#I’ll gladly take the shiny rock and start a rock collection with it

[2-dsimp]

*walks in*

You're cool

*leaves shiny rock and walks out*

[obeymeluv]

Signs they Love You

Back for my 1 post a week to prove school hasn’t totally killed me! When I get a semester break, I’ll post more often. In the mean time, feel free to leave me chats or PMs for stuff you want to see! :) Something nice and sappy for an okay Saturday

These turned out really long so I only did Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, and Satan. I have to get back to studying :/. Maybe I’ll have part 2 next week?

Lucifer

You wouldn’t be able to notice it because his pride wouldn’t allow you to. One of the brothers (or, to Lucifer’s extreme mortification, Lord Diavolo) would have to tell you

He’s not sure if it’s just the appreciation of you not being as totally chaotic as his brothers or genuine human naivete that has somehow worn off on him, but he loves you

Will be outed by sappy, soft stares that last 2 seconds too long.

Asmo and Satan are the first to notice and he LOATHES that

If he’s tasked with waking you up that morning, his knock will be firm but his voice will be gentle. Almost persuasive or commiserating

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by school workload, he may have a private conference with the teacher and grant you a minor extension. Will you know it was him? No. Is he happy to see you brighten up and refill with hope just a bit? Definitely. Is it worth the teasing from Lord Diavolo? ...Sure.

If he responds to texts in the wee hours of the morning when he’s still pouring over paperwork, he likes you.

Anyone who knows him can see how his eyes soften when someone else talks about you. There’s a fond slowness to his actions, how he glides his hand imperceptibly over his chest as if to feel where that emotion is coming from. Boy is whipped.

Should Lord Diavolo invite him out for a meeting, he will bring you back something small. Something he thought you’d like. Beel is upset. Levi yells “SIMP!” from the second floor and prepares for Armageddon.

Actually reminds you about assignments if you’re not already up on it yourself. Your success is his joy.

Is very keen on if/when you burn the candle too long and has a sixth sense for bad sleeping habits. Will put you on a stricter schedule for your own health

It may take almost all of the brothers to do it (or just help from Diavolo) but if he gets drunk on Demonus you’re getting a whole BOOK about why he likes you. He almost charms your memory away but everyone practically dog-piles on him not to because he needs to deal with his feelings.

You’re the only one he won’t chase out of his study when he’s doing paperwork. He’ll even set up a little fire if you like the fireplace.

How he confesses: tries to take you on a fancy date to Ristorante Six. Does not know that Lord Diavolo and Barbatos know about this (damn time-travelling butler!) and basically crash the date just to encourage him. Just long enough to encourage him.

Kind of an, “So you chose this idea, Lucifer? Admirable! I’m sure your date will be amazing! Enjoy your evening!” as Diavolo walks back to his table.

Does Lucifer deny it? Look and see how red his face is. If you’re really not sure, ask Diavolo. He will gladly yell, “I cannot lie!” across the restaurant.

Mammon

For all his talk, when he really, really decides he likes you, he doesn’t know what to say.

He can console himself with how obvious it is and how you made the best choice, but he has to show it! What to do?

Mammon’s kind of confused about it because he doesn’t really change how he behaves. You didn’t catch on already?! C’mon, human!

What, does he have to spell it out for you? Do an interview with Majolish?

His first tactic is to just be around you. Be subtle, and maybe cuddle a bit more than usual. Things to show he’s kittenish and at your mercy. Comfortable with you.

You don’t seem to be getting the hint so he throws the net a little wider by trying to find things you like or that you’ve been talking about. They mysteriously show up at your door.

It sends the others on a gossip train about who your admire could be and when they list off everyone BUT him, he wants to slam his head on the table.

Feeling tired? Coffee! Backpack heavy? Silly human, the BEST man can help you with that, OBVIOUSLY! Mammon jumps at the chance to do any little thing for you because he cares. His actions always speak louder than words.

Feeling kind of defeated and embarrassed, Mammon will go talk to the flock of crows that meander around the House of Lamentation’s yard when he really needs them.

For the next few days you’re accosted in the nicest way, birds chirping at you and dropping off various shiny things

You collect them, finally showing them to Mammon and he’s embarrassed that his representative animal has taken to courting you on his behalf.

He calls them to him, embarrassed and ready to rant or fall into the ground never to be seen again, when they start talking. Repeating all the things he’s practiced saying.

“Hey baby,”, “Hey human,” “Love you!”, “Silly! Silly!”, “Dummy, no, dummy!”, “My human.”

It’s broken and confusing, six or seven bird children cawing in your face and bobbing, but you get it.  

Levi

Levi’s not the best at expressing himself but it counts, right? As much as he hates to admit he’s some kind of shy tsundere, you know what that is, right? He doesn’t have to say it?

Yes. Yes he does. His brothers are getting too chummy with you and you don’t understand his signals. Time for Plan B.

If you get invited to stand in line for a midnight release, he hopes you take it. Then it’s just you two hanging out in line? What’s this? He brought snacks? Totally not for the two of you BUT you an have some if you’re hungry. It’s whatever

When he’s not doing boss raids and playing with online friends, he’ll ask if you want to play something with him. A Player 1 needs a Player 2, you know?

I headcanon that Levi knows how to play some unusual instruments like the kalimba or a real ocarina. I could see him making you a song on one of those. Or just playing it because you inspire him. He’s very good with a harp and will play it when he’s in the mood.

Boy also likes to draw and paint. Especially loves watercolors. Would it be weird if he gave you a painting of you as a mermaid? Just you and the ocean. Beautiful.

Was there a really cute plush or knickknack you liked? Levi has his ways, regardless of how rare or limited edition it is. It will be yours. 

He has a hard time understanding a passing comment of interest versus a genuine want because he genuinely wants everything he’s interested in, so if you hear a whisper about him almost securing something, stop and look it up. Make sure it’s not super expensive!!

Probably outed by Belphegor, who feels like Levi’s broadcasting all of his stress, frustration, and hope through his dreams. (”His dreams are weird. Just different ways of asking them out, and if he messes up it restarts like a simulation. My brain hurts.” he says to Beel)

 You’re allowed to come into his super-restricted bedroom haven when everything’s too much. It’s very exclusive since the Mammon incident. Be happy.

Might go swimming in his big tank and pick a seashell or rock to make a necklace out of. He hopes you like it.

If he’s not outed by Belphie, some of his online friends made a game demo they wanted him to try. They specified it was two player so he asked you to join in. While he’s in the middle of bragging about how he knows people, knows developers, he totally misses the dating-sim like dialogue and the big reveal.

Doesn’t really kick in until he realize the characters look like you two. You’re busy saying ‘Yes’ to “Do you like me?” as Levi absolutely threatens to rip them apart six ways to Sunday. Almost in full demon mode, too.

Everything falls out of his brain and quiets in his throat when he realizes the characters are kissing and ‘THEY SAID YES!’ flashes on the screen.

“Y-You like me?”

“Yep.”

It was that easy all along. Levi thinks he’s going to faint.  

Satan

Becomes aware of it pretty quick but ignores it for a looong time

Is it rude or foolish of him to assume you would also like him back?

Run away into books. A solid plan. If you don’t think about it, it’s not an issue

Oh, but it is an issue when you fall asleep after a mutual day of reading, forced in by bad weather. He finds his heart fluttering in a painful squeeze as he quietly whispers all the things he dare not say when you’re awake

It’s nervous poetry, and it’s beautiful

Satan tries to get himself back on track, to focus on reading, and he gets frustrated when he’s stuck on the same page almost an hour later

When you’re on the brain he just can’t do anything else

How does one show their affection? He’s swimming in books for a new reason now, as voracious as ever

He brews you a pot of Melancholy Coffee and is a bit disappointed you don’t know the meaning behind the bitterness. Wants to break the pot when Lucifer jokes about how it tastes exceptionally bitter to him as well.

Okay, so coffee didn’t work. What else do people do when they show their affections?

Asmo suggests a ‘not a date’ date and Satan sighs inside. Sounds like a lot of work and effort. It’s not that you’re not worth it, but he has a feeling that everyone will know and look at him the whole time.

Tries anyways. You guys go to a beautiful nature conservatory and take a tour of the plants and some indigenous animals

You’re starting to realize it now, he can tell. Satan tries to answer your question without saying it while you’re at school. You walk together, he offers to carry some of your books, and always requests that he be your project partner

Nearly there. If there was a single defining moment for him, he’d want it to be classic. He shows up at your door with a rose and asks you to go on a moonlit walk.

Mammon’s poking fun about how cheesy and cliche it is, Asmo’s gearing up to shut Mammon’s stupid mouth, and Satan just whisks you out the door with an aggravated sigh.

No matter what side of the house you’re on, Asmo throws up the biggest, gaudiest handmade sign that’s like ‘CUTEST COUPLE! 10/10!’

[justgenshinstuf]

Exploring Dragonspine pt.2

Kaeya

Being a Cryo user in these conditions is tough. His powers are not too effective against local creatures, so he has no choice but to rely on his physical strength. It doesn’t help enduring sheer cold either.

On the bright side, his hands don’t get too cold, so he has no problem picking things up from the ground, climbing rocks and starting snowball fights (of course). While for others getting their hands a bit wet in such cold can certainly lead to some unfortunate consequences Kaeya is immune to this problem.

Kaeya is often the one to do the dirty work of setting up tents, digging stuff up and collecting wood for the fire. Mostly to own up for being «useless» in battle (he is not, really, but still feels the need to overcompensate).

Would probably lie about being unaffected by such harsh weather conditions to keep the spirit up, leading to him getting hypothermia once or twice. «Oh, it’s nothing really. A little snow can’t do much to a Cryo user, you know?»

Exploring ice caves is his favourite part of the adventure. Shiny cold and mysterious setting probably resonates well with him. He isn’t afraid of wondering deep inside, looking for ancient puzzles and long forgotten treasure, often coming back empty-handed and shivering, but still content.

Kaeya quickly learns to be quite creative with his use of vision. He will try to entertain you by making silly ice figures and is always very gentle while helping you cross the water on an ice floe he created, making sure you are holding tight.

He soon discovers he can even build strong ice walls in this temperature, now jumping right in to protect you from enemy attacks and strong wind. Although it rarely happens, when you encounter human enemies Kaeya’s Cryo can make them retreat within few seconds of battle, unable to take this much cold.

Venti

Would totally boast around saying he knows all ins and outs of Dragonspine (He doesn’t. Or probably doesn’t remember much). His confidence will get you lost sooner or later, walking in circles while snow cowers your trace.

«I guess it’s been a long time, hehe. How forgetful of me». He’d laugh without even the tiny bit of remorse. «An adventure wouldn’t be one without some hardships!»

He has an annoying habit of narrating everything you do with silly rhymes when he gets a bit bored. But you have to admit there is some talent, some of those sound pretty good and melodies of his lyre add a certain atmosphere to your journey.

He is yet another ruthless lover of snowball fights. If only he was that dedicated during actual combat. You are almost sure he is cheating, using some kind of wind magic to avoid your perfectly good throws.

With Venti on your team steep mountainsides and cold waters are not a problem, he will gladly help you glide over any obstacle safely. Would be perfect if he could also stop blizzards on command, but, as he puts it, he’s not all-powerful.

He brings some wine with him everywhere, probably stacks up on alcohol beforehand. He’s hitting the bottle pretty hard during halts, says it keeps him warm. You are sceptical of the fact sheer cold affects him in any way. Maybe alcohol runs through his veins and keeps him going like an engine?

Very good at finding Seelie for some reason. It’s like he attracts them with his music. Honestly a great ability that allows you to walk a bit without a worry of freezing to death, basking in Seelie’s heat.

Razor

Razor is actually well-adjusted to harsh conditions. He still hates cold and not a big fan of snow. He says strong cold wind makes it hard to distinguish smells.

Being an experienced hunter, he is pretty good at distinguishing tracks in the snow. His sharp eye helps you find or avoid certain enemies. He also comes up with an idea to carve little marks into the trees not to get lost in the blizzard.

His survivor knowledge goes as far as alerting you not to get close to trees surrounded by soft snow. «You can fall deep. Hard to get out. I wouldn’t want that».

Keeps watch during the night, silently guarding the entrance to a cave you choose to stay in. Such cold enclosed spaces make him anxious, so he can’t really sleep well. Better be ready for danger!

On occasions he actually agrees to have some rest, he would suggest to sleep together without hesitation. Huddling for warmth is only natural to him, so he wouldn’t get why would you be so flustered all of a sudden.

He roasts some meat regularly and is very persistent in making you eat well. It is also important for staying warm longer. Razor focuses a lot on hunting, even though it is not easy to find prey in these snowy conditions.

He tells you a legend of the Great Snowboar King, a giant boar-like creature living in the snow, ferocious and powerful animal. He wants to track him down, defeat him in battle. It would certainly get you enough food till the end of your quest!

Chongyun

He is a rare person to enjoy such weather conditions. For any usual adventurer it would be cold enough to go through one’s bones, but not Chongyun. For him it’s just delightful!

While everyone else stays glum, teeth clenched from cold, Chongyun runs around freely with a smile on his face. He can finally stop worrying so much about his condition, it’s nearly impossible to get overheated like this.

His carelessness really worries you, so you try to keep him at least a bit warm by making him sit closer to fire, preventing him from jumping straight into ice-cold water, giving him more soup than others (he still waits until it gets cold though).

It almost hurts to look at him walking around wearing just the shirt. «No need to worry, I promise I’ll be fine… Your nose is getting red though, we need to get you to the campfire!» He is always way more concerned about you getting even a tiny bit cold than him getting frost on even his eyelashes.

You swear you will lose your mind if you see him eating popsicles again. This should be illegal in subzero temperature! Chongyun just laughs, he thinks you look cute getting angry over something so minor.

He knows a lot of stories about scary evil spirits lurking around snow pikes, buried under layers and layers of ice. Makes a good horror-story-night, especially if you stay in a dark cave in the middle of a snow storm. He ensures his teammates no spirit will bother you while he is around, with a drop of sadness and disappointment in his voice.

[dopescotlandwarrior]

Bluegrass-Chapter Two

                        A special thanks to @statell​ for your help and wisdom

The previous chapter on AO3

Chapter Two

Claire stood still with her cell phone crushing her ear and felt dizzy suddenly from holding her breath. She forced a ragged exhale and heard Michael come back to the phone.

“The water is negative Claire. It’s not the source.”

“Jesus, thank you, Michael. I don’t know how you did it so fast, but I am in your debt. One of the grains we sampled has a shiny, sweet coating that shouldn’t be there. I trust you above all others and will gladly pay whatever you want to test that. Can you do it today?”

“Yes. I will call later with what I find. Good luck Claire.”

Claire could hear the backhoe and ran to the sound where Jamie and his men were dragging the dead horses. She grabbed his arm and smiled, asking him to turn the water on as quickly as possible and watched him run for the water main.

Claire leaned over and held her knees until the wave of nausea lessened. Fraser tugged on her sleeve with a face full of worry and motioned for her to follow. Once in his opulent office, he closed the door against the noise and offered her a chair.

“Are we ready to make a call to the FBI?” Jamie let out a long breath, “I suppose a better question is can ye stay with us until this horror can be contained, Doctor Beauchamp.”

“Many horses are still too sick to rally on their own. I won’t leave them, Mister Fraser.”

Jamie connected with the local FBI office and explained what he knew as well as the hope to keep this crime from getting to the press until they could find the source of the poison. He clicked off.

“The track closes in two hours, that is all the time we have to normalize this place. I will finish hidin the dead horses and you can start the treatments, aye?”

“Forgive me for this question Mister Fraser, but how do you stay calm in the face of this disaster, knowing there is someone out there that wants to destroy you?”

“I didna do this if that’s what yer askin lass.”

“I’m sure it will be the first direction the agents take.” Claire watched his eyes for some hint of culpability, fear, or anything to suggest he knew about this. Humans were so impossible to read and that was truly frustrating right now.

“You don’t know me and your world is in the throes of a huge disaster, but I have a request, I have to get behind you on this. That means clearing my doubts. I am so sorry, but I want to touch your shoulder and it might take a few minutes.”

Jamie’s head jerked up with raised eyebrows quickly clouding over with anger. “I havna time.”

“Fine. I have no reason or inclination to believe you based on your professed innocence. I will save your horses and answer medical questions and that is the extent of it. I’ve already told you more than enough to hide your crime, tamper with the evidence, and even finish the job when you're ready. Good day, Mister Fraser.”

