#I was mildly obsessed with the site when I was 13 but like

[nev4chii]

I'll admit I'm a boomer when it comes to tumblr I haven't used this site since I was like.......13.......

People reblog my stuff with nice comments and tags and I wanna say "HUUUUUUUU😭😭😭SSGGVERRRBRBJR NOOO THANK YOUUU TY TY VERY MUCH I APPRECIATE IT SM HUUU *SOOB SOB SOB WEEPING*💖💖💖 THANK YOU V MUCH 😭😭😭😭💖💖💖💖" but I admit I have no idea how this works

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Smut Recs: First Time

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here. Players could opt in to an additional suit of 13 cards, all themed around various popular smut tropes.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 Another Heart Whispers Back by slytherco Rated:  Explicit Words:  53,693 Tags:  Friends to Lovers, Auror Harry Potter, Potioneer Draco Malfoy, Pining Draco Malfoy, Oblivious Harry Potter, Virgin Harry Potter, Unrequited But Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Casual Intimacy, Humor, Comedy, Blind Date, First Dates, Bets & Wagers, Meddling, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, Making Out, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Rimming, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Post-Coital Cudding, Shower Sex, Tattooed Harry Potter, Magical Tattoos, Taste of Smut 2020 Summary:  At twenty-five, Harry Potter is still a virgin and sorely lacking in options to change that state anytime soon. To help him find a plus one for Ron and Hermione’s wedding, and maybe kill two birds with one stone, Harry’s friends set him up on a series of blind dates. The only problem is, there’s something not quite right with each of their candidates. “Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.” ― Plato In which Harry learns that some things are worth waiting for, that looking and seeing are two very different things, and that his heart’s song has been heard a long time ago. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Heart's Honest Truth by bixgirl1 & carpemermaid Rated:  Explicit Words:  16,020 Tags:  Hogwarts Eighth Year, Awkward First Times, Truth Spells, Alternating POV, Magical Accidents, Getting Together, Magical Theory, 2017 Draco's Merry-Making Mini Fest See work for more tags Summary:  "Don't you think I would have gone to Pomfrey if I thought she could help me?" "Then what can I do?" "I nee--" Malfoy broke off with a soft grunt and a pained expression. He took a shaky breath and tried again, his voice wobbling. "Will you touch me, Potter?" Draco is cursed to speak in questions. Well...Spelled, thanks to the stupidly improper archival practices of the fourth century. Harry Potter is there to save the day, but Draco isn't going to give in to his help so easily. Fortunately, the method of saving might be more satisfactory than Draco expected this time. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 When All Your Dreams Come True by Drarrelie Rated:  Explicit Words:  9448 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts Eighth Year, PWP, Porn with Feelings, Threesome - M/M/M, dubcon, Mistaken Identity, Pining, secret crushes, Plot Twist, virgins, Birthday, Draco Malfoy's Birthday, Birthday Presents, POV Draco Malfoy, Birthday Sex, Birthday Smut, Sexual Fantasy, First Time, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Don't copy to another site, Fanart Welcome, Podfic Welcome Summary:  Six weeks ago, Draco gave his friend-with-benefits a most unexpected and precious gift for his birthday. It's only fair Blaise should reciprocate if given the chance, right? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Take a trip into my garden by Andithiel Rated:  Explicit Words:  5974 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Porn with Feelings, Established Relationship, Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, First Time Bottoming, Draco in lingerie, Bisexual Harry Potter, Rimming, Anal Sex, Really there might be too much feeling for it to count as pwp, As usual when I write, Enthusiastic Consent Summary:  Harry has only been dating Draco for about two months, but he’s already obsessed with the git. And he knows that today, Draco has something special planned, something that includes him being dressed in skimpy lingerie. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Inside Your Mind by lazywonderland Rated:  Explicit Words:  36376 Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Top Harry, Bottom Draco, Harry Potter POV, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Bullying, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, FlirtingVirgin Draco Malfoy, Loss of Virginity, First Time, Anal Sex Anal Fingering, Smut, Angst, Overstimulation, Submissive Draco, Rimming, Multiple Orgasms, Protective Goyle, very very minor d/s elements, revolving mostly around subspace, Dominant Harry, Forced Orgasm, and lavender's alive bc i said so Summary:  Goyle's taken it upon himself to act as Malfoy's personal, one-man guard and Harry can't help but feel like it's only making the bullying worse. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 By Your Hands  by GiRa Rated:  Explicit Words:  7625 Tags: Smut, Fluff and Smut, First Time, Virgin Draco Malfoy, Established Relationship, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Top Harry Potter Summary:  After being together for months, Draco wants to try going a step further with Harry. The only problem is that he actually has no idea what he's doing - but thankfully Harry is more than happy to guide him through it. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Sexplanations (Of the Horrible Sort)  by bixgirl1 Rated:  Explicit Words:  7048 Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Secret Sex, Secret Relationship, Humor, Snark, Confused Relationships, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, sex injuries, Semi-Public Sex, Embarrassing Situations, Bottom Draco Summary:  Harry's willing to put up with a certain amount of injury, as long as he and Malfoy can keep doing... whatever it is they're doing. Maybe. Mostly. Especially if there might be more to it than sex. Based on a tumblr headcanon. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Gentlewizard Club by Sophie_French Rated:  Explicit Words:  28129 Tags: Pining, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Sharing a Bed, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, First Time, Humor, Explicit Sexual Content Summary:  Draco wants what Draco wants. And if he has to snuggle up to Harry to get it, well, surely, Draco can handle that. Problem is, not sure Harry can. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 You Set My Soul Alight by parkkate Rated:  Explicit Words:  54075 Tags: Post-War, Auror Partners, Case Fic, Enemies to Lovers, Mystery, Adventure, Romance, Pining, Getting Together, Sharing a Bed, Banter, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Loss of Virginity, First Time, Mildly Dubious Consent, Consent Issues, Secrets, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Sleep talking, Frottage, Rimming, Face-Sitting, Intergluteal Sex, Anal Sex, Switching, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Angst, references to suicidal thoughts, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, References to Depression, Mental Health Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Arguing, Reconciliation, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary:  Students are going missing at Hogwarts, but that's not the only mystery Draco is determined to solve. Something’s going on with Potter. He can deny it all he wants. Draco is going to find out what it is. Unfortunately, trying to get to the bottom of it has some unexpected consequences and if Draco isn’t careful, he’s going to jeopardise their mission. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Sincere Gratitude from the (Heart) Hand by _Melodic_ (Sae) Rated:  Explicit Words:  1325 Tags: Hand Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, First Time, POV Harry, Smut, Humor, Shameless Smut, Porn With Plot, Prostate Massage, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Hogwarts Era, Students, Pining, Sexual Tension, Sexual Content, Sexual Inexperience, Virgin Harry, Oblivious Ron, Awesome Hermione Granger, Seduction, Sneaking Around, Classroom Sex Summary:  Two weeks later and Malfoy has yet to repay his debt to Harry. Does Harry even want him to? Oh Merlin, yes he does! ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 You Are Safe (I Know) by hephaestiions Rated:  Explicit Words:  42568 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Hand Jobs, Voyeurism, Exile, Racism, Person of Color Harry Potter, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Past Abuse, Minor Character Death, Blood, Azkaban, Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Hyperventilation, Dissociation, H/D Erised 2020 Summary:  Draco Malfoy is sentenced to one year of exile following his participation in the Second Wizarding War. Harry Potter tags along. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Spoiling of Sex From Enthusiastic Ignorance by Cibee (Cibeeeee) Rated:  Explicit Words:  6087 Tags: Humor, Fluff, Mutual Piningm Friends to Lovers, Misunderstandings, First Kiss, Making Out, Loss of Virginity, Awkward First Times, Eventual Enthusiastic Fucking, Vulgar Language, Rimming, Blow Jobs, Premature Ejaculation, Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, POV Draco Malfoy, Virgin Draco Malfoy, Flustered Harry Potter, Switch Draco Malfoy, Switch Harry Potter, Thirsty Draco Malfoy, Quidditch Player Harry Potter, Minor Pansy Parkinson/Ginny Weasley, H/D Sex Fair 2020 Summary:  Draco is going to lose his virginity, so help him god, and he's going to lose it to one Harry Potter. Why? Because of his big cock, his status as The Top Five Quidditch Players in England, and Witch Weekly's Most-Eligible Bachelor for eight years straight. At least that's what he tells himself. Too bad first times rarely go as one plans, and now Harry is looking miserable and Draco doesn’t understand why. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Lost Boys by Dahlia_Rose_83 Rated:  Explicit Words:  32278 Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Party Games, Secret Relationship, Falling In Love, First Time, Smut, Clueless Harry, Insecure Draco, Helpful Luna, Oral Sex, Anal Sex,Top Draco Malfoy, Bottom Harry Potter Summary:  On his way to meet Voldemort in the forbidden forest, Harry ran into Draco, who kissed him. Now they're both back at Hogwarts for their eighth year and he doesn't really know how to act towards the blond. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Wings on Fire by CapricornBookworm Rated:  Explicit Words:  1938 Tags: Coming Out, Enemies to Lovers, Banter, Clubbing, Dancing, Semi-Public Sex, Kissing, Grinding, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Rimming, Bottom Harry Potter, Top Draco Malfoy, Morning After, Virgin Harry Potter, First Time, Wizarding Media, Idiots in Love Summary:  Harry was sick of being everyone’s angel, the 'golden boy,' the Chosen One. And if he was going to go out of favor, he was going to go out flaming. ❤️ Read on AO3

