#I never even tag my posts as discourse where the fuck are y'all coming from

[xpao-bearx]

Alrighty, my fellow Astarion fangbangers!! I've got a 🔥SPAHCY🔥 oneshot idea~

This is an idea that's been a parasite in my teeny brain for a while now and at first, I didn't wanna share it cuz I wanted it to be a surprise for when I actually write and post it. But to those who follow me, y'all know I just LOVE to ramble so I couldn't keep it a secret anymore 😂

And sooo here it is: A smutty oneshot of Spawn Astarion x Fem!Reader x Ascended Astarion!

Now you might be thinking... How the HELLS would a threesome with Spawn Astarion and Ascended Astarion ever work??? O_o

Well, lemme ramble some more! 😆

AHEM

Throughout your adventure, Astarion ascended and made his lover (you, dear reader ❤️) into his dark consort. After saving Baldur's Gate, you go to live with Astarion in his palace and start anew with your life of immortality.

At first, everything was going well. Astarion relished in the power he's craved so much and you stood by his side as his most prized treasure. And yet... There was a suffocating emptiness in your heart.

You were happy. Or...you should be. You were going to spend a wonderful eternity with your lover and you only gave Astarion what he's always wanted...right?

But as time passes, Astarion changes more and more. You still loved him, you will never stop loving him, but you couldn't deny that his dominance and possessive nature over you...unsettled you a bit.

Anyhoe, long story short, while you are just wandering around the palace one night and rethinking all your life choices that led you to this very moment, some ✨️magic✨️ happens and Astarion appeared.

Only...this was Astarion from the past. Before he ascended.

This story is still a work in progress so forgive me that this is all a mess, but basically this other Astarion is spawn Astarion! Spawn Astarion comes from another dimension where he never ascended. In that dimension, Baldur's Gate has also been saved but at the cost of spawn Astarion's lover's life--your life.

Astarion couldn't handle the tragic loss of his one true love so he became obsessed in finding something--anything--to be with you again, even at the cost of his soul. I'm still working out the details, but Astarion ended up finding something which made him transport to where you are now!

You are obviously baffled by spawn Astarion and can't quite believe it, but he's just so fucking happy to see you--to be with you--again. And maybe...just maybe...

You wanted to be with him, too.

But of course... There's ascended Astarion.

Beautiful, foolish treasure... Did you really think you could ever forsake your master?

Expect quiiite a bit of angst with this oneshot but, OF COURSE, some real nasty smut too! 😉 I plan to hopefully write and post this story after I finish the game and have experienced both spawn and ascended routes!

Also, I REALLY hope this doesn't cause any discourse! I, personally, prefer spawn Astarion but I also ADORE ascended Astarion (✨️nothing✨️ will stop me from simping for this vamp dork)! I know everyone has their own thoughts and opinions for both and which one is "better", but for me I just live and let live! Let everyone be happy with their own preferences, please 🥰

And I hope no one steals this idea of mine! Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I haven't seen anyone else have an Astarion fic like this so I would assume I would be the first to have this specific idea. If you were inspired by the premise and wanna write something similar, PLEASE credit me for the inspo but also tell me if you post it cuz I would absolutely read the SHIT out of it!! \(^o^)/ But yeah, just please don't copy the WHOLE thing cuz, like I said, I do plan on eventually writing this fic myself!

And hey, if ya wanna be tagged for when I post this fic, please don't hesitate to tell me! 💕

[imakemywings]

probably didn't word this right, cause I'm seething so much but

honestly while I do like the "kidnap fam" since canonically the book says there was great love between the twins and maglor, I wouldn't go as far as boasting that as an achievement of the feanorians (like some posts and fics do) seeing as they destroyed doriath and then destroyed sirion, which is full of refugees cause like suddenly saving the twins (sorry elrond and elros, love you tho) absolves them of the sins of the many innocent people they killed like ??? it's a good thing the twins grew up nice tho I never gave that credit to the feanorians, I always assume since earendil was nice af, they inherited that from him

some would even go as far as portray the murderers as the good guys while the mother whose life was destroyed TWICE by these murderers is implied to be the fucking villain like they drove the twins mother into committing suicide (and I know some of y'all wouldn't admit that because despite whining about having less female characters in silm, y'all still hate complex female characters like elwing) and y'all were like THAT HORRENDOUS BITCH And the fact that there are less fic of elwing reuniting with elronds family says so much lol

im sorry for the rant, because as someone who discovered silmarillion recently, this hate towards elwing and earendil was THE greatest disappointment I've ever encountered in the fandom

Oh don't apologize anon, I basically agree with all of this lol

I was stunned to come into this fandom after finishing the book and find out that Elwing and Earendil are controversial characters. Headcanons and AUs all you want, but the book makes it very clear they are heroes and Tolkien portrays them as heroes (albeit tragic ones)--Earendil slaying Ancalagon and Elwing convincing the Teleri to aid the war effort is more proof of that.

