#I meant to gather my thoughts the previous night but didn't

[lemememeringue]

struggling to process today's session. I am not having a good brain day and it's deeply frustrating to Speak Wrong

[seeingivy]

water lillies

ryomen sukuna x f!reader

**part of my best friend's older brother fic

previous part linked here

an: two chapters back to back. also the last one :'(

--

sukuna realizes that repetitive phrases help him in the year that follows. that no matter how dangerous it feels, the feeling of hope is one that he has to keep in his chest, regardless of his track record of horrendously horrible bad luck. 

he’s not going to die tomorrow. yuuji’s perfectly healthy. he’s going to replace the plastic finger on your ring with a real one someday. you’re all going to live very long lives. 

there’s a nervous anticipation, an excited one simmering in his chest, as picks up the little tray of drinks – two strawberry matchas, an iced coffee, and a scone – as he takes it back to the table, where the group of them are waiting. 

“what took you so long?” sammy asks. 

“you’re so impatient.” sukuna responds, handing the drinks over to the moms and sammy, before splitting his scone in half and handing it over to yuuji. 

“i’m working on that.” sammy grates, giving him an irritated look. 

sukuna smiles. 

sammy was working on that, after he had very graciously given her the number to his therapist after she called him crying asking for it. 

it seemed that sammy had one too many fights with you, hurt mai one too many times, and realized that she was finally ready to let go of lifetime of hurt that she had accrued. anger issues, impatience, and the insurmountable amount of aching that always seemed to take residence in her chest was on its way out. 

with his help. and with yours, even if you didn’t know about it entirely. 

“wait, where’s y/n?” yuuji asks. 

sukuna smiles. 

“she has class.” 

“oh.” yuuji responds. 

sukuna watches as the confusion contorts in his face, albeit, the strange nature of the gathering catching him off guard. both of the moms, sammy, and yuuji were called here for an early morning rendezvous at what might be the only good cafe in their town – play coffee. 

and sukuna would have waited to schedule this for when you were free, if he didn't have something important to ask all of them. a question that you couldn’t necessarily be present for. 

“okay. i’m not treating you all to coffee for no reason.” sukuna states. 

“i fucking told you. he would never be this nice.” sammy whispers over to yuuji, the two of them nodding at one another. 

“you’re so kind, sammy. you have such a way with words.” sukuna deadpans. 

“i live to please.” she resopnds. 

“is everything okay?” mrs. itadori asks. 

sukuna smiles, before reaching over to squeeze her open hand. 

three months prior, his mom was the last person on the very long list of people that he deserved an explanation too. even more than deserved an explanation – but another person who just deserved to know why he left, what he had been through. 

satoru and suguru had taken it really well, satoru offering him one second of seriousness to very earnestly tell him that he was very happy that sukuna had stayed long enough for the two of them to become friends. nanami had shared his own experiences – the two of them being intrinsically closer than before from their shared past – and shoko responded by giving him gummy bears and a hug, which meant more to him than she could really understand. 

it shattered lots of things for yuuji, something that he felt insanely guilty about – for not catching on to all of it sooner. but sukuna could also tell that it had done something for the two of them, to talk about something, whatever it was that they went through together as they were kids, and it only made him love him more. 

and his mom. for the first time, after a very earnest scolding about parenting and responsibility from your mom, was worried about him. he found it a little bit overbearing at times, the way she would call and remind him at night that she loved him very much and that he was her entire world – but the thought was there. and on the days that he found it hard to quiet the voices in his head, it really did make all the difference. 

to hear you remind him. and his mom and yuuji, sammy and everyone else in between. 

“it’s great. i just have to ask for your permission for something, that’s all.” sukuna murmurs. 

sukuna watches their faces drop. he realizes after the fact that it was a bad choice of words – especially for his mom – when they were the exact ones that he used before he left for europe. 

“i’m not moving.” sukuna clarifies. 

“oh thank god.” his mom responds, dramatically pressing her hand to her chest as he rolls her eyes. 

he looks over at the four of them, a simmering warmth in his eyes, as he takes in the looks on their faces. and it seems that in his delay, the most perceptive of the group, has figured out what’s happening all too fast. 

“oh my god. you’re going to do it, aren’t you?” your mom murmurs. 

“what?” sammy asks. 

“you…you’re going to propose?” she asks. 

“what? you’re going to propose? to y/n?” yuuji asks, his voice almost frantic. 

“YOU GUYS ARE GETTING MARRIED?”  his mom squeals, so loud that it earns her a wary look from everyone else in the store. 

sukuna winces as he lifts his hands, beckoning for the group of them to lower their voices, as he reaches into his pocket and places the little green box at the center of the table. sammy’s the first to snatch it, eyes wide and filled with tears as she opens it up, to the little circular cut diamond, set into the golden band that he had picked out almost a year prior – the second you got home from the trip he went on for his birthday.  

he had been holding on to it for a better part of the year. and it was finally time to use it. he was paranoid that he would never get to replace the plastic ring that he gave you, so he figured that he’d buy the real one as soon as he could – just as another solace to himself that he would actually get to do it. 

“wait. you’re really going to propose to her?” sammy whispers. 

“i am. with all of your permission, of course.” sukuna states.  

he watches as they all give him bright smiles, before reaching forward and placing their hands on his. 

“oh, sukuna. of course, you can marry my daughter.” your mom responds, giving him a bright smile 

“holy shit. you’re actually going to be my brother.” sammy states. 

“that’s if y/n says yes.” mrs. itadori states. 

sukuna gives her a glare. 

“what a vote of confidence, mom.” sukuna deadpans. 

“they already wear those plastic rings all the time. they literally think they’re already married in their heads. don’t be annoying, mom.” yuuji responds, huffing an irritated sigh at her as she rolls her eyes back. 

sukuna takes that as a vote for yes. 

“i’m obviously joking. the two of you have no sense of humor.” mrs. itadori responds. 

sukuna turns his head to the side, eyes expectant as he waits for his mom to give a proper response, noting that phenomenon – of getting so emotional that the feelings get crumpled up in your throat is one that he gets from his mom – as she reaches forward, a warm hand on his shoulder as she squeezes. 

“this is all i’ve ever wanted for you. not only because she’s my best friends daughter, but because…well, it’s all you deserve, my sweet boy.” she murmurs. 

he watches as him mom turns her head to the side, shooting an excited smile to your mom, as he notes that the wedding gears are probably turning in both of their heads just from that shared glance. 

“i’ll need a favor from all of you. two from yuuji and sammy.” sukuna states. 

sukuna smiles, before pulling out the little envelope in his pocket, the four of them giving him weary eyes as he opens it up. 

“whatever you need, son.” your mom responds. 

sukuna memorizes that line – the way that she said it – and commits it to memory. 

“you’ll all have to meet us in france first.” 

--

you and yuuji accompany megumi to the tattoo parlor as he gets his first set of ink. it’s a special design that yuuji drew out for him, a set of constellations that the two of them had charted together on one of their first dates together. 

the tattoo parlor still smells the same as you remember it, bright designs printed on the wall and neon lights, as you take in the little room – the magnets on the fridge and the little frames on toji’s desk. you note that there’s a picture that you took a few months prior, of tsumiki and megumi standing next to him. 

“hi toji.” 

you watch as he looks up from his little work station, his tools and guns meticulously organized, as he taps the seat in the middle, giving megumi a bright smile. 

“right here, kid.” 

after the funeral, you had finally found the time to reconcile with megumi about what happened on your birthday. the two of you got dangerously drunk, talking about deadbeat dads and everything in between, before yuuji and sukuna had to drag you out of there on your ass. 

about how your dad forgot you. about how megumi had never talked to his own. about how when they both left, how your moms spoke so little of them that you almost felt like they were ghosts of nothing. and that on most nights, you were filled with such a deep curiosity – of who they were, of what could have been. 

when yuuji dragged the two of you out of there, he had realized how much he had probably annoyed sukuna on the nights that he asked him to do that. 

but it seems that in the horror stories that you had shared with megumi, he realized that he was left with an agonizing amount of questions about his own father that he couldn't ignore. and one day on a whim – he had marched to the tattoo parlor all on his own and asked all of them, basically till toji was free of every answer that he could possibly give. 

and megumi realizded that there was more to the entire situation that met the eye. that there were things his mom had purposely omitted, for reasons he could understand but not get behind. and weirdly enough, by some twist of fate, was now going to reconcile with his own father. 

you were more than supportive. only because whatever strange fatherly advice of figure toji was trying to be for megumi, he was also trying to do for yuuji as well. it filled you with an almost insane amount of joy, that toji was so approving of yuuji, that he thought the two of them were meant to be together. 

and yuuji deserved that – someone who wanted to be his father. that was proud and happy for him for who he chose to love. that liked him just as he was. 

“you ready, megs?” toji asks. 

“yeah. this is the design.” meugmi responds, handing him over the little half sheet that yuuji had drawn out, as toji nods. 

you take toji’s side as he starts to stencil in the little design at his little workstation, yuuji leaning on the side of the little chair as him and megumi talk in hushed tones. 

“hi toji.” 

he glares at you. 

“do i know you?” he asks. 

you roll your eyes, slightly shoving him in the side, as you lean forward, watching him stencil the little design with his purple marker. 

“you’re hilarious, toji.” 

“i’m a part time comedian. i take tips.” 

you fish into your purse, reaching for one of the coins in there, and throw it onto the little tin working space. 

“you’re so generous!” he deadpans. 

“I live to please.” you joke. 

toji smiles, averting his eyes as you follow his gaze. he’s staring at megumi and yuuji, the two of them with their hands locked into together and laughing under their breaths. and you smile, only for toji to glare at the sweet look you’re giving him. 

while he’s just as much of a sap as sukuna, he hates to be up front about it. especially when it comes o you, because you always feel the need to make a comment about it to him. half because you want him to know that you appreciate what he’s doing for both of them. and because it’s really fun to irritate him. 

you imagine this is how satoru feels when he annoys sukuna. 

“shut up.” 

“i didn’t say anything.” you respond. 

“you were saying it with your face.” 

“you’re projecting!” 

toji glares, sketching the shading on the little constellation, as he heaves a sigh. 

“never did thank you, you know.” 

“for?” 

“dunno. telling him about your shit dad. he never would have come here if he didn’t.” 

“well, i for one, love to tell people about my shit dad. it makes for a funny story.” 

toji smiles. 

“he really didn’t recognize ya?” 

you shake your head. 

“he thought i was sukuna’s girlfriend from europe.” you state. 

“do you want me to kill him?” toji asks. 

you laugh. 

“that’s okay. yuuji punched him for me.” 

“eh? cupcake over there? there’s no way” 

you grin. toji very lovingly calls yuuji cupcake – only because the first time yuuji met him, he decided to bring a box of cupcakes that he consequently dropped on the sidewalk before he could even make it to toji’s apartment. 

“that’s right.” 

“no shit. he doesn’t have it in him. he’s so….sunshine and rainbows. like you.” 

“had a full bruised hand and everything! you’re forgetting that he’s sukuna’s brother.” 

“that’s fair.” toji states. 

there’s a pause. 

“speaking of, how is he?” 

“sukuna?” 

toji nods. 

“he’s okay. doing good, i think. i mean, he definitely has days where he’s…where it’s harder than others. but i’m glad that he trying to work on it now, at least try to be a little bit more open about it.” you state. 

“you know, he came into my shop, a shitty little angry sixteen year old begging me to give him a tattoo.” 

“and you broke the law and gave one to him.” you state. 

“yes. but only because at the time, i could…i could tell that he needed that. and i talked to him about stuff here and there, and i sat there and thought about how if my kid was feeling like this, i’d give them that so they wouldn’t do something more drastic. hurt themselves or something, ya know?” 

you frown. 

“yeah.” 

“and well, it’s fucking great. the fucking idiot walks in here smiling all the time. tells you all his weird shit even though he fucking hates doing it, or at least at the time, he did. he even seems more lively or younger or some shit compared to then. whatever it was that was wearing him down back then has long left him. so don’t worry about him too much? that one’s a fighter.” toji states. 

you smile, your heart thumping in your chest. 

“yeah. yeah, he is.” you respond. 

toji gives you a smile, tilting his head to the side as he beckons for you to join him at his megumi’s side. 

--

sukuna’s voice is muffled against your neck, lips warm on your skin, as he whispers. you’re eying the dresses that you have left – a flowery pink pattern and the white silk dress that sammy had picked out with you weeks prior. 

“wear that one.” 

“what?” 

“the white one. the one with the lace shit, that’s long. i want you to wear that one.” sukuna states. 

you frown. 

“i was saving that one.” 

“for?” sukuna grins. 

when sukuna brings you to france, you know that he’s going to propose to you. because on one of the last days of your trip, he’s taking you to the musée de l’orangerie, where monet’s water lilies are. and you know that true to his word, he’s going to propose there, just like he promised you almost a year ago in that dirty tattoo parlor. 

but you can’t say it forthright. that you’re saving the pretty white dress you have for the day that he’s going to propose. because it’s presumptuous to say he's going to propose, and knowing him, the element of surprise is something that he would have wanted maintained. 

but that doesn’t mean that sukuna doesn’t try to goad it out of you. he hints at it all the time – asking you why you save the dress for the end of the trip, why you’re saving some of your better jewelry for the last days, asking why you wanted to get your nails touched up towards the middle of the trip. 

it’s thin ice that the two of you walk on, that neither of you acknowledge. it’s what makes it exciting. 

“wear this one today, okay?” 

you frown, before scaling away to your suitcases, eyeing the dresses that are left in the bag

“wait but…” 

“you’re wearing the white.” sukuna demands. 

“i want to…” 

“wear the white. trust me, you’ll want to wear it today.” sukuna whispers, leaning over the little distance between the two of you, as he offers you a wink. 

you pause, testing the waters. 

“but…we’re going to giverny today.” 

“that’s right.” 

the water lilies are in paris. he can’t be proposing today. 

“you want me to wear this dress…this white dress…to giverny.” 

sukuna grins. 

“yes. the pink one is better for paris. you know i love pink.” 

you sigh, looking down at the fabric. he did have a thing for you in pink. you give in, putting together the outfit – the white dress, the mary jane shoes that sukuna had picked out for you, and a little pearl clip to secure your hair back. 

sukuna’s taking some extreme lengths – pressing his head in between your legs to buckle your shoes, attentively putting the clip in your hair, and pressing soft featherlike kisses to basically any patch of skin that you can find. 

“you’re in a mood today.” 

“i’m just really excited for giverny.” 

you understand the excitement once you get there. giverny’s the smallest little village in the north of france, a little bit of an hour away from where the two of you were staying, and is filled with the brightest, most beautiful flowers that you’ve ever seen in your life. 

you get into town in the early hours of the morning, the two of you giving each other excited smiles as you set out to the little town. the two of you eat breakfast together in the smallest bed and breakfast, sukuna takes an obscene amount of pictures, and you buy a little charm for your bracelet. 

sukuna gets uncharacteristically quiet, a light pink tinge on his cheeks, as he leads you down a winding road, unti you end up at a little house at the end of the way. it’s magnificent – a few people teetering in and out of the doors – as you eye the brick walls and the green window panes. there’s bright pink flowers at the front, muted purples and greens all around, as you look over at him, taken aback by the fact that he’s already looking at you. 

“sukuna?” 

“this is why we’re in giverny.” he murmurs, lightly pulling at your wrist as he takes you in through the middle of the house, offering a spare glance to the people milling around, and taking you through the back. 

his hand is warm in yours as you walk out to the little backyard, a green bridge across the little pools of water, with willowing trees dousing the entire area in the shade of the calm sun. he leads you right to the center of the bridge, the two of you leaning your chins on the tops of your hands as you look down at the water, your little reflections staring back at you. 

“did you notice what’s in the water?” 

you look around, feeling your heart drop in your chest, at the water lilies almost decorating the entire pond – pink flowers with lily pads of green – as you widen your eyes, the wetness glassing over your eyes as you look over at sukuna, who has the softest smile on his face. 

“i know that i’d lost the element of surprise when i told you that i wanted to propose to you at the water lilies in the musée de l’orangerie. i figured the next best thing was taking you to the real water lilies that the painting was based off of.”  

“wait. wait, this is…” 

“claude monet’s house. his garden, more specifically, and the real water lilies from the painting.” 

you pause.

“you’re going to propose.” you state. 

sukuna shakes his head. 

“not exactly.”

you feel your heart drop.

“what?” 

“i’m going to marry you.” 

you feel your throat dry. and your head spin. and your heart pounding in your chest – because surely, he can’t be serious. 

“sukuna?” you whisper. 

he laughs. 

“don’t freak out. but i’m going to marry you.” he repeats, the tenor in his voice so calm that it nearly freaks you out. 

you reach forward, hands on his shoulders as you squeeze hard, the wetness pouring onto your cheeks as you lean forward, smiling. 

“i would love to marry you. i’d do it right now but..but we can’t just..our moms, your outfit and i…” 

sukuna stops you mid sentence. 

“your sister and my brother are here with our moms. they’re actually watching from that bush if you look back.” 

you turn around, following the direction of sukuna’s finger, as he leans forward, wrapping his arms around your waist and his voice like honey in your ear as he continues. you see four sets of eyes – and yuuji giving you an embarrassingly wild wave – as sammy yanks him back down. 

“sammy has a veil. she said it’ll hook into the pearl clip that she gifted you. my mom picked wedding rings for us. your mom got ordained. and yuuji decided that he’s going to be the best man and the man of honor for both of us. your mom also has that weird flower shit for me that’s supposed to go on my jacket.” 

“wait…wait you really…” 

“speaking of, as much as i like this plastic ring…” 

sukuna uses his hands to spin you around, until you’re facing him this time, hands pressed against his chest as you look up at him. 

“i told you that i was going to give you a real one.” 

you watch as he reaches into his pocket, plucking the perfect little ring out of the box, as he reaches forward, slipping the plastic green one off of your hand and replacing it with the sparking diamond. the former goes into the depths of his pocket, but you’re too preoccupied with the one he’s just given you. 

you look down at it, at the way it glints in the sun, before looking back up at him, at the smile on his face as he expectantly waits for a response – to everything he’s just laid out in front of you. 

“you’re really doing this? you’re really going to marry me right here?” 

“if you let me.” sukuna responds. 

he pauses, before taking his hands in yours, eyeing and fiddling with the newly replaced ring on your finger before looking back up at you, and smiling. 

“i can’t wait any longer. i did all of this, flew our parents out and our siblings, and made sammy buy you this perfect, beautiful dress because i have to marry you right now. and it’s not because i’m paranoid or because i’m scared you’re going to die on me, but because you’re the love of my life. i want our love to be forever. i know you’re going to live to tomorrow and i am too – but it’s still not good enough for me that we’re not tied together in all the ways people can be tied together.” 

you smile. 

“i just want you to be my wife. you’ve been my everything since forever and i need everyone to know that. my tax forms, the government – i need it written in paper, i need there to be real living proof.” 

you laugh. 

“me too.” you murmur. 

“yeah?” 

“yeah. yeah, i need someone to shout it from the rooftops. i want to send it to the fucking newspaper back home just so everyone knows that you married me and i married you. and i really do want to do it right now.” 

and you watch as he grins – at what may be his first confirmation that everything he planned out is going to come to fruition right now, because you’re going to marry him. and he leans forward, pressing a kiss to your cheeks, hands frantic around your neck and pulling you closer as you lean back, glaring at him. 

“save that for the wedding.” 

“i needed one last kiss from you as my girlfriend.” 

“well, i think that was technically my first kiss as your fiancee? your last kiss with me as your girlfriend was the one this morning. it tasted like french toast.” you state.

he shakes his head. 

“okay, go away now. let sammy put your veil on. and walk back down with her and yuuji, okay?” 

you give him a nod, quickly shuffling to the little bush where all four of them are crouched, nervous eyes as you bend down, giving all of them a smile. 

“are we getting married?” your mom asks. 

“we’re getting married.” you confirm. 

the all cheer, yuuji leaning forward to press a kiss to your head, as you feel the warmth bloom under your cheeks, and they all start nervously panting. your mom starts rehearsing the little lines that she has to say, cards pressed in her hands, as sukuna’s mom pulls out the little box that the rings are in. the two of them nurse sukuna’s boutonniere in their hands, messing with the pin at the back and making sure it’s in place. 

“okay, turn around, i’m putting the veil on. mom, go stand out there with sukuna he looks like a fucking idiot standing there alone. yuuji and i will walk her down.” sammy mutters. 

the two of them nod, quickly running out – but not before giving you a warm kiss on the cheek – as you watch both of them give sukuna a long hug, biting so hard on your cheek that you draw blood when sukuna leans forward, wiping a tear away from your mom’s face. 

you hear a little clicking noise, as sammy starts draping the little frilly veil over your shoulders, her eyes in a deep attentiveness as she comes around, fixing the stray hairs on your forehead and the straps of your dress with frantic hands. and you can’t help but lean forward, wet tears in your eyes, as you burrow your chin into the crook of her shoulder, and squeeze hard. 

“you’re going to walk me down the aisle?” you ask. 

you lean back, sammy giving you a sweet smile before reaching up and cupping the side of your face. 

“i helped you take your first steps. s’only fitting, right?” 

“yeah.” you whisper. 

“and we can’t do it without him either, of course. naturally, you’re going to be attached at the hip until the end.” sammy mutters. 

and you turn to your left, where yuuji’s uncharacteristically quiet at your side with wide eyes, hands nervously fidgeting in his pockets at his side as you shoot him a warning glance. 

“you okay?” 

“i was friends with you when you literally had no fucking teeth. and now you’re just getting married. to my brother.” 

you smile. 

“do you have a problem with that?” 

yuuji rolls his eyes. 

“i don’t like to share.” 

and he pauses, before leaning forward, his hands featherlike on your shoulder. 

“i know this is really weird, but i…i feel like i’m giving you away.” yuuji mumbles. 

you laugh. 

“i feel like you’re giving me away too. you…you’ve been the only person around in my life, in the same way, basically forever. you’re really the only person whose approval matters to me.” 

he smiles. 

“we’ve both spent a good amount of our lives just with each other. but i’m glad that you’ve opened up space for a few more. and i have to. and for sukuna of all people, who fucking adores you. i’m half mad i didn’t think of it myself earlier, but you’re perfect for each other.” 

“thank you, yuuji.” 

“and this is the perfect scheme. you’re going to be my sister. we can upgrade the term soulmate to soul sister now.” 

“deal.” you whisper.

you both laugh, as yuuji holds his hand out to you, which you tuck your hand into before pressing a kiss to his cheek. the two of them look to you for confirmation, before you leave your little spot behind the bush, your little heels clicking against the wood of the bridge, as sukuna stands in between your moms, a hand pressed to his chest, and he cries freely.

his mom hands you the rings, two simple golden bands. and your mom seals the words, that tie you together forever.

--

four days later, you finally do make it to musée de l’orangerie. sukuna drags you towards the back – to the painting from the blue and purple background that’s been on your computer for years – as you both tangle your arms together, fingers adored with your newly minted rings. 

it feels dangerously full circle to sukuna. 

that he had visited years prior, alone with headphones shoved into his ears, and stood there alone thinking about you. about how he wanted to live, about how he was going to move past everything that had happened to him – and at the very least, return to japan someday and see you again. 

and he stood there, wondering what you would be like. if you liked the same music, if you watched the same shows. if you still ate cinnamon raisin french toast and wore ribbons in your hair. 

and at that point, he knew he wasn’t going to return to japan for another few years, but when he did – he was at the very least, going to be determined to find the answers, in the most natural way he could. that somehow, the two of you would end up near each other, at the same restaurant or at the same bar, and he’d get to ask. 

“what are you thinking about?”  you whisper. 

sukuna looks down, at your head resting against his shoulder, and leans forward, pressing an absentminded kiss to your forehead. 

“that this time around, you’re standing here with me.” 

that he got to put a ring on your finger. that he knows you don’t listen to the same type of music as him but you do have the same taste in shows – even if you have different favorite seasons. you like french toast when he makes it and think the ribbons fall better when he places them in your hairband for you. 

you love him. and he loves you back.

--

an: a very long love letter to this beloved fic. this has been six months of one of the sweetest things i've ever written. this fic is literally so special to me for so many reasons bc it's pushed me so many ways in figuring out how I like to write and express my feelings -- and i've put so much of myself and my real struggles of good old life into it. needless to say that all of the sweet comments and love that i've received on this have every bit worth it. this goofy little one shot took a life of it's own from all the love you've all given me on it and i'm so glad we ended up here together 💌 (and I promise, i'll actually write dream girl actor sukuna now, I just had to finish this one up properly)

and a beloved kiss to my lovely @babiemay who enabled this original brain rot in the first place. you are a star.

taglist: @porridgesblog @k0z3me @sugu-love @yihona-san06  @bsenpai @sweetenertea @skzismyhome @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @shotenvinsoot @itzmeme @gojoswifeyyys-world @cutiejg @chilichopsticks @ghostreadersthings @charlie-xo @whoami-72 @heijihattorisgf @megu-meow @complexivelovely @multiplefandomthings @hoebuns @lzaj19 @glossygreene @ramluvr @sureconfused @najaemism @manduse @imhorn1help @gamergirl5125 @r0ckst4rjk @invisible-mori @isaacdaknight @wishmemel @gyros-cum-sock @suftsunshine @i0099 @cowgirlikets @haitanibros0007 @stuffeddeer @yoontaedotin @ec3lipsy @armani78 @awkwardaardvarkforever @kereseth @leave-rae-alone @ruruvia @princess-ackerman @jjkwritingss @lilkiwikiara @opchara @telepathicheartss @starriesworlds @raechu11 @exprimidordefresas @nxxrxm @aalloochaat @strangehuman101 @tzutology

[allur1ngs]

✮ bloody knuckles ✮

TW: angst to fluff!! i know the summary seems like pure angst but i swear its not! semi-graphic violence? , guns, kidnapping, bada and reader get into an argument, reader acts naively and a bit selfishly (but it’s okay, she’s young and makes up for it in the end), bada still having beef w your bodyguard, protective!bada, cold!bada (this time to you too…), violent & frusterated!bada, brief mentions of sexual activity (inc…toys, ass, boobs… sorry), use of the word unnie (about six or so times) brief mentions of drugs, a creepy woman, and a surprise character from the previous installment! 

SUMMARY: breaking bada’s three rules for a night of partying backfires in ways you could’ve never imagined. now, you have to deal with the consequences of your lies

part iv. succumb (to me)

WC: 12.5k… get some popcorn y’all this is a long one

A/N: read this and this for more background on this au. i’m sure there are a ton of mistakes sprinkled throughout this fic so please ignore them, this took me so long to write and i just want to put it out on time… i promise i’ll edit it once i get the chance😭

DISCLAIMER: all characteristics portrayed are purely speculation and fiction, they are not meant to reflect bada or team bebe’s actual character, values, or attitudes. please keep this in mind!!

On an inconspicuous Thursday night, when a heat wave had just hit Seoul, you lounged in your lavish bed—free from sheets—scrolling through social media.

Pictures of cute animals and food fill your feed, making you smile down at your screen. You are about to like a particularly cute picture of a cat when a notification banner stops you midway. Your eyes flicker to the top of the screen, finding a message from your best friend, Jae Hwang.

Clicking on the notification, you're transferred into your messages app, and Jae’s text fills your screen. “Unnie, I haven’t seen you in so long!! Please come to the party I’m throwing tomorrow so we can catch up and have some fun~!"

Your lips fall open in mild surprise as you instinctively sit up. A party? You text Jae back quickly, asking the reason for the party and where it will be held.

“At my house, of course! We’re all gathering to celebrate your engagement!”

Your engagement… so your parents really hadn’t wasted any time spreading the good news. You’d barely been living with Bada for a month, and they’d already informed your friends. You shake your head and sigh rather loudly. Bada would greatly disapprove of your parents' loose lips. She preferred her privacy, not only for protection but also because she liked people staying out of her business. That much you could tell from the little time you’d had to get to know her.

Shifting your focus back to Jae’s unanswered text, you contemplate attending the party or skipping out. Though they were technically throwing it in your honor, they should have let you know beforehand instead of asking you the night before the party. You felt well within your rights to refuse, but a nagging thought holds you back.

What would you do instead? Technically, you had no plans on Friday night—or Friday at all for that matter. Saturday neither… nor Sunday. Really, you never had plans anymore. Since staying with Bada, you mostly remained inside the Lee mansion, either lounging by the large infinity pool, taking a dip in your personal Jacuzzi, or perhaps enjoying a film in the theater room on the second floor.

Or, if you wanted to leave home, you would be escorted by your bodyguard to certain malls, grocery stores, or establishments. All of which were either managed by Bada or by one of her partners. She made it clear to you from the start that going places not protected by one of her subordinates would be dangerous.

"I have connections to half the establishments in Seoul," she had muttered to you. It's incredible that despite the implications of the words falling from her mouth, Bada had a way of saying things so humbly. She didn't sound like she was boasting—though you wouldn't fault her if she was. "I bet some of the markets you entered when you were a child were run by my family, and you'd never have known."

You’d try your best to conceal your amazement at her confession, but the glow in your eyes was as clear as day to Bada. “And what about the rest?”

She let out a quiet breath, saying, "The rest are mostly run by rival gangs. Almost no stores or establishments are free of mafia influence. Not anymore, at least." Seeing the way your eyes shifted from bright to slightly apprehensive, she pushed her chair back and rose, walking around her desk before leaning on it and clutching onto its edges. "There's no need to worry about them. As long as you stay in areas where my people are, you are safe." Her hand came down to rest politely on your thigh, patting it in a comforting manner.

Her words made your stomach flutter with butterflies, and a giddy smile instinctively formed on your lips. For someone who claimed to want to avoid fostering romantic affection between you both, Bada seemed to be doing the exact opposite.

Before you could lose yourself in the tenderness of the memory, you climb out of bed, having made your decision. Because you barely left home as it is, what harm is there in going to a party? A party organized in your honor, no less. It’s a rare occasion, and truthfully, you miss Jae and the rest of your girlfriends. You haven’t seen them in over a month and texted them sparingly during that time. To be fair, it was mostly your fault—you were much too focused on getting to know Bada and adjusting to your new way of life to strike up conversations with them.

You nod your head firmly as if the action will help build your confidence before you grab onto the handle of your bedroom door and slowly open it. Standing to your right, the figure of your bodyguard, Hyo Kim, immediately greets you on the other side. She turns to face you, her black-tinted sunglasses obstructing your view of her eagle eyes.

“What are you doing up so late?” She says lightheartedly.

“Do you know if Bada is still awake?” You ask. “I wanted to ask her something.”

Hyo lifts her arm up, pushing aside the fabric of her suit to reveal a golden watch. She gazes down at it, pretending to think long and hard. “The Boss should be awake for about…” she trails off playfully, “another four hours.”

You chuckle under your breath, “I didn’t even need to ask, did I?”

“Not at all.” Hyo shakes her head while smirking.

“Alright then,” you clasp your hands together tightly, “I’m going to go see Bada.”

Hyo gestures ahead of you with her hand. “I’ll follow your lead.”

You nod quickly before advancing forward, her trailing close behind. You can’t lie; it was strange to have someone following after you almost every second of the day in the beginning. You remember that at the beginning of your stay at Lee mansion, you kept forgetting that Hyo was following you—she has the tendency to be extremely quiet when focused—and were jump-scared by her multiple times. You’d round corners and suddenly hear one of her heavier footsteps behind you, making you jump and your heart practically leap out of your chest.

At some point, you swear she started doing it on purpose, enjoying the look of fear you gave her when you jumped. Eventually, though, you started to grow used to her constantly lingering presence and even grew comfortable around her. Somewhere along the way, you’d both gotten to know each other more, and a slow but harmonious friendship grew.

“So, what are you going to ask the Boss about?” Hyo’s low and blithe voice cuts through the silence.

“Oh,” you begin, “my friend asked me to meet her and some of my other friends tomorrow night.”

“Really?” Hyo comments, her voice dripping with an emotion you can’t quite decipher.

“Yes,” you affirm. “I wanted to ask Bada if it’s okay for me to visit her.”

Hyo hums under her breath in acknowledgment. “She’ll appreciate that.”

“I hope so.” You smile lightly to yourself. “I just thought that since you follow me wherever I go, she’d find out either way, and I might as well get her thoughts on it.”

“Not to crush your hopes and dreams, kid, but I doubt she’ll say yes.” Hyo remarks.

“Really?” You pause and turn around to face her, a frown forming on your lips.

“The Boss values your safety more than anything else,” Hyo shrugs. “Meeting people she isn’t familiar with puts you at risk.”

“But they’re my friends.” You push back lightly.

“I get that, but like I said, the Boss only cares about keeping you safe.” Hyo raises her hands up in defeat.

You deflate at her words, acknowledging that she’s most likely right. After all the events that’d taken place in the span of a single month, you honestly wouldn’t hold it against Bada to be cautious of where you go. But at the same time, you can’t help but feel mild resentment at the fact that you aren’t even allowed to see your friends.

“Hey,” Hyo frowns at you like a scolding sister. “Don’t be discouraged. You haven’t even asked her yet. You never know; she just might say yes.”

You pick your head up at her words, slowly but surely nodding back. “Yeah, you’re right.” And with that, you continue walking down the corridor to Bada’s office until you reach the dark mahogany wood of her door. Lightly rapping on it, there’s a period of silence before you hear the low tenor of her voice speak up.

“Lusher, if you’re coming to ask me if I’ve finished the paperwork for POSCO’s deal, for the millionth time the answer is no, I haven’t.” Bada’s disgruntled voice makes you laugh to yourself, and you immediately bring your hand up to cover your mouth as you grin widely.

“Is now a bad time to see you, then?” You answer back cheekily.

You receive no response for a solid minute before the sound of papers rustling loudly and approaching footsteps reaches your ears. The door to Bada’s office opens, and there she stands in all her glory, looking rather flustered. “Sorry. I thought you were Lusher.”

You smile at Bada while shaking your head. “It’s alright. Can I come in?”

“Of course.” She steps aside, making room for you to walk into her office while she holds the door open for you. You say a quick thank you as pass through the threshold, missing how Bada lets the door swing closed behind her and shuts out Hyo. “So, is there a reason why you’re visiting me? It’s very late into the night; I expected you to be asleep already.”

“Well, I was about to go to sleep, but I got a text from Jae—” you pause upon seeing her frown. “my best friend.”

Bada nods in acknowledgment, moving toward a chair and pushing it back, gesturing for you to sit down. You do so, trying to ignore the nervous tension building in the pit of your stomach.

“Yeah, she invited—” you pause, choosing your next words carefully. Phrasing Jae’s invitation as a party would most likely mean Bada wouldn't let you go. So, if you just tweaked your wording a bit to make the party seem less extreme… it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, right? “she invited me to a get-together between friends.”

“A get-together?” Bada questions, folding her hands across her lap as she leans on the edge of her office table. “For what purpose?”

“Just to catch up and… celebrate our engagement.” You gesture between you both, immediately noticing how Bada’s expression shifts, her lips pressing into a thin line.

“They know of our engagement?” She asks.

“Yes,” you sigh. “I guess my parents couldn’t keep their excitement in check.”

“Your parents.” Bada shakes her head, pinching her nose-bridge tiredly. “I’ll have to have a word with them about that.”

“Please do.” You nod rapidly. “But aside from that, what I wanted to ask you was if I could be escorted to the get-together tomorrow night?”

Bada moves her gaze from the floor to your eyes, removes her hand from her face, and gives you a hesitant expression. “I don’t know… after all the incidents recently…” she trails off, a faraway look finding her eyes. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want you to feel like you’re a prisoner in your own home, or that you can’t see your friends, I just want you to be safe.”

“I get that, I really do, Bada, but this is just a small get-together.” You lie between your teeth.

Bada stays quiet, looking to be considering your words. “And you trust your friends, right?”

“I do.”

Bada lets out a light breath, while a small smile finds her lips. “All right then, you can go.”

“Really?” You give her a shocked look before you snap out of it and practically squeal, jumping up from your chair and instinctively wrapping your arms around Bada’s shoulders in a hug. “Thank you so much!”