Jamie shot out of his chair and got between her and the door. “It sounded ridiculous, still does, I canna see how touchin my shoulder will help but go ahead if it's so important. Please, I need yer help, please touch anythin ye want.”

Claire was tired, exhausted actually, and feeling humans was a complicated endeavor. She placed her palm on his shoulder and tried for several minutes but all she felt was static, loud and obnoxious.

“Dammit!”

Claire reached for the light switch and the office went dark. She tried again, immediately feeling something strong pulling her somewhere she didn’t want to go. Sorrow deep enough to snuff out her life was just one step away. It took all her strength to break the contact with him and she threw herself at the wall trying to find the switch plate for the lights. She took huge gulps of air and tried to get away from him, from what she felt in him.

“Thank you, and I am with you, one hundred percent Fraser.”

Claire walked quickly toward the breeding stalls to check the mares and new baby. Something had to be done about the newborn, he was desperately alone and hungry. She mixed up a bottle and coaxed him to drink it. She had most of it down him before he detached and tried to run through the walls of his stall, crying loudly. Claire looked up at Jamie standing outside the stall door. She opened the door and giggled at him as the colt ran out and pressed into him.

“Well Fraser, welcome to motherhood.”

Rupert and Angus had pulled the dead horses into a heap in an outside corner behind the facility. Lye was used to cover the smell, followed by heavy plastic secured over them. Four feet of woodchips and sawdust buried the macabre scene and they quickly parked the backhoe in its usual place.

They dragged metal rakes up and down the aisles to rid the tire tracks from the vehicles driven into the facility and medical waste was collected into black trash bags and thrown into the roll-away dumpster. As the racetrack was closing for the day, they hoped it would be enough.

Claire led the two forensic teams into the grain rooms while explaining the poisoning of the horses, when the rooms were locked down, and the water being cleared of tampering. She also mentioned the need to keep this from the public until the person was caught. The teams worked fast and were clear of the buildings in forty minutes. Claire exhaled and leaned into the wall of a grain room.

She thought about what she felt from Fraser and wanted to sob her eyes out it was so devastating. When someone pressed an ice-cold double chocolate shake against her arm she nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Jesus Dustin, you scared the hell out of me! Yum…chocolate.” They rested on trunks and drank the shakes, speaking quietly about the treatments still needed and where the facility might go from here.

“It is not our mess to figure out, fortunately. When the treatments are done, we are done. Mister Fraser will figure all this out with the FBI. Look, I know you want to help but we have done all we can. Let’s finish and get out of here.”

Dusty looked at Claire like she didn’t have a heart, but he followed her to finish the treatments. He was quiet but his work was impeccable as always.

She wanted Dusty off the premises as soon as possible. If he was implicated in this horror story he would be banned from every school with a college of veterinary medicine even when he was cleared of any participation. He might think she was heartless, but she was actually protecting him.

Claire wanted to say goodbye to Fraser, but he was still sequestered in his office with FBI agents. The colt was nowhere to be found so she assumed he was pressed into Jamie inside the office. She finally knocked on his door and handed the agent a large warm bottle of milk.

Dusty had the motor running when Claire jumped into the passenger seat with a deep sigh. They were quiet for most of the trip until Dusty couldn’t hold it any longer.

“I feel terrible leaving them to fight this without our help.” Claire could see his crimson blush, so she knew it was a hard thing for him to say. She wished they had a closer relationship so she could speak freely about protecting his future.

“If you want to help them, try to figure out how someone could get all the horses to peak at the same time, or at least the same day. It boggles my mind how this could be done with the different weights, metabolic expenditures, and other factors too numerous to count. Did he do it this way so they couldn’t be saved? Or did he do it to torture?”

Dusty looked straight ahead at the road and spoke quietly, “couldn’t be saved? If there were five veterinarians in the facility when the first horse went down could they have saved him? If they had hours to think about the treatment could they have saved them? If they had two days to think and get ready could they have saved any of them?”

Claire was quiet, the answer was weighing heavily on her mind. She knew that Dusty struggled with accepting her gift, even when she had proven an exceptional perception, diagnosis, and treatment many, many times. He couldn’t explain it, nor did he believe in the supernatural, so he didn’t talk about it with her.

“Doctor Beauchamp, even a layman like me knew your mixing protocols would be unproductive if not lethal. There were only two vets with the backbone to deliver the cocktail, even after watching the miraculous recovery of the gelding.”

Dusty would not be put off by her silence. He pulled over and turned to lock into her eyes, it was time for answers.

“If you didn’t have specific information from the … horses themselves how could you know? Not answering? I’ll answer. It would mean you were the most reckless, and luckiest, person alive, or you understand them and communicate with them. Do you listen to my head too?”

“No! Stop it, Dustin! I know it’s hard to accept but I can’t hear people’s thoughts, it isn’t eavesdropping. They must want to communicate and tell me what’s happening. Do you believe me?”

Dusty pulled onto the road and there was no more talk about anything. He watched her climb the steps to her patio and disappear. He drove home wanting to climb under a rock for several days, just to feel normal again.

Claire looked at her wrinkled fingers after her twenty-minute shower. Her first look in a mirror after getting home was shocking because there was horsehair stuck to her skin under her chin. She looked like the bearded lady. Now clean, she decided to let the bluegrass pull her stress out tonight and headed for the patio to watch the sunset as her phone started ringing.

Claire approached the Information Desk at the zoo the next day to ask for the director. “Excuse me, I am meeting Bill Davis, can you tell him I’m here please?”

“Doctor Beauchamp, thank you for agreeing to come. He is right over here.”

Claire followed the zoo director to a large habitat with a twenty-foot drop to concrete around the entire thing. When she really looked at the actual land the animal was living on, it was scarcely larger than a cage. The director had misrepresented the tiger’s habit and quality of life. His describing the expanse of land the tiger lived on was exaggerated. The water for swimming was a bit larger than a birdbath. She really did not like this man after being lied to, but reminded herself she was here to save the tiger.

She was led to the prep room that attached to the tiger's domain where food was prepared, medical treatments were done, and weapons were kept for dealing with him. Claire had asked to sit where the tiger could get close to her if he wanted. When the director left, she pushed the chair away and sat on the floor. For the next hour, she sent him messages of greeting, sympathy, and desire to help each time their eyes met.

She laid down on the floor after an hour because the sun had moved in the sky and was now bathing her in warm light making her eyelids heavy. She only wanted to rest and show him a trusting posture. It would be an hour before her eyes opened again, giving the animal ample time to smell her and get comfortable with her presence. Claire felt the heat from the tiger but no fear and rose slowly so she didn’t startle him. This huge beautiful cat was only two feet from her laying with his back to her. Steel bars eight inches apart is all that separated them.

“Will you let me help you?” Her voice was almost a whisper. “Will you let me touch you? You are magnificent and beautiful.” She said each word while holding its meaning in her mind. “Why have you stopped eating? If you die the world will be without your beauty and spirit.” He pushed back into the bars and Claire touched his back. Thanking him and asking how she could help him.

Images filled her mind of him, another full-sized tiger, and babies, three of them. Like a slide show, she saw the affection they had for each other, playing in the sunlight, cuddling at night. The images continued until she asked him who they were. The images continued but now it was just him, and Claire’s happy heart rate slowed, making her feel miserable.

The zoo director had walked through the park grabbing handlers to come and see the tiger whisperer. He lied to them about watching someone with a gift that let her talk to animals. A reporter slipped into the group as they walked toward the tiger enclosure with the cameraman slipping in just before they entered the prep room. The director purposely pushed the door with enough force to make it crash into Claire’s special energy with the tiger, who then bolted. The cameraman had used a long-range lens to capture ten minutes of calm interaction between Claire and the tiger with several minutes of close up on her hands that were deep in his fur and their faces, both calm and serene.

She looked back with a flash of anger at the noisy interruption and noticed the camera that was trained on her. Most of the people had zoo uniforms on, except a lady who was now firing obnoxious questions about talking to animals. It finally hit Claire that this was a setup, but for what? She looked out at the tiger and saw his sudden distrust. She was furious. Pulling herself up to her feet she walked to the director, making it clear she was plenty pissed. The handlers moved away leaving him vulnerable as Claire approached looking like she would disembowel the lying piece of shit.

“What did you do with them?” She was an inch from his face, channeling the tiger's hatred of him. He leaned away from her acting like she was crazy telling people to call security. Claire had never felt this level of hatred, she wanted to tear him apart and pushed him into the wall savagely yelling her question again. “Where are they, his wife and babies, what did you do with them!”

The reporter asked more respectfully this time, wanting Claire to explain her question to him.

“A male, a female, and three babies lived here, as you shot him with a tranquilizer, he had to watch you shoot the others. One of the darts missed and stuck in wood over there. He watched you crate them up and remove them. Where are they!?”

The director seemed to have a shift in his energy and smiled wickedly at her while he straightened his posture and prepared to annihilate her for the news crew. He was being paid handsomely for this video that would expose her as a fraud. Piece of cake he thought.

“Clearly you are a fraud. There has never been more than that one tiger. You made the whole thing up. What a pity I was taken in by your lies about hearing the animals.”

He was feeling smug, calculating the trip he would take on the money this was earning him and he could hardly wait to be free of this disgusting place.

“Where are they?”

When the director saw security coming, he closed in on Claire wanting to shame her for the cameras. She cut him off with the question that finally brought a man in the back to his senses. “Why was he moved to this awful, tiny enclosure? Why did you take his pool away? Why did you change to the food he can’t stand? Why are you torturing him?

Claire was crying now because she spoke the emotions the tiger made her feel.

“You are insane. Babbling questions and threatening me. For the last time, there were no other tigers with him, and no one shot them with tranquilizers.”

“I did, on your order.” The man from the rear pushed forward so the director could see him. He went white in the face at the betrayal of his top handler.

Claire leveled her eyes on the director, “I will campaign from one side of Kentucky to the other until you get these tigers back and return him to the enclosure that was built for them.”

The senior handler who admitted to shooting the tigers pulled Claire away from the group who were now targeting the director with questions. He pulled her to the outside and walked right past security in the direction of the parking lot.

“I don’t know how you knew all that, but you were dead on with all of it, even the shot that missed. I’ve never been right with what he did and made me a part of, maybe I can help you fix this.”

Claire stopped abruptly and turned to the handler. “The director lied about everything to get me here today and I will deal with that, but please help the tiger. Find his family and give him meat again. And thank you for helping me in there.” She knew Dusty would be in front of her home waiting for her and she called for him to pick her up. She clicked off and took a deep breath before turning around to look back.

“Oh, you startled me, I have a ride coming so no need to wait with me.” The handler reminded her of Sam Elliot in looks and temperament. He really saved her today and she was grateful.

“That’s alright, humor an old man. And don’t you worry about the tiger, I’ll find his family.”

They chatted until she heard the low growl of her truck and wondered how to explain all this to Dusty.

Dusty picked up on her weird energy right away and wondered when they would get back to normal.

“When did you start treating the exotics Doctor B?”

“Someone lured me here today with lies about a sick tiger. The director asked me to comfort him then brought a news crew and a group of handlers to be disruptive and ask a bunch of questions. He tried to say I was crazy and lied about animal communication, but I learned enough from the tiger to …”

Dusty pulled to the side of the road and just stared at her. “Doctor B I feel like our well-ordered lives are coming apart. Why is this happening and are you alright?”

“Yes. I am not hurt. Whatever the director’s intentions were, one of the older handlers corroborated everything the tiger said.”

Dusty looked up at the woman he respected most in the world, “tigers can’t talk Claire. Just tell me one thing, do you think this is related to Highland Brothers and what happened yesterday?”

“There is no question in my mind.”

They both seemed to slip into autopilot to get through the afternoon. Dusty grabbed Claire’s keys out of her hand and bolted up the stairs to her home. Claire was really shocked by his behavior and found him going room to room making sure no one was there.

“See ya tomorrow Doctor B.”

Once she could sit quietly, alone on her patio, all the particulars of the day came back to mind. She pieced it all together and shot off her chair to turn the news on. She clicked through the local news channels for almost an hour, happy she was wrong until she heard her name and slowly raised her head. She watched the video of her and the tiger, taken covertly without her permission. Next was her shouting at the zoo director and the handler coming forward. The news anchor was in voice-over asking for anyone with information about the kidnapped tigers to call the station.

Claire sat stunned on her rocking chair trying to decide if this was a good thing or something that would hurt her career. If she had to defend herself against any allegations of misrepresentation it would hurt Dustin. She felt a tear roll out of her eye and wished again she had allowed a closer friendship with Dustin. Then he would understand why she had to fire him.

Claire had never considered her life without Dustin. She came to Kentucky after graduation to work with racehorses and he was the first person who showed up for an interview. He was spit-shined and creased and could hardly answer the questions with the layers of respect and polite behavior she was getting. She liked him from the start and after a long walk in the woods where he calmed down enough to converse with her, she hired him, and they became the dynamic duo. His trust in her staggered the mind. It was more than blind obedience, he trusted her diagnosis and jumped to execute her treatments, no matter how crazy they were. After all that devotion she would cut him loose tomorrow, to save him.

Jamie closed his office door feeling complete relief the FBI agents were finished with the questioning, lie detectors, fingerprinting, and hours of pictures he was asked to view, looking for someone who worked for him. He was completely exhausted when he turned around heading for his overstuffed chair banging into the colt that never left his side.

“Jesus lad, do ye have to be up my butt all the time?”

The colt pressed harder against him feeling insecure. This poor baby was three days old thinking he had a Scottish mother built like a linebacker with a terrible temper.

“It’s alright laddie, I love ye. Once a mare drops ye’ll become a twin with no one the wiser. Things will be easier for ye then.” His warm hand stroked the colt while his low voice was soothing the nervousness. “I am ready to get drunk and sleep for two days, will ye be good for yer temporary mam Angus?”

Jamie pointed the remote at the television and offered the colt a bottle as he relaxed into his chair. He was busy with a fussy colt when Claire’s face filled the screen and he almost missed it, looking back just in time to see her attack a man, shouting questions at him. His heart almost stopped as he scrambled to call the newsroom asking where the broadcast could be viewed on the internet. Thirty minutes later he struggled to make the call he promised to make.

Jamie called the agent in charge of his case and told him what happened. It was obviously connected to what happened to the horses. Claire was lured to the zoo to treat a sick tiger and then ambushed and filmed so she would lose her credibility to testify on his behalf. He slammed the phone and called Doctor Beauchamp from his cell.

Claire tossed and turned for an hour. When her cell phone rang, she was almost relieved to have an excuse to get up. She looked at Jamie’s name and answered.

“That was quite a broadcast tonight Doctor Beauchamp. Is that how ye healed my horses so fast? They told ye what was wrong did they”

“Something like that.”

“I have to be honest Sassenach, I don’t believe it, but I do believe it was a setup at the zoo to discredit you and that means the man responsible has surfaced, in a way. I had to let the FBI know about this Claire, but I wanted to warn you they are coming.”

“What? Do they think I had something to do with this and why do you call me that?"

“No, I’m sure they don’t. They just want to find a link back to the killer. It won’t take long.”

Claire waited for the rest of his answer.

"Because yer British with a strong accent. It means outsider, not in a bad way, you just are."

Claire looked up at the flashing red light on her ceiling and nearly jumped out of her skin from the banging on her door. She had just enough time to dress after Fraser’s call and suddenly felt terrified. She waited, hoping they would leave. The knocking got harder and Claire willed them away. Her door flew open with splintering wood raining down on her while big men in riot gear ran in and pushed her to the ground. Claire was crying as someone’s knee pressed her face into the wood floor and snapped handcuffs on her wrists. She cried Dusty’s name into the floor before they yanked her to her feet. She could see her door hanging from the one remaining hinge as they drove away.

For the rest of the night, they brutalized her with continuous questioning. The interrogators would be replaced with fresh agents that would continue the questioning forcing her to wake up and withholding water when she begged for it. When she passed out from exhaustion, they threw her into a cell and left her there in solitary confinement. She was not given food, or water, and saw not a single person. She had never been so scared in her life.

Jamie looked up at the clock and dialed Claire again. She had not answered all day and it was three in the afternoon. Before he clicked off his door swung open banging into the wall so a stone-faced Dusty could walk to Jamie’s desk. He held out his cell phone to Jamie and played the video he took of Claire’s shattered front door.

“Where is she, Mister Fraser? What have you done with her?”

Jamie glanced at the video. “Sweet Jesus.”

