#I really hope this person is like 15 years old and doesn't know what 'emergency' means

[enekorre]

Nothing like someone @ ing everyone in a server you've muted saying "this is super important and must be spread, this 22 year old woman by the name of [full legal name] is harassing me and my friends", refusing to explain fully what is going on, and when you react with a question mark they dm you to harass you into just sharing without thinking.

They say "Don't read [site], only the stuff I link, and then spread it like wild fire", and when you say "this sounds like fandom beef and very one sided, i will not do that" and block them they google your username and comment on every video on your youtube channel about how you're an awful human being.

Like yeah that will make me trust you more.

[eraldkarma]

You guys know that tim is treated badly by his original family, but he goes to another universe, and that batfam adopts him and is horrified by the way he was treated? Usually he doesn't exist in that universe because Janet drake married a woman instead of jack drake?

Why doesn't bart have one of those? Like speedsters are known for dimension hoping and getting stuck in other times its not out of the cannon possibility that Bart was up to some speedster shenanigans and got stuck in say... the Justice league animated cartoon universe?

Like that fic could be so good and I'm toying with writing one too like I have rough outline of events in my head.

Think about it, in young justice bart has eventually died, max died, his mentor wally has next to no respect for him, Joan and Jay are having trouble raising him too, Jay even says 'we could use the break, being guardians to the fastest boy alive isn't exactly breezy on the same page wally admits that he doesn't believe in him or think he's worthy of being the flash, when bart gets shot in the knee and has to have emergency surgery without any meds and completely conscious as the doctors tore him apart over and over, the only one there was cyborg who I don't think bart would have been all that close too.

And that's just the big things, the people around bart are constantly under estimating him, in some of the first Yj issues when batman asks Max if he thinks the boys could handle there own team and asked if he trust bart he says, 'i trust superboy and robin.'

Let's not forget that bart most likely has ADHD and obviously has superspeed, but everything he does his home work with superseded max or Jay make him redo it becouse he isn't observing the information but bart latterly has a photographic memory so there's no reason to make this poor boy waste an hour of time writing an essay when he could spend like two minutes doing it and have the same or better quality. Wich also doesn't make sense becouse the other speedsters use their speed in public all the time, including for their jobs.

You know who would get along with bart really well though? Justice league cartoon wally west. Not only does barry not seemingly exist In this universe, neither does bart, wally doesn't have Barry's legacy on his shoulders so he has no reason to hold so much animosity towards bart, and this wally is funny, and sweet, and he cares so much and he too uses his speed everywhere! Wally in Justice league and Justice league unlimited is he kind of guy to take what ever curve ball was thrown at him including a 15 year old first cousin once removed from another universe.

Like I'm probably gonna write this kinda fic because I'm in love with this concept! I want one so bad that I have to write it myself.

But seriously this wally could be such a good mentor to bart, and so would the rest of the League.

Plus If Jl wally took bart in it would give him an excuse to move to bigger apartment, and get his life sorted out and sell his stupid hook up van.

And wally would be passed if he found out how other universe wally treated bart, because wally jokes and trash talks occasionally he at least know not to do it in that person's house, to there parent, while they are still home.

[swolesecrets]

America is Obese.

Before I begin, I think it is crucial that I tell you a bit about me... My name is Gwyneth, I am a 17 year old girl who loves fitness, starting my fitness journey around 2-3 years ago. I have always had a caring and empathic personality, ultimately hoping to help people. For that reason among many others, I plan on pursuing a career in nursing as well as personal training. My goal is to preach the wonders of the fitness world whilst assisting people to attain their goals. Welcome to swolesecrets...  

The detrimental obesity epidemic is an overlooked societal issue specifically throughout the Western community. "The latest estimates are that approximately 34% of adults and 15–20% of children and adolescents in the U.S. are obese." According to https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, this concludes that obesity is a health concern that affects every age segment of the U.S population. Just how detrimental can an obese population really be though?.. VERY bad. 

Defined by the Oxford English Dictionary, the term obesity is “The condition of being extremely fat or overweight; stoutness, corpulence.” Ultimately posing affects one's physical capabilities and quality of life. 

“But how does someone else’s physical health affect you?” 

As a gym nerd myself and an aspiring personal trainer, it is simply a fact that this growing obesity epidemic will have an impact on the society as a whole, and here’s why… Given that as seen by definition; this state of health imposes compromises to the individual's physical demands… We can foresee economical issues given that more people are incapable of doing difficult jobs essential to a functioning society, such as trade work, floor nursing and emergency services amongst many others, and in fact increase tax rates and pose negative effects on the healthcare system. 

Just within recent years, obesity rates have spiked immensely. In terms of a historical science stand-point, early primates and our ancestors were “physically fit”, because it was a factor that determined their survival rate, which can be proved by the Darwin Theory. “Survival of the fittest” literally and metaphorically. 

It is most important to note that weight does not correspond to obesity! Everyone is different, in terms of metabolisms, genetics, bone structure and where they may carry weight. To say that being “skinny” or being “larger” is healthy or unhealthy is unfair, the truth is, there's no set definition of what a healthy person is as long as their body does not compromise them from expected average tasks and their favorite activities. Did you know that exercising speeds up your metabolic rate naturally, thust decreasing your risk of obesity.

In the most simple way, weight is determined by the average ratio of calories being consumed to calories being burnt. When the average person consumes more than what the body is able to burn, that's when we can observe a gain of weight.

“But do the pros REALLY outweigh the cons?”

There are so many reasons why exercise is beneficial for humans' emotional, physical and psychological well-being. I think that everyone could benefit from exercise, especially for themselves. It doesn't matter how you do it, the fitness world is so immense from weightlifting, zumba classes, pilates, yoga, aqua fitness, sports, swimming, cardio, home workouts, biking and perhaps even walking your dog.

Let's be real, many of us don't like exercising at first. I certaintly didn't. I was in grade 9 during the pandemic when I first set foot in the gym, not knowing what the muscle groups were even called. Nor what a benchpress even was. Thankfully though, through my mask no one could see my facial expression of udder confusion looking up "back workouts for girls", "instant ab workouts", "toned full body workout." into my TikTok search. I think thats one of the many reasons why fitness could benefit EVERYONE. It allows you to challenge yourself; work towards something. For me personally I truly believe fitness has helped immensely with my mental health. From being so isolated in my room every day throughout lockdown, fitness taught me determination, improved my work ethic, allowed me to process my feelings and gain confidence.

With that being said, throughout this Blog I will discuss the insides of the fitness industry including, the many benefits of working out, motivation sources, my journey in depth, healthy nutrition advice, my favorite workouts, time management with working out and much more…

[binnudacademy]

Your name is Nicholas Benedict, although you are occasionally (and erroneously) referred to as Nicholas Glenn.

[[MORE]]

You're 26, you would've barely been out of grad school if you hadn't dropped out. Something, someone is tearing the world apart bit by bit, drowning everyone in fear, and you don't know who or why or how exactly. You know just enough to drive away all your allies.

You eventually learn about the Institute, and finally you have a lead. A lead, but no plan.

The tests are a long shot, a desperate ploy. You grade test after test, look kid after kid in the eye, and none of them are right. You placate parents who threaten to sue and feel your heart crack at every child's disappointed face, knowing they're the lucky ones. You start to lose hope.

And then she arrives.

She walks in alone, her school bus yellow Mary Janes (with matching socks) clacking confidently on the tile. She carries herself like she's used to being ignored--her posture is perfect, her stare challenging you to look away.

(How an 11-year-old with such a distinct fashion sense ended up overlooked is a mystery even you can't unravel).

She asks if she can eat during the test, even though she isn't really asking. You let her, because you're intrigued and there's no good reason to stop her, anyway.

She reduces three granola bars to messy piles of crumbs. Several other children give her dirty looks for her munching and crunching, but she ignores them.

Her test score isn't perfect, of course it isn't, but she's much closer than anyone has ever gotten. And more important is that challenge in her eyes, the determined set of her mouth.

She politely asks for some of the consolation donuts, and you give them to her.

She passes the second part of the test easily, but when she brings the paper up to you, she asks what this is all about.

You weren't sure you'd get this far, the next test is really more a prototype, so you tell her the whole story right there: the Sender, the Emergency, the problem of children.

She listens, nods once firmly, and says, "I'm in."

There are more explanations to be made, on both your parts, but that "I'm in" sets the tone for all of them.