Bada freezes in her spot, surprised by your affection. Slowly, a warm, sappy feeling builds at the bottom of her stomach, and her hands, which had been propped up in the air stiffly, gently come down to rest against your back, patting it tenderly. “You’re welcome.” She tries not to think about how lovely you feel against her or the allure of your natural scent.

You spend all Friday preparing for the party, choosing your makeup beforehand, your jewelry, shoes, and of course, your dress—a beautiful wine-red ensemble that you’d picked up on your shopping trip with Bada. She’d chosen it for you—claiming, “This dress would look beautiful on you.” The meaning behind her words, that it wasn’t the dress that was beautiful, but instead your figure that would make it look divine, had struck you in that moment.

If Bada wanted you to wear the dress, you’d buy it in a heartbeat.

For the little hours left you have in the day, you try not to get too giddy thinking of the party or how magnificent you’ll look in the dress, instead trying to busy yourself by catching up on one of your favorite TV shows. But when the milky raven sky begins to take over the horizon, you jump off of the couch, rushing to your room, leaving Hyo to scramble after you.

In your bedroom, you sit down at your antique-styled vanity, your makeup laid out in front of you. You begin prepping your skin before beginning your usual routine. It takes you a slightly longer time for you to finish because you’re being incredibly meticulous, but by the end of it, you look amazing. Before you can get distracted, you quickly dress yourself.

As your fingers curl around the clasp of your teardrop diamond earrings and secure them in place, you take a step back to gaze at yourself in your floor-length mirror.

The win-red dress hugs your body, accentuating every favorable feature of it. A similar dark rouge to your dress is blended across your eyelids in a smoky eye, making the color of your eyes pop in contrast. Your lips, fixed into a slight pout, are glossy and soft, tinted with a color of your choice. Taking your look all together, all you can say is that Bada was right—the dress does look beautiful on you.

A knock on your bedroom door startles you, your hand instinctively flying to your chest. "Hello?" You respond, a bit on edge.

"It's me. Can I come in?" Bada's voice, muffled behind the door, reaches you.

"Yes," you reply, hastily adjusting your dress and double-checking your appearance.

Bada enters just as your hands fall to your sides, her gaze immediately scanning your figure. She appraises you, from collarbones to legs, before fixing her eyes on your chest for a lingering moment.

Suppressing a nervous giggle, you greet her, "Hi, Bada."

Her eyes quickly snap up to meet yours, a sheepish cough escaping her mouth. "Hello."

Standing awkwardly by the door, Bada stares at you for a solid minute before you give a lighthearted smile. "Is there something you needed?"

"Uhh, no. Well, actually..." Bada stumbles over her words, closing her eyes in embarrassment. "Sorry, yes. I wanted to see you before you left."

You release a small breath of understanding before a cheeky thought crosses your mind. Walking closer to Bada, you do a little twirl when you reach her. "So, what do you think?"

Bada exhales while chuckling, her nervousness leaving her. "I think you are the most beautiful woman I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes upon."

Out of shock, you remain still, surprised by how unabashedly Bada expressed her thoughts. You expected a simple compliment, but she exceeded your expectations. "Really?" You ask quietly, sensing a shift in the room's atmosphere. An air of intimacy and something more sensual makes your skin prickle and breath hitch.

"Of course. There's no one I could think of that could make that dress look so stunning." Bada looks back at you with a serious and genuine expression.

"Bada..." you trail off, immediately thinking of countless other women who could wear the dress better. Supermodels, actresses—

"I think there's just one simple thing that would finish off the look." Bada's voice brings you back, and you give her a questioning stare. She smiles, her hand digging into her pocket before presenting you a sleek black box. Your confusion deepens as she opens it, revealing the most elegant necklace you've ever seen. Matching teardrop diamonds, akin to those on your earrings circle the chain, glittering against the low bedroom light. At the center, a silver locket shaped like a dainty heart ties it all together.

You stare at the necklace in awe, alternating between Bada's eyes and the exquisite piece of jewelry. "Bada, it's beautiful."

She watches you marvel at it, sparkles dancing in your eyes. Giving you a fond look, she nudges the box closer. "Take it."

Hesitating for a brief second, you gently retrieve the necklace. "Wow," you breathe out, fully admiring its beauty now that it’s free from the box.

"You should put it on," Bada encourages you softly.

“Oh, I shouldn’t—” you protest.

“I insist,” she cuts you off, tucking the box back into her pocket. She steps forward, taking the necklace from your hands and moving behind you. “Here, let me.” She places it across your collarbones and brings the clasp together, her long fingers brushing across your skin. 

Her touch ignites a spark, but as quickly as it appeared, her fingers are gone. She steps back, placing her hands on your waist to move you back so that you’re facing your mirror again. But this time, Bada's at your side, admiring how exquisite you look.

 “Absolutely perfect,” she whispers into your ear.

The warmth from her touch lingers as you stare at Bada through the mirror. “Thank you.” You bask in the comfortable silence in the room for a moment before speaking up again. “Can I ask, did you buy this?”

Bada places her hands atop your shoulders, a soft, wistful look finding her irises. “It was my mother’s.”

Immediately, you whip around to face her, your mouth wide open in mortification, and your eyes the size of saucers. “Bada, why didn’t you tell me?” Your hands frantically try to find the clasp of the necklace, wanting to take it off. “Here—”

“No.” Bada’s hands find yours, holding them and stopping you from removing the jewelry. “Don’t take it off.”

“But Bada, this was your mom’s—”

“And I want you to have it,” Bada states firmly.

“I can’t—”

“Are you rejecting my gift?” Although her words sound accusatory, when you look into her eyes, there’s a glint of amusement in them.

You let out a huff of defeat. “Fine.”

Bada smirks proudly, removing her hands from yours. “Good.”

After bidding farewell to Bada, Hyo swiftly whisks you away to a black Jeep, one that, according to her, is "much more secure than a sports car." Seated in the front, she drives and engages in casual conversation while you relax in the back. You take the opportunity to share stories about each of your best friends—Jae, the liveliest, Da-Eun, the second oldest, Min-Ji, the oldest, and Ryung, the youngest and most timid. Hyo listens attentively, interjecting with comments or laughter at your anecdotes.

“You all seem to be very close,” she remarks, steering the wheel to the left.

“Yeah, we are. We’ve known each other since childhood, and our parents are all friends,” you reply.

“Those types of friends… you should hold onto them,” Hyo advises. “In this line of business, it’s hard to find someone you can trust as much as you four trust each other.”

You gaze at your bodygaurd through the rear-view mirror, sensing the weight behind her words. "Hyo?" You inquire.

"Yeah?"

"Does Bada find it hard to trust other people?"

Her lips tighten, an audible exhale leaving her nose. "She hasn't fully placed her trust in anyone since the day Mrs. Lee died."

A somber atmosphere envelops the car, akin to a bucket of ice-cold water. You shift in your seat uncomfortably, your heart aching at the thought of the pain Bada must have endured when her mother was killed. "Bada was still young when she passed, wasn’t she?"

"Fifteen," Hyo nods. "Barely beginning her climb towards adulthood."

A stark silence follows after, and the rest of the car ride is silent, filled only with the quiet hum of the Jeep’s engine and the sounds of passersby. It's not uncomfortable, but rather solemn, as if you and Hyo are silently mourning Mrs. Lee's memory.

Fifteen minutes later, Hyo's driving slows as she turns into a large house—though noticeably smaller than your shared one with Bada, of course. The GPS on the tablet beeps, signaling your arrival at the destination. "We’re here," her voice rings through the background noise.

You turn away from the window you’d been gazing out of, a smile forming on your lips at the sight of Jae’s house. Out of your group, Jae always had the most luxurious home, because though all of you came from affluent families, Jae's parents were the wealthiest. Well, it seemed like now the dynamic had changed. Once you and Bada are officially wed, your combined wealth will likely rival all of theirs combined.

"How long do you think you’ll be staying?" Hyo asks.

"I'd like to say it won't take that long, but knowing my friends, I might be here all night," you admit.

"Alright." Hyo parks the Jeep in the driveway, exits, then moves to open your door. You offer a quiet thank you as she helps you step out, mindful of the relatively short length of your dress.

Leading the way to Jae's house, you pause before knocking. Judging by the time, it seems you arrived slightly early, which in party terms means very early. Fortunately, that likely means no other partygoers are here yet, as evidenced by the absence of parked cars in the driveway.

"Actually, Hyo?" you turn back to face her, a sheepish look on your face. "Could you maybe… wait outside?"

Your bodyguard raises her eyebrows, crossing her arms across her chest. "I'm supposed to be keeping an eye on you."

"I know that, but I think the girls will be thrown off by the fact that you’ll just be standing there… watching us the entire night." Though your reasoning is somewhat woven with lies, it's also partly true.

Hyo remains silent, giving you an unimpressed look. "I have a job to do."

"Technically, you can do it from out here," you weakly argue. "Please, I want to feel like a normal person again. Like my life isn’t constantly at risk, and I always need to be monitored."

Although you can’t see the look Hyo’s giving you behind her sunglasses, you notice her posture deflating, and her shoulders falling. She releases a defeatist breath, "Fine, I’ll keep an eye out from here."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" You express with a grateful smile.

"Yeah, yeah, never say I haven’t done anything for you," Hyo grumbles. "Oh, and don’t forget I have your location on my phone, so don’t even think about sneaking out because I’ll know."

"I wouldn’t dare," you joke.

"Right…" your bodyguard trails off. "I’ll be waiting in the car. If you need anything, just call or text me, and I’ll be out in an instant."

"Yup, thanks!" You give Hyo a thumbs up, and with that, she retreats back to the Jeep. You watch her go, a sudden wave of guilt crashing over you.

She'd probably be much more comfortable in Jae’s house, sitting down or enjoying the air conditioning, rather than waiting for countless hours in the Jeep while you gossip and talk to your friends. But you're in too deep now. You can’t tell her the truth or let her in, or she’ll whisk you away back to the mansion, and all your white lies will have been for naught.

Biting your lip, you cast one last look at Hyo before knocking on the front door. Silence greets you for a few minutes before you hear shuffling approach the door, and it opens. Jae’s face greets you on the other side, her eyes immediately sparkling at the sight of you.

"Oh my god!" She squeals, bringing you into a hug and squeezing you tight. "I’m so glad you’re here!" She rocks back and forth in the hug, making you laugh giddily. "I missed you so much!" When she pulls back, she’s wearing a pout across her red-tinted lips. "Don’t ghost me for a month again, okay? Or I’ll steal you away from your wife!"

"I missed you too," you say fondly. "But we’re not married yet—"

"Oh, come on, you’re engaged to Bada Lee! You’re married in every sense except legally." Jae rolls her eyes playfully, though they stray a bit before landing on something—or rather, someone—behind you. "Who’s that?" She points at the Jeep, where Hyo is sitting in the front seat, trying not to look like she's watching you.

"That’s Hyo Kim, my bodyguard."

"Your bodyguard?" Jae awes before pouting. "Why am I even surprised? Of course, Bada Lee would have her fiancée under lock and key." Jae grabs your hand, giving it a light squeeze before her expression shifts, a sly smile curving her lips. "So tell me, have you two done it yet? Is she dominant? Is she more of a boobs girl or an ass girl—"

"Jae!" You shout, eyes wide and voice full of mortification. "Are you serious right now?"

"Come on, tell me! I want to know all the stuff you haven’t told me over the past month. You owe it to me!" She whines.

You let out a long sigh. You suppose this is your karma for unintentionally ignoring your best friend for so long. "At least invite me in first, Jae. Don’t you have any manners?" You lightly scold her.

"Oh, right." She looks behind her, realizing that while she’s inside her home, you’re still outside the threshold, waiting for her to invite you in. She looks like she’s about to take a step back so you can enter before she pauses, a thoughtful expression crossing her features. "Wait, does she use toys—"

"Alright, that’s enough!" You push Jae further into her house and step inside, swinging the door shut rather loudly behind you.

Once inside, you scold her for a solid five minutes straight about manners before the two of you properly greet each other and begin a normal, casual conversation—thankfully with no mention of your and Bada’s sexual activity, or lack thereof. Instead, you're practically interrogated by Jae about every aspect of your life with Bada while you help her finish setting up for the party.

You stack up red solo cups, place beers into multiple coolers, and set out chasers. Thankfully, it doesn’t take much for the two of you to finish, and once you do, you simply lounge around a bit. Jae takes the break as an opportunity to compliment how amazing you look in your dress.

"Is that Chanel?" She asks, motioning for you to do a spin.

"Yes." You nod, doing as she wishes. "Bada picked it out for me."

"I bet she’s regretting her decision right now." Your friend giggles. "No one’s going to be able to resist you tonight!"

"Jae, stop exaggerating." You laugh.

Your lighthearted conversation continues until slowly but surely, party guests begin to arrive. They come in small waves, all dressed much more elegantly than the average partygoer. You assume they must be some of Jae’s rich friends that you’ve heard about only in passing because you don’t recognize some of them. The thought sends a small prickle of worry to the back of your mind, but you choose to ignore it for now. Instead, you greet each guest kindly, albeit rather awkwardly.

As the dark sky deepens in color, the living room starts to get more and more crowded, the rest of your friends arriving along with other guests. Min-Ji gets there first, wearing a classy black cocktail dress. She greets you with the same enthusiasm as Jae, but her demeanor is slightly more controlled, her older age shining through.

Next, Da-Eun arrives, dressed in green, and lastly, Ryung. By the time she settles in, the party is in full swing, music leaking out of speakers, and beers being passed around. You’re fully immersed in the atmosphere, happy to be surrounded by your girls and other somewhat familiar faces. You can’t lie, partying with your friends really puts into perspective the loneliness you hid behind your home’s mansion walls.

But in contrast to your free spirit, Hyo is struggling. Multiple cars have begun to pull into the driveway, groups of people entering the house and giving her a peek inside. The home has many more people than it should for a "small gathering." 

Her first instinct was to exit the Jeep and head toward the door to end your night prematurely, as well as tell you off for not only lying to her but also to Bada. However, through one of the windows, your silhouette peaks through, the light in the living room shining against your features and displaying your expression of pure joy as you dance with your friends and sip beer.

She stops mid-stride, conflict brewing in the confines of her mind. Deep down, she knows you deserve to enjoy yourself. Being stuck in a mansion—while large and full of entertainment—is nothing compared to the comfort of being with friends, partying, and drinking. “Fuck.” Hyo mutters under her breath, passing a hand through her hair in frustration. She takes another look at your smiling figure through the window, then turns back. “The Boss is going to kill me if she finds out about this.”

She stays back in the Jeep for another hour or so, listening to the music coming from inside the house and the loud chatter, keeping an eye out while checking her phone every other minute. Your location never moves, thankfully. It seems that you have the foresight not to take it as far as sneaking away from her for some fun.

But, of course, there’s no need for you to do so because the party is practically buzzing with energy. Couples and friends dance together, grinding and touching each other playfully, while some are playing cup pong or various other party games in corners of the room. You, on the other hand, have moved away from dancing, instead cooling off with another beer as your friends chatter amongst each other.

“You’ll never guess what happens next!” Jae grabs onto Min-Ji, tugging on her hands with poorly concealed excitement.

“What?” Min-Ji indulges her younger friend.

“Bada stops him right before he leaves the store just by saying, ‘And where do you think you're going?’” Jae lowers her voice and puts on a serious expression when imitating your fiancée.

“Really?” Min-Ji's eyes find your figure, a small smile curving her lips upward.

You smile back at her shyly, nodding.

“And then, she makes the asshole pick up her clothes from the ground!” Jae divulges.

“Does he do it?” Da-Eun cuts in, smirking widely.

“Of course he does! Like a little worm, he picks up all the clothes and gives them to her.” Jae points at you, letting go of Min-Ji’s hands.

“Bada must have a very strong presence,” Ryung comments quietly.

“More like everyone in the store was on Bada’s payroll,” Jae snorts. “Right Unnie, didn’t you say Bada has ties to half the population of Seoul?”

“Yes,” you confirm. “I think everyone in that store had guns on them.”

“How do you know?” Min-Ji asks.

“Well, they were all putting their hands in their pockets like they were going to pull out a firearm,” you reminisce. “And they were all staring between the man and Bada like they were waiting for her word to dispose of him.”

“It’s so crazy hearing about it.” Jae whines. “I wish I was there!”

“Don’t say that.” Min-Ji scolds her. “It must have been scary at the time, wasn’t it?” She looks back at you, posing the question.

“I wasn’t really scared for myself.” You shake your head. “I was more scared for the man. You should have seen the way Bada was looking at him.”

“I can imagine it now.” Jae tries to imitate a hardened and scary glare but ends up failing.

“You just look like you’re constipated.” Da-Eun laughs loudly, pointing at a now offended Jae. The younger girl hits Da-Eun, whining about how she was really trying to look serious.

You join in laughing with Da-Eun and Min-Ji at Jae, when you suddenly feel a tug on your right hand. Your laughter dies down as you turn to face Ryung, who’s looking between you and another corner of the room. You give her a confused look, trying to find what she’s gazing at. “Ryung? Is something wrong?”

“A woman's been staring at you since she got here.” Ryung whispers, casting her eyes to the other corner of the room.

You follow her line of sight to an unfamiliar, relatively attractive woman dressed in a loose white dress shirt and slacks. She has fiery red hair and a boyish look. She’s already watching you, her eyes unabashedly trailing up and down your figure, completely unbothered by the fact that you caught her staring. In fact, she smirks back at you.

You turn away from her quickly, a prickle of anxiety running up your spine. Though most would be excited at being ogled by an attractive woman, there’s something about her gaze that unnerves you. It's like she knows something you don’t.

“Do you know her?” Ryung asks, a worried look crossing her features.

“No.” You shake your head, a trembling breath leaving your lips. “I’ve never seen her before in my life.”

Da-Eun, Min-Ji, and Jae stop laughing at the sound of your nervous voice, turning to face you with questioning looks.

“What’s going on?” Min-Ji asks, noticing your rigid posture and Ryung’s grim expression.

Jae mutters your name, her voice becoming uncharacteristically quiet.

“There’s this woman that’s been staring at Unnie the entire night.” Ryung secretly motions towards you, then looks back at the woman with red hair. All of your friends' eyes follow, seeing how the woman gazes at you darkly; even with all their eyes on her, she doesn’t cower. Instead, she continues to watch you.

“Alright.” Da-Eun rubs her hands together, her expression dripping with anger. “Let me go have a word with her—”

“Not so fast.” Min-Ji grabs onto Da-Eun’s arm, pulling her back and keeping her from advancing toward the woman. “Jae, do you know her?”

Jae bites her lip, shaking her head. “I don’t remember inviting anyone that looks like that.”

“Then let me—” Da-Eun tries to wiggle out of Min-Ji’s hold but is unsuccessful.

“Don’t be so rash.” Min-Ji asserts. “Let’s just ignore her. If she decides to bother you directly, we’ll be here, okay?” She looks back at you with a caring expression, placing her hand on your shoulder.

“Okay.” You agree shakily, turning your back toward the woman’s direction.

For the rest of the night, you constantly feel her eyes on you. Though you try to act normal, a spike of fear runs up your body when you see someone approach you or accidentally brush up against you while you dance with your friends. You consider asking Hyo to come get you, but you don’t want to sour the mood of your friends. So you deal with her predatory gaze, and do your best to ignore her overwhelming presence.

Hyo’s eyes scan the neighborhood leisurely when a notification banner pops up at the top of her screen. Her eyes snap toward it, finding a text message from none other than her boss light up the screen. She takes in a deep breath as she presses it, her screen being moved to the message app.

Bada’s text reads, “How’s it going?”

Hyo lets out a sigh of relief, quickly texting back, “Good, she’s having fun.” She watches Bada’s text bubble show up soon after indicating she was writing, but it disappears a few seconds later. Hyo takes the opportunity to add, “Her friends are very lively.”

Bada’s text bubble appears again, but this time she sends a message saying, “Focus on doing your job.” Hyo huffs under her breath, exiting out of the messaging app and switching back to managing your location.

Her brief distraction keeps her from noticing a new group of men heading toward the house. Most slip in, it’s only until the last is about to cross inside that Hyo looks up, her eyes catching a baggy of white powder one of the men is carrying.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” She hisses. Immediately she exits the car, dialing Bada’s personal phone as she races up the driveway and slips into the house behind the man.

Inside, you’re slowly becoming more and more unnerved by the red-haired woman. Your friends try to take you around the living room, using the other partygoer’s bodies as a shield between you two, but she doesn’t allow them to. She moves through the crowd until she has a clear view of you again, then just stands there, her gaze unwavering.

“She really doesn’t give up, huh?” Min-Ji curses under her breath.

“What a creep,” Da-Eun adds.

“Are you okay?” Ryung asks you.

“I don’t know.” You admit, rubbing your arm uncomfortably.

“Hold on,” Jae cuts in. “I think she’s coming this way.”

Four pairs of eyes snap in the direction Jae is looking, finding the woman weaving through the crowd of partygoers in an attempt to reach you.

This time your entire body goes rigid, intense fear running through your veins as your friends rally around you, muttering comforting words. Their voices and the loud bass of the music in the background fade away, all you’re able to focus on is the woman with red hair only a few feet away from you now.

She’s just about to reach you when a firm grip grabs onto your arm, pulling you away from your friends. You jump at the person’s touch, instinctively trying to recoil away before you turn to see a familiar face.

“Hyo.” You breathe out in relief. 

“We’re leaving right now.” She says firmly, pulling you through the crowd of people. 

“Hey!” Da-Eun surges forward at the sight of Hyo taking you away. “Who are you–?”

“No, it’s okay, that’s her bodyguard,” Jae informs your friends.

Your friends share resounding noises of astoundment before Hyo starts to firmly push you toward the exit. You say a hurried goodbye to them, catching out of the corner of your eye the red-haired woman. She’s now wearing a frown as she quickly retreats into the crowd of dancing bodies, hiding away from your gaze, as well as Hyo’s.

The entirety of the drive back home is dead silent, but this time it’s not comfortable. Hyo’s lips are set into thin and firm lines, her expression unchanging as she switches lanes and drives through the jet-black night. You try to will your voice to work and make idle conversation, but the words get stuck in your throat, a deep feeling of regret pooling at the depths of your stomach.

The car ride back unfortunately felt much shorter than the ride to Jae’s house had. One minute you're just barely pulling out of her driveway, and the next you're passing the gates into your mansion's driveway.

Hyo parks the car, exiting quickly and opening the door for you like she always does. You still say thank you, but this time she doesn’t acknowledge it, she simply lets you take the lead as you begin the walk of shame into your home.

Walking through the front door, the first floor is eerily quiet, missing the sounds of Bebe walking around or talking amongst themselves. You hesitate before walking up the right spiral staircase to the second floor, then move to your right toward the direction of your bedroom.

“We’re going this way.” Hyo breaks her silence, motioning with her thumb behind her, toward the corridor that leads to Bada’s office. You gulp but say nothing in response, instead choosing to listen to her and head toward your fiancée. 

The sound of both your and Hyo’s footsteps echoing against the cold marble floor causes even more unease in your mind, the feeling all but tripling when you see a dark mahogany door come into view. You stop right in front of it, your legs starting to feel weak and your hands sweating. You try to build up your courage to knock on the door, but Hyo’s already a step ahead of you.

She doesn’t bother to knock, she simply grabs ahold of the door handle and pushes it open. She gestures for you to head inside which you do timidly, the door closing right behind you.

Inside the office, your eyes immediately find Bada’s figure. She’s sitting in her chair like she always is, looking incredibly tired. And instead of wearing a soft expression at the sight of you, her face is blank, not a single wisp of emotion to be seen. 

“Sit down.” Her voice cuts through the tension in the air.

You do as she says, noting that she doesn’t get up to pull your chair back for you like she normally does. “Bada,” you begin, voice quiet and full of remorse.

“I heard you had fun tonight.” She cuts you off, her tone harsh. “A party, was it?”

You close your eyes in embarrassment. “I’m sorry–”

“Are you?” She interrupts you again. “Truthfully, are you?”

“Yes.” You say frantically, trying to convince her. “I didn’t mean for it to go this far.”

“You had multiple opportunities to tell me the truth.” Bada asserts, her hands coming in front of her to clasp together tightly. “The night before when I asked you about your so-called ‘get-together.’" She lists, "You could have told me anytime today, or Hyo when she was driving you. Instead, you unabashedly lied to my face and deceived me.”

You swear the wind is knocked out of your chest at her words. Her dark brown, almost grey eyes are cutting into yours, wounding your heart as you will something, anything out of your mute vocal cords. “Please believe me.”

“I can’t.” Bada shakes her head. “All I asked of you was three things.” Much like she had when you first arrived at the Lee mansion, she holds up three corresponding fingers. “Tell me the truth, remain loyal, and never put yourself in unnecessary danger.” She places all three fingers down. “Somehow you managed to disobey all of them in the span of a single night.”

Tears prick at the corner of your eyes, and heaving breaths start to build in your windpipe. You can deal with Bada being upset with you, but there’s something about her calm disappointment that hurts you more than you could have ever imagined.

“What would have happened if someone at that party brought a gun, hm? What if they knew who you are to me? What if they wanted to hurt me by hurting you?” Her voice slowly rises in volume but never reaches a full yell. “More than anything, you put yourself in danger. All for the sake of a good time.”

You hang your head in shame, acknowledging that she’s right.

“I can’t trust you anymore.” She states plainly.

Your head snaps up from its hunched position, your eyes widening at the implication of her words. “What? Bada, what does that mean?”

Your fiancée remains quiet for a moment, her blank look doing nothing to soothe your heightening fear. Then, she speaks up. “It’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Go to sleep?” You cry. “Bada–”

“I’m sorry, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” She tears her eyes away from yours, staring to her right. “I can’t look at you right now.”

Her words are the final blow to your breaking heart. You stand up from your chair loudly, attempting to hide your devastated expression as tears fall from your eyes in steady streams. You race over to the door, pull it open, and run out of the office, accidentally bumping into Hyo on your way out. You don’t say anything to her, simply wanting to get as far away as possible.

Lusher, who’d been rounding the corner about to head into Bada’s office catches sight of your teary eyes and sighs. She makes eye contact with Hyo, sharing a knowing look with her before entering the office.

“I’m not in the mood, Lusher,” Bada mutters, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.

“Don’t you think you were a little too hard on her?” Lusher contends.

“She put her life at risk,” Bada states firmly.

“She went to a party, so what? She’s at the age where she’s supposed to be having fun with her friends, clubbing and drinking.”

“She lied to me,” Bada argues.

“Listen, I know that–” before Lusher can finish her sentence, the door to Bada’s office opens again, this time much more violently. Hyo stands in the doorway, a worried look encompassing her features.

“What now?” Bada snaps at her.

“Boss,” Hyo huffs. “the keys to the Jeep are gone.”

“What?” Bada stands up with urgency, her blank expression morphing into nothing but unrivaled anger. “Where did you put them?”

“I had them in my pocket–” Hyo freezes, a look of realization glinting in her eyes before she stops and runs a hand down her face in frustration. “Your fiancée pickpocketed me.”

“She pickpocketed you?” Lusher says incredulously. “So she just left? But it’s dangerous to be out this late, and in that dress–”

“Lusher, gather all of Bebe.” Bada interrupts her, voice loud and commanding. “You,” she points at Hyo. “find her. Now.”

“Yes, boss.” Lusher and Hyo say in unison, scrambling to do what their superior asked of them. 

Meanwhile, Bada remains standing behind her desk, a mix of fear and unadulterated anger building in her. She feels immediate regret for the way she’d treated and spoken to you. She never should have let you leave in such a vulnerable, and most likely intoxicated state.

She could never forgive herself if something happened to you because of your argument. She slams her hands down on her desk, almost breaking it with the amount of force she uses.

Bada storms out of her office, heading down the corridor toward her bedroom, pushing the door open before heading toward her bedside table. She opens the first drawer, revealing a black pistol. She grabs it, about to exit her bedroom when her eyes catch the portrait of her mother hanging just above her bedside table. She takes a moment to face it, her face morphing into a grim expression. 

“I won’t fail you, mother.”

Lusher, Tatter, Kyma, Minah, Chehe, and Soweon, otherwise known as Bebe are all gathered in the armory room, guns in their hands. Lusher dons a sniper, Tatter a pump shotgun, Kyma a handgun, Minah a rifle, Cheche a break action, and Soweon a pistol.

“She managed to pickpocket Hyo?” Soweon exclaims, loading her pistol with bullets. “How is that possible?”

“She must not be as innocent as we thought.” Cheche comments. “Out of all of us, Hyo is the most alert and aware of her surroundings. She has some skill.”

“Enough talking.” Lusher cuts in, clicking a magazine into her sniper. “We’re wasting time. Boss wants us to find her as soon as possible.”

Bebe falls into line, following their second-in-command to the first level of the Lee mansion where Hyo is, tapping her foot against the marbled floor impatiently.

“Do you know where she is?” Bada’s booming voice causes all her subordinates to freeze. It’s brimming with urgency, and full of poison.

Hyo looks up at where her boss is standing at the top of the spiral staircase, her aura demonstrating absolute authority. “I think she’s lost her phone.”

“What do you mean?” Tatter speaks up.

“The location stopped moving right in front of her friend, Jae’s house. But it’s not inside, it’s farther down the road.”

The room becomes astoundingly quiet, so silent you could most certainly hear a pin drop. Although no one has the heart to say it, they all know the truth. You’ve been taken.

But then, Bada’s heavy footsteps begin descending the stairs, her eyes alit with a fiery passion and her eyes fixed into a firm glare.

“We’re finding my fiancée.” She demands. “And if she’s not home by the end of the night, it’ll be your head on a pike.” She points at Hyo, her pistol held firmly in her other hand.

“Yes, Boss,” Hyo says fearlessly. Truthfully, she felt partially at fault for what had happened. If she had only brought you home the second she realized you were throwing a party, or if she paid more attention when you bumped into her, you would be here, safe. 

Before they can all head out, Bada’s phone buzzes in her pocket. She stops, pulling it out and observing the caller ID. Her eyes widen when she sees it, immediately pressing the answer button and holding the phone up to her ear. She mutters your name into the speaker, causing all of Bebe to freeze and look at her in shock.

“Where are you?” Bada says, voice soft and full of worry.

“Hello?” A voice that is most certainly not yours greets her ears.

Bada’s expression shifts immediately, her eyes narrowing to slits and her voice dropping. “Who the fuck is this?”

“Are you Bada Lee?” The voice says hurriedly.

“Yes. How did you get this phone? Where is my fiancée?” Bada demands.

“This is Jae, Unnie’s best friend.”

“Jae?” Bada says, her tone calming the slightest bit. “Where is she?”

“Bada, you need to come here quick.” She cries. “Unnie called me a few minutes ago saying she wanted to stay the night with me, but right when I saw her pulling into the driveway, another car parked beside her, and I think they took her!”

Bada’s hands form fists as she motions with her head for Bebe to go into the garage full of cars. They do so immediately, piling into a modified and armored SUV with a sunroof. Lusher sits behind the wheel while Hyo takes the passenger’s seat. The rest of the girls sit in the back, guns positioned in their laps, Minah poking out of the sunroof with her rifle propped up in front of her.

Bada follows after them, getting into her personal, fortified sports car as the door to the garage slowly begins to open. She puts Jae on speaker, “Did you see who took her?”

“It was dark, but I recognized one person,” Jae confirms. “It was this woman who was at the party I threw for Unnie. She was staring at her the entire night like a creep.”

“What does she look like?” Bada asks through her teeth.

“She’s wearing a white dress shirt, a pair of black pants… oh, and she has very vibrant, red hair!”

Bada pulls up next to Bebe’s car, her eyes meeting Lusher’s, a new type of rage building in her irises. “Seong.”

When you awake from your slumber there’s a pounding ache at the back of your head, and your eyes are blurry. You blink as you try to gather your bearings and sit up, but your arms are held behind your back by something. You start to panic, your head whipping around as you begin to remember what had happened just before you lost consciousness.

You’d been driving the Jeep toward Jae’s house whilst sobbing uncontrollably, realizing that your selfishness would most likely cost you your engagement to Bada.

When you were a few minutes away from Jae, you called her with trembling hands, breathing heavily into your phone.

Your friend muttered your name into the phone, sounding like she’d just woken up.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice shook with emotions. “Is it okay if I stay with you for the night?”

“Of course,” Jae answered immediately. “But what’s wrong? Have you been crying?”

“Bada and I got into a fight.” You admitted. “I think she’s going to call off the engagement.”

“What?” Jae’s incredulous voice rang out of the phone.

“I’ll tell you everything in a second, I’m right next to your house.” You made a left into Jae’s neighborhood, finding the lights in her house on. You parked a little further down the street, seeing stray liquor bottles and red solo cups littering her lawn, most likely thrown away by her drunk party guests. “Okay, I’m here.”

“Where?” Jae’s figure approached the window that oversaw her driveway, her eyes squinting as she tried to discern your body from the pitch-darkness of the night. “I don’t see you.”

You sniffled into the microphone, switching hands as you climbed out of the Jeep and waved your hands to get Jae’s attention. “To your right.”

Jae’s eyes shifted in your direction, and after searching for a few minutes her eyes shone with recognition. “Oh, I see you!” She waved back at you, the interaction distracting you to the point where you didn’t hear a car pull up next to you until people were clambering out of it, their heavy footfalls approaching you.

You jumped when you felt an arm grab you, gasping and struggling against their grip. “Let me go!”

Jae’s voice came out of your phone, saying your name, but before you could answer her or call out for help, something hard hit you in the back of your head and caused you to fall limp into your kidnapper's arms. But before you fully lost consciousness, you caught a brief glint of red hair from the corner of your eye. 

“No.” You whisper, reality finally settling in. “No, no, no.” You try to move your hands, but your eyes find them secured behind your back with handcuffs. You struggle against them, trying to wiggle your hands out but they’re closed tight against your flesh, making the steel rub your skin raw. You hiss in pain but continue trying until your wrists are red. You try to move toward the wall behind you, leaning on it to help you stand up.

Once on your feet, you stomp on the floor, trying to break the heel of your platform heels. You repeat your action a few times on each foot until part of the heel breaks off, leaving you with shoes that are easier to run in. You huff out in exhaustion, but you’re not done yet. Using the wall once again, you attempt to get your arms in front of you by jumping and pulling your arms under you. Thankfully, you’re successful, and let out a breathy laugh of victory. 

 You slide down the wall, taking a small break when you suddenly hear footsteps coming close to the room you’re trapped in. Your eyes widen in fear as you try to back away further from the door.

“Look who’s awake.” The woman with red hair enters the room, her voice coming out in a sing-song.

“Who are you?” You rasp, sitting up tall. Although you’re terrified out of your mind, you know better than to show it. 

“The name’s Seong, sweetheart.” She smirks, one of her lackeys trailing after her. “And you have something I want.” You stare back at her as she gets closer to you, bending down so you’re at eye level. “Not going to ask me what it is?”

You say nothing, instead just keep eye contact with her, never once wavering under her unnerving gaze.

“Ah, we have a strong one here.” Seong laughs heartily. “I can see why Bada keeps you around.”

Mentally, you curse at yourself. Of course you’d been kidnapped as some sort of leverage piece between this woman and Bada. She’s most likely one of the rival gangs that’d been waiting for the chance to pounce at an opening to get through to Bada. And you’d stupidly given her the perfect opportunity.

“Well…” Seong’s voice drops, chills running down your spine as her eyes lower to your figure. “I’m guessing she doesn’t just appreciate your banter, huh?” She reaches out to touch you, her cold hands dragging across your collarbones. “So pretty…”

“Don’t touch me.” You spit, tone dripping with disgust as you recoil away from her.

“So lively too.” Seong chuckles.

“Bada’s going to come get me.” You cut in, glaring at the woman with fiery hair.

