Ramsey  Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: Don Broco Warped Tour workout video  Palisades: Pikachu shocked face  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: “Weird flex, but okay” Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Squished face Lil Xan/moth memes  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: Any and all Casey Frey videos  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: Spongebob memes are great  Patrick Hamilton of Vanish: The bird Spongebob meme  Vagrants: Surprised Pikachu  Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: I try not to get too caught up with all of that but the moth memes were pretty great. 

Thing(s) You Wish You Had Done in 2018 But Didn't:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Exercise lol  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: Go to the gym more.  Nat Motte of 3oh!3: Feeling pretty good about 2018, honestly. I voted and did my civic duty, paid my taxes, toured the country twice, worked hard, treated the people close to me with love and respect and tried to do that with everyone I came across!  Ira George of Movements:  Eat healthier  Cody Quistad of Wage War: Made a million dollars.  Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: Watch our favorite teams win the Super Bowl. A collectively impossible feat.    Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: Have more rest.  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: Wish I stuck to my workout plan like I originally intended to. Tyler Riley of Gideon: Go to Brazil  Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: Worked out more, learned how to play the clarinet.  Palisades: Cook at home more.  Matt Gravolin of Hellions: Procrastinated less  Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Tour the United States of America Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: I have no regrets! 2018 was an incredible year for me.  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: Tour more. Vagrants: Travel outside of the USA  Household: Hang out with friends and family more  Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: Tour with Deftones. Hopefully Chino will read this and maybe consider taking LIMBS out next year? 

Bonus Question: 2019 New Year's Resolution:

Matty Mullins of Memphis May Fire: Perform in New Zealand  Ryan Kirby of Fit For A King: Play in South America!  Nat Motte of 3oh!3: To yet again, not make any resolutions!    Ira George of Movements: Eat healthier  Cody Quistad of Wage War: Be more healthy: physically and mentally. Write the best songs I’ve ever written.  Jay Forrest and Josh Brigham of Hopesfall: Be hardcore.       Ben Langford-Biss of As It Is: Have even less rest.  Jayden Panesso of Sylar: Play in new continents with Sylar, learn more about engineering music on my own.   Tyler Riley of Gideon: Put out our best album yet Adrian Estrella of Assuming We Survive: Workout more, give back to the community and better myself  Palisades: Make more music for 2019 Matt Gravolin of Hellions: Procrastinated less  Calling All Captains’ Nick Malychuk & Luc Gauthier: Play 150 Shows  Tyler Levenson of Afterlife: Travel to more of the world, see everything I possibly can.  Camm Knopp of Never Loved: Bust more butt get more bread    Vagrants: TOUR outside of the USA  Household: Write music and hang out with friends and family ;)  Daniel Nelson of LIMBS: To release a record of my own. I have been heavily into synths and music recording and production in general. I’m gonna try to delve more into that world next year and hopefully have something to show for it.    

WATCH MORE:

[fangirlwithasweettooth]

SO YA GIRL SAW HAMILTON IN CHICAGO 8/17/18

Ok, this is gonna be a long one, sorry! Basically every single thought I had during this performance and afterwards at the stagedoor is under the “Read More”. Enjoy!

@icantthink-ofagoodname @timeandspacelord

Cast:

Hamilton- Miguel Cervantes

Burr- Tommar Wilson

Eliza- Jamila Sabares-Klemm

Angelica- Montego Glover

George Washington- Jonathan Kirkland

Lafayette/Jefferson- Colby Lewis

Hercules Mulligan/James Madison- Ebrin R. Stanley

Laurens/Philip- Jose Ramos

Peggy/Maria Reynolds- Aubin Wise

King George- Andrew Call

Full disclosure- I may or may not have burst into tears when we walked in and I saw the stage for the first time

THIS WAS OUR VIEW OF THE STAGE WE WERE SO CLOSE ALJFDAKFV;KJADFG;AKJ

Act I:

- The theater EXPLODED when Miguel walked onstage for the first time it was incredible

-The ABSOLUTE POWER of “You never learned to take your TIIIIME” in the opening number when the entire company is singing I DIED

-During Aaron Burr Sir, Hamilton seemed so excited to meet Burr??? Like he was trying it play it cool but he was totally freaking out it was adorable

-My Shot was just a m a z i n g. I can’t put it into words I’m sorry

- During Schuyler Sisters, Peggy was t o t a l l y the bored little sister being dragged around by her older siblings it was the cutest thing ever