You work together to improve the tests. For the first time since---for the first time in a long time, there's someone making sure you're safe, putting pillows under your head if you have a narcoleptic seizure, scowling at you if you take unnecessary risks like cutting onions without supervision.

Somewhere along the line, you refer to her as your "number two." She nods seriously, the familiar set expression on her face.

And from then on, that's her name.

You can't be her father. For one thing, you're not old enough. Well, maybe old enough to be an ill-prepared, unexpected father. Which, you suppose, is what you are.

It would be unfair to be her father. She's still a child, who deserves to be a child. She doesn't need a parent who still feels out of his depth, a parent who relies on her as much as she relies on him.

And yet...

She's 15, working on getting her GED while compiling lists of missing persons, when you finally work up the courage to ask.

You prepare a little nest of pillows on the floor so she doesn't have to catch you in any event.

And you finally ask, finally look over and ask if she will adopt you as her family, and she—this brilliant, insightful, caring girl—raises an eyebrow and says

"I thought I already had."

[norangeyyy]

Late Night HCs

Bucci Gang Edition

TW: nothing too extreme, just a little bit of hurt/comfort stuff sprinkled right here and there.

Bruno Bucciarati

► Bucciarati typically doesn't stay up late at night, he has work and would squeeze all the amount of sleep he can get on his free time.

► Unless he has a lot of things in mind.

► It doesn't matter whether it's a work-related problem, his past, a random thought, or just generally his worries about his future. It will keep him up.

► He'll definitely need someone to be an outlet but if no one's available, he'll just stare at the night sky and distract himself with the moving clouds or finish some of his work until he's too tired to think of anything.

► If you happen to be in the same situation and same place that night though, then make sure that you take care of the trust he has for you when he was at most vulnerable and he will do same with you.

► I personally headcannon Bucciarati to be the type to like those kind of conversations since i highly doubt that he has been so vulnerable in front of anyone besides Abbachio ever since he joined the mafia.

► And even then, he's mostly the one who lifts the spirits up and not the other way around since he's the leader.

► So expect to hear things and words you wouldn't expect to come from the Bucciarati you see everyday come spilling out of his mouth, it'll be a lot.

► Pat his back or better yet, give him a hug and brush his hair while doing so. He needs it a lot since he hasn't really got one after his family fell apart.

► "I feel so much better now, thank you. I'll make sure not to forget about this night. "

Leone Abbachio

► The night owl of the gang.

► Staying up until 3AM is nothing new to this man, hell, he could even go on a whole day without sleep if he has a lot of things that's bothering him.

► He's the opposite of Bucciarati, he prefers to shoulder his intrusive thoughts alone. It'd take some great amount of effort and trust to make him talk and let it out.

► What he does during those times is either using his stand to replay certain memories that could either worsen his guilt or put him at ease, or just drink until he passes out but most of the time, he does both.

► He could also be listening to some music while he does so but if he's feeling guilty for making Bucciarati concerned about his frequent drinking, then he'll just listen to music and hope that he'll fall asleep and not just keep his eyes closed until the sun rises.

► It works, kind of, but even without alcohol driving him to sleep, he'll always be tired. His sleeping schedule is seriously messed up because he never really cared about it in the first place.

► Would sometimes go out for a walk. Leone is fond of the city's peacefulness when everyone is asleep, with the only thing keeping him accompany is the cold air and the dim light of the lampposts.

► Secretly still has his police uniform and would occasionally take it out just to stare at it or talk to it in a not-so-kind of way as he sees his younger self in it.

► Gets dragged in whatever shit Narancia and the others are up to if he gets spotted. Mostly it's just for a movie night behind Bucciarati's back but Abbachio knows better and expects the unexpected when it comes to the gang.

► Knows what everyone does in late night if they're still up and has seen a lot of ungodly sights.

► Whether it be seeing a sleepy Mista and the pistols chanting a weird prayer to a bowl of cereals or Fugo being dragged out of his room by Narancia, Leone knows it.

Pannacotta Fugo

► Just like Bucciarati, Fugo rarely stays up late at night and if he does, it's usually just because he's busy.

► Fugo has hobbies like painting and reading, everyone in the gang knows that. It's just that he gets carried way too far sometimes and loses track of time.

► Who could blame him though when the book he's reading is just too interesting or the painting he's currently working on is almost done, right?

► On extremely rare occasions where something unpleasant enough to keep Fugo up at night happens, he'll bundle himself in his fluffy blanket like a butterfly in its cocoon.

► He always does this back when he's still living with his parents, it makes him feel safe from anything that's haunting him.

► And if it's neither his hobbies or problems that's keeping him up, he'll just hear Narancia whispering outside his door or Mista throwing pebbles at his window.

► For the first few times the duo did this, Fugo was still able to resist until he just can't anymore knowing that they wouldn't leave him alone all night.

► "Well, this isn't so bad. "

► He says as he enthusiastically tosses a popcorn into his mouth with his eyes glued all over the lit screen of the TV.

► Movie nights, along with sneaking out to go the nearest convenience store, became a common thing between the Torture Dance Trio™ ever since then.

Narancia Ghirga

► The type to wake up in the middle of the night and think "Hmm... Everyone's asleep, let's commit robbery tonight!"

► Fugo's sleep paralysis demon.

► Would literally not hesitate to steal chocolate bars with Mista and probably does 3AM challenges with him too.

► Never runs out of ideas to keep himself up at night and is the one who comes up with everything but what he does still depends on his mood.

► If Narancia's feeling a little too lazy then he'll just sleep and most of the time, with music keeping him accompany. But unlike Abbachio, he purposely doesn't wear headphones just to annoy Fugo whose room is right next to his.

► If he's feeling like it, he'll straight up just invite the others to watch a movie or play videogames even though Bruno has already made it clear not to use the TV after 11PM.

► But just as he likes staying up at night doing crazy things with the boys, he also uses his energy left and free time to self-study, as surprising that may sound.

► He may hate reading but he takes advantage of the fact that his brain is much active at night and he doesn't want to depend on Fugo too much. After all, he dreams on going back to school and he's more than willing to be capable enough to do so alone and pass without the other teen's help.

► Will cuddle anything that's near him while he studies but if you give him a plushie, it'll be instantly his favorite and he would definitely use it as a study buddy.

Guido Mista

► Alright, let's be honest here, this dude wouldn't even stay up if it weren't for his bros.

► 5 seconds lying on the bed and he's already knocked out for a good 10 hours if there's no work he has to do for the day. Make it 8 at weekdays thanks to his mafia-related responsibilities.

► He sleeps like a log so only a combination of shaking him up awake with Fugo and Narancia can make him rise from what seems like a two year coma but is really just a normal tuesday night.

► Will pretty much join Narancia at anything he does but since his last three brain cells are obviously still as half asleep as him, he won't be able to remember that much the next day.

► And once he's out of the room and is already sitting on the couch with the guys, Mista's the type to fall asleep halfway through the movie.

► You can't blame him though, it's 12AM and it seems that Fugo got to choose what movie they'll watch since Narancia already got to choose the other night.

► Unless they're playing videogames or are going out then he won't be acting like a slow ass PVZ zombie with a fried brain. Actually, he'll be hella active if that's the case.

► Active at grabbing every snack each second, that is.

► Actually, it's the pistols who does that but oh well, it's not like Mista's innocent too.

► "I swear it's not me who ate all of our groceries for this month! Right, guys?! It's the pistols! "

► And that, everyone, is how Guido blew their little rendezvous without even trying.

Giorno Giovanna

► There's not much to be said about this boy since just like Mista, Giorno goes to bed early as he makes sure he still gets the proper amount of sleep.

► He already has a lot of things to deal with at day so of course, by the end of it, he'll be exhausted.

► Nights before exams are excluded because although he may seem like he skips class sometimes, Giorno still knows his priorities.

► Only when he became the head of the mafia did he really started to lose sleep as great power comes with great responsibilities.

► It took a LONG time for Giorno to adjust to a lot of things cause come on, he maybe resilient but he's still a 15 year old teen.

► Not only does he have towers after towers of work but i like to imagine that he still continued his education and used some of the things he learns in class in the mafia, specifically in classes like history or geography class since as a boss, he has to know every nook and cranny of Italy.

► Not to mention that emergencies happen and he always has to be ready to give out orders, even if it means being woken up at 1AM.

► God, help this child because all the things mentioned above are just an understatement of what happens on the first few months of being in charge of Passione.

