#I think it's patronizing unoriginal and also boring

[ace-and-ranty]

Saw a post going around about Legend & Lattes, talking about its genre of origin and how skill progression is a staple of it, but then L&L swaps out "You gained the Extra Cool Murder Skill!" with "You gained scones!" and that's why it's so "painfully boring"

No hate to that post, they're having fun nagging and God knows I have fun nagging, which is why I'm doing this on my own post rather than pooping on their fun, LOL

But I gotta say. I think they're underestimating the existence of a crowd that genuinely prefers scones to the Extra Cool Murder Skill. Have they ever heard of Stardew Valley?.

[thatphsycopath]

First Meeting

Everyone complains about their jobs. Restaurant workers complain about rude customers, teachers complain about parents or other teachers, office workers complain about long hours in an office with blank walls that are so boring they just might go insane. But I mean, come on, every hallway looking exactly the same completely void of paintings or any form of life; everyone wearing boring suits and dresses for “professionalism”; the never spoken of understanding that it’s not personal it’s just business. God, it just makes me want to puke.  

Even now, sitting in the mess hall shoving a cold ham sandwich in my mouth, I can’t stand the blank white wall in front of me. Why did the Commission even choose white anyway? Are they really that unoriginal or are they going for the subtle symbolism of their correcting the timeline to be pure? If they’re being honest maybe they should add a splash of red, be honest about the gruesome trail of crimson that follows their best.  

Speaking of best- my eyes cut up to the entry way to the mess hall sensing the presence that’s about to come through the doors. He steps through, also dressed in a boring ass suit, not even glancing at those around him before making his way past me to the counter behind my table. I keep my eyes forward, not allowing myself to follow the old man with my eyes, but I let my mouth open before I think too much about it. 

“You’re not going to like it.” 

I hear him pause for only a moment before glancing over his shoulder at me. He seems torn, can’t decide if he wants to ignore my (probably annoying) presence or if he doesn’t want to turn his back to a possible threat. I take a sip of my own coffee in front of me, 

“Coffee here’s always shit. Your best bet is to grab some when you're out on missions.” 

His jaw clicks. I must have said one sentence too much for him. “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

I tilt my head over my left shoulder, finally facing him head on, a small smile painting my face, “Not trying to interrupt your old man brooding. Just thought you’d like a heads up.” I tilt my head to the side, considering, before I grab my now empty cup and plate and stand. “Then again, you can’t really get coffee when trapped in the end of the world, so anything must be better than nothing to you Mr. Hargreeves” 

I send him another little smile before I start walking away. Quickly stopping when the old man appears in front of me again with a flash of blue and a glare on his face. I quickly glance to his right hand, clocking the metal spoon clutched in his grasp. 

“How do you know who I am?” 

“You’re dripping coffee on the floor.”  

I blink as his glare only hardens, “You drink your coffee black... did you take a random spoon just to have a weapon?” 

“You’re making me want to use it as one. Now I asked you a question, how-” 

“It’s in your file.” 

He blinks, his gaze shifting. He’s more curious than threatened now but definitely still on edge. "And why were you reading that. Where is it?” 

“It’s in the file room. That’s kind of its whole thing, having files.” 

He inhales sharply. Ah, I’m annoying him. Good. 

“Why were you reading mine?” 

I tilt my head, “Did you not read mine yet?” 

“Why would I read yours? Who even are you?” 

“They call me Circe, I’m your partner Number Five.” 

His eyes dart around my face looking for any sign of deceit. He won’t find it. 

“No one told me anything about any partner.” 

I let my smile grow a bit more, “No, not yet. But the Handler will tell you soon.” I lean in a little, turning my voice to a whisper. “The devil wears stilettos, rather than hoof beats we were warned about listen for the clicks.” 

“What the fu-” 

Faint clicking stops his sentence cold. His eyes dart to the entrance, grip tightening even more on his spoon of mass destruction. The handler walks through the door, heels clicking just like I said, with a patronizing smile painted on her ruby lips. 

“Five! Just who I was looking for, I see you’ve met Circe. Wonderful!” 

I glance up and down at the Handler. She chose to wear a navy-blue dress today, she really shouldn’t have, it clashes with her lipstick and hair. Makes her look like the staple Grandma of the 4th of July. I choose not to tell her. 

“A partner wasn’t ever part of the deal.” Five’s jaw clicks again. I wonder if he knows it does that when he’s annoyed. 

If possible, the Handler’s smile grows, “Oh, but you were alone for so long Five! The directors and I just want to make sure you don’t fall off the deep end. She’s here to help you, Five.” 

“I don’t need a babysitter.” 

“He really doesn’t” I raise a ring covered finger to point at the spoon still in his right hand, “He’s got a spoon Handler, and I don’t think he’s scared to use it.” 

Her smile grows even more, “Try not to push him too much, dear. You are meant to be helpful not annoying.” 