“Oh yes, I’m counting on that.” Seong smiles. “You know, she owes me a lot of money.” She stands up and begins to pace around the room. “My father and her father used to work together back in the day. But once Lee died and your little wife took over his business, she cut ties with him. Apparently, selling drugs is too ‘corrupt’ for her.” She scoffs loudly, the sound full of resentment and anger. “My father lost all his connections. He had to start selling to junkies on the streets, and now he’s running out of money.”

She stops in front of you again, a twisted smile stretching across her face.

“Bring him in,” Seong says to the lackey behind her. He follows her orders, trailing out of the room before he returns minutes later, a man shuffling behind him. When the man steps into the low light of the room, you audibly gasp and your eyes widen. “Remember him?” Seong stands next to the man–the same man from the mall. The man that’d harassed you, and had been humiliated by Bada.

Here he stands, the right side of his face swollen and colored in grotesque combinations of yellow and purple bruises.

“You.” The man rasps, his eyes shining with a crazy glint.

“This man right here was beaten half to death by Bada when I found him lying on the street.” Seong pats his shoulder. “Imagine my surprise when he told me how he’d accidentally hit on the Bada Lee’s fiancée, and almost gotten himself killed because of it.” She circles around the man. “Finding you after that didn’t take much. And look at you now…”

“Lying on the floor like some pathetic bitch.” The man spits. “How does it feel?”

“Go to hell.” You snap at him, eyes set in a glare.

“You should be careful how you speak to me.” The man warns you, walking closer before he bends down in front of you. “You’re the one who’s restrained, and at our mercy.”

“And yet despite that, it’ll be your blood that stains this floor when Bada finds me.” You retaliate.

The man’s face screws up in anger, and in a flash, he grabs onto your necklace, using it to tug you forward painfully. “You bitch–”

Your eyes go wide as you watch your necklace–Bada’s mother’s necklace–stretch in his hold. “No–” you choke out, using what little control you have of your hands to slug them against his face, taking his hands off the necklace. But unfortunately, his strength ends up ripping it off your neck, the broken jewelry falling onto the ground. “No!” You cry, scrambling over to the necklace, trying to grab it with your hands.

The man turns to face you, wearing a look of anger you’d never seen before in your life. He raises his fist, about to punch you when a hand stops him from doing so.

“Now, now, let’s not get too caught up in our anger.” Seong pulls the man away from you and pushes him toward the door. “We’ll have our fun once Bada arrives, believe me. You can do the honors of killing her if you really want to.”

Seong follows the man out of the room, her lackey trailing behind her before she stops to give you one final look, and closes the door to your room, leaving you trembling and in almost complete darkness.

In the raven black of the night, Bada, Tatter, Chehe, Hyo, Kyma, Minah, and Soweon stand at the door to Seong’s hideout, guns held tightly in their hands. Bada turns to look at a building across the street, holding a thumbs up in the air. Atop the building is Lusher, her sniper propped up against the ledge of the roof, her scope focused on Bada’s signal. She traces the red dot coming from her sniper around Bada’s thumb, indicating she’s ready.

“Lusher’s in position.” Bada turns back to face Bebe, nodding at them. “Let’s not waste any more time.”

“Yes, Boss.” They all parrot in response.

Bada turns to face the doorknob, pointing her gun at it before shooting. Tatter steps up first, shouldering the door open with intense force, making it swing open and reveal Seong’s hideout. Some lackeys that had been standing around jump at the sudden intrusion, their hands instinctively reaching for their guns. But all of Bebe’s members are twice as fast and skilled. Tatter shoots down one man with her shotgun while the rest of Bebe pile in, backing her up and mulling down the waves of oncoming men like they’re bugs.

Bada steps in last, shooting a man who was running in as backup, then shooting another who almost managed to get a shot in on Minah. She charges forward without fear, cutting through the mess of flying bullets and punching one of Seong’s men in the gut, then shooting him between the eyes. His blood splatters against the side of her suit as she kicks his body away, continuing her advance until she makes it out of the entrance of the hideout, and into a split hallway.

Bada keeps her pistol trained up and ears keen as she hears Lusher’s sniper bullets break through glass windows and hit some of the men still flocking to the entrance. An emergency alarm begins to blare in the hideout, red lights bathing Bada’s figure as she studies both paths ahead of her.

Suddenly to her right, she hears loud footsteps approaching and whips around to face a man running down the hallway. Thinking quickly, she shoots him in the foot before he has the chance to reach for his gun. He falls to the floor, screaming in pain whilst clutching his wounded foot. Bada walks over to him, kicking his gun away then aiming her pistol at his head.

“Where is she?” She yells over the loud, blaring alarm.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” The lackey wails.

“Yes you do. Tell me or I’ll kill you!” Bada places her pistol on the man’s forehead, making his pathetic wailing increase.

“Okay, okay, just please don’t shoot me!” He begs.

Bada grabs the man by his clothes, hoisting him up and pushing him forward, causing him to stumble and almost fall onto the floor again. “Show me the way, now!”

The man cries as he hobbles forward, leading her in your direction.

“Fifty-five, fifty-six, fifty-seven…” your voice mutters amidst the silence, keeping track of the minutes passing by since Seong left. You stare at the steel door separating you from your freedom, hoping with every minute you count, Bada gets closer to finding and rescuing you.

It’s at minute forty-two when bright, red lights flood your room, blinding you and throwing you off your count as loud alarms sound outside. You sit up, your heart beating wildly in your chest.

“Bada…” you sigh in relief. She came for you.

Another five minutes pass before you hear movement coming towards your room, making you scramble towards the door. But when it opens, you’re not greeted by the sight of your fiancée. No, instead, Seong rushes inside, her red hair ruffled and her breaths uneven as she closes the door behind her.

“Fucking–” She mutters, her eyes finding you instantly.

“I told you.” You smirk. “You’re all dead.”

Seong stares back at you silently before charging up to you and slapping you across the face. You shriek and recoil back as she breaks into manic laughter, pulling out a gun from her pocket. “Maybe, but if I die, you’re coming with me, sweetheart.” She clicks the safety off, her finger in position to press against the trigger when three loud bangs come from outside your prison, making you scramble back in shock, and Seong turn to face the door.

A long moment of tense silence follows before the door to your prison slowly creeks open, Seong gulping as the hand holding her gun starts to tremble. Right before the door fully swings open, a shot is fired from the person outside, grazing Seong’s cheek and making her cower away.

She runs over to you, picks you up from the floor and holds onto you by your throat, her gun pressed up against your temple. "Don't get any closer, Bada Lee,” Seong yells, digging her fingers into your throat. “or I’ll kill her!”

Bada side-steps away from the door, revealing one of Seong’s men dead behind her, blood leaking from his foot and his forehead. “Let her go, Seong,” Bada demands. “Your problem is with me, not with her.”

“But that’s just the thing, isn’t it? When you hurt one person, the people you care about suffer!” Seong laughs maniacally. “You had no mercy for my family, so why should I have any for yours?”

“You did all of this because I refused to sell your drugs?” Bada spits, her voice dripping with venom. “You’re pathetic, just like your father.”

Seong’s face reflects sheer anger in response to Bada’s words. She’s about to pull the trigger of her gun when Bada shoots first. She hits Seong in the knee, causing her to collapse and shoot the ceiling instead of you. You scramble away as Bada lunges forward, tackling Seong and knocking the gun out of her hand before she can try to shoot at you again.

Unfortunately, Seong is strong as well and fights back against Bada for her gun, both trading blows with each other until Seong manages to get Bada’s gun from her grasp. She pistol whips Bada in the face, giving her a cut across the nose as Bada falls to the floor, blood falling from her wound.

“Not so tough now, huh, Lee?” Seong screams as she points Bada’s very own gun at her.

“You should know that even if you kill me,” Bada says through heaving breaths, “you’ll still never make it out of this building alive.”

Seong bares her teeth at Bada, pushing her gun closer to her temple. “You’ll still be dead.”

“Don’t!” You scream, emerging from behind Seong, holding her gun. “Put the gun down or I’ll shoot.”

Seong clicks her tongue, laughing condescendingly as she turns to face you. “You don’t have the guts to kill me.”

“But I do.” Bada jabs her fist into Seong’s stomach, knocking the woman off of her and the air out of her lungs. Bada takes her gun back and places it in her pocket as the woman with red hair heaves against the floor, her eyes the size of saucers.

Bada walks over to your trembling figure, her gaze soft as her hands come up to grab yours that are still holding onto Seong’s gun.

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” She whispers tenderly into your ear, bringing you against her chest as she quietly soothes your shaky breaths.

“I thought you were–” You begin, the words falling from your mouth through gasps.

“I know, I know.” She shushes you. “Everything’s all right now. Give me the gun, honey.” You let go of Seong’s gun, allowing Bada to take it into her hands as she faces the red-haired woman who’s writhing on the floor. “You should have known better than to touch the people I care about, Seong.” Bada’s voice is cold, and more charged with rage than you’ve ever heard her carry before. “You’ll always be your father’s waste of a daughter.”

Through Seong’s choking breaths, you hear a sob wrack her voice, tears falling from her eyes and running down the sides of her face.

Before Bada pulls the trigger, her unoccupied hand comes down to shield your eyes. “Don’t look,” She whispers softly, “and cover your ears.” With tears streaming down your face, you plug your ears and shut your eyes, a deafening shot following soon after. A few minutes pass before you feel Bada move you around, hugging you close to her chest as she breathes a sigh of relief. “It’s over.”

It’s like the floodgates open at the sound of Bada’s soothing voice because you start to sob violently into her chest, wishing you could cling onto her, but you can’t your hands still restrained by handcuffs. “Bada.” You cry, burying your face into her warm body heat.

“I know, I’m so sorry.” She whispers. “I came as fast as I could.”

“I thought she was going to shoot you.” You sob. “I was so scared–”

“Shh, it’s all right honey, I promise. I’m okay.” She pats the back of your head before pulling away to gaze into your eyes. They’re wide and filled with tears, but so infinitely beautiful to her. Bada wipes your tears away with her thumb, smiling softly at you. She takes a step back, taking off her suit jacket before placing it onto your shoulders and rubbing up and down your arms. “Let’s go home, okay?”

Bada’s room is warm, the atmosphere a far cry from the prison you’d been held in. You sit on Bada’s fluffy bed, staring into the distance with a faraway expression while waiting for her to return.

Thankfully she does as soon as the thought crosses your mind. She makes her presence known by knocking gently on the wood of her bedroom door. “Can I come in?”

“Yes.” You croak.

Bada enters the room with a mug of piping tea in one hand, and uses her unoccupied one to close the door behind her. She sits next to you on the bed, handing you the mug while muttering a soft warning about how hot it is.

“Thank you.” You say quietly, taking the drink and blowing on it.

Bada places her big hand on your thigh, rubbing it gently as she looks into your downcast eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Better now that you’re here.” You admit, staring at the ripples in the tea caused by your breath.

“I’m glad.” Bada’s eyes move from yours to your hands, noticing how red and raw your wrists are. She removes her hand from your thigh, gently touching your wrist so she can turn it over to get a better look at it. “Should I get you some pain medicine?”

“No.” You answer quickly, your eyes shooting up from your tea and meeting hers. “Stay with me, please.”

Bada nods silently, rubbing the skin just above your wrist. “I’m sorry.” She whispers grimly. “You got hurt because of me.”

You stare at Bada with an incredulous look, shaking your head rapidly. “It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t lied to you and went to that party, Seong would have never been able to get to me–”

“You went to that party because you missed your friends,” Bada argues back lightly. “I deprived you of a social life in my obsession with keeping you safe, and look at where it got us.”

“Bada Lee, this is not your fault.” You say firmly. “You saved my life.”

Bada looks like she wants to argue more, but holds herself back. The silence between you two allows your still-racing mind to catch up, and you suddenly sit up, eyes wide and full of sorrow.

"What is it?" Bada questions, noticing your expression.

"Bada..." you trail off, turning to the side to grab something you'd hidden. Facing her again, her mother's broken necklace is in the palm of you hand. "I'm so sorry. I tried to keep it safe..."

Bada takes the necklace out of your hand and holds it up in front of you both. "I don't care."

"What?" You breathe incredulously. "But Bada, it was your mother's–"

"And it can be fixed." She says softly. “I’m just glad you’re safe.”

Your look of shock melts into a sappy smile. “Me too.” You agree, placing your mug-free hand on top of Bada’s. She moves her hand around, weaving your fingers together tenderly as her thumb swipes across the skin of your hand.

“Did Seong hurt you anywhere else?” Bada asks, scanning your face for injuries.

You turn your face to your right, showing her your left cheek, which is now slightly bruised. “She slapped me.”

Bada’s eyes take in your injured cheek, a storm of emotions flashing in her irises for nothing more than a split second before she masks it with a caring expression. She brings up your arm so that it’s in front of her, places her lips on your hurt wrist, then she brings it back down and brushes her other hand across your left cheek. She leans in, pressing a soft kiss to each of the growing bruises.

When she’s done she leans back, nothing but pure care in her eyes as she gazes at you.

“Can I ask you something?” You mumble, butterflies dancing in the pit of your stomach.

“You can ask me anything, honey,” Bada whispers, tracing shapes onto your hands. 

“You always kiss my injuries.” You point out, careful to keep your voice sweet so she knows you like her display of affection. “Is there a reason why?”

Bada’s eyes leave yours for a brief moment, finding something above your head and gazing there before her eyes move back to you. “My mother, she used to…” she trails off, “she used to do that when I was younger. It always made me feel better.”

You smile softly at Bada, warmth flooding your veins. “That’s beautiful.”

She smiles back at you, muttering a soft thank you. You both allow a comfortable silence to fill the room until an idea pops into your head.

You quickly place your mug of tea on Bada’s beside table, then turn to face her. She gives you a confused expression when you take both of her hands and lift them up. Bada’s long fingers curl against yours, displaying her bloody and bruised knuckles. You lean down, placing a soft kiss next to each of them, unable to see how Bada’s eyes widen at your actions until you pull away.

When you look back at her, she’s looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky. You smile at her, then lean up, placing one final kiss on her nose, right below the cut Seong made.

Pulling away for the final time, Bada brings you closer to her, missing your warmth as she touches her forehead to yours and closes her eyes.

“Please never leave me again.”

❝ should my hands be stained with blood, let them be so, solely for you. ❞

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 12- I Love You. I Know.

Summary: As the end of October approaches, you and Javi learn more about celebrating Halloween and Dia De Los Muertos together. After a sleepless night, and a Halloween party at the Murphy's, Javi begins to open up to you about his past.

Word Count: 15.6K (I'm sweating)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (don't be silly, wrap your willy), oral (m receiving), vaginal fingering, creampie, praise kink, semi-public sex (Oh the poor Murphy's...), PTSD/Anxiety around grief, loss and Javi's past, some angst/tension, mentions of drinking/being drunk (Steve is getting PLASTERED), mentions of food/eating, SO MANY STAR WARS REFERENCES, literally this chapter made me sob while I was writing it, editing it, and re-reading it, I am SO sorry

A/N: You guys. Holy shit. This chapter really had me in my feels. This chapter was def a labor of love, but I'm really happy with how it turned out!! Thank you for as always for all you kind words, you truly, truly, TRULY have no idea how much your support means to me 😭💖 Also please don't kill me after you finish reading this chapter I PROMISE *things* are happening so soon I can literally taste it, but I needed for this chapter to happen first, and you would be silly to think that *things* didn't get its own whole ass chapter and I am just as excited as you AH

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The excitement of October’s conclusion was in the air, and the joys of getting to celebrate what you hoped would be the first of many holidays with Javi was at the forefront of your mind. While the end of summer meant school was here and your carefree days were gone until next June, October meant it was time for one of your favorite holidays- Halloween. It was one of your most cherished things to celebrate as a kid, and even still as an adult. The memories of jumping into leaf piles off your swingset with your brothers, dressing up in goofy, homemade costumes to trick-or-treat (because your mom was not about to buy 4 new sets of costumes every single year), carving pumpkins, and stealing as many of your brother’s Kit Kat bars as you could without getting caught, filled your heart with a warmth and joy that you couldn’t quite describe. While the 80 degree temperatures and lack of bright reds and yellows painted across the leaves falling from their trees was much different from the Chicago Octobers you were accustomed to, it hadn’t stopped you from heading full steam into Halloween. 

“So do you have any thoughts on what we should be for Steve and Connie’s? I have no problem going out to buy stuff for costumes, but I can already hear my mom yelling at me for wasting my money on cheaply made clothes I’m gonna wear for 5 hours when I have something perfectly good in my closet.” You rolled your eyes as you shuffled through the hangers, Javi sitting on the edge of your bed folding the laundry you were working on putting away. 

The two of you had gladly accepted the invitation from Steve and Connie to spend the weekend with them in San Antonio, as the Murphy’s planned to host a Halloween party at their house for their friends and co-workers, giving you and Javi a chance to have a fun weekend out of town together. 

“Hmmmm?” He asked, looking up at you as you grabbed a few shirts, examining them for costume potential. “We’re dressing up for this thing?” 

“Yeah, that’s like, the whole point of Halloween, dummy.” You giggled, throwing a few options on the floor before making your way over to your pants. “Didn’t you dress up as a kid for Halloween?” 

Unlike yourself, Javi had spent his whole life celebrating Día de los Muertos, Halloween having nowhere near as much relevance to him as it did to you, spending the end of October and first days of November gathering with his family to spend the day making Pan de Muerto (Day of the Dead sweet bread),  watching the parades on the streets of Downtown Laredo before visiting the cemetery where his grandparents were buried, decorating their graves in cempasúchil (marigold flowers), candles and photographs with his primos (cousins). Since his mom had passed, Javi hadn’t been home to celebrate with his family, and had almost forgone the tradition completely during his time in Colombia, the pain and loss of his mother and the solemn sadness of celebrating alone leading him to try his best to forget about the holiday all together. 

“Uh, no, not, not really. Didn’t really do Halloween, isn’t really as much of a thing down here. My family always celebrated Día de Los Muertos instead.” He replied, almost embarrassed by his answer, not wanting to damper your excitement as you dug through your closet for costumes. 

Your heart sank to your stomach, feeling awful that you hadn’t even taken into consideration that Javi's traditions around this time of year were completely different from what you were used to. The two of you had never really talked about how you wanted to celebrate future holidays, and always had wanted to make sure that the important parts of your lives were celebrated equally. Javi hadn’t said anything after you had spent the past few days putting up Halloween decorations around your apartment, and now you felt like an idiot assuming he had spent his whole life celebrating just like you. 

“Oh… Shit. Javi, I’m so sorry, if you don’t wanna do costumes, we don’t have to, you just hadn’t said anything about Día de Los Muertos so I just assumed that-” 

“Baby, it’s okay.” He pushed himself up off the bed, the width of his broad palms wrapping around your hips, trying to ease the guilt he could tell was rapidly consuming you. “You’re right, I never told you about it. It’s been a long time since I’ve done anything to celebrate it, and I haven’t been home for it since I’ve gotten back from Colombia. I just- I don’t really know how to feel about it, I guess. The last time I did anything for it was before my mom died. I was never able to bring myself to do anything about it while I was gone, and I guess now I just feel really shitty that was the way I decided to handle it.” It broke your heart to see the pain in his eyes, pulling yourself closer to him as you wrapped your arms around his stomach, leaning your head against his chest. It was then, the realization had hit you too- This would be your first year of holidays without Patrick. You didn’t know as much as you would have liked to about Día de Los Muertos, but you did know that it was to celebrate the lives of loved ones you’d lost, a feeling that you and Javi were both all too familiar with. 

“Listen…” You raised your head, looking up at him, arms still intertwined around his waist. “I don’t- I don’t wanna make you do anything that you’re uncomfortable with. I guess this is the first time we’ve ever really talked about this kind of stuff. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, Jav, and that means celebrating the things that are special to both of us. The things that are important to you are important to me too. I want our lives for us, for our future family, to be filled with all the things we care the most about, whether that means keeping old traditions or making our own new ones. It would mean a lot to me to get to celebrate Día de los Muertos with you, and if it’s okay, I would love to sprinkle in some Halloween too, because I’m fucking dying to carve a pumpkin.” 

You smiled up at him as his hand slid under your jaw, his thumb tracing across your cheek as he tried his best to hold back the tears welling in his eyes. It took everything in him to not ruin his plans, wanting to run into the bedroom, grab the ring out of his sock drawer and propose to you that very instant. Even after all this time, Javi still couldn't believe that he was the person you wanted to share the rest of your life with. That you wanted to intertwine your past, present, and future with his, to have a life, a family, together that the two of you could cherish forever. Never in a million years had he assumed he’d be anywhere close to where he was today, holding the world’s most beautiful, perfect woman in his arms, as she told him how she wanted nothing more than to build a family and spend the rest of her days with him. 

“Osita… I fucking love you so much, you know that?” He leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a soft and deep kiss, your heart racing as he pulled you in tighter. 

“Yeah, I mean, I guess, just a little bit…” You giggled, poking fun at him, considering not a day had passed since the first night he had said it that Javi hadn’t told you just how much he loved you. 

“Shut up, you dork.” He chuckled, making you squeal as he picked you up, playfully shaking you in his grasp before setting you back down. “I’d love nothing more, Hermosa. I don’t know how the fuck you’re supposed to carve a pumpkin or what the hell you have planned for these costumes, but I’m all in. I want it all with you, Osita. Thank you.” 

“Of course. For as much or as little as you want to do for Día de los Muertos, I’m all in too. I’m gonna be honest, I love Hallowen. Not as much as Christmas, but it’s a close second. It means you’re gonna have to trust me with a giant ass knife and cover yourself in pumpkin guts, though.”

“My trust is quickly starting to fade. Seriously though, what the hell are we supposed to dress up as?” He raised an eyebrow at you, nodding over to the pile of clothes you had pulled from your closet, now piled on the floor. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got some ideas.” 

  The weeks leading up to the holidays had made for fun at home date nights, the both of you genuinely looking forward to learning about the traditions you had both held so dear to your hearts. Almost every night after work, you had done something to celebrate the events leading up to the day. You had shown Javi a few of your favorite Halloween movies, including It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, Beetlejuice, and Ghostbusters, very adamantly insisting to him that those movies were about as scary as you were going to get, blaming your brothers for scarring you after forcing you to watch The Exorcist at the ripe age of 7 years old. In addition to the movies, you had told him about other funny Trick-Or-Treating stories from your childhood, Javi’s favorite being how your brothers, (being the ruthless idiots they were) paid one of their friends in all of their halloween candy to jump out of a bush dressed as a terrifying old lady to scare the absolute shit out of you, and making you quite literally pee your pants. In return Javi shared his favorite memories of cooking in the kitchen with his mom as she made Pan de Muertos for his family, the two of you even attempting to make it one of the nights after work, milling about the kitchen together as Javi told you about his family you had yet to meet, or had passed away long before you. 

After a lengthy hunt, you were able to find pumpkins, bringing them to Chucho’s house to carve them since you had nowhere to put them inside your apartment. You offered him the rest of your Pan de Muertos in exchange for a place to work on your pumpkins, and while he gladly accepted the bread, the three of you knew Chucho was always happy to have you and Javi over, regardless. 

“So tell me, mija,” Chucho spoke in between mouthfuls of sweet bread, rocking back and forth in his chair, “is there a meaning behind carving the pumpkins, or is it just for fun?” 

“Just for fun! Okay, it looks like we’re ready, you want me to show you how to do it, or just let you go for it?” You smiled at Javi, the two of you sitting cross legged on Chucho’s porch, pumpkins open in front of you. 

“You just scoop them out, right?” Javi questioned, looking into the pumpkin with an unsure grimace. “It seems like there's a lot in here, Osita. I have to get all of it out?” 

“Yeah, or else you can’t see the design when you carve it. C’mon you big baby, just stick your hand in there and pull the guts out!” You laughed, digging your hand into your pumpkin, scooping out hearty globs of pumpkin guts, slopping them into the bucket Chucho had set out for you. Reluctantly, Javi joined, you and Chucho both absolutely dying at Javi’s face as his hand met the squishy fibers inside his pumpkin. 

“Jesus, that feels fucking gross!” He laughed, shaking his head as he threw some of the seeds and strings into the trash next to him. 

“You need me to do it for you?” You giggled, flicking a pumpkin seed at him as he winced with the second handful he pulled out. 

“No, cabrón (asshole), I can do it.” Javi grumbled as he rolled his eyes at you, the both of you scooping hearty handfuls of goop. 

“You hear that, Chucho? Calling me an asshole because he’s too scared to pull out pumpkin guts.” You looked back at his dad, giving him a playful grin, his smile already wide from the enjoyment of watching the two of you. With your back turned to Javi, you hadn’t noticed the small handful of seeds he had collected in his hand, lining up his arm to aim right at the back of your head. “I can’t believe that- HEY!” You whipped your neck around, running your hand over the back of your neck, picking seeds and strings out of your hair, seeing Javi snicker to himself as your jaw dropped open in shock. “Did you seriously just throw pumpkin guts at me?!” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, must have been a ghost.” He shrugged, smirking to himself before digging his hand back into his pumpkin. 

“You see this?!” You looked back at Chucho, pointing your finger at Javi, pretending to be stern, although your laughter quickly escaped. “Absolutely ridiculous, I swear.” 

“Javier, that is no way to treat your future esposa! (Wife) No quiero mis nietos ser cubierto en calabaza! Me encantáran en cualquier caso, pero todavía! (I don’t want my future grandchildren covered in pumpkin! I will love them either way, but still!)” Chucho scolded with a smirk, you and Javi silently smiling to each other at the thought of one day doing this with your own children. Javi had tried to stop fighting off his dad’s comments about grandkids a while ago- Chucho knew just as well as the two of you that he would have his grandchildren soon enough. 

“Ella lo pído… (She asked for it…)” Javi muttered under his breath, shooting his gaze up at you as he felt cold goop hit the side of his cheek, wiping the pumpkin you had just thrown at him off with the back of his hand, watching you smirk silently to yourself as you continued to scoop out your pumpkin.

“Ahora… Estamos a mano. (And now… We’re even.)” 

The 3 of you chatted on the porch, the sky now painted a dark black, filled with twinkling constellations above as you finished carving your pumpkins. Yours, a cute ghost with a little smiley face, and Javi’s, what he had tried to convince you and Chucho was also a ghost, even though it looked more like he had just carved a squiggly hole in the middle of his. It took a little prodding and convincing, but as you all talked about how the Peña family had spent many a Día de los Muertos, you and Chucho were able to get Javi to agree to go visit his mom’s gravesite on the Sunday after you got back from Steve and Connie’s party. Chucho had even promised to keep his tias, tios, and primos (aunts, uncles, and cousins) completely out of the picture this year, wanting to give Javi all the time and space he needed to go see his mom for the first time since her funeral. He was reluctant at first, riddled with the guilt of leaving her unvisited all these years, but as he felt the gentle squeeze of your hand, your silent reassurance was all he needed to know that you would be by his side, every step of the way. As you said your goodbyes, Chucho hugged you just a little extra tighter than normal, as if to thank you for everything you had done for his son, and just how thankful he was to have you in his life, too. 

Even though the Murphy’s had very graciously offered to let you and Javi stay on Friday night as well as Saturday, both Steve and Connie very much understood when you had told them on the phone that the only thing that you wanted to do after coming home from the chaos of managing an elementary school Halloween party was take a very, very long nap. You and Javi had spent the night ordering pizza and watching Young Frankenstein, only lasting about 20 minutes into the movie before you were dead asleep, snoring against Javi’s chest, still dressed in If You Give A Mouse A Cookie costume from earlier today. Carrying you to bed and undressing you from your mouse ears and oversized overalls, Javi curled into bed next to you, pulling your body against his as he stared at the ceiling. Despite how hard he tried to fall asleep, he laid there, wide awake as ever, as his head raced with the tornado of thoughts brewing inside his brain. 

Javier Peña had never really considered himself to be an anxious person. For most of his life, he couldn’t be. For the sake of his job, the sake of his family after his Mom passed, Javi had survived the only way he had known how- Block it out, and ignore it. And so far, that strategy had seemed to bode for him pretty darn well. But that was before he had anyone who depended on him, cared about him, anyone who made his life worth living for. That was before he had met you. Now, Javi found himself at the crossroads of a moment he had been waiting for since the moment he had first laid eyes on you. Something that brought him absolute joy and sheer terror at the same time- Javier Peña was going to propose to you, and he was an anxious fucking mess. 

If that in itself wasn’t enough, things at the Laredo County Sheriff's Department had been an absolute shit show. Mexico was the only thing on anyone’s radar, making for long days and high tension at the office, trying to do anything to slow the spread of the cartel’s influence across the border. Day after day, report after report, it felt like the department was drowning in the endless shitty news of new death tolls, record breaking trafficking stats, and lack of control as cocaine moved across the Rio Grande at a groundbreaking pace. Even though he found himself even further removed from Mexico than he ever was in Colombia, he couldn’t help but feel that painful, searing wrench in his gut when he sat down to really think about it. 

You. 

Spending your lives together.

Having a family.

Protecting his wife and kids. 

The things he would do to keep you safe.

The terrible things he had done he had justified were keeping other people safe. 

The imagines of the things he wish he could unsee.

The pain and hurt he wished he could take back. 

The fear of what he was capable of doing. 

So with a knot in his chest from work, a ring hidden away in his sock drawer, and the beginnings of a plan to ask the woman he loved more than life itself to marry him, Javi coped with the weight of his stress the only way he knew how. He couldn’t fucking sleep. 

The thoughts played in his mind on repeat, torturing him with every loop around his brain. He tried his best to close his eyes, to empty his head for a moment of peace, but no matter how much he wished he could have willed himself to sleep, it was no use. By the time the alarm clock on his nightstand read 2:05 AM, Javi had completely given up on the idea of rest for the night, quietly making his way out of bed to go wander around the living room. It wasn’t long before you too were also awake, rolling over in your sleep to find Javi’s space in the bed cold and empty. Rubbing your eyes and propping yourself up against your pillow, you scanned around the darkness of your room as you came to, realizing that Javi was nowhere to be found.  Draping one of the blankets from your bed over you, you crept into the hallway, greeted by the soft light of one of the living room lamps painting shadows against the wall. 

“Javi, are you up?” Your voice still soft and sleepy, rubbing your hand along your face, squinting from the sudden brightness that lit up the room. 

“Osita, baby, did I wake you up? I'm so sorry. Go back to bed, okay?” Javi shot up from the couch, setting down whatever book he had been half focused on reading as he watched your bed headed figure meander into the living room. 

“No, it’s okay.” You grumbled, holding out your blanket covered arms for Javi to melt his body into yours, wrapping you in a tight hug. You pressed your head into the bare skin of his chest, snaking your hands around his waist as he planted his lips against the the top of your head, burying his nose in your tangled hair. “Baby, what’s going on? Why can’t you sleep? I’m worried about you, Jav.” 

“I’m… Yeah, I’m okay, Hermosa. Just a lot on my mind.” He sighed, his exhale still buried in your hair as he savored the smell of you, still lingering even in your sleepy state. 

His pause alone was enough to know okay wasn’t the word that you would use to describe Javi right now. His words were burdened and fatigued, making it clear that whatever was on his mind was weighing on him more heavily than he wanted to admit. 

“Are you sure? Javi, if you wanna talk about anything, you know I’m always here, right?” 

You wanted so desperately to pry. Everything in you had a feeling that whatever was keeping him up were entangled in the parts of his dark parts past, the last secrets holding up the final wall between the two of you. You knew from your brothers how hard it was to talk about the pain and suffering they had witnessed, and begging them to talk about it before they were ready only seemed to make it worse. Hell, after Patrick died, it felt like you didn’t sleep for weeks, and it had taken you months to open up about it. You knew Javi hurt, and as much as you wanted to, digging deeper into the things that plagued him in his restless nights wasn’t what he needed right now. Right now, he just needed someone to be there for him. 

“Is there anything I can do, Javi? I just wanna help.” The breath of your sympathetic whispers were hot against Javi’s skin, squeezing your arms to pull him as close to you as he could. He paused for a moment, letting out another deep breath as cradled the back of your head with his palm, running his hands through your hair. 

“Will- Will you stay up with me? Just a little bit longer?” His voice trembled as you turned your head to lock your eyes with his, the gentle nod of your head bringing him a moment of relief. 

“Of course, baby. Of course I’ll stay up with you. Do you wanna turn on the TV or put on a movie? Sometimes that helps me sleep.” You stretched your arms over your head, scrunching your face as you yawned before tugging your blanket tighter around your body. 

“Believe me, Hermosa, I know it does.” He let out a soft chuckle as he pressed a soft kiss against your forehead. 

“Oh shit, yeah that is true. I don’t even think I made it halfway through Young Frankenstein tonight, which is a crime. It’s such a good movie. I don’t even remember getting into bed.” You yawned again, this time taking one of your blanket covered fists to try and rub the sleep out of your eyes, forcing yourself to stay awake. 

“Well, if you give a mouse pizza and a movie after a long day at school, then she’ll probably need her boyfriend to carry her to bed because she’s so tired.” Now awake enough, Javi’s cute jab at your costume for school made you let out a little giggle, giving him a little shove with your blanket wrapped body. “Why don’t we turn the rest of it on, so you can finish watching?” 

“I don’t wanna fall asleep on you, Javi.” You grumbled, pouting up at him, considering he had just asked you to stay awake with him. 

“It’s okay. As long as I have you by me, I’ll be alright, I promise.” Reluctantly, you nodded in agreement, plopping yourself on the couch as Javi turned on the TV, rewinding the VHS tape to the point where you had fallen asleep earlier before joining you, draping his arm around your shoulder as you tucked in your knees and scooted closer to him. You sat for a few minutes in silence, letting the sounds of the movie fill the background. As you turned your head to look up at Javi, you could tell that even though his eyes were pointed at the screen, there was no way he was really watching the movie. Reaching up your hand, you ran your fingers across the length of his strong jaw, his stubble scratching against your palm, forcing him to look back at you. Your eyes met his, the sweet, chocolate brown looking back at you, with a confusing mix of exhaustion, guilt, want and helplessness. You brought your face closer to his, your lips now only inches apart as your whispers danced against his mouth, desperate to find something to ease his pain. 

“What do you need, Javi? Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you.” 

His tongue swept against his bottom lip, taking one last shaky breath before his words left his body with his exhale. 

“You. I need you.” 

His hands found their way to the bare skin of your thighs, his fingertips barely brushing against your flesh as he traced his way up to your torso, toying with the hem of one of his shirts that always looked so much better on you than him. Pressing his palm against the soft curves of your stomach, he tugged at the waistband of your sleep shorts, causing you to shift your body so he could slide them down your legs. Reaching over towards his lap, you grasped at his boxers, feeling him already half hard under the fabric as you rubbed your hand against him. Javi held your hips, slowly guiding you to straddle him as you kicked your shorts off your feet, leaving them in a pile on the ground. Slowly, you began to grind deeper into his lap, the feeling of him now fully hard beneath you. Gently prompting you to raise your arms over your head, Javi lifted your shirt, leaving you bare as he dropped it next to your shorts. 

“Is this okay?” Javi rasped, pressing languid kisses against your neck and collarbone as you ran your hands against the width of his broad shoulders. 

“Of course, baby.” Your reply low and horse as you began to drag the fabric of his boxers lower and lower, finally letting his cock spring free as his waistband pushed past. You brought your palm to your mouth, licking a long, wet strip across it before wrapping it around his length, thumbing over the precum already leaking from his tip. Javi tilted his head against the back of the couch as you twisted your wrist, stroking his cock, letting out a hushed moan before sitting back up to watch you. 

“You’re fucking perfect, Osita. I don’t deserve you.” He dug his fingertips into the soft flesh of your ass, his sweet, brown eyes locked on yours as you pressed against him, nibbling at his ear. 

“You deserve everything, Javi. I could give you everything in the world and it still wouldn’t be enough.” Javi grasped at your face, cupping your cheeks as he pressed his lips against yours in a deep, intense kiss, his voice shaky and lustful as his mouth parted with yours before he spoke. 

