#I want to make everyone shut up forever
Text
Since I’ve been on about Thistle and Marcille’s similarities lately HERE’S THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE: They have the same taste in video games (simulation games) but opposite styles of play. Marcille makes sure everything is nice and balanced and ✨Aesthetic✨ while casually committing atrocities against NPCs whenever she’s curious about what would happen or to get a better result or whatever. Thistle on the other hand plays like a utilitarian maniac with hyperoptimized setups that look like shit BUT absolutely refuses to even make the NPCs sad bc he feels bad and wants them to be happy. Do you see my vision.
#polly speaks#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon#thistle dungeon meshi#Marcille Donato#thistle posting#i feel very strongly about this#Marcille’s ‘no sense of right and wrong’ vs Thistle’s ‘I never want them to suffer ever again’#They’d both love these games so much though. characters that they can love forever and will never die :’)#gonna be real thistle continues to just be how I play these games but sue me it fits#so what if my fantasy fulfilled thru video games is making everyone happy and for them to like me. huh. shut up#anyway
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
No one in the history of ever:
Every creator out there that got their hands on the rights of adapting Solo Leveling: Mind if I just *starts packing shit ton of more SL content*
#and we love them forever#eternally grateful for people looking at Chugong's work and being like: baby i can fix you *spams more lore MORE CONTENT*#now the thing is that things begin to contradict each other a lot more than usual#for example the LN SL will have Esil dead#and then in other interpretations she is alive and or she isnt#and then the backstories would be different in game than it would be in SL Rag#and like you can choose which ones you like#but you also are free to not follow canon as much as you want#because these characters arent defined entirely even by canon standards#they are fully fledged in some things#and at the same time they arent fully cardboard#and the more sl content they add the more they feel real to you#but it doesnt stop you from making them however you wish to interpret them#its odd and quirky. but thats cuz we mostly see everyone in a serious situation and not in a realxed one per say#but somehow anything can fit#anyways time to shut up#solo leveling#solo leveling ragnarok#SL Arise#Solo leveling anime
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking abt the touden siblings got me sniffling and weeping....
#im.too emotional abt them to properly explain#just rly glad to see autistic characters in media that i can deeply relate to and share experiences with. its such a rare thing#and i feel so protective of them i dont give a fuck abt fandom normally but some ppls bad takes lately are getting under my skin#like just say u hate autistic people and leave. stop calling laios a fucking freak im going to kill you with my bare hands#ppl think theyre so smart and funny for making posts like haha hes thr type of autistic that makes everyone uncomfortable and wish he-#would shut up or go away. im going to start hitting u with a brick until ur a bloody pulp#and thw way ppl treat falin so differently just bc shes not a guy. even tho theyre both clearly autistic and struggle socially#like wow thats crazy. do you act this way abt autistic ppl irl too#whatever just liberally blocking ppl abt it i dont fucking wanna see ur stupid posts#anyway.. back to thjnking abt their backstories and crying a little. masculinely of course#man i am soooo tired im so glad its the weekend i want to melt into a puddle and soak into the carpet and stain it forever#but we dont.have carpet.in this flat so.i guess ill just go to bed......#well maybe a little elden ring first#i would reallt like to draw sometime this weekend too. need to muster up some creative courage#but thats a problem for tomorrow... zzz#.diaries
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
misery despair suffering etc etc
#purrs#delete later#two thoughts about separate things both causing the despair. thought / thing number 1 which i think ive talked abt on here many times before#but im saying it again: i am not good at being a friend in the ways my friends need me to be a friend. and in the ways friendship is thought#of societally i guess. i isolate myself constantly. i pull away from the opportunity to get closer with people i don’t know as well. i don’t#text back and then when im finally ready it’s been so egregiously long since it was appropriate for me to respond or reciprocate or#whatever it is i am so crushed by guilt and shame and embarrassment that i can’t bring myself to do it. i have so many unread messages and i#wont even let myself open them. and ive been like this for years. and i hurt someone very badly many years ago by being that way. and it was#more complicated than that but sometimes i remember it and how i acted and how i treated them. and i wonder sometimes if they check up on me#and i don’t want to be immature or weird or whatever for talking about it or wondering that openly. but if you do read this and you know who#you are: i am so sorry. i meant whst i said that i would never stop wishing you well and hoping the very best for you. and i hope you have#all of that and more. and im so sorry for not being brave enough to communicate with you or stick around. i really really am. and im sorry#to all the other people i have hurt by pulling away and shutting down and shrinking inside myself and not talking. ik it’s weird to post#that instead of just telling people directly but it’s the guilt. i am fully aware of how many people / groups of people i owe things to /#for but also just… miss. a lot. and want to talk to even though i won’t let myself. i don’t know why im like this and i don’t know how to#stop. but im sorry im not a good friend or even acquaintance or