The Feanorians are the closest thing we have to true protagonists in the book and they're fan favorites, so there's a tendency to see other characters (Turgon, Thingol, Dior, Elwing, etc.) through the lens of how well the Feanorians like them or get along with them. If a character has conflict with the Feanorians, they're likely to get the villain treatment in certain circles of the fandom no matter how reasonable their actions were.

Under the cut because I rambled also lol

Above the cut I'm just going to link here to my tag for Elwing metas from other people.

There's also in some cases, I think, a discomfort with rooting for characters who have done so much wrong (see: "stanning villains" discourse), so in some places there's an effort to downplay what the Feanorians did because of course you can't like a character who is genuinely terrible! So this is where we get into making Dior and Elwing look worse than they are, so that the Feanorians look less bad by comparison (here we get the "good thing the twins were saved from their shitty and neglectful mother!" ...by the dudes who just slaughtered their entire hometown).

This is made easier by the fact that since Silm is told in such an epic fairytale style, we as readers don't have to confront the personal level of the violence the Feanorians committed. We don't see Elwing's reaction to the twins being taken hostage (besides being told that "great was [her] sorrow" for their captivity), we don't see Dior and Nimloth discussing the decision not to respond to the Feanorians' threats, we don't get a description of what Menegroth looked like after it was sacked by the Feanorians, we aren't told about Elrond and Elros trembling in fear as they're taken away by these terrible, violent Elves who killed their grandparents and their uncles and just now their mother and who may very well kill them also. That makes it easier to gloss over the practical realities of what they did (which is why it's something I'm always interested in exploring in fic).

And you're right--there is a draw in the relationship between Elrond and Elros, and Maedhros and Maglor, just because it is so improbable that they would develop any affection at all for each other. And yet, a relationship can be loving and still abusive or unhealthy, and I just cannot buy that it was healthy for Elrond and Elros to be in Maglor's care. Given where Maedhros and Maglor are at this point, they are unlikely to be doing well mentally/emotionally, and even if they were, they can't just detach themselves in the twins' mind from being the monsters who have been haunting Thingol's line for generations (See: Kidnapping and attempted forced marriage of Luthien, attempted murder of Beren, threats to attack Doriath, the Second Kinslaying, killings of Dior and Nimloth, leaving Elured and Elurin to die of exposure in the woods, threats against Elwing, the Third Kinslaying, driving Elwing to suicide). There's also a significant level of cultural loss with Elrond and Elros, which Maedhros and Maglor simply do not have the knowledge to abate. E/E are deprived of being raised in either their maternal or paternal cultures, and with the virtual extinction of the Iathrim by the end of the Third Kinslaying, much of that knowledge is simply lost, and the few people who still hold it (Oropher and his people) are kept away from the twins. Is it any wonder Elrond becomes fascinated with collecting knowledge as an adult?

Personally, I see Maglor's having kept the twins (for however long you imagine, although most of us seem to picture until at least mid-adolescence, if not full adulthood) as a deeply selfish act. They could have released the twins to Gil-galad or Cirdan or Oropher--but they chose not to, for years. I think he loved them--and I think that's why he didn't want to let them go. I think the best and most redeeming thing Maglor ever did with the twins was allowing them to leave to join Gil-galad.

And I do agree with what you said there that Elrond and Elros grew up kindly and generous more in spite of their childhood than because of it.

The Feanorians' descent into villainy in pursuit of their oath is, imo, key to their arc, and one of the most interesting things about it, so I'm not here to downplay it. Even Maedhros and Maglor realize how far gone they are! Maglor himself calls continuing to follow the oath "evil" and says that "less evil shall we do in the breaking" and Maedhros stands with the Silmaril in the end and sees that all the violence and horror he's committed has been for nothing and finds it so unbearable he is one of only two named Elves to ever commit suicide (the other being his victim, Elwing). He literally kills himself because he can't deal with what they've become (or at least, that's how I read it).

The other fascinating thing about these two is how at the end Maglor makes a couple efforts to turn away, to let go of the oath, to do something better--but he can never quite manage it. He's not willing to do it alone, and Maedhros won't do it with him, so he keeps himself stuck on this path until he's the only one left.

Rewriting them as characters who did nothing wrong deprives them of all their complexity. And honestly, you (not you you, anon) just sound like a clown when you're arguing they were justified in sacking a refugee camp because uwu property rights.

With Elwing especially I think there's also a misunderstanding about how exactly things were handled.

I think people forget that Elwing did not make the decision to keep the Silmaril alone--it was Elwing "and the people of Sirion." This was a group choice, not something Elwing imposed on them.

I think people forget the Sirionites believed the Silmaril was protecting them. This would have been especially relevant in the minds of two refugee groups who had both survived a brutal and bloody sack of their cities.