Dusty lowered his eyes to Jamie’s with a murderous look.

“I know nothin of this lad, but we are leavin now to find her. Let’s go.”

Jamie whistled for his men while he threw a rope around the colt’s neck handing it to Rupert before he ran to catch up with Dusty. He jumped in the truck giving instructions to the FBI building in a nearby town. It took an hour to get there and Dusty was coming apart at the seams. When he wouldn’t respond to Jamie he was held down into his seat by powerful arms and an angry face an inch from his.

“Listen, lad!” Jamie growled. “She is in that building but if you go in there half-cocked it may be days before we get her. Understand? Do not talk. Sit where they tell ye and let me get her.”

Two hours later, Claire felt warm arms lift her off the concrete floor. Her teeth chattered from the fifty-degree cell and she moaned from her cracked lips. Dusty walked desk to desk writing the names of the agents who took two hours to find her until every agent was concealing their concern with anger.

Jamie held Claire against his warmth and climbed the stairs seeing Dusty’s eyes go wide. “Let's go lad. She needs to warm up quick as possible, drive to the forty-five and go East back to the compound.” Jamie watched the stone-faced lad carry out each request like a robot and his heart broke for him. Jamie pointed all the heat vents at Claire in his lap. Her teeth stopped chattering and she wrapped her arms around Jamie pulling his heat closer. She was desperate for warmth and couldn’t know what she was doing but Jamie felt the invasive movement like a jolt of lightning. He held her close and Dusty stared straight ahead not saying a word.

Jamie pointed the way to his house that was set back, deep in a bordering meadow. The house was large with lots of extra bedrooms. Claire was covered with quilts and drained every cup of water offered. Jamie told her the short version of Dusty crashing into his office demanding to know where she was. She smiled at Dusty then winced at the pain of her cracked lips. Her door was closed, and the house went dark and quiet. The only movement was Dusty who made it back to her room to check on her. It appeared the whole bed was shaking making him fear for her.

Jamie was pulled out of sleep by the knocking on his bedroom door. He opened the door to Dusty, eyes downcast and asking for his help. Jamie felt for the boy and promised to cover her with more blankets.

“Go to bed lad. I’ll take care of it.”

Jamie slid into the bed behind Claire and pulled her against his chest. His legs pushed into her from behind and his arms wrapped around her.

“No need to fret, lass. This is the fastest way to warm up and I owe ye this and much more for what ye endured.”

It took some time, but she finally stopped shaking. Deep in the night, Jamie woke to her crying. He pulled her close and stroked her cold arm until she was asleep again.

Before dawn, Claire was jolted awake by a big hand moving down her hip and thigh. Once she remembered where she was the pleasure of that hand took control and silenced her as she gave in to the exquisite feeling. Anywhere he touched her sent electric currents in both directions until his body went rigid as he jerked awake. Claire was awake, but she was a dead ringer for a woman in deep sleep.

Jamie was horrified when he woke up to his traitorous hands molesting a woman he hardly knew, with her lovesick assistant in the next room, and his fiancé on a plane over the Pacific coming home. He was so freaked out he jumped out of bed and shot back to his own room.

“Christ. I must be losin my mind.” Jamie showered and dressed for another grueling day, passing Dusty’s empty room on his way out. The bed was neatly made, and the room was possibly cleaner than it was before the kid closed himself into it. Seeing a note on the bed he pushed it under Claire’s door. Dusty left early to fix her door, he would come and get her when she called.

Jamie looked to the sun rising as he drove a back road to the compound. He found it amusing he even noticed the sun this morning. It’s those two, he thought, like they both stepped out of a Norman Rockwell painting when people were presumed good and godly, and followed a moral code, prayed for each other, and waved to everyone they saw. He chuckled at the thought. In his mind, Jamie watched Claire place her hands on the gelding’s face with so much compassion in her eyes it almost made him cry. His eyes slammed open and he skidded to a stop on the dirt road.

“Holy Christ. Right after that, she told the kid what to mix up and the gelding seemed cured right before my eyes. This is what happens when insanity sets in. Ye believe in miracles and talk to ye’self on the way to work.”

Jamie dropped the truck into gear and barreled toward the compound looking straight ahead like he had blinders on. He was so tense walking into the building he almost exploded when Angus came around the corner and said good morning.

“Jamie boy what’s got ye so amped up this morning?” Angus was smiling his toothless grin. “The agents are waitin for ye.”

“Come with me please, I need a witness. Where is Rupert?”

“Havin a wee talk with yer son who refuses to drink his milk this mornin.”

Jamie shook his head at Angus’s reference and turned the other direction.

“Fuck them, they can wait.”

Angus knew enough not to ask but stayed close to Jamie hoping he might slip up and explain what was bothering him today. As if the attempted murder of all the horses wasn’t enough. Angus and Rupert figured out what Jamie had yet to speak of. The barn was only a third full when the horses started getting sick. The rest were running that day or were boarded with their trainer during the racing season. Later in the day, the horses that were coming back from the track seemed perfectly healthy. The thirty-eight horses that were sick or dead were owned in part, or in full, by Jamie.

Jamie stroked the colt as he finished the bottle of milk and thought about the sadistic FBI agents who tortured an innocent, locking her in a room with no cot, and no chair, just very cold concrete. He felt anger so deep it made his hands shake and the colt abandoned his milk to push his head into Jamie’s stomach looking for comfort. Jamie exhaled his stress and tried to relax. They may not have broken any laws keeping her under those conditions, but they certainly broke his trust and confidence in the FBI. “Highland justice will be comin for ye lads.”

Claire opened her eyes and stretched in the most luxurious sheets. A note from Jamie told her to use his shower and eat all she wanted from the kitchen. She giggled and decided the forty-minute ride for Dustin to get there gave her plenty of time to enjoy a bit more of this luxury.

Standing under the hot water was heaven and she looked through the bottles of body wash and shampoo of which there were many, only finding one for men. So, Mister Fraser has a woman, I wonder where she is, she thought. The bathroom filled with hot steam and lovely scents as she pushed the door open and reached for a towel. Drying off her face and eyes she opened them wide to see a woman standing four feet in front her looking very like a raging bull.

“Who…the fuck…are you!”

[valentines-in-london]

I Need Fire (Part 9)

Gif by @looks--that--kill​

Authors Note:  Our lovebirds are back together and it’s Chrismas time!  I hope you enjoy this chapter, I really enjoyed writing it!  Your feedback is always welcome, I’m like tinker bell feedback gives me life haha!! Word Count: 6,097 Warnings: candy floss fluff, sex talk (but not graphic) Taglist: @freddiessmallnipples @triplehaitches @samanthadegaro @lauravic  If you’d like to be added please let me know! Previous Chapter Master List

Chapter 9

The next day Rayne stood outside the studio where she said goodbye to Tommy almost a month ago.  The weather still hadn’t warmed up, as it was still morning, so Rayne stood on the corner wrapped up in one of Tommy’s leather jackets.  She couldn’t believe the day was finally here, she’d made it through one month without feeling his embrace.  In a way she was happy about their separation because it proved to her that she could be apart from him and not wither away, which the more dramatic part of her sometimes thought she would.

Rayne’s head perked up when she saw the bus turn the corner and head towards where she and Jo were standing.  She smiled so wide she could feel her cheeks starting to hurt. It felt like an eternity for the bus to finally stop and make its way to the curb in front of the studio but when the bus was put into park and the door opened the first person off was the one she wanted to see most.  

Tommy jumped from the top stair down to the concrete pavement in one quick movement and rushed to wrap his arms around Rayne.  He gripped her like he was afraid she would disappear and Rayne returned the embrace and she soon felt her feet leave the ground. Remaining in silence Tommy gently rocked back and forth, moving his chin from off her shoulder to face Rayne gazing into her eyes.  The two shared a smile before their lips met in a tender kiss.  Rayne cradled Tommy’s face in her hands as the two pulled away from each other.  “My beautiful fiery girlfriend.”

“My beautiful romantic boyfriend.”  Rayne smiled back at Tommy as he put her back down on the ground.

“You are real right?”  Tommy laughed running his fingers through Rayne’s red hair.  “I dreamt about you every night.”

“Oh I’m very real.”  Rayne nudged Tommy’s nose with her own.  “I’m sure they were nice PG rated dreams right?”

“Oh they most definitely were not.”  Tommy laughed while his hands traveled down her back and giving her ass a squeeze.  “Let’s grab my bags and we can head back to the condo.”  Rayne nodded and the two made their way to collect Tommy’s bags.  Tommy said his goodbyes to the tour bus driver before giving a quick goodbye to the band and Doc.

Tommy and Rayne walked into the condo fifteen minutes later. Both of them dropped the dufflebags that the two of them were shouldering down on the floor. Tommy’s eyes drifted to the kitchen counter, “Is that a Charlie Brown Christmas tree?”

Rayne laughed hiding her face, “Yeah.  I love Christmas and couldn’t bear to see the place without some decorations.  So I got us stockings and some lights strung up in the bedroom.”

“You’re adorable.”  Tommy smiled down at her.  “Why don’t we get a real tree?”

“Really?”  Rayne’s eyes lit up, “I’ve never had an actual Christmas tree before.  Jo hates cleaning up the pine needles and watering it.  And my family didn’t really celebrate Christmas as a kid.”

“What?  That’s like against the law or something.”  Tommy was shocked at her revelation.

“Yeah it’s not a big deal.”  Rayne shrugged it off.

“Then it’s settled, tomorrow we get a tree, and some lights and ornaments because I don’t have any of that.”  He gave Rayne a quick peck on the lips.

“Tomorrow?  Why not today?”  Rayne questioned before squealing as Tommy picked her up suddenly.

“I’m not leaving this house for the rest of the day or night. We’ve only had sex in the bedroom, which means we still have the kitchen, the living room, the outside patio and the bathroom.  That means we have lots of rooms to christen.”  Tommy teased.

“The outside patio?  Tommy we are not fucking outside, we have neighbors.”  Rayne pointed a finger at Tommy.

“You said you wouldn’t fuck me in a public bathroom either and that changed.”  Tommy quickly kissed Rayne hovering over her.

“No, no!  We did not fuck.  You hand cuffed me in the stall…”  “And I got you off so well on my fingers you actually squirted, for the first time ever I might add.”  Rayne rolled her eyes.  “Am I wrong?”  Conceding her defeat Rayne admitted, “No.”

“Just be wild baby.  I think you really want to be, but are too afraid to let it go.  Who gives a fuck if our neighbors see us fucking? I want them to, they can be jealous because I’m the one who gets to fuck you and no one else.”  He winked at her.

“Charming Tommy.”  She laughed wrapping her arms around him before adding playfully, “I’m more than just a piece of meat you know!”

“Oh I know that baby.  Your personality and heart are why I love you, the fact that you’re a beautiful sex goddess is just a very nice added bonus.”  Tommy ran his finger up and down her neck until he hooked it under her chin lifting her head up.  “I’d love to make up for lost time, if you’ll have me.”

Rayne lifted her head and captured Tommy’s lips in a passionate kiss.  “I’ll have you.” Rayne winked before grabbing Tommy’s collar and dragging him towards the couch in the living room.

After checking off two places on their “condo bucket list” the two took a small nap before they both woke up a tangled mess of sheets. Tommy grinned and started massaging Rayne’s scalp making her moan at his touch.  “I’ve missed this.”

“Me too.”  Tommy whispered reaching for his pack of cigarettes with his free hand taking one and offering a second to Rayne.  He effortlessly lit both with his lighter.  “You especially learn how special this is when you share a room with Nikki every single night for a month.”

Rayne laughed, “Well I’m glad I can pull rank over Nikki in that department.  I definitely think I had it easier in that regard, I just had to listen to a moaning Jo.”

“Yeah I’d rather listen to that.”  Tommy nodded his head before Rayne smacked him on the chest. “You perv!”

“What?  I’d rather hear a girl moaning while getting off than a farting, puking Nikki any day of the week.”  Tommy said so innocently before turning to Rayne.  “I could listen to you moan and scream all day every day. It’s one of my favorite sounds. We might have to put you on a record one day.”

“What?  No!  Tommy you’re crazy. That won’t happen.”  Rayne shook her head as Tommy began pushing himself off the bed.  “Where are you going?”

“I totally spaced dude, I have something for you.”  Tommy got up and Rayne watched as his naked form disappeared from sight.

“God Tommy you got a pair of chicken legs.  I’ll gladly give you some of mine if you want it.” Rayne called out, resting on her side.

“Nope, you’re perfect the way you are.  Everything about you should stay as is.”  Tommy called from the living room, she heard his voice approaching and getting closer.  When he came back in he held something behind his back.

“What do you have there?”  Rayne narrowed her eyes as Tommy approached her on the bed. With a wide grin Tommy pulled out a long black box.

“Just something to show you I missed you.”  Tommy replied softly sitting beside her.

“Tommy I know you missed me, you didn’t have to get me anything to show me that.”  Rayne said genuinely, sitting up in bed grabbing the sheets to cover herself.

“I wanted to.”  He spoke tenderly and Rayne lifted herself up to give him a kiss on the lips. She looked down at the box and Tommy slowly opened it causing her to gasp.  She was looking at a beautiful silver necklace with a large sparkling star at the end.  “I know Christmas is in a few days but I wanted to give this to you now.”

“Tommy it’s beautiful.  I can’t accept that, I’m sure it cost a lot of money!”  Rayne said, her voice no more than a hushed whisper. Tommy took it out of the box, holding it out in front of Rayne.

“You will accept it, for me.” Tommy grinned.  “It’s the least I could do for you.  May I?”

Rayne gently nodded her head, bringing her hair up in both of her hands exposing her neck and causing the sheet to fall and pool around her waist.  Tommy leaned forward to bring the necklace around her neck and clasping it at the back.  When he looked at her Rayne swore she had never seen anyone look at her like the way Tommy did, wish such love and adoration. He didn’t even need to speak he just let out a rush of breath and smiled brightly.  “Tommy stop looking at me like that, you’re making me self conscious!  I’m not good with receiving gifts as it is.”

“I just want to remember this moment forever.”  Tommy smiled leaning in to kiss Rayne, slowly easing her back down onto the bed as he settled on top of her.

The next day the two found themselves dragging a Christmas tree into the condo, and pine needles dropped everywhere as they pulled it through the door.  “Who would’ve thought a tree would need so much.”  Tommy huffed as he dropped the tree on the floor.

“Well when you have to buy everything new, yeah.  We needed a tree stand, ornaments, tree lights, a star, and your damn tinsel.”  Rayne laughed grabbing the various bags of necessities for the tree she had brought up before they hauled the thing in.

“But the tinsel was so shiny.”  Tommy smiled innocently.

Rayne returned his smile, she had always wanted a real Christmas tree just like in all her favorite movies.  She knew it was a silly desire but she’d never had the opportunity to have a tree until this moment.  “Here put the tree in the stand and I’ll sweep up all of the needles that dropped.”

“Should I cut the net off?”  Tommy questioned looking down at the tree.

“No I would keep it on, it’ll probably be easier to pick it up. Wait haven’t you had a tree before?”  Rayne questioned as she swept up the needles.

“Yeah but my dad always put it up.”  Tommy defended his question as he picked up the and set it into the stand.  “Wow, that’s actually not ba-“

“Tommy!”  Rayne shouted as the tree fell down onto the living room floor, immediately she burst out into laughter.  It took about three minutes for both of them to compose themselves. “Tommy!”  Rayne gasped holding her stomach which hurt from laughing.  “Tommy you have to tighten the swivel thing to the tree trunk before you just put it in there.”

“Oh.  Shit, you’re right.”  Tommy chuckled reaching down to grab the swivel and tighten it to the trunk. This time when Tommy placed the tree in the stand it stood tall and sturdy.

“We’re a mess.”  Rayne shook her head approaching Tommy and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Now you can cut the net off, and once the tree settles we can start putting our ornaments on.  I can’t believe we found black, red and purple ones.”

“I can’t believe you know so much about trees.”  Tommy smiled cutting the netting off of the tree while Rayne scooped up the needles and got rid of them in the trashcan.  “By the way since we’re talking about Christmas I wanted to ask you something.”

“Yeah?”

“Would you want to spend Christmas day with me and my family in Covina?”  He asked.  “I know you probably do something with Jo, but it would mean a lot to me.”

Rayne smiled, “Jo and I usually just watch movies on Christmas, neither of us talk with our families very much.  Let me call her and see if she’s okay with me going.  I don’t want to just bail on her.”

