#I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind.

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.

[parmesancheeze]

An essay about Self

Sanchez, CyronDeriz D.

BACOMM 1-H

           My name is Cyron Deriz D. Sanchez and I am alive.

           On September 23rd my Mum gave birth to a wonderful handsome baby boy – me. I don’t have memories about my infancy but according to stories I was one energetic baby. I’m the third child and also the first son of Mr. Ronnie and Mrs. Corazon Sanchez. I have 2 sisters who are both loving and supportive of me and a younger brother whom I adore very much. Growing up, I had everything. A roof over my head, all the food I want to eat and all the toys I want to play. It was a blissful childhood and I knew that I was meant for greatness.

As years go by, my family and I had some big walls that needed climbing. I was 14 – years old when our house was taken as a collateral during my father’s trial with Metrobank. Our life drastically changed when my father lost his job. He was our main provider and the loss of the financial stability he gave the family made life significantly harder. It was around this time that I realized life isn’t just. Our home was wrongfully taken from us, the home where I grew up. I was angry and hateful of everything, my once perfect life is not so perfect anymore.I became rebellious for the rest of my teenage years. I partied day and night, smoked hundreds of cigarettes, drank different kinds of alcoholic drinks, and tried recreation with drugs. I couldn’t accept the fact that I lost the life I used to live. I was hurting and I didn’t think anybody noticed or cared.I was too fixated on my pain and my suffering that I never tried to look at the pain and suffering of others and at the bright side of change.I never gave a glance at my parent’s pain, at their disappointment that their first-born son fallen so low; at their worry every time I stay out late drinking, and then driving. I didn’t notice how my friends’ attitude toward my presence, they hated my guts because my irritation with life affects their mood, too. I might as well have closed my eyes when the people around me were hurting because of my actions. I was selfish and conceited, I thought the world would stop for me because I was in pain. Multiple times, I tried taking away my own life in hopes that my death would mean the end of all the hurting. I was never courageous enough to go through with it.

I was 17 – years old when my cousin and best friend died, it was aneurysm that took away his life. In life, my cousin was a very happy man. He took care of his parents and siblings, he made sure his friends were having fun whenever he’s around, he was satisfied with the things he had. He was satisfied, maybe even basking in the glory of his life. According to the doctors, extreme fatigue and overwork was the trigger of his aneurysm. I remember during the wake, I was sitting by his casket when I realized how much love he must have had for his family that he overworked himself to death. He literally died trying to offer the world to his family. His life was short and it is very sad that he died so young, but my cousin’s death was my catalyst. After his burial, I started working on myself. I worked so hard to make up for all the bad things I did to my family. I apologize to them, and I tried to not make them worry so much. I learned to control my emotions, stopped bossing people around, I saved money, but of all I accepted the fact that we weren’t rich anymore, that I had to man up and take my responsibilities seriously, and that people leave and it is not your fault. It was a slow and grueling process that involved sleepless nights and lots of talking. I didn’t change after a night’s sleep, it is a conscious decision every waking moment to be kind-hearted, to do good things, and to be better every day. My cousin taught me how to be satisfied with the life that I have. It was him that showed me that it doesn’t matter where you came from because you choose where to go next. I made bad decisions during my younger years. But these mistakes are lessons about life that shaped me to be the person I am today, at the end of the day I still think it was worth it. My only regret is that my cousin isn’t here to see the person I have become, that he isn’t here to celebrate wins with me.

In the near future I would like to be able to finally get my diploma. I know it’s going to be a long and hard journey but I will persevere and make my parents proud. From there, I would work in an office or in politics if I could. Build up a saving, settle into a place of my own. Find to true love and get married, have kids. I’m dreaming of having a big family, kind of like the one that I grew up in. Grow old and watch my grandchildren run circles around me. I want a long, happy, wholesome existence. My life has been one hell of a ride and it only has begun. I was side-tracked multiple times, been through many ups and downs. There are times when I feel like I’m going back to the place that I fought so hard to get out of and that is okay. Life goes on and so do we. Bad days and good days. I am alive and I will live out the rest of my days.

In loving memory of Danemor Vergel Cezar (April 17, 1996 – September 16, 2016)

Rest in peace, brother.

[the-quiet-winds]

Between Angels and Demons (part two)

[Part two of this AU by me and @ichlugebulletsandcornnuts. TW for mentions / discussions of abuse and panic attacks]

[part one]

[Part 2: Till the Stars Lost the War]

The next morning starts similarly, with first hour entering in slow herds as the first bell threatened to ring, with Katherine Howard sprinting in with seconds to spare, landing in her chair, panting and red from running.

Jane doesn’t say anything about Katherine’s sudden appearance, not wanting to draw any more attention to the girl. Instead she just starts the lesson.

“We’ll be working on some context for our first book project this week,” she announces. “Remember, on Monday we’ll be starting reading it in class, so please bring in your copies of the text.”

Even through her heated state, Katherine pales quite a bit. Jane notices this, how could she not, and slips a post-it note on the back of Katherine’s handout. 

“If there’s anything we need to discuss,” it says in neat, scripted writing that, it Katherine was being honest, she could read all day, “you’re welcome to join me at lunch again.”

Katherine doesn’t show much sign that she’s read the note, but sure enough, at lunchtime Katherine hovers in the doorway of the classroom, again with an apple clasped in her hands. Jane sends her a kind smile.

“Ah, hello, Katherine. come in.”

Katherine takes a few hesitant steps forwards and Jane indicates the chair opposite her desk.

“Feel free to take a seat.”

Katherine does so after a brief pause. Jane gives her another gentle smile.

“Is there something you wanted to talk about, Katherine?”

The girl shifts somewhat uncomfortably. “It’s...it’s about the books, that’s all.”

Jane gives a tight smile - she knew the conversation from the first day wasn’t over. “What about them?”

“I don’t know if I'll be able to get them,” Katherine says quietly, not making eye contact with Jane. “Do you know where I could get a second-hand copy?”

“If it’s a financial issue,” Jane states softly, “then the school can help you out.” Katherine looks up and smiles a bit. “I'll just call your house later-“

“No!” Katherine immediately protests. she coughs and lowers her voice. “I mean no thank you, I'll...I'll figure it out, Miss Seymour.”

Jane isn’t convinced, and a plan is already forming in her head; she’s sure she could find a spare copy before Monday, and she could bring it in just in case Katherine hadn’t been able to get one. She doesn’t push the issue, though, and instead she changed the subject.

“I take it you like apples, Katherine?”

“What?” Katherine says, confused, then suddenly nods. “Oh, yeah. apples.” She flushes slightly pink.

Jane smiles at the faint blush that rises in Katherine’s cheeks. She then leans over to her own lunch bag and pulls out another apple, offering it to Katherine. “Would you like it?”

“Oh no, Miss Seymour,” Katherine immediately protests, “I don’t want to take anything from you.”

