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#I’m like some couch bound gamer who rarely leaves my apartment
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Ok so life update I fly back for break Friday and I’ve got 3 total assignments left 2 of them being finals and I don’t get to come back until the 5th🫠
#I’ll say whatever about this state I hate it. but I really don’t love going home and living with my parents#especially since I’m gonna be at work 99% of the time#which yay money bc I burn through money not working in college but still#oh and my situationship girl? still very much so that. I’m not totally convinced we’re not dating but it’s sure something#we make dinner together like every night. i stay at her apartment on weekends. she brought me flowers#also she wants to visit me over the summer which would be super fun since I live in such a big city and she’s from the middle of nowhere#the only downside to that is my dad would literally like her so much id have to marry her on the spot#it’s so funny bc she’s the complete opposite of me#she works out girl is in the gym all the time she going into being a physical trainer and studies so hard all the time she loves spicy foods#and she listens to country music#I’m like some couch bound gamer who rarely leaves my apartment#literally one time she goes. we would probably not work as a couple we have nothing in common. and I’m like hm. she’s not wrong#and I go wait! i like to bake you like to eat. she’s also really good at flirting and as a chronic flirt that’s very fun#also no apparently I don’t hate kissing I was just dumb about it and didn’t know what I was doing#so yeah! I’m having fun! it’s also really funny bc I know a lot of her friends and immediately upon learning we were a thing they go#oh. so they’re sleeping together. this is the only option for these two. and we weren’t! but it was still really funny#one of her closest friends unfortunately hates me bc I broke up with that one guy and started talking to her#but he’s in love with her. still. and the guy I broke up with is the guy who wants to die so bad#so he blames me bc ‘he can put himself in his shoes’#like. the guy already wasn’t doing so hot before he and I dated. and I was only there for like a week. bestie is very jealous#idk if any of her other friends blame me. he has just vocally said I’m the problem on several occasions#as if I have not historically been the only one who could talk bestie off a cliff and to stay alive#anyways. I’m sad I don’t get to see her over break but god knows I’ll be getting late night phone calls#soup talks
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madrut16 · 5 years
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The Dungeon Part 1 - BB Chp. 13 Rewrite (Adrian x MC)
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Author’s Note: Ahhh, it’s back! I know I’m skipping a lot of chapters but, I don’t think I can emotionally handle playing Chp 4 and 11 again. That’s why I’ve been putting off writing more of this. So, that’s why I’m resuming from here. Also, the end is what I’ve been the most eager to rewrite. I made a few major changes to this chapter that aren’t canon about Nicole. First, she’s not helping with the rescue because I thought it was weird and I don’t want that snake a part of it. Second, Isabel (my MC) is already highly suspicious of Nicole and part of the plan is to prove she’s a traitor (I don’t want to give too much away). I also made Isabel’s reactions more emotional because of Adrian being her LI. 
The changes are also why I split this into two, it would be way too long if I didn’t! Hopefully, you all enjoy it though!
Summary: It seems like fate has been sealed after Adrian is sentenced to death, but Isabel isn’t ready to give up even with the odds impossibly against them. She works together with Kamilah and Lily to come up with a genius but dangerous plan to save him, one that could put her right in The Baron’s crosshairs. 
Disclaimer: All of the characters and the dialogue not original belongs to Pixelberry Studios.
Rating: PG/PG-13
Word Count: 4113
Tags: @endlesshero1122, @kinda-iconic, @starshippromise, @flyawayboo, @kamybelen-blog
“He’ll meet the sun.”
Kamilah’s words echoed through Isabel’s mind as she sat next to the fireplace at the powerful vampire’s office where they came to regroup after the verdict. The first time she heard them, the emotions that she had been holding back as they dragged Adrian away had come to the surface all at once. Right there in the middle of Central Park she completely broke down sobbing and Lily had to almost carry her back to Ahmenet Financial. 
She was still sitting where her friend had placed her on the leather couch, her tears now silently streaming down after the violent cacophony had seemed to go on forever. She stared at the flames and ash beginning to form on the wood and she swallowed another lump that had formed in her throat. That’s what Adrian would be in mere hours and here she was, completely unable to help him like she should be able to. 