community member. and im talking to everyone now i guess including anyone#reading this bc god knows how many asks and messages i have on here. im sorry. i want to be a better friend. but i also never have spoons. a#and i also want to stay spoonless and cocooned on myself forever and never come out. and i hate that. i want to be a friend. i want to be#kind and giving and loving and generous in the ways you all have been with me. i want to hang out with people and send messages and be there#to lift people up and celebrate with them. but all i can muster is tapping like on social media and it’s horrific. i have gifts to make and#hello / checking in messages to reply to and roleplay starters to post and i just can’t do it right now and im scared i’ll never be able to#again. but it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. if i say i can’t do it then iwont. it’s not enougu to just be aware of it i have to act on it#and change it. but im exhausted and hurting right now and i have been for years and i need to heal first but what if this is healing.#idk. i rambled on that for much longer than i thought i would so nowim gonna say the second thing in a separate post. and it’ll be weird to#post about that in light of this and it’ll be weird to post this at all. but its been weighing on me so heavily today and i don’t want#anyone to think im ignoring them or not aware of being like this or whatever. and posting into the void is easier than telling individual#people to your faces even though i know it’s cowardly. im really truly sorry. i will try to get better once i have the strength to try.#actually yeah no not gonna say the second thing yet. it would be weird to say it now. this needs to sit a little first
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
i dont believe anne rice only smoked weed once. you cant write the vampire chronicles Like That and not be smoking something.
#some of the stuff from later canon is so outlandish to me. ive accepted most of it now though#ive only read 1-3 but it forever is insane that from what ive gathered the vampire demon spirit comes from aliens that reside in…atlantis#like correct me if im wrong here with that info but… like#also i just think its funny that vampires cant fuck until that doctor gets turned and makes fuck sauce for everyone. vampire viagra#also lestat drinking the blood of jesus christ what like. halfway through the series? good for him i think??? i guess ????#how does louis’ catholic ass feel about lestat drinking the blood of literal jesus christ btw. does that ever come up#unrelated but i want marius to get his ass kicked i just really really do not like him#tvc#nicky shut up#the vampire chronicles
66 notes
·
View notes
Text
do you guys think it's unreasonable to want people to make an effort to be around you
#like. i know there's all this talk abt how everyone has their own lives going on and nobody can read your mind#but when you're *always* the one to reach out first it does start to feel like they really just don't want to see you#idk#i just think that people will make the effort if they want to#and when they consistently don't make the effort it starts to feel like they don't want to#rather than that they're just busy#sorry sorryyyy for the depression but like#i'm leaving tomorrow forever and i haven't seen my roommate in like four days#i've been there for her through some pretty dark shit over the past three years#and i'm fairly sure she's not even going to say goodbye to me#and yeah i could text her like ''hey i'm leaving soon do you want to do something'' but like.#she knows i'm leaving and she's still not here#and it kinda seems like that's a choice#she obviously has better things to do#i'll shut up now#🧃
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
found a bunch of old voice memos and this is the first time i've listened to my own voice and thought yeah it makes so much sense that people have loved this person . woah
#personal#i was singing a song under another song (saw my wings with the bodies in the gutter). there is someone else and i cant#recognise their voice . i think maybe i was drunk and maybe so were they . i have no idea who they are but their voice is so pretty.#i ask them if theyre ok and they ask if im sure im okay with this. and then they say see you soon and theres the sound of the door.#theres the voice of someone else after this too. they say listening to chase atlantic feels like sex . i have no idea who this person is.#this file is full of strings rising and falling. reverb of a massive space. some symphony inside interrupted by another symphony.#i remember laying on the floor of the orchestra hall to listen and to hide. i remember laying my hand on the floor and thinking i could#recognise this piece just by the way the ground vibrates.#i've been thinking a lot about mereology. sorry for not talking about nihilism the past week - everyone around me has been falling apart.#this month i have watched others be stricken by grief. the other side of the equation. one day i will create a poem about the way holes are#one whole part. the way disconnects are connected to the fabric of absence. (i saw your guts without the skin attached)#i could hear how in love i was when i asked the unknown voice if they would like some water. i blew out the candles and one stayed lit.#you don't need to tell me. forever and ever. strictly fall for academics and people with a passion. asked my mathematician about manifolds#and he asked me about his hair. i will wake up tomorrow if only it is to spend half an hour making tea. the concept of going to my country#is an oncoming train with a minute's delay. i told them i want to be their friend and they told me theyd like to meet up soon#and test how deep they can bite like good friends do. do you feel ashamed of my degree? do you feel ashamed of#your dry lips? skull fast-tracked to the floor. i have a jar of hand-picked dried damask roses for tea. ill tell you about k-theory until#you shut me up.