[noire-pandora]

About me

I’ve been tagged @kunstpause @dismalzelenka @queen-kass-the-writer @curiousthimble @morganlefaye79 @barbex thank you for the tag, you’re always so nice with me!

1: Why did you choose your url?

Noire comes from a character I used to love as a teenager from an anime that made me cry like an idiot in front of my PC (once, I cried so hard, i got a nosebleed. What can I say, I’m a cry baby). The name of that character is Gauche Suede (from Tagami Bachi) that, after becomes the “villain”, he goes by the name “Noir”. I just added the “e” because “Noir” is the masculine French for the colour black (i hope I’m remembering that right) so the “e” made it feminine. Look, I used to love and study the French language when I made this Tumblr, I had to respect the grammar rules xD.

Pandora comes from Pandora’s box because I consider Tumblr to be a freaking Pandora box. So Noire-Pandora= My Pandora’s box. (Yeah, I was 15 when I made this. So edgy, right?)

2: Any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

I have....too many of them. 

-  noirepersonal is my personal Tumblr where i can reblog all the memes I want without spamming the people following me for Dragon Age. 

-  twcgreen is my Wayhaven Chronicles one but I don’t use it anymore because I’ve noticed the fandom is kinda shitty, to put it mildly. (not everyone, ofc, but the people who stirred up shit in the DA fandom are very vocal in there and I’d rather not deal with them. I’ll yell my love on the TWC discord servers)

-  ina-shep is my Mass Effect one because I had the pressing need to reblog Mass Effect art. 

3: How long have you been on tumblr?

2010.....10 years...no wait....this month marks the 11th year. Since I was 15 years old. Wow, I really haven’t changed that much huh.....

4: Do you have a queue tag?

No. In 11 years, I haven’t got the hang of the queue option. I just log in, reblog everything and log out.😂

5: Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Because I was curious to see what was this Tumblr place everyone spoke about on Yahoo Messenger. xD

6: Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

That's my lovely Elluin made by Tobio Fish on Twitter. I choose her because I'm obsessed with her.

7: Why did you choose your header?

Because I think the dragon age games are neat.

8: What’s your post with the most notes?

This one.....

I made it when I was 15 years old and it's still me. I'm a douchbag friend.

9: How many mutuals do you have?

I don't know how to check that.

10: How many followers do you have?

Before you say something, I want you to remember I had this Tumblr for 11 years and I've been in too many fandoms. And yes, I was this loud in every single one of them. Anyway 3582 but I'm sure only 20 people reblog my stuff.

11: How many people do you follow?

1241 tumblrs. I need to do a following clean up soon.

12: Have you ever made a shitpost?

Nah, I'm not funny enough for that.

13: How often do you use tumblr each day?

I used to spend too many hours on this site. Since I've started writing, not so many.

14: Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

Nah, fuck that. I won't fight people here. I've deleted every shitty anon message and blocked every person that tried to start shit with me. I refused to answer to any vague posts made towards me. I don't have the patience and the brain cells to fight.

15: How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

No one can make me reblog stuff I don't want to reblog. This is my Pandora box and I will do whatever I want with it.

16: Do you like tag games?

Yes, I love them! Please tag me in stuff.

17: Do you like ask games?

Oh yeah, especially when I can yell about my OCs.

18.Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Platonic crushes? Heck yeah. Y'all are too awesome not to like. Romantic ones? Nope.