“I understand.”  Tommy replied genuinely.  Rayne walked over to the kitchen, picking up the phone and dialing the number to her apartment.

“Hello?”  Jo answered out of breath.

“Hey it’s Rayne.  I won’t keep you long but I had a question for you.”  Rayne asked hearing Jo hush someone to be quiet, it didn’t take a rocket science to know what was going on.  Rayne genuinely did not know how Jo and Vince could still possibly be going at it.

“What’s up?”  Jo giggled.

“Well, Tommy wanted me to go to his family’s house for Christmas. I know we usually spend the day together so I wanted to as-“ Rayne started before Jo cut her off.  “Oh I’m so glad you’re asking me this! Vince wanted me to spend the day with him, but I didn’t want to leave you alone.”

“Is this what being an adult is?  Giving up Christmas traditions with your best friend for your boyfriend?”  Rayne laughed.

“No, you and I will always have our traditions.  And unfortunately for you, you’re stuck with me forever no matter what guys are in our lives.”  Jo said happily.

“Well I’ll let you get back to whatever activities you two are doing.”  Rayne began to hang up the phone before she heard Jo shout from the other end of the phone. “Wait, wait Ray!  Ray!”

“What?”  Rayne asked.

“Aren’t you gonna thank me?”  Jo asked.  “For what?”  “Well, you were sex ready right?”

“Goodbye Jo.”  Rayne laughed hearing her best friend laugh on the other end as well.  Rayne turned to Tommy with a smile.  “Well drummer, it looks like I’m gonna meet your parents.”  She paused.  “And just saying that out loud makes me wanna throw up.”

“Why?”  Tommy patted the couch cushion next to him.  Rayne sat down and just stared ahead to the wall.

“I’ve never met any boyfriends parents before.”  Rayne realized.  She knew Tommy really loved his family, he had told her many times about his mother and father and how they met and it was love at first sight.

“Rayne, I love you.  And so will they.”  Tommy wrapped his arm around Rayne comforting her.  Rayne took a deep breath and nodded her head.

“I’ll try not to freak out.”  Rayne honestly replied.

“There’s nothing to freak out about.  I promise they’ll love you, my sister will definitely love how sarcastic you are.  Come on, let’s start decorating the tree and distract you so you don’t have a panic attack.”  Tommy gently pulled on her sleeve.

“I’m not having a panic attack!”  Rayne defended, “Or if I am it’s just a very mild one.”

“Hey, do you trust me?”  Rayne nodded her head softly.  “Good, I’m telling you there’s nothing to worry about.”

Four Days Later

Christmas Day

Rayne walked up to Tommy’s front door and dropped the filled bags on the ground before pulling out her keys inserting them into the lock. Opening the door Rayne grabbed one bag and placed it onto the apartment.  As she reached down to pick up the other bag Tommy rushed towards her, “Babe I would’ve grabbed those for you.”

“Nah it’s alright I got it.”  Rayne smiled bringing in the next bag over the threshold.  “It’s like I’m a living breathing Mrs. Clause.”

Tommy smiled at the statement taking in Rayne’s outfit, she was in a red dress with a high neckline but a deep cut out at the back, which exposed her creamy skin.  The dress hugged her curves but still flowed and wasn’t too tight.  The outfit was topped off with a pair of black pumps.  “Looking like that, you are definitely on the naughty list.”

Rayne shot up straight, “Is it too much?  I wasn’t sure what to wear but I tried to not wear anything too risqué.”

Tommy smiled placing his hands on both of her shoulders. “You look perfect.”

Rayne smiled and let out a sigh of relief.  She spent the night before looking at different outfits to wear to meet Tommy’s family in. She didn’t want to just show up in jeans and a t-shirt or leather pants.  She wanted to make a good impression.  Tommy was even a bit dressed up for the day, he wore a black button down dress shirt and a nice pair of blue jeans.  Rayne smiled up at him, “Thank you.  Let me put your gifts under the tree.”

Tommy let Rayne put the gifts out, even though they could just as easily have opened gifts from the bag she was holding but he knew this meant a lot to her so he let her go.  “Babe are all those for me?  You didn’t have to get me anything.  As long as I get to unwrap you at the end of the night I’m happy.”

“We’re staying at your parents house tonight Tommy, we’re not having sex there!”  Rayne laughed continuing to place the presents.

“I think my favorite thing is you telling me we can’t have sex in certain places, and then we end up having sex in that exact place.” Tommy grinned.

“And you said I was on the naughty list.  If what you just described is the case I should be on the nice list.”  Rayne smiled before standing up and hanging Tommy’s filled stocking next to hers, which Rayne was surprised was filled.  “Okay.  All done.  Open your presents!”

“No, no you go first.”  Tommy insisted walking towards the couch with a garbage bag in hand for all discarded paper and taking a seat, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees.  He also reached for the camera which was sitting on the table in front of him.

“Okay.”  Rayne smiled wide grabbing her stocking and sitting down on the floor.  As she began to look through the stocking Tommy haulted her, “Oh hang on!”  Tommy came back with a leopard print Santa hat, handing it to Rayne. “If you’re opening the presents you have to wear the hat.”  Rayne smiled and happily took the hat from him settling it over her mass of curls.  She began looking through the stocking to find various little items, everything from nail polish and makeup, to razors and candy.  “My sister told me the best things to put in a stocking were every day things that are annoying to buy for yourself.  Plus I figured you could keep a lot of them here.”

Rayne pushed herself onto her knees and gave Tommy a hug, “Thank you Tommy.”

“You’re welcome.”  He smiled back happily.  “I feel bad I didn’t get you a lot of gifts.”

“No Tommy, don’t feel bad.  You’ve been a little busy the past month.  And the necklace is more than enough.”  Rayne smiled placing her hand over the star diamond he had given her.  Rayne reached for the first present and began to open it up.  She lifted the lid off the box and smiled when she saw what it was.  She pulled it completely out of the box and revealed a long sleeve black blouse that had skulls on it like polka dots.  The fabric was see through and extremely soft.  “Tommy I love it!”

“Jo helped a little.”  Tommy said bashfully.

“Oh she did, did she?”  Rayne smiled.  “Well thank you both.”

Rayne reached for another box that felt significantly lighter than the previous one.  Tommy perked up as she began to open it.  Lifting the lid off this box Rayne immediately shut it blushing up at Tommy.  “I think you bought this for you.”

“Maybe a little.”  He grinned at her as she finally removed the lid looking at what was in it.  It was a lingerie set. Inside there was a see through lacy red bra, what looked like a soft waist cincher, crotchless lacy underwear and suspenders to hold her thigh high stockings up.

“This is gorgeous Tommy.  Even though you’ll be the only one who’ll ever see it.” Rayne chuckled.

“Don’t say that, I kind of like the idea of you out at work with this underneath your scrubs.”  

“God you’re such a horn dog.”  Rayne shook her head before reaching for the last gift that had her name on it.  This one was a little big bigger, as Rayne took the wrapping paper off she saw it was a frame but she had opened it on the wrong side, when she turned it around her jaw dropped. “Tommy, how did you?”

Her eyes couldn’t leave the frame in front of her.  It was a photo that had a quote written in cursive from Pride & Prejudice it read, I can not fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation.  It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.  Under the text was three photos of Tommy and Rayne together out at various nights on the sunset strip.  One was from the first time she had seen Motley Crue.  Another was from Halloween, after their bathroom escapade. Another was one Jo took of them at Rayne’s apartment.  And the final one was one Tommy had taken of the two of them after they had sex for the first time, luckily you couldn’t tell they were naked from the way the photo was cropped.  The gift was stunning and left Rayne utterly speechless and her eyes started to water.

“I remembered Jo saying that you loved Jane Austen and I did some digging and I really liked that quote.  It reminded me of you because it’s true.  I was head over heels before we even spoke.”  Tommy said leaning forward gently wiping a fallen tear from Rayne’s cheek.  “I thought we could put it up in the bedroom.”

Rayne simply cradled his hand against her cheek before she got up and sat in Tommy’s lap wrapping her arms around his neck.  “I love you so much Tommy.  How did I get so lucky?”

“I’m the lucky one.”  Tommy smiled up at her before giving her a soft pat on the hips.

“I’m warning you right now, there’s nothing as good as that in those boxes.”  Rayne pointed towards the wrapped gifts she brought Tommy.  Tommy grinned as she took the Santa hat off her head and placed it on his.

“I meant what I said, all I need is you and I am a happy man.” Tommy declared as Rayne shifted off his lap.  Rayne sat on the couch and grabbed the camera ready to take photos of Tommy as he opened his gifts just as he had done with her.

“Now it’s your turn.”  Rayne smiled as Tommy took a seat on the floor grabbing his stocking. Rayne had filled it with lots of travel sized items that he could bring with him out on the road.  She had kind of did exactly what Tommy did and filled it with various every day items that he could use when he was out on the road.  After his stocking, Tommy reached for the closest wrapped gift to him.  Almost all of the gifts Rayne has gotten Tommy had a theme to them.  It was a small box and as he opened it he smiled immediately, he pulled out a pair of dangling earrings that had a large spike attached to the end.

“Oh yes!  I love these!”  Tommy exclaimed happily running his hand up and down Rayne’s calf.

Tommy continued to open his presents to reveal various clothing items and accessories that he could wear on stage or just day to day.  Rayne had gotten him belts that were studded and spiked and covered in bullets.  She’d gotten him silver bracelets and bangles, chokers and necklaces.  She even got him a nice wide brimmed hat after she had seen Tommy steal one from Jo one night after a show.  “Tommy I’m not gonna lie shopping for you is kinda like shopping for a woman.  The girl that helped me at Retail Slut was very happy with her commission.”

Tommy let out a laugh, “What can I say I like clothes and jewelry.” He reached for the last gift under the tree.

“Okay, I really hope you like this one.  There’s a story behind it.”  Rayne confessed as Tommy pulled out the large box. First he shook the box trying to get an idea for what was inside.  When he couldn’t get a read on it because it was mostly silent he began to tear off the paper.  When the box was revealed the name Poison Ivy was engraved at the top. Rayne watched as the name didn’t register with Tommy, and he opened the box and it was time for his jaw to drop. Rayne watched as Tommy pulled out the leather jacket.  It was a little long for a jacket, it would most likely fall just past Tommy’s hips especially with his torso being so long.  The jacket was lined with traditional leopard print and it also was on the lapels of the jacket.  On the shoulders were a few draped chains and star studs on the lapels.

“This is fuckin sick dude.”  Tommy stood up and put the coat on, it looked amazing on him, just the way she imagined.  Tommy walked over to the bathroom where there was a decent sized mirror. He rushed out with a giant smile on his face and picked Rayne up.  “Where did you get this?”

Rayne recalled the story of how she reached out to Doc asking for the designer that was designing their stage clothes and how she went to the studio not knowing if she would even be able to work anything out with the older man.  “So you designed this?”

“Well I didn’t design it, I had the idea in my head and Stanley designed it.”  It looked perfect on him.  “You better be happy he’s gay Tommy because I think he’s a little in love with me, you might have had some competition.”

“That guy was like sixty, if I remember correctly.”  Tommy chuckled throwing his head back. “And what do you mean he’s a little in love with you?”

“Hey he’s cute for an older man!”  Rayne defended him before going into the story from when she returned to the design studio to pick up Tommy’s jacket.

Three Days Before December 22nd

Rayne walked into the studio a little after 6pm, she walked there from the hospital. The little bell above the door jingled to signal her presence.  This time there was a tall thin blonde man at the front desk.  “Hi can I help you?”

“I’m here to pick up a jacket from Stanley.”  Rayne answered before hearing the older man’s voice from the back.

“Is that my beautiful red head?”  She recognized his voice instantly before he appeared in front of her. “Yes there she is.”

He approached her and opened his arms.  She leaned down slightly and he kissed her on both cheeks.  “Ronnie, look at this girl.  Isn’t she the most inspirational figure you’ve ever seen?”

Rayne instantly felt her cheeks heat up.  “Oh, no I’m not.”  She brushed off the compliment.

“Hush darling. Come on back, wait til you see what I have done for you.”  Stanley waved her back into the studio. She smiled at the blonde at the desk and followed him back.  As she walked back into the room where she had first met him she saw the jacket immediately.

“Oh my god it’s perfect!”  Rayne gasped as she approached the jacket and immediately touched the soft leather and silky leopard lining.  “You’re amazing!”

“Thank you my love.  You deserve some credit too, the idea was in your head, I just created it.”  He theatrically bowed at her praise.  “But that’s not all I made.”

“Huh?” Rayne asked watching as he disappeared down the hallway before a few minutes later wheeling out a mannequin in his left hand and a cart with a few items of clothing on hangers in his right.  “I made some things for you too.”

“Oh, no. Mr. Varone I’m flattered but I told you, I can’t afford tha-“

“My darling listen to me, I have not been so inspired in years.  I’ve designed the same types of clothing for far too long. I lost my passion for it because of the monotony of it all, everyone looking the same, and dressing the same. Then you walked into my studio and it was like a cloud lifted.  As soon as you left that day I began designing clothing inspired by you, I created a mannequin with your exact measurements.  The clothes are seductive, womanly and edgy. Please just do me the honor of trying some of the pieces on.”  Stanley asked and Rayne immediately softened to the ask.

“Okay, I’ll try them on.  But only because you did such an amazing job on Tommy’s jacket.” She said pointedly at him.

“Bellissima!” He explained taking something off the rack.  He held it out to Rayne and showed her to the dressing room.  She looked at the outfit in front of her and was unsure if it would work on her body.  It was a short leather and lace dress, mostly lace, with the leather covering up all the necessary bits, the lace even went all the way down to transition into a pair of gloves.  Rayne was almost afraid to even touch the garment it looked so expensive. But soon she was removing her clothes and slipping into the dress.  She was unable to zip it up and didn’t dare look in the mirror she just walked out to the main floor.

“I couldn’t zip it.”  She said to Stanley who looked like he was about to cry.  She immediately thought to herself, Oh god was it that bad?  See this was why she didn’t want to try anything on, a dress this revealing should be put on someone who was stick thin.  Stanley approached Rayne who turned her back to him and he slowly zipped up the dress and took a step back.

“Oh my word. My darling you are exquisite! Look at yourself.”  The older man said pulling a full length mirror in front of her.  Rayne looked at herself in utter shock.  She didn’t look awful, she didn’t look like herself but she didn’t look awful, the dress fit her like a glove, and everything was covered that she wanted to be covered.

“I-I don’t even recognize myself.”  Rayne said softly looking at herself.

“May I take a photo of you in the dress?”  Stanley asked politely.

“Sure.” Rayne said still slightly stunned as Stanley grabbed a very expensive looking camera and began snapping a few photos.

Rayne tried on a few more outfits, one that was a leather jacket paired with an almost see through skirt that had fringe strategically placed that looked incredible as she walked.  Another was a suede studded jacket that was tailored in at the waist and a high pencil skirt that the studs continued down.  She also tried on two pairs of leather pants, she had never had a pair that fit her right so to have ones that were literally custom fit to her body was kind of insane.  The final dress she tried on was a little less edgy, it was a loose wrap dress that showed a lot of leg and a lot of boobs but had a small train on the back the colors were a mix of light blue and pink almost like cotton candy.  It was almost angelic with how it moved.  “I don’t know what to say Stanley. These are beautiful, I don’t know how I could possibly inspire such beauty.”

“Darling, do me the honor of wearing the clothes.  All I ask is that if anyone asks you where it’s from you let them know about me.  Who knows maybe if your boyfriend gets famous I’ll be able to design full clothing lines inspired by you.  You could model in the shows for me.  You could bring my fashion house back from the grave.”  Stanley put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Oh no, I’m no model.”  Rayne chuckled, “I’m not seeing many girls with a true hour glass figure on runways or in magazines.”

“And that’s why we should change it!  Shake up the status quo.  I’m telling you, with a face like yours and a body like yours we could do this. You’re one hundred percent natural and that’s what I want to start pushing out to the world.”  Stanley spoke passionately.  “And doesn’t the model and the rockstar couple sound just perfect?”

Rayne let out a laugh before looking down at herself in the dress.  “I just don’t feel right taking these from you.  You’re the second person to try and gift me something I wasn’t expecting.  I’m no good at accepting gifts.”

“They’re my gift to you beautiful.  You must take them, I’ll have it no other way.”  He held his palms up in front of him.  “You honor me by wearing them.”