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
My one fear is that ST5 does go back in time and no one remembers, therefore Steve is still King Steve and loses the friendships he's made with the kids and Robin
#Like dont get me wrong I love King Steve type media BUT THE CHARACTER GROWTH WILL BE GONE#bad ending right there v bad ending#“Well at least he's alive” no. Shut up#I am that no fear one fear tshirt guy#Robin walks past and Steve gets a confused look like SOMETHING is off but he doesn't know what#Then proceeds to let his friends bully her??? I actually will riot#“But that means they can save Eddie and Barb” BRO BARB GOING rip Barb IS NANCY'S WHOLE ARC#SHE WOULD NEVER BE THE BADASS BITCH SHE IS IF BARB DIDNT GO rip Barb forever will be missed#LIKE YOU THINK LIL MISS STRAIGHT A NANCY WHEELER IS GONNA HAVE GUNS IN HER ROOM AND GO AGAINST THE GRAIN?#NAH SHE GONNA BRING HOMEMADE STUDY CARDS#I LOVE EDDIE JUST AS MUCH AS THE NEXT PERSON and I do think it was unnecessary to kill him off#Because they can say “oh its growth for Dustin's character” we've already seen a lot of growth for his character#It made no sense to do it and didn't further the plot and literally everyone seemed to forget 2 seconds later (ya other things were happeni#But like you mean to tell me no one but Dustin told Wayne????)#Duffers said we originally wanted to kill Steve off and regret we didn't so we're gonna create someone JUST to kill off#Like every death makes sense to the plot and to further the plot except his and yes I can go into detail BUT I WONT#BACK TO STEVE BABY#This is quite literally the worst thing for his character if they make him grow so much snd become loved#Just to put him back into asshole douchebag status (of course I would still let him get it rip to u but im different)#Like honestly that's worse then death for him and if Duffers are doing that???#Duffers its gonna be ON SIGHT#You will catch these hands#Steve Harrington#Stranger Things#Stranger Things s5#Stranger Things thoughts#King Steve Harrington#Hello I'm speaking here
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
girl help im going back n forth on whether or not i should send an email to thank the beautiful man fr letting me join the drawing session last week (more info on that entire situation here and here) and letting him know i probably wont be back but appreciate having had the experience either way. great or horrible idea leave a comment or DM to lmk.
