#I wasn't planning on posting anything until it was 100% written

[kiaxet]

New project? New project.

Turtle fans, meet Cissy. She's about to meet her brothers for the first time, and it's going to upend their lives every bit as much as it does hers. After all, Found Family sometimes includes Finding The Family You Never Knew You Had.

Thank you @heckitall for the fantastic art!

[stardust-falling]

Thanks for answering my ask. If you don't mind me asking (again), can I ask something from SVSSS? What do you think are Shen Yuan and Luo Binghe’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Sorry if you've answered these questions before.....

P.s

If you want to answer the questions above with Shang Qinghua and Mobei Jun's dynamics, too, I don't mind....

I love reading your posts. Thanks for sharing your analysis metas.....

It's a little difficult for me to nail down clear strengths and weaknesses in personality, because many things which are strengths can also be weaknesses, and weaknesses can also be strengths-- I think some of the best written characters are ones which subvert things like that. Coincidentally, both SY!QQ and LBH exhibit this which makes me enjoy the characters even more.

Long again, so under the cut:

For Shen Yuan, he's clever and adaptable, while he does freak out upon discovering his character role, the transmigration itself hardly fazes him, and throughout the whole story he goes from one mess to another and is almost always able to adjust. Of course, part of this is because he knows the plot of PIDW, and it all feeds into one of his biggest strengths-- self-confidence. I don't often see in fic SY!QQ being written as confidently as he actually is. Aside from when his death is imminent, this man is basically 100% sure of himself in his actions-- he makes a plan and takes it without hesitation and is only rarely seen doubting himself. Typically it works out well for him, actually-- it's this confidence in himself, his abilities, his knowledge, as well as his objectivity, that makes him able to take on this new role, outwit the system where possible, and plan ahead for the future without getting too bogged down in self-doubt and criticism. There are a lot of characters that carry a lot of self-hatred in this story (SQH being a major one... which naturally contributes to everyone else) but Shen Yuan is not one of those. And it's not just him thinking he's the best either-- rather, he's perfectly able to be objective, he understands his own mediocrity, his own strengths and weaknesses. Aside from the sexuality issue, SY!QQ is pretty comfortable with himself.

Where that becomes a weakness, though, is when he is over-confident-- when he thinks that the way he views the world is universal, or that he knows perfectly the way the story ends. If he's adaptable in circumstance, he's rigid in mindset, and it's not until something is directly thrown into his face (or rather, kisses his face) that he even considers that he might have had the wrong idea about a situation. He's a logical person, to a fault-- once something makes sense in his mind, it's hard to change it.

As for Luo Binghe, the boy is determined and devoted-- one of his greatest qualities, which also gives rise to character flaws, would be his tenacity. He isn't someone who will give up, and he will stop at nothing to get what he wants-- and this is something that is true for both Bingge and Bingmei, it's only that Bingmei actually does know what he wants and focuses on that one thing, while Bingge isn't entirely sure, and so focuses on controlling and taking everything.

His determination first manifests, of course, as a determination to survive at all costs, and is an intrinsic part of his "white lotus" character archetype-- meaning, a character that appears sweet and naive but is actually cunning and manipulative beneath that. LBH learned to be manipulative from a young age, but it wasn't because he was evil or anything-- that was just what he had to do to stay alive. Later on, he continued to carry that same desperate tenacity toward something more than just survival-- Luo Binghe wanted to be loved and valued, and no matter what, he would get that. Both versions, actually were the same way, just with a specific target in Bingmei's case vs a non-specific target in Bingge's. Determination and tenacity are usually seen as inherently positive qualities-- in fact, I would say that this quality is basically what makes a protagonist, as the character that is going out and getting what they want despite the difficulties. Overcoming difficulties is how one makes a satisfying story, after all.

The interesting thing with LBH is that despite all of this tenacity, his manipulative traits, etc, he's still a kind and thoughtful person. Again, part of what makes a protagonist a protagonist in many cases-- a character like Luo Binghe, in many stories especially when told from the protagonist's perspective, is meant to be liked by the readers. Luo Binghe, of course, subverts that in some cases by being a darkened protagonist from the start, but also, as much as you can see his tenderness, his concern, his acts of service as a love language, you can also see it as a survival tactic, which begs the question-- how much of LBH's kindness toward SQQ is out of love, and how much out of fear? How much is still carried over from his desperation to be loved by the Shizun who hated him? How much is because he's afraid of losing what he has?

Honestly it's hard to answer-- and that's how it is with trauma. In the end though, I don't think it makes him ingenuine. Most people can't imagine what it would be like to go through Luo Binghe's upbringing, but I'd like everyone critical of the character to take a moment to think about it, to try to empathize with what that history of abandonment and neglect, of being targeted by both peers and superiors no matter how hard you tried, of hoping that things would get better only to have that hope shattered again and again every time, try to think about what that sort of thing would end up doing to your mind-- especially as a developing child. That's the only thing you know-- that's the way the world is to you. LBH's choices, the way he responds to things, it makes a lot more sense when you realize that from his perspective, he finally did something that managed to get SQQ to like him, and finally started opening up, maybe even daring to hope that things would be okay now-- and then the conference happened, and Shizun threw him away again. From his perspective, that's all he knows-- and that's still all he knows as of post-canon too. Obviously, LBH has plenty of issues, and the way he behaves can't be considered good, but it's still understandable.

Anyway, that was a bit of a long rant, but that's a lot of how I see characters, where I'm not usually thinking of them as "good" or "bad" people but as a series of cause and effects, and what makes a good character to me is if the cause and effects in their lives are portrayed well-- that's why I think that so many characters in SVSSS are very good characters, and why I'm so fond of them.

As for Bingqiu's dynamic, my favorite thing has to be how they are simultaneously very unhealthy while also somehow being healthy too? Specifically, they cater to one another's specific fucked up tastes in a way that what would be a red flag for anyone else is a bonus for them-- for example, LBH likes SQQ specifically because of SQQ being his shizun, rather than despite it, while SQQ finds LBH's tendency toward brutality rather charming and would prefer to cheer for his victory, so long as it doesn't come with the total destruction of the world, and doesn't involve he himself having his limbs removed. They've both got very... interesting perspectives and it really shouldn't work between them, neither of them know how to have a healthy relationship with healthy boundaries, and yet somehow in the end it... it does work, and they do establish boundaries-- boundaries that SQQ likes to have pushed, and LBH likes to push, but boundaries nonetheless-- and aside from the first time at Maigu Ridge (which LBH doesn't even want to acknowledge), no matter what they're doing, they always do it with consent.

I love to see the growth in their relationship from the absolute hot mess it is in the main novel, then improving and balancing out through the extras. It's just... so very interesting to see a relationship that starts out extremely unhealthy becoming less so, and ultimately becoming one where it seems both partners are quite happy... honestly, despite the weirdness of it, endgame Bingqiu really isn't very bad at all. Because guess what, sometimes relationships don't start out healthy. That doesn't mean there's nothing to save from them. Sometimes partners can hurt one another and still turn out to be good for one another in the end. People change, relationships change, and sometimes it really is for the better-- and I'm speaking from personal, IRL experience with this. It's not for everyone, but for me, I find the storyline of going from something very toxic and unhealthy to something stable, where Bingqiu are happily living out their cottagecore dreams despite SQQ's still-occasionally-cynical narration, extremely cathartic and somewhat unique. It's not just a bad relationship that miraculously turned good or was retconned into being good. It's a bad relationship where the partners put in the work to turn it into a good one, and I really wish that people would look at it with more nuance-- because if even fictional characters and relationships need nuance, real life people and relationships definitely need it too.

Anyway, I would do Moshang too, but this already got super, super long, so I'll go ahead and save the Moshang meta for another day.

[your-name-is-jim]

What a Kirk/Spock shipper sees in a Kirk/Female-Love-Interest story [PART 1/2]

[Part 2]

This is a pretty long post in two parts, so I hope you'll find it interesting. Don't worry, I shared a lot of pictures too! :)

First of all, what is it about?

An analysis about a 32-pages comic published in 2020 by IDW Publishing. More specifically, I'm talking about the Valentine's Day special from the comics series Star Trek: Year Five that I recommended here. The title of this story is Captains of Sea and War, and this is the official summary:

"James T. Kirk has had many loves during his mission among the stars, but this time he may have met his match in fellow Starfleet Captain Laura Rhone."

As I said in my review of Star Trek: Year Five, this Valentine's Day special is not linked to anything else in the main comics series. That means it can be read alone or, on the contrary, it can be skipped if you're only interested in the series (where Kirk doesn't have love interests, by the way).

Do I recommend this comic issue?

It depends on your preference! Just like the rest of Star Trek: Year Five series, the art is great and so is the characterization, at least most of the times. Jim is written as a romantic book lover and definitely not as a womanizer. However, if you only ship Kirk/Spock or you're not into Kirk romance with women in general, I believe you should avoid wasting your time and money. Just read my analysis if you're curious! :)

Why am I talking about this? And why as a Kirk/Spock shipper?

Good question. The short answer is that I read this comic and I have a lot of thoughts about it.

The long answer is that I love TOS Kirk and I'm interested in him as a character, romantic scenarios included. Since Kirk/Spock is my OTP, I can't suddenly take my slash goggles off, so I already knew before reading this comic that I'm not exactly the target audience and nothing is ever going to convince me that Spock isn't The One for Kirk. However, it was an interesting reading in multiple ways, so I'd like to say why!

I want to be 100% clear about my Kirk/Spock preference because even if I will try to talk objectively about the comic to a certain degree, this analysis is biased; if you don't like Kirk/Spock, this is NOT the post for you. That said, you may not see the point in a K/S shipper writing an analysis about a romance between Kirk and a female character, but… well, unless someday they'll release official Kirk/Spock comics, this is all we have.

There are two reasons why I read this story despite being pretty much a monoshipper when it comes to Kirk:

I had already read the main comics series and I liked it a lot, so I wanted to give this special a try.

I thought it was probably going to be okay, because in my headcanon Kirk and Spock don't actually get together until The Motion Picture. Kirk has a lot of love interests before that movie, so adding another one doesn't really bother me. It turned out (as I'll mention later) that I wasn't completely right about the era, but I take Star Trek comics as "extras", so I just ignore what I don't like.

Note: this analysis contains SPOILERS from the entire Valentine's Day special.

However, it does not contain spoilers from the main Star Trek: Year Five comics series. So, if you're planning to read that one, you're safe here! Just avoid this post if you don't want spoilers about the Valentine's Day issue.

Okay, are you ready? Let's go!

So, Jim is on shore leave with Bones. As you can see, the moment a pretty woman gets close to them, Bones leaves, because he's a great friend :)

We already know from the summary that the woman who talks to Jim is Captain Laura Rhone. Now, I'm already going to stop here to take a moment to at least appreciate the creators' effort: as someone interested in fictional writing, I must admit that creating a Valentine's Day special in 2020 about James T. Kirk finding love is an extremely hard task, to put it mildly. Seriously, if it can't be Spock (or the Enterprise :P), how the hell do you even do it? Are you going to give Jim another woman-of-the-week who's going to die? Another blond white woman? Another woman who forces him to choose between her and his ship? Or, on the contrary, a woman who'll choose for him and break up because she knows he wants the Enterprise?

NO.

Star Trek TOS was made in the 1960s, but we're in the 2020s now. Fans are tired to see always the same tropes with female love interests, and some of those tropes are just very outdated. So what does this comic do? Well, first of all, fixing what didn't work in Turnabout Intruder. Oh, let me get this straight: overall, I like Turnabout Intruder. I love the canon bodyswap, and I lost count of how many times I quoted "You are closer to the Captain than anyone in the universe" in my Kirk/Spock fan-fictions. However, there's no way that in the 2020s we're going to believe that a positive future means this:

In the Valentine's Day comic, Janice Lester still exists (she's mentioned once in a dialogue), but since Laura Rhone is a very good Starfleet captain around the same time, I believe we're now supposed to think that Janice was one crazy person who was never going to become a captain because of her personality and behavior, not because she's a woman. This is actually how I've always liked to mentally re-write this part of Turnabout Intruder in my head, because that's how I want to imagine it.

Anyway, back to the comic. Captain Laura Rhone is on shore leave too; she recognizes Captain James T. Kirk and she decides to introduce herself to him. She's very straightforward about her interest in him, so we immediately see that part of her personality.