Isabel couldn’t deny that he wasn’t just her boss anymore or even a friend. Up until the ball, she managed to convince herself that it wasn’t anything more than a small crush. Even when she gave into temptation with that kiss almost a month ago during their midday excursion. But then, there were the sparks she felt during their dances and the intense dread and worry she felt during the whole trial and all of the little moments in between. And now that he could actually be gone...there was no going back. She cared for him, in a way she’d never felt before. That same feeling her cousin Delilah constantly described when talking about Liam.
In fact, she suspected it was more than that even, that she was starting to fall in love with him. Isabel knew that she wasn’t completely there, it took her forever to arrive at that. And there were so many secrets about him that she wanted to know until she was at that point. But, that process had definitely begun. Enough that she couldn’t think of living without him. She would do anything to save him if she could, even if it put her in danger. 
Also, she could tell that she wasn’t alone in feeling this way. It was in his eyes constantly. She noticed it in her apartment when she was begging him to save Lily. Or maybe it even started in the museum, when he told her he just couldn’t let her go. That’s what scared her the most, the possibility that she was somehow responsible. He broke the rules for her. He had been so concerned for her safety and happiness throughout all of this. Yet, it hadn’t crossed her mind until now what danger he faced by having her so involved. Without her, this might not have happened at all. 
Her daze from being lost in her head was broken by the sound of heavy footsteps on the hardwood. 
“Hey,” Lily said gently, causing her to look up. “Figured you could use this.” The gamer gestured to the glass of water in her hand, a single ice cube inside to chill it. 
Isabel simply nodded and took it as her friend sat down next to her, an equally tense expression on her face. “This is all my fault, Lil,” she whispered, her voice breaking.
“How? You were the one who advocated for him the most! They were idiots for betraying him. Maybe he’s done things in the past, but now? I don’t think Adrian could hurt a fly unless he had to.”
“But I’m the who reason he’s in this mess in the first place! If I ha...hadn’t begged him to turn you then The Council wouldn’t have been so mad at him.” Isabel took a sip of the drink in her hand, failing to stop the waterworks once more. “Hell, I should’ve just gotten my memories erased like he was told to,” she spat angrily. “All I’ve been doing since then is causing more trouble.”
“Nonsense.” 
Kamilah suddenly appeared and sat down in the armchair across from them. Seeing Isabel, her eyes softened into a more concerned expression. “I don’t want you to talk like that anymore. I know I had my doubts about you in the beginning, but now I know he made the right decision. He confided in me at the Ball about what he saw you and I’ve rarely seen him speak of someone so highly. And never a human, not even Nicole.”
“Really?”
The Vampire queen nodded. “I happen to agree with him. You’ve proved to be brave and extremely helpful among many other things. And Lily, I have to say you have learned rather quickly and I have grown quite fond of you two.” 
Isabel saw a brief moment of light on her face as she looked at Lily.
Soon, her expression darkened once more. “None of this is your fault...or his really. Truth be told, this was bound to happen whether you were here or not. Most of them have wanted him gone for a while now. The Baron is relatively young and resents Adrian for making him follow the rules, Lester has been holding a grudge against him for decades. As for Vega...he’s been jealous almost since the beginning. He will do anything to have power and Adrian has been in the way of that.”
“What about Priya?”
“She’s indifferent either way. The only thing she cares about is herself. Not to mention she's easily manipulated. I think she still wants affection from Vega also, even though they've been done since the thirties."
A minute went by with silence before Lily perked up. "Wait, I wanna know more about this serum. Do you know anything?" she asked Isabel who nodded.
 "I know a lot about it actually," she answered.
 "Is what Vega said true then? Can it really…?"
"Yes, it's really supposed to make vampires human. The final product anyway, I have no idea if it works like it's supposed to. Adrian only showed me a prototype. Although with his success rate, I wouldn’t doubt that it does.”
"That definitely sounds like something Vega would make a fuss about. I had no idea until the trial," Kamilah told them. 
Isabel felt a spike of anger and she slammed the glass down onto the side table. "That's what I can't figure out, he's not supposed to know about it! If Adrian didn't tell you, the person he trusts the most, he definitely didn't tell anyone else on The Council. Now I know why."
"So someone on the inside...leaked it to him?" Lily questioned following along.
"Yes, that's the only way Vega would have known. You both saw how surprised Adrian was at the trial!"
"Isabel, who is authorized to know about it?" Kamilah asked, almost demanding.
"Not many. Just me, the researchers in the lab working on it...and Nicole." The last name she answered with dread.
