#I think of little wen kexing and a-xiang and make myself sad

[liathebookwyrm]

Don't imagine a young Wen Kexing sneaking out of the Valley and returning with armfuls of stolen books. Don't imagine him hiding somewhere and reading them and then turning them to convoluted bedtime stories for Gu Xiang. Definitely don't imagine him coming across a collection of love poems and discovering how much he actually likes poetry for its own merit.

Or some years down the line when he's murdered his way to the top and he starts putting together his revenge plan, and with that his "Philanthropist Wen" persona. And suddenly books are not just a clandestine escape but a necessity because he will need to convincingly pass as a member of a sect. So don't imagine him narrowing down his reading to as many relevant texts as he can find and don't imagine him asking Beauty Ghost (because who else can he ask?) about the sects and they work and most importantly how people behave in them.

And how would his -by necessity- selective reading, combined with Liu Qianqiao's somewhat skewed account and his own tattered memories of Before affect the final image of "Philanthropist Wen"? Would he have sat with A-Xiang and practice scenarios and looks until he got it just right? Would he have taken small trips in nearby cities to see how well his disguise holds up?

How much of his insistence to call himself a scholar is him self-projecting and how much is it deliberate so he can get away with quoting texts because, at least at the beginning, it would have been a legitimate concern that any extended conversation might have poked huge holes in his backstory.

And the thing is, he is good at playing the flirty scholar. In another life that might have truly been him. He enjoys the thrill of the back-and-forth in a conversation, he relishes in the positive attention he receives and he legitimately loves talking about poetry (no one accidentally acquires encyclopaedic knowledge of love poems they can much to the occasion). So yes, it is a mask, but it is one he likes to wear and wear often.

Enter stage left Zhou Zishu who is not impressed by his quoting and flirting, who sees through his mask(s) almost immediately and will both call him out on it and let him get away with it, and who values honesty in relationships (and who can blame him). It is intriguing. It is infuriating and entertaining at the same time because Wen Kexing hadn't had much failure in his routine since he perfected it. It's probably utterly terrifying and he can't get enough. And the warmth he feels the first time he gets Zhou Zishu to smile and blush with a poem was definitely worth all the eyerolls he received before and after.

@queenie-chi-cosplay, I don't know you but you liked my ramble about whether I should post angst so this -waves madly- whatever it is, is dedicated to you.

[i-am-just-a-kiddo]

As usual, thank you @vishcount for letting me do this as well!! ❤ I always love talking about my music. I tried to narrow it down to songs that I’ve added to my playlist(s) in the past 2-3 months. 

Rules: spell out your url with song titles, then tag as many people as there are letters in your url

Am breaking the rule and not tagging that many people, but only my usual suspects: @cortue, @the-cloud-whisperer, @intyalote, @isabellaofparma, @sassyassassy, @not-saying-revolution-but - no pressure to anyone, I just thought maybe someone wants to share their music as well (which I’d be happy about)!

I continue under the cut:

I mmortale by Måneskin

I’ve noticed that I prefer  Måneskin’s slower songs but they sure have a few bangers. This is one of them, I’ve only recently added it to my playlist and I’m lowkey obsessed? 

A dvice  by Taemin

am absolutely obsessed with this one? Taemin never disappoints but with this one I felt like it was sepcifically tailored for me for some reason. I love the manic dark energy of this, but at the same time it’s a chill enough song to just listen to on a daily basis? a masterpiece

M askhara  بشار مراد مسخرة  by Bashar Murad

This is the mood for summer tbh. Depressed but funky? Let’s make the best of it. I absolutely adore his voice and I sincerely hope he’ll release more songs because I need them to live. Am also very much into his political and queer themes, so I dearly recommend for everyone to check him out!

J 'ai demandé à la lune ft. Louis-Étienne Santais by Ghostly Kisses

I’ve always adored Ghostly Kisses and her voice is so stunning? French fits her quite well. I think I even added this to my wkx character playlist? we love a multifacetted man. 