► "So this is why Diavolo looks like he's about to explode whenever something goes wrong huh. "

[inthecloudswithkitten]

These freaks 2.0

So, when i was about 14 or 15 i wrote an adlock/teenlock fanfiction. i was obsessed with sherlock at the time and was a huge adlock shipper. Ive only just been able to find th original fanfic and i thought i would rewrite it at 20 years old as ive not been in uni for a while but hope that my writing has evolved comapre to when i was a teenager. so here it is

i present to you... THESE FREAKS.... the rewrite

THESE FREAKS

I woke up at 6 am with bleary eyes and the thought of one person in my mind…

Him

The wanna be detective

The nerd

The….freak

I didn't see him as a freak but everyone else did. I haven't approached him as I dont think he would be interested. He doesn't seem interested in anyone. He talks to John Watson but thats it really. 

I pull my school jumper over my head and tie my tie around my neck. Worrying about the exam which is fast approaching, I quickly skim my flash cards. Cells and adaptation science filling my head. I want to do well, i want to go to sixth form, i want to get out of here.

Whilst on my way to school, as usual, dad is just on the phone with some white man that obviously has so much privilege it makes my stomach week.

He doesnt even say ‘have a good day’ when i slam the car door. Listening to my playlist, I walk with my head down towards the school yard and walk past all the lad lads and all the popular girls. Sally Donovan and Anthea are picking on Molly Hooper as usual. Molly has been their target this year. The poor mousy girl runs off with her textbooks held tightly against her chest, her arms wrapped around herself as if to hug herself. I should probably go and see if shes ok, but i wont. Dont want to make myself a target do i?

Orla Garlands ‘why am i like this?’ starts playing. How fitting….

Then i see him.

He’s quietly listening to music aswell. I wonder what hes listening to? What lyrics could possibly be projected into his brain? His beautiful brain.

A short boy runs up to him and start screaming about him not being met on the bus. Thats John Watson for you. He’s quite high strung when it comes to Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes…. What a strange name.

Its not like its ancient like ‘Irene’... I hate my name. Hopefully one day ill grow to love my name. But it wont be today. 

I feel something push my forward and woosh past me. Its Anderson of course. Typical. I dont even know his first name. Hes just weedy and uptight. Hes an arsehole.

The idea of this exam springs into my brain. Christ. I feel like a pit has emerged in my stomach.

Yet he seems absolutely fine. 

He will probably end up going to Oxford or Camrbidge. We wouldn't last anyway. He’d realize how pathetic I am and get bored.

*********************

On my way to form I still listened to my music.Anything to dull the sound of the school bell. That shrill sickens me.I Quietly observe everyone that passes by. Its too busy in these corridors. This school is full of idiots. Well, not all of them are idiots.

She's just fascinating. 

Her hair is so dark, like a raven's feathers. And those eyes.They have a stripping quality. Like the minute you look into them you can feel your guard disintegrate. How does she do it? 

Thats why i dont really speak to her. Its strange that she has this affect on me.

That when i feel something slam into my chest.

Of all people, why did i just propel myself into him. SherlocK Holmes has just been head butted in the chest.

I then look up and see those piercing eyes. They are so interesting. I believe he has that traits where one eye is a different colour to the other. I am deadlocked. Stuck in the vise of those eyes.

I need to say something, ive been staring at him for too long.

‘S-s-sorry….I am not really all there today.’ I chuckle awkwardly hoping that my hair isn't now a mess and i haven't gotten mascara on his shirt. 

‘No worries, its my fault..’ he says in his rich baritone voice. I can nearly feel the boom of his voice in my chest. 

‘Where are you off to?’ i question. 

‘Same place you're going’ he said with a wink.

Stupid…ofcourse….Im so stupid.

‘ Oh…um…ofc course….yeah.’ I couldn't have been more awkward.

‘Walk with me?’ he says, that voice still booming despite the fact that he was speaking quietly. 

‘Yeah sure’ and then we walked slowly to form.

**********

After some conversation about the imminent exam, we get to our form room. 

‘After you’ sherlock says politely. 

‘Um…thanks’ i say shyly. I need to grow some balls. Hes just a boy.

I usually sit on the other side of the classroom than sherlock.

Ofcourse that was till today.

Ofcourse today is the day the room did some swapping around. 

Jim moriarity tried to throw a chair at anderson so the class abit of swapping around.

Anderson sat next to sherlock with Jim next to Anderson.

‘JIM,SWAP WITH IRENE!’ shouted mr Lestrade. 

My head snaps to Sherlock, his head doing the same. I couldnt quite read his face. Was he happy about the decision? Or was it a look of disdain?

I slowly grab my things and swap with Jim. Of course today is the day this happens. I look back at Molly who still has mascara smudged under her eyes. Poor Molly now has to sit next to the most tapped boy in the year.

Of all days she has to sit next to me. This feeling is so abnormal to me….worry.

She slowly makes her way towards me, her slim figure brushing past Mary Morsten.

 ‘Um… hi again’ I rene says with a slight hindrance to her approach.

‘Hi’ i look down at my book and wait to feel the air shift as she sits down. We sit there for a second.

John knows my thoughts on Irene Adler. Hes always had a feeling I thought about her alot. He just knew.

Throughout the class, we would whisper something to eachother. Mainly iy was  her asking about a question in the homework and me explaining it maybe abit too extensively, 

I was surprised she was even speaking to me. I thought she would be messaging her friend Kate or something. Kate was Irene's supposed best friend but I noticed that there was sometimes friction between the two of them. All the boys in the year seemed smitten by Kate and yet no one paid mind to Irene. Irene is so much more interesting than Kate. I've heard rumors about Kate but I don't pay any attention to gossiping.

Charles turned towards myself and Irene and says ‘well,well. Looks like someone is flirting wit the school freak!’ That when Sally chimed in and says ‘Which one?’

The whole class explodes in laughter and murmuring.

I could see Irene's hands shake whilst she grabbed her bag and darted out of the room.

I hate this school. I need to get out of here. 

I dart through the corridor, trying to find a way to escape. 

Then i see the cleaners cupboard and make my way towards it, slamming the door behind me as i enter the room.

Im not going to cry. Im too strong for that.

I then hear two knocks on the door followed by ‘ are you in there, Irene?’

‘Who is it?’ i question

‘Its Sherlock’

Oh god, Oh god. Oh god. Thank god i wasnt crying

I unlock the door and let sherlock in, him locking the door behind him.

‘Um…Hi’ I say. Trying to start a conversation.

‘Hi’ he smiles at me. Ive never really seen his smile before. It was strange but stunning at the same time.

We stand there for a second before i sit down crossed legged. He joins me.

‘How…how do you not let it bother you?’ i ask him. He never seems bothered by the word ‘freak’.

‘They are just idiots’ he says ‘the only word their tiny brains can think of is freak, itys actually quite embarrassing for them’ we then giggle.

Id never looked at it like that.

We stop giggling and look into eachothers eyes.

We are really close to eachother.

‘Youre not a freak’ he says ‘ youre just fascinating’

We are even closer now.

‘And….beautiful’

This was so out of character to me. I never thought he would think anyone was beautiful.

Before I can consider it more, I feel his hand on my face and his lips on mine…

So this is happening. This is actually happening. 

Our lips then detach from eachother… and im stunned.

‘ Wow… that was…that was new’ i say. Im so dumbfounded.

‘Um…sorry….um… I didnt realise what i was doing’ he stutter whilst he’s this.

Its silent before i pull him in again. It was like a drug and i needed a hit.

….TO BE CONTINUED.

i will now write a part two on another post so if you would like to follow this story then keep an eye out.

[omegangrins]

Chibnall, Children, Choice and Consequence

Allow me to introduce a companion piece to A Treatise on the Doctor:

It's pretty simple:

Chibnall knows what he's doing and is playing a long game to show how the Doctor needs to take more responsibility.

Let me start off with my favorite examples. That's right, plural.

Every single villain 13 faces is never defeated, merely pushed away from causing them any immediate problems. Tim Shaw being the prime example.

1&10. Seriously, Tim Shaw. Her plan was to use his own bombs on him and then teleport him off the planet. Even without Ranskoor Av Kolos, the Doctor should have thought to check in on him. Especially after The Ghost Monument showed the Stenza were a greater threat than she knew. She still hasn't even checked up on WHAT THE HELL THE STENZA ARE! They sound worse than Daleks but naw, let's go rain-bathing in the upper tropics of Canstano instead.

