#I spent 16 years of my life thinking I imagined it thank fucking god it's real

[weltonlasso]

Someone needs to shake Ted and remind him that when oxygen masks come down on planes you put your own mask on before you put it on your kid.

I just can't imagine this ending well for him...

ABSOFUCKINLUTELY they do. Had about 5 old women comment on a Tweet I made about this to tell me that I was not supposed to understand the overall story of Ted Lasso. that it was “obvious I don’t have children” and couldn’t possibly get what is so beautiful about Ted choosing Henry.

(k. Thanks Pam, I’m so glad all the Facebook moms with the awesome insights got the Ted Lasso ending they wanted!!!!!!)

I have been telling myself—like legit people are saying 10/10 perfect finale, no notes, which is truly insane to me but also here’s the goddamn thing.

I am a child of divorce. My my dad cheated on my mom constantly when I was young. When I was 16 I got a birthday card from an address I didn’t recognize. I opened it, thinking probably an old aunt or something. It was signed “with love, your sister xxx and not mom xxx”

and that’s how I found out from one of his mistresses ON MY BIRTHDAY that I had another sibling. I just sat there in the driveway of my house while I tried to reorient myself to this new world I found myself in. AT SIXTEEN.

My youngest sister (by my mom) was 6 at this time. And my mom made her choice to stay with my dad out of obligation to their children. She didn’t want my younger sisters to grow up in a different home than the one we lived in. She wanted to raise all of her kids there no matter what.

He left us a year later.

Cut to the next 10 years of my life 17-27 trying to be my moms partner, confidant, punching bag—she took all of her anger for him and directed it at me because I was still there.

My life will never be the same because of actions and choice that my dad made that specifically caused me and my family pain. I have spent years in therapy and will probably never ever have a relationship with him again. Obviously.

But it also really sucked having a single parent who relied on me for EVERYTHING. It is only now many year later, in therapy, that I can recognize the psychological effects and the physical toll it took on me to play that role. And I had no other choice because I was a child and this was what my mom needed from me. I did not have the skills to recognize that pulling me into the role of adult and spouse and caretaker to my parent would fundamentally change they way I saw myself and how I interpreted things around me. I wish to god my mom had not put that on me. It’s hard enough finding yourself as a child, it doesn’t help to have the extra burden of being “caretaker” to a parent when you’re still learning who you are. When your feelings are never validated because you’re always making sure your parent is happy and supported. YOU FEEL VERY ISOLATED. It’s a fucking burden to have to do this for a parent!!!!!!!!!!!!! And be strong for them when there isn’t anyone to be strong for you!!!!!!!!

Phewww felt compelled and somehow that all came out and now y’all finally know my big connection to the show!!! Father trauma at age 16!!! It’s fun here!!!!! Let’s NOT do that to Henry, how about?

Cause Ted definitely would have had enough therapy by now to be aware enough of the pressure he’d be putting on his young son by acting this way. and it frustrates the shit out of me that the show can use this misguided interpretation of “therapy” to say LOOK AT OUR SHOW ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH and then literally drop the ball on the storyline, like legit. Just. stopped. caring.

Instead the show really said: like ya actually instead of all that baggage, let’s cut that for time. From now on Ted is just a mystical woman who floats in and out of the lives of the people who need her.

WHO NEEDS THERAPY WHEN U CAN FLY.

[rubythecrimsonwriter]

I posted 3,545 times in 2022

That's 1,053 more posts than 2021!

354 posts created (10%)

3,191 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@thatpunnyperson

@sincerelylittleone

@whobee7

@floralflowerpower

@thelockenessmonster

I tagged 1,176 of my posts in 2022

#personal - 155 posts

#laugh rule - 104 posts

#pjo - 27 posts

#ruby's moving woes - 26 posts

#batman - 17 posts

#danny phantom - 16 posts

#flipping legacies - 16 posts

#'swearing' - 14 posts

#storytime - 12 posts

#jason todd - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#you know in the very beginning of the pandemic there were people going around with pool noodles attached to their heads to enforce the six f

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

So I now live in a place where putting cream on my skin is not only normal but expected, because fuck desert climates, but sometimes i cannot STAND the texture. My skin is now telling me ''im itchy i need cream'' but i also know that as soon as I touch cream my entire skin entity will crawl right off my frame and escape into the night.

Thank you, texture issues. You make life interesting, if nothing else.

94 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

#4

We all know that Batman used to laugh during Jason's era as Robin, but I think that at least the first month or so that laughter was mostly a, "what the fuck is up with this kid" kind of laughter. Like Jason is so astonishingly different from Dick as Robin (Dick: *wants to kill someone so bad he's got a severe case of Stupid and Bruce just wants him to Sit and Stay* Jason: "Robin gives me magic!!!" 🤩) that Bruce just has like No coping mechanisms for Jason lmao. The first three weeks is Bruce just going, "what the fuck? Dick didn't do that. what do you mean I'm not going to have to nag him about homework. Oh my god this teenager thinks that--yuuuup, those are rocket propelled rollerskates. Oh look, the inevitable crash." I'd be wtf laughing too if i went from 2008 MCR emo child to ray of sunshine, introduced by way of incredible ballsiness followed immediately by half assed violence and stray-cat-esque coaxing from Bruce. I'd think I was in a fever dream ngl.

143 notes - Posted May 28, 2022

#3

Rewatching Phineas and Ferb has honestly just highlighted how much of a good guy Jeremy is. He adores Candace no matter how weird he clearly thinks she is, thinks her brothers are cool even while she's desperately trying to bust them, and, whenever she has spent the entire episode trying to be there with Jeremy until she can't STAND it any longer and goes haring off after the boys, he's just chilling in the dust and saying, "that's my girl."

172 notes - Posted March 13, 2022

#2

Phineas and Ferb astounds me with how funny it continues to be. We've estblished Linda Flynn-Fletcher as the old pop star Lindonna, and then she likes to play jazz with two other women in the neighborhood. Imagine if Nina Sky (one hit wonder of the 2000s: Move Ya Body) had a quiet jazz trio in the middle of the suburbs of this city and dropped an album and you're just like, ah, yes, soothing jazz by Nina Sky.

And track three is a hard rock song with the lead male singer ranting to Nina about how evil their siblings are and all the rest of the tracks are back to soothing jazz. You flip over the CD case to read the back.

3. E. V. I. L. B. O. Y. S. Sung by Nina Sky's daughter. Music by Nina Sky's jazz trio.

I think that I'd be simultaneously laughing myself sick and also extremely confused.

323 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I think people need to tell more kids that they're proud of them for graduating high school. I'm absolutely dead serious, especially now. I can see the graduating high schoolers surrounding me right now are burned out and traumatized and depressed, and they've undoubtedly had a much, much harder time in high school than I ever had, and I had some pretty shitty high school experiences.

I graduated high school with no more acknowledgement than the standard "congrats on surviving another year of school!" And immediately followed by "have you finished all your scholarship applications?" That was fine for me. I knew i wanted to go to college, I was set and ready for it, eager to get out of high school into more challenging courses.

But if I just finished high school after two years of fighting through online courses and no one acknowledged the battles I went through? If I was as burnt out and traumatized as these kids are right now? I'd have never have gone to college.

So for everyone graduating high school, even if you barely scraped by passing: I see you. I'm proud of you. You did such a good job. I wish you success in what you try to do, fortune enough to keep you safe and happy, and health always.

46,794 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[freakova]

When I was 11, I went to a bowling alley with my school and there was a TV playing music videos. I was waiting for my turn and they started to play this song with an animated video and suddenly there was a downright se/x scene. A random running man having downright intercourse with a random naked woman in the middle of a forest while being tied up by trees.

I of coarse freak out and tell one of the other kids because I'm 11 and too innocent but they didn't believe me.

Anyway. This morning. I found it. I found the fucking song. It was "Let love be your energy" by Robbie Williams and yes, there was indeed a tree-tentacle-naked-forest-fucking scene. I can finally die in peace knowing I didn't imagine it.

[boldlyvoid]

don't let me go (cause i'm tired of sleeping alone)

Summary: Reader comes home for her moms funeral and ends up falling for her dad's co-worker

Warnings: Reader was adopted by Aaron and Haley), season 5 spencer knee injury, mentions of Hotch's stabbing, past abuse, absent parents, alcohol abuse, Haley's death, Angst with a happy ending. Implied smut but not graphic (16+), strangers to lovers, hurt/comfort, (I think that's it?)

a/n: there is room for a part 2 if anyone is interested, let me know!

word count: 6.4K

He didn’t even have the courage to call her about her mother’s passing. A woman named Jennifer did, saying that her dad, or Hotch as she called him, was under investigation so he couldn’t reach out himself, but she knew he just didn’t want to.

She’s never been to his work before, ignoring him for the past 6 years and wishing she’d never have to come here. But as she walks in past the glass doors she realizes she has no idea how to find him.

Fuck. Now she has to ask someone for help. There are approximately 30 people walking around with their heads buried in files and phones and only 1 face she recognizes. Her old babysitter, Ambassador Prentiss’s daughter, she hasn’t seen her in 12 years, but she looks almost the same.

“Emily?” She cuts into the group conversation, “sorry, I’m not sure if you remember me…”

“Y/N!” She cheers and wraps her up in a hug. “I haven’t seen you since you were what? 8-years-old?”

“I was in grade 3, so yeah,” she holds her back. “How are you? I didn’t know you worked here now?”

“Oh yeah, I’ve been here for 3 years now,” she smiles and then it all fades. “What are you— oh god I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she fakes a smile and realizes all her co-workers are staring and wondering just who she is.

“Guys,” Emily turns to the rest of the group, “this is Y/N, she’s Aaron and Haley’s oldest child.”

“What?” Spencer turns from his desk, cutting into the conversation, “Jack has a sister?”

“That would be me,” she turns to him with a smile, “and I take it you’re Doctor Reid? The reserved, handsome genius?”

He blushes and nods, “two of the three are right, yes.”

“Not so reserved anymore I see,” she teases.

He’s cuter than her dad described, saying he was ‘nerdy but in a good way,’ all those years ago when they used to catch up on the phone.

“Derek,” the next man introduces himself. “I’ve seen your photos in his office, I thought you were Haley’s other sister?”

“Funny,” she lets him flatter her. “I feel like I am sometimes, I spent more of my life with Jess than I did with my parents.”

“How old were they when they had you?” Spencer asks, a clever way of figuring out how old she is.

“They adopted me when my mom was 24? I think, but I remember being like 4ish when I met them for the first time. ”

She turned her attention back to the rest of them with a small smile on her face, and the blonde woman introduced herself next to fill the silence.

“Jennifer,” JJ sticks her hand out. “Your dad calls me JJ, you can too. I’m here if you need anything, a place to stay or a shoulder to cry on? I have a little boy, I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now.”

“Thank you,” she holds JJ’s hand with both of hers, “you’re all so sweet, but have you seen my dad?”

“Up those stairs, in that office,” Emily points. “Good luck, he’s preparing for the hearing about what happened, he’s not in a good mood.”

“Is he ever?” She teases, heading up the stairs and disappearing into his office.

—

“What is it with Hotch and having attractive relatives?” Derek asks, “first Sean, now Y/N? What’s next, is his mom a milf?”

That's when his office door closes and the yelling starts, leaving them all to look up at the windows to Hotch’s office and stare as he gets berated by his own daughter.

“Holy shit?” Spencer whispers, and then turns to Morgan, “dibs, please don’t hit on her, can I please try and get her to go out with me?”

“Well, first of all, she’s like 20? So that’s a no from me and now she’s screaming at Hotch… do you really want a date with her?” Morgan laughs but Spencer looks serious as he nods with puppy dog eyes, “go for it, pretty boy.”

“Yes,” he whispers to himself, collecting his things before standing with his cane and walking towards the doors.

“Where are you going?” Emily asks.

“To take the elevator down with her when she storms out,” he smiles, “I know what I’m doing.”

So he waits, leaning against the brick wall between elevators, watching the door for when she’ll inevitably storm out and wish to leave faster than she arrived. She does, flustered and angry, tossing her scarf over her shoulder and huffing as she stopped to wait for an elevator. She looked desperate for an escape, and maybe a shoulder to cry on.

“Are you okay?” He asks, smiling slightly and turning on the charm.

She nods, “I’m so sorry you have to work with that asshole every day of your fucking life. God, how do you do it?”

He shrugs, “he’s surprisingly nice to me.”

“Yeah well you don’t remind him of his ex-wife,” she shakes her head with anger. “I’m so angry I don’t know how to deal with it?”

“Do you have somewhere to stay in town?” He asks, “because if not, we could hang out? I know a nice cafe that serves the most delicious soups and sandwiches and it’ll calm you down…”

She smiles, “you know my mom died 3 days ago, right? And you’re currently hitting on a grieving woman?”

He presses his lips together and scrunches his nose, “can you blame me?”

She teasingly shrugs again, knowing she’s beautiful and then she looks him up and down, “my mom told me about you, she always said you were more dorky than cute…”

He laughs, “she wasn’t wrong. I haven’t seen her in a long time, I was in the hospital the same day Hotch was stabbed, so I never got to say goodbye to Jack before they went into hiding.”

“I haven’t seen my mom in about 2 years? I was busy then she was hiding and now she’s dead,” she presses her lips together. “I can’t fucking believe he did this to us again.”

“Again?” He questions.

“Pulled us all apart,” she says, “let’s get out of here if I’m going to tell you why I hate my dad.”

He hits the elevator button and extends an arm when it opens, “after you.”

The doors close and she looks right at his cane, “what did you do?”

“Pushed a guy out of the way and got shot in the leg,” he explains. “I had 2 surgeries and just got off the crutches.”

“On the day my dad was stabbed?”

He nods, “Emily was with him but we were on a case with a local doctor whose life was being threatened.”

“Never a dull moment,” she rolls her eyes, “sorry, but it’s still just all so ridiculous to me. Did you know I got emancipated from my parents at 16?”

“I didn’t even know he had a daughter, and I’ve been working with him for 6 years,” Spencer clears it up. “He’s never mentioned your name before but I never knew how he knew you, I barely knew he had a wife until she was pregnant with Jack and he was telling Gideon.”

She scoffs, “Yeah, well I was in a private school from 10 to 16, and then I graduated early and I changed my name to my mom's and pretended to be Jessica’s daughter for a while. It came in handy for this, but… god, I can’t believe she’s actually dead?”

“If you saw what your dad did to the man who killed her…”

“He killed him?” She turns to him with fear in her eyes. “Did my dad actually kill the guy himself?”

He nods, “he beat him to death with his bare hands…”

“Holy shit,” she whispers. “Really?”

He nods again, “and I heard the whole phone call right before she was murdered, I know exactly what they said to each other and how she forgave him. She didn’t die mad at him…”

“Did she mention me?” She cries, “did she know I love her?”

He nods, “Hotch told her ‘Y/N loves you too, never forget that.’ I was thinking that was another sister or relative I didn’t know… but she loved you as well. She wouldn’t want you to worry about if she knew or not, she was your mother, she always knew.”

“What did she say last?”

“She asked him to tell Jack all about love, how they met and how important it is, and he promised,” he whispers. “She was only thinking about love when she died.”

She nods, wiping her tears off her face, “how did you go from hitting on me to making me cry like a therapist in 5 minutes?”

She laughs, “I’m sorry, everyone says I’m easy to talk to, like a therapist, because I know all the answers and reasons for trauma responses. When really it’s because I know what you need to hear.”

“Do you take hugs as payment?” She teases, looking hopefully at him.

He nods, opening his arms and allowing her to hold him quickly. “Did you want to actually go somewhere or are we just standing in the elevator hugging now?”

“Enjoy it for a sec, Spencer,” she holds him tighter. “But yes, I’d like to go on that soup date with you.”

“Okay,” he whispers.

Smiling cause it worked for once.

—

There’s a ringing coming from beside her head, it’s her cellphone and she knows it. But as she opens her eyes she’s in a room she doesn’t recognize and it takes a second for her to remember how she got her.

They had soup and a conversation and then she drove him home. She brought her suitcases up to his apartment to make sure no one stole them while her car was parked on the side of the road. And Spencer said she could take his bed, but she didn’t want to take it when his knee wasn’t 100% yet.

So they settled for sharing, and sharing turned into kissing and kissing eventually turned into her riding him and breathy moans and the best orgasm she’s ever had in her life.

So now, she’s still laying in bed beside Spencer when she answers the phone, “hello?” She whispers.

“Where are you staying?”

“Oh, good morning to you too, dad,” she says overly sarcastically for this early in the morning. “It’s so nice to hear your voice this early in the morning…”

“I’m sorry, how are you?”

“I’m okay, I’m staying with a friend,” she smiles, looking at Spencer’s still sleeping face as his nose twitches and his chest raises. “Did you want to meet somewhere for breakfast with Jack?”

“I was surprised you didn’t want to come to see him last night?” He corrects her.

Cause of course he didn’t want to spend time with her, he just needed someone to watch Jack.

“I have a life, I’m busy,” she says. “I’m only here for the funeral.”

“I know,” he sighs, “Jack and I want to meet you somewhere for breakfast if you’d like to join us? Jess and your grandpa are coming too.”

“Okay,” she replies, “how is Jack doing?”

“He doesn’t really understand, but he’ll be okay,” her dad sounds absolutely broken and it makes her heart hurt fr him. Even if she’s still pissed off at him.

“Text me the address and I’ll be there,” she says, “bye dad.”

“love you Y/N,” he replies just before she hangs up.

Spencer groans then, rolling over and wrapping an arm around her, “can I come?”

His morning voice is cute, but not cute enough to convince her to bring him around her dad after what happened. “No, he’d probably scream at you if he found out you fucked his grieving daughter.”

“True,” he laughs, kissing her shoulder. “Do you want my extra key while you’re here? You can keep staying here even if I get called out for a case.”

“Thank you,” she rolls to face him and cuddle into him more, “I’ve gotta go soon…”

“But?” He kisses her neck again, and again, making her moan at the contact.

“No buts, you gotta let me go,” she doesn’t really try to get out of his grasp as he kisses lower and spread across her chest.

“Spencer…” his name rolls off her tongue so easily, “come on… I’ll bring you some breakfast to work, I can’t do anything before going to see my brother.”

“I know,” he says, “I just wanted you to remember how much you’re appreciated, in case he makes you forget.”

“Oh, you are good,” she grabs his hair and pulls his head back so he can look at her, “you weren’t kidding, you know all the things I need to hear?”

“I hate my dad too…” he whispers.

She leans in and presses a kiss to his lips once again, “thank you,” she whispers against his lips. “I’ll see you later?”

He nods as he lets her go, “of course roomie.”

It makes her laugh, he’s really good at making her laugh. He’s cute and nice and kind… he’s everything she’s wanted but he has the same fucking job as her dad. She gathers her things and rushes into his bathroom to make herself look presentable for the day and convince herself that this thing she’s got going on with Spencer is just so she doesn’t have to pay for a hotel… when really she’s falling hard.

When she comes out, all dressed and pretty, Spencer’s buttoning up a purple dress shirt and tucking it into his dress pants. He has a tie and a vest laid on his freshly made bed and she can smell coffee being made in the kitchen. He’s a full-grown man, capable of caring for himself and he’s so fucking cute… he’s the whole package and then some.

“Do you have that key?” She announces her presence, he looks up at her with a smile.

“I put it beside your purse, on the counter,” he replies. “You look beautiful.”

“You’re not too bad yourself, Doctor,” she teases, walking over to give him one last kiss before heading out of the room. But he pulls her in for more.

One goodbye kiss becomes two and then three, and she’s melting into his grasp and making out with him when she has to be leaving. His hands on her hips and her hands his hair, it’s a perfect sendoff, if he ever lets her go that is.

She finally pulls away with a satisfied smile on her face, “you’ve gotta let me go, Spencer.”

“Unfortunately,” he replies, letting go of her and waiting for her to back up but she doesn’t.

“You know I’m only here for the week, right?” She asks as he hands soothe over his dress shirt and she avoids his eye contact. “I’m going back to Massachusetts, I still have to finish law school and then I’m probably not coming back to Virginia. I don’t want to break your heart for a week of fun.”

“I’m used to people leaving,” he whispers. “It’s fine.”

“No,” she shakes her head. “It’s not, you’re wonderful, you deserve someone who will stay.”

He just shrugs, “we don’t always get what we want.”

She sighs because she knows he won't believe her, not unless she’s the one to stay and make him. “I’ll be back.”

“Okay,” he leans in for one last kiss and then he actually lets her go.

—

Hotch takes the rest of the morning off after the hearing, he’s supposed to actually take the whole week but they know he won’t last that long. But it gives them the freedom to work on their paperwork and discuss all the stuff Hotch would normally scold them for discussing. Reminding them that they were on the clock when even Rossi wanted to join in.

“So….” Penelope teases after about 45 minutes of pointless conversation back and forth at the briefing room table, “Derek told me.”

“Of course he did.”

“Y/N didn’t call me back about my offer to let her stay with me the other day…” Emily adds, “so where’d she go after seeing you in the elevator?”

“To breakfast with her dad,” he replies with a smirk before biting his lip.

“Yesterday morning?” JJ’s eyes go wide and her jaw drops, “no way… you slept with Hotch’s daughter?”

“You didn’t?” Derek laughs, taking a sip of his coffee and then looking him over to see the blush rise on Spencer’s face, “how? You’ve got a bum knee?”

“I guess his hips work fine,” JJ teases and it makes Emily choke on her coffee.

“Ew,” Emily replies when she catches her breath. “Seriously? I used to babysit her when she was 8, I can’t believe this.”

“It’s just while she’s here,” Spencer’s face drops. “She made it very clear she’s not staying here and she probably won't be back.”

“Where does she live?” Derek asks, “JJ and Will made travel work.”

“Barely,” she adds. “Will was fine with it, but it sucked with this job… I would get off the jet just to get on another plane to spend 10 hours with him and then fly some more. It sucked.”

“It’s fine, honestly,” he lies. “Seriously, I don’t need a girlfriend. I’m perfectly content just sleeping around. Like Derek,” he pushes the attention over. “Who’d you get with last night?”

“No no no, no,” Derek shakes his head. “You do need a life partner, you are not the love ‘em and leave ‘em type.”

Spencer sighs, “it’s fine, can we drop it?”

“We can,” Penelope agrees, placing a hand on Derek's arm and getting him to agree too. “But he’s not wrong, if you like her you should try to make it work?”

“Cambridge isn’t that far away,” he shrugs. “And who knows where she’ll go when she’s done law school.”

“Harvard?” Emily smiles, “I always thought she’d go to Yale like me.”