The others picked up on her suspicions. Lily exclaimed, "You think she betrayed him? That girl is attached to him like a leech."
"I think it's highly possible yeah. It's the only person that makes any sense. You would think she would've helped more at the trial. It was almost like she wanted him convicted."
Kamilah frowned. "Something about her just never sat right with me either. However, that is a lot of suspicion without evidence.”
"Adrian did express to me once that she really wants him to turn her.” She was met with wide eyes. “Don’t worry, he told me he would never do that, even if there wasn't a rule. She was too power hungry, irresponsible. And she was really agitated during the ordeal with Lily. At the time I just thought she was worried about Adrian but now...she was probably wanting it to be her," Isabel theorized. 
"That's... convincing. However, we would need more than that to actually prove it enough for any action. It'll have to wait until...after dawn," the Vampress stated.
They all knew what she was referring to.
"So that's it? Just like that, Adrian's gonna die?" Isabel asked once she realized that no one had a plan to try and save him.
"I'm afraid so," Kamilah spat angrily, her hardened expression returning.
Even she had given up trying. Isabel figured out of everyone, she would be the last to leave it to fate.
"I feel like I've been punched in the gut…"
Lily agreed with her sentiment. "Me too. Like I can't catch my breath…"
While it hadn't been long, she had grown fond of him too. 
Kamilah looked at them sadly before taking out a carafe and mixing some liqueur before handing them both a glass over ice. "Drink. It'll dull the pain."
Suddenly Isabel looked up at them, her eyes ablaze and pushed the glass aside. "Dull the pain? I want to do something about this! There must be some way--"
She was quickly interrupted. "Believe me, if there were I'd be doing it." The older vampire snapped. "Adrian is like a brother to me. I'd burn The Council to the ground for him…" she let out an impossible, defeated sigh. "But we've played our hand and lost. If we went to war, it'd be two clans against four. We'd be destroyed. Along with half of the city."
"But that trial was total bull! Adrian was set up!" Lily exclaimed.
It was clear that Kamilah thought so too. "Council justice is swift...and not always just."
Isabel shook her head, not believing what she was alluding to. "Can't we at least...appeal to the Council?"
She was met with a scoff. "And say what?"
"I don't know! Try to reach whatever shred of fairness and humanity they have left? They can't really all want Adrian dead?!"
Kamilah frowned once more. "After what they learned about the serum, I suspect they do."
No. They weren't just going to give up. Bolting from the couch Isabel paced frantically, tears welling in her eyes again. "There's got to be something! I mean Priya likes me. What if I offer to let her feed on me in return for a favor?"
"Yikes dot yikes," Lily exclaimed, begging her not to.
As for Kamilah, she let out a dry, bitter laugh. Bluntly, she told Isabel, "Priya would take the deal...then use you till you broke, and then force you to watch Adrian die with a smile on your face. Priya might be clueless when it comes to council meetings and put off an air of allure...but she's every bit of a monster as the Baron. Maybe even more."
Isabel gulped, instantly regretting what she'd suggested. She remembered Adrian's warning about her in the club that first night.
However, the lecture wasn't done. "I'm sorry Isabel, Lily. The reality is harsh, and I won't sugarcoat it." Kamilah’s next words were clipped as if to put an end to the discussion. "There is nothing we can do."
Isabel didn't know what came of her, but the idea of doing nothing became more and more unacceptable. Maybe it was her sadness turning into anger or her feelings about Adrian influencing her but, the one thing she wasn't used to is giving up. Even when the deck seemed impossibly stacked against her. So, she impulsively said what she had once before. 
"No."
Both Kamilah and Lily looked at her in surprise.
"Excuse me?" The older vampire said. "Did you not hear what I said?"
Isabel wasn't swayed. They were going to fight until the very end. At least she was. "I did, and I still say no. How can you accept that?!" she said incredulously. "There's always something." 
She paced around the room desperately trying to get her fast mind to work at lightning speed. Suddenly she stopped as a simple but dangerous idea came to her. It was a long shot, but it might be the only way.
"What?" Lily asked, knowing that look on her friend’s face.
"Couldn't we just...rescue him ourselves?" Isabel blurted out. "Can we at least try?"
A moment of silence hung in the air.