“I don’t need anything besides you, Osita. Eres mi todo. Estás todo lo que necesito. (You are my everything. You’re all I’ll ever need.) He shuttered, letting out a low groan as you continued to rub your hand along his length, Javi now reaching down to trace lazy circles around your clit before dipping his fingers inside your wet heat. His fullness made you whimper, wrapping tighter around his cock as you stroked him, now bucking your hips against his hand as his fingers curled, bumping against the spongy spot that made you lose control. “Does that feel good, sweet girl? Fuck, you’re so wet. 

“Mhmmmmm.” You gasped, rapidly nodding your head as his digits pulsed inside you, your cunt already drenched, desperate to feel the fullness of his dick, despite the thickness of his fingers. Carefully, you lifted your hips, moving yourself closer to him as you ran your fingers through the soft ends of his sleepy curls. Sitting up on your knees, Javi removed his hand as he watched you hover over him, his palms roaming to your hips as you guided his tip through your folds, collecting your arousal before lining him up with your entrance. His jaw went slack as you lowered down on to him, taking your time as you savored the stretch of every sweet inch until you had bottomed out at his base. 

“Fuckkk, baby.” He mewled, gently guiding his hands against your hips as you dragged yourself up along his length before headfully sinking back down, the tip of his cock bumping against your cervix with each movement. Javi nipped at your neck, trailing hot, wet kisses down your collarbone before stopping at your breasts, flicking this tongue along each of your pebbled nipples as you pushed deeper into his lap, whimpering at his touch. “My sweet girl, always taking me so well, like you were fucking made for me, baby. God, you’re so fucking gorgeous.” Javi pulled you in tighter, caging his chest against yours as his arms wrapped around the small of your back as he rested his face in the crook of your neck. “Fuck, I love you so much, Osita.” His words were desperate and needy against your bare skin, digging your fingers into his dark curls as you swirled your hips around his cock. 

“I love you too, Javi. More than anything.” You moaned as felt Javi shift his weight, thrusting upwards as he buried himself deep inside you. His fullness had you digging your nails into the nape of his neck, your body melting into his with each push and pull against each other. You could feel the all too familiar tingle creeping up your legs and through the base of your spine as Javi’s hand found its way to circle around your clit, already throbbing as the curled hair around his base brushed against your sensitive nerves. The lewd noises of your moans and tangled bodies drowned out the sounds of the TV behind you, practically hearing how wet you were as Javi cock slipped in and out of your heat, his pace pounding as he punched into you. You could feel your walls beginning to tighten around him, arousal pooling in your belly, Javi knowing you were close as you whimpered into the crook of his neck. “Fuck baby, don’t stop- ahhhh- please don’t stop, I’m so close.” 

“I know, baby, I know. Let go for me, Osita. Wanna feel you soak my lap before I fuck you full of me. Cum for me baby, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” Javi’s fingers rubbed faster along your clit as you rolled your hips, sinking yourself deeper onto his cock with each thrust, your vision going white as you could feel yourself come undone. 

“Javi, Javi- fuck- Javi, Jav-ahhhhhh.” You could feel yourself gush around him, crying out his name as you reached your high, your legs shaking and fingers digging into his skin, pleasure flowing through your veins. 

“That’s it, Hermosa. Fuck, baby, I’m gonna cum too, fuck myself so deep inside you. My perfect girl. Mierda- Quiero que seas mío para siempre, mi amor. Solo tú, por siempre y para siempre. (Shit- I want you to be mine forever, my love. Only you, forever and always). Fuck me, I- fuckkkk.” Javi hissed as he buried himself deep in your hilt, spilling every drop of his spend against your walls. You could feel the mixture of the both of you dripping down your thighs, soaking Javi’s lap as you slumped into his body, your heart racing as the damp curls of his hair pressed against your shoulder. You both sat there for a moment, letting your chests rise and fall together in sync as you came to. “Fuck me, Osita. I could stay like this forever, baby.”

“You and me both. Although, I feel like that would make things awfully inconvenient for the both of us.” Your soft, sleepy giggles making Javi smile as he ran his fingers though the twisted ends of your hair. Carefully, you lifted yourself up, hissing at the loss of Javi inside you. 

“Thank you, Osita.” Javi whispered, tenderly circling his thumb along your jaw as you curled up next to him. 

“For what?” 

“Just- fuck, you’re so good to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. So, I just- thank you. Thank you for being everything I need.” Planting a gentle kiss on your forehead, Javi pulled you tighter, holding you in his arms as you leaned against him. 

“I’ll always be here for you, Javi. I promise.” 

You hoped he knew. That he knew your words were true. That when the time came for him to open up to you, letting you into the painful past that loomed above him, that you wouldn’t run. You would be right by his side, just as you were right now. 

“Well good morning, Sleeping Beauty.” Javi chuckled as you twisted in the passenger seat, stretching your arms over your head, scrunching your face, letting out a lengthy yawn. 

“Fuck, how long was I asleep for? How much longer do we have left? Sorry, I wasn’t planning on sleeping that long, I just wanted to take a nap for a little while we drove.” You ran your hands over your face, looking out at the bright Texas sun shining over the neat suburban neighborhood you now found yourself driving through. Javi reached over across the center console, rubbing his hand along your thigh as he chuckled to himself. 

“Baby, I knew from the moment you fell asleep you were gonna be out for the rest of the drive, it’s okay. I was just worried I was gonna have to wake you up in the Murphy’s driveway.” You grumbled as you looked over at Javi, giving him a playful swat against his arm, shaking your head, now emerging from your post nap fog. 

“Well if we weren't up fucking at 2:30 in the morning, perhaps I wouldn’t be so tired, hmmmm?” 

Javi rolled his eyes as you poked fun at how the both of you had found yourselves last night, trying to ease Javi’s sleeplessness. While your solution had worked enough to ease him back to bed, it had now left you wide awake, wondering what had been going through Javi’s head, torturing him enough to keep him up. It had also meant that the two of you had slept in much longer than you intended, leaving later than planned for Steve and Connie’s. The two of you had quickly packed your things and hit the road, stopping to grab lunch on the way before you found yourself dead asleep next to Javi for the last hour and a half of your journey to San Antonio. With only a few minutes now left in your drive, you peered out the window, admiring the houses that lined the quiet streets of the Murphy’s neighborhood. 

“This is a cute subdivision.” You smiled over at Javi, admiring the houses, charming and inviting as they were freshly decorated from Halloween. 

“Yeah, it is pretty nice.” He grinned back, wrapping his palm around your thigh, giving your leg a little squeeze. He took a deep breath, his voice now shifting in tone, becoming more shaky and nervous. “Would you uh- would you, um, wanna live in a neighborhood like this?” 

“Maybe. I don’t know, the houses are all really close together. I spent so much of my life in the city, and even at my house growing up, everything always felt so cramped. After coming here, especially after seeing your ranch, I don’t know, I would love to be somewhere with more space. But that’s a big ask, so, maybe one day if it works out, I guess.” You reached over, rubbing your hand along Javi’s arm, your soft smile meeting his tender gaze as he smirked, nodding to himself. 

“Yeah, one day.” 

Taking a last turn down one of the neighborhood streets, the two of you pulled up to the quaint two story home belonging to the Murphy’s. Turning off the ignition, Javi paused for a moment, grinning to himself as he ran the hand resting on your leg up to your face, cupping your check as his eyes roamed the length of your body, taking every inch of you in as his sweet brown eyes consumed you. “I love you, Osita.”  

“I love you too, Jav.” Both of your heads tilted, your lips gently pressing against one anothers as you traced your hand through Javi’s dark curls, pulling him closer into you. You could feel his smile against your mouth as his tongue barely swiped against your bottom lip, the two of you so lost in the moment, you hadn’t even seen Steve make his way out of the house to greet you, let alone the fact that he was now standing at the driver’s side door, hands on his hips as he watched your impromptu makeout session in Javi’s truck. 

“You two lovebirds want help bringin’ your bags in, or do I need to give you a minute?” Steve chuckled to himself as you and Javi shot up, hearts racing and faces going white hearing his distinct drawl and rapid tapping at the driver’s side window. Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Javi placed one more soft kiss on your forehead before promptly turning around to flip off Steve and opening the driver’s side door. “You two are worse than a pair of horny teenagers, I swear.” You could hear Steve still snickering to himself as you exited out your side of the car, making your way over to find Javi and Steve in a tight hug, lovingly patting each other on the back. 

“Fuck off, Murph.” Javi shook his head against Steve’s embrace, pulling away to grab your two bags from the backseat. 

“Listen, I’m not the one makin’ out in my driveway.” Steve shrugged as you sheepishly emerged from your side of the truck, smiling at you as grimaced at him. 

“He started it…” You glanced over at Javi, you and Steve now both giggling as he pulled you in for a hug. 

“Of course he did, wouldn’t put anything past this old bastard. How ya doin’ sweetheart? Good to see the both of you, we’re really glad you guys could make it. 

“She’s doing great after the hour and a half nap she took on the way here.” Javi interjected, slamming the truck door behind him, slinging both of your bags over his shoulder. 

“Whatever, you meanie. In my defense, I was not planning to sleep that long, and I think Halloween exhaustion got the best of me.” You shot Javi a quick wink, trying to bite down on your lip before turning back to face Steve. 

“Listen, I don’t blame ya. I’m fuckin’ exhausted after trick-or-treating with 3 kids, let alone tryin’ to keep ‘em wrangled at school all day. I love those girls, but I don’t think I could've gotten them in my parents car fast enough when they came to pick ‘em up this morning. Here, come on in, I won’t make you stand out in the driveway all day, unless you need to make out more.” 

As you stepped into the Murphy home, you were greeted by an abundance of Halloween streamers and banners hanging in the living room and up the stairwell to the second floor, along with a few Barbie dolls and accessories scattered across the entryway, nearly stepping on one as you came through the door. You could smell the sweet scent of something baking in the kitchen as Connie came rushing through the hallway, arms outstretched to greet you and Javi. “Oh it’s so good to see you two, thank you so much for coming!” Connie squeezed you and Javi in a tight hug before she backed away, kicking one of the toys on the floor across the room. “Sorry about the Barbies, I told the girls to clean up before they left for their grandparents this morning but I think all 3 of them are still running on a sugar high from last night and that obviously didn’t happen.” 

“Thank you so much for having us! Don’t worry about it at all, I totally understand! Javi was just telling me on the way over how much he was hoping the girls had Barbies he could play with anyways!” The 3 of you laughed as Javi rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as you gave him a smirk and a little nudge. 

“Fuck, I forgot how funny she was Jav.” Steve snickered to himself, picking up one of the Barbies and tossing it across the room into one of the toy baskets along the wall. “Seriously though, we are really glad you guys could make it. Your birthday party was fun as hell, old man. Glad to be close enough to actually see each other and do stuff like this again.” 

Before Javi would respond, you all jumped, startled by the sound of the kitchen timer beeping rapidly from the other room. “Oh crap, sorry, I gotta grab the cupcakes out of the oven!” Connie grimaced apologetically, making her way back to the kitchen. 

“Do you need any help?” You asked, excited to spend more time with Connie. 

“Oh my gosh actually if you could help with frosting the cupcakes that would be amazing. I made these yesterday for Olivia and Abby’s class parties, and I had no idea it was gonna take so long and was worried I wasn’t going to have enough time for all of them before the party! Thank you!” 

“Of course!” You replied, grinning at her before following her lead to the kitchen, giving a little wave as you disappeared around the hall, looking back at Steve and Javi. “Have fun, you two.” 

Steve paused for a moment until the both of you were out of sight, waiting to forcefully slap his hand against Javi’s chest, making him groan from the unexpected pain. 

“What the fuck was that for, you jackass?” Javi winced, glaring at Steve. 

“Where the fuck’s the ring, man?! Steve hissed through gritted teeth, looking back at Javi in disappointment. “I thought you were gonna fuckin’ do it after you got back from Chicago and met her family?! I thought everything was all good with- oh shit, did something happen with the ho-” 

“Shhhhhh! You fuckin’ idiot, please, talk louder, I don’t think the people at the end of the street could hear you.” Javi looked around the corner, clenching his jaw, praying that you hadn’t heard anything from the kitchen. 

“I’m not that fuckin’ loud… Shit, what the fuck happened then?” Steve grumbled, looking over at Javi with concern. 

“Can we maybe talk about proposal plans somewhere that’s not right by the woman I’m trying to propose to?” Running his thumb over his balled fists, Javi’s eyes darted back and forth, staying on the lookout for your return. 

“Fine, fine, fine. I’ll show you where the guest room is and then you can tell me.” Steve motioned up the stairs, Javi trailing behind with both your bags draped around his shoulders

“Was I really that fuckin’ loud?” 

“…Have you heard yourself talk?” 

“So how’s everything been going at work? There definitely was a full moon sometime in the past week because things were crazy at the hospital, I’m sure they had to be equally as bad at an elementary school.” You and Connie giggled as you squeezed a dollop of orange frosting onto one of the cupcakes before taking one of the little bags to pipe on eyes and a mouth to make it look like a pumpkin. 

“Oh my god, I think it must have been on Wednesday, I had a boy cut another girl’s hair with scissors and then had to call another parent because her daughter bit another kid at recess pretending to play werewolves. I felt really bad we didn’t come last night, I was exhausted after our Halloween party, I fell asleep on poor Javi at like, 8 o’clock.” 

Although you found yourself laughing with Connie again, you couldn’t help but shake the uncomfortable feeling you had in your gut as you thought about after you had woken up in the middle of the night to find Javi wide awake and distressed. You carefully set down your spatula, taking a deep breath before glancing over at Connie, still frosting next to you. “Hey, uh, Connie? Can, um- Can I ask you something?” Connie immediately sensed the shift in your tone, putting down her cupcake. 

“Of course, honey. What’s going on?” 

“Did um, did- Did Steve ever- ever talk to you? About all the stuff that happened in Colombia? I mean like, I know you were there, but I don’t know. Sorry, I don’t know what I’m trying to ask, this is probably way too personal, I-” You could feel yourself shrinking, retracting in embarrassment at your overly intrusive question, unable to finish your thought before Connie cut you off, placing her hand on your shoulder. 

“Oh, honey…” Her eyes were filled with sympathy as they looked back at yours, letting out a sigh before she responded. “Did something happen?” You began to nod your head no, even though you could feel the words yes burning in your throat. You took another shaky breath, trying to hold back the tears now welling in your eyes as you spoke. 

“No I mean- well, yeah, I guess. Last night, I woke up and Javi wasn’t in bed. He was out in the living room and I could tell that something was bothering him. I don’t know- maybe it was nothing. I just- when my brothers came back from active duty, there were a lot of things that kind of just went unspoken. I knew it was hard for them to talk about. Charlie handled it okay, but my brother Patrick never wanted to talk to anyone about what happened, and it just- I don’t know Connie, I don’t think Javi would ever do anything stupid like he did, but- fuck- it scares me sometimes. I know Javi’s done things that he’s probably not proud of, and I get it’s part of the nature of what his job was. I don’t care. I really don’t. People do shitty things when they’re put in shitty situations. But he never talks about it. Ever. Does… Does he not trust me? I care about him so much, Con. More than anything. I get so worried about him.” 

Your tears were now streaming down your cheeks, leaving your face wet as you wiped the back of your hand across your skin to try and do some form of damage control before Connie embraced you, pulling you in for a hug, tightly wrapping her arms around you. “Oh sweetheart. Of course he trusts you. When Steve came back, he was a mess. I don’t think it really all hit him until he was finally home. I guess you’re right, it was different because I was there, but even then, there were things that happened that I didn’t know about. After begging and begging him, I finally got him to go to see someone and it really helped, but even now, there’s times where it still creeps up on him. Honey, Javi loves you so much. I didn’t think I’d ever live to see the day he was in love as he is with you. If he’s anything like Steve, he just doesn't wanna hurt you.” 

You sniffled, taking a step back to wipe your nose with your sleeve, your lip trembling as you tried to keep from crying harder than you already were. “But that’s what hurts, Connie. It hurts me to think he has to keep this from me, like I’m gonna think less of him for what he’s been through.” 

“I know. Have you talked to him about it?” Connie’s voice was gentle and sweet, rubbing her hand along your arm as she listened to what you needed to get off your chest. 

“No… I guess I should have. I never wanted to pry. I know it’s hard to talk about, I just- I wanna be there for him Connie. I don’t want him to have to do it all on his own.” You shifted your gaze to the ground, guilt washing over you. After Patrick, you couldn’t live with the idea of letting Javi try to suffer through his past alone. You loved him more than anything- and even the slightest thought of going through anything similar to what had happened to Patrick again with Javi was almost paralyzing. 

“I think the best thing you can do is to go talk to him.” Looking back up, you saw Connie smiling at you, trying to convince you that everything would be okay, even if it felt like it wasn’t. “Why don’t you go find him? Party’s starting soon anyways, you can go change into your costumes and come down wherever you’re ready. I’ll be just fine with the cupcakes, tell Steve can put himself to work frosting.” The both of you grinned as you tried to wipe your tears, nodding slowly in agreement. 

“Thanks, Connie.” You whispered into her shoulder as you pulled her in for a hug before heading up the stairs to find where Javi and Steve had gone. It didn’t take you long to find the pair, hearing their voices carry through the hallway from the slightly cracked door of the guest bedroom. You were about to knock and interrupt their conversation, stopping yourself with your fist barely touching the door as you tried to make out what they were talking about. 

“The offer was in fucking cash, too. I was trying to make it easier so I could speed up the process, but it’s been taking them so goddamn long to close on everything so I can finally go sign the fucking paperwork.” 

“That fuckin’ blows, Jav. I’m sorry. It’s not like she knows any better, though. It’ll still be a huge fuckin’ surprise, I’ll tell you that much.” 

“I know. It’s been killing me to wait this long. I just want it to be perfect, Steve. She deserves everything. Honestly, I’m kinda glad it bought me some more time. I need to find a way to get her to see it before everything’s official in case she fucking hates it.” 

“Javi. She’s not gonna hate it. Fuck it, tell her Connie and I are lookin’ for somethin’ and we wanted you two to go see it for us. I don’t know, maybe that’s too obvious. Speakin’ of which, I should probably go check to see if she needs anything before this party, I’m already in the fuckin’ dog house for forgettin’ to bring the girl’s trick-or-treatin’ bags to school, I don’t need to be in trouble for anything else.” 

What the hell were they talking about? What was Javi signing? Why was it taking so long? What the hell did it have to do with you? Wait… holy fuck. No way… Was he- 

Before you could finish your thought, you suddenly realized Steve was making his way towards the door. You quickly rapped your fist against the wood, trying to play off the fact you had been eavesdropping and make it look like you had just unassumingly made your way upstairs, not overhearing the conversation the two were just having. 

Knock, knock. 

“Hey, it’s me! Uh, Steve, Con wants to know if you can help her with the cupcakes really quick.” You pushed open the door, trying your best to smile at the suspicious pair as Steve shook his head, looking back at Javi. 

“It’s always fuckin’ somethin’. I don’t even know what I did wrong this time, I swear.” Steve held up his hands defensively, sliding his way past you in the doorway before heading downstairs, leaving you standing there awkwardly, unsure how to feel after your conversation with Connie and the one you had just overheard. 

“Hey, Osita. How’s everything goin’ down there? Sorry, we were just about to come down and- Hey, baby, you okay?” Javi stood up, concern spreading across his face from the strange scrunch in your brow as you stared at the floor. 

“Ummmm…” You froze for a moment, unsure of what to do. On the one hand, your conversation with Connie had you ready to confront Javi, to finally work up the courage to ask him about the past life he had tried his best to keep from you. But as you glanced over at him, seeing his sweet brown eyes and stupidly handsome face, remembering the discussion you had just overheard through the doorway, the other hand meant you weren’t at risk of ruining your night that the two of you had been so looking forward to, and right now, the other hand was going to have to be the one you needed to play. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good, I just- I was gonna ask you something but forgot what I was gonna say. I’m sure I’ll remember it eventually.” You smiled at Javi, neither of you completely convinced by your response. “But um, Connie said that people are gonna start getting here soon, so we can change into our costumes if you want.” A smirk slowly stretched across your cheeks as you nodded over to the black duffle bags laying on the bed. 

Javi’s grin matched yours quickly, grabbing your hips and pulling you closer against him as you giggled. “You sure we’re not gonna be the only ones dressed up?” 

“Well considering it’s a Halloween party and I literally just talked to Connie about what she and Steve are wearing downstairs, I’m gonna give it a pretty confident yes. Worst case, it just looks like you’re wearing a white shirt and vest, Mr. Solo. You stuck up, half-witted, scruffy looking nerf herder.” You raised your eyebrows, playfully poking at his chest. Javi paused, shaking his head at your quote, firing one right back at you as he bit down on his lip. 

“You just like me because I’m a scoundrel. There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life.” 

“I happen to like nice men.” 

“I am a nice man.”  

Javi cupped your face, pulling you in for a long, heavy kiss before backing away to unpack your bags, shooting you a quick wink as you rolled your eyes. Jesus, he even found a way to make Star Wars sexy. Just when you thought you couldn’t be anymore in love, Javier Peña never failed to find a way to make you realize you’d never stop falling for him. 

After putting in what felt like the 74th bobby pin into your hair after getting the last braid wrapped over your head, you gave yourself a once over in the mirror, pleasantly surprised by how well your costume had turned out. While Javi was disappointed you were adamant you were not going as Princess Leia from Return of the Jedi and showing up in front of a group of strangers at Steve and Connie’s party in her slave costume, you and Javi both agreed that Hoth Princess Leia was definitely the next best look. Staring at you with his puppy dog eyes, Javi had been adamant about waiting with you as you finished getting ready, leaning his hip against the bathroom counter, arms crossed over his chest as he watched you finish the last of your hair and makeup. 

“Okay, I think that should stay. All those years of braiding my hair for under my hockey helmet are finally coming in handy for something.” You snickered, pushing the final clip into your hair to hold it into place, giving yourself a once over in the mirror. As you looked yourself down, Javi’s eyes wandered up and down your body just as fast, practically undressing you as fast as you had put your costume on. 

“Goddamn, Osita… Fuck, you’re so hot.” 

“Me? Jesus Christ, Javi. You put Harrison Ford to shame with how fucking good you look. I like Han Solo better with a mustache anyways.” You licked your tongue against your bottom lip, running your hands along the muscles of his arms, straining against the tight henley shirt he was wearing under his vest. You were no better than Javi, practically having to force yourself to not look in his general direction while you were getting ready to prevent yourself from pouncing on him. But given the lack of chatter downstairs, and the impressive speed at which the two of you had gotten ready, you really couldn’t help yourself. Slowly, you let your hands begin to slip down his arms and across his chest, palming at the denim of his black jeans as he let out a deep groan. 

“Hermosa…” He hissed against your neck as you grasped at the bulge now growing under his pants, your other hand now making its way down to undo his belt, the clinking of the metal drowned out by Javi’s heavy panting. You began lowering your body, sliding Javi’s pants and boxers down his thighs as his cock sprang free, his tip already red and leaking with precum. You rested on your knees, face to face with his length as you wrapped your hand around him, slowly stroking him a few times. 

“This okay, Captain Solo?” You batted your lashes at him, giving him a wink before letting your spit dribble onto his cock, taking his tip into your mouth and swirling your tongue around it. Curling your fingers around his base, you began to twist your wrist, hollowing out your cheeks as you took him deeper into your mouth. 

“Oh, fuck me. Holy shit, Osita.” He moaned, tilting his head back, letting his jaw go slack as your head bobbed back and forth. He gently rested his hand along the side of your face, helping to guide you along his length as you took him deeper and deeper down your throat. “Jesus Christ, baby. Fuck, that feels so good. You look so hot, god fuckin’ dammit.” Javi’s words were labored and shaky as you started to increase your pace, wrapping your free hand around the back of his bare thigh, digging your fingertips into his leg. Feeling the pressure beginning to build in his stomach, Javi began rocking his hips, his jaw completely slack as he looked down at the sight of how well you took him in your mouth, saliva dribbling down your chin as sucked along his cock, hard and heavy on your tongue. “Fuck, Osita. I’m not gonna last much longer. Can I cum like this, baby? Fill up that- fuck- fill up that pretty little mouth of yours?”” 

You glanced up at him, nodding, your lips still wrapped around his dick, the motions of your head and wrist now becoming faster and sloppier as you watched Javi’s brow scrunch and jaw clench, a sign you knew all too well that he was moments away from coming undone. 

“Such a good fucking girl, taking me so well. Fuck, baby- shit- se sientes tan bien, estoy tan cercaaahhhhhh-” (you feel so good, I’m so closeeeee-). The hot ropes of his spend coated the back of your throat, the salty, tangy mix filling your mouth as Javi whined, giving his hips one last push as kept your lips wrapped around him, making sure that you had milked him of every last drop before releasing. Letting your spit and his release fall from the corners of your lips, you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, smirking up at Javi’s blissed out expression. “Jesus Christ, Osita. You’re too fucking good at that. Holy shit. Lemme take care of-“ 

You held up your hand to stop him as you stood up, your gesture cutting off the rest of his sentence as you helped to pull up his jeans and boxers still resting along his thighs. “I’m allowed to give my hot ass boyfriend blowjobs without anything in return. C’mon, we better get downstairs before Steve walks in on us again.” You pressed up on your tiptoes, planting a quick kiss on Javi’s lips as he reached down to buckle his belt before the two of you tried your best to fix yourself up in the mirror to avoid the inevitable shit Steve was about to give the both of you. Giving Javi a quick nod in the mirror before turning off the light and heading out the door, he gave your ass a playful smack, making you squeal in surprise, making you turn on your heels. Resting his hand on his hip, he beamed at you, biting down on his lip. 

“Fuck, I love you.�� 

“I know.” 

The Murphy’s living room had begun to pool with guests as you made your way down the stairs, looking for Steve and Connie amongst the crowd. You and Javi both grabbed a beer from the cooler at the bottom of the stairwell, quickly turning around as you heard Steve’s familiar twang approaching behind you. 

“Well I’ll be damned. You got this motherfucker in a costume? He must really love you.” Steve chuckled, shaking Javi by the shoulders. “And Star Wars too?! You asshole, how many times did I try to tell you they were good fuckin’ movies?! You shoulda dressed him up like Jabba the Hut.” You and Steve cackled as Javi rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, and what the fuck are you supposed to be? A sad pirate?” Javi jabbed, poking fun at Steve’s poorly put together costume. 

“Listen, Olivia and Abby both wanted to be the Little Mermaid, so we had two Ariel’s, Con was Ursula, Madison was the yellow fish and I didn’t wanna be that annoying ass crab, so pirate it was, asshole.” Steve retorted, punching at Javi’s arm, the two of them laughing at each other like little boys. “Alright, go enjoy yourselves lovebirds, I’ll see ya in a little bit. And Javi?”

“Yeah Murph?” 

“You really gotta start checkin’ your pants, buddy.” 

Javi’s cheeks turned red, his eyes darting down to his zipper, still all the way undone from your activities upstairs, the both of you grimacing at each other, sheepishly avoiding eye contact with Steve as he disappeared into the crowd. 

It really wasn’t a surprise to Javi how many friends the Murphy’s had already managed to make in their time since moving to San Antonio. Their house was quickly crowded with all sorts of people- Steve and Connie’s co-workers, neighbors, parents of friends Olivia and Abby had made at school, regardless of where the party goers were from, everyone had collectively agreed to make adult Halloween just as fun as any kids. You and Javi were having a great time catching up with Steve and Connie, as well as meeting some of their other close friends, one of Connie’s neighbors being an elementary school teacher, giving you two plenty to commiserate about from the hellish week it had been. It didn’t take long for the party to move outside, Steve drunkenly deciding that he needed to make a bonfire, despite adamant argument that with the amount of alcohol Steve had in his system, he was going to spontaneously combust if he got close enough to a flame. Javi, sober enough to still help his friend make rational decisions, was glad that Steve was happy to let him build the bonfire. 

“The force is strong with you, Han Solo.” You giggled, Javi wrapping his arm around your shoulder, pressing a soft kiss into your forehead as the two of you stared into the flickering orange glow of the fire pit. 

“Not strong enough to extinguish Steve if he got close enough to it. Hey, I got shit all over my hands, I’m gonna go to the bathroom and wash ‘em off. You need anything while I’m inside, Princess?” You smiled as you nudged Javi at the nickname he had been adamant about using since you had put on your costume. 

“I’m good, thank you. I’m gonna go wait over on the swingset so I don’t completely reek of bonfire later.” Javi nodded as he slid his hand down your back, giving your ass a quick squeeze before making his way through the crowd, heading towards the house. Surprised no one else had capitalized on the chance to sit down, you wandered over to the wooden playset at the corner of the Murphy’s backyard, taking a seat on one of the plastic swings, kicking your feet against the grass below. 

“Hey, there she is! How goes it, Leia?” Taking a few long strides through the yard, Steve was now quickly making his way over to you, stumbling over his own feet as he somehow managed to sit himself down on the swing next to you. You tried your best not to laugh at Steve’s drunken state, but his current antics weren’t making it very easy on you. 

“I could ask the same to you. You doin’ okay there, pirate?” 

“Fuck sweetheart, I’m doin’ fuckin’ great. Where’s the asshole?” 

“Inside, I’m sure he’ll be back out soon.” You snickered at Steve watching the beer dribble down his chin from the overly confident swig he had taken. 

“Good, I don’t need ‘em right now. You were the one I was lookin’ for.” Steve pointed in your general direction, but clearly wasn’t aware enough to hit his target head on. 

“Me?” You laughed, pointing back to yourself. 

“Yes, you. You talk to him yet?”

“About?” You paused, wondering if Steve had any inkling of the conversation you were planning to have earlier, or if he was drunkenly deciding you and Javi needed to discuss something else. 

“You know about what. I talked to Connie earlier. I figured I owed it to you to come talk to you about it, too.” 

Your heart began to race, that uncomfortable feeling once again beginning to churn in your stomach as you thought about the things you and Connie had discussed earlier. “Steve, you don’t owe me anything, I-” 

“No, I do. Hold on a second.” Steve turned away, letting out a hearty burp, pouding on his chest before facing back towards you. “Sorry, I’ve been holdin’ that in for like 10 minutes, I needed to let it out. Anyways… What was I sayin’? Oh shit, yeah, the grumpy bastard. Listen, sweetheart. I know it’s gonna fuckin’ suck,  but you gotta be the one to bring it up and talk to him about it. If I know anything about that motherfucker, it’s that he will bottle things up for way too fuckin’ long until someone gets it out of him. He’s a good guy. He says he’s not, but he is. Saved my ass more times than I can count. That job made us do some fucked up shit neither of us are fuckin’ proud of. But that doesn’t mean he gets to keep it from you. I swear to God, that asshole is so fuckin’ in love with you, it makes me sick. You make him so happy. He just doesn’t wanna fuck up the best thing that’s ever happened to him.” 

You weren’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but in that moment, all you could manage was to reach over to the swing next to you, pulling Steve in for a hug as you tried to keep your tears from staining his shirt. “Thanks, Steve.” You whispered, leaning back into your seat, using your sleeve to wipe the wetness from your cheeks. 

“I know you love him too. You deserve to know. Don’t let him be a stubborn jackass to you, okay? I’m bein’ serious. I should be the one thankin’ you though, honey. In all the years I’ve known him, I never thought I’d see ‘em this happy. I promise I won’t get this drunk at your wedding.” Steve winked, straining to push himself up out of the swing, somehow managing to catch his balance as he stumbled into the grass. 

“You do make a very inspirational drunk, Steve.” You laughed to yourself, looking up at him with a genuine smile. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. Alright, enough sap, I’m gonna go get another fuckin’ beer, I’ll see ya around okay?” 

“Okay, maybe a water would be good for you, too.” 

“Water’s for pussies.” 

“Water’s good for people who don’t want raging hangovers tomorrow.” 

“Pirates are always drunk, so I’ll be fuckin’ fine.” 

“Whatever you say, Steve.” 

It didn’t take long for Javi to return, easily spotting his tall, broad body making his way through the crowd, beaming at you as he walked over to the swings. You tried your best to smile back at him with the uneasy pounding in your chest quickly building, feeling your heartbeat in your throat. “Hey, Hermosa. Sorry it took so long, I ended up stopping to get another drink on the-“ 

“Do- Javi, do you trust me?” 

Your words were quiet and blunt as they rolled off your tongue, your eyes peeled on your feet kicking through the grass beneath you. 

Javi’s brow immediately scrunched in confusion, completely off put by your question and demeanor. “Do I- Baby, what are you talking about? Of course I trust you? What’s going on?” Setting down his drink, he began making his way next to you in frantic, worried strides. 

“Then why won’t you talk to me about it?” Your eyes darted from the ground up to his, his sweet brown eyes swirling with confusion at the firm tone of your voice and desperation growing across your face. 

“Talk to you about what? Hermosa, what’s going on? Is everything ok-” 

“Why won’t you talk to me about Colombia?” 

 Javi took a step back. He wasn’t sure if it was out of defense, or absolute shock from the words that had just fallen out of your mouth. He stared at you for a moment, his jaw locking as you could see how hard he swallowed, trying to bide his time as he calculated his response. 

“Osita… It’s not that simple.” 

“That’s not an answer.” 

“I don’t understand why we’re talking about this. Baby, if this is because of last night, you don’t need to worry about me, can we please just drop it?” The two of you faced each other in an unspoken standoff, Javi’s hands now resting on his hips as you crossed your arms over your chest. You had tried so hard to be patient, but in the moment, it was like all of your frustration was beginning to boil over. 

“That’s exactly why we’re talking about this, Javi. Because I fucking worry about you. All the time. I’ve tried so hard to be patient. I’ve never, ever tried to get you to talk about it because I know it’s fucking hard. But last night, you’re up at 2 A.M, wandering around the apartment, and I’m begging you to tell me what’s wrong and you won’t fucking do it. I’m not an idiot, Javi. I can’t live in this weird in between space in your life where you pretend your past doesn’t exist when I know it still fucking haunts you. Why won’t you just talk to me about it?” 

Javi could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his palms sweating as they clenched in tight fists at his sides. He tried so desperately to find an answer, something, anything he could tell you to try and justify his choices. The choices he had kept from you. The choices he couldn’t forgive himself for. “Because, I- fuck- because, goddamnit, I just- I was a terrible fucking person, okay? The things I did, they were-” 

“What? Fucked up? Painful? Shitty? Of course they fucking were, Javi. You were literally in Colombia chasing down Pablo Fucking Escobar. What did you think I thought you were doing down there? Filing away paperwork? You don’t think I know that you did things you regret? That you’ve hurt people? Made choices that hurt innocent people who didn’t deserve it? I know Javi, I fucking know. I watched my brothers come back from the same goddamn thing. I tried so hard to give them space, to let them come to terms with the fucked up things they did on their own, and you know what fucking happened? One of them’s fucking dead because of it. I can’t let it happen again. I don’t care about what you did. It doesn’t make you a bad person. But you can’t try and hide it from me and pretend like it doesn’t exist. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. But I can’t if you don’t trust me. Please trust me. Please. I love you so much, Javi. I can’t lose you.” 

Javi stood in silence, as the both of you fought the tears streaming down your cheeks. He wasn’t sure if he had just been hit in the gut with a giant sucker punch, or if the weight of the world had just been lifted off his shoulders. He truly didn’t know how to feel. He wasn’t even sure if he had heard you correctly. Did you really just tell him that you knew about the fucked up, terrible things he had done and that you didn’t care? That you still fucking loved him? All you wanted was for him to trust that you wanted to be there for him? He could feel his hands trembling and lip quivering as he tried to find the words to speak.

 “Osita… I- fuck, baby. Osita, I’m so sorry. I trust you with my fucking life. You- You don’t deserve to have to deal with with all the fucked up things I’ve done. I don’t wanna scare you away, baby. You’re the best thing that’s ever fucking happened to me and I was so terrified if you found out about the terrible person I used to be, you’d leave. It’s not fair to you, I can’t expect you to carry the weight of all the fucking things I’ve done, too. I’m so sorry.” Quietly, Javi sat down next to you on the empty swing, burying his hands in his face. Gently, you reached over, pulling his hands away, forcing him to look at you. 