I think people don't realize that the correspondence between Elwing and Maedhros prior to the Third Kinslaying all seems to have taken place during a single voyage of Earendil's. She tells the Feanorians she can't make a final decision on the Silmaril while Earendil (one of the rulers of this city!) is at sea--but they don't wait for his return, they just attack.

And of course, once she and Earendil reached Aman, they were literally prohibited from returning to Middle-earth, so it's not like they made a choice not to come back for the kids.

Earendil and Elwing are forced to look at the big picture--that after the Third Kinslaying, even if they did return a) How exactly are they supposed to get their kids back from these notably brutal and ruthless warlords?; b) Morgoth is still there. Doing his Morgoth thing. Someone has to make it to Aman to get them to intercede. If Earendil and Elwing turned home instead of continuing West, it would be dooming the rest of the continent--yes, their kids included--to eventual destruction by Morgoth. The fact that Elrond and Elros are able to live so long and raise such prosperous realms is directly related to Earendil and Elwing's decision to keep trying to reach Aman.

You might find it reassuring how in LotR how much connection Elrond is given and expresses with Earendil and Elwing. Clearly he still views them as his parents and if he harbored any resentment (which honestly wouldn't be unreasonable as a child/teenager with a less mature understanding of the situation), it's gone by then.

And finally I just think there's a general fannish fixation on the concept of found family, so people want to force Kidnap Fam into that dynamic so badly they'll completely rewrite Maedhros and Maglor to be E/E's "true" family and ignore all of the horror of what they did leading up to literally kidnapping the twins.

ALL of which is a long-winded way of saying: yeah! you're right.

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

[alwaysbewoke]

alwaysbewoke

dickslapthestate:

ranting-rose:

ittybittykittykisses:

ranting-rose:

vgcgraveyard:

caitallolovesyou:

friendly-neighborhood-patriarch:

lazyhat:

I was pretty skeptical about the figures, since they contradict what I usually hear on the media, so I did a little research. Here’s what I found:  (Sorry this is so US centric)  (I’ll also try to stay close to primary sources as possible)

(http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/ss6308a1.htm?s_cid=ss6308a1_e)

- the 12 months before taking the survey, an estimated 4.0% of women experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner -an estimated 14.2% of women experienced some form of psychological aggression in the 12 months preceding the survey. -*4,774,000 women have been victims of physical violence by intimate partner in the 12 months preceding the survey -*17,091,000 women have been victims of psychological aggression by intimate partner in the 12 months preceding the survey

- the 12 months before taking the survey, an estimated 4.8% of men experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner -an estimated 18.0% of men experienced some form of psychological aggression in the 12 months preceding the survey. -*5,452,000 men have been victims of physical violence by intimate partner in the 12 months preceding the survey -*20,471,000 men have been victims of psychological aggression by intimate partner in the 12 months preceding the survey

*Table 6

By the data presented by the Center for Disease Control, out of the estimate of 10,226,000 yearly victims of intimate partner violence, 53.3% of victims where male and 46.6% were female. As for psychological aggression, out of the estimate of 37,562,000 yearly victims, 54.4% were male and 45.5% were female. These statistics would support the claim made in the bottom left.

Now I couldn’t find a primary source for the 70% of DV is initiated by women, but here’s the facts that I found, which may have been interpreted by the people who made this poster:

(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glenn-sacks/researcher-says-womens-in_b_222746.html) -Women who were in a battered women’s shelter, 67% of the women reported severe violence toward their partner in the past year.

This can be interpreted as “67% of violent couples with IPV is mutual”. But then again, primary sources and full data would be helpful to back up this claim.

But the one that is most interesting is:(http://psychnews.psychiatryonline.org/newsArticle.aspx?articleid=111137)(Another report analysis from the CDC)

-23.9% of relationships are violent -50.3% of IPV is non-reciprocal and 49.7% is reciprocal (Reciprocal IPV= Mutual violence) -70.7% of non-reciprocal IPV is initiated by women. 

So summing up the numbers, it’s not that 70% of all DV is initiated by women, its that 70% of non-reciprocal DV is initiated by women. To go further would say that 49.7% of DV is mutual, 36.2% of DV is initiated by women, and 14.5% of DV is initiated by men

Male victims of domestic violence are real. They are hurting. And they often don’t get the attention and compassion they so urgently deserve and need.

Have a heart. Open your mind, and give a care.

Hm. These numbers are all so different to anything I’ve seen before. I’m reblogging and liking this both for my own reference and to spread these numbers to others. I’m definitely gonna look into this and see if I can find more sources and more information.

Mother fuckers can we all just say let’s not be dicks to our fucking love ones already?

Tagging this for my speech project that I need the sources for

Here are 221 studies on IPV / DV for y’all.

You are a life saver.

That list is good, but outdated.  I e-mailed the researcher who compiled that list a couple weeks ago and he gave me three different documents.  I uploaded them to this dropbox folder. You can go there and download them.