Of course, the two captains can't enjoy their shore leave until the end. I'm posting this part to appreciate Bones in his beach clothes and Laura's very loyal Andorian officer who slips ("Laura! I mean, Ma'am!") when she sees her Captain in danger and oh whoops now I ship them. She doesn't remind me of anyone, I don't know what you're talking about.

Anyway, wrong ship. I'm obviously not following what the story is trying to tell me, because this is what happens next:

Just a moment to appreciate sleeping Jim. Cute.

So, after that night together, Jim and Laura don't see each other for 6 months. They meet again when the Drake, Laura's starship, has a battle against a group of space pirates and the Enterprise intervenes without consulting Laura first. Laura and Jim have a slight fight about that, but Jim apologizes, and it ends with them in bed again.

After that, because Jim is a romantic man, not a womanizer, and thank goodness the creators of this comic know, Jim asks Laura on a date. As they're walking together on a planet, Laura points out that they're doing things in the wrong order. Jim's reply is rather interesting: he asks her if they need to know what they're doing, and if there has to be a shape or a meaning to it. It's the first sign that even if they're both obviously attracted to each other, Jim is unsure about the kind of relationship he wants with her. When I think about his previous experiences, I believe it makes sense. He may be a romantic at heart, but he suffered so much for love that I can see why he's trying to be careful. There's also another reason, more related to the time this story takes place, which is a few months before the end of Jim's five-year mission. We see it here:

Ah, yes, a typical first date conversation: what Spock talks about. Well done, Jim. Saying "a friend of mine" doesn't make it less obvious; I did my Star Trek homework and I know you're quoting the basis of Vulcan philosophy to her :D

(Of course, now I won't stop imagining Jim casually mentioning Spock during every single date he has with someone… That would explain why his love stories never last…)

On a serious note, as I was working on this analysis I realized something extremely interesting about the context of Jim's lines. Jim is mentioning IDIC when he's questioning his future as a starship captain. He remembers that Spock talks about Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations, but Jim can only do one job. However, what will Spock tell him someday, right next to an IDIC flag?

Now, I don't know if the people who worked on the Valentine's Day comic really thought about this, but I think it's still, well, fascinating that Jim is using Spock's words to think about his own future, but he's following the wrong direction. I believe it's also worth pointing out that Spock will tell Jim that commanding a starship is his "first, best destiny" years after finding his own place in the universe. On the contrary, during the time this comic takes place, Spock is busy with his own inner distress.

Anyway, that's enough Spock for now. Back to Jim's first date with Laura…

So, I started this analysis with a question: how the hell do you write a love story with TOS Kirk in 2020? This is the way this comic tries to answer: you create a female character just like him.

Okay, they look cute together. Laura loves being a starship captain! She loves reading! And dancing! And climbing!

Wait, wait, wait. I appreciate the inclusion of Jim Kirk's canon hobbies. I really do! But aren't we forgetting one?

This is interesting. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but this makes me think that they didn't want Laura to have something in common with Spock. Spock is the character who plays chess the most in TOS, so I can see why the creators of the comic didn't want the readers to think about Spock instead of thinking about Jim's girlfriend. That would be too bad, huh? :)

There's also horseback riding missing, but that doesn't appear until the movies, so even if I personally believe that a farm boy like Jim learned how to ride horses when he was young, I can see why they skipped it in this comic. It's also mostly associated to another love interest (Antonia from Generations), but if this is the reason they didn't want to show Jim and Laura riding a horse, I'm just going to think even more that the lack of chess is suspicious, and they're counting Spock as one of the "girlfriends".

On the other hand, since horseback riding is associated to starship captains in TOS and TNG (I don't know about the other Star Trek TV series because I haven't watched them yet), I think it would have been a good idea to have one panel with Jim and Laura riding.

That said, if I had to make a guess about the real reason the comic doesn't show horses… I'm a doctor writer, not an artist, but I believe that drawing horses can be a pain in the ass, so in this comic they just didn't bother haha

Anyway, back to the plot! As I said, Jim and Laura's personalities are very alike. Of course, that doesn't mean they're perfect for each other, but I admit that this premise made me curious when I read this comic. Let's find out if it works out!

I'm posting this picture because of the book Laura is holding: first of all, this is where the title of this story, Captains of Sea and War, comes from. But it's also important to remember the book. You'll see why in Part 2. :)

So, two months later, Jim and Laura trust each other as captains without even talking:

We see Laura's other friend, probably her first officer, trying to warn her, just as Spock does on the Enterprise. I'm taking a little moment to appreciate "Noted, adored, and ignored, Commander", because it's really sweet. Imagine Jim telling this to Spock :D

So, the captains are right, and everything is good, because…

Okay, okay, wait a minute.

Apparently, one of the good things of this relationship is that Jim and Laura make a good team together. They don't even need to communicate to understand each other during a mission. Now… I don't even need to put my K/S goggles on to say that Jim and Spock are canonically one of the best teams in Starfleet, if not The best team. You don't need to ship them to know how many times they understand each other without words in the series, how many times they make plans and just know what the other will do, how many times Spock hears/sees someone that should be Jim and just knows something is wrong, and so on. Of course, as a Kirk/Spock shipper, reading in a Valentine's Day special that making a good team is good for Jim's love life makes me happy!

"Yep. All that sex didn't go to waste."

Jim. Jim. Are you saying that you and Laura are a good team in Starfleet because you had a lot of sex? I'm not even going to say what this makes me think as a K/S shipper… Did I say that Kirk and Spock are the best team? :D

Okay, okay, maybe it's not the same. Because Spock is a man, and Jim isn't attracted to men… right?

Ahem. I lost my mind when I read this for the first time, and I'm going to lose it again.

"There don't seem to have been many ladies in your life. Gentlemen, either." "Well, I've been busy."

Now, let's be honest here: Laura's lines didn't have to be phrased that way. We know Jim likes women, so even nowadays nobody would bat an eye at "there don't seem to have been many ladies in your life"; and if you're the writer of a very heterosexual comic who wants to avoid K/S shippers like me thinking "hehehe, because Jim has a man in his life", you can still write something neutral like "there don't seem to have been many lovers/romantic partners in your life". Or just a generic "it looks like you haven't been on many dates lately".

Laura mentioning "gentlemen" explicitly can make some readers think that men are an actual option for Jim. (Me, I'm "some readers".) Sure, it's not a confirmation, but Jim doesn't deny it. He just says he's been busy. There is room for interpretation in multiple directions, but even if I put my personal preference aside, I think it's important to remember something: in context, in this part of the story, Laura knows Jim. We've seen in a previous panel that they've done a lot of things together. Laura is not a stranger who may say "you don't have a girlfriend… or a boyfriend" because they don't know Jim. Personally, I think it's very likely that Laura asks about ladies and then adds gentlemen because she knows Jim is bisexual with a preference on women. It fits my headcanon for him. (Of course, he can be into anyone, not just men and women, and he has a preference for women because hasn't tried dating Spock yet :D)

Anyway, the other thing that panel points out is that neither captain would give up on their own starship. Well, that's fair.

Okay, okay, I'll be serious: Jim sacrifices the Enterprise in The Search for Spock during an emergency. Of course, it's definitely not a coincidence in the narrative that said emergency happens because Jim is looking for Spock's body. However, we all know how much Jim loves the Enterprise and how bad he feels without a starship, so it's only fair that in normal circumstances, he shouldn't be forced to give up on his "silver lady".

Laura understands that they're the same, so...

This is another thing I appreciated! Who cares about gender norms, a woman can propose to James T. Kirk! :D

Now, just as I said about the "gentlemen" line, it's important to think about the context of this proposal. When the two of them are drinking together, Laura says "I've been asking around about you". That means Jim and Laura's relationship is still casual, to the point that she could have expected him to have flings with other people too. Honestly, this is just my opinion, but I'm not even sure I'd call it exactly an open relationship, because that would still imply a relationship in the first place. I'm mostly referring to the fact that Laura has been asking around about Jim's love life instead of just, you know, asking him? I believe that if they trusted each other and were in an open romantic relationship, either they wouldn't care about each other's partners or they would just talk about it. Since Laura wants to marry Jim and have an exclusive relationship with him, it makes sense for her to bring up Jim's love life. However, I can't really help side-eyeing that "I've been asking around".

Am I reading too much into this? It's possible, but this is another clue about their dynamic that I'll mention later in the story.

Sooo, Laura asks Jim to marry him. What does Jim answer?

Unfortunately, I reached Tumblr limitations of the number of pictures I can share, so… you'll find out in Part 2!

If you're reading my analysis for the Kirk/Spock shipper's point of view, I especially recommend the second half, because that's where things get more interesting! :D

I hope you enjoyed the first part of this analysis! Thank you for reading until the end! See you soon!

Part 2!

[variousqueerthings]

@fabiansociety going over her so I focus

could we fix river song? the central idea isn't… terrible… but there are just so many extra hats hung on her that don't need to be there. just cutting the amy and rory connection would improve things tremendously. if she needs to be tied to a previous companion, make her romana's daughter or something

yeah yeah 100% (I didn't get into that in these posts because already soooo much, but I Hate that she's their daughter as a part of the narrative). I really like the idea of her and the Doctor meeting out of order, I think it's fun (it's something someone like, say, Jack, also experiences), I like her as a future archeologist… starting there. I think also a problem is that so much hinges on Stuff Happening In The Future That We Swear Will Be Interesting/Tragic/Better Than Anything Before, but in the end she really is just like a lot of other characters, someone who went on some adventures with the Doctor and was affected by these adventures

so yeah, start there: simplify her history (she can still have some mystery, like you say, Romana's daughter perhaps, although I think her appearance should have been a bit different than it was if so, but to be fair I don't think M*ffat had much of a clue who she was when he wrote her back then)

and speaking of that! have a plan from the beginning writer! know who this character is and where she comes from! so that you can write with that in mind! not invent shit as you go along for a character that's being revealed to us non-chronologically! gimme some proper Beats!

strip away like. several things. focus on one or two to begin with, that give us her skills and character. Archeologist in Indiana Jones style, I like that. she had a bit of that in s4, double down on it, on why this interests her (yes, in the show it's... related to getting the Doctor's attention, don't make it about the Doctor!)

which also speaking of: Don't Make Everything She Does In The Story Be About The Doctor! in this iteration her whole existence is due to an elaborate (stupidly written) plot to entrap and kill the Doctor, because that's definitely the only way it could be done??? her birth, her upbringing, her interests, her motivations, her death are all because of the Doctor. she literally waits around in a prison in canon and breaks out of it, just when she's spending time with the Doctor

also since I said "Indiana Jones style archeologist" obviously (who knew this had to be said) don't make that a sexual fantasy roleplay type thing. she's ALMOST only ever competent in the show at the same time as doing it "sexily," because it's a competence kink onscreen, rather than a character being competent. so like. she's performing for the Doctor and/or the camera gaze, which is... male... almost like a Male Gaze or something (someone should coin that)

but yeah in summary, simplify her, take her out of the Doctor's sphere, make her less performative and focus on her interests and perspectives (this is why I imagine she works better in the audio dramas on the whole btw, because it's Alex Kingston doing River Song adventures)

and also... let her be ordinary. there's no room to breathe with her, it's like she's a plastic bag that's just Jam Packed with stuff until it's fit to burst, because only someone That Extraordinary is "worthy" of the Doctor (returning to point 4). she can just be A Person who's cool and competent who has a future/history with the Doctor, like many people do

I'm aware this wasn't quite how you asked the question, I'm sort of spinning around the Stuff a little bit, but yeah. River Song call me I can save you from M*ffat's writing

[krispdreemurr]

theories that I've posted scattered around this blog but haven't really put into a master post or anything, collated bc I'm bored and want ppl to talk to me abt them or something. im very prepared for none of this to be canon but there's elements I expect to at least be themes or something

-deltarune is a reset timeline. we were not directly present in the original, but maybe were indirectly present.

-basically I think the angel/the player is at least seen as like... imposing narrative and drama and Plot onto a world. demanding to see and know and have their heartstrings tugged and everything else a reader wants from a story. just as the dark worlds exist to provide compact stories for the lightners, so the light world exists for the angels to watch, etc

-in the original timeline, Dess died.