Tagging: @emerald-amidst-gold @oxygenforthewicked @cleverblackcat @ma-serannas-vhenan @little-lightning-lavellan

@musetta3 @roguelioness @dreadfutures @fandomn00blr @dragonswithjetpacks @sidhelives @potatowitch @best-of-the-vein

No pressure at all. Let me know if you don't want to be tagged anymore or of you want to be tagged more!

[twodudesandamovie]

Ocean’s 8

This month, Alex won the coin flip to decide the movie, it is Ocean's 8:

Alex: At 1am, Eric said to me that he wanted to watch the movie I chose, Ocean's 8. I vocally doubted his ability to stay awake, being as he was extremely intoxicated, but he insisted he would. At this point, I agreed to watch the movie with him, even saying I would Venmo him $50 if he stayed awake for 110 minutes. He did not, and this is my opinion of Ocean's 8. Immediately, we start with a nice homage to Ocean's 11, and I have a few questions: 1. Who is this girl? 2. Why is she in jail? 3. Apparently everybody else is dead? Besides that old Jewish dude. 4. Why didn't I watch Ocean's 13. Then I get to be confused as to whether Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett are gay. I think about this for probably 20 minutes as the film gives me exposition or whatever. I conclude they probably are just flirty. The movie then quickly introduces characters, and I feel a kinship with Helena Bonham Carter, both because she is having a panic attack while eating Nutella from a jar, and that shes secretly emo. Then, I'm stunned as I get to see Rihanna, Minday Khaling, and Awkwafina, three extremely talented women whom I do not deserve to look at. Sarah Paulson is also there, but I do not know her, like the guy that is also hot and Sandra Bullock threatens to shiv. Honestly, he should keep to probably playing soccer or stab him, in my opinion. Sandra Bullock then lays out the heist. The planning portion of the film seems to go rather quick, and I'm frequently surprised by plot points that just happen to work out. How does Sandra Bullock know so much about 3D printing. She was in jail for like 6~ years. 3D printing has grown so much in the past 6 years. It's mentioned in another scene that "Hims get arrested, Hers get ignored" which is a nice sexist way to explain why nobody calls out any of the women for being on the video tapes in the security footage (which we'll go into later). Additionally, Mindy Khaling sets up a jeweler apprasial shop in the baby changing station, which I really want to contest, but she could do it. The movie drones on for about an hour after that as I watch this elite cast of babes steal jewels, and also my heart. Anne Hathaway is there too, doing a superb job as acting as a famous person in the world where she is still a famous person who acts. I think later on she gets money, starts a studio or shoots a low budget movie, and directs herself. Thats a nice tribute to Ocean's 12 where Julia Roberts has to pretend to be Julia Roberts. In the end, this absolutely stunning cast of women manages to steal the thing they wanted to steal, with a lot more things they didn't EXPLAIN they were gonna steal, but you knew they were gonna steal. James Corden makes an enterance at a point, and I think he's just gonna be himself, but then he's an FBI agent who has a rather trivial part in the movie. The entire half hour you could cut honestly. Overall, I didn't think the movie was super good. Not even in a way where it has big plot holes or anything, which it kinda does but thats not important, its just not a good heist movie. I really wanted to get the thrill of the plot twist in Ocean's 11 again, and instead got a group of really talented babes stealing a thing and then giving me an expected plot twist at the end. Also, with so many characters, it's understandable that every character can't have a lengthy amount of screen time to like act and be a character, but if thats the case then why hire like absolutely the most stacked cast of actors, to have them only have a couple lines. I wanted more from all of the characters that were not Sandra Bullock or Cate Blanchett.

Rating: 5/10 and I'd still let every babe in this movie tell me I'm wrong because I love them all.

Eric: Ocean’s 8 attempts to continue the long strand of “Ocean’s” movies which have quite a simple formula: assemble an all-star cast, pull off a thrilling heist, spew out of a few witticisms here and there, be a pop culture staple, and voila you have a blockbuster movie. But Ocean’s 8 made the least money out of the four latest Ocean’s movies, and it would seem the formula is growing a bit tired.

It’s hard to go wrong with such a cast, the acting wasn’t lacking at any point besides Rihanna saying the bare minimum of lines to achieve her character’s goals. The humor wasn’t quite as fun as in the previous Ocean’s, and the quips often fell flat. Due to the unimaginative screenplay, there was no challenges for the actors. Sandra Bullock briefly being a German woman was the only example of these A-listers flexing their acting chops.