- Angelica absolutely SLAYED Burr, when she said “I want a revelation” she kinda slapped his cravat thingy around with this piece of paper she was holding (presumably some kind of newsletter)

- In farmer refuted ham and Seabury are always trying to step in front of each other/publicly humiliate each other/shove each other off the block which is really fun to watch

- King George was absolutely HILARIOUS, during the “‘Cause when push, comes to shove, I will kill your friends and family” part he literally said it like “I will KILL YOUR. FRIENDS. AND FAMILY.” I love him

- Beginning of right hand man looks like they’re underwater, the whole “British Admiral Howe’s got troops on the water” part was downright h a u n t i n g

- When Washington says “Hamilton come in, have you met Burr?”, Hamilton and Burr reply like ~college bros~, like “Yes, sir, WE KEEP MEETING!” and did this sort of handshake it was really cute

- Angelica’s first part in satisfied was happening center stage at the end of winters ball, it was so cool

-When Angelica leads Hamilton over to Eliza during Helpless, Hamilton is turned around facing Angelica, then eliza comes up behiind him sort of startling him it was really cute

- And when he says “If it takes fighting a war for us to meet it will have been worth it” and kisses her hand, Eliza looks at Angelica like “LOOK!!! LOOK AT THIS CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING” it was adorable

- The lights during the “rewind” part kept zooming into the middle while everyone rewinds to their part

- I have to say, Montego Glover was just a m a z i ng as Angelica, especially during Satisfied

- During the Story Of Tonight Reprise, Laurens, Lafayette, and Hercules are clearly drunk talking to Hamilton, and in the background some guy is just passed out on the stairs

- Tommar was INCREDIBLE during Wait For It, and at the end he sort of smooths out his coat, takes a deep breath, just sort of calming himself and reminding himself that he needs to... wait for it.

- During the beinning of Stay Alive, Eliza is on the (I guess balcony is the best word for it??) above Hamilton as she sings, almost like she’s speaking directly to him which was amazing

- Hamilton literally said “we have resorted to eating our horses” like “WE!! HAVE RESORTED!! TO EATING!!! OUR HORSES!!!” I love Miguel so much

- Also Miguel looks really good in glasses?? Like really good. Just something I noticed...

-Burr’s “okay so we’re doing this” sounded like a resigned parent talking to a bunch of toddlers

- Washington’s “go home” at the end of Meet ME Inside didn’t sound like an order like it did on the soundtrack, it sounded more like a “Son, you need to go home, this is for your own good”

- Jamila’s voice was A N G E L I C during That Would Be Enough I’m-

- Her “look out world” was kind of whispered to Hamilton it was so cute

- GWashs letter to Ham gets passed around the stage via the ensemble during Guns and Ships which looks awesome

- The sheer POWER in Yorktown you just don’t get on the recording it was incredible

- In what comes next george is very pouty and screams as if he’s throwing a tantrum before stomping offstage

- at “feeling so blue” he looks down at stage, stomps foot, spotlight turns blue

- Dear theodosia is so good my gosh Tommar and Miguel were amazing

- During the last bit of DT Eliza is in the background holding a letter for ham waiting for him to finish

- Tomorrow there’ll be more of us made me cry like always, but even more this time because nothing could prepare me for seeing it live onstage

- When Angelica goes to England she and Eliza stand on the circular thing but ham doesn’t so A goes away from him while E goes towards him which is cool

-  For Hams “constitutional convention”, Miguel’s voice goes so high he squeaks and is barely audible/his voice gives out which is really funny/cute

- Again with the POWER for nonstop, it’s just insane

Act II:

- JEFFERSON oh my god he’s so dramatic I love it

- At his entrance he kept making the applause louder whenever he noticed it quieting down

- Madison comes in coughing. Every time. 