2. Ghost Monument. We saw the END of an interuniversal race. What the fuck is the beginning that got them there? Who is Illyn and how and why did he orchestrate a super race?

3. Krasko. Sent back in time. Really, Doc? Not gonna take a look at the device and see where Ryan sent the prick so you can double check that he's not gonna cause anymore damage?

4. President Trump analog. Ooooo, you looked at him menacingly, Doc, that'll show him!! Not like he's gonna KEEP DOING ILLEGAL SHIT LIKE THIS.

5. The Pting. She literally shunted it off ship to be dealt with by someone else BUT DOESN'T GO BACK TO BE THAT SOMEONE ELSE ONCE SHE HAS HER TARDIS. That's like leaving a living nuke floating around after sweeping it under the rug while you fly off to Paris.

6. The Pakistani-Indian conflict still happens and millions still die. Not her fault but still....

7. Kerblam. Sure, Charlie's terrorism was solved but not the underlying problem that led to it. Humans still can't work because corporations like profits over people.

8. Similar to the Punjab, how you gonna solve sexism, classism and all the -isms?

9. WHY WAS THE SOLITRACT THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE??!! It's been around since before the universe. Why'd it decide to come back now? It's a whole universe trying to hug our universe to death. Maaaaaaybe we should check out why.

11. She's gets a pass on the Dalek. Fucking impossible to eradicate them.

12. The Master!!! Finally she checks up on something after the adventures... and it's horrible. With everything gone to shit in her absence. Seeing a pattern yet?

And Barton? And the Cassaven? They didn't disappear into smoke.

13. Multiple Earths being multiply fucked. Remember when I said the Doctor couldn't solve racism, classism, sexism, or any of the other -isms? Starting to look like she needs to TRY.

14. The Skithra FLY OFF after getting hit by a laser beam. That kind of thing tends to piss people off. Even if they're idiots using other's technology.

15. Jack. The Judoon. The Ruth Doctor. All things I'd start checking out if I had a time machine BUT

16. WE CAN'T cause the TARDIS emergency alert is going off and we need to hurry up and run and solve this problem before we run out of time in our TIME AND SPACE MACHINE. Leading to another problem the Doctor could help solve but won't. Plastic and over-consumption.

17. Oh yeah, let's trap two Eternals from another universe in the same place. There's NO WAY that could ever turn out bad.

18,19,20. And again. Cyberium. Pushed off Shelley onto herself and onto Ashad and onto The Master.

That's almost 20 "enemies" the Doctor still needs to deal with.

Oh, not to mention that they let UNIT go defunct because they didn't have the forethought to ask if they needed any money in their alien fighting budget. After asking for an office, a desk, and a job. Kinda funny that way, aren't they?

I hope by now you've gotten the idea that this is VERY deliberate. This is Chibnall laying down some very heavy pipe to smack the Doctor like a clothesline. There isn't a one of these situations that can't come around to bite her in the ass.

Barton, Roberts, Skithra. These are all very loose strands for a time traveller like the Doctor to get tripped up on. Chibnall's past episodes prove it. They're all about the Doctor learning how to take responsibility.

42: The Doctor almost gets Martha killed and almost gets himself killed trying to fix it.

The Hungry Earth: The Doctor (a thousand year old "adult") tells Elliot (a 10 year old kid) that "Sure it's totally fine to go get your headphones while we prepare for an approaching unknown alien force." And 11 rightfully gets his ass chewed for it by the child's mother when the kid goes missing because OF COURSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS, JACKASS!

Cold Blood: I could write an entire essay about the Doctor's guilt over the Silurian/Human conflicts they've witnessed, but I don't need to. Because every single Silurian centered episode written in the new era is from Chris Chibnall. And you can feel the sad knowledge of Classic Who spill through. He KNOWS how many times the Doctor has fucked up with the Silurians (about 8 times in television format. And it's rough everytime. Rough.) and he writes those episodes like an apology on behalf of the whole human race. And the Doctor. You know why people are put off by Warriors of the Deep? 5 releases a gas that melts the Silurians. And though it's cheesy, the idea and execution is still horrible.

Add to that if the Doctor hadn't stopped to check the crack, then Rory wouldn't have waited and been around to be shot then absorbed by the time crack.

Power of Three: An entire episode about how the Doctor has a problem slowing down and really taking account of the lives of their companions.

Dinosaurs on a Spaceship: The Doctor actually tries to be responsible and pick the right people for a job. For once. But gets angry when they realize it's too late and there's another bunch of Silurians they failed to save. Classic!

Like I said, if you can't see the pattern, you're not paying enough attention to your responsibilites.

Which leads me to the why.

When you fly around time and space for thousands of years, you develop a few duties of care along the way. In every situation, you're the oldest. Technically the only adult in terms of experience. You have a responsibility to act a little less rude and be a bit more aware than needing cue cards to tell you that you should be sad about things around you. And that's the purpose of 13. She's unlucky but learning. Like 12 telling himself something with his face he couldn't say out loud, 13's instincts are leading her to a new place for the Doctor: being a caring, responsible person. Not so much laughing hard or running fast, but being kind. It's the one thing they recognized as a problem in themselves when seeing 1. Being a Doctor is about being kinder than that. Just because you HAVE to saw someone's leg off, that doesn't mean you can't wait a little and comfort them before you do it.

You wanna know what gave me every faith in Chibnall showrunning Doctor Who? 13 staying for Grace's funeral.

Do you understand how unprecedented that is? This is the same person who never said Goodbye to Jo Grant as she got married and fucked off into the night. The same Doctor who said, "I don't do domestic.", did it with Rose a regeneration later, and then closed himself off to everyone but a married couple he felt guilty about who ended up birthing his wife. Have you any idea the number of funerals the Doctor should have the common decency to sit through? This many.

So for 13 to stay around for the death of a woman she has only just met and not only that, BUT call out Ryan's father for not doing the same, it shows tremendous character growth. It's taken millennia but they're still changing.

Something similar happens with Rosa and The Witchfinders. Realizing that there a lot of companions who have been in situations that are sometimes worse than aliens, but they still manage to make it through. So she needs to buck it up and persevere for everyone else.

That's where her anger comes from, and really it's one of my favorite traits on her. It reminds me of 7. Someone impossibly old and impossibly kind saying to hell with it and at least having some fun with the evils who drag us through the universe. And just like Cartmel planned for 7, 13's past will come to haunt her.

That's where children come in. Most of us are crying babies to the Doctor.

There's this thing you notice most in British shows about answering the question directly as asked. Someone says "Are you sure?", you answer "Sure". That's a direct acknowledgement that you heard the question, understood it, and processed it enough to respond in a manner directly correlating to the question asked. Yas and Graham got it and said "Sure" but Ryan missed it and said "Deffo". This is like Elliot with the headphones. The Doctor should have immediately been like, "Okay, Ryan, it's obvious that you're still dealing with the trauma of your grandmother's death and probably not processing things on a logical level. I said "Are you sure?" Not "Are you deffo?" Because we are most definitely not deffo, Ryan. Graham, you wanna help here?"

I'm being sarcastic for points sake but you understand the idea. The Doctor knows better and has a responsibility as such. She should've really sat down with Ryan and Graham and seen if there was a better way to process their grief.

Because I'm fairly certain that "Deffo" is gonna lead to Ryan's death and Graham's cancer resurging as time cancer (I don't know what time cancer is. I just know it's bad.)

And that is gonna piss Yas off. Which will give you all that character you think she's missing (she isn't. Her character is in her subtleties and silences.). That's WHY her character is a police officer (like how does no else see that the man who wrote Broadchurch wrote an inspector character companion?) Imagine you're Yaz and you see the Doctor flying around in a big, magic box that says POLICE. As a fellow officer, you're gonna expect some basic safety protocols.

Like do a background check on everyone flying in the TARDIS to know whether they're stable enough (mentally, physically, emotionally) for time and space travel. It's no picnic. These people are going to go through hell. A little vetting and planning like Time Heist or Dinosaurs on a Spaceship goes a long way.

Secondly, full fucking disclosure.

"Oh. I can't die because I change my body. Oh. I have arch enemies that will try to kill and torture us any chance they get. Oh. My home planet is full of the biggest assholes in the universe and I'm including my arch enemies."

Third, police like to do this thing called "check-ups" where they go back to the scene of the crime in order to see if there is any more information that can be gleaned which you might not notice when you are busy running around trying not to be killed... Like, the Doctor has the perfect machine to do this with, but nope. Adventure done, run to the next place!!