“Not all of us can get into CalTech,” Penelope teases. “She sounds like a smart cookie, and she’s cute…”

“Y/N is probably the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met in my entire life,” he covers his face with his hands and rubs his eyes. “I just took her out for a comfort meal, and then I invited her over. She was going to take the couch and then I told her she didn’t have to…”

“And you ended up in the same bed,” Derek Follows.

Spencer nods, “it’s effortless with her.”

There’s a calm that settles over the table as they all smile at him, it’s something he deserves and they all know that he does. As much as they tease him, they want to see him settle down and have a whole bunch of genius kids and be happy.

“I always knew that Aaron liked you and protected you so much because you reminded him of Y/N, but he asked me not to bring her up. She didn’t want to be involved in this life, she’s barely talked to him since he started here,” Emily explains.

“I get it, believe me,” Spencer replies. “She told me everything. I hate my dad for things I can’t control either, so I get it… I don’t want to be in Vegas ever because of him. I really can’t blame her.”

“None of us have good standing relationships with our fathers…” JJ points out.

“Seriously,” Derek laughs. “At least none of us became killers because of it…”

“Yet,” Spencer makes a joke, smiling with the side of his mouth as they all laugh. “Thanks, for—

“They’re here, and it looks like she has breakfast for you again?” Penelope cut them off, pointing out the window of the briefing room.

Spencer stands and grabs his cane, making his way out of the briefing room and towards his desk where Y/N is standing with a smile.

“Hey roomie,” she smiles. “I didn’t know what you like so I got both a sausage and a bacon option… and whatever you don’t want I guess I’ll give to Derek so my dad doesn’t think we’re together.”

“together…” he teases her but he takes the coffee from her hand. “Thank you, that’s smart.”

“No problem,” She smiles, “Hey Derek!” She calls over Spencer’s shoulder with a wave.

“Hey there, pretty thing,” Derek says, walking down the steps and over to them.

“I’ll have the bacon one,” Spencer smiles, “but you didn’t have to.”

“Yes I did, I can’t just repay you for letting me stay with you with sex,” she whispers to him before Derek shows up, “I got a few extra sandwiches if you wanted one?”

“Oh my god, stop flirting with me,” he teases, “but I’ll never turn down a good breakfast sandwich.”

She laughs, “I’m not flirting, I’m just too kind…”

Spencer goes to sip his coffee and chokes. Remembering how he said that to her the first night when she offered to ride him so she didn’t hurt his leg… when in reality she fucked him so good he forgot he had legs in the first place.

“You okay?” She smirks, “remember something?”

“I don’t even want to know,” Derek awkwardly laughs, “I’m just going to take my sandwich now…”

—

“Y/N,” Hotch called to her from his office door. “They have work to do.”

“I’m leaving in a minute Aaron,” she replies rolling her eyes and taking a deep breath.

“Now,” he corrects her.

She scoffs and turns to him, “you’re going to do this here? You’re going to show everyone in this office how much of a control freak you are even with what’s left of your family?”

He leaves with a huff and she follows up the stairs.

“You know you’re not my boss, right?” She shouts at her father in the comfort of his office with the door wide open.

“Then why did you come here if you’re so against following orders?” Hotch replied. “This is my work not someplace you can come whore around.”

“Oh that’s cheap,” she wants to punch him in the face but she still has an ounce of respect for him.

“As I recall you were the one telling me I could use a good man like agent Morgan in my life? And what was it you said about Doctor Reid again? That he’d make a good husband for me… what changed dad? Was it before or after you got mom killed that you decided I shouldn’t flirt with your coworkers?”

She can see the steam coming out of his red hot ears, “it’s for your own good if you stay away from men like me.”

“Men like you…” she scoffs. “Before this job became your life you were a great dad. You took time off for us, we went to air shows and the park and you came to my recitals and you were present, you were everything you promised to be when you sighed those adoption papers. You changed careers when mom still couldn’t get pregnant because you needed to feel like a man again, and now look at you, you’re acting like a child.”

“Don’t profile me.”

“Then don’t treat me like this,” she puts her foot down. “I’m just as headstrong and cocky as you dad, I know I don’t deserve the way you treat me. And I know that hearing me say you’re failing as a father hurts right now but it might be the only thing that gets your head out of your ass long enough to realize you’re wrong.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

“What was that?” She cups her ear, petty ads ever as she activates him.

“I’m sorry!” He shouts it this time. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry I love my job and I’m sorry that you have a crush on Spencer because you’re going to get sucked into the same shit we all deal with now. I thought if I kept you at a distance you’d be fine but all I’m really doing is preparing myself for the day I lose you too.”

“You’re an idiot sometimes,” she tries not to cry. “I’m tough, look at me? I’m screaming at you with an audience who’s never seen someone yell at you before. I’m going to be fine.” She motions to the open blinds where the whole office is watching with wide eyes “and thanks for saying I have a crush on Spencer that was really smooth.”

“Sorry,” he smirks, “at least now you don’t have to keep flirting with Derek to make him jealous enough to talk to you.”

She laughs, “I’m not flirting with Derek for Spencer’s attention, I was doing it so you wouldn’t think I was too close to Spencer, I was evening out the affection.”

“Smart,” he compliments. “Again, I’m sorry. I’m sure you don’t care, but this is really hard for me too.”

“Oh dad,” she steps into his space and hugs him and they can hear the awe-ing from the bullpen.

“I don’t know how to do this without her?” He tries not to cry. “I’ve known her since high school, I’ve known her almost as long as you’ve been alive. Living without her is the worst thing I’ve had to go through and now it’s permanent.”

“I remember when you guys took me in, you were so in love with her…” she whispers, “you guys were the best parents I could have asked for, for a short time.”

“Too short, I’m so sorry,” he actually cries, no longer the tuff-guy she remembers growing up with, but a real person with emotions and feelings.

Seeing him breakdown, seeing him act like a person… it changes the way she looks at him as she pulls away, “it’s okay, we’re learning how to love every day, mom would want that.”

“We’re staying at Dave’s house if you’d like a place to stay? And tomorrow we can all get ready for the funeral and ride in together?” He asks carefully. “I know it won't just be fixed overnight, and I’m going to have to work to gain your trust after everything… but just one good day for her would mean everything to me?”

“Of course,” she nods, “text me the address, I’ll be there for dinner.”

“Thank you,” he sniffles and shakes the emotions out of his head. And then the same Aaron Hotchner seriousness returns, “I’ll see you later.”

“You will,” she nods, leaving the room and avoiding all the stares she’s receiving.

Spencer tries to follow as quickly as he can with his cane and sore knee, but he catches up to her by the elevators. “Wait up, are you going back to my place?”

She nods, “he asked me to spend the night at Dave’s house? Is that Rossi?”

Spencer nods, “he has a mansion, there’s like 6 rooms so you won’t have to share with anyone…”

She nods, and then a cheeky smile builds, “is there a way for you to sneak in?”

He smirks, “ask for the room with the door to the lake access, tell them you go out for a smoke at night?”

“You are not what I expected, Doctor Reid,” she smiles right back and places a hand on his chest…

“Better I hope?” His face is so soft, framed by his messy hair as she gets lost in his eyes.

“So much so.”

—

“No way!!” She gently shoves Jack, “you must be so strong them if you took down the hulk all by yourself?”

“Not me!” Jack laughs, “in the game!”

“Ohhhh,” she pretends to be silly, tapping her own forehead, “duh..”

“You’re silly Y/N,” he smiles. “Are you going to be here more?”

“I don’t know buddy,” she’s honest. “After the funeral, I have to go back to school, but we can talk on the phone and I’ll be here for Christmas and your birthday… I promise I won’t leave you.”

He stands up and gets into her lap, holding her close and snuggling into her chest. “I miss mommy.”

“I miss her too,” she holds him there, rocking him gently and remembering how happy she was when her mom finally got pregnant with him.

“Will you read to me tonight? And tuck me in?” Jack asks softly. “I’m tired.”

“Sure thing buddy,” she stands up with him and carries him down the hall. Past Aaron and Dave in the study and towards his room for the night.

“Where’s your room?” He asks, already half asleep from how comfortable he is in her arms.

“On the other side of the house, by the lake,” she replies, “but I sleep funny, so if you need me tonight please knock? Okay?”

He nods, “I knock for aunt jess too.”

“It’s polite,” she carries on as she opens his door and turns on the light.

They get him into his pj’s and tucked into bed. He picks a book and he’s out cold before she gets to page 6. He hasn’t been sleeping well, it’s no wonder he’s so tired so early, so she kisses the top of his head and then she’s on her way.

She stops by the study to say goodnight to her dad, “Jack’s asleep in his room, I’m going to bed now too, what time are we leaving in the morning?”

“We have to be there at 11,” her dad replies, sad and drunk and barely there.

“Goodnight, I love you, dad,” she smiles at him, hoping to boost his spirits.

“I love you too, Y/N,” he smiles back at her. “goodnight.”

When she goes back to the room she’s staying in for the night, she immediately texts Spencer. She could spend one night without him, she could separate her pleasure and feelings and ignore him, inviting over literally anyone else… but she missed him.

So when he knocks on the glass part of the door, she jumps and rushes over, “Spencer…” she wraps her arms around him and holds him in the chilly November air.

“Shh, I can’t run in my condition, which means if we get caught, we get caught,” Spencer whispers, holding her back and walking into the room with her still attached to him.

They close the door and she starts to kiss his neck and peel off his coat, “I missed you.”

“What are you going to do when you leave?” He teases, but he thinks it’s funny.

She pulls back with a frown, “I’m not thinking about that. Let’s just live right here for now, right at this moment.”

“Okay,” he nods softly. “Can we leave everything here too? Whatever happens, whatever we say, exists here only?”

“Deal,” she smiles before pulling him into a kiss.

“I want to fall in love with you,” he whispers, “I love doing this with you and I love how easy it feels and I don’t care that I don’t get to love you forever because this is really special to feel even for just tonight.”

“I promised Jack I’d come back for holidays and special things… who knows maybe I can switch to the academy and profile like you guys?”

“You profiled your father pretty well,” he playfully adds, trying not to get his hopes up. “I’d like to still see you no matter what you do. And you’re only in your 20s, so don’t make a choice for me, do what you want and if it’s right maybe we’ll come crawling back to each other?”

“Give me something to remember you by?”

They tumble into bed, stripping each other of their clothes with their souls connected by proxy of their lips. She’s never felt closer to another person in her whole life. She’s never trusted someone like this.

He’s giving her the option to keep him around, he wants to be with her but on her terms and that’s a first for her. She’s so used to feeling like a chore, but he makes her feel like she’s so much more than that. She’s worthy of love and he’s very good at displaying how much as his tongue travels her body and his name falls off her lips over and over.

He was everything she dreamed of in one perfect package and she was slowly but surely becoming obsessed with the feeling of being loved by him.

—

There’s a small knock on her door very early in the morning and she knows it’s Jack. Shaking Spencer and tossing his clothes at him, she puts on something quickly and opens the door just a crack, “what’s up buddy?”

“I had a bad dream…” he looks up at her with a tear-stained face.

“Oh no,” she wraps him up in a hug. “Do you want to come in and cuddle with me and uncle Spencer?”

“Why is he here?” His face lights up as he looks into the room.

Spencer’s in his pants and shirt he arrived in the night before, back in bed already and waiting for her to return.

“I didn’t want to have a bad dream either so he came over to keep me company,” it’s technically not a lie.

But Jack cuddles right in-between them, looking up at Spencer and asking him all sorts of questions, even for 5 in the morning, he was always ready to be learning and Spencer never turned down an opportunity to make someone smile.

That's when the next knock comes, “do I hear my favourite people?” He teases as he opens the door and peaks inside. “Spencer?”

“Hotch,” his eyes widen as if he’s just been caught red-handed doing something he shouldn’t. When he’s just comforting both of Aaron's children in a way he can't. With a soft voice and all the answers that don’t hurt as much when Spencer explains.

“It’s okay,” he waves his hands, making sure he stays sitting and doesn’t attempt to run. “It still stands, how are my favourite people doing today?”

“I’m okay dad,” Jack smiles. “You’re happy today too?”

He sits on the edge of the bed and lets Jack hop into his arms. “Your mom would have wanted us to be very happy because we get to be together today.”

“I’m happy we get to be together,” Jack smiles. “I still miss mommy… why did George hurt her?”

Everyone sighs and Jack visibly feels bad for asking, “he was mad at me, and he wanted to make me sad. But I can’t be sad when I have you and Y/N, you both mean so much to me.”

Spencer looks at Y/N not knowing if he’s really supposed to be sitting in on such a personal family moment but he stays. It’s beautiful seeing them bond, on what should be the worst day of all of their lives. But she looks at him and scrunches her nose, asking if he smells the booze on his breath too in their own secret code.

Spencer sniffs and then pretends to yawn to play it off. “Hey Jack,” he cut in, “would you like to make some breakfast with me so your dad and sister can talk?”

“Yeah! Can we make French toast?”

“If we have all the materials, I don’t see why not?” He agreed.

Grabbing his cane from where it was placed beside the bed and walking out with Jack in tow, excited and talking his ear off about how his mom taught him to how make them before.

“Really?” He turns to Y/N as soon as they’re gone. “At Dave’s house?”

“What?!” She tosses her arms up, “we’re clothed, we were just talking, I was staying at his house for the last 3 days… I don’t really like being alone now that I know what it’s like to have him around.”

“Oh,” Aaron's face does something she’s never seen before. He smiles but he looks hopeful, it’s emotional and proud and it makes her skeptical.

“What?”

“You love him already?” He just says it.

“No,” she shakes her head, “I’d like to, but it’s going to be difficult. I don’t actually want to be a divorce lawyer, I just wanted to piss you off because it’s your money and I’m really sorry.”

“I did the same thing to my father,” he admits. “Mind you he beat me…”

“Are you serious?” He leans forward and places her hand on her dad's arm. “I get it, why you were distant.”

“You do?” He looks at her with a glimmer of hope, like he wants to fix things desperately for more than just Haley's sake. He really loved her like a father should.

“I was really mean, and you didn’t want the cycle of abuse to continue so you put your time and your effort into catching bad men like your own father to save little girls like me from being hurt…” she feels a tear slip out by the end. “I do love you, I still think you’re a hero… and knowing what you did to that man does kinda make up for it somehow?”

“That amount of rage terrified me,” he whispers. “I never want to feel that much again.”

“As long as you don’t go looking to feel nothing?” She raises her eyebrows with a soft nod. “Getting drunk the night before the funeral makes sense, still being drunk this morning and being able to be this emotional with me is another thing.”

“I’m no-not, no,” he’s never been a good liar at home. “I haven’t had a drink since Dave cut me off at 2…”

“Which is still alarming if you’re still drunk now,” she puts her hand on his chin and makes him look at her. “Let’s make some coffee, and let’s celebrate mom’s life and you’re not going to drink the pain away you’re going to spend time with your son and you’re going to be present with him so this doesn’t repeat.”

He nods, “you’d be good as an FBI agent.”

She laughs, “I think so too…”

“I’m going to sober up, and I’m going to stay sober,” he promises. “I just needed one last night of sorrow before I do what’s right.”

“That’s perfectly reasonable,” she makes sure he knows she will always love him. “You knew her the longest, you’re going to hurt the most and you don’t have to hide that from us.”

“And you don’t have to hide the fact that you’re interested in Spencer,” he gives her another genuine smile. “Can we bench this until I’m better and go join them in the kitchen?”

“You bet,” she smiles back.

And they both knew that Haley was looking down on them with a smile too.

Permanent tag list

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[leossmoonn]

Play Ground Days

masterlist

pairing - carl gallagher x fem!reader

type - fluff

note / request - “ughh FINALLY someone that writes good imagines abt carl from shameless! could you write one where you two grew up together and you've always been close n stuff and then at some point he realizes he loves the reader and he talks to ian and lip (maybe mickey too bc i love him) about it? (fem!reader btw if that's cool) thanks babe xx” thanks for inspo on the beginning @poesflygirl​ <3 ,,, carl and you are 16 also pls dont come for me ive only played COD 2 times last year so lmao i dont remember a lot about it, enjoy!

summary - carl has liked you since you two were young, and seeks advice from his brothers and mickey

warnings - strong language, drugs and alcohol, little talk about bad body imagine 

————

*gif isnt mine*

“I fucking knew it!” Lip exclaimed.

“Why are you telling us? We’ve known this.” Ian commented, smirking at his little brother.  

“How the hell—” Carl started. 

“You’re not exactly great at hiding your crush on her,” Mickey chuckled. 

Carl’s eyes were the size of saucers. “You knew?”

“Of course I did. I’m not fucking Helen Keller,” Mickey rolled his eyes. 

Carl groaned and ran his hands roughly through his hair. “I can’t believe this. Well, secret’s out, I guess. What do I do?”

“Just go tell her you like her. It’s not like she’s going to turn you down.” Lip shrugged, putting his cigarette to his lips. 

“Lip!” Ian hit his brother’s shoulder. 

“What?” Lip asked. 

“You weren’t supposed to say that, dumbass,” Mickey said.

 “What does that mean?” Carl asked, looking in-between his brother’s and Mickey. 

Lip sighed. “Ah, shit, right. I’ve already said too much.”

————

4 hours earlier: 2:00 PM

“Hey, shit head!” She called out, throwing rocks against the window. 

Carl got up from his bed, shocked but happy to see her. He opened his window, leaning against the frame. 

“What’re you doing here?” He asked.

She threw the rocks to the ground. “Escaping from my druggie dad, duh. What’re you doing?”

“Nothing,” Carl shrugged. 

She did her signature smirk that always made Carl’s heart flutter. “Wanna go and stuff our faces at Patsy’s Pies?”

Carl’s eyes lit up at the mention of fatty, greasy food. “Hell yeah. I’ll come down.”

She nodded, going to the front of their house. Carl ran down the stairs, putting on his shoes and opening the door to find her on the steps. 

“Hey, why didn’t you just come into the house?” Carl asked, shutting the door behind him. 

“Putting damage on your window seemed more fun. Oh, hey! Do you have an extra bed I can sleep in tonight?” She asked. 

Carl nodded. “Yeah, of course. Your dad is that bad, huh?”

“Yep, he relapsed. Super fun,” she laughed sarcastically. 

“I’m sorry. That shit sucks,” Carl said.

She shrugged. “Yeah, well, it’s life. Anyways, ready to go?”

Carl nodded. They got into her car, the girl starting it and driving fast to the dinner. As she was driving, humming to the songs on the radio, Carl stared at her. She was absolutely gorgeous. 

Her name was Y/n L/n. Carl’s oldest and only real friend. They had grown up together, Y/n living only a few houses away from him. They had met in detention in 1st grade and had been close ever since. 

“What’re you staring at?” Y/n asked, glancing over to him. 

Carl blushed. “Nothing.”

“Alright,” Y/n sang.

Carl had often been caught staring at her. It was something he usually did from time to time, but now it was more often. He couldn’t help it. There was something about her. Maybe flawless her skin was, how pretty and bright her smile and eyes were, the way she would make him feel secure and loved, something he had never got from anyone consitently. 

He never really knew why he thought those things about her. People had told him that he probably had a crush on her, but he knew that wasn’t right. He had crushes on girls before and the things he was feeling for Y/n were a lot different than what he had felt for his past girlfriends. He figured it was just that she was his closest friend and he happened to be a horny teenager, so naturally, he just thought those things about her. But oh, how wrong he actually was. 

Y/n parked her car at Patsy’s Pies. They walked into the diner, seeing Fiona at the register. 

“Hey, Fi,” Y/n smiled. 

“Hey, Y/n, Carl! Long time, no see. How are ya?” Fiona asked. 

“Good, good,” Y/n smiled. 

“Good,” Carl said. 

“Great! Well, get yourself seated and someone will be right with you,” she smiled. 

Y/n and walked off to a small booth and sat down. They picked up the menus that were already on the table. 

“You gonna get your usual?” Y/n asked. 

Carl shrugged. “Maybe. Should I change it up?”

“Yes. The double bacon cheeseburger looks good,” Y/n said. 

“Are you getting that?” Carl asked. 

“Maybe. I’ll probably get a salad or something. Gotta watch those calories, you know?” She half-joked, putting a hand on her stomach. 

“I think you look good. You don’t need to worry,” Carl smiled. 

Y/n’s eyes widened. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Carl nodded. 

Y/n looked back at the menu, hiding her embarrassment.

Carl complimenting her was something that was rare, but did happen. Y/n never remembered Carl as a romantic type of guy, but it seems that he had developed  those traits from having a few girlfriends. She liked that, actually. She liked him complimenting her, staring at her for minutes at a time, the way his ears would turn red when she teased him. She liked all of that. 

Y/n would never admit it to anyone, but she had a crush on Carl. She had a crush on him since their freshman year of high school. Well, in reality, she probably has always had one, but the first time she really realised she liked him was in biology when he got in trouble in one of the labs. She remembered when the teacher was yelling at him and he looked at her, smiling at her mischievously and winking at her. That wink had her heart racing and mind go foggy. From then on, she had liked him as more than a friend. Yet, she never said anything because well, as cliche as it was, she was afraid of ruining their friendship. He was really the only one who got her and who never abandoned her. She couldn’t lose him, so she just kept her feelings and gestures to him as friendly as she could.  

“Hi, I’m Carly and I’ll be serving you today. What can I get you today?” The waitress asked. 

“Hi, can I get the philly cheesesteak with a medium coke and fries,” Carl ordered. 

Carly nodded and wrote his order down, turning to Y/n. 

“Um, I’ll get the bacon cheeseburger with a small sprite and fries. Thanks,” Y/n ordered. 

Carly took their menus. “Great. I’ll have your drinks out soon.”

Y/n and Carl smiled at the waitress as she walked away. 

“Hey, so I thought your dad was in rehab,” Carl said. 

Y/n sighed. “He was, but I guess his girlfriend got him drunk, then convinced him to do some lines. God, I can’t believe he's even with her still.”

Carl frowned. “What about your mom? Where’s she?”

“She’s going to nursing school right now. She’s the only one responsible in this family, yet she never calls or anything,” she scoffed.

“You’re really responsible,” Carl said. 

Y/n smiled. “Thanks, C. You are, too.”

Carl laughed, “Me? I sold drugs on the streets once.”

She giggled. “True. But you’ve really shaped. I'm proud.”

Carl smiled sheepishly. “Thanks.”

Y/n hummed a ‘you’re welcome’. Carly came back with their food quickly and they dug in. Carl and Y/n spent their time talking and eating, spending about 2 hours there as they just kept talking. 

“Are you two finished?” Carly asked, gesturing to their empty plates. 

“Yeah,” Carl nodded. 

“Great. Here’s your bill, pay whenever you’re ready,” Carly smiled and took their dirty dishes. 

“Ready to go?” Y/n asked. 

Carl nodded and got out his wallet that he had in his shorts. Meanwhile, Y/n also got out her wallet. They both looked up at each other, awkward expressions on their faces. 