The list of studies is now up to 343 scholarly investigations (270 empirical studies and 73 reviews). Not only did he send me that list, but he also sent me two meta-studies (also in the dropbox folder).  One is on male/female perpetration rates and the other is on male/female victimization rates. 

There is also “Rates of Bi-directional versus Uni-directional Intimate Partner Violence Across Samples, Sexual Orientations, and Race/Ethnicities: A Comprehensive Review“.  It’s a mouthful to be sure. Basically this study took the data from 48 other empirical studies, collated the data, placed it online for public viewing, submitted it for peer review, and was found to be accurate. 

It’s findings basically wind down to this:

84% of relationships are non-violent

58% of relationships that are violent, both partners abuse the other.

28% of violent relationships only the woman is violent

14% of violent relationships only the man is violent.

This is featured Partner Abuse State of Knowledge Project website and is part of a much larger DV research project.  You can read the summarized findings here or take a gander at the full 61-page review.  This is a compilation of the research of Erin Pizzey, Murray Strauss, Don Dutton, and many others who are challenging the feminist model of patriarchal dominance. They also have some videos that are very informative as well.

Murray Strauss also compiled: Thirty Years of Denying the Evidence on Gender Symmetry in Partner Violence: Implications for Prevention and Treatment.  A report detailing the existence of over 200 studies showing gender symmetry in victimization rates. Studies that show symmetry going as far back as 1975.  He also examines the methods feminist researchers have used to suppress the evidence from public discourse, hence the title “Thirty Years of Denying the Evidence”.

Two other excellent and brief videos on the topic come from the MenAreGood YouTube channel:

Male Victims of Domestic Violence - The Hidden Story

Bias Against Men and Boys in Mental Health Research

I really need to write up a solo reference post for domestic violence data…

so what do we have here? what i’ve been saying forever. women as initiators of domestic violence is one of the biggest, closely guarded secret around. we literally had female FEMINIST researchers hiding evidence. FEMINISTS!! but i’m the bad guy for stating that feminism is filled with man hatred. what would you say of men of who information about abuse women and thus allowed the abuse to continue? YOU FUCKING KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’D SAY!! am i surprised by the research? no fucking way. we don’t teach women in society to not hit men. we only teach men to not hit women. for little boys on up we are shamed if we even defend ourselves if little girls hit us BUT NOT ONE TIME HAVE I EVER HEARD OR SEEN ANY PARENT TEACHING THEIR LITTLE OR DAUGHTER THAT THEY SHOULD NOT HIT MEN!! we always make excuses for it. “she was emotional” “he said…” “he did…” “he had it coming…” and more. this research is fantastic but let’s be honest, this post isn’t going to get many reblogs at all because most of y'all are married to the idea that women are angels and men are devils. women have no agency and are always victims of men. that only men hit and women never hit. only men can be abusers and women can never be abusers. no amount of research is going to change your minds. men have done some evil shit but i so sick and tired of this narrative that women are just innocent, perfect deities. IF SHE HITS YOU ONCE, LEAVE HER ASS QUICK!!! IF SHE DID IT ONCE, SHE’LL FUCKING DO IT AGAIN!! GUARANTEED. and one more thing, FUCK FEMINISM. hiding empirical data but standing on your high horse preaching gender equality?! fuck feminism. so fucking glad i ceased to be a fucking feminist years ago. eye wide fucking open now.

sinjia

Thank you @alwaysbewoke !!! And did you know that there are feminists on here sending hate mail just because you don’t agree with them? It’s fucking sad, but I’m so happy that you said this. It lets me know that I’m not the only one realizing the shady bullshit that they preach but never practice themselves.

alwaysbewoke

i’ve only known one feminist who was on the right side of this issue and she was so because she works in the domestic violence field as a counselor. she told me she sees it all the time. men get hit, have things thrown at them, women come at them with knives, scratches on their faces and everything and yet we never talk about it. never. the only people who we pounce on for dv are men. we never ever talk about women. never ever. and if you do, you get shouted down. fuck all that.

this is why many men when they hear “feminism” they think “ok that means i get to hit back now.” because we’re tired of the bullshit. we’re tired of women getting away with hitting because society AND FEMINISM tells them it’s fine. it’s okay. they’re allowed. feminism PROTECTS FEMALE ABUSERS ALL DAY!! my goodness. to hide evidence as a researcher is akin to a crime. the ripple affect of that shit is fucking insane. however let them tell it, it’s a problem with men that we think feminism has a man hatred problem. yea the problem is with us because feminism is perfect. feminism ain’t never do no shit, no wrong ever. srsly fuck feminism. fuck it to the depths of hell.

this is why i tell people, dealing with only ONE half of a problem will only allow the problem to continue to exist. it doesn’t change shit. if anything it makes things worse.

racist, sexist feminism. fuck off. i spit on feminism every fucking chance i get. first they fuck over black women (and black men) and then they fuck over men with this type of bullshit. i refuse to align myself with that fuckery. i can help black women much better without it. i don’t need to be a part of something that hates me both as a man and as a black person to help sistas get equal pay and shit. fuckouttahere.

that’s why i call out all these people still posting pics and riding for solange knowles. imagine if i was posting pics and niceties for ray rice. but when women do some violent bullshit, we stay given them a pass smfh. 