Finally, she watched as Lily's expression grew slightly more optimistic. "Yeah, I mean...we're pretty badass right? You especially?" she gestured towards Kamilah. "And you've got at least two dozen vampires in your Clan…"
Kamilah shook her head. "I wouldn't ask them to risk their lives. Not for another Clan's leader." Isabel could tell she liked the idea though, she could see it in her eyes. "Besides, even if we could do that without getting ourselves killed...none of us know exactly where Adrian is being held."
"Um, I do."
All of them turned around to see a woman Isabel had seen a few times when she'd gone to meetings here with Adrian. She was a vampire from Kamilah's Clan and head of security. She also worked for Adrian before becoming interested in finances and transferring over and was still fond of him. She couldn't remember her name though.
"Janet," Kamilah said in surprise. "How much have you heard?"
The redhead swallowed. "Most of it. I was--working late. Word is already spreading through the Clans about the trial. I can't believe they're going to execute him."
Isabel was the one who replied. "Not if we do something. You said you know where they are keeping him?"
"Yes...I know exactly where he is."
Kamilah quickly offered her a desk chair. "Come, sit down. Tell us what you know." She poured Janet a drink and slid it to her across the desk as they all took a seat.
"Thank you. I have a friend who works for Vega who's privy to that information. She was glad to tell me where he is. "
Lily sat up straight. "A mole! You've got a mole!"
Janet smirked. "I work in espionage, both here and when I was with Adrian. It's my job to get information. Luckily, that was her plan all along. She's been wanting to leave for a while and this was the perfect opportunity. She's willing to work with us to keep Vega off his trail as long as possible too."
"Again, I've underestimated you, Janet," Kamilah replied, a smile appearing for the first time in a while.
That's when Isabel knew that her crazy plan might work after all.
"I think love you," she exclaimed gratefully. "Now, where is he?"
Janet sighed. "In the Bloody Cellars."
Isabel felt a chill up her spine. That's where The Baron sent her until she was rescued by Jax on the way.
Suddenly, she jumped as Kamilah slammed her fist on the table, anger once again coursing through her. "I knew it. My worst fears have come true."
 "It makes sense. It's the one place they thought he'd be safest from you."
"Well, they picked the wrong human to mess with, especially when someone I care about gets hurt,” Isabel fumed.
"Sorry, can we put that thing down, flip it and reverse it?" Lily asked, confused. "What is the Bloody Cellars? Because it sounds like a Halloween-themed wine bar."
Kamilah explained sternly, "It's The Baron's private prison beneath his club, where he locks up anyone who's crossed him. A disgusting cesspool of torture, murder, and brutality."
"So no Halloween-themed wine bar."
Her friend shook her head, mouthing "no" before swallowing back yet another wave of emotion. "To think...to think they've got Adrian in a place like that…"
She closed her eyes tightly, imagining the suffering he was most likely going through. It felt like a knife to the heart. She had to get him out of there, whatever it took.
She felt Kamilah's steely gaze and met it. They both felt that way. "It's beyond cruel. Even for The Council."
Janet agreed. "That's exactly why we need to bust him out. Quickly."
Isabel nodded. "I couldn't agree more."
She looked at the clock and saw that it was almost three thirty am. Sunrise was at 6:45, which meant that they had three hours to work with. They need to do this fast.
Kamilah cleared her throat, the determination back in full force. "Okay, now that we know where he is, we have to figure out how to get him out."
Isabel remembered that Adrian kept a blueprint of the entire club that he showed her when she went to deliver the notice a couple months earlier. Her almost photographic memory still gave her a vague idea of what they looked like. She also remembered where they were kept. 
She relayed this information to the group. "We still should have time to grab them, if we act quickly. Plus, it can also give us an opportunity to see if Nicole is really the traitor I think she is."
"Vega already has security outside Raines corp, although...if you could get past them…"
"Kamilah?"
"He won't have much of the secured the inside, not until the killing is done. He'll want as many of his men to watch as possible."
Isabel smiled. "Easy. Priya isn't the only one who can do some manipulation. I already have an idea of how I want to do it. I’ll just pretend I'm just getting my things from the desk, which is true. I did leave a lot of things there thinking I could go back. And I'm a good actor too."
"Have I told you that I love you?" Lily exclaimed.