When Rayne got herself out of the dress and changed back into her normal clothes to say she felt much less glamorous was an understatement.  “Welcome back,” she spoke to herself as she looked in the mirror.  She exited the dressing room to be immediately greeted by a smiling Stanley and Ronnie, who was holding multiple bags in his hand.  “Here you are darling.”

“How much do I owe you for the jacket?”  Rayne questioned grabbing her wallet.

“Nothing, these are my gift to you.”  Stanley smiled.

“No! Absolutely not, we discussed my budget and I intend to pay for what I commissioned.”  Rayne said almost offended that he was just going to gift all of this to her.

“I simply won’t allow it darling.”  The older man shook his head.  Rayne saw he absolutely wouldn’t budge so she reached over the counter of the reception desk and grabbed a pen and piece of paper, scribbling down her phone number before handing it to him.  “Call me if there’s ever anything I could do for you Stanley.  I don’t know what I could do to repay you for all this but I’ll do my best.”

Stanley took the piece of paper from her and held it over his heart.  “I’ll do that.  You've given me a true gift tonight.”

“Thank you so much again.”  Rayne smiled giving both men a friendly hug.

“Goodnight darling!”  Stanley kissed her cheek before she turned and walked out of the studio.

“See baby, I told you, you’re perfect just the way you are. I wish you could see you how I do, or how Stanley does.”  Tommy smiled wrapping his arm around Rayne’s waist.  “Is this one of the dresses?”

“Oh god no!  I’m not meeting your parents for the first time in one of those dresses, they would probably say ‘who the hell does this girl think she is,’ and that’s not the impression I’m going for.  I will however happily show them off to you when we get back from their place tomorrow.”  Rayne smiled up at him.  “This was just something I got from a thrift store.”

“Yep, I’m definitely going to want you to show them off for me.” Tommy kissed her lips tenderly. “Thank you so much for all the gifts baby.  I really love them.”

“You’re welcome.  And thank you for mine.”  Rayne stood on the tips of her toes to kiss him once more.

“Are you ready to go?”  Tommy questioned slipping the dufflebag over his shoulder, “It’s almost noon and that means mom is gonna start putting out lunch soon.”

“As I’ll ever be.”  She chuckled.  “Did you remember to throw some stuff for me to wear in your duffle bag?”

“I did.”  Tommy grinned devilishly.  

“Oh I don’t trust that look at all, what did you pack?  Or not pack?”  Rayne questioned reaching for the duffle bag to look through it.

“I’m hurt.  How could you think I wouldn’t pack appropriate clothes for you?”  He held his hand over his heart feigning being offended.

“Tommy I swear by all that’s holy, there better be normal clothes in there for me.”  Rayne spoke watching as Tommy made his way to the front door holding it open. Rayne sighed and walked through the door under Tommy’s arm.  Well worse case scenario, if he pulled some stunt and didn’t pack anything normal to wear she could always wear the dress she was in today home tomorrow.  That might be the best plan, because by the look of his strut he was definitely up to something.

Take Me To The Next Chapter

---

There you have it!  They’re reunited and creating some Christmas traditions of their own!  What was everyone’s favorite part of this chapter?  I love to know what resonates with you all!  What do you think of the (potential) model and the rock star?  Here are some photos of the inspiration behind the outfits Rayne wore in this chapter.  As always feedback is appreciated, leave me a reply or message or ask<3

[jj-ktae]

Fragrance VIII : Ambergris (End)

 Title : Fragrances

Genre : Fluff, Angst, Romance

Pairing : Jaebum x Reader

Summary : You are a perfume composer, he is a lyricist, and while you’re left with too many possibilities, he is out of inspiration. Your only bond is an unknown fragrance.

- Teaser - Vetiver - Chypre - Fougère - Leather - Oud - Neroli - Gourmand - Ambergris -

Fragrance VIII : Ambergris

Ambergris is one of the most valuable raw materials in perfumery, with a smell that’s described as “ocean-y and sweet.” The interesting part is how it’s produced—it’s basically sperm whale excrement that floats in the water, gets oxidized by the sun, and turns into a substance that’s washed ashore.

Jaebum never talked more in his entire life. You listen to him as he talks about everything, from his childhood to the first time he landed a foot in a music studio. You get to know about his family, his relationship with his parents, how he grew up with his best friend Jinyoung. It’s not a sad story, and if it wasn’t for him sniffing from time to time, or stopping to think about the right words, it sounds like some average tale about a rich kid growing up among people he doesn’t belong to.

Jaebum reveals all the details, from when he tried to physically hurt himself for the first time to when he escaped home to live on his own.

You understand how powerful his family is and most importantly, from where he got his taciturn side from. Jaebum doesn’t care anymore, he is opening the Pandora box, revealing everything he thought he should be shameful of.

You don’t talk, you don’t let him think you’re annoyed by the situation, you don’t want him to think that you’re just doing this out of pity. Jaebum stops from time to time to look at you and makes sure you’re still with him, attentive and caring. It’s exactly the way you act. He sees it.

He asked you to stay and you gladly did, opening your arms to welcome his broken self on the floor. He gripped you with all he had, his usually deep voice turning high with sadness. It’s only when you couldn’t feel your knees anymore that you decided to make him lay down to relax. At first it looked like you were tucking a kid in bed, which Jaebum didn’t look satisfied of so he lifted the sheet so you could join him, his hopeful eyes begging for a positive answer.

This is how you ended hugging his body in the now pitch dark room. He started talking as soon as he felt secure enough to do so, which meant when you were both so close to each other you could hear his heartbeat.

He isn’t disturbed by this, and like the lost soul he is, his head rushed for your neck, hiding his sobs and puffy eyes.

But now it’s hard to concentrate. Jaebum doesn’t know what he is doing and you don’t want to be too intrusive so you’re a little frozen, hand limp by your side and lips pinched. You never thought the smell could be this strong but it makes sense. You’re tangled in these sheets and his hair tickle your face. It’s a lot to handle for you but you have to keep a good stance. It’s not about perfumes anymore, it’s about a boy in distress.

“I’m sorry I’m talking so much.” He says after a long silence and it makes you go back on earth. You look down and finally notice he is already peeking at you, embarrassed by the situation.

You slowly shake your head, the glimpse of a smile unnoticed in the dark. “Keep going, I’m listening. I don’t mind.”

But Jaebum sighs, and he sounds disappointed. “I’m such a burden.”

“It’s because you don’t want to be a burden that you keep everything for yourself and think of hurting yourself. Just do whatever can make you feel a bit better, I’m here for that.” It’s true. You want him to know he can count on you no matter what and most importantly, you don’t want him to hurt himself anymore. You want him to find relief, no matter what it is. So if it means this, you don’t mind and you’d do it anytime.

From the very beginning, Jaebum has a special spot in your mind. It started with your obsession over his smell, but now you don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s deeper, maybe it melted and transformed into a will to make him happy.

It’s a waste, after all, to meet someone who can make you feel so many things and not keep him. It’s only normal that you want him to feel the same way he makes you feel unknowingly.

Jaebum chuckles softly when he goes back to your neck. “You shouldn’t be here for that. There are people who can make you laugh and I’m here, a weak mess, bland and empty.” You don’t catch his reference to Jackson and the scene he noticed earlier, but it still makes no sense for you.

“I want to stay.” Your answer makes him flinch. You notice the way his body freezes, like you said something you shouldn’t have.

“It’s because of this smell thing.”  You don’t expect him to say that, but you can’t blame him. He doesn’t know the complexity of your feelings, so he thinks you’re here for your own profit. You don’t know how to explain it to him, so when he feels you won’t answer, he shifts, moving apart from you.

You understand what he means right away. “So you think I’m using your smell to make this perfume.” You sigh. “I shouldn’t have talked that much last night.” You rub your face, a feel of frustration filling you from god knows where. You have to explain everything to him right now before he gets the wrong opinion.

But you don’t even know how to do so.

“Your smell is the first thing that hit me. It was intense, and very unusual. In the perfume industry, we have this belief that smell has a power. Everyone has a special smell, an odour that can pull you in. In my case, it happened when I saw you on that bridge. It was surprising because I can identify a lot of smells, but I couldn’t put a word on yours. It’s only when I noticed you were about to do something to yourself that I decided to bring you here.”

Jaebum stays silent, it makes you feel anxious all of a sudden.

“So yeah, maybe your smell is what pushed me to bring you here, but it was never because I needed it to make it a perfume. It inspired me, I admit, but at the same time it wasn’t just a way to achieve my goal. It has nothing to do with me trying to using you for my own profit.”

So far you’re doing well. Jaebum is still next to you. But he speaks again. “What does it have to do with...?” His voice is quiet, his tone calm, his body relaxed.

“I don’t know. I just- It’s special. I’ll never find someone who makes me feel the way you do. So maybe it sounds weird, but I need you close. Your smell is nothing without you, it’s not just about an odour or perfumes. It’s just you.” It sounds mushy, it’s hard to say this, and it’s only when you say it to him that it makes sense in your head.

You’re in love with Im Jaebum. From his smell to what he represents, everything’s pulling you in. For a minute, you don’t believe it, it’s nonsense, how can it transform into feelings?

You don’t hear anything for the next minutes. God, he is going to escape and you’ll never see him again.

“I’m special?” he whispers like it’s a big secret.

“To me, yes. I don’t need a lot from you, just you existing and being here is enough for me, really. So if you want to stay and live here I don’t mind.” It’s your last try to make him stay. It sounds like the biggest confession you ever made, but why hide it when he needs someone to tell him how important he is?

Jaebum shifts on the bed, but you don’t see what’s happening. It’s too quiet, it makes the atmosphere heavy. You don’t know him enough to predict what is going to happen.

“Thank you” is all he says. There are no movements on the bed, no dipping, no tossing, Jaebum is simply laying, but it doesn’t take long before he moves again. You feel his arms first, they’re soft and lazy, circling your waist. Next is his head, going back where is was earlier.

You stay put and wait for him to say more but he doesn’t, and you understand he is long gone when your feel soft puffs of hair against your skin, tingling.

---

“Universal” Bambam has been repeating the word like it was magic for the past hour, making you look at Jackson weirdly from your spot in the kitchen.

It was early when they arrived. You were still sleeping in Jaebum’s bed and the thought only is still making you shiver. The way he was pressed against you and how hard it was to get away from his sleepy grip is too much for you and you end up spacing out as Jackson is presenting the pieces he came up with.

“Universal means it’s made for everyone. A unisex fragrance means a unisex collection. Check this out.” He lets the sheets fall in front of Bambam who whistles loudly, making you jump to go back on earth.

“That’s wicked. I love it. What do you think, boss?” The always shiny Bambam looks at you and you nod. It’s pretty, with boys wearing skirts and girls rocking tuxedos. Jackson’s choice of colours goes from deep brown to gold, with touches of deep green and beige. It’s pretty and earthy, just like the base notes you picked for the perfume.

“Suits the Oak Moss and Fougère.” You whisper, fingers grazing over the drawings.

Jackson looks proud as he puts an arm around your shoulder, nudging you softly. “I did some researches! It wasn’t just a simple choice of colours. I wanted it to stick to your own concept because I find it brilliant.”

The ghost of a smile creeps on your face as Jackson explains the way he came up with such a fitting collection. He stares back at you with the same knowing smile while Bambam does weird moves, which you can now identify as a way to express his happiness.

This kid is seriously crazy.

“G’morning.” The deep voice makes you jump as you hear Jaebum’s voice. His face is a mess as he greets you three. You don’t dare turning to meet him, hiding behind Jackson’s broad body instead and you’re lucky the latter doesn’t notice the way you avoid your roommate.

Jaebum tilts his head swiftly, eyes hidden behind wild locks as he notices the way Jackson’s arms is around you, but says nothing and walks to the counter to get some coffee.

“We brought food!” Bambam tells him but Jaebum simply shakes his head, deeply concentrated on his own cup.

You say nothing and Jackson starts shaking your body to break the heavy silence. “What’s wrong? You don’t look too happy.”

You don’t want to answer, not when Jaebum is right behind you, and certainly not when Jackson’s body is too close to yours. You take a step back, fighting the urge to look at Jaebum whose smell is invading the air like poison.

“I’m just, well, tired. It’s good. I’m glad we’re done.” You don’t sound genuine, but Jackson knows better than push you and chuckles, going back to his works with a triumphant smile.

“By the way, how did you come up with the ambergris note last night?” Bambam asks suddenly before stuffing his mouth with a hot croissant. You want him to choke on it as he doesn’t know what he is doing right now.

Last night, you came up with the last element while Jaebum held you, his silent sobs echoing into your ribcage and ripping your guts.

“Oh yeah, what happened last night? Do you ever stop working?” Jackson scolds you because he thinks you stayed up late to finish it but it’s none of these, it’s not like you searched for it.

Whenever you’re close to Jaebum, your brain starts processing everything like an engine.

“Nothing happened. It just came to me.” You mumble, not seeing the way Jaebum stopped drinking to look at you three.

“You’re such a genius! Isn’t she a genius?” Bambam gets up and nods at Jaebum who freezes on his spot. He knows how you came up with it. Now that he knows everything, he can easily guess when this popped up into your head.

He agrees faintly, adding to your embarrassment and walks where you three are.

It’s like agony, the way his smells get stronger with each step. He stops right next to you to peak at Jackson’s drawing.

“I’ll be working all day. I won’t be back until late.” He says it to no one in particular, and while Bambam and Jackson ignore the moment to squeak like little girls, you know why he says this.

He doesn’t want you to worry about him after what happened last night.

You look up to meet his gaze and it’s nothing but tender.

You don’t even notice how much he wants to hold you again before walking away, and it’s better that way. That’s what Jaebum thinks as he goes back to his room to get prepared.

You’re left on your spot, right between a singing Bambam and a dancing Jackson and everything is blurry.

Your heart is beating so fast.

---

“I’m nervous,” Youngjae hates these moments. He hates it when he is showing his projects to his managers, waiting for their approval. The two men are listening to the music sample, the song they recorded. Jaebum doesn’t look nervous, but deep inside he is mess. From the moment he woke up, he knew he wouldn’t be ready to deal with such a big event.

He is too emotionally unstable to control his anxiety.

“It’s...” One of the two men looks up to the two worried boys with a blank face. He tilts his head, blinks, bits his lip.

“It’s...?” Youngjae sits up in the leather office chair, his huge hat moving with every nod.

Jaebum doesn’t move, arms crossed against the table and eyes focused. If he fails this, he will never be able to do music again. Youngjae’s company is huge and if they don’t like the song, he will be pretty much cancelled from the music world for a long time.

“Brilliant. The concept, the lyrics, the voice, it’s perfect. You needed this, Youngjae, you needed to show everyone your broken and fragile side. I love how powerful your voice is when it sings such heart-breaking lyrics.” He second man explains, his eyes shiny. He can already imagine a music video, with the pretty boy lost and broken into a deserted place.

Youngjae releases a breath, but before he can answer, the manager speaks again.

“I see Defsoul is up to his reputation.” The man offers a hand. “Thank you for doing this.”

Jaebum blinks at him, his tired brain still trying to process the huge amount of positivity in the air. “Thank you,” He shakes the hand back, voice like cotton and tone extra soft.

“So, Youngjae, we need to talk about the promotional schedule. The music video will be filmed by the end of the week so we can release the single in two weeks. I’m so glad we made it before the deadline.” The second man sounds relieved like his position is on the line.

They get up and shake hands with Jaebum, who is astonished next to a beaming and dancing Youngjae.

He made it.

---

“We made a PowerPoint presentation,” Bambam takes a long stick and hits it against a huge projection screen. He readjusts his glasses and you scoff, rolling your eyes.

Bambam is really, really crazy.

“YOU did a PowerPoint presentation. We were okay with a simple persentation.” Jackson shots from his spot behind you and the lady who tries to hide his laugh in vain.

“I’m sorry you had to work with these people,” She finally admits when she leans toward you, her bright pink lips curving into a mocking smile.

You sigh and shake your head, “Bambam, hurry.” You’re too anxious to deal with him, you need to know if you did well. It’s a super important moment, not only perfume-wise, but also in terms of abilities.

It’s your first own creation. It’s the first time you do something from scratch, it’s the first time you follow your instincts. You need to know if you did well.

Bambam clicks on the tiny remote control and it appears.

Jackson came up with a bottle design and the lady discovers the name, in shiny and small golden letters.

Universal.