“Oh, I was gonna pay,” Carl said. “No, no, my treat. I invited you here,” Y/n said. 

“You sure?” Carl asked. 

She smiled and put a hand on his arm. “Yes, I am, Carl.”

Butterflies irrupted in Carl’s stomach as she touched him. He nodded slowly, putting his credit card away. Y/n and him walked up to the register and paid for their meal. They then went back to Y/n car. 

“What do you wanna do now?” Y/n asked. 

“Wanna play COD Black Ops 3?” Carl asked. 

“Yes!” Y/n smiled. She drove them back to his house, parking haphazardly on the street. 

The two hurried into the house, grabbing a seat on the couch. Carl got the controllers, turning onto the playstation. Y/n logged onto her account, selecting the gun she wanted to use. Carl then started the game. 

“Where are you?” Y/n squinted her eyes at the screen. 

“Right behind you,” Carl smirked. 

Y/n turned around, gasping as Carl shot her. 

“Fuck you!” Y/n exclaimed. 

“Little rusty, huh?” Carl teased. She rolled her eyes. “I’m gonna kill you next round.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Carl said. 

“Winner gets to pick what’s for dinner,” Y/n said. 

“Deal,” Carl nodded. 

The pair played for a couple hours, the game ending with Y/n getting the last kill. 

“Good game,” she smirked, setting the controller down. 

“I forgot how good you were at this,” Carl frowned. Y/n giggled, “I forgot how bad you were.”

Carl rolled his eyes with a smile. “Alright, where do you want to eat?”

“Hm… Noodles n Company?” She suggested. 

“Sure,” Carl nodded. 

“Alright, I’m gonna use the bathroom and then order. Text me what you want,” Y/n said, getting up from the couch. 

Carl nodded and watched her go upstairs to use the bathroom. Then that’s when Lip, Ian, and Mickey all came into the house. 

“Hey, guys,” Carl said. 

“Hey,” Ian smiled. 

“Is Y/n here? We saw her car out front,” Lip said. “Yeah, she is,” Carl nodded. 

“Asked her out yet?” Lip smirked. Carl’s face turned red. “Wh-What?”

“Oh, you’re not in love with her then?” Ian furrowed his brows. 

“I… am I?” Carl asked. 

Ian chuckled. “Yeah. You always are always happy around her, blush whenever she teases you.”

“And you’re always staring at her,” Lip added.

“That doesn’t mean I like her,” Carl said.

“Do feel dizzy and nauseous when she touches you? Does your heart race when she gets close? Do you see yourself kissing her? Would you do anything for her?” Ian asked. 

Carl furrowed his brows. They were right, all those things did happen when she was near. She was his best friend. He also sometimes think about kissing her and being with her in a romantic way. And yeah, of course he would do anything for her. Maybe… Maybe he did love her. 

“Oh, shit,” he muttered. “I… I guess I am in love with her.”

And that, ladies and gents, is where we left off. Lip, Ian, and Mickey teased Carl until Carl begged them for real help. 

“What do you mean?” Carl asked anxiously. 

Lip looked to Ian and Mickey for help on what to say. Little did Carl know, Y/n actually did admit her crush to someone. And that someone, or someones, were Lip, Ian, and Mickey. 

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Mickey said. 

“Did she say something to you?” Carl asked. “No,” Ian shook his head. “Like Mick said, don’t worry.”

“I… fine. Well, what do I do then?” Carl asked in slight distress.

“Give her some flowers and chocolate. Girls love that shit,” Lip suggested. 

“Alright,” Carl nodded. “I don’t know what her favourite flowers are, though.”

“Just get her roses. That’s really romantic,” Lip said. 

Carl smiled, “Alright. Awesome. Thanks, guys.”

He decided to get the flowers early morning tomorrow before Y/n woke up. 

————

Carl sneaked back into the house, hoping not to wake Y/n up. As he walked into the kitchen, he was shocked to see her at the table drinking coffee. 

“Hey, Carl!” Y/n smiled. 

Carl’s eyes were blown wide. “I.. uh…”

“Who are those for?” Y/n got up and pointed to the flowers and chocolate in his hand. 

“Um… you?” Carl said. Y/n smiled. “Me? What did I do to deserve this?”

Carl knew that he couldn’t make up an excuse. He was horrible at lying to her. So, he decided to just have his confession here. 

“I.. I’m in love with you,” Carl said. Y/n’s jaw dropped and she froze. “Wha-What?”

“My brothers and Mickey helped me realise I was yesterday when you were ordering dinner. They told me I should get you flowers and stuff so I did. I hope you like roses,” Carl explained and held up the gifts. 

Y/n’s lips upturned in a wide smile. “How long have you liked me?”

“Honestly, probably since we were little,” Carl shrugged sheepishly. 

Y/n giggled. “Me, too.”

“Really?” Carl smiled. 

Y/n waked up to him and took the gifts, setting them on the kitchen counter. She went up to him and put her arms around his neck. 

“Yep. I always have,” she grinned. 

“Oh, sick!” Carl exclaimed. “Oh wait.”

“What?” Y/n asked in confusion. 

“That’s what they meant!” Carl exclaimed in realisation.

“Who? What?” “Oh, Lip, Mickey, and Ian kind of told me yesterday when I asked for help,” Carl explained. 

Y/n’s eyes widened and she turned to the stairs, glaring. “Mickey, Lip, Ian! You better fucking run!”  

————

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taglist (crossed out means i couldnt tag)

@kaitieskidmore1 @the-anxious-youth @little-miss-naill @powerpuffluuvv

[newronantic]

HAIKYUU!! FICS

so this is mostly gonna be for myself to keep track of my favorite fics i’ve read, but hey if anyone else wants to check some of these out then thats great

MHA one is up!!

ill keep updating this as i read more, feel free to send me suggestions!

KageHina

plain as day - emleewrites

In which Hinata has spent the better part of the last twenty years putting his heart and soul into volleyball, hoping to be recognised, to be noticed. And yet he spends all these years also thinking of himself as rather plain, beyond his lack of height and bright hair, and not really noticeable at all.

In Transit - Mysecretfanmoments

Hinata finds that he likes standing close to Kageyama on buses and trains. It doesn't mean anything--probably. Maybe.

I like the way your clothes smell - Mysecretfanmoments

Power outages, ghost stories, and the presence of a certain orange-haired boy lead to bad decision-making on Tobio's part. He'd planned to keep his crush a secret; the universe has other plans.

Chaotic Neutral - akaraka

Who's this Kageyama person on twitter and is he gay?

1: Anonymous: see title

2: Anonymous: curry king

3: Anonymous >> 1: It's the curry king, obviously. Have you been using his memes this whole time without knowing who he was?

4: Anonymous: 1) Hinata Shouyou's boyfriend 2) See above

jellyfish - mysterytwin

At the beginning of his last year at Karasuno High School, Hinata Shouyou starts a list and calls it THINGS TO DO BEFORE GRADUATION, all with high hopes that he’ll be able to complete it before his time runs out.

TsukkiYama

Try This On For Size - CloudMonsta

A lot changed for Yamaguchi Tadashi over the course of high school. He started trying on dresses, for one.

The Great Yamaguchi-Tsukishima Split (Capitalization Necessary) - WyYeuw

"But no, the current situation isn’t normal. This situation requires the full attention of the team.

No, what’s really concerning this time around, is that Yamaguchi is the one ignoring Tsukishima.”

Yamaguchi confesses. Tsukishima fucks up—like, really fucks up. The volleyball club notices and loses a week’s worth of practice.

IwaOi

Terrarium - sausaged

He's practically a professional at being proactive (lies, lies, and lies when it comes to Iwaizumi).

At this point, is he really happy with just staying best friends forever? Will he be writing journals and collecting rocks forever (he will, he knows, but that is aside from the point)?

Can he really tag his Instagram photos with #YOLO if he doesn't actually put that phrase into practice?

A story about Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime, plants, and rocks.

They Say it Rain Diamonds on Jupiter - exsao

"You're in love with him."

Hajime considers denying it. He considers deliberately choking on his drink to express surprise, to create a distraction by spitting onto the man in front of him's pristine white shirt and causing a commotion. Instead, he swallows his mouthful of soda and heaves a small sigh once his mouth is free.

"Yeah," he says instead.

He's never been good at lying, anyway.

bait and switch - Stylographic_Blue_Rhapsody

Oikawa's university volleyball team knows he's in a long-distance relationship with someone from high school. They imagine a sweet-faced girl that matches his sarcasm with patience. They are so incredibly wrong.

my heart is where it’s always been - foreverautumn

Iwaizumi places his phone down carefully.

Oikawa. Pining after someone. There’s no way.

(Iwaizumi knows he shouldn’t care who Oikawa might have feelings for, but within the span of three days, it’s somehow the only thing he can think about.)

KuroKen

Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life - todxrxki

Kuroo Tetsurou runs a private Twitter account where he's constantly tweeting about how desperately in love he is with Kozume Kenma. Little does he know that Kenma sees all the tweets and keeps referencing the account in an attempt to get Kuroo to confess to him. / Or, five times Kuroo didn't notice Kenma hinting about his private Twitter account, and one time he finally did.

the things that get caught in the valves of his heart - ghostpot

Emotional competency is not exactly Kuroo's strong suit. Kenma finds it quite amusing.

Accidentally In Love - todxrxki

Kuroo frowns, but then slowly, the corners of his mouth lift up into a smirk. "Well, if it's so unbelievable, why don't we give it a try?"

Kenma glances up at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"Let's do the 36 questions to fall in love," Kuroo says, still smirking stupidly. "If we don't fall in love, then you're right, it's bullshit. But if we do somehow..." Kuroo waggles his eyebrows. "Then I win." / Kuroo decides he and Kenma should do the 36 questions to fall in love as a joke, but they both start to realize they might actually be in love already.

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) - cosmogony

TW: major character death

Kuroken AU where the last words your soulmate will say to you appear on your skin when you turn 16, and how Kenma and Kuroo learn what this means over the course of their lives

even if you’re ahead for a bit, i will catch up - ghostpot

Kuroo first confesses when they're sticky-fingered, wide-eyed kids, and subsequently every day after that. Kenma takes a while to come around.

you’re the brake lines failing (as my car swerves off the freeway) - ghostpot

Kenma thinks that Kuroo looks ugly with his head bent against the arm of the couch like that. Then Kenma thinks that he wants to marry him, and is promptly thrown into the 5 stages of grief.

teach me the way home - icespyders

“Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because —

because — I don’t know how to say it: a day is long

and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station

when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.”

Kuroo and Kenma grow up in transit.

in this universe - crossbelladonna

Living with Kuroo is sometimes, just like this. It always feels surreal like he's living half a world and a lot of things rush by too quickly. Kenma feels like he'd watched him come and go in a blink, eyes wide and wordless as the shared space went snug in an instant and far larger in the next.

All this, and a glass of water.

Beginning’s End - todxrxki

Somehow over the course of Kenma's lifetime, he’s never really had an opportunity to miss Kuroo. He’s always been there. Even when they went to different schools, Kuroo would meet him afterwards so they could walk home together, shoulders brushing, Kuroo occasionally taking the opportunity to guide him when his nose was buried in the newest video game. The thought of Kuroo not being there anymore is uncomfortable, to say the least. / Kozume Kenma's third year and the changes the year brings in himself and his relationship with Kuroo Tetsurou.

All I Want for Christmas is You - todxrxki

“Kuro,” he says. “You’re a single guy.”

“Yeah, great, thanks for pointing that out.”

“And my parents already know you, plus they already know you like guys or whatever so… what if you pretended to be my date for Christmas dinner?” / In which Kenma recruits his housemate and best friend Kuroo to be his fake date for Christmas.

BokuAka

just to miss the sun - rosevtea

Everything begins to implode when MSBY Jackals outside hitter Bokuto Koutarou crashes Akaashi's livestream.

Operation BokuAka - kazzydolyn

After spending two whole years watching Bokuto and Akaashi pine for one another, the rest of the Fukuroudani Volleyball Club has had enough. When everyone meets up for a reunion dinner, the team decides to play matchmaker and finally get the two of them together. Unfortunately, their plan starts to fall apart when they discover that Akaashi is already dating someone. And apparently so is Bokuto. What a strange coincidence.

bitter - silvercistern

He accepted his classmate's chocolates gracefully, then declared his lack of interest with as much dignity as he could muster. She deserved the courtesy. At least she'd acknowledged that Valentine's Day was all about her, and not about him in the slightest.

Because if any of these girls had taken the time to actually get to know him, they’d quickly realize something even more important than his lack of interest in girls.

And that was that Akaashi hated sweets.

In Another Life - LittleLuxray

TW: major character death

Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.

The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.

120% yes - pissedofsandwich

TOKYO FRANCHISE COMING SOON @OnigiriMiya

in reply to @bokkun_official 

Congratulations! In celebration of your historic engagement, please DM us so we can send you a free membership code with a 25% discount on every fourth purchase!

Kissing Ace - karasunovolleygays

It happens right after training camp.

Akaashi Keiji has a secret he has guarded since he was a child. He won’t go so far as to call it a fear, but more of an aspect of himself of which he is horribly mortified. No one on the team knows about it, and Akaashi does his best to keep it that way.

But years of dodging hugs and casual contact come to naught in the blink of an eye and the swipe of a hand.

daisy rings and frivolous things (i am deliriously in love with you) - gabstar

Akaashi Keiji is in love. Bokuto Koutarou is a star. Everyone on Fukurodani has a gambling problem.

SakuAtsu

The MSBY Black Jackals Read Thirst Tweets - isaksara (syailendra)

Sakusa’s eyes are very dark naturally, sucking in all surrounding rays of light and crushing them in his pupils. For an athlete, he is rather pale. His lips look very pink in comparison. Atsumu is suddenly catastrophically aware that in this instance, ‘accent’ is a euphemism. “Good enough for your Olympic-size ego, Miya?”

(In which Atsumu realizes that he is attracted to Sakusa Kiyoomi in the most inconvenient way possible.)

A Liar’s Truth - internetpistol

In which Sakusa Kiyoomi is raised to believe that gay people go to hell but then takes one look at Miya Atsumu and thinks, then why the hell did God make them so fucking hot?

[cas-rivaille]

HELLO, DEAR!

Undertaker here! How are you today?

I was thinking the other day and I remembered an idea of mine I requested some time ago to another blog and I wanted to see your point of view as well, if you're comfortable with it ofc! I'll change it a bit because I have more ideas about it than before.

What if, hear me out, Obey me!MC was Sukuna's vessel??

I was thinking about a Female!MC but if you want you can keep them gender neutral (I don't mind!). So let's get into it, shall we?

Some facts about MC before the Devildom:

- They've already eaten all Sukuna's fingers

-But they are able to keep him calm inside themselves because over the year they've been together, MC decided to approach him more (Ya know if you have to die with/for someone, at least know them better)

-Sukuna took a liking to the MC, even though he would never admit it. (I mean- They always visit him in his domain to talk to him, read together, play cards (yes. You heard me. The king of curses loves Poker and UNO) or chess, they always ask him where would he like to go eat something, offer him some of their food to let him try new things, ect. Sometimes, but only SOMETIMES, they let him take control (not fully but they both can talk from the same mouth and he has control over one side, while MC has control over the other one))

- Having said that, Sukuna's still a stinky sassy bastard King. He's still rude, acts like he doesn't care about them and always finds a way to let them down when they're too happy. If they're sad though, he doesn't hurt them more. Sometimes MC even asks him advice whenever they're in doubt and after his bulling he actually gives pretty good advice (if you consider extreme violence a good advice that is)

Anyway, MC was going to get executed when suddenly they fell into Devildom. Their file didn't mention Sukuna at all and MC noticed that because when they arrived covered in talismans and chains the demons were confused about it. So, they kept the King a secret until lesson 16.

After Belphegor's crushing hug, while MC (the one from the original timeline) is in Mammon's arm, before Barbatos Thanoses the other timeline, Sukuna heals them and takes fully control of their body (the tattoos, the fangs, the long black claws, the other pairs of eyes and arms appear).

Now, HOW would the brothers, Diavolo and Barbatos react?

If it is too much or I did something wrong, feel free to ignore this! It's okay! Love you and have a good day!

OH MY GOD ?? THIS IS FANTASTIC THANK YOU OMG !

(i think i'm gonna do it hc style for the individual characters feelings but also some dialogue n stuff and each hc thing for each character is written as like in the game like they all like MC except belphie for obvious reasons)

tags: swearing, lesson uhhh smth spoilers ?? i think like 16 ?? (lmk if i need to tag anything else)

also hi ‘taker🥺🥺 i’m good today,, had a bit of a rough morning but i got to see my partner so i feel better !! how are you ? :D

and without further ado..

MC who is Sukuna's Vessel

- hold up

- hold the fuck up

- it was confusing enough when there were two MCs and one of them was near death in mammon's arms

- but now the injured MC gets healed and comes back to life ? but has another set of arms and eyes and is covered in strange tattoos ?

- then the other MC disappears ?

- when the demon MC starts talking, their voice is different and what-

--

"What the fuck did you to do MC?" Sukuna hastily spits out, checking the body for any other injuries. MC's voice is back and talking out of the same mouth.

"Sukuna, stand down," MC says.

"But he almost killed you ! Without me we wouldn't be standing here right now !" Sukuna argues back.

"I'm aware of that, but we have to be civil about this and talk to them," MC responds sternly.

"Then I want to be present for it. I'm not letting anything happen to you- I mean me. Yes me because I die if you die and I'm too godly to die," Sukuna rambles out before retracting the other set of arms but leaving the tattoos. He opens one of the eyes and forms a mouth on MC's right cheek to watch and participate in the conversation.

All the brothers and Divolo looked stunned at the scene that just happened.

"Questions ?" MC jokingly asks.

--

Lucifer -

- what ?

- questions ? is MC joking ?

- who the fuck is talking out of MCs body and what jurisdiction does he have

- isnt MC supposed to be human ??

- what does this mean for their relationship ?

- why did MC keep it from him ?

- he looks at dia and barbatos with the most confused face

- looks back at MC equally confused

- def hurts his pride that he didn't know

--

"Explain"

Lucifer's confusion turns to anger because that's the only way he knows how to cope/react to this.

Sukuna starts talking.

"Show a little more respect. I'm a king after all."

"Don't be an ass," MC shoots back. MC looks at Lucifer a little embarrassed.

"Uh, so this is Sukuna. He's the king of curses ? We kind of share a body because... uhh... it's a very long story but i mean the gist of it is I ate his thousand year old fingers ? There was 20 of them because he had two sets of arms like you saw before- it was very gross- but i had to because of the energy they posses ? When you brought me here and I was covered in seals and chains, was when I was about to be executed because I have all of Sukuna in me. So,, he can do stuff like heal my body and give me cool powers ? I don't really know what else to say." MC rambles using awkward hand motions and finishes by scratching the back of their head.

"Way to make me sound like a total fucking loser," Sukuna glares at MC.

"For the love of god stop talking-" MC shoots back.

--

Mammon

- huh ? someone has been sharing a body with his MC the whole time ?

- were they present the whole time ?

- did they see him acting like an idiot in love ?

- was sukuna there during e v e r y conversation he's ever had w them

- never felt more insecure and betrayed tbh

- why wouldn't you tell him ? he was your first

</3

- wants you all to himself

- doesn't want to share you with some four armed idiot

--

"So he's just, there all the time ?" Mammon asks.

"Not really? He has a headspace and he usually just chills in there but he can watch what's going on if he wants to." MC responds.

"That makes me sound lazy," Sukuna complains.

"Well if you don't like how I describe you then maybe you can talk about yourself. You're very good at it," MC smirks.

"Fine. I can do whatever I want. We can trade who has control over MC's body. I have a large supply of cursed energy and will beat the shit out of the next person who touches MC," Sukuna glares at Belphie.

"Yeah beat them in poker maybe. But not mariokart. You suck at video games in the headspace," MC laughs.

--

Leviathan

- was that how MC was so good at video games ?

- because they spent hours on end with this guy in their head playing video games ?

- why didn't MC come to him to play games ?

- why is MC okay with sharing a body with Sukuna ?

- why can he be the one to share a body with MC ?

- why was MC playing video games with literally anyone else ?

--

"So let me get this straight, you are his fingers and now you share a body ? How does that even work ? That sounds like something out of the manga 'My best friend ate some ancient object and now shares a body with an immortal warrior'" Levi questions MC.

"Okay so, Sukuna lived a really long time ago. When he died, the only thing that survived were his fingers. They each hold an incredible amount of cursed energy and it's only his fingers so from there you can imagine how powerful he was with the rest of his body," MC explains.

"Okay but that doesn't tell me why you ate the fingers ?" Levi raises an eyebrow.

"Oh. So I went to a high school for Jujutsu sorcerers, which are people who can manipulate cursed energy, and once I ate the first one to save my friend from dying, my choices were to die now or eat all of Sukuna and then be executed because he would die with me," MC says as if them dying was nothing.

--

Satan

- why has he never heard about Sukuna in any of the books he's read ?

- he historically doesn't exist in anything the devildom has book-wise

- so who is he ?

- needs to find out everything he can about him

- is there a way to separate MC and Sukuna ?

- his blood is boiling at the thought of MC sharing a body with someone

--

"So you've basically had super human powers this entire time and elected to not tell us ?" Satan glares at MC.

"Well, when you put it like that it sounds bad. I just didn't want you all to meet Sukuna because he has a lot of anger issues and is quite an asshole and I was trying to avoid this entire conversation that is happening," MC sighs.

"Rude," Sukuna says.

"Anger issues. You think we couldn't deal with this ? Are you serious right now ?" Satan asks.

MC shrugs their shoulders nervously.

"How much do you actually know about what sharing a body with him does to you ?" Satan asks while looking at the small mouth and glaring.

"I mean, I get these marks because he had them when he was alive. He was also so powerful to the point he had four arms and another set of eyes, like you saw before. I get those when he takes over mostly, but I can kee him restrained. But the eye thing is why I've always had slits under my eyes because the eyes are the most common thing to show up. The arms don't really. But it's entirely painless so don't worry," MC somewhat calmly explains.

--

Asmodeus

- those marks make MC look so good wtf-

- not the time

- so this Sukuna person lived a thousand years ago ?

- what was this about jujutsu sorcery ?

- what even is that ?

- asmos not the brightest on the block but from the looks on his brothers faces none of them know what the fuck MC is talking about either.

- they've explained a little bit of it b there's still some missing info

- what is sharing a body really like

- how much of MCs body can change to be like Sukunas ?

--

"So how much of your body can he control ? What can he heal ? Could he bring you back from the dead ?" Asmo curiously asks.

