#I will literally have an allergic reaction to my own stress/anger

[tj-crochets]

I ask this genuinely: how do you manage to create so much? I really admire how much you make things, and enjoy your hobbies so much. I'm trying to figure out how to feel motivated to do projects again

This got extremely ramble-y, so it's below a read more

A lot of it is honestly luck? I have a stay-at-home job that has a fair amount of down time* where I have to be sitting at my computer in case someone emails me/messages me/calls me but can make things while waiting for emails, and it pays enough I can afford to live and buy craft supplies. I've also had a bunch of people, including relatives, neighbors, friends' relatives, and strangers destash and give me a lot of craft supplies for free. Part of it is that I get...idk how to word it. Antsy and listless when I haven't made things in a while? Making things is enrichment for me, and I know that, so I make a point to not go more than a few days without making something. Sometimes I don't want to make things, but I know I'll feel better if I finish a project**, so I'll crochet a little monster or make a tiny witch hat or something, and usually once I start making something I feel better and want to keep making things. Part of it is that I let myself make things on a whim. I've accumulated enough colors of minky, yarn, and embroidery floss*** that I can pretty much make any small thing I think of immediately after I think of it. This isn't universally applicable advice; I have the storage space to (mostly) store it neatly, and I know myself well enough to know I will absolutely lose enthusiasm for a project if I have to wait too long to start it. If I'm making a quilt but have a strong urge to make a tiny monster, I will take a break from the quilt to make a monster (I sometimes struggle with finishing big projects because of this, but it's a work in progress, and I always finish the project eventually). I also love craft supplies as decor. I let myself switch between hobbies as I have the urge to, and trust that I will eventually go back to previous hobbies. I used to guilt myself about changing hobbies, but now I embrace it. Learning new things is good for me! I just spent like three months quilting, like two weeks making doll clothes and a doll to fit them, and now two and a half days embroidering. I'm thinking about making a teddy bear sized tricorn hat. A few weeks ago I made a chain mail/scale mail bracelet, and before then I think it had been like five years since I made anything with chain mail. Sometimes I do get caught up in guilt about crafts. Like, guilt that I promised to make someone something and haven't yet, or that I spent money on supplies but haven't used them, or that someone bought me supplies and I haven't used them. It can absolutely drain all my crafting motivation. When that happens, I try to take a step back, and find what is stopping me/causing me guilt. Is a gift late? That's okay, my friends and family understand crafting takes time and won't be upset. Did I spend money on supplies and not use them yet? That's okay, picking them out brought me joy and inspiration and I will use them in the future. Someone bought me supplies and I haven't used them? How awesome that they thought of me! Someday I'll make something cool with that stuff, and it's great to have another metaphorical crayon in my crayon box to open up more possibilities of things to make. Sometimes I also get hung up on patterns, where part of it is just utterly unenjoyable to me and I can't bring myself to start making the thing. When that happens, I try to figure out what bugs me about it. Is it too complex a pattern? Okay, I'll pick a simpler one. Do I hate hand sewing applique? Okay, I'll look up machine applique, or use a different fabric that doesn't need applique, or pick a different pattern. I think I might've gotten a little off topic? Part of it is also that I struggle to focus on watching shows or even sometimes reading if I am not also making something.

*I mean, it varies day to day, but a lot more downtime than my first job

**there's some neurochemical thing about finishing a project, especially when the finished project creates a tangible object? ***I used to make friendship bracelets

[tsutsumi-kaina]

Theory: AFO Gave Tomura Decay (Part 1)

This was initially posted on my main, but I rearranged/rewrote some parts that went off track and decided to repost it to my BNHA blog instead.

I wanted to talk about one of my favorite theories for a bit-- namely, the theory that AFO slipped Tenko “Decay” in an effort to facilitate Tenko’s descent into villainy. It’s a pretty popular theory, and one of the main arguments in favor of it (i.e. manga!Tenko was seen being escorted home by a man with AFO’s build and similarly atrocious fashion sense) has already been discussed to death-- so instead I’ll touch on points that I haven’t seen talked about as frequently, but still seem to hint at some foul play surrounding Tomura’s quirk.  

Warning: This post has spoilers for both the most recent chapters of MHA (up to ch. 316) as well as spoilers for Vigilantes (up to ch. 109).

1. The Itch

Putting this first because it’s often the point I see cited most frequently as evidence of Tenko being born with his quirk, while I personally feel it’s the biggest piece of evidence we have in favor of his quirk not being natural.

imo the idea that Tenko has some sort of autoimmune disorder that activated in response to having a quirk forced on him isn’t actually all that far-fetched-- because AFO himself  invites us to consider the medical implications of quirk transfers when he compares “quirk transplants” to organ transplants (which, by the way, are notorious for being rejected by a recipient even if they are a 100% match. Organ recipients usually have to take Antirejection meds that suppress their immune system for the rest of their lives-- b/c when left unsuppressed, the immune system will view the donor organ as an invading pathogen and will try to crazy murder it. That being said: One of the more benign signs of rejection after a liver or kidney transplantation is pruritis, a.k.a. severe itching).