U nderneath The Mask by Royal & The Serpent

Another one from my Wen Kexing character playlist - i think this is kind of self-explanatory? This song is amazing with headphones and high volume. I’m always very much into songs that capture wkx’s valley master energy. 

S un Goes Down by Lil Nas X

while Montero/CMBYN was absolutely iconic, this song just made me bawl my eyes out? it’s so lovely and I wish it was longer. somehow he managed to captured this queer coming of age feeling perfectly and i’m very much sensitive to that. bless his soul ❤

T orna a casa by Måneskin

along with Vent’anni, this is my favourite song of theirs. I could listen to this on loop (which I do) and I never grow tired of it? The way the song steadily builds up and reaches this peak near the end is absolutely amazing. This also sort of became an inspiration for my Wen Kexing and Gu Xiang fic? The lyrics somehow speak for them, it’s so sad and tender and wow, I want to bury myself in this song. 

A Different Kind of Love by Son Lux

Son Lux are artists I never grow tired of and their recent releases have been amazing as usual. This too, made it on my wkx character playlist - as you see I’m putting a lot of songs here that are on there. Son Lux does that haunting atmopshere so perfectly and I think wkx’s fragile view of love fits right into this.

K in by CLANN

Until recently, CLANN was an artist that I had exclusively listened to while writing a little mermaid AU two (?) years ago - especially their album Unseelie was perfect for the vibes I needed. Howevery recently I’ve listened to the album Kin Fables while writing and I’m very happy I rediscovered them. I dearly recommend to simply put on their albums and listen to them in one go, it’s a magical experience.

I ntrovert by Little Simz

I know a few songs by her and she is so damn cool, I really want to get into her music properly at some point. All I’ve heard so far is exactly my taste and I realised that I don’t listen to much rap by female artists which I want to change. Gosh this song is just so powerful. 

D eath No More / Смерти Больше Нет by IC3PEAK

I dig IC3PEAK so much, truly one of the best gems I’ve discovered in the past few times. Absolutely adore the combination of visual and musical medium, which makes a stunning art piece? Also their creepy vibes fit to my wkx playlist once again. I remember finding them on youtube and just going through all their videos, it’s just so good. 

D im by SYML

Am stilll so grateful that dear Vishie showed me SYML back then because they quickly turned out to be one of my fave artists? Every song is so wonderful sigh. And yes, this too, is on my wkx playlist and I’m incredibly happy about it. the lyrics just scream for it, tell me I’m wrong

O rgel오르골  by SHINee

recently I’ve been in my SHINee mood again and rediscovered this song for me. I think The Misconception of Us is one of my favourite albums of theirs and Orgel is just so groovy? Am obsessed with the instrumentals and their voices playing off them. Idk mate, am just SHINee trash

thank you again! gosh this was fun but I noticed that I barely had time to discover new music in the past months which is so sad. I’ve only been relistening to artists on loop like Brockhampton, Gazzelle, Tamino and Shinee, but I’ve barely added new? Am surprised however that Sevdaliza, The Dumplings and BEWHY are msising from this list because I’ve discovered those some time ago.

[shingansoul]

It had been more or less a year since the lord of Four Seasons Manor and his zhi ji had undergone the Combined Six Harmonies method together. It had been two tense weeks waiting for Wen Kexing to awaken afterwards, and since then, Zhou Zishu had taken to noting every little detail of the now snow haired man that he could. Including his more eccentric or erratic behaviors, not just those of frivolity for the sake of shamelessness, but those that had been ingrained into him due to his peculiar and dangerous life led up to this point.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33527692

There were a plethora of such traits to be found if you looked: from his aversions to certain foods or scents (those this one proved less an issue nowadays given circumstances), how he’d relish like a starved man any physical affection he could get and greedily demand even more so, his reluctance to showing weakness or illness yet his longing to be cared for, his soft spot for young children. Not all were so mournful in origin though.