Jane gives another soft smile. “I accidentally grabbed two this morning,” Jane lies, but she sees that the apples seem to be the only thing Katherine eats, “if you’d like it…,” she trails off and sets it equidistant between them on her desk.

Katherine glances between Jane and the apple, a clear struggle going on in her mind. Jane isn’t sure what makes the girl choose this decision, but finally Katherine reaches out and picks up the apple.

“Thank you, Miss Seymour,” she says quietly, fidgeting slightly. Jane smiles.

“It’s no trouble, Katherine. You’re welcome to stay to eat, but if you wanted to go and spend some time with your friends instead then you’re more than welcome to do that too. It’s up to you.”

Katherine blushes again, deeply and darker than Jane had seen yet. “I don’t have a lot of friends,” Katherine admits quietly. She hides herself behind another bite of apple, thoroughly embarrassed at admitting that to a teacher. “I hang out by myself a lot,” she continues, wondering why she was still talking.

“Well, if you’re ever bored at lunch time, I've been meaning to put up some new displays in this room,” Jane smiles gently. “I'd appreciate any help.” Jane hadn’t really been planning on redecorating the classroom, but something about the girl’s skittish demeanor and the way she talked about not having many friends had Jane concerned. Was there a bully, perhaps? It would explain why Katherine wasn’t buying any lunch; if there was a financial issue she would be entitled to free lunches, so that wouldn’t stop her. No, it was likely another person who was.

Katherine looks down at her desk, but Jane can see that increasingly familiar blush rising in her cheeks and the way her lips twitch into a half-smile, just for a flicker of a second. But then it changes, her features pull into a neutral mask, a perfectly placed facade so similar to the one she remembers the narrator describing in 'The Glass Castle'...

Jane's eyes narrow of their own accord - something was definitely amiss in this equation.

Jane keeps up her subtle observation of the girl as the conversation turns to the weekend, trying to figure out if there was something wrong - as her teacher, Jane had a responsibility to make sure she was alright, after all.

“I'm really grateful for the weekend,” she shares, “it gives me the perfect time to catch up on all the marking I have to do.” She offers a friendly smile. “What do kids do on the weekend these days?”

“Homework, mostly,” Katherine shrugs, suddenly very interested in her apple. “Or studying for tests. That kind of thing.”

Jane gives a slight frown at this - the girl seemed to already work so hard, and she doesn’t even take a break on the weekends. Even Jane herself can’t hold that standard, and didn’t when she was a student.

“Katherine?” Jane asks gently, trying to get the girl’s attention without startling her. When the girl lets out a noncommittal hum, Jane continues, “I do hope you take some time this weekend to unwind. I know how stressful the first week is. Perhaps a trip to the library? Or a bit of time watching some TV?”

Katherine flushes pink again. “Oh, I don’t have a TV,” she says, although it doesn’t quite seem like the full truth. “Besides, I've got to study hard if I want to get into a good university, right?” She gives an uncomfortable little shrug, and Jane’s frown doesn’t ease.

“Even so, it’s best to take some time to rest. I wouldn’t want my star student to overwork herself.” The comment comes out without Jane really realising, but Katherine seems to sit up slightly straighter with pride at it.

Jane sees the warmth blossom in Katherine’s face - a genuine, albeit shy, smile and a hopeful, youthful light behind her eyes. 

“Do you really mean that?” Katherine asks, and her voice sounds so young and small and Jane feels a rush of... well she didn’t quite know what, but she smiles softly regardless. 

“Yes, Kat,” Jane says, the nickname forming unconsciously, and Jane doesn’t even notice, “your writing, your attentive attitude… plus who would forego a lunch period with friends just to sit with their old teacher? I love having kids like you in my class, especially you.”

Katherine takes a moment to process the information, then she smiles again, that same small yet genuine smile.

“Thank you, Miss Seymour,” she says.

It was usual for people to be happy about being praised, but the way Katherine had reacted was as if nobody had ever said anything positive about her before, and despite Jane’s endearment at Katherine’s joy, she finds a sense of worry running through her regardless.

Jane tries to push her worry aside and give Katherine a smile, as gentle and soft as she can make it, and the girl seems to respond with a small one in turn. 

---

Monday morning that worry returns. Katherine flies into the classroom, as usual, mere seconds before the bell, panting and red from running, but Jane notices something particularly worrying. 

As much as Katherine tries to hide it, Jane can fairly clearly see a purple bruise in the space above her ear, covered by hair as it was.

Jane is instantly on high alert. A bruise like that would be worrying enough, but a bruise combined with the skittish behaviour, the fact she barely eats and the lateness to class make Jane’s mind instantly jump to the worst. she had to be careful, though; the school had very strict policies with dealing with a potential abuse situation, and she had to stick to the safeguarding guidelines. One of the first things she had to do (and Jane hopes she was already on her way to doing it) was to create a safe environment for Katherine, somewhere where she might be comfortable confiding in Jane if there was a problem.

Katherine doesn’t look up the entire time Jane introduces the lesson, even when Jane crosses her desk to ask if she had the book. 

She simply shakes her head.

Jane has tucked a note in the cover of the copy of ‘Macbeth’ she had picked up second-hand for Katherine, which she needs to subtly give her. 

“Well what’s this?” Jane asks quietly, bending down as if picking the book off the floor.

Katherine doesn’t really react, and Jane gives her the credit for having the book.

Katherine sees the note peeking out and decides to read it - it can’t hurt worse than what happened this weekend, she decides. 

“I hope you are alright,” the note says, in Jane’s neat print. “You can talk to me about anything, Kat.” After the last word there’s a tiny ink blot, looking like an extra few scratches of pen on paper, but her imagination sees a heart, just for a moment.

Katherine stares down at the note, not really listening to her classmate reading out the first part of the book as her mind whirs with thought. Part of her wants nothing more than to tell Jane, but there was no promise that she wouldn’t react like any other adult she’d tried to tell. Her hands shake slightly as she clutches the note, so much so that she accidentally tears part of it.

Jane’s heart aches as she watches Katherine shake and tremble through the class period. By the time class is over, the kind note Jane had written is in shreds and Katherine is a sickly whitish-green. 

As soon as the bell rings, she runs out as calmly as possible, and it hurts Jane. Why, she wasn’t quite sure. It was as if Katherine had found a tiny space and and welcomed herself into Jane’s heart. 

When lunch comes, Jane holds out a shriveled hope that Katherine will return and see her. But ten minutes in, there’s no Katherine. 

Fifteen minutes in, however, she hears soft footsteps and looks up.

Katherine is standing in the doorway, trembling, cheeks tear-stained and red. 

She stands and doesn’t say anything, the only movement being rapid breathing and shaking shoulders.

“Katherine...” Jane says softly, trying not to scare her away. “Katherine, are you okay?”

Katherine stays stock-still for several more moments before she gives the tiniest head shake and a fresh wave of tears pour down her face. Jane reaches out and almost wraps the girl in a hug before she remembers that Katherine might not like a near-stranger hugging her. Instead she puts her hands on Katherine’s shoulders and steers her gently into the classroom, leading her over to a chair and sitting her down. She takes a box of tissues from the drawer in her desk and hands a few to Katherine who clutches them tightly in her hands.