- Cabinet Battles are so funny, Ham mocks whatever tjeff does

- Also there’s a huuuge height difference between Colby and Miguel which makes it even funnier

- Tjeff, Ham, gwash have hand mics and TJeff gently sets his down when he’s done, and Madison goes to pick it up, then drops it and picks it up with his handkerchief because apparently he’s a germaphobe 

- When gwash breaks them up ham hides behind him crouching while taunting tjeff it was hilarious

- In take a break ham is working on one side of turnstile while Eliza and Phillip are on other 

- Jose’s Philip rap was adorable??? Like he started off sort of shy, but when Ham goes “What??” after his “you can write rhymes but you can’t write mine” he gets really excited and confident it was adorable

-When Angelica and Eliza are trying to convince Ham to go upstate with them, and Angelica sings “If you take your time, you will make your mark” essentially telling him that he’ll make his mark someday, and at the same time Eliza sings “Look around look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now” essentially telling him he doesn’t need to worry about leaving a legacy, and Hamilton looks at Angelica during that part, which I think means that he was listening to her more than Eliza??? Idk, just a theory 

- Angelica’s hair is up for the rest of the show now, has a parasol and slightly different dress??

- Say no to this is So cool so amazing Aubin was amazing as Maria

And James Reynolds is up on the balcony area at the beginning watching this affair happen that was an awesome touch 

Ham looks really conflicted/reluctant to hand Reynolds the check

- AUBIN WISE IS A LITERAL GODDESS AND I’M GAY* AS HECK thank you that is all

- Reynolds slaps his leg to tell Maria to come to him, she does but stops and stares at ham for a little bit but follows

- ROOM WHERE IT HAPPENS YOU CAN SEE ALL THE WANT AND CONFLICT IN BURRS FACE ITS SO MUCH LIKE THE CLASSIC DISNEY VILLAIN SONG

- Tjeff hands mic to mads to say France, and Madison said it so d e a d p a n it was great

- Washington on your side starts with just burr and jeff and then mads comes in at his “which I wrote” directed to someone off stage 

- At the end Jefferson gives his resignation letter to gwash who reads it before going into one last time

- I know him was so funny, gwash passed king George in between the two songs and gwash was like a foot taller and kg just looked at the audience like ‘what’s this guy doing??’

- He was so genuinely confused the whole song and just sat down off to the side to see the rest unfold

- Adams Admin, george is just laughing/cackling the whole time

- At hams address to Adams, he drops a package of paper a few inches thick on the ground because of course he does

- Hurricane was soooo cool, started off underwater, became eye of hurricane and Miguel was just  i n c r e d i b l e during the ‘I wrote my way out of hell/I wrote my way to revolution” part. Actually just for the entire song he was incredible. And the entire performance. 

- In Reynolds pamphlet, everyone has a pamphlet and is showing it to each other, george comes down and dances off to the side then in hams face

- BURRRN YOOO SO GOOD SO SAD I CRIED JAMILA WAS INCREDIBLE

- Blow us all away, instead of Phillip going up and talking to eacker politely since he is in the middle of a show, he GOES ON STAGE AND CALLS HIM OUT

- AND THE “ACTORS” ONSTAGE JUST STOP TO WATCH THIS WHOLE THING UNFOLD IT WAS HILARIOUS

- The shooting on 7 catches me by surprise every time no matter what

- Stay Alive was just?? Heart breaking?? Eliza’s scream is REAL I forgot all about it and it just WRECKED me

- Same with all of its quiet uptown honestly I was just a mess

- Jefferson looks so shocked when Madison suggests he work with Hamilton, Burr is so confident throughout this whole song but gets upset when Jefferson tells him to thank Ham for the endorsement and just gets angrier

- In your obedient servant, ensemble members are passing the letters back and forth

- at the 30 years of disagreements line, ham just sends like 10 pages of paper over to burr who’s getting more and more exasperated by the second

- Best of wives best of women—ham covers his paper (probably a letter to Eliza/his will) when Eliza comes over so she doesn’t see it

- Best of wives and best of women: Ham and Eliza were so cute??? I’m dying I love them so much

- World was wide enough—the spotlights look like a target but then turn red when he lifts his gun oh my g o o d n e s s

- Miguel’s “I imagine death” monologue was just PERFECT I cried

And at the beginning of WLWDWTYS, when Jefferson talks about “Hamilton’s financial system is a work of genius, I could undo it if I tried... And I tried.”, he makes the “and I tried” part sound like “YEAH AND I TRIED OKAY GOSH” it was kinda funny now that I think about it

- All of wlwdwtys is just so perfect and when she starts talking about the orphanage she started crying which meant I started crying

- She gasps at the very end and the whole stage is dark except for her and I heard it was because she saw us and saw us telling his story and I just. started. bawling.