The bottle is pretty, squared and the glass is faintly ridged. Around it, Jackson drew ivy, slowly going up to wrap around the base of the bottle. Oak-moss upholsters the floor with soft yet deep green touches and it’s everything but complicated. It’s simple, it sticks to the concept and the components.

“Universal is a return to the roots, it’s essential and earthy, it’s a thousand miles away from gold, diamonds but it’s glamourous, it holds all the preciousness of the world with the golden letters and refined glass. This fragrance doesn’t stick to a type of person, it’s not a perfume for men or women, it’s from the universality of a whole planet. It’s a unisex fragrance.”

Bambam talks like he is about to sell his own brand. Voice and stance proud. He shows another page with a chart. “Here is the chart with the components in the perfume. We picked elements of earth for the Base note, such as Oak Moss and Fougère. The middle note is a unique one: Oriental leather which adds charm and identity.” Bambam taps the stick against the screen with every word. It’s like he is giving a lecture to apprentices. “The top notes are fruity and bubbly, it gives a soft touch and lightens the fragrance. The idea is for it to be joyful and not dramatic, but still serious. We want a fragrance that talks to everyone, so we insisted on a duality in the elements.”

You are amazed by the explanation. Bambam knows exactly what you want to express, he picked his words wisely, and you see in his eyes he is worried.

He is doing his best for you. He wants you to know how wonderful and skilled you are.

“Wow,” You look to the side swiftly and you see the lady hum in approval.

At the same time, you feel Jackson’s hand on your shoulder, but you’re frozen. You can’t interact with others right now. It’s a blackout in your head.

“Universal is a unisex fragrance so it’s wearable by everyone, without any distinction.” Bambam approaches the lady and offers a hand. “Give me your wrist.”

When she gives him her delicate skin, he sprays the tiny sample on her wrist and it hits you as soon as it fills the air. You can feel it, it’s awesome. It turns your insides deliciously, it’s unique.

Next to you, Bambam waits for the pensive lady to speak. She waves her wrist in front of her face and makes numerous faces. It’s like she is tasting expensive wine.

After a while, you hear Jackson growl, his patience going away with every second.

“I knew it.” She says and the three of you freeze.

“W-w-what do you mean?” Bambam stutters because he knows his boss. She could destroy them with the back of her hand.

“You’re a genius.” She turns her head and you are greeted with her happy face. “I knew you’d do great. I always did.”

You don’t know if you should laugh or cry, it’s too much to bear, it’s the result of so many tears, uncertainty, pain, doubt.

You can’t believe you made it.

You jump on your seat when you hear Bambam’s happy squeal. Jackson laughs while Bambam starts dancing wildly and it’s the embodiment of joy right in front of you.

“Great, great! I will now explain the concept of the fashion line imagined by the Ateliers Wang.” Bambam does finger gun gestures toward Jackson who imitates him and it suddenly feels like freedom.

The rest of the day is one of the brightest you ever had. Everything is shiny, the weather is clear, your smile never leaves your face but you need one thing, just one person to talk to.

You need Jaebum to achieve this. You need to tell him, you need him to know how good he did, how important he is.

You come back home after a little celebration at your boss’ office, but the flat is empty, as expected. Jaebum told you he would work until late and after some cleaning, you decide to lay down in the living-room.

When was the last time you relaxed?

It’s quiet and you enjoy this newly found feeing of completeness with a smug smile on your face. You still can’t believe you made it, and it triggers something in you, a tiny voice that praises your skill and whispers soft words into your ears.

You did great.

You’re a real perfume composer.

Your perfume is amazing.

You smile to yourself as you stare at the ceiling, but your phone takes you out of your meditative state, and you’re not even bothered by your boss’ voice.

“Just got a call. I see you did well, Y/N.” You can picture him running around, counting the amount of money he will get after you succeed in creating a damn good perfume.

You simply roll your eyes, too proud to beam at him. “Thank you.”

“So now you deserve this vacation I told you about. You’ll be quite busy from now anyways, with the launching. Congrats, I’m very proud of you, Y/N”

You can simply hum, a bit emotional.

It’s true. You’re going to be busy and the brand will probably make you go to many business parties or even do interviews. It’s scary, but when you think of all the things you went through for this perfume, it’s nothing.

Nothing can beat the level of anxiety you felt while making this perfume from scratch.

Your head feels heavy with every souvenir and you drift off, brain and mind light as feathers.

It’s like a huge cloud, warm and fuzzy. It’s velvet brushing your bare skin, soothing yet firm. You don’t remember sleeping this well, but then again, today is not like any other day. It feels like an eternity when you come back to your sense. The bright day is gone and the sky is dark, with hints of grey. You toss and turn in the comfy sofa, limbs numb and mind fuzzy and try to fall asleep again.

But it’s time to wake up, and you’re starting to feel hungry so you open your eyes with a heavy heart, and you almost sneeze when your nose is tickled by a bunch of thick, dark hair.

It takes a while to process the fact that Jaebum is also asleep, leaning against the fluffy furniture. His is seated on the floor, and his hair is softly resting against the armrest, just next to your own.

When you sit up, it takes him out of his own slumber and he peeks behind him when he feels the fluffy material deepen behind him. It’s the first time you see him before actually smelling him, and you blame your exhausted envelop for not being able to function anymore.

“Oh...you’re up.” It seems like Jaebum wasn’t planning on falling asleep, because he looks embarrassed.

“Hm...” Your hand goes to your eye and you try rubbing the fatigue out of your eyelid.

Jaebum gets up and flattens his sweatshirt with hesitant fingers, his eyes looking everywhere but toward you.

He isn’t ready, he was never ready for the idea of you.

“When did you came back?” You mumble and he shakes his head. Both of you have no idea why he does this.

“Not long. Maybe an hour.” He checks the clock on the wall and takes a step back.

It’s like he is afraid of you breaking him.

You don’t dare asking why was he sleeping on the floor and get up, stretching out. You suddenly brighten when you think about what you’re about to tell him but you don’t get the chance to speak as he is already heading toward the kitchen.

It’s surprising, but you’re in such a good mood, you don’t even notice something is wrong with him.

“Are you cooking dinner?” You ask with the softest voice you can find, but Jaebum shakes his head, not even deigning turning to look at you.

“Just heating some things.” His tone is different, it’s nothing you’ve ever heard. It’s icy.

You refuse to believe he is actually talking to you now.

“By the way, today was the presentation of my perfume,” You lean against the kitchen table, hands clutch together. “My boss loved it. She was amazed. She basically-” You announce, but Jaebum turns around and walk past you without much of an interest, and it startles you.

Before your brain tells you to stop, you grab his arm. He looks at you with eyes you can’t decipher but doesn’t speak.

“...are you okay?” You try. Maybe it’s not the best moment to brag about yourself. Maybe he doesn’t need you to tell him how great you’re feeling.

“I’m fine, why?” Jaebum talks like he has the most peaceful life, like you’re crazy for asking such a question.

Something inside you twitch, but you decide not to let it get you.

“You seem...off...I was about to tell you something imp-”

“I’m not interested.” He brushes you off but you don’t let his arm go.

Something is definitely wrong with him.

“Please tell me what’s wrong.” Your voice change instantly when you understand that he is about to shut you out.

Jaebum is not having it, and simply shakes his head, eyebrows up to emphasize his surprised face.

“I’m okay. Can you let me go?” He looks at your arm with cold eyes and panic takes you over in a matter of seconds.

You know enough to understand the situation. What is happening, why? Jaebum seemed fine this morning, and from what he told you before going, he was supposed to work all day.

Maybe his song wasn’t good enough for the famous singer? Maybe he is feeling depressed because of that?

“Jaebum, I swear. Just- I can listen.” You feel pathetic, and when Jaebum pulls on his arm to free himself, you see how annoyed he is.

“Look, I’m getting tired of you butting in my business. I don’t care about this perfume, honestly. If you don’t know how not to cross the line between roommates and friends, I guess I’ll have to remind you.” He speaks fast, and you try hard to find a hint of remorse, but there is nothing, except his clenched jaw and undecipherable eyes.

You want to get mad at him for talking to you this way, but it is true. No matter how much you can’t understand what’s happening to him, it’s true that you’re nothing but roommates. You thought your little confession would make him feel kind of appreciated, but it actually worked the other way around.

He resents you. He feels used, he doesn’t want to have anything to do with your goddamn business.

Your heart feels heavy suddenly, like a vice tightening around it and hurting your ribcage. You breathe heavily once, twice, trice. You can’t cry. Jaebum would never say that, there must be a reason.

“Just tell me you don’t want to talk about it. I’ll understand. We can talk about it when you feel better-“

“No!” Jaebum’s tone makes you jump and you take a step back, startled.

What’s wrong with this guy?

“We won’t talk about anything. You can’t leave me the fuck alone, right? What do I need to do for you to stop clinging on me? You’re so fucking lame. I’m doing just fine so drop it. You mean nothing and will never mean anything. Don’t start thinking we will play romance because I let you hold me one night.” Jaebum avoids your eyes at all cost, but you’re too shocked to notice it. His words hurt more than you thought they would, because you thought you two had something special.

Maybe you were wrong.

“I get it. I’m sorry.” You conclude, not being able to block a sob from ripping your throat and you go back into the kitchen. You hope he doesn’t see the tears falling on your cheeks.

He doesn’t deserve your misery.

Jaebum sighs when you disappear, his eyes closing painfully and it’s the worse dilemma for him. He wants to apologize, to explain he can’t let you in, but he knows you’ll have none of it.

You’re ready to accept him as he is and it’s scaring him.

He tries to occupy himself, forgetting about the food in the kitchen but he can hear you, he can hear you softly sniff into the flat, walking around, muffling sobs and breathing heavily.

It hurts him so much; he hates himself for putting you in this state but he has no choice. He can’t be good enough for you in this state. He needs to be stronger so he can take care of you the same way you took care of him.

This means he can’t be with you.

It’s the only way he found to make you stop caring about him. You told him things no one ever did and after last night, he found himself thinking about you every second of the day. He couldn’t even stand the way Jackson held you this morning. He is too in love for his liking, too into you. You deserve nothing but joy and he has none in him.

He made it, he wrote a good song, but he has too many issues to take care of. But you’re crying. You are sad and it’s because of him. He can’t stand this.

It’s his brain who tells him to open the door and find you. He doesn’t want to do so, but he rushes to the living-room, finding nothing. He goes to the kitchen, empty.

Jaebum finds you when he opens your room’s door softly. You’re looking at the window, and he understand you’re crying when he sees your shoulders shake.

“Are you crying?” It’s a stupid question, but what else can he say?

You turn around and he sees your surprised eyes and brows furrowed.

You sniff loudly. “Are you kidding me? You did enough, stop talking to me.”

“Look, I’m-” He takes a step toward you but you raise an arm and he freezes, like you’re holding a gun and waiting to shoot him.

“I can’t believe it. So this is what you’ve been thinking all this time? You should have told me if you were thinking so low of me.” You rub your nose and no matter how dramatic the situation is, Jaebum finds it awfully cute “I’m not going to care about you anymore. I thought you were just having a bad day, but you actually don’t give a shit about me at all.”

“It’s not about that.” He looks at the floor when he can’t bear looking at your red eyes anymore.

“Then what is it about? No, don’t answer. I don’t want to know. I was so happy today, I had such a great day and you had to ruin it. All I want is for you to be happy, but I’m so stupid, I thought I could be of any importance to someone.” You snort and move your arms in the air, mocking your own self.

“It���s not you, it’s me.”

You laugh and it’s everything but funny. “Oh, typical. It’s not me, it’s you? Yeah it’s you, you’re stupid and probably just doing this to boost your ego. So what, you don’t need me anymore? Are you going to escape again now that I was here to listen to your bullshit?”

It’s mean, you’re being mean, but Jaebum deserves the same medicine.

“Oh no. You’re going to back to mom and dad and apologise to get some cash? You did a great song and you don’t need me anymore? Because guess what, my perfume is great and I don’t need you anymore either.”

Jaebum stiffs when you say that. “Stop.” He knows you’re paying back all the things he said, but he doesn’t want to hear this. He’d rather receive a hard slap across the face.

He takes a step toward you, but you’re to enraged you don’t even notice it “Oh, I’m hurting your feelings? Want me to take you to the nearest bridge? Tell me, how should I help?”

“Calm down.” He takes another step but you shake your head, eyes closed.

“You just- I can’t believe- damn Jaebum, what I said last night is not nothing. When I said you were important to me, I really meant it. And then what? I realize that I’m in love with you and you? YOU? You’re such a jerk.”

He stops right in front of your body and looks down at your ruined face, “I know. I know.” He doesn’t insist and reach for your trembling body with steady hands, collecting you and bringing you closer.

His smell works like a spell on you and you stop moving. “Get away from me.” You talk but don’t make any movement to make him go away.

“I’m sorry.” He doesn’t say it for the same reasons you think he does, but you don’t have time to question him because he grabs your face and kisses you before you can send him away.

His grip is tight but his lips are shaking, and you don’t answer to the kiss until he pulls you against him to prove his point. You don’t want to give in because he went too far. He can’t push you away and claim you the way he pleases. No matter how strong his hold around you is.

His heart burst out of his chest when you answer him. Your lips are soft and moist with tears, but they feel so safe and warm. Jaebum presses you so hard against him you can barely breathe but none of you mind.

His fingers find your hair and rub your scalp with soft gestures. You feel too soft for him to detach himself, and he knows he is making the biggest mistake he ever did, but he cannot stop when he knows you’ll be mad at him.

No matter the outcome, you will hate him anyways.

His other hand sticks your stomachs together like glue and your angry body is burning against his own, like a flame consuming his tingling skin. He detaches his mouth from yours to whisper soft words against your face, and you almost cry again when you hear them, before jumping on him to kiss him again.

I’m sorry, I love you

You kiss him until your mouth dries and hurts, when Jaebum decides he had enough of pushing you away and makes you lean on top of him, on your bed.

The rest is a discovery. You get to see sides of Jaebum you thought he wouldn’t have. He keeps a lazy pace, with hushed moans and burning desire. He takes all the time he needs to immerse into your skin, to enter every pore and it’s sweet, it’s sugary and loving.

It’s above everything you expected.

He breathes into your ears and can’t stop confessing, his hands leaving his sweet smell over your sweaty skin, wrapping you up into the softest feeling you ever came across. Your brain stops functioning at some point, and Jaebum seems lost into you. He looks at you like he will never see you again but you don’t pay attention to it, you grab his face again and again, giving him everything you have.

Jaebum doesn’t let you escape, and it’s not like you want to. He keeps himself around you, hands possessive and lips brushing the edge of your shoulder when you turn around. His fingers leave a heat behind them, making you shiver and making him chuckle.

You don’t talk again. Words are too tiring and useless when you feel him against you. His smell is so overwhelming it blocks everything around you.

And you fall asleep into the late night, when the sun is still resting and your body is spent.

But you wake up and it’s cold again.

You don’t see Jaebum in the flat, and ignore your phone ringing when you see his room empty. His belongings are gone.

Jaebum isn’t going to come back.

---

[c-valentino]

Lighter Next To Your Coffee Mug IV

As expected, Andrew hadn't contacted him again. Neil did his best not to think about it. It happened all the time, he wanted to say. He met with a new client and it just didn't work out for one of them. No big deal, you had to look at it in a professional way. Yet, he was still thinking about it. Luckily, he knew of ways to take his mind off things. He checked his phone one more time for messages and then left it on the kitchen counter to get changed. He just couldn't live without it, he admitted, –Exy.

  He had always been meant to be a player. He still thought he would have made Court, if his past had allowed it. This sport –Neil would have gladly given up his life for it. He had no life left to give, though. It had been taken from him and he was still running from the remnants of it. Where to, he had clue.

  He had still clung to his dream to become a professional player until high school, when he had disobeyed his dead mother’s wish and joined a low-ranking school team in Millport. Now, years later, he thought of it as one of his biggest mistakes. They had nearly caught him back then. It had also cost him his education, since he had needed to vanish overnight, less than two months before his graduation. From there, so much had gone downhill for him. He grinned a little as he thought about it. Downhill… hadn't he already reached rock bottom long before that? How deep did this hellhole people called life go? Losing one’s family, dreams, past and future… how much was left after that?

  And still, he wouldn't let go of Exy. He needed it for his sanity, even if it was just the occasional game with this local patchwork team of unprofessionals, who met once every two weeks to give it their everything on the court. He didn’t know even half of their names, only their faces. He knew what they were like on the court, knew, that he could beat them all. It took the joy out of it somewhat but it was still better than endless drills on his own. Exy was in his blood and he would never want to let go of his racquet.