"Many times Lil." She continued her explanation. "Now, if Vega wants the serum for himself, he's going to go back for it. And if Nicole is in on it...she'll trap us in the office if we return there after Adrian is rescued. By then, I'll have gotten rid of it, so Vega can't have any. Then, we head to the club from there. That part won't be easy. I'll see if on my way out I can get Adrian's car. It'll be fast enough for us to lose them if they follow us at any point."
Even Janet and Kamilah looked impressed. "Nice work Isabel."
"Thanks. I also know enough about the layout that we can still think of the rest." Isabel said.
"Cool, so what's the plan now?" Lily asked.
"We need to find a way to sneak in and bust him out!"
"Hell yeah. I'm always ready for some Technical Espionage Action! Although I kind of meant, you know, a plan plan."
"Oh. Right."
Janet shifted in her chair, refilling her glass. "Even with the floor plans, infiltrating the Shrike is no easy task. And if my friend is telling the truth, The Baron's doubled the number of guards on duty."
Isabel began to think, picturing the blueprints in her mind until an inkling of an idea began to form, like a puzzle she had to solve. It was almost too simple but, that was what she hoped would make it work.
She looked up at them, her eyes shimmering. "Wait. I've got something. This may sound dumb but what if we just...walked through the front door."
"You're right," Kamilah admitted bluntly. "That was...idiotic."
"But, that's just it! That's exactly why I think it could work!" Now, Isabel had their full attention. "What if...we went in like we were trying to make a deal...and then sprung him."
She left everyone speechless. For a few seconds, everyone stared at her in surprise.
Finally, the CEO stammered, "I...stand corrected. It's actually an interesting idea...a good idea. But what could we possibly offer The Baron?"
She already had an answer, although she didn't like putting the person she had in mind at risk. But, she had to. "Another prisoner. One he can't refuse."
They all looked at her, slowly coming to the same conclusion she did.
Her and Lily whisper the name at the same time. "Jax."
"Are you sure? I doubt he would easily agree to this," her friend exclaimed.
Isabel sighed. "I hate putting him in danger too. But, he’s the one enemy that The Baron hasn't been able to put away. And...we should give Jax something in exchange: a home for the Clanless. He wants that more than anything. If...that's not too much to ask." 
She looked over at Kamilah. 
"If this is successful, and we win the fight with Vega afterward...I don't see why not. I certainly wouldn't object. The only reason I've been against it so far is because of Adrian making enemies with the Council. But, seeing as that has already happened...I'm done playing nice."
"Then I think we'll have a deal!"
The air was full of optimism as the rest of the plan was pieced together in meticulous detail.
Just when Isabel thought they had accounted for every obstacle, Lily posed one more question.
"What if The Baron won't even be convinced with Jax? What if he thinks even that's not enough to go against Vega?"
Kamilah scoffed. "Oh, I know he won't give us Adrian unless we get him ourselves. He'll just sit us there and wait for the sunrise. Jax breaking him out will be the ace up our sleeve.”
"But what if he doesn't even let him down there at all? Then we've done all of this for nothing!"
Isabel knew. She knew immediately what The Baron would accept without a doubt. Both Jax...and her.
"Then have Kamilah throw me in there also," she volunteered.
"No!" Lily pleaded. Kamilah also looked uneasy.
But she already made up her mind. She told herself that she would put herself in danger for Adrian and she meant it.
Turning to Kamilah, she explained, "You said you would do anything to save Adrian. So, if you throw me in there as if that's not part of the plan, he'll bite. Especially if you pretend that I'm expendable because I'm human. I'm the one person he wants to kill more than Jax.” She saw they were still hesitant. “Please, I want to be down there, I need to. I need to see him and make sure we get him out."
"If you are sure that you are okay with this, I will do that," Kamilah replied.
"Yes, I'm sure. We can't tell Jax about this part though, his reaction needs to be genuine. It'll sell better." She escaped the Baron's clutches with Jax once, she was confident they could do it again.
Lily frowned at her friend but didn't stop her. "I hope you know what you're doing Iz," she warned her, voice wavering with fear. "I don't wanna lose you, not after all you've done for me."
Isabel smiled. "I do Lily. Adrian's risked his life to save mine before. Now it's my turn."
Her best friend nodded. “Okay,” she mouthed. 
After everything was confirmed, she called Jax. He was the one thing left she needed to secure the plan. He picked up after the second ring.
"Isabel? Is everything okay? How...how are you?" He inquired with concern.