Katherine hates herself for sitting there, for accepting the tissues, for letting herself be so vulnerable in front of a teacher who probably wouldn’t react any differently than other adult in her life. 

But something in her longs for someone like Jane, a kind woman who may, just maybe, help. 

Jane crouches down next to her chair, laying a very gentle hand on Katherine’s forearm and looking up at her tear-stained face. 

“What’s going on, Katherine?” she asks quietly. “If you want to tell me, love, I promise I'll help the best I can.”

Katherine sniffles, trying to keep herself together long enough to get her words out.

“I, um...” She wipes her face with the back of her hand before remembering she was holding a tissue. “I just... didn’t have a very good weekend.”

She doesn’t know how to start to explain everything that happened, doesn’t know if Jane will listen for long enough, but Jane doesn’t dismiss her straight away. Instead she speaks, very softly.

“Would you like to talk about it, Katherine?”

Katherine shakes her head - talking about it makes it real. Talking about it makes it her fault. Talking about it means it’s going to continue to happen.

Jane sees the fear gathering in Katherine’s eyes, heavy and cold. “I won’t push you,” she says reassuringly, “But if you want to talk, I'll always be right here.”

Jane looks over to one of the shelves on the side of the room, where a stack of notebook paper and a cup of pens sat. Jane stands up and slowly crosses the room, making sure Katherine can see she isn’t abandoning her.

She sets a sheet of paper and a pen gently down in front of her. “Or you can write about it,” she offers in that same gentle tone. “I won’t share it with anyone, Katherine. Or you can simply put it in the shredder if you’d rather.” Jane dips her head to catch Katherine’s teary eyes. “Anything that would help you feel better, I'll help you with, love.”

Katherine doesn’t say anything, but she suddenly picks up the pen. Jane watches as she slowly brings the pen to the paper and starts to write. Her writing is shaky and messy, a far cry from the normally neat writing Jane had seen in the book review and worksheets Katherine had handed in.

Her writing gets faster and faster and the tears start dripping down her face again, leaving tear stains on the paper. Jane doesn’t dare speak, not when Katherine seems to finally be letting everything out.

Jane watches, nearly hypnotized, as Katherine flies through the paper. She doesn’t hesitate to give her another few sheets, and Katherine doesn’t even look up before starting a second page. 

Jane sits behind her desk and watches. 

Finally, with a few minutes left in the lunch period, Katherine sets the pen down, a broken sob cracking out of her throat and taking Jane by surprise. She hesitantly approaches her student. 

“I'm proud of you, Katherine,” she says softly, kneeling down beside her. Her words are warm, Katherine finds, a gentle and nearly maternal cadence that makes some part of her feel safe. “I can imagine that was hard.” 

Katherine stands up on shaky legs to follow Jane. She looks her teacher in the eyes for several long moments before lunging forward, craving the warmth she hoped would come from a hug, burying her face in Jane’s shoulder as tears begin to fall again.

Jane is startled at the sudden movement, but when she realises what’s happening she hugs Katherine back, letting Katherine sob into her cardigan shoulder.

“I'm so proud of you,” she says again, voice as soft as she can make it. “You’re such a brave girl.”

Katherine keeps sobbing, past the point of caring that her teacher is witnessing her break down like this.

“Such a brave girl,” she murmurs again. Katherine doesn’t feel brave, not at all, she feels weak. Needy. A burden. All the things her father always tell her she is...before he starts to-

Jane gasps as Katherine starts to tremble, dropping to the floor. Her eyes are blown wide, yet unseeing, and Jane knows immediately that she’s having some sort of panic attack.

Jane crouches down next to Katherine, directly in her eye line.

“Katherine?” She asks, voice quiet but clear. “Katherine, can you hear me?”

There’s no response, Katherine’s brain too overwhelmed by the situation to focus on anything. She does vaguely have the sense of a kind voice talking to her.

Both of Katherine’s hands are flat on the floor in front of her as she tries to calm down, but she just can’t.

Jane, in a move braver than she thought possible, reaches out and brushes her fingertips across Katherine’s wrist, then down to cover her hand very lightly.

The soothing, almost maternal touch filters it’s way into Katherine’s mind, and she takes a shuddering breath, a painful sounding wheeze caught in her chest.

“Katherine,” Jane tries again. “can you focus on my voice?”

The words reach Katherine this time and she desperately tries to cling to them, tries to put all her energy into listening to her teacher instead of falling into panic.

Jane sees something shift in Katherine’s posture as her head quirks to the side slightly to listen. “it’s just me, Katherine. it’s Miss Seymour.” Jane can tell Katherine is listening, searching for words to hold onto, so she keeps talking. “It’s Miss Seymour, your English teacher. yeah? we’re reading Macbeth, and you said you liked Shakespeare.” She takes Katherine’s hand properly. “if you can hear me, love, squeeze my hand.”

There’s a moment of still, then Katherine gives Jane’s hand the tiniest squeeze. Jane almost lets out a sigh of relief, but instead she pushes on.

“That’s so good, Katherine, well done. I'm going to help you, so you just focus on me, okay?”

Katherine squeezes her hand again, slightly firmer this time.

“You’re doing so well, Katherine,” Jane praises again. “Now, I'm gonna need you to take a deep breath for me, is that okay?”

Katherine reaches into her mind, looking for any hint of calm and unafraid she can find. she clings to Jane’s hand for dear life, then somehow, as if her teacher’s words directly hit her brain and triggered her muscles of their own accord, she took a deep, shuddering breath, eyes flying open and darting around before falling on her teacher, sitting on the floor in front of her.

“M-Miss Seymour?” she croaks out, voice raspy and heavy. She did know who she had been with, but it almost seemed too hazy to be real, that someone actually stayed with her during an attack.

“Yes, Katherine,” Jane says, rubbing gentle circles on the back of Katherine’s hand with her thumb. “I'm here.”

Katherine coughs, chest still tight with anxiety, and Jane keeps her face and voice gentle.

“Another breath, Katherine, you’re doing so well.”

Katherine follows the instructions, taking another inhale and slow exhale, eyes focused on the soft, kind smile Jane was giving her.

“Thank you,” Katherine chokes out. “For staying with me.”

Jane holds her soft smile and squeezes her hand. “Of course, love,” she murmurs. “I wouldn’t abandon a student,” she sees Katherine’s face fall slightly, so she smiles just a little brighter. “Especially my star student.”

Katherine gives a shaky smile and wipes at her eyes with her free hand. “No one has ever stayed with me,” she mumbles.

“Has this happened before, Katherine?” Jane asks softly. Katherine stiffens, so Jane rubs a few more soft circles and looks at her sympathetically. “You can talk to me about it, Katherine, because I deal with it too, sometimes.”

Katherine looks up at her, surprise in her expression. “Really?”