A most peculiar one that had finally caught his attention had first made itself worthy of notice once when Chengling had been out going through form drills in the courtyard sometime soon after their return to the manor. The two elders of the household had been quietly overseeing his practicing from the porch nearby when the child had lost his focus. It was a simple slip, his foot going out from under him and throwing him to the stone patio below. It wasn’t a hard hit or anything, and at first when he was pulling himself up, his shishu had even given a gentle laugh at the student’s klutziness. However, as Chengling picked himself back up, ears tipped red in embarrassment to do something foolish under his shifu’s gaze, Wen Kexing had stopped suddenly and made to quickly make his way over to him.

Chengling had already resumed his previous stance, ready to move into a full circuit of forms once more to move as quickly from the inevitable harsh corrections from his shifu when he felt a firm but gentle hand grip his jaw and turn his face. He awkwardly stumbled into standing upright and still as Wen Kexing suddenly was right next to him and bearing all his attention down on him. He waited, unsure what precisely the other planned to do but nothing could have prepared him for the sensation of hot breath against his face and the sudden chill of something wet on his face as the other pulled away to inspect his “work.”

For Chengling, he at least was certainly free to the many whims of his elders and to his credit, he just blinked owlishly in quiet confusion without complaint. Wen Kexing hummed softly as he turned the child’s face back and forth, his fingers still unmoved from holding his jaw.

“Is that the only place you got yourself scratched, my little idiot?”

Wen Kexing’s voice was genuine but warm and teasing, causing Chengling to relax a bit despite the oddity of all this and he briefly patted himself down before nodding. Satisfied so it seemed, both returned to their places before as if the exchange had not occurred and within a moment a relaxed puddle of robes and white hair had made itself home once more at Zhou Zishu’s side. Said Manor lord could only stare in almost amazement at what he’d seen before quickly turning to watch their young charge practice, forgetting himself to the point of letting the foolish mistake go unspoken of and that had been that.

It wasn’t as if they had been externally injured in ways that brought it out of him often, but to say it wasn’t a noticed behavior by now also wouldn’t be correct either. Zishu certainly had noticed, though had simply been collecting handfuls of these moments to ponder on. Since that day, Zishu had realized the following “rules” with this little ritual of Kexing’s: it was only done for himself, Zishu, and Chengling. It wasn’t for just any external injury, but anything that drew blood would warrant it. If there were tears spilled, this would also be treated like an open wound and warrant the practice.

From various scrapes and injuries training gained by Chengling, to mishaps and resurfaced wounds in Zishu and himself, there had been plenty of passing occurrences but the question that buzzed in Zishu’s mind each time was simply ‘Why?’ Where had this come from, did he do this before and in the mess of everything happening it was simply overlooked?

Zhou Zishu once prided himself on how attentive and insightful he was, he had to be for his line of work once upon-a-time and he could still often be said to be as much now. Yet Wen Kexing had always been an enigma who had not even figured out himself who he was, none alone let others in to see behind his carefully schooled features. So maybe this did go back farther, but how to find out?

An opportunity to pin the man in question down where he couldn’t escape or move around the topic surfaced quite simply some short weeks later.

They were cleaning up the library pavilion once early evening, Chengling had ended up falling asleep while working on some more intricate works from the manuals of the Long Cabinet’s teachings they had collected into the manor once they’d first returned here that time. Upon finding their foolish disciple sprawled across his makeshift worktable, Zishu had prodded him with some gentle nudging to go to his own room to rest and, too tired to think too far ahead, the boy has sleepily nodded and made his slow but sure way to do just that.

This left the two men to clean up behind him, indulging him a bit by collecting his tools and replacing the scrolls and books where they had been taken from. Zishu had not realized all Chengling had brought out to work with, and unthinking grabbed a fairly sharp edged metal scrap piece, slicing a shallow but long cut into his palm. He hissed slightly, more out of surprise than any actual pain but it was enough to quickly call over his partner to inspect what happened.

Upon seeing the blood, Wen Kexing, true to form, had taken and quickly set down everything in Zishu’s hands and with an exhausted huff he grabbed the other by the wrist and the first bend of his fingers and pulled his hand closer to lap gently at the wound. Zishu, waiting a few moments until Wen Kexing had been set into his ‘task’, reached forward a bit with his free hand to ghost his hand against the side of the other’s face, running his thumb over Wen Kexing’s cheek. It was enough to insight a wordless “mm?” which only brought forth a light chuckle of the recipient.