These are all things you'd expect any reasonable person to do and say when taking others flying off into time and space and "helping". Even if they are an idiot passing through and learning. Especially when you consider the Doctor is vastly older and more experienced than everyone they encounter. They SHOULD know better. And they've got the lifespan to slow down. It's not like they need to be in a hurry because they're going to die at any moment like humans. The Doctor could easily stay for tea and it would be less than a drop in their lifespan.

Now, as usually is the case when I make these theories, I have a parts 1,2,3,4 and 6. There's allways this 5th piece I miss but I manage to get at the end.

But the 6th piece is the Timeless Child. The Doctor isn't a Time Lord anymore. They're not beholden to those people and ideas anymore. Even moreso, those people basically raped her childhood for their own gain so it's not like you'd really listen to them and their "policy of non-intervention".

I'm sensing a coming Trial of a Time Lord season (even believing these two seasons are the opening statement and preliminary evidence of the trial itself) wherein the Doctor finally gets the turnaround 6 deserved. A Trial of the Time Lords, if you will.

"In all my travels through time and space I have battled against evil, against power-mad conspirators. I should have stayed here! The oldest civilization: decadent, degenerate and rotten to the core! Power mad conspirators? Daleks, Sontarans, Cybermen — they're still in the nursery compared to us! Ten million years of absolute power: that's what it takes to be really corrupt!"

This is what it's all coming down to. Chibnall's takedown of the Time Lords. And The Master is going to play the most crucial role of all.

They're going to be revealed as an Ux alongside the Doctor and show how the only constants they have in this universe are each other and it's about damn time they work together and tell these high collars to eat Schitt while they explore every star and planet they can find.

Come on, the episode is called The Timeless "Children". If it was just the Doctor it'd be called "The Timeless Child". The Master says as much with the misdirect line, "built on the lie of the Timeless Child." since we see two kids playing in that flashback.

"Since always. Since the Cloister Wars, since the night he stole the moon and the president's wife, since he was a little girl. One of those was a lie, can you guess which one?"

Now we know which one was a lie, we know the Master HAS known the Doctor since they were a little girl. THAT little girl...

But this is all just speculation. It's not like Chris Chibnall could have been thinking about this for the past 40 years and was given a blank slate to do whatever he wanted for five years on his favorite TV show. If y'all want to think he took those reigns and is choosing to make things worse...

Well then you don't know much about responsibility.

I'll let the man himself tell you about it.

"Very early in my career,” says Chibnall, “someone told me that you learn more from a failure than you do from a success. And then I lived out that phrase for a year in Los Angeles. I learned that I would not work that way again or be put in that situation again.” The essential lesson was: “You either have to be in total control of a show or working with people who share your vision and will work with you to achieve it. Also, never work with 13 executive producers.

“Camelot was the classic case of too many cooks. It wasn’t a harmonious set-up and I think that does manifest itself on screen.

“I had a fantastic cast but you have to be free to tell the story you want to tell in the way that you want to tell it. What ended up on screen was not what I wanted and so it is a blemish on my CV.”

Credit to @thirteenthdoc

“You immortals - so entitled, so spoiled. You never clear up after yourselves and you always leave stuff lying around.” - Thirteenth Doctor in Can You Hear Me?

[living-after-death-blog1]

The Day My Daughter Died.. (An introduction to the end and the beginning)

I received a phone call from my daughter's best friend, Alli, at about 2:30pm on that day. She told me that she had just left work and was on her way to my daughter's house, after receiving a frantic phone call from my daughter's roommate, Kenneth, who said that he had come home and found her unconscious, with a needle in her hand. He had called an ambulance, he had attempted CPR, and was now waiting outside of the house while the emergency personnel did their thing inside.

I think it was already pretty well established that my daughter was gone, and I think that this was probably communicated to me, but my brain literally wouldn't grasp it. I wasn't devastated; I was terrified. I spent the entire conversation (which was probably at least 20 minutes long) thinking that we didn't know anything yet, feeling like I was frozen, like everything around me was happening in slow motion, and that I was just holding my breath until the moment when Alli could finally get to the house and someone could tell us what was going on. I thought we were waiting to hear that she'd been trànsported or something. It honestly hadn't occurred to me until just now that simply knowing that Kenneth had attempted CPR should have been enough information to answer to the only question that was looping through my mind, over and over, until Alli arrived. "Is she breathing?"

I was 4 hours away, in another city.

Once Alli arrived, there were people everywhere; policemen, emergency responders, tons of neighborhood spectators, and Kenneth, the roommate. I was still on the phone, waiting, while he and Alli had a brief conversation, which I couldn't really hear and I finally interrupted to ask what I thought we'd been waiting to find out this whole time.. "But.. is she still breathing?"

At that point, I heard Alli take a deep breath and, very slowly, and with such pain, she said the words that made it real.

"No, Stephanie. She's gone."

I remember taking a deep breath and saying, "Okay."

It almost felt like, "Well.. Here we are. This is actually happening. You know, that thing that happens to other people, but not your child, not you? It's happening. Right now."

Another deep breath, and once again, " Okay.. "

I remember thinking that I needed to hold it together somehow, because I was going to have to handle and figure out a lot of things, and I really, really needed to be able to think. I just had to think. Figure this all out somehow, as if it were a problem that could be solved.

I did what I've always done when I need to call upon an extreme coping skill. I stopped feeling, and I started thinking. Intellectualizing, my therapist, Becca, the one from my daughter's first treatment center, used to call it.

I called upon that skill in that moment. Think. Think about what other people are going through, feeling, experiencing. Think about how everyone else feels, so you don't have to look at what this really is. Don't even get close to it.

That is the moment that I apologized to Alli for having to be the one to make such a horrible phone call, telling someone's mother that they are dead, and thanked her for being that person, at the same time. I thanked her for being a good friend. I told her I loved her. Said I'd be available for the police or whoever needs to speak to next of kin, and told her to give them my number.

I called my boyfriend first, in a panic; I had to get home, I had to get to Houston, and I had to get there NOW. I couldn't drive, and all I could think was how I needed to get there, I had to get there, and I needed to get there NOW. No answer.

I called my ex-husband (not the father of my daughter, but of two sons, ages 15 and 18, at the time) and, not realizing that the boys were in the car with him or that he had answered on speaker, I started screaming that my daughter was dead, she was dead, and I didn't know what to do. Of course, after finding out that the boys had overhead, I called both of them to apologize that they had had to hear me like that, to hear the news that way.

I don't remember very much of the next few weeks. The things I do remember are choppy, like random scenes from a movie, but I remember those things vividly.

I realized that I had to tell people. Who? Who is the first person you call to announce your daughter's death?

I called my mom first, I think, and I listened to her sob and repeat, "Noooo..." over and over.

I called my daughter's other grandmother, on her father's side, and I listened as she cried and kept saying, "Oh my god.."

I called my daughter's ex-boyfriend, Javi, the father of my granddaughter, who was 8 at the time, and he couldn't believe it, couldn't accept it, either; jumped in his car to go over there. I guess he needed to see it with his own eyes.

I spoke to another of my daughter's best friends, Jessica (she happened to text me, so I thought she already knew, and when I realized that she didn't, I told her to call me. She asked me, "How bad is it?" I said, "Bad."), and then she, too, immediately drove over to the house to meet up with Alli, Kenneth, and Javi.

I couldn't listen to any more breaking hearts at the moment, so as fucked up as it seems now, I just started texting people.

I texted my friend, Sarah, who, along with her entire family, have been like family to us. I don't even know how I said it. I think I said, "I'm so sorry to tell you like this, but they found her this morning, unconscious, with a needle, and she didn't make it. " Sarah immediately called me, and started screaming, " What? What? " as if she couldn't hear me. Her mind, too, couldn't seem to allow this to be real.

I spoke to my friends, Theresa and Joie, sisters, and they immediately offered all kinds of practical help that hadn't even occurred to me, such as setting up a GoFundMe account to pay for funeral expenses. I had been laid off from my job of over ten years several months prior, and so all of the life insurance policies and everything I'd been so used to just having were no longer available, and I had nothing.

Joie also posted on Facebook on my behalf. It was the only way I could think of to let everyone know, especially my daughter's friends, and it was because of all of these people, and so many more, that I have managed to get through this last year.

I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful people in my life, but I am surrounded by them. The GoFundMe account reached over $5000 within a couple of days.