(*well I’m actually bi but IM SO GAY you get it)

And then we went to the stagedoor, I GOT MY PLAYBILL SIGNED (!!!!!!!!!) BY MIGUEL, MONTEGO, COLBY, EBRIN, ANDREW, KYLE WEILER (George Eaker), A N D MALLORY MICHAELANN WHO WAS THE BULLET AT THIS PERFORMANCE AND I GOT PICTURES WITH MIGUEL, MONTEGO, AND ANDREW OH MY GOSH I WAS COMPLETELY STARSTRUCK 

(blurred out my friends’ faces for privacy reasons)

AND MIGUEL SIGNED A. HAM AS WELL AS HIS OWN NAME OH MY GOSH I’M STILL NOT OVER THIS AND I DON’T THINK I EVER WILL BE CAN YOU TELL

[mattyslittleworld]

Victory Lap

Gripping my skateboard while we walk up the steps of the Eltingville Train Station. Waiting for the train as I look over the small little town I grew up running after my dreams in. Coffee from the usual deli - only this time shits different. Way fucking different. Clothes the same. Company the same. But shits different. Were filming a little mini doc and were going from Bepas, taking the train to the ferry, then the ferry into Manhattan. Were out here. I haven't been back to this neighborhood, on this route, since we sold Bepas house. Im mad happy with my boys, but inside it definitely feels mad weird. The last time I was here I was dumped cold blooded, and all my friends said I was crazy and I found myself alone. On this route I wrote a lot of Setting Sail by BACK AND FORTH. Especially Little Bones. Staten Island imagery. Turnstiles, Princes Bay, etc. Forgot how beautiful the ferry is. Just sipping coffee and hanging out. I saw this little kid in a north face  - probably about 8 years old at most with his headphones in. Staring at the water on the deck outside next to us. I walked over to him and asked what he was listening to in his headphones. I noticed he was lost in it. Like I used to get. He said under his breathe, “beats”. That blew my fucking mind. This 8 year old kid WHO WAS BY HIMSELF MIND YOU is riding the ferry and listening to BEATS while he mumbles rhymes. I found that absolutely beautiful and SO complex. SOOOO complex. I told him I worked with Casanova and Albee Al and he started smiling and I told him to keep going and don't ever let anybody tell you shits impossible or stupid. Keep going and give this city we are staring at hell. What a trip. We got into the city and ended up in Times Square. We were burning the streets on skateboards bugging out yelling and having a great time. Out to dinner Colgan said Nipsey got shot 6 times and I froze. That man is my EVERYTHING. The self empowerment to get me up in the morning and shake off losses and the weight of the world comes from his message and music. While on top red step in the middle of Times Square, in the wind, Colgan yells from the bottom that he died from the gunshots. In that moment it felt like all of Times Square became silent and the world stopped turning. The weight of this - Jesus Christ. This changed the course of history and ill never forget that moment. We took the subway back downtown. Walking into the subway there was about 100 people and a man playing a Sax to a reggae ton beat. We walked with our heads hung cause of Nipsey in silence right into this crazy, community of ALL DIFFERENT CULTURES just dancing in the most majestic beautiful way in the subway. We sat there for an hour. It was so bitter sweet as nipseys soul hung over the city. Ill never be able to describe that feeling. It was a simple way the world showed me how people coming together can heal anything.