Basically: Tenko’s body is trying to reject the unsuitable/transplanted quirk-- and it manifests as an allergic reaction which, like most immunity-related illnesses, gets worse when stressed.

Pictured: 50% Panic Attack 50% Shrimp Allergy

Another point in favor of this interpretation is that Decay seems to trigger something eerily similar anaphylaxis when it goes out of control. Tenko is suddenly unable to talk, his itch is the absolute worst that it's ever been, his eyes are visibly bloodshot, and he begins to audibly wheeze-- as if his throat is swelling up. Yes, hyperventilating can be a symptom of a panic attack (and he very much is having a massive panic attack on top of everything else that’s going on in this scene), but having your airways appear to constrict to the point where you are wheezing and can no longer talk is not. Let’s move on!

2. Decay’s first actual manifestation occurs during the --happiest-- moment of Tenko’s life: Right after finding out his grandma, Nana Shimura, was a hero.

This particular sequence always struck me as…. strange, to put it mildly. Like, really strange. It also blatantly contradicts the commonly accepted explanation for Tenko’s “itch.” 

“You have within you an impulse to destroy that even you can’t control. It’s bursting out of you, and the itching is your body letting you know.” - (AFO, chapter 237)

But if this is really the case, why do we see it first activating during what’s likely the happiest moment of Tenko’s life? If Decay is truly fueled by hate/anger and required sufficient hatred to build up before manifesting, then what exactly is fueling it during this scene and why did it activate at this specific moment? So let’s ask ourselves-- who, other than Kotaro, would be pissed off that little Tenko found out about Nana and wants to be just like her?

*jazz hands* This guuuuuy!

Let's assume that AFO was able to watch the Shimura family drama unfold from inside Tenko-- This would explain why decay suddenly activated after Tenko found out about Nana, despite Tenko being completely over the moon at the time.  Which brings us to our next point. 

3. The Unique Property of AFO's Vestiges (plural!)

The fact that Tomura has never seen a vestige is often  brought up as a point against the idea of Decay being someone else’s quirk-- however, we get a fairly probable explanation for why Tomura has never seen Decay’s vestige in the recent chapters of MHA: Vigilantes.

The main antagonist of Vigilantes, Number Six/Rokuro, is in possession of a quirk called “Overclock” that was gifted to him by AFO. Overclock initially belonged to the hero “o’Clock” before AFO stole it, and initially we’re led to believe that Rokuro is able to see o’Clock’s vestige.

Except, it turns out what he’s seeing isn’t o’Clock’s vestige at all.

What time is it? It’s AFo’Clock!

The above more or less implies that AFO’s vestige is A) Able to masquerade as the “original” vestige of any quirk that he steals (that, or he fuses with their vestige and then overwrites their personality completely with his own) and B) Exists as a pseudo-vestige in pretty much every quirk that he passes down (and there’s evidence of this in the core series, too-- AFO somehow knew of Nagant’s betrayal instantly and immediately activated the bomb quirk he snuck inside her despite his actual body being nowhere near her at the time.  Plus, AFO-Prime heavily implies that he is able to at least sense the actions/thoughts of TomurAFO to a certain degree, even before the prison break occurs). 

In other words, Tomura has never seen a vestige of Decay’s original owner because AFO literally saved over their vestige with his own. 

Additionally: If we're gonna vehemently insist that Decay 100% belongs to Tomura "bc no vestige!" we have to acknowledge that characters like Nagant and Machia never seem to see the original quirk owners in vestige form, either, despite possessing quirks that were gifted by AFO.

At any rate-- We can assume a pseudo AFO vestige present in stolen quirks isn’t nearly as strong as the vestige that’s present within the AFO quirk itself, which is why AFO can’t simply take over anyone that he gifts a quirk to. What the pseudo-vestige seemingly can do, however, is:

Possibly influence emotions/personality like the brain tumor he is (see: his whole monologue about organ transplants being able to influence tastes and personality, which implicitly means quirk transplants can do the same since he is explicitly drawing comparisons between the two)

Possibly force activate their quirks (see: Nagant’s bomb, and likely Tenko’s first incident of decay)

Monitor people from the inside and somehow relay things like their emotional state, situation, and location, back to Prime-AFO. 

Speaking of “monitoring situation/location”...

4. The Key To Heroics (And Villainy, Apparently) Is All About The Timing!

"AFO added you to Find My Friends! Let AFO see your location? :)"

Folks have already talked about how obviously orchestrated this scene is and how it points to AFO having played a part in the Shimura family tragedy, so we'll leave things at that and move on.