"He can't control much because it's my body and I have a lot of raw power by myself. I don't know if he can bring us back from the dead. I don't think so though or else the Jujutsu school wouldn't have tried to execute me. He used to be able to bring us back when I hadn't eaten all of his fingers, but now I don't think he can," MC explains.

"So why do you let him live in your body if he can't do much for you ?" Asmo questions.

"Well one, I don't think there's a way to get him out-"

"I'm still here you know," Sukuna interrupts.

"You've made that clear," MC says before continuing, "And two he can do stuff for me. It's like a symbiotic relationship. I give him a host and he protects me."

--

Beelzebub

- protects MC ?

- that's his job

- why is someone else protecting MC ?

- overall confusion

- even tho MC has gone over it multiple times, he doesn't get how or why Sukuna is in MC's body

- maybe it's the shock

. was this why MC could challenge him to armwrestling and almost win ?

--

"So how long has he been in you ?" Beel asks.

"About a year," MC responds.

"Can he make you live longer aside from healing you ?" Beel asks hopefully.

"I'm sorry, I don't think so..." MC says while looking at the ground. They cross their arms. They look small, as if they aren't small enough compared to him already.

"So, what does this mean ? Now that your secret is out... are you going to stay in the devildom with us ? Or do you have to leave ?"

" If I leave I'll surely be executed when I go back to the human world. If I stay I don't know what will happen to me, but it's not up to me. It's up to you guys if you want me to stay. I understand if you want me to go, I was harboring a big secret and it's probably unnerving to know that you're never truly alone with me, but Sukuna actually cares about my boundaries even though he acts like he doesn't. There are some pluses and there are some drawbacks but ultimately you have to decide." MC responds, looking from brother to brother then at Dia and Barbatos

--

Belphie

- MC ? dead if you back to the human world ? doesn't bother him

- he doesn't care

- he hasn't known MC long enough to care

- diavolo may have told everyone that MC was a descendant of human Lilith and he told everyone the events that actually happened, but why should he have any attachment to MC

- MC isnt Lilith, and MC sure as hell doesn't like him after the events that happened today

- from what he's heard, MC dying would be good for the human world

--

"I say send MC back. What happens to them isnt our problem any more," Belphie says while under his magical restraints Diavolo put on him.

"Of course you would say that," Satan glares at him.

"Shut up Belphie !!" Mammon and Levi yell.

"You don't have any right to an opinion in this matter." Lucifer states.

"Belphie that's mean," Asmo says.

Beel frowns.

"I vote they stay. I like MC regardless, and if all I have to do is adjust to Sukuna then I'll do it," Beel says while looking Belphie dead in the eye.

There's a beat of silence.

"Me too," Mammon says.

"Hey ! I was going to say that !" Levi protests.

"Oooh~ Count me in !" Asmo says with a smile.

"I also think they should stay," Satan says and looks at MC.

"My personal preference is also that they stay, but Lord Diavolo it's up to you," Lucifer says and looks at Dia.

--

Diavolo

- he knew there was something off, but couldnt place his finger on it

- he also constantly got a powerful vibe from MC and this explains it

- he was very fond of MC and enjoyed their presence

- he knew what he was going to do

--

"Barbatos, what do you think ?" Dia asks him.

"The decision is up to you m'lord," Barbatos responds.

"Well Id also like the input of my trusty all knowing butler," Diavolo laughs.

"Then, I see no reason to send them back to the human world. They can live out their lives here and safe from the school that wants to execute them. It also wouldn't be an issue to get anyone from the human world here if MC so desired," Barbatos replied.

"Then it's settled ! Welcome to the devildom for the rest of your life MC!!" Diavolo smiled and welcomed MC with open arms.

MC smiled and accepted the hug.

--

Barbatos

- he didn't know all along, but he know when the timelines crossed and he had to erase the other

- MC was very near and dear to his heart though and he wasnt about to let them be killed

- just wants to keep MC safe

--

I HOPE I DID A GOOD JOB AND THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST REMEMBER TO FRINK SOME WATER ILY TAKER <3

- mars :)

[bibbawrites]

Family Ties - Charlie Gillespie x Reader (16+)

Request: Can you please do one where either Charlie is meeting your family or you’re meeting his and he keeps trying to be touchy/wanting to have sex but you/him don’t want to get caught xx

Word Count: 1721 words 

Summary: your annual family trip gets a little bit more hands on when your boyfriend Charlie and his family join you

Warnings: heavy makeout, touching, a little bit of grinding, swearing, mentioned and implied sex 

A/N: sorry if this editing is shit my brain is not working lol  hopefully y’all like this one, ive been debating on rewriting it for what feels like years but fuck it i dont have that motivation lol  also idk if theres beaches in canada like what we have here in aus but if there isnt oh well in this fictional version of canada they have aussie beaches  anyways, enjoy! 

Tag List:  @happinessinthedarkesttimes​​ @littlemissaddict​​ @vicesvsvirtuesfanfic​​ @headheartbellarke​​ @lovesanimals​​ @bartok-the-magnificent​​ @juliefromaustralia @multi-universe21 @rangerelik @kaitieskidmore1 @katrina765​​ @fandomxreaders​​​ @ifilwtmfc

It had all started when you had jokingly suggested that you should invite your boyfriend Charlie and his family along on your annual family trip to the beach. Your mother had agreed, and before you knew it she was on the phone to Charlie’s mother working the whole plan out. 

Your family lives in Quebec, and Charlie’s in Dieppe, so your mum’s quickly decided that your family would drive to his house, and then the two families would continue the rest of the way together.

So that’s how you ended up in your dad’s old truck, pulling into the driveway of the Gillespie house at 6am in the morning after almost 8 hours of driving.

You jumped out quickly, wanting to get away from your brother’s annoying rap music and your sister’s constant whining about being bored as quickly as you could. The front door of Charlie’s house swung open and within a few seconds you were being pulled into the arms of your boyfriend, inhaling his familiar scent.

“God I missed you.” He murmured into your shoulder and you grinned.

“I missed you more handsome.” You replied, exchanging a soft kiss. 

Charlie’s family joined him outside and after a few quick introductions, you were on your way to the beach, this time tucked away in the passenger’s seat of Charlie’s car. 

- 

Once you arrived your families spent the day at the beach, and Charlie couldn’t keep his hands off of you. By the time you finally headed off to bed you were certain that every other person in the house was sick of his touchy behaviour. 

You made yourself comfortable on the bed, watching Charlie as he entered the room, shutting the door behind him. 

“I don’t think your dad likes me that much.” He said with a giggle, flopping down onto the bed. You rolled over to look at him.

“He’d like you a lot more if you stopped looking at me and touching me like you want to fuck me at every free moment you have.” You stated, and a light blush appeared on Charlie’s cheeks.

“You think he noticed that?” He asked, pressing his nose against yours.

“I can’t imagine he wouldn’t. You haven’t been subtle at all. We’ve only been here for the day and you’ve tried to jump me three times and that’s not even counting the shower sex.” He grinned cheekily at your words.

“I can’t help it, you’re just so hot.” He whined, and you rolled your eyes.

“But we’re on a holiday with both of our families. You gotta tone down the horny.” You said. He sighed dramatically.

“Fine, I’ll try to be better tomorrow. But for now, we’re all alone... and it’s our first night...” He trailed off, pouting, his eyes dark with lust. You nodded once and that was all the consent he needed, crashing his lips against yours and making quick work of climbing on top of you and sliding his tongue into your mouth.

You moaned, your fingers scraping down his back as he grinded his hips into yours. 

“Fuck.” You mumbled against his lips, your hands finding a place in his hair. You tugged lightly on his hair causing him to moan into your mouth. 

“Hey Y/N?” Your mum’s voice called. 

“Shit.” You exclaimed, pushing Charlie off you. Not expecting the reaction, he jumped slightly, falling off the edge of the bed with a thud. 

You giggled as your mum opened the door, frowning as she took in the sight. 

“Charlie, why are you on the floor?” She questioned. You laughed harder. 

“Fell.” He replied simply, rolling over to stand up, climbing back onto the bed. 

“What’s up Mum?” You asked, hoping that you didn’t look like you had been making out with your boyfriend only moments ago. 

“Did you remember to grab the bag of board games? We were going to play Monopoly.” She said, leaning against the door. You nodded. 

“I put it in the little den room.” You told her and she smiled. 

“Thanks Hon, you two are welcome to join us if you’d like.” She invited. Charlie shook his head. 

“We’re good thanks Mrs Y/L/N. My mum is scary good at Monopoly so I’d rather not lose to her again.” He grinned and your mum returned the smile. 

“Well the offer is there if you want it.” She said, before leaving the room. You let out a sigh of relief. 

“That was a close one.” You mumbled. Charlie nodded, leaning in to kiss you again. You pulled back, giving him an incredulous look. 

“Really? You’re still horny after being interrupted by my mum and monopoly?” You asked. Charlie pouted. 

“A bit.” He admitted. You rolled your eyes at him, pushing him away. He whined but gave in, curling up next to you instead. 

“Tomorrow night.” You said, flicking the tv on. Charlie snuggled his face into your upper back. 

“You promise?” He mumbled against your skin. You nodded. 

“I promise. But only if you’re good during the day.” You bargained. He thought for a moment before humming in agreement. 

“Deal.”

- 

“This is not being good.” You whispered to Charlie as his hand crawled up your thigh at lunch the next day. 

It was tradition for your family to get lunch at your favourite restaurant on the second day, and you had barely been there twenty minutes when Charlie started to get fidgety. 

“I’m not doing anything.” He lied, giving you an innocent smile. 

“Bullshit.” You muttered in reply, and Charlie shook his head, making a disapproving sound. 

“Language.” He faked disappointment. 

“Fuck you.” You rolled your eyes. He gave you a flirty smile. 

“Oh I wish you would.” He teased, his voice deepening slightly. 

“Charles.” You warned, and he sighed, sitting back up again, his hand returning to your knee. 

“Remember our deal?” You said quietly, and he nodded. 

“How could I forget, I’m so sexually frustrated I might explode.” He admitted. You stared at him in disbelief.  

“We literally had sex yesterday evening.” You whispered, your voice hushed. Charlie nodded, eyes wide. 

“Exactly! It’s almost been a whole 24 hours.” He sighed. 

“A whole 24 hours since what?” Meghan questioned, and you choked on a mouthful of fish, grabbing your glass of Coke quickly to wash it down. 

“None of your business.” Charlie retorted. “Stop eavesdropping.” 

“Don’t have private conversations around other people then.” Meghan bit back, but dropped the conversation anyway. Charlie gave you a relieved look. 

“That was close.” You muttered. 

“You’re telling me. Almost enough to get rid of the semi in my pants.” He winked and you hit his arm.

“Charles. Stop it.” You reprimanded. He grinned cheekily. 

“You love me.” He sung, placing a wet kiss on your cheek. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. 

“I’m reconsidering.” 

- 

“So what were you and Charlie discussing at lunch that was so private?” Meghan questioned, once you, her and your sister Isabella were alone sunbathing later that afternoon. You cringed slightly. 

“You don’t want to know.” You replied. 

“Oh god was it a sex thing?” Isabella gasped, and Meghan’s eyes widened in fear. You blushed. 

“I told you that you didn’t want to know.” You said simply, and they both squealed in disgust. 

“Do mum and dad know that you’re sleeping with Charlie?” Isabella asked after a pause. You rolled your eyes. 

“I’m a fully grown adult Bel, I don’t need parental permission to have sex with my boyfriend.” You told her. Meghan fake gagged. 

“Can we not talk about this? I do not want to think about my brother having sex.” She begged. You grinned slightly. 

“You were the one who brought it up.” You said. Meghan sighed. 

“If I’d known it was a sex thing I would have never.” She replied. 

“With Charlie it’s always a sex thing.” You answered. 

Meghan and Isabella groaned in unison as you giggled, flopping back into your chair. 

You really needed to get some girl friends who weren’t your sister and your boyfriend’s sister.

- 

“Was I good today?” Charlie questioned, jumping onto the bed next to you as you scrolled through Instagram that night. 

You put you phone down, pretending to think. 

“Well, you tried to tease me at lunch and then tried to discuss it, which then led to me having a very awkward conversation with our sisters about our sex life. So I’m gonna go with no.” You said. Charlie’s eyes widened. 

“Y/N!” He gasped. “You can’t do that to me.” 

“Why not? I told you to be good and you weren’t so that’s on you.” You replied, returning to scrolling on your phone. Charlie placed his head on your chest, pouting.

“But...” He trailed off. You raised an eyebrow.

“But what?” You questioned. He sighed loudly.

“But I’m so horny.” He complained. You rolled your eyes.

“That sounds like a you problem.” You replied.

“Baby.” Charlie whined, dragging out the ‘y’. “I’m gonna get blue balls, do you want that?” 

“You’ve got hands. And I know you know how to use them.” You said. He sat up, giving you his infamous puppy eyes.  

“Please?” He asked. You stared at him, not wiling to budge.

“Your sex drive is frankly disturbing Gillespie.” You told him.

“I know.” He agreed, batting his eyes at you. “Please?” 

You groaned.

“Fine.” You said. His eyes widened.

“Really?” He questioned, a grin appearing on his face.

“Yes. Quickly, before I change my mind.” You nodded. Charlie moved forward but paused.

“Wait.” He said. You frowned.

“What now?” You questioned, your tone clearly showing your exasperation. 

“You want to do this, right? I’m not making you do anything you don’t want to be doing?” He asked, suddenly serious, and your frown fell as your heart filled with love for the boy in front of you and the fact that he was still asking for consent despite how desperately horny he claimed to be. You lent in, kissing him gently. 

“I promise you’re not forcing me to do anything I don’t want to do.” You said softly.

“You’re sure?” He checked. You nodded. 

“Positive.” You reassured him. He grinned. 

“I love you.” He whispered, leaning closer. 

“I love you too.” You replied. 

And with that Charlie pulled you towards him, ready to show you just how much he really loved you. 

[minyoonmeme]

Normalcy of the Pretty Posse

Chapter 1 

Word Count: 2494

Pairing: reader x ?????

Genre: like 90% fluff, 10% stupid jokes and bad humor

Description: Stupid Jeongguk and his cute sweaters and pretty posse of hyungs. 

(Disclaimer: This will probably have some typos. I started writing this instead of doing some Statistics homework and spent so long on it that I have zero time to edit. Sorry~)

next

masterlist

There was no game plan. There never really had been, at least not for me. Making it past 16 was something I had never foreseen, never imagined I could do. And now, here I am, alone in a country in a university far from home with no idea how life is supposed to go. Okay, maybe I’m being pessimistic because I’m not completely alone. I have friends if you count the two idiots who don’t let me drown in takeout boxes on weekends. They’re wonderful, they really are, I promise. 

Yoonjin is the sweetest person I’ve ever met no matter how much I want to strangle her into putting herself first. She’s the one who calls me about anything and everything. Don’t tell her that I secretly love that she calls me first when something happens. Chaebin is my right hand gal. My broski. My homegirl. My uh… well she’s great honestly. She’s all bark and no bite with the strongest affiliation for cute things, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. These two are pretty much my whole life other than the impending doom of my failing future that I have chosen to personally personify. Makes it less scary if it's punchable, honestly. 

“Are you gonna actually do your work or are you gonna stare at your coffee all day?

Rolling my head to the side, I eye Chaebin with the blankest face I can muster. 

“I didn’t ask to be criticized when I asked you to come to the library with me.” 

“No, but you did ask me to make sure you finish your paper in time for practice tonight. Yoonjin will cry if you let her go by herself again.” I groan, throwing my head against the cushion of the booth’s chair. She’s right, I know she is. I’ve missed two weeks of dance workshops and Yoonjin, without missing a beat, after every workshop comes knocking on my door teary eyed and sputtering about how she was all alone and lost without me there. Food usually helps soften her up. 

“You think she’ll forgive me if I miss just one more week?” Chaebin twitches her eyebrow up as she side eyes me from her computer. I slump even further and push my laptop farther away in favor of laying my head down. “You’re right. She’ll probably accuse me of abandoning her and our friendship if I skip one more time.” 

“I’ve literally seen you pump out a 12 page research paper in 3 hours, just go dance or whatever tonight and stress yourself later.” 

“Anxiety and Red Bull are a toxic combo, but I’ll have you know that I got a 94 on that paper.” Smiling smugly, I turn my head to look at her. She’s not wearing her glasses today, so it’s hard to tell if she’s glaring at me or blind today. “If I bail, are you gonna be okay by yourself? I can swing by afterwards with Yoonjin, so you don’t have to walk home alone tonight.” 

Her glare softens as she shakes her head no before grabbing some eyedrops. Oh. So she is wearing her contacts. “No, I’ll be okay. I came packing.” Her right hand pats her bag before she smirks and continues searching through her syllabus. 

I eye her bag warily and half jokingly say, “Please, tell me you don’t have a gun.” 

Her face scrunches as she stares at me. “Are you stupid? Why would I have a gun? I meant I have my phone and a taser. Do I look like I know how to shoot a gun?” 

I shrug and start packing up my bag. My joints scream and pop from being stationary so long. “I am, do I look like I know how to shoot a gun? You never know Chae, I could be a highly skilled marksman just waiting to take someone out. I might not even be a real college student, just a really good undercover assassin.” 

Her nose twitches as she clicks open a few browsers. “You almost cried last night when you saw a stray cat ignore you. I highly doubt you’re killing anyone these days.” 

“Animals love me and that one hurt, don’t use my feelings against me. Don’t you remember when you cried because you thought I was ignoring you last year?” Her face dropped as she coughed into her shirt, trying to hide the red splotches. “I was literally sick for three days and you came to my apartment with food because you thought I hated you. What was it you said? Something about not being allowed to hate you if you fed me.” 

“We don’t talk about junior year, I was going through it.” Her voice was tight, but I could tell she was amused. “It’s almost 6 o’clock, you should text Yoonjin and tell her that you’re not abandoning her tonight.” She slides my bag towards me and lets me scoot past her out of the booth. 

“Yoonjin and I will be by later to walk you back to your apartment around 9:30. Sound good?” My legs wiggle as I try and get a feeling back into them from sitting so long. When I stand there longer than normal, her eyes flash up as she nods and waves her hand at me to leave. 

To: Yoonjin the Trash Bin

You wanna meet outside the commons tonight or walk over together?

From: Yoonjin the Trash Bin

WAHH 

YOU”RE COMMING? No more awkwardly standing in the back by myself!?!?!? :)))))))

[crying egg dog.pdf]

let’s meet in the the commons

To: Yoonjin the Trash Bin

7? By the double doors upstairs?

From: Yoonjin the Trash Bin

No, no, no my friend come ASAP. We have much to discuss.

To: Yoonjin the Trash Bin

Uh okay???? See you in like 10 minutes I guess??? 

From: Yoonjin the Trash Bin

See you! <3

_______________________________________________________________________

“You actually did come.” Yoonjin’s hand reaches out and pinches my arm before she settles back against the wall. “I thought for sure your text was all some weird daydream I had conjured up.”

“Chaebin convinced me that our friendship was on the line if I left you alone at another workshop for the third week in a row.” My bag landed on the ground as I slide down next to Yoonjin. Her hair, newly cut and dyed to a short choppy greyish purple bob, was still something I needed to get used to. Yoonjin had failed her midterm last week and as a result decided that her hair would rejuvenate her life and, thus, her will to study. I still don’t think she’s bought her textbooks for this semester yet, but that’s not my business. 

“As she should! It was your idea to start coming to these dance things, and you left me!” Despite her anger, she still turned her smoothie toward me as an offering. “I look like a loose limbed monkey in there. At least with you there, you explain the steps to me.” I choke on the smoothie a little bit, as she crosses her arms.

“Loose limbed monkey? Yoon, you look fine! These workshops are meant for people who don’t have dance experience. It was your idea to try dancing, I just found a place to do it” Her face contorts as she sips on her smoothie again, shaking it to mix it up and get some frustration out. 

“It wouldn’t be so bad if people like you or Jeong-fucking-guk didn’t kept coming. It’s not fair to suck and then have to watch you two just like magically do it.” Her head gets thrown back with a thud as she grunts. Immediately I laugh and rub the back of her head in oder to soothe the soon to be ache. 

“I can go if you want since you seem to not want me or Jeongguk here apparently.” Her eyes dart over to me in the most non threatening but threatening way possible for someone like her. “Okay, so I’ll stay. Make your mind up Yoonjin, I can’t keep playing these games with you.” I click my tongue against my teeth as she smacks my thigh closest to her. “You said something about Jeongguk coming right? Since when does he come out to these things? I thought he was a dance and choreography minor? Shouldn’t he be with the big dogs or something in like a real class dancing?” 

Yoonjin hums, offering me the rest of her smoothie. It’s a green looking health smoothie from a self proclaimed health bar down the street. It’s for sure my favorite, and definitely not her’s, so I take it and nudge her as a thanks. “That’s the thing, I didn’t even know he went to these things. Usually I just hang out with you and everyone else who hides in the back with me, but last week he came up to me and asked if you were still coming.” I raise my eyebrows in surprise and nod for her to continue. “I told him you’ve been busy and he kinda just nodded and shuffled away. He did tell me to tell you to take it easy though.” “Were you ever planning on telling me that a boy approached you about me?” 

“I'm telling you now and that’s all that matters. Besides, I thought you swore off men after the mishap freshman year with that one Tinder date.” 

Immediately my face heats up, and I grimace at the memory. “We don’t talk about that for a good reason, you brat.” If she’s mad I called her a brat, her smug smile doesn’t show it. I go to open my mouth and further yell at her for bringing up the traumatizing story when a pair of black heavy boots skids to a stop by my stretched out legs. 

Okay, so here's the thing about Jeon Jeongguk . He is terrifyingly good looking. So much so that looking at him hurts, like physically hurts. Jeon Jeongguk could punch me in the face and I would say thank you for the attention and bow before passing out. Okay, that’s perhaps way too far but he is attractive and built. God, is he built. And he’s not even an asshole about it! Most guys who exercise thrive on showing off their bodies and flaunting their muscles. Not Jeon Jeongguk , though., Nope! Jeongguk wears sweaters and button ups that make him resemble a Korean version of Mr. Rogers. All smiles and kind eyes with a heart of gold. Men like Jeongguk are the reason I have heart issues and top notch acting skills. 

“You’re back!” My eyes blink a few times at Jeongguk before I register that he's looking at and me actually speaking. When I don’t say anything Jeongguk fiddles with the sleeve of his shirt and looks at Yoonjin before letting out a cough. He speaks a little calmer now, more airy and rushed. “Yoonjin said you’ve been busy and I was worried you weren’t gonna come back ‘til next semester. Not that I worried about you or like not not worried about you, but uh…” He sputtered a little and lets out a small huff of air before ruffling his hair back. My lips pressed together as I swing from internally swooning over his cuteness to the attractiveness of him pushing his hair back. “It’s good so see you back. Hobi hyung, says it's good to have some experienced people in the class to encourage and help beginners.”