-gaster and kris met in the aftermath of this, in the bunker. at the time, gaster was a normal-ish darkner who had gotten a glimpse of the light and heaven beyond. he argued to Kris that Dess died to sate the angel's needs, to make a fitting story for Noelle and so on, and convinced them to help him in bringing the roaring and taking down the angel

-so yeah they were the knight. they at least knew some of the secret bosses and worked in uneasy concert w them before they all got too fucked up. meanwhile they met Susie, rekindled friendship w Noelle, etc etc etc

-over time they started thinking more that like. hey everyone pursuing ending heaven is like wildly unhappy and meanwhile I'm making friends and moving on and if like there's some intangible entity demanding a story from me like... how do i even... tell that's happening...

-(it wasn't that they were 100% comfortable ever to be clear it's just more the balance of "live a life with my friends and loved ones" vs "end the world and probably hurt or even kill a lot of people" shifted)

-so when it came time to open the last fountain, within the dark world, they hesitated.

-gaster took their blade from them and tried to open it himself - but he was a darkner, and the world was so fragile, and the wound he cut lead to nothing, nothing after nothing pouring out, and he fell into his own creation

-kris was badly wounded in the chaos and made it back to their light world room before collapsing, leaving a stain that wouldn't fade and the echoes of Susie's pleas.

-the world ceased to exist.

-gaster, in the nothing, was able to poorly patch together the world, but not quite as it was. he was not present in it, and those he spoke to talked to shadows, to garbage noise on the phone, to empty rooms.

-he was not able to entirely spare Dess, her fate already written, but he was able to... hide her. she vanished, instead of dying. she is still being hidden while he waits until after the story has concluded

-he spent some time testing methods of influence, ways to guide and design and use a human soul (leading to strange hazy nights for Kris)...

-and with lures and bait and promises of a world to make their own, he connected the angel itself to the world, trapping a piece of them there. this was both to use to re-steer the narrative according to His designs and also kind of out of spite.

-his original plan was to leave Kris out of it, making them a minor character temporarily while the vessel took their role. Someone Strongly Disapproved lmao and so we ended up w the current situation

-this time, if gaster has his way, they won't have the choice to hesitate, and the angel's heaven will be banished.

[talldecafcappuccino]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag, @chainofclovers!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

41

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 301,363

3. What fandoms do you write for?

It's really just Ted Lasso. I wrote a bit for The Lizzie Bennet Diaries years and years ago and then a couple one-offs for Schitt's Creek and The 100, but it wasn't much.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

my body over yours

calamine

when we were young

It's Great to Stay Up Late

love the lasso way

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, but I fell off for a while at the end of the last year. I feel weird not responding to comments and also it's just really nice to chat with people in comments. It's where I first met many of my fandom friends! Alas, it's harder to respond to comments on a multichapter because the story isn't done and I don't want to give anything away so I'm just like repeatedly saying "thanks for sticking with this fic!!"

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

home again - I pretty much only write happy endings, but the most open-ended thing I wrote was this post-finale fic for Ted Lasso that I suppose some people might find angsty for reasons (it's really not angsty, but like...I could see making an argument for it).

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

leader of the pack - To me this is the happiest possible ending to AppleTV+ Ted Lasso: a future fic with Ted and Rebecca happy together, splitting their time between London and Kansas until Ted's eventual retirement from coaching, but they still visit the games in the fan section (where the season ticket holders have a permanent seat saved for Ted).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not that I'm aware of.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not really. I've only written it as part of a larger story and I guess I don't tap into writing it very easily without a larger story to frame it (basically I need a whole lot of build up or context before I can write it which I suspect is thanks to demisexuality lmao)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I’ve never set out to write a crossover, but I realized after the fact that my Ted Lasso goes on Queer Eye fic is in fact a crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, just brainstormed with a friend or had a convo that sparked something, but never actually co-written anything with someone else.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I don't have one! I don't like picking favorites in general and for ships there are different faves for different things and different faves for different seasons of life. I'm currently hyper-fixated on Ted/Rebecca, but that doesn't necessarily make them my all-time favorite ship.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Hmm idk. I think the ones I want to finish are still able to be finished and any other ones I'm good with them remaining WIPs. I only have one active Ted/Rebecca WIP posted on ao3 and I plan to finish it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think it’s dialogue. My honors English teacher said I was funny once and I've latched on to that as well.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to get focused on plot and what's happening and I find it harder to just write someone's thoughts and emotions without it veering into melodrama (or at least it feels like melodrama to me).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it's very cool if you are someone who knows another language or has the resources to do so and it works for the character/story/fic. Unfortunately I am terrible at languages (including my own) so I'll just appreciate it when someone else does it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I definitely wrote some very terrible HP one shots when I was like...13?

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Idk about favorite but I'm proud I finished my bodyguard au the way I wanted to which makes it a fave based on that alone.

leader of the pack might be my personal fave because it's how I initially pictured an idealistic happy ending for the show (post-season 1)

But also I liked writing lots of my fics for different reasons. I really truly hate picking favorites!!

Tagging: I'm late to this and I feel like everyone I know who writes has been tagged already 😅 Please participate if you want to!!

[usedpidemo]

Update - Happy New Year! (and some housekeeping)

*TV static intensifies*

Hey everyone! π here.

Once again, I'd like to wish all of you formally a happy new year! This will be my third year with you, and I hope you're still enjoying my works and I appreciate you for your continued support.

Now that I have your attention, I'd like to give you an overall update on things happening behind the scenes, but first:

2023 Poll

I only posted 10 fics over the previous year, rip, but they're easily some of my most popular and positively received works in the library. Vote up to three of your favorite fics released from me during 2023! I was supposed to include Plaid on the list, but I didn't finish it on time, and as a result this poll also delayed lol. You can change your votes anytime if you have a change of heart. Poll begins from today until January 7, 2024 1:00 P.M. KST/12:00 AM EST.

2024 Road map

And because I only posted 10 fics all throughout 2023, my personal goal in 2024 is to increase the amount of releases, while continuing to improve the quality and maintain consistency. Hopefully. In real life, I'll be entering my third year of college once the holidays are over, and this may be the last full year of freedom I get. I might have to do on-the-job training (OJT) and write up my thesis, which requires a lot of personal commitment so I can finally graduate. I'm basically on borrowed time at this point.

Plans change. Shit happens. Everything that I'm about to say isn't exactly a 100% guarantee, and I really don't wanna promise anything because I've broken way too many promises. But here's the initial proposed list of idols that will be getting fics in 2024:

Hanni

Chaeryeong

Ningning

Yunjin

Rei

Sejeong

Nagyung

Haewon

Yuqi

Xiaoting

Minji (Newjeans)

Sakura

Youngeun

Karina

Sullyoon

Heejin

And this doesn't include idols I've already written :)

Looks ambitious—and it is—but if I can complete even half of that list, I feel as if I've already accomplished my goal.

Commissions

To the people who've been waiting for their requests, once again I'd like to apologize for the delays. I feel terrible knowing I've got so many projects in limbo because of circumstances beyond my control, and it feels as though I've betrayed your trust. However, we're picking things up and I'll gradually be releasing them throughout the early stages of 2024. Thank you for waiting just a little bit longer.

With that said, my personal plan is to implement the following so this never happens again: I'll be scaling back on the number of commissions I can accept at a time so there's more breathing room for requests as well as personal ideas/projects. Ideally, this would mean releasing fics in a 2-to-1 format: 2 commissions then 1 personal idea, but this would vary based on personal schedule and overall demand. Balancing real life commitments with burnout is a huge challenge, and I believe this is the most comfortable situation for me. Please understand that I'm still just one guy and I can't do everything all at once. If I could clone myself, I would abuse the shit out of that ability.

Closing

Overall, I've been blessed to have such a wonderful 2023, and I pray 2024 will be just as kind, if not kinder. I've experienced some of the highest highs and the lowest lows, but I personally feel that 2023 was the best year I've had in almost a decade, and this blog is one reason for that. It wasn't as productive as it used to be, but the increasing support is simply humbling. Heck, I've been entrusted to bring some of your visions/fantasies to life, which shows how much faith you have in me to succeed and bring you quality art. There's no amount of words that can express how truly grateful I am to you, the readers, my peers in the writing community, and to our heavenly Father.

Regardless of what happens to me or this blog, I hope 2024 will be kind to you all. Love you.

with grace,

peter / π

[anneapocalypse]

100 Word November Final Count & Thoughts

It has been a Bad Year for writing, and so while I definitely wasn't up for doing NaNo this year, I set myself a low-pressure goal just to try and get myself writing regularly again which I called 100 Word November.

I have written plenty of little Ariane snippets this year, but nothing remotely structured or finalized because I don't intend to finish and post anything until I'm caught up on MSQ (and can finally look up lore without fear of spoilers... you do not know how I am suffering). I could not have picked a better month for this challenge because I was playing through Shadowbringers which was an absolute font of inspiration.

My final count at the end of the month is 10,332 words, which averages out to 344 words per day. There were a few days I didn't write, and most days when I did I wrote more than 100. If I averaged word count by my usual five days a week writing schedule, it's almost 450 per day.

Most importantly though it's gotten me back in the habit and excited about writing again, and thinking about what I want to work on in the coming year! I know I'm going to want to work on FFXIV fic, obviously, and in particular I'd like to write the chronologically-first Ariane fic I have planned (it's about her and Haurchefant). I also really do want to finish A Hero Sleeps in Gwaren, and I'd like to set aside some time for that somewhere. If we ever get that final season of Red vs. Blue, I would like to use that as a push to do some more work on Radio Silence, at least get past the last chapter I was stuck on. That's about as far as I'm thinking for now, and that's certainly plenty to keep me busy.

For December I plan to keep it lowkey as usual, but try to keep up the 100 words a day, and also start sorting out what I wrote in November and organizing it. Some of it will undoubtedly get scrapped or rewritten, because I wrote a lot of speculative stuff before I actually reached the point in canon where it would happen, but there is definitely a good amount of material I can use. At this point I do have the broad strokes of what I want to write about Ariane kind of outlined for myself, though no doubt it will change along the way!

I'm just glad to be writing again.

[itchyeye]

(Avatar headcanon anon) I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on the topic too! Especially the detailed categories of fear-alignment! And I actually almost included a note on Melanie's bullet removal in my write-up but then thought I was getting too off-topic, but I 100% agree that the bullet should have just been the catalyst, not the thing keeping up the connection. But didn't Melanie have the bullet before she signed up for the Archives? I agree that this is where it kind of falls apart a little, even though I do like the idea that that's why the Slaughter couldn't have claimed her fully, because then both Daisy andMartin go and contradict that idea, because their pull to the other power was much stronger than the pull from Beholding. But in any case, I generally thought the Slaughter storyline was extremely weak, and I'm saying this as someone who initially liked Melanie. I just think she worked better as a character who dropped in from time to time with an update than part of the Archives crew.

And oh, I think I misunderstood something then, because I thought that the ritual in 160 was not the Watcher's Crown? (I think it was called The Magnus Archives by Word of God. Gerry says Elias is planning the Watcher's Crown, but he would have based that on the information he had before Elias realized all rituals were doomed to fail.) Because yeah, I definitely agree that keeping that a secret and making it a twist was great! I also figured that Jon was getting marked for some purpose, but obviously, I couldn't have guessed that it would be that. I'm still so enamored with it all, "The Chosen one is someone I chose" and that Jon just so perfectly followed the path Elias had laid out for him, and *kicking my feet and twirling my hair*.

Rereading the script for episode 160 though, I see that we do get enough details on the original Watcher's Crown. Still, I wish we could have had a little more. (This is getting on a tangent, but I still wish that after all the letters TO Jonah, we could have had one letter FROM Jonah... but written back then, since well, of course we (or rather Jon haha) very much got our letter from Jonah in that episode. I especially would have liked more details on him founding the Institute, and it's such a wasted opportunity that Jon and Martin were sent to Scotland so they could roadtrip back to London, but they don't pass the original Institute in Edinburgh?)