I puff up my cheeks with air slowing before blowing my bangs out of my face. “You never let me have any fun.” I dart my gaze back to Five seeing the annoyance just building behind his eyes, “Would you like to see the file room, Five?” 

His gaze shoots to mine before narrowing again, “I don’t think you understand, you wannabe witch. You could be the actual sorceress Circe, and I still wouldn’t want to be your partner. I work alon-” 

“Alone. Yes, yes.” I flap my hand, long sleeve flapping with it, “but the Handler doesn’t change her mind so you are stuck with me for the time being, so you might as well read my file so we’re on equal ground, yes?” 

The Handler claps her hands between us, “I’m so glad you two are getting along!” 

I blink at her, glancing between her overjoyed expression and Five’s angry one, “I’m glad your delusional enough to be happy, Handler.” 

A/N: I'm trying to get back in to writing fanfics again and with my recent obsession with Five (even if the plot was shit he was soooo pretty in season 4) I thought this would be a good place to start. Let me know if you guys want more of Circe and Five!

[vivace-joyous]

The Umbrella Academy 1x01-03

okay, so I have been watching this new show cause y’all know I love me some group based narratives. And the premise feels very fun with lots of ways they can play around with it. It’s like Sense8 if Sense8 focused more on worldbuilding and constructing an overarching narrative to connect all the characters too. However, I find these two shows to be inverses of each other even though their premises are similar thematically. UA and S8 (how I will abbreviate them) seem to excel and stumble in a complementary fashion. Before I get too deep in what I mean, I should talk more about just the UA itself and my general impressions over the first 3 episodes.

OVERALL, it’s enjoyable. I feel like the world building and the over arching plot are the two main elements propelling me through the series. Which like... GOOD! That’s what is supposed to happen when watching a show. If you don’t like the story, watching the show feels like a task. But I am genuinely intrigued by the mystery of the show and what will happen next. Five: “The world will end in 8 days.” Vanya “I’ll put some coffee on then.” Solid way to end a pilot and leave me wanting more. Not just for the next episode, but that is a great way to kick off the first season. BOOM! The Hargreaves have to band together and stop the world end of the world. I just appreciate this because it gives a solid foundation for all other storylines to center around. It is something your brain can stay conscious of throughout each episode and I feel that is such a strong element and important element for a tv show to posses to be good. 

Continuing with the writing, I think so far the pace is decent and the writing is competent from episode to episode. The less important, character-driven storylines are given weight but never take too much focus from the main plot. The dialogue is passable. It doesn’t have a very distinct personality to itself though. If the character is not eccentric themselves, then they probably won’t ever say anything interesting. Which ugh ehh. I just wish the dialogue called more intention to itself because that way the writers could infuse more character moments in fun little quibs. However, it does its job so I can’t complain. 

But I will complain about the use of flashback in the show. The flashbacks feel more used to quickly establish something that is happening in the present day storyline than really be anything more than that. Which is.. like technically okay and the POINT of a flashback. But it is so cliche and I believe there are other, more unique ways to deliver information than just cutting to a flashback. Granted, I do love seeing then team as young teens fighting crime. That’s super cool and I wish the show showed more of that. Cause MY GOD does this show need some more ACTION scenes in it. 

I feel like my biggest problem in the first 3 episodes is that the action feels second to the drama and that totally needs to be reversed. I’m so sorry, but outside of whatever Five is doing, all the other individual character storylines are so fucking boring. I don’t care what any of them do when it doesn’t relate to the main plot. I think that’s why I like Diego’s character cause his whole thing is ABOUT the main plot. I mean, I feel like the show will deliver in terms of action. It’s clear that more insane elements will get thrown in and the filmmakers do like the demonstrate the special powers in fun ways. So I am excited to see what action scenes will come up. I just think overall the show needs more cause the melodrama kinda sorta makes the episodes drag. Like, why is Diego constantly in his fight clothes but he has only been in 2 fight scenes? And Five has like what 3 or 4 in just the first 3 episodes? 

And MY GOD DO I HATE HOW THIS SHOW IS SHOT!!!!!!!!!!!! UGH the cinematography is fucking crap. I hate how it is lit. I hate how the director decided to compose the shots. I hate how there appears to be this like.... haze fliter???? on everything??? Like every scene looks cloudy. It’s like supersaturated. I don’t like it cause 1) I feel it does not help the tone of the show. I feel like we shouldn’t take everything so seriously and have more fun with the premise. But this smoky haze filter makes everything more somber and I think it bumps with most of what actually happens on the show. And 2) it genuinely makes it harder to make out expressions in the actor’s faces. Ugh fire the DP. They are doing a terrible job. 

