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evansfm · 3 years

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she’d forgotten just how much she LOVED it : the deafening sound of a crowd to her right and a live band to her left . everything fell away the moment the house lights went dark and the stage lit up ; her view of the world was distorted through a camera lens , and her trigger finger was fast on the shutter button . she’d been told before , time and time again , that photography was something ANYONE could do . . . point , shoot , move on to the next . but years of experience taught her it was more than that . to be the best behind a camera , you had to know PEOPLE . . . you had to recognize minute moments of pure , unfiltered human emotion and grab them before they disappeared forever . and evan was the BEST with a camera in hand , something she was still trying to convince herself of .

self - doubt was buried deep when she was in the moment , though , focused on her surroundings . live music was the closest thing humanity had to MAGIC , she thought , the way it could bring strangers together in intimacy . . . the way it could make you feel like you were floating if only for a couple of hours . she did her best to translate that into her photographs , but the artists she worked with always made it EASY . they loved their work as much as the fans in the crowd did , and it was evident in the way she watched every musician she’d had the pleasure of working with pour everything into every performance . saint valentine was no different , no matter how BIG they’d gotten over the past several years .

and they were big . the o2 was the biggest venue evan had ever shot in , and though she’d been the only one backstage , it seemed she wasn’t the only one in the pit , trying to get that coveted money shot of nicky haven at the mic . he was notoriously UNFRIENDLY with cameras , never a fan of being in front of them or having them in his face while performing . it was precisely why evan arrived early that day , camera bag zipped up and tucked away . for the first few hours , she just hung out with the four of them , getting to know them and letting them get to know her . by the time they reconvened in a side room set up with evan’s photo gear , she knew to have nicky’s younger brother –– a roadie that tagged along on all of their tours –– nearby . she knew that their drummer –– with her long , black hair and dazzling smile –– was the only one who could get a laugh out of him . that he was a bit sweet on her . she knew that he looked at his band like family and that he hardly trusted anyone else .

so she cleared the room .

it was like that with all four of them ; she’d spent the morning getting to know them , the afternoon shooting what she now knew to be the cover for their next single , and the evening doing what she knew best . she carved out a space for herself in their lives , if only for the night , and made it so hardly anybody noticed when she lifted the camera to her eyes . backstage , then on stage , then in the crowd . photographing live music like riding a bike , because she never forgot how to do it , and she’d only gotten better as time went on . . . evident in the way they’d CHOSEN her to document their first ever sold out arena .

it was unlike anything she’d ever experienced from a creative point of view . occasionally she’d find herself at shows this big , mostly when she was younger –– beck had always been a big fan of mumford & sons , something evan still quietly carried with her . but back then she was one of thousands , a face in the crowd that kept watch on her brother , rarely so unabashedly joyful . being there on the job , though , was completely different . . . having the means to wander where she pleased , slipping effortlessly through an electric crowd , shooting from the shadows of a stage bigger than she imagined . it reminded her of why she picked up a camera in the first place , pausing magic moments in time and turning them into tangible things to be kept forever .

even more , though , it put her world –– her life in london –– into perspective . moving through concrete halls of the arena as it emptied , making her way backstage , she flipped through some of the raw images she’d gotten in the last couple of hours . her feet felt light , and her stomach was alight with fluttering from excitement . this was what she was BEST at . this was what made her heart feel full . the thought of her desk back at nme , the all-staff meetings and assignments with restrictions or specifications . . . it looked a lot more like what she was SUPPOSED to want . it was logical , working with the safety net of a publication . it felt like a step backwards , a step towards the life she was building in galway , before everything wonderful about manchester happened .

“ admit it , ” evan peeked up from her camera screen –– beaming –– to see all four members of saint valentine as they lingered outside of the packed green room . nicky had his arm flung around his younger brother , and a crooked smile pasted on his lips , “ that was unlike anything you’ve ever seen before , right ? ”

“ consider me minorly impressed , ” evan said , tucking her dslr back into her bag . her hands instinctively cradled the film camera around her neck .

“ more like majorly . ”

“ are all american musicians t’is sure of themselves ? ”

“ no , ” lindsey , their lead guitarist named after fleetwood mac’s very own –– and certainly living up to it –– ruffled his shaggy hair with a towel , “ nicholas here just has a massive ego to compensate for other shortcomings . ”

an unintelligible grumble sounded from the taller boy , lost in the scuffle of nicky trapping him in a headlock and dragging them into the green room . spencer , their bassist , now back in his wire-framed glasses groaned and followed the both of them , uttering weak words of protest . only izzy hung back , beautiful black hair damp from a hard night’s work and finally pulled back into a long ponytail . evan wondered a few times how she managed to keep her vision clear on stage . she flashed a dazzling smile after the three of them , then turned back to evan .

“ dudes , am i right ? ”

evan’s gaze shifted from her to trail after the three of them , jostling each other about as people began to swarm for congratulations . despite the lightness in her chest , there was something small missing . . . an ounce of longing gripping at her stomach –– she missed all four of them .

“ absolutely ridiculous , ” she laughed before her gaze shifted back to izzy , “ you , miss , could out-drum just about ANY of t’e musicians i’ve worked wit’ . absolutely killer . ”

“ don’t flirt with me when i have no chance , connely , ” deep brown eyes sparkled in jest as she added , “ i know kiv o’niell’s got first dibs . ” shared laughter filled the hallway , “ you coming in ? we’d love to have you . ”

“ um , ” evan turned once more , peering into a hectic , happy room . a smile settled on her lips , “ i’ve actually got plans , but tomorrow ! i’ll stick around after tomorrow . ”

izzy studied her for a moment , giving a slow nod and an understanding smile , “ he’s in boston , right ? ”

“ not yet , ” evan sighed , not bothering to ask how she knew . she was sure she’d slipped it into conversation at some point that day , “ toronto . t’ey play boston in a couple days . reckon i can catch him in between press rounds if i time it right . ”

“ well , go on . we’ll see you tomorrow . bring that magical little machine with you , too . ”

“ you got it , ” evan lifted two fingers to her temple in a small salute , not needing to be told twice . her feet were moving before she’d even finished .

maybe it was the confetti fluttering about in her stomach . maybe it was the realization that perhaps nme wasn’t the dream she thought it was . maybe it was the sight of three boys jostling each other around after a good show . her only instinct , her only real thought , was to call kieran . to tell him all about how she’d gotten an infamous trouble maker to open up , how her photographs would be used as cover art for a stand alone single , how nothing quite compared to being in the thick of a live show . . . and how 20,000 people with a band she didn’t truly know couldn’t hold a candle to THE FOUND in berlin . . . let alone the found later in their career . it could’ve been the endorphins , the adrenaline , but evan felt certain in what otherwise seemed like a whim : being confined to a desk wasn’t it for her . she didn’t know what came next . . . leaving nme or locking down her own studio or heading out on tour with another band , but she knew she wanted to tell him . she was happier than she’d been in WEEKS , and the only missing piece was kieran .

even if things hadn’t been picture perfect with them lately . distance was easy when they were just an easy drive away from each other , but with an ocean , a tour , and ever changing time zones working against them things had been . . . more difficult than what they were used to . evan tried to chalk it up to overthinking when she felt a hollowness in her chest after he missed a call . . . or worse , after her mentions flooded with a girl she wanted nothing to do with . she’d been familiar with the nastier side of the internet for a long time , if only because of her proximity to four boys rising to fame , but after she and kieran made it clear to EVERYONE that they were far more than friends , things had only gotten worse . it was easy to ignore before bex . easier to brush away as though it were nothing but a nameless , faceless few who put their opinion where it didn’t belong . but now , with evan in london and kieran ( and bex ) in the states . . . things were BRUTAL . especially as more and more usernames tied to the found’s opening act wandered into her tags or her mentions . she’d kept it to herself , for the most part , knowing that he couldn’t really do anything to change it . . . but it wasn’t like bex , herself , was helping . she couldn’t help the occasional curiosity that came when she couldn’t sleep , only to find a clip from bex’s story , fawning over kieran the way she had shamelessly back in manchester as evan was standing right there .

she learned quickly to monitor her time on social media ; these days she mostly only used it when work required it of her . the last thing she needed was an array of new tagged posts on instagram , all having nothing to do with her and everything to do with her boyfriend . she’d known for some time about the rumors , and since stumbling across them she’d tried her best to tune them out . it did nothing to soothe the things she’d been actively working to unlearn over the last several months . the things her father , who left his entire family for another one , left behind . the things a boy , who she’d thought would be her first love despite his constant need to make her feel inadequate , left behind . kieran walsh was everything those men could never be . . . but it was easy to let the mind run wild when he was thousands of miles away .

even with the recent distance –– with the missed calls and miscommunications –– she still ached with missing him . she still wanted nothing more than to tell him about the night she’d just had , the one he’d been SO SURE would go well . she wanted to tell him that he was right . . . and that maybe she’d leave her desk behind to start something new . so she moved quickly from the empty bowels of the arena to the crowded lobby areas , smiling at but aptly dodging anyone who recognized her by CHANCE , kieran walsh’s girlfriend . she poured out into the parking lot with the rest of them , and only when she was exhaling as she flopped into the driver’s seat of her car did she pull out her phone .

‘ hey , checking in with you babes . are you alright ? do you need me to come over ? ’ isla’s message sat at the top of a mountain of notifications , every single one from her work email address . . . and her personal .

‘ COMMENT REQUESTED ’

evan’s brow furrowed as she typed back to isla : ‘ great actually ???? why ’

but the answer to that question was tucked away in the emails flooding her inboxes . over a dozen emails from over a dozen different publications were reaching out , hoping for her thoughts on an article linked at the very end of each .

she’d been walking a tightrope over the past few weeks , balancing in the breezes that tried to sway her off center . work . distance . arguments . rumors . however all of it was stuff she could handle , for the most part . . . this , though , was like someone took a pair of scissors and snipped the rope as she was standing in the center of it .

‘ ‘I DON’T KISS AND TELL : Bex & The Found’s Kieran Walsh Confirm Rumors are True ’

it was nothing she hadn’t seen before .

" Rumors have circulated all over the internet throughout The Found’s wildly successful North American tour, and for weeks all we’ve gotten were vague answers from Bex and silence from Kieran . This past Saturday , however , it seems the pair –– speculated to be growing intimately closer over the course of tour thanks to Bex’s ever present social media presence –– finally decided to make it known outside of their inner circle . . . those rumors may not have been rumors after all . Summer in Toronto is warm , but these two were hot (and heavy?) outside of Everleigh . . . ”

and then her vision began to blur as a photograph came into view . she blinked , turned up the brightness on her phone , and held it closer as she stared and searched for some sort of flaw in the composition . . . a tell tale sign of photoshop , a detail that proved it only LOOKED like them , but wasn’t . . .

but she found nothing . only bex and kieran swept up in each other’s arms in an intimate looking moment , a moment no one was meant to see . the telephoto lens caught her smile perfectly , beautiful as ever as hooded eyes looked over at kieran . what’s worse was . . . it looked like he was smiling too . wrapped up in each other the first photo , walking away from the club’s exit together in the second .

nausea began to settle in as she stared , unable to read any other part of the article surrounding the photographs . things began to fall into place , one by one . the way she’d picked up the phone –– maybe she truly didn’t remember evan , because maybe evan didn’t exist at all in the states –– , the copious number of videos and photos evan had been tagged in but never got around to seeing , the secret keeping , the missed call . THE MISSED CALL . it was that night . . . when time got away from him and he texted instead of calling . she hadn’t understood then , but she had a hunch now that maybe . . . maybe it was because bex was there , laying on the side of the bed that should’ve been HERS .

her chest began to rise and fall in rapid breaths , every cautionary tale and lived experience flooding her lungs at once . everything from the past few weeks toppled over onto her chest because she’d been RIGHT to worry about bex . she’d been right to feel like the place she left in the boys’ lives was being filled with a girl who had eyes for kieran . she was right to tell kieran to be CAREFUL with that one . . . because it wasn’t insecurity , and it wasn’t being a JEALOUS girlfriend . it was instinct , and her gut feeling was never wrong .

or maybe it had been , when it told her it was SAFE to allow herself to believe that love stories didn’t have to turn into tragedies . . . that not every man would hurt her the way declan had or leave her as her father did –– trading her in for a newer , more expensive model .

but kieran , with his arms wrapped around bex and a smile on his lips , had done BOTH . . . and hadn’t even had the decency to tell her before telling the world .

am i worth so little ? she thought , am i so easily replaced ? so easily unloved ? how could i be so stupid . . . so naive ?

her phone screen was a blur without definition , clear droplets hitting the glass like the beginnings of a slow summer rain . her clothes suddenly felt too tight , frantic breathing ripping at the seams of her shirt . her stomach lurched and turned and somersaulted , unsteady and queasy and . . .

she shoved her door open , slipping out of her car and kneeling just on the other side of it . tucking her hair behind her ears , grasping curls in a ponytail behind her neck , she threw up on the pavement of the parking lot . it brought no relief , though . in fact , her cheeks were still stained with tears . her chest was still heaving with labored breath . her head was still racing . . .

when did it start ? did he put up a front at first or did he immediately find himself in need of a distraction . . . one that was close in proximity and ready and willing . why wouldn’t he just BREAK UP with me ? being dumped would’ve been easier .

was he bored with her ?

was he in need of someone smarter ? someone prettier ? someone more accessible ? someone who knew the life of a musician far more than she could ever understand ?

she stood , wiping her mouth with the back of her hand .

maybe it was a misunderstanding . . . a doctored photo . . .

the parking lot was nearly empty . . . how long had she been like that ? motionless in her car as tears puddled over the article until she had no choice but to move . . .

evan’s lashes fluttered , blinking away tears as they came ; she had no idea when her hands had begun to shake , but they trembled as she pulled up her recent calls . his name sat there near the top of the list . . . maybe if she called , he’d tell her it was a fake . a rumor . a mistake . or maybe bex would pick up again , still wrapped in his bedsheets in the midst of an afternoon off of press . her thumb hovered over his name .

kieran had WATCHED her change for a boy who didn’t love her . he’d seen the aftermath of a broken heart . he’d witnessed the hurt she felt when it came to her father , the anger . and yet there he was , crystal clear in a photograph breaking her heart for the world to see .

kieran , who swore he loved her . who swore she had nothing to worry about . who swore that she was just a jealous girlfriend the first time evan brought up her discomfort with bex . who swore he’d come home to her .

it was worse than declan , because she hadn’t loved him this much .

it was worse than her father , because she’d never really promised to stay .

her thumb tapped the screen and she brought the phone to her ear ; the shrill ring came three times before anyone picked up .

“ evan ? ”

“ mam , ” she huffed , voice cracking as silent , angry tears finally broke into a choked sob , “ can you –– . . . could you –– . . . i t’ink i –– ”

“ evie , my sweet girl , take a breath , ” her voice was sharper now . evan imagined her sitting upright in bed , spine straightened with worry , “ tell me what’s going on . ”

“ he –– . . . kieran –– ”

“ is he OKAY ? ”

“ YES , ” she shook out her free hand , slight frustration creeping in and only fueling the tears , “ yes he’s . . . i mean he looks . . . i t’ink maybe he’s ch-chea– ” she couldn’t even get the word out ; she was going to be sick all over again .

“ oh , evan –– ”

“ could you just –– could you PLEASE come to london ? ”

there was a pause , agonizingly long .

“ i can be t’ere tomorrow . ”

#𝓮𝓿𝓪𝓷 + musing .

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chaoticspacefam · 4 years

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OC Music Meme

I was tagged by @raven-of-domain-kwaad , thank you! :D I shall tag (no pressure as always, only if you want to!): @mercurypilgrim , @mimabeann, @rainofaugustsith , @thelastenvoyyy , @a-master-procrastinator and anyone else who wants to do this one, yes, I promise I mean you!

Yaaay another music meme, I LOVE these, as any of my long-term followers/mutuals probably know :P Oh no, Raven what have you done! 🤣🤣

List one or more songs that relate to the following

*drags Rai and her three consecutive playlists full of songs in here and plops her down proudly* Now I’m not joking when I say combined her three playlists would run for ~10 hrs if I played them all back-to-back. Sooooo for that reason I will be trying to restrict myself to 3-4 songs per “question”, except for the last one which is annotated with an explanation there, ANYWAYS!

reminds you of them most:

Down To The Bottom - Dorothy :: This is a very new one to her playlist (discovered a few days ago), but it still vibes so well with Saarai’s attitude to love, and her need to have some sort of emotional closeness to other people, to love and be loved, or else she just doesn’t function quite right

Up The Wolves - The Mountain Goats :: This was one of Rai’s first EVER theme songs that made it onto her list as I gave the Ahaszaai the backstory that led to them becoming main characters, so it feels only right that I include it here. To me it perfectly sums up her character progression, from a frightened young woman with a lot of skeletons in her closet and no willingness to be a commander of anything or confidence that she could, to a strong and dedicated leader willing to do whatever it takes to protect the people she works with, and make sure that the person who once took it from her family will suffer the righteous justice he deserves for his actions. Oddly enough, Saarai never goes back to take over the Sith Empire as D’leah planned (in Subterfugeverse anyways), they do eventually “come home” and build something of their own with the other members of the Alliance <3

Bruno Is Orange - Hop Along :: This song is very important too. It makes me feel a lot of things and as I developed more of Saarai’s backstory and began tying everything together, it became an essential part of her backstory. This is 100% a “Saarai Song” in my brain (and I’ve had the script for that meme planned out for over a year, I’ll get to it soon :3), summing up the chaos and her own feelings on what happened with Tsâhis (and her mother and sister’s reactions to finding out about what happened, and Ty, the baby which resulted from that clusterfuck of a relationship)

Someone New - Hozier :: Kinda supplements “Down To The Bottom”, Saarai was a character who puzzled me sexuality-wise for a long time, she has a lot to unpack and a lot of nuances in her attractions, and for a long time (because it is the default for modern media) I tried to shove her in the monogamy box, except...that doesn’t work for Saarai LMAO. I remembered this song existed one day (I think it came up on Youtube shuffle or something) and it was the lightbulb that went on in my head that finally clicked and told me she was actually polyam as well (though ironically I forgot to actually put it in her playlist until @darth-bagel reminded me it existed again a few months ago LOL).

reminds another character of them:

All The Pretty Girls - KALEO :: (Sash - Zephyrverse AU) This one had a few options too, but I think this is the best song that Sash would associate with Saarai. Their relationship was slow burn, although there was near-immediate attraction there, Sash struggled with self-doubt and her own insecurities for a long time, firmly believing that Saarai would get bored of waiting for her to be “ready” to take things further and explore other options (she didn’t. They’ve been married something like 20+, nearing 30 years now, you’re stuck with her sweetie <3)

The Last of the Real Ones - Fall Out Boy :: (Lana - Subterfugeverse) “I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do.” Lana wasn’t looking for Saarai when she found her, but Lana wouldn’t have it any other way. Though Lana is a big pillar of support for Saarai, and Saarai in turn is the social “glue” that holds the Alliance together, what many people don’t realise is that the feeling is mutual and Lana relies upon her just as much. Saarai’s dependable, and trustworthy, even if sometimes she makes Lana want to roll her eyes into the ceiling because of her antics, she wouldn’t want to change her for anything, it’s that part of Saarai that she secretly loves the most because it reminds Lana that it’s okay to unwind and have fun or be silly every once in a while, especially with the people you love.