[vecna]

For fandom meme-swtor?

Send me a fandom!

This one isn’t as spicy as the Dragon Age one, but I still got Wordy.

Also there’s lots of KOTFE/KOTET/etc spoilers in here, so don’t read if you don’t want to see em. (Looking at you, Chignon.)

The character(s) I first fell in love with:

My own OCs haha.

But more seriously: It was actually Darth Malgus! I was always going to play a Star Wars MMO, let’s be real. But when they started posting promo videos and cinematics for the game, my Sith-loving ass immediately gravitated to that guy haha. And then, it turned out he had the same VA as The Architect from Dragon Age, and that was it for me.

If we’re talking about companions, then it was probably Malavai Quinn. Sith Warrior was the first class I got to 50, and Quinn was the first companion that I really got overly attached to haha.

The character(s) I never expected to love as much as I do now:

Most (not all, but most) of the “new” companions that came in with KOTFE and beyond. I was initially really sour when I realized we were losing all our class storyline companions, and they were being replaced with a new crew of Lana, Theron, Koth, my mother-in-law Senya, etc. Especially when they – at the time – said we’d eventually get our class companions back, but it would be a while. So I started KOTFE sure that I would hate the new crew because I would rather have the old one…. and ended up liking them quite a lot! Mostly, lol.

The character(s) everyone else loves that I don’t:

Doc is the main one, jesus christ. If you didn’t read my last post, I just really really really do not mesh well with overly sexual and Adult Humor-y characters who scold you with a “You’re no fun.” if your OC isn’t into it. Doc is the worst example of it that I’ve ever encountered. I always play a male JK, and the fact nearly all of his convos amount to, “Boy, you and me are going to be up to our eyeballs in vagina when this war ends, amirite?” “You don’t want that? Come on, the Jedi Code doesn’t say you can’t FUCK, live a little.” “You’re no fun. Well, more for me.” drives me NUTS. This combined with how he interacts with Kira just does me in. Shoves him out an airlock.

Dark Side Jaesa is another big one, albeit mainly for OOC reasons. I just hate the fact that she even exists, really. I get the appeal of a story where a Sith corrupts a Jedi to the Dark Side, but the way she does a total 180 into gross hedonism while Serving You always just makes me cringe. Plus there’s the fact that straight dudebro gamers are really nasty with her, and she’s the main companion I always see men put into the slave bikini outfit, and just yikes.

Also just a lot of one-off NPCs that everyone goes crazy for and ships their OCs with, but I  constantly forget who they even are lol. Attros Finn comes to mind. I don’t hate them! Just don’t get the appeal I guess.

The character(s) I love that everyone else hates:

Lord Scourge, although I’m not sure he’s really hated as much anymore. I just remember at launch, when all of the overly invested Revan stans absolutely HATED him because of what he did in the Revan novel, and then flooded the tags with vitriol over being “stuck” with him as a Knight, and having to hear about Revan in his companion convos. It was really, really tiresome! Maybe it’s because I never really cared that deeply about Revan as my personal character, but I could not understand the backlash.

Anyway, Lord Scourge is my favorite companion in the game by a long shot. I love the conversations you can have with him about the Jedi vs Sith, and I love the mutually respectful tone those conversations take. (Where other Bioware companions who disagree with you have a tendency to just go, “You’re wrong.” and shut you down.) The fact that he’s so tied in with the plot just makes me love him more, really.

The character(s) I used to love but don’t any longer:

Cytharat, Koth and Theron mostly. Although this takes a bit of explaining, and is a bit Discourse-y – because I really appreciate them as characters, but their role and Bioware’s decisions with them is what made me no longer love them.Here’s the thing: Bioware has a bad habit of introducing male characters that are bisexual, and then having them betray you, leading to situations where they either get murdered or vanish from the narrative entirely. Meanwhile, bisexual women like Lana are untouched and around forever.

I was overjoyed when I first saw Cytharat. Y'all know I’m a ho for purebloods, and the fact that he was Malgus’ apprentice was fascinating to me – and then he turned out to be a bi romance. I got very hyped for him, only to find out he dies like 5 minutes later – or if you save him, he’s never seen again. Huge letdown.

Koth was the first character I fell in love with of the new KOTFE crew – I even initiated a romance with him! – but it quickly became obvious there’s no way to play the expansion without him turning on you judgementally at some point or another. And then, hey big surprise, you can kill him or else he’s never seen again.