“Is that why you keep coming too?” 

Maybe he doesn’t expect my question or for me answer him at all, but he blinks a little too hard and shyly looks over my shoulder rather than my face. It’s cute and maybe it makes a smile break out on my face. Just maybe though. “Yes! Hobi-hyung asked me to help him since he can’t uh ya know help everyone at once.” He doesn’t sound too sure of himself, but I let it go seeing as this is our first comprehensible conversation. 

“That’s sweet of you to help your hyung for free. Does Hoseok-shi think I’m there to do the same? I feel a little bad missing the past two weeks if you’ve been doing it all by yourself.” I frown and pinch my eyebrows a little tighter, looking the direction of the doors. Should I apologize? Yoonjin beside me, I can tell, has grown more and more interested in our conversation as she undoubtedly is texting our group-chat with Chaebin about what's happening. She nudges me to focus when the conversation stalls a little. The nerve of her, I swear.

Jeongguk , getting redder and slightly more panicky, shakes his head no a little too roughly. His hair looks a little messed up, and I nearly squeal with the need to fix the adorable mess that he is right now. Outside, however, I just smile softly and encourage him to explain. “Hobi-hyung and I are okay, you’re just like an added bonus to class cause you know you obvious have some experience with your technic and seem to pick up the dances quickly.” It’s a little rushed, but I think I make out everything he’s saying.

“Are you trying to say I’m a good dancer Jeongguk ?” It’s meant to be lighthearted and playful, but Jeongguk physically widens his eyes and looks everywhere, but in my direction for a few seconds before he stops trying to voice anything out just nods. My hands clasp in my lap as a I suppress a smile and will the flush to disappear from my cheeks. “Thanks, you dance really well too. I can see why you’re studying dance.” 

Jeongguk whispers the faintest, “Thank you,” before shoving his thumb in the direction of the door indicating that he’s gonna help them set up for the workshop. I wave goodbye and watch as he does the same and dashes behind the door. Now that he’s gone, I can breathe a little easier. That was probably the weirdest experience I’ve had today, or this week for that matter. Pretty people don’t just go up to me and talk, let alone me of all people. And when I say pretty people, I mean pretty people like Jeongguk and his pretty posse of friends.  Jeongguk and his hyungs are just uncommonly so pretty and somehow together all the time. Even now Jeongguk is inside with Jung Hoseok, a graduate student who hosts the beginner dance workshops on Thursday. The fact that  Jeongguk even talked to me, or asked about me last is enough to twist my insides a little. Normal people talk to people all of the time, but  Jeongguk was not normal and his hyungs are not normal. I mean they are, but they project this ethereal aura that just intimidates everyone. So, why for the love of God was Jeon Jeongguk just talking to me?

“Are we gonna talk about what just happened or are you gonna keep staring at the door?”

“Shut up, I'm trying to process everything.”

[jiroulogy]

Hi! Nice to see you again!

04/05/2021

it’s me, Jirou. It’s been a while. I don’t think I’ve posted anything after my first semester of second year.. it’s been almost 2 years since then! And a LOOOOOT has happened. I’m happy I’m still here.

This is probably gonna be a long post, but I just wanted to write down how much my life has changed since then, how much I’ve learned and how much happier I’ve become. Thank you for reading this far.

Before you read any further, please be aware of a few trigger warnings for: suicide attempt, sexual assault and child abuse.

Let’s start from where we left off, shall we? Second semester of my second year of uni. So much happened, especially the upcoming med school entrance exam. The looming THOUGHT of that one event tanked my mental health and academic progress SOOO much that I got the worst grades I’ve ever had for my subjects. I was miserable, switching from antidepressant to anti anxiety meds like they were skittles. I was doing my best to stay alive.

[TW: suicide attempt] Then a few weeks before that damn med school test. The police came knocking on my door with an ambulance following shortly after to take me to hospital, as I’d just tried to take my life. I spent 6 hours there total, got cleared home after a the doctor assessment. But I’ve never felt so out reality. Like I was never alive at all. I recovered well after that, but I was still finding it hard to get back to reality. I got stuck watching twitch streamers to never have a quiet second in my brain. That was when I decided to join this one streamer’s subscriber discord. And I met the boy that pulled me back to earth.

This was 6 months after a brutal heart break, [TW: sexual assault] one where I was violated and left to feel empty and unlovable. I lost all my self esteem from that breakup, and along with expectations from my parents and my own mental illnesses, it almost took my life. So you wouldn’t even believe how much in awe I was that one person was able to change how I think completely.

I met my current boyfriend (he likes to think he’s my fiancé) in that discord, after he told me to shut up when I said hi to everyone. Then apologised of course, but that fueled it enough to set a course of enemies to lovers:

After a month or two of talking, he confessed he loved me. I did the same. Happily ever after. But get this, he lived in Sydney, and I, in melbourne. So it was exactly a year until we get to actually see each other because... DUN DUN DUUUUNNN the pandemic happened.

It was a roughy rough time. As I still lived with my parents, I had to move with them to a part of my state that was rly far away from uni and my friends. And I can’t drive so.... I really spent those first few months of lockdown with no social contact... [TW: child abuse] in a house of narcissistic and abusive parents. So then again, my mental health tanked. So hard that I recall such a vivid moment that while my bf was on call with me he was trying to make me imagine a future with him, far far away, where nothing could touch me. That’s when I knew I really had to get out of there if I wanted to live and prosper.

After my first semester of third year. I ran away from home. I packed my things secretly, waited for my parents and the rest of the family to leave the house for groceries. Made breakfast for my sister who was still asleep. Called my uber, and didn’t look back. It was the hardest, most exhilarating and most profound thing I have ever done in my life. It is the reason I am still alive today. I escaped abuse, organised my life to support myself ALONE. Learned to live with roommates, navigated my ling distance relationship, and improved my mental health. Just from doing one thing, that changed my life.

After that, things were going more smoothly. I was in my second semester of uni, I was doing okay. I wasn’t doing AMAZING but for my circumstances, I was doing my god damn best. I finished that semester as well as I could. And then the borders opened. And I could finally see my baby.

One whole year we went without even touching skin. I finally was there, to another stepping stone in my life that unfolds the rest of my future. Changing my future like tidal waves for ripples. I met him, and I knew he was the love of my life. We spent one week together until he had to go back. And I was like fuck that I need you. 3 weeks later I found myself in Sydney, living with his family for almost two months until I had to come back for my final semester. Which is where I am now.

You’re all caught up now. Let me tell you about how I’ve changed. I think I am the happiest I’ve ever been since my innocent childhood, everyday I spend with my bf feels like the Sunday mornings that my grandma picks me up from my dad’s and takes me to buy toys. I feel like I can have a future. I am tethered to reality by the best person I have ever known. And I built this life with the support of my friends and supportive family members. From here on, I’m expecting to move in with my bf in a few months time, which by then we won’t be long distance anymore. We’ll finally be able to plan our future together.

If you’re still reading, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope with my story, my journey from 16-17 years old when I started this blog, and now that I’m 2 weeks away from turning 21, you can see that life changes and gets better. All the bullshit you encounter will fade into black once enough time passes. I hope to the universe that life treats you well and guides you to your stars. I’m thankful that I had the opportunity to write my life down in this blog, I’ll come back every now and then to let you know. But the way my life is going, I don’t even feel the need to escape it through reblogging things I wish I was/had/was doing. I am living for me.

As always, I hope your days are kind and warm. I love you very much.

Bloom and never wither,

Jirou

[team-council]

These are my Alina/Cadence HCs bc I lowkey ship them! Note that for this I’m assuming gay couples are automatically bad matches bc they can’t reproduce. Also this contains some HCs that just pertain to these characters and not exclusively their relationship.

Also big thanks to @everyonehasthoughts for listening to me ramble about this + also coming up with some of the ones featured here

• Alina and Cadence are about the same age and they have been dating in secret since they were 16

• Because Alina always wanted to be in the nobility, they mutually agreed it would be best for her reputation that things stayed on the DL between them

• However, as they got older Cadence grew less secure about this. She wasn’t happy feeling like she had to keep her love for Alina a secret, but mostly just worried frequently that their relationship was more of a burden on Alina than anything else

• Cadence isn’t very open with her feelings, so while Alina was able to tell something was wrong with her she could get Cadence to elaborate on it- mostly because Cadence was worried Alina would feel guilty about her discontentment.

• Alina herself hates the arrangement as well. She’s a very proud person and it literally kills her that she can’t go to parties and watch people writhe with jealousy as she dances with the prettiest girl (Cadence) in the room, or that she can’t gush about all of the amazing research Cadence does to everyone she meets. But most of all, of course, she hates that she can’t give Cadence the life they both deserve together.

• Alina, however, is willing to brave this- or so she thinks. She’s certain that one day she and Cadence will be married after Alina’s been in the nobility- maybe even on the council- just long enough to change the system for the better

• Cadence, on the other hand, can’t bear it any longer. She’s already naturally a distant person and the pull of her research quickly becomes an enticing escape from her anxieties about her relationship with Alina.

• Cadence officially breaks things off with Alina when she leaves to research the ogres on a more personal level, telling her that it’s not her fault and that she just wants to focus on research at the moment.

• Alina is absolutely devastated. Despite wanting to support Cadence’s dream she does beg her to stay. Like beg beg, like fucking sobs

• Cadence is extremely distressed by this and leaves before she can change her mind, believing they’ll both be happier if they focus on their respective ambitions.

• Alina doesnt take this very well. All her life she’s dreamt of having someone to love. She’s terrified of being alone and she wants desperately for someone else to love her- because despite the vanity she fronts, she’s not capable of doing it herself

• Alden has been interested in Alina for some time, and since he’s on her match list she decides to pursue him.

• The two hit it off surprisingly well, and while Alina doesn’t love him as deeply as she loves Cadence Alden makes her feel cared for and important and serves as a welcomed respite from her heartache and fears of lonliness

• This does not last, as Alden moves on from her extremely abruptly, getting with Della

• Since Cadence is in Ravagog- somewhere Alina would have a hard time getting to her even if she had the balls to face her again (which she does not)- Alina decides in utter desperation to pursue Alden despite his rejecting her

• She can’t handle another heartbreak

• She can’t handle feeling like she isn’t good enough again

• She needs to be loved

• We all know how it goes from there for her

• While this is going down with Alina, Cadence is having a much different experience with the ogres

• At first her new, freeing lifestyle keeps her mind off Alina. She’s happier on her boat, able to research as she pleases, able to isolate herself with her work without being bothered or subjected to ridicule from elves not particularly fond of her ogre-centric studies

• But even Cadence’s solitary disposition has its limits, and in her early year’s at Ravagog things are /hard/ for her. She doesn’t have any elven friends and the ogres still don’t trust her enough to truly be companions

• She feels entirely alone sometimes and spends many nights staring at her imparter, wanting to call Alina. To tell her everything she’s been through, to excitedly ramble about her research, to complain about Dimitar’s god awful temper, to cry because no matter how hard she tries to stomach it her mind gets a bit weaker with each display of violence she’s shown- something that ogres see her as lesser for, even despite the fact that she doesn’t look down on them for those practices in the first place like other elves do

• She never does call her though

• Her time in Ravagog amplifies some of her best traits- her curiosity, her compassion, her patience- but also some of her worst- her reclusive tendencies and her emotional reservation specifically.

• It’s decades before Lady Cadence is called back to teach at Foxfire

• Alina begs the council to pick another mentor for Sophie, but can’t press it too hard without looking suspicious

• They spend a long time avoiding one another, adverting their eyes in the staff rooms and halls, sitting on opposite ends of the table at meetings

• But before they know it they start gravitating towards one another again

• At first it’s little things like soft, stolen glances or pacing at one another’s sides on the way to a conference

• Then they start talking again

• Cadence arranged for them to have tea during their free time. They chat and catch up and pretend like nothing happened

• Then Alina invites Cadence to dinner at her house, where she ends up breaking down. Cadence cuddles her as she does her best to explain what happened with Alden, how small and disposible she felt when he left her, how she felt like just being with him was a betrayal of Cadence

• Cadence assured her that it’s alright, she tells Alina she’s loved and she’s important, she promises her that things will get better and fights tears of her own

• There’s so much more cadence wants to say, baggage of her own that she’s about to collapse under the weight of

• But, again, she’s had to overcompensate for her weaknesses living with ogres. She’s even worse about her emotions now than she was before and crams them all into a box and shoved them away

• Alina can tell this, but unlike before she’s determined not to give up. She’s going to make thing’s right. She’s going to make sure Cadence Talle, who has spent her life understanding others, is finally understood herself

• And then Councillor Kenric dies.

• They’re both made candidates for the councillor position

• When Alina’s elected it’s unlike she ever imagined it would be. This isn’t going to be in and out. It’s not a matter of changing the match system or garnering respect for the talentless. She’s smack in the middle of a war. The man who held her position previously was murdered. It’s a greater commitment than she ever wanted out of the nobility, and it comes to her right when she’s finally got Cadence back again after so many years

• Cadence encourages her to take the position. She’s stuck at Foxfire anyways so it isn’t like she’s going anywhere. She’s- endlessly- worried about Alina’s safety, but she keeps those fears to herself. If Alina’s to be a councillor, Cadence will need to trust and respect her as a leader, not coddle her like a lover- much as she might like to.

• Alina eventually relents and takes up her new position

• The two keep in contact with calls here and there, but Alina is more busy than she’s ever been and after Ravagog is destroyed Cadence demands time away from her duties at foxfire to visit and help with damage control and recovery

• The next time they’re alone in person again Cadence is lying unconscious in an infirmary bed

• When Alina got the news that she had been attacked at Havenfield she dropped everything to visit her. It was impossible to pry her from her side. She sat next to her bed and gripped her hand as tightly as she could in her own, begging her to wake up and be alright

• Cadence doesn’t take too long to come around, and when she does she find’s her chest grows unbearably warm at the sight of Alina, whom she accepts that, in that moment, she is still completely in love with

• Cadence assured her that she’s fine, even attempting to get out of bed in order to hug her. This does not work. Alina has to drag her back onto the bed before Elwin bursts in and tells them both off

• It takes Cadence a while to talk Alina out of assigning her a body guard, and Alina relents only just barely under the logic that the attack wasn’t targeted at Cadence so there’s no need for concern

• Alina can tell that the incident weighs on her, but again she can’t get her to open up

• When Luminaria falls Alina, fortunately, sustains a few cuts and a couple broken bones like some of the other councillors but nothing too bad. By the time Cadence hear’s of the incident and comes running there’s not much to see of the accident anymore. But that doesn’t stop Cadence from pressing kisses against what of her is bandaged up (and dousing her in a number of different baked confections and flavorful teas)

• Again, they’re contact wanes for a little. Cadence is desperate to keep Dimitar from shutting the ogres away from the rest of the world and focussed most of her attention on that

• When they talk again it’s after Alina had been told that Cadence was the intended target of the Havenfield attack. Before she can start talking about bodyguards and security measures, however, Cadence finally breaks down.

• She clings to Alina like a child and recounts the interrogation session, how she’d failed to reason with the ogre, how he’d died as a result. Alina can’t empathize with her grief. She thinks of the assassin and bile rises in her throat. But she stifles her anger and holds cadence, promising that it isn’t her fault, that the work she’s done is good work, that the hatred he held for her was unwarranted and ill conceived

• When Cadence calms down she explains everything she’s been withholding. Her anxiety about their relationship, her paralyzing lonliness, her frustrations having to abandon her research, her still very real love for Alina

• Alina can’t help the few tears that come to her eyes. She’s finally got past Cadence’s walls, she can finally talk to her and comfort her like she needs to in order to help her feel secure

• Alina assures her that their relationship was never a burden, that she’s never been ashamed of Cadence, that she still loves her as well, and that she’d always be willing to take her back. They touch on other issues as well. Alina can’t entirely convince her that she doesn’t need to be constantly reserve herself they do make an agreement to be more open with one another

• They’re still plenty busy though, and mostly keep their interactions to friendly conversation and platonic affection as so not to threaten Alina’s position on the council. Alina has made plans to resign once the Neverseen is dealt with and marry Cadence like she’d always planned. Cadence is hoping that Alina won’t mind spending some of their time as a couple in Ravagog, and Alina’s hoping that Cadence won’t mind spending some time literally anywhere else

[rosegoldannie]

Living a lie

A Rowaelin Angsty/fluffy Hollywood!Au fic with a happy ending.

Also I had an idea for a quarantine TOG or ACOTAR fic. Comment which couple I should write it about! Also on a side note, my birthday was a few days ago, and now I’m 16!

Masterlist

They were living a lie.

In public, they were loving, and affectionate, and the couple that absolutely everyone wanted to be. They would walk down the street, Rowan’s hand around her waist, and smile for the cameras. She would smile, kiss him, and gush over her husband, how he was everything she could ever want. How their life was a blissful paradise.

Home was a nightmare. A neverending nightmare. They fought constantly, never able to go more than a few hours, maybe a few days if they really, really tried, without some form of an argument. And that was exactly where Aelin found herself yet again, fighting back tears, on her birthday no less. Reaching for her favorite eyeshadow, she contemplated how she, a twenty-three year old, found herself near-sobbing at the thought of attending her first major movie premier. Near sobbing, and not with joy.

Her emerald gown was set across her bed. Yes, her bed. Recently, they had been fighting so much that she couldn’t stand sleeping in the same room as her husband, but had been totally unwilling to stay with a friend. Something about the finality of that set her stomach turning. As if it were announcing to the world - because one way or another, if she spent the night at a friend’s, the whole world would know - that their marriage was over.

As she finished up her makeup, a single tear slipped out, which she quickly swept away, not having the patience to touch up the ever so slightly smudged makeup. She stood, making her way over to the bed, where that damn dress lay waiting . The gown whispered cooly against her arms, sliding smoothly over her skin. She sighed, almost wanting to forgo the entire event, and spend the night with her dog, a pint of ice cream, and maybe, just maybe, her husband.

There was a slight knock, then- “Can I come in?”

Aelin sighed through her nose, some strange sense of dread settling further in her gut, and turning the roasted salmon she’d had for lunch to lead. “Yeah.”

Her husband slipped through the doorway, and her jaw nearly dropped. Those pine eyes which were almost always so very cold were warm,and  gentle, and brimming with love. He was in sweats, and clutching a bouquet of sunflowers, a box of chocolate, and a small, velvet box. “Happy birthday, Ace.” He murmured. On any other day, Aelin would have sobbed, and thrown herself into his arms absolutely showering him with kisses and sweet murmurs, because by the gods, Rowan Ellys Whitethorn, who rarely remembered what day of the week it was, let alone the date, had remembered her birthday, and all of her favorite things. But this wasn’t any other day. And she didn’t jump into his arms.

“What the hell are you wearing?” She rasped through the tightness in her throat.

Rowan blinked, the warmth in those green eyes cooling ever so slightly, as mild panic filled them. “What? Were we going out tonight?” 

A sense of panic washed over her. “Yes! My premier? We have to leave in twenty minutes!” Some small part of her roared that this was why they fought: He didn’t listen to her. Didn’t hear her. She had been raving about how excited she was for this for weeks. He knew how much this night meant to her, and yet… he still forgot.

His face visibly fell as he placed the gifts on her bedside table, and slipped from the room. All the while murmuring that he would be ready to go soon. She nodded, telling herself that she trusted him enough to pick out his own suit, which was most definitely not a way of avoiding having to see his tattoo, and everything it promised and implied. Even though she couldn’t avoid it totally, as it weaved and snaked its way up the side of his face. But still. The most painful part was hidden under his clothes. For her eyes only, he had murmured in her ears years prior, whilst they were intertwined between the sheets and so irrevocably in love. Oh, where had the passion gone? The heat? The love?

Twenty minutes later, they were in the throes of yet another screaming match. 

“If you had told me before hand, maybe-”

“Don’t pull that shit with me, Rowan. You have all your shit organized. There’s no way you could fuck up this badly on accident.”

“And? Did you forget I’m colorblind?” She flinched, and he paused for a moment before continuing. “Did you forget because it isn’t something in your phone?” Again, she flinched. Because he was right; she had forgotten that he was colorblind and she was an awful person for it.

Regardless, those gold-ringed Ashryver eyes hardened. “There is absolutely no way this is an accident.” She held his gaze as she gestured to his black shirt, green tie and jacket, and black pants. While he’d definitely had worse red-carpet outfits, she was still upset. Partly because this was her first premier in which she was the sole star, and partly because of a word that had been whipping around in her mind for days.

“Alright, fine! I was trying to match your dress but I ran out of clean clothes.” He snapped. Something small cracked in his voice, and there was such desperation that she had to clench her eyes shut.

When she finally opened her eyes, she forged ahead and prayed. “Ro, we have to talk about it. This isn’t fair to either of us.” Rowan inhaled, and she waited for the barrage of pleas and promises, but they never came. He only sighed, clenched his jaw, and nodded. And something within her cracked, something ancient and primordial which had long lain dormant within her, roaring that he couldn’t just give up.

But they weren’t what everyone thought.

The entire world thought they were perfect.

The entirety of their families thought they were blissfully in love. Even Aedion.

But they were miserable.

She - truly - didn’t know who said it, only that during one of their fights a week prior, someone had screamed at the other that if things were truly so awful, then they should file for divorce. And for the last week, it had been the only thing on her mind. She was young, young enough to find love again-

Aelin damn near gagged at the thought, unable to even look at her husband for several long moments, even as a metallic, revolting taste remained in her mouth for a long while. “Are you happy? Like this?”

The driver of their limousine called back that they would be arriving soon, and they chorsed back their thanks.

He at last semi-met her gaze. “Am I happy?” He repeated, as if not totally processing the words. “I’m not unhappy.” He murmured, eyes trailing over her, over the shoulders exposed by her gown, to her lips painted a dark red, to her jewelry. His pine-green eyes trailed down to her hand, and the blood drained from his face. “Your ring….”

Confusion lanced through her, until she followed his gaze. To her empty ring finger, a band of pale skin where that silver and emerald wedding band always sat. To where she had forgotten to put it back on after her shower. Then the panic set in, a thousand different scenarios playing out in her mind. What actually occurred was so, so much worse.

Somehow, he paled even more, then clenched his eyes shut. A single tear slid down his cheek, which her fingers itched to wipe away, as their limousine pulled to a stop in front of a mob of flashing cameras and shouting reporters. Silently, she begged him to yell or scream, or beg her for another chance. Anything at all, any show of emotion. All he did was let out a soft, “Oh.”

Her panic rose, as she internally begged him to meet her eyes. “Ro, please.” She pleaded, her small voice cracking on the last word.