“Whatever you tell me isn’t gonna scare me away. I promise. The only thing that’s gonna scare me is when you try to pretend you’re okay when you’re not. Javi… Javi, I just- I just wanna be there for you. I don’t want you to have to do it alone. I’d do anything for you. I trust you more than anyone. You’re my best friend. I just- fuck- I just want you to trust that I’ll always be there for you to. I promise.” 

And just like that, the last brick holding up the wall between you and Javier Peña collapsed. There was nothing left to run from. Nothing left to hide. After he returned home, he was a changed man. He had hated the person he had become. Maybe there was a part of him that didn’t want to be loved, because he didn’t believe that he deserved to be. But then, there was you. 

You. 

You had taken everything he had known and changed his life for the better. You had become his better half, the person he loved more than anyone in the world. You had proved he was worthy of more than just existing- you had proved to Javi that he was worth the love and happiness you had promised him from the moment you had come into his life and made it worth living for. 

“You promise?” 

“I promise. Always.” 

The way Javi grabbed you and wrapped you in his arms, grasping at the back of your shirt as he pulled you in tighter, feeling the hot breath of his silent sobs against your shoulder told you everything you needed to know. You didn’t know much, but if there was one thing you did know, it was that you loved Javier Peña more than life itself. As quickly as it had felt like your life had fallen apart, he had come into it and picked up the broken pieces to put it back together. And on an October night in San Antonio, sitting on an old wooden swing set in the Murphy’s backyard, you hoped that Javi knew that you would always be there to pick up the shattered parts of his past, too. 

You weren’t sure how many hours had passed as you sat hand in hand in the swings with Javi as you listened to anything and everything he had to say. Long after the backyard was empty, and the bonfire had faded to embers and ashes, and the only one left awake besides the two of you was Connie, trying to drag Steve back inside from the plastic lawn chair he had passed out on, you finally made your way up to bed for the best sleep the two of you had in a very, very long time. Your goodbyes to the Murphy’s had been short and sweet- Connie exhausted from the late night, and Steve barley coherent from how hungover he was, you were still both so thankful the two of you had made the journey out to see them, and the both of you, just as grateful for the sweet and supportive life long friends you knew the Murphy’s would become. Most of your drive back to Laredo was spent in a comfortable silence, the golden sunrise spilling through the windows of Javi’s truck as you cruised down the highway, Javi’s hand never leaving yours, your fingers intertwined together as his thumb gently rubbed against your soft skin and your head rested against his broad shoulder. 

“How are you feeling about seeing your mom today?” You asked, lightly squeezing his arm as you smiled up at him, now exiting off the freeway quickly approaching the cemetery where you planned to meet Chucho to celebrate Día De Los Muertos, trying your best to comfort Javi as he prepared to see his mom’s gravesite for the first time since her funeral almost a decade ago. Javi let out a quiet sigh, his grip tightening just a little tighter around your hand as he looked over at you, a surprisingly calm look flooding his face. 

“I’m actually doing okay. Better than I would have thought. I think I was always so worried that she wouldn’t be proud of me and the man I’d become after she was gone. I um- I finally think that she’d be proud of me now.” He glanced over at you, his smile soft and tender as he soaked in the reason for his pride sitting right beside him. 

You noticed Chucho’s truck as you pulled up to park along the edge of the small cemetery, Chucho excitedly waving you down as you both hopped out of the car. Walking around to Javi, you were quick to grab his hand, giving him a reassuring grip as the two of you made your way through the gravestones along the thin cobblestone path towards Chucho, already arranging the items he had collected for Lucia’s ofrenda. 

“Hola, niños.” Chucho grinned, wrapping his arms around the both of you. “I’m so glad you’re here.” 

“Thanks for letting me be a part of today, Chucho. I know… Well, I just- I’m really honored to- just, thank you.” Chucho wasted no time pulling you into your own hug, his rough and worn hands holding you by the shoulders as he looked at you with misty eyes. 

“Mija, I should be thanking you. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know if we would all be here today. Lucia’s last wish to me was that I would promise to make sure Javier was happy. Now hija, I think my sweet Lucia can rest a little easier knowing someone else has already fulfilled my promise for me.” As the two of you spoke, you hadn’t noticed as Javi had quietly stepped over to his mother’s gravestone, crouching next to it, his fingers delicately tracing along the engraved letters of her name, his other hand holding one of the marigold flowers Chucho had brought with him. The two of you watched quietly as Javi sat next to his mom, gently placing the flower on the shiny stone as he spoke. 

“Hola, mamá. Te extrañé. Siento haber tarado tanto.” (Hi mom. I missed you. I’m sorry I took so long). Javi’s voice trembled as he took a deep breath in, slowly exhaling as his hand rested on the stone, warm from the sun, shining brightly in the blue November sky. “Que estaba asustada de de verte porque estaba orgullosala de la persona en la que me había convertido. Que no quería decepcionarte. Tenía miedo mucho, mamá. Me sentí como si todo se derrumbase. solo quería olvidar. Pero entonces…” (I was scared to see you because I wasn’t proud of the person I’d become. I didn’t want to disappoint you. I was so scared, mom. I felt like I let everyone down. I just wanted to forget. But then…).  Javi turned his head, seeing you and Chucho, arm in arm, a smile growing across his face as looked back at the two people in life he loved the most. He took an extra moment to stare at you and the soft grin spread between your cheeks, basking in the comfort and warmth of the woman who had forever changed his life for the better. “Pero entonces, mamá, La conocí. Que es perfecta. Nunca supe que podías amar tanto a alguien. Ella es lo mejor que me ha pasado. La habrías amado.ella es una maestra, tambien.  A veces me pregunto qué ve en mí. No sé qué hice para merecerse. voy a pedirle que se case conmigo.Cuidaré bien de ella. Ella se merece todo lo que le pueda dar y más. Espero que estés orgulloso de mí, mamá. te echo mucho, Pero le juro a usted, al fin soy feliz. Te amo, mamá.”  (But then, mom, I met her. She is perfect. I never knew you could love someone so much. She is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You would have loved her. She’s a teacher too. Sometimes, I wonder what she sees in me. I don’t know what I did to deserve her. I’m gonna ask her to marry me. I’m gonna take such good care of her. She deserves everything I can give her and more. I hope you’re proud of me, mamá. I miss you so much, but I promise you, I’m finally happy. I love you, mom.) 

With a gentle nudge from Chucho, you softly stepped behind Javi, gently placing your hands on his shoulders before he rose up and you wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head against his chest as he wiped away the tears welling behind his eyes. Staring down at Lucia’s gravestone, Javi ran his hand through your hair, carefully planting a kiss against your head and burying his nose in the soft waves of your hair. 

“I wish I would have had the chance to have met you, Mrs. Peña. I would have had someone else to commensurate with over all of the crazy teaching stories I’m sure the both of us have. Maria, Estelle and Linda all miss you a lot too, but I’m sure they haven’t changed a bit. Thanks for raising such a good son. I don’t know what I would do without him. I know he says that he doesn’t know what he did to deserve me, but I really think it should be the other way around. I promise I’ll look out for him.” You tried your best to smile through your soft sobs, looking up at Javi, tears streaming down his wet cheeks. It wasn’t long before Chucho had snuck up behind you, patting each of you on the back before smiling down at Lucia, too. 

“Estos dos están tan enamorados, Lucia. Tal vez más que tú y yo. Ella es una buena chica. Estoy muy contenta de que ella sea parte de nuestra familia. Finalmente tendremos a nuestros nietos, también.”  (These two are so in love, Lucia. Maybe even more than you and I. She is a great girl. I am so happy she is a part of our family. We are finally going to get our grandchildren, too). Chucho winked, nudging Javi in the side, forcing him to laugh through his tears, shaking his head at his dad’s comment. “Now, no more tears, you two. This is a happy day. Your mamá is smiling down on you, and I can almost hear here scolding me to keep you from crying anymore. C’mon, let’s decorate and eat, I even brought pozole.” 

The three of you spent the next hour decorating Lucia’s grave with bright orange and gold cempazuchitl (marigold flowers) and little Calaveras (sugar skulls) painted in bold colors and refined details, sharing and laughing about Javi’s favorite memories of his mother while snacking on the Pozole Chucho had brought to share. For the first time in a long time, Javi no longer felt guilt and grief when he thought about his mom- her memory filled him with love and joy. He wasn’t the same bitter, broken man he was when he had said his final goodbyes to his mother all those years ago. While he wished he could change the past, the reality of the present, and his future finally brought him peace, knowing he could be proud of the man he had become, thanks to you. 

As Javi helped Chucho to clean up the extra flowers and decorations he had brought, you couldn’t help yourself from reaching at the wrinkled photo you had shoved in your pocket as you had packed up to leave from the Murphy’s this morning. You carefully took it out, holding it gently in your hands as you tried to uncrinkle the edges. “You ready, Hermosa?” Javi called out, now a few steps ahead of you, making his way back towards the truck. “Hermosa?” He asked again, thinking perhaps you hadn’t heard him the first time. When he was greeted by silence again, he looked back to see you staring at the crumpled photo in your hands. 

“I um- I know that he isn’t buried here, and uh, if you don’t want me to, it’s okay- but um- is it, is it alright if I leave a couple flowers for Patrick?” You sniffed, a tear dropping down on the photo of the two of you, Patrick holding you in a headlock as you laughed with a wide, toothy grin, drowning in one of his old Blackhawks jerseys that you were so excited to wear because it belonged to him. 

“Of course, Osita. Of course it is.” Javi smiled at you softly, turning back around with the tub of leftover decorations, making his way towards you. Quietly, you walked back over to Lucia’s gravestone, carefully setting down the picture of you and Patrick next to it, putting a few marigolds over top of it so it stayed pinned in place from the warm breeze. 

“I miss you, asshole. You deserved so much better. I hope you don’t still think that I hate you. I mean, I do, but you know what I mean. Honestly, you were lucky you didn’t have to live through the Blackhawks losing in the playoffs this year, that fucking sucked. Mom and Dad and Charlie and David all miss you too. I finally went back home to see them. It still wasn’t the same without you there, but I know you don’t hurt anymore. I hope that you don’t hurt anymore. I love you, Patrick. Crack open a cold one up there for me, okay?” Trying your best to not to uncontrollably sob, you sniffled, wiping the tears running down your face as you leaned your head against Javi’s chest. He ran his hand along your back as he held you tighter, letting you take a moment to get everything out before you took a deep breath, nodding your head as if to signify to Javi and yourself that you were okay. 

“You okay, Osita? We can take all the time you need, baby.” Javi whispered, pressing a gentle kiss into your shoulder. 

“No, I’m okay. I just- I wanted to do something for him, too. Thanks, Javi. I love you.” 

“I know.” 

After several more long hugs goodbye with Chucho, you and Javi began your journey back home, marveling at the beautiful sunset, painting the sky with bright pinks and oranges and the warmth and comfort of Lucia and Patrick’s presence. You were so lost in thought staring out at the fading sky, you hadn’t even noticed that Javi had detoured from your usual route home until he had said something to you. “You okay if we make a quick pit stop on the way home, Osita?” You nodded, smiling at the golden glow covering his face. It wasn’t long until you were veering off the main road, Javi turning to make his way down a tree lined gravel pathway with a “For Sale” sign posted in front of it. 

“For sale?” You questioned, looking over at Javi before peering out your window to watch the trees lining the path pass by you as the gravel crunched under the truck’s tires.

“Yeah, uh- I was talking with Steve at the party yesterday and he- uh, one of his buddies said he was looking to get out of the city- wanted a plot of land to build on. Said he had heard good things about Laredo but didn’t have time to go check things out for himself, so I told him I would go take a look around and let Steve know what I thought.” Javi replied, trying his best to sound nonchalant as you shrugged before looking back out the window. As you reached the end of the path, the trees opened to reveal a beautiful, lush green field, the sun setting perfectly along the rolling hills of the horizon in front of you. Turning off the ignition, Javi gestured for the both of you to get out of the truck so you could go take a look around. 

“Jav… This is beautiful.” You marveld, grinning as you took in the beauty of the open space drenched in golden sunset. 

“You like it?” Javi grinned, laughing as you spun around, the gentle breeze blowing your hair in and out of your face. 

“Oh my God, yeah. Tell Steve’s friend to get on this place ASAP before I scrounge up every penny I have and sell one of my kidneys on the black market to buy it from him. There doesn’t even need to be a house, I’ll just lay in the empty field, perfectly content.” You giggled, letting out a happy sigh as you grabbed Javi’s hand, leaning your head against his arm as you admired the sun slipping away below the horizon. 

“I’ll take that as a yes then. He said he’s wanting to build a house here, do you think- do you think that he would think it’s got enough space? It’s not too far from everything? I know it’s a little farther from downtown and a longer drive to work- if uh, if he works by where we do, you don’t think that’d be a problem? For him?” Javi squeezed back, trying his best not to stumble over his words. 

“Are you kidding me? It’s literally perfect out here, Javi. Could you imagine getting to see this every night? He better put some big windows on this house so he can get all of the sunlight, oh my god, it would be so pretty. It’s not even that far from everything, and the view makes the extra drive time worth every minute. I know it’s probably a far way off, and we haven’t really talked about it, but I would love to live at a place like this someday.” 

Javi smiled to himself, looking down at you as you rested against him, soaking in every ounce of you as he shifted his arm to wrap around your waist, gently rubbing his thumb along the soft hem of your shirt before letting out a content sigh. 

“Yeah. Me too.”

Taglist: @cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @blackfemalenerd

[whitexwolfxx310]

|| You're A Weapon; And Weapons Don't Weep ||

Pairing: Bucky x female reader

Summary: After Bucky discovers that your once thought to be dead older brother is HYDRA's new super soldier, you're chosen to go on a mission with the team.

Warnings: **PLEASE READ** This fic contains death. If the idea of unaliving someone can possibly trigger you, please do NOT read this. Anxiety attack, cursing, angst, random sprinkles of fluff, use of y/n.

Word Count: 4.7

A/Ns: It has been way too long, but I finally got to write for my BBWWS again. I have a feeling there won't be too many chapters left for Bucky and his Sunshine. But I have been working on other ideas and another series is in the process. I hope you enjoy reading. I love you all! The messages, comments, reblogs, likes, etc. literally give me life and inspired me to come back and get into writing all over again. Enjoy your weekend, besties!!

Previous Part // Masterlist

Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Any shred of hope that life would be returning back to normalcy remotely anytime soon got washed away by the tidal wave that was the news of your brother being the new super soldier for Hydra.

Tony and Steve called for intel meetings that basically became a fulltime job. At first it felt like an interrogation. They questioned you, curious as to why you would apply for an internship at The Compound. While the circumstances did seem suspicious, they eventually were able to rule out any foul play on your part.

The gatherings soon turned into wanting to know every intricate detail that they wouldn't be able to look up or hack out of any system. From dawn to dusk, the two men asked about your childhood together- trying to connect the pieces as to who Luke is, or was. Bucky stayed silently by your side the entire time and offered a stabilizing hand when things got overwhelming to discuss. But it also didn't slip by you that he focused on each and every detail, noting the intel for this mission.

After being able to specify things so minute; such as your brothers favorite books, favorite teacher from grade school, or the fact that he likes the color green- but not just any green, Sacramento green, because it reminded him of the vines that grew around the windows of your grandparents cottage that you would spend the majority of your summer's at as kids, you also got chosen to go on this mission. There was some minor pushback from the team, but ultimately Bucky took responsibility for you. You knew that he would keep you safe, even if it meant putting the part of his very soul that he felt remained on the line for you.

To say that the training was brutal would be an understatement. While the others had an entire lifetime to perfect their craft and years working alongside one another in unity, you had only a matter of weeks. You were thrown into a constant rotation of being educated on the newest technologies developed by Tony, boxing and going over endless tactical strategies with Steve, knowledge of weaponry with a hint of ballet to stay light on your feet with Nat... pure exhaustion wouldn't begin to describe it.

The day came when intel showed the Swiss Alps would be first on the mission log. Everyone was treating it like just any other, but the dreaded encounter was weighing down heavily deep within your stomach. The thought of using yourself as bait to lure out your brother spiraled into the millions of anxious outcomes that kept you up at night. Finally giving you just the smallest glimpse into Bucky's world. The doorway was creaked open to his nightmares.

"Wooow. You look like a Bad. Ass." Sam annunciates amusingly, as his eyes land on you walking up the small rear cargo ramp of the jet.

Your cheeks instantly blush, having already been self-conscious about the skintight, black Kevlar suit Nat gave you to wear. As more footsteps approach, you sink more into your seat and try to avoid any more eye contact.

"Just so you know, I heard that." Bucky's voice rebounds off of the metal walls before he even makes his way completely into the jet. "Don't try and make passes at my girl when I'm not aro-"

You don't need to look up to know that those steel blue eyes have frozen you into place, but you dare a glance. He's dressed in all black; Black boots, black tactical pants, a black leather jacket with the left sleeve torn off- showing his gunmetal and gold Vibranium arm, and a black glove on his right hand. The sight of him is intimidating, ready for combat and anything to be thrown his way. But those eyes. They hold a tenderness meant only for you. His magnetizing stare mixed with the wonderment expression on his face confirms his friends words and more. Okay, so maybe the suit isn't so bad.

"You're gawking." Sam is now at Bucky's side, smirking with his arms tightly crossed over his chest.

Bucky's face slides back into its usual consternation state before giving him a side glare. "Shut up." Sam shakes his head, laughing to himself lightly before making his way to the front of the jet.

You move to sit upright as he approaches, and Bucky's face finally softens. It always does when it's just the two of you. He reaches above where you're sitting to an overhead rack, casually leaning. Hovering like one of those seductive book boyfriends you'd swoon over, but for him it just comes naturally. Swallowing hard, you angle your head up to look at him. You find a slightly playful grin tugging at his lips and you crack a faint smile.

"You doing okay, Sunshine?" His voice is soft but concerned. A gloved thumb caresses down your cheek. The doting gesture entrances you to gently nuzzle into his palm.

"I don't know." You answer honestly.

He reflects on this a moment, his eyes searching yours. But he looks slightly blurry. The background noise is starting to become overwhelming. Numerous voices all start to overlap, the jet engines growing louder as they're warming up, the loud bang with each shipment container with weapons being loaded on board- weapons intended for my brother. It all combines into one long dragged-out, high-pitched ringing sound and your throat closing in on itself. Bucky senses this, notices and quickly acts. Wide eyed, he drops to his knees.

"Hey... Hey, y/n. It's okay." He quickly unfastens the harness from your seat. "Deep breaths." You can't help but notice how calm he sounds. "Hey...look at me." Bucky gently cups each side of your face, the intense coolness on the one side being a welcomed shock. Your eyes meet his, and when they do, all you see is his devotion. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here with you."

"I know you are." You mutter, pressing your forehead to his as you try to manage your breathing to match his.

"We'll find him." He breathes. "I made it out, he can too. I won't let anything happen to you while we’re out there, y/n." The urgency that his tone is trying to convey is heart wrenching.

"I know, Bucky."

"Here-" He pulls away for a moment to take a bag off his back. Unzipping it, he pulls out a water bottle. "Drink some water."

You smile internally at the gesture. As he's unscrewing the cap, you notice a novel in the bag. It's one he borrowed from you when you first met. There's a familiar stinging behind your eyes. What did I do to deserve this man? One who is willing to walk back into his version of hell to pull out someone that I love?

Sipping on the water of course helped, but Bucky tucking you securely into his side for takeoff is what kept the overwhelming anxiety at bay.

“I love you, so much.” You say against his chest, in appreciation. He snorts slightly, pressing a delicate kiss into your hair.

“And I love you, Sunshine.” Bucky adjusts his hips slightly. “Get some rest, we have a long flight.” Intricate fingers brush through your hair, eventually lulling you to sleep in the safe space that is your boyfriend’s lap.

Distant muttering started reeling you back from a dreamless sleep. Instinctively, you reach for Bucky whom you thought you were still sleeping on- only to find he had replaced it with his bag. The disappointment was starting to settle in when you hear his voice:

“I know how this can come across, but she’s strong enough. She’ll be able to handle it, Tony. I’m here, I can-“

“All I’m hearing is I, I, I, me, me, me, Barnes. You, my friend, were an exception. I don’t know if we can go in there and get this guy out alive, and even if we can, who knows what the aftermath is going to look like! For either of them! We’re taking a regular, a nobody off the street and putting a lot of pressure on her to do this. She’s already starting to feel it, that much is obvious. I’ve said from the beginning that this is a huge mistake. I understand your feelings here, from both sides. You want to make sure HYDRA doesn’t continue to pop up like daises and be there for the love of your life. I GET it. But this is a mistake.”

It’s apparent that Stark has walked away with the clinking of his heavy metal footsteps.

“You picked a good one, Buck. I have faith in her too.” There’s a small reassuring pat to coincide with Steve’s voice. “Y/n’s one of us now.”

“Thanks, Steve. I just… I have to save him. For her.” You can hear the exasperation in Bucky’s voice.

While tears sting from multiple emotions behind closed eyes still pretending to sleep, you feel overcome with something you haven’t experienced in this situation yet; determination. A sudden tenacity to prove the doubters that you can do this, that you can help your brother just how Bucky had, and that you wouldn’t bail and have a breakdown… again. No. From this point on, you refuse to let anyone see you as weak.

The bag underneath your head gently shifts and is quickly replaced with warm body heat that you quickly snuggle into. That warmth spreads as Bucky wraps his right arm around your body, pulling you in a little closer. His heart rate starts to slow, and his breathing becomes more regular. You just soak in the last moments before the unknown.

“He’s really going to just jump out the back of the jet like that?!” You try to yell, over the loud wind rumbling and your hair whipping around.

With Sam’s back facing towards you, he takes one absentminded step off of the opened ramp and is just gone. Your stomach drops along with him at the sight.

Bucky rolls his eyes as he hands you an earpiece, “Yep,” A second later, Sam comes back into view, now soaring with his Falcon wings. He gives Bucky a little sarcastic two finger salute and flies out of view. “He’s flashy like that.”

Putting the impossibly small earpiece into your ear, you can’t help but shake your head and laugh. It must be an almost forgotten sound with the weight of everything going on because now Bucky is smiling too.

“Well, I hope you’re not expecting me to jump out of a plane,” you say only half joking. Because if that’s the case, he’s going to have to literally throw you out.

“What did you think the parachutes were for?” Bucky asks deadpan, with a raised eyebrow and pointing to the packs behind him.

All of the color starts to drain from your face, when suddenly you saw the slightest twitch in Bucky’s lip.

“Oh my god. You asshole!” Bucky grabs his stomach and starts to hunch over laughing as you hit him in the arm. His metal arm. “OW!” You start shaking your hand out to wave away the initial sting.

Glancing at him, Bucky is doubled over, nose scrunched, laughing so hard that barely any noise is coming out and tears are welling up in his eyes. It’s contagious, especially as the throb in your hand turns into a dull ache.

I’ve missed this. Things being simple with us and not so draining. Moments that resemble a drop of normalcy in a typical ‘would be’ relationship. But I still wouldn’t trade it. Because he’s perfect. And he’s mine.

Once your lungs don’t feel like they’re on fire any longer, you let you a deep sigh, resting your hands on your hips. “God, I needed that.”

“Did you really think I would toss you out of a Quinjet?”

“Seemed like it in the moment-”

“Alright, love birds,” Tony interrupts, the heavy metal footsteps of his Iron Man armor catching both of your attention, "don't be late to the party," he says knowingly, palms glowing before he too disappears out of the jet.

“Don’t worry, Sunshine,” Bucky says, now standing next to you, “I have my own flashy transport,” he side eyes you with a playful grin.

Arms wrapped tightly around Bucky’s stomach; you can’t help but snuggle your cheek into his leather covered shoulder.

Of course, Bucky’s idea of flashy would be a motorcycle.

Your eyes flutter open to see Steve on his own come into view through whips of your hair. The boys. Two best friends riding like they don’t have the weight of the world constantly on their shoulders.

Steve’s bike has a bulky, all chrome classic look while Bucky’s is a modern, all black crotch rocket. Both have been modified to drive relatively quietly, and it’s such a weird dichotomy to still be able to feel the rumbling of the bike between your legs without all the noise.

One of your hands releases the clasp they had on one another, pressing your palm against Bucky’s chest- smoothing itself along his abdomen. Bucky sits more upright in his seat to press back into you more, using only his left hand to steer as his right encloses around yours, giving you a reassuring squeeze. The gesture is so minor, and yet you can just feel how he puts his heart into everything when it comes to you.

"We're going to pull off to the side up on the left. We'll have to go the rest of the way on foot," Steve's voice is solemn in your earpiece.

Bucky gives him a nod in acknowledgement, leaning back down to better control the motorcycle. This time, his hand doesn't leave yours.

The trek through the Switzerland forest was less than a mile, but with each step your feet grew heavier and that sour stomach of yours returned with the dread of seeing your brother again. If he could even be considered your brother anymore. Who knows what actually remained. As much as you have begged and pleaded with the universe to make yet another exception for Lucas just as it had for Bucky, you were terrified of the man that you would soon encounter.

Just shy of coming out of the tree line to the supposed to be abandoned old military base, you hear a series of echoing pops- stopping all three of you dead in your tracks.

Gunshots.

Bucky and Steve exchange a quick, wide-eyed glance at one another, “Go, we’ll catch up.” Bucky says, and within the blink of an eye, Steve takes off running at super soldier speed.

You didn’t realize you were holding your breath until Bucky turned to face you, his shoulders squared, lips in a tight thin line. But looking between your eyes, he loosens a breath, gripping your shoulders, “Listen to me, Sunshine,” he makes every attempt to soften his voice, but a few more pops and yelling sound off in the distance making you wince. His hands grip you tighter, “I need you to focus. What I’m about to say goes against everything I normally believe, but in this circumstance it’s critical…” he sighs, looking down before back into your eyes- trying to convey the seriousness of what he’s saying, “you have to push the fear down. And I know how that sounds, but you can’t walk in there with that look on your face. Because honey, these people will not hesitate to kill you.”

You gasp lightly at the graveness of his words. It’s not like you didn’t know this walking into the mission, but it’s different once you’re actually here.

Bucky sighs again, his expression softening as his hands cup each side of your face especially gentle, “I know, baby. I know. I won’t leave your side,” he presses his forehead to yours, closing his eyes, “I just… I can’t lose you.” His voice cracks slightly, even at just the thought.

Even with your eyes teetering with the threat of tears, you nod in understanding. Placing each of your hands over his, you press your lips to Bucky’s- holding them there, accepting that the moment they pull apart it’s no longer about the two of you, but about the mission. Luke is your mission.

“I love you,” you murmur, before opening your eyes to see deep consternation in his.

Disassociation is a powerful coping mechanism for human beings. It can feel like an outer body experience or even a dream. More like a nightmare. But as you follow into the bunker where the screaming leads, closely behind Bucky with your gun drawn watching for any sudden movements and stepping over the trail of bloodied bodies in the hallway, you're thankful for the part of your brain trying to convince you that this isn't real.

"Still no sign of Castle," Sam's voice was pragmatic in your earpiece.

Bucky looked back over his shoulder at you while still walking, "Maybe he's not here after-" and that's when you see the slightest shift of a shadow in an inverted doorway.

It was so small that in any other instance you would just assume your eyes were just playing a trick on you. But not here. Your body reacted before your mind could even fully register- taking a sudden step to the side, you fired off two prompt shots. A heavy thud followed.

Practically giving himself whiplash, Bucky looks at where you shot and back to you. His eyes widen, mouth open slightly at the realization of what just happened. What you just did- for him. Your eyes haven't moved from that doorway, and your grip is tighter on the gun than it probably should be. Pain surges through your jaw with how tightly your teeth are clenched and yet, you wait to see if anyone else is there. Is there another shadow lurking just waiting for the opportunity to harm one of you?

"Y/n..." Bucky's voice is delicate as his eyes dart around, also looking for shadows, "we have to keep moving," he says in a coaxing manner.

I can’t. The words blare in your mind like a doomsday siren and yet you can’t speak. All you can do is focus on that that dark corner where the pool of crimson continues to grow.

Bucky steps in line of your gun with somber eyes meeting yours, causing you to simultaneously point it towards the ground and break your trance. You didn’t realize just how high and how tight your shoulders had been as you loosened your breath. A new version of you being transformed as you exhale.

“I-” You try catching your breath, completely slack jaw and shaking your head just trying to comprehend what you did. “I…I just-” and the tears are flowing. No crying, no uncontrollable sobbing, but a small steady line of tears as the overwhelming awareness of taking control and trading a life for someone that you love comes to light… just flows.

“You did what you had to,” he answers for you, nodding sympathetically. You don’t deserve kindness right now, do you? But that is why he is good. And that is why he deserves to live.

“We have to go, y/n.” Bucky says, looking over your shoulders and behind himself again. “It looks like no one else has been down here yet.” He grabs your hand, not waiting for a response before he’s treading down the hallway again.

Your feet shuffle instinctively at first to follow him, but the brightness of the flickering fluorescent lights quickly grounded you to where you actually are. There are lives at stake and you need to keep your head.

The distant noise of constant struggle seemed to almost completely stop. Every few minutes you would hear a familiar voice say 'clear' in your ear and relief would wash over you, just thankful for knowing that they were alive.

It got cold the further you went, meaning you probably had gradually descended underground. Finally, at the end of what seemed like a never-ending tunnel, was a large set of metal double doors with multiple large chains and padlocks.

You and Bucky exchanged a quick glance with one another before he fists the chain with his Vibranium hand, pulling effortlessly as they break into pieces. He pushes open the doors to reveal a large, primarily empty room aside from a bunch of dusty, bulky outdated computers. Most of the overhead lights don’t work, so it seems darker in here than it did in the corridor.

Bucky steps into the room and starts looking around, his boots crunching noisily on worn rubble and glass. You hold your breath, watching as his fingers skim along the keyboards, his eyes squinting at the monitors as he passes each one as though looking for something.

And then he stops at one in particular. He eyes it carefully before looking up at the ceiling to the lights again.

“What is it?” You can’t hide your curiosity.

“There’s still power to this base,” he says observantly, turning his attention back towards the computer. “Maybe…” he mumbles to himself, leaning over the monitor a bit, his fingers blindly searching before pressing the power button. Bucky stands back as the screen comes to life, but his eyes widen, alarmed as to what he sees.

“Bucky?” You ask apprehensively, moving to stand next to him and also look at the screen. It's mostly black, but there's a green contour of... a face?

"Hello Sergeant Barnes," the computer says with a German accent.

"Oh, what the fuck?" Bucky steps back, his hands fisting into his hair.

The voice chuckles, "Come now, is that any way to greet an old friend?"

“Is… the computer talking? To you?”

“Why, yes, Ms. Castle. I am,” your stomach turns over at the sound of the voice addressing you as well.

“What the fu-” you go to repeat Bucky’s words but get cut off.

“Does the facility seem… familiar, Barnes?” Zola asks, condescendingly. “Or, at the very least, the machinery?”

Bucky's eyes start to dart around the room, taking in the different equipment before muttering to himself in dismay, "these control the cyro chambers..."

The computer laughs menacingly, "Ah, so you do remember. Good! Good..."

Rolling his arm once while taking a large step forward, Bucky brings it down, crushing the computer completely. Exposed wires spark briefly from the powerful impact, otherwise leaving the room in silence.

“What- who was that?”

“Arnim Zola. A scientist for HYDRA. The one who, well…” Bucky passively gestures to himself, “experimented and is responsible for me.”

Suddenly, another one of the numerous screens comes to life- the digitized green face grinning, “tsk, tsk. Oh, Soldat…”

“I won’t answer to that anymore,” Bucky maintained through gritted teeth, raising his arm to disintegrate this talking monitor as well just as it says:

“Who said I was talking about you?”

Just then, you hear quick, trudged steps. The only warning you had before been picked up, as easily as a pillow and aggressively, carelessly thrown aside into a metal desk, knocking some of the computers that sat on top along with you.

You tried gasping for the air that was stolen from your lungs on impact with the floor, but it didn’t come. Instead, it burned, more than the pain creeping around the left side of your ribs as you sluggishly moved to sit on your knees. Looking up, you meet the threatening gaze of the one who attacked you.

He was exceptionally tall, especially from your view on the floor. Lean, but had an athletic build and strong. Super strong. He was dressed in all black tactical gear, the only color being a large red Soviet star in the center of his chest. A black mask covered all but his eyes, keeping him faceless. He was pale, as if he hadn't seen actual sunlight in years and had shoulder length dirty blonde hair.

But those eyes. They cemented you to the floor- glaring, daring you to move or even breathe. Just the look that he conveyed felt like you were in the presence of death itself. As you were able to take your first small breath, your lips parted, and eyes narrowed as they locked into his deadly gaze. There was such a darkness glazed over the emerald irises, but you'd recognize them anywhere.

"Luke..." you exhale, painfully. Both physically and emotionally.

His brow twitches slightly at you saying his name, like his mind is trying to recollect it from a long-forgotten dream. As his body turns to face you, he suddenly gets shoved back a few feet, "Back off, Castle." Bucky warns sternly, stepping between you and your brother.

Gripping the desk, you use it to hoist yourself up, whining slightly and grabbing at your left side realizing that you most likely have some broken ribs. The sound of your pain distracted Bucky for one second, and Luke took that opportunity to lunge forward and kick him high in the chest. With a breathless grunt, Bucky barrels backwards into you, knocking your back flush against the wall.

Luke was there in the blink of an eye, grabbing Bucky by the collar of his jacket. The two of them quickly became a tangle of throwing fists and kicks, breaking apart to find anything around to throw at one another. Overturning desks, throwing chairs, Bucky even chucked a still laughing Zola computer at Luke.

While you never thought the two most important men in your life would ever have the chance to meet, this is not the way you would have ever imagined it.

With your back still flat against the wall, you slide down to sit on the floor, starting to feel dizzy. Maybe it was the overwhelmingness of the situation, but instinctively you bring your hand to the back of your head, and it feels... wet. Looking at your fingers, they're now coated with fresh, warm crimson blood. It's getting harder to think straight with the tunneling vision, but you realize that you hit your head against the wall from the collision of bodies.

"Please..." you choke out a sob, "please, stop," you beg. But they can't hear you over their own heated screams and grunts as they continue to fight one another. Your narrowing vision focuses on Bucky, seeing that he is fighting more defensively- actively trying to avoid hurting Luke, pulling his punches where he can. Tears burn behind your eyes at the sight, knowing that if this were anyone else, it would already be over.

"Luke!" Bucky yells and quickly dodges to the side, avoiding the knife now sticking out of the wall that Luke threw at him. "Your sister came here to get you back! She's here for you. We're here for you!" Bucky maintained his distance, mirroring Luke's movement's trying to rely on his words rather than fists. They're pacing, waiting for the other to make a move.

The ringing in your ears was becoming too hard to ignore and as much as you tried to fight it, sweat started to bead up on your skin. You were losing consciousness, and fast.

"Bucky," you breathe out. His body tenses as he looks over at you, eyes wide. He jumps over one of the only remaining desks in the room and kneels down, hands hovering over body briefly, afraid to touch you.

"Okay... okay," he mutters to himself, scanning you over, his eyes linger on your hand with the now drying blood on them. Bucky gently cups your cheek, his thumb grazing over it as he forces a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "You're gonna be okay, Sunshine. I-I'm going to get you outta here and get some help, okay?" His voice sounds shaky as his chest heaves, "Sam? I need a med evac for y/n,"

You nod once, or at least you think you do, as you continue to focus on Bucky. Everything around him starts to fade into a deeper black void. The last thing you see is Luke step into view over Bucky's shoulder to look down at you. At some point during their altercation, his mask had been ripped off. His lips were pressed into a thin line as his teeth clenched and remained expressionless while Bucky continued to stroke your hair and try to speak calm, reassuring words of how he would make sure you would be okay as you slipped under the surface of complete darkness.