Theron I’ve loved since we first got to know him in the Forged Alliances content, but that whole storyline where he seemingly betrays you out of nowhere, only to later reveal he didn’t actually, idk. And then, once again, you either kill him or he disappears from the story. It felt like a weirdly shoehorned in plot for shock value, and robbed us of a second bi MOC character.

You see the trend here? I want to love these characters, but Bioware continually electing to do this shit with bi dudes is tiresome and makes me unwilling to invest any interest in the characters anymore.

The character(s) I would totally smooch:

None.

The character(s) I’d want to be like:

None really come to mind? I just want to be a Jedi, come on.

The character(s) I’d slap:

Hunter all day every day.

The pairing(s) that I love:

Haha, this question is hard, because most of the SWTOR ships I’m invested in are between my OCs and my friends’ OCs.

However.

SCOURGE / KNIGHT IS THE BIG ONE, THE ULTIMATE, THE ALL-TIME FAVORITE. It’s really hard to describe just how much I love this ship, and just how much time and energy I’ve invested into it over the past… 8 years wow……….. To the point of being almost territorial. And it’s also near impossible for me to talk about why I love it, because the version I ship is so personalized with my specific Jedi Knight, especially since it had to live exclusively in headcanon land for so long. Scourge is, more or less, my Knight’s support pillar and the thing that grounds him and keeps him humble, in a world where my Knight is surrounded by people who expect him to be a pure flawless messiah. But, I mean. How can you have a man look at your character and say, “I’ve waited 300 years to see your face.” and not immediately ship it. And then I finally got vindicated after all these years when it was made canon!

I really love Arcann / Knight for a lot of the same reasons as the above, but I just really adore his one (1) romance convo haha. Granted, yes he did a lot of fucked up things, but I was so grateful when he had like… a Zuko-esque redemption. Where he comes to your character and firmly believes he doesn’t deserve forgiveness, and especially doesn’t deserve affection, and is instead met with acceptance and a chance to grow and heal. That’s the good shit.

Others:

Lana / Warrior and Lana / Inquisitor are my particular jam. I endlessly enjoy the mutual respect between Lana and those particular PCs.

Malavai Quinn / Sith Warrior is a longtime fave, and although I DO love him with a female Warrior, I really do with he’d been an option for dudes as well. And I feel the same in reverse about Vette / Warrior – I do like her with a male Warrior, and it’s so sweet and wholesome and endearing, but man I wish she’d been an option for female Warriors.

I ship Risha with every woman – especially Vette and Sumalee – and will be salty until my grave that Risha / f!Smuggler isn’t possible, because I love Risha with the Smuggler but she gives me powerful WLW vibes.

Agent / Watcher Two is also a lowkey favorite, but I ALSO wish it could be done with a female Agent instead. Same with Agent / Raina Temple.

Agent / Vector is very sweet, but again, I will be salty until my grave that it couldn’t be done with a male Agent.

Can you guys sense a running theme here?

Finally: NGL I love Valkorion / Senya, even though that ended in pure disaster.

And people around here used to ship Keeper / Lokin, and tbh, I still kinda love it lol.

The pairing(s) that I despise:

In general terms, I fucking hate every single romance that involves the male PC romancing his padawan or underling, especially since most of them seem like very young girls. I don’t know why this is so pervasive in the game, but yikes Bioware. Consular/Nadia is the worst offender, but they’re all just cringe central for me.

But the big one is Agent / Hunter. This would have gotten me run off Tumblr back in the day, but god I hate this pairing. I mentioned in the last post that I just will never enjoy ships where the two characters actively want to murder each other, but. This just gets magnified for me with Agent/Hunter, where all the mind control and blatant abuse comes into play – and people have a tendency to write noncon rape fic of the two and present it as ~sexy rivalmance~, which is awful. Add to this the “no homo” reveal where Hunter turns out to be a woman, after getting everyone hyped about a dude flirting with their male character the whole game, and it’s just a huge No Thanks from me all around.

And for largely personal reasons I just don’t like seeing female Knights with Scourge. Listen, for YEARS  I was treated like a pariah for shipping Scourge with my male Knight, while being unable to find Scourge content that didn’t have a female Knight plastered all over him. Even though he wasn’t even a romance option one way or another, the way the fandom treated m!Knight/Scourge with disdain while ardently shipping f!Knight/Scourge was offputting as shit. And then, after years, he was made a romance option for women AND men, and all these awful people acted like they were robbed, the way people reacted when Kaidan and Jaal were made bi in Mass Effect. I’m so tired. I never want to see Scourge with a female Knight again.

[nonbinarypastels]

The issues with the recovery vs. anti-recovery discourse in a nutshell.