“Really,” Jane nods. “So there’s not going to be any judgement from me.”

Katherine looks back down at her hands, seemingly thinking everything through.

“This happens sometimes,” Katherine says quietly. “but this is the first time it’s happened in front of a teacher.” Her cheeks tinge pink as she speaks and her offers an awkward half-smile, although no humour reaches her eyes.

“Well,” Jane offers, trying to catch Katherine’s eyes, “I'm glad I was able to help you through it.” she lowers her voice a hair, giving Katherine’s hand another gentle squeeze. “And I'm so proud of you for being so open, I know this couldn’t have been easy for you to do.”

She can tell Katherine doesn’t believe her words, doesn’t know how proud Jane really is. So she changes the subject. “What do you have next period?”

“Gym,” Katherine says with a slightly shuddering laugh. 

Jane smiles back at her. “Would you like me to write your teacher a note, so you can stay in this classroom next period?”

“Would that be okay?” Katherine asks, voice suddenly shy, and Jane gives her a reassuring smile.

“Of course. I always think it’s better to take some time after something like this.”

“You won’t say why, will you?” Katherine asks suddenly, eyes wide with panic.

“Of course not,” Jane reassures. “I'll tell your teacher- who do you have for gym?”

“Miss Lyons,” Katherine says, and Jane takes a piece of paper from her desk.

“I'll tell Miss Lyons that you aren’t feeling well.”

Jane can see the fear begin to melt out of Katherine’s eyes, and it warms her heart. 

“Thank you, Miss Seymour,” Katherine whispers as she makes her way to her feet, knees trembling and heart incredibly conflicted. She’s thankful, she is, for having Miss Seymour to help her through, and God would it be so easy to tell her everything, the whole story, let her help. 

But she can’t, she can’t tell Miss Seymour.

She looks back to her teacher, that same patient, gentle, caring smile on her face, and Katherine’s resolve feels suddenly very soft. 

 She lunges forward again, holding her teacher as if she might get pulled away at any time. “Thank you,” she mumbles into her shoulder.

“It’s no trouble at all,” Jane says gently. She lets Katherine cling to her for a few moments until the girl pulls back, the tiniest of genuine smiles on her face.

“Let me just run this letter to Miss Lyons,” Jane says, scribbling down a quick note. “I'll be right back.” Jane gives her one more kind smile before disappearing out of the door.

Katherine sits down on a chair next to the desk as she finally manages to think through everything that happened. Her gaze lands on the several pages of messy handwriting she’d scrawled earlier.

She stares at it for several long moments. The whole story, right there. Katherine snatches the papers off the desk and holds them tightly. Before she knows what she’s doing, she opens a drawer in Jane’s desk and shoved the papers, messily folded, into Jane’s purse. 

It’s not fair, she knows, to put this on Jane. but she needs it. Jane is the only adult who’d ever stood by her. And maybe, just maybe, she’d continue to stand by Katherine. 

She’s still hovering near her desk when Jane enters again, looking at her with a sympathetic expression. 

Without a word, Jane crosses the room and pulls that same jar out of her drawer just as the bell rang. 

“Take a sweet, love,” she murmurs, “and go make yourself comfortable at a desk in the back.”

Katherine settles herself at the back of the room as Jane’s next class, the final year English students, slowly file in. If they thought the presence of a younger student in the room was strange, nobody comments on it.

Jane teaches the lesson as normal, glancing at Katherine every so often to check in on her. The girl is engrossed in whatever she’s writing; Jane assumes it’s homework, but whatever it is Katherine’s hand is flying across the page.

When the bell rang to end class, the students filed out, eagerly ready to leave, but Jane knew Katherine still had another class.

But she hasn’t budged. 

“Katherine?” she calls softly. “are you feeling better, love?”

The girl nods, though she continues writing furiously. 

“I don’t want to make you have to leave, but I think you should go to your last class.”

Katherine sets her pen down and stands up, gathering the sheets and her backpack, shyly looking to Jane. 

“You’re welcome to come back after your last class, if you wish to finish.” Jane’s subtle ulterior message was, ‘if you don’t want to go home,’ and she wonders if Katherine catches it. 

Katherine, however, shakes her head violently. “I should go home after school,” she says quickly. Then she takes a breath, “but thank you for everything, Miss Seymour.” She tucks hair behind her ear, looking down at her shoes. a shy blush rises in her cheeks. 

Jane gives her a soft smile. “It’s okay, Katherine. And know that I'd do it again in a heartbeat.”

Katherine gives her a small yet genuine smile, and when she leaves she offers Jane a tiny wave, which Jane returns.

When Jane’s final class of the day finishes she packs up the papers she was taking home to mark, then heads out to her car in the staff parking area. She reaches into her purse to grab her keys, but at the top of her bag she feels a bunch of paper that definitely hadn’t been in there earlier.

She pulls out several sheets of notebook paper, slightly crumpled, but written in a very familiar blue handwriting. 

This was Katherine’s essay, the narrative she’d written just before having her breakdown. 

Curiosity immediately crawls through Jane, and she begins to read. 

Her eyes fill with tears quickly, the papers outlining the passing of her mother when Katherine was only five, of horrid things her father said, and even worse things her father did.

She’s unable to function for several minutes after finishing it, sympathy and heartache for Katherine swirling in her system. 

Jane makes a vow, right then and there, that she would keep Katherine safe. To make sure she knows that nothing her father said was true. That she had so much worth.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

tag list: @percabeth15 @kats-seymour @qualquercoisa945 @jane-fucking-seymour @a-slightly-cracked-egg @justqueentingz @annabanana2401 @wolfies-chew-toy @broad-way-13 @tvandmusicals @lailaliquorice @aimieallenatkinson @sweet-child-why03 @gaylinda-of-the-upper-uplands @funky-lesbians @thinkaboutitmaybe @hansholbeingoesaroundzeworld @messanaa @beeskneeshuh @prick-up-ur-ears @theartoflazy @justqueentwo @brother-orion @paleshadowofadragon @lafemmestars @beautifulashes17 @jarneiarichardnxel @idkimbadwithusernamesandstuff @ladiez-in-waiting @mixer1323 @boleynssixthfinger @aimieallen @elphiesdance @boleynthebunny @krystalhuntress @lupin-loves-chocolate @bellacardoza16 @bluify @katherines-choker

[mx-requests-forum]

[Fulfilled] Wolf Baby

Prompt: Wonkyun + hoseok obsessed with changkyun's ears and tail (wolf hybrid) 

Fulfilled by @ajaeparkian !