Biting her lip, she put him on speaker before answering, her stomach in knots. “We’re rescuing Adrian!" She exclaimed. 
"What?”
"Jax, we have a plan to bust him out that can work. But, we need a big favor from you in order to make it happen, one you’re not gonna like.”
There was silence. "This is going to be something dangerous...isn't it?"
Isabel sighed. "Yes, but it's the only way The Baron will let us down into the Bloody Cellars where they're keeping him."
She quickly explained the whole plan with help from the others.
"You really put all of this together."
"Oh, I...it was a team effort really."
Lily scoffed loudly. "Are you kidding, you were the one that refused to give up, even when the rest of us did! You also came up with the idea for rescuing him, and how to do it."
"Fine, I guess I contributed a lot, that’s not the point,” Isabel said hastily before returning to the task at hand. “Look, Jax, I know it's a lot to ask." 
"You're right, it is. I don't know if I can risk leaving my people without a leader." He replied.
She knew he would say something like that but, she still had her end of the deal to disclose.
"Jax, that's exactly why you have to do this. Keeping Adrian alive is your best shot at giving them a real home, safety. He’s been fighting for you, but the Council wouldn't let him. If you help us by doing this, and we somehow win against Vega, we'll make sure the Clanless are protected.”
After a minute, he said, "You're serious? You can actually make that happen?"
It was Kamilah who answered him. "If we do the impossible and make it out of this alive? Adrian and I will personally see to it that you and the Clanless replace Vega on the Council since he won’t let us go both alive.”
"Then I'll do it. If Adrian really has been that sympathetic to us," Jax stated. "There are a lot of my people in that prison also."
"I promise he has," Isabel said.
They were actually about to do this. The adrenaline already began to run through her veins.
She heard him sigh after a long pause. "Alright then. Let's get Adrian out of there." 
Note: I just edited this because I realized that this is Chapter 13 and not 12! Sorry!
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ouraidengray4 · 7 years
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I Spent My Honeymoon Playing a Video Game. What Is Wrong With Me?
In my defense, my honeymoon wasn’t terrible, and I’m not a horrible person. I am, however, a self-indulgent manboy who is at times prone to lengthy video game sessions in lieu of say, eating or sleeping. So when Nintendo and Niantic released Pokémon Go in the same month that my newly wedded wife Christine and I were set to take the honeymoon of our dreams, there was bound to be some tension over diverted attention. I wish I could blame Pikachu for single-handedly forcing my wife to the brink of divorce after one month of marriage, but I can’t. Charizard was at fault too. And also me. Largely me. That’s my gamer shame to bear. Here’s what happened.
For our honeymoon, the plan was to road trip through the entire northwest quarter of the United States. Start in Chicago, head west through a bucket list of national parks, hit the West Coast, and take our time heading down to Los Angeles, our new home. We wanted to bask in hot springs in Yellowstone and get weird at as many bars as possible in Portland.
Seriously, it was everywhere.
But then we got married and left for our trip in July of last year, which as you may recall, was also the month Pokémon Go was released. Do you even really remember Pokémon Go at this point? For a brief, heady moment, the GPS-driven augmented reality mobile game had most of humanity swearing at digital pigeon monsters. Pedestrians were run over; relationships were formed; and an empire of Poké-specific content was gathered, consumed, and excreted instantly. It was a fun phenomenon while it lasted, which was approximately one month before everyone was completely over it. I have one friend who still plays. He just reached level 27, and we are concerned about him.
But during the summer of '16, everyone was Go-ing; it was the thick of Pokémon fever. I began dabbling, working the game into my very adult life, playing when there was downtime on the train commute home, having it on during morning jogs. Within a week, I was playing during every car ride I took, taping my cell phone to a ceiling fan to hatch a 10K egg.
On my honeymoon, this translated into visiting tourist traps, booking Pokémon-friendly Airbnbs (our apartment in Minneapolis sat on two PokeStops!), and generally ignoring Christine for chunks of time. The trip brought to light some of my less-than-glowing gaming tendencies. Primarily the fact that I do not know when to stop playing a video game.
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On day 10 of our honeymoon road trip, we traveled through Devils Tower National Monument in South Dakota (the more interesting Dakota). Devils Tower is a beautiful butte—smaller than a mesa, nowhere near as large as a plateau—and on the loop around the tower, you can see its resplendent frozen magma facade emerging from the line of spruce trees below. You might even see some rock climbers.