Continued in part two (link!)

[lilac-melody]

Breaking Down Sia’s Movie

Okay, so I watched Sia’s movie “Music”. And I bear witnessed how awful it truly is. So before I get into this, here’s some warnings:

1. This is going to be a long post

2. There will be mentions of restraint scenes and how they’re handled as well as images. View at your own discretion.

3. There are Spoilers so if for some godforsaken reason you WANT to see this movie...don’t click “keep reading”

Okay, so before I get into the actual contents of the movie let me say the characters all suck. Not a single character was likable and the plot was barely coherent. The main character, Kazu (or just “Zu”) is a recovering alcoholic and she’s just,,, all around not a good person. She’s very irresponsible.

Ebo, her love interest, is also shitty. Not only is his character based on racism to make the white girl look heroic and brave, but he doesn’t actually know how to take care of Music, the autistic girl.

There was also this weird subplot with this fat Asian guy but we’ll get to that later.

And another thing to address there’s like about roughly 10 music videos sprinkled in throughout the movie??? And almost all except ONE of them were extremely bright and colorful and each time I had to keep looking away. Not only that but ALL of the transitions from “reality to music” was always very sudden and has sent me into sensory overload.

And one last thing before we dive into this- Music stims a lot. And yet in her music videos in her mind, she’s not stimming...like, at all. Considering Sia researched with AutismSpeaks, I’m sure she has the idea that stimming is a bad thing.

So the movie begins with Blackface and immediately we jump into extreme bright lights and music. Music wakes up, and we get a feel of her daily routine. Get up, eat eggs, have her hair braided, go on a walk, come home, watch tv, go to bed. (Or at least that’s the generalization of it) And I DO mention this schedule because it’s important later.

As we already know, Music (who is played by Maddie Ziegler, a neurotypical actress) has very exaggerated movements. She has this very weird way of walking and constantly looks like she’s doped up on medications and is high off her ass.

Everyone around her treats her like a toddler, being overly friendly and being all around accepting and caring of her.

Now I bring this up because that in itself is already problematic. It makes neurotypical people think “oh it must be great being autistic people will buy you things, give you free stuff and you’re so unaware!” when this is the furthest thing from reality. If people saw someone like Music out and about, they would be giving her dirty looks, they wouldn’t buy her free things, they’d move away from her.

Autistic people are not that accepted into society. You’re more likely to get cussed out than helped.

So Music returns home, and finds her grandmother, her previous caretaker, dead on the ground. She has no reaction, just smiling and giggling away and sits down.

One thing I noticed about Music is that she’s literally always stimming. Like, LITERALLY always. There is not a single moment on screen where she’s NOT stimming. And that’s not to say it’s bad but it feels way too forced and honestly? It felt and looked more like a mockery of autistic people who need to stim often.

So George, a man next door, came over to help fix something in the apartment. And it was only After he came in that Music got worried about her grandma. Or at least she was lowkey panicking. This is when Zu comes into the movie and gets a call and has to now come take care of Music.

Also apparently the fat Asian neighbor would??? Flash a flashlight in her room while she’s in bed and move it around as if she was some sort of cat??? I’m pretty sure that scene was just an excuse to launch into the second music video of the movie.

So Music wakes up and echoes “Make you eggs” to Zu, who makes her eggs. Remember the routine I mentioned? How Music gets her hair braided as she’s eating? Well, as Zu’s going back to bed, Music starts echoing “Braid your hair”. Zu doesn’t know how.

So Sia incorporated a meltdown scene of Music being stressed of the routine is being broken. Music starts hitting her head and thrashing around screaming “braid your hair” repeatedly. Zu not knowing what to do tries to pin her against the wall and was literally screaming at her to calm down.

And this is where we met Ebo, Zu’s love interest. He noticed Music having a meltdown and...well...

Zu questions if he’s hurting Music and...

And after that, everything is suddenly all perfectly fine because Music understands that Ebo doesn’t want her hurt and she needs to calm down. And it’s also wonderfully okay because he can braid her hair. She goes back to breakfast as if nothing happened.

Obviously this is extremely problematic. Restraining autistics during a meltdown is a very sure way to kill them. If a neurotypical is reading this and is doubtful, here is one instance of an autistic boy being restrained and killed.

After that, Zu and Ebo follow Music on her walk to get to know her route. After returning, Zu makes a comment about how she’s thinking about sending Music to a “people pound” and then adds “oh but I guess I can keep her”??? Honestly if you took this scene out of context I’d be wondering if they were actually talking about a fucking animal.

Zu later finds some of her old toys and talks to Music about them and mentions how someone “has seizures just like Music”.