@peaches1958 @aquabrie @elsie-bells @pono-pura-vida @redbloodedgurl @almosttoopizza @beware-my-thorns @prettylittlepluviophile @annoyinglythoughtfuldestiny @calwitch @ozwriterchick @roofwitty779 @lessersole @lil-darhk @agoddoesnotplead @saranghaey @erinallene @mrsvxder @elizabeth916 @cjand10 @bucky-barnes-lover @wintrsoldrluvr @skulliecadaver-blog

[nottyourlover]

Birthday Shenanigans.

a/n: i literally need to study for my exam block for like the next month until it's over, if i post anything on tumblr literally tell me to shut up and study. temporary hiatus?

summary: azriel and your son attempt to make you breakfast, but it goes horribly wrong.

warnings: none?

word count: 622.

The morning sun streamed through the curtains of you and Azriel's spacious master bedroom, waking you up. You yawned loudly, reaching over to Azriel's side of the bed only to find it empty. Patting the cool mattress, you frowned, thinking that surely, he didn't leave for another early morning? Then you heard loud clanging noises coming from downstairs, Orion's small giggles and Azriel's poor attempts at muffling his noise. Oh, you sighed in relief.

Before you could get up to investigate, however, Azriel appeared, leaning against in the doorway, with a twinkle in his eye.

"Good morning, my love," he said, lips curling into a dazed smile. "Happy birthday."

You beamed, feeling a warm sense of happiness wash over you. "Thank you, Az," you said. "What's going on down there?"

Azriel chuckled. "Orion and I thought we'd surprise you with breakfast in bed. But things aren't going exactly as planned."

You raised an eyebrow, feeling a little worried since last time's family cooking night ended with meatballs stuffed in places where no things should ever be stuffed.

"...Az, what does that mean?"

Azriel shrugged, "Well, let's just say that there's flour everywhere, some pancakes are stuck to the roof, and our son is covered in syrup."

You couldn't help but laugh, worry clearing ever so slightly, imagining the scene in the kitchen. "Sounds like quite the party. You've left him alone downstairs?"

Azriel looked a little sheepish, "He promised to be good!"

Helping you get out of bed, he took your hand and led you down the stairs. As you entered the kitchen, you were greeted with a scene that was both chaotic and heartwarming.

Orion was covered in syrup and flour, but he was grinning from ear to ear, clearly proud of himself for helping his dad make breakfast. Azriel returned to what you assumed was his previous post at the stove, flipping pancakes with a look of intense concentration on his face.

All around your beloved family was a mess of flour, broken eggs and syrup, with pans and mixing bowls scattered haphazardly across the countertops.

You couldn't help but smile at the sight, feeling a sense of overwhelming love and gratitude for your little family. "This is the best birthday present ever," you said, taking in the chaotic scene around you.

Orion shook his head, laughing. "No mama, we got you an even better gift!"

Azriel looked up, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Orion's right but wait until you see what I have planned for you tonight," he said, nonchalantly. You death glared Azriel, but Orion didn't even seem to notice his father's innuendo, as he was busy going through a bag of chocolate chips. Azriel chuckled, "I'm not sure how edible these pancakes are going to be though."

At the word "pancakes" Orion finally looked up at you with a grin, his syrup-covered face beaming. "Happy birthday, mama!" he said, as you came closer, giggling as he outstretched his grubby hands. He was only 6 now, but you and Azriel both felt he was growing up too quickly.

You gave your son a big hug, brushing away his wavy raven hair and kissing his forehead. Azriel called, "Wait for me!" and the three of you stood in the middle of a dreadfully messy kitchen and embraced.

"Mama, something smells weird," Orion suddenly exclaimed, plugging his nose dramatically.

"Azriel! The pancakes!" Azriel's eyes widened as he dashed back to the stove where a cloud of gas was gathered, rising from the remains of a burnt pancake. Unfortunately for your husband, this time, the pancake wouldn't flip over at all, leaving a foul-smelling mess stuck to the pan.

He smiled sheepishly, "Happy Birthday?"

This, you thought, was what happiness truly meant. Messy, chaotic, and oh-so-sweet.

[girl-in-the-chairs-void]

Heart rates and late night calls

Pairing; Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x reader, Javy 'Coyote' Machado x reader (platonic), Bradley 'Rooster' Bradshaw x reader (platonic)

w.c; 1.7k (i am SO SO SORRY for the short length of this chapter)

Warnings; night terrors/nightmares, angst, mentions of death, a few mental health issues, i think that's it...? let me know if i missed anything!!

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“Come on, slow poke! Aren’t you meant to be the fastest pilot?” your hair stuck to the sides of your face as you ran along the shore. Crushing your bare feet into the wet sand and taking them just as swiftly, laughing as you tipped your head back. 

“Hey! I'm not the one who holds the record for fastest pilot who is a runner! Slow down, Thena!” Jake shouted from behind you, struggling to keep up with you cheetah like pace as you ran through the coarse winds. 

He quickly was able to catch up with you, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind, picking you up. He felt your chest vibrate against his, laughing. He felt your hands smack his arms and wrists, trying to get out of his grasp. 

“Jake, stop!” He heard you laugh, almost hysterical. 

“Jake! Stop, you’re hurting me! Please! Jake!” your shouts and pleas were drowed before he felt your body go limp in his arms. Unmoving. Unbreathing. 

You laid there, in his arms. Unbreathing, unaware of the man struggling to breathe. He felt like he was being pressed from the chest down. You were limp, unaware of all the life that was booming around him, miles away. Fuck. no. no, no,.

He came to wake with a heaving breath. Chest swallowing any amount of air it could grasp onto. It was a dream. Fucking christ it was a dream. Thank god…

He reached to grab the glass of water on his bedside table, galloping it down within seconds and setting the glass back down. He glanced towards his phone, then to his clock; 3:45 AM. 

Taking a deep breath, he reached for his phone, unconsciously mapping his way towards a familiar contact and pressing dial.

“Hey, it’s J- Hangman, not sure when you're going to end up hearing this message. Your phone is currently turned off and you’re…asleep. Yeah, I think that's a good way of putting it. You’re sleeping. And here I am talking to a voice machine because-” He sucked in a sharp breath, his chest tightening as tried not to let the salty tears that were gathering in vision flow. 

“I never thought myself capable of feeling things like this, but then you come along, throw a middle finger right in my face, flip my world upside down, and have proven me so very wrong on that.

“I’m scared-'' his mouth betrayed him another time as he let your name flow out of it like a prayer, repeating it until he felt like he could say something else. “Please, forgive me for leaving you. Forgive me for being an asshole, I will do anything this world requires of me to get you back, to feel you in my arms, safe, sleeping soundly on my chest, like you were the night of your breakup. Please, please, Athena, i..love you, please, wake up”

He was sobbing. Slipping off the bed and onto the makeshift bed beside the wooden frame, clutching the phone to his chest. He had never cried like this before. Not a time that he can remember from the top of his head. Maybe when his favourite tv show got cancelled because it wasn’t getting much views. He knew this was pointless, leaving a message like this, one that you probably won’t end up hearing. But this…this was pain. This was agony, something he had never felt before. A stab so sharp in his chest that the G’s he pulls during training felt lighter. His heart felt like it was being dipped in acid and then ironed. He didn't want to lose you. 

And in that moment he realised he has fallen for you. Smacked himself right into the massive gates of love, and let himself in without permission.

He realised he is in love with the one woman that despises him.

And he could bet his life on the fact that you didn’t love him…did you?

...

It was after training had finished that all the Top Gun pilots had decided to visit you. Bradley, Halo and Payback were the last ones to arrive outside your hospital room. They were able to catch a glimpse of her, multiple drips and wires hooked up to her, an oxygen mask attached to your face, slow breaths misting up the plastic. A thick white bandage was wrapped around your head but before they could look any further, they were being ushered towards the waiting area by the nurses where Jake and Coyote sat. 

Phoenix wasn’t discharged but was cleared to walk around the hospital for the rest of her stay. 

Rooster currently stood at the end of the hallway, having been the only one who was willing enough to talk to the doctor about his friend’s condition. The rest sat in the old wooden plush chairs, scared that they would end up hearing something that they didn't want to.

You were as much of a good friend to him as the rest of them. He was one of the few that actually has had a posting with her in the past. Both graduated from the academy in the same year. He’s seen you in your element, flying recklessly yet so elegantly that he almost thought your callsign to be Zeus or something related to the god of the skies. 

He wished he had met you earlier, during your early college or training days- when all you had done was cause havoc for the pilots and admirals. It made him think of his dad and Maverick- the name still tastes so bitter in his mouth but he is trying to forget him- the headaches they caused at the towers and it was so similar to the stories that his colleagues told him of Athena. 

“How is she?” There was a noticeable tense to his voice, uncertainty, that perhaps he was going to hear something he didn't want to. 

“She’s stable, for now. Due to the altitude of impact, she did not sustain any injuries near her major organs,” Rooster lets out a breath that he wasn’t sure he was holding as he nods in understanding. Prompting the older man to continue; “However, the material- most likely a polycarbonate- scratched dangerously close to her which caused traumatic brain injury.” 

The pure shock on Bradley's face must have said something because in the next moment, the bearded man ushers him to a nearby chair and sits him down. This cannot be happening, no, its too close to home. Especially for him. 

His heart feels like it is moving to his throat, threatening to spill out. “Wh- what does this mean? Is she going to wake up?” 

The man only lets out a sigh, not sure of what to tell the young man beside him. “We aren’t sure, we will run some scans and MRI’s but that's the best we can do. I’m sorry” patting him on the back, he moves away to give Bradley some space. 

Rooster returns him a tight smile before letting out a long breath. Running two hands over his face to try and wake himself from this nightmare. He doesn't know how long he sits on the uncomfortable metal chair for a minute? Maybe thirty? Before he hears the shuffle of feet, combat boots. 

Peeking his eyes open, he scans through his blurred vision to find his friends, wearing similar looks on their faces, dread, concern, anxiety. 

A single look between him and Coyote is exchanged before he feels his eyes burn, salty tears gathering in front of his vision as he tries to wipe them away. Immediately he feels a set of arms around him, the familiar scent of lavender and sweat hitting his nostrils as he lets himself be surrounded by it. Clinging onto Phoenix, mindful of the bandages wrapped around her torso. 

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” She whispers to him, almost as if they are exchanging a secret. 

Bradley only sniffles into her neck, letting out a shaky “yes”. 

The soft murmur of his voice is heard by everyone around him. Or at least felt. Javy is wearing the most broken look anyone has seen on him. The rest disperse quietly. Trying to find their own way to deal with the surge of emotions that just hit them. 

It’s ridiculous how life plays its cards, taking away the ones you hold dearest away from you in an instant and before you know it, they’re gone. Forever vanished with the wind. 

You don’t wake up the day, or the day after. Or during the week that follows up to the mission. The lack of your presence is felt throughout that time, the pilots were distracted to say the least but every morning the broken look on Coyote and Jake’s face reminded them who they were doing this for. Who they would see, unmoved at the end of the day as they visit the hospital at the end of the day. 

Coyote visited you everyday with your favourite takeout in hand, hoping he would see your smile, sat on the hospital bed, complaining about how your hair looked after two weeks of not brushing it. 

Jake came when he could, he couldn’t bear seeing Coyote sat by your side everyday. Crying as he holds your hand in his. He came when he could because he couldn’t bear to see your face, the face that always morphed into disgust or annoyance when it settled on him. He couldn't bear to see those lips that uttered the most beautiful laughs and held the most dashing smile he had ever seen. He couldn’t… 

Bradley visited you a few times, telling you stories about his time after his academy graduation. One day, something came over him, he ended up telling you about his dad. In a hushed, quiet tone. 

“He was one of the best pilots i knew,” he sniffled, wiping away a rogue tear that fell to his cheek, a few others warping their way towards his scars and down his chin.

“You are the only one that comes to a close second y’know?” he lets out a strangled laugh, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “You are impressive, my Thena, i miss you” he softly takes your iv’d hand in his, mindful of the drip injection attached to it. “Everyone misses you. Coyote has stopped eating, has to be reminded by Nix every night, and even then he ends up eating the takeaway that he brings you after work. 

“Jake…Hangman’s a mess” Rooster chuckles, slightly in disbelief of the words that he is about to tell you. “I’m pretty sure I heard him cry in the lockers yesterday after everyone was gone, staring at a photo of you- it was your official military photo for god sake!”

The heart rate monitor beside him is beeping. A steady heart rate. Nothing. Another day, not a single sign of you. 

taglist:

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[nicohischierz]

i miss you, i’m sorry: luke hughes

It was the first day of summer for Luke. The devils had won the cup and he was elated. After the end of his college season, he hoped he could make a difference in the Devils and help them win.

Of course, he knew coming back to Michigan meant that he had to gather the rest of his belongings and move to Jersey. It also meant that he had to see you. Especially with how close you were to his team and his family.

As Luke looked out of his window he watched as the garden you spent your time in blurred by. Luke recalled the way he knew he could always find you out on the lawn with a book in hand as you got lost in a world of your own.

"Is she coming for the party tonight?" Ellen asked.

No one had to mention a name to know who their mother was talking about. Quinn gave his mother a curt nod in response as Luke let out a large sigh.

The younger Hughes boy leant his head against the window as he recalled simpler times.

Luke tracked your phone as he couldn't find you. Seeing as you usually answer his calls and texts Luke began worrying that something terrible had happened to you.

The two of you had plans for the afternoon and when you were ten minutes late, Luke assumed the worse. He gathered information from his friends on when they last saw you until Mark reminded him that he could use find my friends.

Luke let out a sigh of relief when he found you laying in the yard, your headphones on and a book in your hand. Of course, you would be outside. In your own words, a sunny day where there is a slight breeze is always good reading weather.

"Now what do we have here?" Luke teased as he took your headphones off.

You giggled before realising that the two of you were meant to go out. "Luke I'm so so sorry. I lost track of time and I guess my alarm didn't go off and I'm such a bad person," you rambled.

Your boyfriend shook his head as he chuckled. "Don't worry about it, baby. I was just worried something happened to you. Now about our date, what if I run over to the store and grab some of your favourite snacks and we have a picnic instead?"

And that is exactly what happened. Luke bought all of your favourite snacks and drinks and had you read your book to him as he admired your beauty.

When the Hughes family walked into their house, the two younger siblings were embraced in hugs and were given many forms of congratulations for their achievement.

Luke tried his hardest to keep his tears at bay as he was embraced by his Michigan teammates. The group had been there for every game of the final round cheering Luke on.

Yet, despite all the attention on him and Jack. Luke was still able to see you out of the corner of his eye. Your hair was shorter than when he left and your once radiant smile was diminished to a slight tug of your lips.

He wanted nothing more than to go up to you know and to tell you how he hated the way things ended. He hated the fact that he was taken from Tampa without so much as allowing himself to see you again.

Throughout the night, Luke tried to so much as say hello to you but he couldn't. Every time he thought he was getting close to you someone would swoop in and direct his attention somewhere.

So Luke did the only thing he could. He watched you.

He watched as Jack brought you in for a big hug. And how one of his previous teammates was always at your side, making you laugh.

But the one action that irked him the most was the way Quinn would find you wherever you were. The oldest Hughes brother would be by your side anytime you showed a sign of discomfort.

Quinn would always leave kisses on your head or rub your shoulders,

Luke hated it.

He hated the fact that you had replaced him. Especially as the replacement was his older brother. The man he looked up to.

After dinner, you had disappeared from Luke''s sight. He assumed you had gone back home but when he couldn't find his older brother either he went on a hunt.

"I don't think you understand Quinn. I am so proud of him but it hurts me that I can't be there for him in the way I want to be," you sobbed.

You were in Quinn's room as you couldn't hold onto your facade anymore. You had promised Ellen and Quinn that you would come tonight to support your best friend.

"He hurt me, Quinn," you whispered.

Luke's heart broke as he heard the tremble in your voice. At that moment he wanted you to know how much he missed you. He needed you to know how stupid he felt for breaking up with you.

How he would lay awake at night wishing you were by his side. How he wanted nothing more than for you to be in the stands with his family and how after they won the cup his first thoughts were about you.

Quinn knew his younger brother was outside his room. As the door was slightly open he saw Luke walk by and stop to hear what you were saying.

"Would you tell him?" Quinn asked.

You tilted your head in confusion as you looked up at the boy. "If Luke came in here right now, would you tell him how you feel because I know he regrets everything y/n/n?"

"When I stayed the night with him and Jack, I heard him crying. I heard him curse himself for breaking up with you. When they lost, he asked Mom if you were there because he hoped he could get one more chance to say goodbye. I know you're hurting y/n/n and I know you've built yourself up from what happened but don't throw away an opportunity where the two of you are happy. Especially if you are together," Quinn concluded.

The older boy gave you one last hug before he walked out of his room. Quinn looked over at his brother and gave him a small smile before walking away.

Luke waited until Quinn had walked downstairs before he knocked on the door. You called out that it was open so Luke slipped into the room and shut the door behind him.

"Hi," he breathed out.

You looked up at him and tears brimmed your eyes. Luke noticed immediately and made his way to you and wrapped his arms around you.

The comfort you found in his arms made you crumble as sobs left your mouth.

"It's okay, baby. I'm right here, I'm not leaving you again," Luke whispered.

"You left me," you muttered.

"You left me, Luke. You promised when it came to you leaving for Jersey that we would talk about it but you left. You said you needed a break and you walked out on us. You broke my heart," You told the boy.

Luke nodded and avoided eye contact. He too had tears welling in his eyes as he tried to think of a way to approach this conversation.

"I miss you," he whispered.

"I'm sorry I broke your heart y/n. I broke up with you because I thought I was protecting you. I thought that if we put an end to the relationship then maybe I wouldn't miss you so much when I'm in Jersey but I was wrong. God, I was so wrong because all I can think about is you,"

You didn't say anything, you just looked at Luke.

"I-I miss you, I'm sorry," Luke was about to leave the room but you grabbed his wrist.

You turned him to face you and cupped his face in your hands. Your thumb ran over his cheeks and wiped at the tears in his eyes as he looked down at you with adoration.

Luke wrapped his arms around your waist and brought you into his chest before leaning down, placing his lips on yours brining you into a gentle kiss.

[smolbeansthings]

Today, I spent with my big and her partner. I was invited to eat Korean BBQ. This was my first time, so I had to be shown the process of picking out your meat, vegetables, and rice and how to cook them on the grill. Out of the group of people there, I only recognized one person, and that was Holly. I've seen her many times at the gatherings my big hosts. It goes without saying that she knows very well that I'm a bit of a baby. She's also very loving and sweet, so I've become really comfortable around her. Aside from her, there were 3 others I've never met before. New friends from work, no doubt. I introduced myself to the new faces and proceeded to eat next to Holly. My big was across from us at another table with her partner and the new face. For the majority of the time, I was silent. Only making small comments here and there. I felt very out of place. I don't know why this is, but I always assume I'm the youngest simply because everyone around me acts more mature than I do. I felt like a small child sitting at the grown-ups table and not understanding anything being said around me. Eventually, the topic of my age came up. One of them virtually screamed, learning that I was 30 years old. The other 3 guys also gasped in shock. All of them thought I was at least 18 at the oldest. One then commented that he assumed my big raised me, which was amusing to us both, considering he wasn't far from the truth. My big signed to Holly sitting right next to me, and Holly interpreted what she said. It was addressed to me, and she said, "Your age might be older, but you're still my little." I blushed so hard! I was so blushy the only thing I could do was pout and throw a fit. Of course, I tried to dispute that I was an adult, but she quickly put me in my place, stating my little tantrum said otherwise. I was frustrated at the retort and out of frustration threw an even bigger tantrum, only proving her point. Later on into the night, after some Boba and board games, it was time for everyone to leave. My big reminding me of the Halloween party happening tomorrow. Everyone was invited to wear a costume or something spooky. I voiced my concern that I didn't have anything to dress up as. I mean sure, I could wear my Stitch onsie but I had worn that the previous year. She then suggested I can dress in my little clothes as a costume. I blushed at the thought but she gave me a look of reassurance and told me it was okay. I blushed more and just nodded my head in acceptance. She had to drop off her guests and I had to go home so we all made our way to our cars. She gets her 3 passengers into her car and pulls next to mine as I'm buckling up in my own vehicle. I roll down my window to see what she wanted and she reminded me to pack a bag and bring extra clothes and a "Change". She put emphasis on the word and I knew exactly what she meant by that. Afterwards she instructed that I make way directly to her house after work. I nodded my head once again, signaling I understood her instructions. After she confirmed it, she quickly said in a sing-song tone of voice, "See you tomorrow, Princess," before driving off. It's those small settle moments that throw me right into little space, and she does it seamlessly. No doubt her experience comes from the many years she's known me.

[becauseimanicequeen]

4 Minutes Theories (Ep. 1-8) Results

The finale was last night, so I thought I would do one last theories post where I gather all the theories I've had since the trailer and the teaser (which were kind of sweeping since the trailer and teaser didn't give me much to get super detailed about), including the theories from episode 1, episode 2, episode 3, episode 4, episode 5, episode 6, episode 7, and some wild-ass theories I posted in between these posts and episodes. Let's see how wrong I was throughout the show.

Pre-premiere theory: The moments Great sees ahead of time are moments that might help him redeem himself from a past mistake/transgression. (Confirmed)

I could argue that Great's do-overs were based on an obstinate need to "prove" to Tyme that he's not a coward, but I won't (lol).

Pre-premiere theory: The car accident is the trigger for Great’s visions. (Confirmed)

Pre-premiere theory: Title is involved with Korn. (Half-Confirmed)

I half-confirmed this since Title has a semi-connection to Korn through Great, Fasai, and Warit.

Pre-premiere theory: Win is battling some contrasting, opposing forces (internal and/or external). (Confirmed)

This theory was based on the background of the poster for JJay/Win. I solely based it on the red and green contrasting colors.

Ever since it was revealed in the 2nd episode that Win works for the police, I've had the feeling that the contrasting forces he's battling are his attachment/feelings for Tonkla and his duty to uphold the law.

Considering he went rogue to find out who killed Dome, practically gave Tonkla the knowledge of whom killed Dome, and yet tried to arrest him (not to mention shooting him when he got in the line of fire), just to name a few things, I would say that this idiot has been struggling the whole time.

Pre-premiere theory: Den is a neurologist and friends with Tyme. (Half-Confirmed)

I half-confirmed this because I don't think it was ever confirmed that Den was a neurologist, right? I mean, all the brain scans in his office might be evidence that he is. But I half-confirmed it anyway.

Pre-premiere theory: Den has a situationship with Korn. (Wrong)

I kept this theory only because I wanted to see Bas and Job together. It was a delulu wish, and I will keep being delulu about this.

(I'm still on my "Non is alive" agenda, so I can keep this wish alive forever, lmao.)

Pre-premiere theory: Dome is a mystery person operating under the radar without showing his true alliance until the end. (Scrapped)

I scrapped this theory a long time ago.

Pre-premiere theory: Great and Win are brothers who will butt heads from time to time. (Wrong)

Pre-premiere theory: Fasai is the other character with a condition similar to Great’s. (Wrong)

I knew quite quickly that this wouldn't happen, but I kept it unconfirmed all the way to the end because you never know...

Also, it gave me an excuse to add some Fasai/Natty to my post, which is a win in itself!

Pre-premiere theory: Great’s (Bible’s) tattoos have something to do with the story. (Wrong)

I was sure this wouldn't come true ever since someone told me before the premier that those were Bible's real tattoos. But I kept this theory anyway because that meant I could use this image in all my posts:

So, even though I didn't "win" this theory, I still won.

Pre-premiere theory: Great becomes Korn’s target because he can see ahead of time. (Scrapped)

I scrapped this weeks ago.

Pre-premiere theory: Great hit the person with his car at 11:01 (or they died at 11:01) and that’s why he sees clocks stopping at that time. (Wrong)

Pre-premiere theory: 11:01 is when Great can see 4 minutes into the future. (Wrong)

Pre-premiere theory: Someone will die/fake their death. (Confirmed)

As I've written in the previous posts in this series on my 4 Minutes theories, this theory was pretty obvious from the start. Sammon kills characters all the time, lol.

But, I also mentioned in one of the previous posts that I won't confirm this theory until one of the more important characters dies (excluding Great and Tyme). The ones I thought would die were Dome, Title, and perhaps Korn.

I was right about all three of them, so I'm marking this one as confirmed.

Revised/developed pre-premiere theory: Great is having an out-of-body experience. (Confirmed)

Revised/developed pre-premiere theory: Korn will do some shady shit to prove to his dad that he can take over the family business. (Confirmed)

Korn definitely did some shady shit. Especially in the real past timeline we saw in the 6th episode. You can't convince me he didn't beat up Nan in that warehouse when he came out a wiped the blood off his hands. So, I will confirm this even though I really wanted to see more of what shady shit he got involved in to please his dad.

Revised/developed pre-premiere theory: Tonkla is at the center of it all. (Half-Confirmed)

This theory was based on the background of the poster for Fuaiz/Tonkla. At first, I thought he had a target on his back (which became true as soon as he became the prime suspect in Title's murder), but at one point, it felt like it developed more into Tonkla being at the center of this whole thing (like he was the spider in the web).

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote that I would only confirm this if Tonkla's timeline was the real timeline (which it seemed to be, even though there were some anomalies in his timeline as well) and if he became the prime suspect in both Great's shooting and Title's death. Since he only became the prime suspect in Title's death, so I will only mark this as half-confirmed.

Revised/developed pre-premiere theory: Fasai has a connection with Korn. (Confirmed)

Pre-ep. 2 theory: Tonkla will betray Korn. (Confirmed)

I mentioned last week that I would only half-confirm this if shooting Great was the only betrayal we got. And I was totally fine with that. But then Tonkla said that he'd cheated on Korn when Korn was gone, which means that Tonkla himself thought of it as a betrayal. So I will confirm this.

Pre-ep. 2 theory: Great's visions of himself and Tyme are his present self's memories of their time together. (Confirmed)

Pre-ep. 2 theory: Great had a cardiac arrest/near-death experience at 11:00. (Confirmed)

Wild-ass pre-ep. 2 theory: Great will get Tyme's heart (after Tyme is shot). (Wrong)

I knew this wouldn't happen. (Besides, this wasn't the Transplant I wanted.)

Revised/developed wild-ass pre-ep. 2 theory: Tyme is having his own out-of-body experience. (Confirmed)

Pre-ep. 3 theory: Dome is Tonkla's brother. (Confirmed)

Pre-ep. 3 theory: Tyme has a precognitive ability similar to Great’s (or might develop one). (Wrong)

I was right that Tyme would also have an OOBE, and I was right that his heart also stopped at 11:00. But we never got to see any precognitive abilities from Tyme. So... Wrong.

Pre-ep. 3 theory: Fasai (and/or her father) is in league with someone within the police force. (Confirmed)

Well, Police Colonel Warit (who they called a general in the subs more than once, btw, but it said Pol.Col. Warit on him on MDL a couple of weeks ago when I needed to double-check on another character's name, so I'm going with Police Colonel) is one corrupt asshole. He's also a corrupt asshole that confirmed this theory for me. So, thank you? I guess?

Pre-ep. 3 theory: There are different timelines at play. (Confirmed)

Well, this one is pretty obvious, right? I've written a long ass post about my thoughts on the timelines and a post with the scenes in the first 6 episodes in chronological-ish order (including both the real past and the different timelines) and then one about Tonkla's timeline (ep. 1-7).

My theory included:

The real past/Tonkla's timeline

Great's OOBE

Tyme's OOBE

The present

A couple of weeks ago, I also wrote that I would only confirm this if I got the majority of these timelines confirmed, which I did.

Pre-ep. 3 theory: Great has 4 minutes to wake up/get his heart to start beating again. (Confirmed)

Pre-ep. 3 theory: Tyme is getting close to Great because of Great's family and their connection to the illegal gambling sites. (Confirmed)

Wild-ass pre-ep. 3 theory: The number 4 marks a character with death. (Confirmed)

The number 4 (which in Cantonese is pronounced very similarly to the word "death") marks characters with death.

The characters that came in contact with number 4:

Great, who was shot and flatlined at the hospital.

Tyme who was also shot.

Manee, who Great hit with his car and left to die.

Dome, who was killed by Title.

Title, who was murdered by Tonkla.

And the elderly lady in bed number 4 who, most likely, died because of her illness.

I previously wrote that I would confirm this if I got the majority correct. Also, I said that NDEs didn't count.

If I don't count Great and Tyme, I've got half right. But since I believe Great and Tyme didn't come back to life again, I have the majority correct. So, I'll confirm this theory.

Revised/developed pre-ep. 3 theory: Tyme is looking into the illegal gambling sites because his family fell victim to either them or Great's dad. (Confirmed)

Pre-ep. 4 theory: Great's actions during his OOBE won't change anything in the present. (Half-Confirmed)

I will half-confirm this because I'm still not sure whether Great's actions did help Tonkla hear his brother (or if Tonkla was in some weird ass timeline too). And I'm too tired of this show to keep thinking about it, lol.

Pre-ep. 4 theory: Tyme's choices in the real past are the reason Great is in the hospital having a cardiac arrest. (Scrapped)

I scrapped this weeks ago.

Pre-ep. 4 theory: The note saying "Can you forgive me, Great?" is written by the mystery woman in the gallery (Lukwa). (Wrong)

Too bad I didn't use my initial theory in these posts though, especially the part where I thought that particular note came from someone who talked to Great at the hospital in the present. It's just that the words were filtered through Great's mind, which is probably why the handwriting was different.

Anyway...

Pre-ep. 5 theory: The bodies the police find are the people who died in the real past. (Half-Confirmed)

I will only half-confirm this because I initially included the shareholder with the red umbrella in this theory as well (and that Nan's body would show up somewhere at some point). But I did get Dome and Title, so I'll half-confirm it.

Pre-ep. 7 theory: Tyme and Great met as kids (Confirmed)

I based this theory on how Tyme said "You're still afraid of dogs?" in ep. 6.

That was it. Now, let's look at the final results.

Final Results:

Total theories since the trailer: 36

Confirmed theories: 19

Half-Confirmed theories: 5

Wrong/scrapped theories: 12

(Btw, my stats should've included 37 theories, but I couldn't find the 37th in any of my posts, so I chose to omit it from this one.)

Well, that went a lot better than I expected from such an intricate story like this (with different timelines, questions, mysteries, etc.). I was not expecting to have more confirmed than wrong theories. Either way, I'm glad this is over because I need something else to fill my brainspace. (At least until the next Sammon show comes out in November, if I remember correctly.)

That's it for Ice Queen Holmes, at least for now. Over and out.

[yanderes-galore]

Hi this is my first time ever requesting something so please forgive me if the formatting is bad but can I request a one shot of platonic Yandere Edward Richtofen where the reader is like his daughter from another timeline or dimension it can be Primis or ultimis thank you for your time have a wonderful day/night :)

This is kind of playing off my previous Ultimis Richtofen concept. I mentioned him being devastated if his darling died or swapped time lines. So this is the result of that.

If the lore is off somehow tell me as I am rusty with it (I have to watch that seven hour long video again, lol-)

Bit lengthy and not fully proofread so I apologize for spelling errors!

Parallels

Yandere! Platonic! Primis! Edward Richtofen with Daughter! Darling Short

Pairing: Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Obsession somewhat at first sight, Dubious adoption, Manipulation, Thoughts of murder, Overprotective behavior, Jealousy, Dubious family dynamic, Murder, Vague yandere, OOC Richtofen near the end.

"Father?"

Richtofen had no idea what to say when he saw the woman in front of him. There was a loud noise that he and his crew heard, then when they checked it out... he was greeted by a confused woman. What was even weirder was what the woman said.

She called him... father. Far as Richtofen knew he had no children. The crew he had gathered looked just as confused as him when they saw you. Although... the possibility that you two were related wasn't impossible.

Richtofen was fully aware of alternate time lines and dimensions. Agartha was proof along with the existence of his Ultimis counterparts. He's traveled through time and dimensions... so the existence of you could make sense.

His theory when he looked you over with caution was you were his daughter in another time, perhaps his Ultimis self. Somehow an accident must've happened... bringing you here. You looked so scared and confused-

"You called me... father?" Richtofen asks with faint curiosity. Your fear only deepens.

"Yes... are you not? You look like him! His name is Richtofen...." You ask. Richtofen looks to his crew, they urge him to continue.

"That is my name... but I fear I am not the Richtofen you know, dear." Richtofen tries to explain. He makes his tone gentle like one you'd use to a child. He may have never had a daughter... but something tells him he should he gentle with you.

Some sort of connection draws him to you despite not being your true father.

"What do you mean?" You ask again before the distant roar of the undead distract you both.

"I'll explain later, come with me! It's not safe here." Richtofen pleads, holding out his scarred hand. You eye him for a second...

Then you take his hand...

and all feels right.

Richtofen was surprised how natural it felt to hold your hand. For some reason saving you, pulling you close, and caring for you felt right. It even made him wonder if he was meant to have a daughter at some point. Unfortunately, he never did...

But now he had you.

Richtofen tried his best to explain to you Ultimis and Primis when you all had the time. He didn't tell you his goal but promised he'd act as your father here. It would take some getting used to... yet Richtofen felt you'd grow on each other.

It already felt meant to be.

Richtofen didn't tell you his plan for a reason he felt would be too devastating for you. If you actually came from the Ultimis time line, he'd have to kill your father for his soul. You'd never comply if you knew of that... part of Richtofen felt guilty.

Although when Richtofen looked at you, those eyes that resemble his own glittering back at him, guilt vanishes. If you came here... it must be for a reason, right? Perhaps it wasn't a freak accident....

Maybe some divine force knew he had to kill your father? That would mean you were gifted to him. You're meant to be his daughter now....

Call him sick but he liked the idea of getting rid of your father now. After your initial confusion and hesitancy, you were incredibly affectionate. You clung to Richtofen like he was your father.

He isn't sure what inside him clicked into place... but he decided he wanted to keep moments like this. If your father was destined to die anyway then you might as well get used to him. After all, in the end you'd be beside his side anyways, right?

Richtofen actually felt jealous of his Ultimis self. How could Ultimis have a daughter and he does not? For some reason he just felt it was unfair....

It gave his jealousy some relief to know that his other counterpart would be dead. You needed a new father figure anyways, might as well be now. Richtofen doesn't mind taking the new role....

He revels in it, actually.

Richtofen takes pride in the idea of being your father. The longer he's around you he gains more fatherly characteristics. A change that sparks surprise in his crew.

Richtofen was careful when explaining things to you and often listened to your story. He quickly became attentive to your needs and smiled when you called him 'father'. He was very similar to your previous dad... except the unhinged sadism wasn't there.

That alone must make him a better father, no?

In Primis Richtofen's eyes... you're better off with him. Sure he isn't as experienced or acts different from your father... but he's safer, right? He wonders if you were ever experimented on by his counterpart....

Richtofen was surprised how quickly he was drawn to the idea of parenting you. Perhaps he fell quickly for your clingy nature and warming hugs. You really managed to charm him fast... but it is to be expected...

He was your father at some point.

He quickly proves to you that he's the best for you by patching wounds and protecting you. Richtofen has always been a bit paranoid and that only grows the longer he cares for you. Luckily you are able to hold your own with a weapon...

Part of him hopes you rely on him more.

Richtofen watches carefully as you mingle with the rest of Primis. Part of him is jealous you get along with them so well, responding curiously to them and their differences. Nikolai managed to laugh for a moment when you explained the Nikolai you knew was much... drunker. That and the fact you're used to Dempsey being more of a narcissist, which the soldier grinned at.

Deep down Richtofen knew in the end you'd always side with him. Although he still felt worry you'd split from him as you are a young woman by the time he met you.... He pushes those feelings to the side so he can just appreciate you, though.

You may notice Richtofen's obsessive behavior. He holds you tight and acts like you're his biological daughter. When you ask if he'll help you get back to your dad, he goes silent and holds you closer. Truth is... he doesn't want to give you up.

He doesn't have to, either... but you don't know that.