One of my biggest pet peeves in movies is eating and talking during a scene, and this screenplay does that in spades. It’s sort of a boring way to have the actors occupied while going through the motions of setting up the plot, and it isn’t necessary. It’s another brutal flaw of Ocean’s 8: when you have the actors, use them. For a cast with such potential, why resort to such cliches?

It also suffers a deadly plot hole: why doesn’t Debbie Ocean have a parole officer? Someone who just got out of jail spending time with other questionable characters isn’t realistic, but of course, it’s a movie. The heist itself made up for a lot of the movie’s shortcomings, but even the heist seemed to lack imagination for the lofty bar Ocean’s 11-13 set. It didn’t seem like anything new: have people hiding in plain site, replace the stolen item with a replica, find a way to sell it, haven’t we seen this all before?

Hollywood seems to be obsessing over taking classic movies and flipping the gender roles lately (see Ghostbusters), which isn’t a bad idea in itself, but if you’re going to do that then you need to have something new to say. What is the point of making this sequel? It’s a question that this installment doesn’t really answer. Of course most sequels are often worse than their originals and fail to answer the reasoning behind making them.

I was mildly entertained but I would’ve liked to see much more from it. It was a movie that fell far short of its potential and I think it finally put the dagger in the Ocean’s series, or at least I hope it did.

Rating: 5.5/10.

[girlagainsthumanity]

Challenge Game with fifty some-odd questions oh my god why

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions (or as many as you like)

Tagged by @notgingerbutstillgotlegs​. Thank you!

I tag:

@moltobenebananas​, @bloodybroadchurch​, @tenscupcake​, @aroseofstone​, @lunadegitana​, @weeping-who-girl​, @lovely-tennant​, @enchantedbyhiddles​, @pipertennant​

Don’t do it if you don’t want to ;)

I’ll put this under a cut cause it’s LOOOOOONG lol

1. Coke or Pepsi: Coke 2. Disney or Dreamworks: Both 3. Coffee or Tea: I like both, but coffee is essential, can't do without it 4. Books or Movies: Books 5. Windows or Mac: Mac. It’s better. Trust me ;) 6. DC or Marvel: Neither 7. Xbox or Playstation: I don't need either, I'm not big on video games 8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: Ummm...what? Lol 9. Night Owl or Early Rise: Night Owl all the way 10. Cards or Chess: Cards. I've tried and failed to understand chess haha 11. Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate 12. Vans or Converse:  Converse! (Is that even a question?) 13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar: What even is that stuff? Should I know that?  14. Fluff or Angst: Angst  15. Beach or Forest:  Beach 16. Dogs or Cats: Dogs 17. Clear Skies or Rain: Clear skies 18. Cooking or Eating Out: Eating out. I'm a good cook, but I don't much enjoy it 19. Spicy Food or Mild Food: Mildly spicy lol  20. Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: I don't care much for any holiday tbh 21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: I find I can cope better with being too hot, so that 22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be? Telekinesis would be rad (and convenient, I’d never again have to get up to fetch shit haha) 23. Animation or Live Action: Both 24. Paragon or Renegade: I...don't know? 25. Baths or Showers: Showers  26. Team Cap or Team Iron Man: I really don't care. Sorry 27. Fantasy or Sci-Fi? Fantasy  28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes? If so, what are they: 

Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

Nosce te ipsum (know thyself - ancient proverb)

Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more. It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury Signifying nothing. (Shakespeare, Macbeth) 