Let’s talk about the individual characters:

1) Luther. Hate him. Boring white man. Why is he “the leader of the family” after the dad has passed? Like he has not a single interesting aspect about himself. I am honestly so bored every time he talks. And it doesn’t help with the fact that the actor’s head is way too small for the illusion they are trying to create for the character. It’s like “Yeah, let’s put a stale ass, tiny ass white man head on this GIANT 7 foot muscle clad body. He just looks bizarre cause his face says “5′11″ and toned” but his body is that of a bodybuilder. I just wish they found an actor who is just massive like that already for the show. The ridiculous costume they have him in honestly takes me out of it for a bit. And it doesn’t help that they actor isn’t really trying to do anything with the character. Luther says lines. Luther is strong. That’s about it. I will say that despite him being “Number 1″ and “the leader of the family” the show hasn’t given him that much screen time and we still don’t know much about him at all. Which I really appreciate cause it is giving a lot of other (more interesting) characters necessary focus and thus makes getting through Luther scenes that much easier. I don’t know need to learn more about it. Just have him be strong in a corner. 

2) Diego. MY FUTURE HUSBAND!!!!!! HE IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!! I WILL SUCK THE SOUL OUT OF HIS DICK AND ASS HE IS SO FINE OMG yeah badass martial artist who throws knives and has a bit of an anger management problem. I am SMITTEN! I mean eww why the fuck does he have to be straight and keep hitting on that one detective. Honestly, ugh I hate that he is straight. It’s boring and unoriginal. It would have been neat for him to be asexual. He is good looking so people assume that he would be a lady killer. But he is WAY too obsessed with fighitng crime that he literally doesn’t pay attention to his own sexuality. But WAHTEVER! The queer character has to be the eccentric one with the drug problem alkfhadlskfadslkfbdskh ANYWAYS I like hos Diego adds a healthy amount of doubt amongst the group. In terms of constructing group dynamics, he is a lancer AKA the one always playing devil’s advocate. I think he adds a valuable perspective to the team and it will be interesting to see how the family will solve problems with integration of Diego’s help. I don’t like how the show handle showing the relationship between Diego and Mom/ Grace. But I will dive more into that when I talk about the flashbacks.

3) Allison. My god is she boring. But like, in the perspective in how she is an actress, yet doesn’t act like an actress. I mean, yes some actors can act like “normal people” but like... most actors don’t. I say this as someone who lives in LA and knows actors. They have BIG PERSONALITIES. They like to be KNOWN! However, Allison just feels way too subdued and “normal”. Like, okay she must have pursued an acting career of her own violation. So she must be a person who loves attention and strives for their chance to be in the spotlight. Everything needs to revolve around them. But that’s not Allison. She isn’t really anything. She is concerned about her daughter... if feel like that’s the only real thing we have learned about her so far. I wish her narrative had an angle about her being attention seeking. During the scene when all the siblings were reading Vanya’s autobigraphy, the voiceover cut to Allison when the VO mentioned attention seeking. Which, if that is an aspect of Allison’s character, then SHOW it to us. Have her do SOMETHING besides give creepy incest bedroom eyes to Luther. 

4) Klaus. Finally, an interesting character! His powers are unique yet have a direct influence on how his personality is shaped. His is a drug addict because dead people are constantly trying to talk to him. Kinda sorta metaphor for the mentally unwell and how they abuse drugs because “It makes the voices go away”. They just have a lot of things they can do with him and the writers know this. They obviously have some extra fun when writing him. I just wish the other characters were a lot more sympathetic towards him. Like.... maybe try and talk to him about his drug problem? Rather than patronize it literally every single time you talk to him. SERIOUSLY every single scene Klaus is in with one of his siblings, they always HAVE to mention his drug problem AND THEN scold him for it. Like............ that’s not very constructive? Like at all! But I guess that’s just how some families are to one another. Also, it is very interesting to see how they are handling Robert Sheehan’s performance in UA compared to Misfits. In Misfits, he has a tendency to devour each scene he was in, to the point where he felt like the central character of that show. But Nathan was such a great character, that often times you didn’t mind how he would steamroll over others because it was done in such an entertaining way. But in the UA, the director’s have chosen to use Robert Sheehan’s signature eccentric style to flavour the scenes, rather than change the tone of the scene altogether (unlike how they used Nathan in Misfits). Anyways, I am most intrigued to see what they will do with his character. 

5) Five. I don’t have too much to say about him because I feel like there is a lot more to be discovered about this character. Overall, I like the concept around the character and tbh he gets some of the best scenes in the first 3 episodes. I am truly impressed with the actor portraying this character. I think he is doing quite a great job in giving us the nuances of the character. A 58-year-old trapped in the body of a 13-year-old. Like, I get that. I see that. It works and I am here for it. 

6) Ben. WOW so the one Asian one is dead and barely gets any lines. Ugh okay. Really REALLY want to learn more about him. Really intrigued with how he died to begin with. Hopefully the show shares this story element in an interesting way that connects to the main plot in a way other than just thematically. 

7) Vanya. I.... I wanna hold my tongue about her. Cause she is obviously the audience perspective character for this world. So there isn’t much to say about her besides her being a tool to help the audience get integrated into the show’s world. I just... I gotta wait cause I feel like they are going to do something cool with her character and I don’t wanna make any.... undeserved assumptions. I just want more from her which like... I guess is a good thing?