Um...when did Music have seizures? This was NEVER brought up prior to this and it will never be mentioned throughout the movie. A meltdown! Is not! A seizure!!

The movie follows Zu around being irresponsible, borrowing money, and so forth.

And then we get to the park scene. Hey remember the first meltdown scene? Music had a meltdown about her routine being broken? Yeah that doesn’t happen. Zu flat out says that the change of route is good for her and Music just happily goes along with it with that dopey ass expression on her face.

Ebo explains that Music wears her headphones “because her hearing is so sensitive she can hear whispering from two rooms away”. First of all, we autistic people are NOT superhuman.

After he says that he says “she can understand everything we are saying” and yet they literally have to repeat themselves several times to get her to understand. They don’t treat her like she understands them. They treat her like a two year old who doesn’t know any better. That was literally the vibe I got throughout the entire movie, especially at some later scenes.

So Music sees some kids running around and that sends her into a meltdown. And Zu wants Ebo to restrain her like he did at the apartment and...um.

Ooooooookayyyyyy. Yeah, that’s your problem??? Okay make the tall white girl be a “hero” then.

Oh yeah just like that!

Also what the fuck is Music’s expression here??? This is a normal look for her throughout the movie and she’s having a Meltdown.

Oh and after Music “calms down” from the meltdown??? She’s back to being 100% PERFECTLY HAPPY.

AGAIN, NEUROTYPICALS, DO NOT THINK THIS IS OKAY!!!!! NONE OF US ARE LIKE THAT!!! IF YOU RESTRAIN AN AUTISTIC YOU WILL MAKE THEM PANIC MORE AND POSSIBLY KILL THEM!!!

So, we keep going on with the movie, following Zu continuing to be irresponsible and frustratingly impossible to care about.

And at one point, she has to bring Music with her to this place where she “works”. And on the way there she tells Music to “not do one of her freakouts and just get it out now”.

Um...so sorry that a meltdown is causing YOU trouble??? A MELTDOWN IS NOT A FUCKING TANTRUM!!!!!!!!!

Later, when walking, Music wanted a snowcone, so Zu got her one. While she was getting her one, Music, QUITE LITERALLY OUT OF NOWHERE, lays on the ground under the bench and starts to eat gum from it.

...Um. What??? Why??? To show us how “hard” it is being with an autistic girl??? Literally what was the point of this scene???

So, afterwards, Music gets stung by a bee, which she’s allergic to. Zu restrained her while she was screaming, though it was brief, it was still uncomfortable. She gets brought to the hospital and she’s gonna be okay because she had an EpiPen with her.

But the doctors say that Zu’s occupation is empty for the insurance.

And here’s where I got from pissed and annoyed to downright uncomfortable.

Zu realizes her bag is missing and for several minutes, she literally starts screaming in pure anger and frustration, at home she’s searching, throwing things, kicking things, screaming some more...

Like WHY isn’t ZU being restrained??? Why is it acceptable for her to do that but it’s bad for Music to have a meltdown??? Honestly when Zu started screaming and throwing things, I actually flinched.

Oh also during these scenes the fat Asian kid was taking Ebo’s boxing class and hugged his opponent during a match and I guess at his apartment his parents argued about that (they didn’t include subtitles on that bit as they were speaking another language....nice. Note the sarcasm.)

and the dad literally attacks his wife and throws his son aside...and the fat Asian kid dies.

So like...what was the point of the kid dude??? No, seriously, what was the point? To buy Music a watermelon pop at the start of the movie??? We didn’t get ANY information about him or ANYTHING. And he just up and dies. Like if you take all his scenes out of the movie, nothing would change.

While the kid’s dying, Zu’s so stressed that she gets drunk and tries to talk to Ebo, but she gets loud and emotional and a neighbor comes out and Zu drunkenly attacks him.

Oh, so even if Zu is drunk and attacking people, pushing them, etc, SHE doesn’t get restrained. She just gets told stop. Okay. Sure.

Zu goes to a bar, returns home after another annoying music number, and makes Music her breakfast before she goes on her walk.

Ebo visits, and he practically says “aight I’mma focus on my own health I’m out”.

Zu starts becoming actually clean after that, she and Music staying with George.

There was pretty much just a dumb montage of her life after that??? One bit was Music having ANOTHER meltdown (for unexplained reasons) and Zu grabbing her yelling to calm down.

After some time Zu decides to drop Music off at a mental health facility, and when they were there, Music suddenly starts saying “don’t go sis” and “sit down now”.

Hold up.

So this movie is telling me that Music is nonverbal, but she can say some phrases, and also she understands what’s going on and YET NO ONE IN THIS ENTIRE MOVIE HAS TREATED HER LIKE SHE’S A HUMAN BEING WHO KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON...suddenly, out of nowhere, she knows what’s going on. She suddenly knows she’s about to be left alone and suddenly she can talk more than repeated phrases.