In any case though, thank you for letting me ramble a bit about my headcanons! I haven't had the opportunity to do that in a while, and I'm enjoying it :D

oh wait you're totally right!! she got shot in india before coming back to the archives because she wanted to give jon another statement (fan behavior) and he was kidnapped at the time, so elias gave her an employment contract you're totally right

so maybe... the bullet was an artefact that was turning her into a monster, but the contract to the institute was powerful enough to slow her transformation because she didn't get really bad until post-s3 finale.

i think this... kind of tracks with daisy? daisy was a fully realized avatar of the hunt when she signed her contract. her status as a hunter didn't change when she was doing elias' dirty work. hold on i just typed that and realized that maybe daisy never had a contract...? wasn't it that elias made basira sign a contract and that was what made daisy connected to/indebted to the institute? because she would do anything to protect basira and basira was now at elias' mercy. and then when she was inside the buried, she couldn't die because avatars can't die. she was just effectively encased in cement. BUT, going into the buried (and probably lots of other illegal cop things daisy has done way before tma-canon) would kill any normal person. she was being kept safe/alive by the hunt. when she started ignoring the hunt, she started withering away.

martin i think is sort of a special case. he was marked by the eye because of his institute contract and his experience in the archives. but then he had one of if not the most powerful avatar of the lonely molding him into his protege. (i still do. not. buy. that martin could have resisted peter's influence the way that he did unless he was a web avatar. i have to type fast because there are men chasing me down this hallway with butterfly nets but listen. listen to me. web!martin is real. web!martin was the plan from the b- [lOUD LOONEY TUNES CRASHING NOISES])

and oh my god no you are totally right!!! the watcher's crown was the name of the old ritual. and yes there is a discord message somewhere where jonny says that the new ritual would be more appropriately termed the magnus archives, since of course, the whole of the podcast is the ritual :.) i forgot about that, i've just been calling the ritual elias invented with jon the watcher's crown this whole time.

ok then i'll pivot and say i would LOVE to know more about the original watcher's crown. we know the gist of it from smirke's letter and from peter's summary but i would have loved a full episode dedicated to it like we got for the dutch unknowing.

kicking my feet and twirling my hair WITH YOU this is SO ROMANTIC <3 literally they made each other gods. the chosen one was just that, someone i chose. i'm writhing on the floor!!!!!!!

and god a letter from jonah back to his correspondents, dreamy sigh. it would make sense that jonah wouldn't have his own letters, of course. and i love love love love that he is a hoarder and keeps all his own correspondence (i've written about why this is another reason he wouldn't be a good archivist) but ooooo i would love an episode of jonah, young jonah in his original body, still discovering the fears, before he'd built his institute, before he'd become an avatar.... (assuming it would be a good episode and jonny would do him justice because this is my dream world and i can set my standards however i want them)

you are so welcome! this has been very interesting, thank you for sharing your head canons with me and for tolerating my ridiculously long responses. :) if you ever feel like telling me more about them, my ask box is always here to welcome you.

[my-gf-is-kazuichi-soda]

I admit, a lot of Nagito's actual mental illness traits went over my head when I played the game, and up until now. If I've talked about him in an ableist way before, I'm sorry (and I'll delete/reword any post with something like that if you point it out to me, none of them come to mind atm but I feel like I may have said something like this in the past). I honestly thought he was just a manipulative jerk acting a certain way "for funsies" and if I've called him "crazy" or anything like that, it was in a place I probably should have used the word "asshole" instead, but even that's not a real fix to the issue. Frontotemporal dementia. I only learned what that means today. I'm glad I wasn't planning on having Nagito have much of a presence in my fanfic anyway.

I had to ignore the parts of that post about Danganronpa 3 because I'm still playing it, but one part I read...I didn't notice that Kokichi was wearing a straight jacket. I thought it was just a white suit.

I never would have expected Danganronpa to have a canonically mentally ill villain after the mess with Toko. Like I've said before, I love playing with ideas of this franchise and I love Kazuichi a lot and I like a lot of other characters too (mostly from Danganronpa 2, for now that is my very favorite), but Danganronpa is a poorly written series full of missed potential (/derogatory) and it's honestly mostly sex jokes and murder (/affectionate). Writers can use it as a sandbox and people can get some laughs from it.

I'm wondering if anyone has made a post about Danganronpa's ableism with Kazuichi. The autistic-coded character misunderstanding social scenarios, being constantly called "dumb" and "annoying," showing an ability and willingness to change when told to stop doing something but nobody actually wants to tell her to stop doing the "annoying" thing that they'd rather mock her for, not to mention the lesson she has to learn through all of this. Having faith in yourself is a good lesson, and Kazuichi did need to learn some humbling (they actually could have done way more on this for her), but they really said her biggest problem was that she needed to believe in herself more when she's been pushing herself to being "normal" (and failing at it, because normalcy is stupid and hurts everyone) and making herself miserable in the process?? She deserved to have a character arc where she doesn't have to act like a "punkass" anymore because she feels safer to be herself around her friends, and where she gets a look she's actually happy with (my trans headcanon doesn't have to be canon for this to work, it's just my interpretation out of many ways they could have done this arc for her). It felt like she had a little bit of vulnerability at the end, but too little too late in my opinion. I had a hard time believing most of these guys were her friends in the end, especially Fuyuhiko and Sonia -not saying these charaters needed to be her friends, their feelings were valid, just that Danganronpa's entire "everyone is friends by the end" thing can feel a bit forced at times just to get a happy ending through (I would not be feeling like this if they convinced me in the writing that the characters were believable as friends). Although at least this group felt like an actual group, the first game was way worse at the "everyone is friends at the end" thing! (You're really telling me everyone is friends with Byakuya and Toko after all of that?! It actually made me laugh with the whiplash of how out-of-nowhere-cheesy that was compared to the mood before they met up with the others.)

Too tired to rant any more. I hope my points came across?

Edit: maybe I'm too tired but I'm feeling self conscious about my wording and I'm not 100% sure if their treatment of Kazuichi is ableist exactly, but it felt uncomfortable for me. Maybe using "ableist" for that part was extreme? I'll get back to you on that in a bit

[daechwitatamic]

Of course I would never ghost! Nothing terrible, life has just been... ugh... life. But I'm happy to be back with more time for reading and interacting. Your writing and our chats bring me a lot of joy. 🙂

These two are just too cute to handle. I loved their flirty moments at the bar and OCs comparison of Taehyung as delicate and Namjoon as steady was so insightful. I'm glad she recognized the parallels between what Taehyung is doing with her and what she is doing with Namjoon. If only Taehyung would spend some time on inward reflection like that! I am nervous about the conversation Kris suggested she have with him...

I also forgot to mention in my last post how much the conversation in Part IV between Namjoon and OC about her parents struck a chord with me. Meeting new people and having to navigate the lost parent issue. Trying to figure out whether it's worth saying what happened and bringing down the whole mood or just kind of glossing over when people ask about my parents. Then having to manage the other person's guilt for having brought it up. Ugh it's the fucking worst and the way you described OCs inner thought process was so true to my experience. It makes me feel seen when other people can understand how painful those moments can be, so thank you for writing it.

Omg Agust D tour, yes I definitely plan to go! I remembered you saying you came to LA for PTD so I wasn't sure if that meant you were closer to the west coast, but I am manifesting all the positive energy that we will both score tickets.

I saw your post that work/school has been kicking your butt lately, and I'm sorry to hear that, but am sending you a big "I'm proud of you!" from Taetae (you know the gif) because seriously even if you feel like you're not able to give your 100% to it all, the fact that you are even juggling both AND writing is like 🤯 impressive. Jo, you nice, keep going. 💜

i'm glad you have more time too!!!

eh you said three smart things in a row so hold on. 1) yes, oc is noticing the differences between tae and joon. do we think there's a part of her that i wondering if perhaps what she thought she wanted all this time wouldn't be what makes her happy, in the end? 2) yesss honestly you can attribute how well these two work with each other to the lessons they've learned from their pasts! (or in oc's case... present lol) if she didn't have this bullshit with taehyung, would she have played more games with namjoon and strung him along more? was it the hurt from taehyung's behavior that made her learn to do better? hmmmmm 3) "if only taehyung would do some inward reflection like that" gosh i wonder if any..... events.... might make him finally need to do that >:)

i'm glad to hear oc's behavior/thought process/feelings rang true to you. i hope you were careful with yourself when reading that part, i was worried it would be triggering.

the way i keep checking my email to see if i got my code for presale... even though i know it's not until the 28th.... goodness.

ugh i am tryinnngggg to keep going but woof i'm having a really hard time these last few weeks. i haven't written anything in two weeks which i think is the longest i've gone since i started writing ff again. i desperately need some unscheduled days off where i can just..... get ahead. per semester i'm taking a full courseload but it's one class at a time so it's SUPER condensed and sometimes i feel like just the reading/research is a whole week's worth but somehow i'm supposed to do the three assignments based on that reading also??????????? like??????

ANYWAY!!!!!!! Part 7 tomorrow and I think it's a heavy-hitter!! i hoep you enjoy!!! thanks for stopping by <3 <3 <3

[sam-the-friendly-ghost]

Welcome to Sam's Chats with the Void

I will tag these posts so they can be blocked, but I hope you stick around, and read them. These will just be me rambling about something I've thought about.

I like making people cry. Not because I've hurt them, or anything, but because I've touched their heart.

I like to create, but also perform, although performing is practically another medium for me to create stuff with. I sing, and sometimes somebody will come to me wiping tears from their eyes that I made them cry.

Sometimes they cry because they are proud of what I've accomplished, or because of the song. One thing is always the same though, and it's the fact I couldn't have made them cry if I had done poorly.

I gave someone a gift one day, without much reason. Apparently it was important to them because they cried, and told me thankyou for simply thinking of them. The 2 dollar box of candy meant more to them then I could've ever known before hand. They weren't going through anything, and I wasn't particularly close with them, but my doing something so small for them that day made them cry.

I gave my mom a binder filled with pieces of my writing. She cried when she recieved it because it was a way for me to support her. I'll keep the explanation short for the sake of keeping this on topic, but she was going for her first round of chemotherapy. I give her the binder on the day of every chemo appointment, and it lets her know I'm okay, and thinking of her. It's why I haven't updated 'the story of future boy'. I'm focused on giving her content she enjoys over writing fanfiction. She is one of the few people who know I write fanfiction though, so I've been making sure I still write some so I can tell her about how others have been able to read my stuff too. We smile together at the small news of me getting an email saying I've gotten kudos. She cried happy tears when I hand her the binder filled with my original works.

I smile and jokingly pretend to be angry when something makes me cry. It isn't hard to make me cry (horror movies have a 100% success rate at making me cry if panic attacks count), but it's still a show of skill. The end of rise where Raph cries made me cry, but because I've felt that way. They managed to write a character so well, I related to them, and cried. I cried at the end of the movie, and sobbed harder when Donnie cried.

It isn't hard to make me cry, especially when it's a character doing so. My therapist very quickly let me know I have high empathy, like such high empathy I pick up on other people's fears, and phobias if I don't shut down my emotions. This means when I consume media I have to shut down my emotions somewhat to make sure I don't pick up on those fears. I can't become scared of the dark because a cartoon character was. This is why, although it isn't hard to make me cry, I'm always so impressed when something does. I'm so skilled at disconnecting myself from the media I consume the character have to be so well written to trigger the small bits of emotions I let connect into making me cry.

I love the way Raph builds up until he cannot cope anymore without crying. I love the way Donnie's body starts crying before he can even process what happened. The experiences of emotions was handled so well I cried despite trying not to.

I have a plan to make my singing teacher cry. I am about to have potentially one of the last performances of my life. Im going to sing the first song I've ever performed. If I do it right she will be crying. If I do great some of the people who watched me perform that first time will cry. If I do amazing my friends might cry. If I do exceptionally both my parents will cry. If I do perfectly I'll greet them after with tears of my own.

My goal is to touch people's emotions, and since hardly anyone can fake cry well, I know how well I did based on the tears I find in the audience.

I like making people cry.

[thebroccolination]

Key, why is Between Us taking so long to come home 😔🤧? Weren't they already halfway through the script at, like, the beginning of the year? Why is WabiSabi Studio prioritizing other series other than the one everyone and their mother is anticipating 😭? This fandom has more mental endurance and patience than any trained soldier. Also, since you're the resident WinTeam expert, was WinTeam's novel planned/intentional alongside DeanPharm's or did P'Sheep just begin writing it when she saw the public interest in WinTeam?

OOOH BOY ANON, YOU COME INTO MY HOUSE AND YOU ASK ME TO TALK ABOUT WINTEAM? ABOUT BOUNPREM?

YOU KNOW NOT WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

Okay, lessee, here's Everything I Know about why Between Us the Series has been taking A Long Time to make. All this is information I've accumulated over the past two years from various social media accounts belonging to people connected with the series.