Yesterday on a run I get an invite to a private event Jesse Malin was holding on the Lower East Side. So again - I brought Rob and Colgan along. We didn't know what this really was - or who will be there, but we went out and im glad we did. What I appreciate the most about these two is on car rides, or walks, or just small talk in general, we talk about business. Trading business advice, or just maybe progression and financial support in general. My old friends used to sit in a Taco Bell parking lot and talking about other people. Now we talk about money. And how to make it. We park and walk up to the door and are greeted with access. I love this building and this place its so sick. The red vibe, the formal Gatsby - like attire and people who linger in the shadows. Cause everything is so dark. Jesse Malin is holding a private show, playing his whole new album plus the hits. I feel SOOOOO fortunate to be invited to this personally. Jakob Dylan is in attendance, Dude from Counting Crows is there. Jesse literally saved my life and pulled me out the mud. I feel like the luckiest punk in the tri state to be thought of. While the Saxaphones and trumpets are BLARING and everybody is dancing, I get a DM from a very very very famous rapper who got me through so much shit. Out of the blue. It says “Call me”. LITERALLY WHILE STARING AT JESSE MALIN. The inception and depths to this makes me want to cry. I am losing my mind. I exit the show im not even supposed to be at in the first place, to call this rapper who I feel like is just my ex girlfriend or somebody playing a joke on me, to call them. I feel like this is a joke. Boom its really him. He wants me to write him a song. Im outside this venue just freaking out internally. We say we’ll talk tomorrow more and get it done. I go back downstairs and enjoy the show. So amped - all three of us - we walk over to St. Marks to get dollar slices. Jesse is the king of NYC in his genre. This rapper is the new 50 Cent who is the king of NYC in HIS genre. How they both collided in that moment almost blew me into the stratosphere. So so grateful and humbled and just happy. All we wanted was dollar slices. We go cop them and just talk about how cool this is. After Colgan suggests we get Citi Bikes to ride around for a little bit. We buy 3 of them shits. As soon as we get on those bitches WE LIIIIIIITTTTTT. Burning through traffic!!!! Swerving and carving. Screaming in peoples faces. Throwing shit. We were fucking bandits on them shits!!!! We rode from St Marks all the way to Times Square. From Times Square all the way back down to the World Trade. World Trade all the way to Battery Park. Battery Park we just dropped the bikes and chilled in silence. Just feeling free and liberated. But not bum ass no job free. The type of free that youre on a life path confident free. I felt invincible. We rode by the water and the mansions. It was a movie. I was so inspiring to one day buy one of them. Wake up go to the kitchen on a Sunday see my family my wife my kids in the kitchen having breakfast, looking out the window drinking my coffee and seeing that view in the summer. Its possible. In this moment I realized we’re on our way and im so happy these fuck boys and fuck girls fucked all the way off because they're all dead beats still doing the same exact played out shit they were doing 4 years ago. From false toxic friendships like that ive learned how to treat people who come into my life now. EVEN IF THEY TALKING CRAZY who the fuck am I to know whats in their heart? To know their intentions? Always encourage and be there for them and to help AND TO KEEP THEIR BUSINESS BETWEEN YOU TWO AND NO ONE ELSE. Every single crazy thing I told my people who discouraged me - I did. But I don't do beef or negativity or issues or bad tension these days. So I wish all of them well, success, and good health. God speed. We went to see our old skate spots by battery park - I remember those days so well. Went up to the Brooklyn Banks and the guard said they'll be open by summer!!!! Skate city lets go!!! We rode all the way back to Ludlow St back to the car and stopped at a Mexican food truck to get burritos. We sat in literal New York city trash and ate them and they were so good. The Citi Bike Bell Bandits tore up the streets with burritos and bells private events dollar pizza soda and coffee. Again - another wonderful inspiring night in Manhattan with the bros. Cant wait for the summer. Cant wait for LIFE in general because my mind is blown and its proven to be full of endless opportunities if we apply the right energy. A 10 minute ride on Citi bikes turned into a 22 mile ride all over the fucking city full of laughs, shit talking, clowning, and beautiful inspiring energy accompanied by proper brotherhood and companionship. 115 collective shit. lets get it. lets sell out this pony show May 17th. 

[ladyknightliveblogs]

Listen, I love the Battle of Hoth, but this chunk of book just keeps going forever.

I swear to god, every time Luke is saying goodbye to his dudes before a space battle, it’s SO GAY. The bit with Biggs in the last book and now Han, I just….ugh. so gay.

THE MOST GAY: “The young commander began to walk away as memories of exploits shared with Han rushed to his mind. He stopped and looked back at the Falcon, and saw his friend still staring after him. As they gazed at each other for a brief moment, Chewbacca looked up and knew that each was wishing the other the best, wherever their individual fates might take them.”

THE. MOST. GAY. THING. TO EVER HAPPEN. IN STAR WARS.

GOD LOOK AT THEM

Even with Chewie there to be like “yeah, those bros...no homo-ing their best wishes through long, lingering glances.....just dudes being pals.....”

Listen, minus the incest, Han, Luke, and Leia is a really great canon ot3 and you can’t stop me from saying that.

Also gay, but now with robots!!: “Artoo whistled and tooted a good-bye, then turned to roll down the ice corridor. Waving stiffly, Threepio watched as his stout and faithful friend moved away. To an observer, it may have seemed that Threepio grew misty-eyed, but then it wasn’t the first time he had gotten a drop of oil clogged before in his optical sensors.” 