“Lao Wen...have you always done this?”

This got a pause, deep dark eyes darting up to glance up and trying to gauge the emotions and atmosphere behind the question.

“You...you’ll have to be more specific than that A-Xu, I do and say a lot of things.”

A sigh.

“Alright. Have you always licked at the wounds of your family like a mother cat cleans their young? Hm, Lao Wen?”

The words and tone were teasing, but the glance from before had ascertained this wasn’t going to be a conversation he could weasel out of. Slowly but with care, Wen Kexing pulled Zhishu down to kneel where they were; to sit and speak properly about something personal. He placed the other’s still held hand into his lap, palm up, and he slowly but rhythmically began trailing his fingers from knuckle joint to tips over and over.

“Ah….well, it started from something almost laughable when we...when i was still just a teenager. In the valley, it wasn’t as if one could get new and clean supplies at any given moment, often enough what defined cleaning a wound was some spit and torn clothes that didn't have too much blood or dirt on them. I wasn’t always that good at taking care of A-Xiang either..”

he paused, huffing a sad but nostalgic chuckle past his lips.

“Did you know the first time I tried to feed her as a baby, I had burned her mouth? How she didn’t grow to hate me I'll never know.”

Patiently, Zishu moved his uncaptured hand to squeeze his zhi ji’s thigh through his robes. Wen kexing faltered slightly before regaining his composure, smiling timidly in silent appreciation of the reassurance before pressing on.

“I remembered back then, for what reason I have no idea, but I remember being told that if one kisses a wound it will stop hurting. A childish sentiment mothers tell their sons, but what was I but a father to a daughter? It shouldn't be different. So I simply blended a need with comfort. Whenever she would get hurt, as all children do, especially in such a place, I'd clean her wounds as gently as I could just like...what did you call it earlier? A mother cat? That’s not too far off. Also….”

Zishu silently waited, his gaze unwavering for however long it would take. Wen Kexing stopped his ministrations to more firmly hold Zishu’s fingers in his hand, as if bracing himself before moving into his next words.

“I can recall so vividly, A-Xu. When I was kneeling at my father’s side, the ghosts sneering and jeering down at me all those years ago...When I had convinced them of my nature by consuming my own father’s….haha, i had thought to myself ‘was my flesh not made of his blood to begin with?’ So it only made sense…” He shook his head, laughing mirthlessly, “No, it doesn’t make any sense at all. I came to the idea that it only made sense to ingest the blood of my family going forward, even if we weren’t linked by blood then in this way we could be. You all would be with me, and that I could show you what devotion looked like. That is, in doing this, I know what devotion tastes like.”

He looked down at his lap, as if simply embarrassed for being caught like a child and not having admitted to going out of his way to drink the blood of his loved ones. Not that it was a garish as that in practice, at least Zishu thought as much, but could certainly understand how to most, this confession wasn’t something one would expect to be taken well. Luckily for Wen Kexing, his little family was not made like most, nor his zhi ji so easily shaken. And he said as much.

“Lao Wen, you’re absolutely an enigma to me sometimes. But I think I understand you, and at least somewhat, I can understand this too. Although…” He paused, feigning a look of uncertainty as he looked at Wen kexing and then glancing away dramatically.

“Although what? A-Xu, don’t tease me like this. If you don’t want me to-”

He was abruptly cut off by the sensation of somewhat cool and dry lips against his own, the “assailant” so firm and sudden in his “attack” it pushed them both over, leaving Wen Kexing askew on his back on the floor and the other straddling his hips to not break the contact, his forearms on either side of Wen Kexing’s head. They broke for air after a few moments, though it could have been hours for all Wen Kexing cared.

He blinked up owlishly, taken off guard for once by the other’s actions which only brought out a childishly triumphant and confident grin from Zishu.

“Although, I think there’s other tastes devotion can take. Would you like me to teach you?”