If you were at the park on August 9, 2016, however, you’d see me with my face in my phone hunting digital monsters, looking up only every five minutes or so to pretend I’m acting like a functional adult. Christine would be talking to me, and I’d nonchalantly reach into my pocket for my phone upon every vibrating Poke-notice. I convinced myself that I was doing an OK job multitasking, but I was just really splitting my attention to such an extent that I wasn’t focused on anything.
A picture my wife took of the butte I did not really look at.
A big part of the thrill of playing Pokémon Go was discovering new, rare Pokémon, and in a clearing outside a vista point, with the scope of the Black Hills Forest begging for my awestruck wonder, my focus was lasered in on a level 17 Ninetales. The majestic, fox-like creature broke free from every Ultra Ball I threw its way before fleeing the scene entirely, leaving me genuinely bereft.
This was the point when Christine rightfully took my phone away, which for a millennial is akin having at least one eye poked out. She communicated to me that choosing Pokémon Go over choosing true quality time with her on our honeymoon was really testing her loyalty and love. These were not the terms and conditions of the marriage she signed up for. I might not have been the guy playing on his phone while driving and crashing head-on into a cop car, but I wasn’t any less reckless in my dedication to the game.
I would love to say this blemish is an outlier in a lifetime of flourishing social interactions balanced with a healthy hobby of video gaming. It is not. Since I was a kid, subsisting on oatmeal cream pies and turn-based tactics role-playing games, there’s a system to the way I play video games: I lock in, zone out, and never know when to quit.
In today’s gaming environment, where most games auto-save your progress so as to keep gameplay fluid, having a lack of self-restraint becomes destructive. Nintendo’s upcoming system, the Switch, has a parental control app that lets parents set gaming time limits for each day of the week. Not only would that have been useful for me as a kid, it would also be useful for me now as an adult. Finding the appropriate work-life-game balance is a struggle.
From 2007-2009, I quit playing video games altogether; I made an active decision that they were a dead end, a waste of my time. I broke my digital abstinence in 2010 when I needed a cheap DVD player, so I got a PS3 for $100 off craigslist and essentially picked up from my last save point. I was back to being Solid Snake of Metal Gear, sneaking up on robotic ninjas and snapping their necks.
The end result of a marathon gaming session for me often includes the onset of gamer shame, which is a very specific form of guilt. I feel ashamed that I’ve dedicated my energy to manipulating pixels without anything to show for it in real life. The word "achievement" comes up in a lot of modern gaming, but I don’t feel like I have much to show for defeating countless waves of bosses and monsters.
For my 10,000 hours spent expertly gaming, what have I achieved? If I had poured the man-hours of gaming into carpentry, I’d have a set of cabinets. If I had spent that time making art, I’d at least have my apartment’s decor taken care of. But I’ve spent my time playing games... which means I have a set of thumbs with decent fast-twitch muscles and a mental vault of gaming trivia that holds the names and locations of all Espers in Final Fantasy 6. This feels like a false reward.
I would love to say this blemish is an outlier in a lifetime of flourishing social interactions balanced with a healthy hobby of video gaming. It is not.
Gaming serves as more of a distraction than a muse to me, and sure, there’s the occasional inner voice saying "scale it back," but then that voice is met with a flying blue koopa shell and explodes. I can readily admit that there are positive aspects to gaming, but things like camaraderie, stress reduction, and hand-eye coordination have diminishing returns when I obsessively play like a zombie. It’s something both Christine and I know I’m working on, but the honeymoon trip was tangible evidence that my lazy gamer persona is not tethered to the couch at home. Occasionally he finds reasons to zombie-walk outside for some fresh air.
I don’t know if I’ll ever find a healthy homeostasis with video games in my life. I wrestle with gaming as I enter a phase of life when I’m considering having kids, accelerating my career, buying a house (or at least not paying rent to a slumlord). I’m not sure that all them can be reconciled.
Wise philosopher Anthony Bourdain once said, "I understand there's a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed, smoke weed all day, and watch cartoons and old movies. My whole life is a series of stratagems to avoid, and outwit, that guy." I feel the same way, just with an inner slacker that will never not want to play Smash Brothers. And if I can learn to successfully stave off that guy, maybe I’ll eventually show enough self-restraint to ward off the other guy who’s obsessed with pro wrestling.
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