Thanks again! :D

Words: 1,911

Warnings: A/B/O, hybrid AU, mpreg

AO3 Link

Shin Hoseok or widely known as Wonho is Korea number one song – writer, Lyricist, and Composer. He also helped in some of the biggest hit choreography, he’s working on his own label, MBMX along with Son Hyunwoo or Shownu. Unlike Wonho, Shownu is more to choreographer and a model than a composer but sometimes he does write a song or two. In this world, hybrid is not something uncommon. Everyone has them, male or female, one or two and that includes Wonho, Shownu and Minhyuk their personal assistant. The three childhood best friends bought their hybrid 5 years ago when they just started their company, they thought it would be the best for them to have a companion, since their line of work isn’t included with partnership. Shownu bought a cat hybrid named Kihyun, he nags a lot but also has a motherly side of him. Kihyun is a great cook, and he’s the only one who actually patient enough with Shownu since the man sometimes overworked himself. Kihyun has a petite figure and a pinkish hair, very contrast with Shownu himself. They are the only couple that are planning to have a child or children soon, since Kihyun can’t wait to have a baby inside of him. Minhyuk also bought a cat hybrid named Hyungwon, unlike Kihyun Hyungwon is a very grumpy hybrid. He doesn’t like to talk much, he doesn’t like to do any activities outside, he sleep all day and he nags a lot.

If Kihyun spit fire then Hyungwon spit venom.

A very unlikely alike brother. Unlike his two best friends, Wonho choose to buy a wolf hybrid, a very cute and shy one or that’s what he thought. Changkyun didn’t show any sign of dominant omega side in him when they first met. Changkyun was very shy, he often hides behind the pet shop owner and sometimes steal glances over to see Wonho. Changkyun is the youngest of the three hybrids, and also unlike the other two, Changkyun is not really good at handling his heat especially when Wonho is not around him, that wolf would literally jump on any alpha he found. While Hyungwon and Kihyun is more experienced in holding their heat Changkyun isn’t. And that’s why Wonho doesn’t have much works overseas as much as he used to. Wonho likes every single bit of Changkyun, whne the hybrid smile or laugh, when his dimple shows up, and when his eyes turns into a cute crescent when he laugh. It always amaze Wonho how the tail sways when he is excited or wraps around him when he is cold or the ears flattens when he is bored or erects when he is sulking, there are many sides of Changkyun that Wonho likes. Wonho is obsessed with the hybrid’s tail, he doesn’t like Changkyun showing off his tail to anyone, he likes to keep it for himself but was scolded by Kihyun when he accidentally uttered his mind. The pink haired hybrid said that tail is the hybrid’s pride, they show it off to everyone because it means that they are proud and happy with their master, when they wrapped their tails around the master’s hand in public means they belong to their master only. When they play with their master’s face with their tail means the only one who can touch them is their master, sexually or not. Wonho learned a very important lesson that night, which is never ever makes Son Kihyun nags about hybrid paradigm. Wonho was pulled from his thought when he heard a soft moan from under the blanket, Changkyun’s ear popped up, flipping from side to side. Wonho chuckled and scratching the ears softly making the hybrid purred loudly “You like that Chaekkungie???” Wonho said as he pecks Changkyun on the lips, the hybrid quickly licked Wonho’s lips “Good morning baby” Wonho said smiling as Changkyun stretches his body “Mmmh… Morning master” he said curling up beside Wonho “Today is my day off, what do you think we should do??” Wonho pulled Changkyun onto his lap, stroking the wolf hybrid’s back and tail soflty “Mmhmm… I-ahh” Changkyun lets out a moan, his body temperature rising “M-maseterhh… I think—ahh” Changkyun moaned louder, which means only one thing. He is in heat “Already?” Wonho chuckled “It was two week ago when the last time you had yours” “I don-t...nnghh,” Changkyun’s tails began to sways impatiently. “Alright baby wolf, let daddy take care of you” Wonho said as he pulled Changkyun into a deep and passionate kiss, the hybrid moaned into the kiss, circling his hands around Wonho’s neck and straddling the older male.

-

It has been two weeks, and Changkyun’s heat didn’t wear off, Wonho started to think that there are something wrong with his baby hybrid he started to asked Kihyun and Hyungwon. “You said it has been two weeks?” Wonho nodded “I think it can only mean that hyung” Hyungwon said as he sipped his tea “You’re right, but I didn’t expect him to go this soon, I mean- you haven’t got yours yet” Hyungwon snorted “Oh believe me, Minhyuk has been going on at it like a crazy maniac but maybe because I wasn’t ready that’s why I haven’t got to that point yet” “It’s true though, it won’t happened until both parties say yes. Willingly” Wonho cleared his throat “Excuse me, but I think you guys are not alone here. Do I have to remind you that I am the one who’s asking what the hell is wrong with Changkyun???” Wonho started to get annoyed, Kihyun and Hyungwon snickered “You see Wonho, when we hybrids want a child our body automatically and naturally prepared itself” Kihyun said as he caressed his swollen tummy, he is 7 months pregnant with Hyunwoo’s child or children since the doctor said they will be expecting  twins. “And…? What does it have to do with Changkyun?” “Slow down cowboy” Hyungwon said as he rolled his eyes “When our body prepared itself there are ways to know it, first our heat will hit earlier than usual, and the interval could be a day or two with the recent ones. Second, our heat becomes way longer than usual, when it’s usually takes a week when our body is prepared to bear a child it can be two weeks or even months. Third, we are producing more natural slickness, like we can be real wet when we’re in our heat, and our entrance becomes slightly swollen and our tummy will be slightly sensitive to touch because that's the baby's way out. The other symptoms are like, needier, emotional and all other things that human called emotionally not stable” Kihyun said as he took a sip of his chamomile tea Wonho took a deep breath to calm himself, he tried to take all the information slowly at a time “So what you’re saying is…” “Changkyun is ready to have a child you dumbass” Hyungwon said “M-my…?” “Yes” Kihyun nodded “But it could be not working though” Hyungwon said again this time earning a glare from Kihyun “What do you mean by not working?” “Well, like me and Kihyun talked before it won’t work if there’s only one from both side is ready for the children. You can do it as many times as you wants, but it still won’t work. The process needs a special emotional bond. Like me for example, Minhyuk has been wanting to have a child from the very first we met but I just wasn’t ready to have one.  So no matter how many times we do it, there won’t be a life inside of me until myself is ready for it naturally” “Wonho…” Kihyun called, placing his cup of tea on the table “I'm guessing Changkyun is already pregnant with yours” “Oh..wow.. I… I don’t know what to say” Wonho stuttered, to be frankly honest he always wanted to have a child but he wasn’t sure whether the hybrid wants it or not and now having a child on the way really overwhelmed him. “I must say… be prepared for a needier and brattier side of Changkyun” Kihyun giggles “Oh my, look at the time… I have to see the doctor, good luck with your wife’s pregnancy” Kihyun said as he stood up helped by Hyungwon “Don’t raise your voice on him” Hyungwon warned “Or else he'll throw himself on the road thinking that you don’t want him anymore now that you know he’s pregnant with yours” Wonho nodded

“A child uh…?”