  The matches were always a strange mix of cheerful greetings, rising tempers, hurt egos and an outlet for pent-up aggression from daily lives which didn't revolve around this sport. If someone had a bad day at work, trouble at home, unpaid bills or a problem with no solution, he or she would drag all that onto the court and try to forget about it within the thrill of battle. Those were rough games. Although Neil always did his best not to shine too brightly on the court, the first fight of the evening had always been about which side he would play for that evening, until they came up with the solution, that he would have to switch sides halfway through. Rules were bent until the breaking point, voices raised in heated discussions and bodies hit the ground with sometimes the bare minimum of protective gear. The cheers though, were all heartfelt. The joy of a victory would wash over them like a catharsis.

    When he came home that night, he had a message waiting for him. The man who was only labeled as The German in his mind, was a client in his late thirties. Neil had known him for years now, in fact, he had been the first client he had even taken on. If you could call it that. Neil supposed, the man had chosen him back then.

   They had met at a club, that night. It hadn't been Neil’s day –or maybe, it hadn't even been his month. Things hadn't looked so great. He just had skipped town again, giving in to his growing paranoia, which had threatened to drown him once again. Neil had bought himself a new identity back then, something he tried to avoid if possible. A fake identity was an expensive thing to buy and even though he had started out with a respectable amount of money in the beginning, his funds had been running low after years of running. It was a miracle they had lasted him for so long, to be honest. He had always made sure to never buy anything unnecessary, apart from his Exy gear. He had always been paranoid and careful enough, so that no one had ever stolen from him. If not for his nervous breakdowns that caused him to leave everything behind overnight if the lurking shadows were closing in on him again, he still would have been able to go on without thinking about money for a while.

  Yet barely five minutes ago, Neil had given in to the fear of being followed. There had been no trace of anyone that night. Still, he had followed his gut feeling. He had known that he wasn't going home that night. Whenever the shadows were closing in, he wouldn't go home in fear of dragging them there. He had made that mistake too many time already. Instead, he had crossed the street and ducked into the first nightclub he had spotted. It hadn't mattered to him what kind of club it was. He hadn't planed on staying. Sometimes, he just couldn't bear the feeling of being outside in the open.

  It had been a gay nightclub with bright neon lights, flashing in harsh contrast to the dark clothes of the crowd. Neil had found himself amid all kinds of men, dressed in outfits ranging from latex and leather, over shiny, skintight fabric, to the occasional black suit. More than one head had turned in his direction and it had creeped him out. The excessive amount of flirting hadn't helped. Neil had retreated to one of the bars, the one furthest away from the moving crowd on the dance floor and nearest the VIP area, where people sat to be seen. He had been trying to work up the nerve to go back outside again. Neil had ordered a drink, just a soda and tried to calm down, when the bartender told him, that his drink had already been paid for. He had nodded at a man sitting at one of the tables in the back. He had been watching Neil. Still creeped out but trying to avoid further unwanted attention, Neil had raised his glass and nodded his thanks, then lowered his head.

  He had gone over to watching the bartenders work. Those guys were always the safest of all people to stay around. They were unlikely to want anything from a customer, apart from their money and the occasional interesting story to fill the slow hours. But the club had been busy that night and the staff had left him alone, as long as he had his drink in front of him.

  “Hey, can I buy you a drink?” The question had come from a man, who had pushed his way through to stand beside Neil at the bar.

  “No thanks, I already got one,” he had declined, without sparing more than a sideway glance to make sure that this guy wasn't a threat. He wasn’t. It was just a guy at a party, trying to score. Well, too bad for him, he would just have to try his luck elsewhere.

  “I’ll buy you another. What did you get? Or we could dance first.” Not so easily discouraged, it seemed.

  “No. Don’t take it personally but I’m not interested.” He deemed that to be polite enough.

  “Don’t be that way. Let’s have a little fun. You look like you could use it, don’t take it personally,” the guy tried. Geez. Neil had thought about something less polite to say, when someone pre-empted him.

  “I believe he said no. No need to be obtrusive.” It had been the guy who had paid for his soda. Dressed in an expensive suit, open collar, no tie, he had towered over the them, his voice like velvet with an almost unnoticeable German accent. He had been older than Neil, too old to be hitting on him, he had thought. Maybe not.

  “Would you mind? We are trying to–“ the first guy had started, before he had been interrupted by a security, who had been standing at the entrance to the VIP area earlier.

  “Something the matter?” Well, fuck, Neil had thought. So much for staying under the radar.

  “I think this gentleman was about to leave,” the German had said. Neil couldn't even get two words in to calm the whole situation down, before the guy next to him had been escorted to the exit.

  “Thanks but that was unnecessary.”

  “Was it? I don’t know. It wouldn't surprise me, if you wouldn't have been the only guy he had bothered tonight. It’s bad for business.”

  “So you run this place?” He wasn't interested. Not really.

  “Hardly. I own a third of it. It’s a nice investment.” Someone else had gotten too close on Neil’s other side, trying to get the bartender’s attention and Neil had felt the revulsion raising the hairs on his neck. “Pardon me but would you like to join me for a bit? You look like you could use a little more space.” He had been about to decline but he had not felt like joining the crowd again and going outside was still not an option. So he had nodded, without looking at the man and followed him back to one of the tables. They had sat down in white leather armchairs next to each other, facing the crowd. Neil had chosen his seat first, expecting the other man to sit across from him but he hadn’t. There had been enough space between them though, so Neil hadn't said anything. He had just taken another sip of his soda.

  Luckily, he hadn't been the center of attention afterwards. People had joined them at the table, talking to the German. Some had introduced themselves and Neil had given them a fake name. Christian, he had called himself. No one had stayed long at their table and no one had paid him too much attention, so he had finally been able to relax a little.

  “Another,” the German had asked. His glass had been empty. A waiter had come by to collect it.

  “Uhm, yeah. Thanks.”

  “Or would you like something else?”

  “No, I don't drink.” The man had smiled at him, a little amused.

  “I’m sure we got more than just soda to choose from.”

  “Well, add some mint and lime to it then.”  The waiter had nodded and left.

  “So, Christian, first time here?” Neil had leaned back and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

  “Yes, first time.”

  “I figured. I hope you don’t mind me saying but you looked a little… out of place.” Neil had accepted that with a little chuckle.

  “Yeah, maybe.” His order had been placed in front of him and he had thanked the waiter. “So you tried to save me? That’s awfully kind of you,” he had tried to steer the conversation back to the man next to him.

  “Maybe. You looked like you had a bad day. I think we all can relate to that.”

  “Hm,” Neil had nodded and they had raised their glasses. “Cheers.”

  “Cheers.” His first sip had been a careful one but Neil could detect no alcohol in his drink. Hopefully no drugs either. They had been once again joined by other men at the table and Neil had gladly sat back and just listened for a while, watching the crowd. It hadn't bothered him to watch men flirting and kissing, dancing with each other. Some people might have found it offensive, some might have been disgusted, he just didn't care. People could do what they wanted as long as they left him alone. He certainly wouldn't bother them.

  “Pardon me for saying something you might think offensive,” the German had said after a while. “I can’t help it, I have to ask you.” Here we go, Neil had thought.

  “Wait,” he had sighed. “Before you say anything, I’m not interested.”

  “You don’t even know what I want to know.”

  “I think I do, though. Let’s not pretend. You were about to ask me, if I would have sex with you. –You can deny it or you can just admit to it. I’m not offended. It’s kinda obvious, anyway. Why else would you have invited me?”

  “Jesus, you don’t like to beat about the bush, do you?” Neil had expected the man to be at least a little shaken by being called out like that. He hadn't been. His tone had carried no hint of embarrassment.

  “It’s a waste of time.”

  “I like that. So, let me ask you something else then. Would you do it, if I paid you for it?” Not the direction Neil had thought his night would take.

  “You can’t afford me,” he had tried to shoot the man down.

  “What if I can?”

     ‘Ich bin in der Stadt. Komm doch später im Club vorbei.’* Neil frowned at his phone. It was hard to shoot this man down. Not that he particularly liked him, he just didn't want to get on his bad side.

  ‘Vielleicht’ It was a vague response but they both knew he would show up.

  His post-Exy high evaporated and Neil closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. Back to business. He left his coffee untouched, turned around and went over to his makeshift wardrobe. It was really just a cloth rack, suspended by two strings, hanging from the ceiling. It took up the minimum amount of space and could be removed in no time. Next to it stood a metal drawer he had picked up somewhere from the streets a few years back. It contained all of his clothes that wouldn't fit on a hanger. Not too long ago, all his belongings had fit into one duffle bag. The fact that he actually paid rent and had a few pieces of furniture now showed him, that he had gotten more comfortable in his life –maybe a little too comfortable. Neil always made sure that he owned nothing he couldn't leave behind if he had to.

  He picked out an outfit for tonight and threw it onto the bed. He still had a few hours.

    It had been a surprise, when Andrew Minyard had called again. It had taken the Exy player a little over a week to contact him again, requesting another meeting. Neil had agreed to it without thinking. He couldn't complain about their last one.

  Once again they met at Andrew’s place, with the goalkeeper waiting at the door. Neil followed him inside.

   Changed your mind, Neil was about to ask but didn’t. First of all, it would be unprofessional and second, it was obvious Andrew had changed his mind –why ask stupid questions? This was Alex talking, he realized, a little confused about it. Usually he was very good at keeping his fake personas with the people they belonged to. Alex had no place here.

  “What do you want to do tonight,” he asked instead, standing in the middle of Andrew’s spacious living room.

  “I want what we did last time,” Andrew replied. Yes or no, Neil? He didn't need to ask. But he needed to hear an answer.

  “Yes.” Neil closed the gap between them and Andrew moved in for the first kiss. Obediently, Neil crossed his wrists behind his back, while Andrew’s hands slid up his chest to his shoulders and down again. Without anything to hold on to for support, Neil had to flex his abdominals and back muscles to stay in place and Andrew seemed to approve, as his fingers found his six pack abs under the soft material of the shirt.

  Teeth found his lower lip and bit down, slowly releasing it in favor of licking the tingling skin. Unable to show affection with his hands, Neil slid his clean-shaven cheek against Andrew’s like a cat, then dipped down and moved his parted lips down the goalkeeper’s neck. Andrew smelled like cigarettes and body wash. He licked and nipped at the bare skin just above the collar. Hissing, Andrew grabbed him by the hair but didn't pull him away, allowing Neil to play a bit more, before he couldn't take it anymore and found Neil’s lips again.

  The kiss deepened under the firm press of Andrew’s lips. Neil had to hold himself upright enough to press back and relent enough, back arching, to start small attacks at Andrew’s neck in between. It went on and on and he couldn't complain at all about doing this for as long as Andrew wanted, even as his abdominals started to tremble a little under the unyielding pressure. He kept his wrist firmly crossed behind his back, thinking about how it would feel to move his hips forward, pressing them against Andrew’s, how he would like to grab the blonde hair and run his fingertips over Andrew’s scalp.

  The thoughts vanished from his mind, as he leaned back a little more to find that pale neck again and Andrew moved in, not done with challenging Neil’s tongue for another round of teasing, heated slides. All it took was this little, unstable moment and a sudden loss of tension in his muscles for Neil to lose his balance. An inarticulate sound escaped his mouth and his wrists uncrossed out of pure reflex to regain his balance. His first impulse had been to hold onto Andrew for support but his head screamed no, causing his arms to flail helplessly at his sides for a second. Andrew, busy with exploring Neil’s firm chest, lost his grip on the the thin material of Neil’s shirt slipping through his fingers. His eyes widened a bit as Neil jerked back and he didn't manage to grab his flailing arm in time, even with his goalkeeper reflexes. The scene found a sudden end, with Neil falling gracelessly on his ass on the hard wood floor and Andrew looking down at him perplexed.

  A sudden, irrational rush of embarrassment overtook Neil and colored his high cheeks. He played it down with a short laugh.

   Andrew hadn't seen that coming. The look on Neil’s face had been a comical one but he didn't laugh. He didn't even smile. He just grabbed Neil’s forearm and pulled him back onto his feet, staring at the younger man, while all he could think about was how Neil hadn't grabbed him for support. This guy… he growled inwardly, annoyed that it pleased him so much.

  He turned and moved over to the sofa, sat down and leaned back lazily, taking in every movement, every inch of this man in front of him. He beckoned Neil closer with index and middle finger.

  “Do you want a show?” Neil asked and hooked his thumbs teasingly under the hem of his shirt and twisted them without revealing more than a sliver of bare skin yet.

  “Not today,” Andrew said and leaned back a little more.

  “You sure?” The taller man came over and stood directly in front of Andrew. Smiling, Neil pulled his shirt off with one hand and threw it to the side onto the far end of the sofa. Andrew looked up at him, permitting himself to think about all the things he had ever wanted to do with another man for a moment. He didn't kid himself, he wasn't even halfway there yet. Neil put his hands into his back pockets and arched his back a little, flexing his muscles.

  Andrew sat up straight again and reached up to touch the scars on Neil’s upper body. They were still very visible, would never fade but they looked old. He must have gotten at least some of them during his childhood. Still, there were a lot and while some of them clearly told the story of their origin, like the gunshot wound or the burned skin on his shoulder, some did not. While Andrew carried most of his scars on the inside, Neil displayed his openly on front of him, owned them, wore them like medals, like a survivor. Andrew wondered, if he would ever be able to to that. He was suddenly strangely aware of his wristband, an item he hadn't thought twice of in years.

  Neil kept his eyes on Andrew’s hand, remembering not to look at the goalkeeper’s face for too long. They were still on solid ground here, had done this before. But Andrew wanted to push himself further tonight. There was no point to any of this if he didn’t.

  “I want to blow you.” Neil look at him then, before giving his answer.

  “Yes, if you want to.” Andrew’s hand slid down over bare skin, until his fingers hooked under Neil’s belt and pants.

   This could get a little awkward, Neil feared. Andrew had admitted to not having much experience. Neil doubted the man had ever given another guy a blowjob. Did that mean Andrew wanted him to teach him? He could do that, no doubt but communication wasn't exactly their strong suit. He wasn't worried about himself. A first time blowjob wasn't always a pleasant thing for either side but he would have liked to teach Andrew in a more direct approach.

  He didn't mind Andrew’s fingers hooked under his waistband like that, Neil thought. Andrew keeping him close like this, he didn't mind that at all. The blonde leaned in and kissed his stomach, right below his navel and again, there were his teeth. Neil smiled down at Andrew, as the young man bit him playfully. Andrew wasn't shy.

  He let the Exy player kiss, lick and bite his skin for a while, standing there like a statue and watching Andrew do it, while those hazel eyes were fixed on his scars. “This feels a little one-sided,” he said after a while.

  “Are you complaining,” Andrew scoffed.

  “Why would I?” Why indeed? Imagining Andrew Minyard giving him a blowjob like this made Neil’s pants feel a little tighter. He followed that train of thought. It would only make things easier for them later.

  “Try to keep standing up this time,” Andrew made fun of him and Neil rolled his eyes, half smirking.

  “I’ll try,” he promised. Andrew opened his belt and pants and Neil helped him to slide them down with his now free hands. He let his arms hang loosely at his sides afterwards, watching Andrew palming his growing erection through his black underwear. He wanted to smooth those blonde locks back and keep looking at this pale face he had seen in countless pictures.

  “Are you thinking of Exy?” Neil blinked. What? He frowned and remembered their little game and Andrew’s fascination with his fantasies. 

  “No.” The blonde looked up at him. “I’m not.” Andrew shrugged and focused his attention on Neil’s hips again, stripping him of the last obstacle. Neil was about to remind Andrew of their talk about rules and protection. He wouldn't let Andrew do anything without a condom, even if Neil was on the receiving end. His last test had only been two months ago but he had shared the bed with three different men since then on multiple occasions. He always drew his line at hand jobs and he wouldn't let Andrew be the first to cross it. He wouldn't risk infecting the man. It turned out though, he didn't need to remind him. Andrew was already reaching into his pocket, pulling out a condom.

  “Should I,” Neil offered.

  “I think I can manage,” Andrew replied and ripped the foil packet open. Neil watched him but once again, Andrew showed no hesitation and managed it without fumbling. “Hands,” he reminded Neil. Obediently, the taller man clasped his hands behind his back. He anticipated the moment Andrew looked up at his face and managed to avert his gaze in time.