When the time comes where Richtofen has to kill his Ultimis counterpart for his soul, he actually feels a bit anxious. It feels weird to kill yourself, which causes him hesitancy along with the fact this was your father. He's sure to do it out of your sight... but as he prepares, a thought flashes in his head.

You'd finally be his daughter after this.

This one thought makes him eager. He isn't sure why but the thought of putting a bullet through his counterpart's brain makes him excited if it meant he kept you. This thought drove him to continue.

It was cruel when he taunted him, he will admit that. The reaction his Ultimis half gave him when he told him he had you was one of... despair? He almost felt bad.

Yet now you'd have to rely on him.

"Don't worry... it's for the greater good. I promise to take care of MY daughter. Unlike you, who lost her."

Dimensional bleeding must be what changed his personality. Richtofen wasn't expecting to take such sadistic pleasure in ending your previous father's life once he pulled the trigger. The pleasure didn't fade even when he saw the look of betrayal on his Ultimis self once he mentioned he's keeping you for himself. He took even more joy in lying about it all.

"I'm sorry, dear... in this dimension your father's already dead."

He should've felt bad, but it had to be done. Richtofen suffocated his guilt when he held you, listening to your cries. He had made you sad....

It was worth it.

He felt horrible that his greed made you sad. Surely you'd understand in the end, right? Normally he'd find the idea of shooting his counterpart grim.

Now it was simply euphoric... he wanted to do it again.

Richtofen didn't mind the idea of killing to keep you. He felt it was protecting you by keeping you by his side. A good father must protect his daughter, yes?

Killing your father was a necessary step, dear... but it'll all okay!

You still have his Primis counterpart to love and care for you... even if your true father's blood is on his hands.

If you ever found out Richtofen's plan... and learned he killed your father... he has another plan.

He'll force you to follow through, not like you have anywhere else to go.

You'll be so lost without your father...

So why blame him for the murder of the one who abandoned you?

Primis Richtofen is your father now... your TRUE father...

So why don't you be a good girl and ignore the blood he's spilled... he only wants to love you as a father should!

[merlot-and-chardonnay]

Meeting Her At Last- Geralt/Ciri

This is inspired from Bojack Horseman  where Geralt and the reader's relationship is similar to Diane and Guy (for those of you who've read my previous work, you probably heard that before, but it's a good show that I find much inspiration from and I ain't gonna apologize for it). It's also kind of a modern AU and the reader has a chance to meet Ciri.

Some angst. Enjoy. 

-------flashback----------

"So, now that I've got the basics on what life is like as a witcher, is there any chance I can tag along on this contract with you?" you say, writing down the notes you've been taking for the article you were working on, which focused on unique jobs around the world. Since Geralt was one of the better known witchers, one could consider him close to celebrity status, you had asked him to be the spokesperson for this particular occupation. He was reluctant at first, but eventually he agreed.

Now that two of you had followed Geralt, who had taken a job somewhere in Toussaint, and had stopped at an inn for the night. 

"I though you already were tagging along," Geralt said like it was obvious. "I mean, like is there a chance I can actually observe you at work?" you elaborate, "Watch you track down the monster in question, maybe watch the actual fighting and killing? I won't get in the way. I'll run if you tell me to run."

Geralt thinks about it for a moment, before turning to you, "you promise?" "Of course," you swear.

Geralt then used the key card to open the door to the room, only to stop when the two of you realized there was one bed in the room. "I swear, I asked for two beds," he insisted, "I'll talk to the receptionist, they should sort it out." "Well..." you start to say; it's worth noting there had been some steamy tension between you and Geralt the last week since you've been following him for your article, "I mean, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if we...shared this bed." Geralt looked at you, looking like he was about to say something, but before he could, you get on your tip toes and press a kiss to his lips.

It had been a risk, but you wanted to know if he felt the same way you did at this moment. "On second thought, I should thank the receptionist for this mix up," he says.

You smirk and push Geralt into the bed, ready to have your way with him.

----------------time skip----------------------------

After the contract in Toussaint was complete you followed Geralt back to his home in Kaer Morhen, where the witchers often went to recuperate, restock on potions, fix weapons, and just rest and swap stories.

Once there, Geralt introduced you to his brethren who were already there. You were a little disappointed that he didn't really introduce you as his girlfriend, but to be fair, neither of you had really established what this relationship was. Nonetheless, you were excited to meet the other witchers and partake in the camaraderie.

In the midst of this social gathering, you had to make a quick trip to the bathroom. Once you were done, you open the door only to find Geralt on the other side, "Uh, Geralt? Did you need to go too?" "No, it's not that," Geralt hastily pushes you back into the bathroom and closes the door, "my daughter is here, Ciri." "Daughter? I thought she was spending the weekend with your ex, you said so yourself." "I thought so too," Geralt admits, "But she really wanted to see me. I'm sorry (y/n), but...I don't make a habit of introducing Ciri to women I'm with unless it's serious. I made that mistake once before." "Oh," you say, realizing what he meant, "I uh, yeah that makes sense, it's not like we're really a couple. I should probably go."

"Not that way," Geralt stops you from going out the door, "out the window." "What about my suitcase?" "I'll toss it out once you you make outside." You climb down the window and wait for Geralt to toss your suitcase out of a different window. Once that was settled, you order a Lyft and head to the nearest inn.

---------end of flashback-------------

In the present time, after a few compromises on both your parts, you and Geralt were now a couple.

The witcher had continued to go out on contracts, and though you had your article published months ago, you had recently started writing a tween book involving a young girl who solves mysteries. It wasn't quite what you thought you were ever write in your life, but if it was a lot of fun, and it gave you some hope that there were girls out there that read this book when it got published and feel less alone in this world, like you wished you could've been.

You were in a good place right now, and Geralt was proud that you made progress in that area.

At this moment, you and the witcher were enjoying drinks and stew at a local pub while the man was conversing with you. You weren't exactly paying attention, as you were fixated on the television screen behind your boyfriend.

Geralt took notice and turned around to see it was the news. It was an interview about a famous person you were once friends with; royalty to be exact. "If you want to watch that, it's okay," he assures. "What, no it's-" "It's fine," Geralt assures again, "you knew this man, there's not need to be cryptic about all this." "I'm not!" you get defensive, "I'm in a good place right now, I don't want to get involved in all that other stuff." "Fine," Geralt nods, "but it's seems rather strange that you haven't mentioned this man much before and you used to be best friends with him and he's royalty." "Well I wouldn't say that," you admit, "Phillipa is more my best, best friend." "You don't talk about Phillipa either." "I don't know what her job is, and it's too late for me to ask," you admit. "And you were married into royalty once," Geralt continues, "you've never talked about that part of your life either."

"You talk about you're past life either!" you get more defensive, "You want to talk about past life and keeping secrets? I've lived at Kaer Morhen for the last eight months and I...I still haven't met your...daughter."

"Oh," Geralt realizes, "Okay, but, uh, I don't think you want to meet Ciri." "Of course I do," you insist. "Alright," Geralt agrees, "let's get dinner tomorrow." "Tomorrow, tomorrow?"

--------late afternoon the next day-------------

"So, Cirilla right?" you say, feeling nervous about meeting Geralt's daughter for the first time. You never had kids of your own, nor did you really want them, but it felt like a big step to meet Ciri for the first time, and you wanted to make a good first impression, "It's really nice to meet you."

"Hey," Ciri says, not sounding all that impressed. "Ciri, come on," Geralt encourages. "Good evening, ma'am," Ciri says rather sarcastically. Geralt was about to say something about that when noticed the jacket she was wearing, "What's this? Did you make the fencing team?" "Yep," Ciri says, feeling pride in her accomplishment, "I beat everyone on the tryouts, kicked their asses to curb." "Wow, that's great." "That's amazing," you and Geralt say, "Why didn't you say anything?" "I wanted to wait for the jacket," Ciri shrugs.

"I'm so proud of you Ciri," Geralt says, the pride really showing in his tone, "We should get Zoltan's shepherd's pie to celebrate." "Ooh, I'll-" "I'm getting the pie," Geralt stands up to order the pie before you could do anything.

Once Geralt left, Ciri resumed the same attitude she had before making that announcement. "So...fencing," you say, attempting to break the awkward silence, "that's a pretty big deal, huh?" "What's your deal?" Ciri asks, getting to the point. "Uh, excuse me?" "Geralt has a thing for broken women," Ciri explains, eyes narrowed at you, "then he nurses them back to health, and when they're  better, they leave. You going to leave him?"

"Does, Geralt think I'm going to leave him?" you frown in confusion. "It doesn't really matter," Ciri shrugs, smug grin on her face, "because eventually Geralt will be getting back Yennefer. They're still in love." "What? No!" you scoff, nearly laughing at the idea that Geralt could still have feelings for the sorceress based on the number of fights you've seen him have with Yennefer over the phone, "they hate each other." "No they don't," Ciri says in denial. "They fight all the time," you insist.

"Oh...really?" Ciri seemed to go sad. Did she really not know? Perhaps she did and had been in denial this whole time about it. That was when Ciri broke down in tears. "My dad hates my mom?!" "No!" you say, trying to deescalate the situation, "of course not." "Then why did you say that?!!" Ciri sobs, "you're so mean."

By the time Geralt came back with the pies, Ciri had her head down on the table, bawling her eyes out and you with your head in your hands. "I was only gone for two minutes," Geralt merely says.

------------time skip-----------------

As time progressed, you finally managed to finish your book. All you needed to do now was to go through it over again to see if there was anything that needed editing.

You were at Kaer Morhen making the final changes when Ciri came around. She'd been visiting earlier today with some friends of hers (friends who weren't quite into the genre of your book and made it clear it wasn't something they'd be into).

"I guess that book of yours is near about finished," she states. "Just about," you say, reading over the manuscript, "I'm not sure how well it's going to do, but if it'll make a few little girls in this world less alone, I think I may have accomplished what I wanted to with this book."

"Well I did have some questions about it after reading it myself," Ciri admits. "I thought you said this book was for babies," you point out. "Well I couldn't really said what I thought in front of my friends," Ciri says. You internally roll eyes, figuring Ciri was going through some 'Cool Girl' phase that most girls her age went through (worth noting most of her friends were boys, making her 'one of the guys' thing).

"Anyway," Ciri continues, "I did notice one thing. You make references to the book taking place in Nilfgaard but the character Ana is from Dol Blathana." "And?" "Dol Blathana is not Nilfgaard." "Well, true, but it's PART of the Nilfgaard empire-" "Oh my gods! What's next?" Ciri exasperates, "Toussaint? Cintra?! All part of Nilfgaard? That's what you sound like, (y/n)."

"Okay," you say, smile on your face from this conversation, "Well...the due date for publication isn't for another few days, I think that's plenty of time to make the changes. Anything else I should add or subtract." "Mmmm, nothing else comes to mind," Ciri shrugs, "and...for what it's worth, I think this book will sell big. If anything, I think it'll make thousands of little girls in this world feel less alone. It kinda makes me wish I had a book like that when I lost my grandparents and was on the run for my life. It seems silly but...if I had something like that during that time, it would've help me feel less alone. Ana is someone I think young girls will be able to relate to."

You smile a bit. You may not have been able to bond as Ciri as much as you would like to, but this was something you were glad had made some impact into this young woman's life.

"I'm also glad Geralt found someone to be in his life," Ciri continues, "I really do hope this will last."

------------------------------

The day your book was published and finally hit the book stores, you went to Oxenfurt to sign books. You were surprised how many people actually came just to get your autographs. The book was making an impact, especially those in your target demographics, and surprisingly those beyond that.

People were in fact already asking if there was going to be a sequel. At this point, you might consider making an entire series.

When in the middle of your break, you get a phone call from Geralt. "Hey, Geralt," you answer. "(y/n), any reason Yennefer wants to treat me like a horse's arse right now?!" you hear the witcher exclaim from the other side of the phone.

"Depends, you wearing a sign on the back of your shirt that says you're a horses arse?" you ask in a joking manner. "I'm being serious," Geralt insists, "Yennefer recently got a job in Vizima, and she wants to pull Ciri out of school." "She can't do that." "Well technically she can, she has full custody," Geralt explains, "and don't get me wrong, I'm happy for Yen, but this whole thing sucks."

"Well, the surrounding area around Vizima must be filled to the brim with monsters," you point out, "they could probably use a witcher. And I can write wherever. You should go." "...Are you sure?" Geralt asks, wanting your input. "Of course," you insist, "If Ciri is going, we should go too."

"Oh, uh, very well then," Geralt says, sounding like he was smiling, "we're going to Vizima. For Ciri." "For Ciri," you say with a smile on your face.

Masterlist

[yjano]

Who I am now?

Part 4.

Pairing: Jake x Mc.

Genre: Angst, comedy, dark romance.

Warnings: Strong language, angst scenes. 18+ content can be found.

Words: 4.7k

Author's note: This story contains mature topics and is not fully related to the duskwood game. A different parallel with different personalities. Thank you everyone for following and liking this! lly.♡

•

.

Mc focus.

.

Still lying paralyzed on the bed, arms and legs spread out like a starfish as I struggled to process what I had just done.

Did I seriously threaten my kidnapper with a gun?

Did I seriously try to make my kidnapper give me the key by straddling him and aiming a gun at him?

Nice try Mc but you should've just whacked him over the head with the gun, and break the door open somehow or something like that. Like something Dan would do.

My mind flits back to lying underneath JD, defenseless and completely unable to move. Remembering the feeling of his warm breath tickling my cheek as he hovered above me on all fours. Remembering his icy blue eyes and long lashes, the weight of his legs against my own. I shuddered at the thought.

"Get up, we're going downstairs." JD's voice broke out me off my thought track making my frown slip off when he exited the small bathroom, fully dressed in black with a black cap tugged on low over his forehead.

"Sorry?" I asked confused with my brows furrowed.

"We're leaving? Where to? I thought we were staying here-"

"We're heading somewhere far. It's gonna take a while to get there." He mumbled, picking up his backpack and hoisting it over his shoulder.

"Better start moving soon." He finished, looking at me from under his cap.

"Whatever." Is all I had to say as I slid off the unmade bed, legs feeling a little unsteady as I made my way to where JD stood, by the door.

"Let's go then." JD ordered in his raspy morning voice.

When JD said "we're going downstairs", I had thought he meant down the stairs and out of the love nest, in the car, and getting back on the road. I didn't think that JD meant downstairs until he marched me down the crowded corridors and too-narrow stairways. The place was full of one-night standers walking away with their heads bowed shamefully and their clothes put on disarrayed.

"Wait, we're not going outside?" I asked him, worry filled in my voice as he dragged me past the entrance where tired and embarrassed men and women leave one after the other. I looked over my shoulder at them, yearning to leave this shitty little motel as well.

"You need clothes." He answered simply, his previous playful demeanor dissipating, now his face was emotionless, as usual.

"What's wrong with my clothes-" I looked down at my ripped dress, gasping quietly. I had forgotten about it and this son of a b- dragged me here looking like a trash bin.

"Oh. I see."

He didn't reply instead, he continued to guide me to the receptionist with his hand wrapped tightly around my wrist.

"Excuse me? Last night, the receptionist told me there was a shop here?" JD politely asked the man sitting behind the desk. An elderly-looking man watched us with narrowed eyes, his lips pulled into a scarily wide grin that displayed his yellowing teeth.

"You want the shop do ya?" He asked, chuckling wheezily.

JD stood behind the counter stoically, waiting for the man to stop his fit of breathy laughing whilst I watched over his shoulder, worried that the frail man was having an asthma attack.

"Well, let me show you what we have in stocks!" the man breathed, bending down to open and rifle through a cupboard, coughing slightly as he does so.

JD drummed his fingers over the love nest receptionist's desk impatiently, watching the man move his creaking arms to gather items into his hands.

The elderly receptionist stand up slowly and put out the assorted items on the desk, winking at me once he's finished. In response, I hid behind JD's shoulder, bitting my lip uncomfortably under the old man's gaze.

The receptionist cleared his throat and picked up something from the pile of items arranged on the desk.

"So," he started, looking at both of us.

"We have dildos, now two for the price of one! There are small, medium and large and they come in different kinds! there are limited silico-" the man got cut off by JD's words.

"Do you have any clothes or...?" He asked, gritting his teeth irritatedly.

"Clothes? Oh yes, we have some." The old man rolled his eyes, his excitement gone. He bend down once again and looked through the cupboard at his feet. Whilst he does that, I peered over at the desk and studied the strange items.

"Hey JD, were you trying to get me a dildo?"

I looked over at him to trigger him even more, but to my surprise the tips of his ears were beet red.

"Quiet down."

"We have tops and we sell booty shorts for half price!" The man exclaimed regaining his excitement as he held up a lacy number of tiny shorts. I wrinkled my nose at the sight.

"Do you have just plain shorts?" JD questioned, and I mentally thanked him honestly.

"Yes." the man mumbled, once again the boredom settling in his voice. He produced slightly small but plain tight shorts.

"We'll buy a shirt and those shorts." JD sighed, briefly letting go of my hand to dig around his jeans pocket for his wallet. I didn't even think of escaping once JD let go of myhand instead, I busily watched him take out his wallet. Flashing his driver's license at me unwarily. I get a peek at the name imprinted on the rectangular-shaped card. Jace...Dolon...

Jace Dolon?

Jace Dolon! I have his name! I can call the cops on him! Jace fucking Dolon!

"Thanks. Here." I pulled away from my thoughts when Jace pushed a shirt and a pair of shorts in my direction.

"Would you like to get changed now? The door over there is the toilet, go ahead and change. Would you like to test a toy whilst you're at it?" The old man grins, leaning over the desk towards me.

"What do you mean by toy-"

"No, we're fine. thanks." Jace quickly said, placing an unconscious hand on my back. My body immediately stiffened under his touch, the sense of intimacy from early returning and making me flush a soft red.

The man plops himself back onto his spinny chair dejectedly and picks up a small tv remote, switching on the tiny television sitting on his desk whilst muttering under his breath. "Such 6 kids."

Jace hand was still on my back, patting my back to motion for me to move forward. I quickly walked with the newly purchased clothes in my hands. My mind only focused on the hand pressing against my lower back. Even though my head was muddled with flying thoughts, I could hear the tv get louder and louder as the man turned up the volume. I could hear the unmistakable drone of the news lady as she talked about today's issues.

"Today's news: People from the Duskwood have reported that the girl named Mc is missing since last night's party..."

I look up at the mention of my name and turn around to see a recent photo of me with my friends plastered across the screen of the tv, it made me gasp loudly but before I could speak or do something. The door to the bathroom is opened and for the second time now, I'm thrown in with my back violently hitting the tiled walls.

"Shi-" I'm cut off by the door slamming on me.

"Get ready and stay quiet," Jace instructed levelly from behind the door. I swallowed down the string of curses I was about to throw. But I knew it'd be a mistake if I did it right now.

.

JD focus.

.

I stood stock still, like a soldier, by the bathroom whilst Mc was changing inside quietly.

"Mc was reported missing since last night, her presence at the party was completely eradicated-"

"These shorts are too small," Mc mumbled, opening the door. "Please go and get longer shorts or even pants-"

I didn't bother to look at her, I was too engrossed in the news update.

"The police chief Alan Bloomgate suspect a kidnapping-"

"Hey freak! Are you listening? I need longer shorts or pants! I feel naked and too exposed." Mc whisperingly pleaded, I turned my eyes away from the old man's tv and looked at her, ready to send a sharp glare at her stubborn behavior. But any preparation of glaring dropped when I saw Mc standing in the doorway of the bathroom. She nervously clasped onto the too-big black shirt, and her thighs- dear god, her thighs, I thought inside as I let my eyes run over her honey-colored thighs. Her tanned legs were completely on display for everyone to admire.

"Damn, look at your thighs." I voiced out appreciatively, not bothering with the fact that I am forgetting the real mission of all of this.

Her eyes widened and cheeks reddened as she let out a small gasp and slammed the door shut on me.

"I'm not coming out until you get me longer shorts or pants!" She yelled loudly enough for everyone to hear and look at my side.

.

Mc focus.

.

Jace pleaded or you could say more like threatened to break down the door and drag me out violently. Once I opened the door the slightest bit open, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me outside.

"Sorry, but it's either these or those booty shorts." He gritted his teeth, tugging me out of the tiny bathroom.

"Oh and here." Jace suddenly slapped his black cap on my head, pulling the accessory unnecessarily low to shield my face.

"Shoes." He said monotonously, nudging a pair of cheap flip-flops on the floor near my feet. Without asking a thing I slipped my bare feet into the flip-flops.

"We're leaving now," Jace announced quietly, a harsh hand enclosing my wrist as if to confirm his words. I raised my head to look at him and shoot him a glare. I wanted to yell at him to get me longer shorts, wanted to kick him in the balls and run off but I didn't. Not when his eyes bore holes into my face menacingly.

"You two done?" The old man asked, raising his breathy voice. I look over at the old man sitting in place behind the desk, the man-wolf whistles once he catches the sight of my legs.

"Let's just leave, please," I murmured, turning away. The breathy laughter of the old man, made me feel like throwing up.

Wordlessly Jace just nodded and stormed towards the entrance. I struggled to keep up with his sudden fast pace.

"Please report to the police if you have seen Mc in the past twelve hours. Report suspicious activity-" I look up again at the mention of my name and caught eye contact with the elderly receptionist as Jace was leading me away. The old man frowned at me for a second, looking back and forth between me and the tiny television. Shock or realization seems to hit the man's face. His mouth hung open with surprise and his eyes widened double the size.

I saw the man gingerly reach over for the telephone sitting on the desk in front of him, hurriedly pressing keys on the device.

Did he recognize me?

Jace pulled me out of a stiflingly musty love nest. The sun poked out of looming clouds and shone slightly, the warm yellow rays caressed my thighs and arms but the warmth didn't cover up the gusts of cool wind blowing against my exposed skin.

I clenched my teeth, shuddering on the spot whilst waiting for Jace to unlock the car door. I just stood there embarrassed and cold. I felt my cheeks glowing bright red as a few onlookers walking on the opposite road stared at me, eyes following after my legs. I attempted to somehow stretch my oversized shirt to hide my thighs, I felt my limbs shaking with the near spring weather.

"This is so embarrassing," I mumbled under my breath, crossing my arms over my chest defiantly.

Jace opened the passenger door and motioned grandly for me to step in, lifting an eyebrow and murmuring sarcastically.

"Get your ass inside princess."

The new title made me frown and get inside the car so I wouldn't get displayed half-naked in the eyes of the public anymore.

I raised my eyes up when Jace slammed the passenger door shut, walking swiftly around the front of the car to get to the driver's seat.

I could escape-

No, he's gonna catch me...

But if I run extra hard...

Shit but I'm half naked and it's so cold...

I looked outside at the people walking by, their hair flying in all directions. Their cheeks and noses tinted pink due to the cold weather.

Yet I might get tortured or hurt if I stay with him though-

Biting my lip, I slowly nodded to myself trying to make up my mind.

Fuck it, it's worth trying...

And with that I grabbed for the door handle, tugging it hard to open and pushing the door I dashed out. Running fast with my flip flops thwacking loudly against the concrete road.

Five words fall into repeat in my head.

He's so gonna kill me.

I sprinted past the tacky motel we had just walked out of and down the road where confused pedestrians walking their dogs were staring after me.

I risked my chances of escaping and looked over mt shoulder to see Jace leaning against the car, watching after me with an amused eyebrow raised.

Why isn't he running after me? Has he given up on me? Am I free? Holy shit. I'm free! Excitedly I was running further and further away, not looking where I was going since my eyes were still focused on Jace.

.

JD focus.

.

"Turn around and run properly otherwise you're going to fall-"

"Fu-!" Mc yelped as her flip-flop caught onto an uneven part of the pavement, causing her to topple forward and lose all balance. She fell hardly on the stone slabs, her nose painfully colliding with the gray stone and causing her to cry out in pain.

I sighed and shook my head in disbelief. How can someone be so damn stubborn?

I pushed myself off the side of the car, yawning tiredly and strolling calmly down the road to where Mc lay on the pavement, unmoving. With her shirt bunched up at the side, revealing those tiny black shorts.

I stood over her, looking at her unimpressed.

"Get up. People are coming." I ordered, noticing two mothers walking their children to school approaching us.

"Mc. Get. Up." I repeated, but she still didn't get up.

Rolling eyes I lowered myself onto my haunches and tapped her shoulder.

"Hey."

She finally lifted her head, nearly grimacing me with horror at the sight.

"My nose- It's broken..." Mc sobbed, her hands covering her bleeding nose. Her whole middle face was smeared with blood.

"Fucking hell Mc." I cursed under my breath and hastily pressed the white cloth against her bleeding nose.

"It's not broken. You have a nosebleed. Sit up now, will you?" She quickly followed my instructions, still crying her eyes out.

"You're unbelievable and too stubborn, you know that?" I looked at her with a done face, looking around for another tissue.

Five minutes later, Mc was sitting inside the car on the passenger seat, fiddling with the uncomfortable balls of tissue shoved up in her nostrils.

Finally pulling out of the love motel parking lot, I side-eyed her, she was trying to hide her thighs with her shirt. I sighed, throwing my hoodie on her legs.

Steering the car out onto the main road with one hand and the other hand resting on the window ledge I let out a long sigh.

It's only 9 am and she's already driving me insane. I attempted to relax by rolling down the driver's and passenger's windows to let the cool air calm me down. Receiving icy slaps to the face courtesy of the wind.

.

Mc focus.

.

I twiddled my thumbs nervously, wondering where Jace was taking me and how long it'd be before he will do something to me. I chewed on my lower lip as several scenarios flit through my head. Scenes of him screaming at me and beating me or aiming his gun at me. I shuddered at the thought. The other side of me was thinking back to my previous attempts to escape, kicking Jace in the balls, pushing him away, hiding in the petrol station, pointing gun at him and then running away only to land on my nose. All of my plans had backfired on me horribly.

I have to come with a better plan, plan that actually works. I gazed over the car's dashboard, eyeing the random controls with disinterest, inspiring no plan.

I looked over at Jace discreetly, my eyes landing on the seatbelt around his torso.

Could I perhaps choke him?

What the hell I am thinking? This fucker gives me a bad impact on my life.

"JD, I need new tissues these are all bloody and gross."

"Fucking unbelievable," Jace uttered under his breath, his eyes focusing on the road ahead.

"Did you say something?" I frowned at him with the bloodied tissue buds poking out my nose.

.

Dan focus - A few hours earlier.

.

Upon hearing new information about Mc being in a certain love motel, I and the gang drive there, hoping to pick up a trail and find our beloved friend before something bad happened to her.

My phone rang in my pocket, I took the device out, and reading the caller's name imprinted on the screen I rolled my eyes loudly.

Jake is calling you...

I decided to answer to just give him a piece of my mind.

"Look who decided to call us. What the hell do you want? We're busy."

"Mc was seen at a motel somewhere out of town. You are heading over there?" the robotic voice of Jake emanates from my phone.

"You're too late. We already know about it. It's none of your concern whether we are or not heading over there. It's not Hannah's situation and we don't need a fucker like you to mingle into Mc's business again.

I heard him breathe out a heavy sigh.

"Dan, find her before it's too late and bring her home safely." Jake ignored my words and ordered quietly as if we wouldn't do it without his sake.

My mind flashed back to last night's party when Mc had disappeared without telling me or others. We were searching for her, thinking maybe she cried by herself somewhere because of that jerk but then we had no other choice but to report her disappearance just like we did with Hannah. But this time we had Alan fully on our side. He was a good friend of Mc.

"If you'll find Mc, make sure to not tell her I called you and asked about her. Make sure she's safe." And with that he hung up, leaving me speechless.

"What a fucker." Frustrated I fixed my sunglasses, holding Jessy's hand and interlocking our fingers.

"It's going to be okay babe, we will find her."

"I should've stayed by her side, Dan. But I left her alone. It's all my fault."

.

Mc focus.

.

An hour passed and I still had no idea of how to escape deftly and safely. My mind produced no exit to the situation I was currently in.

I sighed, stretching my legs as best as I could in the passenger seat's space. An hour of doing nothing but changing bloody tissue balls and staring out of the window took its toll on me. I found myself growing more and more tired with my eyelids turning heavy and my body becoming unwillingly slack.

"Hey," I murmured softly, adjusting my head on the leather headrest, trying to keep myself awake by moving constantly.

"Hey." I repeated sleepily, gazing ay him.

"Please keep me awake." But unfortunately Jace just ignored me.

"Hey, how old are you?" I asked not giving up just yet, words slurring slightly as I was looking up through half-lidded eyes.

Yey he still didn't reply.

"JD, come on how old are you?" I repeated on purpose knowing If I was irrigating enough he will probably let me go.

Jace groaned, gripping the steering wheel tigtly.

"For god's sake." He muttered, raking his fingers through his dark hair before muttering, "25."

"Woah. Not so bad compared to the way you look." I lied because he did look young and well...sporty enough to make someone drool. Humming to the music I studied his side profile.

I looked away for a second thinking of another question to gain some good information about him, so it'd be easier to get him in the jail sooner.

"Hm, Hey JD?"

"What?"

"Tell me something about yourself."

"No."

"Why not? Are you shy?" I rolled my eyes playfully turning my body to his side and hugging my knees to my chest. Good job Mc. Make him believe you gave up on your escape plans.

"Do I need to remind you that I'm not your new friend or new driver?" Jace suddenly threw an intimidating glance at me.

"And sit properly like a normal human being."

I did what he asked and sat straight with furrowed eyebrows.

"Fine if you don't wanna talk, I will." I rolled my eyes, trying to hold in a yawn.

"Okay so my name is Mc and I am 23 years old."

"I already know that."

"And...I'm the soon-to-be detective because I and my friends found the missing girl named Hannah...I guess without Jake I would've been lost. He helped a lot to us and me mostly." I smiled proudly, but sadness took over me at the mention of Jake. I hope he's okay and hopefully, he will text me soon to update me about his life.

"Knew that as well." Jace muttered, turning the steering wheel distractedly. How does he know it all?

"Well then...Um." I was running out of short of ideas, yawning again and again. I shook my head trying to wake myself up.

"Oh right. About my likes now! Ah, I like-"

"I don't wanna know what you like."

"Fried chicken, chinese food, warm baths, I like horror movies..." I started counting all my favorite things off with my fingers, smiling sleepily.

"And I like the color black and long late rides with Dan."

.

JD focus.

.

I rolled my eyes, not wanting to listen to her yet I couldn't help but focus on her words.

I didn't want to fall asleep too. Because me falling asleep would certainly result in me driving into another lane and crashing the car, killing the two of us.

So I had no other option but grudgingly listen her likes and preferences, using her talking as a way to stay awake and alerted.

"My dislikes are...Hmm..." She hummed in thought.

"I don't like public washrooms, people talking with their mouths full, smoking."

She looked at me pointedly making me sigh in annoyance.

"And the thing I hate most is waking up early." She finished, yawning again.

"What about you? What do you like and dislike?" She asked softly, struggling to stay open. I could see it from her eyes and the way she kept blinking them multiple times.

"I like silence," I murmured monotonously.

"And I dislike people who can't seem to shut up," I grunted this time looking over at her pointedly, she broke the eye contact hastily.

"Um. So." She coughed in discomfort, turning her face to my side again.

"So do you like chinese food as well?"

"Shut up."

"Are you a vegetarian?" I knew she did on purpose to annoy the hell out of me. Believing the fact that it'll make me change my mind and let her go. So naive and stubborn.

"I ate a beef ramen yesterday, what do you think?" I replied curtly. Already feeling annoyed by her non stop talk.

"But-"

"I don't care, stop talking."

I sighed slowly. Why is she talking to me so casually? But knowing her, she's smart enough and knows that you have to befriend the enemy to escape faster. Rummaging inside my hoodie pocket for my packet of cigarettes, ignoring her again.

"Are you seriously going to smoke now?"

"No, I just like to take out unlit cigarettes and put them in my mouth," I grunted sarcastically, placing the thin stick between my lips. I saw her wrinkle her little nose and look away, covering her nose with her fingers. I snorted lighting the cigarette carefully before inhaling the smoke deeply.

"Done with your questions?"

"Why? did you like them? should I ask a few more?" She replied sarcastically bright, looking right into my eyes.

"What's your favorite color, hm?"

I breathed out softly through my lips, letting the grey smoke appear in the car which caused Mc to frown slightly.

"Red and black." I mumbled focusing my eyes back on the highway ahead of us.

.

Mc focus.

.

I took his silence as a sign that the mini-talk is over so I hoisted a leg over the car's control center and climbed halfway into the back seats haphazardly. With the other leg half hovering above the gear stick and car heaters, I brought myself into the back seat, making sure to kick Jace's arm.

"Hey." Jace gritted his teeth, driving faster. I just smiled smugly to myself happy that I was able to exact some sort of revenge on Jace Dolon.

I positioned myself to lie my back on the chilly backseats, stretching my limbs out and shivering at the feel of polished leather on my bare legs.

"Yeah, go ahead and make yourself at home." Jace rolled his eyes when he saw me strewn across his leather backseats.

"Yeah, yeah. Fuck you." I hummed, closing my eyes despite my mind telling me to not sleep. The bad thoughts striked me again.

What's going to happen to me?

I blankly stared up at the car's roof. I pushed the thoughts to the back of my head and cleared my throat, trying for one more question.

"What's your worst fear, JD?" I asked softly, with my voice barely audible and almost masked over by the car's low whir.

"Mine's seeing my friends hurt or losing myself again...Maybe I already lost myself." I added quietly staring up at the car's roof blankly not knowing why I'm speaking to my kidnapper like he was someone close.

.

JD focus.

.

I didn't respond at first, I knew what I'm afraid of but the thought makes my throat suddenly constrict and tighten around words that seem to be sitting at the back of my tongue.

My worst fear? I swallowed hard as memories of a specific girl come into my head.

I'm afraid of losing someone dear to me, someone I love and treasure, I'm scared of them slipping right through my fingers. Right under my sight without me knowing until it's too late.

I cleared my throat, trying to shake off my thoughts.

Why are you getting all depressed?

Straightening my back against the driver's seat and turning rigid, I decided to reply to her.

"Nothing, I'm afraid of nothing," I repeated, wanting to clarify my point.

"Bullshit." Mc snorted with her eyes closed, surprising me with her sudden outburst.

"Everyone's scared of something, It can be a phobia of a certain animal or thing or the idea of losing a member of their family or something else."

I unknowingly winced at her last words of hers. She had hit directly on the right point and so easily as well.

"So you've gotta be scared of something, JD. It's no big deal being afraid of something. You know. You can always overcome it." Mc murmured sleepily, her voice trailed away as she drifted into a deep sleep

I almost wanted to snort aloud at her sudden deep words, overcome it? I scoffed mentally, how the hell do you overcome something that's already gone? But instead of saying this, I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. My jaw was clenching as I spit out a harsh.

"Shut the fuck up.."

But she just replied with her soft snores.

[foundtherightwords]

Love in a Mist - Chapter 8

Pairing: Hellcheer Regency AU or Regency!Eddie Munson x OFC (for more info, see A/N of Chapter 1)

Summary: Christine Conyngham, a young debutante whose marital prospects are less than ideal, believes her happiness is secure when she falls in love with Joshua Craven, the handsome future Duke of Hauxwell. However, after her lack of a fortune prevents her and Joshua from marrying, Christine impulsively accepts the proposal of Edward Munson, the eccentric Baron Hurstfield, who is in need of a wife to obtain an inheritance. But with her heart still pining after Joshua, can Christine learn to love her husband and build a life with him?

Series Warnings: sloooooow burn (it's a fucking novel, I'm sorry), angst, suicide attempt, mentions of domestic abuse, some smut in later chapters. Also, my deepest apologies to the people of Yorkshire for the accent and any other details I might have butchered.

Chapter Warnings: smut, some angst, idiots in love

Chapter word count: 3k

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Christine woke to the banging and clashing of the chambermaid coming up the stairs with her pans and brooms to clean out the hearths and light the fire. She quickly gathered up her nightdress and shawl and stole back to her room before the maid arrived. It was the most natural thing in the world for husband and wife to share a bed, but she felt shy at the thought of the maid walking in on her and Edward, with their naked limbs all tangled up and their clothes strewn haphazardly about the room, all speaking plainly of what they had been up to the previous night.