-

“Master you’re back~!” Changkyun said as he hugged Wonho, his tail swaying excitedly “Yes, I’m back baby~” Wonho kissed Changkyun’s temple “Baby…” “Hmm…?” “I’ve got something to tell you” Changkyun froze, his ears flattened “Let’s have a sit first” Wonho said as he led the hybrid to the couch, pulling him into his hug “W-what is it?” Wonho took a deep breath before he spoke up “I know that you are pregnant” Changkyun’s eyes went big and watery “Y-you don’t want t-them??” “No no no no” Wonho quickly cupped Changkyun’s face “I want them, I really do. In fact I am really happy to know about this” Wonho said as he wiped the tears away “I just want to tell you that I am really grateful for you” Wonho caressed Changkyun’s cheeks “I really do” Changkyun smiled and hugged Wonho tightly “Me too”

-

It has been two months since Wonho told Changkyun that he knew about his pregnancy and everything is perfect, sure Changkyun is sometimes hard to handle but he still loves him. Kihyun is also near his labor date and Hyungwon finally accepting the fact that his body betrayed him by producing a child unexpectedly making Minhyuk ran around the company yelling that he’s going to be a dad soon. “A-yo my man Wonho!” Jooheon one of their biggest idol showed up “Hey kiddo” Wonho said as he hugged the boy “I heard you’re having a baby on the way?” Wonho nodded “Congratulations man, I’m really happy for you” Jooheon smiled “Yeah… thank you” “Oops, look at the time! I need to catch my flight, my world tour is in seconds” Jooheon winked “Go get them honey bee” Wonho chuckled as Jooheon wave him a goodbye Suddenly he felt something soft, furry and fluffy wrapped around his hand “Seokkie~” Changkyun whined “What is it baby?” Wonho answered, caressing Changkyun’s swollen tummy “People are staring” he pouts “That’s because you are beautiful” Wonho chuckled “No, it’s because I’m fat” Changkyun crossed his arms on his chest, tail still wrapped around Wonho’s hand “You are not fat, you are pregnant baby. It’s normal” “No it’s not” “Yes it is, look at Kihyun with his twins, and It’s because our baby is healthy that’s why you’re a little bit chubbier” “Are you saying that I’m fat?” suddenly Changkyun gave him a cold stare “No baby, chubby and fat are two different things. Please baby wolf, I love you” Wonho said as he steal a kiss from the boy, it always worked when the hybrid is annoyed “Hmm… Okay, I’ll let you go this time” he said as he nuzzled wonho’s neck “By the way…” “Hmm…?” “Kihyun hyung is having a quadruple not twins.” “How’d you know?” “I can sense it” “Oh wow, you have so many talents baby~” Wonho pinched Changkyun’s cheeks “Oh, and we’re having a twins so it’s not a baby but babies” Changkyun giggled

[coppolafrancis]

Taking This Fine Jewelry–Making Class Taught Me More Than How to Paint a Diamond Necklace

I’ve never had a steady hand. Whenever I hold a pen, a fork, or a delicate glass cup, I tend to shake a bit. It’s been this way ever since I can remember putting my first crayon to my first coloring book and pushing nervously on the paper. I have always been an anxious person. So, when I found out that the class I would be attending at L’École School of Jewelry Arts would involve creating our own detailed rendering, I was, in a word, shook. I thought I would be playing with emeralds or learning how to lacquer, maybe setting stones, too. Making a painting isn’t exactly the jewelry-crafting lesson I’d signed up for when I heard that the school, which is supported by Van Cleef & Arpels, would have a residency and exhibition on New York’s Upper East Side from October 25 through November 9. In hindsight, though, I learned much more than I anticipated, not only about how fine jewelry is first conceived, but also about the value in putting down my phone, softening my grip, and making something from scratch.

After walking into the school at 9:15 a.m. on Monday (slightly tardy due to early-morning work emails and being rushed, as always), I was ushered upstairs and handed a clean white jeweler’s coat to wear over my clothes. Entering the quiet, intimate classroom, I took my seat at the work table along with five others. They were all women, most of whom worked in the jewelry business with the exception of one aspiring designer. Our teachers, a visual artist and a designer for Van Cleef & Arpels, would be lecturing us about gouache, which is a type of watercolor paint used to create highly intricate renderings of high jewelry for the craftspeople of a jewelry house to work off. Outside of the initial process of choosing gemstones, the gouache is the very first step in the process of creating a one-of-a-kind piece of jewelry. It is a craft that has been done since these high jewelry houses were founded, some as long ago as the late 1800s, like Van Cleef & Arpels.

Gouache is still used today, only in the couture jewelry realm, and even as new technologies have been utilized in the workshops, these paintings remain true to their origins. The process begins with a sketch of the brass mock-up from the designer, after which the artist shades in the drawing with a pencil and later, paints a separate sketch, mimicking the lines and shading of the first, with the gouache so that the jewelry appears in an almost 3-D form. It may sound quite simple, but the technique requires training and years of practice to perfect. There is no school for gouache and as such, it’s a profession that often attracts those outside of the jewelry-making realm, like architects and illustrators.

We started our class by studying gouaches of necklaces, rings, and brooches, some that were from Van Cleef & Arpels and others from houses like Cartier and Boucheron. Currently, Van Cleef & Arpels has three in-house artists who specialize in gouache. The teachers asked us to identify the subtle differences in each image. Some were printed on light gray paper as opposed to black or white, both of which were used in the 1940s and ’50s but were later discovered to drown out the color of the stones, whereas the neutral gray lifted everything.

Next, we were prompted to explain where the light was coming from in each picture—the correct answer was the top left corner, which is always the case and is indicated by the small white line detailing on the stone. If there is too much white on the painting, the depth of light cannot be deciphered, and the actual piece won’t be finished with the correct amount of shine. In essence, the beauty of the final necklace, brooch, earring, ring, or bracelet is dependent on this artwork. Also, the table is the main facet of a stone and a jeweler in the workshop will know how to cut it based on the angles and clarity of the one featured in the gouache.

None of these images are altered digitally, save for the copying of gouaches that are now used for marketing purposes. This point the instructors made very clear: Absolutely no computers are used. It takes about a week or more for a gouache artist to sketch and paint a single piece depending on the size and detailing involved. One gouache we observed had an entire forest scene carved into the main diamond pendant, with similar motifs on a few other stones, and probably took close to a month to interpret. Our class was going to make a gouache in a little over an hour, and I, the cynic with the shaky hands, was perplexed as to how.

I took my seat again and we practiced, mixing the correct amount of water and paint (it’s tricky to find the perfect consistency) and with a thin brush, using it to trace minuscule black lines on a page. My straight line was a tad squiggly. I went on to the L-shape and still, not so smooth. I had a tough time at first and one of the instructors could tell. She leaned over my stiff shoulder, which was hunched down almost on top of the table, and whispered: “Remember to breathe.” I laughed, took a second to sigh some out air out of my lungs, and went on to the S-shape. That turned out much better, as did the square, and I realized that in this line of work, patience really is a virtue.