LazySheep wrote The Red Thread, if memory serves, in about five months? Then she started writing Hemp Rope. Then she sold the rights for The Red Thread to Studio Wabi Sabi. At the moment, I think she's posted about thirteen chapters of Hemp Rope online, and when I joined the fandom in 2020, she'd posted maybe ten? So yes! Hemp Rope was definitely already a thing when Until We Meet Again began production in 2019.

My impression when joining the fandom in February of 2020 is that Hemp Rope wasn't 100% guaranteed to be made into a series, but Studio Wabi Sabi always wanted to. I remember New and Sheep both tweeting multiple times in late 2019 and early 2020 asking fans to please be patient with the lack of WinTeam scenes in Until We Meet Again because 1) it's DeanPharm's novel and WinTeam aren't included as a couple in The Red Thread, and 2) SWS and LazySheep wanted to save WinTeam's novel material for a separate series. Sure enough, if you compare Until We Meet Again to Hemp Rope, almost none of what we saw is in WinTeam's novel. (Fun Fact: the famous broccoli kiss scene was written by New!)

In early 2020, Boun and Prem were going to every event begging fans to make a lot of noise on social media about Hemp Rope, and fans dutifully trended it on Twitter begging for a series. I think that was more to get sponsors interested in giving the series money than to convince Studio Wabi Sabi to make it, though. You have to remember that at this point, Boun and Prem weren't big names, Hemp Rope wasn't even finished, and Wabi Sabi was even smaller then than it is now. (SWS moved into their current office in late 2020, if memory serves.)

Summer of 2020 was also fraught with protests and legitimately frightening police and government activity, and no one was filming anything.

There was also the pandemic. From the start, New has been extremely transparent on his Twitter account about the issues they've had to face both as a country and as a small studio. The Thai government is a nightmare of poor governance and confusing, ever-changing regulations, so it was impossible to reliably film anything for most of the past two years. Part of the reason 7 Project was as weirdly disjointed as it turned out to be (Prem has black and blond hair in the same story with no explanation as to why) was because they filmed the majority of it in autumn of 2020, planning on wrapping in December…but they couldn't. The plan was to finish 7 Project in December, then begin Between Us (yet unnamed) in January. You can probably find the interviews with Prem where he says this. Unfortunately, cases spiked in December, and filming across the country was shut down. As a result, they couldn't work on anything for months, and they finished filming 7 Project in summer of 2021.

New said over and over that he didn't want to start filming Between Us until he knew for certain that filming wouldn't get unceremoniously shut down by the government. (7 Project was never going to be great, but the massive gap between autumn of 2020 and summer of 2021 definitely shows in the finished product.) I think New was right to have been cautious considering how anticipated a series Between Us has become. Right now, I'd say Between Us is easily their most anticipated series. The numbers on the teaser pilot alone are multiple any of SWS's other three series due to air this year.

I think the biggest obstacle apart from the pandemic has been the script for Between Us. See, LazySheep isn't just the novelist, she also adapted The Red Thread into the screenplay for Until We Meet Again, so she presumably put all her other novels on pause in 2019 while the series was in production.

She was also working what sounds like a horrendous full-time job. I follow her on Twitter, and she was very open during 2020 and 2021 about her ongoing struggles with her mental and physical health. Just as an aside, Korn's depression is very much taken from LazySheep's personal experience. She said she wrote The Red Thread to spread awareness about two things: depression and traditional Thai desserts. (I love her.)

The last update we got earlier this year is that the script is 90% finished. Also, LazySheep switched jobs to one that sounds much, much better for her general wellbeing.

That said, there have been some truly heinous fans who went anonymous to harass her on social media in 2021 and 2022 for ~delaying the series~ and I truly hope they all (or the one person with multiple accounts) step on legos in a lightless pit forever.

Boun and Prem said in December of 2021 that they'd likely start filming Between Us in April or May of 2022, but I didn't put much faith in that at the time because they'd given other dates in the past that came and went. To my great joy, when they were interviewed about Between Us earlier this week, my evolved smart boys did not give a filming date. THIS IS GOOD. I think it's best at this point to do what they've done: make and release the pilot teaser, work behind the scenes, and wait until they have something concrete to announce before they announce anything.

We have November 2022 as a release date now, and they switched from WeTV to iQiYi as sponsors. I think it's important to note that we've never actually had an official release date before, so this is progress. And while BounPrem haven't given us a filming date, they did assure us that it'll air in November. I think that's been put into a contract at this point.

I think that's everything? I might've missed a few details, but this is why it's hard to answer people who ask What's Going on with Between Us? A LOT IS GOING ON, and it really isn't anyone's fault. Studio Wabi Sabi is small with limited resources (there's a reason juggernaut GMM's merrily punting series after series into the sea like a kid with a row of footballs on a tanker ship), New is both CEO and a director who doesn't seem to outsource his directorial duties, LazySheep's had almost every kind of personal/professional/physical/mental obstacle imaginable, the country seems to be half a step from being a military dictatorship, aaaand pandemic.

It's absolutely been frustrating to wait this long, but I can't imagine any circumstances where they could've filmed Between Us before now and made it good. They know Until We Meet Again was a massive success for them, and they probably know that people are expecting Between Us to be at least on the same level of quality.

On that note, BounPrem are probably terrified. Prem just asked LazySheep (maybe half-jokingly) if he could have more time to improve his acting, so. If you have a spare second, please go send them some wholesome encouragement on Twitter. I can't over-stress how excited they were in 2020 when they finally got confirmation that the series would be made, and I think the wait has been hardest on them. Their careers have been effectively on hold for two years, but they've managed to become one of the most popular and lucrative partnerships through their promotional work together.

On that note, please also send encouragement to LazySheep and New, because one of them has had The Worst Fucking Time and the other one has also had The Worst Fucking Time and is Running a Media Studio During a Pandemic Under a Brutal System of Government.

Okay now I'm done, I promise.

SUPPORT BETWEEN US THE SERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: I was about to fall asleep when I remembered one more thing! Schedules! They probably had to find a time to film that worked with OhmFluke’s schedules, plus any other actors that aren’t directly under Wabi Sabi. OhmFluke alone have, like, ninety-three series this year, so I imagine that’s also been part of the challenge.

[hardlyinteresting]

Risks Worth Taking 2/2

This is the second half, part 2/2 of the story, thank you to everyone who has read it! Professor!Zemo x Student reader Part 1 here The reader takes Zemo’s philosophy class focusing on Machiavelli. Posted in 2 parts because it exceeded the textbox limit. Apx 3k words.

Warnings: student-teacher relationship (the reader is of age, no real focus on power imbalance), implied age gap, consumption of alcohol, implication that the reader is sleeping with Zemo for better grades (she's not) and of course let me know if you want me to add anything else!!

Week five, he is not shocked to find she’s once again the first one in class. “Good evening,” he greets warmly, unwrapping his scarf from around his neck as he makes his way to his desk. She smiles back, “I left my paper on your desk there, I figured I’d get the pile started”. He laughs setting down his coat and bag, “Something tells me there will be few submissions for this class”.

He’s right. Less than half the class bothers to show up. Most of her peers seem to be getting a head start on winter break, at least the class is quiet she thinks content listening to Helmut summarize the most recently assigned chapters, providing historical context where needed.

“Enjoy your break Helmut,” she says softly as he shuts the lecture hall door.

“You as well. Do you have plans?” She shakes her head, “No, just reading”. He smiles, “Then I am sure it will be a good break indeed”.

The cafe is warm and cosy. She settles comfortably into her favourite booth with her favourite book and a second cup of tea.

The bell at the front door dings as a man enters in a long black coat and leather gloves. Fancy she thinks to herself as he approaches the counter to order. It's usually other students dressed in sweatpants and hoodies, the man’s put together dress piques her interest. He orders and then she watches over the top of her book as he drops a $10 bill into the barista’s tip jar. Oh, well dressed and exceedingly well mannered. She can't help but watch him as he waits. Removing his gloves he tucks them into his pockets and unbuttons his coat, she swears she can smell his cologne from where she sits; it's incredible!

“Cherry blossom tea for Helmut?” The barista calls sliding the cup across the counter.

Helmut? It isn't. Is it? He turns after saying a polite thank you, and she can feel her heart hammering as he turns and she sees his face. It is. She's not sure why she's shocked, she did tell him about this place after all. Do I say something? She wonders, weighing the pros and cons, but her thoughts are halted when she hears his voice,

“Hello,” he smiles softly, “I didn't expect you to be here--I know you pointed this place out, but I wasn't--”

He's worried he's intruding. Oh, how the tables have turned.

“No, no. It's okay! I don't own the place-- did you want to sit? You don't have to--”

He chuckles as her nerves get the best of her.

Silently he sets down his cup shrugging out of his coat, putting it over the back of the chair before sitting down.

“What are you reading?” He smiles, trying to peak at the cover.

Again, after their initial stiffness, the conversation flows smoothly, just like it had in his office. After several warm drinks, and a couple croissants ordered between the two of them it’s grown dark outside. Neither had noticed the cafe empty out slowly over the hours, the barista cleaning up for the night until she clears her throat from behind the counter. They both turn to look at her, finally noticing how quiet the shop is.

“Sorry, we’re closing now,” the barista smiles sweetly. “Not a problem. I apologise, we lost track of time. We’ll get out of your way,” Helmut apologizes. The pair collect their things sliding back into their coats and gloves. Helmut waits patiently for her to be ready to go his hand resting gently at the small of her back as she slips out of the booth and past him.

Helmut stops and puts another bill in the girl’s tip jar.

“Sorry for keeping you,” he apologises again.

Outside the winter wind is cold against their faces.

“Are you hungry?” Helmut asks.

“I could eat,” She responds. “Ever been there?” Helmut asks pointing to the pub across the street. “I don’t know if it’s your speed. It’s not super nice or anything, but their food is decent,” she says honestly. He laughs, “‘Decent’ is better than what I can make at home by myself”.

She bites her lip thinking about it, does he want to spend more time with me?

“Okay,” she smiles as they make their way across the street.

Settled at a table, they wait for their server, she asks, “Was that a fifty dollar bill I saw you put in that tip jar?”

He shrugs, “Yes”.

He says that as if it’s normal, she thinks.

“I know you’re not from here, but you do know that’s a lot of money right?” “Yes,” he shrugs again, “But she made excellent tea all afternoon, she let us stay as late as she could and she was polite. And I have been here long enough to know that servers of any kind don’t get paid fairly. I can afford it, she deserves it”.

She feels the smile grow across her face, she considers gushing that he’s such a good person, but instead what comes out is, “I’m really starting to consider becoming a professor”.

He laughs, “I told you, it’s family money, not my facility pay”. God, that laugh, sets off butterflies in her stomach, the warm, genuine sound of his laughter.

He continues, “Before Sokovia fell, my family were royalty. I was a Baron there”. “I knew your name sounded familiar,” she sighs, “I remember hearing about Sokovia on the news. I remember your name, you were building orphanages and relief centres”.

He nods sadly, “Many of us thought we could salvage what we had left after everything. We couldn’t”.

“I’m so sorry,” she says, without thinking she reaches across the table to place a comforting hand on his arm. His hand comes to cover hers, so much larger than her own.

There’s a silence between them for one of the first moment since he sat down with her earlier at the cafe. But it’s not uncomfortable, it’s the opposite -- a silence of understanding, both parties knowing there’s nothing they can say to make things better-- they can only ruminate.

The peace is broken by a waiter coming to take their orders. “Do you drink Helmut?” She asks with a mischievous smile. “I have been known to indulge,” he confesses, his eyebrows furrowed. “Two shots of ?” she turns to look at Helmut expectantly. “Vodka,” he replies. “Two shots of vodka, and an order of cheese fries to share please,” she orders, “thank you”.

The waiter returns not before long, placing the drinks and food on the table.

She holds her shot glass up waiting for him to do the same. “Prost,” he says raising his glass towards her. “Cheers,” she responds clinking her glass into his before they both tip them back.

And that’s how their night begins.

It’s nearing midnight when they settle their bill, Helmut insisting he pay-- though she put up a good fight. “Can I walk you home?” He asks looking at her under the light of the street lamps. She nods, her face feeling warm both from his attention and the alcohol coursing through her bloodstream. Her apartment is only three blocks away, but time seems to slow down as they walk arm in arm through the freshly fallen snow. At her door they stop, she looks up at him, him down at her. Without a thought, lips meet. It’s not rough or particularly sexy, but she feels her knees go weak when his hand comes to cup her cheek, his other splayed across the small of her back pulling her closer. This kiss deepens and she clutches the lapel of his wool coat before they both pull away. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Don’t be,” she sighs.