Gay robots with bad syntax: what more could you possibly want from this series?

“But above all this activity and noise a strange sound could be heard, an ominous thumping that was coming nearer…” Listen, I know I use too many commas in my writing, but would it kill them to put a comma after their conditional clause??

Oh god. Okay, here we go: 

“There must have been a dozen of them resolutely advancing through the snow, looking like creatures out of some uncharted past. But they were machines, each if them stalking like enormous ungulates on four jointed legs. Walkers!”

There is so much happening here i cant even decide where to start. Ungulates???? The exclamation point on the one word paragraph. Dinosaur and ungulate similes within two sentences of each other.

Ungulates though.

The next paragraph is even wooorseeee:

“With a shock of recognition, the officer identified the Empire’s All Terrain Armored Transports. Each machine was formidably armed with cannons placed on its foreside like the horns of some prehistoric beast. Moving like mechanized pachyderms, the walkers emitted deadly fire from their turnstile guns and cannons.”

Listen, my dudes, are they ungulates, dinosaurs, or elephants? You have to pick one.

“For a moment, Luke thought of some of the simple tactics a farm boy might employ against a wild beast.” Whatever works for you, babe.

“whoea” is not a spelling I’ve sen before, but you do you, my man.

I love that Rebel is capitalized every time. Lends authority and…idk weight? to the organizaion?

!!!! Rogue Two has a name?? His name is Zev!? Who knew…

Every time they refer to lightsabers as “laser swords” I both die a little inside and laugh uncontrollably.

“Luke dropped hard to the snow and became unconscious.” I’m not sure what it is about the phrasing of that that’s so damn amusing, but…became unconscious. Sure.

I feel like the Hoth bit of the movie takes way less time than it’s taking here in the book. Not that I’m complaining–I love the battle of Hoth–but it feels…slow. The pacing is off. And I’m wondering how much of that is because visuals are so much quicker than words…

Anyway, I’ve an essay in me about how certain stories are better suited to certain mediums, but today is not the day for that essay.

I’m...really glad that they eventually standardized that the droids are referred to by their numbers in narration and their phoenetic spellings only in dialogue. Because every time I see “See-Threepio” written out, I die a bit. It’s so ridiculous.

and by “eventually” I mean “by the time they got around to the Force Awakens novelization and not a moment sooner.” 

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Netjuu no Susume 2 - 3 | Black Clover 2 | Classicaloid 28 | Juuni Taisen 2 - 3 | Code: Realise 2 | Houseki no Kuni 2

I lost Classicaloid after episode 28…good thing I had Girls’ Last Tour on tap. (See Houseki no Kuni’s simulcast commentary for more details on that.)

Netjuu no Susume 2

Aw, I’m not really one for romances, but once again, these guys are making me warm and fuzzy on the inside. Hayashi and his cry emote really get to me – I love bishies who aren’t gung-ho macho.

Sakurai has an email from Comico! LOL!

I’m with Lilac on this love story, LOL.

“Sakura-chan”!!! Oh, it’s so cute. It also probably explains why Sakurai = Lily, eh?

This isn’t a manga, it’s an online manga. Same diff, Hime-chan.

If you pause at Moriko’s email, you’ll see it’s riddled full of keigo (polite language).

Sakurai Yuuta voiced by Sakurai Takahiro, LOL. Didn’t notice that the first time around.

It’s staying on, even if for just warm fuzzies.

Netjuu no Susume 3

I’m hearing the OP for the first time and…it’s actually pretty good! It fits the entire cute aesthetic of the show.

Irina was only just talking about this.

I’ve heard people call Moriko Morimori-chan across the ‘net and I didn’t understand it until Koiwai said it just then. Nicknames mean you’re uber close in Japanese terms.

I had the volume on while Koiwai and Morimori-chan (LOL) had their chat and I couldn’t hear her cry. So much for Mamiko Noto being a top-notch seiyuu, eh?

LOL, Koiwai’s so fun as a character.

Eyyyyyyyyyy. This green counter boy is probably Kanbe. You can tell by the hair colour!

Is Li-chan Lilac or Lily?

LOL, the Rose of Versailles parody is too good.

A…dog PUG? Apparently not. Never played WoW, of course I wouldn’t know the term.

Oh, I preempted the show’s caption. These sorts of captions were used in Superstar wa Nemurenai too, so this feels nostalgic in a sense.