I...I don’t think that’s how that works there, chief!

Zu changes her mind and she and Music go to the wedding that Ebo is at. Ebo is a guest at his brother and ex-wife’s wedding. (Which he mentioned earlier in the film and said he’ll tell Zu the rest of his story later which he never does btw)

and while he’s on stage finishing his speech, which is about how he doesn’t know what love is, Zu and Music come running in and Zu goes up on stage and basically tells him she’s now clean and she’s learning to love. And suddenly Ebo’s in love with Zu and introduces her to his entire family at the wedding, share a kiss and then everyone started clapping.

...No, I’m not kidding. Everyone was applauding them. At his brother’s wedding.

They start to play a song, but then Music starts kinda quietly kinda brokenly singing, it was hard to hear but yeah.

And then it cuts to another bright music video and the movie THANKFULLY ENDS.

GOD. That was so frustrating to watch.

I hated the characters, I hated the plot, I hated how Sia chose to “represent” autistic people, it was all a one, big, irritating MESS.

And in the end, do we learn ANYTHING about autism??? NO.

In fact, if I was a neurotypical with NO knowledge of autism, I would assume autism makes you some stupid 2 year old that you need to restrain when they’re stressed.

I wish I was kidding.

Just because some autistics are incapable of fully taking care of themselves doesn’t mean they’re just “teehee brain empty everyone around me is in a super bright music video!” like what the fuck???

This movie was problemtic, offensive, and WHY is it titled “MUSIC” when literally Zu is the protagonist??? Zu is the protagonist, her main story is about her and Ebo falling in love, and her subplot was...taking care of Music.

And then the mini subplots of the movie too. I genuinely don’t understand the point of the Asian kid. And Once, Ebo mentioned needing medication but they never bring THAT up again either.

Even if you erased Music’s character entirely in this movie and it wasn’t about a recovering alcoholic taking care of her autistic sister, the movie would be trash, poorly made, poorly executed, poorly directed.

And, the site I used did NOT add any warnings about restraint NOR did it say “hey don’t restrain autistics in a meltdown” or anything. And considering this movie had 4 RESTRAINT SCENES (2 of them being fleshed out and the others being quicker)...that’s pretty bad.

All around, this movie was awful.

-50/10, I would sooner watch 2019′s Cats.

[tinamaetales]

Anti-human?!

Thirteenth K Drama: I am not a robot

They said that no man is an island but what if a person chooses to live in seclusion because of his allergy to his fellow human? Is that really possible for someone to survive just by himself? Is it possible for a human to have an allergy by having even the slightest human contact?  And what triggers such allergy? I am not a Robot is a romantic comedy drama that tells us the story of Kim Min Kyu, the Director of KM Financial Corporation, who lived 15 years of his life in seclusion – avoiding human contact at all cost.  Until, he met a robot that looks exactly like a human, AJI 3. With AJI 3, he was able to interact with her as if she’s a human and his allergy is not being triggered because he knows that it is just a robot and not a human. But what if the AJI 3 that he knows is actually not a robot?

Synopsis

For a successful man like Kim Min Kyu, Director of KM Financial Corporation, you would think that he has it all in life. Sure, he’s rich, good looking and intelligent but if there’s one thing weird about him is that he’s not fond of being near with people. And by that I mean, you’re not literally allowed to have even a slightest contact with him for there would be an extreme allergic reaction on his body. Despite being the chairman of a large corporation, Min Kyu is seldom seen in their office and when he shows up, everyone’s instructed to hide and is not allowed to go near him. Although he never told anyone about it, it has become the norm in their office. He’s always fully clothed and even wears gloves no matter the weather and he also carries a “baton” which gained him the title “three part baton”. What people around him don’t know is that the reason why he behaves that way is because he has an extreme allergy with human contact. Ever since his parents died, he lives alone in their mansion (although he has a butler but he lives in a different house). He doesn’t trust anyone for at such a young age he already experiences betrayal and that traumatized him so bad that even a slight touch would cause for an extreme allergic reaction. And then, he met the Santa Maria Team. They are a group of scientists who specializes in creating the most advanced robot. They introduced Min Kyu to AJI 3; AJI 3 is a super advanced AI robot that functions and look exactly like a human but is more intelligent than an average human. Seems like an answered prayer for Min Kyu who’s been living his life in seclusion however, before they can even get the chance to send AJI 3 to Min Kyu it encounters a problem. Out of desperation, they seek the help of Jo Ji A, the human that AJI 3 was modeled after. They made Ji A pretend as AJI 3 until they fix the real robot. What will happen now that the AJI 3 that Min Kyu knows is actually NOT a robot?