What had happened between them? Christine went back over the night as she got dressed, her cheeks burning at the memories. Was it simply because it had been over half a year since she last felt a human touch, let alone a passionate one? Now in the cold light of day, away from Edward, she thought about Joshua again, and another feeling, almost like the guilt of being unfaithful, gnawed at her. She knew it was nonsense - Edward was her husband, and if she was unfaithful at all, it would be to him,for thinking of another man. And Joshua was married as well. But she couldn't help feeling she had betrayed, if not Joshua himself, then her love for him.

She opened her jewelry box and found the posy ring she had hidden in its bottom all those months ago. The engraving stood out at her. "My love shall last 'til life be past." She didn't love Edward, she told herself. She had grown fond of him, and after last night, in more ways than one, but when she thought of him, it was never with that ache in her heart as when she thought of Joshua. But what had loving Joshua brought her, except for heartache?

Making up her mind, she slipped the ring into her pocket, put on a cloak, and went outside. The rain had stopped, though the ground was still wet and muddy after the flood, but that didn't stop her. She walked toward the old abbey ruins from which Hurstfield Hall took its stones, where a little stream of the River Ure ran past. It was overflowing now, screaming and foaming over the boulders. As Christine stood on its bank, looking at the water, she made a vow. Something similar to her wedding vows, but it was more to herself than to her husband. Edward was her husband, and he was kind, and he deserved happiness as much as herself. So even though he had not promised her happiness, she would do her best to make both of them happy. And that meant saying goodbye to the memories of Joshua Craven, once and for all.

She took the ring out of her pocket and looked at it one last time. Then, without really knowing why, she tried it on. It hung loosely off her finger, too large. A laugh escaped her. All this time, she had been treasuring it, and it didn't even fit. Perhaps this was a sign.

Christine threw the ring into the stream and walked away without a glance backward.

***

Her heart was so light, it almost gave wings to her feet. She practically flew back to Hurstfield, couldn't wait to find Edward, to take him into her arms and tell him how everything would be different from now on.

But he wasn't in the house by the time she got back. Apparently she had been gone for much longer than she thought, for the maid was clearing up in the breakfast room already.

"Where is his lordship?" she asked Mrs. Wayne, who came in to supervise.

"He's gone, m'lady," replied the housekeeper.

"Gone! Gone where?"

"To th' farms to see how much damage there were. I told him he was in no shape to be goin' out, but he said he'd take th' gig." Turning away, she mumbled, her Yorkshire accent getting broader as her annoyance grew, "An' once that lad got it into his head to do somethin', there's no stoppin' him."

Christine thanked Mrs. Wayne. She felt rather disappointed, but she told herself surely he would not be gone for too long, not after the night they'd had. She spent the morning in the parlor, going over the things she would say to him. But he made no appearance at dinner, and her hopeful anticipation gave way for apprehension, though Mrs. Wayne assured her that the water had gone down and the roads were passable now, so there was no danger.

After dinner, Christine's anxiety overcame her, and she set out for a walk in the faint hope of meeting Edward on the way, and if not, at least she could exercise away some of the nervousness that wouldn't let her sit still. However, the road was so covered with mud that she couldn't get very far and was forced to return, tired, restless, and fretful. Just as she climbed the stone wall surrounding the field at the western end of Hurstfield Hall, she saw the gig rounding the front drive and going through the gate, Edward at the reins. Not caring who might see her, Christine jumped over the wall and chased after it, but it was gone before she could reach the front of the house.

Mrs. Wayne, waiting in the hall, threw up her hands upon seeing Christine. "Master Edward was just here, askin' for you," she said. "He was so vexed when I told him you were gone for your walk, as he had to leave again." The old woman peered at Christine's flushed, downcast face. "I hope I'm not forgettin' my place in sayin' this, m'lady, but Master Edward can be puzzlin' in his ways," she said kindly. "You mun't mind him."

Christine had to smile. "Thank you, Mrs. Wayne. I don't mind." But she did mind. She minded a lot. What was Edward playing at, disappearing for hours when he knew she was waiting for him?

These thoughts plagued her all through the afternoon as she worked in the garden. The conservatory was finished now, and she and Henderson were supervising the moving of plants into it. They couldn't agree on how to arrange the flowers for the best effect. Even as she argued with the old man, Christine's whole body was on alert, listening for any sound of the approaching gig. Dusk had started to fall when she finally heard the familiar crunch of the gravel drive, and she was so flustered that she almost dropped the pot of geranium she was holding. She started for the house.

"But where do you reckon we should put th' pink ones?" Henderson called after her, holding some geraniums of his own. "Not next to th' purple, that'll look a fright."

"Oh, wherever you want," she said irritably. The old man was going to be cross with her, but that would have to wait.

She ran through the parlor and the drawing room and into the study, thinking Edward would be there, but he wasn't. She heard his voice coming in from the hall and rushed out, ready to throw herself into his arms, only to stop dead in her track. Edward wasn't alone. Leaning on a cane, he was showing another man around the hall, a middle-aged gentleman with a shock of red hair and a friendly, freckled face.

"Ah, my dear," Edward said upon seeing her, as if he hadn't been away from home for nearly that whole day without a word to her. Christine's eyes narrowed. He only called her my dear when he had some dissembling up his sleeves. "This is Mr. Mayfield" - indicating the red-haired man - "He's an engineer from Edinburgh, here to survey for a new aqueduct. I was fortunate to run into him in Hurst, he has the most excellent advice on how to repair our roads and bridges damaged by the flood. I've invited him to supper. Mr. Mayfield, my wife."

"Good evening, ma'am," the engineer said. "I hope I'm not imposing on you."

Christine returned his greeting, though she was fuming inside. Used as she was to Edward's penchant of bringing the oddest guest home at all hours, she couldn't believe that he would do such a thing on this day of all days. But there was nothing she could do but to smile her way through supper, while Edward and Mr. Mayfield engaged in an enthusiastic discussion of road and bridge-building. She dreaded that Edward would ask the engineer to spend the night as well, but luckily he had already booked a room at the village inn.

Once Mr. Mayfield was taken back to Hurst in the carriage, Christine thought surely, now, she and Edward would have their talk. But Edward disappeared into his study without a glance at her. Christine was certain now that he was avoiding her. But why? Was he displeased with her still? What had she done? She thought she would give him some space to gather his thoughts, but when the clock struck eleven and he still hadn't repaired to his room, she decided to give him a piece of her mind.

She went into the study without knocking. Edward was sitting behind the desk in a high-backed chair, scribbling some notes on a piece of paper with what she thought was exaggerated concentration. He didn't even look up when she came in.

"Aren't you coming to bed?" she asked.

"No, no, you go ahead," he mumbled, distractedly scratching his chin with the quill.

"What are you doing?"

"Figuring out how best to distribute relief to all the farms affected by the flood," he said.

Christine swallowed the annoyance scratching at her throat. "No, I mean what are you doing to me? Why are you trying to avoid me?"

At that, he finally looked up. "Why do you think I'm trying to avoid you?"

"I don't think it, I know!" she hissed, trying to keep her voice low. "You were gone the whole day, and when you were finally come home, you invited that old windbag..."

"Mr. Mayfield is much respected in his profession."

"I don't care about Mr. Mayfield!" she shouted. "Why were you avoiding me?"

Edward put the quill down. "I could ask you the same thing."

This was too much. He was deliberately provoking her now. "What?! You think I was avoiding you?"

"What was I supposed to think?" he said, scrunching up his nose in what she'd come to recognize as a sign of his anger. "When I woke up, you were gone. I waited for you for hours at breakfast, but you didn't come. At noon, I had to drive out of my way to come back here, and you were gone too. And when I came back with Mr. Mayfield, you were in the garden and didn't come in for ages! What else could it be?"

Christine's anger slowly disappeared when she realized they had simply kept missing each other. Her early morning departure was the trouble. It put them at cross-purposes. It had made Edward think she didn't want to see him, while she had assumed he would know what she wanted. But how could he? She looked at the scowl beneath his fringe of curls and resolved never to expect him to read her mind again.   

"I wasn't trying to avoid you, you silly boy," she said, her voice softened. "I was waiting for you."

"You were?" He looked at her in sullen disbelief, but a twinkle in his eyes and a smile at the corner of his lips told her otherwise. "Waiting... to do what?"

"This."

She walked around the desk, took his face in her hands, and kissed him with all the force that her anger and frustration had built up throughout the entire day. He rose from the chair to meet her kiss with such eagerness that she realized he must've been waiting for her all day as well. Then his injured ankle gave way and he ended up pulling her down with him, onto his lap. The sudden move hiked Christine's dress up over her knees. "Mrs. Wayne may still be awake," she said, pretending to be scandalized. "What if she hears us?"

"Not if we're very, very quiet," he murmured, his lips seeking hers again.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, while he placed one hand behind her back, and the other moved under the tangle of skirt and petticoat, finding its way to the top of her stocking. With trembling fingers, he undid the ribbon holding the stocking in place and slowly slipped it down her thigh. She let out a shaky breath. That morning, she had wondered if she responded to him simply because her body was so starved to be touched. But now she knew. It wasn't just any touch she craved. It was his. He had a way of touching her... it was as if there was nothing else in the world for him but her. He wasn't just taking his pleasure from her or pleasuring her so she could return the favor, but bringing her along with him. It wasn't a transaction, but a journey they took together.

As he slid his hand back up her now-naked leg and slipped a little deeper under her petticoat, a ripple of desire crashed through her body before pooling into a throbbing ache at her center, made all the more acute by a growing hardness underneath her. She sat up and swung a leg around so she was straddling him. Edward raised an eyebrow.

"Shall we move to the bedroom?" he asked.

"No," she whispered and unfastened his breeches.

Realizing her intention, he gripped her waist and pulled her to him. She tried to move against him, but he was holding her so tightly she couldn't maneuver. Grabbing his shoulders, she rolled her hips toward him, guiding him, and he arched his hips to match hers. Both gasped as their bodies connected.

"Like this?" he asked on a caught breath.

"Yes," she breathed. "Yes."

They soon found a rhythm, and Christine could no longer tell if the fire between them was hers or his or theirs, only that it was building, electrifying where their bare skin touched, scorching through the thin muslin of her gown and the linen of his shirt, while they moved as one, pulses pounding together, lips brushing against each other, breathing in each other's air, building and building and building until it erupted in a surge of primal pleasure that rocked through them both.

A cry escaped her but was quickly swallowed up in his kiss. Their breathing slowed, and the kiss became gentle, then turned into suppressed giggles. "I think we should definitely move to the bedroom now," Edward said, brushing Christine's hair out of her face. The tenderness of that simple gesture was enough to make her want him all over again.

Much later, as they were lying in bed, spent but sated, Christine said, "Edward?"

"Hmm?" His breath wafted across her hair. He was behind her, his chest to her back, his arm wrapped around her.

"Why didn't you do... any of that... before? On our wedding night?"

"Because you didn't want me to."

"But I thought that husbands would just take from wives what they want. That it was their right to do so."

"Our 'right'?" Edward's voice turned bleak. "I've witnessed my mother suffer at the hands of my father enough. I vowed I would never, ever force myself on a woman."

Christine turned around to look at him. His eyes were dark again, like the day he first told her about his mother. She wanted nothing more than to wipe that look away.

"You are not your father," she said, reaching up a hand to caress his face. He smiled, and some of the darkness faded. "But what about... that second time?" she continued. "When I came to you?"

"Ah, well..." Edward looked uncomfortable. "That was my own fragile ego, I'm afraid," he said, blushing. "You were coming on too strongly and I thought that my... um, lack of experience would be too noticeable."

At this, Christine sat straight up. "That was it?" she said, incredulous. "That was it?! Of all the stupid, idiotic..." All her pain and anger came back in a flash. She wanted to hit him. "Do you have any idea how much I've tortured myself over it? Had you let me stay, I wouldn't have run away, Will wouldn't have been shot, and there would have been none of this misery!"

"I know, I know." He sat up as well, took her hand, and kissed it. "I'm sorry. I blame myself. When I proposed to you, I wasn't thinking what it would mean to be married," he said earnestly. "I just thought it would solve both of our problems. And when you became so miserable, I was frightened. I... I didn't know what to do. I barely knew how to live with another person, let alone a wife. I should have been honest with you. I pride myself on it, yet I was too much of a coward to be honest when it mattered the most." He kissed her hand again. "I can only thank God that you're still here with me, so I can atone for those mistakes."

His kisses soothed her more than she wanted to admit, and she remembered her own fears and self-doubt. Relenting, she laced her fingers through his. "I suppose we both still have a lot to learn about this whole marriage thing, don't we?"

"I think we're doing quite well, considering." He took her into his arms. "And we have the rest of our lives to figure it out."

The last thing Christine thought, as their mouths met again, was that there would be no more running back to her bedroom in the morning. Let the maids see what they see.

Chapter 9

[midnight-sun-01]

The Price of Truth Chapter 13

Rating: 18+ minors, this ain’t it for you, get out of here

Pairing: OC x Crosshair

Warnings: these apply to the entire work and will not appear in each chapter: alcohol use, unprotected sex, violence, canon-typical gore, swearing, let me know if I missed anything

Wordcount: 4426

Fic Summary: This is my first fanfic! WIP. I hope I’m doing this right. OC is a journalist, gets assigned to field work, and stumbles across a massive conspiracy regarding the clones. Slow burn, slow build. AU where some timelines are non-canon, and things go differently with the inhibitor chips.

Chapter Summary: The next day Poppy has to deal with possible consequences of her actions, and gets a very interesting shooting lesson from a particular sniper.

<-Previous Chapter Next Chapter->

Poppy woke suddenly, curled awkwardly under her blankets, her mouth hanging open, and her head off her pillow. She rolled over, pulling the blanket off her head, and saw the lights of hyperspace flashing past. She wondered how long she had been asleep, and shut her eyes against the sparkling lights. Her head pounded.

A strange combination of emotions made her chest tighten, and it took her a moment to sort through them. Elation, nerves, anxiety, and a golden tinge of happiness colored her. She couldn't remember why she felt each of these things, then, suddenly, she remembered the kisses with Crosshair the night before and sat bolt upright in bed, throwing off her blankets.

Oh maker, she thought to herself. Oh maker, what did I do last night? She bent her knees, rested her head on them, and wrapped her arms around herself. She felt like a fool. She had kissed one of the members of her squad. She had potentially crossed a line compromising her journalistic integrity. She had acted like a young, foolish, drunk girl, and kissed a tall, handsome, skilled sniper who had gripped her waist like it was his tether to gravity. No, she thought. No, this won't do. He probably doesn't even feel the same way about me. We had both been drinking, I am the only female of any species he's seen in months, and I bet it didn't mean anything to him. Pull yourself together, she told herself sternly.

Dreading the moment she would come face to face with the stoic marksman, she pulled herself up, grabbed her towel, and squared her shoulders as she marched to the door to her bunk, determined to at least have a shower before that moment. She slid open the door and found herself face to face with him, his fist raised to knock.

She froze, unable to move an inch, a kind of blank buzzing filling her mind as heat flooded her cheeks.

"You look terrible," were his first words to her. She couldn't think of anything to say as he looked her up and down, then silently extended a cup of caf to her. "Thought you could use this," he said.

She took it, hands savoring the warmth, and murmured a quiet "thanks," to him before he turned and started walking away down the hall.

"Get cleaned up," he threw back over his shoulder. "We're landing in 20 minutes."

Poppy darted into the refresher, slid the door closed, and hurriedly put the caf down on the counter. She buried her face in her hands, mortified. What had she been thinking? Of course the kiss meant nothing to Crosshair. His nonchalance just now had proven that. She turned on the water and rushed to wash off the remaining hangover, not knowing what they would face in 20 minutes when they landed.

Just as Poppy was lacing her boots back up and chugging the last of the caf, she felt the telltale lurch of the ship, confirming they had moved out of hyperspace. She slid the door open, held her head high, and walked into the cockpit to join the rest of the squad.

They were already gathered there, and Poppy determinedly looked at Hunter, not Crosshair, as she asked "what's the plan? Where are we?"

"Short stop only. Half a day," Hunter answered, watching her closely.

"We use Dantooine as a base to restock and replenish supplies when going back to Kamino would be too far out of our way to be a good use of time," Tech explained as he piloted the ship down through the outer atmosphere.

"Tech has already made an inventory of supplies we're low on. Wrecker, you're going to come with us and help transport everything back to the ship. I'm coming to supervise," said Hunter.

"Alright, but none of the white rations this time," said Wrecker.

"The white rations are the most nutritious," Tech piped up from the pilot's seat.

"They're also the grossest," Wrecker responded.

"We'll see what they have," Hunter promised.

"Is there anything you'd like for me to do?" asked Poppy, still facing forward, determined to not give the tall figure leaning back against the wall with his face turned toward her any attention.

"You," said the figure suddenly, fingers playing with the toothpick in his lips, "are coming with me."

Her head whipped toward Crosshair, eyes wide.

"Why?" she questioned.

His lips quirked to the side as he answered, "we're going shooting."

Five minutes later, the Havoc Marauder had touched down in a small field. Thick, green grass stretched as far as she could see, and in the distance, tall trees dotted the horizon. Tech, Wrecker, and Hunter had departed the moment they had touched down, and Poppy had waited nervously in the cargo hold for Crosshair, palms sweating. Hearing his boots tapping the floor she finally turned to meet his gaze.

He paced evenly toward her, his eyes not leaving hers, and his Firepuncher slung over one shoulder.

"So, where are we shooting?" she asked to break the silence.

"Out here," he answered gruffly, striding down the ramp. She let out a small sigh but followed.

Now that they were alone together, thoughts of the night before kept intruding into her head. She had thought that he had enjoyed the kisses at the time, but now, with his stern demeanor, she wasn't so sure. She had certainly enjoyed the feel of his lips on hers, his strong frame towering over her and dominating her with his presence, but maybe it had just been a simple distraction for him, induced by the moonshine.

She glanced to where he strode beside her, but his helmeted face gave nothing away.

"Why are we going to practice shooting today?" she asked, trying to start conversation again.

"Because you've done okay the last few missions, but you can't kill anything with that blaster you have, and you said you wanted to train, right?" he replied.

A half compliment and a truth. She supposed she had done okay the last few missions, and she definitely did ask everyone in her squad to train her.

"Alright," she agreed, in rather a small voice.

He glanced down at her where she kept pace with him, striding through the tall grass. It barely reached his knees, but came up to mid thigh on Poppy.

"Doing okay on a mission with us is a compliment," he said, possibly seeing her hesitation. She looked up to where his covered, unreadable face was turned toward her. "We've been doing this a long time, and you've been able to keep up, which is one hell of an accomplishment. But you need training, and you need it now, if you're going to stick with us. You also need a bigger gun, but we'll handle that later."

She nodded and continued to follow him.

"Alright, this will do," he said softly. She halted beside him. They were at the edge of a tall slope. Not quite a cliff, but a hill with enough of a drop that it would hurt to fall down, and there would be no stopping it if she slipped. At the bottom there were more of the tall trees she had seen on the horizon when they had landed. They were laden with large, heavy, golden fruits, looking perfectly ripe. "This is an ideal vantage point, the kind of angle you'd look for if you were providing cover or suppressive fire from above."

"Like what you do," she said.

"Exactly. We're going to start here with a few practice shots so I can get an idea of your strengths and weaknesses."

She nodded, palms clammy, but determined all the same. "What gun am I going to be using?"

"Mine."

She whipped her head toward him. "Are you sure?" she questioned. Crosshair never let anyone touch his Firepuncher. He took as good care of it as he would a living creature, and just a few days ago she had seen him snap at Tech for merely touching it. "I mean, that's your gun. No one uses your gun."

"No one uses my gun except you," was his response, his helmeted head turned toward her. "If you're going to be learning from the best sniper in the galaxy, you'll be using the best gun in the galaxy."

She swallowed thickly but nodded all the same. He passed the Firepuncher over to her one-handed, barrel pointed upwards at the sky. She took it, but quickly realized how heavy it was. It took more than a little bit of effort from both arms to keep it steady and not let it rest on the ground. She also realized just how huge and intricate the weapon was. When Crosshair carried it, the proportions of the gun seemed to fit him perfectly, but now that she held it, it seemed comically oversized for her frame. There were also a variety of buttons and different configurations and attachments she had never looked at closely before.

"This is a complex weapon that requires practice to be able to use competently," he explained to her. "It should not be treated lightly, but can be one of the best tools in the galaxy." She nodded again, and he continued. "Very few people are qualified to use this gun, but the principles I'm going to teach you about operating it can be applied to any weapon, and this training will give you an advantage in battle."

"We're going to start with something very basic. Shoot one of those fruits off the tree," he said.

"Just like that?" Poppy asked. "Without any other instructions?"

"I need to get an idea of your baseline skills so that I know where to help you improve," he explained.

Poppy nodded and hefted the gun up to her right shoulder, steadied the barrel with her left hand, sighted the target, and squeezed the trigger.

The recoil on the gun was so strong she was immediately knocked backward, nearly hitting the ground. She would have fallen down completely, but one of Crosshair's arms shot out and wrapped around her waist catching her, while the other grabbed the barrel of the rifle to stop its wild swinging in her hands as she tried to regain her balance.

"I didn't realize it would kick so hard!" she exclaimed, climbing back to her feet and rubbing her shoulder while Crosshair laughed beneath his helmet, his shoulders shaking.

"You," he gasped between laughs, "I've never seen you make that face before!" He continued laughing while she glared over at him.

"Well, you didn't exactly give me a ton of instructions! You just handed me a rifle that's bigger than me and said 'Here I need to find out your weaknesses, why don't you go ahead and get knocked down while I laugh,'" she mimicked his deep voice.

Still chortling he replied, "it really wasn't that bad."

"Oh yeah?" Poppy responded doubtfully.

"Yeah," he said, nodding his head down their improvised shooting range. "Check out the target."

Poppy squinted down the hill they were perched on and realized that the fruit she had been aiming for had been knocked off the tree, a hole blown clean through it. She turned back to Crosshair, her eyes wide, and a surprised smile on her face.

"Oh hell yes, clankers come at me!" she exclaimed, joining in Crosshair's renewed chuckles.

"I don't think you're quite at that level yet, but I'll get you there in no time," he said confidently. "The first thing we need to work on is your stance. You've got good instincts as far as how to sight a target, when to pull the trigger, and staying calm, but your stance is very weak."

She glared over at him, but said nothing.

"It is, your core needs to be doing more of the work. That's why you had to lean backwards. Your body is trying to keep the rifle counterbalanced and level."

She nodded once, and he handed the rifle back over to her.

"Now, raise the Firepuncher again," said his low voice, and she felt him move closer to her as she obeyed his command, shouldering the weapon. "Do you feel yourself leaning backwards?" he asked as he moved behind her.

She realized she had indeed been shifting her shoulders backward in an effort to add more leverage to the enormous gun and keep it upright. She nodded again, and felt him come a step closer to her, his chest brushing her back so lightly that it could have been a warm breeze, but charged with the electricity she felt when he came near.

He lowered his head close to her ear, and as he did so, she realized he had removed his helmet. She had to suppress a shiver as he murmured, "here's what you need to do. Stand up straight, don't lean backwards, and lift your shoulders up to where they normally are." As he gave her instructions she felt his hands come up lightly behind her, brushing against both of her shoulder blades, and gently guiding her to stand upright.

"You need to widen your stance now," he said quietly. He put his hands on her shoulders to keep her steady, and as he did so, she felt one of his feet come between her legs and gently push on each of her feet until they were spread about shoulder width apart. Poppy did feel much more steady and grounded in this stance, but she also felt her stomach clench, and tried to ignore the way her breath hitched.

"Good," he said softly, his face still close to hers. His breath danced along her neck, and she had to stop herself from leaning her head back against his shoulder to give him better access. Her stomach swooped. "Now, relax your shoulders," he instructed, voice still a low murmur. "They're much more tense than normal." Poppy did her best to force her shoulders back down, to unclench her jaw, but all she could focus on was the thundering of her heart in her chest, the blood in her veins, as Crosshair's strong arms came around her.

His left hand cradled hers where she held the barrel of the gun steady, and his right came down to rest on her hip, his front pressed against her back.

"Now, when you're ready, squeeze the trigger," his gravelly voice murmured along the shell of her ear. "I won't let you fall."

She did as he said, the blaster bolt ripping free from the rifle, and this time she did not fall. She still felt the recoil, but it was absorbed in her shoulder, and the steady pressure at her back and on her waist kept her grounded and unflinching.

She let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding, and turned her face to the side where Crosshair was still bent down on her level. They were nearly nose to nose as his appraising stare searched her eyes

Crosshair released his grip on her and stepped away muttering "good. That was good."

She wasn't sure what to say, and even though the sun was shining, she felt a little colder now that he had moved back. The moment they had just shared hung heavy in the air between them as he put his helmet back on.

"You're a good teacher," she managed to say finally.

"Give it a few weeks and you'll be shooting nearly as good as me," he said, bravado returned. "Now, shoot out this pattern, starting from left to right."

So they continued, Poppy shooting different patterns that Crosshair drew out in the dirt. Some of the shots she missed, but as he added more tips and tricks, not taking his eyes off her stance, her performance slowly improved. After awhile, when Poppy's shoulder was aching and sore from the rifle's recoil, Crosshair finally called a halt to the training.

"Good, you've definitely improved," he said. "The next time we land on a decently friendly planet we'll train more. We need to stop for today or your shoulder's going to be so sore you won't be able to take your shirt off without help," he smirked as he said it.

"Know that from personal experience?" she asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yes," he said simply.

He jerked his head at her, indicating she should follow him, and he led the way down a narrow trail toward the trees Poppy had been aiming at. She followed, cautiously picking a path through the tall grass, as he walked in front of her. One hand was stretched back toward her, palm flat, as though to catch her if she slipped.

Finally, they made it down the slope and to the trees at the far edge of the field. Crosshair removed his helmet, bent down, and picked up one of the golden fruits she had shot down. She'd just barely grazed the top, severing the stem from the tree. His fingers pulled off a juicy piece of the flesh and held it out toward her.

She raised her eyebrows at him.

"Try it," he said. "You might be surprised."

She took the bite he offered her and popped it into her mouth. Immediately, a burst of sweetness flooded her tastebuds as she chewed. After living off ration bars for weeks, this was heaven.

"Oh, maker," she sighed, closing her eyes as she chewed, "that's delicious."

He grinned at her and helped himself to a piece, leaning back against a tree and looking up at the clear blue sky.

"I don't know what they're called, Tech would probably know, but I tried one the first time we came here, and I always make a point to stop by," Crosshair admitted to her.

"What if it had been poisonous?" she asked incredulously.

He merely shrugged and said "I'm tough. Tech could've fixed me up and I would've been fine."

She leaned against the tree next to him and accepted another piece of fruit he passed her.

"You know, the first time we went to train using bigger rifles on Kamino, Tech actually did get knocked flat on his ass, so you're one up on him," he told her.

She stared at him and let out a small laugh. "Oh, poor Tech. I'm sure he hated that."

"He did," Crosshair agreed, smiling. "Why do you think he only uses those two tiny blasters?"

She laughed again, and they lapsed into a comfortable silence, sharing the fruit together.

She glanced over at him, watching him subtly from the corner of her eye. She couldn't get a read on him. Last night they had been locked together, kissing as if it was their tether to life, but during training he had seemed nothing but professional. Sure, he had held her and helped her steady the Firepuncher, but that was just because he was trying to help her learn, wasn't it?

"Something wrong?" he asked, and she blushed, realizing she had been caught staring at him.

"No, nothing," she said looking away.

"What?" he said bluntly.

"Nothing, really," she replied.

He pushed off his tree, a crease forming between his eyebrows, and prowled over to where she leaned against a tree trunk in the shade. He braced a forearm on it above her head and leaned down to look into her face.

"Tell me what's wrong. Tell me what you're thinking," he demanded, his eyes slightly more narrow. She looked down at the ground and gulped.

"I was just thinking about last night," she admitted.

"Uh huh," was all he said. She glanced up at him, his expression tense. "Well, if you want me to apologize, I won't," he said bluntly. "I'll apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable, but I won't apologize for kissing you. I can't. I'd been thinking about it for weeks, and I couldn't stop myself. That's one of the best memories I have in my life, and if I never get to do it again, then I'll hold onto that memory, and I won't apologize for it," he said, his gravelly voice low and intense, his expression blazing, the crease still between his eyes.

"If you never get to do it again?" she questioned, a small bit of hope sprouting in her chest. Maybe she hadn't misread every touch, and every small kindness he had shown her.

He let out a frustrated huff of air. "If you're uncomfortable, just say it. If you regret it, say it. I'll live," he said bluntly.

"No, I'm not," she said hurriedly, reaching out to grab his arm. "I'm just confused. Last night you kissed me, but then today before training I thought you were annoyed at me. I thought maybe you had just kissed me because we had both been drinking and you were bored," she admitted.

His expression cleared somewhat. "I'm not annoyed at you. I was just ready to get started for the day, and I was worried that you would be upset at me," he admitted. "I'm a professional when I train you, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want an excuse to touch you again."

At these words Poppy's heartrate ratcheted up again, and she stared up into Crosshair's brown eyes, the lines of tension in his face easing somewhat. He reached up and gently grabbed her jaw, guiding her mouth up to his.

The same fire that she'd felt ignite last night blazed down her veins. Suddenly, it was only her and Crosshair, the feel of the bark against her back, and the sweet taste of the fruit still on both of their lips as they came together.

His mouth crashed into hers, unyielding and insistent, and she responded just as intensely. His other hand came down off the tree to tangle in her hair, and she grabbed the neck of his armor, using the collar as leverage to pull him closer to her. He responded to her touch, the hand in her hair guiding her closer to him.

Poppy felt him pressing his lips against hers, feeling their mouths give and take, push and pull, each movement bringing them closer together. His tongue swiped along her bottom lip, and she opened her mouth to grant him access. A small whimper escaped her, she couldn't help it, and he let out a low growl in response, gripping her face with both hands. Her tongue met with his, and the taste of Crosshair and the sweetness of the fruit they had eaten blended together intoxicatingly.

He broke free from their kiss, moving his mouth down her neck, sucking momentarily on the sensitive skin just hard enough to cause the slightest twinge of pain, and immediately licking it gently to soothe it again. Poppy's heart raced, her breathing quickened. She gripped the short hair at the back of his neck and pulled his mouth back to hers, tugging gently on his bottom lip with her teeth. He groaned into her again and his hands reached down to grip her waist.

He pulled her closer to him, pinning her so tightly against the tree that she could barely move. His armor pressed against her skin, rubbing deliciously and making heat flood her veins, while his mouth moved on hers. Warmth pooled in the pit of her stomach, and he pressed harder into her before pulling himself away.

He rested his forehead against hers, both of them panting, before he finally spoke. "We have to get back to the ship."

"What, right now?" she asked, incredulous.

He nodded. "We've been gone longer than I told Hunter we would, and if we don't head back soon he'll come looking for us."

She tried to hide her disappointment, swallowing hard, as she agreed it was best they head back.

His hands cupped her face as he said, "trust me. The last thing I want to do right now is go back. But if we don't stop now, I won't be able to."

Her cheeks reddened slightly but all his words did was stoke the fire in her veins as he pulled away. She didn't want to go back to the ship. She wanted Crosshair to push her back against the tree, to feel his armor against her as he gripped her hips. She already craved the feel of his mouth on hers again, and didn't care very much right now if Hunter found them, but followed Crosshair back up the path anyway.

By the time they reached the Havoc Marauder the sun was setting in the distance. Hunter was pacing along the inside of the cargo hold, clearly waiting for the two of them to make it back safely.

"Miss me?" Crosshair said to Hunter as they boarded the ship.

"Gear's all loaded and ready to go. Let's get out of here," was Hunter's response.

Crosshair passed Hunter an armful of fruit he had carried back with him then walked in the direction of his bunk. As Poppy passed Hunter, he turned his head toward her, a curious expression on his face. His eyes flicked between her and the hallway Crosshair had walked down, as if trying to decide if he could trust his senses or not. Finally, after a long look at Poppy, he walked away toward the cockpit, clearly deciding not to comment on what she was sure was a mingling of their scents on her clothes and in her hair.

Poppy walked down the hall Crosshair had headed down, in the direction of both of their bunks. Physically, she was tired from the hours of holding the Firepuncher, but mentally, she was still wide awake.

She knocked on Crosshair's door, and it slid open almost at once. He smirked down at her, a toothpick in his mouth. "Back already, doll? Just couldn't get enough?"

"As tempting as that offer is," she smirked back at him, "I'd rather not make out with you so openly just yet in front of the rest of your brothers."

"I'd make out with you anywhere you wanted," he replied, endlessly cocky.

"I'll keep that in mind," she said. "Actually, I wanted to see if I could start interviewing you?" she asked.

His expression became more guarded, serious. The line between his eyebrows was back.

"What about, specifically?"

"Why don't we start with what happened on Geonosis?" she said. "What kept you? And what is it that you saw when you went underground?"

"Why don't you get your recorder and notepad," he responded. "This is going to take awhile."

taglist: @fangirl-goes-nova

[springs-heir]

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓 𝟎𝟎𝟒.

' Sometimes, questions need to be asked and answers need to be given. '

Say a prayer to your parent... Like that had worked. Oliver can't help but grimace at the thought. The last time he had reached out to her she had not come to his call. Instead he had been forced to watch his sister's body wither and turn to dust in his hands. She had not come when called, she had not come when he begged, so why would she come now. Why would she answer at all when clearly she was not listening before...

' There's no going back. '

Walking through the greenhouse, Oliver looked upon the beautiful growth that had bloomed only the previous night. After his vision his gifts had been flowing smoother, as though his blood was no longer fighting the song that thrummed through him. Instead he welcomed it, welcomed the pain and the change with open arms and intended to harness it in order to grow stronger. Moving slowly through the rows, a sickle in hand as he begins to collect that which must be reaped. Carefully cultivating each flower with a tender hand as he works to gather the first blooms since his vision... Since his visit from Persephone. The song thrums along quietly in the back of his mind as he gathers the flowers up, bundling them safely into a basket.

Before leaving his cabin he heads upstairs to find his room. There in the window seal is a small glass vial. Within it is what appears to be a vial of dirt, or rather ash... Clutching it close to his heart he knows that this is as much his as it is his mothers... With the items in hand he leaves the cabin and begins the walk back towards the big temple. The lullaby growing louder with each step as he makes his way to his mother's statue.

Kneeling before the marble sculpture he begins to pray.

' Momma... Mother... It's me, Oliver, though ah guess you already know that. A part of me wants to be upset with you. To be angry, and to yell. To ask where you have been all my life, and why only now do you call on me. Did you ever really care? Did you ever really love me? Did you ever love her? Why didn't you help me save her? Was I not strong enough? I have so many questions... And it feels like I might never get the answers to them all. '

Slowly Oliver begins to place the flowers out along the table in front of the statue. Carefully laying them on the platform as to not harm the blooms.

' And maybe, maybe that's okay. Maybe ahm not meant to get answers to everything. Some things I need to learn for myself, some things I need to earn. And earn them I will. I know she's not gone. Somehow, I just know it, her voice calls to me through the song mother. Even if it's just a fragment of her power, I know she's not gone forever. '

Then finally once all the flowers have been laid out Oliver pulls out the small vial of ash. Taking that vial he rests it amongst the flowers that have made a bed for the glass container. There amongst the blooms is all that remains of Persephone.

' So I leave these offerings to you. I leave the harvest brought through the pain that has carried me along this path. I leave a part of my sister here for you. And I leave this solem promise... I will save her. If I must go to hell and back to ensure her safety myself... I will not lose my family, I will not let her be alone. If I must do it alone then so be it, but I hope that I won't have to. I hope that you can help me... So please Mother. Please accept these offerings and help me save her... '

His hand reaches up and touches the necklace his sister once wore. Eyes closing shut as he finishes his prayer.