First problem: Nobody knows what anyone else is talking about (but they keep arguing like they do).

no one actually defines recovery the same way.

when we talk about 'recovery' half of y'all use that word to mean "doing what you can to manage better in your day to day lives" and the other half use it to mean "being totally cured, completely and utterly mental illness/neurodivergence/disability free" so we constantly end up with 2 or more people arguing about recovery thinking the people they're arguing with are defining it the same way as they are but in reality everyone involved is talking about a different thing entirely.

whether you define recovery as managing better or being cured there's also an issue of interpretation there because different people have different ideas about what managing better and being cured mean as well.

does 'managing better' mean simply doing what you can with what you have? or are we defining it as nothing short of getting out every day and living some 9-5 job, white picket fence sort of life? i've seen people define it both ways and a thousand ways in between. when you consider recovery to be about being 'cured', how do you define that? how do you see it happening? are you acknowledging that there are people who cannot or do not want to be cured and saying this shit anyway or are you only thinking about say, only depression, but simply not naming that thing in your post which brings me to

when we talk about mental illness, neurodivergence, and disability, people are STILL hopelessly vague.

take a sentence like "if you're mentally ill recovery is possible" and ask yourself what mental illness are we talking about? what is your definition of recovery? because we've already established that 'recovery' could mean any number of things and 'mental illness' tells us nothing. are we talking about depression or anxiety? or are we talking about personality disorders? psychotic disorders? what? saying you can be cured from depression is not the same as saying you can be cured from a personality disorder - tips people share to help manage anxiety are not going to be applicable to all mental illnesses. y'all are constantly saying 'mental illness' in posts when you're actually only talking about depression or something and people with mental illnesses that are not depression are reading that and thinking "what the fuck" because what's true for depression is categorically false for plenty of other shit.

people are constantly ignoring physically disability and chronic illness in discussions about recovery.

'recovery' is not only a term used in discussions WRT mental illness but also with physical illness and disability so when a person who is chronically ill or physically disabled sees a vague "recovery is possible" post even if you did not intend for it to be about them they have no way of knowing that when you're being vague as fuck about what you're actually saying and who it is your post is about. and i shouldn't need to explain to y'all why telling a person who is physically disabled and has zero chance of that ever changing that they can be 'cured' is on a whoooole other level than telling someone with depression they can be cured.

Problem Two: Y'all can't tell the difference between personal anecdotal posts and posts that are specifically addressed to/for other people.

raise your hand if you've been victimized by regina george had some "we can't all be neurotypical karen" comment added to a post you made about your own experience with some kind of coping mechanism or something you did that helped you with whatever is going on with you?

a lot of people involved in these discussions see a post that says "i tried yoga and it helped with my depression" and they think it's the same thing as "you need to try yoga because it will cure your depression" but...they are totally different. personal anecdotes are not personal recommendations, a person talking about something THEY did to help with THEIR self =/= a person telling YOU what to do to help with YOURSELF.

y'all also constantly misconstrue posts that are brainstorming different potential coping mechanisms and positive things to do with posts that are specifically instructing you to do something and assuming that these posts are guaranteeing you 100% that all the things on them will work or your money back.

example: y'all see a post that's like "here's a list of some positive things you can do to help with your anxiety" and you think the OP is specifically saying that all of them will work for everyone...but that's not what those posts are about. they're not instructions, they're ideas. they're not meant to tell a person what to do or even promising them that any of that shit will work, they're for brainstorming and coming up with something that might be helpful.

Problem Three: Some of y'all think too narrowly.

a lot of people on this site have an issue with black and white thinking.

nuance who? y'all don't get that not only are all mental illnesses, neurodivergencies, and disabilities the same but that people who have the same thing are not going to experience that thing in the same way. example: two people with bpd can have a WILDLY different experience with it and can have wildly different methods of dealing with it. what works for the one can have the absolute opposite affect on the other.

y'all assume that you can see one post a person made or even a couple of posts and you think you know everything there is to know about them and their experiences.

but a person's blog is only just a SMALL window into their life (even when they run a blog specifically about their mental illness, neurodivergence or disability you STILL don't know even the half of what there is to know about them). you can't see a couple of negative posts and assume that that means the person making them is "doing nothing" to help themselves or that they're "anti recovery" because those posts are just a small fraction of who they are and what they're doing. this is also even more ridiculous of an assumption because plenty of people use their blogs specifically FOR venting their negative shit and who someone is IRL is never going to be a living, breathing personification of who they are in their vent tag.

as much as people talk about "the mental illness community" or whatever, the fact is we're not actually a community.

we're a bunch of people with one common thing posting in the same tags and occasionally we form little connections when we all follow some of the same blogs and we see the same familiar usernames but we're not a community in the sense that there's a community leader or a set of community rules or a list of things unifying us together or, for that matter, any actual interaction between us. the fact is that tumblr is a website with MILLIONS of users and the view you have of certain groups of people on tumblr (the mentally ill, neurodivergent, or disabled for example) will depend radically on who you follow and what tags you're viewing. if you hate being exposed to negativity and people who are negative about their lives, you can prevent that from happening by simply not following those people, by blocking them, and perhaps by finding other tags to post in. saying "tumblr is anti-recovery" is much like saying "the city of new york is anti-recovery" just because you stumbled across some people in a back alley complaining about their anxiety. you can leave the alley and go somewhere else that's more suited to you, you don't have to stay and tell the people there to shut up because they're not being positive enough for you.