29. YouTube or Netflix: YouTube  30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: Harry Potter 31. When Do You Feel Accomplished: When I actually get anything done at all haha 32. Star Wars or Star Trek: Neither 33. Paperback Books or Hardback Books: Paperback 34. Handwriting or Typing: Typing  35. Velvet or Satin: Velvet 36. Video Games or Movies: Movies 37. Would you rather be the dragon or own the dragon? Neither, really. I'm not a fan of dragons 38. Sunrise or sunset: Sunset. Sunrises only remind me that I should've been in bed hours ago lol 39. What’s your favourite song? Right now it's Despacito by Luis Fonsi. Ask me tomorrow and you might get something else  40. Horror Movies yes or no: If it's a good one, why not 41. Long hair or short hair: For myself? Long 42. Opera or Theatre: Both 43. Assuming the multiverse theory is true and every story ever told has really happened somewhere, which one of the movie/book/tv show/game/etc worlds would you pick to travel to first? My recent rewatch compels me to say Downton Abbey lol 44: If you had to eat only one thing for the rest of your life what would it be? Omg I don’t know! Brownies? Sounds like a healthy choice (not) 45: Older guys or young guys? Older. Apparently men in their mid 40s are my thing now 46: If you could erase any show from TV history, what would it be? The entirety of trashy day time telly 47: Singing or dancing? Dancing 48: Instagram or Twitter? Neither, really. I have a Twitter, but I don’t use it 49: What quote or saying do people spout but is complete BS? “Money doesn’t buy happiness” (whoever invented this clearly never had money) 50: If there was a time period that you would gladly time travel to to live or visit, what would it be? The late Victorian age would be fascinating 51: If you could take one fictional character into this world to live with you and what not, under the contingency that the movie/book/tv/game universe they came from acts as if they never existed, who would it be and why? Why just one? Why must I choose??? Ugh, alright then. Alec Hardy 52: What’s the story behind your tumblr account? It’s quite boring, really. I found tumblr by accident, while googling DT related stuff, and joined cause ALL THE TENNANT and people to share my obsession with :) I hate this fucking site, but I’m glad I joined, cause I found the most fantastic friends! 53: If you were suddenly rendered invisible for the day (your clothing also, you don’t have to be naked… unless you want) what is the most mischievous thing you would do? Sneak into places I’d never be allowed access to otherwise 54: What do you think you’ll be doing in 5 years time? I guess pretty much the same I’m doing now 

MY QUESTION 55: What’s your favourite childhood memory?

[troubleshooting-phoenix]

Finding my Will to Live

Hello world,

I’ve been going by Phoenix for the last little while, and I don’t see why I would stop now. I’m starting this blog in this moment because my life.... my being... needs troubleshooting.

Recently, as in yesterday, I have regained the will to live. Yes, that means I had previously lost it. That’s a scary thought for most, and probably should be for me, but I’ve spent more years of my life wishing I was dead, than years enjoying I was alive. There’s something fundamentally wrong with that, and therefore, I think I need some troubleshooting. The process has already began, as that’s how I recaptured my will to live in the first place.

This is the story of how I regained my will to live in a day. A well planned and long awaited day.

The story starts with Jacksepticeye. If you don’t know who that is, I feel bad for you! In all seriousness, that is the name of a youtube channel. Feel free to look him up. Otherwise, let me give you the run down. He’s an adorable, loud, Irish man who plays video games, raises money for charity and spreads messages of positivity. With me so far? If not, we’re going to have problems because I’m only going to throw more information about random shit at you.

I feel it’s important to the story to mention that I live in Ottawa, which is the capital of Canada if you didn’t know. I moved here as an “adult” and was raised in a small town... not too far from here. I’m a small town girl, that’s important to know. Another important Phoenix fact, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The word disorder is loud and demanding and scary. All it really means is that I’m anxious about a lot of things, all of the time. Over the top, above the normal levels of anxiety.

Those two paragraphs were completely unrelated. I’m super good at this blogging thing. Stay with me though! I mean, you already read this far, you must be some kind of invested.

Recently, Jacksepticeye has started doing live tours. The “How Did We Get Here” tour, which is basically a stand up comedy routine based on his life, with a few gaming elements and an important message. I, as a mildly obsessed fan, was more than a little excited about the idea of being in the same room as him. You know, seeing him in 3D and knowing he’s a real person and not a too-good-to-be-true CGI AI. (No, I’ve never really believed he was an AI, I’ve always KNOWN he was a person. But seeing is believing, right?) Except that during the initial phases of getting this tour up and running, he said he wouldn’t be coming to Canada.

Heartbreaking. None of the youtubers who aren’t already here... seem to want to come to Canada. Like they’re afraid we don’t have internet in our igloos! Or maybe they all share a secret fear of beavers and none of them are willing to admit it. He actually explained why though. Setting up a leg of the tour for Canada would be difficult because he didn’t have any Canadian contacts. Okay, I guess that’s reasonable. I accepted it.

Until the second leg of his tour was announced... and the first show was Toronto. “Toronto?” I thought. “Is there a Toronto in the States?”, as I frantically opened the website only to see, “Toronto, Ontario.”. That is very much a Canadian city. One that is reasonably close to here!

I screamed. Out loud. Like a 13 year old talking about cute boys at a sleepover. I feel the need to admit at this point that I am not a teenage girl... but a 26 year old woman. I imagine my neighbours thought I was being murdered, even though they never came to check on me. Thanks neighbours.