Okay, I know this is another drama that would make me say “I can relate so much to the main character” but I swear this time it is on a whole different level of connection. Early this year, I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and the name itself is already the clue that it has something to do with being around people. Actually, I can tolerate people when they’re about a kilometer (I’m bad at this measurement thing, sorry) away from me and they’re minding their own businesses. But once I get myself in a crowd and people starts being noisy and if bad luck would have it, they will strike a conversation with me, I will start having panic attacks. It will start with having difficulty in breathing, then my heart would feel like it beats faster than normal which will then led to the feeling of my chest tightening and then the rest of my body would be numb. I would have this paranoia that those people would hurt me. Most of the time I will run to the nearest bathroom but sometimes if I’m lucky enough to have a brown bag, I would inhale through it. When I started taking my meds for my anxiety disorder, the attacks lessened and somewhat become milder. So there are days wherein I would be confident enough to not take the meds at all – some days are good because I get to have zero attacks but there are days wherein I would have at least 2-3 attacks. The worst part is that, I work outside Cavite and has to take public transportation. The work that I have is related to frontline services so imagine the kind of suffering I have to endure for months before my former boss decided to transfer me to the back-end operations office (God Bless her, she’s the best!) Now that I’m not in the frontline, I can say that I’ve calmed down already. However, there are still series of attacks. I guess it will really take time – maybe years, before I can recover. I’m not rushing into things but sometimes I feel so bad about it – it makes me feel like I’m not normal and will never be. In Min Kyu’s case, it was more visible physically. A slight contact with another human would result to him having severe allergic reaction in which his body will be covered with rashes and he will also have difficulty in breathing. It was somehow deadly. His doctor pointed out that it was being triggered psychologically since Min Kyu doesn’t trust anyone. So, his body would definitely react when another human, whom he doesn’t trust, would make a contact with him. The root cause was the betrayal he experienced when he was still younger. After that, he doesn’t have the ability to trust anyone anymore. Who could blame him, though? Humans tend to do that all the time – betrayal, even though you’ve shown them nothing but kindness. I truly understand why Min Kyu chooses to live in seclusion. Most of the time, it is better to just be alone than be with people who will turn their backs on you once they’ve realized that the benefits they’re gaining from associating their selves with you ran out. What makes this story unique is that it shows the journey of Min Kyu’s healing and the romance aspect is a beautiful addition to that. Its theme might be rom-com but there really is more to it.

Picking up the broken pieces

As they say, pain changes people and I truly believe that. Min Kyu’s life changed drastically after his parents died and at such a young age he was forced to face the world by himself. He chose to live in seclusion as to not get hurt anymore. He ended up being a bit arrogant because of that. As I’ve said earlier, I can truly understand where he is coming from. Most of the time, dealing with people is stressful. I’ve experienced a lot of horrible things with people too, especially at school wherein bullying is common and sometimes can’t be helped. Once you’ve experienced betrayal, trusting people again would be a challenge. Min Kyu kept his guard up as to not experience the same kind of pain he’d been through when he was young. However, even though he won’t admit it, he’s lonely. Having that kind of medical condition didn’t only affect him physically but also morally and psychologically. He can’t even enlist himself in the military and fulfill his obligation as a citizen of his country because of it. But I guess fate is on his side because he gets to meet the Sta. Maria Team who are developing the most advanced AI robot. With AJI3 by his side, he slowly learns how to face the world again. It was as if AJI3 gives him the confidence and assurance that despite the craziness of the world, if you have at least one person by your side that you can trust, then life is bearable.

Nobody’s perfect

I’ve read this phrase somewhere online before and I couldn’t agree more to it: We are very good judges with the mistakes or others but are also very good lawyers with our own. And, I can pretty much relate it to Min Kyu’s situation, somehow.

It is already a given fact that in this world, people has the ability to hurt and disappoint us whether it be intentional or not and that’s okay because it is part of our journey and character development. What we often forget is that everyone makes mistakes for nobody’s perfect – something that Min Kyu seems to be struggling with. He tend to get mad at the slightest mistake of his employees without thinking that most of the time he is being too much; he is already hurting people. Sending AJI 3 to him is actually a good step towards “transforming” him to become and live like a normal human being should be however due to the circumstances, the Santa Maria Team has to do something out of desperation, a “detour”

 Letting go

Someone once told me that in order for me to live better, I must let go of all the negative emotions that I am carrying – anger, pain, resentment. It is not easy but once you’ve done it, you will feel better – as if something heavy has been lifted off your chest. It is when you learn that the world is cruel yet you can make it become less of it that can make you feel more at ease – acceptance is the key.