After the tracing, we were given a tiny brass bow, which was placed under our main light source. There was an outline of the bow on our gray paper and we were to shade it in using a pencil. Again, it was about studying exactly where the light was hitting from the top left corner, which dips and curls of that small twisty bow were visible to the light and which weren’t. Then, we went on to paint a smaller outline of the bow just next to the sketch. It required one layer of white watered-down gouache paint first, followed by a mixture of black and white for the shaded edges and later, a stark white for the surface lines. In between each step, the gouache artist must wait for the different layers to dry. We didn’t get into color, but applying the exact pigments of whatever stone or metal is to be used for the final piece would be the final task in the laborious process.

In the end, my bow didn’t look half-bad. A soft bell rang just outside the door and class was over. I was proud of myself for calming my nerves and actually taking three hours to finish something with my hands. Because who has time for that anymore? The art of craft, especially in fashion couture and high jewelry, is about making something pure out of nothing in a world where we depend so heavily on technology to guide us through our overstimulated and overworked lives. I may not ever become a gouache artist for a historic Parisian house, but learning about what goes into this underappreciated art form and how these painters are responsible for the initial concepts of some of the most exquisite pieces of jewelry in the world, I now understand why they do it.

I have never been crafty. I love art and design and fashion, but I’ve never taken up ceramics, knitting, or the like. Maybe it’s because I’m in tune with my shaky nerves, or maybe it’s because I too often refuse to slow down and turn everything else off. The L’École class gave me a chance to use my hands to create something unique, something that didn’t require an iPhone or algorithm or YouTube video. Craft is as prevalent a trend in fashion now as it ever was, and after painting that little bow shape, I realized its value.

If you are in search of necklaces for teen girl then please contact us and send your queries.

[massthetics-blog]

New Post has been published on MASSthetics

New Post has been published on http://massthetics.net/final-latte/

How I Slung My Final Latte, Built An Online Business, And Travelled The World

How I Slung My Final Latte, Built An Online Business, And Travelled The World

You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to be able to hit publish on an article to this effect.

  Exactly 368 days I ago, I took a massive leap of faith, slung my final, perfectly poured latte at Starbucks, held a ceremony for my green apron, and dove into the world of building a self-sustaining business that would grant me the freedom to do whatever the fuck I want, when I want.

Because in my world, freedom is the value that drives me to do what I do.

368 days removed from serving that final, perfect latte, I’ve been quite literally making everything up as I go. Somehow, things are rolling along smoothly (for the most part), and my business has been consistently growing across every key metric month after month.

It may be a slow climb, but it’s a steady, upward climb nonetheless. I can’t ask for much more than that.

Without dragging this post into an essay of big wins from the past year, I’ve put together this gorgeous, chronological infographic to summarize the key events, and biggest wins.

Not included in the above are smaller, but equally as satisfying trips to LA, Austin (twice), and New York City.

To say it’s been quite the year would be a massive understatement. If I was the type to take a moment to sit back and revel in what’s been built thus far, there’s a lot to celebrate. For better or for worse though, that ain’t me. While I’m proud of all that I’ve accomplished over the past year, constantly looking forward is what got me here, so continuing to look forward is exactly what I’m doing.

With a few hefty investments made into growing MASSthetics over the past few weeks, I cannot wait to see what the coming months bring.

With that being said, I want to draw your attention to the weeks and months that passed in silence between each exciting moment. It’s during those down times were I’d sit at my computer for hours on end, turning down invitations, and questioning whether or not what I was pouring my heart and soul into was ever going to pay off.

Those are the chunks of time that will make you want to say “fuck it,” and throw in the towel.

As cliche as it is, I find it amusing to have fought tooth and nail to be able to quit a job where I worked 40 hours per week, and trade in a stable paycheque to work for what was easily at least 70 hours per week, with no guarantee of any reward.

Such is the life of working towards something big, bold, and beautiful.

The writing of this marks the realization of a dream I’ve had since I was a freshly minted 19 year old. # That dream? # To travel. To experience new cultures. To dive into new environments. To taste new foods (of course). All while still earning an income and doing that which brings myself, and others value. # It hasn’t been an easy road getting here. Months of my life were spent working at Starbucks – a job that didn’t mesh with my values or goals in the slightest – and trying to figure out what the hell I was chasing. # I’ve lost friendships and turned down opportunities for new ones. And on the flip side, I've forged incredible new relationships with people dotted around the globe. # The relationship I was in for over 2 years was stretched, pushed, and tested one too many times. Because, to quote one of my favourite writers, Mark Manson: # "Love isn’t always enough." # And that's okay. Because, it was an incredible experience, and I was able to learn a thing or two about a thing or two. # Building MASSthetics has been a labour of love, a mentally exhausting passion project, and the focus of all my goddamn life-force rolled into one. # I’ve reached a point where I’m ready to take the plunge. To see if I can live up to the dream I've pictured so clearly, for so long. # I sold, passed on or parted ways with 90% of my belongings, my flights are booked and I’m en-route to stop number one. New York City. Which, seems like the most fitting city in the world in which to begin this journey. # The coming months are sure to be an adventure. I still have a business to build and take to new heights. I still have Nationals next July to improve for. I still have items to check off the list. # To those who have supported me, helped me grow, and allowed me the opportunity to chase what I’ve dreamt of, I cannot thank you enough. # You know who you are. # I cannot thank any of you enough for the support, encouragement and guidance. # If there's one if there's one thing I'd love for you to take away from this. It's that you you truly are capable of whatever you envision.

A post shared by MASSthetics l Alex Mullan (@alexmullan13) on Oct 6, 2016 at 11:41am PDT

The six actions responsible for the past year (and how you can replicate them)

I may only have a year of experience with this whole business thing under my belt and while MASSthetics is relatively small, the concept has been proven, and I’ve learned countless things (from people much smarter than I) about building a successful business that I want to share with you.

What you do with these bits of advice is up to you, but I’ve harvested the majority of my fruits off the back of doing what follows. It stands to reason that you can to, if you’ve got the balls to saddle up and go for it.

Here goes.

1. You must differentiate yourself from the rest of your market.

The online fitness industry is one hell of a crowded market.

Every overworked personal trainer and their slowly dying cactus (no? was that just me?) wants to capture the vision of trading in 5am starts, dead afternoons, and 9pm finishes six days a week for being able to help people change their life, and transform their body from the relative comfort of their laptop.

Turns out cacti don’t thrive off of being watered with coffee, or fed creatine and cinnamon.

While it’s much, much easier said than done, the tantalizing possibility of doing so has spawned exponential growth of the online industry, and trainer after trainer to throw up a website and offer online coaching.

Knowing that, as well as understanding the basic principle of needing to have a USP (unique selling point) to build a successful business, I poured a ton of time and energy into finding *my* own angle.

Which I’ve certainly found within the halls of MASSthetics, and by speaking to people who want to get jacked, shredded, tanned, and are fed to the gills with spending hours in the gym, only to see no results.

If you don’t inject your personality into everything you put out into the world, speak to a specific sect of people, or stand by your guns, your business will go down in flames.