Then the thought hits her, “How are you getting home?” “Oh-- I was going to get a cab and go back to the cafe to pick up my car in the morning,” he explains. “Nonsense-- you can stay here,” she offers unlocking her door and stepping inside, he doesn’t follow. “Not in my bed,” she laughs flicking on the light, “I’ll set you up on the couch”. He steps inside.

In the morning he wakes to the sun shining through the window. It takes him a minute to orient himself remembering he crashed on her couch. He sits up taking a moment to look around the apartment, it’s cute. Books and textbooks and notebooks strewn about the place. It’s homey and inviting and every bit what he’d expect her space to look like. Carefully he grabs one of the open notebooks tearing out a page he writes a quick note:

Good morning, I find that I feel very sorry for having to leave before you wake. Alas, I have much to get done, and I do not wish to trespass in your home longer than needed. I am grateful for your hospitality, and even more, your company. If my memory serves correctly I must also apologise for making that advance towards you last night. It was ungentlemanly, and you are unquestionably deserving of much better. I hope you can forgive me, and that you might allow me to make it up to you. -Helmut

Week six.

“He should appear to be compassionate, faithful to his word, guileless, and devout.” Is written across the board. When she settles into her seat. She’s not early this week, rather just on time. Helmut notes the heavy rise and fall of her chest as she tries to catch her breath, he holds back a smile at the thought of her sprinting to his class. When the class is settled, he proceeds to hand back all of the submitted essays, now marked. He smiles as he sets hers on her desk, “Bravo,” he says quietly enough that just she hears it as he shuffles along to the next row of students. She anxiously flips to the last page, red pen scrawl reads 100%. Her jaw drops. There’s no way. She thinks back to the rumours she heard on campus at the beginning of the year, about how difficult a marker he is. Bullshit. Her blood boils, rage sizzling beneath her skin. She avoids his eyes for the rest of class staring down at her notebook as she notices the indents in the blank page-- indents left from where he had written her a note that morning. Her anger freezes replaced by the cold sinking feeling in her chest. All his kind words, all those moments shared-- did he really think she was just spending time with him for a better grade? What kind of handout does he expect to get from her? She scolds herself now for the little crush she’d developed-- how stupid could she be? The prince must appear to be virtuous in order to hide his actions, She remembers from her reading, a dagger to her chest as she thinks bitterly that she’s not shocked that the professor is practising what he preaches.

The class ends and he moves to collect his paperwork, sorting it back into his bag. She stays. “I’m glad you stayed behind,” he starts. “I’m sure you are,” she says sharply. Confused he puts his things down turning to face her. “Have I done something to upset you?” He asks seriously his head tilted to the side as he racks his brain for anything he may have done to make her so cross. Perhaps his note was not sufficient in conveying his apology? “Do you think I’m stupid? Or that I’m naive?” she asks arms crossed, “I’m not sleeping with you for a good grade,” she states firmly, sliding her essay back across her desk, “feel free to adjust my grade accordingly”. Is that what she thinks? His mouth goes dry, his mind and heart racing with all the different ways he wants to apologise, to tell her that she has it wrong. He approaches her, finally making eye contact with her, “Your grade will stay as it is. I mark all of my student’s work without looking at the cover pages. I have always strived to remain impartial. Your essay was marked no differently,” He explains calmly, “I would be wrong to say that I don’t hold any affections for you-- it is quite the opposite. I enjoy the time we have spent together, and I would like to continue to remain in your company; I hope to eventually find myself in your affections-- but none of this has any bearing on your grade. I am sorry that I have acted in a way where this was not clear”. Her throat clenches, oh. “I’m sorry--Oh my god--I’m so stupid!” her hand flies to cover her mouth. “You have nothing to apologise for-- I should be the one apologising,” he insists. She shakes her head standing to stand in front of him, “We’ve both been obtuse”. “I’d like to make it up to you. I’d like to take you out for dinner-- a proper meal. If you’ll allow me”. She nods her hand coming to rest on his cheek, thumb running gently across his cheekbone, “I would like that,” she says quietly, her eyes glazing at his lips, “But only after the semester is done and I’ve graduated”. “If that is what you want,” he nods understanding. She can feel him leaning in, her eyes flickering up to his caramel eyes and back down to his lips, his hand rests on her hip, but he waits for her to close the gap between them.

Last day of the school year.

She waits by the door to the lecture hall as he speaks to his class. She listens to the back and forth of conversing ideas from the students, her heart beating faster every time Helmut speaks. It takes a while for everyone to leave when the class is over, but he does his best not to make her wait too long, gathering his things as quickly as possible, he makes his way over to her.

“Maybe I should’ve taken this course, the conversation was much more lively!” She laughs. “Your intelligent thoughts would have been wasted here, my dear” He smiles shutting the door behind him, “your class needed a brilliant mind in it”.

The summer goes by quickly. Fine dining, nights in. reading during rainstorms. Nights of soft romance, followed by nights of passion. Pasts shared. Futures envisioned. In his bed the night before the new school year she rolls over to lay almost on top of him, laughing when he lets out an oof. “Old man she teases,” earning a playful pinch on the thigh from him.

She glances at his nightstand, a copy of The Prince laying there.

“And what are your personal feelings about Machiavelli anyway? You never speak about your own thoughts”

“You're so clever,” he laughs, “but you're right”.

He sighs pulling her closer. he tries to focus on his hand running up and down her arm, how soft her sweater is under his fingertips. He takes a deep breath before speaking, “every time I read it, my opinions change,” he confesses, “there was a time when I was young and stupid; thought I was invincible that I agreed with a lot of his ideals. Then I grew older, fell in love--I thought him stupid and lonely. I experienced an incredible loss--”

She squeezes his side as she hears his voice grow tense with tears, he swallows and continues, “and then I thought I understood him. I learned how to grieve and I thought him intolerable. In the end I learn more about myself than I do him”.

She smiles, “and have you read it lately?��

He nods kissing her softly, “I have”.

“And?”

“I learned to trust my instincts. To take the risks that are worth taking”

“You're kind of a sap,” she laughs, her face getting warm she buries it in his chest. Part 1 here

[itsclydebitches]

Reading what you said re: it's not wrong to change a plan, as long as you properly adapt to it and build off cause and effect in a natural meaningful way

The classic MKEK fall-back of "this was planned from the beginning" always feels bad to me, not only because of the ready rebuttal of "if it was, then why was it set up so badly," but also because limiting yourself to a pre-determined plan from the start is actually incredibly stifling as a creative, and ultimately detrimental to your story.

You mention How I Met Your Mother as a good example of how "sticking to the plan" can be bad; so I just want to mention a show that thrived on "let the chips fall where they may," The Office. The actresses who played Pam and Angela have a podcast where they delve into each episode, talking about the behind the scenes aspects, trivia, writing choices, plot points, etc. and one thing that really stuck with me about it is that they didn't plan the ending. Even the famous romance between Pam and Jim was never 'end game' to the writers; they wanted to let the story and characters develop naturally and see where things went, and it felt more real because of it. There are scenes in the early seasons that exist solely because "that was back when they weren't sure if they would redeem Roy and have us get back together or not," or "that was back when they thought maybe Angela and Roy might get together," or "that was when they were thinking that Jim might move on once and for all and be with Karen," and that sort of thing. Pam and Jim is heralded as one of the most well-written romances in television, and it was not planned from the beginning. Another example of a great ship that wasn't end-game from the start is in Parks and Recreation between Leslie and Ben. This absolutely could not have been planned from the start, because Ben wasn't even introduced as a character until the finale of season 2.

I think you're right that a show should be allowed to develop naturally and change their minds about what they do, and I agree 100% that one of the problems with RWBY is that sometimes they'll let the story grow, but then they invariably erase that growth so that they can force in some long-outdated plan that no longer works for the story.

"It was planned from the beginning" is a terrible excuse to ruin your own story and characters, especially if your story is one in which the best parts happened because you went off-script.

All of this. There’s a lot of talk in writing circles about the planning camp vs. let the chips fall camp, but in reality any long-running story is going to need both. One of the challenges is that this combination looks very different depending on the type of story and the type of author(s) involved. There’s perhaps more wiggle room for letting the chips fall in a semi-realistic, character driven comedy series than, say, in a plot-driven action series. “I don’t know yet what sort of relationship these characters will have in three seasons time” is very different from “I don’t know what the situation with the Relics is going to look like in three seasons time.” Whether Pam and Jim get together or not, you still have a good story about their relationship, whatever that may look like. If the Relics are, say, dropped from the show completely, or retconned, or brought together and the characters have to go stupid to not do anything with them because the writers didn’t plan ahead... that’s more of a problem. So it’s this balance between what you’ve thought ahead to and what you need to accommodate. “It was planned from the beginning” can be a horrible way to treat your story if you’re introducing new elements (How I Met Your Mother), but it can also be a fantastic way to treat your story if you’re following that original path (The Good Place). Unplanned elements can be an excellent addition if the author is willing to run with them (Sasha and Tim in The Magnus Archives), or a terrible hinderance if the author is not (Maria and Pietro). Any author needs to be willing to put in that work of figuring out what elements need to be planned, when they can allow the writing to be organic, and once that organic approach reveals something, ensuring that it comes to mean something. 

RWBY feels like it’s failing on both fronts right now. The story as a whole doesn’t feel like it’s appropriately sketched out, like we’re just meandering through new plot points until it’s eventually cancelled, not navigating a broad - but still reliable - structure. We tossed out the school structure post-Volume 3, tossed out the Final Boss Salem structure with her arrival in Volume 7, and now (presumably) have tossed out the Relic structure in Volume 9, falling into a void instead of heading to Vacuo. Yet at the same time, each now plot point that’s introduced has just as much chance of getting tossed aside too. It’s not replacing A plot point with B plot point, it’s replacing it with C, then D, then E F G, sometimes within the same volume. We’ve often said that RWBY has too many cool ideas and that’s a huge part of the problem. 

Salem is here! But Ironwood is the enemy! The gorillas are back! But they don’t do anything! Ozpin is back too and Oscar is upset about it! But torture is the actual problem! Team JYR are here to save him! But that doesn’t matter! Emerald and Hazel are bad guys! But now they’re not! Redemption is compelling! But now he’s dead and she’s a fixture of the group already! Ren is upset about their choices! But now he’s got a semblance upgrade! Nora cares about the people! But now she cares about Amity! Yang fights with Ruby! But now she’s upset about Blake! Penny is framed! But now she’s the Maiden! But now she’s hacked! But now she’s human! But now she’s dead! 

There. is. so. much. going. on. A desire to let the chips fall where they may still requires restraint on the author’s part and a willingness to follow each thread once it reveals itself (unless we’re talking about a story deliberately meant to be meandering, episodic, etc.) As said, there’s nothing wrong with a lack of planning... but that sort of work does require an experienced, talented team to manage. And there is something wrong with making the story so organic that you’re coming up with new ideas every few episodes, not bothering to keep track of what came before this because it will be replaced in another few episodes too. Meanwhile, claiming that it was all “planned from the beginning” in a misguided attempt to make the whole project seem better than it actually is. At this point, RWBY is a revolving door of disjointed, unexplored ideas, held together by confident writers and a fandom inclined to carefully select the parts that do work, ignore/headcanon the rest, and claim that these pieces amount to the whole, planned, ingenious story. 

[chris-evans-indian-fanfic]

Love

One-Shot

Description: Asexual!Bucky thinks he is broken beyond repair, until you show him that he has been complete all this while.

Warnings: Angst, bad language, mention of sex toys, romance and fluff

@jtargaryen18 organised a writing challenge for reaching 4k followers and of course I have to participate multiple times! 😍 I am sorry this entry is a little late 🙈

My Main Masterlist

A/N: This is the first time I am writing an asexual character. Whatever I have written is based upon my knowledge that I have gathered by reading various articles and posts on asexuality. The reason I am writing this is because I want to have an equal amount of straight and LGBTQ+ stories in my masterlist, so that there's something for everyone to enjoy. Hence, if you are an asexual person or know someone who is, and you realise that anything in my story is incorrectly represented, then please let me know. I will immediately correct it, issue an apology and accept my mistake publicly. 