My daughter's best friend from middle school is a hair and makeup artist, and she flew in from Colorado to make sure that she was the one who did the makeup for the viewing. That was always their thing, and even though my daughter's addiction had driven them apart over the years, Vikki had to do this one last thing for her friend, and I was happy to have her do it.

Sarah's ex-boyfriend, who knew my daughter as a child, took care of all of the flowers and arrangements.

Sarah's mom has a friend who was able to make a dress for my daughter to wear during the viewing; an Alice in Wonderland dress, because that was always her thing.

Sarah and her mom had already found the cheapest most decent funeral home that they knew of (her mom had used the place for her own mother's service), so I literally spent the next few days just having to answer yes and no questions.

It turned out that since my daughter never divorced the father of her second child (my grandson, Isaac, who was almost 7 at the time), even though they'd been separated and out of contact for a few years (she was engaged to someone else for at least a year), he was her next of kin, not me, and this brought forth a whole host of issues. He doesn't raise their son, his mother does, because he is either 1) insane, 2) brain damaged from drug use, 3) currently using drugs, or 4) a combination of all of the above. These things made the entire process very difficult for me.

They tried to dictate who could be invited to the funeral, which I wasn't on board with. They threatened me by saying that they would have her body transferred to the funeral home of their choosing and they would let me know when and where to show up. They said I could not have any locks of her hair. They said they would not split up her ashes. They even dictated to me that she be cremated, because they somehow knew (having only known her for a few years, and not knowing her at all, really, for the few years prior to her death) that she wanted to be cremated and that she wanted her ashes spread over the ocean.

I won't ever be able to understand why someone would treat the mother of a dead child the way that they treated me, but I've just added them to the list of people I'll have to figure out how to forgive somehow, eventually.

Everyone showed up for us, and I was so grateful for the presence of every single one of them. People I hadn't seen or spoken to in years, such as my ex-husband's ex-boss's ex-wife, lol.

I placed a son for adoption when I was 19, and though I had met him in person once, he and my other kids had not met. He and my daughter had been talking a lot on social media, and he had planned to come visit and meet everyone in May, after he graduated college, but ended up coming in April for her funeral, instead. He never even got to hear her voice.

There is so much I want to use this blog for. I want to document my own journey through this grief. I want to talk about addiction and help destigmatize the way people view addicts. I want to offer resources and maybe even hope. And I want to remember my daughter.

Her name was Jade. She was 26 years old when she died. She was one of the funniest, coolest, most creative, beautiful people you could have ever known. Yes, the addiction was a part of her journey, her struggle, but she was more than that. And I intend to honor ALL of who she was, by speaking the truth.

The truth is that she died from the toxic effects of an accidental overdose of heroin and methamphetamine. But that's just one part of her story, and mine, and I need to tell them both, even if no one ever reads a single word I type. I need to tell these stories.

Since I started with her death, here is a photo recap of what there is to know so far:

#grief #overdose #addiction #loss #bereavement #grieving

[girlcalledwhatsername]

It's odd to see people genuinely upset that teens in shows (usually teen/ya shows from a decade or more ago) are being "problematic" or being mean and getting away with it or having toxic relationships. I mean, I was no raging bigot but even I was pretty toxic in my relationships to others as a teen, it's just that kinda time and also no one emerges from the womb with a perfect politics in place, most people learn through exposure and experiences how to become a better person. 14/15 year olds are kinda nasty, just because they either don't know better yet or haven't broken out of abusive/toxic patterns. Not to say that all teenagers are gonna be demons or anything but just to say that it's pretty par for the course for teenagers to be extremely flawed people who are confused and still learning what "healthy communication" means and how much of the ideas they have been taught are actually harmful and all that. Add to it just how much Emotional Turmoil is happening, teens genuinely do lash out, teens genuinely do engage in somewhat toxic behaviours with their peers or partners, that's a normal part of growing up, that doesn't make their concerns or their emotions less relevant and it still means that those teens need to become better people and grow out of such habits (that's what maturity is all about, not something people just naturally know, and of course some people are forced to mature faster than others in certain aspects) but my point is that it's kinda sorta really odd to see people wanting teenage to be so sanitised when it's genuinely a messy often shame-inducing part of our lives. I couldn't heal my inner child till I told her "babe that was kinda not a cool way to behave with your friend/partner despite them also being wrong, let's not do that again ok?" I quite like seeing flawed teenagers on screen because it reminds me of how far I have come and gives me hope for how much farther I can go

[howkennafall]

I Am Yours Forever

"The old is gone." *immersed in the water*

"The new has come." *emerged from the water*

Tears swelling in my eyes because of the overwhelming joy in my heart. "Lord, finally, finally, finally.." were only the words continually repeating in my mind.

I didn't realize my desire of recommitment to the Lord through baptism until last Oct 2017 - when I attended my first True Life Retreat as a participant. That time, I was in the process of moving on from a complicated relationship and was struggling with a past that's been constantly haunting me. Determined to get over the burdens, I tried to open up my past to my breakout group. I was hungry for healing and was seeking for people who will listen & understand me. When the last session about Baptism came, a part of me felt like I want to be baptized - yet, majority of me was very hesitant. I was kind of confused if it is the right thing to do (because I already got baptized when I was 9 yrs old) and thoughts like, what will my parents say if they find out, etc. In short, my heart was not ready to surrender then.

The beginning of 2018 was rough for me. It was only a few months after that True Life Retreat and after I joined a discipleship group (Nov 2017) when the enemy's attacks on me got worse and worse. My past started to haunt me almost everyday. Self-condemnation because of guilt and shame crept in. Depression was eating me slowly. Thoughts of ending my life even started to fill my mind. I started to doubt my salvation and was already questioning God's grace and sovereignty in my life. Yet at the same time, I was crying for help from Him. I did not know where to turn to. I was desperate. I have hid all these secrets from people, especially to my parents, for 15 years. I was raised in a Christian home, grew up in Sunday school, and became active in many church ministries from highschool to college. In the outside, people see a very godly person - very knowledgeable about the Bible and faithful in church. Little did people know that on the inside, I was hurting and struggling with secret sins. There even came a time that I was backsliding in heart but I continued singing in the choir, doing special numbers, and even leading a youth group. Maybe you were thinking, ang tigas ng mukha ko, and I'm a hypocrite, etc. Yes, you may call me names whatever you want but, my friend, it was the easiest and only way for me to show people that I'm okay eventhough I'm not. Then, last year was my breaking point. I made mistakes and committed sins even myself could never imagined to do. The self-righteous person in me shattered and I was hopeless.

April 2018, desperate for healing & restoration, I joined CCF's Glorious Hope program together with some friends. It was recommended to us by a 'Kuya' who previously joined it. Amazingly, the Lord used the program to reveal the deepest parts of my heart. I found out that I subconsciously created a coping mechanism towards pain through these years by suppressing and brushing it off. I also realized that I had a distorted image of God's mercy and grace. Through the years, I have created a mindset that I have to compensate first through performance (attending church, doing ministries) before God can forgive and accept me. So when I hit rock-bottom, it was very difficult for me to return to Him. After that 17-week program of praying and processing with the Lord, I finally surrendered everything to Christ. To be honest, it wasn't easy. Those bondages and walls I created through the years were already inculcated in my mind and those bad habits of pride and self-centeredness were already in my system. But TOTAL SURRENDER was all I needed. It was a major encounter with the Lord. Months passed, I experienced God's presence like never before. Through my discipler, dgroup, CCF friends, and B1G Fridays, I grew closer to Christ. March 2019, He allowed me to start discipling and even created opportunities for me to share and encourage ladies who went through the same struggles.

Then, came this B1G True Life Retreat this June when God impressed me to volunteer as a Facilitator. It was my desire to personally witness lives being transformed by Jesus. And that, Lord-willing, He will expand my borders and allow more ladies I can disciple through this retreat. However, I never expected that God will speak to me again about Baptism. Yes, I got baptized already in the church I grew up in when I was 9 years old. But through the years of battling with my past and sins without total surrender, I realized that I never really understood and completely applied my commitment to follow the Lord in my life that time. I guess I only accepted Christ as my Saviour back then but He was never fully the Lord & Master of my life until last year. People maybe asking, why did I still decide to get baptized again? To make things clear, it's ideal that you should be baptized only once. The moment you get to FULLY surrender everything to the Lord - only once is enough. In my case, my baptism last June 16, 2019 was my recommitment to Jesus (above photo). Yes, I already recommitted myself to Him last year but my heart's desire is to make it a public declaration - which I can only do through baptism. This way, I am now more accountable to the authorities who baptized and prayed for me and to the people who witnessed my commitment.