Those eyes snapped open, and her heart clenched at how utterly unable to read the boundless emotions swimming in them she was. “No.” He murmured, gently taking her hand, and pushing open the door. “We’ll talk about this at home. Tonight is your night.”

And so their masks slipped into place, even as her chest tightened to the point of pain. Together, they weaved through the crowds towards the red carpet. Arm in arm, ever the perfect couple. They even paused to pose for the paparazzi, Rowan wrapping an arm around her waist, and pressing a seemingly sweet kiss to her forehead. But she felt it for what it was: a goodbye, and an apology. Her heart began to crack.

Then they were pulled apart, and it could have been her imagination, but it seemed as if he seemed eager to be away from her. Nevertheless, she was whisked away by a reporter, who was shoving a microphone in her face, and a camera flashed brightly behind him. “Mrs. Whitethorn, how does it feel to be the star of your own movie?”

“Amazing,” She answered robotically, “it feels like a dream.”

“And are there any mini-Whitethorns on their way to us?” He teased, shoving that damn microphone further into her face.

And suddenly she was nineteen again, wrapped up in Rowan’s hoodie, curled up in his lap in their favorite armchair, back in their crappy, old apartment with the leaky faucets and drains that never really drained. 

“What do you think of children?” He murmured, nestling his face into her neck.

Aelin pulled back, giving him a coy smile, even as her gut erupted in butterflies, and a warm feeling seeped through her every limb. “I absolutely detest the idea.”

Rowan pouted, eyes pleading with her teasingly. “Oh really, and why is that?”

Grinning devilishly, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Because I already have a man-child of my own, whom I love very much.” She then pressed another kiss to his soft, precious lips, and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Groaning, he pulled her impossibly closer, and she adjusted her position so that she straddled him, and plunged her fingers into his hair. Rowan’s strong hands trailed up and down her thighs, exposed by her athletic shorts that she wore purly to torment him.

After a long while, he reluctantly pulled back, his eyes serious. “In all honesty, what do you think of having children? With me?”

Again, she grinned, and again she attacked his lips. “I’d love them.”

She was pulled out of her reverie by a gentle arm snaking around her middle from behind, a chiseled chin coming to rest on her shoulder. Almost instantly, tears welled in her eyes for a multitude of reasons. When was the last time she had even considered that day? And how so very much she wanted children, with no one but the man wrapped around her. Her face flushed. And she prayed that Rowan didn’t notice, or if he did, that he thought it was simply from the constantly flashing.

Rowan smiled deeply, but his eyes remained sad on a level only she could see. “No, I’m afraid not.

The reporter sighed, then proceeded to hammer them with more questions, until they finally made a respectful exit and rushed into the theatre. And now, curled up unceremoniously in the plush chairs in front of that giant screen, she felt as if she might be sick.

And then the movie began.

There was one scene - only one - that she could barely stomach watching. It was when her love interest, played by Dorian Havilliard, was brutally whipped, as her character screamed in the background. It was all too similar to the worst night of her life, where she had watched her best friend had been so brutally killed. How she had been locked in a small, lightless room for weeks, listening helplessly as Sam was-

It was as if he had sensed her distress, for she had never truly told him what had occurred those weeks she had been missing from school, that his warm, gentle hand came to cautiously rest over hers. And when she didn’t push him away, he slowly drew their intertwined hands into his lap, to fully enclose her small, nimble hand in both of his. Hot tears slipped down her cheeks. It had been so long, and yet he still remembered

Once it had passed, Aelin breathed a sigh of relief, as her favorite scene was coming up, in which she - as Liliana - got to leap off a cliff, and soar through the air after escaping her captors. That scene had been such fun to film. Smiling, she thought back to the day she had filmed that, and had returned home so happy and excited that she and Rowan had actually had a pleasant evening, in which she had told him all of the details of the film. 

Slowly, she glanced over to Rowan under her lashes, and was surprised to see him staring awestruck at the screen, tears rolling freely down his tattooed face. And it was as if the fog which had been clouding her mind, her eyes for months…. It was if that fog had lifted, and she saw him. She truly saw him.

Pride, love and awe were abundant in his incredible eyes.

And she simply couldn’t help but to press a kiss to his hands.

Rowan jerked slightly, his head whirling towards her, his handsome features comically surprised and confused. Aelin cracked a smile, and snuggled into his side. Immediately, he wrapped his arms around her and it felt like coming home.

And as the movie carried on, she allowed her mind to wander, back to their most recent fights in which that wretched word had been flung.

“I never see you.” He spat, pinning her in place with a livid glare.

“I come home every night, I made sure that-”

“You stay here, but I never see you. It’s like you’re avoiding me.”

She crossed her arms and huffed.

Rowan pursed his lips. “So you are avoiding me, then.” He shook his head, eyes lingering on the fireplace behind her, rather than actually on her. “Can I ask why?”

Aelin shifted slightly. “Because I’m tired of fighting with you.”

“Really?” He scoffed, those chiseled features hardening. “Then why do you find fault with every damn thing I do?”

“I do not.”

“Yes you do.” He hissed. “When I went to pick you up from the set last week, you refused to come home.”

“Because I had a meeting.”

“That you didn’t tell me about. I had told you I wanted to spend the evening together.”

“No, you didn’t!”

“Yes I did, Aelin. You were just on your phone.”

“And? I’m busy, Rowan.”

“Yeah.” Rowan huffed, crossing his arms. “Don’t I know it.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“That you’re always on your phone! You don’t listen to me!”

Fury began to set her blood boiling. “Oh, I don’t listen to you?” She shouted, face growing redder with each passing second. “You don’t hear a thing I say! It’s like I’m married to a brick wall.”

“You’re really comparing me to a brick wall? Are you serious, Aelin? You downright refuse to even be in the same room as me. You refuse to communicate with me. Hell, half the time you refuse to even acknowledge that I exist! Let alone the fact that I’m your husband.” Hesitation shone in his eyes for a brief moment before dissipating. “Half the time I wonder if growing up in Terrassen really did turn your heart into ice.”

Aelin could barely school her face into neutrality. “If you really feel that way, then maybe you shouldn’t have proposed to me.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have.”

“No. You shouldn’t have.”

“So then you agree. We shouldn’t have gotten married.”

“No. No we shouldn’t have. It was a mistake.”

“Finally we agree on something.”

“Finally.”

Well. Since we both agree, I guess that means getting a divorce.”

“I guess it does.”

Suddenly she was blinking rapidly against the bright lights that now illuminated the luxurious theatre, as the credits began rolling across the screen. And the very first name upon that lengthy list was her own, scrawled in her cursive-printed combination handwriting that had so annoyed and upset her middle and high school teachers.

There was a loud, high-pitched squeal as a flurry of arms, legs, tulle, fluffy skirts and red-golden hair came flying at her, clambering down over the rows of velvety seats to wrap her thin arms around her and bury that scarred, adorable face in Aelin’s impeccably styled hair. And following close behind were several of Aelin’s close friends.

“Hello, Evangeline.” She chuckled, hugging the little girl back with equal fervor.

“You were amazing!” The girl squealed, beaming from ear to ear.

“Aww, thank you. You’re too sweet.”

“She’s right, Ace.” A deep voice murmured from behind.

Aelin whirled, after setting Evangeline safely down, to see Aedion. Clad in a crisp tuxedo, his hair brushed, and for once in something other than a hasty man-bun. “You made it!” She squeaked, throwing herself into her older brother’s arms. 

Once they separated, he was grinning. “Of course! I couldn’t miss your first premier.” Then his grin turned positively sneaky. “And I brought friends.” Then out stepped Lysandra and Elide, and Aelin saw her friend’s boyfriend off conversing with Sartaq and Dorian.

The three women shrieked in joy, instantly wrapping themselves into a clustered hug. After only a second, Elide let out a squeak, as she didn’t even come up to either woman’s shoulder, and they leaned down to include her.

After they had at last pulled apart, Nesryn, Manon and Yrene came up to introduce themselves, followed by their respective partners. Once Aelin had introduced them to her childhood friends, and had established a flowing conversation, she looked around for her husband, the urge to speak with him nearly overwhelming.

Mild panic began to fill her when she didn’t see him anywhere in the theatre, so she excused herself and rushed as quickly as her stilettos and dress would allow. Bursting through the thick door, Aelin scanned the foyer for that telltale green suit jacket and white hair, but again, she didn’t see it anywhere. And again, she rushed as quickly as she could into the lobby of the theatre, once again scanning the crowds, but once again she didn’t find him.

That mild panic quickly rose and filled her, blurring her crappy vision - worsened by the fact that she had forgotten to put her contacts back in after her shower -  and filled her eyes with tears. Quickly, she wiped them away and smudged her makeup, and rushed out of the lobby, into the cool night air, where hundreds of paparazzi instantly began snapping countless pictures of her.

Stumbling backwards, she rushed back into the lobby, and rushed for the back entrance, tumbling out towards the garbage cans. By now, her hair had come out of its beautiful waves and was now a messy, unkempt rats nest. 

Any inhibitions she had gave way when she leaned against the slimy, brick wall and slid down to the ground, burying her face in her knees as the hot, hopeless tears began to freely slide down her cheeks. Her dress caught on a chip in the bricks, and ripped, exposing a portion of her scarred back. A new wave of tears began, and she tugged at her hair.

What had she done? How had she let him believe that she didn’t love him, that she truly wanted a divorce? And who could blame him, she had been a total bitch. She had yelled at him for his greatest insecurity, the one thing he was self conscious about. And all because he hadn’t worn what she wanted. And that was after he had brought her everything he knew she loved, because the man who would forget his own name had remembered her birthday, and had tried to make it special for her, because he loved her. And she had yelled at him.

So, really, was it so surprising that he had left? He had seen her empty ring finger, and thought that she was leaving him, that she truly did want a divorce. But…. she didn't though.  Sure, things weren’t great, but… there was no one person responsible for it. At one point, they had simply stopped communicating, and simply expected the other to know or do things that they had no way of knowing.

She had stopped truly communicating with him, but Rowan had kept trying to reach her, and each time she had shut him down and berated him for it. And so, he had stopped trying.

Letting out a high whimper, Aelin wrapped her arms around herself as the chilly air soon seeped into her bones. Yet another wave of hot tears streamed down her face, but she again swiped them away, rubbing viciously at her eyes. When she pulled her hands back, she found that they were smeared with a mixture of eyeshadow, mascara and eyeliner, and Aelin knew that she most likely looked like a sleep deprived raccoon. Sighing, she used the hem of her dress as a tissue and again wiped at her eyes. 

Overhead, the clouds rumbled ominously and rain began pelletting the ground around her. Again, Aelin sighed, and stood slowly, making to walk towards the street so she could order a taxi-

She froze. A taxi to where? Home? If Rowan was really leaving, he most likely was back at the house, packing her things. If she made it home, she could talk to him, convince him…. Convince him of what? That she deserved him? That she deserved a second chance? After everything that had happened, did she really even deserve a second chance? All she had done recently was find fault with every single thing he did, and make him unhappy. He deserved so much more than her.

But…. he had promised her. He had promised that no matter what happened, he would always love her. And he had meant it, because he had stayed by her side, failed audition after failed audition. Hell, he had even been the one to suggest that they move out to california once she had finally landed a role.

Sighing, Aelin hung her head as a painful revelation came over her: that she didn’t deserve a second chance. He deserved someone who wouldn’t close themselves off and leave him alone. He deserved someone who knew his insecurities and didn’t hold them against him when he made a mistake. He deserved someone else, someone better. Someone who wasn’t her.

The light drizzle became a full-fledged rainstorm, and she turned, making to go back to her corner, where she would be sheltered from the rain behind that rancid garbage can, but her stiletto gave a sharp crack, and she tripped into a puddle, soaking her dress.

She cursed, drawing her foot closer, to inspect the damage. The heel of her shoe had snapped clear off, her dress had begun to rip at the seam and was now soaked and stained with garbage, and her leg was now splattered with mud.

Cursing, Aelin stumbled back over to where she had spent the previous several hours: behind the dumpster.

No sooner had she resumed her earlier position, the door flew open, and she retreated further behind the dumpster, curling into a small ball. Whoever had come through that door stomped around for a good while, and then the door creaked open again.

Then she heard a sharp gasp, and her head jerked up.

Rowan, looking as dishevelled as she had ever seen him, was crouched before her, his tie completely undone and the top several buttons of his now wrinkled shirt unbuttoned. “Aelin,” He murmured, leaning forward to put his suit jacket around her. “What the hell-”

She interrupted him by throwing herself into his arms. “I’m sorry, Rowan.” She whimpered. “This is all my fault, I should never have shut you out, and I promise that if you choose to give me a second chance I’ll do better.”

“Whoa-whoa what?” He pulled back slightly, brushing the knotted hair from her face, and wiping away some dirt on her cheekbone. “What do you mean? This isn’t your fault, and why the hell are you out here?”

“I-I thought you had left, because… Fuck, Rowan we’ve been fighting so much, and…. And last week we all but said we were going to get a divorce, and all I’ve done for the last I don’t know how long is yell at you, and earlier when you saw I didn’t have my wedding ring on, I thought that you thought that was me saying that we’re done, but I promise that I don’t want that and if you’d only let me explain that I forgot to put it back on after my shower. But if you’ve already decided that we’re done, I promise that I’ll respect that and you’ll never have to see or hear from me again.”

Slowly, she watched him process what she had said, as he scanned her face. “Aelin… no. No, I don’t want this to be over, and of course I’ll give you another chance. That goes without saying. I know how busy you’ve been, and I’ve tried to be supportive, but I know that I’ve been distant. I had wanted to tell you that if you were willing to give me another chance, I’d be everything you’ve ever wanted.”

Silver began lining her eyes, and she pulled his jacket tighter around her to ward off the chill. “Rowan, I love you. You never have to ask for a second chance. You’ll always have it, no matter what.” Her cheeks reddened, and she found it hard to look at him. “Because, Ro, I…. you’re it for me.”

In less than a second, he had pulled her into a tight hug, wrapping himself around her. Hot tears began to dampen what little of her gown hadn’t already been soaked, but she didn’t care, because Rowan was here, and he still cared.

When he at last pulled back, his eyes were red and puffy. “You’re it for me too, Aelin. You’ve always been it for me.” With that, Rowan leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to her cold lips. After only a few moments, he made to pull back, but she gripped his shirt, and pulled him back to her, and she pressed her lips to his.

And as his arms wrapped around her, she knew she was home. With his lips moving sweetly against hers, it was as if they were seventeen, and sharing a kiss behind the bleachers at a highschool dance.

Once they had finally parted, she couldn’t help the words that tumbled out of her mouth. “You still love me, right Ro?”

Confusion filled his gaze. “Of course.”

“But then….why did you leave me?”

“What? I would never leave you.”

“Yes, you did. After the movie, I was looking for you and you were gone. I looked everywhere.”

“After the…? Aelin,” He smiled sweetly, cupping her cheek, “after the movie I went to the bathroom. I never purposefully left you. I’d never do that.”

She blinked. “So you’re saying I’ve been out here for no reason?”

Rowan grinned, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You always did have a dramatic flare. It’s part of why I love you.”

Humming, she leaned into him. “I missed you.”

Another kiss was pressed to the crown of her head. “I missed you too, love.”

It wasn’t easy, and it most definitely didn’t happen overnight, and their fight in the limousine wasn’t their last, but they rebuilt their relationship. It took a lot of counseling, a lot of tears, a lot of talking, and a lot of patience, but, well over a year later, they were once again happy and in love. Some days were better than others, and it was by no means perfect. But they were happy.

Balancing work and their personal life wasn’t easy, and there were still many times that one person accidentally began shutting down communication with the other, but they now made a point to spend time together, and to schedule weekends off so that they could relax. Another improvement was that Aelin was no longer sleeping in the guest room. 

Only a few weeks after her premier, she and Rowan had decided to move into another house, as they both agreed that it would be too difficult to repair their marriage in the house that had some so close to destroying it.

Now in a new house in the suburbs, Aelin felt as if they had been gifted with a fresh start, and another chance together.

Several months later, nearly two years after her premier, as they were wrapped together under warm sheets and in each other's arms, buttery sunlight streaming in through the large windows, with her head tucked under his chin, she smiled a secret smile, her thoughts drifting to the growing secret within her belly, whose existence she would soon reveal to her husband. But for now, she roused him gently from his light slumber. “Ro. Ro, wake up. I want to tell you something.”

“Mnggh.” 

She could simply grin, and attempt to rouse him again. “Please, it’s important.”

One green eye slipped open. “Wa’sit?” He slurred, pulling her closer.

Bracing her elbows on his bare chest, she traced his collarbone with her fingertip. “I’ve been thinking about something for a while, and...I’ve come to a decision.”

Now he was awake. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes with his free hand, he met her happy gaze. “What do you mean?” He murmured, fingers combing sweetly through her hair.

Resting her chin in her hands, she gazed into his eyes. “So….I’ve been thinking that even though we’ve talked about it, and you’re completely fine with my acting career…”

“Mmhmm…” He hummed, smiling slightly.

“I’ve decided that I’m going to retire early, and get a real job.”

His eyes widened comically. “What?! B-but you love acting! Why-what… I’d never want you…. Aelin, you can’t! You-this is your dream job.” He sputtered, holding her gaze, and searching.

She cupped his cheek and brushed his bottom lip with her thumb. Trying to convey just how much she loved him with that gesture. “It’s my decision, Rowan. I decided to retire because I don’t like the strain it puts on our relationship.” Her husband began to protest, but she quickly silenced him. “No one made me do this. And, yeah, I know we’ve worked out ways to work through the stress my job puts on us, but… I don’t like it. I hate how we almost have to put on a facade for the paparazzi, and how absolutely everything we do is criticized and judged, and…” She took a deep breath, leading his hand to press against her stomach. “I don’t want our kids to grow up in the spotlight, where they’ll have no privacy be constantly scrutinized. I just...that’s not the life I want for them.”

Slowly, realization dawned on him, and he broke into a joyful grin, tears filling his eyes as he pressed a second hand to her belly. “Aelin, sweetheart, are...are you?”

She grinned from ear to ear, nodding her head vigorously. Rowan immediately wrapped her into a tight, loving hug and kissed her until their lips were numb and their stomachs roared for breakfast.

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[infernwetrust]

AHS 1984: Between The Lines [Xavier Plympton x Chet Clancy] 1. Watch Your Hands

PART 2

Summary: A world before the horror. A world with some horrors. A fantasy world, where things are slightly normal. A world where Chet Clancy has been in a relationship with his long term girlfriend, Brooke Thompson. A world where Xavier Plympton, struggles to find himself after a dark past. But what if I told you that's not all who Chet is romantically involved with? What if I told you there’s a little bit more to Xavier than what he presents himself to be? What if I told you to read between the lines? Together we'll explore friendship, love, deceit, and sexuality on a different level.

Rated: R for Restricted. 18+ Very Mature Themes.

Warnings: Alright folks, I’m going to be very honest with you. This book can get dark and depressing sometimes. Due to it’s unpredictable nature, since it is a work in progress, read at your own discretion, and apply tags as you see them fit. I will be giving warnings at the beginning of chapters that do take it to that level. If you do choose to read and you come across anything that makes you uncomfortable, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I am all ears.

A/N: Hey ya’ll! I go by Juno. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your Cody Fern and AHS filled schedules to read this book. This is something I’ve thought about for a long time and am very excited to be writing this. I’m also currently writing this on another platform, but decided that I wanted to share it with the fun loving Tumblr community as well.  It IS male x male. I’ve always shipped Chet (Gus Kenworthy) and Xavier (Cody Fern)  and after a little bit of brain storming, I decided that I wanted to dedicate a story to developing their relationship. I’ve kept some key traits from their characters in 84, but for the most part, this are figments of my imagination; of what life would be like. As I write this, I will be introducing different characters, portrayed by some of our favorites. I won’t leave you oblivious. However, I will also be writing one shots! If you have any requests, message me! Enjoy the read! 

WC: 1.1k

Setting the stage: This story begins years before 84. Xavier, Chet, Ray, Brooke, and Montana are 18 and freshly out of high school.

The two sat outside on the front steps. The moon lit up the night sky. Chet inhaled the joint deeply, but exhaled slowly. She watched him the whole time, biting down on her lip. They'd only been together for 6 months, but Brooke couldn't help but feel like she loved him. Sure. They exchanged the words,  'I love you' , all the time, but they never actually said "I love you." But, the more time Brooke spent with him, the more she realized that maybe she did mean it. They had been best friends for so long that I love you came naturally. So when the two drunkenly kissed at Montana's 17th birthday party, they both couldn't help, but feel that there was something there. So when Chet asked her out, how could she say no?

"Chet.." she said, softly. He took his eyes off the joint quickly to meet hers. There was a warm ness in his eyes that made every nerve in her body tingle. Her hand slowly made its way over to hold onto his knee.

"Yeah?" Chet questioned in his relatively, light, voice. He looked at Brooke with loving eyes. Eyes that still said "I love you" and "I love you" at the same time. Poor, Chet. He was so confused.

"Your eyes are so fucking red." she responded, giggling. Chet couldn't help but give her a smirk. He thought she was so cute. Everything she did was so cute to him.

"I guess I don't do a very good job of hiding it do I?" he questioned.

"Not like you need to. You're lucky. My parents would never let me do that openly."

"Well it's a good thing I don't give a fuck what my parents really have to say, huh?"

The two shared a hearty laugh before Brooke fell silent, biting her lips once again before taking the joint out of his hand and taking a pull.

"My parents would never let me do that openly." Chet repeated, mocking her.

"Well it's a good thing I don't give a fuck what my parents really have to say, huh?" she smirked.

"Brooke Thompson, you are a fool."

"I guess that's why we're so close"

"Closer than ever."

"Oh for Christ sake." Xavier said as he leaned over the fence. "If you're gonna fuck, just fuck already."

"How long have you been standing there?" Chet asked, taking his attention away from Brooke.  

"Long enough to see that you two would think nothing of fucking on the porch. Stand up, won't you, Chet?"

"Oh, fuck off."

Xavier grinned. He was a huge fan of messing with Chet, whether it be mentally... or physically.

"Sorry, lover boy."

"Thanks for the fucking help, Xavier." Ray said, jaw clenched as he held two relatively big speakers on shoulders.

"I'm pretty. I don't lift things. You know this."

"Yeah, except your dick to put in other people."

"Ooo." Chet said, loudly, his lips forming a perfect O.

"Play your cards right and you can be one of em'"

"Don't flatter yourself, pretty boy."

"Here man. I got you." Chet grabbed a speaker off of Ray's shoulder and assisting him instead.

"You're terrible." Brooke said, standing up, putting the joint out in the ground.

"You love me, Brooke Thompson." Xavier, winked at her.

They had only fucked twice, Brooke and Xavier. They were both 16.