Shut Up And Dance - WALK THE MOON :: (Koth - Subterfugeverse) Koth’s relationship with Saarai took a lot longer to develop into something openly romantic because Saarai had a lot of stuff to work through before she could accept her own feelings for him, but the cantina party at the end of KOTFE was the moment that Koth realised she was comfortable with him, because it’s the first time she really opened up to him, the first time she asked him to do anything together, and the first time she didn’t flinch or jump away from him when he touched her.

reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly etc.: I’m taking that as an invitiation to do a song for each of the main ones of any kind and that means this one has like six songs because...Saarai has a lot of influencial relationships in her character arc, I’m sorry (but not really) :’)

Broken Crown - Mumford & Sons :: Saarai & D’leah (Familial, It’s Complicated). This one is probably gonna be the “controversial” song of this post but you know what I’m gonna do it anyway. Saarai and D’leah have a very complicated relationship, because on the one hand Saarai does love her mother very much in spite of the horrible things she said and did, and on the other...the last thing that she wants is to turn out like her. And sometimes, sometimes you gotta call your mom out on her toxic shit. Hey Brother - Aviici :: Saarai & Ni’kasi (Familial Love). “What if I lose it all? Oh sister, I will help you out. Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you...there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.” The “brother” part does not apply to the twins, gender-wise, but the essence of this song is undoubtedly Saarai & Ni’kasi’s relationship. When Saarai thought she had no-one else, Ni’kasi was there to pick up the pieces and get her back onto her feet. They’re ride or die till the very end, wherever Saarai leads, she knows Ni’kasi will follow her.

Son of A Gun - Lord Huron :: Saarai & Tsâhis (Romantic ”Love”, though I’mma be very clear here that he was a manipulative abusive asshole, but Saarai loved him so...quotation marks. Y’get it yeah? Good.) “Well she fell in love with that son of a gun, but he was not the man that she took him for.” This line in particular sums it up. Saarai was young, naive and a perfect target for someone like Tsâhis to take advantage of because she didn’t know any better and believed him when he said he “loved her”, only for him to pull the rug out from under her feet later on. (he got his tho, don’t worry 😈)

Youth - Glass Animals :: Saarai & Tyûk (Maternal Love). This is the closest I can find to a song that sums up their relationship, I have a lot of thoughts about it but there are very few songs (that I’ve found) that touch upon the essence of Saarai & Ty’s relationship. D’leah chose to blame Ty for his father’s actions, Saarai chose the opposite. She chose to love him in spite of what his father had done to her, and to make sure he grew up feeling safe, loved, and learnt to be better than that.

Curses - The Crane Wives :: Saarai/Sash (Romantic Love) Both Saarai and Sash have had difficult pasts, with a lot of emotional trauma, and they both had hurdles they had to overcome in order for their relationship to truly work and stay healthy. But with each others’ support, they’ve managed it and are all the closer for it. If you asked either of them where “home” was, they’d say the other’s name.

Sorry I Stole Your Girlfriend - Stereo Skyline :: Saarai/Lana/Koth (Romantic Love). Okay, I really really wanted to pick a more serious song from their playlist for them, BUT....this song is the song that started this ship in my brain so here we are. LMAO Originally, this popped into my brain as an idea of Saarai’s response to Koth’s attempt at getting between them in that scene of KOTFE on the Gravestone. Koth and Saarai’s moral compasses are very similar and I wanted them to sit down and have a proper, healthy discussion about their feelings instead of becoming enemies and sort of agreeing not to hold a grudge against each other, though I didn’t expect for that piece to get away from me and for Saarai to end up developing feelings for Koth too, I can’t say I’m unhappy with it. I love them and I will fight anyone who tells me I can’t make them an OT3, I can, I will, and I have. >:) (Healthy Polyam Good, Love Triangles Are Fucking Stupid (tm). No I am not taking criticism on this lmao) Though Saarai & Koth’s relationship isn’t sexual in any way, they love each other just as much as they love Lana, just express it differently. So even though the snideness of this song doesn’t really apply to them, I kept it in their playlist and it also became their ship name because it was too good to pass up, though “Stole” is in inverted commas as it’s definitely more of an inside joke between the three of them than actually seriously accusing them of stealing each others’ girlfriend. 🤣 (as always, Saarai & Koth thinks it’s hilarious, Lana rolls her eyes at the stupid pun but also secretly thinks it’s funny as hell)

#swtor #star wars: the old republic #swtor OCs #tagged meme #OC music meme #swtor oc: saarai ahaszaai #sith pureblood #the outlander #LS! eternal empress #subterfugeverse #ot3: sorry i ''stole'' your girlfriend #saarai/lana/koth #saarai x tsâhis #zephyrverse au #saarai/sash #the ahaszaai twins #the sith twins #yes i have written down a lot of stuff regarding the ot3's relationship and how it developed etc #one day i will throw them out into the world when i feel like they're ready #but they're not ready yet so sorry y'all you gotta wait #but trust me when i say this is very elaborately planned out #LMAO #[banging pots and pans] they're. poly. and. in. love. fucking. deal. with. it. or. leave #my ships my rules #complicated mother daughter relationships are complicated #projection? i don't know her #no sir #tw: manipulation #tw: abusive relationship

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humble-wayside-flower · 5 years

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“The surface escapes you upward, leaving you in freezing depths, fathoms below. Watching. Return. Reward. Wonder. A final squeeze sends the last breath from your lungs in a muffled scream. Punish.”

~Episode 53

“Settled within a small chamber of tangled leaves and roots, within this mass of vines and green, you swear you can see a face. Female. Motherly. Her eyes closed.

The womb I grant, but withers without faith. His will shall find you again soon. His will shall find you again, but until it does, rest.”

~Episode 65

Episodes 49 - 76

Spotify (X)- Liner Notes Under Cut Part 1 / Part 2

_______________________________________________________

Pretender (Acoustic) by AJR (Post Pirate Arc- Feeling adrift and throwing yourself into another situation so you don’t have to think about the previous one. With everything going on in the empire and the lives of his friends, there are far more important things to be focusing on.)

I’m a good pretender Won’t you come see my show? I’ve got lots of problems Well, good thing nobody knows

Seafaring Song by Mark Lanegan & Isobel Campbell (He feels uneasy being this far from the ocean, as he runs from the promise he made and things he did to chase power that didn’t matter. Looking up into the Xhorhas sky and seeing an unfamiliar, yet familiar vastness reflected back at him.)

I have traveled the world around Wandered far from home Sailed the ocean in foreign skies Still further to roam

False Confidence by Noah Kahan (The City of Beasts- Fjord should feel comfortable here, no one glances at him sideways, he isn’t the only one of his kind, but he still doesn’t feel like enough. Insecurities about his size, his tusks, his humaness, his orcness abound. Feeling like you aren’t enough for either place yet too much for both as well.)

Don’t take yourself so seriously Look at you all dressed up for someone you never see You’re here for a reason but you don’t know why You’re split and uneven, your hands to the sky Surrender yourself

I Don’t Even Care About You (Stripped) by MISSIO (His first Uk’otoa dream since leaving the coast. It’s a warning and a threat of punishment. Being crushed in your dreams is every bit as unpleasant as it sounds.)

Depressed again Evening comes too fast, still tired of the routine Depressed again I can do without all your false curiosities Angry again No, I don’t wanna have a conversation with you Angry again Let me sit alone with kerosene I do’t even care about you

A New Mission by Josh Whitehouse (Everything about Wursh exasperates Fjord’s insecurities, but he feels seen in a way that, while not pleasant, is necessary. The group also gets another peek at the childhood that made their friend.)

Sometimes I can’t control a feeling that I get inside my chest Even with those who are close to me, the ones I call my best I lose sight of all my confidence, in a heavy single step It’s happened ever since my childhood, things I thought I’d put to rest

The Wolf in Your Darkest Room by Matthew Mayfield (Uk’otoa makes it clear that what can be given can also be taken away. The loss of his powers, however temporarily is terrifying.)

And I just want to taste you on my teeth And clawing at your neck to feed my needs You thought you found my limit But you don’t seem to know You don’t seem to know How far I’d go

The Mask by Matt Maeson (Fjord has spent a lifetime crafting masks, but at what cost, and with such weight. He’s not ready to take them off yet, but he gets one step closer with each day. Fjord’s second talk with Wursh about anger, picking your battles, and not letting others define who you are.)

Tell me what you know I settled my grievance by crafting a mask And I never looked back I will never grow While this anchor is chained to my feet

Waite by Lowland Hum (Xhorhas montage- Adjusting to a new city, a new culture, and having a home of your own for the first real time ever. The paranoia of feeling like you’re being watched. Caleb waiting for him in his room- a conversation with a friend you don’t yet understand, and are not sure you fully trust.)

Hunter, rush, mauve, dust; Colors I didn’t trust Until I saw them from the train Home with stranger kin Camp in the kitchen Tears and sweet refrain Pining, dining, late reclining Pillow steals my brain Stop through, see you All we’ve been through Are we not the same?

In Memoriam by The Oh Hellos (Sleeping next to the Wildmother’s tree. Uk’otoa strikes again, but she saves him, brings him to her, and offers him a place of refuge to seek and strive for. For the first night in a long time, his sleep is peaceful.)

Well, it’s a long way out to reach the sea But I’m sure I’ll find you waiting there for me And by the time I blink, I’ll see your wild arms swinging Just to meet me in the middle of the road And you’ll hold me like you’ll never let me go And beside the salty water, I could hold you close But you are far too beautiful to love me

Diver (Acoustic) by Kid Astray (The Wildmother’s tree again, but this time his eyes are on Jester only. Also known as: He literally jumps off a tree into a deep dive to save her guys!! That’s some Disney bullshit!!)

So dive in with me, leave without the feeling that you’re on your own Hold fast drifting, know that I won’t go before you’ve had enough ‘Cause I can be anything that you want me to be, anything that you need me to be So dive in with me, dive in with me

A Lullaby of Home by Jessica Curry (Bazzozan, Oban, and the loss of Yasha. The feeling of betrayal that strikes deep to his core.)

Instrumental

The Difference by Noah Gunderson (Fjord and Nott are parallel stories. The weird understanding and also misunderstanding between those who are in the same place, but had very different journeys to get there, and also don’t want to acknowledge just how much the same they are.)

I hope I don’t miss it Though I know I probably just won’t get it Maybe we were made this way Maybe we weren’t made Maybe we just got here Learning from our mistakes Maybe we don’t know What we’re looking at The ever pressing question takes a toll

A Little Broken by Storm Greenwood (The Vandran scry conversation. Fjord confides in Jester about all of it, not knowing what he wants, losing his powers, being afraid of losing his friends and himself. She supports him like he never expected anyone to. He leaves feeling more grounded and ready to make a decision. )

And though we’ve been down the hardest road we’ve yet traveled At least we weren’t traveling alone Time ticks by and we’re still a little broken But together we can lighten this load

Broken Crown by Mumford & Sons (The whole damn lava pit thing, that defining choice. The giving up something bad to replace it with something better. Jumping off a cliff and praying you’ll be caught.)

Touched my mouth and hold my tongue I’ll never be your chosen one I’ll be home, safe and tucked away You can’t tempt me if I don’t see the day

Dear Wormwood by The Oh Hellos (The aftermath. When you’ve named the beast you can tame it, or throw it away entirely. In a way it is freedom. Fjord and Caduceus share a private moment of encouragement and support.)

I know who I am now And all that you’ve made of me I know who you are now And I name you my enemy

Kinda Feels Alright by Wild Rivers (Fjord’s friends love him so so so much. Coming clean about who you are even though it is terrifying, and finding that nothing has changed really, not in the ways that matter the most.)

I swear I should be terrified But damn, it kinda feels alright

Ginger by The Front Bottoms (Powerlessness and the Strength of Self. Fjord was never really weak, he just needed faith in himself, his abilities, and in the love of his friends.)

Back before I got struck by lightning Things were so much different than they are now I got a lot more people leaning on me And all I wanna do is make them proud But this is my body, the only thing I own entirely And it’ll carry me to greatness somehow

Better in the Morning by Birdtalker (Fjord and Caduceus commune with the Wildmother and talk about the importance of faith. There is no requirement to have it all figured out immediately. You are safe, you are loved, you are wanted. Just have faith.)

Be gentle with yourself as you uncover Your best kept secrets yet to be discovered In stillness, boys, clear water to the bottom You will do better in the morning

The Dragon from God of War (The Battle at Mythburrow for the material to finish Star Razor. If there was any doubt that his friends turned family would do anything for him, it is dispelled now.)

Instrumental

Atlas: Eight by Sleeping at Last (Rebirth, Reforged, Revival.)

Here I am, pry me open What do you want to know? I’m just a kid who grew up scared enough To hold the door shut And bury my innocence But here’s a map, here’s a shovel Here’s my Achilles’ heel I’m all in, palms out, I’m at your mercy now And I’m ready to begin

#fjord #fjord stone #critical role #wildmount campaign #cr2 #critical role spoilers #my playlists #it only took 10 millions years #but I finally completed this!

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nicest-of-spices · 5 years

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Miru Nhule - Music Playlist!

For many of us music is a source of inspiration for our characters, so I want to know what songs inspire and/or relate to your muse! Choose between 10-15 songs, compile them into an album and tag some friends to share the beat!

Who I am is not who I’ve been

All the King’s Horses - Karmina There is a reason I’m still standing/ I never knew if I’d be landing/ And I will run fast, outlast/ Everyone that said no.

Little Me - Little Mix Tell you one thing I would say to her/ I’d tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out/ Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder/ Tell her she’s beautiful, wonderful/ everything she doesn’t see

The Cave- Mumford & Sons So make your siren’s call and sing all you want/ I will not hear what you have to say/ ‘Cause I need freedom now and I need to know how/ To live my life as it’s meant to be.

Shelter - Porter Robinson & Madeon And it’s a long way forward, trust in me / I’ll give them shelter, like you’ve done for me/ And I know I’m not alone, you’ll be watching over us/ Until you’re gone

Blessing of Light, Curse of Light

Hope of Morning - Icon for Hire When the hope of morning starts to fade in me/ I don’t dare let darkness have its way with me/ And the hope of morning makes me worth the fight/ I will not be giving in tonight.

Ocean Blue - WRLD ft. Laura Brehm The light from the winter sky/ The moon is beginning to bring the tide/ And all this time/ I’ve been trying to heal alone

Gurenge - AmaLee ver. (english cover) I can hear the lightning/ There’s not a song more frightening/ And like a storm you can’t control some things in this world/ Not everything can be protected/ I already know that

Rose of May - Erutan War leaves its trail in moonlight so pale/ Its shadows they flow in rivers, in rivers/ So put on my mask, I’ll go where they ask/ So I might once again see the roses of may

Will you stand by me?

Inside out- The Chainsmokers ft. Charlee

I’m gonna pick your brain and get to know your thoughts/ So I can read your mind when you don’t wanna talk/ And can I touch your face before you go?/ I collect your scales but you don’t have to know

Graveyard - Halsey

Oh, ‘cause I keep diggin’ myself down deeper/ I won’t stop ‘til I get where you are/ I keep running when both my feet hurt/ I won’t stop ‘til I get where you are/ Oh, when you go down all your darkest roads/ I would’ve followed all the way to the graveyard

Something Just Like This - The chainsmokers & Coldplay

I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts/ some super hero, some fairytale bliss/ Just something I can turn to, somebody I can kiss/ I want something just like this.

I will forge my own future

You’re Not Alone - Erutan When the storm draws nigh/ Dreams will shatter before your eyes/ Know that you’re not alone/ When the battle starts/ I will comfort your restless heart/ You’ll know that you are home

Shatter Me - Lindsey Stirling ft. Lzzy Hale If I break the glass, then I’ll have to fly/ There’s no one to catch me if I take a dive/ I’m scared of changing, the days stay the same/ The world is spinning but only in gray

Holding onto Heaven - Foxes )The Chainsmokers remix ‘Cause I’m holding onto heaven/ Lights fade, but I won’t let them

Face my Fears - AmaLee Ver. Let me face, let me face, let me face my fears/ Won’t be long, won’t be long, I’m almost here.../Watch me cry all my tears

Sincerely - TRUE I’m living my life, I’m never giving up/ So that you can take pride in these current days

tagged by: @gatheredfates a really long time ago, I’m so sorry I took a million years to get this done! @windupnamazu I saw her post for her character and it reminded me. >.<

My music taste varies a LOT depending on which muse I’m writing for, and to be honest making a playlist for Miru took me months. So many song swaps and finding which lyrics I wanted to use. If I could post the whole song I would but that’s what the next part is for XD I’m sorry if it’s bland or silly, but I really wanted to do it.

Who I am is not who I’ve been is basically Miru’s childhood and coming of age. Losing her father at such a young age, learning that death isn’t something anyone should take lightly. All the King’s Horses is reminiscent of the childhood innocence that everyone has before it’s taken away. She’s not a princess that’s about to be saved, that’s in fairy tales. Little Me is a more towards her teenage years. After being taken in by Zirnwyda, Miru struggled a lot with self-confidence and self-esteem. The blame of her father’s death, the anger and disdain from his comrades, even how her eyes are exactly like her father’s is a grim reminder. The Cave fits Miru pretty well since it’s about seeing the world from a different perspective, but it feels like more about being open to change. Being flexible enough to change and keep an open mind but rebellious enough to know what she wants and not compromise. Shelter is truly Mozah’li’s song. He’s the one who brought Miru to Limsa Lominsa, raised her as a single father, but always made sure she never felt like a burden and that she was safe. Though his death shattered her world and her perceptions, Miru wants to be that shelter (pun intended) for others. To keep them safe, just like her father did for her.

Blessing of Light, Curse of Light is kind of self-explanatory I think? The Warrior of Light has been through a lot so I wouldn’t be surprised that most of them had some kind of trauma or ptsd. Miru definitely has had her own fair share, starting from when her father died to now in the First. Hope of Morning is how she’s finally acknowledged that she does, in fact, have these self-doubts and insecurities and she doesn’t want those close to her and those she loves to know. That when the “darkness threatens her” she won’t give in. No matter how hard it is she has to keep moving forward. Even when she feels like she can’t take another step. Ocean Blue is kind of her song. Like her theme song. I don’t have anything super deep for it, it’s just when I write her it’s the song I go to. Gurenge and Rose of May are both kind of like her coming into her own. She’s the Warrior of Light but she’s so much more. She wouldn’t be anywhere near where she is without her friends to support her. She may have lost her childhood innocence, and lost all hope. But she’s found it again in the hands and hearts of those she helps and those who fight alongside her. She’s been given this chance to help make the world a better place and she would not squander it.

Will you stand by me? Honestly? This is Miru and Urianger’s playlist. When I write for them these are the songs I listen to. Something Just Like This is perfect for them because she’s not looking for anyone special, she doesn’t need someone who’s a hero or who will save her at a moment’s notice. She just needs someone for her to love and love her in return. Someone to support her and be at her side even at her worst. Inside Out embodies her love for Urianger, I think. Out of everything he’s done, she can understand each and every reason. She might not agree with him on some of what he’s done but that doesn’t stop her from trying to get through to him. Graveyard definitely speaks of Miru in terms of her loyalty to someone she loves. Even if she feels like the whole world is telling her that its a bad decision, that maybe it hurts. She’ll keep going.