I know the feel, Lily. I’ve been in online arguments before (you’ll see in previous simulcast commentaries I cite the magicalgirlsandcerulean one a lot).

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! These too-cute-for-this-world characters steal my heart againnnnnnnnnnn!

Interesting that Nico is called just that in the credits.

Black Clover 2

That very scribbly handwriting appears to be…English. Mostly correct English, to boot.

Someone decided on sakuga this ep, it seems…

Okay, I think I’ve had enough echo reverb for a lifetime. That’s going on hold.

Classicaloid 28

Ah, the new OP. Same song, Dovo-chan + “Wataru”, a few new staff…but otherwise, same old, same old. That’s what I like.

Oh, I almost missed the sign that says “Place all used tableware in the sink – Kanae”. Thanks, subbers.

Huh. The word “respect” is teinei, which technically means “politeness”. But “respect” works better in context, I guess.

Sometimes, Beet says things that actually make sense + are quotable. Get me some quotes of this man (LOL).

This shopping list stuff, if it isn’t something you’ve done for your family already, is normally something for kids in Japan as part of fostering independence. So, I think Wa-kun’ll be the winner here.

Garland chysanthemum is the only one of these I’m unfamiliar with. Apparently in Japanese, it’s called shingiku, which would correspond to those kanji I saw on the shopping list.

Why is Dovo-chan going with Wa-kun? (LOL?)

There’s a coffee shop called Mogura (mole) behind Liszt in one scene.

Wa-kun reminds me a lot of the Beppus (Boueibu). Seriously, we need a comparison of those three.

Symphony No. 7. The Allegretto seems to be stirring some memory in me, but I can’t seem to detect what particularly or why it does. However, Wikipedia does note Wagner liked it. In fact, Wagner admired it.

Yup, Pad-kun. That’s (the bit about “apotheosis of dance”) the bit Wikipedia says.

I think the hippo -> idiot joke works better in Japanese (kaba -> baka, it’s a reversal of syllables).

See? Wa-kun is like the Beppus! Lookit that boy blush.

How does one spell “yeah” anyway? I swear I’ve seen 2 or 3 variants of the word alone…

Oh, Schu-san wasn’t around this episode. He got taken away by the kite strings like last time, come to think of it. Admittedly, I think I liked Schu better when he wasn’t a rapper, although apparently this time he’s going to go into reggae, judging by the rasta cap he had in the OP.

Ohh, a goukon I see. It’s translated as “singles’ party”, but…well, let’s say it’s a little more complicated than that. “Singles’ party” translates sufficiently, but goukon have certain connotations to them that make them uniquely goukon, much like sushi needs vinegared rice to be sushi, anime needs to be at least partially made in Japan and so on.

Juuni Taisen 2

I think Nezumi being sleepy is a pun (neru -> to sleep).

Oh, hey. They do look like the Justice League.

By the by, this OP is called “Rapture”. Not “Rupture”, even though that would sound more appropriate in some contexts.

The CGI models at the end of the OP look like figures. Either I give you my money for good quality versions of those or you…shouldn’t waste your time, Graphinica. (Especially the Tatsumi bros.)

The title of this episode literally translates to “chicken cry, dog steal”. I dunno what idiom’s behind it, so I’ll leave that to the subbers.

Well, a manhole is one way to lay low…

“Old Timer”. Good pun there.

Knowing the Beppus, I’d say the Tatsumi was talking about his bro and not Inou.

Well, that was a bit too much blood. Good thing is wasn’t as bad as King’s Game.

Finally, an Ume show I can really kick back and not worry about! Young Black Jack and a lot of shows I go into for Ume are normally shams or locked out by licensing, so I’m finally psyched to get a proper Ume show to back.

Uuma walking through the turnstiles was…pretty funny, actually. (LOL.)

How does one out-crazy Rabbit, with his high heels and booty shorts???

Well, as they say, when an unstoppable object meets an unmoving force, kaboom! (Or…something like that…)

According to the manga, Dotsuku was a teacher. Can you really imagine that though? Dotsuku, a teacher??? Of little kids???

Note Niwatori is shown with science things. She must know some stuff about Dotsuku’s poisons too, although she probably didn’t expect them. Update: Read ahead, and let’s say I’m right about one thing and wrong about another.

I wonder which Tatsumi bro is the NEET and which is the gambler…

Rabbit home boy’s too good, but Ushii and his fluffy jacket are better.