#anyway more nuance on the whole situation is this. i am very single and this guy keeps being on my mind but i do not have any read on him#the last contact we had was me makin an ass of myself by going like hehe yeah this was nice everyone was nice ok yall have a nice evenin bye#while my heart was like visibly pounding out of my chest and u could probably see on my face i was internally thinking girl shut UP!!! LEAVE#so im like ok either hes weirded out by me so let me say thx AGAIN now in a composed way AND giving him peace of mind knowing i wont be back#unless?? i was not as awkward as i thought & get reassured i can return any time and then i could still b like thanks! and just Not go#i mean even then he might say it's fine even if he IS uncomfrtable w me just to 1. be nice and 2. make money w a participant locked in yknow#it does NOT help that the line btwn casual and professional was like NOT there btw its him just hosting the event as we all do our art idkkk#anyway if you THINK youve PROBABLY been a lil off is it better to 1. have a do-over and get closure or 2. fuck off forever hoping u never#like EVER run into the dude again and be awkward AGAIN bc well! u live in the same city and are both into art so?? there IS a possibility#I CAN SEE THE PROS AND CONS OF BOTH OPTIONS REALLY#yay for sending email: get a response get some clarity NOW. nay for sending email: girl u met him twice. please. leave the stranger alone <3#the one positive abt me feeling Dumb and Embarrassing is at least every time i think back i heave a Big Ole Sigh. feels nice tbh feels good#sad part is i rediscovered how much i love doing art and want to improve. would love to return it was so cheap.. pleek ill get over my crush
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
ignore me lol
#having one of those nights where i'm very very miserable#like the constant guilt of just being me in my situation here at home barely getting to leave the house#not being able to work because i have no transportation#having to rely on bits of online work i can find online just to like have lunch with a friend#can't even drive we have one car my dad won't help me get my license#can barely do my online work because we haven't had wifi in weeks and a lot of it i need my laptop for :(#like writing is all i have now this is the only thing keeping me from losing my mind and doing some dumb shit#and im like .. is this going to be my life forever cause this shit has been going on for many many years now#and i just don't want people thinking i /want/ to be living this way i literally don't#like it's crazy i have to wonder like why am i existing if im just locking myself in my room all day everyday#all of this combined w my trying to control my ** it just does not help at all#idk i just want to be normal i want to have a life i wanna enjoy my life#but knowing it's going to be awhile before i do just makes me dread waking up every morning#im just so sad and lonely and miserable and this is all i have going for me#idk#sorry for the long vent#but it is true everyone i am in fact a loser#alright lemme shut up lol
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
im not even trans i just wish id been born a boy. can they invent something that does that.
#do you know what i mean. like at this point im like well i dont want to do it now. transitioning is like. so much effort.#but like if i could press a button that made me a guy forever and ever and make everyone forget i was ever a girl.#then i would do it without a second thought. you know.#but im not trans i dont want to deal w all that rlly. i just like. if i could change my agab i would do it in a heartbeat.#you know what i mean. ughhh.#shut up henry#they should invent that. button that makesyou a cis guy.#ughh. going back in time to meet infant me to tell her to tell her parents she wants to be a boy as soon as she can speak.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
maxwell and sammy are all mine and i love them like my children but its pretty hard to divorce them from fnaf enough to make them straight up ocs. sammy especially bc hes technically not my oc, even if i made up every aspect about him except his name and dead twin sister
#my point being i keep seeing oc post and going ‘omg me about sammy’ but sammy isnt an oc. technically#i literally wont even change his name if i do ever just make him all mine. i love him sammy is my bff forevers.#sammy smiles real wide and has sharp canines. he cant stand silence and talks to himself CONSTANTLY and its worse around other people#he interrupts people a lot by accident. and is really bad about holding friendships and doesnt reach out to people. after he took max in it#was impossible to shut him up bc someone was actually there now. he has serious trust issues and thinks ppl dont like him bc he thinks#everyone to have some big secret theyre all collectively keeping from him to keep him ‘’safe’’ which stems from. his mom doing this to him#about his sister and dad she just straight up refused to tell him until he found out on his own. so for 11 years he knew that. they for sure#you cant just split up your family in half in a divorce. something seems incredibly wrong about that but he didnt know what actually#happened there. also they were young when she died but he still felt like a part of him went missing and without the knowledge she died he#assumed. hed see her again and fill that hole. and of course that wasnt true. so anyway he struggles to make and keep friends#hes had like 8 different partners who lasted more than a month (most of them didnt want to deal with max) and he cant keep any of them bc a#a lot of people meet this cute charming guy with a lot to say and realize hes literally like this all the time and it stops being cute and#starts being annoying. he wanted to have kids bc he really likes kids but nobody wants him unfortunately and also he had. max for 8 years#and max is for sure his kid (from his perspective max is weird about it bc max thinks of his dad. as his Parent and sammy as more of#brother) but like max was not really what he was thinking when he thought he wanted kids right. and he feels bad about thinking that but#he does. think that. he wants a kid of his own. sammy is a therapist for kids with trauma specifically so that also impacts his ability to#have a kid. he worries that. bc of his personal experience of what Can happen that he may in turn be a helicopter parent or way#overprotective. yknow. he#ive got to go to bed omg. i got enough thoughts down!!!!#simons spouting#a lot of this is just awfully written but you cant read back or edit tags on mobile. not my fault
0 notes
Text
.