I will forge my own future. This is Miru’s character development playlist. I tried to put them together in such a way that You’re Not Alone and Shatter Me were put together at first. Miru really is one to fight for what she believes in, and even though change is terrifying at best, she has learned to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Holding onto Heaven and Face my Fears kind of represent how, out of everything, she wants to grow. Not as a Warrior of Light, not as a Scion, but as Miru Nhule. Daughter of Mozah’li and foster daughter of Zirnwyda. That, out of everything, she’ll hold her head high. Finally, Sincerely is...a letter to her father. I loved this song after I had watched Violet Evergarden and, to be honest, found quite a few parallels between both Miru and Violet. I like to think of this song as a final farewell letter Miru wrote to her father when she finally makes peace with his death. She’s not defined by her past, but she can use it to grow.

tagging: everyone! If you want to tag me in it so I can see your muse’s playlist I’d love to see it, but I really just want everyone to have a good time so absolutely no pressure. I’m still new to the whole posting and tagging about my muses so I’d hate to leave out anyone by accident.

#ffxiv #Miru Nhule #music playlist #muse playlist #i'm sorry if my taste is bad #but I love her #warrior of light #miqo'te #aether #adamantoise #sorry if I make no sense in explanations #I swear it made sense in my head

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sassysatsuma · 6 years

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Follow You - 3/?

Fandom: Assassin’s Creed Odyssey

Rating: M

Characters: Kassandra, Brasidas,

Ships: Kassandra/Brasidas (slow burn, Spartans to friends to lovers)

Summary: “Against all of her better judgement, Kassandra already felt bonded with Brasidas, a friendship that she’d tried to fight for fear of what it might become. He was a man she admired, respected, trusted. A man who in another life may have even been someone who could have had her heart. He was everything she should avoid, everything that could make her vulnerable.A potential weakness that she couldn’t afford.“

An Assassin’s Creed Odyssey AU, where Brasidas joins Kassandra and the rest of the Adrestia’s crew.

Author’s Note: Takes place after ‘And the Streets Run Red’ main quest mission, so be wary of spoilers!!The developing love story of Kassandra and Brasidas in an AU where he joins the crew of Adrestia and becomes Kassandra’s trusted second in command and confidante. The slow burn, Spartans to friends to lovers romance that I wanted Ubisoft to give me. Feel free to like, reblog or signal boost!

Read it below the cut or here on AO3.

“But there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.”

Mumford & Sons

The closer the Adrestia came to Naxos, the sicker Kassandra became.

It was an odd sensation, hurtling through the waves towards a woman who she hadn't see in 17 years, Myrrine the unattainable goal that she'd been searching for ever since she'd washed up on Kephallonia's shore. Her mater represented everything that Kassandra had been missing; the family she longed to be a part of. Seeing her again had been her true drive ever since the moment she’d lost sight of her on Taygetos, before the world slipped into darkness and she woke up, broken, bruised and alone.

Myrrine had always been so far away, even when Kassandra had her own ship and crew and the means to follow her. But now she was just so close.

Too close. Although Kassandra wanted nothing more than to see her, there was a growing part of her that felt raw, opposed towards the very idea. The seeds of doubt were already in her mind, the worry that she'd not be enough, that she'd be a disappointment. That someone simply being alive and able to find her mater after everything would not be enough. It was terrifying to feel so out of control and vulnerable, a sensation that grew and grew the closer they sailed to Naxos.

Kassandra didn't deal well with feeling weak, in truth she wasn't used to the emotion. And so, she did what she always did when faced with emotions she didn't want to feel. She hid away, retreating into herself for fear of letting the crew see her so exposed.

It almost worked too.

It was the early hours of the morning and Kassandra was below deck, hunkered down in what was considered her "quarters". In reality it was simply a portion of the ship's hull that was cordoned off and called hers, thin planks and curtains cutting it off from where the rest of the crew ate and slept. Inside, Kassandra kept only the sparsest of possessions; a chest for her armour and weapons and a smaller, ornate trinket box that held oil and a bone comb for her hair. The only other furniture was a place for Ikaros to call home, fashioned from an old, gnarled tree branch that protruded from the floor. A favoured resting place for her most trusted friend when he grew tired of circling the skies above the Adrestia and the waves.

Now Ikaros was sitting atop his perch, squawking content whilst Kassandra fed him another hunk of meat from the end of her knife. It was supposed to be hers, but with her appetite well and truly lost, she figured that at least one of them should benefit from the meal.

"Hungry tonight, aren't you?" She smiled softly, stroking the downy feathers at his throat affectionately. Ikaros squawked again, although this time the sound was quieter, as affectionate a sound as the bird could make. "Get some rest, friend. I'm going to need you in the morning."

"Shouldn't you be resting too?" A voice, most definitely not Ikaros' startled her and Kassandra jumped in her skin, cursing under her breath at the chuckle she earned from the intruder. She looked to her left, to where Brasidas held the curtain that covered the doorway to one side. He was grinning as per usual, his face softly lit by the low lamplight of the room.

"I could say the same to you."

"I'm not the one meeting my mater in the morning." He shrugged, surveying her with those eyes that read her so easily. "Should I stay or go?"

"You can stay." Kassandra nodded in response, trying to be as nonchalant as possible in her agreement despite the little voice in the back of her thoughts scolding her for giving them even more time to be alone. She turned her back on him, returning to her bedroll and sitting down with crossed legs. "But close the curtain, I'd rather at least maintain the pretence of privacy."

She watched him closely, his movements careful as he did as she asked, replacing the curtain as though it had never been disturbed. Bare footed, he stepped towards Ikaros, reaching out and rewarding the bird with a soft stroke to the head as he passed. Traitor. Ikaros had accepted Brasidas right from the start, something that the bird did very rarely.

It had been one of the reasons that he had earned Kassandra's trust so easily, her companion the best judge of character that she knew. Now, that trust merely pushed at her resolve.

"I didn't bring wine this time." Brasidas smiled, seating himself in front of her. "I thought you'd disapprove."

"It's probably best to meet my mater not smelling like a taverna." Kassandra laughed. "Thanks."

"There'll be plenty of time for her to learn the truth about her daughter..." He teased, dodging her attempt to swat at him with the back of her hand. "I'm joking of course. You tend to smell a lot better than most mercenaries."

"And you'd know that how, I wonder?" This time it was her turn to taunt him, a smirk pulling at the corners of her lips. "Sounds like someone has a sordid past?"

"Sordid?" Hardly. I've just fought a lot of mercenaries in my time."

"Sure... fought."

"I fear that you think I'm far more interesting than I actually am, Kassandra." He raised an eyebrow curiously, still smiling although his eyes were there again, perpetually reading hers. "I'm not known for my gift of seducing every mistios in my path. Apologies."

Just this one then. The thought chased across Kassandra's mind before she could stop it, but she kept her face blank under his scrutiny. Already chiding herself for letting their conversation twist into almost flirting, Kassandra paused, already too aware of the need to shift to more innocent topics. It was then when she realised that for everything Brasidas knew about her, she knew so little about him. He was always so quick to speak about everything but himself, happy to laugh and joke and deflect whenever directly questioned.

She decided there and then that needed to change.

"Maybe it's because we always end up talking about me and never the other way around?"

"But you're so much more interesting than I am, mistios."

"I doubt that."

"Says The Great Eagle-Bearer!" Brasidas grinned. "How could a humble soldier compete with one blessed by Zeus himself?"

"You could tell me and maybe we'll find out?" Kassandra rolled her eyes, her overly inflated title feeling all the more alien when spoken by a man she considered a friend. "Tell me about yourself, Brasidas. Where's home?"

"Sparta."

"Obviously. But where?"

"You misunderstand..." He paused, all at once looking as on edge as she’d ever seen him. She watched as he all but considered lying to her, an anxious hand rubbing at the back of his head.

"… Home has always been an abstract idea to me. There was a place where I grew up, yes. A family too. But it isn't something I long for in the same way that maybe you do."

"And where is this family?"

"Dead, mostly.” His reply was blunt, but the sigh that left his lips betrayed his true emotions. “My mater went to Elysium not long after I was born. I’m told my pater was never the same after she died. He was Tellis, a man from a humble family but as loyal a Spartan as you could find. He was the man who taught me and my brother the importance of our shields, who pushed us to embrace our agoge training and to honour the Gods."

"You have a brother?"

"Had." A sad smile flickered across Brasidas' features. For a moment his eyes left hers and flicked around the room in a desperate attempt to buy himself time. When his gaze returned to hers, there was a sadness reflected in his eyes, although it was also tinged with pride. "Iasonas. He was my elder by a couple of years and the very image of my pater. We trained through the agoge together, then sailed together as soldiers. He was everything I ever wanted to be."

"How did he die?"

"In battle with the Athenians. We were separated, Iasonas chosen to lead a garrison of men whilst I was sent abroad to spy. His ship was surrounded by the Athenian fleet and overcome. I was told that he died honourably."

"Brasidas..." Kassandra found her mouth empty of words, guilt creeping into her thoughts at the realisation that she by being so wrapped up in her own grief she’d never stopped to think about what tragedies might have befallen her friend. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be, his death isn't your burden to bear. It was painful, for a time... I held myself accountable for not being there with him when he needed me. But I know now that if I’d been there, pater would have lost two sons instead of one that day."

"Everything you said about Phoibe..."

"I’d known that loss.” Brasidas nodded in agreement, fixing her with a kind smile. “That night above Athens, I saw everything in you that had filled me when Iasonas died. Seeing a friend go through that was difficult. I wanted to help."

"You did." Kassandra stated bluntly, caught somewhere between sympathy and empathy for his loss. "Others tried, but only you managed it."

"The Gods have given me a great gift, to be able to get through that thick skull of yours." He laughed softly, at home on more familiar ground. Leaning back on his hands he surveyed her with curious eyes. "Or perhaps... it's because we are more alike than we think?"

"Which mountain did your pater throw you from?" Kassandra teased in return, her smirk breaking into a full-blown smile when he laughed heartily at her joke. There was always a pure kind of happiness that flooded her soul whenever she made him laugh, the sight as beautiful as it was endearing. "We could compare scars."

"I imagine pater wanted to throw me from a mountain many times growing up. He was always so frustrated with me. Iasonas was always the better fighter, but I had an interest in so much more. I lapped up every story about the Gods, thought myself a modern-day Prometheus for a time with all my schemes. As I grew older, my interest switched to history and politics. I cared more for how Sparta was ruled than for fighting purely for its honour."

"And pater didn't approve?"

"Pater didn't understand." Brasidas shrugged. "Politics, history... these were things he considered less important. My interest in them only seemed to anger him. He used to joke that I was the most Athenian of Spartans... but it was never something that he took pride in."

"He sounds as blind as Nikolaos." Kassandra shook her head, his words ringing all too familiar. "You fight better than most Spartans I've met, but a country needs more than just warriors. I don't pretend to understand the Athenians and their symposiums but their enthusiasm about philosophy and learning isn't always a sign of weakness."

"And that is why I like you, Kassandra. You've travelled, seen the world for what it really is. Seen both Sparta and Athens for what they truly are. People like us see the best and the worst in both. Our paters are from a different world. A different time."

"For all his faults, Nikolaos was always proud of me. He found no weakness in showing it. I can't imagine what it was like for you."

"It was a childhood, no worse of better than any other. My pater was a great man and I was fortunate to have my brother." Brasidas smiled fondly. "Just as you are fortunate to have Myrrine.”

"And what if I'm a disappointment?" Kassandra's voice faltered at that, her anxieties suddenly crashing back to the forefront of her thoughts. She looked up at him with worried eyes. "What if she expected more?”

"There isn't a mater in the world who wouldn't be proud of you. Believe me, you couldn't be anything more if you tried."

"And you are biased." Kassandra shook her head, her hands reaching up to comb her fingertips through her knotted hair. For once it was loose, hanging down past her left shoulder in unruly thick tendrils. It was only when the hair passed from between her fingers that she realised her hands were trembling. "We're getting close."

"Are you ready?"

"How can I be? I'm about to meet the woman I've feared dead for so long, a woman who thinks that I'm dead. How do you even begin to prepare for that?"

"I'm not sure you can." Without further word, Brasidas stood, a fluid movement that startled her with its suddenness. Half expecting him to leave, Kassandra watched closely as he stepped around her, lowering himself to his knees again behind her on the bedroll. In an act of by now characteristic kindness, his hands chased hers away from her hair and he took it between his own fingers, gently pulling the strands into a braid identical to the one that she normally wore. "The Fates have already decided your path, Kassandra. All that remains is for you to follow their lead."

It was the gentlest gesture she could remember. His fingers were soft, knowledgeable as they twisted her hair together diligently, a constant ghosting presence against her scalp that brought with it more comfort than it should have. Without realising, Kassandra relaxed into his touch, long held tension dissipating from her shoulders and neck. She couldn't remember the last time such a small action had brought her so much peace, her heart aching for the closeness that she worked so hard to deny it.

And then it hit her like a wave. Phoibe. Memories of all the nights on Kephallonia when she would let her braid her long hair, whilst her friend spoke wistfully of eagles and blessings from Zeus. On those nights they had talked for hours, Kassandra telling Phoibe what little she remembered of Sparta whilst she told her tales of when her parents had been alive. Those nights had been the start of them becoming like family, Kassandra living in the fantasy of the childhood Phoibe had shared with her loving parents.

A childhood they'd both been robbed of all too soon.

Suddenly the pain was back, reminding her that Phoibe would never beg to braid her hair again.

Vulnerability followed in an instant, playing on her anxiety and pushing her over the brink. As Brasidas tied off her braid, Kassandra felt a tear slip from her welling eyes, the salty liquid painting a long, slow line down across her skin. She turned her head away, praying to whichever God might be listening that he wouldn't see her weakness, but with Brasidas nothing went unnoticed.

"Kassandra?"

"It's nothing." She shook her head dismissively, pulling her newly formed braid gently from his hands in the process. She turned, looking to where Ikaros sat on his perch and blinked away her remaining tears. "You just reminded me of Phoibe."

"There's no shame in feeling."

"But there is shame in weakness." Kassandra sighed, returning her gaze to his. "There's more honour in strength."

"Now who sounds like a stubborn Spartan?" Brasidas' smile possessed a warmth that blinded her and she faltered, transfixed by the creases that framed the very corners of his lips. "Don't turn into your pater, Kassandra. You'll break my heart."

With a tenderness that she'd denied herself of for so long, Brasidas reached forward, his thumb and forefinger resting under her chin and slowly lifting it upwards so that she looked upwards. All at once, Kassandra's heart thundered in her chest; the sudden realisation of just how close he was dawning on her. Frozen in place by brown eyes that had fully ensnared her, she was helpless to do anything else but watch as he pressed closer, his lips grazing hers with a gentleness that felt like a question.

His question didn't go unanswered for long.

She kissed him back, leaning into his touch, completely lost to every inch of him. For a single, blissful moment, they stayed that way, locked in a soft embrace that threatened to end them both. Brasidas never pushed for anything more, although his hand moved to frame her face, his thumb rubbing away the damp trail her tears had left behind. When he finally broke the kiss, he didn't withdraw, instead keeping their faces close as he rested his forehead against hers.

"We shouldn't." Kassandra spoke first, her words betraying her emotions as she struggled to save face. She didn't pull away, she didn't have the heart to, but the beating of it in her chest had her scrambling to save herself from falling further despite it all.

"... We aren't." Brasidas smiled, still so close that his breath tickled against her lips. "You think too much."

"And you don't think enough."

"Perhaps that's what the Fates intended." He pulled back at that, broadening the gap between them. For a moment there was silence, his lips parted as though he had more to add. Instead, he lowered his gaze, smiling to himself before moving to stand. Kassandra started to stand too, but his outstretched hand stopped her, a shake of his head telling her that he didn't expect her to follow. "Sleep first. Focus on your mater. I... should have picked my timing better."

With that, Brasidas was gone, the room feeling so much colder without his presence within it.

Ikaros squawked indignantly in the background, but Kassandra barely heard him, her hand tracing her lips as she fought to process the kiss they'd shared. Her mind was split, halved by the fear of letting him get so close and by the relief of knowing that he cared for her just as much as she cared for him. It was a strange duality, one that comforted just as much as it scared her.

He was a weak point, a chink in her armour to be exploited. But he was also a place of strength and comfort when she was determined to give herself neither. Perhaps Brasidas was right. Perhaps the Fates had made them to be as two sides of the coin on purpose. Or perhaps that was simply Kassandra's traitorous heart talking.

With the night only promising more questions and precious few answers, Kassandra took her friend's advice, rolling over towards the oil lamp that lit the small room and extinguishing it, plunging both herself and Ikaros into total darkness. Fumbling for her blanket in the darkness, she pulled its comforting weight up and around her body, settling into her bedroll and the warmth that came with it.

Perhaps a rested mind would bring the clarity she so desperately needed. Even if it didn't, at least the peace of sleep would give her relief from the emotions flooding her system, if only for a little while.

#assassin's creed odyssey #assassin's creed #brasidas #kassandra #kassandra/brasidas #assassins creed odyssey #assassins creed #ac odyssey #ac #kassandraxbrasidas #kassidas #sass pretends to be a writer #fanfic #ac fic #ac fanfic

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thelankyrandman-blog · 7 years

Text

Annotated Album-A-Day List:

Alphabetical Order: January - June 2017

So this is every album I listened to from January to the end of June. Every one has a quick opinion of mine. Let me know what you think of my thoughts if you know the albums or decide to check them out!! Happy listening!!

Actress - AZD: A solid electronic album that messes with sound in some very interesting ways. Worth a listen but it hasn’t been pulling me back as much as I would have hoped.

America - America: Really enjoyable classic folk rock that most definitely was influential. They do a great job layering their tracks with percussion and a fleet of guitars. Donkey Jaw is probably my favorite track due to how hard it rocks out (for folk) at a few points. If you like folk, you’ll enjoy this album quite a bit.

Anderson .Paak - Malibu: Sweet Kraken!! This album is fantastic! It’s groovy, smooth, sexy and has some nice hip hop flavor to it. It gets a little long with some more fatty songs, but I can’t stop going back to it.

Angel Olsen - Half Way Home: Honestly, this isn’t my cup of tea. It’s just a bit too twangy for my taste. If you like country a lot, check it out.

Animal Collective - Marriweather Post Pavilion: This album is a wall of sound. There are no empty spaces in any song. If there was empty space at any point they popped in another synth layer, or another vocal track to fill the gap. This is what makes this album unique. It sounds like nothing else from that time where rock bands were going for more stripped down sounds with kitschy melodies played on xylophones while their acoustics shit out the same chords over and over. This showed that Animal Collective wasn't like the rest of the “indie” rock bands of the day.

The Avalanches - Since I Left You: What an incredible album! This is what electronic albums should use as a baseline and it’s influence has been seen since it released in 2000. This is a sample album, so every sound used on it is taken from something else. While that sounds like it may be a bit derivative or outright copying, it isn’t. They are able to create utterly new and unique sounds and songs that will no doubt blow you away. Also, this album has a near impeccable flow from track to track. A must listen.

BADBADNOTGOOD - BBNG: This is a great jazz album with some hip hop influence. It’s even better if you’re into video games because of their covers of songs off of the Zelda soundtrack. Even if you are not familiar with those though, this album is worth your time. And I’m sick of Giant Steps too.

Beach House - Depression Cherry: If you like dream pop, this is the album for you. It’s spacey, catchy and clean. If you’re looking for variety though, go somewhere else. This is very much an album from a band who has found their sound and is sticking with it.

Blank Banshee - Mega: This is a weird album. It’s some good electronic music, but the songs started to blend together in my mind, and when it was over, I was surprised I had listened to an entire album.

Big L - Lifestylez ov da Poor & Dangerous: You can’t go wrong with Big L! His rhymes were incredible and his lyrics were nasty. It’s not often that you find more accessible horror core.

Big L - The Big Picture: Another solid album, but it has a little weirdness to it considering that it is a posthumous album. Big L will spit a verse then Jay Z will come on and finish up with a respectful rest in peace to the man of the hour. It feels incredibly odd, but weirdly special.

Bob Dylan - Empire Burlesque: Ooffa dooffa! This is a bad album. There is such a palpable lack of effort on this album that kills me when I listen to it. Dylan was just going track by track hitting the highs and lows that he knew would sell. It just feels like a lazy album that doesn’t even remotely stand out as a good one in his career. If you love Bob Dylan I’d say check it out to have more of an appreciation for his good stuff, but otherwise maybe skip this one.

Boogie Down Productions - Criminal Minded: Fucking classic masterpiece. Required listening. ’Nuff said.

Capital STEEZ - AmeriKKKan Korruption: Man, this is such a solid record, it sucks so bad that STEEZ took his own life. His topics and flows feel good and his beats are that nice and comfortable Pro • Era style.

Carly Rae Jepsen - E•MO•TION: This album has no right to be as awesome as it is. I was expecting some pop drivel that I’ve heard since birth just regurgitated for the billionth time because producers know that it will make money, but Jepsen actually knocks it out of the park with an original pop album. My only gripe is the lack of lyrical variety, but it doesn’t drag the album down too much.

Chance the Rapper - 10 Day: Man, it’s crazy to think that a 17 year old Chance was able to put this together. It’s tight, it’s mean and god damn is it solid. With the ethos surrounding it I wasn’t expecting such a great mixtape, but man, does he deliver with it.

Chance the Rapper - Acid Rap: This is the best Chance mixtape in my opinion. With the exception of the extended period of silence in the first half, the album has a great pace peaking with Cocoa Butter Kisses. Chance finds his style here and never has it been as strong!

Chance the Rapper - Coloring Book: Coloring Book is great, don’t get me wrong, especially with songs like No Problem but this album drags. It hits about the halfway point and runs head first into a brick wall with some of the most skippable tracks that Chance has ever made.

Charles Mingus - Mingus Ah Um: I mean… It’s Mingus, obviously it’s amazing.

Childish Gambino - Because the Internet: I wanted to like this album so badly. I love Donald Glover in almost every other avenue, but as a rapper his style isn’t distinct enough, his lyrics can be half baked, and his sense of pacing is sorely lacking. This is another album that’s first half is stacked well, so when the second half comes in all you want to do is take a nap.

Childish Gambino - Awaken, My Love: Now this, this is where I think Glover should be going. This album is better than Because the Internet in every way. From song writing to the production, not to mention the more obvious fit of the new genre he decided to tackle. With the exception of California, every song is pretty solid.

Clarence Clarity - No Now: I literally can’t get enough of this album. It’s so weird and perfect. Clarence Clarity creates pop songs with somewhat familiar sounds and distorts them beyond a sane level. They sound like they were made in space and that’s what makes the album so compelling. Each time I listen I hear a new song in the track listing. Also, Cancer in the Water is such an incredibly powerful track!

Crosby, Stills & Nash - Crosby, Stills & Nash: Coming out in 1969 Crosby, Stills & Nash began their journey to become on of the best folk bands of all time. They basically created modern folk as we know it, so if you enjoy Fleet Foxes or Mumford and Sons then do yourself a favor and check out their stuff. It has an older style but it still has acoustic guitars and beautiful vocals.

Crywank - Tomorrow is Nearly Yesterday and Everyday is Stupid: I found this album incredibly randomly and wasn’t shocked or disappointed with it. It’s fine. It has some catchy tunes and deals with some heavier emotions like existential dread and depression, but unfortunately sometimes it just comes off as a little whiny.

(Quick Danny Brown Note: I’m a huge Danny Brown fan, but he isn’t for everyone because of his unique sound, don’t be discouraged if you don’t like him)

Danny Brown - The Hybrid: If there has ever been an album that has shown potential, it’s The Hybrid. Danny Comes through with a great tape with his signature two styles of songs, the more party based ones, and the serious ones.

Danny Brown - XXX: Man. This album is good. Every song is good. Every. Fucking. One. Danny does this cool thing too where he changes hist style on the fly. The first half of the album is crazy. Danny raps about drugs women and partying while using his unique higher pitched vocals. Then the second half is a much more toned down serious sounding bunch of tracks that deal with more difficult topics. Instant classic.

Danny Brown - Old: Old is another strong album from Danny, but can get a little patchy at the very end. But man, I can’t stop listening to it. Dip stands out as one of the coolest sounding tracks that Danny’s put out.

Danny Brown - Atrocity Exhibition: Jeezers peezers, what a goddamn album!! This is one of Danny’s (I’m assuming there will be more) magnum opuses. This album gets weird. The production on the first track gives us the perfect tone for this record, that coincide with the lyrics that just tell us that something is off. And every other track works towards this idea. Ain’t it Funny feels like this massive cry for help and Really Doe is a perfect track talking about the problems in the rap game. This is another must listen.

Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism: This album is fantastic. I’m not a huge Death Cab fan, partially due to a lack of knowledge of them and partially due to the singers voice, but this album is undeniably good. It his some raw emotions with perfectly crafted music to back it up. I will be coming back to this album again and again.

Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs: I Will Possess Your Heart is an awesome 8-minute track that feels anxious and perfectly repetitive, but this album drags. The pacing here is an issue. By the end of the album I was ready to bail and finally be done with it. There are some good tracks, but there are too many duds.

(Quick Death Grips Note: I’m also a huge Death Grips fan, they are incredibly aggressive and experimental hip hop, not for everyone but give them a shot, good to use as a gaming soundtrack for the first time you listen to them so your brain can get used to their sound)

Death Grips - Exmilitary: Death Grips sounds so incredibly different from any of their other albums on this mixtape, but that’s what makes it so compelling. Their unique use of sampling mixed with MC Ride’s classic shouting delivery packs a massive punch to your ears and gut. It’s abrasive, but you can’t help but jam along with it.

Death Grips - The Money Store: This album is probably perfect. I wouldn’t cut a single song from its 40-minute runtime that ends much much too short. This album is mandatory listening. It’s abrasive, catchy, disgusting and aggressive. It makes you want to scream out into the night with a big “fuck you!”

Death Grips - No Love Deep Web: Where could Death Grips go after the money store? Darker. This album looses any sense of light which makes it feel like Ride is forcing rocks into your ear canals, but these emotions feel right at home in Death Grips unique sound.

Death Grips - Government Plates: This album starts off incredibly strong, hitting a great stride with Birds. As it goes on it slowly looses its footing, and Ride’s vocals which makes for a slightly lackluster album. Yet, it still keeps me coming back for the first half and the last two tracks.

Death Grips - Fashion Week: There are some great instrumentals here, but I had two problems with it. First, it is hard to call it Death Grips without MC Ride screaming murderous lines into my head, and second the album has very little focus musically. It ends up being a bit long for it’s own good and misses a few great places to end in favor of an incredibly abrupt ending.

Death Grips - The Powers That B: This two parter is interesting. Most critics prefer the second half like I do, but I still enjoyed the first part quite a bit. But man, Jenny Death (disc 2) ends up blasting Ni**as on the Moon out of the water with it’s punk rock influences, something that they would later touch more on in Bottomless Pit.

Death Grips - Interview 2016 EP: This is a strong instrumental album that is a perfect length. It feels less criminal in its exclusion of MC Ride than Fashion Week does, but I could always use more Ride.

Death Grips - Bottomless Pit: Shit, this album is nasty! Like really nasty and makes for such a strong Death Grips album. The beats are disgusting, the samples are depraved and the lyrics shouldn’t even be allowed they’re so gross, and that’s why I love it.

Denzel Curry - Nostalgic 64: It’s amazing that this was Curry’s first mixtape because it sounds like he’s been in the game a long time. He has style and his flow is tight. He knows when to get emotion and delivers a powerful song discussing the difficult topic of police violence.

Denzel Curry - Imperial: Another solid record with great pacing. Slowly Curry is growing into one of the greats of this generation of rap and I’m happy to be on board now while he’s still on his way up. He’s got some great anger and intensity that I haven’t heard since like Young Pappy.

Earl Sweatshirt - Earl: Earl comes out swinging for the fences, or for peoples faces. This mixtape is short, sweet and vicious. His lyrics range from poetic to downright disgusting. He shows off his skills and a little influence from the Odd Future crowd.

Earl Sweatshirt - Doris: Doris is incredibly solid. Every track is great instrumentally and lyrically. Features from Frank and Tyler propel this album into being a good album, but it’s Earl’s wordplay and unique flow that make it great.

Earl Sweatshirt - I Don't Like Shit, I Don't Go Outside: This is such an unpopular opinion, but this is my favorite Earl record (even Siri likes Doris more). Earl is introvert, anxious, anti-social and distrusting, which speaks to me very clearly. Each song is brimming with emotions that hide just beneath this tough guy facade, briefly showing their faces from time to time. Grief and DNA are the two best tracks as they paint such gnarly pictures.

Elucid - Valley of Grace: Wowzers bowzers, this is awesome. This is so awesome. It’s short as hell, but it comes in throws some great tracks and socially conscious lyrics at you then gets out. There is no fat on this, if anything I want more, but this is already the most experimental hip hop album I’ve heard in a while. He messes with industrial sounds, messes with mixing so that he is sometimes overshadowed by the music, messes with samples and messes with you. Listen to this, it’s half an hour so if you somehow don’t like it, it’ll be over soon.

Eric Clapton - Eric Clapton: This is a great album by Clapton that feels very much like a debut record. It’s not as catchy as Slowhand but still manages to entertain you. Worth a listen but I’m not going to be returning to this particular record month after month.

Everything Everything - Get to Heaven: It’s fine. The first few tracks are great, the last track is great. The middle is long and tough to get through, and the extended version just throws on songs that were rightfully cut from the regular studio version.

Father John Misty - Fear Fun: Father John Misty makes a great first album apart from Fleet Foxes that immediately sets him apart from their sound. His humorous and cynical lyrics help to make the album standout as musically it isn’t anything you haven’t heard before.

Father John Misty - I Love You, Honeybear: Man, Father John Misty makes a solid album from front to back here. It’s funny, it’s awkward, its pretty and it’s a little nasty. Father John Misty found a style that mixes modern lyrics that are cynical and jaded with this happy sounding almost 50’s-esque rock that just inherently happy. The music and lyrics kind of oppose each other which makes this amazing disconnect that shows Father John Misty’s discontent with the current state of things. This is a must listen.

Father John Misty - Pure Comedy: This album is black comedy. Make no mistake, it is funny, but it is also depressing. The best way I can describe this album is that it’s like getting punched in the balls then riding a ferris wheel. You know it’s magical and beautiful, but it fucking hurts.

Feist - Let It Die: Mushaboom is so god damn catchy and sweet. There are some amazing songs on here, and then some that are… less amazing. Some can be a bit boring or just kinda iffy. Worth a listen though, it has a nice unique pop sound to it that is nice and soothing.

Fleet Foxes - Sun Giant EP: This EP feels very much in the same universe as Fleet Foxes first studio album which makes sense that they often package them together. It feels like a continuation of a fantastic album.

Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes: Talk about a strong album, this is pretty much perfect from the first second to the last. White Winter Hymnal is a great indie rock track that most people should know, but that may be the most underwhelming song on the album, which is saying a ton!

Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues: This sophomore record does not suffer from a slump, in fact it’s right on par with their first album. It hits hard and beautifully with some of their most beautiful and odd tracks to date.

(UPDATE) The more I listen to this album the more I love it. And dare I say that it may be a perfect album. Its just so beautiful, so romantic, and just so goddamn perfect.

Fleet Foxes - Crack-Up: Crack-Up is weirdly dark for Fleet Foxes. There are some emotions that they are dealing with here that they haven’t had to deal with before. Isolation and alienation are common themes on this due to Robin Pecknold’s isolation from the band prior to the recording of this record. They also get more experimental. Their quiet moments are dead silent while their crescendos are blaring. I will be coming back to this album throughout life.

Flying Lotus - 1984: I wanted to like this album, but I found it to be a little repetitive and I couldn’t quite tell each song apart. It’s just a bit too focused for me and I was hoping for more of an array.

Flying Lotus - Cosmogramma: This is the one though, the sounds are weird and fresh and feel full of energy. FlyLo pops out a record that will be remembered in the electronic community for years to come.

Frank Ocean - Nostalgia, Ultra: Man, I wanted to like this mixtape a lot. It had great reviews, Frank’s voice and songwriting are usually top notch, but this one just didn’t do it for me. What bothered me was a lack of catchy tunes, too many filler tracks, and some pretty lazy sampling that actually resulted in a (probably unwarranted) lawsuit from the Eagles. This mixtape showed potential, but that was about it.

Frank Ocean - channel Orange: I really like this album. The first time I head it, it blew me away. Frank’s songs are catchy and his emotions run high through his lyrics. It’s a must listen, but what I will say is that after hearing Blonde, I think it has aged weirdly. This album has a loose concept that doesn't always work and not every song is perfect. His big focus of the album, Pyramids is basically two songs just jammed together with one being honestly kind of obnoxious while the other is incredible. It’s a great album but his next is better.

Frank Ocean - Blonde: Some prefer channel Orange to Blonde, but I’m not sure why, or how for that matter. It is less catchy, there are some weird flaws to the album, but it’s a much better album because of it’s emotional impact and the way in which it all comes together at the end of the album to make one of the strongest R&B albums out there. There are catchy songs like Solo and Nikes, if you don't mind the pitched vocals, then there are more subtle tracks that have palpable energy like Skyline To, a song about the every accelerating passage of time. You can literally feel the song, the day, week, months slipping away from Frank on this track. It’s amazing. And the ending track gets me so good every time.

Freddie Gibbs - Shadow of a Doubt: This is a great hip hop album that makes you feel cool. It’s drug dealing talk isn’t always glamorous, but Gibbs’ always lets it slide off his back. Also, any track with Dana Williams is bound to be incredible.

Freddie Gibbs - You Only Live 2wice: Short, bitter, redemption. YOL2 is nothing new, but it was a necessary album before we get anything new sounding from Gibbs. He’s been through a lot, and he lets us know in full detail. He’s happy to be home, but he is definietely a changed person.

Freddie Gibbs & Madlib - Piñata: This is probably as close as we are going to get to a followup to Madvillainy, and that is okay because this album is fiyah! The two complement each others styles nicely and are able to push out fantastic beats and rhymes together that outshine most acts out there today. Not even remotely as good as Madvillainy, but it’s a worthy successor.

Ghost Ship Octavius - Ghost Ship Octavius: If you like metal, especially classic metal, you’ll love it. These guys blast out songs with blaring guitars that shoot up scales faster than I knew hands could move. The singer holds these notes that force your index and pinky fingers up while sending your middle and ring fingers up. It’s nothing too new, but it’s great classical metal.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor - Life Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas to Heaven: I don’t want to say much about this album because of what it means to me, but it is a must listen. It’s simply remarkable that humans made something this beautiful. I’m not too proud to say that this one made me cry.

Grizzly Bear - Horn of Plenty: Man, this album is lonely, but beautiful and ends on one of the most emotionally resonant songs you can listen. Check out the comments for the song ‘This Song’ on Youtube, people can’t help but get nostalgic with the track.

Grizzly Bear - Yellow House: Every song is a 3-D space. It sounds almost like the whole thing was recorded in a vast valley where sound was able to travel on its own time to the microphones. Each guitar, trumpet, violin and bass sounds perfectly orchestrated, yet utterly spontaneous. It’s beautiful and near perfect.

Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest: Grizzly Bear went a slightly different route here and made their songs a little less 3-D. Instead they feel tighter. The band feels like they know each note upcoming note from whoever is placed next to them. The songs are a bit catchier too, Two Weeks being a beautiful indie pop rock darling used in plenty of soundtracks over the years.

Harry Styles - Harry Styles: I wasn’t expecting much from this album which made for a nice surprise, it’s not half bad. Problem is that it sounds incredibly dated and it came out a few weeks ago. The songs feel recycled from either some band in the sixties and seventies or Wolfmother, who would do it much better. His vocals are fantastic and clean, but that almost doesn’t work with the nature of the music. It almost sounds like it needs some more grit to it to be able to stand a chance.

Ice Cube - AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted: A classic. Ice Cube is a wordsmith, his rhymes are deadly and so is his attitude. It’s worth every second it takes to listen to the whole thing.

Ice Cube - Death Certificate: Another strong album that ends on the most brutal diss track I’ve ever heard. No Vaseline was so brutal that Ice Cube and Dre still haven’t talked about it to this day! That’s pretty fucking awesome!

Isaiah Rashad - Cilvia Demo EP: It’s weird, this album starts similar to how Rashad’s next album feels, with much more laid-back tracks you can vibe to. Right towards the end though, Rashad picks up the intensity and drives it a bit. It works for him and the album has a really cool ending to it.

Isaiah Rashad - The Sun’s Tirade: Great if you like music that vibes a bit. It’s not gonna blow your socks off with energy, but it’s a great record that tackles tough emotions and drug abuse. Rashad is someone to watch in the future, if he can pop albums out in time.

J Dilla - Donuts: Beats baby, beats!! Holy god, this is an amazing instrumental album that you can just feel the influence on. J. Dilla was on another playing field and this album shows just that.

(Quick J.Cole Note: I’m not a big J.Cole fan, nor have I ever been at any point, keep that in mind, if you like him keep liking him)

J. Cole - 2014 Forest Hills Drive: J. Cole is sort of an enigma to me, people love him and swear that he is rap royalty on the same level with Kendrick and Kanye, but he clearly isn’t. His production is good, yet lacks a certain dimension that others are able to attain. His lyrics, while slightly conscious, lack focus and self-awareness. And his albums in total feel jumbled and messy. This album is worth a listen, and sure has some catchy tunes, but will not go down in rap history as a classic. Also, Wet Dreamz is the most predictable song I have ever heard.

J. Cole - 4 Your Eyes Only: I enjoyed this album a bit more than 2014 Forest Hills Drive, which seems to be the opposite of most people. It has a more nineties sound, it’s a bit darker, but overall much more focused. With the exception of Neighbors, which comes out of absolutely nowhere, the album feels like a cohesive idea. Again though, this album just isn’t as good as it should be for the sales and praise that it gets.

Joey Bada$$ - 1999: How the hell was Joey 17 when this came out? This album is a solid 90’s throwback album with some great flows and rhymes. It’s not particularly conscious or aware, but as a debut mixtape, there are few that compare to it’s quality.

Joey Bada$$ - B4.Da.$$: I enjoyed this album a lot, but it feels almost like a continuation of 1999 and maybe comes off a bit better if it is listened to directly after 1999. It has a really similar 90’s hip hop sound, similar lyrical style and delivering. Great tracks, but not too different.

Joey Bada$$ - All-AmeriKKKan Badass: This is where Joey really changed things up a bit. Joey put out a fantastic record that will be on year ending lists. With this one he took a slightly more modern sound to his beats. His lyrics, if you can’t tell by the albums title, are much more politically charged. People have complained about the album being a bit jumbled and unfocused, but too me it felt right due to the amount of problems that we face today.

John Coltrane - A Love Supreme: Sweet Jesus!! This is that shit. This is a must listen album for every person alive.

Joni Mitchell - Ladies of the Canyon: Joni Mitchell writes poetry, then songs. This usually works incredibly well, but every once in a while it can make her songs feel like they have too little structure. This happens a few times on this record and it makes it a little hard to follow. When it does work though, which is most of the time, it’s beautiful music.

Joni Mitchell - Blue: Dimbo wimbo, this album is probably perfect. There are few records that are as beautiful as this one. Joni Mitchell takes poetry and turns it into music to incredible, INCREDIBLE results. A Case of You may be the most beautiful breakup song ever written, and the palpable sadness in The Last Time I Saw Richard is sure to get you to choke up a bit. Perfect on nearly all fronts. If you like folk, look no further.

Joni Mitchell - Court and Spark: Another nearly perfect album. More beautiful lyrics, more beautiful singing from Joni. My only problem with the album is it’s final track. The album feels very focused with a particular sound, and right at the very end she throws it out the window for a jazzy cover of Twisted that isn’t necessarily bad, it just doesn’t fit. Other than that, it’s pretty fan-fucking-tastic!!

Ka - The Knight’s Gambit: Listen to this more than once. The first time you listen to it, it will feel kind of one track minded and slow. The production on each song feels a little similar, and so does Ka’s delivery. It’s his lyrics though that make his albums so astounding. Take some time to listen to his poetry in the music.

Ka - Honor Killed the Samurai: This album is similar to The Knight’s Gambit in the fact that it’s dense and requires more than one listen. If you like Ka you will like this album, if you don’t like Ka, it’s pretty similar sonically to his previous record.

Kamasi Washington - The Epic: Wow. This album brings something new to jazz, an genre that basically lives on retreading the past. This album feels fresh and like it could bring about a jazz revolution. It’s a bit of a beast though clocking it at around three hours, so take it slow when listening to it.

Karriem Riggins - Alone Together: Want fucking great beats that you can jam to? Check this one out, it’s easy to miss but should not be.

Kendrick Lamar - Section.80: These songs are all amazing, but have really meh hooks. Every hook just feels like it could have been thought out more and leave me a little disappointed every time. Yet, after every verse I’m thinking, or gasping, or wanting to listen again. This was telegraphing what would soon be some incredible albums.

Kendrick Lamar - Good Kid, m.A.A.d City: This is Kendrick’s first masterpiece. There are no bad songs. Every song is catchy, every song is thought provoking, and every song is rock solid. The track order is thought out and the tone of each song is perfectly crafted. With Kendrick’s focus comes conscious lyrics, or stories that paint pictures, or the hubris of a 16 year old growing up in one of the toughest towns in the world. This album is endlessly replayable.

Kendrick Lamar - To Pimp a Butterfly: This is Kendrick’s magnum opus. Kendrick mixes jazz, hip hop, politically charged anger, the frustrations of fame, and the fear of mortality into a living album that seems to show a new side to it on each listen. It’s depth almost can’t be understood on the first listen through. It’s dense, long and a little obtuse at times. But once the full picture comes together, you’ll notice the album’s perfection. Each song feels like it serves a purpose, each feature is utilized perfectly, and each word was picked with thought and precision. This is a must listen.

Kendrick Lamar - untitled unmastered.: Leave it to Kendrick to have golden b-sides. How is he so good? These incredible tracks were the throw aways from the same recording sessions as To Pimp A Butterfly. They share the same jazzy funky style, but showcase new ideas. Sometimes it makes sense that a song or two wasn’t on TPAB, but never are the songs bad. This collection could’ve been a studio album, but at least he decided to release them in some form rather than cast them out to deluxe editions of albums down the line.

Kendrick Lamar - DAMN.: How do you follow up one of the best albums of maybe the past twenty years? It seems like a weird task, and even Kendrick knew it. This album is a departure from his previous styles. It sounds more modern, more catchy, much darker. From the album cover to the grime laced track Lust, this album reeks of depression. Each song sends us further down this pit that Kendrick was finding himself in. That even goes for the songs that seemingly attempt to throw us off from that. Love, a summer jammy type song, feels off, a trait that I’ve never heard on a Kendrick album. While this isn’t Kendrick’s best album, it has some of his most aggressive and brutal tracks to date.

Killer Mike - R.A.P. Music: This is basically an RTJ album before RTJ. Killer Mike does a majority of the rapping while el-p does the production, and pops in on a few songs. There’s raw anger that the two bring to RTJ albums here and Killer Mike comes through with some astounding bars. This album is a great listen and a great precursor to the stuff they would later do together as RTJ.

Local Natives - Gorilla Manor: The first half of the album sounds like your ex-girlfriend’s “indie rock” playlist that features only recycled sounds from all the other bands that were out there around 2010. The second half feels like it was thought about a bit more thoroughly. The songs flow a bit better, the sounds are at least a little more unique, but for the most part this album feels like a mediocre “indie pop rock” album.

The Long Winters - Putting the Days to Bed: This album I listened to because I had heard of it from one of the many podcasts I listen to (MBMBAM). I am kind of on the fence with this record. When it hits a high, like the track (It’s A) Departure, it nails it, but there is a lot of downtime where songs either leave you wanting more or something different. It’s worth a listen or two but that’s about it.

Lorde - Pure Heroine: This is pop music with some surprising depth. Lorde doesn’t go the same route that most pop artists go talking about their money and fame, or other topics that no one can relate to. In fact, she goes the opposite direction and tells us how bored of that she is. On Team she sings one of the most accurate examinations of pop music, “I’m kinda over getting told to throw my hands up in the air.” Lorde makes an anti-pop pop album that is pretty great.

Lorde - Melodrama: Golly gee, this one’s a gooden!! Lorde makes an angsty album that isn’t obnoxious or really that trite. She feels alienated, she doesn’t like being famous, and she feels like people use her, and she is able to share those ideas with us in 11 awesome songs that are all catchy and serve their purpose well on the album. She even gets a little experimental from time to time, which is where I hope she goes next, in between her radio hit type tracks. Definitely surprised me with how good it really is.

Madvillain - Madvillainy: This is an absolute must listen. Madlib basically defines what good production is on this album. His beats are incredible backdrops for MF Doom to drop some of the smoothest rhymes and bars you’ll hear. I keep coming back to this album over and over again because of Madlib’s production. He absolutely destroys it with weird samples and risks that should never work. Who puts an accordion on a hip hop track? Fucking Madlib does.

Marvin Gaye - What's Going On?: Smooth, sexy and ahead of its time both sonically and in its subject matter. It’s a classic and required listening simply for how influential it has been the R&B as a genre. We would be nowhere without Marvin Gaye, absolutely nowhere!!

MF Doom - Mm.. Food: This album is so weird. It’s a concept album about food. MF Doom makes a whole album about food, and it is somehow legendary. He’s able to spin this concept about a billion different ways with his weird sample heavy production. Just listen to it, I really don’t know what to say about it other than it’s incredible.

Mick Jenkins - The Water[s]: It’s kinda weird thinking that a concept album about water could be as good as it is. Mick Jenkins has an awesome flow, mixed with beats that literally feel like they’ve been drowned. They have this weird spacey underwater feel that just makes the album come together as a whole. If you like vibes hip hop that is weirdly aggressive (yeah I know that’s a contradiction but that’s kind of an accurate explanation), then you will like The Water[s].

(Quick The Microphones Note: The Microphones and Mount Eerie are both projects from Phil Elverum, he just changed his name after four albums to Mount Eerie)

The Microphones - Don’t Wake Me Up: How was this his first album? How was he 21 when he made it? He, ladies and gentleman, is Phil Elverum. He writes folk with weird noise rock stuff in there and this album is awesome and shows incredible potential. I can’t get enough of him. Listen to his entire discography. You will not be disappointed.

The Microphones - It Was Hot, We Stayed in the Water: This is probably Phil’s first masterpiece. I don’t know anyone who uses sound in the same way. It’s lo-fi and grainy, he messes with the stereo mix, he throws in sounds that are literally unrecognizable. But under that are these incredibly rich folk songs that come straight from the heart. Phil’s lyrics are unique and beautiful. This can even be seen in the beautiful simplicity of the album title. This is another incredible album by Phil.

The Microphones - The Glow Pt. 2: This is probably one of my top five albums of all time. It’s weird experimental folk that has some elements of noise rock and metal et cetera. This album literally has me on the verge of tears a few times each time I listen to it because of Phil’s lyrics, his still fresh, even 16 years after it’s release, use of sound and beautifully flawed vocals.

The Microphones - Mount Eerie: This album picks up exactly where The Glow Pt. 2 leaves off. This album though is a much, much slower burn than The Glow Pt. 2, and can give you a bit more existential anxiety. This album feels massive in ambition and almost otherworldly. There is this odd feeling to all of the tracks that make it feel incredibly important and like you are just for listening to it. It’s just as experimental as The Glow Pt. 2, but in very different ways. This was, if you couldn’t tell by the name of the album, the beginning of Phil’s Mount Eerie style.

Miles Davis - Kind of Blue: This is the gold standard for jazz standards. These are some of the most famous jazz songs that are nowadays repeated at nauseam. On the record though they have some great life to them and are recorded beautifully. If you enjoy jazz this record is a must listen not only because it’s beautiful, but due to it’s historical significance.

Miles Davis - Bitches Brew: Oh baby, yes please!! Experimental jazz has never sounded so goddamn good!! This is such a weird and awesome album that just leaves you wanting more and more, despite it’s long length. This is where a lot of bands took their experimental influences from. Radiohead for example cited this as a major inspiration when they wrote OK Computer. This is such a good one.

(Quick Mount Eerie Note: The Microphones and Mount Eerie are both projects from Phil Elverum, he just changed his name after four albums to Mount Eerie)

Mount Eerie - “No Flashlight” Songs of the Fulfilled Night: Weirdly enough this album has a similarity to The Microphones first album. When listening to this album you can kind of feel that Phil has changed. His sound is much more subdued here than it is on The Microphones Mount Eerie album. it feels less grand in scope, but more personal to Phil. It sounds like he wrote these songs in the woods, by himself, with no flashlight. It’s beautiful and heartbreaking. The perfect start to the Mount Eerie name.

Mount Eerie - Lost Wisdom: This is probably tied with Ocean Roar as my least favorite Mount Eerie album. It isn’t bad so much as it is a little boring for Phil’s discography. It’s incredibly short and doesn’t really explore anything too new for him other than having a female vocalist on every track. I just wanted more and not really in a good way. This album only clocks in at 24 minutes so it feels too short for its own good.

Mount Eerie - Dawn: Aside from his most recent album, this is Phil’s quietest record. It’s easy to miss, but really shouldn’t be. It’s soft and thoughtful, but comes in and out of your life quickly and quietly. You won’y be itching to hear that one catchy track again, but you may come back to it to feel some quiet tracks on a sad night. Absolutely beautiful and understated record from Phil.

Mount Eerie - Wind’s Poem: Wow. This is a killer album, potentially his best, but it’s another one that is a little more difficult to listen to. This album mixes his normal folk style with these screeching metal guitars that thoroughly shake your head when you’re listening. This album feels like a sonic manifestation of anxiety and depression. That’s all I’ll say. Go listen to it.

Mount Eerie - Clear Moon: This album honestly feels like beauty and anxiety or tension at least are just having the most intense showdown. This album has some of Phil’s most beautiful songs that he has ever written on it, like Through the Trees Pt. 2. You can’t listen to that song without falling under it’s perfect, spacey spell. On the other side though are some of the most chillingly anxious tracks that envelop your body with their dissonance. This is another near perfect album by Phil.

Mount Eerie - Ocean Roar: In theory this album is a sequel to Clear Moon, but its predecessor is a thousand times better. Ocean Roar is just kind of… well boring honestly. It’s very slow, very droney, and very meh. If you love Phil, you’ll at least enjoy it a little bit for what it is, but it just doesn’t stick out like his other immaculate albums do.

Mount Eerie - Sauna: Phil was in a good place in his life here, which makes his next album so goddamn sad. This album is pretty lighthearted, to the point where Phil has a song about books. It’s not his regular death contemplation or the exploration of depression. It feels like he was happy, I wish he could’ve stayed happy…

Mount Eerie - A Crow Looked At Me: This album is a little weird to talk about due to its subject matter. This is one of Phil’s most stripped back albums because the music almost doesn’t matter, even though it is very good. This album is basically Phil venting to us about the recent death of his wife. It isn’t a fun time. There are times during this record where Phil is talking directly to his deceased wife, saying the exact amount of time since he saw her last. It’s incredibly raw emotion and rare truth that Phil spills on this record. Each song is soft and sets the tone for Phil to come in and just break your heart with each song, each idea and each word that comes through on this record. If you can, please support Phil and buy this record, or at least check it out.

M83. - Dead Cities, Red Seas & Lost Ghosts: Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming is big and catchy, each bubblegum, neon dripping hook easily able to fill stadiums. Dead Cities is smaller, more intimate, weirder, more tortured and slept on. It takes more than one listen to hear it’s intricacies and emotions. Sometimes it’s beautiful, like on Unrecorded. Synths fill the air as soft piano-like notes flutter on top of it. Other times it’s nasty and harrowing, the last part of Beauties can die feels utterly hopeless and covered in grime. This is a great electronic album.

NAO - So Good EP: So Good is so good. This EP is pretty awesome, mostly due to the catchy titular track with A.K. Paul. Their chemistry is awesome and this song is sexy as all hell. Definitely worth a listen, and I’ll bet that you’ll come back to So Good when you need an extra dose of sexy in your day.

NAO - For All We Know: Not every track is a winner, but when NAO hits, she has a killer song on her hands. For example, In the Morning is incredible, absolutely incredible. But this album is long, and there is a lot of filler in between the great songs. NAO’s voice though is what pulls this record together into a project that is satisfying despite it’s misses, and she is going to stay on my radar in the future.

Nas - Illmatic: Looking back at it, it’s absolutely insane that I somehow missed this album. This is one of those albums that is pretty goddamn perfect from start to finish. It’s production defined the nineties and it’s lyricism was smart, cynical and sometimes heart breaking. And to top it all off, Nas was only 19 when this album came out. That always makes me feel bad about being 20 and not having one of the most genre defining albums out. Check this one out.

The National - The National: I went into this album with lower expectation due to it’s mixed reviews and I wasn’t really surprised either way. There isn’t anything super new or really too impressive here. It’s some decent rock with a slight country or Americana twang to it. If anything this album showed that they were a band to keep an eye on in the future. Potential, potential, potential.

The National - Sad Songs for Dirty Lovers: This one is a step in the right direction. This album has some great tracks on it. But the best parts of the record come when the band decides to really take a step out of their comfort zone. There are a few tracks where they decided to go slightly punk with it and begin to ramp up the intensity in the instrumentation and Matt really lets loose with some passionate yelling. This album is the direction I wanted the band to go in, more intense, more raw, more brutal.

The National - Alligator: This album is where the band really starts to get some buzz and good reviews, but honestly, I’m not sure why. This is the opposite direction in which I was expecting, and hoping the band would go in. Rather than lean into the more raw and intense, semi-punk driven style, they go back to their softer “indie” rock (I hate that moniker but I’m not sure what else to use) sound with Matt’s regular delivery. Speaking of his delivery, good lord can he please change it up? Literally every song he uses the same exact inflection and tone of voice, which makes them all blend together into this album sized amalgamation that just makes me lose interest around the midway point. He has this weird deep, throatier sounding drawl that gets old fast. Not quite my style.

The National - Boxer: More of the same… I mean, I’ll keep trying, because people say they’re amazing, but they just aren’t doing it for me. And Matt, please, stop with the weird throaty drawl. Please stop.

Neon Indian - Psychic Chasms: How is Neon Indian so cool without even trying? This album has this almost Strokes level of swagger in a drastically different genre. This electronic album is funky, danceable without being fast, and spacey. This is the type of music you listen to by yourself while staring at the ceiling, mesmerized by all the weird sounds and smirking knowing that you are cool for knowing who Neon Indian is. It feels like a album that was slapped together pretty easily from the heart and just nailed everything perfectly, even finding one of the most unique sounds in the electronic genre. This is feel good music that is original.

Neon Indian - VEGA INTL. Night School: Neon Indian’s second album Era Extraña lost the magic that Psychic Chasms brought to the table. It felt self conscious and much too aware of what it was going for. This album feels like a slightly fed up Neon Indian deciding to just make something that they enjoy rather than cater to every audience at once. All I want to do when listening to this album is dance. It’s catchy, it’s sexy and it makes you feel awesome just for listening to it. This album isn’t quite like his previous ones because of it’s more catchy melodies and danceable beats, and I don’t think it’s quite as good as his debut album, but it packs a gnarly punch from its first track to its last.

Neutral Milk Hotel - On Avery Island: Their first record is this amazing mix of folk and noise rock that they would later perfect on their next record, but this record is nothing to sneeze at. It feels much different from their next partially due to the amount in which they utilize noise rock here. There are a few songs where the instrumental would be called, “not music” by those who can’t appreciate the experimentation. Not only did this album show potential, it also takes you on an awesome journey that you will come back to, no doubt.

Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea: This album is plagued by memes and obnoxious 4chan users who think they are funny just writing lyrics on repeat at nauseam on threads, but there is actually a reason for it. This is one of those albums that from the moment it starts, you can feel something special about it. It has weird, often surreal or fantastical lyrics mixed with a sort of folk rock with these noise rock accents. There are beautiful melodies and dissonant ones too that each work together to make an utter masterpiece. You’re doing yourself a disservice if you miss this album, it is spectacular.

Nick Murphy (fka Chet Faker) - Missing Link EP: I wanted this to be good, I wanted it so badly, but it’s just not great. Nick is in a weird place right now, he has no idea where to go right now. What do you do after an album that blasts you out of obscurity, that’s style is no longer appealing to you? I have no idea… and Nick doesn’t either. This EP feels so uncomfortable, and not in a good way. Each song feels like a different album, hell, even a different artist. None of them are particularly shocking or catchy, they just kind of roll off your back once they finish. It’s just… disappointing.

Noname - Telefone: Noname is like the quiet girl in high school who, when she does speak up, is by far the most interesting and entertaining person in the room. Her style is similar to the likes of other Chicago artists (or you could call it the Chance style). She uses some hints of gospel as a backdrop for her subtle and soft lyrical style that make you take a minute and think about. She doesn’t show off her beats and vocals though, she opens up and really gives us some incredibly touching stories and emotions. She’ll be around a long time, and she can only go up from here.

Notorious B.I.G. - Life After Death: Biggie is one of those rappers that is just on the boarder of being overrated, then when you listen to his stuff you don’t think he’s popular enough. He just had a way with rhymes and beats. He was able to rap about slinging crack, then immediately after share some deeper emotions and have it all fit into these crazy visions he had for his two records. Just incredible stuff, truly incredible. We lost Biggie much too soon.

Oddisee - The Iceberg: This just barely missed being on my best of 2017 list. This is a great, conscious hip hop album. Oddisee has some interesting insights and is a great storyteller. My favorite song on the project, or at least the one that sticks with me the most is You Grew Up. It takes an interesting look at racism and how that can grow in children if it is fostered, definitely a powerful portrayal.

The Pablo Collective - The Death of Pablo: I usually do not enjoy remix albums. Their lack of creativity usual defines the style, slapping on today’s most obnoxious trends onto previously released songs. But this… this is different. This doesn’t even remotely feel like The Life of Pablo. Following their mission statement, this album is darker, grittier and so much more disgusting. It will drain the life out of you and make you feel utterly hopeless, especially in the middle where there is about a ten minute industrial sounding interlude attempting to simulate the sounds of death. Right as you want to shut it off from just being too much, it comes back around and hits you with this incredible speech from Kanye set to music. This is an incredible project.

Perfume Genius - Put Your Back N 2 It: You ready to cry a little bit with me? Goddamn, Hadreas delivers an incredible album that is stripped back to basically just his own soft shaky vocals and piano chords that are reverbed the fuck out of. He throws in a few background sounds here and there, like heavily distorted vocals or strings, but the take away hear are the lyrics. This is an emotional ride that will break you. He sings about the struggles of being a gay man, domestic abuse, just being sad, and be able to power through that.

Perfume Genius - Too Bright: Hadreas brings the feels again with this soft, at times nasty, sludgy record that mixes his previous style with something a bit more layered. The song Queen is a good example of what this album is. Hadreas uses vocals that could be found on his last record, but with an instrumental that would’ve felt outlandishly out of place due to its thickness and staggering dimensions. With that being said, it’s still able to remain subtle, soft and slow. But if there weren’t emotions flowing through each lyrics veins, it wouldn’t be a Perfume Genius album.

Perfume Genius - No Shape: Man, this album immediately shows that it’s different from Hadreas’ previous records. On the first track, it starts like his other albums, soft and subtle, then it just explodes with a wall of sound and textures. This is Hadreas’ most difficult album to listen to if you are not acquainted with more experimental sounds, but in my opinion, it’s his best record.

Phoenix - Ti Amo: I love Phoenix. Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix is such an awesome album that just hits high after high until you’re left mashing the repeat button on every track. I listened to Ti Amo on its release date, and I genuinely don’t recall a single lyric or melody. It’s just really boring and uninspired. It feels like they were contractually obligated to pop out another album so they put something together in three months that at least sort of sounds like Phoenix and called it good. I hope they take some time to find themselves and a good direction forward before making another album.

The Postal Service - Give Up: I almost guarantee that you’ve heard a majority if not all of this record before just on radio stations or your friends barbecue mix tape. It’s influential no doubt, it’s sounds are familiar at this point due to how often people have borrowed their sound, but that doesn’t alway mean it’s good. Some songs are fantastic and each catchy note or melody gets burned into your skull, yet other songs can get a little boring. It’s just a bit inconsistent. I wish that they had made more albums together because if they had let their sounds grow a bit I bet they would've put out a killer record.

Quelle Chris - Being You is Great, I Wish I Could Be You More Often: This is an awesome hip hop album that skates through humor and existential fear at the same time. Quelle Chris’ delivery stays at a lower, almost monotonous, level that works with his dry humor and battered emotional state. His production also has some Madlib-esque spice to it that is entertaining and experimental. Please check out this record, it is worth your time.

Quasimoto - The Unseen: This is one of those classic hip hop albums that only intense hip hop heads know. I wouldn’t have found it had my good friend not told me to check it out. Quasiomoto is one of Madlib’s alter egos. He works in some great production and lyrics into this must listen album.

Radiohead - Pablo Honey: This album gets a lot of hate from Radiohead fans for being too generic and of the nineties. It’s not terrible, but it’s definitively not Radiohead. Creep is by far the best song on the album but should not be Radiohead’s most popular song. The bad songs on the album though could have been popped out by any band from that time period.

Radiohead - The Bends: This is the first “real” Radiohead album. They really began to find their footing here. This album is filled with two types of songs, way more of the latter than though. The first are songs that feel slightly dated with that nineties alternative rock sound. These are songs like The Bends. The second type are songs that feel right at home in Radiohead’s discography. The songs that feel dated though aren’t bad, they just have a little nineties stank on them. But when this album hits a high, similar to Radiohead’s other albums, it hit’s so hard that you are amazed for the next five minutes because of that one note. High and Dry comes to mind as a song that will blow you away.

Radiohead - Kid A: They say that OK Computer was what solidified Radiohead in history, then Kid A solidified them in the future. This album showed us that Radiohead had legs past the nineties. They came out with this album that is part rock, part electronic and all weird. It was polarizing when it came out, but an undeniable classic now that has influenced the rest of their discography and so many other bands all over the place. Listen to this record. Period.

Radiohead - Amnesiac: Packaged as a sort of sequel to Kid A, Amnesiac is a collection of Kid A b-sides that are surprisingly good. These tracks were so good in fact that they warranted another studio album rather than being scattered and released at weird times throughout the years. The rock tracks here are Radiohead’s classic style that is always able to amaze me, and their electronic tracks give you new sounds to wrap your head around. All in all, a great record.

Radiohead - Hail to the Thief: People have thought of some weird analogies for this record. Pitchfork even went as far as to say that it’s an anti-masterpiece (in a good way somehow?). All you need to know is that this is a great record. It won’t alter your life like some of their previous projects, but it’s got some fantastic stuff on it.

Radiohead - In Rainbows: This is the album that they needed after Hail to the Thief, a great but not spectacular album. They took some extra time with this one and popped out one of their best records. This thing is filled with amazing songs from the almost dancey 15 Steps, to the soft and thoughtful track Nude. This was Radiohead telling us that not only did they still have it, they were better than most even after 15 years since OK Computer.

Radiohead - The King of Limbs: People hate this record. It’s fine. It’s not amazing, but it’s not terrible. It’s just kinda middle of the road. Listen to it if you love Radiohead, if you don’t know Radiohead don’t start with it. That’s it. It’s fine.

Radiohead - A Moon Shaped Pool: Oh man… where to begin. This shows Radiohead’s brilliance. After over 20 years they are somehow still able to pop out one of the best records of the year!! It’s slow and soft, yet it drags you into it’s atmosphere immediately and holds you under what feels like sonic water. The highs are spectacular and the emotional lows can be felt throughout your whole body. This is just another one of Radiohead’s immaculate albums.

Ratt - Out of the Cellar: It’s Ratt. Their fun, they put out some good hair metal, they’re fun live. I don’t think that their music will really go down in history as incredible stuff. It also kinda says something when I was the youngest person at the show. It’s just kind of a dated sound that doesn’t really need to come back because we’ve just moved past it. Again, it will occupy you for about thirty minutes but it’s not something that will change your outlook on life.

Red House Painters - Down Colorful Hill: Eh… Not for me. It’s too slow and dramatically emotional. I’ll try again with them in the future, but I was more waiting for the album to be over than listening for subtle details.

Run the Jewels - RTJ3: This is not my favorite RTJ album, but by no means do I think it’s bad, it’s spectacular. These two have some of the best chemistry in hip hop today. Their political opinions blast through and give this album the most anxious feeling. Even when they step away from political ideology it works well. Their song to their deceased friend is heartbreaking and perfectly accented by Kamasi Washington on the tenor sax.

Sampha - Process: My god. This album is incredible. Sample fuses R&B with electronic music, just sings over the piano, and get’s slightly experimental here. It’s pretty amazing that this is a debut album because it feels like he’s been doing this a while. This album will have you moving, will make you try and hit the notes that Sample belts out, and will tug at your heart a bit. He really blew it out of the park with this album.

(Sandy) Alex G - Rocket: Damn. Incredible fusion of folk, punk, experimental, industrial and everything else. It’s so goddamn good. Poison Root kicks off the album softly and as it progresses it gets intense, then it eases back out. One of the best albums of the year in my opinion and may make it into my year end list. Go listen to this sucka!! (Also, he was opening for Fleet Foxes when I saw them, but I got to the show late and missed him, I’m beyond crushed!!)

Shabazz Palaces - Black Up: I had heard these guys compared to Death Grips a couple of times so I had to check them out. After listening, they are only similar in their use of experimental beats. But man, if they aren’t experimental. These guys do some crazy things from polyrhythms, to throwing out song structure completely. That may sound interesting, or be a deal breaker to you, but either way, you should check these guys out if not to only see what is possible under the hip hop umbrella.

Shapes & Colors - Love / Sex / War EP: Okay, so these guys talked to me on twitter and seemed really nice, so I will try to be gentle. It’s… not great. It feels very generic and done a million times before. It’s just indie rock that maybe would’ve sounded new in 2008, but it feels a little dated upon release. Check it out if you want to support these guys, but I found it difficult to get through it’s short length.

The Shouting Matches - Grownass Man: I wanted this album to be amazing, but it just isn’t. There are some amazing tracks, like the great Gallup, NM, but there are also some boring tracks. It feels like the boys weren’t quite sure what they wanted to do with this album, they just knew they wanted to make a bluesy record. With the few exceptions, most of the album feels a little stale.

Snakadaktal - Sleep in the Water: That reverb be heavy doe!! I wasn’t expecting much from this due to the band’s silly name, but this is a pretty great dream pop album. It feels spacey, yet emotionally potent. Plus the band’s dual vocalists adds another dimension to songs like Too Soon. These guys reminded me of Beach House a bit, but not so much that it felt like either band was stealing from each other.

Soft Cell - Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret: Look, this album is incredibly 80’s. It feels like they were using synths for the first time in the studio they sound so simple. But this album has some killer tracks. First off, the classic Tainted Love is undeniably catchy despite being so 80’s you can basically feel the neon dripping off of each beat. The final track Say Hello, Wave Goodbye also stands out because of its emotional impact coming late in the record. If you can get behind the 80’s clichés and rock with this britpop, you will find something to enjoy here.

Spoon - Hot Thoughts: It’s weird how Spoon is incapable of making bad albums. They just seem to pop out good albums one after another. While this isn’t my favorite of theirs, it still has some great material, including the title track that bounces in your head and gets stuck their for weeks. Britt’s vocal delivery fits so perfectly with their sound it seems like these musicians were born to play together. Another great one from the boys in Spoon!!

Squarepusher - Feed Me Weird Things: I don’t know if there are any other artists that have a similar sound. Squarepusher has made a career out of the most unique mix of jazz and… I don’t even know it’s just incredible. His first album must’ve seemed so weird when it came out. I can’t imagine what people who knew him must’ve said about it. I know this is vague, but I’m not sure what to say about his stuff, just go listen to it.

Squarepusher - Music is Rotted One Note: I feel like I will be listening to this album when I finally go insane. This is like jazz if jazz had schizophrenia. It’s so weird and experimental and anxiety ridden, yet beautiful at the same time. It makes you feel like you’re crazy when you listen to it, but it also takes your breath away at least once every song. It’s not for everyone, but goddamn it’s at least for me.

Squarepusher - Go Plastic: This is Squarepusher going plastic, or at least synthetic. These songs are all electronically produced, which is different from his normal style of physical instrumentation. This is another great album by the always weird always awesome Squarepusher.

Substantial - The Past is Always Present in The Future: This album really surprised me. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting much. I hadn’t heard of Substantial, and his album cover for this thing is… just really bad, like really bad. But good goddamn if it’s not fantastic!! It’e emotional, socially conscious, utilizes Tonedeff very well, and is thoroughly enjoyable. It sounds weird, but I do think that the tracklist should be shuffled around a little bit in order to really make certain songs have more of a payoff, but this is a great hip hop album even without that.

Syd - Fin: I knew Syd a little bit from her days in Odd Future, providing backing vocals for Tyler, Earl and Frank. I hadn’t listened to her stuff from The Internet, so I went into this pretty unaware of how she would sound. Goddamn does she have a voice. This album is enjoyable because of her voice.

SZA - Ctrl: Man, SZA is fun to listen to. She’s got a great voice, can write lyrics well and has some great beats backing her. The one problem I had with the album is just the lack of focus in terms of emotions. I didn’t feel a central idea coursing through it, which isn’t necessary, but I feel would be greatly impacting and powerful for her style. Kung Fu Kenny also has a good feature on this thing.

Temple of the Dog - Temple of the Dog: This album is another one, similar to Mount Eerie’s A Crow Looked at Me, that sends a past loved one off. Rather than being as detailed and soft, this one goes for a different approach. It’s music as opposed to lyrics are what do the trick here. This super group of nineties rockers came together to pop out this one beautiful record. Chris Cornell (RIP), Mother Lovebone and Eddie Vedder all bring their styles together for an incredible and heartbreaking project that will go down as a fantastic nineties moment.

Thundercat - The Golden Age of Apocalypse: This is Thundercat at his absolute best musically. Every song is incredible with some of the most impressive bass playing that I have ever heard. If you like jazz, hip hop, funk, or anything in between, you would be doing yourself a disservice if you missed this incredible record.

Thundercat - Drunk: Thundercat’s lyrics get funnier, his songs get catchier, but his focus gets wider. This album is fantastic, but is a little on the long side and could probably use a few edits here and there of songs that don’t quite stand out among the others. And let’s just get Wiz Khalifa off of this, he just doesn’t do the album any good. Kendrick can stay though, Kendrick can always stay.

Todd Terje - It’s Album Time: This album is so weird and funny and cool and stupid and amazing. It feels like Todd wrote and performs this album with a giant smirk on his face the whole time. I mean for god sake, it’s called It’s Album Time. His tongue is in his cheek and it works so well for this electronic joyride. It’s just fun and weird. I have no idea what else would fit into the same category.

Tonedeff - Polymer: Tonedeff is interesting to me. On paper I should love him. He is a fantastic producer, an artist who tries to go deeper than most, and a great storyteller on top of that. But for some reason I have a hard time getting into his stuff. There always seems to be some aspects of his songs lyrically that I just can’t get over. Sometimes they just feel like he’s trying a little too hard, sometimes he’s just trying to go for the quick emotions. He’s okay, but just not my cup of tea. However, he is great to see live and if you get the chance please do, because he makes his shows incredibly entertaining and interactive.

A Tribe Called Quest - The Low End Theory: Tribe is legendary. If you don’t know them you are depriving yourself of some of the best jazz hip hop ever to be produce. ‘Nuff said!!

A Tribe Called Quest - Midnight Marauders: Another stellar projects from Tribe. Their chemistry is always amazing, their beats are perfectly stylish and practical, and their lyrics always surpass expectations. Legendary group that will go down in history!! Perfection!!

Tycho - Past Is Prologue: This album showed me that Tycho had a little growth throughout his career, but it’s honestly pretty subtle. There are just certain droney sounds he likes using more now than he did then. Still sounds like Tycho.

Tycho - Dive: Don’t get me wrong, I like Tycho, but his music isn’t anything I haven’t heard before. It’s something that you would find on one of those YouTube playlists called, “Chill Music,” or “Chill Wave.” It would have some picture of a sunset or beach and this would be perfect to zone out to with friends while talking about the universe. It’s slow and meant to be in the back of your head.

Tycho - Awake: Tycho’s albums kind of all feel like a continuation of the last one. This is vibe music through and through. If you are looking for something challenging or incredibly interesting, look somewhere else. This one is basically filler music, or entertaining elevator music.

Tycho - Epoch: More of the same. It just sounds like Tycho, which can sometimes just be aggressively average.

Tyler, The Creator - Bastard: When you go back and look at all the old Odd Future stuff, if you’re like me, you’ll get a little nostalgic and watch Oldie with a huge grin. So much of their stuff at the time was great but has aged pretty poorly, or I can just see that it was never very good. But Tyler, Earl and Frank did always have something special. Of the mixtapes that came out in the early Odd Future days, this and Earl are the two best. Bastard is one of those albums that provoked and prodded, but above all, it showed potential. The beats are nasty, the lyrics are nastier and Tyler’s attitude is above all the nastiest. If you can stomach his shit, this is a great one to check out.

Tyler, The Creator - Goblin: This is an awesome concept album that starts so strong then kinda peters out under its own weight. This album is chalk full similar to his next album, and not every song is great. But Tyler brings a certain anger that just makes me want to throw shit out the window in defiance. His nasty lyrics itch that fucked up part of your brain that is often discouraged, but Tyler forces it out of you on songs like Yonkers and Tron Cat. If you enjoy hip hop and can handle song goddamn disgusting lyrics mixed with a cool concept, check this one out.

Tyler, The Creator - Wolf: Wolf is Tyler’s strongest album, despite the fact that it lacks a lot of focus. (UPDATE: Flower Boy is now his strongest with Wolf as his second most) I’ve listened to Wolf probably ten times now and I can recall songs from it, but when I try to think about the overarching themes or ideas, I kind of tend to draw a blank. Yet, the high moments are high, raw and fucked up. Rusty is a great ensemble track that tries to piss you off in classic Tyler style, Awkward is a heartfelt song from Tyler to his dad, and IFHY is an amazing song to an ex who he had a bit of a rough breakup with. Tyler also used his features incredibly well making them important and necessary parts to each song. This is a great album that you should really check out.

Tyler, The Creator - Cherry Bomb: Oh boy… Cherry Bomb is Cherry Bomb. It’s weird, it has some good stuff, but it’s also got Tyler’s worst stuff. It’s such a mixed bag that just doesn’t always work, in fact it doesn’t most of the time. This is one of those ones for die hard Tyler fans, but if you don't love him it’s not really for you…… I’m sorry, I’m trying to be positive here, but it’s just bad.

Vagabon - Infinite Worlds: Look, I like the genre, but Jesus Christ, can someone please, PLEASE just think of something new?! This album is literally every single idea that I’ve been hearing for years just jammed up in the same album. There are like two songs of note and I don’t remember which ones because I didn’t want to listen to it a second time. This album was just disappointing to me.

Van Morrison - Astral Weeks: This is one of those albums that you would find in your parents or aunt and uncles collection that upon first glance would skip, then when listening to it cry like a fucking baby. I’ve always been a fan of Van Morrison, and Moondance was what I’ve always thought of as his best album, but this one… this one is different no doubt. This one is less catchy, a bit more long winded, but maybe more powerful. Morrison’s almost strained Irish vocals are carried along by the soft guitar and meandering flute player on the title track, setting a perfect tone for the album. If you want a great album that is soft, but will blow your socks off, check this one out.

(Quick Vince Staples Note: I have seen Vince Staples live and that may have caused me to be a little biased, I don’t think it did but just keep that in mind)

Vince Staples - Hell Can Wait EP: This is a great EP. This is what put Vince on the map. This album shows his talent and incredible struggle to get to where he is now. The beats slap and his vocals cut through the mix like knives. Some may find his voice to be whiney or too high pitched, but it works for his style in my opinion. This is a can’t miss, especially if you are interested in seeing where he came from and where he will go.

Vince Staples - Summertime ’06: Badabing!! Wowzers bowzers, radio hits, spacey beach sounds and Kilo Kish. This is Staples at his best. This album’s structure is incredible, starting off strong with Lift Me Up and Norf Norf, then Lemme Know all on the same side?! Unreal shit. This album is awesome!!

Vince Staples - Prima Donna EP: This one gets a little darker. Vince sounds like he’s been trapped in his own head for a little too long and is pleading to get out. His lyrics are anxious and his delivery varies from emotionally distant on War Ready to a little more urgent on Pimp Hand. His beats are ugly, in a good way, they’re lo-fi and glitchy, almost as if he rubbed sand into the soundboard in the studio. Great EP.

Vince Staples - Big Fish Theory: This is where Vince Staples needs to go. This album is a bit more experimental and uses his style in a way that is different from his previous releases. He seems to be experimenting more with beats than lyrics, which makes a few songs have eh lyrics, but overall it works. This album to me, seems like it will be a stepping stone to another album that just pushes everything further and he’ll pop out his magnum opus next, mark my words!!

Warren G - Regulate… G Funk Era: Makes you want to go to the East Side Motel. (It’s a classic that is required listening, so go listen to it… like now.)

Wavves - You’re Welcome: It’s just so aggressively mediocre that I began to resent it after the first ten seconds. There is nothing that sets this album apart from others, there is nothing that makes it very good or very bad. The road they drive down is very much in the middle. Yucko.

X - Los Angeles: Never thought I would hear Ray Manzarek playing punk music, but man, he fits in perfectly. This album is one of those ones that is the perfect amount of time. There is no fat on this album and every song fits in like it should. And again, Manzarek on keys was such a smart choice.

The xx - I See You: It’s pretty good, probably my favorite album of theirs. But it left me just wanting more of Jamie’s solo stuff. On Hold is just a Jamie xx song that the other two members of The xx jump on and deliver their usual meh style on. I liked it for what it was but I'm just sick of The xx sounding the same on every song… and I want more Jamie xx.

YG - Still Brazy: YG gets pretty brazy on this album. His production uses that classic G Funk style with a few updates to keep it fresh. The beats perfectly complement his vocal delivery that changes on tracks on in tracks too like on Don’t Come to L.A. YG also get’s pretty political on this one with tracks like FDT (Fuck Donald Trump), Blacks & Browns and Police Get Away Wit Murder. This is a surprisingly good album that I wasn’t expecting much on.

Young Pappy - 2 Cups Part 2 of Everything: This kid had some talent. Sadly, he is no longer with us, but, man, he knew how to write songs. His style is aggressive, Killa sounds like he’s gonna jump through your headphones and bite your head off. His production is sample heavy and bass heavier. We lost this guy too soon, I would’ve loved to see what he would’ve been able to put out in his later years.

Your Old Droog - Packs: The Jeselnik skits are pretty useless, forgettable and low energy from Jeselnik, but if you skip those this album is pretty amazing. Droog is a great storyteller, his beats are bonkers and utilize sound effects to help push his stories along and he knows how to write some real hot hooks. One of the best hip hop albums of 2017. Also, Danny Brown has a killer, KILLER feature on Grandma Hips that you can not miss!!

You guys are the best!! Thanks for everything!!

--Andrew

#music #reviews #lankyrandman

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idontloveyoufic · 7 years

Text

Chapter 3 - We Grow Accustomed To The Dark

“Either the Darkness alters— Or something in the sight Adjusts itself to Midnight— And Life steps almost straight.” - We grow accustomed to the Dark (Emily Dickinson)

“ Look, all I’m saying is that a poem about the impending doom and the dissolution of humanity might not be the best pick for a family friendly event. “

The man in the ugly sweater vest sitting behind the dark oak desk spoke into the phone as he moved on hand through his short hair, slightly gripping it in frustration.

“ I know Francis but this just isn’t the content we’re looking for. Not for this specific event at least. It’s more about, you know, getting kids into reading. Show them that literature can be fun. We don’t want them going home pondering about death and the reason why god has abandoned us, to say it with your words. “

Olivia couldn’t suppress the little smirk forming on her lips as she listened to him slowly but surely losing his mind over this conversation. Oh how she wished she could’ve heard the other side of it all. The person on the other end must’ve been quite the character. This call had been going on ever since she had stepped into the store and there was no hint of it stopping anytime soon.

The guy behind the desk was definitely not the one she was looking for but maybe he could help her find him. Or at least help her find this Jess girl. Maybe she knew more about bus boy.

Curiously she let her eyes travel around the shop. There were bookshelves everywhere, stocked to the brim and containing all kinds of topics. Non-fiction, science fiction, and most of all local authors. A few couches were set up, and the walls were lined with paintings depicting some kind of abstract scene made out of various shapes in various colors. Olivia didn’t really understand abstract art, never had, but to each their own. There was one of those obnoxious green library lamps placed on the front desk, and a sign set up saying “Assistant for hire “. It looked cozy and quirky and homey and geeky all in one.

“ Hey, sorry it took so long. Can I help you ? “ a voice pulled her out of her daydream. Sweater vest guy.

“ Oh uh — maybe. I’m looking for Jess. “ Olivia replied, walking up the the desk.

Sweater vest guy narrowed his eyes at her for a second before his face changed into an expression she couldn’t quite put her finger on. It looked an awful lot like pitty.

“ Are you the girl from last weekend ? I’m sorry but I think you shouldn’t be here. Look, I’m sure you’re a sweet girl and one day you’re gonna fight a great guy. I just don’t think that’s gonna be Jess. He’s ... just not there yet. You should go. I don’t want you to get your heart broken. “

“ Wait … Jess is a guy ?”

Silence. For a hint of a moment the two kept staring at each other mirroring a look of utter confusion, only the mumford & sons song playing softly over the speakers in the corner of the shop providing any sound.

“ Yeaaah ?! So I take it, you’re not the girl from last weekend ? “ Sweater vest guy spoke up after a while.

“ No. I’m not. I’m Olivia and I need to give something back. I think Jess could help me return it. “

Sweater vest guy nodded and held out his hand to her. “ Okay, great. Hi I’m Matthew. Sorry you had to hear the ‘It’s not you it’s him’ speech it’s a — it’s a guy thing. Anyway, Jess has gotta be somewhere around here, probably in his office. Let me go get him. “

“ Thank you “. Olivia returned, still a bit confused by the entire situation.

As he hurried towards the back of the store, Sweater guy Matthew turned back around. “ You sure you’re not the girl from last weekend ? Sure you haven’t slept with Jess before ? “

“ Positive. “

“ Okay,cool. Just making sure. “

Just a few moments after Matthew disappeared behind a dark wooden door with a frosted window in the middle, the sound of footsteps coming back towards her, caught Olivia’s attention.

“There he is “ Matthew exclaimed nodding towards the person to his right and slumping back into his office chair behind the desk .

Her eyes moved towards the other person in the room who was curiously looking back at her. His hair fell messily around his face and there was a hint of utter confusion found in his eyes. The suit and tie were gone and exchanged for a pair of dark jeans and a simple gray t-shirt. Though he looked way less dapper and out of place than he did the night before, there was no doubt in her mind, that this was the guy from the bus.

“ Hey. You’re not the girl from last weekend “ Jess spoke up, raising an eyebrow in question.

“ I told him I wasn’t !“ Olivia replied, turning back towards Matthew for a moment “ I told you I wasn’t !”

“ Sorry. “ He answered absentmindedly, nose already stuck in a mountain of paperwork

“ So if you’re not the girl from last weekend, who are you. “

“ My name’s Olivia Clarke. We were on the same bus last night and I found something that I thought you might wanna get back. “

Fumbling around in her old rucksack for a moment, Olivia finally pulled out the notebook and handed it back to it’s rightful owner.

Jess eyes fell onto the book and, as his hands took a hold of it, looked it over as if to make sure it was still in one piece.

“ Don’t be so suspicious. I didn’t do anything with it. It’s still in the same condition as it was when you’ve been scribbling up a storm last night on the bus. “

His eyes snapped up from the book and straight towards her. “ Did you read it ? “

“ No. I just opened it to find a name or address to return it. Clearly it worked. You’re welcome by the way. “

“ Sorry.” he replied, eyes softening a little “ Thank you. For — you know — taking it with you. Bringing it back. “

“ Sure thing. Seemed important to you. “

“ It is. “

“ Cool.”

“ Yeah. “

Silence.

The awkward tension grew thick and unbearable as the two stood facing each other, neither really knowing what to say.

Olivia was never really any good at social situations likes this. She could be the life of the party if surrounded by people she felt comfortable with, people she knew, but whenever she was faced with new people she turned back into the insecure awkward girl she always tried so hard to leave behind.

“ Jesus Christ, could you guys be anymore awkward. I’m feeling uncomfortable just being in a room with you two. “ Matthew spoke up from behind the paper mountain. “ Offer the girl some coffee or something. “

“ Our coffee machine is broken. There’s no coffee here. “ Jess responded. “ All that we have is half a pizza, the last can of beer from the poetry reading with that weird frat guy you hired last week, a donut from this morning missing two bites aaaand a lemon cough drop. “

“ Offer her the cough drop “ Matthew called out, the paper stack of paper and folders now growing so high, his face was hidden from Jess and Olivia.

“ You want the cough drop ? “ Jess inquired, raising his eyebrow in question.

“ Uh — no thanks. Are you okay over there ? “ Olivia called out towards the man, in imminent danger of being buried alive beneath a tidal wave of tax reports, receipts and invoices.

“ I’m fine. This is a creative work environment. “ a voice called back.

“ You sure ? “

“ I’m positive. Jess, tell her I got this. I’m good. “

Looking back at him, Olivia was met by Jess shaking his head. “ He’s not good. He hasn’t got this. “

“ I can hear you, you know ?! “

“ And I’ve been telling you that we need to hire a secretary. An assistant. Anyone. “

Olivia perked up at Jess’ words. “ You’re looking for someone to help with the paperwork ? “

“ Yeah. You looking for a job ? “

“ Not directly but I’ve got some business here and I don’t wanna live in a motel forever so a job and a stable income wouldn’t be that bad. Also I’ve got quite a bit experience with paperwork. Did my dad’s paperwork for years.”

“ Are you any good ? “ Matthew called out to Olivia, completely blocked off by a wall of paper.

“ I’m pretty good. I did our tax return for the first time when I was like 13. All by myself too. If there’s something I’m good at it’s sorting out paperwork. Which, to be fair, is not the coolest talent but it comes in handy every once in awhile. “

“ Alright then, work your magic “ Olivia heard Matthew speak up just seconds before he abandoned his place behind the desk and walked towards the door.

“ Wait. You mean now ? “

“ Uh-huh. You said you were good, here’s your chance. I’m gonna get coffee. See you guys later.” Matthew replied before stepping out of the store and onto the streets leaving Olivia and Jess by themselves.

“ I — alright. I guess I’ll start ? “ Olivia asked, raising an eyebrow at Jess.

“ Sure. “

“ Okay. Cool. “

“ Mh. I’ll be in my office, if you need anything just uh — just yell. “

“ Alright “ Olivia nodded and sat down on the big chair behind the desk that was littered with paperwork.

Just before he closed the door to his office, Jess turned back towards her. “ Olivia ? “

“ Hmm ? “

“ Thanks, again. For returning the notebook. “

“ I love you. I genuinely love you. From the bottom of my lonely little heart. “

“ Okay, I think she got the point. “

“ I really love you, Olivia. “

Matthew stood before the desk, a cupholder holding 3 steaming cups of coffee in his hand and eyes wide with childlike wonder. One would think he’d just seen Olivia work a magic spell or something when really she had just done what she had said she would, sort through the Truncheon paperwork.

“ It wasn’t that bad really, It was just … a lot at once. You guys really need to keep up to date with your paperwork. “

“ Yeaaaaah, I guess we do. OR , you could apply for a job as an assistant here and I could put in a good word for you with the boss. Win win situation, really. “

Jess was watching the exchange with a smirk on his face. It had taken him a long time to find a place that really felt like home, most of his life really. For a while he’d thought that maybe that tiny quirky town in Connecticut with the Gazebo, with her, could be a home to him. Then that turned to shit and so did his attempt of finding a place with his father and he was left with nothing, again. Looking around now, at the business he helped build and at Matthew who, with his crazy antics and preference for booking eccentric poets,had become one of his best friend. And suddenly home didn’t seem so unattainable after all. This was home now and it was a good one.

“ Who’s your boss ? “ Olivia asked, a smirk on her face.

“ That uh — that would be me. Me and Jess. Also Chris but he’s not here right now. So it’s me and Jess you have to convince. I adore you already and Jess owes you for returning his notepad.”

“ Notebook! “ Jess chimed in.

“ Same thing. “ Matthew replied throwing a shushing motion in Jess’ direction. “ So what do you say ? “

Nibbling on the corner of her lip, Olivia averted her gaze from the two man before her and looked at the ground in unease. Having an actual job would be a massive help to her. She would be able to pay for food and transportation around town and maybe if she was really lucky she’d be able to pay for a small 1 bedroom apartment to settle down for now. It was a good job too, a job she was used to at a nice place surrounded by people who seemed nice enough if a bit weird. But maybe that was the problem after all, Matthew and Jess were nice. They were nice people who didn’t deserve her just up and leaving if her life decided to throw her a curveball once again. They deserved someone they could rely on.

“ I don’t know. I mean the offer is great and I could really need the money but — look Matthew I don’t know if and for how long I am gonna stay in Philadelphia. There’s some stuff I gotta sort out and uh — once that is done I don’t know if I’m gonna stay. I don’t think you wanna hire someone who might just have to leave one day, out of the blue. “

Glancing up through the corner of her eye, Olivia could see the guys looking at her with looks full of confusion and uncertainty.

“ Okay I’m just gonna go ahead and ask you this. “ Matthew exclaimed and narrowed his eyes at Olivia “ Are you a spy and or a bounty hunter and or in any way involved in any criminal activity ? “

“ Nope “

“ Would she admit it if she was ? “ Jess piped up from beside her, a slight hint of amusement in his voice though his face stayed serious.

“ Just because people are criminals doesn’t mean they have no morals, Jess. Have some faith. “ Matthew replied with a scoff.

“ Your reasoning is flawed. “ Jess remarked.

“ Look, I know this. “ Matthew said and placed on hand on his friend’s shoulder “ but we need help. Face it Jess, we’re whack when it comes to keeping our paperwork in check. Of course if someone hadn’t broken the last assistant’s heart we wouldn’t have to have this conversation but that’s how life works. We need help and she can help. “

“ For now !” Oliva chimed in.

“ For now. That’s good enough. “ Matthew replied and nodded at her “ Soooo, what do you say, Jess ? “

The man’s eye wandered from his co worker over towards Olivia and studied her for a moment. She couldn’t blame him, really. This was a weird situation to be in. All she had wanted was to return the notebook and in the matter of half an hour she found herself being offered a job. Things like that just didn’t happen, not to her at least.

And yet here she was, and maybe for once life had decided to grant her a little bit of luck.

“ Okay first of all, I did not break anyone’s heart. Alice was weirdly obsessed with me. I mean come on, she had a picture of me as her phone lockscreen. Not my fault I didn’t reciprocate those inappropriate feelings. As for Olivia, I guess she did do a pretty good job, huh ? “

Both Matthew and Olivia nodded.

“ Well, we do need some help around here so … I guess if you want the job it’s yours. “

“ Perfect. Soooo,Olivia. You in ? “ Matthew asked, looking at Olivia with a sparkle in his eyes like a puppy waiting for a treat.

Maybe this was just what she needed. A little stability in this adventure she had decided to embark on. Maybe this was a good sign. A step in the direction.

And so Olivia nodded.

Because maybe this was the start of something great.

#Jess Mariano fanfiction #jess mariano fanfic #jess mariano imagine #jessxoc #jess x oc #gilmore girls fanfiction #gilmore girls fanfic #jess/oc #jessfic

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future-imperfect · 7 years

Text

The year I last minute decided to go to Pinkpop

Pinkpop 2017

Going to Pinkpop for the 5th time in a row I consider myself quite a veteran. After seeing the biggest bands in Rock music like Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Rolling Stones, Metallica, Green Day, Muse, Rammstein. This year year certainly felt....well.... different. In order to appeal to a broader audience and to make Pinkpop more of a pop festival, no one less than Justin Bieber topped the bill of the first day. year long regulars of the festival (like myself) were outraged. The biggest rock festival of the Netherlands managed to taint the good name they built up over nearly 50 years as one of the major festivals of Europe. And it was not like the festival had very much more to offer. The other headliners were Green Day and Kings of Leon. Two bands who also topped the bill in 2013. (The first year I went) Because the festival had not much more to offer I planned on skipping my first Pinkpop in 5 years. However. after noticing that ticket sales were in decline for this edition. And all the black market ticket hoarders were struggling to get rid of their tickets, me and my girlfriend were able to get tickets for only €140,- (normal tickets: €195,-) Saving 55 euros suddenly made Pinkpop festival a lot more attractive, because after all we were able to see the mighty Green Day again. (the reason I bought my ticket in 2013) and a few other bands that were on my live list for a very long time like System of a Down, Prophets of Rage (RATM), Sum 41, My Baby, Kaiser Chiefs. And hey maybe we can get a laugh over how bad Bieber is. and we sure did.

Day 1 felt like a strange experience. from the get go we realized that the Pinkpop audience has changed. After waiting in line for an hour to get in due to sharpened security checks we found ourselves on a festival site filled with stage hugging Beliebers, sneaked in selfie sticks and a suprising lack of bandshirts. yet we still had a surprisingly fun day. The Pierce Brothers gave an energetic 2 man performance making Mumford and sons-esque folk music. Kaiser Chiefs were most definitely Drunk and it made their performance all the better. After that we saw a little of Five Finger Death Punch. They were a little flat, and the crowd didn’t really seem into it. I wouldn’t call myself much of a 5FDP fan but some heavy metal was just what we needed at that moment. Then after sheltering for the rain for 30 minutes the moment everyone at the festival were waiting for, whether they liked it or not. Justin Bieber on the Main Stage. The clouds cleared and the intro music for Justins performance started. paired with some hard to understand visuals of Justin Bieber falling and telling us how hard his life must be and how much struggles he has (Sure justin). Then of course he came up wearing a sweatsuit and my biggest fear came true. He started dancing and play-backing. Oh how low Pinkpop has sunk. we stuck around for a good 30 minutes, because yet, his songs were still recognizable and the visuals/fireworks were quite impressive. but when he started talking about how he had no Idea where he was and tried to persuade his fans to buy even more merch because he even wore it himself. the performance sunk to its lowest point and we decided it would be best to go back to the camping and get some rest to be fit for Green Day the next day. Day 2 started and Finally Pinkpop felt like Pinkpop again. we were at the gates before opening and waited to get in next to some exited Green Day fans. waiting to be the first ones at the front of the stage and stay there for the next 12 hours. (something I myself did 4 years ago) We decided to chill on the field and get some more rest. Then we went to see My Baby at the tent stage. A Dutch band that combines blues riffs with trance music. they played a very energetic and tight set. However they failed to find a connection with the audience who, I guess, didn’t realize is was dance music. We originally planned to see Biffy Clyro on the second stage but we decided to skip them and make our way to the main stage to get some decent places near the front when Green Day starts. At the mainstage we saw Broederliefde (dutch hip hop group) not really my kind of hip hop so couldn’t really get into it. but they did managed to get the crowd moving. after that we saw Imagine Dragons. A band that, to me, is nothing more than their lead singer. The lead singer gave a tight performance even though admitting he felt very sick that day. The band however felt awkward. I never really thought of imagine dragons of a real band because of the overproduced sound they have. And this performance seemed to proof that, because the bandmembers had no idea what they were doing. they played a set full of awkward silences between songs a cliché drum solo, a cliché guitar solo which featured even more cliché rock riffs like seven nation army. I was the only one in the audience who seemed to mind though because everyone around me (including my girlfriend) were having the time of their lives. then finally Green Day started performing their pre-show success ritual of getting everyone to sing along to Bohemian Rhapsody, the drunken rabbit hyping the crowd up while playing Blitzkrieg Bop, and the good the bad and the ugly theme to add some more suspense. Green Day sounded the exact same as they did 4 years ago, just with some more strong songs in their arsenal like Bang Bang and Revolution Radio. I went to the concert to relive my 15 year old self. in a time when Green Day was the best band I ever heard and I listened to them religiously. Looking at the people in front of me glued to the barrier, seeing Green Day for the first time, reminded me so much of myself 4 years ago. But instead of the stage hugging super fan, this year I was the older (maybe even a little annoying ) guy that started the mosh pits with the people around me. Introducing the people around me to punk crowds like the 20 years olds did to me 4 years ago.

Day 3 started and we were at the gates just as early as day 2. My girlfriend wanted to see Oh Wonder and we heard rumors that they would play a small acoustic set for the radio at the start of the day. And they sure did. At the same time the festival grounds opened Oh Wonder started playing so we had to hurry to get there and not miss the first song. Seeing Oh Wonder in a small setting was very relaxing. 4 hours later we would see their full set at the tent stage. which was also great. But it did feel like even the tent stage was too big for them. Their small songs really came out stronger with just guitar and piano. And Being able to sit while listening to them was also a pro. The rest of the day was filled with more “15 year old me” nostalgia. we went to see Sum 41, the Prophets of Rage and System of a down. all 3 in a row. All of them were incredibly tight and got the crowd moving. This is the Pinkpop I know, and This is the Pinkpop I want to see every year. Sum 41 played an energetic show filled with old school hits that everyone seemed to remember. Prophets of Rage did 5 songs of the first Rage Against the Machine album. One of my favorite albums of all time. Of course it wasn’t Zach De La Rocha on vocals but if everybody is rapping along to the hits who even cares? The same thing counted for System of a Down. Not the headliner, but certainly the crowd magnet of the festival. everyone came to see the mighty system of a down. And maybe hoping to hear some new material. We didn’t get any new material we did however get a great show. Looking back at recordings System of a Sown were not very tight and Serj Tankian is definitely not as energetic as he used to be. But when the crowd is a nonstop moshpit.... Who the hell even cares? After what felt like a headliner-worthy set we were treated to the Real headliner of the festival. Kings of Leon. And boy did they disappoint. I wasn’t interested in getting close to the stage because we were tired from the rock marathon at the second stage. Kings of Leon sounded perfect, but their music and performance lacked so much energy. I started to wonder why they were headliner and if Kings of Leon are still relevant in 2017. Of course the crowd went wild when they played Sex on Fire and Use Somebody but they did nothing with the momentum the show gained from those 2 fan favorites. worst of all was how the show ended. No encore, just “we were Kings of Leon, hope to see you next time, bye” And as soon after he said that the outro music started playing and they were gone. It was like they couldn’t wait to leave the stage as soon as possible. Kings of Leon played a great set. But if a band doesn’t want to act like a headliner, it’s a damn shame that they’re booked as one.

All in all after having some doubt about going i can say that this was one of the most relaxing festivals I’ve ever been to. No large groups of six people, just me and my girlfriend. Even though the feeling was a little lost on the first day, Pinkpop is still Pinkpop and to me it’s not even about the bands anymore. it’s just about having a good time. So I’ll probably be going again in 2018. Even if they put even more pop into Pinkpop

#Pinkpop #justin bieber #green day #system of a down #prophets of rage #rage against the machine #kings of leon #sum 41 #oh wonder

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unfurledwings · 6 years

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♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ENOCH

Oh, man. xD; I apologize in advance, because this is gonna be a long, long list. I’ll list the ones in English first before I start throwing the ones in Japanese at you. ^^;

First, I associate Carry That Weight by The Beatles with him, since, not only does he always carry the weight of his emotional pains, doubt, and guilt (so much guilt), but, because of his immortality, it’s hard for him to emotionally cope with being in a romantic relationship with mortals. However, it does sound like the song mentions a wedding (at least, to me) at some point, which highlights the fact that, even though emotional relationships with mortals are painful for him, he cannot close his heart off. This man is a Golden Retriever in human form, as much as it hurts him.

Even though I’m not as fond of it as I once was, The Cave by Mumford and Sons fits him too. Most of the lyrics sound like they’re either talking about him or like they could be sung by him, regarding his long search for the Grigori and his fights with them after (and his sympathy towards them, because this man fucking empathizes with everything and everyone.).

One of my friends who brilliantly RP’s Enoch pointed out that Feel by Robbie Williams fits Enoch perfectly, and I’d have to agree with her. It’s pretty much full-blast Enoch-the conflict with his immortality, since, while it might be necessary for him to have it so that he can find the Tower, he was never told he’d been gifted it, and to an emotional, empathetic man like Enoch who needs connections, Human or not, that hurts. The negative feelings he has toward God and Heaven (even if he never wants to acknowledge them or talk about them, they’re there. Never doubt that he doesn’t feel some anger about the way he was treated.).

And even the way his ‘head speaks a language he doesn’t understand’, that he ‘doesn’t want to die, but isn’t keen on living either’. Enoch’s definitely suffering from some form of trauma, and that kind of manifests towards..a form of self-destruction? He won’t actively poison or harm himself, but it’s gotten to the point where he will corrupt himself in order to save a sheep without thinking about it. Part of that is the empathy, but..there’s no denying that everything he’s done and dealt with has affected him.

Others may think this is weird, but I always associate O Do Not Forsake Me by They Might Be Giants with Enoch. Not that Enoch’s a thousand years old (he’s three hundred years old), but..I think this really links up with his desolation really well. And he did first have misbegotten notions about Heaven when he first arrived, if you want to stretch it even further. But to me, this is an Enoch song.

On the flip side, it might be a bit too cliche that I associate Run Boy Run by Woodkid with Enoch, but I can’t help it. It’s another song talking about the frenzy of Enoch’s search (and Azazel and his minions were after him while he searched), so it’s on my Enoch playlist.

And then there’s Tainted Love by Soft Cell, which I partially associate with Enoch’s relationship with Lucifel. Not that the lyrics all fit (Enoch didn’t like Lucifel in the beginning, but absolutely depends upon him at the end of the game), but I think the lyrics ‘don’t touch me please, I cannot stand the way you tease! I love you, though you hurt me so.’ fit, since..Lucifel is a massive troll, and for much of the series, he’s a huge asshole because of various character reasons. But that doesn’t change the fact that he was kind of a dick to Enoch in the beginning, and Enoch didn’t exactly take to him immediately either, so, this song is for him.

Walkin’ on The Sun by Smash Mouth probably seems like a joke song that doesn’t fit, and I will admit that the association first came because of an RP where Enoch was one of the leaders of a rebellion, but Enoch is the type who wants the world to sing in perfect harmony and peace, toke or not, and I think the chorus fits too, with or without the RP. Act with peace, and good things may come, but if the offer’s shunned..

What may be even weirder is She Came in Through The Bathroom Window by The Beatles. It’s half a Nanna song, but there are parts that sound like they’re being sung by Enoch regarding Nanna and his encounters with her (’and though she thought I knew the answer, well I knew, but I could not say’ & ‘and though she tried her best to help me, she could steal, but she could not rob’). So I’m putting it down here too.And now for all the Japanese songs! ^^; If you haven’t already run away by this point.

There are parts of Antichlorobenzene by Owata that don’t fit (Enoch isn’t the type to drown himself in self-satisfaction, he doesn’t think he’s always right, and he’d like to heal corruption more than he’d like to crush it), but this song fits Enoch’s feelings before Lucifel shatters him-his hatred that this can’t be changed, even though he wants to change it more than anything else in the world, some of his feelings about the fact that Lucifel Fell, and his tendency to just..let go and give up when he’s on the brink of death, especially when he’s fighting someone he especially cares about. He’d let himself die rather than kill the other person himself. I’m not sure he’d ever recover from that. So this is on his playlist.

Arachnoid by psycho can be seen as a song half-sung by Enoch and half-sung by Lucifel as he tries to help him and cheer him on. It’s another traveling song (THREE HUNDRED YEARS IS A LOT, OKAY? THERE’S PLENTY OF TIME TO GET SONGS IN THERE THAT FIT THE SEARCH), but it hits Enoch’s loneliness, his despair, and his doubt (’If you refuse to give up, and keep on going,Will you someday be rewarded? I ask myself..’). No negative emotions towards Heaven, indeed.

This is kind of more Lucifel’s song, since his heart literally does leave him during his battle with Enoch, but there are still lyrics in Bad Apple by Shadow Play and nomico that fit his exhaustion, his wondering about the future, and more of his mental issues. You can probably see some doubt in there too, if you squint.

Black Board by by Chouchou has chunks that both don’t match up withEnoch and fit Lucifel more, since I view it as more a song about theirrelationship, but there are still lyrics that fit with Enoch’s desires andissues-his desire to embrace Lucifel, the way he’s so touchstarved that thesensation of Lucifel’s fingers on his cheeks won’t go away (and he probablydoesn’t want them to), and the fact that his feelings, positive and negative,are unwavering

…Putting Black Rock Shooter by Ryo here is probablya bit cringey, especially since it’s been ages since I’ve actually listened tothe song, and while Enoch’s feelings upon meeting Armaros are more strained andregretful than anything else, I imagine that he did want to meet him and changehis mind, despite his long, painful search.

There are large chunks of A Born Coward by 164 thatdon’t match up with Enoch’s feelings or story, but I still associate it withhim. Half because I was really into writing parody lyrics awhile ago and wroteone based on this song revolving around Enoch’s and Armaros’s relationship, andhalf because there are parts that fit with him-the way he initially denies thathe’s Armaros’s friend when he’s getting close to facing him, and the way he’dprobably like to toss his love of him away, given what he has to do to him,but..just can’t. Armaros is his friend, to the point where they used to spartogether for fun in Heaven.

Eastern Observation Log by Kotsuban also hasfeelings and lyrics that don’t match up with Enoch, but I kind of associate itwith a traveling song, so, by extension, it’s another song about the search.But there are still things one can tie back to Enoch-his love of learning, thefact that his legs will carry him to his destination, despite everything, and,if you want to be technical, he is walking to the ends of our world.

Once again, From Y to Y by JimmyThumb has parts thatdon’t match up with Enoch (he’d never pretend that he hated being too happy),but I still think the song matches up with his and Armaros’s relationship.Armaros Fell without warning him that he was thinking about doing so, Enoch’svision for his future has been forever altered, and probably for the worst,given everything he does and goes through, the time does stretch on far toolong for Enoch’s tastes, he does have regrets, even though they’re not aboutgetting close towards Armaros, and they can’t turn back from their choices,even though Enoch wishes they could be on the same side again.

I’m Only Just Getting Started by Nashimoto isanother song that’s more Lucifel’s, but there are some lyrics that can match upwith Enoch too-parts of it seem to be sung at those who disbelieve Enoch’s taleabout the Tower and try to kill him when he claims to be immortal, and ‘I’ll goout… I’ll walk through town… It’s so very painful… But I’ll go, to meetyou…’ fits with part of his emotions during the search perfectly.

While there’s a line or two that doesn’t quite fit(Enoch would always try to pick up fallen petals, he’d never think it wasuseless), Just Be Friends by Dixie Flatline seem to fit Enoch’s feelingstowards Lucifel during their battle perfectly. He hates it, it makes him screamand cry in vain, and he still loves Lucifel, but there’s no changing things.

Unless I can find some way to stop it, but I’lladmit that that just might lead to a different kind of tragedy. xD;;

While there are parts of Left Behind City by 40meterthat don’t completely match up either (Enoch would always want the truth whenand wherever possible, and he’s always up for love, even if love from mortalsis harder for and on him than love from immortals), I think this song can stillbe considered an Enoch one. It hits the fact that Enoch feels like he’s beingleft behind by mortals, the fact that he has to lie about his identity duringthe search to protect himself and others, that time is slipping away from him,and that he’s so lonely. He just wants Lucifel by his side, and if there wereother immortals accompanying him, he wouldn’t want them to leave him either.

While Love and Destroy by MI8K fits Lucifel more, Ithink it can be equally applied to Enoch, even if there are some lyrics andemotions in there that don’t match up (There were a lot of things that madeEnoch falter, even if they didn’t stop him). He hated the gift of immortalitythat Heaven granted him, once the Grigori Fell, it was pretty much a guaranteethat Enoch would go after them, given the alternative, Enoch yearns for loveand hates himself for what he does in the Tower, even if it is necessary, andboth Enoch and Lucifel hated it when they had to fight each other. There’s nodoubt that Enoch blames himself for a lot that happened in his story, whetherit was his fault or not, whether he could do anything about it or not.

Mad Head Love by Hachi fits Enoch’s and Lucifel’srelationship and, in my mind, seems to be sung from a point where they’re bothon the run from God together. Not that it’s just about that, of course-there’sregret and pain concerning the day Lucifel Fell and Enoch had to leave Ishtarand the fact that Enoch, as long-lived as he is, really can’t remember much, ifanything, of his life before he met Lucifel.

Once again, while there are some lyrics that don’tquite fit Enoch in Night Walker by Ramune and Murabito, most of it still seemsto fit his emotions during the search, and it touches on something I haven’ttalked about yet! Enoch is as stubborn as a mule. He won’t even listen toLucifel sometimes if he’s determined to try things his way for a betteroutcome, or for whatever reason, and Lucifel is one of the dearest people inhis heart.

While Pane Dhiria by Shinjou isn’t quite accurate inthe fact that Enoch didn’t play any music or sing to appease God, I think itstill fits Enoch’s climb up to Heaven, his quest to save the world, and the(temporary) outcomes of that.

While Enoch isn’t A Person Who Makes Stars (whetherit’s by Mazo or not), the song still covers some of Enoch’s feelings during thesearch-the need for his rests, even though they took more time, the fact thathe’d keep going, despite his own pain and guilt, and the cry ‘I once existedhere’ fits him perfectly. He’d hope beyond hope that people remembered him,even if they left him, and even if their memories were bittersweet.

Good chunks of Ready, Steady, Go! by L`Arc En Ciel don’tfit Enoch, but there are a few chunks of lyrics that connect with his feelingsduring the search. For example:

‘Although I may clutch countless scars

I won’t allow my spirit to be taken so easily

If I were to run into you on the other side of thathill

The only thing I can think about is “What would Isay first?”’. It’s a small reason to, but I still count it as an Enoch song.

Not only does Rolling Girl by wowaka fit Enoch andhis feelings during the search, it also partially includes his catchphrase inthe lyrics! Said catchphrase being “No problem, everything’s fine.”. Which heuses both when he’s being sincere and when he’s trying to fool others that he’sfine or-I imagine-get through some negative emotions. Fun fact, there’s anotherpart of that catchphrase that was never officially translated, which is, “Allwill be as God commands..”, which not only deals with his piety, but..some ofhis baggage with God? I think? Since the line reads in my head as a dullmonotone as one who’s resigned to the situation.

While not everything fits, I think Strangers byHeavenz fits Enoch’s time in Heaven-the expectations that were upon him, hisfeelings of being a confused outsider, his negative experiences with Lucifeland the other Angels-and the way he bonded with Armaros, who was a much-neededfriend for him in Heaven.

I’ll admit, Ten-Faced by YM is only on my Enochplaylist because of all the multiple, fake identities he went under during hissearch. That’s it. >

Threadnation by EZFG, however, fits with Enoch evenmore. It covers his doubt, his mental issues, his negative feelings towardsGod, and his determination, for better or worse. Also, the line ‘While I doubt,I still believe’ fits Enoch perfectly.

If you were to make The Transient Apple Salesgirl byyukkedoluce into a tale of an immortal living in a mortal’s world, instead ofthe other way around, this would fit Enoch a bit more. This is another song Iused to make parody lyrics out of, so it’s still on my Enoch playlist, even ifEnoch never once went around selling apples. (Fun fact! The reason we all associateapples with sin and the fruit from the garden of Eden is because, in Latin, theword for apple and the word for sin are either similar or the same, so paintersused the apple in their paintings as a metaphor for sin and to show that Adamand Eve were doing something terrible. If you actually look at the Bible, thefruit isn’t actually described, and if you look at the actual Book of Enoch, it’sdescribed as being like clusters of grapes, which amuses me to no end.)

While some of Unhappy Refrain by wowaka doesn’t fit,it does seem to be that Lucifel could be singing some of the lyrics, and othersare Enoch singing right back at him. It covers Enoch’s mental issues, hisexhaustion, his hatred of violence, even if he has to fight, his feelings ofwasted time at the beginning of his search, and how he doesn’t really findmuch, if anything, about his quest worth celebrating or being happy about.

While Waltz Of Anomalies by Hoehoe looks like itwouldn’t fit at first glance, I don’t doubt that Enoch would be pissed atLucifel once he learned how Lucifel betrayed Armaros, and while not everythingin the song matches up, it does touch on Enoch’s almost reverent love ofLucifel, his self-worth, the fact that he’s a people-pleaser, and, yet again,his exhaustion.

Not everything fits in World’s End Dance Hall bywowaka either, but I still view it as a song about Enoch’s relationship withLucifel, his unhappy feelings towards the whole situation he’s in, and, ofcourse, the long march to the Tower. This is yet another song I used for parodylyrics, so I just can’t remove it from my Enoch playlist. >

While not everything in 1925 by T-POCKET fits Enoch,I still think it fits wonderfully with Enoch’s feelings during the search,other people’s reactions to him, his possible feelings towards the Grigori, anda few comments from Lucifel. Because Lucifel can never keep his fucking fingersout of anything. >

And, finally, there’s 3331 by Hoehoe. Once again, itdoesn’t quite fit, but I still think it’s another song that captures Enoch’sfeelings about the search, the fact that he truly has no idea what to do withhimself once his quest is over and done with, and his loneliness (‘Please, anyonewill do, just be gentle, Try not to misunderstand me’ are lyrics thatdefinitely fit Enoch.).

#self-shipping #self-insert #f/o #Enoch #El Shaddai #El Shaddai: Ascension of the Metatron #Good god I'm tired #It took me more than an hour to type that all up Annaka!#So I hope you enjoy it #I'm heading to bed. ><;#Tragedy Ensues

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