Nezumi and Twelve Mart, LOL.

Juuni Taisen 3

I read up on some spoilers for this…so I’m only just keeping abreast of some of you guys out there. However, the TV Tropes page notes that the OP shows who the winner of the Taisen is if you pay close attention…

Ugh, I love Nezumi and Ushii too much. Mah Ume-boy is good as gold – this is a step up, considering I’ve started some very bad anime because of Ume-chan – but even though I don’t know Shun Horie very well, I like me a bishie like that too! (Horie’s a tad quiet, but otherwise he’s pretty good too.)

It was much clearer that Niwatori was affected by the One Man Army even during her meetup with the Monkey in the manga, so…yeah. I’ll give it that much.

Silly name of “Cockscomb” aside, that’s the name of Niwatori’s spading fork. Cockscomb.

I’m properly listening to the OP and ED for the first time, but I like the ED more than the OP. Probably because the Justice League is funny but the ED’s casual stuff is better.

Oh, there’s a post-credits scene. Keep watching.

Oh, that’s…pretty powerful stuff, Niwatori. Wowee, Juuni Taisen’s got the mark of a high ranker, from its staff to its OP and ED quality. Tough competition this season, as I keep saying.

“Even a monkey can fall from a tree.” – That’s a kotowaza meaning “Even experts fail sometimes”, which is an important adage for this show.

Sharyuu was taught by sages, so that comment is interesting, Duodecuple…or Horse…or whoever’s narrating this.

The pun in the next ep title is something to do with the word saru (monkey). Noting that saseru is a thing in Japanese, maybe saru is a shortened form of that Nisio Isin wanted to cash in on…?

Update: I finally figured out Dotsuku’s pun! Make the tsu smaller, give the ku a tenten and you have…the katakana pronunciation for dog!

Code:Realise 2

Get me a man like Impey and I’ll be set for life, LOL.

“If you touch me, you’ll melt.” – The juxtaposition of Cardia’s sadness with a punchline makes for something very interesting, indeed.

Saint??? Is that his first name or his title?

These ornaments on Finis and the queen – the pseudo-Chinese or Japanese ones – stand out a bit compared to all the steampunk stuff.

Oh, dearie me. The cars and carriages in this are CGI and it shows.

“…Baron Gilford Dudley and party.” – LOL.

“He loves his food too.” – I’d assume ths subject of this is Sisi, but the way this sentence was framed made it sound like Impey loves his food too. Which seems to be true, since Impey likes cooking.

These really bright scenes are kinda sudden. They don’t quite work with the rest of the show, and that’s because they’re probably stills you collect in the game.

I keep thinking this dude with the guns is Fran. Geez, it’s quite the bad case of Six Same Faces…however, this one has purple eyes while Fran’s are green.

C’mon! Stockinged legs aren’t that indecent, Lupin. I know you run by Victorian London standards, but still.

Okayyyyyyyyy. Vampire hunter fits the theme of historical fictional bishies, but…you really don’t imagine Van Helsing to look like this. Just sayin’.

The glowy blood was probably unnecessary…

I feel like I should put this on hold, just to be on the safe side. That means the lineup is settled. I’ll update the sheet when I can...eesh though. There’s some tough competition this season…

Houseki no Kuni 2

The two moons are a nice touch.

This OP is way cool. It’s such a visual spectacle.

By the way, I’ve heard good things about Girls’ Last Tour so I may binge it next month (November) and it may even challenge for one of the top spots.

Uh, cleavage? Not to use a dirty joke here, but gems are androgynous. They have no cleavage, so to speak.

Oh, Dia’s fighting style is like baseball. I see.

Huh. I should really write about identity and belonging in this series. Dia’s a really interesting character, pretty much denying their own name and nature because they see Bort as the “true diamond”.

“…tried to lend a hand.” – Oh, the irony of you missing a hand, Dia.

Notice Phos is still holding Dia’s hand as she talks with Jade and Euc.

Holy snails, Batman! Arima (Boueibu) wouldn’t like this for sure…

Wow, this truly is a new innovation in anime. Certainly, traditional animation can’t do this.

Wowee, this ED is something else. As I said, it’s tough competition this season. Girls’ Last Tour may even just miss out for the ground-breaking nature of this show alone, even though Kado is its precedent 3D-wise (and on the 3D front, I accepted that very well).