"What's it like?" she asked, her hands holding onto his jacket as he leaned against the balcony rail.

"What? Sex?"  he asked, looking down at her. At 16, he was already so tall and that amazed her. She nodded her head at his question, swallowing. "I've never done it before and it's all you and Chet talk about. All the girls you've slept with."

"Let me guess. You don't masturbate either, do you?"

"Just answer the question, smart ass." She slapped him in his chest.  

"I don't really know how to explain it." He spun her around so that it was now her who was up against the rail. "Why don't you let me show you instead?" When she constantly switched between looking at his eyes and his lips, he knew he had her. "I see how you look at me, oh and Chet, but that's another discussion. Let me show you how fun it is when you start exploring, sexually." God, Xavier was a sex icon. Everything about him just screamed fuck me or let me fuck you. She made the mistake of getting locked in his eyes.

And then he did the thing. The thing that got everyone who he pursued sexually, to crack. His tongue moved gracefully along his upper pearly whites with a sadistic grin, that in actuality, wasn't all that sadistic. He liked Brooke and if he didn't already know that she had a deep interest for Chet, brewing, she would be his.

"Go on." he said, tempting her. "Kiss me. You love me, Brooke Thompson."

"But let's leave things in the past, yeah?" Xavier continued, attempting to walk past Brooke and into Chet's home. She stepped in front of him, firmly planting her finger on his chest.

"You said you wouldn't ever bring that up, especially since you knew Montana had a crush on you." Brooke said with venom in her voice.

"Woah. Ms. Thompson, please if you will, watch your hands." He grabbed her by her wrist. "So quick to react are we? Let's not forget." He slowly rubbed her finger across his chest and down to his torso, right above his belt. She looked up at him and he did the thing, again. The same thing that had gotten her to kiss him that night. But this time, he was older, his features more strongly defined. He was gorgeous and she couldn't deny that.

"Stop that." she said, firmly, snatching her wrist away from. "You promised, Xavier."

"Oh relax. No one was around to hear it."

"Are you two coming inside?" Chet asked, popping his head into the door frame. "Montana will be here in a few minutes and then we can start our Friday night."

"Yeah, babe." she replied. "I was just bugging Xavi about how lazy he is." She winked at her charming boyfriend who now leaned fully against the doorway.

"I believe the correct term you're looking for is pretty." She turned to him quickly, planting her finger firmly in his chest once again.

"Remember what I told you."

"Well come on then, so I can close the door." Xavier let out that stupid grin again before the two started walking towards the door.

Let the summer before college begin.

[yayeetsonny]

Hand in Hand~Alyssa Naeher x Ashlyn Harris

Prompt: there's a picture out there that looks like Alyssa is proposing to Ash so, here’s a proposal fic that was super fun to write. 

Requested by: @knight-16​

Alyssa PRO//

“Are you sure this is a good plan?” I asked Ali Krieger, my good friend and my hopefully soon-to-be fiancé Ashlyn Harris’s best friend.

“Yes, this is perfect.”

“Well what if I mess this up or, what if she doesn’t like the ring or, oh god what if she says no-”

“Lys, relax. She’s not going to say no. The women is head over heels in love with you.”

“I could still mess up.”

“You won’t. Trust me.”

I had been planning my proposal to Ashlyn for months, it took me 3 months to even decide on the ring for her. I have known she was the one since our second year anniversary. We’ve been dating for 2 and a half years and I couldn’t be happier. She completes me and I fall in love with her more everyday. I knew in my heart that she would say yes even if I proposed with a ring pop candy ring but I still wanted everything to be perfect.

The plan was to wait until after our game tonight and after we get back to our apartment I’ll ask her if she wants to go for a walk and then I would take her to our spot on the beach we like to visit almost everyday. Once there we’ll sit and chat for a while like we usually do and then I’ll carry out the rest of my plan and pop the question. I was beyond nervous but I was also over the moon about finally getting to this milestone with her.

“Hey babe! You ready?” Ashlyn said, taking me by surprise.

“H-hi love. I am.” 

I quickly shoved my phone in my bag so she couldn’t see what I was showing Ali

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just nervous is all.” I admitted

“You have no reason to be nervous Alyssa, you’re starting in the game, which is a first for this set of friendlies I know but you’re going to show Vlatko just how amazing and badass you are.”

She came up behind me, and wrapped her arms around me, kissing my neck softly.

“Oh, you can do it just know that I believe.” She sang 

I smiled softly when I realized what she was doing. We watched the High School Musical movies religiously and I instantly knew the song from the 3rd movie.

“And that’s all I really need.”

“So come on.”

“Make me strong. Time to turn it up, game on.” I giggled as we finished singing. 

Ali was watching and recording the whole thing, smile just as bright as we were.

“You guys are the cutest.”

“Thanks, we try.” Ash said flipping her hair

“I needed that boost. Thank you.”

“of course baby. Now go kick some ass.”

She slapped my butt playfully as we started to head out to the tunnel. I met up with the little girl whose hand I would hold and walk onto the field and she talked animatedly about how excited she was to go out and I promised we would wave to her parents when we did. I was behind Megan who was first in line since she was captaining this game and when we stepped onto the field I was swept away by the crowd and how loud they were. I have been playing on the national team for years now but I will never get over that first cheer or the adrenaline rush I feel before a game. After the anthems, pictures and shaking hands with the other team we got into a huddle for once last pep talk

“Okay listen up. We’ve watched plenty of game footage and strategized, we can beat this team. If we take care of the big things, all the little pieces will fall into place, alright?”

We all nodded in agreement.

“Oosa on 3!… 1!… 2!… 3!”

“OOSA, OOSA, OOSA” We shouted together.

We broke off to get into our positions and I headed into goal. I took a deep breath, jumped up and down a couple of times and stretched my arms, determined to remain completely focused. I wanted a clean sheet really bad.

It was the 67th minute when things changed, up until that point I had stopped every shot that the Brazilian players sent my way, every set piece went off without a hitch and we were up 1-0. Unfortunately, Becky accidentally fouled Marta in the box and gave away a penalty. She turned to me looking guilty.

“It’s okay Beck, I got it.” I said patting her on the back.

I knew I could stop the shot and after listening to instructions from the ref and waiting for everyone else to be ready I turned out everyone else around me and focused solely on the ball. I could feel Marta’s eyes on me but I refused to look her in the eye because I knew she was trying to get in my head. She backed up a few steps before firing the ball toward the upper right 90, I could see she was going to go there so I leapt in that direction and was able to slap the ball away and out of danger. After I got up from the ground my teammates swarmed me and shouted praise in my ear as we hugged. 

“SO BADASS!”

“FUCK YEAH BABE!”

“Go, set up for the corner!” I yelled

I was overjoyed that I kept my clean sheet but I knew we still had work to do and was locked in. They did as I said and Marta once again took the set piece, she sent the ball into the box but I was able to come off my line and punch it away. We regained possession and Abby passed the ball to Christen who passed it to Lindsey and she took it into Brazil’s final 3rd. Our counter attack was strong and I was watching intensely as my teammates went for another goal. Lindsey crossed the ball the Megan but she was between 2 defenders so she wasn’t able to get the shot off, she decided to pass to Alex who was able to fire it into the net. I watched as my teammates cheered and celebrated and I couldn’t help but let a massive grin spread across my face. The rest of the game went on without many chances for either side and we were able to walk away with a solid 2-0 win. 

After we signed autographs and took pictures we all made our way back into the locker room, I was putting my stuff away when I felt someone pick me up from behind. I squealed quietly at the sudden movement but knew exactly who it was.

“THAT WAS SO BADASS BABY, I’M SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU.” Ashlyn yelled as she set me down. I turned around and jumped on her, hugging her tightly as she peppered my neck with kisses and eventually moved to my head, face  before finally planting a deep kiss on my lips.

“Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.” 

“Yes you could, and you did. I just gave you a little pep talk.” She chuckled

We kissed some more before someone cleared their throat.

“Look, I love you both and you’re super cute together but please… get a room.” Alex groaned

I instantly felt my cheeks turn a deep red as Ash just smirked at her.

“You’re just jealous because Kelley grounded you from sex for a week.” She said

She just flipped Ash off and stomped away. Everyone laughing at her faking being mad. Kelley pouted at her sympathetically as she whispered something in her ear. A dopey grin spread across her face and I knew she had been freed from the dog house. 

After an hour of celebrating the win Ash and I bid goodnight to our teammates and headed back to our apartment. We lived in Orlando together which was great but playing on different NWSL teams made being separated during the season hard but we made it work; we spent all of our offseason together and made sure to make frequent weekend trips to be together. I knew after I proposed, I would immediately get to work on requesting a trade to the Pride. Our regular season was almost over so the opportunity couldn’t be better. 

“So, how do you want to celebrate your amazing performance tonight?” Ash whispered in my ear, slightly nibbling on it as we sat on the couch.

“W-well, I was thinking of taking a walk together on the beach.”

She took to kissing my neck and as much as I wanted to celebrate like that I had planned to much for this not to pan out.

“A walk?” She seemed slightly disappointed, I felt bad but we could always celebrate after we were officially engaged. 

“Yeah, I would like to take a walk. It’s so nice out.”

“Okay, then a walk it is.”

I kissed her sweetly before whispering in her ear

“Don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of fun later tonight.”

She shuddered and I smirked at her. She smiled at me before taking my hand and pulling me up with her. I pretended to go to the bathroom so that I could grab the ring I had stashed away and when I was sure I had everything I needed and shaken out my nerves, I reemerged and we left our apartment. walking hand in hand to the beach. When we got there, we walked along the sand, I had taken off my shoes and let the water flow over and under my feet, loving the calm, cool feeling.

“You did so good today, I’m so proud.”

“Thank you. You’re my biggest fan.” 

“I always will be.”

 After a while I led us over to our spot, which was a section of rocks that were comfortable to sit on and gave us a good few of the whole ocean. Ashlyn turned to me and I could have sworn her eyes were literally sparkling under the moonlight. 

“Hi.”

“Hey there.”

We just looked at each other for several moments, and then Ash broke the silence by tapping me on the nose.

“You have such a cute nose, did you know?” She asked, smiling like a fool. “I didn’t but thank you. So do you.” I giggled, tapping her nose in return.

We continued messing around, smiling and laughing and I fell in love with her all over again.

“If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?” She asked

“I would be right here, with you.”

She smiled lovingly at me in return before kissing me. We sat in comfortable silence for a few more minutes before Ashlyn got up, turned away from me and stretched. 

I knew this was my chance so without any hesitation I got down on one knee, ring in hand and waited for her to turn around. When she did, her eyes immediately filled with tears.

“Oh my god.”

“Ashlyn Michelle Harris, I have loved you since the day we met all those years ago. You are the light of my life, my rock, my person and I can not imagine my life without you. Will you make me the happiest women alive and marry me?”

She stood in shock for a moment, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. At this point I was in tears too, my heart was going a million miles an hour as I waited for her to answer.

“Yes, yes a million times yes!” She shouted as she tackled me into the sand. 

“I love you.” She cried

“And I love you.”

Still on top of me, she looked down at me with so much love I thought she would burst. Our lips met in a passionate kiss and we made out for a moment before finally sitting up to breath. 

“So what do you say, you wanna put the ring on?”

“Oh, yeah. I totally forgot about that.”

I laughed through my tears as I slid the ring onto her finger. It was a simple gold band but Thad a decent sized diamond in the center. She inspected it for a moment before saying

“It’s perfect, I love it.”

“I really thought and hope you would” I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

We sat in silence again as we took in the moment, we were officially engaged and it meant the world to us both. 

“How did you do so well at hiding this from me?” Ashlyn asked

“I had a little help from Ali.”

“Ah, I shoulda known. Good ol’ Kriegs.” She chuckled

“How do you think we should tell the team?”

“We could…. Invite them over for dinner tomorrow and see how long it takes for them to notice the ring?”

“Excellent idea.”

“I should probably tell Ali first, she’s been blowing my phone up for the last hour.” I laughed 

“That’s a good idea. Tell her I said thank you.”

“I will.”

“I can’t wait to be Mrs. and Mrs. Neaher-Harris.”

“The day I get to call you my wife will be the greatest of my life.”

After I texted Ali, swearing her to secrecy, we laughed at her excited response. 

I was excited for this new chapter in our lives and I knew no matter what life threw at us Ash and I would get through it together, hand in hand.

I’m sorry this took a hot minute. Sorry for any mistakes.

-N

[let-it-raines]

Catch Me If You Can (38/40)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series. 

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.  

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: Thanks to @resident-of-storybrooke​ for being my beta, @imagnifika​ for the cover art, and all of you for being awesome, whether you read this story or not ❤️

AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35| 36 | 37 | 38

-/-

The thing about being a starting pitcher is that Killian rarely plays. It’s every five days usually, and Killian is too competitive to simply be able to sit and watch while everyone else gets to be out there on the field. If it wasn’t absolute murder on his shoulder, he’d be in Al’s office every damn day asking why he can’t be out there.

Understandably, having to watch his teammates play without being able to help has been killing him more in this past week than it did while he was out on injury, and that was actual hell.

Rob did a fantastic job that first night clinching the first game for them by making it nearly impossible for the Dodgers to get on base, and Killian, while he didn’t play his best, pitched a good enough game and had help from Eric’s three-run homerun for them to win the second. It’s simply that everything after that has been a bit of a nightmare.

They lost two incredibly close games in a row in California to tie things up, won the next one, and now they could clinch the entire Series at home in New York.

Tonight.

With Rob pitching and Killian sitting on the bench.

And as much as Killian would love to get to be an active part of it all like he was during the winning game last year, he would give absolutely everything for them to win tonight so that he doesn’t have to get up on the mound tomorrow. The pressure and desire and want  is so damn intense that it makes Killian’s heart ache, but he knows that this isn’t really about him. No part of him could be selfish enough to want to lose today so that he could have the possibility of the glory tomorrow.

That would be ridiculous, and he doesn’t know what the hell he’d do if he wakes up tomorrow morning with a stiff shoulder and he’s got to get out there and play.

Sighing, Killian stretches out his legs to the seat in front of him as a whisper of wind whirls through the stadium to bring in the late October chill. He fiddles with the sleeves of his sweatshirt, pulling them down to cover his wrists where chill bumps are rising, and he wishes that he had a hat on to protect himself from weather, his ears likely red from the cold. It’s only seven in the morning, most of the stadium completely empty except for the maintenance crew and a few people in the offices, but Killian knew that this would be his only time to take it all in with no one around him.

An empty stadium is nearly as magical as a packed one.

He’s spent his entire life building up to things like this. Sure, there were times when he had other goals. He wanted to be a teacher, wanted to get his degree and help others, but that was always the fallback goal. It was never the main one.

Baseball has been his life.

Lately, though, Killian’s been thinking about life outside of the game more than ever. It’s insane because he feels like he’s one of those obnoxious people who only lives and breathes baseball all the time, especially with what’s going on right now, but his mind has managed to find a way to wander elsewhere.

There are saved searches on his phone about going back to Vanderbilt to finish his degree and a sent message in his email to an advisor asking if it would be possible for him to finish in New York instead of having to take classes in person. He hasn’t told anyone that he’s thinking about it, not yet. Telling someone makes it real, and Killian’s not entirely sure that he wants it to be real quite yet. He’s a grown ass man, but change is still terrifying when he’s grown comfortable in his life.

Baseball isn’t forever, though, and while he may still work in the sport later on, he’s not going to be someone who goes throughout his entire life living out the glory days through memory.

Tonight, might be another big moment that defines his life, but the past six months have been pretty life changing as well. Hell, the past year has been.

Things are changing in ways that he wants and ways that he doesn’t, and that’s simply how it is.

“So, we woke up at the ass crack of dawn so that you could sit out here all by yourself?”

Killian twists his head to the side to see Emma standing a few seats over dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, scarf wrapped around her neck and Yankees cap on her head. He was so wrapped up in his own mind that he didn’t even hear her move toward him.

“Hey, love,” he smiles, reaching up and holding out his hand so that the cool tip of her fingers touch his as he intertwines their fingers while she settles down into the seat next to him and props her feet up on the seat in front of her. “I told you that you didn’t have to come with me.”

Sitting here reminds him of another time in San Francisco when he put his heart on his sleeve and willingly handed it over to Emma to crush before they decided that they would give the two of them a go and simply see how things worked out. If she had said no that day, he could have listened. But damn is he glad that she said yes.

Or, well, technically, he was the one saying yes.

Either way, everything in his life shifted.

“I know, but you get all moody and introspective, and I didn’t want you psyching yourself out.”

“I would not do that.”

“You’re a liar.”

“Just a little bit.” His hand flexes against hers, shifting his fingers the slightest bit so that he can get a more comfortable grip on Emma’s hands. “What have you been doing while I’ve been sitting here being introspective and psyching myself out?”

“I was taking some pictures. It’s kind of cool to see the calm before the storm, you know? And then David called me with some work stuff and to give me shit about us making out being all over Instagram, so I sat on a bench and talked to him for awhile.”

“He called you this early? Is he crazy?” 

“I think David forgets that not everyone wakes up this early, and he has no qualms about waking me up. Usually I’m much meaner to him.”

“I’m surprised you’re not being mean to me.”

“The coffee we had at home really works wonders.”

Killian almost opens his mouth to say something about Emma referring to his apartment as home. But only almost. They’re both aware of the living situation, have joked about it to each other and others before, and they don’t need some kind of official discussion about things. It’ll all happen naturally, and when the time comes, they’ll talk about it. For now, things are perfect just as they are.  

Life has been crazy with his injury and then Walsh and Brennan and the aftermath of them being absolute assholes. It’s gotten crazier with the World Series and how much press he’s now getting, both for the games and for his relationship with Emma, much of which is now weirdly being caught on camera. All Killian really wants is a bit of normal here.

The sun continues to rise in the sky, darkness shifting into an orange glow that will eventually turn into bright sunshine that makes it difficult to see without a pair of sunglasses perched on his nose. The grass on the field is wet with condensation, water coating the blades, and if it wasn’t freezing out there, he thinks he’d go out and sit along the edge of the back wall instead of in a stadium seat.

Bringing Emma’s hand to his lips, he presses a kiss to each of her knuckles before pulling their joined hands back down to rest on his thigh.

“I think,” he starts, not entirely sure where he’s going, “that I could stay out here forever. I don’t know…maybe I feel things too deeply compared to everyone else, but this place has always felt like home. I can’t imagine what things would be like if I’d been drafted somewhere else or if I’d never been called up at all.”

She hums next to him, and Killian looks down to see Emma’s thumb rubbing across his knuckles like she always seems to do. “What’s that thing you’re always saying? There’s no such thing as ‘what ifs.’ Not in life and not in sport. What happened, happened.”

“Doesn’t keep me from wondering.”

“It doesn’t keep anyone from wondering, twenty-nine.” Her hand squeezes his again, and Killian’s mind dares to ask once more what his life would be like had he not met Emma. It’s a question he doesn’t want an answer to. “What if my parents had kept me? What if Ruth had never decided to foster a shitty teenager with an attitude issue? What if I had never met Neal or Walsh or Ruby or anyone who has impacted my life they the way they have? What if I never met you?”

“You’d be missing out on the best sex of your life.”

Emma knocks her foot into his as he snickers at his own awful joke. “You’re full of yourself.”

He shrugs. “It happens. And I know. I’m just – my stomach has been in knots over all of this for an entire month. I’m not sure my body is going to make it ten more hours. Or hell, possibly even thirty-six. I’ve had to hype myself up for all of this, and I’m a little…fuck, Swan, I’m exhausted and excited, and I’m scared I’m going to have some kind of adrenaline crash.”

It’s Emma’s turn to bring their hands together so that she can brush her lips over his knuckles. His heart stutters at the movement.

God, he loves her. It’s actually insane how much. Truly, it shouldn’t be possible.

“For one, getting up and coming to the stadium before the sun even fully rises is not something that’s going to help with your exhaustion.”

He twists his head to look at her, and she’s got mischief in her eyes and a smirk stretched across her lips that he has to kiss away. She still tastes like coffee.

“Also,” she whispers against his lips, kissing him again, “you’re not going to crash. Not yet. I know you’re really big on not riding on what happened last year, but you’ve got to do that. You’ve been through this before, and you made it. Those butterflies in your stomach are being felt by everyone who’s involved with this team, and hanging out by yourself the entire time isn’t going to help things. Why don’t we go get breakfast together? Or maybe go back to bed?”

“How about a game of catch?”

“What?” Emma laughs as she pulls back from him with furrowed brows? “I am not playing catch with you. Are we five?”

Killian shakes his head and chuckles as he stands from the seat and begins to stretch his shoulders out, letting go of Emma’s hand and rolling his shoulders back as he laughs at himself.

“We’re twenty-eight. I know you remember your birthday last week. And come on, Swan. I play a game of really expensive catch for a living. It’s part of my job to work on my arm today, just in case, and I need a practice partner.”

“That’s what Will and Eric or August are for.”

“Yeah,” he smiles, reaching forward to tug her up only for her weight to go dead so that he can’t move her, “but they’re not here. You are.”

Emma closes her gaping mouth, and her lips move in different directions while her nose scrunches up so that little crinkles appear around her eyes under the shade of her hat. “Okay, but if there’s one misogynistic quip about me throwing like a girl, I’m breaking up with you on the spot.”

“There’s nothing wrong with throwing like a girl, Swan. It’s pretty badass. But there’s something wrong with throwing like shit.”

“I’m not going to throw like shit.” Killian starts walking over the chairs, easily maneuvering through the stands with Emma following behind him. “But I ask you to remember that while I pride myself in my fitness, it’s in things like Pilates and running or boxing. It’s not in baseball. You, meanwhile, do this for a living.”

“These sound like a hell of a lot of excuses.”

“That’s because they are.”

“There’s no excuses in baseball.”

“I thought it was crying.”

“Fuck no,” Killian scoffs. “There’s a lot of crying in baseball, and anyone who tells you something different is a liar.”

“I can’t believe you just called Tom Hanks, America’s sweetheart, a liar.”

They have to go back through the tunnels to get a bucket of balls and some gloves as well as a few towels to wipe the grass in the bullpen down since it’s wet and neither of them are wearing the right shoes for this, but they do eventually get to the point where he can lightly toss the ball back and forth between the two of them. He’s not going to pitch at full speed, not until he has Will later, but it’s soothing to simply be out here getting a little movement in. He’s been back for two weeks, practicing for four, but it’s still all brand new again to him and shaded under a light that wasn’t there before.

Emma isn’t bad at all. She’s actually rather good, a natural some might say, and he jokes with her that if sports broadcasting doesn’t work out for her, she might take up a career in this. Naturally that gets him an eye roll or two, but she keeps on throwing until the sun is high in the sky and the day has truly begun.