#i can't stop shaking#i know I need to sleep and I'll be fine tomorrow. maybe#but I feel like I'm going to throw up at any moment#there's so much noise in my brain and i can't make it shut up#I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it#I want it all to stop#I want to stop feeling like this I want to stop hurting people I want my loved ones to be happy I want to stop being so stupid#I want to stop making the same mistakes again and again I want to stop being lazy and selfish I want to stop messing up everything I do#I want time to stop slipping between my fingers I want to stop feeling so powerless I want to help I want to do good things i want to do#something anything I want to be able to do it and not fail again I don't want to feel like a burden and to hurt others I want to bring#a smile on their faces and warmth in their hearts and right now the only thing that feels right for that is for me to leave forever and for#them to forget about me and I can't understand why won't they do that why won't they simply hate me for everythinh I do#and how much I hurt them and how much I hurt everyone#I don't know what to do. I feel so sick of myself#I keep saying things will be fine when I wake up tomorrow but I know they won't#they never do because I always mess up again#I'm sorry. I'm so sorry
0 notes
Text
Me vs outlining a perfect plan for my day in my head which I can be the only one allowed to change the schedule vs my mom asking me to do 2 simple tasks
#she was like hey can you take the trash out I was like ughhhh okay yeah give me a min (I was still ordering weed)#my mom less than a minute later : hey if you want to break down all the cardboard out there I’d appreciate it Me: actually I’d rather not I#was about to shower right after I put this weed order in#then she gets all pissed at me bc I never do what she asks and blah blah blah blah blah#like. girl. I know she can’t see in my brain but I was not awake last night watching cleaning videos and psyching myself up for a day full#of cleaning my room and showering and doing laundry and cleaning funks cage and doobs cage and making my bed and dusting my ceiling fan and#taking apart my box fan to clean it and cleaning the water pitcher in the fridge and deep cleaning#like GAH I HAVE SO MANY PLANS TODAY WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DO NOTHING AND JUST SIT ON MY ASS SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP#ripping my hair out and screaming banging my fists on the floor#I literally was like yeah I’ll take the trash out no I will not break down boxes right now and she went off on a whole fucking thing like#just shut up.#I hate it. why do I make plans in my head of the exact order I have to do things and if one person suggest doing anything differently or#pushing my schedule back further than I wanted to myself I get so annoyed I explode into a ball of flames#I wanted to shower dry off pick up weed let out funk refill the humidifier clean the bathroom mirrors throw sort and clean the bathroom#shelves sweep start a load of laundry clean off my desk which means cleaning and organizing my closet or my desk dresser thing to fit the#crap on my desk and I have to clean and reorganize the space next to my desk so I can fit my boombox there bc the humidifier took its place#next to funk and like I want to just cry why does everything have to be so fucking difficult for me why is everything simple for everyone#else and for me every simple task is composed of one million baby tasks that I have to do in the correct order forever or everyone around m#will think I’m stupid and dumb forever like WHAT THE HELL WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR EVERYONE ELSE IN MY LIFE WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST DO THING#IN WHATEVER ORDER AND IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT DO YOU MEAN A 20 MINUTE SETBACK DOESNT COMPLETELY RUIN YOUR DAY#AHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO RIP MY HAIR OUT#BUT INSTEAD. I WILL GO TAKE THE TRASH OUT. AND NOT BREAK DOWN THE CARDBOARD BC THAT MEANS GETTING MY KNIFE AND MY HEADPHONES AND PUTTING MO#CLOTHES ON WHICH IS COUNTERINTUITIVE#TO THE WHOLE ABOUT TO TAKE A SHOWER THING#UGHHHHHHH#I am the worst human on the planet and I deserve infinite suffering#fuck this whole thing I’m pissed I’m gonna listen to music and rage clean after I pick up weed and shower
1 note
·
View note
Text
new user AGAIN!!! sorry i know its been like literally only a month ^-^
#also why were all the good sm4sd urls taken. I HATE FOB FANS!!!#funfact sm4sd is not my fav fob album! it is either folie or IOH!! but sm4sd is like my whole personality FOREVER!!#<- when sm4sd came out i litearlly didnt shut up about it for like ever but nobody wanted to hear it#so like. i never actually got to talk about it and now im making up for everyones lack of enthusiasm by NEVER SHUTTING UP ABT SM4SD 4EVER!!
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
idea-garden
Idea Garden
irlpretear
putting the lich in ehrlichiosis
milakuniscl
MK
dixisons
dixison icons.
i-let-the-wine-go-to-my-head
I understand only love and liberty.