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr and AO3, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

…

"I cannot fucking believe this!" Karen shouted, "What are you like gay or something?"

Bucky winced at her venomous words. "You need to leave," he said in a quiet, respectful tone.

"Like hell I am going to leave. I want answers!" she placed her hands on her hips and stomped her foot. "What is it? Am I not sexy enough for you? Are you not attracted by this?!" she gestured towards the skimpy lingerie currently hugging her body.

Bucky met her eyes as he responded, "I do not want to have sex with you." 

She huffed, clearly not convinced, "Why not? We have been going out for what, 3 months now? And you still don't want to have sex with me? What is the issue here? Is it-" she paused suddenly, her eyes traveling down his torso to his crotch, "You can't get it up can you?" she sneered.

Bucky shook his head, too exhausted to deal with her, "Karen, it's nothing like that. I just do not want to get physical with you. That's all."

"Oh! Ooooohh!" she bent backwards a bit, "So it was fine to hug me, cuddle with me and hold my hands. But when it comes to sex, you suddenly become a pious celibate saint! What the fuck Bucky?"

Bucky sighed, and handed Karen back her coat, "We are done. Please leave."

She laughed dryly, "Oh abso-fucking-lutely we are done. You know what I think?" she asked while wearing the coat, "I think that you are too old grandpa and that your tiny ass tortured gay dick cannot salute on its own. Because no man in his right mind would deny this," she again pointed to herself. "Super-soldier my ass," she muttered as she left.

The door to his apartment closed with a loud bang, leaving an echo in its wake. Bucky stood still, rooted to his spot. If it were not for the silent tears rolling down his cheeks, anybody could have mistaken him for a statue. 

Slowly, he sat on the floor, his gentle sobs rocking his body as he hugged his knees. 

Decades of torture by the hands of Hydra had left him crippled, physically, mentally and emotionally. When he had been saved by Steve, he had started to piece his life back together, bit by bit. Things such as books, movies, music became tiny jigsaw pieces that slowly filled the void in his life. 

After the final galactic battle with Thanos, Bucky had been officially initiated to the Avengers team, or rather what was left of it. The team soon became an extended family, a family that Bucky was still getting used to. It was especially irksome when Sam and Scott decided to set him up on a date with Karen from Research & Development (R&D), despite his protests.

It wasn't that Bucky didn't desire a relationship. He wanted to be close to someone, experience romance, feel their heartbeat in a close embrace and place light kisses on their forehead. 

But he didn't want to have sex.

At first, he thought he might not have met the right woman. So he searched for porn online, which did little to sway his feelings. He put the issue on a backburner, the safety of the people and the urgency of his missions steering the wheel of his life for a while. 

But when Sam and Scott proudly announced their grand plans for Bucky's date, he remembered his "issue" again. He looked at Karen closely whenever they went on dates together. She looked perfect. Beautiful hair, soft glowing skin, curves in all the right places, all packed in a graceful, slender body.

Bucky liked being close to her, but he was still not getting aroused. Hence, he stopped her advancements everytime she tried to get physical. Karen tolerated it for a while, before her patience wore out tonight.

As the sun rose in the sky, Bucky was still seated on the floor, his cheeks now stained with tears that had stopped sometime in the night, though a sniff escaped from him every few minutes. He looked at the sunlight pouring in from the window, broken by the window-panes, landing at his feet in two rays with a comforting warmth. It was in that moment that Bucky realised, Hydra had truly broken him.

🏳️‍🌈

"We have various types of dildos available. There's The Classic, Textured, Long and Thin, Short and Thick, Vibrators, Transparent Plexiglass Dildos, Strap-Ons, G-Spot Dildos, Double-Ended, Squirting Dildos and ones that also come with a suction grip. Are you looking for yourself or are you looking for something to enjoy with your partner?" the helpful saleswoman asked you.

You stroked your chin in thought, "It's only for me. I already have a vibrator that I bought about a year back. The G-Spot ones have never really worked for me. I am looking to try something new. What is the suction grip one?" 

The attendant handed you the dildo and showed you the suction grip at the end of it, "You can use this to place and stick it on any flat surface you want, whether it's the floor or the wall or the side of your desk. It guarantees a completely hands-free pleasurable experience."

You stuck it on the wall besides the showcase to test the theory. It worked. "Neat! I will take this one," you smiled as the attendant went to fetch a fresh piece.

You paid for your new sex toy and walked back to the Avengers compound with your small white shopping bag in tow.

When you reached your desk, you heard Karen bitching as usual about something to Jessica. At first, you blocked them out like you did almost everyday, but then a name in their conversation caught your attention.

"He's the Winter Soldier alright. He's completely frozen down there," Karen whispered loudly with disgust. 

"Even that red sexy lingerie didn't do anything for him?" Jessica gasped dramatically.

"No!"

"That's crazy! That hot-red piece will convert even the most gayest of the guys! And it didn't do anything for him? Wow," Jessica responded.

Karen added, "You know something? I have always thought he was extremely weird. Like, dude, I know you were tortured by Hydra or whatever, but get over it man! It's been years since he was free. He should enjoy life and stop being such a wimp. I am 100% sure he is impotent."

"You know I was digging into him the other night," Jessica said in a hushed whisper, "and I saw a message board online which suggested that his penis has been completely cut by Hydra. This person knows all such secrets about these alleged superheros. You should follow him."

"What is his username?"

"Proud-Flat-Earther-MotherFuckers. Wait, I will send you the link," Jessica offered. 

Having heard enough of their nonsense, you made your way towards the HR department. Maybe both Karen and Jessica had forgotten, but talking about the personal lives of Avengers was strictly against the rules and was considered as reason enough to fire employees. 

You filed a complaint with the HR and within a few hours, both the women were fired on the spot. You savored the moment with relish, as their faces turned aghast at the realisation that their actions had consequences. You went up to them, watching the pair clean their desks, with unabashed glee. 

"You know something Karen?" you asked her, "Just because a man refuses to have sex, it didn't mean that he's a wimp, or gay or an impotent. But if you do choose to think of him that way, then it surely makes you a sexiest and a homophobic person."

Karen looked at you furiously, "You bitch! I lost my job because you went and blabbed in front of the HR!"

You chuckled at her outburst, "Oh my dearest Karen. Yes I did go and rat you out to the HR. But that's not what got the two of you fired."

"Then what did?" Jessica asked as she joined the conversation. 

You folded your hands for effect, "Your hateful comments and toxic views cost you your jobs. People like you think that just by using the latest iPhone or following the latest trends, you are a modern, 21st century person. But in reality, it is your open mindset which makes you a member of the modern society. If you would open your mind just as much as you open your legs, trust me, the two of you will be much better off."

You turned to leave, but stopped yourself, "Just a suggestion. Stop using words like gay and impotent as insults. It will help you retain your next job for a longer time." You winked at their speechless faces, and happily returned to your desk. 

Your job in R&D was taxing and so, you always found yourself working late. Today was no exception either. As you left your office at around 8pm, you saw Bucky heading towards the elevator which led to his apartment. You always had a soft spot for the brunette super-soldier. For starters, you couldn't even begin to comprehend the tortures he must have endured in his past. And the fact that he was trying to piece his life back together again? It was truly commendable.

He always kept to himself, his eyes downcast and his body language unsure. And after what you had heard today, you felt even more sorry for the guy. Turning towards the cafeteria, you picked up a box of vanilla-strawberry French macarons for him, thanking the heavens above for the free food available at the Avengers compound. You held the white bag with macarons in your left hand, being mindful of not confusing it with the similar white bag in your right which contained your new sex toy. 

A few moments later, you found yourself in front of his apartment. You had visited him twice before to adjust his vibranium arm or to sort out a few tweaks, but never before had you visited him so late in the evening. 

You knocked, feeling a little hesitant as you did so. He was surprised to find you standing on the opposite of the door, however, he still greeted you courteously nonetheless. 

Before you could state your reason for the visit, he said sincerely, "I heard what you did today. Thank you. I really appreciated it."

Now it was your turn to be surprised, "Oh. Ummm. It's okay really Mr Barnes. It was nothing. You don't need to-"

"No. It wasn't just nothing. You could have turned a deaf ear and ignored them. Yet you chose to stand-up for me. Thank you," a small smile laced his face and you melted on the spot.

You had a crush on Bucky. A BIG one. Could anyone blame you? This guy was a hot, sexy mess of an ice-cream sundae that left you hungry for more even on the coldest nights of the year. 

You realised you were staring into his steel-blue eyes like a creep, and immediately cleared your throat. "What-what they did was wrong. Karen had no right to demean you for your desires or lack of them. I-," you sighed, "I am sorry for what she said. It was disrespectful and hurtful. So I brought you something that I hope will cheer you up."

You awkwardly raised your right hand, "I got you some vanilla-strawberry macarons from the cafeteria."

Bucky did cheer up a bit at the mention of his favourite food. He eagerly took the bag with a huge smile, "Thank you," he said once again as you shook your head. "Thank you for everything you do to keep us safe Mr Barnes. I must be on my way now. Goodnight," and with that you left, grinning like an idiot.

🏳️‍🌈

You took a bath, ate your dinner and slipped into comfortable pyjamas. Excited to try your new sex toy tonight, you unpacked the bag expecting to see the nondescript box of the dildo. Instead, 5 delicious macarons stared back at you with innocence. 

You stumbled backwards in shock, the impact of your action settling like a dull, heavy weight in your stomach. "Oh no no no no," you whispered, horrified.

You immediately rushed to your window and pulled aside the curtain to look at Bucky's building, as if expecting to see him staring daggers at you. One of the privileges of working with the Avengers? You got to stay in a nice apartment within the compound itself. Your residential complex was a little further away from the main building, covered easily by 15 minutes of walking. 

Feeling hyper, you frantically searched for a coat and almost ran out of your house. You rushed back in to keep the box in the bag and again, dashed towards the elevator. 

Hoping that Bucky would have yet to open the box, you sent a silent prayer to all the gods and goddesses in the skies above, even Thor. Meh, you never know when an ex-Avenger could be of help.

You sprinted towards the other building, a multitude of thoughts clouding your mind- What if he was offended by it? Would he file a complaint against me? It would be sorta ironic if I was fired for this! Shit he would think my apology was false and I am probably mocking him.

You reached his apartment, a panting, huffing mess of a person. You knocked frantically, his door shaking with force at your desperation. However, you jumped as Bucky whispered your name from behind you, "Are you okay? What's going on?" he asked with concern as you turned around to face him.

"Did-did you op-open the bo-ox?" you questioned him while panting like a dog. 

He furrowed his brows in response, "No I was planning to open it in a few minutes. Please tell me what's going on. Why do you look so scared?"

You bent over double, your stomach cramping thanks to your impromptu running, "Thi-this is your bag," you held up the package, "That ba-bag is mine."

"Okay," Bucky said slowly, still unsure of your behaviour, "Should I open the door to retrieve your bag?"

You nodded as he stepped aside, "Why are you not wearing any shoes?"

You looked down at your feet at his query, small blades of grass had stuck to your naked feet along with dirt. "I was in a hur-hurry to get to you," you managed to say between your breaths.

Bucky just nodded in response. It was then that you noticed the pack of paper tissues in his hand. He opened the door and stepped inside, beckoning you to follow him. He pointed to the white bag kept on the table while he looked at it with worry. "Will it explode?" he solicited.

"Uhh no," you replied awkwardly.

"Is it dangerous?" curiosity etched on Bucky's face as you swapped the bags.

"No, it's nothing like that," you looked down at your feet, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks with embarrassment.

He narrowed his eyes, "Then what is it?"

"I can't tell you," you quietly admitted, "but here are your macarons. I am really sorry for this. Didn't mean to disturb you from whatever you had planned," you pointed to the box of tissues still in his hand. 

Bucky noticed the underlying question in your statement, "I was about to watch a movie. So needed these to clear the mess."

Your eyes went wide at his sincerity. While you had a crush on him, you definitely did not want to know about Bucky's late night masturbation adventures. Shaking your head, you raised your hands and started walking backwards, "I am sorry I disturbed your nightly… activities. I get out of your hair."

"Actually, would you like to join me for the movie?" Bucky asked hopefully, "We have the macarons and you seem like you need to calm your nerves."

You were surprised for the third time that day. Did Bucky just ask you to masturbate with him? Or have sex while eating the macarons? Or did he want to eat them after you guys have had sex? A flurry of questions swirled in your mind as you stared at him with a slightly open mouth. 