Precisely as Alex Mullan Fitness Systems did after a lacklustre 7 months of imperceptible existence (a tale for another day).

2. Talk to your clan (or whatever you want to call your following) every single day.

If there’s one lesson in particular that I wish to impart after one year of being entirely self-sustained by the internet, it’s that the growth of your business and the impact you have on others is a by-product of the relationships you build.

Whether those relationships are with your paying clients, new email subscribers, or peers in your industry, it rings true for all.

Making a concentrated effort to bond and connect with your potential customers is a surefire way to bring people into your circle, build trust, make sales, and grow a business.

I love writing, and that makes email marketing not only powerful tool for me, but one that I genuinely enjoy using. It allows me to talk to people who like what I have to say every single day, and build a deeper bond with each passing email.

Now, imagine what would happen if you applied that same principle to other areas of your life…

3. You must be a consistent, stubborn motherfucker.

People won’t come into your world if you don’t do anything to attract them.

When I first thew MASSthetics out into the depths of the internet, I made a commitment to myself that I would publish two new pieces of content every single week for the first year, no matter what.

I knew from day one that this was an ambitious target, and that I’d reap the rewards if I could pull it off. The first three months of this commitment were by far the hardest, as I was still working at Starbucks 40 hours per week (usually getting up at 330am to open the place), and decided to throw contest prep on top of it all.

Nearly every night I’d be up until 11pm, putting the final touches on articles so that they’d be ready for my content release days of Tuesday and Thursday. Yes, I bought into the narrative of sacrificing sleep over all else, and I did pay a price for it.

4. “Content is the vehicle that will drive your business forward.”

Poignant quote courtesy of friend, wordsmith, and biz wizard, John Romaniello.

Way back in the way back when I threw Alex Mullan Fitness Systems out into the wild world of the internet, I was foolishly operating under the impression that if I had a website and offered coaching, the clients would come. I had no traffic, no email list, no clients, and no strategy to fix any of the above.

This time around, the story couldn’t be more the opposite.

Having your content published on popular websites where you know your ideal clients hang out is a powerful way to establish yourself as an expert, drive traffic back to your site, and capture emails from which you can build a relationship with people.

For me, choosing the sites I wanted to be published on was easy. Knowing that I wanted to work with guys and girls who enjoy training, and the thought of building an impressive physique, I set my sights on the all the sites I read when I was first falling in love with bodybuilding.

T-Nation, Roman Fitness Systems, JMax Fitness, Bodybuilding.com, EliteFTS, and soon to be the membership site of my bodybuilding coach, The Muscle Bank (quite proud of this one).

One by one, I did whatever needed doing to ensure I had multiple posts published on each site.

Guess what?

It worked.

My email list grew organically, my traffic rose each month, credibility soared, and life rolled onward.

5. Put your business on a pedestal.

Knowing what you want to accomplish, baring your teeth, and not letting anything stand in your way is something you’re going to have to come to turns with.

I sacrificed date night with my then-girlfriend (imagine that), I rarely watched movies or TV, I turned down invitations to be a normal human and socialize, I stopped buying new clothes or things I knew I didn’t need, and re-invested every spare coin back into MASSthetics. All I kept for myself was enough for food, a couple supplements, rent, zero calorie vitamin water, and a little weed.

I fucking hate this quote, but it speaketh the truth.

“You have to do what others won’t, so you can live like others can’t.”

Nonetheless, having a clear, defined mission, and putting that sucker on a pedestal is one of the most powerful things you can do. No matter what you’re trying to achieve. Because being clear and confident on what you’re working towards will help guide every decision you make, and keep you focused when you’d rather throw your laptop into traffic.

5.5. Until you’re genuinely comfortable with the health of your business and your income, you need to keep investing back into your business (if you want it to keep progressing).

Some people set personal rewards for when they make a sale, land a big win, or hit a new income threshold.

Much of what I’ve achieved over the past year has come from not rewarding myself when there was an influx of cash, but from rewarding MASSthetics. By that I mean that whenever I had cash that I didn’t need for the essentials above, I would find a course, mentor, coach, or product related to an area of the business I wanted to improve, and do just that.

Courses on Facebook advertising, copywriting, determining and launching offers, books, consults with entrepreneurs several leagues above me, and most recently a coach to improve my writing as a whole (in celebration of being free from Starbucks for one year), and fine-tune my systems. Those have been the rewards for pushing this thing forward, not fancy shit (that’ll come in a few years 😉 )

6. Get every single client you work with the results they came for.

You can’t build a service-based business on the back of shitty and/or no results.

Meaning that every single client I worked with got my full attention (rightfully so), and I did everything in my power to support them, and ensure they get the results they came looking for.

Fast forward a year, and carrying that mentality into every coaching relationship that begins with someone new has had a profound impact on my top line, and the life of those who come through the MASSthetics Coaching Program.

The three most powerful business lessons learned in the past 12 months

If I had a gun to my head and was told to boil everything I’ve learned and experienced over the past year down to three thoughts that you can carry forward, the following would be it.

#1. Show up every single day, and stick to your word.

If you say you’re going to publish one new article each week, post on social media each day, and talk to your list daily, you better be prepared to do it, no matter what life throws at you.

Not for a couple weeks, not for a month, but day in and day out until such a time where that strategy makes less sense.

#2. People need to want what you’re offering.

The fact that you think something is a great idea, product, or service doesn’t mean that others will. You are not your market, and your market has the final say on what they want, what they buy, and at the end of the day, the livelihood of your business.

#3. Know what you’re trying to achieve, and make sure that all your actions align with that vision

To get a little woo-woo on you, you need to have clarity on your vision. If you don’t know what you’re trying to build or achieve, your actions will be all over the place, and your piss-poor results will reflect that.

This is one of my favourite spots in my hometown. Coming here in the mornings with a cup of coffee to listen to the waves, think, and enjoy the scenery, is something I deeply enjoy. # Alas, this morning was the last time I'll be coming here for a long while. Let it be told that I will not return here–no matter what–until I've doubled MASSthetics, and brought a coach into the ring with me. # Because goals, intentions, world domination, and all that crap. #thethickening #roadtonationals #thewanderingmeathead

A post shared by MASSthetics l Alex Mullan (@alexmullan13) on Apr 2, 2017 at 9:47am PDT

The final reps

At the end of the day, this piece isn’t meant to impress you.

It’s meant to show you that if building a business is something you’ve been entertaining:

1. Doing so has the potential to completely transform your life.

2. You better be damn well prepared to put in more work than you ever have.

3. By the sweat-soaked gym Gods presiding over us all, it’s damn well worth it.

And so it is.

  PS. 4 out of 5 lifters will let their rationalization hamster run wild. Convincing themselves they’re making progress…yet you build no muscle, and burn no fat. The 5th lifter joined the MASSthetics Clan and put the information within the (free) Hypertrophy Handbook to good use. He no longer has to rationalize his progress. He simply is. Click here to become the 5th lifter, and let me know where to send the prestigious Hypertrophy Handbook.