Min Kyu is not anti-human, he’s just protecting himself from the pain he once experienced that’s why he ended up that way and I totally get where he is coming from when he gets mad at the Santa Maria Team and Ji A for manipulating him. Although their intention’s a bit good, what they’ve done is dangerous and lies, no matter how big or small, are still lies and they are not good. What Min Kyu has to learn, the hard way though, is that there will always be people who would hurt you and betray you but that’s okay because what they do and/or say actually says more about them than you. And even him, he can also hurt people, may it be unintentional or not but what’s important is you know how to accept mistakes and learn from it. After all, a single mistake should not define who a person is. People change, they do it all the time so we should be ready to forgive because despite the cruelties in this world, there are still a lot of people who are willing to learn from their mistakes and make up for it. Sometimes we do things that can hurt people that we never intended to and it sucks that we can’t just go back in time to change it, we only have the present to make up for the mistakes of the past and I strongly believe that we all deserve a second chance. At the end of the day, the good will always outweigh the bad.

It is when he decided to let go of all the anger, resentment and grief that he’s been carrying on his shoulders ever since he was young that he finally opened himself to love – self love. It is when he realized that people make mistakes but that doesn’t mean that they won’t learn from them and change for the better that he was able to open his heart to accept people in his life again. Of course there would still be people who will try to take advantage of him but upon realizing that those people can be outnumbered and overpowered by those who truly care for him, then life is still worth fighting for. Min Kyu’s journey towards healing is a great inspiration. This drama is really something else. There are a lot of life lessons that we can get from it. Give it a chance, go watch it I promise you won’t regret it.

x,

TinaMae

for more of my kdrama review, click here: https://tinamaetales.tumblr.com/tagged/k-drama

PS, I have so much backlog with my kdrama review/reflection posts (the ones I am posting so far are the kdramas I’ve watched in 2018! ) because I just recently recovered my tumblr account wew

[shirlleycoyle]

If You Can’t Stand People Fidgeting, You May Have Misokinesia

In 2014, Todd Handy was having dinner with a new girlfriend when she interrupted the meal with a confession. "I don't want you to feel attacked," he remembered her saying.

She explained that Handy had a fidgeting habit, and she found it very stressful to watch and be around. "Of course, I was concerned as a partner,” said Handy, a professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia. “But as a visual neuroscientist and somebody who studies visual attention, it really piqued my interest. I thought, 'Hey, what's going on here? This is a very interesting phenomenon.'”

It sounded to Handy like a visual version of misophonia—the “hatred of sound,” or "sound rage," a condition in which people have intense emotional and physical reactions to trigger noises, often chewing or lip smacking. When he consulted misophonia research, he found that a paper from 2013 had called a reaction to visual triggers misokinesia, or a "hatred of movement." He casually started to ask his lecture classes if anyone was bothered by seeing another person fidget.

“And literally a third of the class would raise their hands and you could just see this look on their faces they were like, ‘Oh, my gosh. He’s talking about something I'm suffering from.’”

Last week, Handy and his colleagues published the first study to focus solely on misokinesia in Nature Scientific Reports, with first author PhD student Sumeet Jaswal. The paper is mostly focused on determining how common misokinesia might be—and their findings remarkably resemble the impromptu surveys Handy did on his classes. In a total of over 4,000 people, one-third said they were sensitive to watching others fidget, and that it caused negative emotions like anger, anxiety, and frustration to arise.

Arjan Schröder, a postdoctoral researcher at Amsterdam UMC and the first author on the 2013 paper that coined misokinesia, said this prevalence matched what he has seen in his misophonia patient samples. Yet, as Handy's work shows, misokinesia might also be quite common in general populations too.

Handy and his colleagues first asked a group of students whether they ever had “strong negative feelings, thoughts, or physical reactions when seeing or viewing other peoples’ fidgeting or repetitive movements," like someone’s foot shaking, fingers tapping, or gum chewing. 38% of the students responded yes, and 31% reported having both misokinesia (visual) and misophonia (audio) sensitivity.

Then they asked an older, more demographically diverse sample (not students) and found a similar prevalence: 36% of participants reported they had misokinesia sensitivity and 25.5% reported having both misokinesia and misophonia.

It's an intriguing finding that misokinesia and misophonia seem to exist both together and in isolation. On the subreddit for misophonia, one person shared that noises didn’t bother them severely but fidgeting did.

“If someone starts shaking [their] foot or tapping their hand, even if they make no sound whatsoever, I get very irrational and I have to block my view, usually with my hand,” they wrote. “EVERYONE shakes their foot. I can't live with this anymore. Everyday I encounter MULTIPLE PEOPLE AT ONCE shaking their feet and I only have two hands.'' Another remembered losing their temper as a child as a man in an elevator tapped his foot, so much so that they stomped on his foot on their way out.