  Andrew looked down at his own hand for a moment, rubbed his thump over the lingering residue of the coating on his fingers. Judging by the packet, it was just a standard brand you could pick up at any drug store. It would do the job. Neil had no worries there. There was a pause while Andrew just looked at him, hands resting on his own thighs, sitting in front of Neil.

  Unbidden thoughts crossed his mind. It’s not gonna suck itself, in Alex’ tone of voice. He didn't even know where he had first come across that line, some sort of picture with a guy who had it tattooed along his waistline, he thought. Stupid, he knew Andrew was just trying to work up the nerve to move forward. This would be so much easier, if he could just find the right words Andrew needed to hear, if he would be allowed to touch the man. All he could do right now was to stand in front of him like a soulless mannequin that didn't mind waiting, didn't notice, didn't feel any of the awkwardness.

  There was nothing in Andrew’s face. It was wiped clean of any emotions but Neil thought his mind must be racing. You can make mistakes when you are with me, he wanted to tell him. You don't have to be perfect, you don't even have to be good at it. You pay me for this.

  All he said after a while was, “Don’t think about it.” He would have said nothing but it wasn't exactly the most ideal situation, trying to keep it up while Andrew wasn't even touching him anymore. Those hazel eyes met his again, as if Andrew had been too deep in his own thoughts to even notice the pause. He had meant to say ‘don’t think about what you are going to do and what could go wrong’ but Andrew looked at him like it meant something entirely different to him. Bad memories? Where have you been just now?

  The goalkeeper ran his hands up Neil’s legs, touching the back of his thighs, grabbing his ass and holding him in place, when he finally leaned forward, lips parted and took him into his mouth. Neil had to bite back a grin at the face he made. In his opinion, there were nicer things than the taste of latex and some brands of lube. It wasn't a horrible taste but some people didn't like it. This one had a vaguely mint-like flavor with a strangely synthetic aftertaste, he remembered. Andrew didn't like it one bit. Using one hand to keep the condom in place at the base of Neil’s cock, he sucked lightly and ran his tongue along the underside. Neil would have liked it, if not every new inch of latex Andrew’s tongue licked seemed to disgust the man. Andrew looked like he wanted to spit. Neil blinked and looked down at him and when Andrew actually gaged, he took pity on him.

  “Maybe we…” The goalkeeper glared up at him angrily. “should try another brand. You don’t like the taste?” Andrew leaned back and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and swallowed hard.

  “It’s vile,” he mumbled from behind his hand.

  “Just the taste?” Neil made sure.

  “Yeah, what else would it be?” the goalkeeper snapped. Raising his hands placatingly at his sides, Neil would have liked to take a step back, but the coffee table was right behind him.

  “Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.” He jumped a little, as Andrew gripped his softening cock and slid the condom off in one, not too gentle motion and flung it across the room. Neil couldn't bite back a short hiss, although it hadn't hurt. Too close for comfort though. Or we won’t do this again if you’d rather rip my dick off right now, he thought. Scary.

  Andrew made a disgusted sound and got up. His hands grabbed Neil’s shoulders and maneuvered him to the side and out of the way, so he wouldn't lose his balance.

  “Go, wash that off,” he told him. Neil bent down and stepped out of his pants and underwear, which were only draped around one of his ankles by now. Feeling foolish in just socks, he left those right there too and marched naked across Andrew’s living room, down the hall, looking for the bathroom, picking up the used condom on his way to dispose of it. He noticed Andrew looking at him. The man was standing in his kitchen, rinsing his mouth out at the sink.

  Neil found the bathroom after his second try, turned the lights on and washed all the lingering residue off his skin. He touched his fingers to his lips and licked them. Yap, that was the taste he remembered. It wasn't that bad in his opinion. After making sure he was clean, he grabbed a towel and wiped himself off, throwing it into the laundry hamper afterwards, so Andrew wouldn't accidentally use it.

  He found the Exy player still in the kitchen when he came back, sucking at a spoon in his mouth and with a jar of something in his hand that looked suspiciously like chocolate spread. Neil smiled and stood on the other side of the bar, chin in hand.

  “My turn, right?” Andrew looked at him and nodded. “Is it true? You like sweet things and your favorite food is double chocolate and caramel ice cream?” He had read that somewhere and remembered wondering if Andrew had actually said that during the interview or if it had been a joke.

  “You are seriously taking a turn for that?” Andrew seemed unimpressed.

  “Wait, is there a limit? I thought I get as many as I want.”

  “Until you run out of truths that interest me.” The goalkeeper pushed the jar away, across the counter and leaned back to face Neil.

  “Never heard that I am boring before.”

  “There is always a first time for everything,” Andrew replied. “It’s true.”

  “You don’t look like it,” Neil said, glad that the mood hadn't suffered.

  “What does that even mean,” Andrew wanted to know.

  “It means you look hot and not like you eat junk food all day.” I also can’t imagine someone like you having a sweet tooth.

  “How would you know?” True, he hadn't even seen Andrew taken so much as his shirt off so far, hadn't touched him yet. 

  “I can tell. Plus, I’ve seen you in ads.” He wondered how much an athlete made from those. Andrew didn't even use social media.

  “Photoshop.” Neil rolled his eyes and shook his head.

  “Are you trying to say that you think you are ugly?”

  “See? Now that turn would come in handy,” the goalkeeper made fun of him. He threw the spoon into the sink. Then he came around the bar and trapped Neil between his hands, gripping the wooden surface on either side of him, while the taller man turned around. When Andrew leaned in and held back at the last moment, head tilted to the right, eyes half closed, waiting, Neil could smell the chocolate on his breath. He closed his eyes and met Andrews lips with his own.

  “Touch me,” Neil breathed between two kisses and when Andrew did, he spread his arms wide and held onto the bar. They kept kissing and Neil enjoyed those strong hands exploring his body, kneading muscles and tracing his scars. He widened his step without thinking the moment he felt Andrew’s knee pushing between his. The shorter man moved in even closer, thigh sliding up between Neil’s legs and Neil moved against it for some friction and moaned softly against Andrew’s lips.

  Andrew’s hand grabbed his ass again and pulled while his mouth held Neil back, so the taller man had to tilt his hips, arching his back a little. He followed Andrew’s lead without thinking or opening his eyes. He just made sure to tighten his grip on the bar behind him to keep his balance. With one hand keeping Neil in place, Andrew reached down with the other and began to massage his erection, listening to those soft sounds the man in front of him made, when he was touching him just right and he could feel his cock jump a little. Neil hissed, when Andrew’s leg moved and the friction of the fabric was on the verge of painful.

  He forgot about it as he felt the Exy player moving in, grinding down against his naked thigh instead. Andrew was hard, he could feel him through his pants. Neil opened his eyes and looked at the pale face in front of his. Concentration was once again written all over him. Neil didn't dare to break the spell. He kissed back harder, moved his hips into Andrew’s hand and slid his thigh along the goalkeeper’s groin. He heard Andrew’s breath hitch a little and left his lips for now, in favor of kissing along his jawline. Before he reached his neck, he hesitated and asked:

  “Yes?” as quietly as he could. Andrew leaned his head to the side and nodded once. Neil was more careful than the last time, only pressing open-mouthed kisses along the sensitive skin, letting his warm breath ghost over it. The man holding him shivered but didn't make a sound. The color returned to those pale cheeks and Neil felt a little proud of himself. Andrew’s grip got tighter, his movements more urgent and Neil moaned against his neck. He felt Andrew’s cock twitching against his thigh. He wanted to touch it, wanted to take those pants off and run his hands over those strong legs. Dammit, he was enjoying this way too much, a simple hand job like this, another man using him to get off… It was business but he actually liked it, wanted it.

  “I’m close,” he warned Andrew. He didn't think Andrew wanted him to come all over his clothes. “Andrew…” Andrew found his lips again and shut him up. It was all tongue and firm lips and heat and Andrew, grinding against him and his hand stroking him mercilessly. “Ah!” Neil leaned his forehead against Andrew’s and stared down between them as he came. He made a mess all over himself, the goalkeeper’s hand and pants and sucked in a breath that got stuck in his lungs, while he listened to Andrews harsh breathing. The man was close, he realized, just from jerking him off like this. He could feel it, yet Andrew didn't touch himself. Neil felt the strong impulse to reach out and pull him close and barely managed to hold back. He saw the conflict in Andrew’s face, some unknown battle he couldn't understand and when Andrew looked up from his hand, still holding Neil and found his eyes on him, he got angry, stepped back and turned around.

  “Andrew–“ He didn't want to hear it. Andrew left, went down the hall and slammed the bathroom door shut behind himself. “Fuck,” Neil mouthed and looked at the ceiling.

     When Andrew came back, he was still pissed. He had changed into loose sweatpants and threw the money onto the bar, keeping his distance from Neil, who had dressed again and waited, standing next to the window. There was a long and awkward pause between them, then Andrew retreated back to the kitchen window and opened it, before he lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply.

  “Listen, you can tell me to shut up, ‘cause it’s none of my business,” Neil began and tried to lock eyes with Andrew, “but if you won’t tell me what’s bothering you, I can’t do anything about it. You got to tell me, ‘cause I can’t read your mind. I’m sure we can make it work.”

  “Shut up.” His tone was as flat and emotionless as Neil had feared. He let his shoulders fall and sighed a little. Well, he had said it.

  “Alright. Got it.” He took his money and turned around to look at Andrew once more. “Feel free to call me again.” Andrew didn't reply.

<<Chapter 3                                                                                                     Chapter 5>>

[goldeagleprice]

Letters to the Editor (June 12, 2018)

Readers spot first 2018 coins in change

May 10 was the very first time I noticed 2018 Lincoln cent coins in my change.

David Mediate New Castle, Pa.

  I got a 2018 cent in change last week.

Anthony Meister Rockford. Ill.

  I wrote you earlier about some 2018 change I received, but there are a few other things I thought I should mention in this updated email.

Recently, I received two 2018 Pictured Rocks quarters along with a 2018 Denver penny at a shop near San Fransisco, Calif. Also, I always check the Coinstar at the various grocery stores, and while I’ve gotten coins from countless different countries, I’ve also found a 1943 Denver steel cent that it rejected, which I thought was worth mentioning. Also, I spend much of my free time going through rolls of coins, particularly nickels, and that has provided some interesting finds. I’ve gotten many Buffalo nickels, but the notable things I’ve found are an 1888 Liberty “V” nickel, a 1928 hobo nickel of a soldier, a nickel from Bermuda, and one from The Bahamas.

Ari Kaufman Mill Valley, Calif.

  2018 quarters hard to find in Los Angeles

I would share with you the fact I have yet to receive a 2018-dated quarter in circulation. I live in downtown Los Angeles and purchase a cup of coffee each morning at the same coffee shop while walking my dog.

My change each day is three quarters that I then inspect before handing them back over as a tip. Typically within a week or two of the new America the Beautiful quarter design release, I’ll get one, or often three from a fresh roll. But none this year. Zero. Zip.

And, in total, I have gotten one 2018-dated coin in circulation, a “D” cent.

Michael Wielock Los Angeles, Calif.

  Teach children to recognize silver in their change

My first point is everyone seems to be dissing the Mint, be it pricing, bad packaging, etc. I have been dealing with the Mint for probably 40 years. I got in on the CC sale back in the day and much more.

I can only remember having one problem with them. I ordered a proof set that had a blemish on the obverse field. I sent it back and within a week got another one with the problem fixed. So I can only say that my experiences were good ones.

My second point is that since my son was very young, I showed him how to recognize silver coins and other coin related tidbits, Wheaties, some errors, etc. Just the other day, he got a 1964 Washington quarter and gave it to me. We should teach our kids to be on the lookout, because there are still silver coins in circulation. The trick is to be able to recognize them.

When I worked at a large department store on the cash register, a lady once paid her order with $10 in silver coins, which I gladly exchanged for paper money. Keep looking, young people.

Joe Taylor Philadelphia, Pa.

  Reader surprised by find of Philadelphia cents

I live out west where the Philadelphia mintmarks do not roam. However, today I received my first 2018 coins, two shiny pennies from the Philadelphia Mint.

Oh! Did I mention that they came in one of those envelopes asking for a donation?

Jim Gristenti Address withheld

  Will proof silver Eagles be worth just bullion value?

Every year the U.S. Mint produces burnished and proof silver Eagles. I buy two of each every year, one proof for my grandaughter, one burnished for my grandson and the others for me. (They are seven and four years old.) I think the U.S. Mint overprices them, but I buy them anyway.

My biggest concern is let’s say God allows me to be around for another 20 plus years (I am 66 today) with a good head and sound mind. In the next 20 years, they will have a nice collection of silver Eagles. I do not consider them an investment, but I do not know how the future generations will take them.

I go to a local coin show, and you do not see many Generation X, Generation Z or Millennials at these shows. Will coin collecting basically end after all the Baby Boomers die off? Even though I did not consider them investments, who will want these coins in the future?

Supply-and-demand economics will take over, and there will be a good supply of “collectible” silver Eagles with probably little or no demand. These coins will become bullion coins pretty much worth the price of silver.

Will my grandkids have something that I paid a premium for worth only bullion values? Should I even continue to buy them for them? Or even myself? It seems if I do buy them for me, I should sell them off before I pass on. At least I should get fair value in my lifetime. There will still be collectors in my lifetime.

Will coin collecting in general become a thing of the past?

Ralph A. Fuller Cleveland, Ohio

  Too many coin issues depress interest, values

The reason I no longer buy from the U.S. Mint is that they are indistinguishable from the Franklin Mint – putting out multitudes and multitudes of overpriced Junque.

The rubes fell for the state quarter bit, but how many of those folks are still collectors versus how many of us have they alienated?

I stopped buying modern coins long ago when the Mint went on a “Lets see how many varieties of ‘collector’ coins we can come up with and sell for an extreme profit” rampage. The U.S. Mint all but ruined the hobby for me.

Name withheld

  Will pre-1982 cents go up in value over time?

First of all, good luck in your new office surroundings.

As an avid collector of old U.S. coins, I have also collected the older 1982 pennies in old glass jugs. Started saving these coins many years ago when the rumor came out that these older pennies would go up in value.

I have not seen any recent articles on the older pennies. Have you heard anything on whether these pennies will ever be more valuable, or you can send me an email address that I can address it with some one else?

Thanks for your time and “Class of ’63.”

D. Ritchey Address withheld

Editor’s note: We assume you became interested in pre-1982 cents because of their 95 percent copper composition. Much has been written over the years about rising copper prices. The copper in each of these cents is now worth about two cents. However, melting cents has been illegal since 2006 when the U.S. Treasury adopted a regulation prohibiting the practice.

  Are other readers finding mint errors in change?

Last month, a fellow collector displayed a “sunburned” dime (a dime missing the copper-nickel “sandwich”).

It was interesting and a definite mint error that turned up in circulation. It had probably been circulating as a cent for a few years before my collector friend noticed it and culled it out.

This got me thinking that I’ve been holding onto a mint error myself. Several years ago, I found an “albino” cent (a cent without the copper plating) dated 1987. At first, I thought it was one of those reprocessed 1943 cents that one (non-numismatic) company had sold to unsuspecting collectors as uncirculated “War Pennies.” (Fool me once…)

Has any other reader found mint errors (“sunburned” or “albino” coins) in circulation? I am thinking about sending my “albino” cent to one of those third-party grading companies to verify its authenticity.

Bill Tuttle, Cleveland, Ohio

Editor’s note: You should probably save your money, as the cost would consume the value of the “albino” cent.

  Hard to find a use for coins in high-tech Boston

Was amused by the question on Numismaster.com as to whether coins will be gone 10 years from now. The 100 percent “No” was what made me chuckle. It was, after all, a survey taken by coin collectors! I’m beginning to wonder if bank tellers and/or cashiers are going to be around in 10 years.

In my never-ending quest for new quarters, just today, at two local banks, I overheard customers asking for one or two rolls of quarters. What they do with them, I don’t know. This area is so high tech the parking meters take phone payments and the Mass Pike only allows transponders. The libraries don’t allow coins for the copier machine. Anything to eliminate a job for an American.

Name withheld Boston, Mass.

  This article was originally printed in Numismatic News. >> Subscribe today.

  More Collecting Resources

• Subscribe to our monthly Coins magazine – a great resource for any collector!

• Keep up to date on prices for Canada, United States and Mexico coinage with the 2018 North American Coins & Prices guide.

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