Side note: For those of you who have questions about Baptism, feel free to send me a DM. For now, here are some of my notes about Baptism which was discussed during the retreat.

I know my journey doesn't end here. I know that the battle will get more difficult. The enemy's attacks will be greater. I might still fall and make mistakes. But I AM NOT ALONE. I have Jesus beside me and goes before me (Joshua 1:9). He will pick me up when I fall (Isaiah 41:13). I now know (not only head-knowledge but (Gr.) ginosko which means experiential knowledge) that I can return to His loving arms without condemnation (Romans 8:1; Psalm 51:17). Only until I surrendered everything to Him, that I FULLY experienced His grace and His love became more real to me.

I love You, Lord - because You first loved me.

I AM YOURS FOREVER, JESUS. :)

[the-origin-story]

Origin Story Text Posts and Onion Headlines Part 9

Kira: one of these days i'm going to roll my eyes too hard and i'm going to go blind, i just walked into this room at a party and someone yelled "dibs!", I'm sorry you must be at least a level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory, I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting., how ones one turn their emotions off, idc (I do care), This Shit Again, i hope common sense is the next cool trend, no offense but i hate myself and i hope i die in my sleep, i need a tall boyfriend so he can get things for me off of tall places. i changed my mind boys are demons ill get a ladder, "your eyes hella red u been smokin??" no I been crying bitch leave me alone, why do ppl think its ok to waste my time, who let me adult I can't adult, japanese legend says that if you shut the fuck up you wouldn't be so annoying, "yall need to chill" says me, who isn't chill not even a little bit., here i am, cuter and more kissable than ever, and how many kisses am i receiving? zero, why doesn't anyone appreciate my sarcasm and bitterness as much as i do, what the hap is fuckening, current mood: angrily bisexual., buying clothes that aren't black is hard, are those feelings get them away from me, girlfriend: why don't you take off that battle armor and slip into something a bit more.....comfortable me: i am most comfortable when i am impervious to most forms of physical attack, "I need to you to totally straight with me-" *nervous bisexual laughter*, i can't stop laughing at the fact that i used to think that i was straight me a heterosexual, ever wonder how different your life would be if that one thing never happened, Youve heard of Best Buy, now get ready for... me (the best bi), ATTENTION! The rumors are true! i AM beautiful AND hilarious at the SAME TIME. yes it is a lot to take in take ur time my beauty is timeless, Fact: Bisexuals are open to everything. Coffee dates, crowded parties, underground robot fighting rings, secret witch covens. We're open minded., bi people are are wonderful and magical and their identity is so so valid pass it on, Your Safety Is Our Second Concern, anyway sorry I sound really gay and bitter, list of things i'm handling well currently 1., my life's resume: i tried, anyway *goes to push my glasses up my nose by the bridge and accidentally gets fingerprint on lens* fuck okay hold on, do you ever just look at someone and think "I'm glad your parents had sex", If I had a dollar every time someone called me ugly I'd have 0 dollars bitch you thought lmao, I may be short but you're still beneath me

Jean: me 300 times a day: im so done, that person you just called a nerd? they are a giant nerd. you made a good call on that one., "if u like someone just tell them!" yeah sure goodbye, why does life feel like i'm playing on expert difficulty, the robot apocalypse will be caused by people talking about the robot apocalypse so much that the robots will think that's what we want and they're just trying their best, i want to give him (Becket) things like blowjobs and self esteem, I am awake but at what price, me: *discussing w/ myself in my head* me: my thoughts exactly, I'm like four days past my bedtime, no offense but some of us *looks pointedly at self in mirror* need to fucking chill, reasons to date me: 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: please lol, "its dark im scared" don't worry bae i got this *stomps foot* *sketchers light up*, me: *talks for 30 minutes straight on a subject no one cares about just because i love sharing information*, me:*lies down* things:*continue to happen* me: lieS DOWN HARDER*, friend: you look stressed me: haha yeah it's the stress, it's raining but it's not men so what's the point

Cypress: is it gay in here or is it just me?, im the seductive malicious forest spirit your parents warned you about, me: hangs out w/ little kids and tries to reach them self love and feminist ideas, I am a dream girl I already know, i'm a good person i don't deserve to be mistaken for a heterosexual, *me flirting* hey wanna suffer together, "sit up straight" how dare you i'll sit as gay as i please, Area Women Not Listened To Again, "women are weaklings!" i'm strong enough to carry your corpse to the woods, I'm in love with this girl. She's gorgeous, smart, talented, funny as hell, and totally badass. That girl is me. boy: says something sexual or flirtatious me: right...anyway, "you can't wear that!!!! people will get the wrong impression!!!" the impression that i am a hot babe with an ass that just won't quit??" honey that ain't wrong that's just a fact

Becket: am i a complex carbohydrate because i am slowly breaking down, I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on, no offense but what the fuck am I doing, eyebrow game strong?, more like eyeBAG game strong. i'm fucking exhausted. haha lol, au where i'm not crying, i expect the minimum and am still disappointed, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE who are simultaneously GIANT DORKS are my ULTIMATE WEAKNESS, me: knows exactly what i have to say me: stutters and fucks up a 5 word sentence, me, a sensitive and very emotional person who cries easily and can't take any criticism: i wanna fight someone

Liam: im fluent in talking shit, is it morally okay to pray that your crush's relationship doesn't work out, I walk this broken road on the boulevard of broken roads Don't know where it broke but it's only me and I broke the road, can you not date people that are not me? it's rude., i think i stole all of the wrong personality traits when when making my identity because no one fucking likes me??, hot people who know they're hot are the worst and can't be trusted, I thought you were in love? just with myself, *avoids even people i love w all heart*, I may look calm but in my head I've killed you three times, Child Development Experts Say Boys Not Fully Mature Until Avenging Father's Murder, i bet you thought you'd seen the last of me, i try not to sound like an asshole but it's really hard because i am an asshole, why are 15 year olds so angry

Bean: wanna make a secret handshake it involves us touching our mouths together for three hours, don't look at me i'll fall in love with u, Do you ever look at a person and get the urge to just drop everything and yell I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU, here's a little song i like to call "i cherish our friendship so i won't tell you i would totally have sex with you if you asked"

Cyra: IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD I'M GOING TO GRAB YOUR FACE AND kiss it because you're cute , do you ever just want to hold someone in your arms for about 37 years, QUICK. PUT YOUR LIPS ON MINE IT'S AN EMERGENCY, @god thanks for making girls so pretty, they're just really cute and in love, my kink is a happy n fulfilling relationship, my seduction style is is genuinely caring about your life & wanting you to improve & be happy, otp: smol and tol, you can't be hot and just expect me to act normal

Jean and Kira: I'm Always Open To Feedback I Can Get Defensive About And Ultimately Ignore

The Squad: Group Of Good-Looking People All Headed Toward Same Place

[junker-town]

David Ortiz doesn't miss baseball because he's having too much fun

An afternoon with the retired slugger, who still gives fans exactly what they want.

MANHATTAN — The chandeliers that hang from the ceiling in the Gansevoort Hotel on Park Avenue match David Ortiz’s shirt. Both are very purple, but the color looks better on the retired slugger than it does in the gaudy lobby. Prince might as well have started designing this room and then given up halfway through the process.

It’s 4:45 p.m. on Tuesday, and Ortiz has just emerged from the elevator after a day spent in one of the hotel’s soulless conference rooms answering reporters’ questions about his new book, Papi: My Story. He looks exhausted. At least that’s the vibe I get from his slumping shoulders; I can’t see his eyes because he has orange mirrored sunglasses on.

An entourage of suits surrounds Ortiz as he makes his way through the lobby and out the revolving doors, speaking rapid-fire Spanish into his phone. Fans are waiting for him outside, holding out baseballs and pens, yelling his name. His handlers guide him past outstretched arms and into a black SUV that’s waiting on the corner.

There’s some confusion as Ortiz’s whole team attempts to get into the car at the same time. When everyone is finally situated, Ortiz seems surprised to find me squished between him and a publicist. I wonder if anyone told him I’d be riding along with him to the Barnes & Noble in TriBeCa where he’s about to sign books for two hours.

Either they didn’t or he forgot, because he doesn’t seem thrilled to have to talk to one more person during what he probably thought was going to be 30-minute respite from his media tour. But here we are. He fields the first few questions I ask him about his first year of retirement with short, polite answers.