Killian’s ready for it.

Everything seems to pass quickly then. The entirety of the Dodgers team walks out onto the field for their scheduled practice while he and Emma are still messing around in the bullpen, somewhere between still doing a bit of practice and Killian backing Emma up against the wall to make out with her. No one sees them, though, the loud blaring of music startling the two of them away from each other, and Killian presses Emma a little further into the wall while he buries his face in her neck so that he can muffle the sound of his laughter.

He’s not entirely sure that works, especially when Emma is doing the same, but they eventually manage to grab their things and slip inside so that an entire professional team isn’t aware of the fact that he was using the early morning stadium to kiss his girlfriend.

That would certainly have been something.

There is an actual practice that Killian has to attend today, an hour of which needs to be spent with him running on the treadmill and then getting massaged by Archie to work out any knots and kinks in his shoulder and to make sure that it’s not inflamed. Killian is always terrified that he’s going to be told that his shoulder is inflamed again and that he won’t be able to play on a day where he thinks he’s going to be able to. That would completely screw up the lineup, and…No, now isn’t the time to think about that.

Killian tells Emma that he’ll see her later, that he’ll probably come bother her wherever the network has her sitting even though he’s splitting the time in the game between the dugout, the clubhouse, and the suite where his family is going to be sitting. She has to go home and get ready for the day, and even if she didn’t, he very much doubts that she’d like to stick around and watch him run.

And then they’re both off.

Let the game begin.

-/-

“Are you guys going to win today?”

Now, that’s the question of the day, isn’t it?

Killian looks down at Roland who is dressed in head to toe Yankees gear, all his dad’s of course, and there’s a nervous smile on the kid’s face. Roland is almost never nervous. He has that childlike faith in everything even with all of the tragedy in his life of having lost his mom, and he nearly always believes that things are going to work out. There’s no good or bad, just the belief that things will work out the way you want them to simply by the power of wanting them to.

If only it were that simple.

“I don’t know, lad,” Killian answers honestly as he reaches down to pick Roland up, easily putting him on his shoulders as Killian walks him down the hallways to the suite he’s staying in for the game. Roland was in the clubhouse for all of the pre-game celebrations, and the kid heard and saw things that he probably didn’t need to hear for several more years.

A decade, really. Maybe two.

Yeah, definitely two decades. There was some creative swearing.

“Why not?”

“Well, because we can’t predict the future, and the other team is really good too.”

“But I want to win.”

“Me too,” he sighs as he pushes open the doors to lead to the suites. “And everyone is going to try their best. But you know what?” “What?”

“I think if you cheer extra hard, it might help your dad out, okay? He might lose because the other team is good, but you’ve got to cheer him on no matter what.”

Roland’s ankles hit against Killian’s collarbone, and Killian pretends that the bony lad doesn’t hurt like hell when he hits him. “I can cheer really  loud. Like, Grandma says that it makes her ears hurt.”

“If you’re not making Grandma’s ears hurt, you’re not cheering loud enough.”

That sentence pretty much sums up why he’s the best uncle in the world, Killian thinks. It’s basically the equivalent of giving kids a pint of ice cream right before they go back to their parents.

Killian pushes open the suite doors and ducks down underneath them so that he doesn’t knock Roland out. Everyone is situated on the couches and around the tables in front of the TV, and no one pays him any mind as he puts Roland down so that he can run to where Addy, Lucy, and Leo are. He imagines that between the four of them, they’re going to make everyone’s ears hurt from their screaming.

Maybe Killian will go spend time sitting in the dugout instead of in here, but it’s a long game. He’s got time to move around as long as he does make time to study Robin’s throwing patterns against each batter.

“Hey,” he murmurs to Elsa in the kitchen area while she pops a chip into her mouth. “I don’t know that it’s good that you’re playing hooky from work and letting the girls do the same with school.”

“Shut up,” she says in between crunchy bites of food, her hand covering her mouth. “You think that joke is funny every time, but it’s not.”

“It is.” Killian dips his head down and presses a kiss to Elsa’s cheek. “But I fully approve of the skipping work thing, especially when your husband’s lazy ass took the entire week off.”

“He’s supporting his baby brother.” 

“Younger, Els. Younger. I don’t need you encouraging that.”

Her bottom lip sticks out. “But it’s so fun to see your ears get all red with embarrassment.” 

“Every single thing I’ve ever said about me being glad to have an older sister in you and Anna? Yeah, I’m taking all of those back.”

“You can’t.” She swipes another chip through the dip. “They’ve been said, and I keep them all in my heart right next to where Addy told me that even if she got to choose her mom, she’d still choose me.”

“Classy.”

“I know,” Elsa laughs. “Where’s your better half?”

“She’s working.” Killian pinches his brows together. “So we’re not even going to pretend that I could possibly be the better half?”

“Nope. Just like Liam isn’t the better half either. And don’t make some quip about being equals. Just let me have this. I’m already stress eating chips.” He laughs while reaching forward to drag the bowl away from Elsa so that she can’t eat anymore, but she doesn’t let him, grabbing onto it and pulling it back. “I didn’t say to stop me. World Series week is like the holidays. The calories don’t count until my jeans feel a little snug next week.”

“Ahh,” Killian sighs in understanding. “That’s likely a good thing for how many baked goods I’ve sent your way.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be in the dugout?” Ariel questions as she steps up to them with her glass of water in her hand. “It’s kind of a big game.”

“It’s also kind of the top of the first inning, and I’m not playing.”

“Excuses.”

“A legitimate one. How’re you holding up, A?”

She waves him away and reaches for the pitcher of water. “I’m fine. Eric is the nervous wreck. I have enough confidence in you guys that I won’t worry until, you know, we’re losing.”

“Only worrying when we’re losing? What kind of method is that? You have to worry all the damn time.”

“That’s how you have a heart attack, and I have not suffered eating healthily and exercising so much to have a heart attack this young.”

“This is where Liam would tell you that it can happen to anyone in any age.”

“Where is Liam?” Killian questions as he looks around the suite for his brother only to have him nowhere to be seen.

“He and David are sitting in David’s regular seats because David was complaining about Mary Margaret and Leo not wanting to use them. I imagine he’ll be up here soon when he realizes how expensive food is to buy.”

“They’re such old men.”

“Says the man who was wearing a sweater while drinking a cup of tea and reading in his apartment last night instead of coming out to dinner with all of us.”

Killian sputters a bit as he narrows his eyes at Ariel. “First of all, there is nothing wrong with doing any of that. Second of all, how could you possibly know that?”

Ariel shrugs, mischief in all of her features. “Emma sent it in the group text.”

Of course she did. A man can’t even relax in his own home without being called out for it.

“Who is in this group text exactly?”

“Oh, just me, Elsa, Anna, and Belle. Don’t worry. Not everyone gets to see the embarrassing pictures of you drooling in your sleep.”

He’s going to kill Emma.

Or get his revenge. Somewhere in between those two.

There’s a loud groan from everyone watching the game, and that’s when Killian is reminded that there’s a game going on. He didn’t know that he could possibly forget, but apparently being teased about how he spends his nights will let him do that. When he sees what’s happening out on the field, though, Killian wishes that he’d been able to completely and totally forget about the game.

There are three men on base for the Dodgers, only one out, and one of their best hitters is up to bat.

Fuck.

This is not a good start.

This is a long game, but bad starts can change the momentum of absolutely everything. It gets in everyone’s head. The losing team is convinced that they’re going to lose, that they can’t come back from this, and the team that’s ahead gets all the belief in the world with their abilities.

Momentum shifts are everything, and it’s not time for the momentum to shift. Not yet.

And yet it does.

Robin throws what Killian knows is a good fastball and Rob’s specialty, but Stewart hits a sharp line drive down past third base that Arthur doesn’t get to. By the time that he does, the Dodgers already have two runs, Stewart is on second, and Ferguson is sliding into home before the ball can get there.

0-3 for the Dodgers eleven minutes in.

Shit.

Now it’s time for Ariel and everyone else to get nervous.

And it never gets better. Not really. There are times and chances and shots that have Killian grabbing onto his hair in frustration, but nothing comes of it. Nothing at all. Every single time there’s a real chance, something happens: the Dodgers have an unbelievable get, someone fumbles when the Yankees should have an easy chance at a double play, or every single person somehow forgets how to hit.

Until they don’t.  

Because now it’s the bottom of the ninth, and after an absolutely incredible eighth inning, it’s now 7-9.

They’re only down by two runs.

(Two runs.)

Killian is pacing back and forth in the dugout now exhausting every bit of emotional energy he has left in him. He left the suite the moment that first inning was over, texting Emma and Liam that there’d been a change of plans and he wouldn’t be meeting up with them after all. There was no way that he was going to be anywhere other than with his team when things were going to hell.

Being two runs behind is both nothing and everything.

There have been plenty of times when they’ve come back from a deficit like this. There have been plenty more when they’ve blown a two-run lead. And yet, like fifty-five thousand people in this stadium know, this isn’t any other game. This is The Game, and they’re closing in on the golden hour of chances.

It’s win now or come back tomorrow for one last chance of glory or crushing defeat.

Best of seven means nothing when there’s the possibility of there only being one game left.

“You’re going to exhaust yourself if you don’t sit down,” Robin tells him from his seat behind him on the bench.

Will has just stepped up to home plate, his bat in hand and feet in position, and Killian can’t breathe. His lungs have stopped taking in air.

“How could you possibly be sitting down for this? Is your blood not on fire?”

“I just pitched five innings, mate. My adrenaline high is gonedown. I’m exhausted.”

The ball is launched through the air toward Will, and Killian immediately knows that he shouldn’t take a swing at it.

He does.

Strike one.

“Shit,” Killian murmurs, kicking his foot at a water cup on the ground. “Shit, shit, shit.”

“You’re going to give yourself a heart attack.”

“Funny, Fisher, I told your wife the same thing. Aren’t you supposed to be warming up?”

Killian doesn’t even have to look to know that Eric is rolling his eyes. “I’m grabbing my stuff to do just that.” There’s a warm hand on Killian’s back, and he turns to look at it just as a “ball” is called. “Take some deep breaths, man. We’ve got this.”

“Aye,” Killian sighs, “we’ve got this.”

Strike two.

“Shit.”

Ball two.

Ball three.

Foul ball.

Killian’s phone buzzes in his back pocket, and he opens it up to see Emma’s name.

Emma: They’re having to censor you on television right now.

Emma: Just thought you might want to know that. Literally every time they show the dugout, you’re cursing. Ruby is getting a kick out of it.

Killian moves to text her back, to say something witty in response, but then the wood of Will’s bat is making contact with the ball and it’s flying gone, gone, gone…

Until it’s caught in the outfield.

Out one.

“Fuck.”

They’ve still got a shot. They have to. And as much as Killian hates cheering for Arthur King and hates that he only got a monetary fine for what he said to Emma and about her, he’s exactly who Killian has to cheer for now as Arthur hits a line drive that enables him to get on first base.

That’s progress.

It’s even more progress when Eric hits a triple sending Arthur into home.

8-9.

Holy fuck.

They might do this. They just might.

Killian still can’t breathe, but this is obviously his natural state now. This is how he’s going to have to live out the rest of his life.

Emma: Okay, now I understand all of the cursing. I’m freaking out.

Killian: Me too. We make quite the pair.

Emma: The best pair. It’s all going to be okay, twenty-nine.

He smiles down at his phone, his lungs taking in a bit of air at that.

Killian: It will be. I love you.

Killian: A frankly ridiculous amount.

“Out,” the umpire yells, and Killian immediately rests his head against the dugout railing, his nails digging into the hem of his sweatshirt as sweat drips down his back even with the late October chill whipping through the stadium as the night fully comes into effect, the sun long since gone.

Out two.

“For fuck’s sake,” Al yells, throwing his hat to the ground and slapping his hand against the railing. “Why would you swing at that, Whale? You could have fucking walked, and then we’d have two men on base with one out. That changes everything.”

It’s not Whale’s fault. It’s not. He messed up, sure, but it’s a team effort. Killian doesn’t always believe that when he’s the one pitching. It’s hard to get that out of your head when you’re being yelled at by managers and fans and people online sending death threats, but it’s true. It’s not one person out there even when it feels like it.

Killian’s going to have to remind himself of that tomorrow.

No.

He can’t go there. They’re not going to play tomorrow. Booth is up to bat, and he’ll get Eric home. Then it’ll be tied up, and they’ll have their shot to close this out right here and right now.

Hope bubbles up in Killian’s chest, his throat closing up with excitement and anticipation, and that lack of breathing thing comes back again as his knuckles go white from the strength of his grip on the railing. When he looks to the right, he sees that Robin’s knuckles are just the same.

They might do this.

Roland and Addy have to be screaming their heads off up in the suite. Killian almost wants to text Elsa or Liam to see what’s happening, but his eyes are glued to the field as August swings his bat at the very first ball.

It’s a fucking foul.

Strike one.

“Come on Booth,” Will shouts out, clapping his hands together. “You’ve got it, man. Be smart about it.”

“I’m not entirely sure that’s helping, Scarlet.”

“It is, Professor Jones. I’m a great motivational speaker.”

Killian’s lips stretch into a smile, a bit of calm returning, until the ball flies from the mound again, whipping through the air and curving into the strike zone at the last minute.

August doesn’t swing.

Strike two.

The stadium absolutely erupts then, hands clapping together and feet hitting against the floor while thousands of people scream, a mix of cheers and boos for August. If anyone can handle this kind of pressure, can handle the weight of world on his shoulders and the pressure, it’s August.

Pressure is a privilege.

He’s likely not feeling too privileged right now.

And as suddenly as the noise started, it calms down. While there are still people talking and cheering and making all kinds of noise, Killian can’t focus on any of it. All he can focus on is what’s right in front of him.

One. Two. Three.

Foul.

One. Two. Three.

Foul.

Killian’s stomach flips, his entire hand going white, and Will is grabbing onto Killian’s forearm so tightly that he could break the bone there.

One.

Two.

Three.

There’s a thwack of ball against Booth’s back, and it absolutely flies into the air. It’s flying, and Killian nearly jumps out of the dugout to get a better view of where it’s going. It’s got to be a home run. It’s got to be. That’s where it’s headed, and Killian’s arms break out in gooseflesh beneath the thick material of his sweatshirt.

They’re about to win the fucking World Series for the second time in a row.

Holy shit.

But then the ball dips.

It dips, right at the line of the back fence, and the ball is caught.

The. Ball. Is. Caught.

The ball is caught, Booth is out, and the game is over.

And just like the ball, Killian’s mood dips, every high hope crashing down around him and weighing down on his shoulders while his stomach flips before everything heavily settles in its place. This isn’t how today was supposed to end. They were supposed to come back from their bad start. They were supposed to win.

They didn’t, though. They lost, and even though Killian tries to be encouraging to everyone around him as they all finish up their post-game on-field routines, in his head he knows that they’ve only got one more shot at this.

They’ve got one more shot, and a lot of it is resting in the palm of his hands. Killian has been a screw up for this team so many times before, and he doesn’t know if he can do that again.

He can’t let everyone down again.

The mood is subdued in the clubhouse as everyone strips out of their clothes, just a constant murmuring of curses and complaints. Even Al is quiet when he’d usually be fired up yelling at everyone, a combination of disbarring comments and encouragements, and that may be the most shocking part of it all.

Reporters begin to fill the room as well as agents and wives and the occasional child, and Killian sits in his locker with his head between his legs taking several deep breaths to calm himself down. His heart is beating far too quickly. It’s thumping in between his ears, and that’s not how it’s supposed to be.

It’s simply not.

“Hey.”

The voice is soft and very much Emma’s, and Killian looks up to see her softly smiling down at him, Jeff no longer trailing behind her with his camera.

The smile that stretches across his lips is forced and half-assed, and he knows that Emma can tell. She steps in between his knees so that his head rests against her stomach while her hands brush through his sweaty hair. They don’t say anything else, simply stay there together while Killian breathes in the scent of Emma’s perfume on her sweater and shivers run down his spine at her touch.

He is undeniably a fan of every part of her, but being able to simply be, to exist, with her is one of his favorites. There’s nothing quite so soothing as knowing the person you love will always be by your side no matter what happens.

They lost. They did. It’s what happened, and there’s no changing it.

Tomorrow is the last chance.

It all comes down to the last one.

-/-

-/-

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[shark-myths]

@alienfuckeronmain tagged me to deep-search my soul with these questions, and it is the exact distraction I was looking for! no pressure to do this one, pals, but i tag @carbonbased000 @leyley09 @shoeboxofphotographs12 @glitterandrocketfuel @allkindsofplatinumandpercocet @setting-in-a-honeymoon @toorational and anyone i’ve forgotten!

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? does anyone like blue pens? who is this product made for

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? the city, cuz i spent 7 consecutive years very broke in rural areas with homophobia neighbors and having things to do is so thrilling. but i imagine one day retreating into the desert and living far from my nearest neighbors

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? I have learned all the skills I am interested in right now, because learning new things is an a+ quarantine activity. maybe the ability to do physics? i would like to be proficient in physics and i am deeply not

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Never

5. What was your favourite book as a child? all of them! I have always read like i’m running out of time and often get stressed when i think about how few books i will be able to read in my lifetime. as a child I reread Lord of the Rings and Robin McKinley and the Holly Black Tithe series the most, and i was OBSESSED with those gold-paged books with ribbon bookmarks that were diaries of girls from different historical periods, and i have never been able to read historical fiction since.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? I hated baths passionately until my chronic pain reached a tipping point, and since then i have learned to really enjoy the long hot soak with a drink and a book. (i didn’t like showers either until very recently. life support tasks felt like a huge waste of time until i got a partner who helped me figure out how to enjoy them)

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? i have always wanted to be one of tolkien’s elves! I want a long life filled with learning languages and reading books and existing in green peaceful spaces, and then i want to be able to die when i am done.

8. Paper or electronic books? I like paper better--I’ve been building a library slowly my whole life--but my kindle has been life-saving during the pandemic when i couldn’t go to the library.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? right now i’m doing all my work remotely and clothes feel meaningless, but i have a plain black tank top that i feel really comfortable in

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? I don’t like my name at all--it’s Kaylie--because it is so aggressively peppy and feminine. it doesn’t sounds like an adult’s name; it evokes exclamation points and pigtails. i have always wished for a severe, no-nonsense name like joan, or a pretty but to-the-point name like eva.

11. Who is a mentor to you? Leslie Knope

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? I used to fantasize about being a famous writer, and now in my field i do wish i had a name that mattered or was considered esteemed or expert in something in some way. I would love to have a research job where i had paid time to publish! but i don’t want it enough to work on it outside of my capitalist mandatory labor hours, because i don’t have enough time for my loved ones as it is

13. Are you a restless sleeper? lately yes, since my cat died in january i have slept like absolute hell

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? not really, but i am a thoughtful one

15. Which element best represents you? earth

16. Who do you want to be closer to? physically i want to be closer to my long-distance pals like @alienfuckeronmain @newleafover @time-less @immoral-crow @leyley09 (leyna let’s have a movie night when i’m done moving???)

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? pretty much all my friends i used to regularly hang out with, sam who moved to seattle, sam who lives in madison, all the people i listed above

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. I used to play going to work. i’d pack up a backgammon case as a briefcase, grab my stuffed gorilla, and go write in notebooks and move pieces of paper around

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? I am an extremely boring person and all I eat is popcorn and bread

20. What are you most thankful for? having an able body that works to support me and keep me whole, having a partner who makes me feel truly cared for 

21. Do you like spicy food? yep!

22. Have you ever met someone famous? once at c2e2 i met george r.r. martin and no one else cared he existed because got wasn’t a show yet, so i awkwardly went up to him and proclaimed my love for his work, and then he trapped me in a long conversation about vampires

23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? a journal! i have since i was pretty small, they take up a full shelf of a bookcase

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? pen, and i have lots of Special Pens that i only use for a particular purpose or project, because i am a huge raging...

25. What is your star sign? virgo

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? crunchy and without milk

27. What would you want your legacy to be? personally, that I wrote things that meant something to the people who read them; professionally, that i removed barriers to accessing healthcare for trans and gender expansive people

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? see above--I completely adore reading. last book was Sisters of the Vast Black and currently i’m reading The House in the Cerulean Sea and it’s totally charming. I’ve been reading really quality science and nonfiction writing too, please send me your recommendations

29. How do you show someone you love them? I make them breakfast, I tell them so constantly, I send them things in the mail, I bring them small interesting gifts, and I say every nice thought I have about them out loud 

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? not especially, but it’s fun to chew on 

31. What are you afraid of? surgery

32. What is your favourite scent? smoke from blown-out candles, lavender, laundry detergent my loved ones use

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? whatever they’ve told me to call them? this seems like common courtesy

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I do so much less clinical work and work fewer hours in general, I would run for office so I could influence policy and stop wasting my fucking time on the ground level, I would spend more time writing, I would spend so much more time with my family, I would devote the time to running longer distances again in a way that doesn’t aggravate my busted knee

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? the ocean!

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? oh i would definitely spend that on something stupid and self-indulgent i wanted, like a pete wentz hoodie

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? YES! when i was kid every summer i’d be sent to jesus camp, which thank god because that’s what got me into fanfiction, and it was in the middle of nowhere, wisconsin, and you could see the entire milky way and shooting stars blaze across that thing ALL THE TIME, and it shook me to my foundation every summer and for a time i mistook that feeling for faith in god instead of wonder at the infinite being and possibility that is our generous universe

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? i have none of my own but my partner has a 5 year old, so quite against my intention i have become a parent-adjacent person. i try to teach him about emotional accountability for the effect of his actions on others

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? the next tattoo i want is a big snake crawling up my mostly bare left arm

40. What can you hear now? my laptop fan

41. Where do you feel the safest? when i’m protecting someone else

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? my relationship with my body

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? i’d really like to be a gentleman of leisure in a jane austen novel

44. What is your most used emoji? the purple heart

45. Describe yourself using one word. earnest

46. What do you regret the most? not going to a 4-year university and having a #college experience. it’s one of my most stinging regrets because it was not a decision i got to make for myself

47. Last movie you saw? what is a movie theater? what does it feel like to be in one? the last movie i watched is charlie’s angels from the early 2000s because that was an unexamined sexual awakening for me--lucy liu being efficient in leather has never left me, efficiency is the single trait i most attracted to--and i wanted my boyfriend to see how bad it is

48. Last tv show you watched? either Kipo and the age of the wonderbeasts or star trek tng!

49. Invent a word and its meaning. instead i will say that i think the most beautiful english word is ache. my favorite way of creating things is transforming and remixing what already exists, which makes writing with words someone else invented the ideal challenge and pastime 

(i really loved doing this! it was nice to talk about myself at the end of a workweek. thank you @alienfuckeronmain !)