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Sometimes people can have both triggers, but one is more upsetting than the other. “My visual triggers are just as hard to handle as my audial triggers,” one person shared on Misophonia Education. “Sometimes they are worse. I find it nearly impossible to escape a sight in the room. Even when I close my eyes, and even hours or days later, the memory is still there. I want to cry as I think of these triggers. Legs shaking, people swaying, fingers and toes tapping.”

Having both audio and visual triggers can make interacting with the world all the more challenging. And whereas people with misophonia can wear headphones to block out noise, “I can’t wear earplugs for my eyes,” another shared on Misophonia Education. “I suppose I could wear a blindfold, but this has impractical applications. I am also more likely to remember visual triggers and never want to go back to the place. If I have been visually triggered somewhere in the past, I will not want to go back.”

Handy thinks the next big questions their study poses are how exactly misokinesia is related to misophonia, whether it can help better explain the mechanisms of misophonia, and whether it can potentially lead to coping strategies and treatments.

Schröder believes there are likely similar mechanisms at play since both misokinesia and misophonia involve an irritability triggered by human cues: movements and sounds. “Both have a repetitive nature and some form of unpredictability: When will it stop, when will it start again?” He said. “Additionally, I think, there’s some moral assessment at play. The person who is experiencing the emotion thinks something of the trigger: Why is the source of the sound/fidgeting doing it? It seems useless! Why do you continue?”

Elsewhere, there have been several attempts to understand the biology of misophonia. One study showed through fMRI imaging that there was an increased activation in a part of the brain called the anterior insular cortex in people with misophonia. This area of the brain is important for, among other things, sensing one’s own body and processing emotions.

Recent work from Mercede Erfanian, a neuroscientist at University College London, found that misophonic's brains function differently in the premotor cortex: the premotor cortex and auditory cortex were hyper-connected and they were communicating more than is considered typical. "This means when sufferers listen to sounds, the premotor cortex also activates, and this does not happen in the brain of non-misophonic people,” Erfanian said. A similar pattern was found between the premotor cortex and visual cortex.

Erfanian thinks this could be a neurological basis for these reactions, and that it may implicate the involvement of mirror neurons, neurons that activate when we see others move, as well as when we move ourselves. It could help explain why some people with misophonia say that they mimic the sounds as a coping strategy, to cover up hearing the trigger noises with their own sounds, she said.

The neuroscientist and author V.S. Ramachandran and his colleagues theorized that there might be similarities to synesthesia, when sensory stimuli trigger other sensations and emotions. Typically with synesthesia, letters evoke sounds, or sounds evoke colors, but in certain subtypes it can be more varied. In a case of tactile-emotion synesthesia, the feeling of sandpaper evoked a feeling of jealousy, and denim provoked the feeling of disgust and depression.

Handy, as a scientist focused on attention, still has questions about whether misophonia or misokinesia triggers affect our attention in an outsized way—if they're somehow telling the brain that those triggers are important, and need to be attended to. So far, Handy said, they haven't found any definite links to attention. Misokinesia sensitivity wasn’t related to being better able to ignore distractions in the peripheral vision, nor to paying attention to sudden events in their periphery.

While all of this is fodder for future research, Handy hopes that the immediate impact of their paper is that it helps people with misokinesia to feel validated if they're struggling and gives them a word to describe their reactions and tools to ask for accommodations or develop coping strategies. While there's currently no evidence for what treatment might work best for misokinesia, avoidance doesn’t work in the long term, Schröder said. Treatments that help misophonia, like cognitive behavioral therapy, could also be useful for misokinesia, but it will have to be tested in the future.

Schröder said that when he first started misophonia research in 2009, people with misophonia were relieved to finally have someone to listen to them and take their symptoms seriously. The same could be true for misokinesia.

It's tempting to hear about misophonia and misokinesia and think, "Isn't everyone annoyed by fidgeting and lounds chewing?" And while there is certainly a spectrum of how bothered people can be, on the extreme end of the spectrum, people can experience huge disruptions in their lives. The people Schröder works with can’t often eat with family members, or can’t work in offices with their colleagues.

“Being annoyed by other people’s behavior is a common thing,” Schröder said. “We can all experience that. However, in misophonia (and possibly misokinesia too) it’s more than that.”

On Allergic to Sound, a website that shares misophonia personal stories, one person wrote how misokinesia could interrupt something as basic as going to a movie with a friend—when said friend took a ring off his finger and began to play with it.

“He then raised it to his mouth and spent the rest of the film popping it in and out of his mouth. He did this silently and didn’t make any dramatic or disruptive movements, but to me it felt like my whole world was on red alert. All I could focus on was that irritating movement out of the corner of my eye. It was so bad that I can’t remember a single thing that happened in the film – I don’t even remember what the film was called. What I do remember, in painstaking detail, is every single minute little movement he made with his hands.”

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