And problem four: Some of y'all are just assholes.

i think the majority of the recovery/anti-recovery argument could be solved if we were all a little less vague in our posts and made an effort to word them as specifically as possible and if we were all just a little less narrow-minded in both our thinking and listening but there are still people on this site who are just jerks because they will always assume that they know better than anyone else and, worse, that they know other people's experiences and minds better than those people do and will absolutely lose their shit if anyone tries to tell them otherwise.

this goes back to more black and white/no nuance thinking and it's a problem on this site that goes well beyond recovery discourse. the solution for this is for all of us to try and think more critically, listen more carefully, and consider other people beyond just our initial reactions. most of being an asshole comes down to not caring about other people---not caring about how they feel, what they think, what they have been through---and the rest comes down to caring so much for ourselves and what we personally feel and think about any given thing that it makes us ignorant to everything else, so obsessed with our own opinions that we're happy to fall face-first into the pond and drown in them. we all have to be cautious that we don't fall into that and that we don't end up creating our own little bubbles where our voices are the only ones we hear and we can do that by talking (not vaguely) and even moreso by listening to others when they speak.

[stplatinum]

🌻🌻🌻

 YOU WANT THE REAL TEA???

YOU NEED SOME MILK???

LEGION DISCOURSE ENGANGED (under cut bc no one wants to read this shitshow) 

alright so i posted this before on my salt blog: 

people who obviously are not people of color and/or from cultures that have been colonized by europeans: tribals would never accept the legion’s bigotted and sexist culture!!! there’s no reason for them to develop these systems in the apocalypse when they had the perfect opportunity to reshape society

me, a native filipina: ……………………..h

with these tags: 

#NO SHADE BUT SOME OF Y'ALL ARE FUNNY AS SHIT!!! !#native filipinos had very good gender equality esp considering other areas of asia at the time #they also understood the complexities of sex/gender/sexual orientation and how all these identities are a spectrum rather than a strict bina #ry #and ye t#when the spaniards came!!! LOL!!! #so even let's say you're right that these tribes weren't sexist/homophobic #that literally has no bearing on how resistant they would be to those ideas #if you don't know what it's like to come from a culture that's been enslaved/colonized it really shows when you try to talk about legion

and honestly, after talking to some friends about this, i’m so FUCKING done w/ having to skirt around the issue. i can’t believe i feel uneasy about voicing my own opinions based on historical evidence and my own experiences as a native filipina to make white people/people who aren’t from a colonized culture feel comfortable with me. 

my people!! sold out my own people!! we had women’s rights, lgbtq identities, a rich economy, technology, cultures, kingdoms, trade routes w/ other nations! our own religions and languages and martial arts and weapons and mythologies! we had all these things! but the spaniards were still able to change us. we knew better, filipinos would have definitely seen the spaniard’s ideals as being “illogical,” but that didn’t matter, did it? so a lot of what people are saying about how it makes no sense how the legion would come into fruition is silly. i feel as if it undermines my culture. it’s ignorant. it’s HILARIOUSLY ego-centric to think That is How It Works. You Think It Do. But It Don’t. 

and don’t get me wrong i agree w/ most people’s ideas on a purely personal level (that legion bad, slavery bad, makes no sense, blah), but the point of caesar’s legion is to show that edward sallow DOES NOT have the same moral framework as you and i do. it doesn't matter how much it doesn’t make sense to us that slavery bad, bc caesar operates with different motivations in mind. his moral compass points a different direction from yours. and he’s so charismatic he’s pulled everyone else’s compasses to point towards him. 

he’s created a society where it is profitable to enslave women and children and he’s created an entire mythology to justify the system he’s created because his motivation is to conquer the mojave. 

tell me how that isn’t exactly how the spaniards subjugated the filipinos. made it profitable to take our land and resources away and then converted us all to a modified religion/culture that would make it sinful and wrong for us to rebel. 

and god as a disclaimer, there’s no one in particular i’m thinking about as i type this post. it’s not just one person. i think bits and pieces of these ideas i dislike have been shared by a MULTITUDE of individuals. i don’t truly think there’s one person who’s made a post that i am directly referencing bc all of these refutations (i guess u can call them that) have been bubbling in my head the SECOND i stepped into this fandom and began interacting w/ other new vegas fans about legion. 

i don’t fault anyone for thinking these things. i realize not everyone knows how filipino culture (or other cultures w/ similar experiences), so being ignorant is OK. i just wished that people would stop giving their hot takes on this topic when it’s abundantly clear they are either unqualified to speak about it bc they are white or just not from a colonized/enslaved culture or don’t know how history works or just haven’t taken a message analysis class, i guess :SHRUG EMOJI: