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bucky-made-me-do-it · 7 years

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She's My Bucky

Bucky x reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, mentions of death and mention of a heated kiss, I think that’s it.

A/N: this is my first fic and I’m not 100% what I’m doing. I’m no writer my any means but thought id give it a go and see what happens. the idea for this came to me a while ago and I’ve not been able to leave it alone. so after nearly 2 weeks of making notes and telling myself to just go for it. this happened. there’s probably spelling mistakes and grammar errors everywhere and I apologise. also I typed this out real quick as I got half way through once and the computer crashed and stole it all. thank you for reading.

“Come on!” Sharon sais excitedly as she dragged Bucky and Steve to the garage of the compound. “she’ll be here soon!” Steve and Sharon’s wedding was only a few weeks away now and Sharon had asked her best friend to be her maid of honour and she was coming today. “she’s always been there for me since we were kids, we spent so much time together at aunt Peggy’s after our parents died she practically lived with us, even Tony knows and loves her, being aunt Peggy’s god son and all. She has always been a bit protective of me, I suppose you could say she’s my Bucky” Sharon told Steve as Bucky trailed behind, still not comfortable with meeting new people no matter how many times Steve said it was ok.

Just then the garage door opened and a bright purple ‘67 mustang with white racing stripes rumbled in. As the engine cut off and the door opened Bucky could have sworn his heart stopped when out climbed the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. “(y/n)!”

Sharon squealed just as (y/n) closed the door and ran for her. the two women clung to each other so tight happy to be back together again rocking each other as tear filled hellos and compliments flew between them.

As they released each other Sharon looped her arm with (y/n) and lead her over to the men. “(y/n) this is Steve. Steve (y/n)” Sharon introduced with a huge smile. Steve held out his hand and (y/n) shook it and said “wow, so your the amazing Steve I’ve heard so much about?” as she cocked an eyebrow at Sharon with a playful smirk on her face causing Sharon’s face to warm up and a slight blush to dust her cheeks. “And this is Bucky. Bucky, (y/n)” no one had noticed that Bucky had not taken his eyes off her, just then Steve nudged him and knocked him from his trance and he took her hand with a “nice to meet you.” Just then the door to the compound opened and an agent carrying san armful of paper work came in, “captain rogers, Agent carter, sorry to interrupt but I was wondering if I might have you signature on a few of these please?” “Sure” Sharon said as she turned to (y/n) “ill be right back.” as Sharon as Steve turned to walk way (y/n) stepped up to Bucky and whispered in his ear, “see something you like, soldier?” his back stiffened as Sharon called (y/n) over took her arm again as she lead the way in to the compound to get (y/n) settled and meet the team. “You ok , buck?” Steve calls from across the room, “yeah, I’m fine. I think I just met my future wife!” he replies still staring at the door the women disappeared through.

walking in to the common room with Steve and Bucky in tow, Sharon introduced everyone to (y/n). “everyone this is (y/n). (y/n) this is Sam, Wanda, Nat, vision, Clint and Thor.”

(y/n) gave a small wave. she was just about to say something when,

“THERE’S MY JELLYBEAN!” a rather loud Tony entered the room with a rather timid looking Bruce. “Tony, its been how many years and you are still calling me that?” (y/n) replied with a playful smirk on her face as she hugged tony. “Of course, things like that aren’t easily forgotten.” looking around the room at a sea of confused faces Sharon took in upon herself to explain that you got the nickname from tony due to sticking a jellybean in each nostril as a child and freaking out when they got stuck and you were convinced you were going to die, she even told Sharon she could have everything in her room to remember her by. “Thanks.” (y/n) deadpanned and blushed as a few giggles were hear around the room. Bucky thought it was the most adorable thing he’d ever seen. Later that evening after the kitchen had cleared bout after dinner save for Sharon, Steve, Bucky, Tony and (y/n) who were talking and catching up, “so what are you doing for work at the moment?” tony asked (y/n) while he sipped his drink. “oh, I quit my job before I came out here, they said they couldn’t give me the amount of time off I wanted and Sharon needed me so I left.”

“what about your apartment?” Sharon asked, “a neighbour is watching it.”

A couple of weeks later the night of the bachelor and bachelorette parties arrived, “HURRY UP (Y/N)!” Nat called, everyone was ready and waiting to leave. when (y/n) entered the room she was met with wolf whistles and cheers, and a Bucky that looked like a fish gasping for air. she was wearing leather bottoms that hugged her in all the right places a corset style top and a leather jacket with high heeled boots, smokey eye make up and bright red lips. as everyone made their way to the door she caught Bucky’s eye and winked at him and went to join everyone else and Bucky leaned in to Steve and said “is she trying to fucking kill me?” After everyone had decided who was going in what car they all met a local bar for a few drinks before going their separate ways, (y/n) looked over to the bar where she noticed a very uncomfortable looking Bucky and a woman fawning all over him. “ill be right back” she told Sharon and got to her feet and made her way over to Bucky with a very seductive look on her face. Bucky saw her coming over and wondered what was happening. At the same time Sam saw and nudged Steve and got all the men’s attention to watch the events unfold.

As (y/n) got closer to Bucky she pushed the woman out the way ad held Bucky’s chin between her thumb and index finger so he was looking in her eyes and said very seductively, “me and the girls are heading to a club where we are going to have men grinding all over us, so I’m gonna be as Horney as fuck when I get home so you better be ready for a rough ride, Sargent.” then she pecked his lips and walked away with a “see you later, lover.” Before Bucky had a chance to do or say anything she has made her way over to the woman and said “honey, as cute as you are I don’t share so if I were you, I’d make myself scarce.” blowing a kiss in the woman’s direction as she walked away.

(y/n) walked back over to the table of women missing the animalistic growl that left Bucky and proclaimed it was time to move on swinging her hips that little bit more knowing she still had an audience. As the women left Bucky was still standing there uncomfortable except now it was for a whole other reason.

a few days later the girls went for their dress fitting, while they were all in a fitting room pulling on the third dress suggestion from the woman who was clearly trying a little too hard for her commission Wanda spoke up, “so (y/n) what’s up with you and Barnes?” “if you’re referring to the other night at the bar, I was simply helping a friend in need,” she replied as Nat zipped up the back of her dress for her, “of course you were,” Nat smirked. After leaving the bridal shop, Nat and Wanda were called away for a mission so (y/n) and Sharon decided just to get coffee and head home, but they were so wrapped up in wedding talk they didn’t notice they were being followed. As they made their way back to collect the car a man dressed completely in black grabbed Sharon from behind and lifter her from the floor. Just as (y/n) was about to launch herself at him, she stopped and turned her head just in time to catch the fist that was about to make contact with the back of her head. she used the momentum from it to flip the man over her head, temporarily knocking the wind from him and went to help Sharon. after a full on fist fight that lasted maybe less time than the men imagined, (y/n) and Sharon had managed to contain the men and get some agents to come and collect them for questioning and headed back to the compound.

“I don’t get it,” Steve said confused looking at Bucky, “I don’t see how Sharon managed to beat those two on her own, they are big men!?”

“that’s because she didn’t,” tony said with a smile, “here, watch this.” he put the cctv footage of the attack on the big screen on the wall and Bucky and Steve watched in awe as you helped Sharon fight off the men with moved some would say rivalled Nat’s. “wow!” Bucky breathed out. That night while snuggled on the couch watching a movie with Sharon, Steve said “where did (y/n) learn to fight like that?”

“she went to the S.H.I.E.L.D academy with me but dropped out before she finished training.”

“why? she’s good.”

“I know I asked her far ages after she done it but she never would tell me.” Sharon said with a hint of sadness in her tone, Why do you ask?“

“I was thinking of asking her to join the team.”

“that’s a great idea sweetie!” Sharon said excitedly, I’m sure she would!“

“id love to! as long as Sharon is ok with it!” (y/n) said excitedly when Steve asked her the next day to join the team.

“she’s fine she was really happy I wanted to ask,” Steve smiled.

“well ill leave you here in Bucky’s capable hands, he’ll be your mentor anything you need just ask him.” and with that Steve left you in the gym. “right. lets get started, doll” Bucky said as he took a defensive stance.

over the next few weeks, (y/n) and Bucky grew closer and started spending more time together outside of training. until one day, “would you like to come out to dinner with me one night, doll.” “are you asking me on a date, Sargent Barnes?” “That i am,” he said with a boyish smirk that made her knees weak. “Then yes, id love to go out to dinner with you. maybe pick me up at 7 tomorrow?” “7 tomorrow it is, doll. i cant wait.” As (y/n) left the gym she caught Bucky punch the air and whisper “yes!” and couldn’t help but giggle to herself.

As it happens news travels fast around the compound and as (y/n) sat down to breakfast with Wanda and Sharon, Wanda said, “a little bird told me, (y/n) that you are going on a date with Bucky tonight?”

“yes I am but never mind bout that, today is cake tasting day, so I’m going to have a shower and get dressed and ill meet you ladies back here in say, an hour.” and with that (y/n) quickly left the room.

“why does she do that?”

“I’m not sure she’s been like it as long as I can remember, never wants to talk about herself, its just the way she is I think.” Bucky and (y/n) returned from their date laughing together and decided to sit on the couch for a bit and watcha movie to finish off the perfect evening. while (y/n) went to change in to some pjs, Bucky found a bottle of Tony’s very expensive whiskey and 2 glasses and put the movie on just as (y/n) came back in. they sat watching the movie for a while (y/n) snuggled into Bucky’s side, “(y/n)?”

“yes, Bucky” she replied as she sat up and looked at him, he stared into her eyes for a second before swallowing thickly and said “I think I’m falling for you.”

(Y/n) didn’t say anything she just closed the gap between them and pressed her lips to his in a heated kiss, they both stood from the couch and went to Bucky’s room and it turned out the movie wasn’t the perfect ending to the perfect evening.

Laying awake with her head on Bucky’s firm chest. (y/n) started to feel uneasy about how she felt for Bucky. she knew that if she was seen people would want to talk to her about it, she couldn’t handle it so she very slowly removed herself from Bucky’s hold and snuck out back to her own room making sure no one saw her.

The next morning at breakfast (y/n) is sitting talking animatedly to Steve and Sharon about things for the wedding when a very pissed off looking Bucky walks in.

“Are you kidding me!? Where did you go?” he asks with a frown and a jaw so set it could cut glass. “Bucky,” (y/n) sighs, “I cant do this now.” “No. you can and you will, we spend a great night together, we confess our feelings and sleep together and I wake up and you are gone!?” everyone looks at (y/n). She looks at her hand that are now clamped together in her lap and lets out a sad sigh, “I did it because of Sharon.”

As she says it she look over to a very hurt and confused looking Sharon, “excuse me, I don’t follow. how is this my fault?” “I don’t mean it like that, not in a bad way. this is your time. your wedding. people should be talking about that and congratulating you, not talking about me and my feelings for Bucky.” (y/n) says matter of factly like its the most obvious thing in the world. “Hold on, I think its great you found someone. maybe even better that its Bucky. you always do this you always cut yourself short, you draw attention to my happiness even if it costs yours.” (y/n)stays quiet with a guilty look in her face, she could see the realisation dawning on Sharon’s face. “is that why you never competed the S.H.I.E.L.D training, you always were better than me, and why you enrolled in college out of town so it was harder for people to get to yours so you told them to come to mine instead?” (y/n) just sits with tears in her eyes and nods.

(y/n) gets up from the table and turns to Sharon, “I have always put your happiness first. you are so special to me and deserve the world, you are like a sister to me the one I never had. you and I both know I’ve done a lot of shitty things in my life, things I could never make up for, I thought that by looking out for you, protecting you and making sure you were happy it would be a start. I know i will never be able to make it up to you or fill the void I created, I done the worst thing imaginable top you and all you did was ask Peggy to help me. if she hadn’t agreed who knows where id be now. All I have ever done is try and make you happy but all I seem to do is make things worse. I’m sorry I ruined your moment and Bucky, I’m sorry I hurt you.“

Before anyone has the chance to say anything (y/n) turns on her heel and bolts from the room with tears streaming down her face. “what the hell was that all about?” a very confused Steve asks a very upset Sharon. “I think its time I showed you something,” Sharon says walking over to the TV. “F.R.I.D.A.Y, bring up the file on my parents deaths.”

(Y/n) packs to leave and stops to visit Tony on the way out. “thank you for having me tony but I’m leaving,” (y/n) say s willing herself not to cry again, she doesn’t deserve to be upset she ruined it all, again. “why? what happened?” Tony walks around his workbench and hugs her. “because as usual I’ve shown up and ruined Sharon’s life and hurt people i love.” she realises what she said after id leaves her lips. she said love the one thing she’s not allowed herself. the one thing she has no rights to. “can I stop you?” tony asks and she shakes her head, no. “well I don’t like it but you are your own woman now, Jellybean, but you know where I am if you need anything.” “thank you, Tony.”

(y/n) makes her way to the garage and wasn’t prepared for what she finds. Where do you think you’re going, doll?“ Bucky say leaning against her car. "Away, Bucky. I’ve done enough damage I’m sorry.”

“Sharon told us everything. None of it was your fault.”

(y/n) lets out the breath she didn’t know she was holding, “we both know that’s nor true. if I hadn’t have been so caught up in my ex, brad, Sharon’s parents and mine would still be here.” “(y/n) there’s no way you could have known he was HYDRA, there’s no way you could have known you were used as bait in a hit on Sharon’s parents lives. but i know that if you wasn’t there that day Sharon wouldn’t be here either. she told us how hard you fought for her, taking all the hits, even taking a bullet to the leg. you may not have been able to save yours or her parents lives, but you saved hers. she owes you her life and she’s living it, she graduated college, she’s an avenger, she’s getting married and pretty soon her and Steve will start a family and its all because of you.” (y/n) stands staring at him with fat tears rolling down her face. Bucky pushed himself off her car and walks towards her. “you deserve everything she has too. all these years you have lived thinking you don’t deserve happiness and you do, so much. I cant let you leave here knowing you still think that way. I know I cant force you to stay but I need to tell you something before you decide what to do. I love you (y/n). her breath hitches in her throat as she raises her eyes to meet his, "what did you say?” “I love you.” he smiles. “Do you mean it?” “with everything I have.” (y/n) drops her bags and falls into Bucky’s arms and he just holds her .

A couple of weeks later the wedding goes well. Bucky and (y/n) steal glances at each other across the alter and they couldn’t be happier for their friends.

At the reception Bucky seems agitated, “are you ok, baby?” (y/n) asks.

“Yes, doll. I’m fine.” he kisses her forehead and wraps his arm around her.

Before long Sharon calls for all the ladies saying it’s time to throw the bouquet. everyone counts to three then Sharon turns around and hands it to (y/n) and tells her to turn around where she is met with Bucky down on one knee.

she brings her hand up to her face and has tears already in her eyes and he begins to speak, “ (y/n) i cant begin to put into words how much I love you. you mean the world to me. hell, you are my world! I cant see the rest of my life without you and its been that way ever since the day I saw you. the day I met you I told Steve I met my future wife.”

Steve nods and laughs “he actually did.” there was a few giggles from the crowd.

“(y/n), would you make my dreams come true, doll and become Mrs. (y/n) Barnes?” She stands with tears in her eyes and gives a small glance to Sharon who gives a small nod. “yes! Bucky, a million times yes!” Bucky pushes the ring on her finger, picks her up and spins her around. “I love you so much, doll!” “I love you too!” Steve and Sharon watch as Bucky and (y/n) dance and steal kisses whispering sweet nothings in each others ears. “I’m glad they got their happily ever after.” Steve tells Sharon as he kisses her cheek. “me too,” Sharon says with a smile, “ after all they have been through. id go against the world for her like you did for him. but after all, she’s my Bucky.”

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky imagine #reader insert #mcu #the avengers #steve rogers #my first story #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan #avengers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #marvel

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chestnutpost · 5 years

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I Worked As A Dominatrix For Over 5 Years. Here’s What It’s Really Like.

This post was originally published on this site

A few years ago, at 34, I found myself being interviewed for the position of a dominatrix at a prominent New York City BDSM dungeon. I lied during that interview. A lot.

There was no way I’d reveal that I was there because I wanted to make a documentary about the women and men inhabiting the fascinating underground world of BDSM. For the record, we were not underground; we were on the second floor of an office building in midtown Manhattan ― a very convenient location for guys to come in for a quick domination session first thing in the morning, during their lunch breaks or right after work.

My brilliant master plan was to get access to the women who work as dominatrixes and their clients and learn about the everyday business of running a reputable BDSM dungeon (a legal business in New York state). I thought I’d do this job for a couple of weeks, then go on to make my documentary, which would premiere at the prestigious Sundance Film Festival and make me the toast of the town.

If someone had told me this 10-minute interview would instead change my life forever, I would have laughed at them.

I still remember how fast my heart was beating as I rang the bell and waited for the manager, a woman in her 50s, to open the door and let me in.

As I entered the space, I stopped to look around. The “dungeon” was an office just like any other office I had ever been to or worked in. Up to that point in my life, I had held about 15 different jobs including sales, working the register at a bakery, being a secretary at a PR firm and a few waitress gigs while I studied to be an actress. I had fully prepared myself to walk into a room with chains, whips and all sorts of torture devices, but there I was in an ordinary waiting room with cheap art hanging on its walls, a tiny locker room and a coffee machine.

The manager held my New York state ID in her hands and asked me about my accent, my height and my shoe size. Less than 10 minutes into the interview, I was offered a job and asked to pick a dominatrix name for myself.

Three days after that interview, I began transforming from Stavroula to Mistress Kassandra — much easier to remember and pronounce, right? My alter ego gave me permission to wear fierce red lipstick, high heels and clothes that made me feel like a million bucks ― from leather pencil skirts and corsets to vinyl dresses and catsuits, expensive nun and nurse costumes, even turtlenecks and tuxedo pants that covered my body completely and left everything to the imagination. The communal closet at my new job was like the FAO Schwarz of BDSM and I was in heaven!

Mistress Kristy Riding crop used in pony training session: The clients would pretend they are young ponies in training.

More importantly, I felt in total control of my body. Mistress Kassandra was powerful, unapologetic, vicious, sweet, innocent, dirty. When I was her, I could be anything I wanted to be and didn’t have to explain myself to anyone. Not only that, but this newfound power and confidence in myself was celebrated, respected and very well-compensated.

What documentary? I was hooked on being a dominatrix and there was no going back.

One of the first things I learned at my new job was that men of all ages, social classes, and religious and ethnic backgrounds found the dungeon to be the only place they felt safe enough to take off their mask, remove their armor and reveal their vulnerabilities, traumas and pain, in an effort to heal and become better men. The surrender of their minds and souls was, and still is, one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed in my life. And it was all happening at the hands of powerful women.

When we hear the word “dominatrix,” we tend to think of men being tortured by thin, beautiful white women with dark hair, dressed top to bottom in leather. Here’s the truth: The women at my new job came in all shapes, sizes, skin colors, ethnicities and ages. They were married, single, had children, went to school to get their master’s, etc.

Some of them were honest with their families about the work they did; most of them kept it a secret since people’s ignorance usually leads to judgment. Every single one of these women was spectacular in her own way and I realized soon enough that I was going to learn a lot from them. I was, and still am, in awe of any woman who does this job and knows how to do it well.

Mistress Kristy Loved wearing this catsuit! I bought it with my second paycheck so I didn’t have to wear the ones the other dominatrixes used.

Working at the dungeon was very much like any other job when it came to scheduling, showing up on time, signing off at the end of the day, keeping the space clean, treating the clients and co-workers with respect, hanging out in the break room when it wasn’t busy, etc.

We worked eight-hour shifts but we only made money when we booked a session. When a client booked one of us for a one-hour domination, the house would get $240 and the dominatrix would get $80 out of that plus whatever the client tipped, if he tipped at all. We had clients who would come in for a quick half-hour session ― the rate for that was $150 and the dominatrix would get $50. The manager would keep track of all the sessions and we got paid every Friday morning.

Making $80 in one hour or even $50 in 30 minutes was great for me, but for the women who had to pay their mortgages, kids’ tuitions or student loans, this money wasn’t enough. There were times when we had close to 20 dominatrixes working the same shift and most of them never really made any money. Some chose to stick around and see if something would change; others quit after a week or two. Then we had the ones who’d show up for a shift even on their days off because they had nothing better to do. The dungeon had become their comfort zone and something like a second family.

Privacy is the No. 1 priority when it comes to this job. I have yet to meet the man who is confident enough to admit that he sees a dominatrix. We also had some pretty powerful and well-known men who would frequent the dungeon for a good punishment session. So the doorbell had a legit company’s name written on it, and the manager on duty was the only person buzzing people in, checking the cameras and welcoming them at the main door. The rest of us knew to stay put and not exit whatever room we were in till the client was sitting nervously behind the closed door of an available room.

Some of the clients would call in advance to book their dominatrix, but others wanted to meet the new girls. I felt the most nervous as I was walking down the hallway and heading into the room; I never knew who was waiting to meet Mistress Kassandra behind that door ― and what if it happened to be someone I knew? Once I saw that it was a complete stranger, I was relieved and very interested to get to know them.

Mistress Kristy This was a classic confession session. The men would stand in front of me and confess all their sins and wrongdoings, and ask for forgiveness.

I always let them know that they could tell me anything they were feeling in the moment and I would listen and help them without judging them. Men are full of feelings, insecurities and sensitivities. And that’s OK. A big kudos to the men who are brave enough to deal with their own shit, even if that is inside the four walls of a dungeon!

In between sessions, I’d ask the other dominatrixes to show me how to use the electric chair and the humiliator, how to crack the whip or work the pizzle, how to set the tone for the session, how to do piercings (yikes at first, but then I loved it!), how to spank the right way and how to make these fancy knots you see in bondage-related images — single column tie, double column tie, zip snare!

I wanted to play with every toy and experience every type of play allowed while keeping in mind that safety and consent are the two most important things when it comes to being a great dominatrix.

Most of my clients were smart, kind, respectful, vulnerable, decent men looking for an experience they couldn’t have with their “other half.” Many of them were single men and, I have to admit, there were a couple of guys I fantasized about meeting outside of work.

Of those who were married, the majority didn’t see their visit to the dungeon as cheating since there is no actual sex involved. Still, this job is sexual by nature. Some clients would reach orgasm through masturbation at the end of the session but only after asking my permission to do so. At the same time, many men chose another type of release: speaking about their emotions without censoring themselves, crying or asking to be hugged. If they wanted a hug, or to kiss your hands and feet to show you their gratitude, they had to ask for permission to do so.

Some of the more popular sessions involved bondage and discipline (plenty of men need to be tied up in order to connect with their emotions and let it all out), brain fade (any type of psychological play that keeps the male in a submissive state), CBT (cock and ball torture), corporal punishment (caning, flogging, paddling), cross-dressing (so many men want to act and dress like women!), foot worship and/or worship of the feminine divine, animal play (some men identify with dogs and ponies and love being trained and treated like them), asphyxiation using gas masks, mummification (using a body bag or plastic wrap) and one of my most favorite ones … complete surrender. These men are sick and tired of being in charge, but they can’t be anybody else in the outside world because they’d stand to lose everything. So, for one or two hours every week they’d come to me and surrender their egos, their pride, their bullshit, their beliefs and their wearable wealth from their Rolex watch to their Gucci leather loafers.

Mistress Kristy Getting creative and putting M&Ms on the floor as a reward while teaching the puppy how to get into the cage.

Seven out of 10 times they’d cry by the end of the session and, for me, that was when they were the most manly. I also loved this type of play because it taught me to trust my gut again, something I did as a little kid but was taken from me as I grew older and was conditioned to second-guess myself.

Inside the dark rooms of a BDSM dungeon, where all the noise is shut out, I’d get to silence the noise in my head. I’d forget about the clock ticking, the things people expected of me and all my obligations. I’d put away my phone, just like my clients did the second they walked into the room. I learned to be present in the moment where the only thing that mattered was the freedom to express myself and connect from an authentic place to the other person in the room.

And, for the first time in many, many years, I was listened to without being interrupted, without any objections and with genuine interest from my clients who wanted to know what I wanted, what I thought and why. I raised my voice and it was OK to do so. I released my anger and frustrations and guess what? Nothing. Terrible. Happened.

Here I was, a 34-year-old woman who was rediscovering herself and healing the wounds she never knew she had, all while making close to $2,000 a week; many of my clients were very generous when it came to tipping for helping them experience something new and reach a whole other level of consciousness.

Meanwhile, they were the ones helping me.

At the end of my second week at work, I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed something different about me. I stood taller. I felt in control. I realized that I had started walking more slowly, apologizing less, breathing easier, sleeping better and smiling only when I truly felt like it.

The men I dominated helped me tap into my power source by simply reminding me that I had every right to do so. Hearing this day in and day out worked miracles on me.

Mistress Kristy I loved this dress and this photo got a lot of attention on the dungeon’s site since all the other dommes always posed in black clothes.

My two weeks at the dungeon turned into two months, and then I went on to work as an independent dominatrix for a little over five years. Working as an independent dominatrix is a whole other ball game and it comes with many dangers and risks. It made me wiser and taught me how to protect myself.

I never made my documentary, but I am currently developing a reality series and writing a nonfiction book about my experiences.

As an actress, writer and director, I felt a tremendous need to share my story in my own terms in hopes that it would help people realize that we are all broken one way or another, and that we all have the same desires and needs — starting with the need to connect and to be accepted for who we truly are.

So I created a scripted series called “SWITCH,” along with an incredible team of professionals, with the ultimate goal to stay true to the story and tell it from a woman’s perspective. SWITCH follows a group of dominatrixes and their clients as they lead double lives and struggle for power, identity, love, family and ambition.

Courtesy of The Toska Matrix; Design & Illustration by Viktor Koen A poster for SWITCH.

A couple of months ago, I realized I simply can’t keep up being a part-time dominatrix and a full-time writer, director and actor so I hung up my whip and paddles and gave away most of my clothes. I am still making time to meet with certain men, women and couples who need my help on a one-on-one basis. Doing this gives me great joy and it’s something I hope to continue doing for years to come.

Working as a dominatrix taught me how to have compassion and love myself unconditionally, to walk away from situations or people when they don’t value me, to stop waiting for permission to create the life I’ve always wanted. It taught me to go after everything I want fearlessly, because I have every right to do so. And here’s a little secret: so do you.

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