The show was so close though, only about a month away and I need to book time off work, several months in advance. More heartbreak. I had to check though, and pulled up my schedule. I may have screamed again.

Not only did I have the day of the show off, I had the day after it off and worked a day shift, on the day before it! How lucky! It’s almost as if it was meant to be. Of course... there was a problem, as there always is. I would have to get myself to Toronto, and to this show. I have been to Toronto maybe 3 or 4 times in my life, always driven by other people and usually just to the outskirts for Toronto. Like to the zoo. This was very different. This was the city, and I was a small town girl.

So... I convinced a friend who’s originally from the area, that she should come with me, and be my Toronto Sherpa. She agreed, probably because I offered to pay for everything, knowing that she didn’t really have the money for a trip at the moment and I knew... I needed this.

Why did I need this? Simple. Depression. Those words don’t go together by the way. There is nothing simple about depression. I’ve been moderately depressed for the last few months. Again, something I should probably be more concerned about, but depression comes and goes like seasons for me. I was having a lot of trouble snapping myself out of this spell though. This year did not start out well for me, and perhaps some day, I might explain why. The point is... I NEEDED THIS. I had gotten to a point where I was, what I call, passively suicidal. I wasn’t about to end things myself, I just kept hoping I would develop a terminal disease or get hit by a bus. Okay... I REALLY NEEDED THIS.

It wasn’t just about the show. When you are at a point where you hate yourself, and you think you’re worthless, realizing that you made a bunch of plans, got your ass down to Toronto, saw the show you desperately wanted to see, and then got your ass back to Ottawa, without any casualties... is pretty damn liberating. That’s an accomplishment. Maybe not for normal, high functioning adults, but sometimes I have trouble getting out of bed, and doing the dishes feels like a large task. So this trip, nay, this adventure, was a big deal.

I waited in anticipation for those tickets to come sale. However, the tickets were coming on sale on a Friday, at 10am... during a block where I was working overnights. This meant that I would be sleeping at 10am. A tiny anxious voice in the back of my head screamed “He’s doing ONE show in Canada, those tickets might sell out. Wake up at 10am and buy them.” and then a rather annoying adult voice in my head responded with, “If you wake yourself up at 10am, your insomnia means you won’t get back to sleep and then you’ll be awake from 10am to 11pm when you go to work until 7am and everyone and everything will suffer. They won’t sell out THAT fast. It’s fine.”. So I did the adult thing. I waited. At 3pm, I logged on to get tickets that were... already sold out.

Not heartbreaking... devastating. Soul shattering. I did what I usually did. Blamed myself. I allowed myself to get excited. I allowed myself to hope for something. To want something. I knew better than that. Any time I really wanted something, really loved something... life took it from me. My life has taught me to be defensively pessimistic about the world, because then you don’t feel utterly destroyed, when you already wanted to die. I tried to feel it, and then pushed myself to move on.

Days passed, and then there was a tweet. Due to two shows selling out, two extra shows were being added. I caught that tweet 4 minutes after it had been posted, by sheer, dumb luck. “Toronto? Toronto... Toronto... please Toronto!” I pulled up the website. “TORONTO!”. There was no time to celebrate. Tickets sold out fast last time, and I would not allow it to happen again. I opened the site and bought the tickets. Relief... and terror. Now I had to figure out how the hell to get us there...

I’ll admit, I had some help from family who suggested how to get discounts on train tickets, and helping me seek out a nice Air BnB. It took weeks to plan this trip, from getting us there, to where we would sleep that night to how I was going to feed myself, since I’m allergic to pretty much all food.

I did it though. The show was yesterday. We had a magical train ride down to Toronto, took the subway to our Air BnB which was a short walk from the music hall, and we went to the 4 o’clock show. I took him a ridiculous fan gift and everything! Yup, I’m one of THOSE people. I utterly loved the show (I apparently shook violently with excitement the whole time, even though I remember being cool as a cucumber). I’ll probably give some more details of the trip, and maybe some small snippets about the show later...

The point is, I did what I set out to do. I recaptured my will to live. Between the powerful message of the show, spending time escaping from our lives with a good friend, and facing this mighty adventure and actually accomplishing it... I did something. I did something good. I did something RIGHT. I did something FOR ME.