Bucky interpreted your gaze and stumbled to clarify himself, "As friends! Would you like to watch a movie with me as a friend?"

You slowly nodded your affirmation, "Yeah okay. Which movie are we watching?" 

"The Notebook," he revealed with a smile, "It's an extremely emotional movie. Ummm what's the term? Tear-jerker? Uhh yeah, it's a real tear-jerker of a movie."

"Oh so that's why…" you pointed at the tissues. "Yeah," he confirmed, "I tend to cry a lot while watching that movie. And… ummm… I am the kind of person who cries ugly. You know, all tears and snot. So yeah… I need the whole box."

"That's… that's actually sweet," you smiled, "Trust me you are not alone. I start crying as soon as the titles appear on the screen."

He got excited at your confession, "Yes! Exactly! It's because you know what's going to come and you are just mentally preparing yourself."

You chuckled with him in affirmation as he led you further into his apartment.

You freshened up a bit in his washroom, making sure to clean your feet and the residue on your face from the sweat.

Bucky was standing besides your bag when you entered the living room, "Now that we are friends," he intoned, "will you please tell me what's inside of this?"

You sighed, "Mr Barnes-." 

"Bucky," he corrected you and you smiled. 

"Will you promise me you will not take any offense or be insulted by it? I really did not mean to swap the bags."

"I trust you," Bucky said with assurance.

"It's…it is a sex toy," you mumbled quietly. Any normal human wouldn't have heard you, but Bucky's enhanced hearing caught your words flawlessly. 

He took a moment to process your words, and finally, to your amazement, burst out laughing. 

You sheepishly smiled at his reaction as your heart felt a little lighter. "That is embarrassing," he agreed with a wide grin. 

The two of you settled on the couch as Bucky's chuckles lessened. He kept the box of macarons between you two, but hesitated to begin the movie.

You sensed his curiosity, and clarified, "I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time. It's been… 2 years I guess… since my last breakup." You took a deep breath, "And my job doesn't exactly leave a lot of time on my hands for dating or one-night-stands."

Bucky seemed to consider your words for what felt like a long time. Finally, he asked quietly, "What does it feel like? To… to want another person… sexually?"

You blinked your eyes, thinking you must have misheard him. But then, his gaze met yours, and you knew his question was sincere.

"It feels like…," you raked your mind in search for the appropriate words, "...like your entire body is on fire, and you need the touch of the other person to quench your thirst. Like, just for a few moments, you want to shut your mind, and let your body think for you."

Bucky nodded slowly as you finished, "But what if you feel that in your heart? And not for your body?"

You squint your eyes at his question, "What do you mean Bucky?"

He placed his head in his hands, "I just… I don't feel like that with anyone. I mean, I don't want to have sex. Trust me I have tried everything. Literally everything. Still I don't feel aroused… I am broken, aren't I? Because this is abnormal, right? No matter how hard I try I will never be normal."

Your heart shattered at his words. You had heard about his horrid nightmares, but to think that he was struggling to accept himself, thinking that he was broken, even when he had so much love to give, was depressing. You could not just stand by and watch.

Gently, you placed a hand on his shoulder, "Bucky, look at me." When he didn't comply, you urged him, "Bucky, you are not broken. It is completely normal to not have any sexual desires."

"No it's not," he scoffed.

"Yes it is," you coerced him, "Do you know what is asexuality? It is the complete absence of sexual desires. Many people-"

He interrupted you, "There is no such thing. You are making this up."

"I am not," you replied indignantly, "Research indicates that more than 1% of the American population is asexual. Also, experts believe that more people might be asexuals because they think that they "haven't found the right person yet"," you ended with air quotes.

With no reaction from him, you sighed and got up, "Do yourself a favour. Use the internet and learn about asexuality. It will help put your mind at ease." You left after giving that piece of advice.

Bucky stayed in the same position for a few moments after your departure. He nibbled on a macaron as he considered the movie playing in front of him. Unable to focus, he promptly shut it all and carried the box to his bed. The macarons disappeared into his mouth as he tossed and turned, feeling restless. 

There was no way asexuality was a thing. If it was, then how come there were no movies, tv shows or even advertisements on asexuality? That's because it wasn't normal, right? Maybe you had just lied to him to make him feel better? Maybe you took pity on him?

He looked at his phone on the table near the tv set, your final words repeating in his head in a loop. The combination of tiredness and laziness encouraged him to take your advice in the morning.

🏳️‍🌈

You didn't see Bucky for 3 days after your fateful encounter with him. The fact that you still had your job at the Avengers Tower meant that he hadn't filed a complaint yet with the HR. And for that you were grateful. Friday came and you found yourself working late, again. It was around 10pm and you were still in your lab, almost done with the work. That's when you heard the small swoosh of the lab doors opening and closing.

You looked up from your table, and found Bucky staring intently at you with his blue eyes. He cleared his throat and tentatively took a step towards you. "You were right," he said slowly, "I researched online, read a few articles and spoke with the in-house therapist. I am an," he took a deep breath, "an asexual."

You closed your laptop and smiled at his confession, "How are you feeling now?"

"Honestly? A little bit better. I feel somewhat free," he admitted while gripping the white bag in his hand a little bit tighter.

"That's great! I am so proud of the progress you have made," you beamed at him, but sensed his hesitance as you neared him.

"What's wrong?" you gently inquired.

"You are… not… I mean… by any chance… asexual?" he winced at his own question.

You chuckled lightly, "No I am not."

"Ahh, then it's okay," he murmured and turned as if to leave.

You stopped him by placing a hand on his firm bicep, "What's going on?"

He shifted on his feet, visibly uncomfortable and anxious, "I was just… no nevermind it's stupid."

"Bucky," you said his name in a stern voice.

He sighed again, "I thought… I mean I owe you a movie because… of that night… and so… you know… would you like to watch it? The movie? But why would you? You deserve better… you are not an asexual. You are normal. Why would you want to go on a date with me?" he finally ended his mumbling.

You looked at him with squinted eyes, trying to decipher what he had muttered. "Did you just say you would like to go on a date with me? But it was stupid because you are an asexual and I am normal?" you blinked as he nodded.

"Who told you that you are not normal?" you asked him, a little irritated, "Bucky look at me." This time he complied, "You. Are. Normal. As normal as me, as the other Avengers or as anybody else in the world. Do not, for even one goddamn second, think that there's something wrong with you because there isn't. Are you listening to me? Am I clear?" you wagged your forefinger at him.

Amused at your outburst, he nodded with a sheepish grin. Clearing his throat, he asked you again, "Would you like to watch a movie with me tomorrow? As a date?"

You placed your hands on your waist, "Yes."

His grin widened as he asked you the next question, "Still mad at me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Maybe these cupcakes will help," he shyly held up the white bag in front of you, "I made sure they were cupcakes," he added with a smirk.

You graciously accepted the bag, "Cupcakes will always help."

"Great! It's a date then. Tomorrow… at 4pm? My apartment?" Bucky suggested.

You agreed, and he left with a goodbye. As soon as he was out of sight, you opened the box, expecting to see the usual cupcakes inside. Instead, you found that the sweet treats were decorated with cute messages such as "U R Cute" , "Be Mine?" , "So Sweet" and so on. Feeling mushy at his adorable gesture, you bit into the sweet treat as you headed back to your apartment.

The next day, you made sure to wear a purple dress, complete with black, grey and white accessories - the colours of the asexual flag. Bucky beamed at you as he welcomed you into his apartment. He had made a snack mix from popcorn, crispy pretzels, chips and nachos, the perfect accompaniment to any movie according to him, and you couldn't agree more.

The pair of you watched The Notebook in silence, except for a few sobs and sniffs here and there and the straight up bawling during the emotional parts of the movie.

After a while, the film ended but your date continued. The two of you talked about everything, right from the meaningful discussions about the government policies to random questions like "which mythical creature would you be and why?"

Soon, it was time for you to head back to your apartment. Bucky offered to walk you and you happily agreed. But before you left, he asked you nervously, "Would you like to have a second date?"

"I would love to," you beamed, "Which movie should we watch the next time?"

He ran his hand in his somewhat disheveled hair, "Uhh… I actually made a date jar. Wait, I will get it."

He brought over a glass jar, filled with tiny bits of folded paper, "I thought we could have dates that start from each English alphabet. We can pick and choose at random from the jar."

Tears pricked the corner of your eyes again at his thoughtful and romantic gesture. You gingerly picked one note from the jar, excited for the adventure that awaited the two of you.

🏳️‍🌈

It took more than 2 years for the pair of you to finish every date in the date jar, except for one. Whether it was jet-skiing in the ocean, taking classes for flamenco dance, him teaching you self-defense or going on a wildlife safari together, you and Bucky finally got through it all. Only the letter "P" was now left.

In these 2 years, any distance between the two of you had practically vanished. Bucky was comfortable in removing his bionic arm in front of you. Moreover, he had started sharing everything with you. Right from his darkest and disturbing nightmares to a pretty butterfly that he may have seen during his missions, Bucky made it a point to ensure that you were a part of his life, and you had absolutely no complaints.

The two of you had also discussed about your sexual desires, and Bucky had been comfortable with you using your sex toys as and when you wished.

Bucky was the perfect boyfriend anybody could ask for. He was considerate, thoughtful, a hardcore feminist and gave the best foot-rubs in the world. And so you were nervous. Nervous because the two of you had never actually sat down to talk about the nature of your relationship. And as the day of the last date loomed nearer, your anxiety increased. At first, you thought of making a second date jar, but he had quickly dismissed the idea, stating that he would be caught up with multiple things after the last date ended.

As you sat in the car that Bucky had sent for you, your apprehension grew. Bucky always picked you up, however this time, he had asked you to come alone in the car. Maybe he wanted to break up with you?

By the time you reached the park it was pitch black. You were sure Bucky had paid the guards to keep the gates of the park open just for you.

As soon as you entered, you saw the pathway lined with 25 lamp posts, leading you towards a breathtaking archway decorated with fairy lights and your favourite flowers.

On every lamp post, a photograph of the two of you - which were taken on your dates - was stuck along with a note. The notes described how he fell in love with you over and over again on every single date. Your progress was slow, as read each of his meticulously written words with tears in your eyes. You collected all of his notes and the photographs, and finally headed towards the lit archway.

When you entered it, the instrumental notes of the song "All of Me" by John Legend reached your ears.

You walked ahead and reached a bend. Upon crossing it, you were showered with rose petals as the live music grew louder. And at the end of the archway, your boyfriend, James Buchanan Barnes, was standing in a tuxedo, looking as sinfully good as the forbidden fruit. The entire area around him was lit with soft fairy lights that cascaded gracefully between tall lamp posts. Even on the ground, small wooden lamps illuminated the grass across the area. A live band was playing the music and your Bucky was standing with the most gorgeous bouquet of red roses that you had ever seen.

Your vision turned blurry as you started crying, and looking at your tears, he started sobbing as well. "No no no I can't cry now," he managed to say between his sobs while giving you his handkerchief, "I have to do this."

He got down on one knee and took your hand in his. You both laughed as you started crying harder. He took a deep breath and said your name, "These 2 years have been the most magical years of my life. You have accepted me as who I am, what I am, and never once tried to change me or make fun of me for it. I never thought I would be treated with the amount of respect that-" he started crying, unable to finish his sentence.

You sat beside him and handed him your kerchief. "Yes," you said with a tear-stained smile.

"Let me ask you first!" he exclaimed between his sobs.

You laughed and wiped your snot as he cleared his throat, "I love you so much. You are the only one I want to-" he started crying again.

"Yes!" you answered his unsaid question.

"I haven't asked you yet!" he exclaimed again as the two of you giggled between your sobs.

"Okay c'mon Bucky you can do this," he muttered to himself as you beamed at him. "Okay," he looked into your eyes and whispered your name, "Will you do me the honour of marrying me and becoming my wife?"

You choked up at finally hearing the words. Rendered speechless, you could only nod as fresh tears escaped your eyes.

"You have to say yes!" he almost shouted with excitement.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!!" you matched his enthusiasm as he slipped a ring onto your finger. His large arms then engulfed you in a bear hug, wrapping you in a safe and secure space for eternity to come.

Permanent tag: @donutloverxo @notyourtypicalrose @just-one-ordinary-fangirl

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