Then I tell him I’m from Boston.

“Oh, is that right?” His face lights up. At least he smiles big; I can’t see his eyes behind his glasses.

Yes, I tell him, and explain that we’ve met before. During the Red Sox’s AL Championship run in 2004, I was a student at a high school down the street from Fenway Park. I skipped soccer one afternoon in October to go down to Yawkey Way with a few friends. We spotted players coming out a back entrance, and I shouted Ortiz’s name through the chain-link fence. He came over, and I realized that while I’d brought a marker, I hadn’t brought anything for him to sign. In a moment of panic I took off my flip flop, shoved it under the fence, and asked him for his signature. He wrote his name on my shoe, and I walked back through Boston barefoot.

Ortiz cracks up.

“That’s probably the weirdest thing I’ve ever signed,” he says. “Though I’ve signed some weird stuff. One time this lady got me signing her leg because she said she was going to get a tattoo. And she did! She tattooed my autograph on her leg! She came back to me the following season and she was like, ‘Look.’”

It’s almost surprising to me that more people in Boston don’t have Ortiz’s signature on their legs. For Red Sox fans, Ortiz is frozen in time as the guy who helped break the Curse of the Bambino and then stuck around long enough to win two more World Series. He earned god status in New England.

Now, Ortiz spends most of his time filming commercials, promoting his book, teaching his 15-year-old daughter how to drive, planning a move to Miami so his kids can play baseball outside year round, and turning down party invites from his good friend Lil Wayne (retirement is busy).

Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images

Which brings me to the bad news, Sox fans: While you probably miss him at Fenway, he doesn’t really miss being there.

“My teammates and I go a long way back,” he says as we pull onto FDR Drive. “That’s one thing that I miss. That’s the only thing I miss about the game, hanging out with the boys. I played the game for so long that I basically am OK with not playing now.”

Ortiz’s laughs often; it starts with a booming “What?!” or one big “Ha!” and then fades into a low chuckle with a long tail, like a half-life of funniness. He completely cracks up telling me about his recent trip to the Kentucky Derby, where he had the first 11 a.m.-drink of his life (seriously, he swears). Apparently there’s this room near Millionaires Row that’s filled with bottles of fancy bourbon that blew his mind.

“The entry of the secret room is behind this one picture that’s right next to a giant door,” he says. “This lady did something tricky and the door just opened. Boom! I’m like, I need one of those in my house. They tell you before you go in that it’s all-you-can-drink in like five minutes. Everything is perfect in there. They let me stay a little longer because the lady was a fan.”

That’s the only thing I miss about the game, hanging out with the boys. I played the game for so long that I basically am okay with not playing now.

“Wait, they just put famous people in there and try to get you really drunk?” I ask.

“Yeah, famous people just go in!” He’s laughing again. “There’s no way you can go crazy drinking bourbon, though. Because a couple of them can get you tipsy. But I heard a story while I was there about Sylvester Stallone. He loved the room so much he didn’t wanna leave.”

“Is Sylvester Stallone still in the secret room?” I ask. “Did they just leave him there at the Kentucky Derby?”

Ortiz laughs harder.

“They had to kick him out with security and everything,” he says. “I was like, ‘No way!’”

Once Ortiz gets going, he doesn’t stop talking — he tells me not to give up on my dreams, that he can’t swim, that he and Daddy Yankee are close, and that it’s good I drink Dunkin’ Donuts (even though I think it’s kind of gross) because I “have to represent my city.” He tells me he’s glad he wrote the book so that he could address questions people ask him all the time — including what playing for Bobby Valentine was like for that disastrous year. He tells me that he doesn’t wear his World Series rings. In fact, he’s not totally sure where they are. He’s pretty sure they’re in a safe.

Do I know that World Series rings are smaller than Super Bowl rings? I don’t, so Ortiz tries to show me by gesturing to his huge, diamond-encrusted watch — which matches his massive diamond earring — to indicate the size of a football players’ rock. He adds that “his boy Brady” (Tom, that is) doesn’t wear his championship rings, either.

Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports

David Ortiz at the Celtics’ Eastern conference finals Game 1 against the Cavaliers.

Speaking of his boys, Ortiz talked to another one, Isaiah (Thomas, that is), before the Celtics won Game 7 against the Wizards.

“Isaiah told me this,” Ortiz says. “He says, ‘Papi, I promise you we’re gonna with this. You can put it down: I promise you we gonna win it.”

“It’s hard being a Boston sports fan,” I say sarcastically.

“We know that Boston is a big city of sports,” Ortiz says. “Sports mean a lot to people over there. Boston always pulls the best out of you. That’s how I feel about Boston.”

But Boston doesn’t always give the best back. Fans at Fenway recently called Orioles outfielder Adam Jones the N-word and threw peanuts at him on the field. Ortiz stops laughing and shakes his head when I bring this up.

“Adam, that’s my boy, man,” he says. “Adam is a very, super nice guy. He’s very emotional, and you get a couple knuckleheads out there trying to be smart-asses, saying things they shouldn’t, and it’s frustrating.”

Ortiz says he never experienced racism when he played in Boston. Maybe that’s because he was Our Guy, a local hero. But he insists that “Boston ain’t like that,” and that most people there are “nice and humble.” He also knows, however, that these experiences other players have are very real and very upsetting.

“Now, you know, I had a couple players saying that’s how they feel when they come to Boston,” he says. “You know they have their reason to say it. I don’t see that in Boston — I never experienced anything like it, but on the other hand, planet Earth is jam-packed with stupid people.”

We’re pulling up to the bookstore now, where a line of people wearing No. 34 jerseys stretches down the block and around the corner from the entrance. Ortiz grins; he might be used to it, but this never gets old. We drive around to a loading dock entrance in an attempt to sneak the star in undetected, but one wily little kid somehow manages to sneak in behind the SUV.

Ortiz’s people start to shoo the boy away, but Ortiz tells him to come over. He takes a selfie with him.

Charlotte Wilder

One of the guys running the event is almost half Ortiz’s height. They look somewhat similar, so Ortiz starts calling him “Little Papi.” Little Papi and the rest of the entourage follows Big Papi as he swaggers through the underbelly of this New York City mall as though he were walking up to the plate to hit a grand slam.

We reach the door of the Barnes & Noble. Ortiz takes a deep breath, says he hopes his hand doesn’t cramp up, and enters the room to screams and applause.

Each fan approaches the signing table with a different story. Some thank him for their childhoods. One tells him he’s the reason her son got back into baseball after being diagnosed with type I diabetes, another tells him he inspired her in her fight against cancer. Some ask him to say hi to their parents on the phone. Some cry. At least three fans’ hands are shaking so badly as they try to snap selfies with him that they have to ask the person in line behind them to take the picture.

Many of them say things like, “Thank you for everything you did for Boston.” One guy comes up to the table and tells Ortiz he clerked for the judge who presided over the trial of the Boston Marathon bomber.

“Thank you for speaking for us,” the man says. Ortiz smiles and shakes his hand and tells him of course. An hour before in the car, Ortiz told me that he didn’t realize what he’d said — “This is our fucking city!” — until the clip went viral afterwards.

“I was like oh, ah, did I, ah, really say that?” He laughs again. “But I was angry, man. I can’t tell you right now, I was so mad.”

I watch Ortiz sign books for an hour and 45 minutes. Not once does he show signs of flagging. He’s still wearing his orange shades, but he’s so effervescent that it doesn’t ever seem strange: it’s just what he does. He’s especially happy to talk to little kids and people who come up to him speaking Spanish — “my man!” He spends extra time with a little girl in a wheelchair, with the cancer survivor, with a young man wearing a Dominican Republic World Baseball Classic shirt.

But he never gives less than all of his attention to anyone in line. He seems to understand that what might be one handshake in a million to him is the greatest grasp of someone else’s life. That a flip flop he forgot he signed 12 years ago becomes a prized possession. That even in retirement, he represents all of baseball and all of Boston to the people who love him.

Aside from playing baseball, this — being something bigger than himself, the beating heart inside the memory of a spectacular era — seems to be what Ortiz was born to do.

With a half hour left, one of the Barnes & Noble employees comes over to him.

“Do you want to stand up and stretch?" she asks. Ortiz looks at the line of people in front of him, each one clutching the picture of his face that graces the cover of Papi.

“No,” he says, reaching for the next book and readying his pen. “I’m good.”