I’m home now and the anxiety is flooding back in like waves, and I’ve already had a few moments where I felt like I was drowning... but I’m fighting harder now. I refuse to sit back and let myself drown now. I’ve just proven to myself that I’m STRONGER than that. Besides, I didn’t get to meet Jack, or get one of his world famous hugs. (He has fans all around the world, I think that’s the definition of “world famous”.) So add that to the list, because I’m not done yet.

I just started wanting to live again. Now I have to figure out exactly how to continue doing that...

The troubleshooting continues.

~ Phoenix

[smoothshift]

Getting pretty close to pulling the trigger on a canadian import via /r/cars

Getting pretty close to pulling the trigger on a canadian import

Hi. I'm buying a new(to me) car. For some reason I've become obsessed with getting a 2012 optima SX or '13 SX(L). This endeavor started out with just getting a daily driver to replace our totall'd 97 Honda accord for a total of ~10-13k in. Now, over a month later and after looking at, corresponding with, and speaking to so many dealers and private sales persons that I'm practically dreaming about buying cars... We've Finally gotten pretty close to the Big Day.

That was until I discovered how much cheaper these cars are in Canada. Being in Washington, It's not much of a schlep to go up to BC and in general they have much lower miles. One I've gotten pretty serious on is pretty loaded, only missing the tech package (w/ navigation and infinity sound system? I think.), 26k miles for around 11.5k USD. After taxes It ends up being an extra ~5% over buying domestic, as the only big fee is the GST, which is 5%. The provincial tax is refundable as a US resident or I can put the amount towards my local taxes.

Anyway. This opened up a whole new avenue to us to get something within our original budget. The day I looked into it, We were seriously considering flying down to Vegas to look at some there, because they were generally 10-20% cheaper than up here. The tickets were only $50, too. Thankfully we dodged that bullet.

It's been a blessing and a curse. Instead of having narrowed it down to 3-6 cars in a small area. I've re-opened a large search through hundreds of dealers and private sales, trying to discover what the most used auto-trade sites are in Canada, and navigating the import requirements.

Some not-so-interesting facts about the Kia Optima/dealers in Canada.

Canadian Optima's are all (up until '15 or '16 models it seems) manufactured in Korea as opposed to Georgia on the US models. I'm not sure if they are free from the engine defects that was just announced in a recall a few months ago for 11'-14' models.

The Trim levels are all... slightly different in odd ways. The US Optima line trimmed the EX-Turbo in 2013 from it's lineup because it was a redundant trim level with the existence of the SX line. Which is just the EX with a turbo and mildly sportier handling (and pretty much all things standard except the tech package). However you can find the EX Turbo trim in Canada up until 2014 (as far as I know). It's just a bit odd to me.

The Canadian Optimas offered the "premium" sound package separately from the Technology Package. Unlike the American Optima's which only bundled it with the Tech Package, which to my chagrin replaces the UVO infotainment system with a larger, slower touch-screen focused system. So you couldn't get the UVO system which had HD radio capability and the Infinity speakers in the US. You can in canada, for whatever reason.

Canadian dealers in general are much nicer than US dealers. at this point I've dealt with probably similar amounts of dealers over the phone, canadian and US ones. Canadian dealers are much more helpful in general, and more open to competition without me stepping in the door. Some of them even took video, photos of mechanics notes, and most have been really helpful in figuring out import stuff. Like Offering to drive/bring the car 5 hours closer to the border in order to facilitate the sale.

Canadians are as nice as everyone says. Thanks for being so nice Canada.

I'm looking forward to getting a good car that I very much like, for a price that is within my budget. I sat in one a few weeks ago at a local dealer, was a 2013 SXL in basically immaculate condition. It was super nice. I mean compared to our accord almost anything new would be nice, but I grew up with a parent who loved BMWs so I'm not unaware of luxury cars. It's just surprising how nice they are! Unfortunately the dealer got agitated after he brought it out for us to test drive when I asked if he could compete with other comparables (which were 7-8000 less than he was asking. His asking was 21k for a 5 year old car with 50,000 miles), but I did get to sit for a bit and mess with the interior. So being able to get practically the same vehicle, half the miles, for 10,000 dollars less is mind blowing to me.

So yeah, I guess our car buying adventure is almost done. Finally. I'll probably stop dreaming about car dealerships eventually. I hope. Thanks for reading! If anyone has any experience, stories or advice for importing Canadian vehicles, please share!